The Hoely Hour - E10 Emotional Awareness, The Restaurant

Episode Date: August 19, 2020

Come on down to Schlongs for brunch! It's like Hooters, where straight women can show everyone how straight they are while eating a meal. Are you ready for marriage, or are you ready for a wedding? And make your partner go with you while you get an IUD so he can watch some blasé OB/GYN obliterate your cervix while you scream into his face and debate if you ever actually want children. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I'll walk around my apartment with no shirt on and I'm like, whatever. Yeah. People are going to see I have awesome tits. Oh well. It's the end of the world. Yeah, who gives a fuck? But you just never know how many creeps are around. That's so true.

But, um. Like, if you're going to take pictures, at least pay me. Yeah. Give me a cut. Give me monies. welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball thanks for coming to mass yeah we're so happy this is officially that you have joined us the earliest that we have uh done our intro in our intro we're leading with it today we'll see how the vibe changes

as a result bringing in this energy right away right away right off the bat just like how church actually is yeah I don't know I've never been but I would imagine they lead with a hello usually it's a song and we do we do have a song we do have a song our intro song is by one of my very dear friends Noah he is a producer in LA and we had a very specific sound in mind and we were looking everywhere and we kept finding songs that we liked and then it would be like owned by Under Armour like in the end yeah this episode is sponsored by Under Armour I wish I know I wish this episode was sponsored by anything are you listening Under Armour please answer us I don't know why we don't really fit with your brand but sometimes I go outside a song on your commercial

we wanted it to be our intro but you already took it I'm head to toe aloe right now so yeah so aloe yoga what's up but so noah i messaged him and i was like have you heard in your producer world anything that sounds like this and he was like why don't i just make it for you like as a gift like i want to support you and like the first version that he gave to us we were like sold this is fucking it so anyway thank you noah we love you yeah thank you i wanted to ask you like what do you think would be the female equivalent of hooters like just like a safe space for hetero women to show everyone how hetero they are while enjoying a meal schlongs it's just like guys like shirtless guys and like uh boxer briefs yeah with their with a dick print

just kind of waving around but we're there for the wings that's what everybody says when they go to hooters i'm just here for the wing hooters has really good wings it's not the boobs it wouldn't even be the wings just be like yeah they have a great caesar salad i'm here for the the caesar wrap has nothing to do with the schlongs it just so happens to be the name but they have the best salads it's just like so fucking weird that like there's like hooters and twin peaks and it's just like a place for like dudes to be like i'm so fucking straight yeah watch me be so straight while i eat this meal let me prove how straight i am yeah yeah how insecure do you have to be to like need to prove you're straight i know it's kind of sad there has

to be there has to be some sad undertones there you know like an like the insecurity i mean i don't know i i don't i mean i want to understand the psychology i've been doing on that yeah the only time i've been to like hooters was because um i went with a friend and her her friend was the bartender so that girl hooked us up with drinks so one hooters yep love free shit yep exactly outfits i've had friends that have been hooters girls for halloween yeah i would love to be able to work one of those outfits like their uniform is hot like yeah wear it girl on the orange shorts oh well and i'm all for girls capitalizing on horny dudes fuck yeah hell yeah oh my god i would love to be a waitress at hooters i my boobs are made up when i thought i

was going home to vegas for summer when i was like in college i applied to be a hooters girl and then they like followed up with me but i was like sorry i'm staying at flagstaff oh my god do we do we have a hooters in seattle i don't know i know there's a twin peaks and i guess i've only been to twin peaks once wait is twin peaks like a hooters yes i've never heard of twin peaks isn't that what it's called i think it's called that's a good name for a restaurant where boobs are the centerpiece exactly and hooters i they had a pretty decent happy hour nearby the closest hooters is three hours away in yeah twin peaks is is also it's like the same thing hit up twin peaks for science for for research research right um what would your

version of of a female for hetero for straight girls yeah um i feel like it it wouldn't be as sexually objectifying oh i just come out swinging like dick prince dick prince i feel like dick prince is a good dick prince we're going to dick prince i feel like it would be like um the guys would the waiters would be like dressed like in a subtly hot way like yeah i don't know maybe they would have like a baby bjorn yes it's called baby bjorns yeah we're going to baby bjorns for brunch they have a really great brekkie bottomless mimos except they call them mimos bottomless mimos yeah wow that's so true it would just be called like emotional awareness yeah that's the name of

the restaurant fuck yeah and a guy it's just like a guy with like a really nice haircut and like suspenders and then he sits down next to you and like looks you in the eye and is really engaging and he's like how's your relationship with your parents you don't even eat you just like go for a good conversation with a man I would pay I would pay a lot of money honestly so much money yeah it's just like hot guy therapy we might be on to something here absolutely we should probably like trademark this before this episode comes out because no one take our idea yeah we're starting emotional awareness the restaurant emotional awareness the restaurant eat with your heart it's a working title we'll figure out a new name eat your heart out eat your heart out ladies

and gays but it's eat your heart out there has to be a sexual component in there somewhere yeah i mean i definitely get hard when men ask me about my day and actually care it's like a water slide up in here when they are emotionally aware and like you know nice to me getting hot here i was telling uh i was telling someone about um when i met my boyfriend i need to say it when i i met up with him in um portland and he was like waiting inside the train station for me and i like got off the train and i like this was like our third date and i was like nervous as fuck i don't know i was like nervous but also just mostly like really excited to like spend this time with him but i like got off and i like saw him waiting for me in the train

station and i was just like oh my god you waited inside for me and he's like yeah where else would i be and i was like i don't know in your car and and then um he's like no i love when men do nice things and then they're caught off guard by us being excited about it and it's not like yeah i waited inside it's like wait what where the fuck else would i wait it's like oh you have common courtesy what else would i be doing and then uh and then i was like i don't know i just no one else i've dated would have done that and then he's like wow the bar is really low it's like you bet your sweet ass it is keep doing the everything you're doing yeah just it's great please don't meet me where my bar is you could just like tuck me into bed and i'd be

