The Hoely Hour - E105 Crying After Sex

Episode Date: October 7, 2022

For once the episode title is exactly what the episode is about! TWO different listeners wrote in to share their experiences crying after sex. Did you know that you have to pay the hospital to get your own placenta back? RIP Andrew Jackson you would have loved capitalism. And the girls ask other important questions, like "If you could have a celebrity threesome, who would it be with?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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May slow when network is busy. See terms. well anyways anywho um welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at

gmail.com if y'all know what we have gone through in the past having some technical difficulty 20 minutes just all day today yeah mercury is not in retrograde anymore but like this is some fucking bullshit yeah what is going on today i opened up my trunk and an entire bottle of titos that was full fell out and shattered all over the parking lot that was how i started my day oh lord so it's been it's been a bit of a day i if you had like a rough ass monday let us know because so did we yeah what the fuck is happening i got lunch with benign guy today and he showed me this like new tactic he's using on dating apps and i really really liked it where he comments on a girl's photo and he's like like there's a picture of a girl eating pizza and it was like a

huge slice and she was just like it was like struggling um she was struggling in the photo and he was like she's a 10 but she uses both hands to eat her pizza instead of just folding it like so that it's like a compliment and also like a jab kind of like playful playful and I'm like I love that strategy so I'm gonna start doing it how how would you reply if someone said that to you i'd be like oh that's a good question if so i would just be like 11 yeah i was gonna say i'd be like so you're saying so you're saying i'm a 10 and 11 yeah by she i mean me it's just science really this tiktok is from avia amber a v i a a m b e r you know what's actually fucking crazy our placentas are worth over 50 grand so when we go to give birth

first of all if we want it back we gotta pay we gotta pay them to get it back so it was just in in my body and now i have to pay you to get it back to get my own organ back that's weird and you can go and sell it for 50 grand but i can't because it's illegal if i do it that's fucked up we just like we just read through the comments because like neither of us could believe that this was like a real thing that happened it sounds like some places they will just give you your placenta but i think for the most part they don't that's just so strange someone commented it was ten thousand dollars like if there are any naysayers that are like well you know if you think about it this way i think in any case where you have to pay

anyone to keep something that's yours is weird like wisdom teeth or like if you got your hair cut and they were like no this is actually mine now like for yeah or like really anything well a fucking organ yeah one of your own organs well that you like is such an important part of like this experience that you had like not being able to keep the placenta is objectively and then having to pay for it is like objectively scary it's scary and it's fucking weird and we talk a lot about women's autonomy just in general especially now uh in such a scary time but the fact that yeah it's part of your own body and it was gonna be coming out anyways right and then they just are going to keep it and and sell it for a profit but then like she says you can't sell it and i

don't think most people want to sell their own placenta no so that can't be the reason and also even if it was the reason that they wouldn't give it back like why does that matter it's yours like it just doesn't make any sense they should just at least give you the option like do you want to keep your placenta i know some people do because your body goes through such a hormone loss yeah when you give birth that it is theorized i don't know i haven't studied this so i don't know um and maybe it's true maybe it's not we we all know we're both not doctors here but it's supposed to help with postpartum depression because it has all of those hormones and nutrients that your body was collecting during this pregnancy and then it's just ripped away from you when you

give birth so yeah no wonder you're fucking depressed you're all your hormones are just like depleted yeah it makes a lot of sense but then like you would think that then the hospital would want to do whatever they could to like counterbalance that they don't care they don't give a fuck that's why they keep your placenta and sell it for fifty thousand dollars we should look up why hospitals fuck do what are what are they doing with loose placentas and what like why do you why would you have to pay for it ew what are they doing with loose placentas just a loose placenta i feel like it'd be one thing to like donate it but like even then what the fuck would somebody do with somebody else's placenta didn't one of the kardashians like

buy someone else's placenta no i'm pretty sure kim took courtney's in pill form oh i don't know but i don't think that they bought someone else's okay i thought they just like yeah they bought a loose placenta. Gross. Hospitals treat placentas as medical waste or biohazard material. The newborn placenta is placed in a biohazard bag for storage. Some hospitals keep the placenta for a period of time in case the need arises to send it to pathology for further analysis. Can you keep your placenta after hospital birth in most so this little article bit is ncbi.nlm.nih.gov and it says yeah some hospitals still sell placentas in bulk for scientific research or to cosmetic firms where they are processed and later plastered on the faces of rich women

