The Hoely Hour - E102 Daddy Science

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

Why do men get to eat out but we have to do a JOB? Amelia and Liz channel their inner women in STEM and sell their bodies and what's left of their girlboss gatekeeping souls to our lord and savior Daddy Science. Amelia shares some juicy details of a tryst with her former high school bully! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills. But it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12-month plan

required, $15 per month equivalent, taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. see terms okay um pretend you're hearing my joke for the first time okay and maybe this will be our opener bit okay wow this has never been so structured should i do should i say it like a stand-up comedian yeah welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com

slash the holy hour check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com so i was giving a blow job the other day and you know when you're giving a blow job you start thinking about other things like how i need to do the laundry when i get home so i was thinking about that and i was like there's a reason i know i'm not the first comedian to make this joke there's a reason it's called a blow job and it's because it's work it's a lot of work it really is it's it involves a lot of exercise um coordination exactly stamina you got you got to pay attention it's it's a job uh and i was thinking about how that's called a blow job

and the opposite of that what it is eating out so we have to do a job and men get to eat out i need a Seinfeld that's my contribution to your bit but really like no i know you're so right blowjobs are a job because they're work and we have to do the work but then men get to eat out it's pretty standard eating out is a treat it's a special occasion like after church when your parents are like we're gonna go eat out yeah after church or like on your birthday yeah going to eat out on your birthday hell yeah or when you just want to treat yourself you're like i'm gonna i think i'll eat out tonight yeah meanwhile i don't want to do a

job i did so many jobs that i think i'm gonna go eat out you get to go to like ruth's chris and we're like getting lockjaw well and no so when i was giving said blow job it was a friday after the busiest longest friday at work so i was like i'm doing so many jobs right now yeah i'm wearing so many hats and i'm only getting paid for one and a half of them god damn what can i get some insurance or something real what are the benefits blow job insurance it's honestly a good idea you heard it here first folks it's a good it's a good episode title and blow job insurance i keep having this recurring dream that like seriously like once a week for

the past like six months literally that I like am supposed to do this Shakespeare play and I have a whole Shakespearean monologue and then I never practice and then it's the night of the show yeah and you're like I don't know my lines I it's this exact play and my feeble little mind can't figure out that I'm in the middle of a dream every time I wonder if non-theater kids have dreams that they're to play and they don't know their lines I think that I figured out what the non-theater kid version is because I also have the non-theater kid version which is you signed up for a class that you forgot about and then you have to take the final yeah my mom would have that dream she still has that dream and she's about to be 60 that's so weird or well she just

turned 59 i shouldn't she's got one more year until she's 60 oh she's a spring chicken spring chicken i feel like you're not old until 85 i don't think you know i know some like 90 year olds that like are younger than me spiritually i feel about i long to be that free um wait so do you want to dive into the story because I have a let's do your story and then I'll share my thought starter it's a very short story okay perfect I also don't remember the details which is why I haven't told it because my friend that told me it didn't want it to be he didn't he gave me literally every detail and he was like if you tell this story on the podcast like don't say this this this and this and I have I don't remember really anything but it is an interesting little

anecdote he was dating a girl for a while who um was like in and out of the hospital for like i think she had to get some sort of like knee surgery so like at the beginning of their relationship he was like taking care of her like that's commitment yeah wow he's like the greatest this is the benign guy oh oh okay um if you're wondering what amelia means by the benign guy he is we referenced him like a few episodes ago where he he had like a fish like a fishing hook with a mistletoe at a party yeah making people kiss him under it to get a little smooch and he still gives me shit for calling him benign but i think it's a good thing there's some people in college who can get away with stuff like that benign guy can yeah and also in college i wouldn't i don't know if i didn't

want to kiss someone I simply wouldn't but if they were like a fun little party man slut absolutely hell yeah I was there to have a good time I made out with everybody I shouldn't have been in a relationship all through college I really would have gotten so much of this out of my system I made out with so many people and I think that's why I made it so long without getting COVID you really you strengthened your immune system so thank you to all the men and women who spat in my mouth i feel like i might have been patient for four years i still haven't gotten it oh yeah i and i need to study all the time we need to study you i'm scared to tell the government because they're going to use my body for science okay i'm actually not afraid of the

government i'm afraid of the government but i didn't mean that oh science can use my body whenever it wants oh science who's he he sounds hot um can i call science daddy yeah daddy use my i hate it i hate it i hate it okay doctor daddy doctor daddy just and it's just science just the um amorphous concept scientific cloud love that you'd have the best orgasm of your life he sounds really hot yeah he sounds really hot okay okay people are gonna listen to this and be like what the actual i always love to think about if like whenever we're talking i'm like what if this is the first episode that people are listening to like what who the fuck are these two I do try and think of that when I'm editing like if this is someone's first episode how are they

