The Hoely Hour - E141 Onomatopoeia of Queefs

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

*Stefon voice* This episode has everything: Andrew Tate in a Romanian Prison, men tracking women down from Bumble, euphemisms for masturbating, Charlie Puth. The bouncer is TI who will be making sure you're still a virgin. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Yeah, but if you cum, you're like, ahhh! Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at TheHolyHour. I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sampson. And I'm on Instagram and TikTok at LizBallSoHard. You can also watch us on YouTube or listen ad-free on Patreon at patreon.com slash TheHolyHour.

Check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holyhourpodcast at gmail.com. I don't even know where to start today. We have so many things. I am drinking a vodka coffee drink. It's just a Liz made espresso martini, but no espresso. You're drinking it just for flavor at that point. like is there any caffeine in that i don't think so i think they put some coffee beans in there little sprinkle it on top just take them like pills and get a little buzz i mean i hope yeah

because you you you drink one and you're thinking like oh this will perk me up right but then it makes sense why i'm not like wired right on my birthday however mr liz was making coffee drinks with actual coffee and i started to get tunnel vision oh jesus i was we came home and i was awake until like 3 a.m that sounds about right i was having a great time coffee doesn't keep me up anymore it just gets rid of my headaches yeah usually it doesn't keep me up usually i cut myself off but it's been a long day y'all yeah it's been a long it's been a long day about you my friend yeah there we go i was like i did i know i didn't make this up you all about we charlie pooth has been coming up in conversations like too often we we need to

discuss this yeah um charles pooth chuckles poof first of all charles pooth what a unfortunate full name so funny um let me read you this tweet let me let me read this tweet to everybody because i i recently read it to amelia and frank and mr liz because i had been drinking and forgot i had tweeted this this is pop bass and if you don't follow pop bass on twitter it's it's very fun pop bass and pop crave just like celebrity trash news but i live for it it's it's thrilling charlie pooth reveals that he wrote a song in the middle of sex i stopped and recorded a little quick voice note and then had to get back into the act the melody just kind of popped into my head and then I said no person on this planet is interesting enough or attractive enough for

this to be acceptable I'm sorry it's true that I was thinking of just even like the the person I admire the most like whose career I admire like I don't know there is not a single person that comes to mind where I'd be like this is fine or like yeah this is acceptable I do wonder though if chuck pooth pooth is choosing to sleep with women that maybe have him on a pedestal and i can imagine in that scenario that they would be like oh my god this pussy inspired a song i'm his muse that's that's a good point so i feel as though perhaps i would be like are you fucking kidding me i would tell everyone that story and i would listen to his songs for the rest of forever and

be like is this the one masturbate to that song yeah is this the one my pussy inspired the song is this it send everybody a voice note after that yeah right but also the last name pooth it's really it's pretty bad yeah it is the onomatopoeia of queef it sounds like how like mike tyson says puss that puth give me that puth girl oh god uh what a fucking obnoxious person yeah i sort of love him and i hate that i do mike tyson or charles pooth i i can't call him charlie chas chas pooth there are so many abbreviations of charles chuck chas charlie what else um chuck chas charlie chichi char char char char char char char char char char that's a big

that's a big popular one in the charles you just gotta call him charles pooth charles pooth what if he is actually named charlie yeah instead of charles i mean he might have been that's lame yeah that's that's lazy parenting you can't just go straight to the nickname you can't what the fuck is that you don't cut you don't get to cut corners you don't name a baby liz no you simply don't do that you simply don't do that they are born elizabeth and then they become liz and then they become the weird aunt liz or the fun aunt liz did i tell you i had the drunk aunt liz i had four roommates in college like we lived in a suite i had four roommates whose names were elizabeth and they all went by something different what name them it was elizabeth um ella oh that's cute

