The Hoely Hour - E101 Butt Weasel Renaissance

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

Have you ever been called a shish-kabob (derogatory)? Amelia and Liz talk about their experiences with friendship breakups at every age and give advice to a listener in a long-distance friend dilemma. Liz shares a little known kink on a widely popular TikTok account, and Amelia shares listener's dirty little secrets...  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms fallud sounds like a um like a std medication it does sti my apologies wait what's the difference you're not supposed to call it std anymore why i don't know that's just like not the accepted term for it anymore because like infection yeah i guess it makes more kinder than disease well an infection goes like you can get rid of it yeah a disease can you get rid of a disease i mean i guess you can can you can you think of a disease that you can get rid of um crones you can't get rid of that what else this is why we're not doctors

this is why we're just like blindly confidently recording this podcast like you can cure diseases but i don't know can you who's to say i don't know who's to say we'll leave that we'll leave the doctoring to the doctors yeah slide into our dms tell us if you can cure diseases well yeah you must because there's something called incurable diseases which yeah so that that suggests the existence of curable exactly exactly okay welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia sanson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen

ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com i have been sitting on this information for so long just waiting to tell you I almost texted it to you and I was like no no no I'm gonna write it down are you serious how long have you been waiting to tell me this like three weeks holy shit I know that's so long for me I can't wait a day to tell you shit well because I thought it would be fun to talk about when we're recording yeah um and it wasn't urgent but I recently learned I think I was listening to another podcast where they were like they mentioned this but have you seen the tiktoks where they make like that couple makes all the like nasty food um i think

the one that really blew up was she like made like nachos on the countertop yes but she's always making something like that is like kind of gross and then occasionally she'll make something that looks good but like she'll make like disgusting ass food and then her husband's recording it and he's like well what's that babe and he makes all these dumb ass jokes that aren't funny um they're just like dad jokes and they look like they're in like a miserable relationship if you know what i'm talking about you know um i wish i knew the handle because i've only seen people commentating on these cooking videos yeah yeah so i found out that's a kink like watching like a beautiful woman make all this nasty food that's a kink and then another layer of it is the guy being involved

somehow so him being like the point of view person with his like hands and stuff what yeah does it have a name i'm sure it does i have no idea what it is damn there really is a kink for everything truly so that's how like that's why they make all this weird content on tiktok because that's how you can like get discovered and then they can go like to your only fans or something oh my god i know i have so many questions and i'm also speechless i when i when i was like listening to people talk about it i might have even heard it on my on my favorite murder and i was like holy shit that makes so much sense and also i never would have thought of that so the kink itself is just watching someone make disgusting food and like a woman like getting her hands

dirty making something gross i guess that makes sense the more that i'm sitting very niche the more that i'm letting it marinate so to speak that was that was a cooking joke for those of you don't know how to cook for those of you keeping score but i thought classic amelia zinger remember me this way uh that makes a lot of sense to me because like i know food is like a big part of sex there's like a lot of like sexual connotations like food related yeah and so many foods are shaped like dicks yeah and i feel like that's on purpose i exclusively eat phallic food what if you were on a diet that was only phallic shaped food i am sorry i only eat foods

that are shaped like a penis um hot dogs i feel obstacles there has to be bananas there's a pun there's a pun here i'm gonna figure it out see we figured it out we figured it out yeah it's been a long day for we talked through it yeah amelia is jet lagged as hell she flew home last night and then i just haven't been able to sleep and if you know you know the the girlies who can't sleep know that sometimes you just you have a week or two where you're just laying awake a whole a whole week what is that i don't know i i like to think maybe it's like hormone hormonal related but i don't know it must be i think it's because i just know i deep down in my gut i know i have a lot to do this week so it's like sleeping god that's so fucking time traveling to do more shit

wow that's so that's all that sleep is yeah it's time travel damn you're just time traveling to be busy again wow fuck sleeping you heard it here first folks this is this no sleep revolution yeah or like move to a planet where there are longer nights for me to sleep oh you know alaska's like dark more hours i need more hours in a day oh even though time is just a construct i the the work schedule was created like the nine to five was invented like so long ago like for farmers uh well did you know that like um the five-day work week like workers unions had to fight for that to get that way back in the day to yeah to have to work five days a week instead of six while you're at it we all we all hate this none of us like this no but

i think we need to have a bit of a way bit of a revolution yeah maybe a little update on that should we like lead lead the cause it's starting here the main topic so many people requested this and we ended up having to like table it last episode our 100th episode and save it for the future um and we're finally addressing this request so many of you requested talking about friendship breakups because we've talked about all kinds of relationships and relationship problems but not friendship problems um do you have like any big experiences you can think of off the top of your head about friend breakups i have one um i had a friend in high school who i'm sure i've talked about her before because she was like a big like