like wow i'm so lucky you're the best you're the best no but i really am very lucky yeah he sounds like an incredible it's not even like he's doing the bare minimum he's doing the most yeah yeah he's doing what you deserve my heart i was talking to amelia about this before we started recording but it is a mind fuck when like everyone is like yeah you you deserve this person and I'm like how what did I do to deserve this I just rolled my eyes so hard when she said that I don't know it's it's it's really validating and it's really awesome yeah I know and also really scary oh yeah I know I bet I mean I don't bet I know because I've been there it's like what the fuck have i done to deserve this like wow this is too awesome what is this allowed yeah should i

call the police something about this is illegal yeah something about this it feels illegal there's yeah they're like are you breaking an amendment here a commandment or something oh my god Liz now you thou shalt always date the worst person ever I don't know that's well oh god my eye is twitching because I still feel like high high yeah I don't know why do you feel high from being excited about everything like excited to record yeah I love the serotonin high yeah excited from recording excited from the fact that this is the first time i've said on air that i have a boyfriend i know i've been waiting i was listening to last week's episode and i was like he's like the guy i'm dating yeah i'm like what are we gonna call a

spade a spade here liz well because i like i don't know i i like i obviously want to be like yeah i have a boyfriend yeah this is my boyfriend i don't know right but i like um i'm used to dating guys who are like a freak out when you like call them your boyfriend or i don't know and that's not the case yeah that was like an insecurity for me but also i don't know he was straight up like no you made me think about what i want and i i want to be with you and i was like what the fuck oh you do yeah are you okay this is awesome yeah i think also like you sure about that outside of that i think like you have been so careful about like keeping things that are important to you in the moment close to you yeah absolutely so i understand you're not saying it

until now yeah well here we are now it's out in the open i've been talking to because i'll i've mentioned to a few people that that you have a boyfriend now um and they're all like oh how's that gonna change the podcast I'm like it's not going to yeah and it hasn't the whole time and I've been saying that I'm like I mean if anything like it's gonna give you new perspectives that we haven't talked about before exactly um and that's pretty dope so yeah and even before you met him like you and I had a conversation about like what happened when one of us gets in a relationship yeah and even then we were both like well it's not gonna change anything yeah we're still able to whoever we date is gonna have to be okay with the fact that you know we're we do this we have the

we have a podcast and also you know like it's not like we're we're dating to not because we're gonna stay single forever does that make sense right yeah I mean like we can't let like the podcast is such an important and positive thing in our lives and we can't allow it to stop us from also like living our best lives in other departments yeah you know what I mean and also the thing I like about like what how things kind of unfolded between me and my my boyfriend so fun to say my mans um the is just like neither of us were looking for a relationship like in general and we both clarified that to each other like before our first date yeah and then I don't know it just felt right and that's the best way for it to happen is when

you're not looking for it and i say that to all my friends that have like everyone says that and i'm like you know i guess cautiously optimistic i don't know if that's the right way to explain how i feel when people say that they're like when you're not really looking for it and then i'm like what what does that even mean but but it's because i feel like when you are actively looking for a relationship you're almost willing to fill it yeah you'll just date right like kind of anyone who you're gonna yeah not you're gonna look past like red flags or things that you aren't into absolutely um and you when this with him just being like like i'm just doing i'm just dating and he caught you off guard and like that's freaking beautiful yeah i still haven't met him

i want everybody to know but i feel like i do i feel like amelia and my my boyfriend know each other already i mean he knows a lot about me if he's listening um and obviously i know a lot about him just because talking to you in general yeah in general yeah um but i still want to meet him yeah i i will yeah i know i meant i like i want to bring him to something but like we don't do anything yeah because of a pandemic um we're just gonna go for it okay okay all right so i'm gonna read you this um am i the asshole from reddit okay so this is from user pizza with ranch please i like him already like that um they're a female so it says a few weeks ago i 26 female went to portland maine with my boyfriend i'd never been and only lived two hours away so he thought it

would be a nice weekend trip for us we had a great time exploring the city eating out at and what's important to this story visiting lighthouses while there i posted on my instagram a photo he snapped of me in front of one of the lighthouses he took me to now for the past few months i've been trying to help my friend 26 females boyfriend 28 male get ready to propose usual friend usual friend duties like sending him styles she expressed interest in finding her ring size proposal plans etc after he got the ring he told me that he came up with a plan to propose during their yearly trip to Maine by renting an Airbnb proposing in the room so she wouldn't be the center of attention which would be happening in a month or so I told him that sounds great

so fast forward and they go to Portland Maine this past week he proposes to her in front of the same lighthouse I had posted a picture at weeks prior super happy for them I send them my congratulations to both and that's when things start to get weird I hadn't heard back from them after sending a couple texts and trying to call which I thought was weird having helped them planned this but figured they were newly engaged and enjoying this moment it's now two days after still no word from either of them then finally i received a text message from him saying hey thanks for the congratulations and helping me with the ring however i'm bummed you went to the lighthouse weeks before and posted a picture of at it intentional or not it took away from

something special i had planned and told you about to say i was confused is an understatement i responded with a question mark and he explained that by me going to the spot he was proposing at weeks before and posting a picture there he felt i betrayed and ruined their special moment in addition to his message i reached out to my friend to ask what was going on and why i was also now blocked on instagram to which she responded completely berating me swearing at me telling me i ruined her proposal and made her and her fiance feel betrayed embarrassed and screwed over she told me the first words out of his mouth after he proposed were that this was supposed to be special and i took that away from them they're demanding that i apologize and told

me i banned from their future wedding i responded to this with my thoughts that a social media post from weeks ago shouldn't have any influence on their proposal and that an apology is not in the cards i did not argue nor did i feel the need to because i don't think i did anything wrong i even sent back the screenshot of the original proposal plan he sent me saying he was getting an airbnb and proposing in the room so am i the asshole for going to portland and posting a picture there before he proposed isn't this an atrocious are you kidding me i have a few things to say about this folks i think we can agree this girl is not the asshole this couple is the asshole yeah they sound fucking horrible and they sound like they're made for each other yep

she did herself a favor by letting them expose themselves you don't need that energy in your life girl no definitely not so okay for one like if my fiance had something negative to say about anything let alone somebody not involved in the proposal after proposing and and diminishing that moment from the jump i would be fucking pissed at him yeah like if he was like this was supposed to be special but your friend made it not special because she went to the same spot pick a different fucking lighthouse dude it's maine i feel like the city is the whole state is lighthouses yeah pick it everyone you could pick any lighthouse motherfucker and literally any lighthouse any lighthouse and maybe not a lighthouse yeah what is it about lighthouses well

