The Hoely Hour - E147 This Barbie Sees Through Your Performative Feminism

Episode Date: August 4, 2023

We're back and discussing dismantling performative feminism. Do you support women as a way to get your weenie wet? THIS JUST IN: you're doing it for other men. We also discuss the masterpiece of the Barbie movie, and the importance of disclosing whether or not you're a parent on your dating profile. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

my precious time get your act together we could be just fine oh i'll tell you what i want what i really really want welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at Liz Ball so hard. You can also watch us on YouTube or listen ad free on Patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour. Check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com. I look truly I look like such a giant next to you. I'm also very slouchy. You're just you're a tiny person. I'm shorter

than you and i'm slouchier than you tiny liz big world also i have um a giant coconut oh your your butt my head oh but thank you for thinking i meant but it's really it's a farming i also i have a small head oh i have to wear kids hats i have to wear like the largest size hats they have like when somebody hands me a hat there's a good chance it's not gonna fit my head My grandma said it was because I got a lot of brains. That's how she would say it. She just has a lot of brains, my German grandma. Big noodle.

Big noodle, small world. Have we talked about, have I told you on the podcast about my five panel hat girl theory? You know what? We talked about it not recording. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to share my five panel hat theory with the listeners. for some background I was telling Amelia about a woman who has a little bit of an annoying

personality and Amelia was like can I guess what she looks like and then I was like sure and she's I feel like she wears a five panel hat and she doesn't but then the more I thought about it I explained to Mr. Liz like what you had said and I was like because girls who wear five panel hats are either like the coolest fucking girl ever or like the worst most annoying pick me girl you know yeah and there's no way to tell the difference because they both look good in five panel hats totally so damn yeah that's some like camouflage and he started cracking up because he's like that's so true you know he's he's mr outdoor pacific northwest so he like meets a lot of women who wear five panel right i was just about to say i like i feel like i know two women and not even

personally i like no of two women like no names girlfriend he she wears five panel hats like exclusively and she seems like a pretty cool chick you know but how are we supposed to know because like you said everybody looks cool and that's just such a gamble it really is because yeah you got your pick me five panel hat girl and then you got just like your fucking cool laid back down for whatever five panel hat girl damn and and the cool five panel hat girl always a girl's girl oh absolutely oh my god yes yeah what do you think like the male equivalent of that is oh that is a really good question it could also be five panel hats but i feel like it five panel hats are just like so predictable on pacific northwest man

i know i'm trying to you know what i think thigh tattoos oh absolutely that's a great answer they're either like yeah the like a fucking douche undercover or like just a really great guy damn that's so true that's so true frank has thigh tattoos and it's so sexy i love a good oh my god and i'm like can i see you in that pants somewhere i'm done honestly his thigh tattoos make me want thigh tattoos well you have a little guy underneath this little guy i don't like my legs enough to get that i copied his placement really yeah i didn't even know that he had tattoos on his legs he has like a he has one on his thigh and i was like i like that placement but i'm not copying you yeah can i is it okay if i put this little stick and poke here

and he's like yeah it is a good spot it is i mean we only have so much body to put tattoos on you know when you find a good when you find a good spot you gotta you gotta snatch it on up exactly i got two new tattoos hello i guess i got three new tattoos you're getting yatted i really i really am i got one for a bit i got a seven because my brother told me to those are the best tattoos yeah ones that are bits yeah and then i got a little sun for my middle name means morning star so i got a little sun that is a morning star that is the morning star and then i got a whip like a what would you call like an abstract line drawing of a woman's body oh yeah because i love women and for no other reason other than that yeah i just think women are dope me too

like i mean they are yeah like every woman every dollar name a woman um uh i love that so much Yeah. See, I think if Billy Eichner came running up to me on the street, my brain would go completely empty. Yeah. Because you're like, I want to talk to you. I'm so excited. Name a woman. Me. Yeah, I probably would just say me. Me and Liz went out this weekend. Yeah, we did. Frank made us dinner. Oh, my God. It was so fucking good. I met his best friend who. She's so dope. I adore her. She's just the easiest person to be around. Yeah. And she's one of those people that I was like. well because Amelia and Frank were like we think you're you guys are gonna like really love each

