The Hoely Hour - E109 Life Is Like A Tesla

Episode Date: November 4, 2022

... It's all on fire while we're locked inside! Despite imminent death at the hands of billionaires, Liz and Amelia discuss their thoughts about body image struggles. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms i don't know we're all stupid yeah it's very short yeah we're all just kind of fucking hanging out on this floating rock waiting for our time we're doing our best and our best sucks yeah actively but like everything's made up nothing matters yeah just be ugly just be ugly and mean yeah welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia sanson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson

and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com this weekend i taught someone how to uh open no girl what are you doing i can't get my hip my fat finger underneath it we're gonna do a tutorial okay okay so yeah you got your long nails uh-huh yeah yeah you turn your finger to the side what and then you kind of like get it in there it helps to use it against your palm as like a pushing point oh wow that was an ad really white cost should be paying us at this point thank you so much with nails i taught someone

to do that this weekend it was his first time wearing long nails because he was dressed as a wolf for halloween cute and uh he was he went up to someone who's like will you open this i can't do it with these nails and i was like oh this is how you do it for next time and then um he was like thank you so much i'm on like hour two with long nails and i was like oh my god you're doing great there's this um there's a tiktok of this woman putting like press-on nails on her husband and having him do things around the house just to like prove to him how difficult it is amazing putting coins on the counter yeah that's some passive aggressive behavior shall we yeah let's do podcast stuff okay are we rolling again love that cool and since i'm looking at you i can keep

an eye yeah i know i'm more turned today i'm feeling good about this i think i accidentally maybe like turned our chairs more towards each other i'm just like comfier this way anyway this is great i get to like lean i get to lean with it rock with it yeah but you gotta suck a cock with it is that a word i don't know i've always said that i'm not sure it should be the words that's amazing with it you are a poet i'm wrong with it it rhymes perfectly it really does it fits it fits in the song flawlessly you just if there are any rappers out there listening you're welcome yep you can take list her as a writer on the track just yeah just give me credit i don't want any money and then i'll be her date to the grammys um for the line gotta suck a cock

yeah people have been there for and that's much less even if that's if i made it up which i'm not confident that i did because it might be the lyrics now i want to know oh it is the words and if you got a friend she gotta suck the cock with it you were right gonna rock with it man you know i knew it was too good to be true i was like we have a fucking like rap what's the word when somebody's just born with a talent protege you're just a rap protege but it turns out it was dem franchise boys we should put a little warning at the beginning of this episode we're going to be talking about um some sensitive topics like specifically eating disorders so if that's something that

is upsetting for you and you're not ready to listen to something like that um just maybe skip this episode we're gonna we're gonna have some light-hearted content first and then when that's over um we'll read a couple of reviews and after the reviews that's when we'll be having our hard conversation so that might be when you want to tune out but other than that happy listening or critical listening yeah no no listening um enjoy thinking about thought i don't know i don't know i've never enjoyed thinking about thoughts me either sometimes i'm like shh yeah this is unenjoyable yeah that's usually what i say when thinking thoughts please just turn it off for just a little bit yeah this is not fun this is why

when some people are like oh you don't ever like listen back to episodes after you edit them i'm like no do you know how much i have to listen to my own voice yeah you do you do have to listen and you have to listen like carefully and i edit out so much of my own voice because i think i'm annoying and then when you're talking i'm like that bitch is so smart i can't believe she's my friend i love you i think the same thing when i'm listening to you i'm like this eloquent ass bitch making me look bad sometimes i'll like re-listen and i'm like oh wait my therapist also said something like that and then i'm like i love that my therapist and amelia have such similar thoughts and advice for me i've never i've never heard a better compliment in my life

it's a good compliment to be like that's something my therapist would say sometimes i get the compliment people are like your therapist would be so proud of you for saying that wow that's an elite compliment i am wise sometimes you'll say some shit to me i'm like you should be a therapist and also my friends will listen to the podcast and they'll be like liz is so cool and i'm like okay just tell me that i'm uncool no but like yeah liz has just like experienced a lot of ego death in the last few years so she does a lot of drugs now it's mostly weed sometimes mushrooms out of here you know sometimes i was a bitch and that's fine you know sometimes it's about development yeah and that brings me to something that i won't shut the fuck up about lately which

