The Hoely Hour - E126 Jiant Jugs

Episode Date: March 3, 2023

Welcome to this week's breaking boobs, where Liz and Amelia discuss relevant news like Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber and scientific OF studies. Which musicians are the best lovers? Piano players? Trumpets And what is a splooge purse? Stay tuned to find out. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Can I, I'm going to come up with one. Okay. Splooge purse. Splooge purse. I like that a lot. Get your splooge purse out of my face. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between.

I'm Amelia Sanson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour. I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sanson. and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com y'all i finally got the vid if you listen out the rona if you listen to last week's episode i was talking about how weird i felt it

was because i had covid i didn't know at the time it was slowly setting in yeah starting to set in but i'm pretty amazed i could i could like that's the thing with anxiety when you notice when you feel a little bit different you like you feel it you know it's like oh something's wrong because i was really just kind of lightheaded that day but i was like i'm falling i'm dying i'm dying 100 and i'm never gonna go i'm never gonna live again i mean it's a good indication it means you're attuned with your your body that's a big deal we have hot topics so we've decided that um i mean we'll see how long it lasts but we're going to talk about hot news topics every week um so we need a song i think we need like a breaking news you know

i bet i could find one oh okay that's better than me like a free one yeah i'm trying that sounds newsy right yeah that sounded super newsy i want to i'm trying to figure out what it would be called breaking news breaking well it's we'll figure it out but i feel like there's there's something there's something there breaking boobs we got breaking boobs today folks some giant jugs for you all right giant spell with a j yeah that's the name of our news show giant jugs welcome to giant jugs evening giant jugs evening giant liz was the um a news reporter in college

i was do you have a news reporter voice i do do you want me to do it i'll try to do one too okay wait uh should i do one of the topics or whatever yeah good evening and welcome to breaking boobs i'm liz ball with my co-host amelia sampson hello tonight we're covering paris hilton feeling asexual stay tuned to find out science says only fans is good for you we'll discuss more later tonight that was amazing it's it's the same shit it's it's insane how it's the same formula yeah i mean and they always pause at the same time and they always tell stories like that good at the teleprompter wow i'm in the presence of greatness if i didn't know before i do now okay here here are two of our um hot topics

for today science says as news reporter liz said science says that only fans is um actually good for you a new study released that people who use only fans tend to have greater knowledge of sexual health and practices so like people who subscribe or people who are content creators both they've said that there's still there still needs to be more studies done they have this this um researcher litman has like all of this stuff that they want to do like moving forward but so far um according to litman's data 41 of the 425 people engaged in the study said that they actually tried things that they had learned on the app in their own bedroom ranging from using sex toys to exploring their sexual orientation i think that it's probably because it's less manufactured absolutely

it feels more attainable it's less manufactured and then there's i would assume some more realistic body image in your face versus like you know yeah a manufactured plot line the plastic surgery um and obviously like no shade to like porn stars who do have plastic surgery but like the micromanagement of women's bodies is just like yeah exhausting like the fact that people get surgery on their on their labia oh my god to get their oh my god i think about that all the time whenever i'm looking at myself naked i'm like labia surgery yeah i'm like i'm not used to seeing people with like labias that like are there you know what i mean because like all of the vaginas that i see other than mine are porn star or hello porn stars vaginas and none of them

have labias i guess i can't like even picture what like what does it look like to not have a labia you know like a barbie i can't fully oh like a barbie vagina but then what happens with the inside part you know is it just hanging out yeah well i mean like they just kind of like it's like a little up like a little um little cut it's like a little haircut of the labia so it's just like to shorten them i hate that i think that's too much work yeah and like ow yeah are men getting surgery on their balls no but they should i'm just kidding we were talking the other day about how balls just move by themselves they get they get give them botox just like look like little eggs tonight i'm breaking boobs botox for your balls science says i don't know science says

balls are ugly learn more tonight so just just to put the bow on that hot topic 53 of the participants were male and 46 were female and nearly all of the people surveyed claimed to be heterosexual so it'd be interesting to know if that changes with different sexual orientations i can't imagine that why it would but it would be interesting to know i i like the destigmatization of bringing toys into the bedroom absolutely you know i feel like i feel like probably a lot of people use them but just don't talk about it yeah like it seems like i think um we've all heard like men feel like shameful using a toy like it's somehow their competition yeah it takes away from the masculinity yeah can you imagine like a little bullet vibrator being equated to sexual

