The Hoely Hour - E1 We're Your Boyfriends Now

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

Meet your hosts! Amelia had a poster of her crush under her bed, Liz watches porn on mute, and you're lying if you say you've never cried listening to Coldplay. The girls take turns asking and answering questions and telling stories! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

it's probably not this drink is strong but i like it it's pretty strong okay it goes hard in the pain Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sanson. And I'm Liz Ball. We are so excited you've joined us for Mass today. Your parents tell you it's an hour, but it's actually longer. Yeah. You can leave after communion. The first one you went to when you were two is still going on. Yeah. They never end they're still there they're still there your priests do not leave they live there um we are your priests is that what we're calling it oh i kind of like that i'm into it do they have that has there ever been a woman priest i i'm sure must be a priestess are there actually priestess though or is that something priestess priestess i you're your priest i i don't know

so in the catholic church i've never seen i i think the equivalent would just be a nun and i want none of that oh my god so this first episode is gonna be more of like an introduction to each of us and someone so our friend asked us the other day like what's this podcast supposed to be about yeah and then um we wanted to make it kind of about like sex and dating um and just like the things that we encounter because there's so many different aspects to like modern dating now right and like things that no one talks about regarding sex totally so and i think that there's like kind of a stigma around like two women talking super openly about sex but like there doesn't really need to be yeah it's just kind of it's a societal thing and then once you're talking

with like your girlfriends it's like i don't know we all have such shared experiences and similar experiences but like it also feels taboo sometimes and you're like why did we never talk about this before so yeah um and i feel like once one person starts the conversation too it kind of opens up yeah it makes everybody else feel comfortable to talk about things that they wouldn't otherwise feel comfortable talking about yeah exactly and i love having like discussions and kind of like building a community around conversations that no one wants to talk about yeah I think just having an open forum where people feel comfortable talking about dating and sex in particular because I think a lot of people feel comfortable talking about dating with their friends but a lot like

it's kind of nobody knows what level of comfort yeah excluding the parts about sex for someone else to make them feel like um comfortable around right but like why do we need to cater to that like you should be able to just be yourself and talk about these things with your friends openly We are going to get started by asking each other questions about sex just to kind of like loosen up and like, you know, we're going to get into the nitty gritty details. We're not going to spare anything. Like, you know, if you know us and you're an adult who watched us grow up, you're going to fucking hate this. Oh my god, I know. I'm really hoping that my parents don't. Yeah, I know my parents will not listen to this. I'll actually advise them not to. I'm gonna ask you. Are you ready? Yeah. Do you prefer to give or receive head? Receive. 100%. I prefer to receive oral. I could tell a little bit about like my history with giving and receiving. Yes. I feel especially blessed because I don't

think a lot of girls have had this experience but when I was a teenager and I had my first serious boyfriend I was like 17 turned 18 like when we started like fooling around it took us a while to get there both of us were very like we hadn't really done anything we were both very nervous but also very patient with each other like up until I was dating him I would still laugh like giggle nervously when someone tried to like do more than just kiss me so if it was just like a peck i was fine with that but if it was making out i would start nervously giggling and he was so patient he's such a sweetheart he was so patient with me and also you know what i have to credit him for like me being a good kisser because he's like yeah yeah he's an excellent

kisser he was the first person i'd done anything with and when we were dating in high school we never had sex but we did everything else so i he would like oh hi does not like hearing his mom talk about sex he would beg to go down on me and I was so king I know but I didn't know that like I he was like I really want to do this and I was like I don't understand why you want to do that and I think that's another problem is like girls are taught like vaginas are gross oh my god yes and like you know going down on a girl is gross and I believed that and that's so pathetic and sad yeah he was like very persistent about it and then finally like okay fine he like wore me down it's like sure fine I guess you can go down on me and um mind you at that point I hadn't like

ever even gone down on him I just like maybe touched touched touched his pee pee a little yeah over the undies I can't remember if I ever touched his pee pee a little so so then he um I remember like letting him go down on me and I was like it blew my fucking mind I was like oh my god this is like the best sensation and experience I've ever had and um like it was amazing so ever like and then anytime we hooked up like if we started like fooling around I'd be like you know can I would like to reciprocate this because I'd like I loved him yeah I was in love with him I like I like he was doing this for me and like I wanted to like show him I was attracted to him and cared about him as well and it took a while I had to wear him down too

he didn't want you going down on him no he was like I just I'm not ready for you to do that wow yeah and I'm like thinking about that now like that's such a strange and abnormal experience for like a teenage girl to have yes um and you like by then I could legally vote as an adult so yeah and then we never had sex and then again after i graduated college we like went on a couple dates and like made out but we didn't like do anything else and this sounds so bad but he was wearing like this dumb ass hat and i immediately lost attraction to him like one of those patty caps i was like so like i was like i'm not into this anymore that would probably turn me all the off especially in my early 20s like shit like that would always turn me off about guys like