other and hit it off and um when I met her and we did I was like but she could get along with anybody you know yeah I'm but she also doesn't like everybody you know what I mean like that's and she really really loved you right when we walked away from so much to me when we parted ways she was like I love her you guys were so right I was like riding a high I was like I met a new person and we got along so well that's such a good feeling yeah you guys were talking just the two of you like a lot of the night i love that shit i love seeing new friendships man when you're just like that is such a like a rare high too of like making a friend oh my god you know especially as an adult you're like we're gonna be friends yeah it's a good feeling i love that mr frank

mr frank um frank is like such an amazing host too he was an amazing host when he came here he like brought his own glasses and made us cosmos he's such a special guy and uh the food was amazing too he's an unreal chef he was in the kitchen for four hours making persian food i got and it was phenomenal i got there two hours early because i was like i'm gonna help and help host and then he would not let me anywhere near the kitchen which is smart because get out of the kitchen i would have fucked shit up real quick but like he's just watching that man operate i could just watch him i could just watch him cook let him cook for hours hold up let him cook i could just watch him cook for hours and be so pleased like he's it's just

so cool like watching a man operating a kitchen there's something fun too about keeping someone company while they're like in the kitchen like when Mr. Liz is here and he's like can I help and if it's like you know if he can help then I'll assign him a task yeah um and he can be my sous chef uh and if not if it's something that's like really straightforward and I'm already like almost done with it I'm like no but I just want you to keep me company while I yeah do this so then he'll pull up a chair while I'm in the kitchen and just like tell me about his day that's really nice yeah see i um my attention span is so uh delicate having somebody else in the kitchen with me stresses me out um gatsby is stressing me out right now yeah gatsby make

what are you doing make a call dude our producer is producing hold up let him cook let him cook come here bubba the the cats discovered a new little cubby in my closet that's so exciting they've been taking turns sleeping in there that's so cute um gatsby is the discoverer of the spots and then gramps always likes to go commandeer them that's so fucking it's like having a younger sibling you know when when they're like it's like you go first i want to go there yeah it's mine now it's my turn mom he's not giving me a turn gatsby won't let me lay in the closet i was on um my therapy call and they started wrestling on the couch and they were like they love doing that when they think they have an audience trying to listen to my therapist

she has a really great monologue happening right now and you're distracting me you should start um doing like a pay-per-view for their fight nights oh i should because you know how like ufc they charge like 200 to just like watch it on television you know you could do i mean i would pay to watch these cats fight it goes down it's unpredictable you know we'll just keep a camera on them at all times and i don't think that they fight when i'm gone that's all the proof that you need when i'm here because i'm like hey boys just do things for attention speaking of boys who do things for attention we have a lot to talk about today yeah this was a hot topic when we were hanging out on saturday or was it no maybe it was last night and we were texting about it yeah it was last night

what it was yeah so i mean just for some like uh personal um involvement in this issue uh i have been the victim not once not twice but thrice of these dudes whose entire internet presence is them being like good allies for women and like kings of consent and their their uh they their whole platform is about like being an intersectional feminist and like being an ally to women yeah and they you know become popular and make money off of that presence specifically and then you know a few years later like old videos resurface where they're like you know feminists like need to not make general like sweeping generalizations about men like how am i supposed to know when you say men it's not about me so they're like the not all men men yeah but like

even like that example that you're giving and we're not going to name any names for multiple reasons and it's pretty like this has happened a lot with different people so it's pretty vague but that specific example you're talking about isn't even an old video that was from like last month oh I thought it was from 2022 oh maybe he said it again oh you know actually you know what he blocked me so I was only seeing people's reposts of it that's why I thought it was last month so it was a year ago that he said that okay so it was a while ago but um i mean we've all seen like men like this and then i see it happen a lot on tiktok there's also a therapist guy who is like always talking about attachment theories and like acting out like conversations between