is i told you when you first got here i've been listening to the audiobook the science is stuck oh my god if you're like kind of learning about i would definitely recommend listening to it like while you're in therapy but not everyone can afford therapy and it's also not accessible and it's hard to find a therapist anyways all of those things aside this is such a great book if you're trying to understand how trauma works and affects you in your day-to-day because the word trauma is such a big word but that is not how it operates in your brain and how your body responds to it so trauma is just anything that like your body is reacting to in a way that isn't like i don't know where it's trying to protect you so that's what trauma is and that's how it's

stored in your body so it could be something completely like minor and not even bad but it will still traumatize your nervous system so I thought that was really interesting but I'm at this point where she's talking about shadow work and I've heard people talk about shadow work I never understood what it was and it is just understanding the parts that you don't like about yourself and why and when you do that you can like there's a good side to every like dark part of yourself and the examples she uses are Batman and Walter White so Batman understands his dark side and he uses it as part of his like identity but it doesn't control him but like his trauma and his shadows have like helped him form you know this version of himself as Batman

this alter ego and he helps people that way whereas walter white had he was you know this like nerdy science teacher and then he started becoming like this big time drug dealer and his shadow part took over his life and personality damn so that was right when you knocked on my door too and i was like oh this is getting good but it was just it's such an interesting like audiobook especially for the point in my life that i'm at and it's so the author i would definitely recommend listening to it because the author has like the best little voice oh she narrates it herself she has her own audiobook i love that i love when authors narrate their own audiobooks because they're saying it how they like intended it to like sound in your head so it's like michelle

obama's book she she narrated it she did the audiobook and it's just like hearing hearing it straight from the person straight from the source straight from the source it really does hit different i love that shit she like this author had like she quotes a lot of other books that are focused on like mental health and whatnot so she did all the work and put it in one place i love that i forgot how i got here um can i plug my mom's book oh yeah this has been in my now that we're talking about audiobooks let's plug deb's book my mom wrote a novel called between in 2001 and then never published it because when 9-11 happened all of the publishing houses shut down so she just like put it on a shelf and for forever she had an agent and everything forever

i was like my you gotta publish you gotta publish and then she finally did in 2013 she self-published wow and then a long time yeah yeah and it's so fucking good and for i think it was her birthday one year my dad got her um like a session with a voice actor to do the audiobooks and now it's on audible oh and she got to like source she got to like listen to a few voice actors voices for like who would be the best because it's on audible oh my god i'm gonna listen to it it's called between by deborah loveyo samson she is a badass it's about a woman who gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer terminal pancreatic cancer and moves in and she's going through like this like ugly divorce stirring it and she moves in with her best friend for the last like little bit of her life based on

a true story phenomenal there are sex scenes in it which was weird to read from my mother's perspective um we've talked about it when i wrote this down in my notes because dad was like why don't you like talk about between there's like sex stuff in it i was like that's actually not a bad idea we could have your mom as a guest i really want to interview my parents that would be so fun i really really want to do it and like they're they they're like down we don't have to talk about sex stuff with your parents no we could talk to them about their marriage right they're very happily married and in love yeah in a way that you only see in like movies 35 years and running baby that would be fun to talk to them about in my opinion i'll see

what i can do smash that like button if you want to see amelia's parents oh my god episode that would be so fucking fun i would they would love that i would love that y'all would love that amelia's parents are lovely i'm sure you guys gathered that though i miss them shall we dive in yeah let's do the the fun stuff okay the fun stuff so i wanted to play a game i don't know if you and i've played it before because i'm obsessed with it and i was just reminded yesterday that this game exists but it's the game where you both say a random word on the count of three and then you try to figure out the similarity between the two words and then you keep saying the same word until you get to the same word or like you keep saying words until you get to the

same word yeah and people always say that we have the same brain so it'd be interesting to see what happens i know i'm nervous and i'm excited okay you want to start um just any word any word one two three plant toothbrush and plant okay one two three clean stem yeah they have like a stem oh wow that's good clean i said clean because like the plants like cleanse the air okay okay this is not going well wait hold on hold on let me think clean and stem clean and okay all right oh shit now i need to think of one you already said plant yeah this is not this is not going great i've never played it before no it's great no it's good it literally never goes well okay um clean and stem uh-huh okay

one two three mop brush we're getting close okay one two three scrub oh fuck bathroom's a good one scrub is better that's nice of you to say okay scrub and bathroom let's try it we'll do this we'll do one more word and then if we don't get it we'll reset and do one more round and then and then we'll I think the next round we're gonna we're gonna get it I can only think of like one thing me too okay one two three bubbles bleach I was thinking scrubbing bubbles yeah I was like bathroom cleaner yeah that was stupid I kept thinking of brand cleaners like Clorox Lysol god marketing works it does damn it's bleeding into our brains okay let's do one more round that was you know that was just a warm-up round yeah that was this i was learning the game