for what it's like affirming just giving like remember that what what's that like lady in i'm gonna i'm gonna sound so crazy um the lady who lived in new orleans who like tortured her slaves and she's like a plantation owner and she american horror story it was an american horror story it's based off of a real woman what yeah madame leroux or whatever she literally did that ew yeah so that's what that's fucking awful yeah so you give birth and the hospital sells a loose placenta i said this earlier i'm gonna keep calling it a loose placenta because that's what it is they just and they yeah they they take it from you and then they either make you pay ten thousand dollars to

get it back or they sell it to rich ladies to put on their face i just like don't get it there are so many like beauty things that rich people do that are just never going to make any sense to me like do you remember when kim kardashian did that blood facial did you ever see that vampire facial i never watched it but when i like saw vampire facials becoming a thing i obviously read about it like everyone saw her doing that it can't be that effective it's just like even if it is like don't you know like it's fine if you don't yeah you could just like not yeah there's so many things that have you considered like just not and even then you're paying a lot of money to have your own blood taken out and smeared all over your face it does not make any fucking sense

the only thing that kind of makes sense to me is like a fat transfer like for like not i don't want to say anti-aging purposes but like as you get older your body loses its elasticity and like the things that make you look youthful are like having fuller cheeks and then if you do like a little fat transfer into your cheeks you know yeah that seems more normal to me well that's like an actual service i feel like when you're taking your own blood out of your face and then putting it on your own face like that's your it's weird the overhead for the hospital is like literally nothing like they're they're not using any new product they're using your blood and you're paying them so much money to do it yeah what's a scam that we've just accepted um having

your placenta stolen yep um blood on your face your own blood on your face you could just why not just like ask someone to punch you in the face at that point sometimes i do just just to feel something but for free i don't pay them for it and neither should you shouldn't yeah so take your own blood out of your face go off queen get punched in the face um so that's just like a wild thing about women's bodies and autonomy and it just really drives home the message that you don't have any yeah damn if you have a vagina just you don't have any rights over your own body the length at which he meows is is like actually impressive i've had a question in my notes in my phone for what we can talk about on here for a really long time and I've

never asked you and I'm giving you no heads up so if we need to revisit we can okay if you were to have a threesome with any celebrity couple one celebrity couple who would it be that is such a great question um and I need to think about what celebrity couples are still together you know we can like revisit from the past you know like if if they were still together i would like have a threesome with ragelina that's not my answer but like um they have to have just existed at one point i think like lisa bonet and jason momoa damn i think they would both murder me they probably have but in like a really fun way yeah except jason momoa i think he's problematic i think he recently came out as being a problem really what a disappointment i know we'll see i

it's it's hard to remember i think i'm getting to a point where i'm just like yeah people suck sometimes and sometimes they learn and try to not suck anymore i want that man's hand as a necklace i'm not gonna lie i just like want him to like i want to feel really small yeah in his hand while he like chokes me against a wall you know and there are certain people takes me out yeah like I want to pass out I'm ready to die right that's a good way to go you're in heaven everyone's like how'd you die oh Jason Momoa and like Lisa Bonet love that love that for me I can't imagine anything what about you I have thought about this quite a bit just since I wrote this in my phone not like in my free time I mean maybe a little bit of my free time it's like nothing

um but recently i feel like miles teller and his girlfriend oh wife i think they're married now right don't tell me they were at least engaged i think they're married i love their story they met at a party they just seem very normal like i love couples that just like seem normal yeah they just like exist in the real world because they're real people because we forget male celebrities have an easier time having their own privacy and like being treated normally yeah we were talking a little bit about this last week with like cheating and how men have more of a pass in hollywood than women do yeah i get like forgiven for shit um but my answer before was uh you know the porn star james dean yes his or well i've you've talked about him but

he's phenomenal his um wife i think they're married or just like life partner is also a porn star and they are both they one of their like sex tapes is online and it's like the most perfect yes so that was my answer for a long time those um i have a confession oh no it's not bad okay i mean it might be bad to some people okay um but i don't think you'll think it's bad my confession is i have a running list in my notes of like porn channels i like oh like porn stars okay like share i don't know is porn star like a right the correct i think so okay one of my favorites adult performer one of my favorite adult performer couples is adored hippie uh they're like like a kinky couple but it's just adored there's just it's just everything you want

to see in a couple having sex damn yeah this girl comes so many times i love that just a million times like constant coming i think i've seen their stuff yeah probably probably it is an impressive amount of coming yeah he and he just focuses I think so what made me think of this is recently I think last night um on my for you page someone was on a podcast like right now this one just like this one believe it or not podcast just like this um they had microphones and everything but he was explaining a pleasure dom and I mean obviously like I mean I know what a pleasure dom is it's pretty self-explanatory it's like a dominant who gets off on getting you off and they want to get you off as many times as fast as possible so and then the comments are like