really petty shit but to be fair it'd probably turn me off at 27 i think that's oh god if you're not an old ass man or a tiny child you can't be wearing that hat there's no excuse you look like a newsie yeah so i'm amazed that there are people that actually think like i'm gonna put this on i'm gonna fucking kill it yeah i'm fucking slaying in this hat i mean i i do enjoy giving head because I like you know when you're in charge of like making someone feel good that's fucking hot totally oh my god there's such a power element yeah it's like you feel good because I'm fucking making you feel good yeah and then like you can you can kind of be in control of like how much they want it too so in that aspect like yeah I enjoy giving head but I would totally like I

I if you don't go down on me like we're not going to hook up interesting wow every time like even if it's just like a random hookup if like I mean I haven't had very many of those or well I don't know now I'm better at like being like okay I can sense if this guy is not gonna go down on me but yeah I don't know yeah I'm more particular now totally and I mean like or I'm just like so do you like not like going down on girls and then they're like well what yeah I do I'm good at it so I've been told I'm good at it okay prove it yeah I will be the judge of that I honestly I think I prefer to give head like I'm I'm realizing I know dude I know I know I've realized this like as I've gotten older and I honestly I've been thinking a lot about it because it's like why

like why don't I want to like because there's power in both of this giving head and receiving head it's like you go down on me and make me feel good and also like I'm in control of like how you're feeling right now but like I think I have such a hard time with like the societal like women's vaginas like they like smell bad you know there's like that whole like and sometimes I'm just like if I've had a long day I'm like really concerned about like what that experience is like for my partner and then I can't focus on feeling good and like I've been trying so hard to just get over it because who the fuck cares like the amount of smelly balls I've smelled if I had a dollar for every sweaty ball I'd have a lot of dollars slapping in my face and they don't

give a fuck they don't care so why should I care so I've been work I'm I mean maybe I need to talk about that with my therapist but like I don't know there's something about like like we were saying the power of like I'm going to go down on you and you are not going to be able to do anything about what I'm doing down here and it's a trust thing like if I use a little bit of teeth like you're gonna fuck your shit up you know what I mean so like that trust also is really sexy to me I don't know there's something about it like if there's something about like if somebody doesn't want to go down on me i'm turned off by it but i also like i don't okay that's a good point that's a really good point it's just like if they're not even gonna make the effort yes then you're like

what excuse me sir yeah this is this is foreplay like yes let's like we we both need to make sure the other person is enjoying it yes so right like that is an excellent contributing participant i don't you need to do more than just like thrust for 30 seconds like you know anyway so I think I prefer I prefer to give I'm realizing this I'm a giver I'm a giver and that's just a new in the past like six months I've realized that about myself so I do think for me personally if I hadn't had the experience with my high school boyfriend where like you know that my first experience was like him going down on me and not having the expectation of like oh i have to give him head i have to like because because you know as a teenage girl that's like what you're expected

to anticipate um but i think if we i hadn't had that experience i would have never like i don't think i would have um had such high standards or not high i'm trying to think of how to word this yeah um I wouldn't have been considerate of like my own pleasure if that makes sense yes and um I think that's like one of the most important parts of like having like really great sex where like you trust each other and um you're like everything is very good like it's just great sex it's just like my pleasure being considered by not only my partner but me as well yes because we're like taught like oh we have to please men yes oh what is that like i don't know that has been the narrative from like as far back as i can remember in sex ed in school is like

well like boys will be boys like you know like they always just think what their dick they start thinking about sex from early on and like they're always thinking about like you know like putting their dick in something and it's like you never hear about like yeah women also like eventually want sex yeah i started wanting to have like when i started having the feelings of like god i want someone to touch yes I was like what like that's not ever something you hear about I remember like the first time I watched porn and it was kind it was like one of those like accident type of situations like looking through HBO late at night and I was like like why did like why do I like that because you you're never taught I feel like little boys are always taught like when they see

porn it's like that's just something that like little boy you know what I mean yeah there's there's a totally different narrative in and i'm not saying in like every like everybody's upbringing but like well at least in my elementary school think about everything you're exposed to where it embraces and amplifies this narrative of like yeah boys see naked women and like want to touch their dick like yes whereas like we i i can't remember a single time that i was exposed to the idea of like women masturbating like never never thought of that at all didn't know anything about it honestly the first time i like actually figured out how to masturbate i was 17 wow which is so long yeah which is also probably why i was such a fucking bitch as a teenager because i didn't