lizzie fun and um betsy betsy there's so many like uh abbreviations for elizabeth yeah my college my college roommate calls me lizbeth lizbeth yeah i call my my college roommate elizabeth i call her biff there are so many names there really are i love it so much my parents are gonna be here tomorrow i'm so excited are you like so my brother yeah your brother's coming yeah my brother his girlfriend and um my parents are we gonna have like a shindig we should okay uh they'll be in your neighborhood they'll be nearby what are you gonna do with your your fam we are going to port angeles fun we're staying at like an airbnb on a lake for how long uh like three days i'm like i don't know i'm like really sick of you leaving me i'm sorry it's fine i'm gonna be following me

what do you mean i'm sorry i just like block these things out of my head because i have separation anxiety shall we dive into one of our many many many many topics today yeah we have so many fun little top topics so many things to cover i i wanted to say tips and tops but i love that tits and tops tits and tops yeah because we say talking tits yeah wow tits and tops yeah top top tits top tip top tits america's next top tip top tits of today nothing gets me wetter than an alliteration sorry what were oh i can't believe i just said that let's just i can because alliterations just scratch that itch in your brain damn i heard someone call alliterations brain snacks once and i was like they really are brain snacks i was i'm

trying to figure out a pun i want to say a cliteration but i'm already kind of regretting what i said so i'm not going to say accoladeration more than twice oh okay accoladeration three times now i'm done hi gatsby accoladeration okay andrew tate yes has been charged yeah is that what it is yes it's a beautiful day to be a woman formally formerly form for formally formally not formerly nope formerly and presently yeah formally charged for um rape first of all and then what else human trafficking human trafficking in Romania which I would imagine they're not fucking around I think they're making an example of him to be honest good they should he's a great person to make an example of and honestly like

i saw someone call his fans tater tots yeah and the like what why would you defend this person because they i i've never gone to an extent to defend any fucking personality you know these boys that are fans of his just need somewhere to literally tots yeah they're they're children they are not old enough to vote thank god yeah but one day they will be and that's scary but there are a lot of grown men that are out of it you know what maybe they'll grow out of it but there are so many like grown men that are also fans of his and like boy like guys in college that are like like get a fucking job i've never seen anybody less fuckable than andrew tate he has no chin that dude is a bobs burgers character yeah he's he looks he's drawn like a bobs yeah

but and like have you seen him with like his hair hair air quotes grown out and like his beard he looks like shit he's always said that he's bald by choice yeah it's like well i guess it's sort of a choice but yeah i mean you have a horrid hairline you shave off the sides yeah that's a choice so he's not lying to you tater tots yeah he's just it's it's somewhat by choice but it's telling half truths the choice is because god also made a choice to receive that hairline there's just no there's just no reason to this man is indefensible yeah it's and he also i i feel like people like defend him because they think it makes him interesting yeah you know but it makes them interesting i really do believe that i'm subversive when when people can't they don't belong anywhere

they latch on to these like extremist groups that's so true because they want to feel like they're part of something yeah which is sad because he's preying off of these people that just want somewhere to belong and then they get indoctrinated into these like shitty awful disgusting like violent criminal ways of thinking and then their god goes and gets put in prison in romania and they're like scrambling to figure out ways to defend him and what just pick a new fuckhead there's so many fuckheads there's so many like the liver king that fuckhead why not him or like a who's that fucking q anon guy who he he would paint his face and wear the furry hat and like went to prison for the insurrection and like a viking hat yeah and

only eats like vegetarian organic food or something and he's like i'm gonna protest the meals in prison yeah support that guy yeah i don't know there's there's so many there's so many dipshits that are already in america that you could be uh spreading your ass cheeks for right um have you seen i i hate to bring up this person but pearl have you heard of pearl have i heard of pearl yes if for our listeners who have not heard of pearl she is a 26 year old unmarried woman who she she's banned from tiktok she is yes which is it's surprising that she's banned from tiktok just based on all the other bullshit you see on tiktok i'm like i mean i'm glad she's banned but also it is there is some misogyny showing here where like they'll ban a