where do i find one yeah true truly i've been thinking a lot about field that dating app that's like for i think relationships you need to i want you to sign up for it i i think i might for research purposes i think i'm going to and then let me look at it because i'm curious too i think i'm going to do it for research i'm i'm a little scared i'm not gonna lie because i've heard some things about just like it's it's a very like accepting community like and people are like very kind on there and like open and there's no judgment but i also feel like there are like some communities that are like tight-knit that like have a little bit less of a uh what's the word i'm looking for like patience for people that don't really know

a lot yet and i'm concerned about poking around and being shunned does that make sense i'm picking my words wisely here but you know i mean i think that makes sense yeah they don't want to be the person to introduce you or teach you the basics of bdsm right but and i'm curious about it but i don't know i'm also in this phase now where like i'm not like i'm looking for a relationship so it's also like i feel like i missed the boat on it that is something that's a little complicated is like a lot of people in the bdsm community make it like their entire personality and that's fine like i admire when people have dedicated interests that they're really passionate about because i don't really like feel like that about anything yeah so in some ways i'm a little jealous

of anyone who's able to experience that from like k-pop to like bdsm like i'm like good for you you love this thing so much i wonder what that's like but it can feel like really exclusionary yeah to someone who is like you who's like just trying to figure out what they like you know they they got here some some way yeah but right exactly and i think there's a lot of communities like that obviously not everyone in these communities are that way but like there are sects of them and it's difficult like i was at a show this weekend at the gorge so much fun i'm so tired but it was so fun and you can tell that there are people that and i've experienced this even before this weekend that are like kind of gatekeepy about like that kind of festival it's

like oh like you're new here like you don't really know what you're doing like it's just it's like it's a festival people like things let people try things out yeah let them try it let them like it or dislike it you know like yeah it is annoying when people are gatekeeping about their interests it's like let people like try it out yeah them also being interested in it doesn't have any effect on you you're new to it once and you also don't know why this person didn't experience this until now like fucking chill and like don't you want them to have a good experience and love it as much as you do what's what's wrong with that especially because this kind of thing have you heard of plur yeah yeah peace love unity respect yeah until until

the molly wears off and you're trying to get out of the parking lot yeah but it's like i've experienced that at a few shows where it's like if somebody like passes out you know like everybody stops what they're doing to like look after this person to make sure they're okay like there's that but then there's like also the side of it where people are super gatekeepy and like weird about like new people and it's just kind of like what is what is that like what what are you losing by people enjoying this like you're not missing out on anything it's not changing them doesn't make anything more enjoyable enjoyable for anyone no so and i'm sure like in this kind of example like an artist like an artist isn't gonna feel like that like geeky about their own music they want

people to like listen to it and discover it and love it yeah well anyways anywho um this like annoyance is very fresh in my head right now so i'm like using this as like a therapy sesh um what were we just what how do we get on this oh porn stars yeah oh yeah bdsm field yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay oh and then the the celebrity threesomes um wow we got we really went down a rabbit hole oh hole we talked about those here speaking of witch speaking of rabbit hole um curtis connor had a video that he released yesterday about furry culture i started watching it it's very very good i got through only half of it because i had to go to bed it's fantastic like how he he talks about like like just allowing people to

enjoy things like that was basically like the the gist of the video it's like people talking about how like the majority of like the narrative online about furries is that it's like so cringy but like really it's like not there are things that people do that are cringy when like they're like being furries online like there was an example about this guy dressing up as like this like six foot five fox and like harassing a dollar tree employee and then at that point is that person even a furry or are they just doing it for clickbait yeah you know right and that kind of is cringe so this is interesting part of my job i know i might have mentioned this before probably several times i work in social media and every friday like i have to check what's

every day i check what's trending on twitter because if there's anything like major then it will decide the rest of the day for me and my team um but every friday fursuit friday is trending and that's when all of the furries post pictures of their fursuits so they have like a fursona a persona but as a furry and then um they make their like little like it's just role playing yeah essentially but like there's an animal component yeah and like there are some people that like fuck in their fursuits but like that isn't like the entire culture there was also a part of that curtis connor video about how it's really good for people that are on the spectrum sometimes like there i think it was something like five or ten percent of the people that are