like a proponent of my uh body issues she was a proponent in furthering my body so i'm sure i've mentioned her but this friend was now i can look back on at her and understand like the familial trauma that she had like now that i'm older and like understand her parents better or her mom specifically she put her under a lot of stress and this friend then would like turn that around and like deflect it on to me but she would like we were going on vacation together for spring break senior year and I know you've told me this story but I'm having such a hard time remembering if you've told this story on the podcast maybe I have I don't know we talk about so much shit maybe this is maybe you're hearing this for the second time but but she I was eating a sandwich

at lunch and she was like shouldn't you be dieting before vacation I was like and you're like bitch we're 11 how old are you it was either junior or senior year of high school I'm pretty sure it was junior year because I stopped talking to her senior year I had literally never thought about dieting until I was in college right yeah I mean like I was always so like obsessed with like how thin i was or how not thin i was growing up so like it was just like devastating to me in that moment like if somebody said that to me now i'd be like wow that's super fucked but i'd like move on it like ate away at me and then well we that's also a time where like i i recently tweeted this everything around food and diet targeted at women specifically was just literally a how-to guide

to have an eating disorder it was an introduction to eating disorders everywhere you looked there was no safe place for us no you're not the only one who struggled with that yeah for sure the final straw with this friend was um we were on a different vacation together and she like we needed to walk somewhere and there were like a lot of rocks between where we were going and where we were and i didn't have shoes and so she put me on her back and we like went across the rocks and then her mom like called for her to do something and she was like i don't want to walk back over there mom i just had to carry this fat ass across the rocks and i was like if i ever like ruined such a cute friend moment first of all and if i ever said anything like that about a friend

especially in front of my mom she would have smacked me i know my mom has never hit me and i don't doubt she would i think she would have used that that as her one and only time of smacking the shit out of me yeah my mom would have verbally um she'd be like are you fucking joking she's like we're leaving we're leaving forever yeah no it was not cute and then i had a friend who's still my friend today um who was always like why are you guys still friends with her she's fucking awful and i was like oh she's like she doesn't know better and still to this day that friend is like I fucking told you guys I told you I was senior year of high school and she's still like remember when I said like years before that that like you guys shouldn't be friends with her like yes

I know but that's really the only like friendship breakup that I've had which was really how did the fallout happen we just stopped inviting her places which is like pretty fucked up but like she was really mean and she was really really mean to all of us it wasn't even like a she was like a little petty she was like straight up mean so we all just like kind of just stopped inviting her places and then how did she end up in your friend group in the first place she was like grandfathered in by who by another one of our friends she was like fun to begin with you know like for the first like bit she's one of those like at arm's length friends but um she's the one whose mom messaged me like a couple of months ago I was about to bring that up and say do you

want to talk about that yeah I mean I can I'll talk I'll just give a little high level so I got a message from this girl's mom on facebook a few months ago and she was basically like apologizing for like something that didn't happen like it was like not it was like the friend had told her maybe like a half truth like she kind of used me as the scapegoat oh do you want to tell all the oh god that's such good tea no so i remember okay because i was like shook so was the mom was having an affair oh my god that's right you went on vacation the mom was having an affair with like some other guy and then when you guys stopped being friends your mom was like why aren't you friends with Amelia anymore and then she was like because she thought it was inappropriate that you

were like having an affair or something oh my god that's how did I fucking forget that and I mean like when you when you think about it this girl was really put through hell yeah and she was taking it out on all of her friends right exactly that was really i mean and part of me is like i mean good for her for like kind of being divisive in this circumstance to prove to her mom like you you really fucked with my childhood the reason i lost friends is because how you treated me i treated friends yeah and then they left me yep absolutely she definitely went to therapy which good because like I can't imagine growing up in that environment and her mom was always like making her diet and like now that I'm older like I said at the beginning of the story kids be kids

yeah she just like really put a lot of the shit that she was going through at home on me and I mean like all of us but like specifically the diet stuff on me she was like insecure about her ears and so she would like she started making fun of another one of her friends ears like now that I'm and that friend still has insecurities being insecure about ears yeah and she doesn't even have anything there's nothing wrong with her ears but it's like ears are ears ears are ears anyway so like I'm older now obviously I feel it in all of my joints when I can't sleep but when I wake up sore from walking yeah oh my god I tried to sleep on the airplane yesterday and I still I feel it today I'm too old for this life but anyway I can

understand her a little bit better so that's the one friend breakup that I had but I've realized as i've gotten older like how much i put up with like shitty friend behavior to avoid friend breakups you you really do yeah i'm gonna say that as one of your friends yeah i do notice that i just i'm way too forgiving it really i mean i've been doing it my whole life so like i used to have that was like someone could be a literal red flag and be like oh come on yeah i don't have enough red come on over let's just uh let's see maybe they'll change fuck around and find out but um it is kind of like it's something that i've been trying to work like be better at not just like not even breaking up with friendships but just not reaching out to people that i don't

