The Hoely Hour - E15 A Bussy Fleshlight

Episode Date: October 1, 2020

Posting pics of your relationship - is it cute or are you compensating? Amelia and Liz discover the shocking extent of fleshlights. Be warned, you will go deaf from Liz's shocked screams that sound like you're at a heavy metal concert. Could she have edited it? Sure. Did she? No, because she's an agent of chaos. AND: When is it okay to end something over text? Plus another perplexing game of F*ck, Marry, Kill. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Do you hear that? That sound, right? That means that summer's officially here. It means that grown adults just sprint into the street for a frozen dessert shaped like a cartoon. But this summer, Mint Mobile has a better treat. Every plan, including Unlimited, is $15 a month. And unlike ice cream, it won't drip down your wrist or look nothing like the picture. Does anyone have any cash? Give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12-month plan required.

$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms because there's some there's totally girls who are like my boyfriend's amazing and then you meet him and he's like a vanilla ice cream cone and you're like he's so nice yeah he seems smart like wow he's definitely a man a guy yeah he's he's here Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. I don't know why I whispered my name Amelia it's a good whisper name yeah it is mine mine's not as good of a whisper name

yeah how do you feel when guys don't post pictures of their girlfriend on social media um I don't know like I would say when I was younger maybe I would think that was sus and maybe it was sus but like the older I get the more I'm like I don't know what their relationship looks like yeah right i mean like with my relationship i used to post pictures of him constantly and then i just stopped because like we were together for over seven years so it's just like i already know that we're together i don't need to be posting you like every week but it's just like i think once people are dating for a long time like they aren't constantly posting each other a lot of the time i've heard like couples will post each other a ton on social

media when they're like overcompensating you know so so i don't know it's like there's so much gray area it's like what is the amount of time where it's like appropriate to stop posting your significant other i think at the beginning it's like cute yeah i think so too like it always feels good yeah like the first time like they post a picture with you oh yeah like if you look good in the picture and they like tag you in it you're like oh you want to show me off yeah now everyone's gonna know that i'm your girlfriend yeah that's cute that's what i mean it's like early on in the relationship like i i don't know i see a lot of couples post each other a lot and it's like they're so excited about when he posted a picture of me on his story for the first time because i

hadn't posted a picture with him yet yeah and then he shared a picture of us together on his story and i was like oh yeah i'm in that picture yeah that's me yeah that's us together that's cute that's so many people who is that who is she no i'm just kidding yeah um okay um how do they clean flashlights do you just like fill it up just like put soap in it shake it up and then pour it out like how you clean like a blender put it in the dishwasher can you i don't know like because i can't even um somebody else is unloading the dishwasher for you like what does this flashlight look like a vagina and why do you put a flashlight in the dishwasher i have questions if you're using the if you're

listening to this and you or your significant other uses a flashlight please let us know how you clean it yeah well maybe i can google it i'm gonna google it how does one clean a flashlight well because i can't even put my um i use a menstrual cup and you can't put those in the dishwasher oh so my old one i had put in a dishwasher and it it didn't melt it just got a really weird consistency and like was like unusable oh amelia's face is completely appalled so the topic of this of this article is how to clean a flashlight and avoid mold well what is the inside of a flashlight even like it's like is it like i think that it's probably like silly putty I think that they try to make it as like authentic feeling as

possible so like I think it must be like um like what's the closest like silicone maybe and it has to be like ribbed okay so oh our vagina's ribbed I mean like have you ever fingered yourself yeah it's like a little like rough you know what I mean not like rough like but like you know what I mean it's not like super smooth wet and gushy wet and gushy okay you can clean your toy in your kitchen sink bathroom sink or even your bath depending on your preference the kitchen sink is probably easiest to work with as they tend to be deep and are designed for standing up and washing things but i understand that some people don't like the idea of rinsing jizz into the same place that they wash their plates but like also oh okay i see so one

remove the sleeve from the case and separate the two i didn't realize it was a two-parter wait can you show me a picture i mean this is the picture oh the picture is a woman wearing a kitchen glove yeah yellow kitchen glove give your give your flashlight to your girlfriend to clean it for you because she doesn't want to fuck you anymore because you make her clean your flashlight she said i would rather clean this flashlight than have sex with you now take the sleeve and hold it upright under the tap allowing warm water to run through the orifice i.e the part that you fuck and exit through the bottom end of the sleeve so i guess there's an opening when you separate the two that makes sense see the components of a foot i need to