everybody that i play this with that i know very well it never goes well like me and katie have played it and we've never gotten the same word but we like kill it on code names you know but then me and the guest played it yesterday and like instant second word we got it who knows okay one two three candle vodka and candle okay okay one two three birthday birthday and dinner one two three cake oh yeah we got it we figured it out we figured it out all right cool look at us go let's quit while we're ahead yeah um that was pretty impressive thanks for watching thanks for witness or listening witnessing us become on the same wavelength wavelength yeah and i feel like we we're mostly on the same wavelength when we're talking about um sandwiches

i was gonna say uh like when we're talking about like therapy and like deep stuff yeah then we're like yeah and yep that's so true but we got there pretty quick vodka vodka and candle birthday and dinner cake cake i almost said dessert i'm glad i didn't i've never been more proud of us obviously cake i found in am i the asshole that normally when i come across these i'm like yeah i'm standard shit i'm excited i want to get your thoughts on this all right hit me with this am i the asshole the title of this is am i the asshole for asking my friend to move a picture of him and his wife because it made my wife uncomfortable well maybe let's see me male 32 and my wife dahlia female 28 lost our apartment two months ago and moved in with mom temporarily issues began to arise between

dahlia and my mom and i had to ask my friend anthony male 31 to let us move in till i get enough money to rent out his wife was away visiting family and he agreed but even there some issues started to arise fyi dahlia is very shy around anthony she grew up in conservative home and so it's understandable but sometimes it can be a bit much i admit that exclamation mark for example she freaked out when she accidentally drank from his glass she also once made a fuss when he passed by the guest room when she was laying down and the door was open thankfully Anthony was super understanding and we were able to talk some of these issues out last night Dahlia was passing the hall and noticed a framed picture of Anthony and his wife kissing

hanging on the wall she told me about it and said it made her uncomfortable she asked if I could speak to Anthony about it but he didn't take it well he gave me a look when I spoke to him and said this was quote-unquote bonkers because first of all his wife put it there and second of all the picture holds sentimental meaning to him and his wife and argued that it wasn't some explicit picture of them just a normal wedding kiss it was a wedding photo they were kissing on their wedding day are you fucking joking we started arguing and he said that it wasn't like it was hanging in the living room wall or a perfectly lit room i asked him to be a little more considerate because it's not like i asked him to remove it completely just move it elsewhere that dalia won't

reach or keep it off the wall till we leave he said he was sorry but still refused i explained how Dahlia was feeling but he said that again he was sorry and he would not move the picture. We argued some more and he said that it's his house and that I was being pushy and kind of too comfortable to make such a demand and be pushy still. This morning Dahlia refused to even come out of the room until the picture is moved. Anthony is refusing which makes it worse. Now I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Yes she might be overreacting but I feel like this isn't such a big ask for Anthony to decline and turn down. For what it's worth if it were me I'd go the extra mile to make sure my guests are comfortable anthony's been a friend of mine

for 10 years i wouldn't have asked him to move it if i didn't have such strong bond with him he himself constantly talks about all the things and situations i helped him out on and we are considered brothers i'm team anthony on this one same uh if this woman is so uncomfortable that another couple like is married and this this stems beyond just like being very conservative this is to the point where it's like you have so much shame around your own sexuality and around like people having romantic feelings for each other that like you're projecting it onto other people like two two other people in love has nothing to do with you yep and the audacity staying in people's home because they couldn't stay in their home and this girl was not getting

along with this man's parents like this man's mom like she seems like a trend she seems like the problem yeah she's she's she's certainly the problem yeah am i the trauma and then she's like i'm not coming out of my room yeah like you don't live there he could just kick you out yeah and he should absolutely and i would throw a party oh for sure she sounds like a fucking pill the reason that i was like wanting to get your read on it was because like she clearly had some sort of traumas growing up growing up in like such a conservative household and like feeling like freaking out when she like accidentally fully a you thing yeah freaking out because you were laying down in bed or like drank from his water glass like that's weird yeah like it's gonna be

