The Hoely Hour - E100 Pillow Talk ft. Mr. Liz (and King Butt)

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

IT'S OUR 100TH EPISODE! Liz and Amelia talk about what they've learned, what has changed, and ask Mr. Liz questions submitted by listeners. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Let's do a hundred episode cheers! Cheers time! Cheers! Happy hundred episodes! Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour.

I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sampson. And I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Liz Ball So Hard. You can also watch us on YouTube or listen ad-free on Patreon at patreon.com slash theholyhour. Check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holyhourpodcast at gmail.com. Before we, like, really get into, like, any sort of, like, hot topic, I have a gift for you. You have a gift? Yeah, I have to open up my email. It's nothing big. Don't be excited.

Okay. I wrote you a poem for our 100th episode. Amazing. Okay. This poem is called Liz. All right. I'm going to close my eyes. Okay.

And just be present. Enjoy the moment. Will you put some, like, romantic music over this when you edit? Mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm. Cue the music. Liz.

The easy rhyme here would be jizz. We have a sex podcast after all, but I'll say this. I would be lost if you didn't exist. Like a man buying tampons who is cis. Liz. You would do it all. You write, ski, thrift. When something is tough, you always persist.

Like when I'm fighting online and tap you in for the assist. You always come in hot with the awful diss Liz Whether it's Mad Libs while you're smoking a spliff Or telling our angels to take the BDSM quiz Or learning that wearing heels affects your pelvis Or talking about how squirt is just piss it's been 100 episodes of this and i feel so lucky to be keep going the furthest

with someone by my side who's my sis i got burn in love for you like i'm elvis oh i love this so much this is the best gift ever and now i don't have one for you you are a gift your presence is a present i want you have to email i'm gonna like print it out or something i need to put it somewhere i'm framing it oh yeah good that makes me feel good i love that happy 100 happy 100 i love you that was so fun there's so many things that rhyme or like slant rhyme with your name i was amazed so this is our 100th episode if you couldn't tell by um i was gonna i was gonna present that to you as king but i was gonna say this is some king butt stuff yeah he is he is the king of the rhyme get it

king butt stuff that was great king butt shit oh i don't know if that one deserves a high five that deserves a harder high five than the last one how about a low five yeah that felt good it did we should differentiate between what deserves low fives yeah in in life in general like middle fives middle middle five that should be like a little hug yeah yeah but i don't have here nope there we go um so we were talking about we're probably gonna throw a party for 100 at my house we asked the angels what they would like to hear from us for episode 100 and y'all told us well i asked on the discord specifically um but y'all told us that you wanted us to talk about how we've changed or how we like think we've changed or our what which of our ideas have changed and opinions

since we started this podcast we have a special guest today for episode 100 and it's mr liz i'm so fucking excited he's gonna join us um we fielded a couple of questions from the angels so he's gonna answer some some questions i sent them to him in advance as well good uh and i posted it on instagram like to to write in their questions and i posted it with a picture of gatsby and some i will i'm gonna suspect they're not avid listeners assumed that mr liz was my cat and i got a few cat questions and it's like how many biscuits a day do you make and um they're like that cat has all the answers he doesn't need any questions i would love if you just like gave that biscuit question to mr liz with no context um the listeners don't know how

many biscuits a day you make yeah do you plan on making any bread that was another question um so someone else was like what merch what does he think should be merch and i'm i'm like he doesn't listen yeah not a good person so whatever we want he supports well so i listened to episode one today while i was working and i think that the most important thing we need to address is the audio for like several episodes at least the first 10 because at that point we were using a yeti mic one we were using a single yeti mic shared between the two of us and it was in the middle of my coffee table and we just we would sit on the ground and we just kept hitting the coffee table like out of excitement and that would like be that's like all the loud banging

everyone here i'm like how many how did we get people to listen right i know it's how did they stick around after it sounded like this the first two episodes we recorded at like you're tall you had like a high table yeah and it was like in the middle of a room that had like it was like I mean your kitchen was my studio apartment right right and so it was like it's just a room and it was just echoey as heck uh-huh and we didn't know that hitting the table would be so detrimental to the sound at the time um so yeah I think definitely the number one thing is the audio it's wild to listen back we didn't get better mics until we got here and that was a year ago damn our listeners hung in for an entire year it's pretty incredible and then I also used to

be kind of afraid of listening to our earlier episodes because I was like I bet they're embarrassing and I just listening to some today I was like no I when I listen to them I think of us as like we're we're just little babies yeah I know we we didn't know anything no um and I think the most interesting thing is how much we've learned just because we do this podcast absolutely yeah so like what just listening to us talk about aftercare i was like oh my god now now we can't even imagine having sex without aftercare yeah being a topic of conversation it was like like discovering like inventing the wheel yeah it's like what the fuck were we doing before exactly that's exactly how I feel I'm like so I was just operating like this like before this podcast yeah