google this okay after rinsing for a while plug the bottom end of the toy with your finger and fill it up about a fourth of the way with warm water okay components oh yeah so i was right with both ends covered shake the sleeve up and down and side to side with your hands see i'm just second nature how to clean a flashlight because you've been working out yeah that's how they got the shake weight yeah that's how they got the inspiration for a shake weight it's cleaning flashlights the look of flashlights like i don't know why it just makes me uncomfortable flashlight are you incognito so you don't get flashlight ads oh no whoops oh my god

i well oh my god they have butthole flashlights i didn't know that is that called a bussy oh my god i don't know but that's amazing wait let me look up urban dictionary there's a four loco flashlight for all the bros needs i that is nauseating it's 69 this has to be a joke nope it's not fleshlight.com oh my god oh this one's called the pink lady it's a classic i'm learning so oh here it is here's what the inside looks like no there's no way why are all is there a black girl flashlight like why are they all white i don't know they're all they're all pink yeah oh this is what the inside looks like so it's it is like supposed to be i hate that you can biologically i'm upset okay wait yeah pussy slang slang term for

a gay man's butthole a butt pussy wow oh my god i hate everything going on what tell me they have like mouth versions what yeah i didn't know that what the i did not know that oh no oh no there's no way because like the part like the best part of giving head is using your tongue so like that can't be you know what i mean that can't be like as fulfilling it can't feel as good i could be wrong i don't know i don't have a penis why is it so upsetting wow there's so many penises on this google image search hold on let me go into private mode have you seen those super realistic sex dolls yes i hate them oh my god liz oh my god

no it's a foot it's a foot within the vagina where the ankle is flashlight guys that foot looks way too realistic no guys this is a it is a flashlight but it's not a flashlight it is a fucking foot and it goes slightly above the ankle and it's a vagina oh my god it's a vagina with a clit oh my no are you kidding me it's real bad if you can think it it exists yeah that's so true wow there's multiple versions of it wow ew this is fucking horrible like i never ever want a king shame but like this is like very disgusting that just looks like a severed foot oh my god okay thank god they do have a black girl flashlight good but it's just like yeah how come when you search flashlight they're all white this one has their oh it's a gag gift

i'm like they have hairy flashlights what's wrong with that nothing what's wrong with having hair where it's supposed to grow right it's like they're the hair is there for a reason but it's listed as a gag gift gift gag.com i mean that is very long it is but then there's this one i'm learning so much about flashlights today oh my god how come sex toys for men are so much cheaper than sex toys for women oh my god liz oh i lost it god damn it where did it go no harvey fleshlight it is a mouth with a mustache that's amazing no but that's so true um women's sex toys are so fucking expensive yeah they're so expensive why i don't know it's called the pink tax

society is mad at you for having a vagina i was looking for um pens the other day and the pink pens were listed as for her and were like 50 cents more yeah why pink pink pens i know i know god anyways that's why i drink yeah these have the best they have the best open sound i also don't need to be drinking another one but here we are here we are it's been a long fucking week it's sunday it's the first day of the week it's been a week i would say the first day of the week it's monday yeah yeah sunday is the day that you're sad and you feel anxious about having to work on monday sundays are weird for me now because we're not going to the office so i'm just like tomorrow's another day at home my miserable

day work-wise is tuesday one of my project managers deemed it she dubbed it terrible tuesday for me this fucking sucks i know i'm so sorry you know it's temporary it is being alive is temporary and you know what that makes me kind of happy it's relieving to know that i don't agree it's relieving to know that the eternal suffering of being human will end oh my god i hate the idea of dying i just want to vibe i hope when you die it's just you're just vibing somebody um when i was scrolling through dating apps for the last time somebody's answer was like a shower thought i recently had and it was like death is going to be just like it was before you were born yeah it's like whoa it's blunt yeah yeah i'm like i

don't really want to i don't think because now i know what living feels like and i'm not really into the idea of dying it's not at the top of my list of things to do sometimes i like to think that like when you die it's just what you think it's gonna be which is nothing it's just straight vibe just straight vibe in i hope it's like a really good shrimp trip forever interesting what if it's like just like a whole interstellar moment you're just like chilling behind the bookcase like haunting the people that you love pushing books out trying to say something in horse code the ghost that haunts me is just me yeah whoa whoa what if it is what did you watch haunting of hill house you don't like scary things nope i don't want i don't i don't know it's been a