okay oh my god i'm so sorry it's not like you guys made out yeah i don't think that i think dahlia's the asshole here i don't think her husband is because like yeah i mean like he should he should recognize yeah he's stupid like he should just recognize like you're married to like being unreasonable yeah and like your wife is cuckoo for cocoa puffs but like I understand like wanting to keep the peace and like just take down the fucking picture if it's it's such a it's such a thing but still like I'm on Anthony's side because like that's the dumbest goddamn thing I've ever heard in my life it's not like a boudoir photo it's like a wedding photo I want Anthony to confront Dahlia oh yeah it's not his responsibility by any means but I straight

up would be like so this makes you uncomfortable yeah like it makes me uncomfortable that you feel so welcome in my home to like tell me what to do yeah right and then this guy the guy that's writing its whole argument is like anthony always says how much i do for him it's like anthony is letting you live in his home yeah yeah he is doing plenty he doesn't owe it to you to take the photo off the wall no it's wild it's also on you to be a good guest like this isn't a hotel yeah yep like i i don't know i feel like when i'm a guest places even at a hotel i don't leave it a fucking mess no i do everything i can to like make it as little work as possible for the people who come in and clean when we leave or even like being a guest in someone's home like i do still try and make

sure everything's cleaned up and like i i can help in some capacity like doing dishes or it's on you to be a good guest and i have to thank my parents for always like hosting and showing me how to be a good guest yes because it is truly bananas how fucking self-centered people can be oh they haven't done shadow work clearly you it just is it's it is such a lack of self-awareness it's just like common courtesy to just like be be as small as possible when you're in someone else's space like just like make it look like you were never in the room they were just in exactly when you're especially when you're staying with someone no trace both when you're in nature and when you're a guest in someone's home yes smoky the bear i don't know only you can prevent your wife

friendship fires only you can prevent friendship fires wow it's beautiful forests are our friends not food we're just what's happening a crossover in quotes here um anyway shall i read some some reviews yeah let's let's uh and then we can dive on into the suite a couple reviews as a reminder rating us and reviewing us on apple podcast and then rating us on spotify i don't think there's a review feature no there's not and honestly i'm thankful for it you know what same i feel like spotify would be like the facebook we see enough of people's opinions in on social media in general just like an unsolicited opinion and when people can write reviews as we've seen it's just liberal propaganda yeah it's just because we got into a twitter

argument i was thinking about how like how flattering it is for somebody to think that our stories are fake i was thinking about that in the shower last night i was like wow your life must be really boring us you think our stories yeah ours are pretty standard thank you so much pretty par for the course over here interesting okay um yes reviewing us helps a lot we are we enjoy stroking our ego as we went over last week but it actually also does really really help us So thank you so much to people that wrote reviews this week. They're so nice. Okay, so we're going to read two.

Liz has not seen these yet. The title of this one, Five Stars, My Absolute Favorite Podcast. Liz and Amelia are so witty, smart, and entertaining, and I love them. My favorite part of Friday is seeing the new episode is available and throwing in my earbuds and ignoring the rest of the world for an hour. They are so relatable. The content is engaging and has a good mix of humor, advice, and educational moments. auntie liz and auntie amelia for the next president 2024 we would fuck it up oh we would

fuck it up as president anyway that was by um hokey cmo again we don't know if these names are real we're still guessing yeah we can't we don't remember if like on apple podcast like you have to make one up or some of these names are just phenomenal this next one is from podcast lover two seven four two it's a short one that's cute five stars the subject is the best the holy hour is my favorite podcast i could listen to liz and amelia talk all day thank you for giving me an extra thing to look forward to every friday on my drive home from work oh love that because sometimes i have to post it a little late on fridays so i like that people are at least listening on their way home yeah and that's a good way to end your fucking friday at work yeah

listen to us fucking and then it's like let's go you know you're you're that makes sense why someone would be like mentally hyping themselves up for a date listening to the pods like on the way home from work getting ready for a night out feeling empowered as hell and knowing that you can just if someone sucks you got two girls who got your back yeah we'll fucking fight them yeah and tell us about the bad date or the good date tell us everything we like good news a good date yeah we love good news actually my favorite kind of news now that i'm thinking about i think my favorite email that we've gotten was um the chowder one honestly i thought about that the other day i sometimes i have a random thought and like that story comes up in my memory i will say

it's it ruined chowder for me all right let's talk about sad shit dope uh all right cue eating disorder conversation no um well I would never I wouldn't say that I had like an eating disorder but I definitely had some like unhealthy thoughts and ideas around health and size and weight and eating um maybe that is an eating disorder I think I think it could be categorized as one there's also like extreme dieting like not even just like restrictive eating but like counting every single calorie that goes into you and like that kind of like obsession that goes into that like doing things to the extreme like that can be considered an eating disorder as well i would restrict my calories to like 1100 a day which is very low holy shit and i was walking a