gonna feel about it yeah I feel like this might be a good first episode yeah but I feel like you need to start the story from the beginning I'm so sorry I honestly did not even oh actually I did I but I will I will start from the beginning again so benign guy was taking care of his brand new girlfriend who was like in and out of the hospital for some sort of surgery like that was like like a joint or something that's important to the story that i clarified that so he was always taking care of her and was like always doing all this shit for her and do we know how she hurt her knee i think she was an athlete was she skiing no i think she was playing okay okay i'm really piecing this together this he's gonna be listening to me like wrong wrong wrong but that's good

benign guy you wanted me to get details wrong but the important part is coming so um they like weren't having sex because like she like couldn't yeah um so he like went down on her and when he was down there he was like something isn't right down here and she was like i guess like gaslighting him she was like what do you mean like that what does like everything's fine like keep going and he's like no like i have to take you to the hospital like something down here is like not right but he couldn't figure out what it was it just like wasn't right and it turned out that she had a hemorrhoid in her vagina in her vagina i didn't know this was a thing i don't i am oh my god wait tell me more i had never so i looked it up and it's like it it is just like a really big

like bulge i don't think it has to be big every time but like a lot of them are like large i did not know that this could happen but the reason that it happened was because she hadn't moved a lot for a long time because she had been like getting better from surgery she had been healing did she know she had a hemorrhoid down there no oh no so she wasn't gaslighting him because she didn't know well she was like no she was like shaming like kind of like get over it kind of thing you know what i mean like it's fine like that kind of gaslighting okay like like you're just it's fine like she was she was telling him that he was overreacting and at the end of the day homegirl had a whole ass hemorrhoid sticking out of her vag well so then what how did she have

to what did she i actually don't know they ended up breaking up like kind of soon thereafter because she just like wasn't great to him it felt like a cautionary tale to like say that like you can get you can get hemorrhoids in your vagina i think some of them have to be cured via surgery like if they're really bad and then I think some of them you could take like anti-inflammatory type things and it goes down by itself have you ever had hemorrhoids no have you yes um you can get so I have to tell you how I got hemorrhoids it's so embarrassing um it was in probably I was probably like 23 24 and when I worked at Abercrombie like when you didn't want to do anything you would just go sit in the bathroom so i'd go to the bathroom to like go pee and then i

would just hang out there and look at my phone and when you're sitting there and like you don't actually have to go it puts pressure on like that part of your body oh like your butthole basically gravity kind of starts taking over also your body is not designed to be in that way to go to the bathroom right that's why squatty potties are a thing right that makes so much sense i mean we're a lot of the ways that america does things is not how nature intended it no giving birth no you you should be like on all fours right yeah when you just have a lot of pressure and stuff going on down there it's easy to get hemorrhoids it makes so much sense my mom i was like mom did you have hemorrhoids because i was like what the fuck i have hemorrhoids how who has hemorrhoids at 23

how did you get rid of it uh they mostly just went away like if you just leave them alone they usually go away um and then i just sat on the toilet less but also they can be very itchy so this is i'm gonna tell you something traumatizing but i would put apple cider vinegar on a cotton pad and put on my butthole oh no no no no and it stings like hell for like 10 seconds maybe less and then it is sweet relief like you're like oh thank god my hemorrhoids have stopped itching and pulsating oh my god it's wild how like painful like ass things can be because you're just like passing shit through it it's so and then it just gets infected sensitive so sensitive i met someone this weekend that had um misdiagnosed hemorrhoids that was actually an

anal tear so everything that he was doing to fix it was making it worse oh no yeah he went to another doctor and the doctor's like yeah no you don't have hemorrhoids like you have any an anal tear and he said it was like every time he would shit he would like feel like he was gonna pass out because it hurts so so bad no i love pooping that's so sad pooping is a holy a holy moment for me because it doesn't happen often it's like once a week it's like my it's like church for me every sunday take me to church i go and i worship the poop gods um that's just regular god no i'm kidding um sorry that was i that was especially offensive but god made all things okay so he is i'm not wrong no you're right about that he is the poop god