different types of attachment people and um someone like a bunch of women were like we went on dates and like matched with this guy and he like fucking sucks yeah like he it's just like he's weaponizing his own like knowledge of of like the inner workings of people's emotional experiences yeah you know totally and like it sucks weaponizing therapy speak to you see these people and you feel like you're getting like a glint this is what what i fell into like you feel like you're getting a glimpse of who they actually are because they're like so willing and open to like share things about themselves on the internet and like yeah you're like wow this this man's values are like so important yeah they're like him even talking about this is

really great for the like intersectional feminist movement um but i don't know like when you realize it they're they're not challenging toxic masculinity they're not speaking to men they're speaking to women they're like women we're i'm an ally with you and I think like that's where it gets mixed up like they're profiting off of appealing to women so I don't think we've ever talked about um decentralizing men from our lives and like it's really hard to to decentralize men with society yeah like it's just how everything is everything is centered around men and um you need to challenge that internally a lot and it's you'll be doing it forever for the rest of your life but it made me realize that men also need to

decenter each other from their lives because these men who are saying that they're allies to women and they're feminists and then they like do not feminist things and they're not like approaching it from a like debunking and disassembling toxic masculinity it feels like they're doing it for like the attention yes they're doing it for the approval of women because the approval and like admiration of women is appealing to men yeah yeah damn so it's one big yeah it's just like spiral of hell step up yeah totally to like showing men like look how many women like me because if you look at and they know you're a feminist women will like you it's they when you look at conversely when you look at these like women on tiktok that are like men's rights

activists and like you look at their comment section there's no women in there like you know what good point because they're not doing it for women they know that like they're doing they're doing it for the approval of men and the men that are like and like i i know some male creators on and i'm not even saying this in a not all men kind of way because fuck that like i know a lot of male creators on tiktok that are like very clearly obviously like good dudes you know that are like speaking up for people that like don't have a voice you know including like a lot of women yeah but there are these guys that like you can really tell that they're like treating their platform as a dating app like they and the guy that sparked this conversation with me and Liz

I'm so emotionally intelligent and developed and like if women have low standards that's like her fault yeah and this is from multiple like influencer men like there's one uh one who's like a self-proclaimed narcissist like not even diagnosed he's self-diagnosed himself as a narcissist and his whole thing is like um i was a narcissist and now i'm not yeah i was a bad husband and now i'm not and then now he preys on vulnerable women who you know are victims of abuse and um like the the emotional abuse as well of narcissistic partners yeah yeah his name's robbie harvey this is like a conversation that's going on a lot on the internet it's been going on for a while i remember stuff like popping up of his like three months ago of

people being like but fuck this guy like how he talks about shit is fucked and then he'll like come back and be like i'm still learning you're right i'm wrong like doing the whole like pr dream of an apology just to like come back and like you know dms to come out of him messaging women about like his sex life with his wife and how he just like gave her the best orgasm ever or like videos of him like exploiting people's like stay-at-home moms yeah and he'll market an mlm to them like a narcissist isn't gonna help you pay the bills like here's how you can get your own identity by signing up for this mlm and mlms notoriously prey on like stay-at-home moms women who are trying to get extra income or gain independence and they fuck over majority of these women yeah i think

it's like something like 90 of people who like invest in an mlm don't make any money they lose money yeah there's a really good documentary that vice did about lula roe which doesn't exist i love the lula roe documentaries yeah i watched one on i think it was on amazon prime and that one was So they're good. It truly it runs so deep and it really shows you like what's going on and how they like really like put the magnifying glass on these people who are like very successful in the company to make it look like everyone that's doing it is so successful when in reality there's people like you're saying that like you have to pay to like host these parties. It's literally a pyramid scheme. Yeah. Right. Right. It's awful. I have a lot of friends that have gotten sucked into MLMs that at the time they're like, no, it's not it's not a pyramid scheme.