how was I surviving yeah and I think a lot uh when I was listening to the good word which was episode five I believe talking about like how having this podcast has it even early on it forced us to be really conversational about sex with potential partners out the gates because we don't hide that we have a sex and dating podcast and if someone chooses to listen they're going to learn a lot about us really quickly um so it's just important to address right away yeah so but then that's also kind of bled over into our day-to-day lives like we're just going to talk about shit yeah with our partner or even in friendships it's like let's just address this and no conversation holds nearly as much weight as maybe it did before we had this podcast yeah

that's so true people will bring things up to me now just like so relieved to be able to like talk about it with someone you know and it's like I it never it I think at the beginning when people were like you know wanting to talk to at least me about things that they hadn't opened up about I talked to we had talked about this in an episode I was listening today about feeling like well people are just waiting for the opportunity yeah people just being stoked to talk to someone about like sex yes and like at first when it would happen I would be like oh my god they feel comfortable talking and now it's just like this podcast has become such a part of my life that it's like it's like second nature now and I was thinking about that earlier today I was like it's to the point

where I have to remind myself that not everybody is as comfortable talking about sex because like I'll talk to somebody about it and they're like oh I've never like had this conversation before And I'm like, what, you haven't? But of course they haven't because like I didn't until we started this podcast. So like it's just been interesting watching my evolution of how I feel about talking about shit just as a result of this podcast. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

So some differences in our opinions. Yeah. So the thing I noticed the most about how I've changed is we would talk a lot about like men and women and sometimes we still do. But like it it's. kind of uh we've definitely matured a lot more yes because it felt kind of like battle of the sexes i think that we were leaning a lot on like shock factor at the moment that's true a lot of it was very shock factor oriented and um just kind of like that like

slightly immature stance of like well men always want to fuck we also started talking a little bit more inclusively yes um instead of just kind of pandering to like a heterosexual relationship something that really stood out to me like in terms of just like differences in how we talked about things was um like how both you and I were like on this idea of like a weight distribution with dating people and that was like such like dating multiple people so that like it you don't get obsessed that's yeah because you listen we listen to different episodes today yeah yeah and like having a roster to keep yourself sane and then you met Mr. Liz like two episodes after that and I did not stay sane I remember texting you like weight distribution weight distribution Liz

and you were like I don't think I want to I don't think I'm gonna like anybody as much as I like this guy and that was fact and now here we are two years later yeah the rest is the rest is history and like now i'm at the point in my dating herstory fuck yeah let's get it women in stem let's get this straight uh yeah no like with myself like i was on the weight distribution train for like a year and a half after that and now and and also in that episode i was talking about like how much i just like wanted to fuck and it's like i've been very aware of how that's been changing for myself recently because like i'm not sometimes people will like hit me up for sex that like I used to just like fuck and I'm just like in the episode I was listening to in

the good word you were having a lot of realizations because we had already talked about um aftercare but you were having a lot of realizations of like what you needed after sex and the people that you were seeing at the time were just like the ways that they were falling short in that aspect and you're like also how come I feel bad because I knew what I was getting myself into yeah so just being able to learn and like recognize those things we've learned so much from each other and just like going we're just kind of going on this journey together and like sharing it with our listeners right and we're learning from them too absolutely and we're more like we're paying more attention to things that maybe we wouldn't have been paying attention to before like within

media and i definitely agree with a lot of the things i still agree with a lot of the things that maybe we thought earlier on like um you explicitly had said something like about the word like slut and how come there are all these words to describe women but there's not a male equivalent like um you would just put the word man in front of something in front of a board that has been pejorated to become to be offensive to women so man whore yeah yeah exactly so the like you talking about that later on um we learned more about that because i started reading that like feminist linguistics book and like yeah yeah we're just learning more and more together over time and we're paying attention like oh we've already talked about this so now in the position

we're in at episode 100 we're I would say we're significantly better advice givers like we are better at facilitating conversations in our own relationships as a result yeah um we've also helped other people and I yeah I think that like I don't want to like toot our own horn but it's our fucking 100th birthday beep beep it's our birthday we're gonna be beeping that horn I think that that's what's unique and I know that there are people that do podcasts similar to what we do but I think that that's what's unique about us too is like there are a lot of sex podcasts from professionals that you learn a ton through but this journey that we've been on through like learning about ourselves and like sex in general and how to have conversations and da da da da da

like that's that is such like a realistic journey that people go on as they're learning about sex and dating and we've just been doing it publicly so it's been an interesting thing to experience and be able to look back on and it's gonna be weird when we're recording episode 200 to look back on this and be like we didn't know shit yeah which is wild to think about I don't know I'm just like so fucking hyped to be like celebrating this now and knowing that it's just gonna keep changing yeah and if you're listening to this not in order god bless you if you go back to episode one because the audio is so bad yeah and the advice is better but not great i remember some people were giving us advice about our audio on after episode one and two came out and i was like fuck

