The Hoely Hour - E103 Creepy Uncles and Insecurities

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

According to Game of Thrones, incest is best! Holy f*ck is this wrong! But holy hell is it erotic! Would you ever tell your partner they're not allowed to have a professor of the opposite sex? And Adam Levine surprises absolutely no one by revealing he doesn't just look like a douche, he also is one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's nothing hotter than a dude that goes to therapy. Whenever a dude says they go to therapy, I'm like, oh my god. Every time a guy on his dating profile says that he goes to therapy, I'll like it and write the ultimate thirst trap. Truly, truly. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour. I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sampson. And I'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us

your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com i would like to give an introduction to the week that we've had oh please uh monday showed up and i had forgotten my fucking laptop and I just like I was aggravated all day you know when you just like you wake up and you have that like high strung energy that's like no one fuck with me yeah absolutely I've had that for a few days now luckily today it melted away and then yesterday we were gonna try and make recording work but uh it just Amelia had to take me out to the vet and me I was was high as hell when she came home and it was just that was stressful and then i was like i i got into my car to drive to emilia's and i was like fuck i'm literally out of gas how did this happen and because i'm that

bitch i drive on e i'm sorry i do too i do too i drive on e hot girls drive on e hot girls drive on e um not ecstasy though that's yeah no no i've never met a hot girl that drives on ecstasy that's just science that also seems like something that's not fun to do when you're on ecstasy anyways and irresponsible yeah don't be high and drive yeah or drink and drive yeah simple directions from your favorite girl we're mad moms against drunk driving yeah oh damn um that's an actual thing yeah but that's us that is us we are your moms yeah um and your dad and your brothers and your sisters and your boyfriends and your girlfriends your creepy uncle um i don't know if i want to be oh okay no no for sure i was just no you know what

this might be a house of dragons spoilers but i want to be that creepy uncle maybe i want to be with that creepy uncle what kind of creep is he he's hot but like what kind of what like what flavor of creepy um like a little incestual oh all right with his niece okay that feels very that's also like the brand yeah that's the brand for game of thrones there's a lot of like marrying your cousin or your brother or whatever because i looked at the family tree i looked at the targaryen family tree because i was like what is going on here and we all know that like royal families and whatnot used to it was just very incestual they only wanted to have like royal bloodlines um so and you know what we all have to be a product of incest in some way

if we go back far enough damn that's just that's just how it is uh anyways just a lot of incest in game of thrones and the targaryen family tree specifically so i was like you know what uncle and niece is not the weirdest thing that has happened on this family tree so so you're okay with that creepy uncle in that specific instance you need to watch it because you're like no they're related and then you're like oh but the tension okay i want to hear this story well yeah now that you've listened to my um full game of thrones house of dragon which which sometimes we call dragon tales that's amazing you and mr liz yeah i love that i never got into that whole world i've not seen a single episode okay so here's the story that i've been

dying to tell you yes um so benign guy told me this story when we were walking around we went on a walk last friday and when he told me this story i was like it is going to kill me not to tell liz this story sooner because it's just perfect so he knows someone who um told him this story of him having he was having sex with his girlfriend and he was like like gonna come too fast and so he was like say something that's gonna stop me from coming and she was like um and like just like thought of the first thing that she could say which was I wish you were Tanner because he was super pale but Tanner was his brother's name oh no i feel like she meant it i wish you were your brother but when she he was like what and then

she realized she was like oh my god i mean i mean like you're so pale i wish that you were tanner then which was like also not like super great but like to to think like i wish you were your brother hurt my feelings yeah it means like say something to make me not come i would be like um purple elephant i don't know yeah i didn't default to like something that i would like to change about yeah and then for you to then say like to make him think about his brother oh my god it was just so perfect i was just like but it got me thinking about the conversation that we had a few weeks ago about like what do you think about to stop yourself from coming uh-huh and i was thinking more and more about how every single woman that responded to that prompt said

why would i ever stop myself from coming have you ever had to uh no i don't think i have either i i can't think of a single time it's interesting that it's like universally just like a penis problem um i wonder why that is i don't i don't know because it's not like there are like more nerve endings maybe it's just because it's so much more straightforward maybe like a penis is just so much more straightforward of like just up and down yeah in and out up and down it's very simple yeah um but when it comes to a vagina there's so many other things happening like vaginal sex is not as pleasurable as often as it is for

someone with a penis that's a good point that must be it because our equivalent of like just the whole penis together is our clitoris it's on the outside damn that's so true we have yeah so maybe if it was being stimulated that whole time in the same way you know i just realized too i was just about to say let us know what you think and i realized last time we said that was about um if dudes masturbate while they shit and no one's given nobody told us unless we're just missing it which makes me feel like it's a lie and and i'm it must be i'm gonna tell myself that just to like well also do people really want to tell on themselves maybe people write us interesting stuff all the time yeah but they could also be like yeah you know i've actually

had friends that um totally do this uh i've heard i read it someone that i've heard of that i went to school with that i don't associate with who isn't me at all not even sort of totally not me completely different um i have some tiktoks for you you know how much i love that for us to have a discussion about except for the last time you showed me a tiktok which was the masturbating on the toilet yeah and i i'm still not okay maybe this is just my new bit um so i wanted to like these both center on the topic of insecurity in relationships and that um i'm just going to show you both of them we we can discuss in between okay park here park here my boyfriend this is your part next to my boyfriend's car it's a parking lot i can park next to anybody i want

You're parked next to my boyfriend, though. Okay, um, I... Can nobody park in a parking lot next to your boyfriend's car? Get out of my spot. This isn't... Don't park next to my boyfriend. Are you crazy? Are you insecure?