he's listening like fuck no he's up there like i am the poop god he's like you're not wrong but i don't like it i feel like god is hip you know he created jokes he did he created senses of humor and if you don't like this poop joke then you don't love god you heard it here first hate to be the one to tell you but well this transitions perfectly into my little story for you i'm gonna show you a tiktok okay i love this already and we will discuss i did ask the audience what are some gross things that guys do that we don't know about and there was some men telling me that while they're taking a shit they'll jerk off yeah that makes sense though how does that make sense is that why men take so long in the toilet that's

what i assumed yeah taking a poop hits their g-spot and it feels good for them ah i'm so sorry why have you done this to me i could have died never knowing this yes literally what dev said this is from tos girls toss girls i don't know they showed up on my for your page i'm not sure if they're a podcast or just like a group of like gamer girlies but and i thought maybe they're gamer girlies because they have the gamer girly setup i'm so angry that you showed me this well so after watching that i mean i don't know how accurate the science is there of like when you shit it hits your g-spot but also i immediately texted mr liz and i was like i have a serious question because i saw this on tiktok and i just

need to know do you ever jerk off while you're pooping and then he just said lmao no well good i'm like i don't think it's common but is it common i'll get about that one um i'm mad so i have you ever heard of a blumpkin of course okay so like Wait, will you explain a blumpkin for our listeners who do not know what it is? Sure. I'd be happy. I'm so sorry I'm making you explain. I'd be happy to.

A blumpkin is when you get a blowjob while you're taking a shit. A blumpkin. Long sigh. That is what a blumpkin is. Here's a pause for you guys to scream. Moment of silence for whoever invented a blumpkin. Oh, speaking of which, sorry, this is an anecdote. Dutch oven?

I did not know that that was an actual thing that people cooked in. oh really you just thought it was when you fart under the blankets yeah and now i can't ever use a dutch oven because of these heathens that invented dutch ovening anyway so blumpkins it makes sense i guess in that light if blumpkin is actually a thing and not a thing that just the internet talks about that like you know why not just do it yourself the natural progression from blumpkin the step down from that would be jacking off while you're taking a shit right i also am wondering if maybe it's not the g-spot action it's just i feel like you probably like when you're sitting in that position and you're trying to poop you probably have just like a lot of like

pressure and maybe like some blood flow going on to like poop so when you have excess blood flow down there like that's what makes you hard the opposite of horny when i shit like if i'm i look at my phone while i'm pooping because i'm there for like a long time and if i like come across like a hot guy i have to like switch apps because like i can't i can't like he's watching you poop yes it's like i'm like you can't see me this way does meows ever come in and watch you oh all the time i the thing about when you get a cat is just you always have an audience yeah anytime you go poop like when i was watching gatsby and grandpa um just i'm not watching them but like came by to see him the first time i went to the bathroom and your bathroom

door doesn't close all the way knock the door and then they sit there and watch you it was like the kool-aid man he like gatsby like i've never seen a door open that quickly and i screamed i how dare you close the door one time i was at our friend tim's place using the bathroom and when i came out his cat biscuit was staring at me like i just tried to steal something like and then i was like oh hello biscuit and then he's like he's not used to that door being closed oh i mean when i'm home alone i don't close the door when i'm shitting i have to close the door no i just i don't i don't know what it is like about like poop particles in my mind that are like they're gonna fly out the door yeah like i have to close the door or like i'm gonna have to change my sheets you know

there's a lot to unpack there daddy science told me so that was my damn little tidbit i'm mad i'm pretty angry i'm sorry that's okay i'll forgive you i just i wanted i i don't know how much i believe it like i i don't doubt it happens but i want to know on what scale can you tell us i know that i'm angry please write it i know that it's i know that it's coming off like i don't want to know but now i have to i need to know exposure therapy this out of me yeah you can please write into us and tell us about it oh my god somebody told me a phrase that i i wrote in my notes to tell you and i'm so excited about this new phrase to enter into the holy bible i'm excited you know how we call call it a roster

yeah a hotation like notation like rotation rotation it's a hotation i'm a nerd notation Are you going to annotate? Scientific Notation? Daddy Science? This is a very scientific episode. I'm kidding. I've said Daddy Science like four times in the past two minutes. Science forward.