how is this girl supposed to know that they were he was going to propose in front of a lighthouse house he said when he straight up was like i'm gonna propose to her at the airbnb because i don't want her to feel like she's the center like to be at the center of attention because sometimes that level of attention can be overwhelming oh for sure yeah and people definitely invite themselves into your moment and they're like oh my god congratulations and you're like you fuck off i'm freaking out you know that's just i'm just assuming i've never been proposed to right i can like imagine yeah you know what i what like i bet two things there there are two things that could be going on here one the proposal sucked and he needed something

to blame for it going poorly or to like deter the attention away from him doing it in a shitty way being like see it would have been better but so and so pizza with ranch please fucking ruined my idea so that could be one thing that's going on is he's just trying to like hand over all responsibility of it going poorly or b i realized when i was my most depressed I was always looking for reasons to be upset when I was happy so like they had this like perfect amazing moment and then it's like they're always looking for something like okay but like what what's the what's the downside of this you know and even if I wasn't saying it I was always like I am like having the time of my life I'm on vacation like the sun is shining but like

also like remember that thing that was bugging you like three months ago like why don't we think about that right now which is also an anxiety thing so who knows I mean I'm not giving them any sort of excuse but like that could be like we just had this amazing moment and like misery loves company so let me bring you down to my level because I'm unhappy right now and like we're gonna get married so we're both gonna be unhappy at the same time you know what I mean such an interesting point and thinking about how like also if both of them have these this level of expectation like I don't know I just feel like when you have expectations for anything really and maybe that sounds bad like when you have expectations you're setting yourself

up to be disappointed you know um and I had I had been having like I was having a conversation with um my boyfriend I'm never gonna not like giggle giggle when I say boyfriend um no but uh we were talking about just like he had said like he I asked him if he was like excited for this like trip he's going on and um he was like yeah but I'm like trying not to have any expectations for it because and he made a good point like I hadn't thought of it from that perspective of like when you do have expectations going into something like and they're not met then you're just like disappointed yeah and also yeah I don't know I I had started thinking about just like different vacations i had gone on or like when you have expectations for like how some like party's gonna

be yeah you like put a lot of anxiety into something because you're like i want it to go this way yeah and then if it doesn't then you're like that's why people cry on their birthdays because it doesn't ever live up to anyone's expectation for their birthday no matter how you spin this story like even with the excuses and air quotes that we're talking about why they maybe behave this way it has nothing to do with her and i'm all the person that wrote it i am always saying that like all you can do is these people were always this way underneath everything they were always like this and you can't feel responsible for people's emotions like how people react is always always on them how you react to any situation is the only thing that is in your

control exactly at the end of the day that has nothing to do unless somebody's actively doing something shitty to hurt you like you i don't know you are the only person responsible for how you're feeling yeah period well and then for them to to handle it as if she like went to this fucking lighthouse maliciously is so i don't know i i know we've kind of talked about this before but i hate how performative like weddings and engagements can be yeah it's just there's a helicopter going by pause for helicopter damn it's really in here it's like about to like land yeah it is entering my window yes no it's gonna go away yeah i i don't know i just like I fucking hate that like I have so many friends who have waited to like get engaged and plan

their weddings and like they just were waiting for the right time you know and that is is different but we also all know people who like have they're ready for a wedding they're not ready for marriage and it's because they want like this they think this having this perfect big event happen is going to solve all their problems and that's probably what happened here is like they wanted like this perfect engagement so you know having these expectations and then maybe them not being met somehow and then also having in their head like yeah and once we get engaged all of our problems will be solved once we get married all of our problems will be solved once we buy a house like etc like all of these things that are based from based on capitalism essentially like you we

have been conditioned to think that like these landmarks that kind of don't really mean anything are going to make us happy and when they don't is like you don't want to take the time to look inside because that's hard and painful yep that's such a good point yeah so you're projecting it onto everyone else around you so this girl is probably just like completely unsuspecting i bet she was an easy target oh yeah for sure and you know i i truly believe that's probably what happened and they probably knew that they could make her feel bad too so not only was she an easy target she was an easy person to point to but she was probably an easy target because they knew that they could pull an emotion out of her and like that fucking blows and also sounds like people

that she does not need in her life anyway no i just yeah i hate the performativeness of these aspects when it's like yeah you're ready for they're ready for a wedding they're not ready for marriage absolutely and you know now I'm creeping up on the age where some of those those people I know who got married at a young age are getting divorced yeah like the older I get the more I'm like if you got married before 35 you got married as a child you were a child bride I just know like I am totally different we've talked about this before are like I'm totally different than I was a year ago oh me too imagine being married right now and like a lot of my friends are married or engaged and are very very happy and with the people that

they're going to be with oh absolutely but as an individual and I know that there are other people out there feeling the same way that are maybe engaged right now and like are just doing it like you're saying because it's like the thing the next thing to do it's like if I would have gotten married younger I would I there's no way that it would have lasted because I hadn't done all the growing that I needed to do yeah um just personally for me personally I like the time the last I'm so thankful for the last two years and like being challenged to change and like also to confront um and challenge like these societal ideals that were I was raised to think were going to make me happy like I don't own a house I am not married I don't have kids and I'm the happiest

