The Hoely Hour - E142 Everyone Had A Bush

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

What's a beepus? A better question is, what ISN'T a beepus. Amelia does a "what's in my bag" for an audio medium, reads porn comments, and shares sex life statistics, while Liz interrupts to tell stories about herself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I registered an account just so I could leave this comment in hopes he sees it one day. Fronting like you're some alpha male while Elizabeth is performing her heart out. And what do you give her? Two tiddlywinks have come? I've never felt so personally offended by porn before. You're a real asshole, pal. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sanson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour. i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard

you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com um this weekend while i was wherever i can't remember what it's called port angeles yeah we were staying at a cabin and i brought my like we were lakeside so we had access to a dock and i brought my stand-up paddleboard and then um we like inflated it everyone took a turn on it and since it's mine i felt responsible to like tell everybody like the tips and tricks of using the the paddle and all that that's so fun and then uh i was wearing this and then my like outside hat the like floppy hat and um whenever someone would come back i would like go and help them in and i'd

be like how was it and then my brother was like you're like a lodge person yeah okay you're like like a camp counselor work at the rental tent at the lake earlier we had done um like oh what's it called uh we did a kayak rental like the day before so they were like you're like the girl who works at the lodge that's so cute like thanks i love it i thought it was pretty funny tour guide liz how was your paddleboard experience everything work out yeah out there i'm glad you had such a good weekend turn around my phone and make them tip me yeah right yeah whatever you think is best yeah no pressure you can just hit next i always think that they can see what i leave can they i i don't i actually don't know i've been seeing this thing where there's like not even 20 percent

it it goes 15 and then 25 and then like 35 like fuck off yeah i'm doing 20 percent and then it's like on your own percent and it's like well then they're gonna know that i don't know how to do math you're right just just give me the 20 option okay i'm here for fucking homework yeah i came here to get drunk you know yeah and they're they're hoping that you're drunk enough to not notice that 20 is not an option right and then sometimes it'll be out of order yeah right so you have to actually think about it now you know what if someone does it out of order i'm gonna give them 15 because fuck you yeah but yeah fuck you i mean i probably will still still do 20 but that's fucked up that's that's sus okay speaking of like monetary scams i had this realization

yesterday about parking first of all parking is a scam yeah always has been always will be but you know the parking signs that say like two hours except on sundays and holidays that's because like the parking enforcement doesn't work on sundays and holidays which means that it is just a money grab because if it was actually like an inconvenience for the businesses or like an inconvenience for people to be parked anywhere longer than two hours it wouldn't be every day except sundays and holidays it would include sundays and holidays which is proof that it's just to make money for the fucking city where the fuck are my tax dollars going i'm starting to sound like a boomer truly i mean some of it is a scam it all parking is why do i need to give why do i need to pay

a parking ticket it doesn't make i already pay taxes right i do have to say i fucking hate seattle's like parking situation yes there's like no parking everyone's parked on the street if that you can only like have one car go at a time especially over here if you only if you want to like walk less than like 10 minutes to go to like a stadium in seattle like from a parking lot it's like 80 to park for like two hours god it's fucking ridiculous because they're all privately owned scam anyway my dream is to own a parking garage that'll be my final villain form the the landlord of cars yeah yeah essentially right you're paying money to leave your car in a fucking concrete box i don't think so i wish i had uh sorry i'm

shifting gears really quickly um without any sort of transition except for what i'm saying right now um this counts as a transition i wish i had like some topics prepared but i just like my brain was fully shut off this whole weekend and i'm slowly trying to transition back into society well lucky for you i love the sound of my own voice i love the sound of your voice too oh i just love you okay let's dive on in yeah this is gonna be a weird hodgepodge episode because i have just a bunch of hodgepodge topics so you might recall liz t-ball right you might reball no zing no it wasn't good don't encourage that okay thank you um us talking about scooby-doomy oh yeah i was literally thinking about that yesterday

and i started laughing to myself so frank and i watched you watched scooby-doomy well we couldn't find specifically scooby-doomy but we did watch scooby-doo porn just out of curiosity yeah it there's surprisingly too many i mean i can't say i am surprised though like think about how long this cartoon has been on television and how many people fetishize velma specifically a lot of it was velma yeah a lot of it was velma porn and i think i love that velma i love that velma but like one who's supposed to be nerdy and right the less attractive slash unattractive one yeah she she's really um they they animate her with big old titties oh so this was cartoon porn yes oh yeah this was all i was imagining it would be like people dressed up no this is all animated that's