competition i mean that's just like the perfect representation of how fragile some like men's egos are it's like but you know i i recently saw a tweet where a guy was like i would never eat a girl out because vaginas are dirty and disgusting i'm like this man has never once in his life had ball sweaty balls so close to his face or or vagina anywhere vaginas are self cleaning i was just about to say that yeah no you have to wash your dick he just doesn't have the option so he's pretending like he does that's true that's very accurate and may he never have the option a day in his life yeah amen amen okay second headline paris helton felt asexual in her 20s um she explained that a string of terrible sexual experiences including the 2003 sex tape

bleak and being groomed by a male teacher in middle school led to her feeling asexual she called herself the makeout bandit i love that she would just make out but then not want to do anything else with them that is so relatable until she married her husband and now she loves sex i love that for her which is like you know i feel like so many of us have that experience where we're like do i am i just one of these people that doesn't like sex and it's because like you haven't either haven't found somebody that like cares about how you feel the exploitation of that her ex oh my god like so committed um because what she was like what 21 20 22 she was in her early 20s when he did this maybe even 19 um and she only did it because he like pressured her

into it and he's like 10 years older than her with it's just atrocious um also did you know there's like a memorial to 9-11 at the beginning of that it's fucking insane that's so bizarre and it's very on par for the times you know but like why like what what's the rationale of like we have to we're about to exploit this young woman but let's make sure that we like pay homage to yeah play i'm proud to be an american at the beginning like what the hell kind of rash like was that i don't know was it serious was it like and who knows should we talk about some relevant news hayley bieber yeah so i'm sure as probably many of our listeners have seen um or heard in some capacity the drama between hayley bieber and selena gomez i had no idea what

the impetus was for this whole mess until yesterday yeah it's well yeah because i like i have a few different thoughts on this so um to give a high level explanation to catch you up to speed if you don't know what's going on um there's kind of like this alleged beef between hayley bieber aka formerly um hayley baldwin who's married to justin bieber and selena gomez who was on and off with justin bieber for seven years and then when they broke up he married hayley bieber two months after they broke up there's a theory he had told he had told selena gomez not to worry about this girl yeah i mean it's always the girl they tell you not to worry about i mean that was the case in my relationship it really is actually it's so it's you know it's like so

predictable apparently there's a rumor or there's like a conspiracy theory that he proposed to selena and she said no i saw that i just saw that today yeah i saw that maybe it maybe i saw it through you like if you liked something about it maybe it was on twitter yeah yeah yeah i saw it on twitter that would make sense why hayley's so like you know insecure i mean she has so many reasons to be insecure about selena gomez but anyway so let's talk about how this started then i'm like is she insecure she might be and if she's if she's not i would understand why she would be well so here's the thing like hayley hayley bieber's whole thing and then we'll we'll talk about how this whole thing happened but hayley bieber is i feel like when you're a model and

everything that you do is based on how you look you are so used to like your appearance being literally everything that you think that everybody else is also caring as much as you are so like with like selena's weight gain like a lot of people think that that's like a big reason why there's like she's like throwing shade right now is like she like thinks that she like doesn't look as good as she like once did and like maybe people aren't caring as much as she expected them to and she's pissed about it because her appearance is everything to her that's one of the theories well and if our listeners don't know selena gomez like um she has lupus which is an autoimmune disease um and it's like a pretty like it can get really dangerous yeah um i think she had a kidney

transplant too um and uh she's on medication she's on steroids to help with her lupus and steroids will naturally make you gain weight yep so she's on a life-saving medication and she gained weight yeah which like she's also her level of notoriety i have not i didn't realize like how wildly successful she is did you watch that video i sent you yeah she's like a producer of like several successful shows she voice actor yeah voice actor um an actress in like uh only murders in the building which i haven't seen me neither i really want to like you know held her own against steve martin and um martin short like two very well-known comedians and then meryl streep wanted to join the cast which is like a testament meryl fucking streep that's huge she's she's so

accomplished and she does all of these things like grammy nominated yeah in in addition to having this like you know life-altering autoimmune disease and like gaining aware or like raising awareness around it and she's like a unicef champion she's like she does so much shit she like has rare beauty which is like i didn't know that she was the founder of that i had no idea it's pretty amazing what she's done um and so that's what i mean when i say like it would make sense why haley would be like insecure about her because like imagine having like a powerhouse so accomplished your husband's ex-girlfriend of like first love is this like fucking powerhouse and you expect something to take her down and it doesn't the

