The Hoely Hour - E133 Sex Drawers

Episode Date: April 21, 2023

You're telling me... Frank made this Ocean? Amelia recaps her weekend at Coachella. What's in your sex drawer? Because we have some recommendations... but the number one will always be condoms. Let's read some wild listener emails, including a story about a man sending his ex a gift from an imaginary fetus. Yes you read that correctly.Use code HOELY at checkout at https://www.adameve.com/ for 50% off! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Well, there's something just like cathartic about like hearing about like someone who sucks, you know, because you're like, I know someone who sucks. Yeah, it's very unified. I love when you know someone who sucks, too, because then we can hate them together. Yes. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour.

I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sampson. and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com i just got back from coachella and one of the topics that i want to talk about today is about about something that i heard that this past weekend at coachella that blew my fucking mind okay there is somebody there's a woman who is like a legend at coachella who gives like just a patron yeah okay but she camps and she gives men free blow jobs in her tent she like screens

them she like they have to bring like an up-to-date like very recent std test and then she just blows them and her name on reddit is who is alex or who is alice it's one of the two um but yeah she gives anonymous blowjobs in a tent and nobody knows who she actually is but she just this woman just like loves giving blowjobs so she just does it for free and i'm like she should get her bag i would pay for it are we sure this is real yeah it's like a thing that like she's she herself posts on reddit about it i guess and like people have been like yeah i like i went to her tent and like got a blow job it's like every year she does a set coachella interesting how many blow jobs a year does she you know i don't know i'm not sure i need to look at the reddit thread is that the

right verb verbage uh forum yeah topic i don't know i'm not cool i'm probably i think i need to read it but um she that's fucking insane gives a lot she's a giver but i feel like she could make so much fucking money especially now that she's like a legend well i think the thing is is like you know if this is like a legend and then she started charging for it i think that's illegal and it's something that oh it's like sex work easy to find out yeah that's a good point so i don't think i don't think she can openly solicit sex or like sexual favors that's a good point but like who loves giving head that much i mean more power to her but like no holy shit and um like i've said if you think of it it exists you know yeah and good for her if she

like loves giving blow jobs she's just like getting hers yeah and she's and she's giving back to the community she's keeping these men off the streets yeah away from us yeah we need that i just thought that was so interesting i wonder like what's in it for her you know i think she just loves doing it that's exactly what i said and my friend that told me was like she just like really really loves giving head i'm like are you gonna go because it was a dude that told me he was like fuck no but some people really love it apparently she's very good i mean i would assume you'd be good if you did it that often right totally so i mean and you know even a bad blow it's like it's like festival food when you're like really really hungry at a festival like

the shittiest food tastes good i feel like that's maybe the same case for blowjobs could get the worst blowjob on molly yeah and you're like fuck this is fucking amazing this is the best blowjob i've ever gotten and it's like drier than the sahara what song would be playing in the background of that of the worst blowjob while you're a good question worst blowjob while you're on molly that one song that um one song that that guy was thrusting to in that reddit thread that yeah yeah what was that song called anyways people kept playing it this weekend oh are you serious so i feel like that would be playing that's hilarious i've never gone to coachella and probably never will that's what i thought it was actually the best fucking time interesting i had

so much fun i was so scared like such a little desire i understand that to be around that many people totally there are so many people i almost died up was it insufferable no at blink 182 it was because they announced like two days before that they were going to be there and they put them at the worst fucking stage to put them at and like i actually was afraid that i was gonna like die like it was like bad crowd crush we were trying to leave we got there and we were like nope because we couldn't see anything so we tried to leave but everybody had the same idea but then nobody at the edges were moving so it was just like a big wave of people trying to get out and like if i feel like if i put my arms down because i read a crowd crush like what to do if you're

stuck list and that's smart keep your arms out in front of you because that way you don't so i like if i didn't put my arms out i probably wouldn't have been able to breathe like it was really really scary that sounds terrifying other than that it was fantastic it was like were the influencers out and about no i saw one influencer who i follow on tiktok his name is jack inanin and i fucking love him he's the best i saw him twice i didn't talk to him i got recognized at coachella i was peak influencer at coachella getting recognized oh my god i love that this guy came up to me he was like you look really familiar and i was like do i know like do we know each other and i like took off my glasses and he was like i follow you on tiktok and i was

like oh he was like what's your name or I said what's your name to him and he was like Jonathan you're Amelia and I was like yeah and he was like oh my god I was like you just made my day and then you dabbed I was like you just made my day he was like why I'm like because this is like so fucking cool that this just happened to me he was like I'm not the first person to come up to you and I was like you are you you are but thank you for yeah thank you for like thinking that maybe you weren't like that's nice um but it was pretty cool again somebody saw me on bumble and then they like tweeted about it they're like i don't know if this is a catfish or if amelia samson's at coachella but i just super swiped on bumble it's like i've peaked in that