Are you crazy? I know you not just say that to me. What is your problem? Get out of my parking spot. You're parked next to my boyfriend. Are you okay? Are you? Imagine.

just parked in a parking lot like anywhere and then some girl walks up to your car and it's like you're parked next to my boyfriend ma'am can you fucking can you imagine like I mean so I'm gonna I'm gonna play both sides of this scenario out because imagine how exhausting it is for her boyfriend to always be like watched like this you know what i mean and be like you can't if you can't have a girl parked next to you imagine what like she probably goes through his phone all day every day right yeah i bet she seems like the kind of person who would put like a tracking device on him easily the other side of it is did he fuck up and make her that insecure perhaps yeah like what is the dynamic of this relationship because it's clearly not a good one if anybody can't like

I feel bad for her in a sense I mean it's like absurd you know obviously I can't imagine spending that much like energy and it's like it's a lot of negative energy yeah you're spending so much energy to feel bad that sounds just so exhausting yeah and to be like a girl parked next to my boyfriend's car and like when because for a while in the video I was like maybe they're like parking in front of their house or something but then she was like i'm in a parking lot you know so it's like it's not even like a private area like it's like a normal parking lot yeah and she's like you're in my spot like tell your boyfriend to move spot i wish there was just like more of it would make sense if she was like well my boyfriend lives here and then these are

both of his spots so i park in this one right yeah get out it's different yeah but that's obviously not the context good lord get out of my spot what are you gonna do lay there like lay in the spot so no one parks there right put up a fake sign i feel like that would no one with a vagina is allowed to park here reserved just put a reserved sign if you're that pressed even if it is like fake say it is like that's not something that i would be surprised to see because that's how some people are like some people are that insecure okay yes what would you do if somebody came up to me and said that yeah i mean i'm so passive i would have just been like okay and just moved and then just told everyone the story later i think i would have my uh pepper spray on me and

i'd be like well i wouldn't want my car to be vandalized yeah i think i'd just be like listen i don't know your boyfriend i don't care about him i'm just here to do my business i'd probably turn in a therapy moment i'd be like girl why are you so worried that someone's parked next to your boyfriend's car like an exhausting existence yeah get out like what what does he do to make you feel like you can't even just trust someone to park their own car and there's like a cutaway shot of her like crying yeah in her car like having a whole therapy session with her girl it's okay it's time to leave i yeah i think i would be confrontational or i would pretend i didn't know what she was saying be like i don't know english yeah i don't

know no i'll blow english yeah just like in the most like white accent yeah just just pretend i don't know english yeah there are some boundaries my husband and i have in our marriage as a married couple still in college. Rule number one is we're not allowed to sit beside the opposite sex in any of our classes. Rule number two is on discussion boards you are only allowed to reply to the same sex. Last night Tucker saw this really good discussion board by a girl named Riley and I was just like I don't really feel comfortable with that so yeah he didn't respond to her. rule number three um this one's kind of hard to stick to but we try our very best to only have professors of the same gender as us um i do have one male psychology professor but um

tucker usually sits in that class with me finally at the beginning of every semester during the introductions we both are sure to mention that we're married just so that no one you know tries to cross any boundaries oh i just got like multiple x just like right so many level married in college how she just like talks you can tell that she's just like so comfortable with what she's saying she's like i don't know or she thinks it's normal yeah or like she's proud of it exactly she's like so hyped on these like rules that her and her husband have he's a respectful man and but but no because if he was a respectful man then he you would trust him to have like female professors well and even just normal female friendships i think it's a huge green flag when

men have just like literally like regular friendships with women totally agreed and not not just guys who have friendships with women that they're not like romantically or sexually attracted to because that's also a big topic of contention it's like okay well would you be friends with a woman that you're not attracted to right i there's and then they're like oh what i this video is going to haunt me for a long time i this might be like kind of a bad take but i feel like this kind of behavior makes people cheat yeah no i i like not trusting another person is and policing literally everything that they do like it's like making them a caged animal yeah and like that's when animals freak out but i tried to take me out to

the vet yesterday in a bag and she freaked the fuck out and i feel like it's the same kind of thing when you're in a relationship where you keep someone constrained like that like their instinct is going to be to flip out yeah even if you have the same rules for them i just i also think men who are able to have um what's the word platonic like close platonic friendships with women that are like just literal normal friendships yeah and respectful friendships and it's reciprocated on both sides it shows that they see women they see and value women as actual people rather than Sexual objects, totally. So, I mean, like, I definitely felt a little insecure when Mr. Liz had so many, like, close female friends, especially, like, at work, too, because that's where most people cheat, which is not a statistic I really knew at the time.