lot because i was on a college campus yeah walking around campus all the time diets don't work they're temporary solutions and you're restricting you're starving yourself yeah and when you stop doing that diet you are going to go back to how your body was before because that's how diets are designed to work yeah also healthy foods doesn't i hate the idea that health foods needs to be like a fucking salad it's so annoying though how expensive healthy food is exactly it's fucked i think it is absolutely fucked this is like the number one country where people cannot afford to live a lifestyle that allows them to be healthy especially like you're making people work constantly most of their life when are they supposed to have time to like make and eat all

of these like healthy foods yeah they're not gonna have time to do that yeah and they also might not they probably don't even have the money i remember learning in college about environmental racism and how like companies and the government will like do there's this is a whole a whole topic that i really recommend y'all learn about if you haven't but the point i want to make yeah i'm excited for you to talk about this because i know exactly what you're about to talk about they put they'll put like mcdonald's in these low-income neighborhoods close by because they know that they'll get business from them and it's like convenient for them to go there but also like it keeps them unhealthy and it keeps it there are so many things that are done

to make sure that like a group of people can't function like the best of their abilities what would be the thing that would make the most sense would be to put a grocery store that offered like goods and services for not as expensive like um what's what's the company that takes like the ugly produce and like sells them for a lower cost why am i forgetting what it's called unsomething foods uh what is it imperfect imperfect yes imperfect produce yeah imperfect produce they will take like the food that the grocery stores don't want because they don't look perfect they're just ugly they're just ugly and instead of wasting it they'll like sell it for a lower price that's something that would make sense in low-income neighborhoods like give give these

people the opportunity to eat healthy don't just like throw like a like a kfc in the neighborhood it's and that's like the the kind of experience that we're having now living in a capitalist society because it is not profitable to solve world hunger yeah but we have every capability of doing it and like so much food is just thrown away every fucking day and we could solve world hunger but it's not profitable so they're just gonna starve poor unhoused people forever and instead of like you know using the wealth distribution issue in this country for good elon musk will buy twitter for 44 billion dollars 55 actually it came out to be he also didn't have that much money it's ridiculous because there was like some a point in time where he was like if you

can prove to me how much like if spending 16 billion dollars can solve world hunger if you if you write the plan out for me i'll do it and then somebody did and then he bought twitter instead i don't want to do that because i'm mad at grimes so i'm gonna buy twitter yeah it's fucking dumb um anyway life is like a tesla where we're trapped inside while it's burning down around us damn the doors are locked and that's feature and that's a feature you're welcome I mean like speaking from my own experience like when I've been the most unhealthy has been when I've been the skinniest like there whenever and this is like whenever I'm struggling with like how I feel about how I look my therapist will

remind me to just like stay out of conversations about other people's bodies in like a casual way where like oh my god she looks so good like I wonder what she's doing she's like even those positive conversations can like bleed into your brain and make you think a type of way about yourself subconsciously and I've said this before but once I stopped engaging in like those like casual conversations I started feeling better about myself like I stopped putting pressure on myself because it didn't feel like it was like a part of the conversation all the time yeah um but i have always been whenever i am thin thin thin thin like it's usually because i'm depressed or anxious so i'm not hungry because i'm anxious or actually not or and i'll stop eating

and then people will start complimenting me on how good i look and that'll make me addicted to the compliments and then I'll continue to not eat and then when I rebound when I start to feel like I can eat and I gain weight and I stop getting those compliments I have the opposite effect of like oh do I not look good anymore and then that fuels a different kind of eating disorder because I'm not getting the compliments anymore so like just regardless of how you feel about people that are like saying shit online about you know like how they look or I don't know just whenever if you have anything to say about anyone just know like what minor minor minor effects it could be having on this person that could lead to a bigger thing down the line also there's no reason to talk

about someone's weight and compliment their size that's like a weird yeah that's really strange yeah if someone is trying to lose weight for whatever reason that's like none of your business yeah and like it really is like we're as women fed from the time we're like out of the womb that we're supposed to be like thin and like working out all the time and eating healthy and like you can't get wrinkly at any point so exhausting so it's i think that it's like kind of a natural and normal reaction to see women like a woman lose a lot of weight and be like what have you been doing because it's like i want to do that it is bizarre how much we have been like told that the things that equal beauty are almost like childlike things being thin and