like in the furry culture are on the spectrum and it helps them with like touch because there's that barrier it also helps them with like the covering the faces they don't have to worry about like eye contact or like reading people's faces like it's it helps a lot of people with interacting with one another and like a lot of the things that people get made fun of in this culture is like the furry conventions when in reality like that is where they should feel safe to like express this like common interest but they get shamed for it because well and then yeah what are you getting out of just like making fun of someone's interest yeah that's weird right it's like a lot of the shit that we do as humans are weird but they're just more accepted it's objectively weird okay

so along the same lines of this like in the same vein of this i also recently saw a tiktok of like these teenage boys going up to like a fellow like gay student's home and like harassing him and his family and i was like what the fuck okay sure whatever they're homophobic but on top of that like if that is what someone is spending their free time doing that is objectively like really embarrassing yeah it's like what'd you do this weekend it's like oh well me and the boys were harassing this person right and then it's like okay for what oh for because they're gay yeah what kind of stuff are they doing like um just calling him the f slur and like uh i think they did like vandalize like his front door and then like talk they yelled at him and

his dad oh my god i really hope they got expelled that's really like i was yeah as i was thinking about it i was like if i even when i was a teenager if someone was like doing that i wouldn't think it was funny or cool or interesting like regardless of who you're bullying that's embarrassing as fuck to just like be a bully yeah like yeah right oh yeah absolutely especially something that is so like like filming it and posting it online like yeah what the fuck is wrong with you i guarantee that nobody except for like it's objectively gross and weird yeah yeah it's really pathetic and then if they're doing it to just impress their other friends that's gay yeah that is gay i don't know how to tell you this but like that's gay i was about to

say i wonder how many of them are going to like eventually come to terms with their sexuality because there's like that is a deep like to have so much hate and like fear of something like that and dedicate so much time to it you have to have some sort of like insecurity that like you're afraid to explore so it's easier to be there's a study that um was conducted on men who identified as like heterosexual like and they showed them uh porn of a man and a woman having

sex and then they showed them porn of two men having sex and the men who claimed to be homophobic were aroused during the homosexual pornography scenes

and then they were like no I was just like still turned on from this other one um but i mean i think all of us have met someone who was like deeply homophobic in like middle school or high school and then came out later yeah one of my best friends growing up used to tell everyone that i was a lesbian um because she's a lesbian well he he was like so he asked me to be his girlfriend and then dumped me the next day that was in sixth grade and then started to tell everyone that he dumped me because i am gay and like started this big big rumor that i

was a lesbian which in sixth grade is kind of devastating yeah you've been hit with every rumor yeah i know you've been hit with every kind of bullying yeah it's sucked but he was like one of my best friends so anyway he ended up coming out like five years later did he ever apologize to you no i don't talk to him anymore he moved back to france he's a frenchman but he was um you little french fuck he did that to deflect all of because everyone always called him gay and like that was such an insult in sixth grade i mean i think i've said this before if anybody started a rumor that i was a lesbian now i'd be like i'm not but like okay you know yeah back then it was devastating because yeah when you're in sixth grade and you're like no i just i'm trying

to get like any boy to talk to me yeah and i didn't know that he was the source of all the rumors until like you know way down the line anywho like that is such like a clear and like very like accessible example of somebody that was just insecure about themselves and deflecting it anywhere else that they could it's really i mean i'm sure that there are like some sort of study out studies out there that are like the amount of people that are homophobic are actually gay that was something that i like heard a lot growing up but i don't actually know like the numbers or the validity of it but it's not surprising yeah i do want to know yeah well and then it's also hard to say because how many like people who are homophobic are still closeted we're just all over

the place today we really are we're all over the board um but i think we should get to our main topic we actually got two letters in less than a week about the same topic so we figured it was time to talk about it yeah two uh listeners wrote in about crying after sex but the commonality is crying after an orgasm so we're gonna read them and we'll discuss this one is titled i came so hard i cried hi liz and amelia first of all thank you so much for your podcast i discovered it very early on and it has been a consistent source of joy and validation the past year i look forward to fridays even more than normal because i know i'll i'll have a new holy hour to listen to now on to my story my partner 27 year old he him and i 25 year old she they have been together for three

years and this is the real deal we met in grad school in philadelphia and have just been super comfortable and open with each other from the very beginning it's probably the first healthy relationship i've ever been in after a slew of traumatic and toxic relationships one after the other wow preach yeah that's relatable we moved from philadelphia to cleveland ohio in 2021 because i got a job we're both musicians i work on in orchestra management and he's a freelance percussionist so jobs are pretty hard to come by when you get one you take it and move the midwest has not been for us both natural east coasters through and through and i find myself moving to baltimore for a new job in october at the time i'm writing this in three days holy cow congratulations