woman saying these things but they won't ban a man saying the same exact thing right anyways oh and i didn't i didn't explain this to the listeners who don't know who pearl is she she goes by like just pearly things and um her whole thing is like criticizing married women who like their husbands cheat on them and she's like they're cheating on you because you're fat and like you don't do anything and you are mean to him and you should be like subservient and be doing all this stuff for him and then she also yeah criticizes single women of like why they're single like miss ma'am you're single right where's your man pearl like yeah yeah it's i don't there's this whole thing going on where like you know like women are speaking out against like shitty men

yes on the internet now there's women that are like speaking out against other women that are speaking out against men and the men are like well if you guys are able to stay like we should be able to stay like y'all don't need to be backed up well and like we've said so many times on this podcast it will never be the same like they're you you can't say like well if the roles were switched how would this be and it's like well it's not the same because we live in a patriarchy and we also live in a white patriarchy so you can't say the same thing about people of color either yeah you know right so it's never going to be a level playing field no we can't go back in time into history and change the things that have happened wouldn't that be nice yeah would love to

you that maybe one day yeah but um yeah that's it's that's why saying like if the roles were reversed is never going to be a defensible argument uh-huh i i've noticed this a lot lately of just like dudes dying on hills that are anthills they're so small like why why is this the i recently saw something like that drew a follow posted on twitter like showed up in my um like things that might interest you or whatever right i don't know what they're calling that feed for you are they calling it for you yeah original yeah super original you're doing great elon um so uh she like some guy like went down a total rabbit hole to try and figure out how tall her boyfriend yeah yeah and i was just like i have never given it that much of a shit about literally

anybody right to go to these great lengths like to to dislike someone that much i recently heard it called bitch eating crackers so and that means like um you dislike someone so much that they could be eating crackers and you'll be criticizing it oh damn yeah like that's that's bitch eating crackers territory i love that that's that's such a real phenomenon it it's really like like get a hobby they and they feel so attacked by her and that's why they're like spending so much time doing this when they should really be looking within right it fuels her it just contributes to her career yeah as it should i mean it's and it's kind of it's the same thing too with like pearl and andrew tate it's just uh like they're they're actually shitty you know

yeah but it does the same thing to like on the other end of the spectrum where you know they're getting off on pissing people off right so yeah right and there's always gonna be people in the comments defending them regardless the thing that really bugs me about andrew tate along with the obvious things is how much money this man has from being this shitty person yeah i mean before yeah it doesn't really matter anymore now does it his brother got arrested too yeah yeah this is generation this is a this is a family affair good yeah yeah put those bitches behind bars um and that's a cliteration live for a cliteration dog i live for a callback yeah me too that was a good that was a good callback thank you uh but along with this like andrew

thing and also like these people going down like this rabbit hole trying to figure out how tall drew a swallow's boyfriend is this thing is going around twitter right now of this guy who found a girl from bumble without matching with her yeah it did match with her there's no identifying information like last names just used her first name and like he like figured out where like that they might have had mutual friends and so he just like typed in her name and it popped up on facebook which is like not true like he for sure did more than that and then launched into multiple like three minute long voice notes just about himself collectively it added up to like 15 minutes yeah of him just going on about amelia sent this to me last night and like i i was like

about to go to bed too and i was up listening to this man's annoying ass voice for like a good 30 minutes yeah yeah because these voice notes were so long and he's just rambling and we're not doing it any justice he like introduces himself and he's like i promise this will be like funny and worth your time and blah blah blah and he's sending message after message um first it's like five to ten messages in a row and he's like sorry i was finishing up a gig and then those girls like okay like yeah who the fuck are you and how why are you messaging me like you know me and then he sends like a million voice notes in a row being like this this will be funny i promise i i saw your profile on bumble and it just really stood out to me and he implies that like she's

attractive and interesting and most attractive women aren't interesting at all even though he thinks he's attractive and interesting at least a 7.5 and 7.5 looks nine personality and he like uh goes into detail about like how he's a musician and um how he feeds the swans at the lake and he's just like known as that guy who feeds the swans and the ducks and what else does he say oh he says he like he makes money like he he implies he has a podcast would love to listen to it and like makes money doing that he talks like hey there kelsey he it's giving neckbeard it's giving neckbeard it's giving he's like fm radio host it's giving it's giving that guy in college that you like meet at a party and like you get back to into corner and talking to him