long time since i've given scary movies ago so i think that you would like haunting of hill house just because I mean it's very scary but it's beautiful like it's and I want to talk about it because I want you to watch it and I I'm sure people are going to start watching it for the first time because a new season is coming out but it is phenomenal so I wanted to talk about because I've had this conversation with a lot of people about when it's okay to end things via text versus when it's more appropriate to end it in person because the threshold is so different for so many people but I don't know what that threshold is because sometimes I'll end things with guys that I'm seeing over text and it's just like so easy and smooth and then there's other times where

they're like wow I would have appreciated a conversation in person and I'm like I don't I didn't realize that we were at the point where you would like care you know so like I don't know I guess a good place to start is, like, how do you, what's, what's the feeling that you get when you decide that it's more appropriate to end it in person? Like, do you have, like, that's a good question. Markers? Well, um, I've ended, like, you know, just, like, kind of when you're, like, seeing someone, but you're seeing multiple people, you're just, like, dating around yeah um I've ended a few of those things via text and that's been fine but I ended my last relationship in person but we were together for nine months yeah and you were like

you would call him your boyfriend oh yeah yeah um but since then you haven't had any conversations in person with people you're seeing no I think that when you say people have been like oh I would have appreciated a conversation in person I think there are a few different things that could go into that like um we trust each other to like be candid and transparent about our feelings yeah so if a guy has like intense feelings for you and isn't telling you that that and like maybe he's trying to play it cool or something like how are you supposed to know that right i'm not a mind reader yeah and um another part of it could be like pride like they're uh they feel like embarrassed by the rejection or hurt from the rejection so they're trying to like

bounce back by making you feel bad yeah and like save face but then it's like if we had the conversation in person my guy you probably would have been mortified that I was doing that face to face you know it's like I'm just trying to help you I'm doing this for you help me help you yeah I I feel it's more of like a feeling for me like you mentioned like how do you like what is the feeling that you have when it's okay to end something in text and i i would say if i've established like if we've established from the beginning that this is just going to be a casual thing then it's okay to end it via text yeah and be like hey i've been thinking this just like isn't working for me yeah and i think most people are pretty receptive to that like as long as you're

considerate of their feelings right and you're like just like ghost yeah exactly it could have worst we've said this so many times but ghosting is like the worst thing you could yeah yeah it's incredibly inconsiderate yeah just talk about it right it doesn't matter how many even if it's just been one date don't ghost that's just like the it's it doesn't make any sense to me but i don't know i recently ended a situationship via text and liz knows all about this i was i always feel really awkward telling you these stories looking you in the eye like i haven't told them to you before um but I recently ended this situationship with this guy who I like liked like I yeah you were pretty excited about I was I kept saying to everyone like this is the first

person I've dated since my ex where I'm like oh this could like actually be like something that I could commit to because there were zero red flags and I'll get into this later in another episode all of the red flags that came out literally within 10 minutes of one another but um I was really excited about him because not I had like I couldn't point out anything I was like there's nothing wrong with him we're super compatible we both like kind of want the same thing uh but then I we had a plan to hang out a fourth time and it was like on the heels of a very bad third date very bad yeah probably the worst date I've been on it was I don't want to be dramatic but i feel like it was a little catastrophic oh my god it literally it literally

could not have gone worse and when you were like texting me about it so amelia and i will send each other voice notes if it's like too long to text a story and i was like oh my god oh my god yeah it was i was with my boyfriend and i was like gather around story time listen it was and my boyfriend even my boyfriend was like what yeah I have never felt more gaslit by anybody in my entire life on this date it was it's like he's not even good at it no it was like he he was projecting his own feelings about a situation on my reaction and so he was like thinking that I was saying stuff that I wasn't even remotely saying and this is vague because like I told him I want to talk about it and I want to see if he's still listening before I do yeah we're gonna talk

about it high level because also it's your life you're allowed to talk about your life and your experiences the way you felt them so absolutely it would just be easy to talk about it if I could like provide a little bit more color but just know that it was pretty bad and and we'll talk about it eventually we will um but yeah so like he was just like basically making me feel like a really bad person and like putting words in my mouth that I wasn't even close to saying it was one of those situations and in general you and I have talked about this before where there are like some people who where you you're like oh I just really love cats and then they're like so you think all cats all dogs should die yes and you're like what no yeah I didn't even that is exactly