on your move yeah it is ultimately super exciting and will be good for me to move back to the east coast where my family is because we still have a lease in cleveland until april 2023 my partner is staying here so it's my last week here in cleveland and i'm very emotional saying goodbye to a lot of wonderful people has been very difficult on top of conceptualizing my new long distance relationship status we planned to have sex last night and and it was great excellent time super fun but literally as we were climaxing i started to sob i just cried harder and then started laughing it was completely ridiculous and after much aftercare cuddling and talking i came to the realization that yes i came so hard i cried and yes my partner is

feeling pretty fucking good about himself and probably will for years to come that said when you think about having an orgasm as this huge release of tension it would make sense that all of these complicated emotions would come out during such a huge release completely normal and not a big deal at all at least that's what my partner keeps saying i'm planning on talking about it in therapy this week though of course anyway it should make for a great wedding toast moment or something or just a fun story to tell when i'm drunk at parties absolutely love you both and the work you do oh my gosh this is fantastic can you imagine a wedding toast like that yes I love that I mean it sounds like your relationship is like so so caring and like you

know loving and supportive and like if I were to cry having like a huge amazing orgasm it would probably be a culmination of a few things but being happy with the person that I'm with would probably be at the top of the list of things causing it to like i don't know like you've had you you've talked in the past about like sex you've had with mr liz that has been like so good that you've cried yeah that has happened and it was so overwhelming that you were like so like you're like i love this person so much and it's like all of those emotions really do flood in when you have this release of tension and there is science behind this of course so which we'll get into but i think it makes sense to me yeah hi amelia and liz i'm emailing because i literally

have no idea what happened the last time I had sex with my partner and I'm sure you two might have some insight. Some background. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two and a half years, living together for a year now. When we first started dating, it was a huge adjustment for me because he was so attentive to my needs. He always wants to make sure I finish and he says he enjoys pleasuring me. I seriously love this man. My boyfriend and I started experimenting with BDSM, motivated to talk about it because of your BDSM episode. Fuck yes. We actually both expressed interest in it at the same time saying we didn't say anything before because we didn't want to freak each other out we've both been really enjoying it and like a typical control

freak i'm a natural sub hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah brother now on to the story we decided to have a quote-unquote scene today nothing too crazy but one of the goals was to see if i could squirt which i was totally into so we're getting into it and i'm using a vibrating a vibration wand yes that wand and he's using a dildo on me am I wording that right yeah I think so um I start feeling no better than we do yeah yeah sounds great to us um I start feeling like I'm going to finish and I just start crying I ask for a pause and we stop I'm like actively crying but not sobbing we talk about why I'm crying and I'm like I literally have no idea what I'm feeling right now I don't feel sad angry scared anxious or any of the other emotions that usually make

me cry after a short pause I decide I want to continue we did the same thing and I actually squirted when I orgasmed for the first time woohoo but immediately after I started crying again afterwards we were cuddling and he was holding me and we tried to talk about what happened I said I felt totally okay and safe and even satisfied and content I'm just so dumbfounded like what's wrong with me I vaguely remember Liz saying she cried after having sex with Mr. Liz once so I thought you guys might have some insight thanks for reading this long ass email i would greatly appreciate your advice love you ladies in the podcast you've made me feel more confident and comfortable talking about sex and my needs with my partner i'm forever grateful for that oh love

that this person's pronouns are she her while we talk about her well wow i mean there's some commonalities between those two emails with like the loving and supporting relationship so my insight on this is in this uh second email like specific circumstances with bdsm as a sub you go into subspace and you're just like you're in a flow state you're not like fully like consciously aware of everything the way you are in your day-to-day life you know because that's just how a flow state works you could say the same thing about being in a flow state while you're like playing the piano or something right you're just like tuned in um and not like focusing it's just kind of happening um that's like flowing through you exactly that's what i was thinking

about it's actually about bdsm it was not about piano it's about subspace so uh that is part of it is just um when like it's called subspace and then you afterwards you it it's possible to have a drop and like you said it might not be because you're like sad or angry or upset in any way it's just a drop in adrenaline and when you think about like you're in such a euphoric state because you're connecting with someone physically and so often sex isn't like a physical it's not filling a physical need as much as it is an emotional connection it fills an emotional need typically more often for women and then I think a lot of like cishet men are in denial that it is an emotional connection for them as well um yeah but I think that is what like it points to is just