and he's just talking at you and you're like looking at your friends like help me i don't want to be talking to this guy anymore your eyes are glazing over while you're like i'm i need to finish this drink so i can have a reason to leave yeah and get another drink and then you go find some other drunk idiot who is far less annoying has no thoughts in their head you're like golden retriever come make out with me yeah it's like you're looking real good now after i talked to this fucking i want to talk to someone whose head is empty yeah because mine is about to be right no it's seriously like it's incredible how long this guy went off about himself but the point of this tweet was her being like don't do this like don't look for women from dating apps if we haven't

like matched and we haven't like allowed like giving you the okay to do that she posted all of these and then there's been to this day the day that we're recording there's been at least 13 updates of women that have reached out to kelsey the the girl that originally posted this that have had this exact experience with this guy yeah he uses the same exact lines and i like i did go into it kind of like maintaining some skepticism yeah because you know that's that's who i am i want to make my own choice yeah and the more i listened the more i was just like this guy's a fucking asshole like and it goes beyond just being kind of like a douche nozzle it the fact that he's done this to multiple women and not only that but like finding someone on their social

media after you have not had a single interaction it's just it feels a little icky yeah um but then the way he's talking too is just like really egotistical and um like subtly misogynistic like negging almost yeah the whole thing about like like you said like i didn't know like a pretty girl that's also interesting like what those two things can exist together yeah and then she shared her profile and she's like my profile is pretty basic yeah it is really basic yeah it's still it's very normal he's like i feel like like my mom hired you to write this profile like perfect for me also by the way my mom and i have a relationship like gilmore girls like without except i have a dick yeah last time i checked by the way my shoe size is 12 it's like you know

what they say about big feet big socks baby girl yeah he's a baby girl and then he did it what 14 other times that we know about and some of these women he found out where they worked and then like would leave messages like reviews on square to be like oh i think we matched on a dating app they never matched he like found them and like like these women didn't match with him and then he would find them and found where they worked and then like tried to message them through square leave a review and called their place of work called their fucking place of work to be like does this person work here i think we should add in some clips we have to yeah i'll do that we'll add in some clips hey kelsey how's it going don't mind me i fucking hate texting i think we're all

better without it so i usually use one of these when i can um also i don't know if you've ever seen that key and peel skit but that's how i feel about texting i could go on anyway um i just want you to know right off the bat i fully accept how fucking weird this is i'm sorry but like i said i think if you give me a second you'll probably end up laughing and uh not that you need my permission but feel free to just laugh directly at me for being a fucking idiot for I am surely about to embarrass myself right now I would also make the argument that embarrassing myself on a microphone is a large part of my job and I'm quite good at it so uh here goes nothing and sorry for the delay I was gonna get back to you but I just someone called about a gig tomorrow and I'm trying

to help them find a musician so I was minding my own business last week on ye old bumble everyone's favorite online dating app punch me in the fucking face don't get me started online dating and I came across your bio and I let out a very masculine noise I mean it was not is that a word I don't know it's kind of day I'm having buddy but it was not I honestly I was like this chick's made up my first thought was that my mom paid you to write that bio just to make my day better and I was curious just to like ask you how much but the more I read I was like holy fuck this person's mind kind of weird and I just figured I'd say howdy and that if I talked to myself like an asshole for a couple of minutes you'd probably feel the same as me so right away I'm like huh

interesting I don't get it though she's cute for how pretty she is she should be boring why does she seem kind of strange in a good way um I think you said something about live music my job is actually live music I play guitar and sing I do about 25 shows a month I had my ass grabbed by someone named Ethel last week and for a second I was pissed and a little put upon and I was like honestly I've been working on that so thank you we'll take it uh but yes um and like I'm pretty goddamn sweet and I am not that lonely bored or horny I'm not going to take breadcrumbs from someone if I want a sandwich. So if someone hits me with a hey or hi, you can go fuck yourself. I'm worth more. Damn it. This is where the Kelly Clarkson song comes in. I don't want to sound like