insane it's fucking bonkers specifically the one that me and frank watched was and i want to make it clear just up front we weren't like about to like do the dirty yeah we were we were eating dinner we were just like should we see what that's like fucking like all about and it was the most absurd thing it's basically just the one that we watched was like a loop of velma fucking a ghost dick it was just like very clearly like a ghost cock just floating in space and it was just a loop it was wait so was the ghost dick attached to anything nope okay i'm just kind of floating old man smithers so we were like i wonder what people are saying about this so we were looking at the comments of course i have to read this comment to you i cannot wait it's sorry should

i take a little sip so i can do a spit take yes six fucking minutes of velma on a loop with no penetration in sight only for the actual dick scene to be so short and then back at the frontal view out of the loop get out of here can't even see what's going on with daphne and then there was a reply that said right fucking waste of time and we were dying i mean these intense critiques of shitty cartoon porn is hilarious it's so fun like you're up in arms about yeah my guy you looked up Scooby-Doo porn which reading this I was like there has to be more comments like this this was really the only one on any Scooby-Doo porn on Pornhub at least that was like funny the other ones were like what like where's the guy reacting to this because I guess there's like a

video of someone reacting to it and that's like why anybody ever looks it up it's like you know they say so anyway I was like I want to see other funny porn comments so I went on Reddit i love funny porn comments as you know and i'm going i want to read some of the the top ones for just scooby-doo porn or just in general it's the uh thread forum a subreddit subreddit i'm gonna go through all those words every time i talk about reddit i'm such a grandma um is what is the funniest comment you've read on a porn site i have one oh do tell well i've told it to you before and i think i've said it on this podcast and it was someone who said i would suck a fart out of her ass and hold it like a bong hit or something you shared that

on twitter yeah like the comments under amelia's videos it's true tell me i'm wrong anytime amelia posts a picture this is sorted by best i haven't read any of these so these these might be misses okay um but this is their these are ranked by best quote i never understood the appeal of two sinks i mean look at how much square footage they are wasting in that apartment because of it they should knock one out and put a walk-in closet to increase their home's value that's a good one i fucking love that the next one is most milfs are usually just women over 25 but i swear to god if you looked in her purse you'd find half a dozen fruit snacks what now that's a mill is that i mean they have a snack in their their purse

at all times yeah uh i have some old trail mix at the bottom of mine right now loose trail mix or like is it a little bag it's loose trail mix it's gross but to be fair it's because it just spilled out of the regular bag and also it's not old it spilled out today oh but still in mind you know having just having a snack spilled at the bottom of your purse that is some goblin girl shit i it truly is it truly is i never use purses i want to become a purse witch but i'm but uh right now i have a purse because i brought my computer today to read these comments here's what's in my purse uh i don't know we're looking at a plastic thing i don't know um it looks like a pencil holder for

a desk i have um so it's a clear plastic maybe pencil holder the top of a lamp it what the fuck um it's like a it's like a green loop with a screw at the end um that's yeah that was in my childhood bedroom that lamp i don't know why it's in my purse but where the rest of the lamp is yeah i was like where's the rest of the lamp i don't know it feels kind of ominous that feels like a threat for some reason what else um fun xanax um my old business cards from our old workplace oh these are an unconventional size are they yeah they're like a square oh yeah because i like want them to like stop now we're special um some scissors arts and crafts scissors but like old school scissors and um they're

very thick some claw hair clips that our friend madison gave us when i had a girl's day oh yeah i remember that i love these so that's what's in my purse no snacks wow it turns out unless you count a lot as a snack zans i think it's kind of a snack man acts i need to stop trying to do wordplay but it's it's truly an illness it is a monday it is a monday um anyways back to the porn comments which is you know why people are listening to this podcast they never know what they're gonna get yeah truly we could do a what's in my bag in between reading a list of top porn comments get you a girl that can do both yeah um someone commented i have that same ikea bed and then the person that caught that shared this

said funnily enough i also had the same ikea bed are they getting fucked in it like clearly not if they're watching porn i mean they i don't know sorry oh well you know you that's not fair for me to say you know both things por que no los dos yeah you could be doing both yeah maybe you could be doing both at the same time how would you feel if you were having sex and watching porn at the same time what if you were hooking up with the guy and they're like do you mind if i put something on and then they put on a fucking porno you think it's you think they're gonna start playing some music yeah it's like do you mind if i put something on yeah it's yeah no go ahead like maybe he has a like sexy playlist like two girls one cup yeah and then he turns on the tv and he