you stay in your lane and now i'm listening back i'm like oh i gotta get it we could have used a tip or two thanks for that we were doing our best one thing i do think that you you also made a joke about this recently when uh uh season one Amelia would say like biological this is biological yeah a lot yes a lot all the time my three things um biologically based everything's a lesson or a blessing yep and I still say that and uh gut feelings are guardian angels yep which is still fucking true those last two things still true those those are some bangers still have not put them on merch it's biological biologically based I actually might because I started saying based whenever Liz says anything based I say based what I'm trying to think of season one Liz I was drunk

a lot um doing shrooms yeah doing shrooms a lot I and then I would say cunt a lot I need to bring that back yeah I agree it's something different now I've been hearing people say cunt and cunty as like like serving yeah I look so cunty today and I love that and I think we totally have the drag community to give oh yes yes um especially Beyonce's recent album there's uh the I think it's called pure honey or one of those combinations of words um but the background is like there's a part where it's like cunty cunty cunty cunty and Mr. Liz was like what are they saying and I was like I'm pretty sure they're saying cunty and he's like no no and then our friend looked it up and he's like yeah they're saying cunty and I don't think they like understand like drag like drag

house yeah music yeah um but I'm just not with the girlies though I just really love like what the drag community has done for like a million yes and like did you see that video of Rihanna at the drag show like flipping off the drag queen um so like i guess it's like a big compliment in ballroom to like be like fuck you when you're on stage because that means you're like killing it but people don't know that people don't have that context okay so there's this video of rihanna just like in a crowd like mouthing fuck you to this queen uh-huh and the queen was loving it because obviously that's a compliment but people were like what the fuck is wrong with rihanna but it's i love how she knows the ballroom etiquette she does that's queen yeah um yeah somebody commented on

one of my pictures the other or i posted two videos of myself one of me like being like sexy and the other of me just being like a fucking idiot and somebody commented um you're serving cunty and both queen cunty is like the new like who is she yes and i love that it's about time america got on the country she's serving cunt yes all can you serve cunt fucking day so i'll serve cunt the black community and the queer community do so much for like reclaiming words that have been pejorated to offend women specifically amen so thank you thank you for that uh mr liz should be here soon have we heard from him no i already served him up a shot before we started recording oh that might be him does he have a key yes you gave mr liz a cue i don't

have a key oh sploosh is running away hello it's time for us to introduce our special guest mr liz hello hi mr liz we're very excited to have you as a guest i'm so excited to be here oh are you really yeah this is fun oh okay you've been like the sasquatch you know like yeah everyone sam squint like i have i have a boyfriend he doesn't go here he doesn't go to this school just believe me just blurry pictures of me in the background that's exactly what it's been like um so we did what we're gonna do is we have a few uh listener questions for you um so we'll ask you a couple of those and then we have a uh an email from a listener that i figured it would be like fun if we had you here to help us give advice hell yeah question number

one if you could redo your first date with liz what would you have done differently so i was thinking about this today and this is super cheesy but i don't want to redo anything because i don't want to like split that timeline off you know like i feel like we're having so much fun and that's a good i don't want to like have some butterfly effect where i don't know we're not where we are now plus it was just like a super fun day it was do you tell the whole i have i have told the whole story so i went back and re-listened to the first couple of episodes where i talked about you um and for listeners maybe just joining in when i first met mr liz uh his nickname was brick house because his body is like a brick house and i wanted him to crush me

like the wicked witch of the west i remember that now slippers sticking out yeah crush me with your brick house body was what i said specifically um and then the episode i talked about i i kind of like high level talked about it uh but to to reiterate because i honestly can't remember everything we've said let me give the the high level notes i want you to do so uh i ordered and we shared two nachos right those are tater tot nachos whoa never heard of that ordered us jello shots i did do that and then we ultimately went back to your place and did mushrooms and you had to stay up until like three or four in the morning yeah i'm already like ill over this episode it was it was a really really fun first date

and i remember that uh one of mr liz's friends when he told them about our first date they were like this girl is a walking red flag which on paper that is fair on paper absolutely it's like yeah on our first date uh especially with your little kitty cam up in the corner that i was like what's that okay just filming you yeah so many people are so women i know who have cats are like i got a cat camera look at you can see my cats and then they show you you can watch their cat live but every man who would see the camera is like what's that for are you filming me it's for when i'm gone if like one of my cats gets sick or someone breaks into my apartment because i'm a woman so um i was like oh it must be peaceful to not think about that no kidding yeah but that was