an asshole. Like attractive people can also be interesting and funny, but it's, it's just incredibly rare. I speak, uh, speak for myself because I'd like to consider myself one of those. Listen, top three in like the hundreds or thousands I've seen. It was just, I don't know. I'm a very good judge of character and you just seem like my kind of person. And I'm not saying we're star-crossed lovers. I don't know you, and you don't know me, but generally the bios hurt my brain and make me think that maybe I should just try the other sex or not talk to people anymore. Oh, okay, it's not fair. You've seen mine, or sorry, I've seen yours, and you have not seen mine. If you want, I will screenshot my Bumbo bio. I'm quite proud of it. I think it's pretty

fucking good. It represents me well, and what else would I want to know if I was you? Gee, I'm like six feet tall, pretty damn handsome. I'd give me like a seven. No, like a seven and a half out of 10 looks wise I mean to my knowledge no one has dated me for my abs or my hair I'm guessing it's because I'm funny and honest and clearly very humble and go to therapy and emotionally intelligent you know I'd say seven and a half maybe even an eight I'm feeling really fucking good lately I got a tan I'm up to like 80 second side planks I hate them but they're totally worth it for the core and um big feet so you know what that means baby doll big socks um what else uh but I'm sitting here a middle-aged guy in his car with the ac on and a spongebob shirt and I would

call this like the technological version of, you know, when like Noah stops Allie in the notebook and he's like, I just, I had to talk to you when I see something I want. Yes. I just made a notebook reference. I don't know. I'm, I'm being a total idiot right now. So if nothing else, I figured you'd have a laugh and a smile and you can fucking make fun of me to your friends. I don't know. Now you have a solo podcast for a guy that makes like six grand a month on a microphone being an idiot. Actually on my way home, I'm going to go to the park and feed the ducks. My favorite swan couple, Mr. Plump and Mrs. Plumfet they just had babies a couple weeks ago

so like I'll run up and they recognize me and the babies are squeaking the hierarchy of like waterfowl cute babies it goes swan babies then ducklings and then goslings but yes I may or may not do that four to seven times a week I'm a huge animal lover

dogs are better than cats cats suck sorry if you have cats but I'm sure your cat is cool yeah your bio was fucking awesome I mean there's a couple other assets I noticed too but I cannot mention them without sounding like a fuckboy so I'm just gonna leave it alone

i'm sure you've worked very hard to be in the shape you're in but god damn lady god damn i would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers so i figured if you are half as funny as you seem to be and half as cool as i got from that bio i would say howdy um yeah all right i hope this made you laugh and smile and uh you have a fantastical day kelsey cheers it's not it's so tough to talk about it in like a nuanced way because it's like what it's okay to like talk to someone and be like you know talking too much like because you're nervous and like that's not what's going on here this guy like he would also do things like in these updates this is important to mention he like he's 36 tracked down this woman that was 20 at the time and like they like

went and got food whatever and then he drove her home and like put his hand on her neck and slapped her face what the fuck and was like you like that no consent no they had no prior conversation about anything being sexual nothing it's this dude's boundaries are whack yeah well and i think the biggest thing that i was trying because i'm like how am i going to verbalize what is so upsetting and inappropriate and i know that like people who have encountered this type of guy in like a dating scenario or like that kind of situation someone who's encountered this type of man is gonna to understand why it's triggering and upsetting and like why this kind of person is a red flag and I think that men don't understand because like on paper just seeing the things he says

you're like it seems maybe a little harmless maybe he's just like kind of like a socially awkward guy you know it's easy to like walk into it thinking that but you need to listen to women on this one because there there is something that is off and it for me what I identified it as is the the virtue signaling almost he is very performative about who he is he's like over explaining the type of person he is and it's because he's trying to signal to women that he is safe and like that is not something that you should be consciously signaling like everybody has a gut instinct and like people can who are in touch with their gut instinct can tell that this person is not a safe person totally so now he's trying to find all of these ways like how