I just had been in past relationships where it was the case where, like, you can't trust them to have regular friendships with women. And – I don't know the more I got to know like hang out with everyone and like got to know his friends and see how he operates in friendships like it was just such a huge like green flag and like a turn on and it made a lot of sense like to know that he respects me as an equal partner in our relationship and not just like he's dating me because he thinks I'm pretty or something yeah or that like the the women the female friends he keeps around he's there he's not friends with them because like he thinks they're attractive or he's explicitly not attracted to them or anything like

that it's like they're just really rad women and like think about the people you surround yourself with because that they're a reflection of you you know like i have lots of male friends like throughout college and like my adult life that are just friendships yeah and like I don't know like if I can trust myself to only be friends with these men and for them to also like feel the same way about me and only want to be friends and like enjoy each other's company like you should be able to trust your boyfriend or your husband or whatever to do that too absolutely yes like I know in the past when I've been like super super insecure in my relationships it consumes like all of my thoughts oh yeah the ugliest most exhausting way yes so for it to be

like I've been we've all been that bitch yes all been that insecure bitch I can't imagine having like all of these rules laid out to the point of like if you can't sit next to anybody in class of the opposite sex you can't reply to a discussion board i know that was obscene to me it's like you're just trying to like get a good grade it's not like you're trying you're just trying to meet the bare minimum it's just does anyone put that much thought into it imagine how many fights they get in like you can't stand behind a woman in the grocery store oh god oh you can't park next to a woman that's like what level it's at it's awful that's it the podcast over yeah i was just climbed into my lap all on her own and she's feeling really sensy right now

so this is a big big deal yeah meows is also high as hell i think we should mention that she's high as shit i probably is anymore she hasn't had any painkiller in like eight hours oh my goodness is she this snuggly all the time yeah but not with everyone i'm chosen this is really sweet wow wow well that's a wrap guys uh so the the tiktok that follows the one that we just played and discussed is like this girl having her friends like defend her relationship with her husband and she's like they keep calling at hate comments and i'm just like people are allowed to have criticisms right it's like that's how that's how the world works and it needs to like things need to be criticized and questioned

for us to make progress and if that works for you then that's great but you also need to understand how some of these boundaries aren't functional for most people right yeah and like also to call them hate comments is like a little cocky because like you know you're a hater because you just like don't have a husband that would like be willing to set those boundaries and also like you know nobody think nobody is that invested in this to hate you or it's just confusing well and i like both people in the relationship agreed to these rules so it's not like she's just like setting all these rules for her boyfriend or her husband sorry sorry it's just like boyfriend behavior not husband behavior it's just even more it's just yeah it's even more crazy that it's her husband

and she has these boundaries like you married each other knowing that you were like you were this way yeah i hello well and i also wonder how much of it is like his own insecurities like well you can't be talking to other dudes you know what do you believe more knows uh i mean i could only speak from my perspective and i'm like so insecure so i would like i'm thinking like it's probably putting them in place yeah but like it might be him that's true i've never dated an insecure man no i'm or like i've never dated a man who's been like you can't talk to that guy no me neither and i've only dated men who are like weirdly suspicious about other women so i yeah i end up being the insecure one damn damn my like long-term ex was really suspicious

of or like was the entire eight-year relationship he only banned me from talking to one person and it was because he heard him talking about me in the gym that was like and that was at the very beginning of our relationship I feel like there are instances where it's like okay to be like don't talk to this person because it makes me uncomfortable yeah if there's a good reason like this person has already like crossed some boundaries that make me uncomfortable right exactly there was only one instance where like i feel like my boundaries were crossed with mr liz and someone else and like i know this isn't an excuse we were all intoxicated i was there um and i wasn't really paying attention because i trust him so i'm like yeah go do whatever you

want i'm gonna do whatever i want it was a party and um trying to see if i remember what story and then one of my friends was like um I'm like a little uncomfortable by what's happening over here and it was this um a girl we know was like she had started a new medication and was like

fucked up and she was like all over him practically like sitting in his lap and um I like watched for a couple minutes cause I was like huh well first I wanted to make sure like oh did I just see her like maybe like

touching him in a friendly way like that's fine i don't care but then it was just it became too much and i was like huh and then i pulled him aside and talked to him about it because i was like hey you're right there yeah like you guys are crossing a line he's like i'm so sorry i like was not even paying attention because they were all having like a group conversation and i think he was just like living in it we were all fucked up and right he was like oh my god i'm so sorry and then we talked about it more and I was like well I just also want to know like what are your boundaries because I want to make sure we're on the same page about how we each feel about like what is crossing a line what isn't yeah and then he was like oh my god if the roles were reversed I

also would have been upset absolutely so yeah see that's the thing is like when you were it was a one-and-done discussion I was like I'm not mad at either of you I just want you to be aware of like when something's starting to become like uncomfy like a little inappropriate a good rule of thumb is like if you start to feel insecure like that like to just squash it right there like you did because like the more and more you think about this shit the worse it gets anyone not you literally everybody it's like it marinates and like you start to remember it differently because you're like filling in blanks so it's like you're like you did it on purpose i don't know so we talked about it in the moment and then also the next day when we were like all intoxicated and

