The Hoely Hour - E152 Toot It Up, Cutie!

Episode Date: September 8, 2023

Liz and Amelia share listeners' boy math tips, and how every man is confident he can land a plane. Have you ever worn your underwear inside out because you haven’t done laundry yet? No me neither... that would be so gross... and Amelia has a big relationship announcement! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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big announcement. Oh my god, what is it gonna be? Me and Frank are now fart positive. You're fart positive? I farted in front of him yesterday. This is huge. Did it make a sound? Yeah. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sanson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour. I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sanson. And I'm on Instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com

how do i sound you sound beautiful thank you you always sound beautiful though me me me me stop i just love you i like these leggings thank you like i couldn't see your legs when you first walked in oh shit for those listening because this is a podcast so you're listening to it um but uh i'm wearing camouflage yoga pants because i came from the gym and you know what the thing about camo print as workout leggings your ass is gonna look good oh yeah i i don't know what it is it's always like every person looks so good in uh camo print yoga pants amen and i don't i don't know this needs to be studied for science purposes i wonder what it is maybe it's like the like something about the design makes like the maybe it's like a contour

kind of moment oh maybe that is that could be part of it and i don't like camo print but i like these leggings something about it screams racism yeah absolutely uh and y'all did that unless it's yoga pants then it screams i'm a hardo at the gym and i'm hot and i have a nice ass and if you're me then your ass is flat but it looks nice and in cargo print or in a camo print um i saw a tiktok where uh like a millennial you know she's our age a young millennial um talking about how denim trends last for like 10 years so 10 years ago is when like high-waisted pants became a thing you know yeah and she's like low-rise pants are not going away they're gonna stick this like is part of the trend because you know think about our moms when

they were wearing jeans they had the mom jeans and we thought it looked outdated yeah that's so fucking true now it's a trend so it's just another denim cycle and i just i'm not gonna wear low-rise jeans no fuck that i mean they i literally can't they're not flattering that yeah i've never been able to your ass will literally pop out i i have the highest butt crack in the history of butt correct honestly high-waisted like mid-waisted and high-waisted pants are the first like innovative type of pant that is actually like catering to women with butts you know yeah those are pants that are made for women with a butt I remember just like when low-rise skinny pants were all the range um and all of my girlfriends who had like you know an ass they were like

I hate jeans like shopping for jeans oh my god I can't find anything that fits me like my first breakdown at like while shopping was buying my first pair of jeans when I was in sixth grade I had to I was in um rock and roll revival the musical for um sixth grade oh and everybody had to wear jeans and so I had to go and get jeans for the first time will you tell me the premise of rock and roll revival there's literally no press there's no premise is it it's just like all the decades of music and there's no speaking in it you just like go i think it goes 40s through the early 2000s okay yeah no i remember the first time i ever cried while shopping was looking was looking for jeans yeah i was like my mom was like it's really frustrating i

understand but we have to do we have to find a pair and i fucking hated those jeans i wonder if i ever cried while shopping mine was more like did you ever call your mom a bitch and hollister that seems like that's girlhood can't say i have no i don't think you you don't seem like the type of person who's ever called her mom anything yeah nope yeah no i never i never had a phase oh i had many a phase oh i mean like i feel like that's like a teenage rite of passage yeah to be a little shit yeah that's some way every religion's bar mitzvah is calling your mom a bitch and a hollister i just think that's like such a universal experience is like dragging your mom to hollister which is arguably the worst store it's dark it and now those were like

hollister's heyday you know uh-huh where it's just cheaper abercrombie so that's where you're going and it's kind of scarier yeah it's so dark and that's when they were manually spraying clothes now they have a mister at the ceiling um that's if they're a store that abercrombie actually cares about like one that gets a lot of traffic it sprays automatically robots are taking your jobs yeah well because if they don't give a shit about your store you have to go around and spray it yourself and then they have a highly concentrated version of the cologne that is meant specifically to spray the clothes the rules used to be insane I'm just gonna tell all of Abercrombie's secrets honestly they're not really secrets but they had such detailed rules it was this massive binder