It is multilevel marketing. And then when they're out of it, they're like, it is. But it's more it's like the legal way to say it. Yeah. Have you you haven't seen the office? There's like a cold open where Michael Scott is like, no, like this guy got me. and then I'm gonna like recruit you guys and then you get two more and then um he's marking it on this whiteboard and then Jim draws a triangle around it and just and then Michael just stares at it and Jim walks away and he's like fuck that's amazing that's how it is I think it's difficult to see it when you're on the inside because like they're really good at selling dreams at these companies like well you can like work from home and like you work from your phone and all you have to do is like if you have a couple of friends that want to get involved like get them involved

and then maybe they can get a couple of friends it's like low-key a little bit like the the girls who are like manifesting i'm manifesting my dreams it's like well no you're a white woman who already like has financial and white privilege yeah so sure like maybe having a positive attitude helps to an extent but like the systemic structure we have in place is in your favor right but to to an extent yes having a positive attitude and like being able to recognize patterns of um opportunity yeah that is essential like it's very similar to manifesting you you know you're recognizing patterns but they're making it seem like a wish totally like i wished for this and it came true i've never experienced depression i'm sorry if you if you practice manifesting that's great and

like i'm not saying that it doesn't work i'm just saying that it has been it has been co-opted by it really has a group who doesn't like really understand it everything good in this world gets co-opted by people that don't understand it yeah it's usually white people i'll just say it absolutely as a white as a white person absolutely and that's why we co-opted podcasting from white men you're you're welcome i don't want to call us heroes but i know everybody just like wants like another white person's perspective especially anything yeah white women talking about sex and dating you're welcome ladies here's how you can suck a dick um i'd be like those guys in the comments on all of our tiktoks like not everyone should have a

podcast why is there always like five guys that say that is that like because they don't know any other line not everyone they're all just like npcs with like three lines yeah not everyone should have a podcast it's like when you go up to them they're like yeah they like start running into the wall wow a bunch of twos talking about sex this is me being an npc yeah i'm getting fucked and you're not so let's maybe you should listen right your mom loves it and i'll fuck your mom i will i'm your daddy now um keith i just felt like one of the guys would have been keith but anyway imagine a baby named keith no this is what i think we've talked about yes the name specifically and i'm so sorry if you have this name but there's something

every single time I think about somebody looking their newborn baby in the eyes and naming it Seth is fucking hilarious to me maybe Seth like oh my god that's a beautiful yeah I've never had a baby named Seth what's your baby they're none of them are babies they all come out as like 12 year olds with mohawks yeah frosted tip mohawks if you are a man and you want to align yourself with um intersectional feminism like sincerely then you need to focus on like calling out toxic masculinity and and dismantling toxic masculinity and patriarchal masculinity versus like telling women that you agree with them yeah because that's what accountability is like you can say you agree with anybody and then everyone will clap it's a high

reward yeah yeah rather than showing up and doing the work totally like you can say all day like that you agree with women and like um one of the examples laura danger is amazing at like finding these guys and like holding them accountable like one guy who is a well-known like tiktoker was like here's how you can like make your girl's life easier like do your laundry and uh clean up after yourself and she's like that is only helping her if it was a problem it like if she was doing it for you to begin with yeah and you're an adult you shouldn't like helping someone isn't doing shit you should already be doing and um i think that is a great point but like that's what we mean when it's like you're not showing up for the girls by being like look ladies i cleaned up after

myself and like some of the comments are like well that's way more than other men do and it's like yeah that's the fucking point that's the problem yeah yeah there was a um a video of somebody saying like that they this he like cooked this woman like her favorite his his girlfriend her favorite dinner and like put on like made the corner of their house into like a movie theater and like put up a projector and like made all these like desserts and everything in the comment section we're like yeah that's the bare minimum and it started this whole firestorm with men being like if that's the bare minimum like what the what the fuck like he did so much and it's like you don't hear about like she might she might have to be the one cleaning all of that up it's