moment um but no other than that no no influencers i really wanted to see drew a follow oh she was there with her very tall boyfriend did not see her um but what i was going to say apparently what influencers do a lot of them don't actually go to coachella they go to the desert they do get ready with me they take a picture with the brand that sent them there and then they leave oh my god they don't really they don't go to coachella well i mean they would probably have to buy like a whole ticket or something right well the brands that send them there like buy their ticket for them yeah and then they just leave they just leave why wouldn't you want to go i don't know they're like or like just like don't want to be there give it to someone else yeah

who knows interesting but another influencer lauren gray i think is her name um posted a video about it she's like fun fact that's why you don't really see any influencers there that was my weekend um and who is alice will forever live in my brain that is phenomenal yeah i love the coachella lore yeah me too maybe i'll never go but maybe you will i thought i would never go and now i want to go next year i did love life is beautiful oh you went to life is beautiful yeah i went two years in a row there was this uh frank the guy that i'm dating frank it sounds like an actual ocean because oh my god he was that was a hole i what happened he because i have no idea i it seemed like there was drama there's so much drama so he was supposed to

be on stage so he hasn't toured in like a very long time and he's like canceled every festival he's ever supposed to be like have supposed to be at he like hasn't like played any shows in like forever anyway so everyone was like i won't believe it until he's on stage and 15 minutes into his performance that he's actually performing that was like the running joke and then he was supposed to perform at 1005 and then he gets on at 1105 and apparently what had happened was that he had hired like a hundred ice skaters or something to skate during his set and they like trained for months he like auditioned skaters and everything and then like two hours before the performance he decided that he didn't want them to ice skate anymore so they had to melt the ice

what and then he had to just have them walk around the stage so there was it looked dope like it looked really really cool but like then you knew why they were walking and it's like what a piece of shit you know like why would they do why would he's just a diva but the rumor he also canceled his um live stream so it wasn't streaming and every other show is streaming at coachella and so people were fucking pissed and um apparently it's because he's like working on an hbo documentary right now about his return to music and this was going to be like the first thing that he's like it was the most confusing performance i've ever seen the camera was like going in circles the whole time so the screen instead of just showing him was like really disorienting it was just the

most confusing performance people were somebody tweeted like frank is right up there with nigerian scammers because he like really like that was kind of like uh people that bought a ticket just to see him are probably really fucking pissed he didn't end his performance he was just like i just got told it's curfew so show's over and then that was it that's so shitty it's fucked up so that's the tea on frank ocean i'm sure other things will come out i'm sure he's gonna cancel for weekend too because he clearly did not want to be there um but my frank the frank that i'm dating yeah the whole weekend i was thinking about how kind he was being to me when i would like message him just like things that were going on with me and like not asking about him at all and i didn't

even realize i was doing that like i try to be really mindful of that and i was i like wasn't asking him anything about himself um and then when I was like coming off of drugs on Sunday and crying I texted him and I was like I'm really sad are you awake I know that you'll make me happy like if you're up can you can you tell me and he never he was asleep because it was midnight on a Sunday and then at like one o'clock he texted me and he was like hi I just woke up to go to the bathroom are you okay and I was like yeah I'm totally fine sorry go back to sleep and then the next day he messaged me he's like how are you feeling I'm like I am so sorry that I've been like relying on you like so like I've been I was leaning on him so much for emotional support all

weekend and he was like thank you so much for saying that like you're totally valid and feeling that way but like I don't feel like that at all like don't worry about it oh my god like he's so secure he's fantastic he's like you're at this party in a desert for four days like that's like my shit can wait you know what i mean um and it was just like so i was like he's literally just like a bowl of green flags you know i know that's such a good way to put it flag green flag green flag everywhere and like he's so like excited to meet my friends and like he's so affirming in a way that doesn't feel like toxic and like there's just so many things and the reason i'm bringing this up is to say like when i broke up with my ex i was so fucking pissed for a lot of reasons but

one of the reasons was that like i had turned him into this like reformed version of himself that now somebody else gets to enjoy and frank is so reformed and like you can tell he's like put in a lot of work until like becoming like you can tell that he's just a good dude but he's also put in a lot of work into being like a better partner yeah and so i feel like i'm reaping the benefits of like someone else's work whether it's like another girl's or his own you know and i'm like okay it can happen like i can be handed like somebody that actually has done the work you know what i mean having somebody not try to ruin moments for me like we're saying is so new for me like it's always something you know it's always like yeah i'm like a little pissed we can talk about

it later and then i'm stewing on it the whole time you're like yeah or what yeah exactly or they're like actively pissed so I can't have a good time it's just such a toxic fucking thing and it's so common it's just it's disgusting so not having that is like really new and nice I don't know he's a good dude I love that we'll see I'm excited for you to meet him me too I told him earlier that your joke made him that his joke made you laugh which one the one with the chicken sitting at the table yeah it's hilarious and I'll read you what he said I said I'm a screenshot i said this made me laugh out loud and then i said liz too and then he sent three crying faces and said that means a lot it's like well i love being the scary friend i wish i was the scary