thing that you hold to the most importance in your career how you look and it doesn't and so like when we can now talk about like how this all started if you don't know because i didn't know was like she had posted selena had posted a video on her instagram story of her eyebrows being she got her eyebrows laminated and she was like saying like I wish I was as pretty as Bella Hadid or something and was talking about how like the eyebrow lamination it was like an accident that they had done so much and then Kylie Jenner posted on her story like this was an accident question mark question mark with like her eyebrows being like the main focus of it and then posted another story of her and Hailey facetiming of their eyebrows really close to the screen and to

a loop in the listeners if you don't know kylie jenner used to be the most followed person on instagram and selena just passed her yes passed her and became the most followed on instagram once again and so i guess that kylie took that personally and kylie's commented on these like theories and been like this is this is a reach like y'all are reaching i don't i don't have anything negative to say about the girl but then like once all this was going down and selena was like i'm too old for this bye i'm taking a break from social media hayley hayley kendall and one of their friends posted a video of them being like um did you see that they were like yeah lip sync that was like yeah it's like and i'm i'm not saying she deserved it but god's timing is

perfect is always perfect um so everyone's like assuming that that is about like them bullying selena gomez off of social media but i do agree with selena that like they're all too old for this to be like an actual thing yeah and like sure maybe they are throwing a little bit of shade but like if it were any other person like us like it wouldn't be a big deal totally and it could also be like a little silly too yeah so i just like this is the kind of shit that i would this was like when i was cyber bullied growing up this is the type of shit that would like people would do to me like they would like make fun of me on like myspace bulletins in ways that was like not they didn't say that it was me but it was like very obviously me and like that's like mean

girl behavior to be like posting shit like that and so i'm not surprised that people like clung on to that well also another part of the drama is hayley bieber like there was a clip of her like saying something like she didn't like taylor swift's album she did like a gagging yeah and then selena gomez was like i'm sorry but my best friend continues to be one of the best in the game or something yeah which is like whatever yeah um so i don't know there's i think that um it's not that deep and they just have these like fans who have boring lives and like want to make something out of like they want to make mountains out of molehills you know yeah um and i also think that selena gomez is entirely justified in still being mad at justin we're all not recognizing

who the real villain is and it's justin bieber he's being real quiet he is the fucking villain in this whole situation yeah um from beginning to end he's the drama yeah he is the drama and um yeah i like what he did to selena gives her every right to be like you know to talk about it absolutely like she she has mentioned things like oh i was broken up with and blah blah blah and like some of her lyrics like reference it and that's just like that's just part of life you know yeah i mean if you go through a breakup yeah if you go through a breakup and you have like this on and off seven year relationship in your most formative years like it's gonna have an effect on you super publicly and then to have like them get married immediately after and have that

be super public yeah have you ever had something like that happen to you and then she had this like obvious mental break have you watched her documentary yet no oh my god it's so good but she but she talks about that time when she she didn't talk about the breakup but it was like around that time she was talking about like what am i ever going to be enough just me like it's not just it's not me and justin it's like i want it to just be i want me to be enough and then like pretty soon after she had that like scene she ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and like a lot of people were like like the selena hate crew is like she's an alcoholic like that's why she went to rehab blah blah blah blah blah and it's like okay you know maybe she

had it like a substance issue whatever being going through a breakup that during your formative years and then having the person get together with someone right after is painful when you don't have everybody's eyes on you about it and you can like turn on the radio and not hear about it like that would drive anybody up a fucking wall that's hell my hell is having to hear about my breakup all the time after that like people are just like constantly bringing it up and not recognizing either of them as individuals yeah and that's like real people too yeah it's like they're gonna have feelings and and i think it's really fucking obnoxious that like the general public doesn't give um celebrities the room to be human and make mistakes right and learn

like they have to do all the things that we're doing under the scrutiny of so many people yeah and you don't have to deal with that but no i yeah um my theory is just that justin bieber is the villain yeah fuck him and i think that all of this drama is like basically the result of both of their fans just wanting to have something to do right and they're stoking a fire that's like maybe like a little tiny baby thing but like yeah it's now a bigger thing like i don't blame either of them for like i i would fully believe that selena gomez doesn't really have any feelings about hayley bieber um and only having like shade towards justin yeah and obviously like feeling a type of way about hayley as a result but it's not really a hayley issue so that's the girl drama