hairless small and hairless yeah hairless and no wrinkles and like it's fucking creepy why is this beauty standard like borderline pedophilia it's pedophilic yeah the the standards for women yeah because when your body starts changing and becoming more curvy is like pivotal times in your life like when you're going through puberty is one of them and even then you're still a child and then like um you go through a few more phases in your life but like when you're around our age like in your 30s like your your body changes yeah you're preparing to be able to carry children your body has different needs now like it's changing it's aging yeah we need to have body neutrality before we can truly reach body positivity and neutrality is looking at someone

and not deciding the kind of person you think they're going to be based on how they look and that seems so obvious but like that's not the narrative that we have been fed through any sort of media right especially like dieting culture and like health culture and media there are just articles and books and talk shows all kinds of shit focused on shaming fat people and like holding up this standard of being thin and that equates like health and we need to accept that like some bodies are just big and that might be okay like i hate when people get on their little pedestal to be like well just diet and exercise or just like eat healthy and go to the gym i follow some dancers that like dance hard like five days a week that are like would be considered

bigger and they're not out of they're like super fucking healthy and in shape there's a um did you hear about the pixar short that just came out it's the first like plus size main character because historically they've only used bigger bodies as villains or like like ensemble characters um but there's a short about a a ballerina and like it just it's an example of i and i'm sure i haven't really like read the conversations that are going on about it i'm sure that there some parents are like stop teaching our kids unhealthy like with you know how they are with gay people still yeah that statistic that like um people die from being overweight like i can't remember what the number is but it's incorrect and people have been citing it for years it's

like people die from heart disease because of being overweight it was based off of a very small single study the number was dramatically lower than that that like people die from heart disease because of their because they're overweight and they weren't measuring anything like underlying conditions or genetics or anything like that and um the number ended up being dramatically lower and the fda retracted that statement and corrected it and yet people are still citing it and like stomping around stomping around and declaring it as truth and the thing is is like when it comes to health studies they're never going to be 100 accurate because there are so many different things you can't control everything yeah and you're also like going to it depends on who is

conducting the study as well because they're going to be looking for something to support their thesis um humans are flawed and so our studies are going to be flawed this definitely divulged into what i thought it would anyways of going from i mean because it isn't just one-sided like body shaming is bad and it it isn't that black and white there are so many levels to why we are where we are when it comes to um like health and body image and just like the bullshit ideas that we have been sold our entire lives yeah it's doing my deep dive about the history of cellulite opened up my eyes to i like i knew that so much of what we're expected to fix were just like marketing plays and like ways for companies to make money

because the easiest way for companies to make money is to like target shit that a lot of the population has so once i was reading about like how cellulite became an issue and like it wasn't for so long but then like all these companies started like marketing it as like a feminine issue because like 95 of women have cellulite in some capacity which is bananas but that's what these companies will do they'll take something that they know a lot of people have and they'll pathologize it because it's it's a great way to make money yeah so like i mean obviously making money off of people's insecurities yeah cha-ching like kybella being a thing right now i have never heard anything good about kybella me neither if you guys don't know what kybella is it's like a

series of shots that you get um on your chin to like get rid of the fat under your chin yeah i was thinking about doing it until you were like don't don't don't every single review i've read is like this was so painful and most people like don't see results because because it was so painful and you need to go for like two or three rounds yeah but just let your body change yeah and i'm saying this and it feels hypocritical but i'm not perfect and i'm not immune to also experiencing feeling like self-conscious and insecure as a result of all of these like beauty standards that have been shoved in my face right i've gotten botox i've spent a lot of money on botox botox too i have it in my face right now me too and i like it botox gang it helps with some of

my attention headaches but also i like that you know it'll slow down my wrinkles yeah and i wish i didn't feel or think that but i'm not immune to feeling or like not feeling that way well we've been pumped full of this shit into our ears are for 30 years of our lives I'm doing fine for considering everything yeah I mean like all that we can do is try to push back against like if you're making a decision for yourself because you want to and in your heart of hearts you know it's for yourself that's one thing it's another thing to be like well like I don't know societally like I shouldn't like this thing about myself so like I'm gonna change it that's a different thing and it could be really tough to disseminate the two of them because like i don't i don't i know for