and um they just like you had to like spray every single item from like five inches away and then all of the hangers they needed to be like two fingers apart and then if it was a long sleeve thing and they were all hanging up next to each other you had to like tuck one of the sleeves in so it was like every other sleeve was poking out and then you had to scrunch that's why i would always get such like mean glares from people in in stores when i would like go through a pile and not absolutely it's like i just fucking did that pile if you got if you're if a retail person's ever rude to you after you've like been looking for a size or something it's because you just fucked up this stupid pile that their dumb manager is like this is important for some reason

and they just like board folded it i do have to say i am very good at folding because yeah of how long i worked at hollister and abercroft good skill to have yeah after i worked at american eagle i fucking loved folding piles for like a good like three years oh good for you i hated that shit yeah no it was just because it was my first job so i was like i worked at american eagle let me i can fold this pile myself like who gives a fuck amelia you know like keep that to yourself but i do feel like there's going to be those like lawyer ads in the future for like you know like asbestos inhalation oh there was already a lawsuit um like a while ago like a very long time ago a girl who worked at one of the stores got throat cancer from how often like they sprayed

the perfume jesus throat cancer yes the fuck is in that perfume acid i don't know holy shit so then they had to like change the cadence of how often they sprayed it and like that's why they have now it's six inches not five inches now it's just a machine well you would have to go around to every single room and spray every item of clothing every hour and then if you the two people in the front rooms they were like the most attractive people to greet everyone that's so fucked and hollister used to be called bettys and dudes instead of like girls and boys or men and women that's that's like so and they had a stupid ass progressive they had this dumb ass tagline that you would have to say and they would change the tagline sometimes so you had to say it every

time someone entered and then um there was another tagline for the people who worked at the register and then like if the stupid corporate people were there you had to say these dumb things and it's so loud that no one can hear you so i remember it was uh when i worked there in high school it was what's up welcome to the pier and people were like huh and you're like hey nothing what like hi i'm not repeating that fuck it sometimes we would fuck around and be like hey uh want to get a beer or something like that and people would be like huh and then you're like welcome to the pier damn corporate would have been all up in your ass oh yeah like whatever i don't know why i said it like we're fucking we're we're 18 year olds we're dicking around up in your ass i meant to say

corporate would be up your ass and i said all up in your ass all up in your ass let's get let's get a beer you 18 year old i hated that shit yeah everyone has to work a manager her name was Natalia oh that's a mean name manager the store manager was really nice her name was Sarah but that's a nice name the assistant manager Natalia one time yelled at me because I didn't answer the phone I was like my first week too I was like I didn't know I was like allowed to or supposed to answer the phone because at my last job I wasn't allowed to answer the phone it was like a last resort I would run to so then when I was a manager I would run to the phone yeah okay yeah well because it's usually you want the manager to answer because they're going to be the one that

has the answers yeah true because somebody's going to ask to speak to the manager anyway so you might as well cut out the middle man um anyways now i'm just trauma dumping my retail experience well it wasn't all bad we're here for you thank you i mean retail sucks my my retail manager um was he was so he could have sold the shirt off his back easily you know he was like born for that job and he was the most terrifying person i've ever met he was like so intense about american eagle his name was matt those type of people like thrive in that environment oh yeah because the rest of us are like i don't want to fucking work here yeah when i was there even as a manager i was like i don't want to be like a district manager you're right visiting stores

and telling people that they should be doing these things that i think are dumb yeah oh my god the district manager of um the american eagle that i worked at was so fucking serious about her job i was like we are just they're always the worst this is american eagle man i do have to say my district manager was amazing i loved her that's good she gifted me a plant when she promoted me oh that's right yeah i didn't realize that's like one of the best gifts i've ever gotten well just because the meaning behind it was so sweet so look at my snake plant speaking of which it's thriving back there oh my god i know look at how well it's doing you know what i'm gonna send a picture of that to mr liz because his snake plant is fighting for its fucking life