We have discussed masturbating while pooping and hemorrhoids in vaginas. And donating my body to Daddy Science for him to use me however he wants. The way you are staring at your phone camera is a little bit jarring. like do i need to leave the room i feel like i'm interrupting something could you actually leave a salon for a second you and the camera and the aura of daddy science the spirit of daddy science i have started pretending to be a man on twitter it's incredible for science for daddy science changer did it for daddy science and it's just like the things that i just am saying the same things but presenting as a man

and people are so much nicer to me it's like they want to shake my hand i know i've been looking at the responses you've been getting they're like wow well the ones that are like obnoxious are when i i my profile picture was still a woman right me was still myself yeah and then i i was like fuck this i'm changing it to a man so here's how i found the man that is my profile picture um you know i'm sure this isn't allowed um this is illegal in some way but i just went to like a random guy that i know that i'm following and i just clicked like mail his male followers and then went to that guy's male followers like i went probably like 20 random guys deep to make sure this is no one i know or anyone could possibly know just a completely fucking random guy

you picked a good picture because it's like why would you pick that one you know yeah like some catfish they pick like models yeah like professional photos i see conservative accounts like that all the time it's like some hot girl i'm like no you're gonna have to like let us know your findings after you like do this for a little bit longer yeah it really also encouraged me in my research i need to start my research on being a man on a dating app yes that just requires a little more work because i'm gonna need to set up like a fake email account i think i have one from when i was like crazy i can i can lend it to you okay thanks um and then i was thinking about setting up a google number too oh shit because you'll have to have a phone number right and i've already i

already have my phone number registered like with apps when i was on them right i'm trying to remember if because i had to use my mom's number when i got kicked off of hinge and i remember using trying to use a google number not being able to mr liz was like why are you doing this and i was like because i just want to see like what happens because we don't see that side of it no but like the amount of shit that i see that like the bios that people send me from men and every single time whenever i post any of them people are like this must work because so many people are doing it i i don't think it works but there are like quite a few women that are just just because people do how many things do men do that we say doesn't work and they still do that

yeah literally everything but also like i feel like there are some women out there that like maybe don't read it and because there are a lot of bot profiles there are a lot of really yeah there are a lot of really shitty men that are in relationships yeah that's true and it's like that's true how did you guys meet oh tinder it's like oh cool i'm glad that like there's someone there's someone for everyone i guess except me let me play the tiniest violin amelia has one million reply guys and she's like there's no one out here for me i just want the ones that don't want me so word to the wise if you want to date me just act like you don't honestly yeah that's the advice anyone i would get anyone who wants to date amelia here's

my advice be hot um it's a good starting point uh be flirtatious have a sex have a fuckable personality yeah like genuinely be a good person don't just virtue signal you're a good person like actually be one yeah and then uh be a slippery little little seal a slippery seal there are so many other slippery things just be hard to catch and then i don't know once once you do catch them i i don't know if that's when you're like bored no you know there are some that like like music man and no name like if i would have caught them i would have been like the happiest little clam and i've been trying to figure out what it is about them you say that but we haven't ever seen it in action yeah we haven't seen my point exactly someone that you

like that much that you actually like officially start dating so i just am not sure of what happens on the other end of this experiment we need you to fall in love with someone for science we need you you and another person to fall in love for science for daddy science yeah um the holy hour.com gonna get yourself a catch catch and amelia's catch and release program shirt i yeah truly they exist i fully like i i just want to i don't know i want to manage your dating life yeah I know so I went on a date last Thursday and it was fine it was fine he is polyamorous and so and I will not be that's like yeah for a while I thought like maybe that's something that would work for me because like I but now I want monogamy for sure so anyway I communicated that

with him but the date was fun i drank way too much we made out and then he knew um one of my friends that was visiting that came to town one of me and liz's friends that came to town who he went to college with the guy that i went on a date with um and me and his friend from college have a little bit of history so i had like my own like a little bachelorette two-on-one moment which was like when i was deciding who you're gonna send home oh my yeah i was way too drunk to have put myself in that situation they facetimed me all yeah and i don't remember and then i remember calling liz i don't remember what we talked about at all um you didn't really say much you were just passing me around i learned that um like the numero uno like epicenter of spreading stis is

nursing homes i'm not surprised by that they're like the least educated in sex that's like that generation that's a really good point that i did not read in my research that's a really good point yeah but it was there's their immune systems are weaker oh um there's a lot of shame around sex so they're not communicating with each other they have stis yeah that's fair or that they've had sex but they're like sleeping with other people yeah and it's just like just like fucking which i love that is so amazing that like there's so much sex happening in nursing i just am having a hard time understanding the mechanics of it all because like i don't know about you but like my grandparents can hardly like walk on their own like how are you how are how are you supposed

to make sex work when both of you are essentially immobile damn getting your back blown out you end a break in your back it's so sad i'm about to ask a very dumb question i already know it's not gonna be dumb i probably won't know the answer when do men stop producing sperm never okay yeah even when they're like 90 disgusting horrible horrible i'm traumatized i could because women stop like ovulating yeah can you imagine being in your 90s and being pregnant no let's look at the oldest pregnant person i'm pretty sure it was like 60 something what janet jackson had a kid like 50 74 ew uh she gave birth to twins in india what twins oh she was pregnant through ivf so she wanted this yeah okay so does that count though because