just starts like playing like the worst porn ever just like like the cheesiest porn where they're everything is so fake you know yeah like one of those uh couch auditions oh back back room couch casting couch yeah yeah yeah I used to watch casting couch I used to watch those what once I realized that they were all scripted because at first it was sad you know I mean yeah I don't you know I don't listen to it so I don't know what the whole premise is of backroom casting couch yeah they so the premise of i'm such a scumbag this is like the worst of porn they're like oh auditioning for a part and they're like i'll give you this part if you fuck me it's like people go women go into this guy's like office and he's like oh yeah we're like casting for this

porno um you're gonna make x amount of money um get naked so we can see what you look like and they like get naked and then he's like all right well like we like to see how you are with another actor so like suck my suck my dick and then they're like okay and then they suck his dick and then they end up fucking him and then there's no job so it's like exploitative and fucked up but like when it got popular it started to become its own kind of like niche of porn um and so i started watching it not like at first when it was kind of like when i first really started watching porn i was like oh i don't know people always talk about this so like i guess i should like check it out this is like cool girl porn um and it's all like the same 90 of it is like yeah the same premise

the same like but that type of person that's so meta you're auditioning for a porn but the audition is the porn whoa but you're not making any money doing it rip rip except they actually are they would always actually are making money right ideally i mean i at least i hope so you'd always blur out the casting agent's face so like so it seems like fucking people over because like you wouldn't know who's who i feel like that would be like in the porn acting world that would be worse for the actor oh yeah on your resume they're like yeah and i was blurred out on the right couch cast i wonder how many people have claimed that that's them because you can't prove it like i'm the back i'm the backroom casting couch guy one time

this is this whole thing just reminded me when i was working in retail and i had to like interview people to hire them uh we interviewed this guy and we're like tell us about your previous experience blah blah blah and he was like well my previous job experience is like working in porn i was like uh i mean that's still working experience so i guess you could apply some of that to this yeah and then we were still gonna hire him because i was like i don't fucking care no uh but he didn't pass background check oh oh shit do you know what he failed um i think he had a criminal record sick oh like we just like we'll just submit the paperwork and then some other company does the background check so i don't know there you know the app citizen oh yeah

you can crime app yeah you can now see all of the sex offenders in your area on there oh shit turns out my area absolutely popping with with sex there's a dude that lives on my street who's like kind of young he's like 30 something and he's like has multiple sex with a minor charges and it has their picture and everything i looked in your neighborhood you don't really have that many around you oh i still want to check yeah right well i downloaded that app to because i convinced myself mr liz died oh my god that one time wait oh wait you were on you were on vacation in hawaii i'm pretty sure and i was just like i'm not gonna bother amelia with my bullshit today um mr liz was like he was at work and then we don't really text during the

work day most of the time unless he's like especially bored and I'm not busy um and then he like hadn't texted me back for a super long time and it was I was like okay maybe he biked home and then he took a nap because that also happens and then it got to a point where it was just like way too long and then I was texting Anna and she made it worse because she spirals so so I was like Mr. Liz rides his bike home I am worried that like he got hit by a car and like how would I know that I don't know and then she was like oh I worry about that all the time with my boyfriend and like if he's not home when he normally is home I'm like checking all the traffic reports and she was just making me more afraid right so then I'm spiraling I'm like fuck okay

well i'm gonna download this app and then like the whole time i'm texting her and we're we're both just freaking out more and more and then finally i did try calling him a couple of times and then i was like hey please text me back because i'm starting to freak out and then um i called a hospital near his house oh my god and then right after i called the hospital he called me and he's like hey i'm so sorry i went to this like he had told me about it i just didn't know what day it was on and he went to like a workshop about bikes so he's like doing stuff on his bike and then he was like i'm so sorry i'll i'll like text you as soon as i get home i just wanted to call you and like you know i'm okay oh my god does he know that you like called a hospital and

yeah i didn't tell him that until like a month later oh my god what did he say he was like no i'm so sorry yeah see this is why having an android is fucking dumb you should have always sorry if you haven't no actually no i'm not okay we all need a better way to make sure you're alive you're right you know what i think if he had an iphone i don't know if he would share his location with me to be honest that's fair he's just one of those yeah you know uh-huh yeah i spiral whenever i don't hear from my parents for more than like three hours i'm like that's it i've like made a full revolution i've like are you texting your parents all day every day no but like my mom always has her phone you know and like my dad oh so if you text them and they don't reply within

three hours if i text my mom and she doesn't text back i've like turned into her you know because that's how she was when i was growing up and now i've made like a full revolution back to like the parent you know and i'm like call like 50 i'll call like the condo phone you know like the land line if i don't hear from them yeah um you call the landline i break out the big guns that's serious shit yeah so i spiral too i spiral as well i had no idea that that happened to you yeah wild i can't believe i haven't told you that no me too it was a few months ago um should i read more comments um and let's read like one more okay this one's long it's not long but it's longer okay is it funny yeah i think so okay um i think this is a common one because somebody replied to