having a drop in adrenaline after having this huge release and like our first author was saying like you have all of these built-up emotions and they were explaining that like it's because they're moving away from their partner yeah so there's a lot of emotions involved in that um but even if you just had like a hard day it doesn't even have to be related to your relationship right but i think in this circumstance is probably coming from a place of euphoria yeah and like when you think about like all of the hormones that are going while you're like having sex and like when you have an orgasm too like i'm sure that there's that's a part of it as well that it so funny you should mention that um i had been reading a self article when we amelia and i were texting about

talking about this because we got two emails so we're like oh shit this is a important topic this week um it does have something to do with having a like hormonal release like makes a lot of sense yeah i mean have you ever just like started crying and then you're you're like why am i crying right now and then you like get your period the next day same kind of dealio this is from the self.com article um crying after orgasm can also be a sign of post-coital dysphoria pcd which is something that we've mentioned in the past because there's an actual like term for it um which is characterized by feeling a low mood after consensual sex even if it was great satisfying sex pcd can trigger crying or a sense of sadness anxiety irritability or frustration and research

suggests the phenomenon is relatively common it has various factors including psychological distress related to anxiety and trauma so the feeling of um what is it oxytocin that's released your body could have associated that with a past partner so then when you feel it it triggers those feelings of like abandonment or whatever it may be whatever trauma you went through damn yeah because it makes a lot of sense i mean this also just totally ties into um the book the body keeps the score um your body keeps track of trauma yeah which is so annoying it's like come on let me just i'm here to have a good time right like i want to move us through this body please help me help you um you're making it worse um so that could be part of it um and it could also

be related to sexual dysfunction i didn't want to just only associate it with positive things even though that's what i believe is happening and you can't like rule out that it could also be something related to like a traumatic experience in the past yeah i used to cry during sex with my ex after i found out that he had cheated because like every time we had sex i would think about i would think about him having sex with other people oh my god so like i would cry a lot then that would destroy me yeah and then after you know after we broke up having sex was really hard with other people at the beginning because i was just like so you know there's there's always a million reasons that this could be the case it's interesting that these two authors

had the commonality of like healthy relationship like making them you know and then well like they're in a healthy relationship and then they start crying because that is confusing it's like why i'm so happy with this person why am i like why am i sobbing yeah because i'm not anxious i'm not sad and it's interesting that this happened we got these emails on the same week yeah but go on this article also has a little bit of advice if you're still curious about this reaction and want to dig deeper you can try and pinpoint potential triggers just give yourself a minute first so process what emotions got unleashed once the two of you are no longer in an intimate situation and are more emotionally stable. Once you're up to it, consider doing a short

breathing exercise to help your body and mind unwind and then jot your thoughts down in a journal. How are you feeling both physically and mentally? Where in your body are you sensing these emotions? Practicing this exercise consistently might help you identify some patterns. Again, crying after orgasm is fairly common and it isn't always a sign that something is wrong there's a lot going on in the body that can set off those tears but for some people it can signal a deeper issue that needs attention the other thing that i was going to mention is crying is also like one of the ways your body completes a stress cycle of fight or flight oh yeah so i i doubt you're in fight or flight mode during sex but but that's it is it's a way your

body so if you had a day a long day where you had like you were just like full of anxiety and um you finally feel safe enough and like have had this emotional release to close the loop of having a stressful day if that makes sense like if you're stressed out and your body was in fire all day then it would make sense why this is like kind of closing that circle right especially because like everything is it's like relaxing right after an orgasm too it's like it would make sense that like the second you like slow down and just kind of like be it's like it's like allow yourself to feel everything from the day that's how I get whenever I'm like playing candy crush watching you know my documentaries at night sometimes I just cry because my first time after

a stressful day that I'm like able to like sit with my emotion yeah that happened to me recently I was watching something that should not have triggered so many tears but I just like I started crying and then I like kind of couldn't stop and I was like you know what I'm just gonna my body wants to be crying right now so I'm just gonna let it happen I was watching like a cheesy movie I can't remember what it was called it's so crying feels so good sometimes it did it felt great I found when I was doing my research about this topic there was an article from Lilo which um who makes sex toys talking about eight reasons why you might cry after sex and every reason was like what we've already talked about was like past abuse and like trauma and um just like