really not that much it's performative if you're doing it a time and then being a dick the rest of the time like there are so many things that like and that's the whole crux of the issue is like the performative aspect of being like look i'm a good guy and then like kind of like ending it there and just like you know having it in a vacuum of one night and then using that as an argument point for but i did that thing that's exactly that's how the guest was with me he he did one good thing and the rest of the shit that he did was like he would be like but remember that thing and it's like you know that that is the bare minimum it's it's cute and like thank you for doing that but like it can't stop there and then anytime he would always try and like uh

discredit your feelings by like when you had a legitimate concern and you came with a solution yeah as well yeah of like hey when you did this thing it was really upsetting and i asked you specifically to not do that like what the fuck and then you'd be like well i've been not saying like how I was something that pissed me off yeah okay you're not doing either of you a favor by writing like harboring resentment towards somebody right um I was also just thinking like Laura Danger also said something like men like your your male partner should enrich your life and I think that is a great way of explaining it like I don't care who your partner is you should be enriching each other's lives yes and like something like that movie

example or whatever like that's something mr liz would do just on like a regular night totally you know yeah and i like just just noticing the things that your partner cares about isn't hard if you actually care about them yeah and like you want to make them happy because making them happy brings you joy right that is love yeah like yeah that's a good that's in naturally enriching each other's lives because you just care about each other yep and it brings you joy to see them happy that's the bare minimum yes it really it is yeah like that's what frank does absolutely and like so he never does it in a way that makes me feel like it's like you better inconvenience me for yeah and whenever I'll like thank him you know what he did he bought oh he texted me after I was

a guest and he was like thank you so much for coming over and hanging out with us I was like thank you for having me as a guest and making dinner it was phenomenal he's so special but he there were um so he like makes single cups of coffee he's very he like has like a like a scale he's very serious about his coffee but he has to do one cup at a time i love that that's so men yeah it was it's amazing he it's just so funny he's mr liz is the same way he's got his like fancy ass coffee maker and a grinder that's like special i saw these um coffee filters sitting on his table for chemex and we were in the middle of a conversation i just like looked at i like glanced at them he's like oh i bought this so we could both drink coffee at the same time in the

morning that's so cute and i started crying i was like this is the cutest fucking thing i've ever seen in my life having coffee with your partner in the morning too is so it's such a love language it really is like when mr liz i know when i know he has a busy day like he'll stay the night on a work night and then he bikes to work because he's a crazy person good lord um i'm like good for you couldn't be me yeah especially in seattle is like the worst drivers it's like not bike friendly i just get anxiety thinking about him biking around the city because people there are bad drivers everywhere you're just like oh my if you die i'm gonna bring you back to life and murder you for dying being riding your bike anyways seriously um like he'll like one of us

will make coffee so it's usually him because he'll wake up before me um and he'll like surprise me and bring me coffee and then we'll he'll get back in bed and then we'll have coffee together for a few minutes before he has to leave coffee in bed is like that is the best fucking thing in the world it's such a good way to start the day yeah you're like oh someone is considering me okay and this is exactly my fucking point too is like these dudes think that we want these like big grandiose things which is so nice it really is they're the grandiose gestures are so nice but the little things like buying chemex filters so we can drink coffee together and bringing you coffee in bed in the morning that's like that's all we want you know i mean i don't want to speak

for every woman but every woman i've talked to is like it's the little shit you know like yeah the the big gestures are appreciated you know they're absolutely lovely but they're not like something that's expected all the time it's just like the little things where someone else is noticing what brings you joy yeah and like he's also he doesn't like come bring me coffee because he's like trying to be applauded for it right it's because he wants to yeah exactly he likes doing it too yeah yeah oh i love good men dude i'm feeling so fucking emotional i'm pmsing today y'all and i have just been such a wreck i've been crying at like happy shit i was telling someone the other day how like if i'm catastrophizing and like really emotional and i'm like texting you

about it you're like i mean you did mention like maybe you're about to start your period do you think that maybe you're gonna get your period tomorrow and then i do and then i'm like wow it wasn't that big of a deal yeah my pms has gotten so bad dude like emotionally i wonder why i wonder what's going on it's a diet that's a great question well this is weird okay i think this is relevant um since we're talking about periods i started spotting when the day i ovulated like the other day and it was like kind of a lot it wasn't just like a light little spotting um it was like a surprising amount of like blood clots and it was like blackish brown and i was like looking it up and i was like this is i haven't like spotted and then it's like are you stressed