this and said knew this would be here again the comment is seriously after 20 minutes of getting to choke this gorgeous girl with his cock two little poots of cum is all he could manage pathetic i registered an account just so i could leave this comment in hopes he sees it one day fronting like you're some alpha male while elizabeth is performing her heart out and what do you give her two tiddlywinks of cum i've never felt so personally offended by porn before you're a real asshole pal wow that's hilarious not all heroes wear capes that's actually pretty funny i've seen a porn comment i think i told you about this like a long time ago that was like boys you need to stop watching porn like you get addicted to it and like you have unrealistic ideas

about sex or something and they're like take it from me damn you know what we talked about that i think on the semen retention episode oh probably okay i've been seeing a lot more about semen retention recently it's like it's coming back i feel like that these kinds of things just like come in waves and you're like we've already been there done that we're gonna hear again about dudes like sunning their butthole like it's all coming full circle yeah it's like it's semen retention season there's there's the four horsemen of dumb men semen retention sunning your asshole your asshole and your balls yeah um what else what other dumb shit have we heard of uh no no not november uh-huh destroyed dick december yep those are two in one yeah that's two in one that's

like yeah part a and part b and then what's one more dumb thing um fuck just like a dumb little hobby yeah i don't even know i mean like how does one choose one leaving comments on porn yeah honestly what would you do if you found out like someone you were dating like regularly left comments on porn it would depend on the like if it was like that last one we read i would like it you know like i made an account just so i could tell you how awful the amount of cum that came out of your dick was i love that shit i think that's really funny but if it was like what it was just velma getting fucked where is it where we didn't

even get to see jaffney like that's different you know yeah yeah there's different tiers of men that leave porn comments what would you do if you found out mr liz is a a serial porn comment leave her i would not like that to be honest i'd just be like what even if it was like are you doing ironic if it was ironic then fine if they were funny yeah sure but if it was like legitimate comments on porn i would be like we need to reassess some things here you and i need to have a conversation yeah we need to have a little talky talk what the fuck are you doing yeah these these comments are problematic i know you love movies but this is not the same thing this is not the way to do it well he just

leaves like like roger ebert level like critiques on porn um this comment says sorry i know this is the last one i'll read i just saw it i don't think the cucumber in the background really had anything to do with the video and i was confused sounds like something i would leave on a porn video like why is it here was this like why are the curtains blue kind of moment does the cucumber represent something i saw one that it started out with him like making ramen for some reason and then like he goes to go fuck his girlfriend and then the comments were like that ramen's fucking burnt now really funny bro your house is on fire that is so funny what happened in the ramen i do feel like

there's some like some ramen cooks fast too and this was not this wasn't a quick little session you really truly couldn't wait three minutes till your ramen was done yeah fuck yeah it's a travesty or you couldn't have done it you couldn't have made the ramen after because as we know it's not going to take very long right anyways fuck this guy has his priorities his priorities are whack there's um that voice actor feel good filth that i used to talk about that did like audio porn he's doing like porn porn now like he's like in it and he's like still narrating you know teach their own right you know it's so weird i had never thought about it from the perspective of somebody narrating every single thing that they're doing during sex this is i mean if you think about

it it's just accessible porn he's narrating everything he's okay i hear you it's like not it's like it's like not accessible no he does the thing where he's it's not like and now i'm going to do xyz you know what i mean it's like oh yeah does daddy's little princess like but like not in a dirty talk kind of way it's really like seeing it coming out of his mouth while he's having sex is jarring wait what it's like i don't even know how to explain it to you without and i'm not going to show you this porn but it's like it's very he's like talking at the camera while he's having sex that's weird and he's like yeah do you like so is it almost like her point of view and it's you yeah but no because you can still see her that is very confusing it's very confusing there's too

much going on but people love it like he's like you know making a good living for himself on only fans but he's also on Pornhub I'm not paying for that um sorry that's fucked up I should support creator but that's just not my cup of tea you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah I'm getting into what as you were saying about wanting to become a purse girly I feel like I'm becoming a name brand girly but just for product but i'm not actually gonna buy product i've been looking at dh gate what's that it is a bunch of knockoff luxury brand stuff but like sometimes you can get like really it's it's a gamble what you get you know so i just look it up on tiktok to see like what people have bought and what the reviews are so i can just do that they've already done the