feel like are good for me because like before i'd just be like well it's been a while since i've seen them and like i'm usually really sad when i'm around them but i'm just still gonna hit them up and I've stopped doing that why do you think you would do that anyways um I don't know I think it was like a a self-worth thing for a while where it was just like the like quantity of my friendships was more important to me than the quality of my friendships for a really long time um and I think honestly like it was because I needed to stay busy all the time and now that I don't have that I've realized like who I actually want to like give my energy to because I value my alone time so much now that like when I hang out with someone it's very intentional I also think

like you're such a kind person that I can also see like little Amelia being such a like bright-eyed bushy-tailed girl who wants to be friends with people and then when they're mean to you it's confusing yeah and you're like you want to continuously prove like that you're a lovable person because of these traumatizing friendships when you have when you're younger and it even when you get older that's like such a fucking annoying thing about therapy is like you can learn about why you feel a way like because of something that happened in your childhood and you think the knowing is going to solve it but it doesn't the knowing does not resolve the feeling no it really doesn't then you're moving through life and you're like I want to do this

thing that I used to do like I want to hold on to these shitty friendships I want to reach out to these people who were bad friends to me but I know I shouldn't but now I don't know what to do because the feeling is still here yeah absolutely I was literally recently talking to my therapist about the same exact thing like it's last week it's truly it's like I something my therapist always says to me is what makes you so important and like when she first started saying that to me I was like um everything I am makes me so important but like it's a good thing to level set like not everyone is hyper focusing on what you're doing exactly exactly and I'm so sensitive that like I I've gotten less sensitive but I was so sensitive for a while that like I felt like if

I wasn't hanging out with someone or wasn't reaching out it was like ruining their day you know and I was like I don't want to ruin their day you do so much to make sure that like everyone is happy so that's how I get my happiness too is like the people around me being happy but then it's like when I start dedicating that time to people that don't deserve it yeah but and making it your responsibility to make everyone happy that's not your job right totally it's also like like you mentioning little Amelia I remember being in kindergarten and I used to like refuse to go to recess because me and my friend Erin who I just found on Facebook boy Aaron or girl girl Aaron um she would always pick fights with me she's girl Aaron okay yeah she would always

pick fights with me on the playground and so I just I didn't want to go to recess anymore I just like wouldn't go I would just sit in the classroom instead because I just didn't want to get in fights anymore because i would associate being on the playground with fighting and like i remember how traumatizing that was for me because did she want to like physically fight like wrestle like be mad at me for like stupid shit but every single day at recess it was like a thing and so i i just stopped going starts at such a young age it does being the passive aggressive behavior uh it's awful i know i do have to say like even though like i know i know we criticize men and all if not most of it is valid criticism super based but reality girls are also toxic as hell

yeah girl friendships are tough i mean everyone knows that it's just it all comes with like age and knowing yourself because when you have when you're in tune with that gut instinct you can sense when someone is like the vibes suck you know you're like I don't know there's something about you and then you observe and you see them like cause all these fucking conflicts in their

life and you're like I knew yes that's what I do but I think it's because my childhood was filled with like like growing up in a Mormon community and not being Mormon really fucking suck my friendships were often very like you know you're left with

like people who aren't who might have like shitty parents um because although the mormon community can be fake as hell like they do have a lot of like safety and values in place that my parents would you know they're my parents were the kind of parents that would be like we have to go meet the parents before you can go over there or before you can stay the night and then you're a kid you're like oh why that's so embarrassing and then you get older and you're like oh because adults are fucking terrible yes they're creepy and weird god that's so true i never thought about how like valid that is that our parents wanted to well and my parents had parents who were like

get the fuck out of my house you know yeah they're like whatever i hope you come home when when it gets dark like they weren't checking in on our parents you know yeah parents especially my parents grew up in the midwest so they're just like please go outside and only come home for dinner has society just gotten like that much shittier that like we can't let kids like i mean a lot of those kids were being kidnapped and murdered so you know it was peak it was peak uh a serial killer time when they were kids so it's a miracle they're here in the first place my mom was like you'd always have like a weird friend who would like glom on to me um there was one girl she especially disliked uh she was just like a compulsive liar that was like my first like

really shitty friend that i had in elementary school i can't remember specifics because that was more than half of my life ago but i just remember her being like a compulsive liar and then in middle school she lied to her mom that her dad raped her because she was mad at him so her mom is like calling the police and like they're doing an investigation and then it starts to get too out of hand and she was like mom i lied i was just mad at dad and then she was like are you fucking kidding me like holy shit i know so i oh i remember in middle school a kid this is really terrible he um died in an avalanche jesus and in nevada had like that's so rare it's it's like near las vegas it's the only mountain we have where you can like go snow snowboarding

or skiing and an avalanche had he was on the ski lift and it locked onto his snowboard and pulled him down yeah oh my god so what the fuck then when we learned about it like i think it happened over the weekend and we were back at school and everyone was talking about it like did you hear so and so died in an avalanche this weekend and she went from she went from i don't know this person to the end of the day she was like we were best friends she was yeah so she's like that kind of sociopath what the fuck i know what she's up to now no she tried to add me on facebook like after college and i was like fuck you you're you're a terrible person no i want to see what she looks like after we record she looks very normal yeah perfectly normal i want to know