um he messed I was like well he's like well I want to talk to her about it and then I was like whatever you're comfortable with like sure and then he messaged her and was like hey I just want you to know like things were like a little inappropriate like um and then she was like I don't remember any of this i'm so sorry like she started lexapro which is like you shouldn't be drinking when you just start like a new ssri especially you're technically not supposed to drink when you're on ssris right but i i mean i'm on meds too i totally understand like yeah i mean how that situation was handled top to bottom was exactly how it should have been handled you know like you got to give people room to make mistakes and like learn from them too especially

if you love them people aren't mind readers either you know like i don't know it's there's nothing more frustrating than when you bring something to someone that bugs you and they're like it wasn't anything yeah it's like okay but it felt like it i'm not attacking you you don't need to default to being defensive right it's tough and like i mean like nobody is perfect in these situations either like i think everybody feels insecure from time to time i think that that's biologically based we've adapted to be jealous because it's like obviously that's like a competitive like that's a competitive spirit going easy on yourself if you're feeling insecure because that's always been my issue is like being like Amelia you're fucking crazy like relax you

know instead of just being like okay there's something happening in this situation that's making me feel a type of way how should I analyze this and work through it because like I was always made to feel nuts in my long-term relationship whenever i felt like something was off and i was right about all of it but like i like gaslit myself into thinking that i wasn't because how much of it is your gut instinct versus like um just regular jealousy right exactly and it turned out all mine was gut instinct but that's not the case for everybody but i then realized when my ex had nothing to be hiding from me and again this isn't like this isn't a blanket statement for everyone but for in my relationship when he wasn't having anything to hide from me and i would bring

forth insecurities that i had he was like so much better about it you know he was like oh my god i'm so sorry that you feel that way like let's work through it he was more understanding versus when you were right he was defensive he was like you're he's like are you fucking kidding me amelia like you always think i'm doing shit yeah and i'm just like turns out you were but then once that was like all out in the open he was like so understanding and like started drawing like boundaries with people that made me uncomfortable not like don't talk to them but just like yeah don't uh let them sit in your lap or something yeah he had a friend who ended up um coming out as gay who she was like public enemy number one for a while because she would always like kiss his neck and shit

yeah and i was always just like don't let her do that i don't do that to my platonic friends no and then when she came out he was like this is gonna make you feel so much better but she came out as gay and it's like but it doesn't because like yeah that's still a boundary that and she was still hooking up with straight guys so like just like for fun yeah anyway that's like a whole other thing that feels like unethical hi ryan reynolds here for mint mobile are you looking for a beach read this summer may i suggest your big wireless bill it's got suspense mystery a slightly flat emotional arc and a shocking twist where you realize you've been overpaying the entire time fortunately though mint story is better every plan 15 a month even unlimited that's it happy

ending zero tears give it a try at mint mobile.com slash switch upfront payment of 45 for three months 90 for six months or 180 for 12 month plan required 15 per month equivalent taxes and fees initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy see terms i have an nft idea no but it wasn't an nft idea but i um posted it like a mock-up of it and people were like this has to be your first nft i am anti nft sorry i mean so am i just because of like you know nft bros but like i could like you know i'm fine with money any means necessary besides like killing people are you about to become a crypto bro is this turning into a crypto bro podcast yeah a game of thrones crypto bro duo crip bro game game of cryptos damn i have a video

for you it's not about insecurities but it is about x this woman i saw this tweet for context i can't i can't find it but this woman gave this like list uh like her um fiance dumped her and called off the wedding oh my god and she was upset and so she made a list of icks to like make her feel better and they were the most absurd icks and she was like listen y'all are gonna get the ick about me once you hear this list um because i don't know why i put up with this shit for so long but he shared a bed with his sister until he was 22 that's weird yeah like and like not like because they like didn't have money for more bet like they chose to sleep in the same bed he had sex dreams about his sister this is just an incest episode clearly

um he can't do anything without calling his parents like if he had to like print something out he'd be like oh i need to print this out hold on i need to call my mom and then he would like call his mom for like moral support through it um he didn't have a job like by choice uh he didn't pay rent for like three months i mean he doesn't have a job right but like he had like no incentive so his mom would just like always call him and be like what do you need honey yeah uh-huh and he wasn't like disabled like there was nothing going on that should have stopped him from having a job he was just lazy like i think making a list of x when you get your heart broken is such a great idea honestly i would have never thought of doing that like i mean i could i could do that for

everyone that's ever broken my heart there are endless you should make a list of x that's great advice licks i recently heard some advice that um wherever you work you should start a like folder on your google drive or whatever where wherever your cloud is located um if that's the right terminology i should know i work in tech um but i don't know um and that's my problem not yours uh but uh you should keep a folder of receipts of like if someone you work with says something like racist or misogynistic or generally shitty like take a screenshot of it and save it definitely and then also have a folder of your compliments so just take a screenshot of that and that like if you have a really bad day it's like easy to go look into your compliments folder um from work

