The Hoely Hour - E136 Queefs & Varts

Episode Date: May 19, 2023

You guessed it: we're talking about queefs. Martha Stewart continues to reign supreme on the cover of Sports Illustrated! What's the science behind red lips? Dr. Amelia has the answers. What are you doing if you live together, like are y'all masturbating next to each other? We need answers. Also Liz cries at the end of this episode so that's a new thing we're doing I guess. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

but my queefs are long yeah they're like so are mine yeah it's like you stand up and walk and it's like yeah exactly welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com hey everyone we got new mics do we sound the room i bet they sound so good right now did these mics

make my voice sound big see what i did there i didn't think it through i like it thank thank you everything i do is for your approval oh including everything i was just gonna i was gonna list one thing but it's everything name one thing um fucking this podcast um this was your idea yeah but you like edit it my inner project manager was like fine let's do it let's launch this shit fuck yeah like i just got this need to get to the moon bitch off my back no and here we are i once i realized you were serious i was like i know but i love talking when i thought about it i was like who liz is the only person i know that can like

shoot the shit for a full hour I do love shooting the shit yeah we're that's something we have in common how I entertain myself and you know what I think that is a big reason why I've been so sad so so sad for like a well over a year but because you should I don't see people so to shoot the shit with all the time that's fair I I get so much joy from just being a pain in the ass you know yeah or maybe some people think i'm a pain in the ass but well i think if you aren't annoying a few people you're not doing it right yeah and if i'm annoying them i probably didn't like them anyways yeah so they kind of suck my dick from the back i love that phrase i like i also like suck a dick dumb shits with the

suck a dick dumb shit this is from bojack horseman oh it it makes an appearance a few times but they're like suck a dick dumb shits oh damn i'm gonna start saying it and i want to do that constantly there was a jerk there were a few instances this past weekend where i was drunk and bojack horseman came up in conversation and i've not seen a single episode but i was doing a good enough job pretending like i had because nobody knew that i had never seen it um i have a I have some commentary about the water that we're drinking. We're drinking two seltzer waters. We're drinking different flavors.

Amelia is drinking vanilla orange or orange vanilla. And mine is cherry limeade. And it's by the brand Waterloo. Not sponsored. And yours tastes like orange creamsicle. And this one tastes like an otter pop. Taste it. It tastes like a blue otter pop.

Am I wrong? Wow, it really does. this water's fucking good we're recording this on garage band so we garage band we do a pretty good job all things considered mr liz told me some musician wrote and recorded and like one of their hit songs on garage band and he was like the pros are using garage band do you know which musician i can't remember to be honest this was a fun conversation i learned so much i'm just kidding wow why don't you go listen to a history podcast maybe i'll start one this thing oh weren't we gonna do drunk history oh yeah we never did that

we should let's do a drunk history of the vibrator i love that idea we should do that on a weekend yeah oh yeah okay sick not this weekend liz has a date weekend i've told everyone and their mother except for sorry i can't sunday wake up yeah you've been getting asked to hang out including by me yeah but it's fine i'm fine i'm not even mad i'm not even mad i have other plans i don't usually have other plans yeah but it's more fun when you're at them um amelia pity invited me to things this weekend not at all not even not even not even kind of pity what are you doing on sunday can i invite myself to it no it ended up being great yeah it was fun so okay so here here we go i'm gonna do my best to uh keep this interessant i'm i'm so excited did you see

that martha stewart is the oldest sports illustrated model to ever be on the cover of sports illustrated did not see 81 years old this woman is fuego so hot oh she was on it recently she was on it like they just announced it like yesterday oh hell yeah she looks so fucking hot i i i love like the representation because there's i don't know like there's an erasure of women over like the age of 50 totally yeah it's fucked up and she looked really really hot on the cover you should look at the pictures later but i was talking about it with frank oh my god sorry you guys pause we have to pause because gatsby is exploring the litter robot oh my god please go inside please please please i will give you so many drinks and so much white

food oh go inside go inside oh just checking it out well okay it was a good step so i was talking to frank yesterday about this martha stewart cover and he made a joke where he was like do you think her and snoop dogg fuck i wonder that constantly i think they do and he was like you said that was so much gusto i don't think that they and i was like no i they they must because they're both adults they hang out so much and she's hot and i feel like they have to be like you know they they've had to have fucked like once or twice you know what i mean yeah they're both single consenting adults i have definitely asked mr liz if he thinks that and he's like no do you what do you think i want to believe so badly yeah but we can't think that people

fuck every time they hang out you know no and i don't but i feel like those two do and they probably have really weird sex could be really cool i can actually see martha being being kind of a freak freak she is a queen badass oh my god martha like came from absolutely nothing yeah and like made a name for herself she's like the opposite of uh julia what's her face the really rich like you know julia and julia oh julia child yeah yeah she came from like a lot of money and didn't know how to cook so she was like learning how to cook oh that was part of her likability oh you're right i do remember seeing that in julia julia julie and julia julie and julia with amy adams yeah i haven't i haven't seen that movie i just

knew it was like based off of quite the historian people maybe this is a history podcast yeah it's you belittling me for vaguely knowing facts which there's this there's this character at adventure time i can't remember what it's called which is so on par but it's like i i have an approximate knowledge of all things that's how i feel though so he can't like he doesn't know everything but he has an approximate knowledge of everything that that kind of feels like how i feel but that makes me really good on a trivia team so you can kind of know the future yeah like sometimes yeah yeah that's true anyway um back to back to miss martha oh she went to prison she's she's been through it did you see her um at justin bieber's roast

