The Hoely Hour - E119 Ronald McDonald Is A Switch

Episode Date: January 13, 2023

Liz and Amelia are finally reunited! Play our new favorite game: Top or Bottom? Amelia discloses some important sexual firsts, including foot stuff. Does your partner have a hobby mistress? And if so, do they give YOUR hobbies the same energy you give to theirs? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

i'm we're gonna hear about whole story i just know it i'm going to start with the least outrageous um well none are really outrageous but i'll work up so um i got my toes sucked didn't think i would like it sort of did welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com me and liz are reunited for the first

time this year i'm trying to drink a smoothie while we're recording because i haven't eaten is it good it is it's so good do you want to try it no i'm good thank you bananas and yogurt yeah bananas yogurt i'm supposed to put an apple in it but i forgot so bananas cashew greek yogurt i love that shit i saw you putting it in vanilla flavored um and then i put some walnuts in here some vanilla protein powder and then some collagen powder because it helps my old lady knees feel better i was i was taking fish collagen for a while there's fish collagen yeah for people that don't eat beef because collagen comes from cow so marine collagen i think it probably has different different bennies but some bennies some bennies i want

my skin to stay bouncy and supple for the rest of my life the word supple have i talked to you about this no I whenever I hear supple I can't help but think of like big boobs some supple some supple boobs and I think that it's because whenever like male authors write about boobs supple is always the adjective they use supple her supple breasts this reminds me of something uh have you seen I think it's a a tweet I've seen it screenshotted and used several times um and it's like male authors describing women and it's like she bounced breastily in a booby way like so true her boobs bounced breastily is that that was like um nicholas sparks writing um the last song like the miley cyrus movie they wrote the movie together and

then he wrote the book so like how he describes her character in the book is using is miley and he like talks about like her like tight little body and stuff like describing her like she walked in with her tight little body i'm like that is actually miley cyrus that you're talking about this is actually an underaged person i don't like it i wonder how she feels about it now i wonder she met her her now ex hubby doing that film so maybe she feels like kind of negatively about it in a few ways so i came up with a with a game are you dtp of course i'm always dtp hell yeah okay so this game i am going to read off things and you are going to tell me if you think that this thing

would be a top or a bottom oh i like this game this was designed for me did you design this with me in mind i did i feel so blessed this actually came to me as i was falling asleep last night and then I wrote it the title of it in my notes because I knew I was going to forget it I have all my best ideas when like the what is it like DMT is that the drug that makes you dream when that's starting to flood my brain I'm like mad creative so I wrote it down and then um all today I've been writing things down so we're gonna start off um kind of simple yeah top or bottom altoids top okay lifesavers bottom okay why um altoids are just like so strong you know that's their whole thing curiously strong they're just like berry in your face

and then lifesavers are like cute yeah yeah yeah they also have like gummy lifesavers do altoids have gummies no no i'm pretty sure they must have at one point and they discontinued them so that's evidence enough i used to in high school i would chew gum and then because i had braces and i don't know for some reason it was more fun to chew gum with braces uh-huh i think maybe because you weren't supposed to oh yeah you weren't were you um i think you could chew sugar-free gum but if it was like if the gum had sugar in it it'd like get all tangled in your braces but i would chew sugar-free gum and then i would put i would fold in altoids into it damn you're an innovator if nothing else i don't know it's just like fun for me no that's great you're a chef that's i

really am chef liz okay tiktok bottom instagram bottom why um i'm trying to think of like why it's just a vibe you get yeah like uh i just feel like bottoms are more interested in posting and then tops are like more interested in observing oh very interesting i would argue then there are more observers on tiktok like there are a lot of people that consume tiktoks that don't create i feel like nobody's on instagram to just observe i don't know mr liz hasn't posted in like three years that's true he he almost never posts anything on his story either but he's a lurker yeah he's a lurker

very interesting okay i'm down for that all right but i could be wrong like it's a thinker yeah bottoms are more i think bottoms are more interested in posting because they want to be seen you know and tops don't need to be seen they're already like rooted damn they know that they are and that's why that's why like when you see like someone posting about like being a dom on on tiktok it gives you the ick because you're like i know you're not good at it damn like charles manson the guy we talked about i feel like we always have to i always have to specify that it's not actually charles manson because that's an actual person same height might as well be the same height same but not nearly as charismatic

i said what i said it's true all right um the jack-in-the-box mascot top why i don't know you just get that it's the vibe yeah i i think um he just seems comfortable and confident in who he is and what he's telling yeah he also doesn't need to prove anything to you no he's a sharp dresser he really he comes in ready to serve absolutely what about ronald mcdonald i feel like he's not even a top or a bottom he's just he's a switch maybe he's not there i think ronald's maybe a switch he's filming he's asexual but he's like helping out yeah yeah he like just happy to be involved yeah he's a clown yeah actually fake top okay shitty top shitty top