and remind yourself like you are good at what you do absolutely but the the receipts folder is good for if something like legal happens yeah i agree um i'm trying not to disturb the cat speaking of receipts um something that's happening in the news right now is adam levine and sumner stole is her name the instagram model that he had an alleged affair with leaking the the dms that he sent her asking if she would be okay with him naming his unborn son after her can you fucking imagine there are so many layers to this the first that i think the tip of the iceberg that i think is worth discussing is how bad he is at sexting some of the some of those texts and this is you know kind of a non-issue but it is worth mentioning i've never seen anybody so bad at

sending flirty texts he's never had to be good at it that's so and also he's old i think we're forgetting that yeah he is but like he's too old come on like first of all are you surprised no not at all no me either like like a famous musician like a rock star i'm sure i'm shocked that he's he totally doesn't seem like the type no i saw a tweet today that was like adam levine seems like the kind of person to have sex to his own music that's so fucking true and yeah that's accurate i get that energy from him he is like i was looking at pictures of him and if i saw him just like walking on the street i would not look twice like if he wasn't adam levine you know like i don't think he's like a good looking hottie i really yeah i thought he was hot i don't think

he's i think that his he's hot because of his like how he carries himself like his singing and like the interviews i've seen but like all of his tattoos but he does not need to have like the ego that he has did you see his do you remember his proactive commercials it's the face of proactive for so long damn so was katie perry oh yeah yeah i i saw most of the adam levine ones i think when the katie perry ones were big i was like i didn't have tv as often i was in college that's fair yeah um i saw today apparently her um his ex private yoga instructor came forward did you see this no that he it was before he was with bahati but he was in a relationship with whoever he was with before bahati but he started like saying uncomfortable

things to his private yoga instructor and she was in a relationship and he would say things like oh i tell all my friends that my yoga instructor has the best ass in hollywood like stuff like that that was just kind of like okay that's like inappropriate today but whatever yeah but then he texted her and she was taking a bath and he texted her and said without me no where's my hug baby girl no he said um i want to spend a whole day naked with you and her boyfriend saw the text and freaked out at her and so she texted him and was like trying to she was trying to tell her boyfriend like this was a like he meant to text his girlfriend like this was a mistake so she like texted adam and was like you meant to send this to your girlfriend yeah and he never responded

and her boyfriend broke her wrist yeah out of like jealous rage oh my god um so yeah that's like apparently like a few people have come forward that he's just like kind of like pretty icky also i'm so sad for that woman like yeah she that also just shows like the danger women are in when because it's just like normalized that like if you exist that anyone can hit on you if they want yeah and then she had to endure like domestic violence yep as a result of just this man who is famous and used to getting whatever he wants like this is a result of that right yeah i know it's fucked up and like i don't i don't know i've been seeing a lot of this discourse around like sumner is just as guilty and it's like yeah if she knew that he

was in a relationship like that's that's fucked like it is but like the power dynamic there is really unbalanced she's also like i don't know they're both guilty but he's way more guilty yeah 100 he's the one who's married and has children with this woman and like yeah is still pursuing other like relationships and not trying very hard to be secretive about it and like i feel like there are i love that this woman sumner just like gave his pr to him no time to prepare she didn't say this through a publicist she was just like she woke up in like a silly goofy mood and was like i'm gonna fuck up this guy's day you know what apparently happened was one of her friends threatened to sell the screenshots to a gossip magazine so she like took it into her own hands

yeah it's way smarter that she just did it herself because also it's like not some like stupid publicity publicity no but i mean yeah both of them are guilty especially him and we also don't know like the closed door dynamics of their marriage like maybe they agreed to have like an open marriage and not discuss it but then when it comes becomes public you're still like what what's the worst criticism to have like is it worse to be criticized for having an open marriage while you have children and like be confronted with people like screaming their ethical beliefs in your face and like I don't know versus just being like I was texting a lady I'm sorry like I don't know I also if they are in an open marriage like you would think that

I don't think it is right but like based on his statement totally because like you would think that Sumner would be like brought up to speed on that and like wouldn't feel the need to like throw him under the bus on something that like is agreed upon yeah even if someone threatened to sell the story to a tabloid that she could at least be like yeah they have an open marriage or at least that was my understanding right exactly i don't know this whole thing is such a mess and it's taking over everything right now like it's all over all of the news honestly the memes are pretty funny yeah they are and his his statement was also just like kind of bullshit i didn't have an affair but i crossed a line during a regrettable time in my life is what

he said and it's like okay so you cheated but you didn't have an affair it's like that's still super super fucked well and also what's the difference like having an affair i is like a long term like more than once oh i didn't cheat i was having an affair those are both yeah that's both yeah cheating is the umbrella term yeah right and then there's like one night stand or affair affairs and the fact that this was long term is worse actually right well he was saying it was a long term but like oh but who knows like who knows anyway like there's just so much of this going on i know that you stopped watching the bachelorette if you're if you haven't watched the finale yet i read some spoilers some spoilies well because i stopped watching yeah but i still

wanted to know how it ended yeah so okay so rachel rachel so again if you if you haven't watch the finale skip the next five minutes they're gone rachel was picked tino their relationship did they get engaged yeah okay um their relationship i guess kind of started to fall apart in the real world as it does you know yeah and like she was saying some things that was making him feel insecure he wasn't there for her like she wanted him to be and then he like ran into someone that he almost dated before going on the bachelorette and they like kissed in a bar and he knew that she was going to find out about it and so he told her which is like of course like you should because they didn't call off the engagement they were just like going through a