can i signal i'm a safe person i'll be charismatic and i will say like he is charismatic yeah absolutely i i don't i mean maybe it's worked for him before but it seems like it works for it does not work for him a lot of the times i mean all of the times that we know about in those updates it hasn't worked it's like and those are people that just have like heard about the twitter thread yeah that's wild like there's probably so many more the the takeaway from all of this is just like don't yeah just don't if you see someone on a dating app and you don't match let it go don't don't go looking for them also like you deserve someone who like wants to talk to you right you know yeah i was explaining this to amelia like he maybe he seems confident but he

like we get confidence confused with just being egotistical or i hate the overuse of narcissistic but like legitimately like this is pretty narcissistic um but the difference between being egotistical and just confident is like someone who's confident isn't gonna go out of their way to go find someone who didn't match with them they're gonna they're gonna feel good about themselves and be like i want to be with someone who wants to be with me and uh if this person who seems interesting doesn't match with me then that that says enough yeah that says it's not it's not for me totally not for either of us like a confident person isn't going to second guess like who's going to match with them they're not going to go seek people out and call their

workplace and like leave a review to try and like track them down that's creepy that's not what a confident person does an egotistical person does something like that because they're like you don't know better yeah uh you you shouldn't listen to your gut on this one you you should listen to me i know best this me a stranger yeah i'm a complete stranger so let me convince you of why you should date me that's someone someone who thinks they're so great and i'm sure as we share like i don't know where we'll have added in the clips of him talking but after listening you'll understand what we mean yep in terms of egotistical he thinks very highly of himself yes and um you know you should have you should have good self-esteem everyone should but this is this is

not uh esteem no no this is beyond that there's this whole like thing that i think that dudes like this cling on to of like women want to be like actively pursued like this and it's it's that it's not this gentlemen don't exist anymore whatever the fuck yeah oh my god chivalry is dead chivalry really is dead tell me what is chivalrous about invading someone's privacy literally nothing you held the door open for yourself and you walked right in and then you locked it behind you and now we're both stuck in chivalry is literally just being considerate yeah fuck wow it's showing up on the date on time and being an active listener and engaged communicator and you can also be an introvert and accomplish these things yeah that is chivalry you

don't need to pay for the full bill um personally i'm not one who wants to either of us to pay the bill on the first date that's a splitsy situation totally it's like i don't know you i owe someone something when yeah exactly i don't want to feel like that i want to split the bill on the first day i'll pay for me you pay for you and if we're vibing then we can have a second date and maybe do splitsies again and then we'll go from there and then we'll go back and forth right so we are going to talk about euphemisms for masturbation i'm so excited because we we've done youth euphemisms for so many other things we've done euphemisms for boobs balls balls just those two sex maybe we've definitely yeah way back when i think we did sex yeah okay wow i'm so excited

i'm gonna read some of these to you okay poaching the egg ew okay shaking hands with the milkman that's incredible yeah i can you explain that to me shaking hands with the milk man i think it's like if you have like because the milk because you come i think it's a dick and it's like milky yeah gross and you're like shaking like yeah i think your dick is the milk man double clicking amazing um i have one what i just i just thought of it okay uh doing a dj set uh petting the cat oh yeah yeah that's classic lone rangering love that boxing the one-eyed champ oh my boxing whoever's masturbating that way is doing it wrong boxing the one-eyed champ that's funny they like it rough uh nulling the void i think that one's funny i love that

finding nemo what is nemo in this case your orgasm oh nemo's the orgasm finding nemo wow okay playing five on one i've heard that one that's my i think that might be my favorite one taking the self-guided tour i really like that one i love that oh downstairs dj oh fuck okay downstairs dj is better than mine uh shucking the corn wow that makes sense it does make sense it invokes an image spearing the bearded clam ew that's very visual ew uh taking selfies at the bean oh like the chicago bean yeah that's funny dotting the eye love it tapping into your potential wow i like that one a lot i'm gonna i'm tapping into my potential i gotta tap into my potential