hard work for me you know I love that TikTok's made it so much easier to sift through like gamble retailers yes it's the fucking best yeah because I don't I don't have a thousand dollars to drop on shoes that's simply just like not something I can do now honestly I don't think I'd ever pay more than like 150 max for a pair of shoes and even then like that pair of shoes they have to they have to be some shoes i know that i'm gonna wear a lot yeah and love them totally otherwise i don't go out enough to wear like wear shoes often exactly it's like i got the doc martens uh and then i got my tevas which are like my summer doc martens yep my tevas are my tevas are like these uh chunky like strappy shoes yeah they're not like what you guys are normally

imagining when someone's wearing tevas yeah which is like some outdoor hobbit shit that's not me okay i am i am a summer goth and i want to be comfortable so run and tell that yeah run and tell that um oh speaking of like kind of like cringy outdoor buys i'm now the are you a water bottle bitch no i'm in it i'm a shameful owner of a motivational water bottle cute oh it measures your water yeah so i bought it because so I'm a motivational water bottle hater like publicly you know because like first of all this is like a mix between like comic sans and papyrus like the design is not great and it's like it says like get started remember your goal keep chugging don't give up almost

there you did it and then refill I don't need it yes girlfriend all I need is this you know i just want to know how much baby queen yeah exactly so but i got it because look at this i don't even know why i'm like talking i feel like this is an mlm but it like has this these it like air it makes it easier to chug because of like the airflow it's like fucking incredible water yeah but is it supposed to make it taste better like wine no right right but no it just makes it flow better anyway i'm a big fucking fan i'm drinking like four of these a day huh fucking incredible but anyway so i just had to get that out in the open because i'm like i feel i feel like i've gone back on my my word thirsty and i'm holding it's not the same you

know you can't chug a seltzer water that's not a thirst quencher um at the like little kickback thing that i was just at with my friends i was looking up these porn comments and wasn't telling anyone what i was doing and i was so afraid that i was gonna accidentally turn my volume up you know it was on mute but i was like the porn hub sound is about to come on and they're gonna be like what are you doing at this very chill backyard hangout okay i found when i was looking for sex news which because it's been a while since we've done talking tits yeah there was none at least no news no no no breaking boobs this week but i did stumble across this is from 2016 so it's a it's like seven years out of date in terms of

stats but i thought it was interesting six unexpected stats about the average american sex life interesting i figure like i'm listening they these numbers feel like even if they are seven years out of date like i don't think they would have shifted drastically so i thought it would be interesting to read them because like they are interesting in terms of like patterns okay so i'm gonna read through them okay actually you know what we should gamify this i'm gonna ask you what what do you think is the average number of people that someone will kiss in their lifetime oh man I feel like it's low because I've kissed so many people and I know that's not normal um maybe 15 no that's lower than I thought you were gonna guess but that's close it's 21 and a

half okay okay I was gonna guess 20 but then I was worried that was like too high I know 21 and a half and um it says you exchange 278 different kinds of bacteria per smooch this is why my immune system's so great yeah how do you know how many people you've kissed no my god no i stopped counting in college but i was up to like 80 in college okay yeah yeah i know i surpassed 100 fuck yeah um but i deleted my note in my notes app from college yeah because i have listed everything you know you start college and you don't have anything going on yeah typically right um that's like your like paperwork that you're doing in high school yeah exactly you're like all right i guess maybe i've had sex but right i've also kissed three people right yeah so i

don't know anything i was such like a i've sucked one and a half dicks i don't know anything damn no yeah i was i made out with everyone in high school and then after college once i got out of my relationship i was like kissing whoever would look at me sideways like come here yeah i'm a little drunk there's a table in um this bar here called comet on the hill oh comment there is i've made out with someone there there's a table like in the back corner that for a while every time i sat there i would make out with someone it was just like oh my god it was just like a sure thing lucky boo yeah was it upstairs downstairs it's the one like in the corner by the like the windows that like people could always like crawl out of right there you know the dj booth that's all the

way at the top i know oh my god this place i spent so much time in comet it's like that was my place for like a hot sec it's a good place and then music man started working there you're like i gotta go yeah but then no i was i was like afraid to run into him there because i was always like shitty when i was at comet okay moving on to the next stat i'm not going to read all six because some of these are boring how old do you think on average um men will be when they lose their virginity and then same question for women for men i'm gonna guess 16 okay and then for girls i'm gonna guess