our friend i was like get it out of the sun has sarah she has a snake plant that has started like blooming flowers which is really rare and apparently like a good omen oh wow but some people are like oh i'm excited for her when they start like blooming it means that they're like trying to like repopulate because they think they're gonna die soon but like that's like i don't like thinking about shit that way okay it's a good omen and she's going to win the lottery yeah that's what that means thank you snake plant um everyone say a little prayer for your snake plant and then thank it yeah say thank you to your snake plant i whisper sweet nothings into my snake plants here uh my snake plant is like generally doing fine but it has one long leaf

that's always just like flopped over like how did you how did this happen a snake tile dysfunction zing sorry it took me a second to see your high five i almost put my hand down because i didn't deserve a high five i almost rescinded my no i'm always going to encourage um a corny joke you know corny that's the zest it's the zest of life hey there's nothing wrong with a corny joke and you know why because it always hits that's true it does even if it's a cheap laugh you're still like you know yeah light-hearted like it's silly a snake towel dysfunction i mean like i might be the first person to have ever said that you know what i mean you probably are i'm a trail blazer you should google it and then they'll be like no one's ever googled this before yeah they're

gonna be like we don't have anything to give you this isn't a real word and then somebody's gonna show up at my door and give me one million dollars yep a snake towel dysfunction that's how that works um shifting gears with zero segue um i almost texted you this last night but i was like i'm gonna tell her on the pod big announcement oh oh my god what is it gonna be me and frank are now fart positive you're fart positive i farted in front of him yesterday this is huge did it make a sound yeah so how it happened was you're like yes well no mine are just silent but deadly i would love for them to make a sound sometimes they do i but he was like i have to fart and i was like okay do it and then he did it and i was like should i do it and you just had one

in the chamber well yeah well so in the chamber he was like he always says when he's leaving my place he's like i'm gonna fart so much in my car and i was so last night i was like do it go ahead and then i and then i was like you know what i was gonna fart a lot when you left but like i'm maybe i'll do it right now and he was like do it and it took me my my butthole kept puckering because i was so nervous so when it came out it wasn't as loud as i thought it would be but it did make sound and then i started laughing so hard i was crying that's hilarious that's so funny i love that jumped on the bed like i had just told him i was pregnant he was like yes i was like crying i was so fun it was so funny but i was like i and i said in that moment through laugh

tears i can't wait to tell liz oh my god and then i decided and then i decided to tell you thank you for all of our angels am i the first one you've told yes this is an honor i mean i'm glad that we're all experiencing this together right now it's a big moment it took me four years with my ex and that's way too long you got to become fart positive immediately yeah we broke the wall and you know what i i'm i stand by that just because i got to experience it you know yeah it's so freeing because you're just you're gonna fart yeah that's that's life baby and especially if we're gonna live together one day yeah i'm not holding this shit in no literally um anytime i'm like uh i know i'm gonna fart and it's gonna be spicy

oh yeah um because you know i announced yeah you got a little it feels warm uh-huh that's how you know it's gonna be a hot one yeah why is that why is it warm that's a good question maybe though maybe the heat just carries why are my smelliest farts so warm maybe because heat rises so you know you're gonna smell it perhaps um but I always I'll always warn Mr. Liz like I have to fart and then he says um toot it up cutie that's or he'll say he'll either say toot it up cutie or like let her rip cutie that's really sweet I don't know why that's sweet but it is he's almost like excited and i think it's just because he knows that how many of his farts i've had to smell are just like such like disproportionately more than how often i've like farted or it's

smelled and he's been around and had to smell my farts are his farts like bad yeah like they like like they smell real bad oh absolutely why i some people i would love to know why there are times where I'm like we ate the same thing and this is like a healthy meal that should not be giving you gas like are you do you need to go to the hospital yeah I wonder why that I bet that there's an answer like a pretty quick answer online of like why some people just have really shitty farts yeah literally literally why do you have shitty farts and apparently I don't know if this is true but like when like when you have to poop it smells worse because there's just like it's passing through i believe that i guess it makes sense yeah physically like physics wise every