of the week and we're recording this on monday so who knows what will happen between now and then but i do love the critical think pieces on tiktok because oh my god me too they're just interesting hell yeah i love i love this i love how tiktok's turned into like i had no idea what the fuck was going on with this whole thing i just kept seeing headlines about it and i was like i bet there's somebody on tiktok that broke down the whole thing sure was yep yep sure was speaking of um exes knowing current relationships current girlfriends did you see that picture of vanessa hudgens meeting kaya gerber when she was dating austin butler yeah and kaya gerber was like 13 not she looked like very very young yeah i didn't realize the age difference it's weird

it's really fucking weird really fucking weird is vanessa hudgens engaged now yeah good for that baseball player good for her i love her that's it for the news for today thanks thanks for thanks for tuning in we'll see you next week this has been giant jugs you know how we looked at different names for boobs yeah today we're gonna be looking at different names for balls oh my god yes um and i'm gonna read a few to you it's the best day ever pants yabbies pants yabbies y-a-b-b-i-e-s fuck yeah courage bag it really does give them a lot of audacity toodles i like that conkers conkers c-o-n-k-e-r-s like conk it's because we have honkers and they needed their own twiddle diddles twiddle diddles whirly gigs oh my god twiddle diddles might be my

favorite so far spank bank which i've only heard spank bank as like things like photos and videos that you keep to masturbate to but it would make sense that you would have a spank bank be where that's where the sperm is yeah bubbles bean pods bean pods oysters i i kind of like your apartment should be called the bean pod the bean pod yeah because it's me and the beans but now that name is ruined i do have two beans yeah that is a bean pod dangly bits dingles plums can i i'm gonna come up with one okay splooge purse splooge purse i like that a lot get your splooge purse out of my face

i when you really think about like the logistics of a ball sack like they're just like always like there you know that's strange to me there's always a thing like dangling from your body yeah and they always get stuck to the side of the dude's leg like i was just thinking about if you're sitting down wild they're just they're just there they're just plopped right there okay so this is like maybe like a germaphobe thought that only i've had but now i'm gonna make everyone else think about it whenever i'm like giving head and i like pay a little attention to the balls i'm like if this person has sat down on the toilet today there's there's toilet bowl germs on their balls because there's no way to avoid that so i'm like i now have poop germs in

my mouth stop and like sometimes like you know when i pick up someone from the airport and then we like get freaky i'm like there's there's airplane toilet germs on this man's balls that are now in my mouth i feel like most people have the common decency and respect to wash before they anticipate doing anything not any of the guys that i date oh no but they don't have any like you know common courtesy in any sense splooge purse i like that one uh-huh i like the idea of calling it a purse yeah it is a purse it is a little satchel yeah it's a little coin purse spelunker dunker spelunker dunker just to go with the toilet bowl theme you dunk them in the toilet bowl and then you put them in my mouth have you ever put the balls in your mouth and then yes

done a hand thing yeah they go fucking nuts they're like nuts nice yeah i know it's like yeah it's my ticket whenever i'm done i can't remember why like what i heard or like saw where someone did that i feel like i heard about it and then i was like i'm gonna try that i learned how to handle balls from a an axe body spray commercial can you yeah go into detail i will thank you only for you and all of our listeners oh you as well oh fuck sorry shit oh god i forgot i forgot here i forgot you guys were in here oh my god hi sorry um it was like an ad that was very obviously sexual in nature and i don't remember like what the context was but there was like they were talking about balls and it must have been like

some sort of like offshoot product that was for balls now that i'm thinking about it but they were holding these two metal balls in their hand and they were like moving them around in their hand and one of the guys in the commercial was like oh and then the commercial ended and i was like oh they must like that and that's how i learned memory of that yeah i think it was like one of those super bowl commercials that like never showed after that you know it had too much backlash yeah um but that's how i learned how to play with balls so there's a little fun fact about me when i think about playing with balls i think of those like super bouncy balls you know rolling them against the ground they bounce around and your mom's like put those away

pick up your balls put those away put those balls away they're bouncing everywhere we have guests coming over you can't just have to keep your balls out did you ever have a super bouncy ball yeah those like rubber ones that just go everywhere yeah we're fun i want another one did you ever have flubber do you remember the toy flubber oh i do i used to have flubber shit like that and i would always my friend growing up abby her name was abby she had these really really tall ceilings in her house and we would throw the flubber onto the ceiling and then it would like fall you know because it was like oh fun oh look it falls but then there was like a bunch of just like old flubbers that had just