friend i aspire i think you're secretly the scary friend that is the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me like um like you're not outwardly scary but like i'll cut a bitch when it comes down to it if someone like fucks with someone you love you're like you're done to me that's so true yeah i am a secret scary friend like when i come to you about like some of my struggles you're like immediately in my corner you know oh my god all day yeah i'll ride that to the wheel she's a liz apologist that's what she calls herself i call myself a liz apologist i'll get that tattooed on me i'm not scared yeah no i like i that's so true i get super like mafiosa when someone hurts someone i love i'll put a horse head in their bed i'm not scared i'll go full godfather that's the

gemini in you i'll do it so you know how adam and eve sent us the vibrators and we got like one of each or whatever yeah i tried the one that you ordered and it is my favorite toy ever I know it is so fucking good um and like I think so I'm gonna explain it to the listeners which might be a little weird but you guys need to buy this I'm just gonna straight up say it like I did not know a toy could be this good it really does do but like so it's a rabbit and it the the end of the rabbit like the part that goes inside that vibrates but then it also has a middle button and that makes it go like in and out like up and down um it has all these different speeds too yeah dude i can't make it past the first one to be honest and and then the rabbit part that goes

on the clit is like not too aggressive and all of it together is like a symphony it's truly incredible it just i don't know it like because sometimes i don't like toys that go inside yeah it's just a little overwhelming and this is like the only one i've used that doesn't make me feel like that dude it is phenomenal it's actually changed my life i feel as though it's ruining penises for me i was thinking something similar y'all could never do i was like i was like i don't think i'll i would ever need to have sex again yeah it's it's pretty incredible they have like i was trying to figure out which rabbit i wanted to buy they have like a million on their site the one you picked is amazing i feel really happy the one i picked

is like fine it's i i think i picked it because it's like aesthetically it's beautiful it's black yeah it's a very sleek rabbit and it does it does a great job but it does not do as good of a job as this one it's have you tried the vibrating whip yet um not the vibrating part but we use the whip part and it worked well nice it was because it's not too uh soft okay it's good it's not too hard not too soft it is uh the goldilocks of whips but it's nice that it has both yeah you can do a little pleasure a little pain that's fantastic uh just a reminder to our listeners um we do have a code with adam and eve it's holy just h-o-e-l-y you can that'll get you 50 off so get that rabbit yeah 50 off one toy free shipping discreet packaging and we mentioned this the first

time that like actually saved me because it was sitting on my front porch um for quite a bit of time and my i think i said this last time too my box ripped oh yeah it's just like someone's gonna to see like these two rabbit yeah i don't have a good time um this i think this is also like a good segue into a listener email that we have while she's pulling it up i would like to sing y'all a song that liz is not going to cut out this time here's the mail it never fails it makes me want to wag my tail when it comes i want a whale she even joined in you see i knew she liked it um so for me someone wrote into us and asked hey amelia and liz love the show i especially appreciate your perspectives and frank discussions on sex and sexuality on this past week's show

amelia was talking briefly about her new friend's sex drawer and it got me thinking from a woman's perspective what would you want to see in a good sex drawer at a guy's place keep on having fun making a great pod what a fun not first of all thank you we are having fun thank you so much Also, I love that this person used the word Frank because now we've talked about three different Franks on this episode. I think this is before you called him Frank. That's such a beautiful, a beautiful moment. Full circle.

This is a great question. Yeah. I love it. So what I would want to see in a, well, so it really depends, right? Because it's like, it depends on like what your kinks are. But I think if I'm coming at it from the perspective of somebody that I don't really know very well yet, because like in this scenario, it was Frank and I didn't really know him super well at the time.

like knowing that he had lube i mean that's good for both parties right yeah like i feel like that's just a thing that should be had totally and condoms you should probably have a couple kinds of lube because what if they're allergic to silicone yep or allergic to latex so a few different kinds of condoms as well you might as well just cover your bases yeah if i it's really tough because it depends on like what i want from the person you know if it's just a hookup like it would be kind of dope to see like a vibrator in there well because you did hook up with someone who had one of like the hatachi i was so impressed and he used it right yeah okay and like i didn't really love how it like he just pulled it out from under his pillow and it was already plugged in

it was like wild i was like what the talk about magic wand so he had already like planned yeah that's a little weird yeah but like i mean if you have a vibrator like i love when dudes have shit like that because it's like oh you care you want me to have a good time my god so yeah i think there's a fine line but also everybody is different so and i know you're just asking us but everybody is different so i would say the short answer of that long explanation would be condoms lube and a vibrator i would be so impressed to see all three of those things what kind of vibrator would you recommend probably just like a clip yeah you could do a little later a little bullet vibrator yeah i think that is like a good easy option there's something so attractive i'm wondering