that uh but they were like there might be a blockage what well because when it when the blood is really dark that means it's old blood that's been in your body so i'm like oh maybe it just like didn't all get out during my period yeah because that's like the time where like more things are cleaning things are moving yeah yeah but it was very bizarre um and not it's a it's pretty rare like for or not rare it's like sort of common to bleed during ovulation but but that's also a pregnancy symptom exactly how the fuck are we supposed to know uh breakthrough bleeding i was like well I'm definitely not pregnant um see like I might be I mean I have an IUD yeah I was gonna say you have an IUD I have an IUD and that is but we don't really like pretty high success rate

in terms of avoiding unwanted pregnancy because you she has the hormonal IUD yeah I know that the copper IUD is a gamble a little bit oh god that shit is big it's scary seeing it next to like like a Mirena or a Skyla I'm like that goes inside of a person's like and they're conscious for it I like want an IED but I like don't want to be around for it you know yeah you want them to like knock you out yeah and I also don't want to have to deal with like the pain afterwards heard god yeah it's a rough day once you uh once you get it in um I think I know I've talked about this what the one time i did have an iud for like a year and a half uh i went to work afterwards and i was fighting for my life on your feet too yeah that's when i worked in retail so i'm on my feet

i like i just straight up brought a stool out and sat at the register i was like i cannot walk right now and luckily i arranged for someone to drive me that that would have been so terrible they don't tell you that shit no not a lot of the time my guy take the day off my ex-boyfriend came with me to put my um my last one in which was really nice because i like needed a hand to hold and then he like brought me balloons at home it was really sweet it was really sweet but it's not a girl or a boy yeah we're not pregnant um but yeah no he like that gynecologist like gave me everything i needed to know he's like take something before but not ibuprofen because it'll thin your blood like take like tylenol and then have somebody drive you it's not enough

We're going to give you, like, a diaper because you're probably going to be bleeding so much. Like, having somebody walk you through all of it and everything you need to know is so nice. It's a traumatizing thing to do to your body. Like, men will, like, go under anesthesia for a vasectomy. And. Will they? Yes. And it's also, like, not nearly.

it's just because they don't want to be conscious during it which is fine but it's like not nearly as painful as a colposcopy or um the surgery I had which I can't remember the name of right now uh leap oh yeah the leap procedure like people are conscious for the leap procedure and it is so painful yeah it's that's ridiculous I don't and you've never had a colposcopy but that's when they take like a biopsy of your cervix like that was really fucking painful like i don't know they're just like if people are going to be unconscious for a vasectomy like why aren't we doing why aren't we offering that for iud insertion why aren't we offering local anesthesia for iud insertion you can also ask for a cervical guard why aren't we automatically doing that

that's crazy the minimization of women's pain is bananas yeah to me it absolutely is like there it's what that with how like mammograms are too yes like putting your boob they squish it like really and i swear if like cis men had to get mammograms on their ball sack on their ball sack they would figure out like oh we're actually just gonna like we're gonna put on some spa music and give you a soft pillow but now we we just gotta we gotta sit in between like a hydraulic press to make sure we don't have breast cancer so stressful even just thinking about like what it doesn't need to be like this so why are we making it like this right why because we don't matter liz oh do we need to talk about barbie do we need to talk about barbie i think we need to

we absolutely we absolutely need to a moment and we won't give any spoilers at all i had no idea what to expect when i went to see barbie i didn't watch any trailers what i watched a couple but like i didn't watch anything or read anything that said like what the premise of the plot was other than you know barbie and ken end up in the real world and that yeah that's like the maximum mom I knew and I was like oh they're gonna get into some shenanigans but it is so much deeper than that it's so fucking incredible they did maybe we need to revisit Barbie when it has been a little bit more like people have had more opportunities to see it yeah but our our conversation about it will be this see it yeah I think everybody should everybody of every gender