17 wow liz it's 16.8 for men and 17.2 for women oh look at you go which i thought was interesting these also have no additional context they're just the stats i recently told my therapist about when i started having sex and i had to tell my mom because my dumb ass high school boyfriend flushed the condom wrapper down the toilet you know and i was like okay this is a pr move i have to like get in front of this and like have a little conversation with my mom about it absolutely and reflecting on it now my dad is not a snitch he would not have said anything that could have just been between us and i wish i had been astute enough to recognize that um but my mom like was really upset she had a terrible reaction and she made me feel really bad about it um so when i was

telling my therapist this she was like how old were you and i was like i was 18 i was a fucking legal adult and then she's like okay at first i was like maybe she was really young and like her mom was concerned right that's that's ridiculous yeah and she's like but the fact that you're fucking 18 years old is insane yeah that's yeah yeah she's a dramatic lady well i love a dramatic woman me too you know yeah just not in those instances yeah you know what i mean it was a bit of an overreaction but i do appreciate i appreciate some drama in my women you know she was being pretty funny this weekend we were playing a game called things and i'll explain this to you later is it is it the game of things yeah you put like words into

a bowl i love that fucking game or well the how we were playing it is like you read the card and then everyone writes down their answer and then someone the person who's like you take turns guessing so one person has to guess yeah oh there's like an actual like established game for it we always just like get like a bowl and like rip off pieces of paper and put it into the bowl okay and then someone's like things you shouldn't say at a funeral and then everyone writes that's that's how we play uh-huh that's way more fun i think but uh one of the rounds my mom was like i was like reading them and then my brother's girlfriend was guessing and then um when she couldn't guess who had written it i was like uh it's my mom and then she's like i didn't write

that and i said i was like it says mama b on it and then she was like wait what was the question i was like are you fucking kidding me at this point like i was about to murder everybody um the rule there's two rules and we had to explain them multiple times each round i was like i know you are not were they trying to figure this out they were drinking but there's no excuse here and then i read the prompt and then i read her answer again she's like oh yeah that was me i was like the fucking gas lighting that you just did i didn't write that and then when it was her turn uh my brother's girlfriend was reading all the answers and then my mom couldn't like guess and she's like let me look at them and then she was like no you're not supposed to look at them

because you could guess from the handwriting and she's like just let me see him and then she gives my mom the strips and then she's like she's like oh this one was Elizabeth and this one was Zach whatever and then um she's like I'm just guessing from the handwriting though and then my brother's girlfriend's like but that's the exact reason that you're you're not supposed to have them you're not supposed to look at them and she's like well you shouldn't have given them to me and she was like you asked for them i was like i cannot believe i'm watching my mom gaslight someone else the same way she used to gaslight us that is that must be so infuriating to watch we were like we were laughing so hard and we were just giving her a hard time about it because

it sounds like such a fun because we're adults now so yeah true you're like removed enough from it that it's like laughable mr liz's answers were killing me i was also high so they were funny even funnier than normal and mine was like things you shouldn't do with glue and um my brother's was glue your butt cheeks together so the farts can't get out or something like that and then mr liz's was glue with a question mark that would have fucking killed me um my dad wrote two and one of them was masturbate he's not wrong that's not wrong damn fuck it was can you imagine i wonder if that's ever happened mr liz was only writing answers to entertain me and that's why i love him so much i love that when people just do anything for like to get a laugh out of you he

like he will lean into it when i'm high too because he knows i'll be laughing even harder so it's like he's doing a little performance for just me i i love that we we say beep us a lot lately beepus yeah beepus so when i had to read them um he just wrote beepus as one of the answers so funny and then everyone's like what so i had to keep saying beepus that's really and then they're like wait spell it i was like b e e p u s and then they're like what does it mean i was like whatever you want that's so funny because i saw it on twitter on a comment it was like a totally people were just commenting random things to this like businesses tweet because that's the internet and when someone said help there's a crab pinching my beepus

so i like we're calling penises a beepus that's so fucking funny we just i don't know we just we'll we'll use it for anything like we'll we'll just usually it means penis but i fucking love like an inside joke like that yeah this is the best are you ready for the next stat i'm ready sorry for distracting us it's good this whole this whole podcast not even just this episode this podcast is it's derailments it's gold content yeah constantly our listeners have never once been bored no that's true because where are we going next never let them know your next move there it's just it's just two women with adhd trying to not cry you never know what we're gonna say next and neither do we that should be our new tagline

two women with adhd trying to not cry yeah well now i feel awkward reading another sex stat but i'm no read another beep you just like okay out of baby boomers gen xers and millennials who do you think will have the most sexual partners in their lifetime on average um i definitely think boomers you're correct baby boomers will have 12 sexual partners on average gen xers will have 10 okay and millennials will have eight wow over their lifetime on average i just i also think there was just so much less access to sex education for boomers so they just like didn't know as much about sex yeah so the way they're engaging it in it is going to be so different than how our generation will engage with sex because like at their in when they're