once in a while you know you're just gonna have a day like that where you're like i am ripping ass right now yeah there are some nights especially like at the end of my like weeks without shitting that like i my i like hot box my room like meows won't even sleep in there with me she's like nah sometimes we call it a baru because it sounds like that's so funny that's really funny or mr liz will fart and then i'll just say back to him these are all things that like i'm not noticing that we do these things until i'm telling you

right now that's really really funny oh my god um i think this is a good opportunity for us to talk about boy math fuck yeah uh you know farts boy math they just go hand in hand yeah um we had a few people tell us what they consider boy math i don't think i mentioned this last episode did we do boy math last episode yes we talk about it was last episode um mr liz thinks boy math is justifying gambling which i think is so fucking funny like because the more you think about it the more you're like that is so true like um things like sports betting or uh like fantasy football leagues and things like that um what else is is considered you would would you consider gambling that's a little more subtle like gambling with your life

damn gambling away your relationship yeah taking a gamble on that yeah being like you know do i need to meet her parents this weekend oh you know what the stock market oh that's that is more chill of a conversation than what i was about to start oh sorry nope that's good no don't be sorry thank you well i was trying to remember the things i had thought of previously after mr list said that and uh the stock market was one of the first things i i thought of because that is gambling and it is boy math bitcoin boy math oh bitcoin is absolutely boy math nfts boy math i know you don't play candy crush that's girl math i don't know where you're going with it but just justifying spending money on candy crush is girl math um but you spend money in

candy crush to get gold bars and when you cash those out no but when the guest was explaining cryptocurrency to me because i was like i don't understand this candy crush he was like do you spend money in candy crush and i'm like i play the fifth but if you do and you have gold bars the gold bars are technically cryptocurrency because it's like currency in a game oh that blew my fucking mind you can't cash it out though what about simoleons can i use the cheat code oh for sims simoleons i thought you said like i thought you were giving me some sort of like culture oh i was thinking samoans um and somali somalians yeah i did that it does sound like a marriage of those two words it does yeah um but unfortunately i just mean sims i yeah do you put

money into sims uh no okay well then i don't think that counts oh oh i get what you're saying because you have to spend real money to get those little like gold bars yeah oh and i'm just using the cheat code the the mother mother load oh mother load that's a good one and rosebud rosebud's a good one you know what i've always wondered if the rosebud cheat code is from um that one old movie with the sled that has rosebud on it do you know what i'm talking about sled dogs no it's like real old it's black and white sled dogs i was trying to think of a movie with the premise of sled dogs was that a disney movie yeah i think it had cuba gooding jr in it and uh he's like a dentist yeah but he like starts

racing dogs yeah what the fuck was that sled dogs i just told you it's sled dogs um okay uh so someone dm'd me i have a slightly different take on boy math whenever i buy something I think about how many hours I worked in order to buy it if I made $20 an hour and something was $20 I think about if that hour of work is worth the thing and I honestly I think that is good really smart yeah that's fiscally responsible yeah so um I like that yeah I am gonna have to adopt that boy math into my life because I think that's a really good way to think of like how you're spending your money totally I've like is this little dumb thing like worth how much time I worked yeah some days when like I don't do shit like at work but I'm like I have a

salary so I'm getting money I'm like so much less responsible with my money that day because I'm like oh I don't really do shit today so you know it's like but if I worked really hard I'm like so much more protective of my money you know what I mean but I mean on like stupid shit I'm not buying like Cartier bracelets you know on my days that I don't do shit but like I'll be like I'm gonna get Uber Eats because I didn't really work hard for this money today and which is that's a little treat I'm just gonna keep treating myself Amelia math and I don't recommend it um Mr. Liz set up a budget for me um that's so nice I know I loved it and that might sound weird to some people um I was recently just like lamenting to him about how I feel kind of stretched financially