know how to touch my own vagina tracks yeah just pent up sexual energy yeah so of course the first time a boy touches me i'm like it blows my goddamn mind yeah yeah so yeah that's probably why i was so frustrated all the time is because i didn't know how to masturbate and it wasn't even something i was aware of like the like the clit was just like a foreign idea to me i didn't know it was like this amazing jewel of the south yeah and then now i'm like okay if you don't touch my clit i will fight you i wonder though and i actually don't know because i can't remember ever listening to any sort of conversation i remember in in elementary school during sex ed how old were you when you first had sex ed i was in fifth grade i was in fifth grade too but it was

more of like it wasn't really about sex it was just like we were all in the cafeteria and they showed this video about what it was like to like wear a bra and get your period for the first time and no one had their period except for me and i didn't want anyone to know you got your period in fifth grade yeah i got my period at 11 and it sucked i guess i was 12 so that's not really that well for some reason like well in elementary school you don't have sanitary like trash bins in the stalls that's so true so i just remember like have be like wearing a pad and like not knowing what the fuck to do because there wasn't anywhere i could throw it away like it it yeah it's a whole fucking thing anyways I remember like having sex ed in

fifth grade and I just had my head down were you like am I the only person yeah experiencing I knew one other girl had her period and everyone talked about it and I was like oh I don't want everyone to talk about me having my period fifth graders just like want to talk about when everybody was getting their period that's well and then and then they were like everyone's wearing like training bras and then like I don't know my mom wouldn't let me wear eyeshadow and I was just like let me wear this shitty blue eyeshadow mom let me have my period and wear blue well i was thinking like in in my fifth grade sex ed they separated the boys and the girls during the discussion and like i can yeah i'm not gonna like tell you know i don't know best but like as i got older i'm like

how beneficial would that have been to hear what the boys were hearing because like oh yeah i feel like i could have learned so much at a young age if i knew what they were being told and i still don't know but i'd assume it was something along the same lines of what we were being told which was just like basic biological stuff in which case shouldn't we normalize that at a young age like i'd still know men that are in their 20s that don't want to hear when i'm on my period every everybody with a uterus yep everyone born with a vagina has a period yes get used to it homie i just don't understand i would have i like i don't know if i would have been receptive to it at age 11 um and I definitely wouldn't have been my my mom was like she tried so hard to have a

conversation with me about sex and I was just like resistant I was like no we are not talking about this so she like got me a bunch of books and she left them on my bed and she was like here read these and she I she knew I would read them yeah so I mean like I flipped through them and that's how I like got all my knowledge and it's like how I gained all my knowledge as a teenager too like when I started experimenting with like sex and stuff like and birth control I did all my research on my own I wasn't like asking my mom so um but I do wish that there was something that had covered like yeah people are gonna pressure you into like doing sexual acts and if you don't want to you can say no. Yes. Like um yeah I was talking to my my hinge date last night about this of just

like you're not like the the most important thing that I wish I had learned as a teenager was just like yeah guys are gonna start pressuring you to do stuff and if you don't want to that's perfectly acceptable and they're not allowed to make you feel bad about it. It's just like the guilt aspect was so shocking yes well i have a question do you ever feel still like you have to say yes even if you aren't feeling it i so i'll always if i'm not feeling it i will always say no good for you um that's how it should be but but they still are able to make me feel bad like i still feel guilty um of like of being like i was thinking more recently um within the last like two years I had like made out with this guy and it turns out he was 22 and I was I know I had no idea I

like made out with him at a bar and then we like lived a block away from each other so we're like oh let's just like split an uber and I was gonna like he's gonna walk me back to my place but um we stopped at his place and we're like making out and then um I it's like he was so aggressively making out with me and like his beard was rubbing it was like oh god the chafing yeah so I like I was like hold on I have to go to the bathroom I went to the bathroom and I was looking at myself in the mirror with this like bright red oh my god my face is like bright red and I like around my mouth just like from his beard and I was like looking myself in the eyes and I was just like I don't want to fucking do this and I'm like a 27 year old adult woman like I don't want to fuck

this guy. And then I went back to his room and then I was like, I was like, I don't want to hook up. And then he was like, what? And I was like, yeah, I'm not, I don't want to hook up right now. And then, um, he kind of sat there and I was like, are you mad? And he was like, I mean, I'm a little frustrated. And I was like, you're not allowed to be mad at me. Ooh, Liz. Well, I mean, I'm like, I'm an, I'm a fucking adult. Like I've hooked up with enough guys where I've like, I'm like, you're not allowed to make me feel bad about not wanting to hook up with you um and then he was like no you're right but good i'm like okay listen you little 22 year old fuck don't say that to anybody else yeah yeah you're not allowed to

