The Hilary Silver Podcast - Why Strong Smart Women Accept Crumbs

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

They run companies, manage households, juggle a million responsibilities—and still find themselves accepting the bare minimum in love. Why? In this Summer of Love kickoff, Hilary calls out the quiet epidemic of high-achieving women settling for less in their relationships. From doing all the emotional labor to accepting the bare minimum in return, Hilary spells out what “crumbs” really look like, and why so many women accept them without even realizing it. The truth? Starving women eat crumbs. If you’ve spent a lifetime feeling emotionally underfed, even the smallest scrap of affection can feel like a meal. But that won’t get you the love you want, and it’s not your fault. The fix? Stop looking outward, and start filling yourself up from within. If you’re ready to quit the chase and start receiving real love, this episode is your wake-up call.   Episode Highlights: The subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs you're accepting crumbs Why blaming men misses the point entirely How emotional deprivation starts early—and shows up in dating The difference between chasing love and attracting it What it actually takes to become the woman who won’t settle   Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Why Strong Women Settle for Crumbs in Love [00:56] Signs You're Settling for Less in Relationships [02:10] How It Feels When You Accept Less Than You Deserve [03:01] The Real Problem Isn't Him—It's You [04:07] How Early Experiences Shape Your Standards [05:32] The Solution: Heal, Fill, and Stop Settling [07:10] Learn How to Get What You Want   Stop chasing scraps and start receiving the whole damn cake. Hilary shows you how to go from starving to self-fed—and why you are the only one who can do it. 🔗 Ready to quit settling and attract real love? Grab Hilary’s free masterclass: https://hilarysilver.com/masterclass

Today we are talking about why strong, smart women, who seem to have it all together, settle for crumbs in relationships. Whether you're single and dating or in a relationship, this conversation is going to be very eye-opening. So stick around till the very end because I'm sharing what it actually takes to turn this all around. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation. If you're new here, I'm Hillary Silver,

former clinical therapist turned master coach. I've been counseling and coaching high performers for 25 years. I'm also the founder of Ready for Love, a company completely dedicated to helping high achieving single women get the love and the life they want by focusing on the relationship that matters most, the one they have with themselves. This is the first episode in an eight week series I'm calling The Summer of Love. Whether you're single or coupled, I assure you

that there will be something for everyone in these episodes because getting anything you want always starts with you. Okay, let's talk about what crumbs actually looks like. It seems basic, but so often we settle for and tolerate a whole lot less without even realizing it. And so these are just a few examples that I put together. Doing all the emotional labor and heavy lifting in the relationship. You plan everything, initiate everything, and accommodate his schedule or his particularities. You're the one traveling to see him, rearranging your schedule to fit his, working around his kids or his ex. He says he'll call, but he doesn't, says he wants to see you, but

then doesn't make anything happen, and you're left waiting and wondering if you should do it. Accepting friends with benefits when what you really want is commitment. You bend over backwards to make it easy for him to stay and do all the things so he'll love you and won't leave. He stops by or says he's thinking about you but then doesn't follow up with action, saying one thing and not following through so the words and the actions don't match. He's giving you just enough to keep you on the hook, but you always feel like you're chasing

or proving that you're the one for him, trying to get him to commit, or overgiving in the relationship. And the toll that this takes on you is that, and you might not realize that this is a problem, but you slowly start to feel unseen, unimportant, and unappreciated, like you don't really matter. You're invisible and you're confused and even resentful.

And deep down, you're feeling empty, like something is wrong with you, especially when you see other women being adored and cherished and treated like a queen. You start wondering, what's wrong with me? Why can she be treated that way and not me? What's wrong with me? It slowly chips away at your self-worth and reinforces the belief that maybe this is all

you get. This is just the way it is for you. It really can take a toll on anyone's self-esteem. Mainstream advice and all the other influencers are going to point to the men as the problem. He's a jerk. He's selfish. He can't commit. He's a narcissist. He's a jerk. He's selfish. He can't commit. He's a narcissist. He's avoidant.

And whether any of that or not is true doesn't actually matter because none of that helps you change anything. So let's just stop blaming the men right now and actually solve the problem. If this is happening to you, you are the common denominator, right? You can see that. So here's the truth. Are you ready for it? It's a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. Starving women eat crumbs. If this sounds like you, then you are starved. Starved for attention, starved for affection, starved for love. And most likely, it goes beyond romantic relationships, too. This probably started early in life for you. You've maybe been in a love desert your whole life, never truly fed emotionally. You were never seen or cherished or adored,

maybe even going back to childhood, where you were neglected or abandoned or dismissed and ignored. You didn't receive the love way back then, or at least you felt like you didn't. You had to earn love and work hard to earn scraps because you never received consistent, nourishing love. When you're that empty, even a crumb feels like something, but it never fills you up, it always leaves you wanting. And this is what has you taking what you can get rather than getting what you want.

Settling for less than you want in a relationship and less than you want in a partner. Not being treated the way you want to be treated. It's normal for you to fight and claw for every little bit of attention. It's familiar for you to not receive abundant love. In fact, that would even be uncomfortable for you. You know how to do this kind of deprivation, this scarcity, this chasing and settling. It's a way of life for you and you don't even know it can be different. And again, maybe you wouldn't even know how to operate in a relationship where you

got more. It might be very uncomfortable for you to receive that. So you're stuck in this chasing pattern, trying to get him to change what he's doing so you can feel loved. It becomes up to him to fix this for you. But no man can change this for you. Only you can fix this for you. And that's actually the best news ever. So the solution, you have to do the healing work on yourself so that you change this dynamic

of trying to fill yourself up from the outside. And instead, feed yourself from the inside. You fill yourself up from the inside. You approach your life and your love life already full. You are already resourced. You are whole already. You are loved already. You don't depend on anyone to feed you.

And the deep hole in your soul is filled by you from within. Then you're not showing up hungry and starved. You're not willing to take crumbs when you know that you want the entire cake and it's there for you if you want it. So it doesn't matter what he's doing, right? It doesn't matter at all. If it doesn't work for you, it just doesn't work for you, and you move on. You don't beg, borrow, or steal, and you don't push, pull, or drag him along,

hoping he'll change, or commit, or realize that you're amazing and finally be all in with you. You're not convincing anyone anymore. It's a totally different vibe when you are full and centered in yourself first. You attract better people and engage with them from a totally different place.

If this is landing for you and you're ready to finally stop chasing crumbs and to start attracting real love, I'm walking you through exactly how in my free masterclass. The link is in the description. I hope to see you there.