our first date i and i wouldn't redo any of it either it was like hands down the best first date I've ever had as an outsider Liz I'm sure I've talked to you about this but Liz texted me I think when you were in the bathroom on the first date so high it was when we were still yeah at the bar and like this guy's really great yeah she was like I actually really I'm actually having like a really good time because like we had both been going on like a number of just like horrible horrible like comedically bad dates um just getting some content yeah right yeah we just put it as tax write-offs that's how we see dating is are you good enough content yeah and that's how everyone acts like i am when they date me like i'm gonna have you sign an nda but i think

that was also what was different about you as well with liz was like you were so like supportive and like down for the cause and like not judgy about like anything that because i know you were up front from the jump well he brought up the podcast first oh right because the social media it's like so you have a podcast and i was like so you listened to it and he had listened to a couple episodes before yeah i listened to a few episodes and then i was like if i listen to any more this will be weird because then i'm like i don't know too much yeah i'll know like way too much about you and then you won't know anything about me it'll be like this weird lopsided relationship what was your honest first take

before you met liz on the podcast um wait before i met liz on the podcast before you met me what was your date yeah um i thought you were really fun i was like it just confirmed that it seemed like it'd be a fun date and if i yeah thought differently i think i would have just canceled yeah if you're like this girl sucks and her opinions yeah can i tell an awkward first date story absolutely so i this person that i matched with like online invited me to go see their play and then go on a date and like during the play i was like i cannot go on a date with this person anymore and i just straight up left mr liz but i didn't do that with you because your content that is remarkable how come you have never told me i was just about to ask that we just had our

two year and i've never heard this i thought that i've told you that but that's so good wait what was the play i don't even remember you blocked it out yeah it was just some like local production i don't even think it was like a it wasn't a known play that's for sure i never heard of it not that i would know other plays besides very mainstream ones holy shit what was their role was it like a main character or supporting i think part of the problem was i thought the person who i was going to go on a date with was someone else earlier and i was like oh they're super cool like i like their energy you're not good at like you mix up numbers a lot did you think i was a different person when you showed up on our date no definitely not

uh that's really funny were they like was the ick like because they were not good at acting i think it was like compared to this other person who i thought it was i was just so much not into them that i was like were they both in the play yes yeah no yeah so okay no i'm i'm apparently explaining this wrong so you saw you saw someone who was like a very good actress yes and i thought that was the person yeah and then the person who i was exactly the person who i was actually supposed to go on a date on then came on stage and i was like ah god damn it and they were not good at acting got it uh it's not that they were not good at acting i was like i just not into this person that's just like such a you have to be so like confident to like be like

you should come to my play as our first date also for you to mix up the how do you mix them up did they look alike it's not like i knew this other person i just thought imagine just someone invites you to their play you've never seen them before and then you're trying to figure out who it is on stage and you think it's one person okay a little bit later it turns out to be someone else okay i guess that makes sense especially if you're like if you're not front of the stage yeah you can't really tell you're like i maybe it's them that's fair okay what a fucking nightmare and you're talking to two theater nerds right now dangerous territory i would never like i'm thinking like if i was still doing theater i would wait until i had like at least locked them

down before being like you want to come see my play yeah like what a straight especially like community theater which is like notoriously bad some some community theater fucking is really when they have like big budgets you know i've seen some community theater that is just like oh no oh my god i do feel very lucky growing up in vegas that the community theater was pretty that makes sense a lot of show people there yeah a lot of show people a lot of people who want to be performing on the strip um okay so i'll ask the next question uh what are some things your partner does that make you feel particularly loved loved or special i feel like all the little things you do for me are really nice um if it's just like bringing me

water or um making a meal that i like whenever liz says anything about you or like says anything that y'all have done together i'm like must be nice and now it's like just this running new catchphrase it's a running thing because i'm lonely but happy for y'all should i ask the next one yeah what what are your favorite and least favorite things about being a man i think this is like a caveat of like being like a tall man is that like people don't really bother me which i really appreciate hell yeah mr liz has seen people body check me like while i'm walking next to him and he's like have you tried being tall people like i just use him as a human shield yeah just like we'll like look straight through liz and not even realize that she's there and it's astounding

honestly i to be honest i haven't experienced so as much erasure as i have since dating him yeah because you're getting it like the extreme version of it he's kind of like a like a totem somehow like people are just kind of drawn to him and it's happened it happened a few times in a row where like people to instead of talking to me they'll direct the question or whatever to him i feel like there was something particularly egregious that happened uh we were at um a concert and a guy was like i love i love these pants like pointing to me but talking to him and he was like she dressed herself that was ridiculous that was that and then something else like similar to that happened uh oh oh last year when we were on summer vacation a guy was in line