right that is there I hate people who like try and argue like that you're like you have you just want to be upset about something exactly I was like I don't even know what I'm apologizing here for because like I didn't say what you're accusing me of saying like I can't even back out of this because I didn't say it so like I said what I said uh-huh and I meant what I said uh-huh there's no subtext here no no and so um he like brushed under the rug and we moved on from it and then I was like wait like we can't move on from this because it was such an explosive conversation so I brought it back up and he was like oh no I feel fine and I was like okay but I want to talk about it and then he just unloaded on me about how i'm an awful person and i like stigmatized things that

he had told me about himself when i definitely did not and like it was just and it it was so far like it was completely um uncalled for yeah and it was so out of pocket for him to accuse these of all of all of these like things that you never said yes and don't believe right especially considering we have so publicly addressed some of these topics in this podcast for anybody to listen to yes so exactly and I think I think that he was playing up on that fact knowing that the things that he was talking to me about are things that I'm very passionate about and passionate about being supportive of and it was like he was playing up on the fact that I pride myself on these things about like being open and like listening to people and being

empathetic about things that they've gone through and usually when I have an argument with someone I'll reflect and and a lot of the time I can figure out ways where I was wrong you know like okay like I did you know I could have said this differently or I could have and in this conversation there's no I couldn't have I would I led with empathy like I was so patient and listened to him when he was talking and he just exploded on me about shit that I did not say so I brought that up and he was like I think that you care more about being right you don't really care about how I feel right now and I'm like okay if you're gonna think that then like I think that we're you know done here so at the end of the conversation he unfollowed me on instagram

without even telling me that he like didn't want to talk to me anymore i'm like you were 30 years old like so i texted him again i was like is that your way of saying that you that you're done with this because i would appreciate a conversation and he was like i don't know if this conversation is any indication of how we discuss things then i think that we're probably we don't have a future he hit that on the head though yeah that's true i'm like you are clearly right you're 100 right if you're um anytime there's conflict this is how he's going to handle it yeah i don't want that's not worth no anything i'm the kind of person that i need to have a conversation right when there's conflict i need to squash it and he just wanted to brush it under the rug so after i agreed with

him he texted me and he was like oh my god i'm so happy that we talked about this i feel so much better when can i see you again i was like never are we living the same timeline yeah i'm like are we are we in an alternate reality from one another right now because like that is not what i got from this and then he got on me a little bit about being a bad texter and saying that he like needs to know where i am all the time and i'm like i've known you for all of 10 hours i'm making like a very appalled face my eyes are wide guys it's it was shocking oh my god um and then at the end of it um i didn't text him back because i was like well you're gonna learn today that i just don't care enough to text you back and then i texted him and i was like hey so the point of

the story is I texted him last Tuesday and I was like hey like I really liked you like you you know that but like I think that this is probably not going to be good for either of us and I don't want to waste each other's time and he was like yep completely agree had a good had a good time with you and that was it and I was like okay easy peasy so that was the end of that but like if we hadn't had had that argument and I wanted to end it I probably would have had the conversation with him in person because like up until that point I had a lot of respect for him I wanted to like honor you know this connection that we had and I probably would not have felt good ending it via text but even at that point we had only seen each other three times so it's like is it the

amount of times you've seen each other that tells you if you should break up with them in person or on text or is it the connection that you have and I think that it's different person to person yeah I absolutely agree I think it's connection based um and just kind of where you're at with each other so totally absolutely but i also think yeah if it's casual then that could be something that is worth ending in text but i mean even when you so when you talk about ending something in text like remember when the comedian tried to end things in text oh yeah but that was you guys were seeing each other not exclusively for nine months yeah but he at least owned up to the fact that he was like yeah i misstepped here like he was trying to open the door to a conversation that

he wanted to have but ended up like i think that is a lesson that we all should take away is like yes um you can try and like allude to in a text message that you want to have a serious conversation with someone but just know it's you can't do that it's gonna happen like right then and there 100 that's exactly what happened with like the last guy i dated i had ended things via like in person with the last guy i dated and our friend madison i was like telling her that i was like you know what i think like this is kind of over like i'm not into this anymore and this just isn't the kind of relationship i want to be in and it's not anything like bad it just wasn't the right relationship yeah um and she i was like i think i'm gonna see you when he's free and then