tell girls that she they're giving you blue balls yeah right like i'm like a little frustrated yeah fuck yourself oh we made up for 30 minutes and it wasn't good and now i'm blue balls like dick sore like fuck off i can't deal no that's real though and it's like i mean all of the guys that I've hooked up with recently like are I I'm not I mean not all of them because I've had you know my mistakes here and there but like a lot of the people that I'm like intentional about like having a sexual relationship with like they are all men that would never want to make me feel like they're I'm being pressured into anything and I've had this conversation with a lot of them but even still if like I'm over at their place and I'm like I don't I'm not really like in the mood I still

end up feeling bad yeah same yeah and like why is this inherent guilt of like i don't want it's like yeah you're just somehow um subconsciously taught like oh it's your job to make your man happy yes and and then also you're like he's not my man yes oh my god i know there's this like internal like like dialogue about okay let's okay okay we pick this we see that was a lot one question no it's good we got some good stuff out yeah oh my god okay okay oh i like this one where on your body is your favorite place to be touched oh oh that's a really good i don't understand you wouldn't excuse me sir no one asked you for anyone typical man to insert himself if you guys can hear that my google um my my dot started talking to us because he thought we were

talking to him and i have it as a man's voice because i like telling a man what to do it's the best thing in the world it's so smart it turns me on i wonder if i could change my alexa to be a it gets me going um okay my favorite place to be touched um I really like like having lines traced on my back no matter what the scenario is like I'm like that'll like really get me out of the gates you know what I mean um but also my neck like there's something about like the on the neck like right behind the ear kind of scenario region I know exactly what you mean really gets me going I don't know it's like really more than I'm trying to think and I don't think that there's really anywhere else that like I like to be touched

like yeah I think that's centrally attached yeah for me okay so like you were saying like the neck um and like the kind of like behind the ear situation like that middle area but have you ever had someone like kind of nibble on the top of your ear not on the top only on the low the top girl okay the next time you're making out with a guy kind of like make your way up to the top of his ear he will lose his shit okay i remember the first time a guy did that to me i was like what what's happening yeah because no one's ever like put their mouth interesting so that's like this that's a secret place because no one ever touches it like let alone like you know put their their their teeth and their tongue on it and i would say that area like right under your boob yes on

your rib cage oh that's a good one oh fire spot like mouth yeah like a kiss like right right there like that is where i'm like oh my god no one ever touches that spot and like the only thing that touches that spot is like an underwire bra and you're like god i hate this that's so true the total opposite of that is just like someone like delicately kissing it and then you're like but like the first time that ever happened I was like oh my god I would fucking blow my mind yeah yeah I'm just really like right there insanely ticklish and then the ear oh I'm ticklish too but I feel like when you're in it you're like like if I'm like super turned on I'm like you could tickle me and I could I won't even feel it like god bless you I like really it's it can ruin a moment real

quick like i will kick someone off just by a reflex so i think like i'm gonna tickle you i'll fight you motherfucker what are you my babysitter like why are you trying to tickle me you like a creepy uncle are you ticklish no matter what you say they're gonna fucking tick that's so true when the question's asked this game over yeah yeah like are you ticklish right like well if i say no you're gonna try tickle me and if I say yes then you're gonna tickle me that's so true oh I hate it are you loud or quiet during sex oh I'm quiet really yeah I'm super quiet uh like as I get older I get more comfortable with making like noise when I want to when I like when it's just feels natural and

comfortable but I'm not loud at all I I know I've mentioned this to you before and I sure will like expand on this once we have like an episode dedicated around this but I mute porn yeah I don't listen to porn I don't want to know the storyline I just like do you skip past all like the exposition yeah I don't need I don't need context okay but also like you know like the first few times you watch porn like you're like sharing a living space with other people or something like you know your parents you don't want them to hear that you're watching porn or like if you have um like roommates maybe not like a direct room but in general you don't want people to know you're listening to porn or watching porn but yeah I put it on mute and like now I'm kind

of thankful for it because I don't have any expectation of like oh I'm supposed to sound like this when I'm having sex with a guy oh god oh I can't wait for a porn episode I have so many thoughts about that I just like to let it like happen naturally I think maybe previously like you know um in my early 20s I was probably maybe like too quiet and like too like oh don't make any sound I was too in my own head like just be quiet like don't make any sound and then now you know as an adult I'm like I'm gonna say I'm gonna say what I want to say and like try and get out of my own head about it and like just enjoy this and like whatever feels right I'm gonna be into it yes like not having to like limit yourself yeah exactly I'm gonna scream I'm gonna be super

yeah yeah I get that that's good oh my god I like oh god I can't yeah what about you um I'm very loud in bed really I know and like at first when I first started having sex I was like because I started watching porn at like a pretty early age not like a child but like pretty early on and like I've never watched it on mute maybe I should now but I like had an idea of like what sex sounded like you know and I when I got older and old enough to identify like the choices that I was making like in bed and why I was making them that was one of the questions that I had was like am I being loud because I think that the person that I'm with wants to hear it and and now that I've paid attention to it that's 100% not the case because I'm I'm like pretty I'm pretty vocal