he's he's a tiktok top yeah okay well you've heard it here first ronald mcdonald's a tiktok top um all right i got two more so i'm gonna give you both of these at the same time tell me what you think about both of them mustaches and beards mustaches are tops okay beards bottoms very interesting mustaches take maintenance and commitment and confidence they you have to be able to pull it off and you you need confidence to pull off a mustache beard anyone can anyone can have a beard anyone can have some scruff that's so fucking true that's so true beards are like makeup i was just about to say beards are makeup of facial hair beards and hats are makeup for dudes damn i just yeah mustaches they just

require a little bit more and like a top has to be in charge of the vibe yeah that's a lot damn that's more mental stimulation you're making a lot of sense to me so those are great answers thank you i this was this was a great game i'm realizing what mustaches do to me it's not great i will see you slap a mustache on like the worst dude and i'm like i might and i think that it is the confidence factor it's like wow that's a choice you made a choice to shave everything but that and you're confident enough to rock it and it might be for an ironic reason like you might be trying to be like quirky but i don't care i like my heart i like when it's double and then a mustache yeah oh my god i want mr liz to have a mustache but he can't grow one

um you can only do this double so it just hits a certain length and then it stops yeah i think it just doesn't grow enough interesting he has grown out his facial hair a little bit but i don't think um well i know he doesn't really like it because it gets itchy oh i'm like huh interesting yeah i've heard that a lot from and i want to know what it's like yeah well and then at what at what length is it not itchy i wonder is it always itchy because you would think like when you shave like your bikini line it's really itchy to a certain point yeah so you i bet after you get to us after you get past a certain point then is it then it probably isn't itchy is the same on your head like if you were to shave no probably

not probably not because i've never heard of it being itchy like beards and pubes are yeah they're not the same texture as the hair on your head true typically okay that i'm aware of wow yeah why and even your armpit hair yeah is it also coarse i don't know i mean i know it's probably for protective reasons me and my ex got in a fight because i i mean for a lot of things but because i like made a joke that it wasn't even really a joke it was just kind of like a statement that his beard is or his pubes he's like why are you so offended that they're the same texture and you know the curtains match the carpet yeah it's not my fucking fly i don't i didn't make up the biology of this you are a ginger am i gonna have to take that out who knows he's a ginger

it's it is what it is explains the lack of soul you know what maybe he can't even like respond to anesthetic so damn i forgot about that fun fact i didn't know that fun fact until last friday because a girl in my weight training group is a redhead and she was talking about how we were talking about when we got our wisdom teeth removed and and she felt everything no her but her twin her twin felt everything no she's like my my twin got all the shitty genes oh my god that fucking sucks damn while we're on the topic of pubes um so i have recently watched all of girls in its entirety and i know lena dunham is both annoying and um questionable yeah she's done she's said some controversial things but that show is very

good there's a reason it's won awards but um i just like i have seen lena dunham's naked body more times in the last two weeks than i've seen my own damn and like it got to a point where i'm like this has to be a bit at this point and she's not the only like naked one but she's naked she's nude the most often i had no idea it was like that that show i had no idea yeah her her tits are just always out but um i don't know like there was this episode that i was watching with mr liz and she's like at a resort with her mom and it's supposed to be like some girl power thing and you see her they're hiking and you see her from the back it looks like she's wearing a two-piece swimsuit and her mom's like i don't know why you brought a swimsuit and she's like i thought this

was like a resort i thought i was gonna need one and then they're like then they they show her from the front and it's a this hideous one piece it's just like a cut out one piece and it's just like so ugly and then mr liz started cracking up and he was like the the swimsuit is like such a good bit like it looks bad from behind and then it's even worse from the front it's good writing yeah um but i i appreciated that okay every time they showed a woman's full naked body she always had a bush hell yeah and um yeah lena dunham had a bush and it was a it was a subtle bush it was a uh a well-maintained bush but um one of the less insufferable characters who is kind of my favorite even though she still sucks because the whole thing is they all suck right uh and but anyways

the one I kind of like she had a landing strip so I gave myself a landing strip yeah and then I was like you know what this is actually kind of hot I don't know what it is about a landing strip that makes me feel like sexy and powerful maybe it's like the attention to detail that goes into like the attention to detail and then it's like yeah I am an adult yeah and I'm not gonna shave my entire vagina no or wax my entire thing no you gotta tell the planes that middle part hurts the most wax that's true did you wax it or is that how you got it no I have an epilator um I've been wanting to buy one it hurts my therapist told me about epilating she epilates her legs she does her legs oh my god horrible but she's like you should definitely do it because like her and I