yes she by far was the funniest person she had the best writers for sure but her timing incredible and making the jokes about being in prison yeah i love her should we don't give it i do you have your phone i want you to see these pictures just type in martha stewart's sports illustrated your mind is going to be blown this woman top tier slay oh my god i know they didn't even photoshop her face that much i know i'm sure someone was like no she still needs to look like an aged woman yeah i mean that's the whole point can you believe that woman's 81 i mean also she's probably had some work i mean for sure but also like shit i will have some work done if this i'm gonna look like this when i'm 81 uh-huh i'll get all the work

done i need like a laundry list of everything she's done because i'm starting now she looks like she looks like how like women in their 40s are portrayed in movies like yes but i do think that's so true like 40 year old women are played by older women for sure yeah and like high schoolers are played by like 30 year olds yeah i started getting um casting calls for young mom like five years ago which is like you're still too old to be like a young mom on a show but like or wait you're too young to be yeah that's how i took it that's how i took it and that's how i was responding but then i was like what no you are way too young to be a mom okay even on tv right i think and i know a lot of moms that are my age yeah that are considered young moms but like

i don't know like when i see a young mom on television yeah they don't look how we look they look 40 you know anyway so that's fine i've been working through that in therapy um my hairdresser pointed out all my grays that's so rude that fucking killed my heart i knew that i would i have like i know that i have grays because like i'm how could i not i'm like stressed out 90 of the time but she was like i have to break it to you you have you have gray hair i'm like a girl i know okay you pretend that i don't know and i was like she does all my friends how about you mind your business and dye my hair first of all i think you you owe me a free dye for hurting my feelings yeah just now my hairstylist does all my friends hair from high

school and I was like does anybody else have gray hair you know like I was like tell me tell me who has gray hair from high school yeah well I'm like just name I just wanted one name and I was like naming them one by one and she was like no nope and I was like it can't just be me it can't and I was talking to my lie to me I was talking to my therapist about that fact and like when I first I might have said this last week but when I told Frank that I like I saw him right after I got my hair done and I was like I have gray hair and his reaction was like okay like are you gonna are you gonna color your hair and that was such like an accepting response gray hair yeah but he was just like it wasn't like oh it doesn't matter or like so you know he was like okay what do you like do

you want to color it which was such like a loving response to something like that you know what I mean I was like bitch I don't know tell me I'm just kidding but it was really really nice so I was telling my therapist that and she pointed out I'm saying this all to say with all the work that Martha Stewart's gotten done potentially my therapist was talking about how too often people in Hollywood will like get work done and it just makes them look older yeah like every single house wife has they have all the money in the world to see like the best people filler makes people look older like if it's too much filler yes and like we have that option at our fingertips but like we're not allowed to age gracefully in our minds and in society's minds women aren't allowed

to age gracefully but then like the things that we have to like combat it make it look worse so it's like it's like a catch-22 you know what i mean yeah it's fucking blows but anyway until until then i'm just gonna keep dying my hair the gray hairs are really bumming me out you have so much hair i do and i think in aspect of like like if i had as much hair as you did it would definitely have some grays well maybe maybe i think that i have pre-grays and it's like weird uh red hairs that's dope because i'm irish oh my god that might mean that you're gonna go white instead of gray which is what i want my my nana was a white witch oh my god i want to be a white witch so bad i mean i don't think she'd be happy if i called her a white witch but that is like

what i walker that's way worse um i well i like what i love white hair yeah me too i think it's beautiful yeah yeah I think I think gray hair is beautiful too and it's all gray but the in between is really bumming me out yeah and I think that it that like news even though I knew that I had gray hair hearing it from somebody else like right before my 30th that I'm already having like a hard time like getting over that hump was just like I'm gonna fucking strangle you I was like yeah I know so has the client ever choked you before yeah or will this be the first time it'll be a first for both of us here we go but no she's one of my friends so it was like you know friend to friend she's like I have to break this to you you are the first friend you are the first

friend but listen does it make you feel better that everybody gets old if they're lucky yeah which is how I try to look at it I'm like how lucky am I to be aging you know not everybody gets to do that it's true so in that sense I'm happy but it's still difficult and I don't think like I think that I want to talk about it too because I think that everyone knows that it's difficult to age but it still feels kind of lonely because nobody's really talking about how difficult it is to age even though everybody knows it before you came over I was thinking about how like fucking stoked I was to turn 30 but then when I turned 31 I was like sad interesting remember I told you that yeah but I don't think that I ever really pieced it together the

difference between how you felt when 30 and 30 between 30 and 31 because you were stoked to turn 30 I'm just ready to like be in my 30s you know what I mean but I might have the same experience that you have it's just getting there to your 30s is what's freaking me out right now and I don't know why I feel that way maybe it's because you're like in your 30s now yeah maybe that's what it is i don't know i should talk about this in therapy with my therapist i think i think that you should as well i've been talking almost exclusively about this in therapy i've just had other things taking up my time in therapy that's fair just and she talks a lot too i love this new relationship that you have me too my last therapist was like very by the book and

that worked so well for me and then i started seeing another therapist because my current therapist is on leave and she is the opposite of my first therapist it's so normal to like i love them both a new kind of therapist yeah once you've done all the work you can do with them yeah to just it's like well moving along i guess it's time to see someone else uh one of my well my best friend is um about to be a therapist and she makes it sound like it's like exciting for a therapist to graduate a patient oh yeah because it's like oh like i've done all of the work that i can with them that makes me feel so good yeah she like she'll tell me she's like i got to graduate a patient today and it's like does do they count that as if you go see another therapist