growing up like our first exposure to sex is usually porn they didn't have that no or not as easily accessible but also they lived through the 70s when like everyone was just like fucking everyone yeah they had like lovins and shit what a time to be i would love everyone had a bush everyone had a bush everyone smelled really bad they should i mean i think everyone had a bush until maybe the 90s yeah everyone had a bush sounds like um like little house on the prairie yeah it's like it's like a like an old book series i you know what i i firmly believe that everyone should have a bush fuck yeah if they want one but i you shouldn't feel obligated to like not have bush is is the point speaking of which my dad was talking i was facetiming my dad

today and i was like i'm recording the podcast tonight he was like let me know what not to listen to when i listen to this next episode and this is the part that he should skip okay dad so i have been having quite a bit of sex and congratulations thank you so much sorry i'm talking with my hands a lot now because i'm getting into the nitty-gritty um i'm gonna put my hands behind my back so i don't hit my mic i have been like shaving my vagine because like personally i like want it shaved yeah um and i got the actual worst razor burn of my entire life i've always had razor burn you know like around like my bikini line not in like the like under my uh like nether regions i like undercarriage oh no it's so

painful and itchy it's so it hurts so fucking bad i had so many ingrown hairs i was like oh my god list ingrown sex was ms i was like we had to take like a three-day break oh i was like i need to i need time to heal like the only way that this is possible is a break through abstinence oh man it was awful so i was looking up um different razors you can get for like your vaginal region your kooka i bought one china pop my china my cookie my punani um they all suck do you have any good recommendations no i'm so sorry i mean i use an epilator and even when i use the epilator like i still get terrible ingrowns because it makes the hair thinner you know it's great because it takes the whole hair out and but it grows back

thinner that helps it's easier to pull out again but it's just it's been an uphill battle with the ingrowns oh it's fucking awful i honestly i feel like it's it comes down to needing to get that um that serum the from the brand fur oh i haven't heard of this oh i i'm always getting ads for it so yeah it's like an an oil or a serum or something and it's supposed to stop ingrowns um and also like exfoliating obviously so oh it's on amazon oh i can get it by 8 a.m tomorrow oh shit because i am in a lot of pain yeah i maybe i'll have to get some too for my little vacation wow look at that um yeah it's been rough but i bought these like uh like bikini region razors and I can't figure out how to how to work it are they the like stick ones no they're like

it's like a normal razor but then it has this like plastic hood on it that doesn't come off so it's like it's supposed to make it so you can only shave in one direction but I don't it doesn't work in any direction I I hate shaving the downstairs me too it's I can't remember the last time i used an actual razor down there it's it's because i'll only like at max i'll use my electric razor because my electric razor like you can change the head to be the epilator oh so i use that on my armpits and my legs because i just i'm done with razors man i'm gonna buy it you get what you get i've been talking about it for forever i need to just do it it is painful i'll warn you now my therapist said you know what i think you should get a wax

wax first and then when that grows in when you use the epilator it's not going to be as painful okay and you'll at least have some idea of how it's going to feel because with the epilator you're in charge so you can just stop if it's painful so you might not even commit to getting anything done you know yeah so i think you should at least get a wax first because then you'll know what you're signing up for i'm so scared do you want me to go with you i'm so scared yeah maybe my wax place in in my neighborhood where i get my eyebrows done my gal is like no fucking nonsense she's like always just like complaining now she's married she's always like complaining about her fiance and how he's like

not doing shit and like she knows nothing about me i go in and she just starts like bitching and i feel like she would hurt me you know what i mean i'm yeah but like she's what you mean but she's really good at my brows but like she's also like the hbic at this place so like maybe she's good but like her general energy like makes me nervous about my downstairs i think if anything she would be more efficient yeah just going real quick yeah she does my brows in like five she's going to be efficient she is going to be I mean the hair down there is aggressive it wants to stay yeah especially if you've been shaving so this is how the first time I got a wax this is how my waxer explained it because the first time I went I was like oh fuck and then the second time

I went I was like this isn't as painful as the first time and she's like that's because when you shave the follicle is so much bigger than the hair so it's like trying to suck a golf ball through a garden hose great so the follicle is bigger than the actual like pore so can you like take like an advil before to like help yeah okay well then i'm probably just gonna do that yeah don't take ibuprofen because you don't want to take something that will thin your blood okay ibuprofen it's like everyone i've heard like don't take ibuprofen so many times recently for like different reasons yeah and i have so many bottles of i finally bought tylenol yeah i'm a proud tylenol owner now i you know once you start getting botox you need to invest