later i'm gonna start calling masturbating that for sure um giving yourself a hand love it keynoting and cupertino i need someone to explain that one to me keynoting and cupertino okay let's let's they're just making shit up right there yeah cupertino is where apple headquarters are maybe that has something to do with it california keynoting and doing a keynote i need a nerd keynote is like playing this to me keynoting and cupertino it'll come to me in the then i'm gonna wake up in like a cold sweat and be like that's what it means and then you'll text me immediately yeah badgering the witness love it auditioning the finger puppets oh my god drilling for oil okay wait i want to i want to go back to the auditioning the finger puppets one

what are they auditioning for uh making you come i don't know do they each get different roles maybe give them all a little chance yeah i'm not sure this is going to this one's going to bug me auditioning the finger puppets singing soprano does that make sense to you singing soprano i feel like singing like bass would make more sense because it's like down low yeah but if you come you're like um the rest of these are boring let me see if there's more these are incredible i love these uh those were from mashable okay love it this website's called manality i already hate this uh a date with pamela handerson

draining the snake yeah i think i've heard that i think it's supposed to be that's when you're peeing though oh but i'll count it draining the snake hand to gland combat hand to gland combat that is a tongue twister jerk in the gherkin wow let the beaver swim making my girl happy these are these are very uh most of these are penis oriented uh-huh playing pocket pool oh my god pumping the keg gross revving the engine i gotta go rev the engine damn is that what gas pedal is about hold up grab the wall wiggle like you're trying to make your ass fall it's really fun it really is it slaps if i were like the perfect amount of drunk and that came on oh yeah i am getting down oh i'm yeah i'm pumping the gas pedal make room there's this is a list of 500 so

So a lot of them are going to be the L's. 500? Pick a number and I'll read it. 72. 72. Okay. Squishing the squidgy. Ew.

Ew. I also want to read 66, which is shuffle your iPod. I kind of like that one. I like that one. Okay. 499. Okay. 490.

Oh, it goes up to... It goes up to 519. Oh, wow. Okay, so 499. Victory lap. Whip up some sour cream. I hate that. Yeah.

But I love it. 518 is yank your plank. Because it's wood. Wrist aerobics. All right. Wrist aerobics. Those first few were real good. I like these.

There you go. What do you think your favorite was? I think playing five on one will always be my favorite. I think I like Taking the Self-Guided Tour was pretty funny. That one's also very good. I really like that one. And then Tapping Into Your Potential. Yeah.

I think that's my favorite, actually. Tapping Into Your Potential. Yeah. I have to go tap into my potential. That's definitely a top three for me. She loves meditating. Yeah. Fine.

I fucking love meditating, you guys. She's so in touch with herself, more than you know. Before we close out this episode, I don't know if we've talked about this in the past, but i was reminded this past weekend about this whole thing from a few years ago of ti taking his daughter to the gynecologist every year to make sure that her hymen was still intact and that i feel like that's medical abuse yeah that's also creepy as fuck it's so creepy also your hymen doesn't break it stretches so who's gonna tell ti doesn't know shit about vaginas hopefully um the gynecologist was like on her side and was like yep it's still intact

yeah i hope it was a female gynecologist who right is a normal level-headed person it's just so instead of doing like that's gonna make her want to like act out more you know like why don't you just educate her on safe sex you're going to fuck up your kid if that is how you are like acting about sex yeah i it's terrifying i remember like seeing that tweet and then seeing like the comments that men made about like having daughters was repulsive well because they know how shitty they are well because they don't see women as people no they a don't that's that's true they don't see women as people and they know what's going on in their sick twisted minds and so they're like if i had a daughter i would do the same thing because like

you can't trust us do you think that needs like some you need to reflect on that maybe instead of like blaming your child yeah or putting your child through that like i can't even begin to fucking imagine like how violating yeah that is incredibly violating and did it say how old his daughter was it was before it was every year until she was 18 i think because like after that like he doesn't have any right you know she's like on her own medically yeah um but yeah it's just like jesus christ and we're gonna be reading a memoir from her to say it with your entire chest too publicly because he clearly thinks he's in the right since he like said it out loud you're all you're doing is admitting you're a terrible one a terrible man and to a terrible father right