what i would think if like um because i've never hooked up with a man who had like a vibrator it's just there's something about it's very attractive to know that they're not intimidated by a vibrator yeah because dudes that are like why i need a vibrator it's like you just don't understand how any of this works you know so when they just have one i'm like oh and also like make sure that shit is clean that disinfect it but yeah buy wipes for your vibrators or even just like use some clorox on it yeah and then wash it again with regular soap and water i'm pretty sure adam eve has toy cleaner on their website oh yeah that would be good option you know delicate definitely you definitely want to do that um and i guess so what i'm thinking like like you said like

with kinks and stuff it if you're into like bdsm you can kind of have whatever because it's like what you're into it's just kind of like you would have to make sure whoever you're having sex with is like okay with that yeah um but some things that i like in like a little bdsm kit um i like tape there's like specific tape for like bondage i think that's a little fun thing that you can do a spreader bar is like kind of scary but impressive whoa um a spreader bar so you can't like close your legs that's what it is i love that um oh my god i'm getting like warm i do like crops yeah um i like crops more than like the little i can't remember what they're called but like the whips with all the little tassels yeah i'm having a hard time remembering

what that's called yeah yeah um oh a flogger flogger yeah cool nice well done you could use a flogger um i think a flogger is a safe bet you know because you can be gentle with it and if you wanted to hit a little harder the options there you can yeah yeah yeah um what else um some rope is good um like the special shibari rope because it's soft um but you actually need to like know shit about shibari to make sure you don't injure someone i bought shibari rope when i was dating no name and it's been under my bed and i took a video of me i was sitting on my bed the other day and zoomed in on her and you could see the shibari rope underneath the bed and i noticed like three hours after it was up so like 800 people had already seen it and i was like you

know what fuck it i have a sex podcast people know i don't make anything secret but still it was like when i noticed i was like oh no i have family members on they probably don't if they do know that's a whole other issue but the shibari rope is so soft yeah it's amazing i like that and then there's also like some under the bed restraints those are fun to have um trying to think of what other little toys i like like i have my own set of things like i have my own collar and um like cuffs so i have like wrist cuffs ankle cuffs and thigh cuffs um and they can like if you have like the the ankle cuffs or whatever or like even the thigh cuffs you can clip it to you can clip them together you can clip them to like the spreader bar there's all kinds of options

um i like mine just because it's like it's just mine yeah you know yeah and i picked it out yeah totally you can like pick a color you like so but if yeah if you're into that then like you can also have your own collar and leash whatever just to bring around um but in terms of toys i agree with you with like uh having something simple like a bullet vibrator obviously lube condoms um i also like i don't think i would be bothered if there were like also a penetrate a penetrative vibrator yeah why not but i wouldn't want to use that immediately right with a new partner totally i think i'd be like oh interesting i the thing that would get to me is just like did your ex girlfriend get all this you know yeah i'd be like i i would want them to get it themselves

right yeah i don't want to use something that somebody else has used yeah that's a good point like even if someone else has used it you don't really need to think about that like relationship wise yeah i don't want it to be part of your one thing yeah but like yeah if it was like an ex-girlfriend's thing for like years and now you're using it on me i'm not interested thank you makes me feel uncomfy especially if you start to like really develop feelings for the person yeah you get like kind of this retroactive jealousy totally it's like oh i don't want i want to be special yeah that's totally fair like feelings change everything like when i first start hooking up with a guy i want to hear all about their past sexcapades exactly same because

you don't have any like emotional attachment yet and they're always like is this okay for me to be telling you this i'm like i fucking love this and then like a month in i'm like don't you ever fucking bring this shit up to me ever again if you mention her name i'm gonna murder her i am going to i'm going to combust i don't care if she's an amazing person because i'm an amazing person too i'm the only amazing person you're ever allowed to have had sex with yeah exactly you've never loved anyone besides me right i i hate when i get those like kind of intrusive retroactive jealousy thoughts because like when i think about it it's like yeah i've had past partners that i have like had sex with and loved and thought i was going to be with forever and

now i don't want that like we broke up we're not together for a reason and i don't ever want to be with them again i'm only with the person i want to be with yeah or alone and sometimes that is who i want to be with is by myself there's no better company so you know the human brain it really is a fickle fickle thing what are you gonna do cry yeah cry recognize that it's just like your ego talking and talk to your therapist about your insecurities that's all very good advice i i was telling amelia this earlier like uh mr liz and i will call like anxiety that you get that you know is a rational anxiety call it the anxiety goose and then um the opposite of that is the avoidant ostrich so you know i love if you're an avoidant person like when you feel