of every walk of life needs to see this movie for so many reasons you know what let's have a barbie episode where we just talk about i love that idea all of the lessons and like how analyzing the barbie movie and how it's showing up culturally that's a great idea i think you mentioned this to me that like um the heiress tour and barbie like all of these things happening at the same time that are like focused on reaching women and empowering women it's not a coincidence no like we're healing we're all like trading friendship bracelets in the parking lot of the Taylor Swift concert and wearing like pink to go watch the Barbie movie and like saying hi Barbie to each other and it's like all happening at the same time when I went out to dinner last night one

of the girls I was with had she had just seen Barbie and like there were like this group of like like mid-20 girls or something wearing all pink walking out and she was like hi barbie oh it was so cute and then last night when i was walking in from getting home it was uh obvious that like the building manager and her kids live here and she had just taken her daughter to see the barbie movie because her daughter was like all in like pink and then they were singing the barbie song oh i was just like my mom and dad just saw it it is such a good movie um and people keep talking about how there's gonna be so many Barbie costumes on Halloween and we need to fucking make it happen guys we need to be dressed as Barbie yeah and like there's that tick I think

you sent me the tick tock of the girl talking about like I like wanted to be like this iconic Barbie look and then I realized like everyone's gonna be dressed as Barbie but that's amazing that's the point like we're all we can all be Barbie it makes me want to cry I love it so much It's just a reminder of, like, we need to continue being allies to each other. Greta Gerwig for president. Her husband co-wrote it. That's amazing. I didn't realize that they're married.

I kept seeing his name pop up. Yeah. I keep thinking about how, like, the men who are mad about Barbie. I'm like, you're leaning into the stereotype. No, I know. and you don't even realize it their two brain cells are busy bumping around in their brains into each other yeah to like totally understand Oppenheimer is very good I will say that there was um in that video I haven't watched the Ben Shapiro video because if I have to I think that

there's like a special realm of hell that is just listening to Ben Shapiro for 45 minutes but I did Frank's friend say she said she watched it right yeah she watched it she was like it was hilarious but there's a clip of it where he's talking about ken getting like was like a secondary character and he accidentally said ben and you can you know in that moment that freudian slip he's he's he feels threatened himself you know it's like people are like no it's because he might have been saying barbie and like no it was a freudian slip this man feels inferior and he feels like his masculinity has been tested by this movie which movie's called barbie it's literally you know i have so it's for like it's not catered to a male perspective no but that's

that's the whole thing is like i they he can't process something is not being made for him right there's something that's not being made for him that he needs to see twice as much money as oppenheimer oh my god it's so fucking incredible oppenheimer okay i have an am i the asshole to read you are you ready yes i was born ready the subject on this is am i the asshole for calling out my friend after she judged me for having kids it's important to remember that title am i the asshole for calling out my friend after she judged me for having kids yeah okay all right am i the asshole for calling out my friend and quote unquote humiliating her i 36 male recently started dating again and told my friends that i was finally putting myself out

there and wanted to settle down again i asked a few of them to look over my profile and one 28 female let's call her sally told me that i should disclose that i have two kids from a previous marriage i thought this was a wildly inappropriate thing to say to me i asked her how she believed that was relevant and she tried justifying her position by saying things like it's only right to be up front with any women i date i told her to worry about her own dating life seeing as she's not close to being married herself and that if a woman rejects me on the basis of having kids then she was shallow anyway and i dodged a bullet also would like to add that i of course intend to bring up my kids to any future spouse but not until we've been dating for at least a year because i

don't want to let someone know about my children and see them until they've proven themselves to me can you fucking stand it i've read this and he's a fucking dipshit he also never used her name again so like it was that was an annoying thing but like we're just gonna call her sally like he's just like why did you right why do we need to name her that just feels like a little like patronizing in a way i don't know why but like can you imagine being married not being married seeing someone for a year yeah and then they're like surprise i have kids i would be like this changes our entire relationship yeah and it's like well and then having to plan around that it's a secret at that point right i mean like i'd be like who the fuck are you shouldn't you know early