I don't yeah I don't know just if you stop going to therapy in general every therapist has like a different way of conducting themselves in therapy so I feel like if you're if you have someone for a while and like you've they've you've done everything that you can for them up till that point it's like kind of exciting regardless even if they go to someone else but I don't know I'm just putting words in her mouth at this point but I would imagine yeah I don't know hmm I'll ask my therapist about that tomorrow too yeah yeah my therapist was talking about she has to like break up with patients sometimes and i was like oh no are you lead this i mean this was like a year ago uh-huh you're like are you are you telling me you're gonna break i know that's what i thought

i was like bitch i can't handle this right now how do they how did she tell you how they break she breaks up with people um she'll just say like i feel like they're like i've done everything that i can for you up to this point is basically like the the wording and how how do you decide how does she decides she needs to break up with a patient I think if like they're making no progress for a very long time it's like you should see someone else or it's like everything is good and like they're like able to use the tools on their own and they come in and they have like nothing to say for a while she'll be like I think that like you don't need me anymore yeah I went from bi-weekly to weekly I'm proud of you for doing that thank you do you have any other topics I do um well I

have a couple because we got an email from our oh i didn't know oh um pisces pisces bestie sorry i haven't called her by her nickname for a while because we haven't talked about her in a while but we talked to her often love her to death she sent us an email about queefing oh um that i want to read but we haven't really talked about queefing not really yeah i i know we have talked about it before but it's worth talking about again yeah absolutely i think that's a great topic because that also recently happened to me it does happen you know just i don't know when they're hitting it from behind yeah it's just air and just yeah and you can't really help it no it's just going in there's really nothing that you can do about it and then i i feel so embarrassed and i said

that to him after and he was like oh I don't even notice because he's like so in the moment and I was like that's really nice what if like what if I ripped ass well I way back when when I was still hooking up with the comedian like one of our first times having sex I queefed it just comes out and I learned like eight months later that he thought that I farted because we were talking about like how we had never farted in front of each other i was like i've never farted in front of you he's like yeah you did like when we were having sex i was like no i knew exactly what he was talking about i was like that was a fucking quick but my queefs are long yeah they're like so are mine yeah it's like you stand up and walk and it's like yeah exactly like god please

stop and it's like it is kind of embarrassing but like why because it's like it sounds like a fart yeah but like that's why is that it though like that's the only reason that's the only reason knows that it's a queef then like why yeah you should just anticipate it if it's in like a specific position where that happens where that tend to happen that it it always hits me like i always get a little queefy when it's doggy style yeah i haven't queefed in years i would like to not queef i don't know why though i just maybe i'm maybe all the sex i've been having has been loosening up my pussy as all of the incels say if that were true then you would just queef more but it's just like cavernous now you know

so like not even hitting the walls it's just like a whistle blowing yeah exactly like throwing a hot dog down a hallway or just like yelling into it hello oh man i'm gonna read the email the subject line of this email is car sex and vagina sounds have you done an episode on queefing long long time ago but here we go hi friends i was listening to a recent episode that mentioned car sex and it reminded me of a funny story my high school boyfriend who i'll call the rock star he was in a band lol and i had a lot of car sex and almost exclusively car sex because we didn't have anywhere else to go i drove a 97 monte carlo and the back seat was surprisingly roomy so it

became my dedicated sex pad apologies to my sister with whom i shared the car amazing that's hilarious one summer night i left my friends to go pick up the rock stars so he and i could hang out for a little bit and then inevitably end up in the back seat to do some typical rotation of two to three positions for what i believed to be a quote-unquote amazing total of maybe five minutes in retrospect the sex was terrible but i had no comparison in the midst of those magical five minutes my phone rang and i saw that it was my sister because phone calls are rare in my family and typically only indicate that something terrible has happened i quickly sat up to answer my phone as i sat up and answered air that had become

trapped in my vagina decided to make itself known with a very noisy fart sound the look that flashed across my boyfriend's face was something like horror and amusement all at once he started to laugh while i was on the phone with my sister nothing bad had happened she asked if our friend left something in the car and i responded by lightly slapping him across the face to shut him up after i hung up the phone i sat there in total silence mortified about what he would say and i absolutely did not anticipate what came next he said you know i think i have one too he said as he lifted a cheek and pushed out a single fart i could have died i cracked up and told him i didn't fart honestly that is such a great way for him to respond and like break the tension and be like

it's not a big deal absolutely um now he looked totally mortified wait so what was it did you queef he asked incredulously uh yeah it happens when air is pushed in he shook his head i can't believe i just ripped ass in front of you we burst into laughter and i can't remember if we finished having sex or not as ridiculous as the situation was i can only appreciate how he tried to make me feel better by forcefully farting and what he thought was solidarity with me i crack up any time i tell the story since then my vagina has made lots of noise and i'm horrified every single time but alas queefs happen i've also seen them referred to as varts for vagina farts yeah i think i like that one better is what she said but i agree with her varts i'm gonna start calling it that