if it was ivf then they might they either already had her eggs or they were someone else's eggs and they were inseminated and then they put them in her so her womb was still hospitable so i don't i don't know if it's ever not hospitable yeah i don't know but i'm not sure actually so that's interesting oh that reminds me i'm not gonna read the article sorry guys there was a it's just a top google search result this isn't a science podcast it's even though it sounds like it it's a drinking with your friends fucking around talking about sex podcast i'm drinking beer today y'all montucky baby cheers couple of cold snacks for a couple of cold snacks oh shit dom did you ever hear about that woman that had like a fossilized

yes i was literally just thinking about that i remember reading that story so for the listeners this woman had an ectopic pregnancy and um she was like full term like and then um they wanted when she went into labor they wanted to have like an emergency c-section or something and she said no and then just like left and then um I know this was in a less developed area as well so they didn't know she had an ectopic pregnancy and if they had performed that surgery she would have died and her baby wouldn't have survived anyways but it's freaking amazing that she even carried an ectopic pregnancy two nine months anyways but regardless neither of them would have lived so then she just like left the baby in there and it became like mummified so she was just like

pregnant forever it's so scary to think about i wonder i i don't know what like the status is now of if she ever like got it removed or whatever she did oh she did yeah when modern technology became better yeah and also i'm sure like scientists and doctors were like we need to study this yeah that's like an amazing scientific phenomenon yeah like that like a i'm just like so there's so many layers to how it's so like wild i just like the the trauma of carrying around like you a dead child inside of you i can't imagine i knew somebody that had um a what is it is it a miscarriage when it if you don't expel the pregnancy what's that called stillborn when they are born dead and then if they don't expel if they don't expel a

miscarriage or um there's just no heartbeat i guess is how they phrased it and is it is the baby like oh i know what you're talking about i don't know the phrase for it well so that's the the baby died inside of her and she had to wait like a week to have the pregnancy to take or the pregnancy the surgery to take the baby out and i can't imagine the trauma of knowing that i was carrying a like i i can't imagine that i wouldn't want to be alive yeah i mean that's why it is there's so much stigma around talking about like miscarriages and abortions and all of the other horrible things that can go wrong during pregnancy and also that's probably why there's so many like there's so much we're seeing it more and more in the news now which we knew was going to happen

of women having like problems with their miscarriage where it becomes a health risk and then they're not able to get accessible health care to save their lives there's like a 10 year old that had to drive over borders she was a victim of rape do you know and and then like conservatives were like where's the proof and it's like they're a minor so this child's where's the proof they're like we don't know who this child is and it's like yeah you shouldn't they're a minor oh my god imagine having a brain cell it sounds so peaceful just a single brain cell yeah just bouncing around well and it's like the same thing with uh like assault victims if they're under a 18 you're not gonna know their identity right they have protection specific yeah so

this is just it's the same protection anyways um fun fun update that i haven't talked about because we went on a break right after yeah this happened but um i had my high school reunion oh yeah my 10-year high school reunion and revenge story if you've been listening for a bit you are quite well aware that i was bullied growing up and so my one goal i can't believe you went to your you had your high school reunion when i wasn't here i know because you should have brought me so i should have had a plus one fight your fucking bully well so my okay so that's a good because i i was expecting to see a bunch of them so my goal for the evening was my one goal since i found out that the reunion was happening which was a year ago because it had to get

rescheduled because of covid um just really wanted that romey and michelle moment what it could have been you and me dancing on the dance you've never seen romey and michelle's high school reunion i know okay well my friend that listens named her dog romey and she's like after romey and michelle and she's a huge fan are supposed to have like a friend date anyways we should watch it okay I would love that. We'll watch it and then we'll pretend there's a specific scene. If you are listening and you know what I'm talking about, you know what scene I'm talking about when they're dancing on the dance floor and we can pretend it's you and me. I love that. And a third wheel. I wished you were there. I wished I was there too. Okay. Continue with your high school bully.