we were in line at like an Amish food place and we were like we were waiting to order food for lunch basically and this old man comes up behind Mr. Liz and I went closer to the menu to see what it said and like I'm coming back and he's like you should teach your girlfriend how to cook and I was just like what the fuck I didn't even know what to say and he immediately jumped in yeah i was just like she cooks way better than i do so yeah i think we're pretty covered and then he just kept on talking directly to me even though he was like kind of indirectly like asking you questions yeah but you you also you were like she actually teaches me how to cook or something and then he was like women don't teach their sons to cook anymore because they want their sons to

get married and then yeah obviously like we're like fuck off what a slime ball he's just a kind of an old out of touch man um what's your least favorite part of being a man yeah i feel like there are so few bad sides like complaining would be just like complaining for the sake of complaining it's a self-aware man right there i would say like when you get lumped in with like a group of problematic dudes and everyone just assumes that you're also problematic or like uh another guy might think you're like in the boys club as well and just like make a joke or do something annoying and thinking that you're just gonna back them up and you're like god damn it guy like we're not doing this now we gotta figure out how to get

out of this yeah uh do you have an example of something like that i was in a meeting um a few jobs ago where it was like i was younger by like a decade at least from everyone else in there and they were just making this like the most like uncomfortable weird jokes it was like right when like the kevin spacey stuff broke oh shit and they were just like making just like kevin spacey rape jokes about like little boys and i was like what the fuck is happening right now like we're supposed to be like doing this art review and waiting for like the ceo to show up and i just have to sit here listening to your stupid ass like creepy jokes not saying anything because i don't want to like have it would be the room against me you know yeah you don't want retaliation in your place

of work yeah yeah in in retro i mean that place had a lot of toxic people in retrospect i wish i was a lot more forward with what i was thinking because i left anyway it's really it's tough and that's i guess that's true because you left anyway but like it's tough in business situations because like i mean we have the challenge right we have the challenge of needing to like go along with you know like if we feel uncomfortable and then like men have the challenge of like feeling like they have to be like buddy buddy with the dudes like it's all kind of like a social climbing thing which fucking blows but that's the way that it is i didn't get to hear what your favorite part of mr liz's but mr liz answered uh about what his favorite part of you is what he does that

makes me feel loved and special oh god like where do i even start to be honest um i think this happens over and over again where i'm really nervous about like bringing up something to you that's like been on my mind or like weighing me down or bothering me and then when i do bring it up to you like you just show a lot of empathy and compassion and like are you don't ever react how i'm like prepared for you to react like and uh he always has like the best most understanding and thoughtful answer and then my mom is like are you mad and then he's like no i'd be mad at you and i've never prepared even though the the same thing happens every time where he is has the best response i like could have never predicted i'm like this will either go like one

way or this way and it doesn't ever go either of those ways and i'm like i didn't even know there was a third way and it's the best way so i think um also there's just so much that he knows about me and like my um childhood and stuff like that that like he's just always in my corner and it's nice having someone in your corner but so i'm being coach boyfriend yeah he's a good coach boyfriend yeah he also helps me like do things that might be out of my comfort zone and he's really supportive about it too like skiing and this weekend when i jumped off the rope swing he was waiting at the bottom for me and cheering me on the whole time um what else have you helped me do outside of my comfort zone uh negotiate job offers true

Yeah, I'll like be spiraling about something and he is easy to find an answer. Backing into a parking spot. Yeah, backing into a parking spot. That requires a lot of moral support. It was in Ballard, right? Did that answer your question? Yeah, I fucking regret asking. No, I'm just kidding.

How can men guide other men to be better allies to women? Honestly, to be better allies in general. i think part of it would be like trying to get more comfortable with like speaking up when it matters like if someone says something that you don't agree with like taking the time and space to even if it's not in the moment but like later on uh to be like hey like it was kind of weird that you said this and here's why and like here's how to look at it from a different angle and what you could have done or said instead and i think especially if it's a friend they'll appreciate that and if they're not receptive to that then you don't really need to be spending your time

with that person amen i think that's the hardest part is knowing that or like when you get to that point cutting that person off yeah because we see it happen all the time in media like if someone's really awful there's gonna be some there's gonna be several people who are like well he was nice to me and i know him and he's my friend and then continue to like disbelieve women or discredit them or not take it seriously and then we're on the outside watching this like how could you continue to be friends with them but then in your day-to-day life you see it happen all the time like i know i can think of one specific person you and i both know where like people continue to maintain friendships with him and you're like but why yeah yeah so and then it's the same kind

of like mental application of like well I know him and he's like people are multifaceted and we can accept that but if that person isn't going to learn from their mistakes and change then maintaining a friendship with them is questionable at best and enabling it yeah it definitely enables it because it's like they're not going to suffer any consequences these are really good questions it's honestly most of them i only took out the ones that were for cats i can answer for the cats i speak for the beans um how many biscuits a day do you make how many biscuits oh i see uh i make about a dozen in the morning oh yeah it's a productive ass day okay what's your favorite memory with liz uh i think your birthday last year and we went to