if you need a good laugh um oh she she sent us a tiktok read the comments for this tiktok anyways love you both your pisces bestie oh she signed it as your pisces bestie oh we love you so much um i was going to say i remember having this conversation with my mom when i was very young like about elementary school well i i i had i had a queef when i was little sorry touching my hand after that we all do um do you know why i was why i had a queef yeah i don't know just some air in there yeah oh it never happened to me until i had i i don't know what was happening that that made it happen you know but i was just like i remember i was at the park and then it happened and i was like that's weird and then i went up to my mom and i was like

can your vagina fart and then she looked like that looked like very bewildered and she's like yes it can and i was like okay and then i never thought about it wow until this until now wow yeah i mean everyone does it everyone well you know everyone that has a vagina does it are there penis farts that sounds like that's that was like an insult i used to call people a penis fart penis fart why it's a good insult thank you for saying that because mine was butt weasel butt weasel yeah i liked douche canoe it's a good one but anyway um thank you for writing in that's a very funny story i think we need to bring back insults that are not that don't have swear words yeah you know penis fart hilarious son of a biscuit eating bulldog

do you remember that that commercial the orbit commercial dirty mouth oh yeah cleaned it up with all of it that was such a great great campaign yeah but um yeah penis fart douche well douche is kind of a curse word i guess douche canoe douche yeah no i wouldn't call that a curse well i guess like words that you can't say in like school but you can't say penis fart in school so i guess that's not like good that's not good criteria for a curse word or an insult that doesn't use a curse word um what was the one that you said butt weasel butt plug was one that i loved i had no idea i said i called someone a butt plug in front of my parents once when i was like 12 and didn't understand i yeah i didn't know that it was like an actual sexual object i thought it

was just to stop people from pooping i thought it was just a made-up fantasy fantasy thing that you call people as an insult like you butt plug yeah yeah nope i thought it was just like to stop a leaky butthole because that's what it sounds like that's it does the words butt and plug together imply that you're plugging up a butt yeah butt plug and i mean technically you are i was set up for failure reasons in this conversation i had a new sexual experience yesterday oh outside of queefing outside of queefing but still still in the uh the vagina area okay i i thought you were gonna say in the butthole area no no no no have you still not tried a butt plug correct have you uh gotten a brazilian wax no i thought you were gonna do that

before you went to hawaii i thought i was too and i really regretted it while i was there that i hadn't because my pubic hair grows out so far that i was like i feel better in my body than i ever have because i'm like exercising again and was still like covering up a lot because i was like everybody can see i have really thick coarse hair and even when i just shave it's still like five o'clock shadow i hate it but anyway i didn't get it i get so many like ingrown hairs i hate those i just have these red bumps it fucking sucks it's embarrassing it super sucks i'm always looking at like the girls on the bachelor i'm like how are all of them like perfectly hairless with no razor bumps or ingrown hairs on their bikini line like did they all get laser hair

removal before this like are they waxing each other and they always have their nails done i'm like are how are you doing this i don't know i always wonder that i always wonder that yeah like ashley i had her lashes the whole time yeah i'm like are you filling them yourself yeah or maybe there's someone in the house that does it i i i have questions i do too i've always wondered that i need to know bachelor in paradise makes more sense because they're only there for like two weeks yeah not crazy yeah and they get engaged by the end of it yeah and like those couples work out more than the other ones i know wild i think it's because there's multiple of everybody yeah yeah they don't actually choose the person yeah yeah get to see who you hit it off with

oh me and frank started watching jewish matchmaking i want to watch that i've seen clips of it it's pretty good wait tell me about your oh the sexual experience yeah um so me and frank were like not gonna have sex yesterday just for like reasons that we don't need to get into but nothing was wrong but we were just like let's just like skip today because we've been having a lot of sex and then at the end of the night we're like fuck it he was like i could get hit by a bus tomorrow so we did and then he came and he came inside me and then i hadn't come yet but like he came like a lot so he wasn't like trying to like eat me out you know which is like normally the course of action so i masturbated with him right there

and it was the hottest i came so fast it was so highly highly highly recommend was he like kissing on you yeah i've done that what i have this is the good word that nobody has filled me in on it's it's amazing i've done like mutual masturbation you know like yeah and that's kind of weird because like watching someone masturbate is not like like watching a guy jack off it's not it doesn't really get me off you know but having him like it is a very aggressive it is it's always like posture like flexing their lats yeah is that this muscle is this your lat i think so yeah your traps traps there we go yeah i don't fucking know who knows um but you've done this yeah it was like one of those things that was like when I'm like

masturbating from memory I always kind of imagine that scenario you know and it was happening and I was like it was so hot like I've been dreaming of this moment that's exactly that's why I said to him I was like sometimes when I masturbate I think about that and then there you were but it was really hot highly recommend maybe I'm just late on this train everyone that's listening I was like bitch yeah everybody fucking does that but it was new for me so I wanted to share on our sex podcast I think yeah it's worth sharing yeah well I mean I don't I doubt like everybody's done that you know yeah but I mean I've definitely done that like after we've had sex if I haven't gotten off yet okay yeah but I've also done it a few times like if