i think she's married now so i don't know what her issue i'm i'm pretty sure i don't know what her new last name is but i it's us we can find her yeah we'll get to the bottom of it sleuthing um but the only friendship breakup i can really think of was um my freshman year of college my freshman year of college was catty mean girl hell these two girls created like the most toxic environment in our entire fucking hall so um i ended up being the target of their bullying and i have never like mind you have like really never been bullied in my life i was a pretty like tough girl i was just like not prepared to be like bullied like this and i almost like i was looking at transferring schools because of it i had talked to what kind of shit were they doing um just like

regular mean girl shit like lying about stuff and then like um my roommate was really annoying and i lied to her about going out of town when i was just staying in someone else's room for the weekend and then they told her yeah and then i was like well okay you're acting all high and mighty when you were in the the room with me laughing your asses off and like making fun of her they like told her and she was like she's super naive and was just like really sad and i was like i didn't do it i didn't you just didn't catch on that we were like joking and then we just didn't clear it up and i was like yeah i was just staying down the hallway but it's not a big deal like i didn't do this to like purposefully be vindictive i just wanted to stay in my friend's

room yeah with her right and then these they just made it into like a whole thing that it was wouldn't have been and the whole hallway was just like fighting with each other the girl across from me had literally the same first and last name like what are the chances what the hell and she threatened her to kill her roommate what the fuck and i can't remember why so me and the girl who was threatened moved into a room on a different floor um because we're like fuck this we're out and so she and I became really close because you like you know this is what literal trauma bonding is you know you're bonding about the trauma that you both are enduring and um yeah we were both kind of victims of these mean girls so we became close and um then by the second semester she was

really hyper focused on like popularity and having in college yeah it was very uh what's what's the right word for like immature you know what i mean immature is the right word no yeah but it's just kind of like that focus sophomoric yeah it is sophomoric she wanted to be in the most popular sorority she wanted to have a lot of money she was obsessed with like being blonde um which reminds me there was you know how you can do the highlights with the bald cap or like the cap and you pull it out so I was doing her highlights because like I liked how that looked and my mom would do that for me when I was in high school um and I was like it turns out great even though it looks like bananas right now so we were doing that and she wanted a ton of highlights so we're

doing every single hole and the fire alarm goes oh she has this fucking cap on and the hair sticking out and we look at each other like you're fucking joking right and so we're like scrambling around and we find like a beanie and we put it over her and then she's outside like oh my god i'm like thank god we didn't actually put this stuff on your head yet like my god yeah that would have fried off her hair because we were just like what the fuck do we do and it's your freshman year like people are just pulling the fire alarm because they're drunk right anyways she felony she like started to become friends with girls who like i just didn't really know them i didn't like have class with them so i didn't hang out with them you know i also had like a group of friends in

my sorority like loosely so um she went from just like kind of not inviting me to stuff and um just like not talking to me and being like passive aggressive and then I confronted her and I was like we're just like not as close as we used to be like what's going on and she's like I'm allowed to have other friends Liz and I'm like bitch what like how is this like about me now I know I'm just trying to like we used to get along so well and then like now you're like kind of a cunt like oh god I hate when like you get really close to someone and then you see their true colors that's scary yeah it's she just and i should have sensed it early on like she was just really shallow and we yeah we bonded over something shitty that happened but like the only times we really got

along is if we were talking shit yeah damn and you get to a point where you're like okay i don't care about that anymore like i just i don't i love some hot gossip love it always have always will but when it's just being mean that's where it's like not fun right i want to know what's going on i like when i can hear like the secrets and the details and like put clues together and you know solve a puzzle basically with all of the all the details right but when it's like a fun little game but when it's just like being mean yeah it's not into it that was really the the only friendship breakup I had I think that's such an insecure way of gossiping it really is there's like a an adaptive reason for that kind of like shit talking of like feeling like you don't want to

be the like the weakest link totally so you like bond with other people by talking shit and it's just such an insecure way to conduct friendships it's sad it sucks well and it I think the thing that was also like confusing for me to learn um and this is also going to sound so self-centered but I mean it in a literal sense not in like an egotistical sense like I was just like this cute bubbly girl that people were naturally like drawn to and I mean I know that about myself I know that I'm likable and that's okay like and people would try and use that as like a social advantage versus just like being a genuine person because yeah even though like I know I'm likable and charismatic that doesn't mean I don't have like a bullshit detector like right you're you can't

just like attach yourself to me and like take my energy like energy vampires are such a real thing yes yes so i don't know so would you just always i felt like she she did that those girls in the in the mean girls in the hallway probably picked on me because of that um i also think like um i've dated people who liked that about me like it was like i made them look good versus like actually liking me as a person like a political move exactly that sucks so i think that's also why I have such like a sensitive radar for people now because when people are like kind of using you to climb socially yeah you're you catch on to that and you're like no no no no no damn yeah this isn't free it's like when you're like a nice likable person it's interesting to