right now and um he like the next day he was like so uh i put together a budget for you i just also kind of guessed because i wasn't sure what your monthly income is and then he like laid it all out and included like my car payment and my student loans and just like things like that and then he was like so then this is how much you'd have left at the end of the month and like when you know that's how much you're gonna have then maybe you'll just um you know be more picky about what you decide to spend money on and i was like that is a good way to think about it that's so i really appreciated it and i was like thank you so much i like i love this and then he was like really and i was like yeah why would it like this is so thoughtful you know you took the time to do this

such a labor of love yeah and then he was like i thought you were gonna be mad at me because it could be like insulting yeah yeah but like buying someone a vacuum for i'm not gonna sit here and be like oh i'm i feel pressed for money right now and then not take that favor yeah and be like fuck you totally for thinking about the things that i am struggling with money like thinking about money the older we get like i was just telling liz that like i just hadn't checked my bank account for a while and like was declined when i went to go pay for something because i just like hadn't like allocated my money right and it like sent me into a fucking tailspin last night i just went through and canceled like so many subscriptions i got rocket money this is

gonna sound like an ad but it's so smart rocket money will tell you what subscriptions you have because it's so easy to forget i should do that it puts all of your subscriptions into one place and then you can cancel them through rocket money they'll like cancel it for you yeah you can hit cancel like how you can press the unsubscribe button in your inbox on apple and it'll unsubscribe yeah but not for everything why is that i don't know okay sorry i don't know about technology sorry it was the black shirt i was like yeah oh yeah it's not a turtleneck though my steve jobs drag yeah and i mean that which is just elizabeth respectfully drag yes the original girl boss um sorry i just had a brain fart because i had a thought that i was like oh i wanted to talk

about this oh i remember what i was gonna say perfect you just went through an adventure yes i just went through an adventure in my mind to find this thought a little off topic but i recently listened to this podcast it's called infamous and i listened to a few different like series they'll do like five or six episodes on one specific thing um and the one i had listened to most recently was nexium and it was about the inner circle of nexium um because honestly i didn't really know much about nexium i wasn't really paying attention when that was going on i was just like oh crazy cult yeah but i didn't like read any of the details you should watch the vow it's a really good docuseries i probably will

because i was just like what and this journalist like was able to interview um what's his name keith ranieri uh was able to interview keith ranieri before like all this shit blew up in his face and um just listening to him talk to her first you hear all of these women who are like keith is so brilliant and he like taught me so much and blah blah blah and then you're like okay I need to meet this fucking guy so then you're finally listening to him he sounds like every stupid bro you've ever met in your entire life I'm like nothing you're saying one makes any sense and two you just sound like a dick you know he just sounds like so self-important and I'm like how does any how did anyone listen to you and think like this man is brilliant he just sounds

like he's full of shit and then I realized I was like he sounds like every fucking CEO that I've met i've met like one normal ceo in my life you know have you have you met like ceos and you're like you are just like so wildly out of touch with reality and like you're not a real person i just haven't met very many ceos or even just executives oh i mean yeah yeah you're just like and that is something that i've been so upset about lately when i think about working and capitalism like you're at your job and you know it's likely that you do know how to do your job and you're probably fine at it yeah just anybody yeah you specifically yeah and then you hear like some executive talk or like a ceo or someone in the c-suite talking

and you're like what even are you actually fucking saying like what is going on in your head that you're like this makes sense they just say things like synergy you know yeah i don't even think they know their brains are just so broken i think they like believe themselves though oh well because i mean they surrounded themselves with yes men i was about to say that nobody's around them telling them that they're wrong yeah like that they don't make any sense people are just like whatever you say about um i had a job interview and uh one of the people i met was a ceo and he was like such an asshole yeah they tend to be and um i honestly you have to be a bit of a narcissist to one be the creator of a cult and to be a ceo oh okay so someone wrote into us and