if they don't want to have sex yeah and you're just but they're but they're like kind of into it or i don't know or if like uh if they're telling me like they want me to and then that they that gets them into it yeah they jump in uh-huh so there's a lot of different ways it can go but i have done it where like if they don't want to have sex then i'll start masturbating but they'll still be like all up in co-pilot yeah fuck yeah so that's still nice yeah because sometimes you don't want to have sex sometimes you don't want to have sex but you want to have an orgasm yeah exactly and that's fine um i was thinking about that recently like not wanting to have sex but like wanting to get off yeah what an interesting it really is because regardless

you're like kind of thinking about sex but you don't want to be having it yeah it's kind of like yeah that's true it's kind of like you want to eat dessert but like you're so full yeah you're like it's like somewhere in here i want dessert yeah i fit a little bit of dessert like i know i want dessert yeah but i'm just so full yeah right now maybe i'll just have a little snack that's so true that's a good that's a very good metaphor that's exactly how it is yeah came up with it on the fly definitely handled i i have to say one of my concerns about living with someone like living with a partner is like that exact scenario like what if i don't want to have sex but i want to jerk off i think that a lot of couples probably go through that and they probably

just like our couples just jerking off in bed next to each other maybe what are what are you guys doing i've never lived with someone i've been dating i'm trying to think if i've ever like talked to any of my coupled friends about that yeah I don't know I mean maybe maybe they do and they just don't communicate it to each other and yeah they're like in the bathroom just like should we should we make a poll yeah that's a great idea and we need to make a poll because I that is just a question I've always had it's a really good question where where where are couples jerking off where are you guys doing your business yeah tell it let us let us know don't you like to jerk off before you go to sleep it's a nice way to end the day i wake up so much after i come

oh really yeah interesting i hate it because everyone's like well you couldn't sleep i'm like yeah but that's why i couldn't sleep yeah now i'm fucking wired like sometimes i feel like i could run like a marathon when i when i come it really depends on the day though sometimes i mean i'm never gonna run a marathon that was hyperbolic but like i do i'm like oh i'm up i can like do chores and then like you know are you a morning sex person no interesting you would think yeah that's like your coffee yeah why aren't you a morning sex person i don't want to be perceived in the morning yeah that's fair like i'm not a morning sex person because i can't feel my vagina when i wake up i think we've said we've talked about this i like i don't know i haven't been

out and about i think i think also when you're laying down like your blood's not working like circulating as much that would make sense you know what i mean yeah or like you're you're flat whereas like when it's at the end of the day you've been up all day you have blood flowing down there yeah i i'm making this up i am not a scientist i could be very no but i mean like if you're thinking about gravity works like i can't feel any sort of stimulation that's interesting so it's just not enjoyable for you i just don't want anybody to know that i exist in the morning like i need like a solid hour of just nobody talking to me yeah when i first wake up or my whole day is thrown off so yeah no but like every dude i've dated loves morning sex i did really

love morning sex love sex for like a very small portion of my life i really liked morning sex but it yeah it ended I only had morning sex like once or twice that I was like into it yeah it's not not for everyone something that I've been wanting to talk about for a while and I've just been keeping it on my list in case we have an episode where we have nothing to talk about um is like why red lipstick makes people think about sex is that true there is science behind it interesting and i will read the article now so obviously like red lipstick is like a sex symbol in like society you know like you see a red lip and you're like oh she's like sexy you know like that's just always been like a thing but there's actually like science behind it and like it

actually like acts as a mating call and it's been used for like centuries as such oh my god we're like birds yeah really i think we forget there were animals yeah um oh my god we do forget that so this evolutionary psychologist named nancy etkoff um she has a book called survival of the prettiest the science of beauty she said red the color of blood of blushes and flushes of nipples lips and genitals awash with sexual excitement is visible from afar and emotionally arousing end quote um and then a cosmetics historian which i didn't of course those exist but i would have never have thought of it yeah it's so amazing it's very specific yeah also so cool so fucking cool um her name is gabriella hernandez she uh spoke to this is an e-news article um about how its roots

are naturally tied to sex she said it has to do with deep associations in our brains that make that color more attractive in a mate red also livens up the face calls attention to itself and will always have a deep connection to sex since arousal is usually associated with blushing oh very interesting another reason why the fire is it only red lipstick they did like a study between like two different colors of lipstick i mean like what about red clothes or red nails oh things like that i'm sure i'm curious probably here i am in my bright red yeah i'm just curious no reason i'm asking i don't even want to know yeah you have no reason uh so okay i have no idea but this is just about red lipstick in general um another reason why

the fiery look often makes people get in the mood according to hernandez is that for centuries it's been associated with good health oh red cheeks and lips signified a good prospect she explained of the ancient courting ideals being in good health gave women better odds of having children and surviving childbirth, which was particularly difficult since medicine was not advanced to help if anything went wrong. Ironically, up until the 18th century, many red lip and cheek rouges were made with poisonous ingredients such as cinnabar, which is derived from sulfide, lead, rubric, orchilla weed, red chalk, and alkanet. So while the wearer might have applied a pinch of red to their lips and cheeks to appear more youthful healthy and beautiful it was having the opposite

they were slowly killing themselves i mean i did know that makeup used to have lead in it so gross and like back in it they wouldn't like when royalty would put makeup on they wouldn't wash it off so they'd just be layering on this like lead makeup holy shit i know i always wonder like why like um like what what's the word i'm looking for life like the lengths of what word what word am i looking for i don't know life expectancy okay i'm like i don't even know what you're trying to say i don't even know how to i don't even know how to explain it um the length of your life the length of your life no that's like life expectancies are so short i'm always like that's so weird that people used to die at 30 and then like you hear shit like that and it's