port townsend it was like the best spooky vibes there it was fall and so port townsend in general has this kind of ethereal vibe to it and then we stayed in this really beautiful victorian house that was for sure haunted and just like but like in a cool way walking around at night and all like the leaves are blown around we went to some cool restaurants and a bunch of different like thrift stores and antique shops and it's really fun i was actually thinking about that the other day um because i was thinking about it has a um what is it like a calendar like it had a solar calendar yeah this like stained glass skylight that it had it was wild and it had these beautiful like original paintings and it had like the seasons and it's supposed to be like

when the sun sets like the season lights up or something it was so fucking yeah it was like this fresco in the top of this um turret basically and the windows lined up so like that season's sunset would yeah like Liz said illuminate whatever scene was painted there that's fucking awesome and uh we got a tour when we first got there the owner was like definitely some sort of artsy kind of burner dude he had an interesting name cool tattoos dressed in like work wear and he said that well like he was explaining why the house is like this fucking giant ass house because we weren't the only people staying there um they had multiple rooms and you would stay in room um and what he was showing us he was explaining that like uh victorian homes you'll

see a lot of these like giant ass like extravagant homes because they were uh they were building them to show off what they could do so this is kind of just like a show house essentially and the um architect who like designed it and had it built is the one who lived there and he had a wife and kid one kid and then a bunch of live-in um workers yeah basically like a staff to just be able to take care of the house because how big it was yeah so holy shit yeah very what a cool place to stay how did you find this did you just like look up i was just looking at cool airbnbs and there and then when i saw that i was like oh hell yeah i love this it just like reminded me of over the garden wall the whole time we were there because it was october those little night deers

scared the shit out of me night deer they're just like all these deer just hanging out in the dark eating apples and stuff uh-huh creepy friends it was just like a yeah it was really fun that's a good one good answer liz what's your favorite memory with mr liz i don't want to pick just one but i um i'll name one of them um and i think maybe it comes to mind because we were recently talking about it last year for our like one year anniversary we went to portland to recreate our like third date kind of um so or like i don't know just to kind of like do it again and this time he got to take the train with me because last time i took the train to meet him and he got me a liz box oh yeah and it was just all of the these little things that he thought

i would like that he had kind of like found um i love that yeah and it was all like the best gifts and as someone who's not like very good at giving gifts like it takes a lot of mental energy for me to think of like a good gift so i was pretty insecure when he gave me all the best gifts ever um but it was a lot of fun just like getting to go to portland with him again and then we got massages and um we like kind of met some interesting people and um we went to like a really cool bar after we ate mushrooms on that date too i mean we've done that a few times but uh yeah we went to like a bar and it was just i remember just like laughing so hard yeah we like closed it out oh i'll ask you one

short question okay how tall do you feel um i would say medium tall medium and then until until I'm around either like a bunch of short people and I realize that I'm just kind of I'll like have really bad posture or try to kind of like I'll I'll stand with a wider stance so overall I'm lower down and I realize I'm doing that and I'm like okay maybe maybe I'm kind of tall how tall is medium tall if you were to put like a number on it uh oh I don't know 5'11". Yeah, like a 5'11". That's a good, that is, that is pretty medium tall. The subject line of this is, um, help situationship. Shouldn't we be having more sex? Uh, hello Liz and Amelia. I'm emailing because I need your help to make a decision about my current relationship status. And because I'm

an organized Capricorn, here's a list of the facts. I am a 27 year old Portuguese girl living in Paris, France I don't have a lot of dating experience because of life circumstances and I'm a demisexual so I can't feel sexually attracted to someone unless we have an emotional connection this led me to still be a virgin at 27 I have tried dating apps on and off in the past with no luck but this January I met a really cute French guy 32 years old and he took my virginity so we had sex on our second date because I felt a really good connection with him but also because I kind of just wanted to get it done with shame of being a virgin and fear of missing out etc he was always respectful on our dates didn't touch me or even tried to kiss me but was

flirty and looked at me in a way that made my panties wet lol um so I made a move and asked if he wanted to come back to my place he was surprised but pretty eager I hadn't told him about being a virgin but I decided to tell him when we started getting hot and heavy he took a moment and told me he didn't want to hurt me and that he didn't want to be in a relationship i told him i understood and i still wanted to do it i just didn't want him to ghost me after he was very gentle it was pretty great and the days after he was asking how i was doing we went on other dates etc everything was going well i even slept at his house but then he started to say he was busy with work or moving and we spent like a month not seeing each other but he still

kept messaging me i freaked out several times because as i've come to find out i have an anxious attachment style and he is an avoidant yikes so i handed things and blocked him for the whole month of march we got back in touch in april because i missed him and checked his profile on the dating app so he saw and messaged me but i told him we're only doing sex dates because i didn't want to get attached again so my question is should i continue seeing him because i feel really good when i'm with him and he's pretty good to me i like the attention the sex is great he makes me feel good about my body i know he is attracted to me he's the only one usually hitting me up sending me pics normally normal and naughty ones lol and asking if i feel like hooking up but then he