So my one goal was to make out with somebody that bullied me. This was my only goal for the evening. did they have to be male yes okay yes the girls that were mean to me went to different high schools oh yeah we're all in so my my middle school split into two high schools okay um and all of the mean ones went to the other high school east lake um but all the boys stuck in my high school so anyway that was my only goal i get reese there no because he went to he was one of the ones that split off oh okay fucking reese god damn it reese fuck you reese enemy of the pod number one original enemy i've never seen reese oh he's super hot you're gonna think he's hot if his if he's private he's not i'm so excited for you to see him this is a moment i'm mad reese

is hot he's super hot and he's yeah yeah i have no idea what he's up to because he's like never on social media um anywho so there was one guy there that bullied me hard in middle school and like he would cyber bully me i got i had like a huge crush on him and like after reese he was like my next one after and he was friends with reese what would he do when he bullied you it was all cyber bullying so he was like a really nice dude and then like i had a crush on him and then like word got out that i had a crush on him as it did if you listen to episode one everybody always fucking knew because i would tell everyone when i liked someone um amelia had a poster she had made of reese under my bed my reese shrine and and then she told everyone she

had the poster i told the wrong couple of people that then it spread pretty quickly i have a poster of reese under my bed it was a good ass poster too it was uh i put a lot of time and dedication to that what did it look like it was like a big white poster board and like it was a bunch of pictures that i had printed out from his myspace that i like cut around so it was like circled like his head and it was just a bunch of them and he was on the football team so it was like his football picture too it was like a bunch of floating heads of reese uh-huh and then like his like football pictures oh my god i can't believe i told this story on the first episode i really started out strong that is my deep dark secret it's great i can look back on it now but i was

i was like a fucking i was obsessed with this kid i remember the first time that i saw reese it was an art class truly amelia the whole story of you making a poster of him sounds like something you would like it sounds like a made-up like thing that you you have you have to look it up on snopes it sounds like something that would happen in a movie and not in real life you know i kept it under i brought it to florida and i kept it under katie's bed for a while because she lived in would you like fold it up it was like rolled up like a like a poster it was it was a it was like a it was a thing so you brought it around i brought it to florida i did and then would you just look at it i don't even know why i had it i was wondering this after like i was listening i love

that you i have no i have no clue why i had it i just like wanted it i think it was i think he was my first like puppy love because i yeah you definitely were treating him how like people treat like k-pop band i was like helga and he was arnold i had my like full but he bullied you instead of you bullying him damn that's yeah fuck this is like the saddest part of my whole like life trajectory honestly and some sad shit's gone down oh i think it's such a i actually think it's such a cute story it's like it's cute when it's not it's definitely wild and a little weird but it is also like so funny and adorable i really loved him but i remember the first time i saw him was in art class and it was like a movie i was like sitting at one of the tables and he was like

two tables away what song's playing in the background right it was like you know the one um and like two people were in front of him and then just like split it was like like the red sea and he was behind them and i was like jaw to the ground the flippy like skater hair that was like in at the time anyway you saw him he's a cutie he's always been a cutie so anyway that's neither here nor there the skater hair got me too it was that was a thing and like puffy skater shoes that was also with the etnies or whatever yeah the dcs uh-huh um with the untied laces i used to hang out at the skate park have i ever told you that i used to hang out the skate park and just hope i got

talked to that's such a good home move would you like dress like would you wear like a backwards hat and like no i would wear like a t-shirt and then like a tank top over it that's so cute you're like in your little limited to fit and then i would just hang out at the skate park for hours and you wouldn't wear like um like the striped gloves without the fingers the little uh what were they called they're just like sleeves yeah yeah like with thumb pockets yeah and they're like pink and black i never wore those but just unlocked a memory i forgot about those yeah anyway okay i'm going back to my reunion story um so the only person that bullied me there i'm not gonna use his name um we'll just call him bully number one i'm gonna call him it

guy because he looks like an it guy oh wow he looks like a cartoon character of an it guy like he looks like how a cartoonist would draw an it guy so anyway he right when he got to the reunion oh so what he would do he i would just get cyber bullied so he's not cute no he's he's a good looking dude just how he dresses is like a little like okay he like i think he dresses like ironically you know i mean that yeah but he's i'm ironically unfashionable he was wearing like a gray polo it was like buttoned up all the way to the top and then like thick rimmed glasses it was really strange i don't know what it was i have never met a guy who dresses like that as a bit yeah i also remember he um he was the first person i ever heard about eiffel towering someone

he like had a threesome in high school i don't like this guy continue i just watched like this your soul leave your body and yeah we went from talking about reese to this guy anyway he's so i got bullied a lot for having a crush on him which is just like super fucked but anyway that's neither here nor there the second the second that i got to the or i was at the reunion for like an hour and then he got there and like he like beelined to me and he was like he was like amelia i just like he's like hugged me and he's like it's so good to see you because he doesn't have social media so he has no idea what anybody's up to um he's like it's so good to see you i was hoping i would see you i wanted to apologize for being so shitty to you