um they're corroborating what mr liz said examples of boy math if you place a futures bet and cash out early for less than what the bet was that's free money if you have drinks at one bar and then go to another bar you are back at zero drinks for the night not driving not for driving purposes drunk driving is an epidemic thank you um any net worth ten dollars or less doesn't count as gambling also if you place a ten dollar parlay with odds of one thousand plus one thousand or no ten thousand or more it's never a bad decision because it's essentially a lottery ticket with better odds if you buy into a fantasy league then nfl sunday tickets uh ticket is a necessary investment and can be written off your taxes is that true i don't know um but if you make money

doing if you eventually make money doing it then yeah you could probably write it off on your taxes that's pretty uh i think this is really funny uh because it it is just uh saying the same thing that mr low said yeah justifying gambling yeah that's so true and like all of these kind of almost don't make sense but like they make sense which is which is what girl boy and girl girl boy girl and boy math girl and boy math really are um good morning ladies good morning uh been thinking about boy math thought i'd bring some to the table hope this all makes sense i'm in key west for the celebration of life of our patron saint of good vibes jimmy buffett hope you are doing well in these sad times he's enjoying that cheeseburger in paradise in the

sky wait side note i might have said this on the podcast but i thought cheeseburger in paradise did i say did i tell you this i don't know until literally like two months ago i thought cheeseburger in paradise was about a literal cheeseburger like like alive like enjoying paradise like a cheeseburger in paradise i get what you're saying not a guy enjoying his cheeseburger in paradise it was like the cheeseburger itself with eyes and like a fedora like a puppet yeah like enjoying a pina colada i can see him right now i lived my whole life thinking that it was you know what i hope that cheeseburger is with him in paradise they're probably living it up i they're they're living the dream r.i.p uh the margaritaville in the sky

um anyways uh flight at 8 a.m gotta be at the airport by six so we should probably wake up at three in case there is traffic or some other apparently unreasonable timeline for appointment arrival okay you know what's interesting though about that is every guy i know point air appointment sorry that's that's smart oh i like that you know every guy that i know it really always cuts it way too close at the airport they want to like walk through security directly onto the plane yeah um mr liz would never and neither would my dad really um every man I've ever traveled with is the most stressed person I've met and it doesn't matter how early we're there or even if our flight was delayed they are in a rush damn to get to the gate and

look at it and make sure it's there god we're like in the upside down in the Samson family my dad if we spend too much time at the airport he's stressed out like if we get the airport is like the most stressful place that's why he doesn't want to spend time there yeah and he just he just wants to walk through security directly onto the plane my dad no never interesting we are leaving three hours early wow for any given reason i've lived a different experience and that's ironic because my dad does this thing chronically like he's done it my entire life where we are leaving he's yelling at everyone that we need to leave and then we all get in the car and then he's the last one to get in the fucking car because he's doing i don't know inside like we don't know

what he's doing we're like what the fuck you just like yelled at all of us and rallied us into the car and then now you're the one fucking around and then i'll lock the door and i'll be like wait i forgot to do this thing and then i'll go back in and then you're like are we going to leave yeah it's like what have you been doing this whole time and then you stop in the garage fridge and be like do you guys want a sparkling water you know what else is um boy math i think it you know it might be dad math um just like freaking out over the thermostat oh yeah yeah nobody gets to touch the thermostat yeah yeah well your dad did that no my dad my dad was just such a chill man growing up like he was just kind of like i don't give a fuck wow okay back to back to boy math uh how many days

in a row can i wear the same pants three to seven days depending on activity how many pairs of socks and underwear do i need to own to minimize laundry days wow honestly that is i think something we all like to consider and struggle with yeah like i would like to have one million pairs of underwear because i'm sick of doing this shit you can wear them inside out yeah when they can i have done that have you oh yeah desperate times call for desperate measures yeah i guess on vacations you know sometimes you just gotta wear your underwear inside out and that's the life of a busy woman okay damn and yeah it's gross maybe no in-unit washer dryer too yeah if you don't have in-unit washer dryer and then there's a coin shortage and you have to fucking fight off a bunch of people