um and I also want the guy that I'm having sex with to also be vocal I'm feeling like I'm very audio about it you know if I can if I'm giving that feedback I also want to be like receiving it like I want to know that you're having a good time like if you need to just like earmuff it be expressive yeah yeah so yeah I don't know I've just always been like pretty pretty loud and like I don't even when I'm trying to not be I have a hard time being quiet about it so well and you shouldn't have to feel like oh I need to be quiet because it makes this person yeah it's like go fuck yourself I need to focus yeah could you be quiet I'm trying to focus on my ear how hard my dick is oh my god that's that's so interesting that we're total opposites I know I know when

you said that you're quiet I was well I guess alternatively like I don't know how this is for you but like growing up like I didn't want anybody to know if I had a crush I like it I didn't want my crush to know but I didn't want anybody to know like I would have died from embarrassment if they knew I liked them which is so like stupid now because as an adult I'm like as an adult I'm like hey I like you and like if like I don't know if you don't like me then like let's not talk anymore yeah yeah yeah like I'm not wasting my time yeah but I'm pretty like open with my feelings and thoughts as an adult which is the total opposite of how I was as a kid which was just like oh my god I will die of total embarrassment if you know I like you or if anyone knows I like

you because if they know that I like you you might find out yeah yeah yeah just like so much which is so strange but no that's interesting because I was the complete opposite so that's like, I guess that totally tracks. Oh, were you, like, relaxed? I like you, bitch. I was, I would tell everybody and everybody's mom if I liked somebody. That's so cute. It was so fucking, it got me in so, I got bullied a lot in middle school. Oh, because you had crush? Yes, and then, like, the guys that I would have crushes on would, like, be such assholes about it, because, like, they were always trying to, like, impress their friends, and I was never popular, like, growing up, so that was also, like, it's kind of, like, the punching bag in the sense, but I had this crush on this guy, I don't even care to say it,

like his name was reese and i had a big poster reese he's still beautiful well he sounds like a cunt reese if you're listening to this i will fuck your shit up i will fuck up your little sixth grade ass oh my god he's listening like am i the reese it's you no one else's name reese you little motherfucker i literally liz i had a poster of him under my bed and like a poster i had like a full helga like hey arnold moment oh my god how did you get a poster i just like like got poster board and like printed out a bunch of his myspace pictures and it literally lived under my bed and i liz i told people about it like it's it's enough it's enough to have it and have it just before me first of all why do I need that like what what am I gonna do with the poster you

know what I mean he's not like Justin Bieber I'm not gonna like wave it at a concert I just had this poster under my bed of him and then people knew about it and like I wasn't like I have this poster of Reese underneath my bed like please don't tell anyone I was just like I have this fucking poster of Reese underneath my bed and it spread really really quick well yeah of course because what else are seventh graders gonna talk about you know like that is some drama I would tell people if i heard that my friend i have this poster of reese under my bed because i don't know how to masturbate yet that is the equivalent of a seventh grade masturbating you're like i don't know how to get this like feeling out of my body so i'm gonna make a cut out photos of this poster

yeah i mean oh my god like i oh don't know how to touch myself so i made a poster i'm gonna print out these goddamn pictures and cut them with like the little squiggly scissors yes oh my god put a little glitter glue on that bitch yeah oh my god so yeah no i was always kind of um i was kind of open about who i had crushes on growing up and that's so funny i think that that's kind of I can't believe how we're so, we're so similar and have had such similar experiences, but like handled them completely differently. Yes. I talked, I actually was talking to my therapist about like our friendship.

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I love talking to Amelia about stuff because we've had such similar experiences growing up, but dealt with them so differently. Like, I know I've mentioned to you, like my way of dealing with like tough feelings was to like build a shell of anger and that was just my cloak was just to be this angry tough girl like I did not cry very much until I was probably like 23 and up like I just would not cry if I did it was a very rare and special occasion of just like yeah I'm gonna listen to Coldplay and fucking cry to cry alone in my room there was this one time where so my best friend and like she was my

roommate at the time too I like I had just driven back up from Vegas to Flagstaff where I went to college and um I can't remember like why I was just like in the zone but I like was feeling really emotional and I was playing Coldplay while I was putting my shit away and unpacking my suitcase and then I just sat down at my desk and then I put my head down and I just started crying and then she walks by and she's like hey are you listening to Coldplay I'm crying and then I look up at her and I was just like yeah and she like didn't even blink she sat down on my bed and she's like oh girl I've been there and then like acted like I wasn't even crying and we were just like talking like I'm like I wasn't crying and she's like yeah how are you feeling