emotions from the day blah blah blah but at the bottom it says can seeing someone else cry trigger arousal according to a small study conducted by mark d griffith's phd and his colleague richard greenhill two men three different reasons were identified when it came to why tears may induce arousal. Their study consisted of only eight test subjects in the U.S., which doesn't make for a bigger global conclusion on the matter, but still provides some insight. And the reason I'm bringing this up is because I've experienced this. In their study, it was found that four of their test subjects primarily expressed that, what the, dacrophilic, I don't know, tendencies in the form of compassion, i.e. they enjoyed comforting criers. Three test subjects gained their arousal

from the idea of dominance and submission, i.e. making someone cry or having someone else make them cry and one test subject found that their arousal was bought brought on by the action of someone curling their lip during crying humans are fucking weird curling their lip yeah like like a little pouty yeah having said that there's yet to be more expansive research on the matter either way the act of crying is a normal human response to an array of different stimuli crying after sex happens and it's not something to be ashamed about instead digging deeper to find the underlying reason for the crying may just make one emotionally stronger and perhaps more sexually satisfied the reason I thought that this was interesting is because some of the best

sex that my ex and I had it sounds so fucked up to say but I thought it was interesting was it was like kind of toward the end of our relationship and just so you know I'm feeling very concerned right I know I know I I would too um it was toward the end of our relationship and he had gone to work and I was just like I had taken off that day so I was just like chilling in his apartment and he came home like 10 minutes later just like sobbing because his best friend's dad had passed away he had been sick for a very very long time but like it was still hard and it was like a second dad to him and it was it was tough and he was like really sad and he was sitting on the floor and like his head was in my lap and I was like comforting him and then he just started

like kissing me and we were like making out and we had some of the most insane sex and afterward he was like well that's a super super fucked up like why am i feeling turned on when like my second dad just died and he did some research i think yeah it's surprisingly more common than people would think but it feels awful when you're doing it because it's just like why am i so turned on right now i'm so fucking sad there's something about how the brain is structured about the libido and sadness like those two parts of the brain um communicate like pretty closely so to be like triggered into feeling aroused when you're sad is like pretty normal um i mean that was obviously a very small study it's interesting that they even brought it up do you want to hear

a weirder study yes about crows i already love it yes um i was listening to the ologies podcast about crows which is actually the reason i fucking am obsessed with crows but if like a crow is dead and the other crows in their little pack discover or in their murder um because that's what a group of crows is called it's called a murder fun fact um if they discover this dead crow they all freak the fuck out and they like also start copulating so i don't know we all have bird instincts like god make more yeah they like have a crow funeral but they also like all lose their shit and then start fucking that is so interesting so i don't think it's like i my theory too is that we've just added so many deeper meanings to sex yeah that it has become like it's not just like

a physical action anymore it has become this whole other thing this whole other life form absolutely because it has like we've made sex have religious meaning so we can control people's bodies we've made sex have like all kinds of implications to the point where it's no longer about what it's actually what it actually is yeah i know i have to keep reminding myself too like i've realized when i have been having sex with someone for a while like how the sex changes is like you can either beat yourself up for it or you can look at it for what that is because like for example this guy that's staying with me right now like when we first started having sex I just like wanted to have sex with him literally like every hour of every day and since I've been like

forming actual feelings for him and like getting to know who he is and like I like don't if he's like pawing at me for sex I'm like I don't really want like it just like holds a little bit more weight for me and so i don't want to like do it all the time does that make sense i think it makes sense i think that's also common yeah i think so too and everyone always talks about how like when they've been with someone for a long time like the like consistency of like how often they have sex changes and like that's but it's just interesting that like feeling differently about someone because this isn't such a show it's not like we've been like dating for like a year and now it's changing like which is very very common like I've now really only seen him twice like

this is the second time I'm meeting him and I'm already like you know I don't really like I'm not really like wanting to just fuck all the time like this means more to me now but anyway I say this to say it's like I think that we tend to forget that like we're all affected by the like societal impacts of or like the societal like expectations I guess of like what sex is supposed to be and like we like look at media and like oh if you really really like someone you're supposed to be like fucking all the time but there's like a lot of biology behind all of this so like you start crying during sex and it's like something has to be wrong but it's like there's so many like different functions in our bodies all working together making these decisions and trying to like

keep shit like keep the lights on that yeah there's so many things that are you're not conscious of that are happening yeah so it's like when things happen and you feel like you're the only person that's like what the fuck is wrong with me it's like no that's 100 absolutely not the case it's just like you don't see in media people like crying after sex unless it's like to mock them like oh like dudes that cry after sex are like oh pussy it's like totally so you don't it's like when you do cry after sex and you're really happy it's like there must be something wrong with me when in reality like we're just animals there's definitely that also like bothers me how sex is portrayed in media because it's not accurate and i've been seeing so many things on my for you page