for some quarters just so you can have clean underwear do we ever know where all the coins were during the coin shortage where were they were they in people's piggy banks is that why i still don't understand and you know what this is also how i feel about money i'm like do we just find it why can't we make more it's virtual are we still in a coin shortage i don't even know can someone who knows about money some finance person please explain money to us it's just oh it will remain a mystery our questions are what why first of all why can't we just make more money for people yeah print more and we don't need to tell anyone men love talking about why you can't print more money that's boy math no and

it's all virtual like your banking and shit just add a couple zeros in there yeah apparently it's because it like lowers the um the value of money if there's just more of it i think uh that's stupid i agree why don't we just decide that that's you know what diamonds aren't exactly rare no but they're sought after nothing exists we're just floating on a rock in space we make money has the value that you gave it steal yeah it's steal things anyways someone tell us where all the the coins went during the coin shortage thank you where were they tia if you don't take advantage of bulk discounts you're losing money even if you live alone example i haven't bought paper towels in a year because of costco related if i buy all this stuff in bulk every couple of months i'm

saving money because i'm not buying it every month even though it would probably come out the same i was gonna say the same thing after i read the one before i was like oh my god like i always feel like i'm like saving so much fucking money when you're buying in bulk that one time yeah like months later i'm like oh my god i'm like being so fiscally responsible my thing is i think it's a pain in the ass to go buy that shit multiple times you just had two toilet paper puns in that one sentence that was so fun i just a pain in the ass to be buying all that shit yeah it will am i wrong though that's fun no i have um my toilet paper delivered to me i do too it's kind of it's embarrassing buying toilet paper it's like it's so funny because it's like

everybody needs it just have it on reorder yeah but everybody needs it whenever i buy toilet paper in a store i feel so embarrassed because they don't put it into a bag because it's too big so then you walk out of the store holding so much toilet paper like you live in a bathroom that's not anything that i would ever think of yeah no every time i go to my car with toilet paper i'm like everybody knows that i'm about to shit my brains out everybody knows i'm going poop yeah everyone knows i go to the bathroom oh my god i'm so much less fuckable now not true no um everybody how many people on this airplane probably know how to fly a plane slash where am i in the line of succession for having to land the plane if the flight attendant

were to ask i've never thought about that but now i will i totally feel like that's a guy thought yeah that's so funny i could probably land a plane i you know what i want to know like i sincerely believe like if you just ask a group of men like do you think you could land a plane they would confidently be like yeah i could it can't be that hard i'm gonna ask frank when he walks it frank's gonna be here soon and i'm gonna ask him like do you think if you needed to you could land a plane yeah he also wanted to be a pilot for a hot sec oh then maybe i don't know if he actually ever learned it'll be interesting um and then the last one is could i touch that door frame can i jump over that obstacle how tall is that basically a lot of useless estimations

hi cutie hello we have a question for you what's the question if if there was um or i'm gonna have to repeat your answer because they won't be able to hear you but if if you needed to land an airplane would you be able to if you had to i was just watching videos on passengers being talked through it so yeah oh what kind of plane are we talking about like a 747 i think i can figure it out he says he thinks he could figure it out he just watched a video of people being talked through how to land a plane i think every man thinks he could land a plane which is what we were just talking about yeah it's cute um it's that's that's boy math um so we have two uh things in

what's it called the media i don't know what's it called when something's trending i should know this culture yeah we have two pop culture moments except they're not really like they don't involve celebrities um did you see the shoe thing oh my god maybe i don't know the tabby shoes no oh my god oh i get to tell you something this is so exciting okay so um the listeners might have already heard this story and seen it so this woman goes on um a first date that she with this guy she met on tinder whatever and it goes well enough that she wants a second date so they have the second date and they're vibing and then he goes home with her and then the next day um he's like oh i i made this like playlist i have to share i have to share it with you like