like oh yeah they were just like they didn't know anything yeah they were just like yeah we'd be dead by now we'd be old maids i wonder if like when people were dying at 30 if they were like if they looked like us or if they looked old i mean i see pictures of george washington and i'm like that dude had to have been 70 and he was like 25 he had fucking wood teeth he was 25 he was really young when he was president i'm gonna look up oh god theodore roosevelt was young when he was president but george washington yeah he died when he was 67 which is old for that era but all of his portraits are when he was like way way younger well and they were they were wearing white wigs back then right and little heels and makeup you know what they still do that in like

british court shut the they still wear those like white wigs why i don't know it's tradition we just we need to stop saying it's tradition about things that need to go away i know it doesn't like wearing pantyhose i had to wear pantyhose to my first job like if you're still doing that your business deserves to die yeah get with the times also that's sexist yeah we can't see your real legs we just want to see what they would probably look like if you weren't wearing pantyhose yeah like what the fuck is the point of them just creating an air of nude um okay this article is almost done this is an interesting part in ancient greece sex workers were required by law to wear red lipstick and obvious face paint to make to mark their status in society

otherwise they'd be punished for not only deceiving the public but potential spouses for posing as quote-unquote respectable women so it was used for the opposite reason in ancient greece yeah that's bizarre um put on this makeup you whore there was a there are two colors in the 1930s one was called hussy and it was a vibrant red and the other one was lady and it was a soft pink and hussy outsold lady by over 80 oh my god which i which is also super phenomenal look at riri love it queen um but anyway i just thought that was interesting when i came across that that there was like actual like biological reasons behind why people like red lipstick or like like putting blush on like i've always thought like oh

it just looks good but it's like there's a reason behind it yeah sexually bonkers i never thought about it sexually but i thought it was just you know flesh cheeks yeah youthful add some dimension to your face instead of just kind of having that one flat yeah one colored fudge fudge fudge there was also something that i read a really long time ago about like how big pupils are perceived as more sexy because like when somebody's aroused their pupils get big so like when somebody has big pupils like automatically people will find them more attractive for that reason because it's like being associated biologically with like wanting to mate i mean the first date i went on with mr liz when we went back to my blaze to hang out

um his pupils were giant and i was like are you high right now and he's like no oh my god i was like it's just mega your pupils are just huge that's so funny that's kind of cute because he was amazing to you oh my god now look at you three years later almost divorced i can't i'm just kidding i can't even be sad i saw somebody getting proposed to today i didn't see them getting proposed to you that was such a stupid way to say that i saw it on instagram that they had been they had gotten engaged but it was a picture of the person proposing and that like three months ago would have made me so fucking sad and now i really like someone because i'm like i felt so behind oh you know like people from high school that i really thought were going to be alone for

to be honest i feel like that too yeah even though i'm in a relationship yeah you feel sad seeing people get engaged um no it's such a weird thing to try and explain it's like I want that in my life, you know, and I'm sad that I'm not there. Yeah. Yeah. And like sometimes I'll think about like, I guess I'll just be honest. Like, I don't want to cry. You can cry if you want to.

I don't want to. I know, but you know, it might feel good. It might happen. Yeah, it's fine. Sometimes I just feel like I'm like failing. In what way? like when I think about all of the things that I had always wanted like and thought I would have by now I don't like I definitely thought that I would at least be married by now or like

something I think that's a very normal thing like I thought that I was gonna be engaged at like 21 when I was younger oh yeah you know like everything feels so much older when you're looking at it in the future but then you're here and it's like what am i a child bride yeah married at 31 i do have to say like people getting married older is like helpful especially living somewhere like seattle where i don't feel like that's as much of a pressure for people yeah but like i don't want to get married because i feel like that's what i'm supposed to do it's like i've just always wanted that kind of companionship yeah like it's more it's more focused around like the companionship aspect unless like the idea of marriage does that make sense it does

and like when you have so many people i think they're not thinking about marriage itself they're thinking about a wedding you know yeah yeah and that's not always that's not the part that like would make me sad either when i would like see people get engaged it was the companionship piece of it yeah it's like this person loves that they they know that they love this other person so much that like they're at a point where they like are deciding to be together forever but then like the opposite of that too is like social media is so deceiving like there could be so many people that are getting engaged they're fucking miserable and they're just doing it to like i mean we all know some people were like are you sure you want to get married to this guy but either way i mean

we could play the comparison game like all day long it's just the fact of the matter of like wanting the companionship yeah i definitely don't think like i don't see that happening and i'm like oh there's not enough for me does that make sense i don't feel like that i'm just like damn why does this feel like sorry no it's fine like why does this seem like it's easy for everybody else you know yeah it's not a good feeling and it's like not only relationship stuff too that people feel that way about like why is it easy for everyone else it's like finding a job that you like yeah i feel like that too yeah and i mean you're not alone in it and i hope you keep this