what's going on oh my god she was just like immediately in it like she's like oh I've done that everybody's been there the cold play cry nobody said it was yeah I knew that's the song I knew that that was the song yeah no one did say it was gonna be easy but no one told me it was gonna be this hard no one told me it was gonna be so hard to be like 22 and want a boyfriend and no wants to date me it's like where I was at do you still cry at Coldplay no I just always think of that moment that was formative yeah so now when now when I listen to Coldplay I just my heart swells because I think of Anna oh shout out to Anna yeah yeah she she's like gonna be the first one listening to this i'm sure she's like i remember that day yeah well because we still

reference it we're like yep the cold play cry the cold play cry hashtag yeah hashtag cold play cry we're we know that we have maybe like five listeners at this point but hashtag cold play cry let's get it trending yeah let's get it trending guys hashtag cold play cry cold play is like yeah that's why we made our music it's for you to cry too oh yeah how high is your sex drive um it really it really depends because some days I feel like I'm like rearing to go and some days I don't want somebody to even look at me you know like there's really I mean there's like it's obviously a spectrum but yeah I guess it depends on the day and I don't really know what determines it like I can't really track my cycle anymore because I don't get period because

I have an IUD yeah so I've been trying to figure out like what is it is it like what I've eaten for the day that I'm like but it's it's interesting because it's it's tough because sometimes if I've been hooking up with somebody consistently and I get to their house one day and like they try to like instigate and I'm just like no they're like what like is everything okay because I feel like for like a lot of well guys don't have a cycle they don't it's it's like they're yeah and a lot of the time I mean I think there's been an instance that I can think of that I've been hook you up with a guy and they're like I'm not really in the mood to have sex and it's been like very emotionally charged like if they had like a loss or like they had like a bad day at work like

I totally but for me it's not like situational I cannot trace it to something it's just like some days I want to have sex and some days I don't and like we were talking about before like I don't want to be made to feel bad about it like if I'm feeling like I don't know like I'll just like go down on you and then we can like call it a day you know what I mean I don't need it to be a whole thing sometimes I'm in the in the mood sometimes I'm not and I don't know I can't explain it to you and guys want answers for why not it's like was it something that I did is it not like me right it's like it's not always about you you're making my sex drive about you it's typical no but really it's so true like I think that and if there are any guys listening like

please understand that your cycle can determine your sex drive yes i would say my the height of my sex drive depends on my partner um i had this insatiable sex drive like with this guy i was dating in college like my senior year that was the best sex of my life like everything was so good and perfect about it I knew no matter what like he was gonna get me off I was gonna get him off like it we had that level of trust where it was just like I had like the sex was so good and I knew no matter what it was gonna be good so you know it's the guys who don't wear shoes that have the best day so that was like the best the highest sex drive I've had but I also would say like I would probably have that same kind of sex drive if I had like that kind of like trust of

like yeah we're gonna have amazing sex because I know that he's gonna make sure I get off yeah like when we would have sex um like in the middle he would go down on me whoa I fucking love that in the middle so so we would like start off like the foreplay was just like perfect like both of us were really into it we would make sure like we were both feeling good and then we would start having sex and then like even the sex was amazing and like we were both really into it was passionate and then he would like stop in the middle and go down on me and like get me off which was the best what a giver he was just king we'll talk about it later yeah he broke my heart no not a king because i was dickmatized i think he broke my heart just because that was the best sex i've

ever had oh god and that's so hard to find something you vibe with yeah and he's if he ever listens to this he's gonna be like that's me i'm that motherfucker who doesn't wear shoes but like anywhere like to the grocery store like no no he would he would he would this will definitely give it away but he was like a musician and like when he would perform he wasn't wearing shoes that's kind of sexy i kind of like that vibe like frodo bag i was thinking more like father john misty but frodo he's like fucking frodo no shoes just like jamming out harry i'm trying to say that no but yeah okay so then like i would get off and then like

he would like still be hard and then you're like damn I am a vixen uh-huh and I was like yes I you can do whatever you want yes god no that's so true it really does depend on the person I guess I never really like I think that I've had such isolated incidents with people that like it doesn't I haven't had like consistent partners really since my relationship so I don't it's hard to tie it back to like is it the person or is it how I'm feeling that day like it's it's really it's tough to recognize if it's like a situational thing or if it's a me it's hard to know like I don't know it's a really good question I haven't thought that hard about it either I guess yeah like I when I think about it now I think it comes down to how empowered I feel so like in this