I'll like have the conversation with him and break up and then she was like I think that if you ask if he's like if you try to make these plans like it's just gonna happen today oh yeah and she was absolutely right because it's like well I don't want to stress out about what you have to say to me like let's do it right now her Madison and Molly both said the same thing it was so funny and that is because I like texted him and I was like hey um are you busy on this day and he was like yeah but I'm gonna be watching a game or like no I'm not busy but I'm gonna be like watching this game and I was like okay well I want to talk to you about something but I don't want to talk to you when you're like gonna be distracted and then he immediately freaked out

oh yeah and he was like well what do you want to talk about and I was like um I was like I just want to have this conversation like face to face like i don't i don't want to have it via text but i just wanted to like make sure like i wanted to see what your schedule looked like and then i he was like well can we talk about it now and i was like fuck and i was like i guess i'll walk over to your house oh my god but that's kind of good for you too because it's like you don't like get built up too so it's like all right we're doing it now i'm gonna do it now and i like immediately started crying so much because it's hard breaking up with someone oh my god i don't think I've broken up with someone since high school up until that point because in other

circumstances it's just kind of been like a mutual understanding like um I would say I've had a handful of breakups where it's like we agreed to break up has been two or three of them that's so nice when it turns out that way yeah it's so rare it's like amazing you've had that well I mean they ended up not going too great but oh but still yeah like when you ended when you end a relationship with that headset like that mindset like oh I did not get dumped like I at least had some I had some agency in the breakups where do we work um yeah absolutely it it makes it hurt a little bit less I think the first time that I had a successful breakup where it was mutual was with the comedian because we had a lot of respect for each other and we had set boundaries early on and

I let him know like the second that these boundaries stop working out for you like let's have a conversation about it and so when he texted me and he was like these boundaries aren't really working for me that's like all I needed to hear and so we just had the conversation on text and I was pissed because I was like he was like well you wanted me to give you a heads up when I started feeling like that I'm like but you were feeling like that for a while and didn't say anything to me and now you just told me that this isn't working so like we have nowhere to go from here so we're just doing this over text and i was pissed because i was like we have so much respect for each other i've been seeing you for nine months you know like we are casual but like

i don't know he was like my fave so like i was just like i'm like why are you doing this over text but it's so true there i was seeing a guy i wasn't really seeing him it was like a weird situation but um we fought a lot and i always wanted to have the conversations in person because i fucking hate text i just hate text conversations period it just feels very juvenile and so I'd say like can I come over and we can chat and he'd be like you know that I don't like when you do this like like what do you need to chat about and I'm like well if I do this we're gonna do it over text so I'm just gonna wait until I come over so we can have a conversation no you know that I don't like that Amelia and so then I would let him know what I needed to talk about

and then he would just be like thanks that's all I needed to know and I'm like you couldn't just waited for me to come over and have this conversation with you so it's like trying to navigate just how much people want to know via text before the in-person conversation or if they just want to have it over text or if you just don't say anything and bomb them when you go to their house honestly i would say conversations no matter like it doesn't matter if they're hard to have i think they're like if they're hard to have because you're not seeing eye to eye some conversations are hard to have because like you really like them and you don't know how they feel yeah about you yeah so like it's not just because you're having a breakup but i think they're always

best handled um face to face so i think regardless of what you're talking about if you know it's going to be something that involves like big feelings you know it's going to be hard to have oh yeah because you don't know how the other person feels or is going to feel and you can't escape you can't you don't have time to think about what you want to say in response in person too so it's just like exactly you yeah you can't you can't like plan ahead what you're gonna say right you can't like send like you can't like draft it up in your notes send it to your girlfriend rearrange yeah exactly like okay what's the flow of this paragraph yeah exactly that's so true i just like i'm such a um like talking on the phone gives me anxiety because like i need

to see people's faces like i need to like feel the energy from people when i'm talking to them because it's like i don't know it like propels me forward in the conversation you know it's like how I progress is so determined by like how much I think they're engaged in the conversation like the body language that they're giving me like I kind of like adjust on the fly for that reason so if I can't like see how they're reacting or what their face looks like it's the same thing on text it's like you can't get tone on text like you I I'm so I have to talk about shit in person like I freak out when I can't so yeah I mean like I guess it's different when it's like ending something with someone though because like if you aren't that serious it's like can you meet