on if somebody's gonna leave you for having kids like shouldn't you want to tell them shouldn't shouldn't you want them to know so that you know if like after they've proven themselves how are you proving yourself right like it i think it you should know you should be told if someone has kids and i wonder if he's coming from the perspective of he judges women who have kids oh absolutely from a previous marriage yeah it's misplaced because he's like well i don't want to date someone who has kids from a previous marriage yeah and like being like oh well if i keep it a secret until they're in love with me and committed yeah then it'll they'll just have to be okay with it totally yeah what what yeah it's very it's giving like i can't do

anything wrong and like she's gonna have to adjust her life to fit mine because no wonder he's fucking single if i no wonder you've been divorced my guy uh if i found out even now i'm what five months into dating frank and i found out that he had kids i would go like nuclear yeah that that should be something that is like first or second date information absolutely like like second day sure okay i understand why maybe but like like sally is saying this is something that should be on your dating profile they're okay what all of those dating profiles that are like i don't want any single mom like a lot of single moms will be like okay like that's good for me to know you know like that's why i disclose it yeah just just swipe left you don't need to be

a fucking dickhead about it yeah and i think honestly i think he's just ashamed that he has kids like imagine you're a 36 year old divorce man no one's gonna be surprised if you have kids no and also like if i was his child and i was like wait you've been dating this woman for a fucking year and i'm just now finding out about her because like he's probably it probably goes the other way too he's probably not telling his kids about her if like you know how is this how would you maintain this secret like realistically how would you it would be so much effort to maintain this secret like you have to plan for child care unless he's like a deadbeat dad and he's like not doing anything with his kids and doesn't have custody that might be it

that might be why he's also like flying off the handlebars yeah because he's a deadbeat yeah he doesn't have custody and so like yeah he doesn't want to have to tell have to explain that to anyone he's dating yeah that is something you should know up front yeah and it's also not that big of a deal no uh yeah oh to circle back to like all the things you'd have to plan you'd have to plan for child care you wouldn't be able to go back to your house right like you'd have to be very strategic about planning all that it's like the effort that goes into a lie and maintaining that lie yeah like yeah my guy just tell the truth and then put all of that effort towards building a meaningful relationship yeah but you know like some some people would do anything to

not have to face reality it's like the people who are really good at scamming people out of money it's like you could have put the same amount of effort into actually doing the thing instead of like being a fraud yeah and you would be just as successful right and like not a shitty person yeah yeah that's so true whenever i see all these like very extensive like scamming schemes i'm like this is impressive what you've set up here use it and be honest you know like it's not that much more difficult to like actually do the thing instead of just like pretend you're doing the thing and getting other people's money invested and involved it's telling a lie is so much fucking work like you have really you have to like there's so much planning and memory that

has to go into maintaining a lie and not telling someone about your children is lying by omission so that's a lot that's a lie anyway everyone agreed he was the asshole he ended up deleting his account he should delete himself jesus delete i i guess uh delete whatever personality he's fucking yeah do a hard hard reset on that man just remove yourself from the dating pool factory reset this might be a slightly shorter episode i don't i think it'll still be like 50 minutes yeah well this zoomed by yeah it really did it did zoom by gatsby has been in and out of my lap at least three times he said gramps is being such a good little boy over there on his bless his heart bless his heart tired from meowing in all of my meetings today he was a hard worker

today anyway shall we yeah we've been hearing from y'all and you like the songs yeah that i was i'm i'm really happy to hear that to be honest i am ecstatic to hear it because i wasn't going to stop anyway so i'm glad that you knowing knowing that it's loved someone was like it's my reward for listening it's it's my reward for for doing for talking for an hour i'm like i get to fucking sing off key yeehaw oh my god sign me all the way up all right well we love you You are children. Ooh, we got that. I harmonized today.

Yeah, that was phenomenal. Wow, we really were switching it up. We're celebrating. I've not been good at harmonizing lately. Well, I don't give you good notes to work with in your defense. Thank you.