yourself like not being able to regulate um your feelings and just like shut down just call it the avoidant ostrich it's it helps to like put when you know something is not rational and it's not who you truly are um but it's like contributing to how you're feeling does that you know what i mean i'm saying like it helps to have like a third party to like absolutely pin those feelings on yeah since i've started i adopted that when you told me about it did you learn about it on a tiktok i did yeah okay i was like where did i i didn't remember where it first came from you're like it's honking at me it's so it helps chasing me so much it helps to like bring it up too to be like hey so my anxiety goose is honking can you talk for a sec it really like kind of like adds like

a comedic layer to it that's like makes it a lot easier it's because you both know it's not that it's like not that deep yeah it's not too serious it's just like i need you i need your attention for like five minutes so i can kick this feeling yeah exactly yeah totally it's such a good idea the avoidant ostrich okay fuck ostriches i just had to say wait why because they're so birds should not be that big am i wrong that is true they are no that's a dinosaur and they're so mean the amount of videos i've seen of ostriches chasing like safari cars kind of funny though they're hilarious but also can you imagine that running after you no they're so fuck ostriches that would be so scary it would be terrifying i need to get that off my chest but we call it the

avoidant ostrich because they put their head in the ground to hide so do flamingos oh they do yeah but that doesn't that doesn't ring the same yeah avoidant flamingos it doesn't hit the same way yeah but um yeah having a third party just helps I was also thinking about like how to identify what you need when you're like feeling dysregulated um and what helped me is like when I would start to feel so when I would feel dysregulated my reaction would be to be angry um and i i've actually been listening to an audiobook by bell hooks and i wrote down this quote because it just like really perfectly explains what anger does um anger prevents love and isolates the one who's angry it is an attempt to push away what is most longed for

companionship and understanding anger is the agony of believing that you are not capable of being understood and that you are not worthy of being understood it is a wall that separates you from others so like damn anger as a protective measure I mean it comes from like the world of like patriarchal masculinity because the only acceptable emotion for men to have like an outburst is anger and then that's what was modeled for me yeah you know yeah as a kid it's just like my dad was just angry and then my mom um was detached like if things were too much she would just detach so the only model i have of like processing my feelings is anger and i don't get what i want when i'm angry you know which makes you angrier yeah well it makes you feel sad and lonely and

isolated and you're like well i didn't get the reaction i wanted i must not actually be loved yeah it's anger is just like such a horrible like default defense mechanism it really is it's like the most aggressive and it serves you the absolute least yeah like anyways so when i would start to feel myself go to that place i was like well what what did i wish i had when i was a kid and i was feeling this way wow um and it was just like i would want my feelings to be validated I want to be comforted and held I want like physical touch and closeness so when you recognize that it feels really hard to ask for those things but when you do it's like then you get what you are needing and you can heal that totally so yeah it's just like so then that's

where something like the anxiety goose comes into play I'm just like I'm having this feeling and I know it is coming from a place that is not rational and it's just protective because this is the only way I learned how to like try and process my feelings yeah in childhood totally no it's really that quote is really interesting because it's like anger really is such an isolating feeling like you like pushing people away when what you really want out of the situation is for people to come closer is such like a conflicting thing I realized when I was on rooms this weekend and couldn't stop crying was I realized how close frustration and sadness are for me like when I'm like when I'm like in this specific situation like I felt like I wasn't being

heard and I was frustrated about that but it came out as tears and I was like oh my god those two emotions are so tied for me and like in that sense too like anger and sadness are always so interplayed with me like whenever I'm sad about anything I just would rather be mad because it's easier it is so much easier to be angry yeah but especially when it comes to a relationship it's so much easier to put up this front of like anger and rage because it seems powerful rather than like sadness requires vulnerability absolutely and sadness too it's like it sadness is trying to like get people to come to you and if they don't then that's you get turned down if you're angry and push them away then it's your choice that nobody is coming around you and so it's like you're you're

like self-isolating rather than people just not wanting to be around you or like people potentially turning you down when you're sad um because like you need that connection in the moment but it's not happening that's sad in itself it's like feeds the sadness when you feel more alone so like it's anger is such like a it's not like a very like useful emotion it's like valid yeah but it's not really useful because like you end up feeling shitty and you isolate yourself I had such a hard time figuring out what my feelings were like I was like am I actually angry and that was I think the most confusing thing for me to try and sort through is like what is sincerely anger and what is just me feeling hurt and not knowing how to process that yeah or like communicate it right

bananas yeah it really it really is and like obviously there are some instances where like being angry is like the emotion that the moment deserves genuinely like you have a right to be mad totally so like none of this is to say like you shouldn't you shouldn't be mad but like it really does drive a wedge and like i think that quote is really interesting bell hooks said that it's such a good point yeah um the i don't remember if i said the title of the book but i have been listening to um it's called the will to change and it's just about how um patriarchal masculinity hurts men and it includes like a an empathetic perspective and includes men in the conversation and i like that a lot because i don't really think that like even in intersectional