I'm not going to make you keep it in but like I think that that's so important to say because like we're in an era of the world where like everything that everyone sees is a highlight reel and everyone is only sharing the good shit that goes on and I feel like that it is the ties are changing a little bit on it everyone's like being more open about like hey like I look like I'm great but I'm fucking miserable doing what I do I hate my job I make it look like I love it but some people really do like posture like they're they're having like the fucking time of their lives and they're not you know I think that it's just easy to point to like people in our lives that have like happy marriages right now and like careers that they like and it looks like it's like why

not me yet I've just like yeah I've been thinking a lot about just like all of the things that I have wanted for myself and how fucking hard I have worked for them and like it feels like none of it has paid off so then it's kind of like like having an identity crisis it's like what did I do all this for yeah you know yeah why am i even still trying it's frustrating that's so valid to feel that way but like as an outsider i've watched you work your ass off to get things and you've gotten them you just maybe don't love it now that you're here but that doesn't mean that like your hard work hasn't paid off because like you have this job where you're like managing people which is like what you wanted to do yeah if i hadn't quit my previous job for the job i

have now i would have been way more unhappy yeah and also like way more unskilled i've learned a lot of really cool stuff totally you just don't like you're not in love with it and like you've said so many times too which is like you know it's easier said than done but like we work to live we don't live to work yeah and that's it it's like a means to an end for a lot of people nobody really talks about that because they're scared that their boss is going to hear it yeah i don't give a fuck i don't care it should just be honestly it's like once you like give up the piece of like i want my job i want to be passionate about my job and just accept that like sometimes a job's just a job yeah it feels so relieving yeah you're not so like tied up in like

the the inner workings and drama of or you're not like you're not like yeah tied up with all the cosplayers yeah business cosplayers uh-huh yeah i know i mean i see the people above me on my team and i'm just like i don't want that like yeah they're like logged in don't be ridiculous andrea everybody wants this but if i don't want to live the way you live that's how i think that's exactly that conversation like working late for fun no thanks couldn't be me but yeah I mean like I think that there's there are a lot of things that you have going on in your life that as an outsider which means very little when like you're feeling how you're feeling but like as an outsider it's like impressive what you've done like you produce this podcast that has gotten it's now

on a network we have like a very loyal group of people that listen every week and love us and like that wouldn't be a thing if you weren't like working your tail off to edit it every week and like remind me to buy a new microphone you know and figure out what arms we need you know what I mean like there's so many things that like I've like watched you like get so much now I feel like I'm gonna cry just talking about how much I love you but like I've watched you like get so much like stronger in like how you conduct yourself like in relationships like romantic and otherwise like and you've worked your ass off to do that you know it's just like and again like none of this really means anything when like you feel like shitty but like as an outsider I mean it

helps as an outsider it like you have so much cool shit going on that is a result of you working hard to get it I think that it can just feel kind of like stagnant too often maybe that's what it is because like even when I tell Mr. Liz these things like he's so supportive and encouraging and like reminds me of my accomplishments and I wish that I could step out of this feeling and like recognize the things that other people recognize it's so it's so much easier from the outside and I mean like I think like the biggest win is just that I don't feel as nearly as depressed as I used to so yeah and you worked hard for that yeah I've come out of depression and now I'm at frustration yeah which like just being able to like look back and be like okay I

used to feel xyz and now I feel shitty but like less shitty yeah that's a win it's like when you're out of it too you're like wow i was really unwell yeah i was not doing well at all but yeah yeah well thanks for uh being my therapist at the end of this episode i mean like i i will speak you up until i go blue in the face i mean i'll probably keep this in too even though you know i'm not like thrilled to be like crying on the podcast but i like i i think that it's a relatable place to be absolutely so and not enough people talk about it yeah like just all of the societal things and pressures that are already placed on women and like to be perfect all of the time to be perfect a perfect everything to everyone all of the time is just so it's so much pressure and then

like your value as a person like decreases in patriarch in a patriarchy like as women and it's because you know more and that fucking sucks yeah it's so shitty knowledge is power like even if i look like i'm you know 25 but just being the number over 30 is like it you know if i have to go out and date again that's immediately going to be something that makes me less valuable and that sucks and i don't like i don't actually believe people inherently have value like you have value because you exist you know you have value because you're a person yeah and that is what i truly believe but that is not how the world operates that i am forced to live in so yep i can't make other people believe that yeah so no it feels very defeating for sure i mean being alive

is defeating yeah it's exhausting it's fucking exhausting but like i we you and i had a conversation once where you were asking for my advice i don't remember what we were talking about but i was like well if if i was asking you this question what would you say yeah you do that a lot and it helps a lot like if if I was coming to you being in your position saying what you're saying right now like just like try to speak to yourself how you would speak to me because like you really have like it's so tough to see it when you're experiencing it because you're like in your head all day and like working from home is fucking soul-sucking it really is because you're alone all day you're alone all day you don't have like you don't have like the same like creature comforts

we used to have but just like i don't know try to give yourself a little bit more grace because you're killing it but again this is like feeling very kumbaya for something that like everybody experiences i mean i'm sure a lot of people have high expectations for themselves you know and then when you have all of these other things out of your control like sucking your energy yeah you're like oh i can't put my all into this thing that i want so badly but yeah i don't know it's just kind of like figuring out the balance yeah i'm sure everybody gets to this point too yes probably around the same age i mean i've been i was here at like 25 26 i'll probably be at it again i'm overdue it's well and i think something that is also very frustrating is knowing just like how