me it bleeds into each other i'm like do i not like this thing about myself because it's like i don't know society tells me that it's not a good thing to have we also don't fully know what we look like like in the wild i know we only know what we look like in mirrors which isn't our true self and we also only know what we look like when we're like posed yeah like because your mirror obviously is not your true self and then like in pictures you're posing and that's why it can be so off-putting when you see something candid of yourself or a video yeah but um i saw a tiktok today where a woman was like explaining there's this this feature that changes your face so much um it's like the long face filter yeah and it makes your face all like wonky and they call it

like the body dysmorphia filter because it changes your face so much that it kind of feels like you're wearing a mask and then when you take it off you're surprised by how you look because that's just like you were you got used to seeing your face with this filter on so that's kind of like how you feel who you are for that you know those couple minutes while you're filming it and then when you take it off you're like oh i'm i'm kind of cute yeah i'm a i'm a cute person right and that's how a regular person looks at you and sees you it's just like they're not thinking they're not looking at every little detail every minute of the day the way we look at ourselves and we're not meant we're not designed to see ourselves as much as we do now no you know that's so true

and we're also not designed to see everyone's thoughts every minute of every day against our will damn true and i there's just there's a lot changing and it's interesting to watch this like kind of paradigm shift um as a result of social media yeah tiktok has changed a lot of things very quickly yeah it has because it's not interesting yeah because social media is not a new thing but then this like disruptor came on in they're like we have some things to say obviously still problematic and for it to blow up when it did during a pandemic when we are all spending time so much more time with ourselves but um yeah there's a lot of like body-sized discourse happening around us at all times and i think it's important to like slow down and listen

yeah and challenge challenge feeling uncomfortable pushing against these intrusive thoughts whether they're about you or someone else you're going to have intrusive thoughts because these are you you're being asked to challenge what you have been told your entire life yeah right that doesn't that doesn't stop after it you know like one podcast listen through yeah exactly you can't listen to one podcast and then suddenly like i'm healed body positivity is worldwide yeah but there are things that you can do to like help support this cause of normalizing healthy bodies come in all sizes and it's also like and everybody like everyone has different needs that qualify them for like what healthy means yeah true it's also worth saying that like we both have like thin

privilege oh yeah i was gonna i was thinking this morning too i was like no one wants to listen to two thin women talk about how they feel about their bodies totally my biggest bully has been myself yep and i think that's relatable for everyone like you're going to be your own biggest critic and when your biggest critic has been fed the same toxic bullshit that everyone else has been fed like it's not far off to assume that everyone like especially like femme people have struggled with these exact like body issues yeah yeah it's we're all fighting the same battle and but like we have all seen someone who is has a larger body being berated because of that no one deserves to be treated as less than just because of how they look totally in any capacity

like but it's also like you see this whole thing that's going on with taylor swift and like she put in her video like fat on the scale and like that started a whole conversation of like are you allowed to think that you're fat but like there have been all of these articles about her where she'll like put on a little bit of weight and like all of these like gossip columns are like is she pregnant like she's looking fat and it's like most of us don't have to live our i mean we do live with criticism but we don't have to live our lives being criticized on a mass scale yeah the only thing i can say that i think might be valid is like using fat as a negative descriptor yeah and but i also understand like she is talking about her personal story about how she has been

her own biggest problem yeah and that's relatable yep but um yeah i identifying yourself as being fat and then also using that as a negative word i can see how that probably bothered people yeah um so i mean i either way like i personally don't think anyone is right or wrong in this in that specific discourse yeah it's tough it's also like i think something that i was up against a lot when i was like really dealing with my issues with my body image was people being like well if you think you're fat like you must think I'm huge and it's like no you that's not how it works yeah it's like I'm actually not thinking about you right yeah like thinking about me but that's like I would see people that had like the same exact body type as me and I'd be like god it's like she looks so

good and I wish I could have like yeah translated that and been like oh Amelia you think that looks good that looks like you so like start being kind to yourself that's not how it works like you get in your head like I don't like how I look and that says nothing about how I feel about other people but it's easy to conflate all of it and be like yeah oh i it isn't black and white thinking no for anyone and it's also not like a straightforward experience for everyone like figuring out their own body and like experiencing body positivity and confidence it's just yeah a spectrum of learning and the best we can do is continue talking about it and like trying to to educate ourselves and learn more like i said um i fucking love listening

to maintenance phase with aubrey gordon and michael hobbs um aubrey gordon is a um author and she has done they're both researchers so they like extensively look into this shit and they're both so funny um which is why i love that podcast so much i get so sad when there's not a new episode out because i'm like what am i gonna listen to i consumed that whole podcast so quickly but it is just also so eye-opening i love the discourse they have between each other with um because they're around our age too so they kind of experienced that whole like 90s fad diet phase and you know they've both lived through this experience of like diet culture and fat phobia and like all of these like um kind of snake oil gimmicks for losing weight and um