rocky time he thought they were like taking space from each other i guess they had never discussed that so it's just like a mess and i have never watched two people gaslight each other back and forth like that for that long in circles in my entire life both of them were like somebody a therapist tweedon was like i'm a therapist and i don't even know who's gaslighting who in this situation like it was the fucking worst but to be crucified like on like a public stage like that like the entire everybody was against tino and i've been cheated on and i was watching just like i don't think this man deserves this kind of crucifixion right now like the producers of the bachelor give actually zero fucks about the mental health of the cast oh yeah they just want

the ratings and it's like this dude was distraught like you could just tell it was not an act he was like having like multiple panic attacks like during this whole process and was like he had been crying and like rachel's like he's trying to explain like why he made the mistake that he made and like she would be like you're lying that's not enough and he's just like i don't know what the fuck to do that's not excusing what he did it's super fucked but like holy shit we need to stop acting like cheating is a novel thing it happens way too often yeah I'm just like oh man cheated next yeah I know that's the thing and like it's there are too many instances in these reality shows where there are mistakes that was so loud I know are you hungry no there are so many instances

on these reality shows where people make mistakes that a lot of people are able to make and deal with privately and then the same people that make the mistakes privately are like you know like shouting from the top of the mountains how fucked up these people on these reality shows are for doing the exact same thing they're the first to criticize but yeah if you're if you're being observed by like the nation yeah like a national television show her little post i know i love when like this um you're yeah you're not subject to like criticism on that level no that's not we're not designed for that no i don't think yeah absolutely not that would definitely cause me a lot of distress as well yeah i don't know this i just it's such an unnatural way to date and

then everybody acts like they get an opinion on these people's lives but anyway cheating is a big hot topic this week yeah cheating and incest yeah are the two topics they are trending we got some male are we are we gonna end with this yeah um male instead of um a sex fact male fact of the week like m-a-i-l yeah m-a-i-l yeah oh not m-a-l yeah yeah male factor of the week email of the week email of the week email of the week email of the week it's been a while since we've done the sex fact of the week song yeah wow i feel really good okay all right here it is hi amelia and liz of course i have to start off by giving my love to you both in the show you never fail to make me laugh and you've provided such valuable insight that has helped

me be more confident in my day-to-day life i'm very grateful for you both we're really grateful for you too story time i had met this guy on hinge that i really liked but he ended up being a pretty flaky pretty flaky and uncommunicative despite this i stuck around for about a month because he was fun to be around he was also hot and i'm a sucker for a hot guy's attention aren't we all and you know what they believe that it's valuable yeah it's just a vicious cycle it really really is it really is um he managed to find time to hang out with me one saturday evening and we met up to grab dinner and then went back to his place he didn't tell me beforehand that he had another thing to go to pretty soon after our agreed meetup time and of course i was irritated by this but

still proceeded to have sex with him anyways the sex was great but here's where things went wrong one when he came he sat away from me afterward no cuddling at all two he didn't even attempt to get me off three the first thing he said was what time is it four as he was rushing to leave because he was late he also said this is why i didn't want to have sex even though he had repeatedly groped me and was the first to take his pants off what the fuck this is why i didn't want to have sex well while unzipping his pants that's just oh i have so many i have so many things to say about all these points five he then asked me will i be okay because i know you've had a lot of partners referring to stds i make sure to get a history from each of my partners and that

they all wear a condom he was no exception which i had told him already in the past he just clearly doesn't know how sex works then yeah he like at that point you just like are saying that to be an asshole yeah absolutely am i gonna be safe it's like um if you have to ask that yeah like you're the problem absolutely do you know how like right if you care about std testing and condoms work if you care about being safe then you should probably know like how this shit works and you don't i fully understand his concern and i don't know why this question irritated me as much as it did i do and we you are completely valid and being irritated phrase that well at all to be like hey we are like it so they already had a conversation about this but if they hadn't

it could be like hey we didn't talk about this like beforehand but like um what i don't know how would you phrase it like let's talk about like um std testing and like sexual history because that's normal right or just be like yes like i know we talked about this before but like i'm feeling a little anxious like how do you feel about getting like both of us getting std tests that's how i've said like when was last time you were tested just because i don't know two people are consenting to having sex it's a very normal conversation that you should be having and it's also all in tone and like yeah like this whole thing will i be okay i know you've had a lot of or even to lead with like yeah i got my last std test like this time blah blah blah like yeah i

don't know right there are ways to have this conversation without being a fucking dick yeah he's immediately pointing the finger at her instead of being like well and then he he's probably asking because he's probably never gotten an std test right he also just doesn't he clearly doesn't know how this shit works and he was just like being a dick all around so he just had to like throw this last thing in um anyway so the end of point number five was it didn't seem like the right time to ask i guess my body almost immediately went into an emotional low to the point where i was just laying there close to tears he asked me what was wrong oh fucking idiot sorry that was that was me that wasn't in the email he asked me what was wrong and i mentioned aftercare which