capable i am of having a very joyful life and i'm like why does it seem so hard to like reattain that i think part of it i was very oblivious then so yeah yeah the less you know yeah the easier life is ignorance is bliss is a phrase for a reason yeah yeah that's so true like oh i i was so happy when i was only thinking about myself all of the time yep i was so happy when i was so inconsiderate and unaware of other people's struggle uh-huh yeah i know that's it's really the older you get knowledge knowledge is power but also knowledge fucking sucks but yeah i mean i think i feel like you're on like the cusp of feeling joyous again because i'm watching you like that i'm watching you do all of this like

what do they call it in fucking court foundation you're like laying foundation right now for like what neat what you need to do to be able to like get to where you want to be because like I feel like you've like closed a chapter and you're like entering this new chapter but you have to like kind of like move this like noise out of the way first yeah and then you're gonna need to tie up some loose ends yeah and it's gonna be so fucking cool when you're there yeah I hope so and I hope I'm there for a very very long time you will be because you will be i feel like the last time like i was doing very well or whatever like i felt very happy and joyful about my life um i feel like it just went so quickly and it's not that i didn't

appreciate it i very much did yeah i was so present in it and i was like i don't know it was thrilling yeah well you're in a new phase of your life and so like you have to like like find those joys again now yeah yeah and they might look different yeah but and they might feel different but they're still going to be joyous you know what i mean yeah i do think this is very relatable though because it's it's almost like it fucking sucks to hear people like going through things but it's also really comforting yeah because like even people that you think are so cool or like yeah struggling yeah right and it's i'm not saying that people think i'm so cool i'm just saying i do think you're so cool in general like you know you'll see someone that you think

is like so admirable and then they're like it's mental health awareness month and i wanted to die yeah recently yeah so it's mental health awareness month happening right now yeah it's may right now wow well there you go yeah yeah i think i think there is something really comforting about like knowing that somebody like the whole we talked at the beginning of this i don't know if you're gonna leave that part in but we talked at the beginning of this podcast about me like forcing liz into doing a podcast with me and the original like thought of it was like i really wanted there to be a podcast about heartbreak because like all I wanted to hear was people that were heartbroken because I was like there's something so comforting about knowing that

somebody else has felt this way yeah because it feels so lonely but it's also so it's like a universal experience and you're like we need to we need to support each other through this uh-huh like can I hear about all the times you've cried because I don't know what it feels like to not cry anymore yeah like that was that was like kind of an impetus for this so it's like i think that having these conversations too of like shit seems really great right now but it's also it's not it's so beneficial yeah so i'm i'm glad that you i'm glad that you talked about thank you for talking about it and thanks for listening to both you and the listeners i'll say you're welcome on my behalf but they will also probably thank you for talking

about this like when was the last time i cried i know it was probably recently but just like a week ago yeah oh it's pretty good pretty good run hell yeah when's the last time i cried i kind of cry all the time yeah it honestly the older i get the more i cry yeah i love crying it just it is so cathartic it really is such a release let yourself cry yeah honestly things that are moving you know what i probably cried like yesterday or the day before because i was touched oh that happens a lot damn that's something that happens when you get older yeah when you're like oh my god yeah i think that's just a sign of empathy you become more of an empathetic person yeah yeah my mom every single time she watches et she cries every single time i can't even tell you how many times we've watched

that fucking movie and she cries every time and when i was a kid i was like i don't fucking get and now i'll watch movies and cry every time yeah i'm like this is just a thing that i always cry when i watch a little princess oh when when uh her dad has amnesia and can't recognize her and she's like papa papa it's me sarah that's the most heartbreaking thing i've ever fucking heard yeah and then and then the fucking uh private school headmaster or whatever they call her um pretends like she doesn't know that that's her dad that's the saddest shit i've ever it's well as a kid i didn't understand i thought like she didn't recognize him yeah and then as when i watched it as an adult i was like that horrible woman but yeah that always makes me cry when

she's like papa it's me you know what makes me cry every time i see it this is so on brand and then we can ride a dog no it's an animal um have you seen the green mile no don't okay that it's the saddest fucking movie ever but um it's about like a bunch of like death row prisoners um and one of the prisoners has a little like rat that he's like made friends with and one of the um guards stomps on the rat and it's disgusting kills me every single time i see it thinking about it makes me want to cry that's upsetting it's so fucked up he has his little pal yeah that's all he has it's all he has yeah anyway so also i'll it is also really upsetting and disgusting just like to kill any kind of animal and like for no reason uh-huh rats can be gross

they are fucking gross but just let them let them be gross scurry away i love when you see a big fat rat like occasionally walking around the sidewalk they like that happened to me somewhat recently i was like walking um i think down the sidewalk and this fat fucking rat just like ran in front of me so fast it's jarring when it happens well because they're kind of loud yeah they are they have heavy footsteps he like jumped out and then like scurried into another bush right across i was just like oh god i'm not about it i'm not about it and then the occasional raccoon hustle oh my god there are raccoons that are hanging out in one of the lots near me yeah they're always fucking chatting i'm like shut up are they talking or are they fighting fighting yeah but i like to

pretend they're having a heated debate um they're just having um a lively conversation yeah right they just get really passionate they're routing yeah rowdy raccoons everyone knows that about raccoons uh no every time i hang bird feeders on my first floor window i always attract like a million rats i'm like this is not sorry birds you're gonna have to fly for this and they do that because they are birds should we wrap yeah let's wrap okay well thanks for listening do you want me to start please it was pretty when you did we love you our children ugly we love you bye