have the same kind of if I don't shave my legs every night I you can see hair like a lot of it if you used an epilator um it would get thinner over time that's what she said so that's what she said no but that's actually what my therapist said it was hard for me to get a landing strip i did have to like just resort to shaving the rest of it to get the full yeah the full experience yeah so i might go get waxed when it's long enough into a landing strip i am going to get waxed for the first time this year because i'm going to hawaii and i'm going to coachella and you gotta and i'm going to you've never waxed never waxed she's a sensitive woman and you don't when you shave you don't get um razor burn no i always get right that's why i

hate shaving one direction it i don't know it just doesn't work for me yeah yeah once i started shaving in one direction it stopped even yeah it's and then I like no matter what I do I get like razor burn and ingrown hairs yeah so that sucks um it's like my pits but that's also why I got like an epilator but while we're talking about getting waxed um I'm excited for you and I can't wait for you to detail the whole experience on this podcast I'll take notes uh every time I get waxed i my ass is just sweating my entire body is just sweating and then it's like when you're at the doctor's office they have like the wax paper or whatever yeah um and it's just sticking to my soggy ass i oh and then you have to get your asshole waxed because they'll be like

they'll be like butthole too i don't know what they say they're like do you want your bottom too and it doesn't hurt really because you think it's gonna hurt and then it doesn't and they put the warm wax on your butthole and it actually feels kind of nice i have and then they rip it off and it doesn't really hurt especially they do it last for usually oh but the yield i don't know the rest of it hurts so much more i have been waiting to tell you all of this this is not that big of a deal but i had so many sexual firsts in the span of one sexual encounter oh my god i have to share it with you oh my god I'm so thrilled I'm we're gonna hear about a whole story I just know it I'm going to start with the least outrageous um well none are really outrageous but I'll work up

so um I got my toes sucked didn't think I would like it sort of did what did you like about it much like the other two things that I'm going to mention it was kind of the oh like the element of surprise that's what you liked about it yeah it was during sex it was like while i was on my back and like my legs were okay in the air i can see that being hot it was like uh and surprising i was like but it was great personally i like hate my feet i also hate the idea even when mr liz is like touching my feet or like playing with my toes in the summer when i'm not wearing socks i'm like stop do not stay far away it took me a while to even let him start rubbing my feet but now we call it um he he squeezes my feet and we call it toes and squozen i want my toes

i want them squeezed he's like you want some toes and squozen that's really cute we have all kinds of little weird i love that words anyways continue so you got your boyfriend you got your toes chomped yeah i got my toes chomped and you know i also think now that i'm thinking about it i think that it was like the because i'm so ticklish i think that it was like the it being kind of ticklish while i like was feeling good was like an interesting kind of combination yeah like my brain was like a sensory yeah thing okay that makes sense same sexual encounter he spit in my mouth which i sort of loved i i had mentioned wanting no i get it to try yeah I actually think I'd be into that but I don't think Mr. Liz would do that it was

I don't think he yeah he doesn't want to do something like that see neither did he the one who did this but I was like okay you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with but like I don't know I think it's like kind of hot will you try spitting in my mouth yeah and then while we were having sex he was like open your mouth it's like it's happening baby burning it's happening it was pretty great um and then the last thing is i got my ass eat i'm so jealous no one will eat my ass i wonder what that says i wonder if that says something about my asshole i wash it see i don't i wash it i wax it that's what made me think of it i'm like my asshole is not waxed but i do not ever shit so it's like i'm working with a clean palette like

all the time it's true um but even before like we have sex i i make sure everything's ready it's nice and clean jic yeah it's not like uh yeah i haven't even if i've been like you know doing stuff all day yeah yeah just a little a little splishy splash yeah a little yeah just give it a little it's very nice i have a nice um like all natural soap that doesn't irritate anything that's incredible oh that's another thing a lot of people don't wash their ass that's like been a whole thing um it's so funny you bring this up a few weeks ago remember when that was like especially going around tiktok like they're like um apparently men don't wash their ass i'm like you guys are just learning this but i out of curiosity i was at mr liz's place i was

like laying on his bed and he was um like playing games with his friends and they like have their cameras on and stuff and whatever whatever boys do yeah um and i was like do you wash your downstairs parts and he was like of course and then i was like but like even your even your butt like your butthole and crack and he was like yeah and i was like how do you wash it because i i was expecting him to explain it to me yeah and then he stands up and he shows me how he scrubs his ass oh my god amazing his friends are like mr liz what are you doing and then he's like i had to show liz how i wash my ass i love that you gotta commit to that kind of line of questioning i am getting drinks with no name tonight