get older and recognize like how people are like using that kindness like for you it was social climbing for me it was a punching bag like they knew that I wouldn't go anywhere so they were just like I was the punching bag in friend groups um but it's interesting getting older and like recognizing those patterns we needed each other so badly I know my god it's so like I love that we found each other as adults I know I know we like really we manifested I needed a friend like you and you need a friend like me to be like I'm gonna beat the shit out of anyone who's mean to even though I've literally never hit anyone but you would have I would have if I had to how mean these people were to me I also as we're talking I'm remembering I had like the biggest

friend breakup ever growing up and I don't know I like whenever I think about friend breakups I don't think about this but my like best best friend growing up was awful she's the one that all the therapists were like stop being friends with her and I was like no you're like um I know best i am nine and i am smarter than you i am the therapist yeah yeah yeah i'm going to be billing your insurance thank you but um she called me a cunt because i told her that it was we were 14 and she was having sex with her ex-boyfriend oh my god and i told her that that was a bad idea and she was you don't know what the fuck you're talking about you cunt and then i stopped talking that's so aggressive but we were best friends i also think i don't think i'd even heard the word

cunt at age 14 I asked my mom what it meant and she was like don't talk to her anymore and I didn't this girl called me a cunt yeah I was like also she's having sex at 14 yeah she also called me a whore for being a cheerleader or a hooker she called me a hooker and then I asked my brother what a hooker was and he was like did she need to stop being friends with this girl he said call her a commie like as in communist and I was like okay and so I called her a commie what the fuck kind of it's just like looking back there was a phase there was a phase where I feel like teenage boys were like call her a commie and like that didn't make any sense yeah i still gotten older i'm like maybe i'll understand when i'm older yeah when i was younger we used shish kebab as an insult

and i remember going up to the moms and i was like she's calling us shish kebabs and they're like um okay and then one of the moms was like shish kebabs are delicious and i was like fuck you you don't understand what i'm going through right now no they're not you've never been called a shish kebab in a derogatory manner i've never heard that as an insult i'm gonna start calling people a shish kebab it is honestly i think we need to bring that back we um what was did you have any other classic insults i'm sure one of mine was butt weasel my we had butt plug butt plug i love butt weasel butt weasel is fantastic douche canoe that was a big one that's still a big one had a moment but weasel i've never heard but plug now that i'm older i'm like why because now i know

what about i didn't know what a butt plug was when i was using butt plug what the fuck kind of insult is that anyway butt plug was big um i'm trying to think if i had any we would say anal a lot even when we didn't mean like someone was being anal we would just say it that's like oh that's so anal that was in high school when i was when i was like eight was when we would say butt weasel um i'm gonna start using that and then i was in like first grade when we would say shish kebab we're gonna it's the butt weasel renaissance the butt weasel renaissance i think we found our episode title so we also have a listener email that's related to friendship breakups and we are gonna read that and discuss so this is titled am i the asshole friendship a dish

first like others i'm a huge fan of the pod and listening to you guys makes me feel like i'm chilling with friends and a little less lonely secondly this is going to be long-winded i'm sorry to be honest this email is not long it's so short i was like oh this is a this is manageable this is a great short essay i love it um coming at you with a friendship dilemma that i'd love your opinions on my close girlfriends and i have this group that we formed in college i truly deeply love all of them so much out of all of us i'm the one that settled furthest away four to five hours ish they're all within maybe two hours of each other admittedly i feel like a bad friend a lot of the time and often spiral about it because i go through phases where i'm

just not on my phone call game i feel like life is just exhausting sometimes and a phone call after 5 p.m sounds exhausting even though i know i will 100 feel rejuvenated by talking to them i don't know life is overstimulating i guess long story short i i self-isolate and then end up feeling lonely and left out well if it isn't the consequences of my own actions right well well well for context pre-covid we had a standing weekend where they would all come up and visit me we'd hang out in the adirondacks and have a rager weekend covid put that on pause for a few years however in that time my boyfriend now fiance and i have traveled to visit them in their respective cities whether to just hang out or celebrate milestone life events this year they

all made impromptu planning to hang out on said weekend and the house was too full for us to join we just spent an uncomfortable amount of money on engagement pics and couldn't afford a pet friendly room i chalk it up to coincidence they facetimed me and i felt included-ish i recently i'm recently engaged i can't imagine marrying my person without them standing next to me but every time i try to plan to get together to pop the bridesmaid question everyone is busy understandable same recently i tried to set something up a few months out but nobody really responded when i chatted with them on facetime a few of them mentioned that they may not be available due to other plans made with each other am i the asshole for being an absent friend and

feeling hurt by my friends also being absent do i just send them their bridesmaids shit in the mail and see them when i see them do i just go see them and not ask them for the same effort do i not ask them to be in my wedding at all i don't know this whole thing makes me sad thanks for sharing your combos with us all you're everyone's bff wow i have so many things to say i mean i don't think anyone in this is the asshole yeah first of all um i also think that like i don't i i really relate to this too you know i'm not good at reaching out to my friends and setting things up um but i do also think that we have this like unspoken agreement with each other that like we don't need to be talking all the time to still like love each other so much and like we we just know we're

