The Hilary Silver Podcast - Where Are All The Good Men? (Why Some Women Find Them & You Don’t)

Episode Date: August 1, 2025

You’ve got the career, the confidence, the killer heels… so why are all the men you're meeting either emotionally unavailable, totally underwhelming, or gone after two dates? Here’s the hard truth: It’s not about them. It’s about you. Not because you’re broken or “too much”, but because there’s a disconnect between the woman you look like on the outside and the one you’re being on the inside. And good men? They can feel that.   Episode Highlights: The subconscious beliefs sabotaging your love life (yep, even if you’re “putting yourself out there”) Why men aren’t intimidated by your success, they’re turned off by your walls The hidden ways your self-talk is killing your vibe And what it really takes to attract a healthy, high-caliber man   Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Why You’re Not Meeting Good Men 03:04 The Myth of the Secret Place Men Are Hiding 04:17 Reason #1: Limiting Beliefs Are Repelling Love 05:31 Reason #2: Fear of Intimacy and Vulnerability 08:01 Reason #3: Looking High-Value on the Outside, Not Inside 10:08 You Must Become the Woman Who Can Receive Love 11:44 Real-Life Stories: When Good Men Start Appearing 12:26 Stop Searching. Start Showing Up Differently   There’s no underground speakeasy of good men you haven’t been invited to. They’re all around, you just can’t see them until you become the woman who’s ready to meet them. Door #3 is waiting. But first, you’ve got to stop playing defense and start playing real. 💥 Apply for a breakthrough call: https://hilarysilver.com/apply

You're beautiful, successful, self-aware, and are doing your best to put yourself out there. But the men you're meeting are either not at your level professionally, intellectually, or financially, or they have problems or issues that make them unable to commit, unavailable, or incapable of being a true equal partner for you. If he does check some of your boxes, you're either not attracted to him, or when you do finally find someone that you're excited about, he doesn't pursue you and disappears. I know this is so frustrating, disheartening, and exhausting, and it leaves you thinking there are no good men left. Where are all the good men? If this sounds like you or someone that you know because who doesn't have a friend who's out there dating in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, this episode is for you. I'm going to help you see that there are plenty

of good men who want the same thing that you do and why you're not meeting them so that you can quickly shift your approach and be amazed when all the great men start coming your way. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation. If you're new here, I'm Hillary Silver, former clinical therapist turned master coach. I've been counseling and coaching high performers for 25 years. I'm also the founder of Ready for Love, a company completely dedicated to helping high achieving single women get the love and the life they want by focusing on the relationship that matters most, the one they have with themselves. We are in the midst of an eight-week series I'm calling The Summer of Love. Whether you're

single or coupled, I assure you that there will be something for everyone in these episodes because getting anything you want always starts with you. You're not wrong for wanting a partner at your level. You want someone who gets you, who you're actually attracted to, someone who has his life together like you do and someone who can take care of you as much as you take care of him. It's not too much to ask. You don't want to settle, but you're starting to question if you're being unreasonable or too picky. You've got friends in great relationships, so clearly some women are finding these great guys, so why aren't you getting so lucky? Every time you hear of another woman who met a great guy, it's more evidence that it just isn't happening for you. I know it may feel

like there's a super secret hiding place like an underground speakeasy that only certain special people know about, that you've not yet discovered or been invited to, that you're not in the no. This is why women are sucked into getting a matchmaker. Just let someone else find him for you. I know you want the answer to be that simple. Just tell me where to go to find these men. Where are they hiding out? Hillary, for the love of God, just tell me where to find them. I get it. I honestly do. and I feel it for you. But here's the thing, my loves, I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear.

I'm going to tell you what you need to hear. The truth that no one else in your life will tell you, not your friends, not your family, or even your therapist, actually. You may not like it and you may resist it because you want the easy fix, you want the quick fix, you want the answer to be that they are just a click away,

or they're just hiding out in the one place that once you discover it, it will be like the land of milk and honey. But I hope that you will really hear what I have to say today because it will open up everything for you if you are willing to just take it in. The truth is, healthy, masculine men are everywhere hiding in plain sight, living among us. And if you do listen to me and really take it in, you're going to start experiencing good men all around you. When dating, like all things in life, there is what you are doing and there is who you are when you're doing it. and being. I know you're going through all the motions and putting yourself out there,

but here are three reasons you are not attracting the good men. First, you're dating with limiting beliefs and stuck mindsets. You can't want to meet an amazing man and simultaneously be thinking that all the good men are taken. And you can't want to have love and believe that it's only a matter of time before it ends, waiting for the disappointment and for the other shoe to drop. And you can't want a truly equal partner and think that all men are intimidated by your strength and success. In other words, you get what you expect. And dating while you have these thoughts in your head and these beliefs deep down in your subconscious is like playing defense against yourself. You're not open to it at all. It's like you're walking around with the closed for business sign

over your head, wanting men to approach you, but also simultaneously sending the message that if they do approach you, you'll scratch their eyes out. It's a vibe for sure. No one signs up for a marathon knowing that they're not going to finish. And no one buys a lottery ticket thinking that they're not going to win. You're done before you've even started. So you might as well just stop dating completely until you are ready to work on your mindset, reprogram your beliefs around this, or you'll only just continue to create the evidence that all of this is true. Second, you say you want love, but you're also afraid of intimacy and getting close. And some of you are going to nod your head with what I'm about to say, and others will deny this. But fear is a driving force here.