I've ever fucking been so I like I totally had it in my head in the past like yeah if I get engaged like that'll make me happy yeah and it's not true no obviously I did do so much internal work to get to where I'm at now yeah and uh yeah I'm thankful for like the challenging experiences I've had absolutely it shapes who we are yeah my um my parents got married in my dad was almost 40 when they got married my mom was in her late 30s and like they are so in love like and so much of that I mean I'm sure is how much life they had leading up to that you know they knew exactly what they wanted and how long were they together before they got married two years i think oh okay um and also i don't know sometimes like i've definitely heard people be like oh they've only

been together for like two years or something and i'm like well there are some people who and maybe this sounds corny it's just like if you know then you know but that's true but like if both of these people like know themselves yeah and like they treat challenges as something that they need to work on together instead of like oh one of us has to compromise or something like if because you have to change together yeah if you want a relationship to work and instead of seeing it as like well we don't see eye to eye and like yeah i'm right whatever yeah um yeah i don't think how long you've been with someone really matters because i know people who have been together for like seven or eight years and you're like yeah like that's

are you sure this is right you don't want any time to explore yeah like you sure you sure you sure this is this is it for you no it's um I think it's different too as we've gotten older like when I was in a relationship for a while it still felt like too soon to move in together but I was so young like but now I have friends that have been dating someone for like six months and they move in together and like they're so happy because it just feels great and like it just I feel like as you get older like the window of like the acceptable amount of time to like make these moves with people it the window gets smaller like it's just whenever it feels right you do it there's no like rules exactly really like it's just you just totally agree with that yeah like you don't

need to rush anything and also you don't need to compare yourself to anybody else and I think that was also like a huge detriment to me was like comparing like myself like both in my career and in my relationship to other people I was like well we've been together for this long but we've known each other for this long so like we should already be getting married or like I should already be at this point in my career yeah and it's just no it yeah it is so so much more likely that you are not going to be insanely successful before you're 30 like yeah you don't need to be anywhere other than exactly where you are right I mean social media has made this whole like game of comparison so much worse too because everybody is posting the highlights of their life and yeah

amping them up to be something that they're maybe not that doesn't feel genuine to them actually in the moment but we don't know that so like we're seeing the best parts of everyone's lives and it's like oh my god like should i be engaged right now like should i be pregnant at this age like oh my god literally so many people since quarantine has started have gotten pregnant what else are they gonna do i know i'm seeing so many pregnancy announcements i'm like wow yeah i'm like cool i'll just bang it all day but there's some people who i'm just like so excited for them oh my god i know i don't know we're thinking of the same couple but i also have a couple friends are pregnant right now and i'm just like

so excited okay yeah speaking of durex yeah we wanted to talk about birth control this episode and i don't know like i have so many birth control stories like okay so my first experience with birth control i was 18 i i started having sex at 18 um do we lose our virginity at the same the same age yes we did oh my god we're just finding this out right now virgin sisters virginity sisters no um i yeah i started having sex at 18 and um i remember my high school best friend she was like are you on birth control and i was like no and then she's like you need to be on birth control and um my like i love my parents but like my relationship with them is like rigid when it comes to talking about like sex and dating which is really funny because now i co-host this

podcast about sex and dating where i talk very openly about everything but i was just like i i didn't feel like i could go to my mom about it and so me and my best friend went to planned parenthood after school one day and i remember like we pulled into the parking lot and i just started crying oh my god because i was so overwhelmed and i was just like and then she she was like she was like no one's expecting you to be a grown-up and then um she was 18 saying all this stuff she's 19 she's still one year old as fuck oh absolutely yeah she was she's incredibly mature for her age and yeah I just that like made me feel a lot better and then we went into the we went into Planned Parenthood and I started because I like didn't know anything about

insurance so um this was like the most affordable way for me to get birth control like it was ten dollars a packet so yeah I went in to Planned Parenthood with her and I was filling out the paperwork and one of them was like um have you been using protection and i checked no and she's like you haven't been using protection i was like we're using condoms and then she was like liz that is protection i was like or have you been using another um form of birth control so i just assumed they meant like hormonal birth control and i was like oh we've been using condoms and then she was like she was like that is birth control and I was like oh and I scribbled it out and then um they just wrote me a prescription like I had another friend who had just gotten

on the pill too and she also told me like she went to Planned Parenthood with her aunt and like told me what her prescription was so I was like yeah I guess I'll do this I was on like I know there's like monofasal pills and tri-fasal pills so I was on the monofasal ones and it killed my sex drive and i um you know i wasn't really like i didn't really know anything about like how hormones could affect you in general and i um my mom found like my birth control packet in the console of my car i'm just sorry i'm having flashbacks to like how my parents found out i was having sex so this is a whole other story so how my parents found out i was having sex was my ex-boyfriend is a fucking idiot and he flushed the condom wrapper down the toilet

what a fucking idiot are you kidding me like the whole last like foil wrapper oh my god so he flushed it down the toilet and the toilet started flushing weird after that and my dad was like trying he's like something's going on with the toilet and he had like a snake for the toilet and he was like Elizabeth will you hold the snake while I like you know jamming it and I knew what it was i was like fuck fuck fuck so he uses the snake down the toilet and he pulls it out and attached as the condom wrapper oh like that's like something that would happen in a television show i know he pulls it out it's honestly just so funny like replaying it in my head and he he just like looks at me and he's like is this yours and i was like no and i mean it certainly was not my

brothers it was like very obviously like my boyfriend and i having sex i was like no and then i like left the bathroom and then i was like fuck i need to get in front of this and looking back on it now my dad would not have said anything yeah he would have he would have minded his own business and so i took my mom into the garage and i was like i have to tell you something and she was like okay and i was i told her what had happened pulling the condom wrapper out of the toilet and i was like it it was mine and then she was like elizabeth i can't believe that you're having sex and she was so upset and she tried to make me feel bad about it you're 18 yeah i'm 18 and i was also with like my boyfriend who absolutely adored me like that was the best

case scenario she wanted me to go off and have sex in college and i was like that would be the worst my first impression of having sex would have been like just like fucking some dumb ass college idiot yeah and i don't want that like i'm really glad that was not my experience i'm very thankful my first experience having sex was with my high school boyfriend i was 18 like he was the first person i had ever had sex with and he loved me so much for so long too and it's just like i am so much better off with that being my experience yeah versus like somewhere having some frat right in a bathroom idiot like yeah yeah treat me like shit and then that's how i treat sex forever or something so um and then when his mom found out was also something really

fucking stupid like i wanted to change my birth control pill because i was like sick of the monophasal ones and so his other like one of his friends she was on the pill too and um she was like she liked the one she was on so I was like hey will you ask her to like tell me what she's on and then she gave me like the whole little packet about her pill and it was like a weird like secret handoff in the hallways like a drug deal yeah and I had put the packet in the cover of my book like one of my school books and his mom worked at the school so we like went to go say hi to her before like leaving and I left my book there and then we got into his car and I was like shit i left my book in your uh in your mom's office and he's like i'll go grab it and then he