he didn't know about of course he briefly hugged me then we packed up to leave i rode that emotional low well into the next day but we talked about meeting up that evening for a movie night during the week so i believed he would make up for it nope this man tried to rain check me because he was too busy doing errands go figure i was fed up to the point i was fed up at this point and texted him back with it's very clear to me that you are very busy and i understand i'm no longer willing to see you and i wish you all the best not sure if it was a little too harsh but that man is now dead silent anyway thank you for reading y'all have repeatedly said how important aftercare is on the show and personally hearing this helped me understand myself and my own needs

when i'm agreeing to meet up with a partner we are not being needy when all we want is a cuddle sesh after sex and fuck anyone that doesn't want to cater to our needs amen absolutely amen and i think it's important to read this too because like i think it's really easy to forget that like if you're feeling sad after sex there's pay attention to that feeling yeah um i would also like to add a note that i don't think that text was harsh enough no i agree yeah i think i'm honestly i'm a believer in honesty and even though it might make another person uncomfortable it's not your responsibility to like coddle another person's feelings especially if you didn't care about yours at all yeah just just saying how you feel about something and like

how you would have preferred it to be handled is not um it's not harsh you shouldn't be afraid to say that and then how they choose to respond is not your responsibility because when in an instance like this where you don't know each other that well and he was very just like shitty and with her feelings yeah like he wasn't treating you like an actual person right he didn't yeah exactly he didn't give any sort and then for him to be such a dick and then be like what's wrong like give me a fucking like um i don't know let's do the math here bud yeah right where should i start you're disrespectful as hell and you also didn't even offer to get me off and then now you're just like trying to disappear this is why i didn't want to have sex i took my pants off and like initiated

this hello like i don't i've had a few friends whose ex-boyfriends have said things along the lines of like i didn't even really want to have sex and it's like what so now you're making it look like i pressured you into this when you were like a willing participant you know and it's like obviously there there are issues with consent and boundaries but like if somebody is like like it's unfair to make somebody feel like they were the one that pressured you into it if there was no reason for them to believe that you didn't want to and that's a gray area because obviously power dynamics they don't know each other and for him to be like he's acting like he's having sex for her benefit right even after she didn't even come like right hello yeah it is

a very fucked up situation like for clearly he can't manage his emotions because the reason he's so upset is because he was going to be late to his thing and that's on him for not planning his time yeah don't if you have shit to do then like rain check sex yeah or plan ahead and like go on a date when you do have time i don't know but i do think that being hot is not an excuse for being a dick absolutely i also think she should have said how he actually made her feel but that's always you know so much easier hindsight in 2020 yeah it's way easier said than done because they're it is hard to be strategic enough to be like listen like this was a really this felt like a really like disrespectful situation to me because of x y

and z i know that probably wasn't your intent but i just want you to know how those actions made me feel yeah as a result yeah and like you just start you were really inconsiderate and i don't know if you should be pursuing relationships with people if you're not willing to like care about their feelings right and you shouldn't be having sex with anyone if you're not going to be considerate of their emotions now when you stand up for yourself a lot of the time too like the person's initial reaction to you standing up to them will be to make you feel stupid for saying what you're saying and like don't ever let that make you feel like you're not valid and how you're feeling because that's a defense mechanism like this guy was like harassing me on my pictures and shit

on instagram this past week like i mean he was harassing me for months and i had been ignoring him but this past week like he sent me a met because he's one of my subscribers on instagram and you can subscribe to stuff on instagram yeah they just rolled it out holy shit i finally said to him like thank you so much for your support and you're making me really uncomfortable and i thought that you would stop but you haven't so i just wanted to let you know that like how you talk to me makes me uncomfortable which is very measured it's not yeah you you were like you were super respectful it was very straightforward yeah and then he was like i didn't want to he's like you're lucky i even looked in your direction you stupid fucking white cunt and then he also asked

for his three dollars back like okay broke ass bitch yeah like get the fuck out of here asking for your three dollars back he blocked me so and i didn't even know he was like following me or anything i don't know um this fucking idiot and then he probably also blocked the podcast yeah who even knows uh good riddance but i say this to say you can be as nice and as measured and as like justified as humanly possible and people will still find a way to make you feel like you're being ridiculous so stand up for yourself whenever you can i know that it's difficult and it's definitely a muscle like i'm learning how to do it well it never feels good before emily even replied to him she was like i just told like one of my subscribers like he's

making me uncomfortable and i'm afraid of how he's gonna respond yeah i was i sent liz like 10 screenshots every time anyone said anything yeah meanwhile i was having a meltdown in ikea because it's so big and busy i was like i just want my meatballs it's a really stressful place to be it it was but anyway um but yeah i was so worried about how he was gonna respond because like I don't I don't know he's not in America but I was still like your safety is like a concern always yeah I think I'm more concerned about Amelia's safety than she is oh my god I feel like if I was concerned about it I would like I think I'm not concerned I'm like Amelia don't post any pictures where you could see the street I know my god I posted a ring video yesterday of