when we were kids did i tell you this oh no you didn't tell me this part and i was like oh i was like oh my god we were we were kids it's really okay he's like no it wasn't okay it doesn't matter how old we were you didn't deserve that and he's like you've always like marched to the beat of your own drum and i've always appreciated that about you and like i couldn't recognize that i was like jealous of you for living authentically but i just like wanted to apologize it was so eloquent and kind and i was like oh my god i bet someone sent him your content or this podcast and when we mentioned reece in episode one i bet he was like i bet he was like oh fuck that could that could be next i'm next who's next um it's you bring it on

but i was like all right this is the one i'm gonna make out with him tonight because i have to this is the promise i've made myself so we went to an after party to the reunion at the party that we used to party at in high school which was like a weird weird trip and him and I were just like he was like talking to a girl that like I didn't recognize I think she was just like someone's friend that came and he came back like to where I was standing and I was like was that flirting I couldn't tell and he was like oh no I don't know it's just like she works at Starbucks and I was like okay cool but I guess that's all that they talked about um and then I was sitting on the floor and he was like sitting on a chair like kind of like leaning over me and

we were talking we were like talking kind of close and he was just like intense eye contact and then there was like a pause in conversation and he like smiled and I was like we should hang out and he was like should we like go for a walk right now and I was like it was like pitch dark and it was in the middle of Redmond if you know anything about the Seattle area Redmond's like unincorporated a lot of it is so there's like no street lights so I was like like right now he's like yeah i was like that sounds like you're gonna murder me and he was like i might i was like oh my god promise yeah i was like okay cool let's go and so we like started walking down the driveway but like when we got further away from the house it was like you like i couldn't see my hand in

front of my face wait your high school reunion was at a house the after party this was at the after party okay okay and um so i was like we should just stop here because there was like the first like it was i couldn't see anything so we just like sat down in the driveway and just like talked for like 30 minutes and just like caught up and we were both like pretty drunk at this point so I really truly don't remember much of what we talked about um we talked about Virgo because him and Virgo are friends um yeah um we just like talked about what he's doing at work and da da da da da all this shit anyway because we were sitting in the driveway and it was kind of late at night people's ubers started showing up so we had to move out of the way to not get

hit by a car and then when we moved he started walking toward the house and i was like amelia i know you have to do it now this is the one thing you wanted to do you have to do it now and so make out with a bully i called i called him by his name and he's like what i'm like come here and so he walked toward me and then i just like grabbed him and we like made out and he was a really good kisser my like vagina was jumping you know what i mean know that feeling um and then he like pulled back and he was like huh and i was like okay so we just like went back to the house this is such a good movie i know i know it felt like really we have all of the parts we have when you guys were kids and he bullied you and you were

you just went on to like grow into this amazing person despite being bullied for being yourself and being so like honest and authentic and then we fast forward to like all of the shit you've gone through and then you're like i am ready i am going to debut this amazing woman i have become and i am gonna make out with one of my bullies you set out with that intention as like a fuck you but then you're surprised by one of your biggest bullies finding you and immediately apologizing and giving you such an such a beautiful apology for saying like he said all of the right things i know every box it had it had it was giving therapy it had self-awareness it had an appreciation for you and like just really seeing you for who you are and then there

was a build-up you're like are they aren't they like when are they gonna kiss and then you made the move which is such a good twist i love this recap that was a beautiful room honestly we need to pitch that movie bravo that was thank you for that recap i loved it it was it was a great moment and then i texted him at like when i left i was i said um good kisser with like the okay hand and like good soup yeah good soup good soup but he texted me back and he was like yeah you too um not gonna lie i'm crushing hard i'll hit you up soon and then he texted me like two days later and asked me on a date and i was like no this was not what i was anticipating so i was like kind of flighty about it like I was like well I'm about to be in Florida for two weeks so like and I was

like he's not gonna ask me when I come back and then he did and then he made dinner reservations for us for Friday but I well I couldn't I can't do Friday and so I was like I'm I can only do Wednesday like can you do Wednesday and he was like absolutely does this sound good and my dumb ass never texted him back so I was like I agreed to Wednesday so so anyway I texted him today and I was just like I don't really want to do dinner can we do drinks instead and he was like honestly i thought you stood me up so i canceled the dinner reservation because i just like never texted him back oh it was supposed to be this wednesday yeah so i was like oh that's kind of like i mean it's a little petty because we're like older now whatever but i'm like oh like