comes back and he looks like fucked up he looks like scared and uh he was like you left the birth control packet like the information packet in the cover of your book and my mom opened it to see whose book it was and saw that like next year oh no yeah so that's how she found out we were having sex but she was like weirdly obsessive about it she was like she would always ask my mom she's like do you think they're having sex and my mom was like i don't want her to know that you guys are having sex no she was strangely obsessive about it yeah and then like when my mom found out i was on the pill she was like so is this your birth control packet and i was like yes but also like you didn't make yourself available for me to talk to you about this and she was like

that's fine um she's like how did you get this and I was like I went to Planned Parenthood with um my best friend Shelby and I was like I went to Planned Parenthood with Shelby and she was like um god everyone outside is so loud today so annoying and she was just like well you'll probably respond best to what I used to take so wow yeah so then I like I had no emotions on monophasal birth control pills like no feelings no sex drive and so I switched to a tri-phasal one which was what my mom was taking and a tri-phasal one is like a bunch of different colored pills and it's supposed to mimic your natural hormone levels and then they stopped making it um but that's what I was on for a while and I don't know I just fucking hate the pill me

too oh my god the pill really I had a similar experience to you like I didn't I wasn't on the pill when I first started having sex and then I was even though we were using condoms every time and he would pull out anyway like there was no there was a very slim chance that I was pregnant but I was always concerned so I was like I just need to take the pill so I actually I I had I was really lucky my mom was always very like if you have questions about sex like let's fucking talk about it so she went with me to the doctor to go and get birth control with me and I like you didn't realize the effect that hormones can have on emotions and I plummeted into a very deep depression and like I couldn't I didn't have the wherewithal to tie it back to the pill

and I dropped a lot of weight I was constantly concerned about what my boyfriend at the time was doing like I was got really jealous what when I had it and had otherwise and I figured that it was just because I was like had lost my virginity to him which was probably an aspect of it like and so I was like insecure but then once I started to like phase off of the pill because I was so bad at taking the reason I decided to step away from it was because I just I would set an alarm and then I wouldn't have it with me and then I would skip a day and then I would then be concerned about being pregnant it's like what's the fucking point of taking a pill if I'm you know going to be afraid about being pregnant anyway um and so I started I phased off of it and stopped feeling

so depressed and I was like oh this is what that's what that was what this was doing to me um and we talked about this I think on our first episode of like I don't think that most men realize just how much it does to us yeah hormonal birth control and they had like the trial for men's birth control we also talked about this on a previous episode and and the men on this trial dropped out because like they couldn't handle how the hormones were making them feel and it's like yep yeah correct that it fucking sucks in like i don't know pumping yourself full of more hormones than you're when then you typically have absolutely i was taking the monophasal stuff like i never tried the triphasal stuff i don't know i mean i was still fucking depressed so i stopped taking

birth control pills for a while in college and then i started taking them again my senior year when i was having like regular sex with the guy i was dating and um the one that i had taken then was like uh it was like supposed to be a lower amount of estrogen i was so fucking depressed my god i was so depressed and my my skin was beautiful but i put on a ton of weight too and i mean that could also i mean i'm sure it was a combination of the birth control and the um like uh constant drinking i was doing but i mean i had been doing like constant drinking at age 21 and i didn't gain any weight and then yeah so it definitely spiraled out with that and i yeah i don't know i just was like our a combination of just like gaining a

shitload of weight most likely mostly from the pill and then um being insecure about how i looked even though my skin was flawless that's a nice byproduct yeah but it's not worth it no it's really not i ended up um i just wanted the the most effective form of birth control after that so um and I learned that the IUD was like a concentrated hormone it didn't like pump through your body at like as high of a rate as the pill um because it's just like supposed to think the lining of your uterus I don't know all the science behind it but that was what I was learning at the time and so I got the Skyla and my mother came with me to get it put in because she is trained as a birth coach and she was like you are going to forget to breathe and somebody needs to be there

to remind you to breathe and so she held my hand with me through it which was the best and she was like standing there just like like like breathing with me which was really nice oh so i had the skyla and i'm gonna start crying it was i went to get skyla by myself it hurts like hell i i went to get skyla by myself and again like i did not tell my mom like what i was doing and because i don't think she would have approved of that um so i went to go get scott i did my research on my own and i didn't want marina because i was a fucking idiot at that time and thought i'm gonna be married and having kids in three years no absolutely not true not the case how things change oh my now i'm like never mind kids who knows what's gonna happen i'm done trying to

predict my future yeah oh yeah i stopped that a long time ago but when i went to go get skyla i went by myself i had been planning on driving myself like a fucking idiot but like luckily like my so this was when i was a store manager at the time and my assistant manager was like i'll drive you like to and from your appointment oh my god it was the most pain i've ever been in same it like shoots up your back like it it's i don't know i i thought i was going to pass out from how painful it was a lot of people do and my gynecologist was like um are you okay and like she she seemed like shocked that i was in so much fucking pain give me a fucking break like i thought like even the so even when they clamp down on your cervix yep that was painful when

they measure uh-huh and i was so uncomfortable and i was like fuck this fucking hurts and then she shoves the iud in and i was like oh my god i i think i screamed fuck and then she was like um are you okay and i was like no bitch i need a minute okay i am light-headed as fuck sex that she wasn't um supportive like god she's so fucking stupid i hated her and having a good gynecologist yeah i went to a different one after that she didn't give me any care instructions i got an infection i had sex the next day yeah i didn't know that you weren't supposed to have sex for like two or three weeks that is a really like irresponsible gynecologist that's not cool yep fucking horrible she sucks anyways um my iud in general i liked that it didn't affect my

emotions as much yeah but also like I had just gotten off of the pill and I hadn't been on the pill for like a month so I wasn't like completely like hormonal-less yeah if that makes sense yeah so um like it didn't affect my emotions as much and then I uh was like bloated for like three months so I'd say after like a month I got very like bloated I just felt like yeah my um like i didn't feel like fat i just i don't even know how to explain yeah just like kind of like puffy yeah i didn't look puffy anywhere except my like uterus area yeah i had a fupa for sure that'll do it yeah and i was like oh god i hate this and then um so after like the third month i finally wasn't bloated anymore but i got the worst hormonal acne and i forgot about this