um me taking me out to the vet because it was hilarious did you see it um and I like cropped in so there was like no identifying features on it because people are fucking nuts but i feel like if i was as concerned as like the people in my life are about my own safety i would be immobile you know yeah like i wouldn't be able to so i feel like i have to just pretend like it's not an issue if i'm ever concerned i'm gonna directly tell you oh yeah you do there was um well because i hadn't considered it that much until this um creator on youtube that i followed for a while she stopped making videos um best dress her name's ashley she stopped making youtube videos because she had a stalker who like found her based on the picture she posted and she did like a little apartment

tour of like this is how i like decorated my apartment and like this is how i like upcycled some stuff and this guy like found her and like showed up at her apartment and was like hey and she's like what the fuck he like found her through photos of like fire escapes and like it's so fun it's so fun i i don't know and then like she disappeared and then like didn't talk about it until later and now she only put she moved since and like will only post on instagram not near where she lives but that's still fucking terrifying it's super scary like to just be doing something to like you're trying to create something to like entertain other people and be a job and fulfilling and then like someone just feels entitled to your time and space and

location that you don't even fucking know them right i mean that's a parasocial relationship thing there's this guy and i understand like i under i don't know we have parasocial relationships with people absolutely and like the people who have like quote-unquote a parasocial relationship with us i wouldn't be freaked out if i like met up with that they would never come to our house they would never come to our place of residence yeah but still it's like you just never know it takes one unhinged person and like there's i mean i have quite a few people that like really do not like me based on my content and like that's what scares me yeah there was because those people are very aggressive yeah there's um a creator on tiktok who showed how easy it is to figure out

someone's location based on like a video that you would never expect and he did it and this random video of this person driving with their dog he identified the exact street that they were driving on based on like the color of the roof um like the color of the trees the trees that were outside of the car um like the the speed limit like he did all of it like he just like honed in on everything and found the exact street the person was driving on and he's like this is how easy it is and it's like yo what like it's just so the internet is such a scary place there's this never know there's this new ai i saw i i mean i i'm on like weird parts of tiktok just based on like my job and like my niche interests but um it there's this ai that someone created that like if someone makes

and posts a tiktok video it will gather information from all of the like the security cameras other people's phones like if they were taking a picture nearby like it gathers all of that that is publicly accessible through the internet to find you making that and like where you were and when like i feel like for like criminal justice reasons that's great and for every other reason it's i was i was like just like oh my god this guy is just a guy and then i was like should i download this video before like the cia has it deleted permanently that's so fucking scary dude yeah so all that to say um be careful uh keep keep like a weapon on you you know like depending on what state you're in keep like mace or i just bought a taser yeah i have a taser amazon um

i have a taser next to my bed um and then i think i've said that before and then i have pepper spray and an alarm on my keychain hell yeah i need to get more pepper spray um i don't know where mine was just keep it everywhere yeah my dad uh anytime he would go to goodwill he would buy me a baseball bat so i had a baseball bat in my car hell yeah you never know when you're gonna need a bat you never know um i had one next to my door and then i had one under my bed but when my ex let himself into my apartment and I like he came in to surprise me in the middle of the night which is not a good idea and I thought yeah I thought he was gonna murder me we were dating at the time so it wasn't like my ex like let himself in um while we were broken up uh and

then I was like oh my god I'm gonna fucking be murdered um and he was on the side of the bed that the bat was on so after I told my dad that story he got me another bat to put on the other side of the bed hell yeah so you can never have too many bats is what i'm trying to say i wish you knocked him out oops i was i was terrified and then sobbing so yeah i would have been sobbing too like what the that's so scary who thinks that that's okay someone with privilege yeah someone who's never had to worry yeah he's never had to worry and he's also never been perceived as a threat ever in his life that's true yeah he he is kind of like the like white bread version of if you if you guys are wondering he has like a total baby face like even more baby than mine

so yeah he just looks like a child so and it's hard to take you i've learned this when someone has a baby face you want to like help someone who looks like that you don't assume that they're gonna murder you right and i don't think he's a murder i don't think he has that in him no but you know but you did scare the shit out of me i'm not gonna incriminate myself here i'm gonna i'm gonna cut myself off if anyone's a murderer it's me no no okay fbi they're gonna play this like in my court case like if anybody around me ever gets killed they're gonna be like you called yourself a murderer you joked about murdering your friend's ex yeah uh and it wasn't a joke get your facts right it wasn't a joke however we were never in that situation right

we weren't in a circumstance i'm just saying if we were in a circumstance where i had to kill him i would i may have i think that's fair yeah and that's what sisterhood is all about that's what feminism is i would be like i would be looking around the courtroom like all the women in here understand and they would all be like yeah yeah i've threatened to kill my friends ex-boyfriends name one friend who's ex-boyfriend you wouldn't fight you know everyone has one has one anyway should we wrap it up yeah we're gonna wrap it up thanks for listening yeah it's been a hot mess of an episode and a week and you know what we're just we're fucking writing it out hell yeah you're riding it out and we're here with you and we're happy that you're riding with us i was gonna

try to turn it into something sexual and it the wheels kind of came off at the end okay all right anyway we love you our children that might be our worst one today take it home Oh, yeah