never fallen down ceiling was just like caked with them i'd be so pissed if i were a parent as an adult i think i was just that's why i was pausing i was like thinking about the shit that i used to put my my house through and my friends houses through growing up would drive me up a fucking wall as an adult when i think about it too like i hate when parents are like why would you do this and it's like because that part of my brain isn't done developing you need to explain to me why this is a problem yeah and you need to do it in a way where you're not like condescending and belittling because i'm a fucking child right yeah that's why i got kicked out of synagogue uh during a during a bat mitzvah what'd you do we were i'm filling up tampons the um

the spencer in the bathroom was broken so all the tampons have had fallen on the floor so we were like filling them up with water and throwing them on the ceiling and they were sticking and and not thinking about it i don't know why they stuck it must have been popcorn ceilings because there's nothing in there that would have stuck them yeah but there was a bunch of tampons it was like it was a lot of fun but like i didn't want to like sit and listen to the torah you know i've done that a million times so um an old woman came in and then uh told on us i guess because that was the only person that saw us yeah old people at any like place of worship are the worst yeah truly and so we got kicked out during a bat mitzvah but we got to come back for the party

so you did us a favor that's the good old hag yeah yeah i didn't want it that's why we're throwing tampons on the ceiling i the one time i went to a bar mitzvah i got yelled at by an old person why um i was sitting in one of the pews is that what you call it no what do you call them maybe the benches well in in the catholic church they call them the pews and um there was like the the part on the back where like you put the papers and whatever and yeah and i had my feet on it and um this guy was like just propped up yeah just my toes um because my legs are short and this old man was like would you do this in your home and i was like i don't know what you're asking me and he's like well don't do it here and then he walked away and my friend was like people are so

fucking annoying in here like don't take it personally i was like okay god and then i went to the party part of it and this guy who is like he was cute you know i'm i'm we're we're fucking 15 um he asked me to dance and he kept stepping on my feet and then the next day at school he completely ignored me what a little bitch and then i gave him a really hard time about it in high school because i started dating one of his friends i was like hey remember when you asked me to dance and then you and then you ignored me at every other opportunity you had whose bar mitzvah was this did you just have one jew in your class no it was just uh it was like he was like my friend in class like okay yeah i so you were 13 i don't know how i got invited

no he had it like later oh he had it like a year later for some reason i i can't remember why yeah so he's 14 got held back in hebrew school he's he had a glow up i am so happy for him he like is really smart and then he had a super glow up and like you i could just tell he was like having the fucking time of his life in college and then he just like got a good haircut and started wearing contacts it was just like a really like swan moment for him i love that yeah me too but he's like a dentist or like a podiatrist now he's probably doing something way cooler than that to be honest um i think he just got married i never think to like check in on someone so i can't like i don't think to check in on people from high school so i have

no idea why i know this like i can't maybe i'm following him i'm following him on instagram i can't remember we should look and we should see if he's single because so am i no i just said he got married oh sorry i was thinking about him potentially being a podiatrist i was too busy seeing dollar signs she heard nothing she was like money my brain just went blank smart i was like hold on interested this jewish king is ticking off all my boxes he must be a doctor of some sort when I was looking at news for giant jugs I came across this list that was comprised of I don't really even know oh it's a poll it was a poll of which instrumentalists make the best lovers they rated um top 10 and then bottom five oh bottom five I like that so and so when Amelia

preface this to me originally she said there's no way i'm gonna guess the top one yeah so that means i'm gonna i'm i'm gonna pick like a random yeah instrument just not an instrument that you would expect people to self-report as having good sex with this instrumentalist you know what i mean um two thousand people were sold sold polled and sold polled and sold um that's what i want okay all right so what do you think the number one top instrumentalist lover is so the number one that i'm gonna guess is clarinet no that's actually number 10 oh they're bottom yeah but i mean they're still in the top 10 oh oh okay okay i'm gonna just start naming instruments you tell me if they're on the list saxophone saxophone is number four

oh yeah um trombone number one trombone's number one is the top lover 16 of people polled said that trombonist i love that the best bonus they're tromboners yeah they they're tromboning they really do be tromboning i want to get tromboned fuck yeah me too have you ever seen like a good trombone player yes it's impressive yeah i think it might be actually have to be so accurate you have to be accurate you have to be good at doing two things at once because you're pressing the buttons and you're pulling the horn wait are there buttons on a trombone yeah that's how you get the different i thought you got the different thing from the slidey buttons i mean i think that that's a two