aubrey gordon has written books about like what we don't talk about one of them is called what we don't talk about when we talk about fat or something or what we don't say when we talk about fat and um her research has just proven that like healthy people are also fat yeah and we need to stop using thinness as this identifier for health yeah and goodness right um and she she's just so smart and funny and like hearing the two of them talk about like fad diets and diet culture and disproving like different fad diets and common beliefs has just changed a lot of how i look at health and food in general i love that because when we don't want to you don't want to eat food and be like oh i shouldn't be doing this this is a bad thing yeah like if you

decided that you're going to order takeout that night um because you should feel neutral when you're eating yeah and you should feel neutral when you're looking at your body and other people's bodies yes and like eating something that's bad for you once in a while is not like the end of the world my dad would always remind me of that growing up whenever i would eat mcdonald's i'd be like i don't want to do this because it's like he's like it's not it's not bad if you do it every so often yeah it's okay you can treat yourself once in a while i learned that when i ate fast food that i didn't feel good yeah and that was the way i learned what i what like healthy foods i like eating because something can technically be healthy but if it's not like

if it doesn't work for your body like if you have ibs or i was just about to say yeah or if you're allergic to i don't know there are so many different things that like your body might become inflamed to that someone else could eat like a pound of it and yeah you know feel great it's so fucking being a human is exhausting i that's another reason why we need to like have some more empathy and use our fucking brains yeah it's not black and white it's not straightforward and you need to understand that and like just because someone is thin doesn't mean that they're healthy like um it you know sure they might be struggling with an eating disorder but they also might be ill like yeah and they also just like have a small frame i had a boss in the past that

was like a toothpick and she ate she was like a garbage disposal she just like couldn't gain weight and that was how it was like that's her body type there are so many things that play into this shit it's just like use your brain a little bit you fucking idiots that are commenting on people's videos calling them fat like you don't need to you don't need to do that like you could just be quiet yeah like you could just shut up that is an option um when i was on the speaking of like foods that make you feel like shit when i was on the shoot the commercial shoot last week the makeup artist was like the dark circles under your eyes are the bane of my existence and i was like i've had them since i was a kid i've been told by um plastic surgeons and like the woman

that does my botox it's how my orbital bone sits like i'm just always gonna have a shadow but she told me that a lot of the time when people have dark circles under their eyes it's a it's an allergy oh it's like an inflammation oh yeah well i've had dark circles under my eyes my whole life too you might be allergic to something i'm gonna get an allergy test on being alive yeah i'm just i i was saying to her i was like girl i'm just tired all i'm just exhausted i've never slept you heard of the patriarchy yeah i'm tired as fuck have you tried being a woman yeah then you know this in this day and age i wouldn't do it again that's why people are drawing them on now it's just how everyone's looking oh yeah they all want to have like the puffy eyes

good for them my culture is not your costume um i do want to end this conversation on a very positive note love this i once heard that um like if you believe that we live multiple lives and we choose to come back to live another life on earth that we choose our body based on what we thought was beautiful in the last life so when you um i don't know i read it online somewhere like people were having this conversation i love that yeah i just got chillies it's not such a night like a beautiful thing to think yeah like i love that even if you don't believe in like reincarnation the idea that your soul like picked how you looked because that's something that they thought was beautiful imagine how we would all look at each other if we didn't have these like predisposed

like ideas of how people should look yeah you know how would we look at each other if we weren't exposed to all of that that's what it made me think of just like if we we chose how we looked because that's what we thought was beautiful that's such a lovely way to think it really really is and it makes you like look at your features and appreciate them and appreciate that like some higher version of yourself chose this i love that that is a great note to end on yeah that's a great thought thank you for sharing that i want to get that tattooed on my forehead backwards i stayed in the mirror and maybe like shortened and working no i want that exact phrase with the likes and the ums yeah exactly yeah in your handwriting so start writing okay all right

dope um do you feel like that's a good place to end i think so this has been a really long episode it's been long and i would say that talking about eating disorders and um just overall body feelings and health um is a bit of a fact it's it's a brain oh yeah that is our that's our brain fact of the week brain fact of the week brain fact of the week brain fact of the week cool um all right well thank you so much for listening we love you our children Thank you.