in some tylenol because you're not supposed to take ibuprofen um you're also not supposed to do that take ibuprofen like when you're gonna get a tattoo right um also when you're gonna get your eyebrows microbladed if you have a stomach ache oh that makes sense like if you have a headache and a stomach ache and you take it for your headache it's it makes your stomach cake worse yeah yeah um that makes sense well my place does bikini waxing i can't believe i'm looking this up right now on the podcast you know what find somewhere that has a groupon oh that's a great idea i had a dream that i got a brazilian wax see it's a premonition how much is too much for uh for a brazilian i mean it's gonna be a little pricey like is is 89 a lot

that feels like a lot okay i mean i pay a lot for my eyebrows here well anyway i'll look later um but i do want to invest in an epilator just to tell my therapist that i did it i love when she sets like tells me something and i'm like come back like oh so i did that thing because i'm like i like live to impress my therapist don't we all she's so fucking cool my therapist gives me homework and i'm like yes okay come back and i'm like so i listened to the podcast you recommended i have like an ongoing google doc of like both recommendations from my therapist and our psychiatrist i love that i'm like okay i don't have time for all of these you guys you are right can we like prioritize um yeah like what should be at the top i'm gonna read the last two of these

stats okay just just to put a bow on this little section love that what okay there's this is a four-year range okay between what ages do you think you'll have the most sex in your life on average oh my god between what ages you know what I hope it's between 36 and 40 or you know what maybe 46 and 50 interesting I have no idea 30 and 34 oh really but this might be one of those ones that has changed over time I mean like we said all of might have changed shifted a little bit i was just thinking about i think that women are in their like sexual prime later in life than men are and i don't know i guess i don't know enough about like menopause i should learn more i would love to learn more about menopause we're we're

all gonna be having that experience if we live that long if we're lucky or unlucky well yeah menopause sucks but i mean like living long is like a gift yeah true true but yeah 30 and 34 all right here's the last one there's a 61 chance you'll have a one night stand interesting i don't know where the fuck they got that number night stand i've had one one night stand with that guy that said this won't take long yeah i don't think i've had a one night stand they suck both times i tried to have a one night stand it turned into a relationship so she's that irresistible folks what can i say yeah this won't take long i tried going out with me again but it felt very like

i don't want you to think that i just want to fuck you once and never see you again instead of like actually wanting to hang out so i just like never responded to him i was like i'll do us both a favor here this is not actually i never want to hang out so yeah yeah i just had to listen to you masturbate next to me for like 15 minutes but after you had sex uh-huh after he came to that's weird yeah super weird i don't want to be judgmental no but i mean like now like that's such an unappealing situation all around yes yeah it's like okay you just had terrible sex with this guy who was absolutely fucked up and his bedroom smelled like old pizza yeah never washed his sheets a day in his life clearly he has crusty sheets and then and then he jerks off next to you

that's weird after pawing at me for more sex and i pretended to be asleep he then masturbated yep those were the days that's so weird yeah it was uh not that he thought that you were asleep and it was like i could just hear it like go to the bathroom it sounded like like this no it sounded like oh god that was the end of the stats thank you you were thrilling education oh okay wow um my last topic like i haven't actually read the article yet so i feel like you're just this episode on your back i was while i was at this like little backyard kickback i was like looking up i do have one thing that might be useful um i saw tiktok and this woman says like i've been with my husband for 10 years i don't know if they've been married 10 years and like

been together longer than that but she just gives like advice on like how to keep things like fun and she was like we do two date nights a month and one has to be an a stay home date and like you know an intentional night in and then the other one has to be going out date night I love that and they take turns who's in charge of what so you know every other one is like I'm doing the home date night you're doing the night out you're doing the home date night I'm doing the night out like I love that yeah me and Frank I mean we've only been together three months but we've been we have the two date nights a month rule but we've been going out for them we have a lot of like at-home date nights we just because when you do an at-home date night and you plan it then it's

gonna be more intentional and that like you have like a dinner plan and yeah you're gonna cook and like what movie you want to watch or what activity you want to do yeah so yeah I thought that was a really good idea it's a great idea it keeps things fresh fresh um we just watched me and frank real like romantic date night activity if you can't pick up on the sarcasm that's scooby-doo porn that was yeah but we watched the jared fogel documentary oh god and it's it's like um i don't want to talk too much about it because it was like really triggering obviously but like for a lot of people but it focused a lot on the woman that like framed him into like confessing because nobody she never got any sort of credit or recognition and she ruined her life over this like truly

like she she dedicated years of her life trying to take this man down and like her family like grew apart because of it because she was like always you know like doing intel she had to like do drop-offs at like two in the morning with the fbi crazy but anyway um obvious obvious trigger warning but a very interesting docuseries on max interesting um fuck that guy i hope he gets i'll read the the wikipedia page about it uh all right well thanks for listening we love you so much we love you I feel like that was it's worse than normal

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