not gonna be able to see each other and it's hard like they're at least within driving distance but i can't go drive to probably like 90 of my friends right um so very relatable and it's hard when you're all like at an age where you're so busy and you have like a lot of shit going on like well i'm sure they had other friends that have gotten engaged and married or had kids and like it is really hard to navigate around everyone's like this is probably peak busy time in your life is like your late 20s and like 30s because you're like usually making a decent amount of money versus like when you first are starting out in your career so you have like a higher just disposable income to like go do whatever the fuck you want yeah so then you're

busy yeah i think that they should mail the bridesmaid stuff agreed and then once everyone gets it you can follow up and say like i really want to celebrate like with you guys i miss you so much and like I honestly just being honest there's a lot of power in that of just like not being defensive and just saying what what they shared with us like yeah if just say you're sad and you miss them totally and like you feel really isolated and like when you when you feel isolated too it can just like like it was mentioned you spiral because you just get stuck in your own had um i recently had a conversation that was similar with one of my best friends of like i was like i feel like i was like such a bad friend to you in college and she's like i constantly feel

like i was a bad friend to you and i was like i don't remember that at all like i felt like you were an amazing friend she's like i think the same thing about you and then we also were like well also at that age you're so like self-centered that you're kind of like not paying attention when someone does something kind of shitty yeah that's so true yeah you're just we're all we all suck a little bit at that age yeah um and then just yeah we like came to an we just had like a mutual understanding but it was also a huge relief to talk about it of like yeah it is hard being so far away from them but what are your thoughts i'm like agreeing with everything you're saying i i mean through this whole email there's like clearly so much love in this friend group so like

i agree that i don't think anyone is the asshole here i think like as people get older like this is something you always hear happening when people get older is like you start to just like drift a tiny bit even if like the love doesn't go anywhere it's just like there are so many different adult schedules to keep up with yeah and like and that's a lot especially like adult schedules is hard to coordinate if some of them have kids and some of them don't and like everyone has their own shit going on it is really hard to coordinate versus like i i was recently telling mr liz i miss i i really miss college where like your friends are just right there like you live with them or they're like literally down the hall and like you can come home and they'll be hanging

out on your couch waiting for you yeah and it's just like no matter what's going on if you don't have plans there's someone for you to hang out with because it's like hey what are you doing like neither of us have any money do you want to like get drunk on three dollar wine yeah it's just it's so much fun and i really miss that i do too i really took it for granted and there's a huge um difference that i've noticed at our age as well like more and more of your friendships are like in and out of like serious partnerships so when that happens i i was lamenting to mr liz that like one of his friends will just show up at his apartment and then he's like i don't know how i feel about it and that's why i was like college was underrated because of this reason specifically

and i was like i just don't think like my girlfriends and i could attain that because we're more scattered and like our planning requires more effort because people who are in relationships like i've noticed women are more likely to prioritize their their partners activities versus like you know be like oh you know what I'm actually not gonna do this because I'm gonna hang out with the girls you know yeah or like um hey the girls like we're doing a get together with like my girlfriends and like their partners do you want to come to that you know yeah and it's like everyone's following each other's lead on that yeah so like everyone's doing it yeah exactly like when I hang out with my girlfriends it's almost like there's never

our we never bring our partners but like if I can't tell you how many times I've been the only girl like with mr liz and his friends you know um so it's just kind of interesting to observe over time of just like women have to arrange their lives around their partner and their activities and those commitments first and they're just more likely to do that and i also wasn't complaining i was like i happily do that yeah like i i don't know it's just it's not really like a conflict of interest for me um and i i don't feel like less fulfilled because of it yeah so good i don't know that is the hard thing is like when you want it it is so rejuvenating to hang out with girls yeah absolutely in my opinion it's just like no i i agree but it is i feel like everybody is like

trying to navigate like do we bring like whenever i hang out with my girlfriends until recently i was the only single one um and it was always like in the group text it was always like is it is it just a girl's night should I invite like the boo you know there was like that was always a conversation and then it would go like back and forth and it would be like a whole but it's like I think as you get older it's like tougher to navigate like when is it like a girl's night when is it a couple's thing when is it like when do I need to like bow out of this to hang out with him and like it's just it's it gets more complicated like so contingent on their partner because if they have like a lame partner it's like uh this would be better if it's like a group date situation versus

like yeah all the girls are hanging out and like bethany is bringing her dumb ass boyfriend yeah totally and like there's and he doesn't talk to anyone he's just like oh yeah judging in a corner when it's like oh well i need to bring another guy to like talk to this idiot i just like and then some people have a really fun partner we're like oh well ashley's bringing tyler and we love tyler yeah because tyler is like one of the girls totally i've always wanted to have these are made up people by the way there's somebody named tyler listening like this is about me i mean to be fair every guy is named tyler there's so many tylers what was it tyler kyle and ryan ryan yeah those are the same three names yeah you can't convince me primary colors of boys yeah