until I was thinking about it earlier today I also had really bad eczema I got super bad eczema um like I think I got I got it on my nipple and then I also started to get it on my eyelid oh my god yeah so and like I've had like a weird skin reaction before and then give you like the steroid cream and I asked for that and he was like I don't like to prescribe that and I was like I've used it before and I really need it and he was like okay so I use that on my eye and then on my nipple it's so painful to have eczema on your nipple yeah I bet it's so sensitive it's such a sensitive area and I tried so hard to resolve it naturally and it just wouldn't and I remember like fucking shoe man was such a little cunt about my nipple eczema he sucks so much like in the

scheme of like objectification he is the worst offender like he was such a douche about like my eggs on my nipple and then also like anytime i didn't shave he'd be like why won't you shave oh my god i fucking hate that i'm like um well it's my vagina sir yeah you actually don't own this yeah it's still mine like why why should i shave my vagina for you when you do literally nothing yeah totally to be emotionally available or aware it is or caring it's why in any capacity it's wild to me that like the things that like this birth control can do to people's bodies like eczema yeah it's insane awful eczema awful hormonal acne and then i like i gave it the i gave it like a year to try and like even out because i was i had read like yeah your body

will adjust to it after a full year usually it's only it's like six months but i was like fuck i'll I'll give it a whole year and my skin did not improve it just kept getting worse so I got it removed I was like get this thing I I got it removed after a year and a half of having it hormonal birth control just is not the answer for everybody no like I've been so freaking lucky because like I had no issues with skyla outside of like my uterus is tilted yeah so is mine so like sex was really painful and like whenever I'd get cramps like around my period did you know that you can your uterus can go back to normal yeah I've heard that you told me that yeah yeah I didn't realize that um mine has been tilted for forever as far as I know so I'm like waiting for

it because sex can hurt so fucking bad with an IUD but outside of that like I haven't had any issues with it I ended up getting when my Skyla when I was at my three years I went in to get another Skyla and my ex came with me which was just the best like having him there to like support me through that and he was like can I pay for it is it expensive like it was just that level of support was so like and he got me balloons after and flowers it was so painful like I sincerely think that like men should also like if you're not going to be on hormonal I mean there isn't like really a hormonal birth control for men but like they should also be as involved as you are in taking responsibility for preventing pregnancy yes absolutely like I would have loved like I

didn't so after i got my um skylar removed i wasn't i have i haven't been on any birth control since then um and that's been shit i don't know like four years with no hormonal birth control after like being off and on for several years yeah so um and even after i got my skylar removed my skin did not clear up it's been it was bad until i like saw a dermatologist here even now i'm kind of breaking out a little bit because i ran out of one of my prescriptions and i didn't go and pick it up for like a month and a half anyways it even then like yeah um made my skin bad didn't get better and like shoe man like was such a fuck about using a condom it was impossible to get him to use a condom i've talked about this yeah and so

like we just did pull out and even then it was my responsibility to track my ovulation and like even if he had just done the bare minimum of being like yeah I'll also track your ovulation that would have been so meaningful to me yeah and like it is super helpful like tracking my period and stuff so I don't know I just like hate him so much for that I resent him that I think that's one of the like there's a handful of things i'll never forgive him for and that's one of them well i mean it's that and then making me leave the the miguel set at life is beautiful yeah those are the two things yeah so we could go see florence and the machine who's late i just like the like amount of stress that it causes us to make sure that we aren't bearing child before we're ready

to is entirely unfair and entire i was talking to my mom about this before i came over here about how like I want to buy my own condoms like just in case and I feel like people that don't know my relationship with my mom are like why is her mother so like but I've just always no I love that I feel super comfortable talking to her about it um but like I was like the I was saying her in this conversation like we have to worry about so much like the amount of pain that I went through to get an IUD um and again my ex was so fucking supportive in that whole process like I felt so taken care of and I felt really really lucky for that um and he never made me feel like I was like being you know like inconvenienced in any sort of way like I felt very supported but like now I'm

hooking up with people um and like sometimes I have to like coax them into using a condom like I'll be like hooking up with them having sex with one guy um just tell all of them you're not on birth control I know see I was I was thinking that but it's like at the same time it's like you don't know where I've been my guy like even if I am on birth control like you should want to go use a condom so like the I was hooking up with a guy and I was like he's like are you on birth control and I was like yeah but like can you still gonna use a condom yeah I was like do you have a condom and he was like well I just got tested and it's like do you have your paperwork do you have my paperwork like when did you get tested yesterday I don't know who you slept with yesterday you know

what I mean like it's just like I am on birth control I am doing my piece I understand that also my responsibility that we don't get stds so just do your little corner of a part and fucking wear a condom unless we're in a monogamous relationship i don't want to get pregnant and i don't want to get an std like so like it's not just preventing pregnancy it's also preventing stds and it's just so many stds don't show symptoms yeah i know men or women there's like oh i don't know the actual stat but it's like 70 of stds like don't have any sort of symptom i forgot to tell you this story like last week when we were talking about stds i had a friend who like she was hooking up with this guy and um she was on the pill and they weren't using protection

and then he like ended up having he he got chlamydia from her and she didn't know oh she didn't have any symptoms yeah so um like his friend told me like oh he stopped talking to her because she gave him chlamydia and i was like i don't think she knows that and also i was like is your friend hooking up with anybody else and he was like no it's just her like he definitely got it from her and then i was like i was like he needs to talk to her about this because like if she has chlamydia and doesn't know about it this could completely not even that like it could completely destroy her like reproductive yes system yeah and i like so then i like ended up telling her myself i was like so he had he got chlamydia from you and like i don't think you

know that you have this because it doesn't show signs yeah in in women a lot of the times right and she's i just remember she like going to the i went to like the doctor's office with her and like sat in the lobby while she like talked to this doctor and she's like i need medication for chlamydia like um i had sex with someone who has has it and blah blah blah and then she's yeah and then she couldn't tell she couldn't like she didn't use insurance and just like that is so stressful for like kids in college who like get an sti or an std and like have to get it treated and they like don't want their family to find out and they like don't really know anything about insurance yep it just fucking sucks it's also like yeah it was so expensive for her to pay for