feminism we don't really include men in the conversation and it makes sense because there like so many big issues to tackle for marginalized people and like you know men aren't typically marginalized white men yeah yeah yeah um well and in like she also explains like a patriarchal system like patriarchy is not the same as masculinity and um also like if you're it can be like coming at it from a empathetic lens of like patriarchal masculinity hurts everybody um it you can seem like an apologist for men and she just like does a really amazing job of diffusing that assumption in any way um and that's amazing and i also i thought she had a really interesting point about like modern feminism this is what i call like the pink pill

kind of girls who are like so demanding um and not very like considerate of any like man you know yeah because some men are just like they're doing their best and totally and they're not trying to hurt someone they might just be a little bumbling yeah you know so like when pink pill women are just like berating men who are like not deserving of that yeah um like that is also modeling patriarchy because instead of like wanting men to be like softer and more in touch with their emotions we are fighting to have have the right to be dominating and emotionless like men rather than the opposite of that wow but and i hadn't considered that i was like oh yeah but well and i don't think there's anything wrong with like women wanting to be in power i think more women

should be absolutely in like in charge of stuff but there are better ways to do it yeah yeah well and it like that's also like what patriarchy is is it's it's a model of like domination yeah like there's just like one person in power and they make all the decisions yeah rather than like a collective so that's what i've been thinking about a lot like fuck holy shit that's heavy but i i love the perspective of just like yeah i don't know like how patriarchal masculinity hurts little boys you know it hurts children yeah and then we we teach boys at a young age to like fall into these sexist gender roles the same way that we do it to girls and we don't even consider that what if they don't want that yeah and we teach boys to betray themselves and like

not listen to their feelings or express them be a man or be creative you know like i was thinking about when my brother was a kid he was like this literal sweetest child he was so precious like if he went to time out he would cry and was just like a sad little bean but um like when my mom was painting my nails he was like i want my nails painted and then um my i think my dad was like what the fuck are you doing don't paint his nails um and my mom was like it's not a big deal like it's just nail polish yeah but just even something small like that like why can't little boys paint their nails why can't they like a color and want it on their their nails why is this something that is deemed like only for girls i don't know i'll never know it's just it's society it's just years

and years and years of that and that'll be like sexist patriarchal roles it's like so stupid yeah it'll be interesting to see what happens in like later generations like when our generation starts like when the kids that our generation is having are getting older and starting to make decisions for themselves like how that's going to change at least in liberal cities it's scary because it's like in very conservative places like those older generations ideas are still being like perpetuated and like carried on so like it's gonna take probably like 30 times the time that it's taking like liberal cities to start like just accepting people for who they are the thing i love about this book too is like it points out like men aren't happy yeah they're not happy like when

they get to this point where they don't even know how to like express their feelings and then they end up doing something violent because they weren't there was no like male love modeled for them right so i don't know it's been very interesting to listen to and it like you know if you have if you are a man or you have men in your life which most of us do yeah um i would recommend listening to it because i don't know i think everyone deserves empathy totally yeah some more than others but i've been getting nevertheless i've been getting so many comments on my videos recently um from people being like you're a miss miss and misandrist oh my god they just learned the word misandry and like throwing it around so fucking stupid no blatant blatant

harmful sexism is not misandry also things that aren't made for you aren't misandry yeah like people who like the dudes who are like barbie is misandry because the tagline is like barbie is everything and he's just ken yep and then they're like why the fuck like like when did you start caring about barbie yeah first of all that's so fucking true and like you don't understand the lore like barbie literally has like every kind of job and then ken is just ken it's yeah and that's that's because like ken doesn't need to have a backstory no that's why you have gi joe okay right yeah but that's the thing is like i'm when they're like oh this is this is miss miss andrea it's like you're the one that's saying that this is me hating on men

like i'm not i'm saying that this this guy is a fucking idiot but if you're telling me that this is like representing all men then that's your problem yeah you know like that's your belief that's such a good point because it's just like you know this person is being abusive right you can call bad behavior and not hate all men yeah hello i fucking hate i can fucking hear i'm too tired for that's also like what is god i don't know how much of this i'll keep in because i'm like just going on my like soapbox yeah my bell hooks soapbox i love it leave it in leave it in i think that's also a part that's so frustrating is like pushing back with like a level of like emotional violence is not how you're gonna get what you want

no which like what they want is just to be validated and loved for like existing and not for what they do that's like what patriarchal masculinity is it's like you don't deserve love unless you are approved by whatever patriarchal person is in charge usually your dad um and like being deserving of love is solely based off of what you provide yeah so like if that is how you value yourself like you're going to be mad at women who are like look at this fucking asshole that's why that's why andrew tate is so dangerous because he's like highlighting and having them celebrate pieces of themselves that are damaging yeah and it's it's making them angrier like it's like just making them more pissed off at women for not