you can make any color with those three with ty tyler kyle and ryan yeah what about kyler kyler you see tylen i'm just like giving out mormon names right now ryle ryle it's actually kind of a dope name yeah ryle get him riled up ryle with a y ryle meows is like really done with this conversation look at her face she's like can you wrap it up so someone can pet me um but going back to this email like my I had this whole situation that I'm not going to get into with like one of my friends like really hurt my feelings which takes a lot it takes a lot to like really hurt my feelings my feelings got super hurt and we were with a few of like us other girlfriends and I was like spiraling out because I was like I felt like

it was like an intervention because nobody stood up for me in the moment and my therapist was like what if you like is there anyone in the group that you can just like talk to one-on-one about how you're feeling and see like their read and it made it a lot less scary to do that I was like oh I totally can and I reached out to one of my friends that I trust and I was like what was your read on this it felt like an intervention that I was like singled out like am I dreaming this up and like talking to her just like smoothed over the whole situation yeah I say this there's like you're literally in two different perspectives like you're kind of the victim of this confrontation yeah and mean you so then you have just kind of a skewed perception yep but meanwhile

everyone else is like what in the fuck is going on exactly and that's what was happening and talking to her like let me know that i was like i was dreaming up the whole thing of like it being an intervention but i say this to say like the person that wrote the email if you have a friend like one person in the group that you can like reach out to and just like get a read from them it makes it a lot less scary for it to be like a you against them kind of read yeah to have like a group meeting of like hey i know i'm the farthest away but i am very sad and isolated yeah because the more you think about it the more you're going to spiral totally takes the edge off to just like if there's one person you can like reach out to to be like hey am i like being too sensitive about

this yeah but honestly i think like when you when you come at people from um just a place of like sincerity and you're vulnerable it's so much more likely that they're going to be better it's going to be better received so yeah just totally saying like i really miss you and i miss when we had these like long-standing weekends and it's hard being far away from you guys so like i would love if we could continue doing this or even if even if everyone can't come you know right right that would still be so nice if like some of them or one of them could come hang out and yeah yeah there there are definitely middle ground solutions absolutely and it's never as bad as you think that it is totally situations because it's like the more you think about it

the more you like catastrophize it and it's just never how it's kind of like what you were saying what makes you so important yeah you know like no one's I bet no one is stewing at home about it like oh they're not reaching out to us right we're not gonna be their friends meanwhile like like I'm just thinking from my perspective there are so many friends I have just scattered across the states and like every once in a while I'll text one of them like I miss you so much and then it's like let's facetime sometime this week and it's it is really hard for me to like remember to text back because there's just so much shit going on during the day that i'm like if you're contacting me during work hours you might as well just expect to never hear from me right same and

then after work hours um if i'm not taking a nap i i will reply there it is no but that's so true that goes back to being an adult like everybody's doing so much different well and then like they said like life is overstimulating that's so relatable so true especially since we've all been so confined for a few years now that's a huge shift it really really is like how much energy we were giving and taking in our day-to-day yeah one of my best friends is a nurse and i don't know if She still is. But she was a night nurse for a while. She was that was like her assignment. So like she was sleeping when I was awake and I was awake when she was sleeping. Like our schedules were entirely flipped. And so like we would go like 24 hours between an overnight pen pal or something.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But it's like that's the kind of shit like it's trying to coordinate with one person is difficult, let alone a whole group of people. so like you're saying just like reaching out to people and just being like hi i miss you like whenever you're thinking about them go such a long way with people because also i'm sure they don't reply like yeah i am that shitty friend who doesn't reply and it doesn't mean that like i'm not reading it and loving it so hot yeah being like oh my god i miss them too like when i saw my girlfriends um in hawaii i was so happy like i just to see them like and then one of my friends texted me when i got home and she was like it was so great seeing you and i forgot to text her back for like three days even though when i read it i was like oh my god i wish that she would move here

like you know it's just it's just an age where we're all busy as fuck like it really is there's a um a comedian named hannah burner and she like goes on the street and asks men questions and she's i think i know who you're talking about hilarious but she asked some men on the street or one I saw her ask one guy um what he thinks about when he doesn't want to come too fast and my ex used to always say that he would think about baseball when he didn't want to come too fast and that's that is hilarious and I've heard that a lot from a and I think that that's like a like a joke that like a lot of people but like is that like a dig at baseball no I think well maybe because it's like so boring but like I don't I have no clue but anyway so I

asked on instagram what y'all think about to stop yourselves from coming i got 143 answers a lot of them were math they do math have you heard of this one times one is one i've never heard of that the first time that i saw the answer i was like oh that's funny but then i saw it a million times and i was like oh this is like a thing are they doing like long division some of them were like i think about like what seven times eight is um and then some of them were like oh i just like do math period and i'm like what that could mean so many things what what kind of math because like if it doesn't require a whole lot of thought you gonna be coming you know um but here are some of my favorites well a lot of people were saying um