out of pocket and you're in college you're making shit money this is the issue with i mean there's and i'll say this probably every episode the issues that i have with like it's incredibly fucked up that guy did not tell her no for sure but but what like sorry no you're fine i'm still mad at him i know but it's like the the sexual education in schools is it's constantly failing us because like if there was more education around stds then like people would know that like if you get say chlamydia from a sexual partner like and they don't know then you have got to talk to them about that because they do not know yeah like those are things that like they don't teach us in school it's just like wear a condom so you don't get stds and then they just move on from

that topic and it's like it's I don't know if there was just better education around it it would be a completely different story and who knows maybe STDs wouldn't be so rampant well and this also brings me to another point that I wanted to talk I realized I forgot to talk about last week is HPV so there's Gardasil 9 which protects against nine different kinds of HPV so there's low risk hpv which um usually causes genital warts and then there's high risk hpv which has absolutely no symptoms but the problem with high risk hpv is it will damage a woman's cervix and can also cause cervical cancer so the top two i think are hpv type 16 and hpv type 18 and Gardasil 19 protects against both of those or not 19 Gardasil 9 and um it's marketed towards women

but men are like the carriers of HPV like and there's no test for men for HPV no there's no test for men but men can get Gardasil 9 and I just like I don't understand why it is women's responsibility to eradicate the human papillomavirus like I don't fucking get it I'm just like why is this only marketed towards women I know because men can also get throat cancer yeah from high risk HPV because there's no test they're just passing it along and not knowing exactly I saw one commercial for Gardasil that was geared toward men and it's just been in it's been in rotation for like two years now they just won't make a new one it's just like this little boy talking like he's like sitting there and he's like why didn't you have a conversation with me about it mom have

you seen this commercial no but it's like that was the first time i had seen it and i was like wait men can get gardasil because of what you're saying it's not marketed toward men it's marketed towards women because it does cause cervical cancer like high-risk hpv can cause cervical cancer but like it it also needs to be men's responsibility to help eradicate this and just be like oh it doesn't affect me so it's not my problem and it's like well you could be the reason that a woman has cervical cancer so like I don't know it's just there it all goes back to just like objectification of women oh yeah I mean I don't know if you're having sex please get Gardasil 9 it's yeah it's so important I'm somebody it's like a series of like three shots I think

yeah but I also I I'm curious to know if insurance companies only cover it for women that would surprise me just based on how insurance companies are they're the fucking worst yeah and i mean like they there are so many like if i think it was tina fey said if men could get pregnant they would have birth control in vending machines yeah like it's so true like it's a man's world and like if men could get pregnant or if men could get cervical cancer personally just for example these things would be treated very differently and they would be very cheap and that's unfortunate and a fact like yeah like the fact that the medical field is incredibly disgusting it is fucked up i mean the fact that um viagra is covered by insurance is yeah but i have control isn't i have to fucking

pay for plan b yeah it's like that's that is backward and there is no way to spend that to make it okay like there's there is no way if if viagra is free then like plan b should also be free like if viagra is free then like the women's equivalent of viagra should also be free and i don't think that it is because I just started hearing about it so like I don't know it's it's just irritating and it makes me so fucking mad every time I think about it like just okay mammograms are a perfect example of this mammograms are so painful you like put your boob in like a squishy thing and it's like that's the only way to check for breast cancer really like if men could get breast cancer how about we squish their balls and see how they feel about it it's ridiculous it

should not be so modern medicine is way too advanced for that to be the only way to check for breast cancer yeah it doesn't make any fucking sense to me and it's because men can't get breast cancer and if they can it's like that's a much lower rate and you anyway i just like it gets me so fucking heated even women in medicine are trained this way and i think we can all agree that like the medical field is incredibly fucked up yeah like my cousin's in the medical field and she's like yeah a lot of doctors aren't trained in like um like the process of giving birth and they don't know how to coach someone through giving birth so labor can last like you know 40 fucking hours when it could be trimmed down to like an hour but they just don't know what

they're doing so the like labor is long and painful instead of just like knowing when to tell someone to push and how to breathe like makes a huge difference in giving birth yes and i'm just like i was enraged i was like fuck this like if i have kids i'm going to have them in a sterile bathtub with a doula and some other lady yeah and screaming in my husband's face yes and that is all i want is just to be like yeah in everyone's face i want to pass to say whatever i want yeah so i'm doing it in the bathtub uh no oh god talking about birth control gets me so angry me too i'm like i'm fucking heated but we've we talked we talked a little bit about plan b last week and you said you've never taken it right never taken it so i've only had to take a plan

b a handful of times and i will tell you about my experiences so the first time i took plan b was right when i had started taking the pill and i like i i do my research girl like i had done my research i was like okay i know that it takes a full month of taking this pill for it to be completely effective so we were still using condoms because you girl smart uh the condom broke and the pharmacist we went to go we went to a pharmacy to get plan b and the pharmacist was like do you have any questions and i was like yeah i'm only one week into taking the pill like how was this going to affect me taking the pill like is it safe should i skip a couple of days and she's like she's like she looked at me like she was completely appalled and she's like why weren't

you using protection i was like we were and it broke and like i gave her so much fucking attitude and she's like oh well yeah i mean she like judged you before yeah exactly i'm like how dare you fucking judge me because of this and like i was so mad and so i i had taken i think i can't remember if this was the same time because this was when i was 18 so i don't remember if this was like the same time i had gotten it or a different time but there was another time where no maybe this was the same time but we went to go buy plan b and um they wouldn't he was gonna buy it and they wouldn't sell it to him they needed to make sure i was there so they made me go up to the what the fuck is he gonna do with plan b like why does he need to prove it like what is he gonna take it on

his own and just see what happens well you know what i think that some men i think very awful awful men slip people plan b what yeah i like if you can think of it someone's done it for what though like just to make sure that they don't get like their girlfriend pregnant by accident like if they're trying to get pregnant they're not ready damn yeah i definitely think that happens that's so fucked up and it fucks up women's bodies it's not good for you no you're only supposed to take it a few times in your life is what they say oh absolutely like anytime i've had to take it i'm just like god damn it i don't want to be taking this because i know it's going to like really fuck with me and like the times i've had to take it have been completely an accident