it's a two factor i'm gonna look a two factor oh no wait you might be right i might be conflating oh yeah okay there are buttons wait i'm confused there's no buttons what this one i'm looking at has buttons oh oh i'm um i'm conflating a horn and a trombone oh like the french horn yeah because the french horn is the one that's right down here right oh there are valve trombones oh no wait that's a saxophone trombone wow a twofer a saxophone oh yeah because this one and a trombone horn guys yeah is this one you were looking at yeah i think a traditional trombone doesn't have buttons okay well maybe the ones that play the ones with the buttons are even better probably maybe they got their the dexterity and the fingers is tuba player on there tuba is um

number one in the bottom five so that means that they are the worst um i'm gonna guess guitar players are somewhere in the bottom no guitar is number two really 14 percent interesting do you want me to ramble these off well i mean how many dudes play the fucking guitar and you're like oh my god yeah that's true they might not even be good at sex they just play the guitar and you're like yeah he fucks for sure guy yeah i had sex with the guitar guy what about had sex with the guitar guy he works at guitar center um what about bass players bass is not on the list oh interesting yeah maybe that's i would get a guitar

because it's like bass guitar maybe they like did the two of them together no who knows are there any string instruments on the list yes harp i'm gonna guess it's not on there it's not i was looking at the bottom um cello cello is um in the bottom five really i would not have guessed that the cello is a sexy instrument it's the second best of the worst so i'm gonna i'm gonna read these off okay okay so bottom five is oboe with three percent cello with two percent ukulele with two percent ukulele that makes sense for some reason but like i feel like i've seen a lot of really sexy hawaiian men playing the ukulele and i would think that they would be able to fuck but maybe

none of these people had had sex with sexy hawaiian men that play the ukulele two of the bottom five accordion with one percent like have i ever seen someone in real life playing the accordion no i actually just saw this girl on um tiktok whose daughter decided she wanted to learn the accordion i love that me too a child playing accordion well she's like 13 but that's still a child she's like fucking incredible at it like overnight she like got really good at it they're calling her accordion girl if you if you search accordion girl on tiktok you'll see her she's great i love when like young people are good at something you know absolutely especially something that's like not like societally cool fuck yeah you pick up the accordion i'm like have i ever

been thought about an accordion once i used to have an accordion oh you did yeah like a little tiny red one um okay tuba obviously was the was the worst of the worst here's the top 10 lovers from number one best to number 10 best trombone guitar french horn saxophone violin flute piano trumpet drums and clarinet so saxophonists are lower than i expected yeah there's like that's like a whole kind of like sex appeal is part of playing the saxophone you gotta thrust if you're not thrusting are you even playing the saxophone the saxophone is just a big flute they have literally the same keys so if you know how to play the flute you could probably pick up saxophone pretty easily damn but flute flautists aren't as good at fucking a saxophonist apparently

they're two slots lower i used to play the flute i played the clarinet and the violin for some reason i feel like that makes sense that's mean no why how does that mean this is such a nerdy instrument a clarinet yeah i don't know i liked the clarinet squidward oh that's nice of you yeah the flautists were always like the pretty girls that's like true though just a dumb bitch playing a little flute oh my god um did i ever tell you why i picked the flute no well i wanted to play the harp and my parents were like no you're not doing that um but in the sixth grade orientation they show you all the different like electives you can do and my parents were like you're gonna be in band or orchestra one of those you need to play an instrument and um

there was like this cute girl like flirting with this guy and i was like i'm gonna play the flute because of this cute this pretty girl like having fun and flirting with the whatever this guy was playing a picture of it or this was something you witnessed in real life i witnessed it in real life yeah yeah you're like that is my elective i'm gonna play the flute and then i would get a weird zit on my chin because you have to purse your lips over you have to blow a certain way oh my god my sensory issues really hated the clarinet because you have to like put your teeth against the reed yeah and then it probably like would it like vibrate yeah i remember people like uh yeah having the reed in their mouth yeah you yeah you have to get it wet it and i don't like the

feeling of popsicle sticks i fucking hate popsicle sticks so reeds really i probably would have hated the clarinet oh my god it was awful and it always like stunk and it always had like shit in it because like of like your spit oh my god yeah i remember cleaning my flute out i cleaned it after every time i used it this is like uncovering memories but yeah yeah i forgot i had these memories too how old were you when you were in band um we had to do band in fifth grade i only did it in middle school so six to eighth i dropped out after after elementary school and then my brother played the drums that's a cool instrument my band teacher started to kind of like lose it by the time i was in eighth grade and if i was just like talking he would yell at me what the