doesn't come through and i can i can spend months not seeing him he also tell he also keeps telling me to go have fun with other guys because he also sees other girls we're not exclusive no doubt because I because he doesn't want the responsibility of having to deal with my needs but I'm not like that I can I can't sleep with several dudes at the same time I know I want a relationship but I also know that he doesn't and I don't want to force him and I'm okay with just having sex but we're not even doing that at a consistent rate and I realized I'm a very physical person so I kind of go through withdrawals when I'm away from him for too long I don't know what to think is it normal for friends with benefits to only see each other every two months shouldn't

me have sex more often if he really is interested why does he keep wanting to sext and invite me to hook up but then cancels and what should i do sorry for the long email and thank you so much for your help i have so many thoughts me too what if she talked to him about it that's a good place to start you can just say i love seeing you but i'd love to have some some level of commitment even if we're not in a relationship like you canceling all the time is something that like i'm not really cool with amelia well i mean speaking as somebody that has been in this situation so you have so many times especially i mean music man was this is like such this is exactly like music man um and communication is a huge piece of it i think like it's so easy to

i think the longer that we keep things inside our heads a the more power it gets and b the more we spiral about it because we're like trying to fill in the gaps of like what does this mean what is he thinking how does he feel and like our brains don't like not having answers to shit so we're just gonna like fill it in with how like what makes sense for us to think and it's almost never what we actually expect which goes back to what you were saying about like you know when i bring things up to mr liz like he always says what i don't expect him to say or like reacts how i don't expect him to react it's because we're always coloring this shit with like our own frame of reference so it's always so much easier when you just like get it

out of your head and that takes a lot of practice um and I know that you mentioned a few times in this email that like you're new to this kind of setup um but communication is numero uno for sure I think with anyone that you are choosing to like have sex with you should just already like have an open line of communication absolutely and I do have to say so first I'm gonna start by asking something my therapist has asked me that is helpful which is what do you want what do you want what do you want out of this situation ship do you want to be in a relationship with him because my personal advice is i think that they should stop talking to this guy ultimately i think that's going to be the move i think i think that she should stop talking to

this guy because there's a lot of reasons well i would say not i would say if if she has a honest conversation or if they have an honest conversation with him and say hey i'm down to keep on hooking up but i'd like to have a little bit more level of consistency you know it's not like we have to like have a set schedule but i just can't be consistently being flaked on if he's not responsive to that then i for sure would cut ties yeah it's definitely worth at least having like an honest conversation about but in general so what i'm gathering is like you know the first time he had sex with someone was traumatizing for him emotionally because he wanted to be in a relationship with this person and they did not want to be with him so now he doesn't want to

get emotionally attached to anybody that he is decade later yeah and i i hate to say this but a decade into his life he's not gonna change that just like because of one person he has to choose to want to change i don't think any one person is going to be like you know we all like to think we're special and be like i can change him no you can't change anyone they have to want to change themselves i i had to want to get more pillows for my bed you get it we had the opportunity and now now how do you feel about having more pillows i love my pillows and then you try to steal them the pillows i picked out uh-huh this is the thing i was just having a conversation

with no name i feel like now his name on the podcast is no name um it's a good one about he was he was flaming me for having so many pillows but then he was talking about how he always goes through like the process of picking which pillow is best and it's better to have options no there you go you feel supported i'm gonna bring this back i feel like mr liz doesn't want me to stay the night now because he doesn't want to have to share his pillows i'm just gonna have to get more pillows because i've gotten used to having them i was okay with just sleeping with two pillows just for myself and now i'm like a easily could have three pillows going on yeah through all of college my ex had my mom calls them focaccia pillows they're like really thin pillows he had one and

we shared it cardboard all through college i just started bringing my own pillow over because i was like this is fucking i used to bring my own pillow over and then when i would forget it i'd have a meltdown so we decided that it was time to it's time for add another pillow to invest yeah um anyways back back to the listener i like shifting kind of like what we're talking about here just in terms of the email like the subject line of like situationship shouldn't we be having more sex it's different situationship to situationship for sure like i got caught up in that with music man specifically where i was like shouldn't we be fucking more but like he was that just like wasn't what we had agreed to like that wasn't we had never discussed that i just wanted to be

so i was like something's wrong we should be doing this more but like every situation is different from situation to situation so there's no like set rules that's true you're kind of like the situation ship queen yeah you you know more about them and how they operate but to this user or listener specifically like if you know you're demisexual you don't have to like you don't have to change who you are for this one guy amen you if you know that you like need to have a romantic a connection with someone and you want a relationship you don't have to settle for something that isn't exactly what you want and if this is like the first person you've really had this experience with there are so many other people out there who you can date and meet