about like women explaining how they want a penis in them like and and they're explaining it they're explaining it as like they don't want in and out they want it to be like in and then you are moving while you're in does that make sense and when i think about well and that's also like why i don't know if you experience this but like those like that like minute of thrusting like before they're about to come is it feels the best yeah and that's because they're doing what like they should be doing to make you feel good yep and um i also saw someone explaining like physically like your most of your stimulation is in your clitoris so when like the penis is inside it's supposed to be kind of like hooked in and then that's where they like are continuing to

thrust and so that's lifting up like your organs so that's what that where the stimulation is coming from it's because they're stimulating your sex organs whereas like if they're just going in and out they're not stimulating anything and that's why like you need so much extra work yeah yeah because you're not being stimulated the way that like our bodies are designed to work together and i do think that porn has a lot to do with that absolutely because they're just like doing it for the visuals instead of just like what you like inherently want to be doing like what you would do if you weren't watching porn like what you you would just naturally figure out yes totally yeah it's like the whole idea of like oh like my dick is so big i'm gonna hit your cervix girl

it's like nope we don't want that that hurts yeah that's not nice oh my god have you ever had your cervix hit yeah it sucks hurts so bad it hurts especially bad with an iud oh my god you feel like you're gonna throw up i had to be carried to my car once oh my god i got i sat in the bathtub for like an hour holy shit yeah that was when i was in high school obviously we didn't know what the fuck we were doing was it from fingering no it's from sex holy shit what the fuck yeah i was having a bad time yeah no kidding doesn't sound fun at all um i have a joke this is reminding me of a joke that i learned last night i'm i'm ready what's the difference i can't look at you while i tell you this joke what's the difference between jelly and jam um i can jam

this no what you can't jelly a fist in your ass okay i have another one i have another one i have no what does a robot do after sex what nuts and bolts zing these are a couple of dad jokes i learned these last night i almost texted you But then I was like, no, I'm going to wait. We're recording tomorrow. I mean, I was high, so I probably would have enjoyed it. So that's our sex joke of the week. Did you look at the TikTok I sent you?

I always look at them. Which one? I texted it to you. Oh, yeah. This woman, this TikTok. So I was stoned. And this TikTok was like, this woman, she was like, help me like detox after a breakup or something or help me detox my ex yeah detox my ex out of me

and she's like cutting all of these different herbs and whatever like flowers and she is like heating up a pot of water and she puts them in there and you're like i was high and i was just like how many times do i need to say i'm high um did you guys know i'm fucking cool um and so i was just like oh she's making tea and then i was like what if she's actually about to like steam her vagina and then she like takes the pot and puts it on the ground and wraps a towel around it and squats over it and i was like i was just joking in my head but homegirl like how did i end up on this side of tiktok where she's actually like steaming her vagina and um this was especially like steaming your vagina was like in the news because goop yeah like was recommending

it but i have also gone to a um like a pelvic massage therapist so uh yeah they massage your pelvis but they do also a whole body massage and she was recommending i like buy one of these mixes and do that and steam my vagina and she was explaining because i would have like my periods were kind of weird for a while and she was like what color is the blood when you first start your period and i'm like it's like super dark and that means that blood has been on the sides of your like vaginal wall for a long time so it means it's old blood yeah um so like steaming it is supposed to like help that blood like not be on the walls of loosen it yeah well and it's supposed to help like get rid of cramping oh this is all you know she she's a masseuse she's not like a doctor

so i take everything with a grain of salt you know it helped me but yeah i'm not gonna go out here and tell people but when i sent it to amelia i was like it's one thing to do it but it's an entirely different thing to record and post it i was about to say like i wonder what her ex would think seeing that but he's also so used to this behavior from her probably like this is so on brand and i feel you know i am i am being judgmental about it because that is such an intimate thing to be recording and posting yeah and then here we are talking openly about our sex life right i like you know who the fuck am i to judge it's just you know i just i i wouldn't steam my vagina and boast it but i would talk about steaming my vagina and there's the difference

yeah between radio and the movies folks and on that note we love you oh our she's taking the lead our children she's trying to show me hen i can't go any our children i can't go any higher i keep thinking i can what's the highest you can go what's the lowest you can go everybody listening is like just end it

end it turn it off we're sorry goodbye Thank you.