horrifying oh god i hate it i just can't believe we haven't i mean maybe we have like a long time ago because this was a few years ago that this happened and in reality i'm sure that there are like a whole lot of parents that conduct their child's health that same way and it's just not like i'm not in the business of telling you how to parent but like that's gonna make your kid want they're not they're not seeing that they're not seeing their children as like people yeah like you're not you're not raising a child to like make your life easier right and be like you need to obey all of my rules so my life is easier like you you can't have any feelings or act out or have any autonomy or independence because that makes my life harder right so i'm

gonna punish you every time you express autonomy and they're like then when your child is 30 what the fuck are you expecting them to do yeah they're not thinking like one day this is going to be a 30 year old adult how do i want them to be living their life do i want them to be like listening to whoever tells them whatever to do right no no yeah you're so right it sets them up for failure yeah you're not yeah it's just so weird to see like parents are like oh they must be like rocking parenting because their kid does everything that they say no because what's gonna happen when they're an adult or if they're like surrounded by terrible peers they're gonna be easily influenced right or just like follow the person who seems most in charge and what if

that person sucks they're gonna like get into adulthood and be like what the fuck am i doing i'm so unhappy why am i i am why am i unhappy it's because they never learned to listen to themselves because you were controlling them their entire lives and taking them to the gynecologist to make sure they haven't had sex so that's weird instead of being like hey let's sit down and talk about sex because right i know how boys can think sometimes and they can be pretty shitty so i just want you to look out for yourself yeah and here here are some things here are some resources here you know i don't want you to feel bad about your body or what you choose to do with it but i want you to look out for yourself and protect your heart okay those

are important messages not i'm gonna threaten you by taking you to the gynecologist who uses like archaic painful tools to look inside of your vagina yeah and violate your privacy and your body like can you imagine as a teenager having like a complete stranger look at your vagina i would die yeah no that's that was in pot like an impossible thing for me to even like comprehend i don't think a stranger looked at my vagina like in a professional setting until i was like 21 in college getting a wax yeah like and then i was like man this might as well happen whatever it's just awful it's so upsetting it's so it's so upsetting it's so violating it's so backward like people treating their children like property instead of like whole like whole humans

yep your kid did not choose to be here and they are like you know kids don't have a ton of autonomy because they depend on you for like shelter and food and safety because of a lot of reasons yeah right but um they they are going to be autonomous autonomous beings so like how do you want them to be living in the world as an adult human yeah right so i don't know shit about parenting but i know about being a person and i know about being a 30 an adult woman in her 30s feeling confused as fuck because my family was very authoritative yeah so i don't i don't wish that on other people no no so that's that's a good bow to put on that conversation yeah i think uh should we wrap yeah this is a good spot to end i'm fucking tapped me too you've had

a little i'm also a little drunk oh fuck yeah or buzzed i'm a little buzzed i love that drunk is drunks a stretch you're gonna sleep like a little baby tonight i hope so liz got a haircut i did yeah you can't um hear the haircut but or maybe you can maybe i seem really confident yeah fuck yeah i was i had a call with our psychiatrist this morning and i showed her my haircut i had to take my headphones off and i was like you can't tell that i got a haircut and she was like don't you feel like kind of sassy with short hair and i was like absolutely yes this isn't my first like experience with short hair but this is the shortest i think it's been since i was like literally 10 it looks so fucking good thank you it's it's to my jaw not even my chin it's to my

jaw which is a little shorter than i wanted but you cut off like so much like i feel free drama yes that's how that's how i was treating it it was it's a fresh start and then i got um my eyebrows laminated and i got a lash lift and tint and i feel like a new bitch yes she's a new hot girl do i need to i think i need to shave a little eyebrow slit i think you should because i i was that was part of the plan originally but i was like am i doing too much all at once no fuck it okay i'm gonna do it i love that why not why not you might as well just do it all in one fell swoop yeah one swell foop anyway thank you for listening we love you our children that was like kind of good that was beautiful yeah i yeah i'm i'm speechless we should start

to ban we kind of bodied that yeah we fucking bodied it