fuck and he'd be like he had an accent he'd be like ball go sit in the corner oh my god what kind of accent was it like southern yeah oh my god ball sit in the corner you say the same thing to my brother and he's like dicking around on the drums that's so funny one time he made me sit in the corner and i wasn't even talking nobody puts baby in the corner and then since my parents were teachers they email my parents they'd be like why did you go sent to the corner and i was like okay one time i was talking and then another time i someone else was talking and he blamed it on me that's the worst and then when you try to call them out like no that wasn't me they're like don't tell me that i'm wrong yeah and then you you're in more trouble um my like the only reason

i would ever get in trouble was for like socializing and i thought i don't think my parents really cared about that yeah right yeah well that's good because did you have a behavioral section on your report card yeah i always got o is outstanding and s is satisfactory which one's better oh no yeah which one would you get i got a mix of both oh nice yeah i would always get the highest for satisfactory like if they had to leave a note be like talking in class like i am disgusting and now you know what i'm making money from talking yeah so so go blow yourself not making any money from band suck it i don't know which teacher would have given me and or like which teachers gave me an s probably math because i hated math oh my god my math teacher

in sixth grade made me bad at math i'm convinced because she was the one that shamed me for being bad at math in front of the whole class and then i just got this learned helplessness with it we had a math teacher who was like an ex uh like marine or something she's a woman fuck yeah and she would like notoriously make kids cry all the time yeah i bet her class was terrible and then um she had a daughter who's a year older than me and her daughter was the biggest fucking stoner hell yeah in her entire high school like and i was like no wonder like she probably needs to smoke weed if this is her mom absolutely so my god felt like sweet justice i wonder what her daughter is doing now and if she talks to her mom maybe she's in the military

no way absolutely not that would be a full circle moment my rpe teacher in elementary school was ex-military can you imagine an ex-military teacher left left left right left he used to always say that to us when we were running was he doing it as a bit i don't think so i mean maybe you know i would totally do that as a joke like maybe he was like super cool and funny but we just like didn't understand the humor at the time my friend's husband uh i think this was like before they were like engaged or anything but um he we were like gonna go out as a group and this was our first time first or second time meeting him and my friend was like don't fucking embarrass me like these people are my co-workers and he was already drunk from going to happy hour

because he's a teacher and then um I was like are you already like kind of wasted and then he was like yeah i went to happy hour and then after teaching and then um he's like i've been teaching motherfuckers the letter r all goddamn day that's really funny yeah you earned it that's so funny that was one of my favorite stories about him i could never have the fucking i could never have the patience no he and he taught kindergarten there's no fucking way yeah of course he's like needs to have several drinks several beverage you know i yeah i mean like i feel like after i have just like a long day of meetings i'm like give me a fucking drink yeah i can't even imagine having like lives you know what i have talking about jobs now talking about work i have a theory

um because we've all encountered this person at any job this is about to be controversial yet brave possibly um and i don't think this is an original thought i think i i can't remember when i've talked to someone about this but there we've all encountered this kind of person that like is very like and we need this report and we have to do this like and asking all of these like unnecessary stupid questions and making you do all the work to go answer them and um i think they're just LARPing. They're LARPing as business people. Yeah. Like how many people in like some important corporate position, like you're like, okay, so what do you actually do? Yeah. They're LARPing. Oh my God. I did a business. I love that. I mean, I feel like I'm LARPing a lot of the time.

Well, like, and how many clients have you had? Well, cause we were, we work in agencies. Yeah. i've always worked at agencies and there's always like that one client who you're like how the fuck did you even get this job like yeah you don't make any sense yeah you're just making up words just like throwing words out like how can we measure this synergy we can't yeah equilibrium oh my god when our when our old place uh used synergy unironically oh my god i was like you're fucking joking okay right corporate terms drive me fucking nuts but none more than surprise and delight i fucking hate surprise and delight surprise and delight i do use that one i hate it yeah we said that a lot yes surprise and delight it gets under my skin like nothing else it's like

no i don't want a surprise and delight make them pay for more and then i'll fucking delight but no surprise okay no surprises no surprises here you pay for what you get surprise and delight my whole ass anyway i'm trying to think of other terms that i hate get that out of my system good um um circle back yeah drop some time on my calendar scale scale ad hoc ad hoc can i feel like ad hoc is one of those things where like people use it and they don't know what it means it can mean anything honestly yeah it really could what it should mean what it's supposed to mean is like something that is not part of like what was originally budgeted and planned for yeah it's like an additional right item but it's like if