so we can talk and then you meet up and they're like why the fuck do we need to do this in person like we weren't that serious so it's like trying to find that middle ground of like when do we talk about things in person like when do we talk like I don't know I'm it's it's a puzzle I'm trying to solve I really don't know but I have that conversation a lot a lot of my girlfriends are like I don't really think I want to see them anymore whoever this is like like I don't know how to end it and it's like well like I don't know I guess you just like feel it when it's like something that's okay to end over to i don't know i do not know so i guess that the answer is it depends yeah which is which is hard the last time i was broken up with was over the phone

that's the worst how long we didn't have it it was shoe man what well he didn't live here oh i guess that makes sense but still i didn't realize it was over the phone that was the first time i bonded with you yeah it's during your breakup yeah amelia bonded with me was it when we went to winterfest it was we were watching a seahawks game in a bar and you were crying at the table and people were around you and i was like oh my god and it was like right before me and my ex broke up so like i knew like how hard that was like that's how that sadness i totally forgot about that and then i pretended i had to go to the bathroom so that i could follow you to the bathroom I was like oh no is she crying is everything okay talk to me

everybody leave the bathroom I need to talk to her and then I found you in the bathroom at Winterfest and drunk on the floor yeah you were sitting in the bathroom you're like I think I just threw up I yeah I don't remember I mean you and I just sat on the floor it's a mystery to this day that's not the first time that's you guys i drank a lot during that break well also like that breakup for me was like college part two like you know we i ended this relationship as i was moving to seattle like i had just gotten here he was supposed to move out here with me and changed his mind um and then like obviously i was devastated i was heartbroken but then also i was really excited because i'm in this brand new city there's so many hot guys here and they're all

like not all of them but so many of the boys here are woke as fuck guys it is so true it's nice being in a liberal bubble oh yes it has changed my life yeah i bet so um like just like being on the light rail and like being away from my ex like while we were still together like just being away from him and like walking around and seeing all these hot guys i my sex drive increased by a million just like not being around him which is crazy that's pretty that's a sign yeah that's a bit of a sign everyone else saw the signs before i did right i mean it's always like so much easier from the outside yeah it really is because when you're in it it's impossible to like you know that things are wrong but it's like but i have all this color that other people don't have which is true exactly

it's like people are only ever hearing the very very good and the very very bad of everyone's relationships so then like whenever you're like oh i want to be back together with them it's like but they were awful and it's like like no but there was like also really great stuff you're just hearing the really awful stuff because I need to vent you don't get it but like in that situation it really did sound like there was just like a lot of stuff that you were like because you loved him you were like willing to see past and it's so much easier from the outside to recognize that that's what's going on and in hindsight too because now you're like what the fuck well and then your brain does gymnastics to try and like hide the bad things yeah and I think

i've said this before but my friend who's wedding i'm gonna be in um well she was like yeah uh if you guys got engaged after you moved to seattle we were gonna have an intervention what i don't think you told me that oh okay right of she yeah holy shit can you imagine being sat down and be like this guy is not your literal fiance is not who you should be with i don't even know what i would do that'd be hard yeah be really hard i'm glad that we broke up and i started going to therapy yes i think the hardest part about going to therapy is like being aware of things in the moment because then you're like wait i can see this happening right now in front of me how do i handle this it's like the self-awareness is almost like a curse yep it's a blessing and a

it really is it's like fuck you get to save yourself a lot of trouble but you also are able to identify things like something small happens and you're like wait i'm annoyed and i want to be passive aggressive about this why do i even want to do that yeah this is completely unwarranted you have like a sit down chat with yourself yeah and then you're in your own head with your brow furrowed and you're just like hmm why do i feel this way i guess if i really have to make myself think about it i could go back to when my parents yes oh my god being able to dig into your oh my god that's the worst when you like trace it back and you're like god damn it this is totally because this is for my childhood yep and then it's like fuck now i gotta do work

get myself out of that headspace i know but it's like future you is gonna be like so lit i'm saying you not just you but like when you like future anyone future anyone when you're like able to like yeah when you're able to focus on you know the things that you have to like untangle from your past now it's gonna pay off in the future yep mm-hmm that's why I stopped dating oh yeah fun I'm I've decided to not be on oh my god I'm so excited for you thank you so much this is a huge step it is I realized I jumped into dating pretty quickly out of my relationship for multiple reasons that I will not get into but um most of it was distraction and it was good for what it was and now that I'm realizing like it's not fun anymore and like I don't want to be