and this guy is taking up that time and space that you could be using to like meet someone who actually will treat you how you want to be treated and it's it feels better to be alone and happy with yourself than spending all your time and energy focusing on someone who you're just like waiting for them to treat you the way you want to be treated because someone out there will you just have to like wait and also like trust your gut like not settle yeah don't settle for someone who makes you feel anything less than how you want to feel yeah that's not to say that like relationships are are always going to come with their own challenges but by the time you get to that point you'll be ready for it he is being so naughty today i've never heard him this verbose

two of his favorite people are here so if you are feeling chaotic so much of the time like that's just like an awful feeling and this is coming from someone that is like in my baseline it's exciting for like a couple my baseline is chaos so like i get it and like i understand like how exciting it is to like be into someone that kind of makes you feel chaotic because my mom always says the better they make you the worst they can make you feel you know like they're just like it's so true like when somebody makes you really really happy they have the capacity to make you really really sad because if you didn't care then you wouldn't care you know no one yeah what'd you say trust no one trust no one that's terrible advice i do have to say like also if you know

if you're anxiously attached and you are aware that this person is avoidant and like this person doesn't seem to be aware that they're avoidant he also doesn't seem to be like willing to change at this point and he also doesn't know how you feel so that's like a that's like a lot of things working against you at this point so i think it's worth at least having a conversation first you need to get really clear with yourself about what your boundaries are and what you want and when you go into having this conversation with him don't negotiate your needs and your wants true like just know that like if you're if your needs aren't going to be met if he's not willing to meet them then that's then close the book like it's done and then you can go date other people and i like

i don't know when i was single i liked like kind of gamifying dates like i wasn't i wasn't on dating apps because i wanted to be in a relationship i was on dating apps because i was bored and i was like what is the what can i say to other people that will be funny to me and if they're if it was interesting like interesting back and forth for a few minutes then i'd be like okay let's meet up for a date unless you're mr liz and then i'm like hey to your bit hey hot guy answer me you're not allowed to ignore me because i'm not used to that well like i mean going back as well to what you were saying about bringing things up to mr liz like he he might surprise you when you bring it up he clearly already wants to talk to you about things because he opened up about his first

experience so he feels comfortable with you yeah and like i think you might learn a lot from talking to him about it either he's going to react horribly and like that's an answer that you need to have now or he's going to be great and you're going to be glad that you brought it up with him so it's like really at the end of the day like it's going to be it's a win-win situation for you and you can all you can lead with empathy and still stand your ground i think this is a this is a good place to end i am so grateful that we've made it to 100 and like it sounds whenever i hear like any sort of content creator being like i wouldn't be here without you i'm like shut the fuck up but like now that i'm here i'm like that's actually so fucking true especially

with the podcast we literally wouldn't be here without literally wouldn't be here we wouldn't be on the network that we're on now we wouldn't have made it to 100 we wouldn't i mean like you and I would still be like talking like this just without microphones yeah so it's dope that like y'all have been along for the ride as Liz said earlier we've learned so much from you and I just feel really lucky to be able to do this like it contributes so much to both of our lives in ways that I don't think that we expected it to when we first started um and I don't know I just yeah I just feel really lucky to be able to do this so thank you for sticking with us for 100 and if you're new thank you for being here now because that's cool too um I think my bottom line is also

like um if something if you start doing something that's fun I don't know like stick with it like we didn't know that this is where we would end up with this so far and it has changed our lives in like ways that aren't uh you wouldn't know like just from listening to the podcast yeah yeah it's changed our lives outside of the podcast as well it really has so just um follow that creative pursuit and you can still have a full-time job and do something fun on the side but not sleep it'll be hard yeah cry a lot i'm just kidding yeah but yeah no i'm not kidding yeah highs and to everything it's great um but yeah we we love you so much we say that every episode but we really do and thank you for getting us to 100 episodes that's fucking dope that's a lot of

episodes it really is and thank you for listening to our annoying ass voices thank you mr liz for joining us for 100 this is such a treat yeah i was so excited that you agreed to do this this was fun um so you're gonna take the baritone note when we sing our outro oh oh yeah that's perfect all right am i harmonizing with you you're harmonizing with me we we sing we love you our children and then we just kind of find it you'll find a note yeah do you want me to do the starting note if i can do that he's you how do you want to start with the baritone i'm borderline tone deaf so i don't know if i should be if you just if you just start just sing a note we love you our children that was beautiful that's good that was actually beautiful well

you're supposed to sustain children okay oh children because that's how we've always done it we we find our notes that's like the hardest that's the hardest we like a challenge here on the holy hour sing it uh children no sing we love you our children we love you our children beautiful that was great nice