instance with this guy like I knew no matter what it was gonna be super comfortable we were both going to make sure we get the other person off because we both enjoy that yeah and i think like that's the key to having phenomenal sex making sure both of you are caring about the other person like climaxing yes um so like there were like very rare occasions where one of us would knock it off but then like the next day it would be like yeah let's like have morning sex or something or like yeah we just both would be down for it it was never there was never I never felt pressured that's awesome and that was I think that is still even rare for me now like it's very hard for me to get out of my own head but it was um that was like a relationship where it was very easy for me

to get out of my head because I never felt like we were having sex for his benefit yes and a lot of guys have I've felt like that maybe it's not intentional but like I think a lot of men are really selfish in bed oh my god don't even get me started yeah and then you're like if we're having sex for you I don't want to have sex yes like I want to this needs to be a group effort here totally it's like I start to feel like I'm just like a vessel you know it's like I could really just not be here like I yeah if I feel like do you need me for this exactly it's like I feel like if I could be easily switched out for somebody else and I'm sure like if there's guys listening it's like well you kind of like could could be because it's that's because kind of how it is for a lot

of men I think is like if they want to have sex they're just gonna have sex for me like I want to if I feel like me being there does not make a difference it is the most dehumanizing experience I hooked up with a guy and I'm sure I'll talk about this on a later episode so I won't go like too far into detail with it but I hooked up with a guy and he literally before he put it in he was like this won't take long and it's like well it will take long if I want it to take long like what do you mean like you are not determining the length of this long it was the least that's like supposed to make you like into it it felt very it sounded like he was about to kill me and it was a one-night stand so i didn't he was like he's like on top of me and he almost put it in without

putting a condom on and i'm like without even asking me if he could do that so like his whole thing was like yep we're gonna like have sex and i'm gonna be done and that's gonna be it and that was basically what it was he was like a two-pump chump and like that was it oh my god i know and you know in his head he was probably like oh she's so fucking hot like that i just can't even yeah it's like i'm just gonna burst it's gonna be literally two pumps yeah that's it uh so my ex-boyfriend told me this where i was just like yeah i'm so fucking annoyed when guys like are like yeah i'm just gonna stick it in you and don't even like pause to be like i'm gonna get a condom to see like well they should do that anyways but like to just not even be like yeah hold on let me

go get a condom or if you're like do you have a condom and they're like no and then you're like okay we're not we're not gonna have sex and then they're like oh i have a condom yeah i called your bluff motherfucker yeah well anyways but like um I'm like yeah I fucking hate when guys don't even like offer to use a condom or like go to go get one and he was like well some girls think that like you think they're dirty if you go to get a condom and I was like I think the direct opposite yeah I well and then that was in Vegas so I'm like do Vegas girls just like think stupidly like that of like oh well he needs to use a condom to have sex with me because he thinks i have std which is like not the case at all like when i'm like like when i a guy goes to

get a condom i'm like that is fucking hot you're being so respectful of my body like we haven't had this conversation about stds or like sexual partners yet but we're in the moment like and you're gonna offer to get a condom like that's excellent 100 yeah yeah so I've like anytime a guy has been like I'm gonna get a condom I've literally never even blinked like I've never been like oh my god you think that I'm I'm a slut because you're getting a condom and I like I would like to de-stigmatize that right now like if a guy is gonna go get a condom I'm like fuck yeah you're being so respectful of my body we haven't had a conversation about birth control yet like whatever like yes please get a condom i appreciate that you're thinking about my safety you're

thinking about my body 100 and just the converse of that just not like i think you kind of touched on this but not even like entertaining the idea of going and grabbing a condom is offensive because it's like i don't know where you've been and like i'm not saying you're dirty but me asking you to put on condoms has nothing about like how i feel about how many people you've been with or anything like that it's like you might not know I don't know the last time you've been tested yeah you don't know my birth control situation for like a lot of hookups it's like you just don't you there's no way that they know that I take I have birth control method so it's like I just I don't know I think it's part of the the respect thing with feeling like an object of just like this is for

you to feel good and you don't care about like how I'm feeling about like everything that's going on here talk to me about it like if you don't want to use a condom like we understand that it feels like a little bit different for you with a condom on but it doesn't feel that different and i've heard that from a lot of my guy friends that it doesn't feel that different of course it's going to feel a little bit better without but i don't give a fuck like yeah like i really don't because like my safety let's get some coconut oil baby yeah there are ways that we can make this work for both of us it's going to be fine why is it always my responsibility to be on some form of hormonal birth control yeah like for me personally like i choose not to be on any hormonal birth

control because it makes me depressed or my skin terrible and i don't want to have bad skin or be fucking depressed yeah so did you hear that when they were this could be again a whole other episode but when they were trialing uh male birth control a lot of the people on the trial dropped out because they couldn't handle the side effects of the birth control and it's like well you little fucking that's what we all go through when i first got on the pill i was depressed for two years yeah and and when i got when i stopped taking it i gradient gradiented out of that depression but it was still like very much so tied to the pill it's really it's awful what we go through so i'm sorry that it doesn't feel as good on your dick to be wearing a condom but at least