liz feels the type of way about it and i get it if the tables returned i would literally bungee cord you to a chair so you would not go however house house ever i trust your judgment that's so nice for you to say because I trust your judgment and then also like I was rooting for him yeah I was too I feel like Tyra Banks I'm like I was rooting for you we were all rooting for you how dare you truly how dare you yeah yeah I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend now I'm gonna get the tea tonight that is so fucking annoying in my opinion yeah I mean he like really really wants a girlfriend like he last time I got drinks with him he was like talking about how he's like all the way ready to have a girlfriend um and how he's realizing oh my god

that is so different from the conversation we had literally a fucking month ago you know what he realized he said that he realized that he's allowed to have like it's normal to have crushes on people like harmless crushes on people when you when you're in a relationship and that's why he thought that he wanted to be polyamorous because he's like i'm never gonna just want like i'm never gonna like just see one person like i'm like well you don't stop being a human being like you see attractive people everywhere you fucking moron but anyway you and you can like have a crush on someone and not do anything about it right that is that is we've talked about this before where guys are like they're like well i have feelings for you or whatever and then it's

like okay but you don't have to act on it right yeah you don't need to cheat yeah or right even be polyamorous right i mean like i i stand by like you need to be so you need to have just like an insane level of peace and self-awareness that most people are not even capable of in their lifetime yeah to have a healthy polyamorous relationship you you can get a crush you can have feelings for more people more than one person at one time and that's the entire that's the entire premise of the bachelor and the bachelorette and many other dating shows and just like being a human yeah it is possible it's all right listen i had a crush on so many dudes in high school at the same time and that's and they each they each would change in rank yeah you gotta you

gotta figure out when somebody needs to be on the bench who's your who's your starting lineup remember we used to talk about people like that yeah you gotta have a roster yeah you have to have like them in your stable like a whole stable dude i don't know if i still stand by that well you wouldn't because you've been in a relationship for 98 of this podcast but yeah fair and i'm thinking but i'm thinking about like if i was single again uh-huh would i i think i'd still be talking to multiple people yeah maybe if i was if i was i think i would change like if i was especially interested in someone i think i would just tell them that yeah now and then be like listen i don't want to talk to anyone else yeah and i'm not gonna make you be exclusive but

it's just like i don't want to talk to anyone else yeah i agree like i don't i've definitely i'm like a one trick pony now look at me go but i like when i first started this podcast and actually for like 65 of this podcast i've not wanted a relationship it's kind of new it's new for like the the second half of how like how long this podcast has been going now that i've wanted a relationship but before that like i really did need to keep a roster because it's like i if i gave my attention to one person too much i lost my fucking mind which is if you've been listening for a while it happened a few times oh my god it's so easy to make yourself spiral out oh my god it's so easy and it's like i feel like i finally got to a point recently where i don't do that

even with my you know with Mr. Liz yeah where it's like you start picking at just like your own insecurities and then you're like well now I need to like go through all of his social media and every single person he's following and see what they're doing and see how that makes me feel old habits die hard and it really is like a like some personal work that has to be done to not feel like you have to do that well I was thinking about how fucking unhinged it was when I was talking to uh the twitter guy oh and like I was spending so much time just like watching his every move online and it like who fucking does that I clearly did not have enough work to do at my job it was also and it was like beginning of pandemic I was just about to say that it was like

right at the beginning anything to do no everybody yeah people hadn't figured out that like jackbox games was gonna save everyone's lives by then everyone's getting a nintendo switch yeah yeah really but so all we could do is bananas i recently saw a tiktok where um it's it's like uh what you think he's doing when he's looking at your instagram story i think i sent this to you and it's like oh i know i shouldn't look at her story i can't help myself i miss her so much and then he looks at it oh she's so beautiful and it's like what he's actually doing and then it's a girl doing all this and then she's like sitting on the toilet and just tapping on her phone tap tap tap tap tap and i showed it to mr liz and he's like yeah exactly and i was like

just because it's true doesn't mean i want to know it like i want to i was like did you ever just like look at my stuff because you like had a crush on me and wanted to see what i was doing and he was like i mean not really what the fuck i post specific things for specific people at all times remember when i used to do that thing where i would put i would put one person on my close friend's story yeah and then i would do that too that's that was unhinged just i love reflecting on this shit that we would talk about on this podcast early on that was like bananas that we would admit to that shit but i'm sure we're gonna look back on stuff that we're talking about now and be like what we said that publicly but whatever this is we're all about being honest here

um speaking of what men are thinking and what men are doing we should talk about that tiktok that feels like a good transition so last week when i was doing my solo episode i shared a clip of like ben shapiro on some podcast and uh what he was saying was like if you're like two years