like appreciating them for like having these things or like being the strongest or like being the most like dominant alpha it's like that's because it's not what we want it's like it's just it's a self-perpetuating problem if you want to be loved for just like existing then you need to be true to that piece of yourself you need to listen to your feelings and like learn healthy ways to express them it's not personal it's just like if we're out here learning about ourselves and like what i was saying about how i process anger and how hard it was for me to differentiate between genuine anger and like other feelings yeah like if i can do the work anyone can do the work and that's just like what's necessary to be in the kind of relationship that you want

yeah that anyone wants totally it's genderless okay doing the work is genderless damn that's a fucking quote right there okay we have an update from somebody that sent us a story before they said hi again parasocial besties i wrote in a few months back i was unsure about living with my boyfriend and wanted your thoughts well i just wanted to update you on some recent developments because things got absolutely batshit crazy my boyfriend and i broke up after i realized i didn't want things to move forward i think i sought advice about moving in together because deep down i knew i didn't really want to so i thought it was best to end things now so we could both move on whoa that takes a lot of strength my ex did not handle the breakup well he convinced

himself that i'm pregnant despite me never giving him a reason to and always being on birth control what the fuck i know he showed up at my house with his children as a way to manipulate me into staying with him he called me and texted me multiple times until i blocked his number i had to block him on all social media so he wouldn't harass me through those apps he tried to contact me from his brother's phone too one night i got seven calls in a row from a blocked number that i'm sure was him the icing on the crazy cake is when i got a necklace in the mail from my quote unquote baby yes he sent me a necklace with a message that said to my mommy as if the fucking fetus was giving me jewelry i've attached a picture for reference i have an order of protection

against him now good the process was hellish and it's still ongoing the older white male judge was not very understanding and seemed to think i was just quote unquote annoyed with my ex it was an emergency order so it's only good for about two weeks i think i'll have a hard time convincing the judge to extend it because sexism is alive and well and women's problems are minimum or minimized until it's too late just wanted to update you that i trusted my intuition and not a minute too soon love you both and thanks for all you do holy shit this necklace oh my god yeah so she included a picture of this necklace and it says to my beautiful mommy mommy can you feel me I'm wriggling for you can I can hear you say you love me mom I love you too very soon you'll meet

me and kiss my little face and I will feel you for your warm skin and admire you for your grace mommy are you ready my life is just about to start I will hold your little finger but you will hold my heart and it has like a picture of like baby footprints and then like the the little heartbeat yeah the heartbeat lines what the fuck oh my god what the fuck i know this is really scary this feels like a mental health crisis to be and to be honest like it's fucking insane that the judge is not like well yeah taking this seriously of course it's just till as old as time it's like no this man has brainwashed himself into believing that she is pregnant with his baby and if you've had to block him on everything and he keeps finding ways to contact you that's that's fucking proof

i'm so sorry that it's been so difficult for you that's so fucked up especially after like like you said you know like women are women's complaints or women's fears are minimized until it's too late it happens way too many times so fucking frustrating because women's intuition is so powerful yeah like she listened to her gut and it was right fuck it's it's so annoying and we're taught constantly to doubt our gut instinct because we don't want to be rude there was a some bullshit woman in england who um her ex i guess like stole her key when he she broke up with him and broke into her house and so she recorded a phone call with him being like you're do not take like you just violate leave me alone like you violated my privacy this is

now scaring me blah blah and he was like you're right okay whatever the cops fined her money for for wasting their time because they didn't think that it was enough evidence she got fined because i guess in england there's a fine for wasting cops time i don't know if there's one here yeah and she ended up getting killed by him what the fuck i hope those cops yeah no everyone's never sleep a wink the rest of their lives but it's like anyway i'm not saying that to scare you fuck i'm not saying that as like a cautionary tale but i'm saying that to say like you're so right like these fears get minimized way too often and it's so fucked up i really hope that the order of protection continues i'm so sorry that you're going through this this is a wild

story thank god you listen to your gut it's got feelings regarding angels turns out this is neither a lesson or a blessing you you also proved my other catchphrase just hope you're safe and i don't know like the lengths men go to if they're like unhinged is problematic like even my ex who will just like make social media profiles to bother me like at least he hasn't done anything insane like that like like him bothering me on social media is like mild in comparison to like the amount of harassment i think i i recently heard something that was like one in 15 women are stalked like like this whoa yeah so i don't know gotta change your number got to move it's so fucked up i wonder if um if he if the order of protection doesn't extend and

he reaches out to you again if you could get him to pay for an ultrasound to prove that you're not pregnant it's like do you want to see proof like leave me the fuck alone because i think at this point he's must have convinced himself this feels like maybe it's not even just a manipulation tactic anymore and he's actually convinced himself that this is the truth because that happens like people will tell i think it's probably a combination of both i'm certain it started out it's a manipulation it's just or like i think it was like convincing himself because he's spiraling out yeah obviously he like did not want this relationship to end but truly bananas thank you for that update this is last email we're gonna read uh for today's episode um and it's titled