you don't have acne and depression as a result of your birth control method and that's on that and that's on hormones motherfucker and that's on estrogen um so when i was in a long-term relationship uh when we would have sex he would be such a little fucking twat about using a condom let's call him shoe man okay so you have no shoe man and now you of shoe man i'm sensing a theme okay so we'll call him shoe man okay shoe man was such a little fuck about using a condom um but i would track my cycle so i would be like these are the days that we can't have sex because it's a higher likelihood that i'll get pregnant but we were also pulling out but he would be such a little bitch about pulling out too i'm like i'm already

letting you not use a condom and like even after we broke up like this is just like part of why our relationship was so toxic but even after we broke up he's like i understand how like disrespectful that was of me to like put all this responsibility on you yeah you don't fucking say yeah where i'm the one who's thinking about like i don't want to get pregnant and we're not in a place for us to handle that right now like and he would like while we were having sex he'd be like i just want you to get pregnant and like what like and then he'd be like he'd be like tell me i can come in you and then like i would say like because you know you're in the moment you're like come inside me and then he'd be like wait really and i'd be like no motherfucker i'm feeding into

this dynamic right now i'm like trying to keep things hot i'm trying to like you know tap into like what you want to hear and then he'd be like wait really i'm like no the answer is never i'm Like, unless we are married and legitimately trying to have children, I am never going to say that and mean it. That's fair. It was so fucking annoying. It's not worth it for, like, ten seconds of feeling good. Yeah, just pull the fuck out. Just pull out.

So it's felt good for you up until this point. Either pull out or use a condom, bitch. Yeah. And those are your options, and you're gonna be fine. Yeah, like, your world is not going to fall apart. That's irritating. I'm so sorry. Like, what an awful, like, corner to be backed into.

and that yeah he made it entirely my responsibility but i think you know i don't know his life anymore but i think his therapist was like that's fucked up of you of like you know um he admittedly objectified me like he after we broke up and i'm like trying to find closure in our like awful volatile breakup he's like coming forward with admitting he knows these things now and truth be told he probably always knew them yeah so yeah chose to ignore them because it was exactly it was fit his kind of yeah because he's like i want to come yeah and that's the most important thing to him and that's why i hated having sex with him i hated having sex with the shoe man i would close my eyes and imagine something else and i want everyone to know that oh my god and

that's how i would get off you would pretend you were somewhere else i would pretend the sex was better and i was doing something different was it always that way or just toward the end of your relationship towards the end the last like year that sucks but now his dick is very boring it's like wonder bread oh god the sex sandwich sex was bad he's a ham sandwich he's a ham sandwich with mayo and white bread every guy you've ever your dick is boring as fuck every guy you've dated is thinking like how could i be shit like what is it about my life that makes my name shoe man everybody is trying to figure out if it's them is it me my shoe man it's not you you'll know it's you if you're listening he's gonna like uh if he ever listens to it and it's like i'm shoe man i

hope he's just like oh no well then he'll be like well you just laid there it's like yeah because you were disappointed i starfished because i wanted to pretend i was somewhere else god that I was imagining I was with no shoe man I was imagining I was with Mr. Frodo oh my god oh my god Frodo father John Misty yeah father John Misty but god sex is so like so I'm gonna say this probably every single time we talk but sex is so important in a relationship like I feel like everything else could be really great and if the sex is bad it's it feels like kind of like petty but it's not like sex is such a huge part of the at least for me such a huge part of relationships it's like if I'm not enjoying myself sexually then I'm not going to want to have sex

with you and then you are going to be upset about it and just like my opinion on the matter is as important as your opinion on the matter and if I'm not having a good time then we're probably not going to have a good sex life yeah and then we're not going to have a good relationship yes it took me a while to get to that stance as well like um I would look at everything else besides sex I'd be like okay he has a good job um I like his family he has good friends like so those were the things where I'm like oh this is what defines a good partner and I wasn't really considering sex um which is shocking considering my past but um of like wanting to like yes you need to know how to pleasure me but I learned how to pleasure myself so I'm like and I'll just whip out a

vibrator in between um no but yeah i think now as an adult i'm like oh my god if the sex is the same all the time if we're just hitting the same moves and like it's kind of expected i'm just not really into it anyways this is a great place to end our first episode slash intro which is about three hours it's okay we'll chop it down yeah we will try to make this as as quick as possible um but just like your boyfriend we're your boyfriends now yeah we're your boyfriends now in the name of the father and the son and the holy spirit amen Oh, yeah.