he thought i stood him up that's kind of like a nice i feel like i won like a little bit a little bit of redemption there just a tiny bit but he's a very very nice person now we're going out on wednesday um for a drink okay so by the time this episode comes out i will have gone out with it guy wow he it guy is not a good nickname we need to call him honestly it needs to be more relevant but bully i said bully number one because i was thinking in terms of like a high school play there's like bully one oh yeah tree number two yeah um let's call him bulldog bulldog yeah so that'll be happening on wednesday y'all i'm also hanging out with six foot seven tomorrow boo no i know i i know it's mostly for the story he said he has not stopped hitting me up

should i cancel on him yes absolutely and you need to know i'm so sure you can do things for the story sometimes this story is over we don't need a part two i can't name a single good sequel so you know i can't either you're right i'm like why this isn't the sequel anyone wants or asked for it's incredible that he's asked me so much to hang out like he's really been relentless about it over the past like week i'm like okay then die like i don't know i'm not a fan i'm not either for the record but like he's he's pretty good looking that doesn't matter i'm re-entering you know it doesn't matter i know it doesn't matter you've been through all of those conversations you've been through too much therapy

for me to watch this happen i'm unraveling really quick it was the second that no name broke my heart i just really started going back to all this really toxic behavior that's great self-awareness and i'm proud of you for recognizing that i just go right into self-protection mode i'm like what can i do to just avoid being hurt i hook up with people that i don't give a fuck about i feel like i'm being my therapist to you i'm like i'm proud of you for it's hard to to go there and you went there and i'm proud of you yeah it really sucks that self-awareness doesn't stop me from being a dumbass you know but that's all about that's showbiz the next the next step is to ask yourself why

you want to sabotage yourself in this way damn have you ever felt good after doing something like this no the sex is really disappointing so in multiple ways i have not felt good at at best i get a uti i asked him what he wants to do because i was like he was like what time he is so disrespectful like anytime you hang out he's late and then he's doing an errand oh my god that's so fucking true he was the one that did all the errands yeah he'd be like anyways it reminds me of that bit that you did on tiktok where it's like did you bring your mail on this date that is him i don't think you were channeling him when you did that but that's literally him like doesn't i forgot that he did errands i'm so happy this is like how i feel when

i go to therapy she remembers shit that i don't remember that's like you well also i recently like listened to that episode where you were talking about him and he was like i i don't know i feel like he's gonna be like yeah let's hang out and then like bring you to his dentist appointment yeah he was like do like chipotle runs and shit with me i have to go get a cavity filled do you want to come i need someone to hold my hand that would be nice because he wouldn't be able to talk and then he'd finally have to listen to you that's so true he also knows nothing about me oh dude what am I doing I forgot about the errands thing chemistry that like je ne sais quoi that's so true is the most frustrating part of dating because like I can be so attracted to

somebody and just not want to be with them at all and it's like I hate that like the doctor like that I have not heard from because our second date was like a train wreck but we had like good rapport we knew each other he was hot he had a great job there's there was nothing wrong with him i just wasn't feeling it i hate that i hate that for me and then i feel it with people that are like not great don't like that don't like that satan's hard at work he's putting all of his energy into my dating life you know what good for him he's doing a good job fucking shit up now this is more like this is like a formula i need to figure out i know if you figure it out let me know i'm like your attraction is coming from a deep-seated place of like self-sabotage

and there's something there but it's not for me to discover only you you know yes absolutely yeah no i self-sabotage like it's going out of style vaginal hemorrhoids that's fact of the week um we're revisiting our conversation about vaginal hemorrhoids with um we just needed to know more with some definitions and what it feels like so it's also called a posterior vaginal prolapse interesting i've heard of that before um also known as a recto seal r-e-c-t-o-c-e-l-e occurs when the wall of tissue that separates the rectum from the vagina weakens or tears when this happens tissues or structures just behind the vaginal wall in this case the rectum

can bulge into the vagina so it is from the anal region but it bulges into the vaginal region that sounds like painful mm-hmm it feels like you're um there's pressure or fullness it feels like you're sitting on a small ball and the sensation that something has fallen out of your vagina what a systocele or the thing that i can't pronounce rectocele usually occurs with vaginal prolapse mild cases of vaginal prolapse do not require treatment that's good to know and this is from johns hopkins they know what they're talking about now i'm just wondering if i've ever had a vaginal hemorrhoid and just not known maybe maybe who's to say who's to say if you've ever felt anything like similar to what we've just described you may have a vaginal

prolapse vaginal prolapse episode of the week thank you shall we wrap yeah let's let's wrap it up okay we love you so much our children Oh, yeah.