distracted I want to be able to like work through like the trauma and sadness from that breakup which is gonna be hard it's gonna fucking suck because I'd rather not be sad but um same I need to just like take a little a little hiatus and like I still have I'm still seeing music man um casually he's like not trying to wife me up which hurts a little bit because he's fantastic I'm like are you sure you don't want to marry me like tomorrow because like I can get a dress no but like all jokes aside like it's nice to have you know somebody that I can still like hang out with and like have it be super casual but like I don't like it doesn't feel appropriate to be seeing people and have me be like I'm actually not looking for anything like I don't

know what you're looking for it's like unfair for them I don't want them to think that I'm just trying to like fuck you know so I think I need to do a little bit of time to myself I was also comparing everybody to my ex which is natural and normal and not fun nope fucking sucks so yeah I'm just gonna like I don't know how long it's gonna be like maybe it'll just be like two months three months i'm so excited for you thanks i my only advice is like there's gonna be like a point where you so i had done this where i was like i'm gonna intentionally not see anyone for at least six months yeah because our friend madison had also done that and she was like i really think you should do this and then i was like after i ended things with like the last guy i dated i was like

you know what fuck it I am I I'm a lot of faith I just yeah I was just like yep I'm just gonna take this time to myself but about like halfway through those six months I started to kind of feel panicked and I was like oh my god I'm like running out of time I have to go find someone that I want to marry and blah blah and then like after I was able there was some other shit that I'll talk about in the future that was going on during that time too that made me especially feel that way um and then I once I was able to like see my therapist we were able to work through it and then I continued to go on this path of not dating for like four more months five more months yeah yeah I mean yeah and it was great I don't I'm just there's always gonna be a hump where

you're like I have to rush I have to get back on dating apps I have to go find someone that's the thing it's like and then I did not I ended up not downloading any apps and staying on my path I went on like one date and I was like meh like I realized I was almost and I don't regret dating as much as I did at all like I learned so much about myself during that time it ended up being a great thing for me but I realized I was kind of like planning my life around what I thought my ex was doing you know what I mean like well if he's dating then like I have to date like I have to win and like I didn't realize that I was doing that at the time and now looking back on it it's like fuck my therapist was always saying like don't base your timeline around what he's doing

and I wouldn't even say that to her and I was always like you are like you're just making that up I'm like not doing that but I was 100% doing that and it was just like when you're not dating really just for you like that's the best time to just like stop because like I I can't compare my journey to what he's doing and I honestly don't know what he's doing so it's like what's the point of me trying to like match his energy that's inappropriate and it's juvenile and it was at the end of the day to make myself not so sad and that is the worst reason to date the distraction I think is good for a certain amount of time but it has to stop eventually yeah I'm worried about I've never felt like oh my god I have to find someone to date and like or I have

to find someone to marry like until recently like when I turned 27 I was like I'm getting to the point where I want to find a husband and I've never felt like that before yeah but I'm not emotionally ready to find my husband so it's like well I gotta put in a little bit of legwork to like love myself more than I think I've been treating myself like I do and it's hard to like you end up feeling that way like oh i need to find a husband because of so many other societal factors yes involved like oh my god and it's hard to not compare yourself to your peers you know we have peers getting married having kids and then you're like college part two you're like um should i be feeling that way because i don't is something

wrong because i don't feel that way yeah yeah and then you kind of panic yes because you're comparing yourself to other people and it's not and then finally yeah finally you're you're able to get to a point where you're like because even if you're like if you do try and like find someone to marry like eventually that's not gonna work yeah it's always gonna get to a point where you're like okay i can no longer sustain my life this way i need to change yeah my therapist and i always tell each other this um like i don't i obviously i don't give her this advice but she reminds me of it that i said this so many times she's like change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change amen because change is very painful it is it's hard

to write that on my mirror it's hard to reprogram your brain and change your behavior and your reactions so change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change yes i love that so much like i just like i'm still in love with my ex you can keep this in and i think that that's normal for people you know like you just because you break up with someone and even though it feels well-founded like i don't regret us breaking up like it's what needed to happen yeah um but and I am still in love with him and so like I I don't I couldn't in good faith get into a relationship with someone right now knowing that fact and so like I have so much like behind the scenes work to do before I'm able to like welcome that person into my life

whoever it is yeah so I don't know it's it's tough um I'm not looking forward to like having to call you at 3 a.m sobbing but like I am ready to do the work because like you're saying like staying the same and doing what I'm doing right now is too painful to not do anything about it so I don't know it's gonna be an interesting journey well and I think it's it's normal to still be in love with your ex because that breakup is still kind of frozen um because you put it you put dealing with the breakup on pause and obviously you've had like waves of it coming up and being painful to to face yeah but you've also like been dating and you said yourself like as a distraction yeah and when you do that like you do kind of put having to deal with a breakup on pause and I mean