So just hear me out. I have asked this question to nearly 8,000 women in the last eight years, from executives to neurosurgeons to educators. When you think about the dream man that you want to be with, he climbs out of his nice car, he's dressed just the way that you like him to look, handsome, he's strong and secure and healthy, and he has his life together like you do. This is a man who doesn't need anything from you. He just wants to be with you. And you have to let him in all the way in. You have to drop your wall and let him see all of you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. What is your biggest fear about being vulnerable like that? Ninety-nine percent of the women have said some variation of this statement. If I let him in and see all of who I am, he won't like what he sees

and he will leave. It's a fear of rejection or abandonment. And what we make that mean is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not worthy or deserving. If you believe that you are not good enough for the good guys, then who do you think you will attract, engage with, and ultimately pick? That's right. The guys who are not at your level, who don't have the power to act. hurt you if they leave, those who won't challenge you out of your comfort zone and make you feel so uncomfortable and scared. Some women say fear of losing myself, fear of engulfment, and some women say they fear it will never happen, but the majority of women are afraid of being too much or not enough, which are actually just two sides of the same coin, that something is wrong

with me as I am, that I'm not lovable. Can you see how this deep, subconscious stuff can get in the way. This makes you your own biggest obstacle. And if you're not willing to get close to somebody, you'll hold them out at a distance. Be aloof, be guarded, be people pleasing. It just creates all kind of behavior that subconsciously protects you from being hurt. But this is what repels the good men that you want. Because those men, the good men that you want, want a woman who isn't afraid of being vulnerable and who actually knows that she is good enough just the way she is. And finally, the third way that you are repelling the good guys is super sneaky. You've done an amazing job working on yourself on the outside. Most women we talk to say, I take good care of myself

and I look 10 years younger than I am. I'm super active and I don't act my age. And they've also climbed the ladder and they invest in nice clothes or the manis and petties or all the aesthetics. all that external stuff. But internally, it's another story. Your inner world can be a very unkind and harsh place. The way you talk to yourself, okay? So maybe you're hard on yourself. Maybe you have a mean inner critic and you can't give yourself a damn break. You're very critical of yourself and nothing you do is actually good enough for you. You doubt yourself, question yourself or second-guess yourself and criticize yourself to no end, okay? And you don't trust yourself, which causes anxiety and overthinking and over-analyzing

and overwhelm and caring too much about what other people think of you. So while you look the part of a high-value woman on the outside, you're not actually being a high-value woman, not on the inside. Because this is not how a high-value woman treats herself and talks to herself and feels this way about herself. So take that in for just a minute. And here is where it matters when you're dating. Like attracts like. Our relationships are a mirror for us, reflecting back to us who we are. So as long as you have this dysfunctional relationship with yourself, it's actually quite toxic and abusive, to be honest. As long as you have these thoughts in your head and feel this way

about yourself. You will attract men who also feel this way about themselves. It looks like what it does for you in all of these ways, and it looks like what it does for the men in all of their ways. You just can't fake it, and you cannot bypass this. The only way to the other side is straight through. So here's the bottom line. It doesn't matter who you are meeting as much as it matters who you are being. You think it's about finding the right man, but it's about because coming the woman who's ready to receive him. And right now, you might think there are only two options. Door number one, keep repeating the painful patterns with the wrong men, experiencing the disappointment, and not getting anywhere. Door number two, opt out completely, give up on the whole

thing, and stay safely single. But there is a door number three. It's the one that opens when you open. It's the one where you feel confident and whole and emotionally safe and good enough to let love in. It's the door that leads to the kind of love and life you've been craving but can't seem to find. Most women don't believe that door exists. Even if it opened in front of them, they wouldn't recognize it because they're not ready. And honestly, we don't want your dream man to show up before you're ready. Because right now, you'll sabotage it. You'll misread it. You'll shrink or second guess or run right back into the arms of what's familiar. So if he hasn't come yet, it's not because he doesn't exist.

It's because you're not ready, not yet. But when you are, the shift is undeniable. You become magnetic. You become visible. You start attracting the healthy, aligned, grounded, emotionally available men you've always wanted. Because you finally become the woman who can receive him. I know this to be true because I witness it every single day. My ready for love clients tell me they are getting approached by men at the same

gym that they have been going to for years at the upscale grocery market in their neighborhood. When you are open and you're ready to receive the love and attention that you say you want, it does start coming into your life. You have to become a woman who believes that there's a door number three. You have to feel worthy of door number three. And you have to be able to believe that you are capable of living the life that you want that's on the other side of door number three. or it will not happen. It will not appear to you. The focus has to be on you, not on him. Stop looking for all the good men and focus on how you're showing up in your love life. I promise you this is going to unlock everything for you. If you're ready to take the next step,

apply for a free breakthrough call with my team so we can talk about your love life specifically and see if we are a fit to help you finally let love in. Go to hilarysilver.com forward slash apply. for listening and I'll see you next time.