it's like you know let's have an ad hoc about that it's like do you even know what that means talk about it later so we'll talk about that later i hate when they're like let's take this offline yeah like we do our work online yeah everything's online what they really mean is like i don't want to talk about this again i'm just saying things to sound important yep they're larping they're larping they're larping for their boss and i'm like you know what maybe i need to be a larper yeah maybe you do you do a lot but business larpers they make more work for everyone else and as somehow more money as a libra i just like personally cannot um have people dislike me especially people i manage i'm terrible i'm like michael scott no but i mean that's fair though

you want the people that you mean that should be any boss's goal yeah the people that that you manage you should want them to like you i would say um i'm gonna say my biggest mistake as um a first time like manager of full-time employees um i think that i like maybe i'm like a little too befriending um and it's really hard i don't do it on purpose it's just like i just want to be comfortable being myself at work yeah and um but like what that leads to is people like sometimes walking all over me oh i don't like that at all yeah because you're like the coolest like yeah they're like i don't really have to do this because liz won't care and it's it's it's not like that because i'm like hey actually i just want i want you to just do your job so i don't

have to talk to you about it yeah i saw like bosses like you make me want to do my job better because it's just like i saw a tiktok that was like um point of view your boss is an air sign and then she's like hey so um i noticed that you're like not doing your job and i need you i don't want to be having this conversation i just like need you to do your job especially if you like want to continue being the person that like i tell all of the corporate gossip to i was like actually yes yeah i relate to that yeah yeah i love that oh corporate term i learned another corporate term like yesterday i'm gonna make one up when i return to work fuck yeah the first thing that came to my head is bungus bungus yeah that sounds like like another like

kanban you know what i mean like let's do a bungus about that i'm gonna take a bungus yeah barely taking a bungus and just like don't tell anyone what it like you just say it like it's something everyone knows like hold on guys i have to i have to handle this like what the fuck even is that you know everyone just started saying it um what's the other uh type of project management that i was talking to you about scrum yeah scrum kanban fungus bunkers waterfall the term that i heard was um can we double click on that which means can we like can we like talk more about that can we double click double click on that real quick who the fuck a lot of people apparently i've never heard i haven't either and i was like

what i like to say noodle on it noodle on it and like we'll noodle on it and then we'll like let you know can we like double click on that i'm gonna say that in my relationships like you said this thing earlier can we like let's expand can we double click on that just to be like i fucking hate working in marketing i just don't like working i've thought about if i changed careers i don't even know what i would do i don't like anything you like a lot of things you just don't think that you could make careers out of them like what this fuck off amelia am i wrong i'm leaving i'm gonna con bond and bungus this podcast yeah you're just gonna let's scrum it take a little

bungus let's do a little scrum um well thanks for listening this has been a mess of an episode that's it's probably the most organized chaos that we've had in a while yeah yeah this was very organized chaos we showed up with energy today we did we showed up and we turned out i had a we double clicked we double clicked into a lot of things today um i think it's because i had like a very draining weekend skiing and whistler um the blues there are like what i would consider a black diamond that's what it sounded like mr liz was here when i got here and he was explaining blues to me and it like they sound scary they were pretty intense the blue runs there and the like some of the greens i would like rate as a blue in the mountains in washington and the skiing

in washington is pretty good from all all of the information i've heard right i mean people talk about it all the time but yeah whistler was it was it was very hard for me well anyway i'm glad that you're alive thanks i've missed you stop leaving me during the weekends and that's the last i'll say about that i'm sorry i'll never do it again okay cool i'll take you to all my weekend getaways i love that me and liz are going on a weekend getaway with two of our girlfriends in two weekends they they adopted me as a fourth friend it's it's a natural fit a group of amelia's um acting friends they're fantastic yeah so i'm i'm the one who's not in the acting community but she was a theater kid i was so in that sense yeah i was in retrospect i was not good at acting

i bet you were great for the company that you were in i wish i could do it again now i think community theater i miss theater i miss the feeling of opening night i have no idea like now i can't even process that i used to do that i get on stage and sing in front of a bunch of strangers i don't know how i remembered all those lines yeah how the fuck did i memorize all that shit not a fucking clue okay all right well we love you our chill remember when you said we would stop doing that Thank you.