I love that like you knew that you could not be in a relationship in good faith because I did the opposite where I did jump immediately into another relationship but everyone processes things differently and I mean I I didn't notice in the moment that I was kind of using this relationship as a transition to be able to be on my own um but I do hate that like I had kept so much to myself to try and keep the peace between our relationship to prove to myself that like I am lovable and I'm not the problem in a in a relationship yes and it ended up blindsiding him when i broke up with him because i wasn't being myself in that relationship yeah so i do feel bad about that because it kind of was at his expense and that's the thing is like i don't want to drag somebody down by me not being

what i need to be and it's interesting to hear you talk about that with with your relationship because that's a lot of what the comedian was to me and i didn't realize that but like him and i fell into something basically right away um and he knew that I wasn't wanting to be like a fitual with him or like committed and so like in the way that I wouldn't be dating anyone else but what he showed me and I didn't realize that this was the truth until after was that I like somebody else can love me which like it I know I'm gonna cry no it was it was tough to realize that because like of course other people are gonna love me yeah not like it wasn't just my my ex isn't the only person that's ever gonna fall in love with me are we both gonna start crying right now

i really don't want to because then i won't be able to stop um yeah do you want to jump into some merry fuck kill i have a good one oh i was actually thinking about it you're coming prepared i am well i don't want it because these are hard because we can't talk about like actual people yeah i think we're eventually probably going to have to and then just like have a disclaimer that we don't actually want them to die but um okay it's also hard because we watch different we consume different media so i'm like well what shows do we both watch so fuck mary kill buzz light year woody we're doing it mr potato head um uh it's been a while since i've seen toy story so i think i would fuck best light year okay and then i would marry woody interesting

based on my yeah your yeah recollection and kill mr potato head okay okay i'm just not attracted to mr potato head my whole thing about mr potato head is he is nuts about his wife that's such a good point he is such a dick but he loves mrs potato head i do love that so right like you're making a great case i might change my mind i would probably marry mr potato head that's so true i probably oh my oh my god I'd probably fuck Woody because he can like take control you know what I mean like he's the leader like I want him to tell me what to do okay but what about what about the Spanish Buzz Lightyear oh oh because Buzz Lightyear like when he got his settings flipped yeah he does love Jesse he does and Woody totally fucked it up with Bo Peep he did but I'm not trying to marry

woody you know what i mean like i'm trying like one night stand woody and with a name like woody it's you know what you've convinced me you've made me change my mind because i'm thinking about mr potato head being fucking stoked for mrs potato head and you're lying if you don't love when your man hypes you up oh yeah like one of your girls oh yeah he's so protective of mrs potato head like if i post a selfie he is going to respond like yes you look so fucking cute yeah right i'm so happy that you're my woman yeah and i want that everybody should have a mr potato head in their life i you you're so right you're so right i'm feeling good about that i've also had more time to think about it though i thought about it on my whole way over yeah so yeah i'm

feeling like that's probably my mind that's probably the answer i'd probably kill buzz i mean i really love it i think maybe i'd fuck buzz you'd fuck buzz yeah spanish buzz though okay should we wrap up yeah okay thanks for listening thanks guys you can follow us on instagram and twitter at the holy hour you can email us at holy hour podcast at gmail.com unless you're gonna make a fake ass email address yeah called just a non yeah oh my god you really cracked that code that person that we were talking about last week their their um email address is like a like kind of like a cryptic way of being anonymous yeah and i didn't realize and liz text me i didn't realize till either i didn't realize till later either when i was like actually like

looking at it and paying attention i honestly think the person who made the fake email address is the same person who made the twitter account to respond to me who is clearly someone from my high school it's fucking ridiculous and i was like damn it's been 10 years yeah you were really that affected by me yeah good for you i love that for me but they didn't even try to hide it like like they're just chatting no i think that they think they were slick i'm a dumbass i know i see they've tweeted recently okay anyways love you love you goodbye Thanks for watching!