a lot of uh women specifically i don't yeah like stop coming why something that happens so hard for me to get here yeah so i was getting a lot of that i was getting a lot of um guys saying uh the fact that i'm a man a man and don't deserve to come which i was like okay you deserve to come yeah but whatever stops you everyone deserves to orgasm okay however closing the orgasm gap doesn't mean you're orgasming less for now it could mean that right that's probably our only hope at this point i also wonder if they're just if they think they're being like really funny yeah if they're whatever maybe anyway we love reply guys um somebody said tax season somebody said i sing the national anthem that's actually really fucking funny

some people are giving me like some straight up answers like i just pull out and switch to oral verse that keeps the arousal going everyone's happy i'm like that's good advice that's really good advice love that um somebody said my fourth grade teacher miss sanders i hope you see this shelly you bitch we had to read that we have to read that um chalkboard sound was one school bus fires magic man said that both of those made my lower back tingle in a way that gave me the ick um ssris got that one a lot fair yep and snris too somebody on somebody said zoloft which i didn't know that snris also killed people's sex drives i think anything that uh helps depression yeah might put a little bit of a stopper uh-huh damn you have to pick one or

the other yeah the prozac was tough on my sex drive but lex pro i don't feel like has impacted it too much good yeah i actually haven't had any issues with my sex drive yeah that's why i was i liked i don't know when i when i started prozac i was like well amelia's on it so maybe it'll work for me because we're like that's like not how medication works i know but it should i know we're basically the same person right we spend enough time together yeah like our brain chemistry would just fuse it kind of has in other ways anyway somebody said the hot river province is six secession from australia in 1977 i'm dry as hell while you just read that people were so fucking funny um a lot of people talked about their exes

um but then also i was talking to someone when i posed this question he texted me separately and he was like you're gonna have to tell me what you find out because i find that when i think about things to stop myself from coming those things start to have like sexual like i start to think about those things sexually because i think about them during sex so much to stop myself from coming and that's not something that i ever would have thought of so now when he sings the national anthem he gets he gets a full raging boner just a raging boner at for america game yeah the flag is that full staff that's american as hell yeah hell yeah we don't do anything halfway here he comes and then there's just a sound of an eagle calling in the background

just red white and blue confetti sheets out we want you to come yeah terrifying uh um wow i don't know how to be patriotic uh that was patriotic as fuck if you asked me i think that that's just my impression of uh the far right as well just a hard-on for america the sound of eagles when you're having sex um the fact that i'm doing it in my dead grandmother's old bed thanks i hate it yeah get a new bed yeah it's time for you that's not a flex yeah take take the mattress put it on the floor i think the only way it would be a flex if it was one of those like really really fancy beds with like the remotes oh yeah and you can change all

the settings yeah sleep number bed yeah my parents have a bed that like monitors their heart rate and like they it's like they can compete like each side and they can compete with each other to see who gets the best sleep that night my dad takes that is a competition i would actively compete in uh-huh wow um i run through the names of catholic saints oh i know maybe two oh saint joseph okay saint peter oh saint mary you could you could just say any name saint matthew uh saint ryle we don't know saint tyler kyler saint saint kylo saint kylo ren i would i would pray to that me too this isn't it but the photo of my grandma and uncle who's a priest sitting on my bookshelf next to the bed put that thing on it's just put it down away put it down anybody named dennis

that's my dad's name was it my mom let me see oh this is what made me laugh jesus and the fact that he just watched me eat ass 20 minutes before amen oh man um my teacup yorkie wearing overalls and pushing a lawnmower on her hind legs that's so cute that's adorable oh my god i guess yeah you don't have to think about something like gross yeah just something distracting and that's i guess why my ex probably thought about baseball somebody said not my answer but please talk about the glee episode with this and i have no idea there's a glee i guess so what isn't there a glee episode about that's so true that that show shaped me in ways i'm not proud of

well anyways well that was fun yeah we're so happy to be back i am so fucking happy to be back two weeks felt like a really long time to take off it because we were off for longer than that because we like yeah we recorded early and then you did a solo episode but that feels like an eternity ago because we did it out of order too wasn't brendan fun he was if you haven't listened to that episode where i interviewed brendan q i was really scared i did it out of my closet it's a really weird i had to like anyway it doesn't sound like our other episodes because i had to take the sound from google hangouts not cute anyway y'all are probably so happy liz is back and shit sounds professional again um but anyway go and listen to that it was a really great

interview if you haven't heard our 100 episode episode our 100th episode episode yeah we're i don't need to say episode twice we could just say 100th episode our 100th episode go listen to that we're gonna be celebrating it soon with off-winds have a little a little disco party we're in the three digits now i just looked at the name of this track bananas i can't believe we're here look at us go look at us go anyway thank you for listening we love you our children this is why we need a professional outro