list of icks maybe unhinged hi lovelies i just finished your latest episode gonzo dick lol and i wanted to share with you my list of ics for this one guy i dated that i had been hooking up with for a little bit here recently we're no longer hooking up thank goodness he was heavily christian conservative and had a bunch of guns in his apartment he refused to cook for himself and expected his future wife to do all of the cooking one and two go hand in hand he likes really feminine women he wants five kids he said he wouldn't let a kid anywhere near a drag show or story time because he didn't want some guy waving his dick in front of a kid and wanted his want and wanted kids to remain innocent for as long as possible and then he probably shouldn't

bring them to church it turns out should not have guns in your house if you have kids yeah um if he and his future wife can't settle in on an argument in any situation they've been arguing about then the man makes the final decision this had something to do with his religious beliefs and apparently a deal breaker for him if his partner couldn't agree to it that's the most disgusting thing i've ever heard i also i recently like i think i here remember i saw it on a tiktok or like heard it on a podcast but like this is kind of like some new age bullshit where like men are like well i make all the final decisions because you serve me and i serve jesus but jesus he already died for our sins and he's not here so yeah and if he that it just ends up like the man gets to do whatever the

fuck he wants if he is here he's worried a little bit more about like famine and like if jesus is here he's in drag oh absolutely if jesus is here he's in drag a and b he's like focused on other he doesn't give a fuck about your fucking argument about like the dishes in the sink sorry dude he just like doesn't and he probably never will and probably never has um to continue this list I saw a note next to his bed that read pray for the abolishment of abortion his reason for being unvaccinated against COVID was because you can't sue the companies that create the vaccines I hung out with him on a Wednesday and tested positive for COVID the next day I immediately told him and he said don't worry about it that Saturday he visited his family and his newborn

nephew knowingly exposing everyone luckily I don't believe I was contagious when I visited him that week because the other guy i had seen that same night also tested negative and then this last part is just drama so feel free to skip over this if you want we were hooking up when he and his girlfriend were on a break but she ended up ghosting him for three months during that time he wouldn't leave her alone and kept trying to reach out even though she was telling mutual friends that they were over finally he showed me this ultimatum text he was going to send her and it came off as arrogant volatile and just downright ugly to me i told him he shouldn't send this and that she had basically given her answer about their relationship by not responding to him

so the whole thing was redundant or he should at least soften the message he got mad at me and defended himself by saying this was his way of getting closure he ended up listening to me and softened his message surprise she finally responded and they got back together thanks for reading i really love you both and love listening to the podcast when i'm at work or driving in the car you guys make me laugh laugh every time and really brighten up the world oh very sweet i don't know how the fuck how did you tolerate this man what he must have sling like good dick he must have i don't know i would just be like like imagine if you like had an unplanned pregnancy with this person absolutely no absolutely i'm sure if that were the case he'd be like you need to get an

abortion oh absolutely dude what the fuck good for you for putting up with this but like what the fuck i mean that last like quote-unquote drama is like such an ick like men that send combative texts and also he's for sure showing that to you to be like look at how much i am also like bothering her constantly i also wonder if he was like trying to make the author jealous oh absolutely like i miss my ex i'm trying so bad to get her back yeah look i'm in demand that is embarrassing yeah if i were hooking up with a guy and he's like i'm trying so badly to get back with my ex can you help me i would be like oh sweetie no you need to go to therapy yeah just throw your phone in the river this is this is a problem thanks for writing in i love hearing people's

ex me too i'm not gonna lie i don't know what it is about it well there's something just like cathartic about like hearing about like someone who sucks yeah you know because you're like i know someone who sucks right yeah it's very unified i love when you know someone who sucks too because then we can hate them together yes that's so true that's such a bonding opportunity i do have to say like bonding over mutual hatred while it is very fun it is not a good way to have a relationship like a friendship and i'm only saying that because i had a roommate freshman year who like our main friendship was bonding over like things that sucked and people we didn't like and at some point that shit gets old and you're like okay i don't want to be complaining

all the time i just want to enjoy my life now yeah and it also kind of feels like if somebody's always talking shit they're probably talking shit about you absolutely she dyed her hair black and then blamed one of our friends for not stopping her because it looked bad and she just absolved all responsibility for making that decision she was like this looks bad how dare you person who didn't dye my hair that's the dumbest shit i've ever heard in my life like this is all your fault i think she blamed multiple friends she was like why don't you guys stop me it's like what that's fucking crazy why why is that my responsibility that is absolutely unhinged you're 19 dye your fucking hair who cares oh my god that's a nick uh-huh somebody that can't

accept any responsibility she couldn't keep friends well people people who can't keep friends i really hope she's learned by now probably not probably not shall we we shall thank you for listening we love you our children that was interesting Thank you.