you know it fucking sucks having to take plan b but i'm also really glad that it's an option oh my god seriously thank god for it yeah it's like yeah i know and then there are a bunch of conservatives trying to call it the abortion pill it is not an abortion it's not a it it it essentially like makes it so you don't ovulate and the egg can't yeah do its thing exactly i mean like and it can make you bleed for several days and emotional yeah it makes you emotional so like not having any so the the last time i had to take it i was not on any form of hormonal birth control and like it made me so emotional and it reminded me like why i don't want to take any hormonal birth control and then i don't know and i was like bleeding i was like more like planned

bleed am i right the bees for humbling and the bees for bleed it sounds like a screamo song i'm so sorry you've had to go through that so many times i and i i've probably taken plan b four or five times in total within the last 10 years i would like to never take it again but just like i don't know i'm glad it's an option but like people should not use it as people shouldn't be like in the moment like oh just come and sign me or whatever the fuck and then like be like whatever i'll just take the morning after pill right it'll fuck you up it's for emergencies it was literally a plan b that's why i'm at that it's like when all of your other options fail not because you just want to have you know willy-nilly sex yeah when all of your

other options fail what we're celebrating this yeah what are you celebrating i was thinking a lot because i feel like i'm celebrating a lot this week but um to fit with my theme from last week of music i am celebrating cardi b and megan the stallions wap hell yeah wet ass pussy i have so much to say about this song first of all i watched the video and like i watched the video and heard the song at the same time like i hadn't heard it you know what i mean like i watched the video and i was like fuck yes i haven't seen the video yet it's so cool you're gonna watch it when there's like big cats which were um cgi'd in like they weren't actually there they got like a lot of heat for like having big cats in their video yeah um but they were like oh the colors are amazing

they have snakes they're like all over each other like i'm just oh i just love them so much but the reason that i'm celebrating it is because of how much hate they're getting hell yeah fuck ben shapiro oh my god he's such a little bitch boy he's just such a little squirrely cunt like i his voice is so it's the worst can you imagine can you imagine ben shapiro's disgusting voice in your ear in bed no he's the kind of person that i'd be like do not speak yeah if we were having sex i'd be like do not fucking make any sound you are hotter when you are not saying anything oh god he's the fucking worst but it's like men for years and years and years have been making songs about sloppy sex and it's just kind of like a banger to everyone but the second cardi

b and megan the stallion do it like it's like bad role models like well and it's not ladylike have you heard any of megan the stallion's music yeah like yeah i know this bitch has been saying this shit since day one i know it's like yes yep and she's also not the only female artist doing this no and like i don't know women should talk about sex however they fucking want and it's the lyrics in this song are so good just like every line is like another like fuck yeah like it's so good well and also if you are going to be upset about cardi b and megan the stallion saying they have a wet ass pussy then you also should be as equally enraged about any lyrics that a man puts out about abusing women so if you're not this upset about abuse like then you have absolutely

no grounds to be upset about women enjoying sex yeah come come with that with the same energy that you're coming at this with yep you don't get to pick and choose like your moral high ground like yeah well and also how much of it is just because like they're black women that's probably an enormous yeah part of how much of it is because you're actually racist you're both a racist and a misogynist you're exposing those things go pretty much hand in hand and yeah ben shapiro's fucking self-owning himself like in that tweet and he's like my doctor wife says that the only way that a woman could be this wet as if they have like an infection and then someone was like someone who ratioed him to hell commented underneath and was like is that is that your wife's excuse is that

she doesn't have these infections no as to why she's not wet it's a good thing that i'm dry believe me he just uses a sheet with a hole in it glory sheet yep ben shapiro is a big fan of ben shapiro and the glory sheet fuck you ben shapiro i don't know i feel like i'm finally back in my like normal like groove of things hell yeah i love how you always do this like big exciting life thing and i'm like i like this song this week i don't feel like mine is like exciting at all i've definitely been in like a blah place of like god i don't really like want to do anything and also i'm exhausted and yeah last weekend i remember last week i had said that like I was looking forward to the self-care weekend with my boyfriend I need to stop saying

it like that yeah I know I'm just not used to it um yeah I was looking forward to the self-care weekend with my boyfriend and honestly over delivery like it was amazing it was it was so necessary just for like my mental health but then also it was just like such a great time with him like i don't know i'm so thankful that i got to spend it with him yeah yeah i'm thankful he wanted to include me in this like annual tradition he has of like doing a self-care weekend and it couldn't have come at a better time for me yeah and he that we had i got us like robes and slippers and yeah it's just like yeah actually you did and um it really did come at the perfect time for you you have been so fucking busy i was just

yeah and it was like a necessary little break yeah really and this weekend is also like a little bit of a break and i have the weekend to myself because he's out of town so yeah it's nice to like someone was like uh when i was checking out at trader joe's uh the checkout guy was like what do you have planned this weekend i was like nothing isn't that great i'm not doing shit and i'm stoked about it that's how you know you're an adult when you don't have plans on the weekend and you're like hype yeah i'm just happy to have yeah a little bit of time to just like do some shit that's been piling up like you know shit that you don't want to do yeah but once you get it done you're like fuck yeah yeah so that's what i'm gonna do this weekend is just like the

little i and i'm excited to do it is the thing so like like i'm excited to finish cleaning and organizing my house and i'm excited to figure out the rest of my 401k business like yes it's just like those those things that i've been putting off i finally have a little bit of time to do because i like yeah i don't have to do anything else like i'm not traveling around i'm not like trying to get all my other shit figured out i finally just have like a moment to breathe and like do what i need to do once we can do this once we can do this full time it's over for you hoes i'm so excited for that me too ah that's what we're celebrating both of us are celebrating hopefully doing this full time soon yep yep i hope my boss

we're gonna say it into existence yeah speaking it into existence we're manifesting we're manifesting this yes indeed okay and that's on that and that's on manifestation yeah and that's on witch talk the witches of tiktok yes witch talk okay well thanks for joining us thank you for listening for now the 10th time yes this is our 10th episode oh so exciting i know it was a good one too we talked about a lot of important stuff today yeah we got really fucking mad about birth and we're gonna get mad about birth control in future episodes too yeah forever forever mad about birth control uh-huh there needs to be better options speaking that into existence too manifesting better birth control options manifesting better birth control manifesting

podcasting full-time yes and that's what we're manifesting this week yep all right love you guys so much thank you for listening that was not our best singing let's give it one more okay I went too baritone today that felt good