give me your phone i'll find it and then um he's like i can't find it like um i'll send it to you when i can find it and then he's on his merry way and then she realizes her tabby shoes are missing have you seen these shoes no it's spelled t-a-b-i and they look like literal hooves like oh like an animal hoof okay a camel toe don't like that your toe has a camel toe don't like it um i need to show them to you because i need you to see what these shoes look like did he steal them yes so he uh she's like what the fuck i think this guy stole my shoes so then she goes through her phone she like gets her phone and she she gets her phone and their conversation is gone like he deleted their text conversation he deleted his number and then he unmatched her and blocked

her on tinder so she can't find him and she's like what the fuck so then she posts about it on tiktok and shares a picture she has screenshots of the guy's profile and these are the shoes oh my god they're so ugly those are so ugly they're like mary jane horse hooves they're they're they're really ugly you guys and they're like a thousand dollars of no yeah what yeah why to me this is fuck you fashion this is like oh yeah they're so ugly and we know it but um this is also a signifier of money of having money it's kind of like golden goose shoes they look like they truly look like a camel they're honestly hilarious so she posts this tiktok share screenshots of this guy tells the story whatever and obviously tiktok being

tiktok is like this guy stole her fucking shoes that's insane and they're like this luxury brand pair of shoes so they are able to track this guy down and um he obviously lied about his name uh and he has a girlfriend and he gave the shoes to his girlfriend and someone sends this girl a screenshot of the girlfriend wearing her fucking shoes so she's like he he finally like gets a hold of her and he's like sorry you know but i didn't steal your shoes and she's like yes you fucking did you did steal my shoes and then she sends him well for a second she's like maybe i'm crazy because he's like i i would never do something like that that's not like me and then he's like bargaining with her he's like can i like get pay you like five hundred

dollars or something and she's like no because an innocent person wouldn't offer to give me money yeah they didn't steal my shoes right so then she's like just give me my fucking shoes back and then she sends him the screenshot of his girlfriend wearing the shoes and then he's like fine you caught me what and then like finally gives the shoes back was this the long game just to find a girl that has these shoes so that he could get them for his girlfriend you know what i was like thinking about this last night like i wonder i i wonder what this whole story is like what if they're in an open relationship and their whole thing is that they like go fuck other people so they can steal from them oh and steal shit for each other babe

i'm just kidding i don't want that that's crazy is it is it like kind of fun though it's a fun story it is a fun story i'm glad that she's rid of those shoes though honestly i can't believe that he did her a favor he fucking gave the shoes to his girlfriend that's that he hates both of them oh yeah nobody those you don't give someone those shoes if you love them sprinkle sprinkle and if you know you know about sprinkle sprinkle lady like she's crazy but she's right if that's what you're looking for if you're like fuck it i'm just gonna date this guy because i only care about having nice things then like do you just don't lie about it you know so maybe that's what they're doing yeah both of them are trying to secure the bag they might be starting

a whole movement or maybe this movement's existed it could be i don't know this is just the first one to get caught maybe we're giving people ideas right now just to be in an open relationship and fuck people so you can steal from them so you can steal their ugly fucking shoes i wonder what goes into that research of like if they have like luxury name brand like clothes and accessories and shit because if someone came home with me and saw my stuff they'd be really disappointed so i'd be like oh yeah um i got that at crossroads and it's just like a she in top or something right yeah but damn yeah maybe they scope out people that um like have high paying jobs and date them that way yeah i wonder how you would do that well because if their salary is not

shared yeah honestly anyone can really lie about anything and that's how you become both a cult leader and a ceo fuck that was a good callback what is a cult leader if not a ceo fuck bass dog thanks this weekend uh mr liz uh came and met up with us while like a bunch of us were getting drinks and amelia was doing her like stoner douchebag guy impression that i think is so funny and then she did like the ice in my veins thing and he thought that was the funniest thing ever oh that's why he's been doing it oh yeah he thought it was so fucking funny that you did that I don't even remember doing that I was like why is Liz telling me that he's been doing this ice in my veins thing

yeah I didn't remember that until he reminded me that's well because so many other things happened that night and you know I was four drinks deep yeah right exactly I don't that was just like a piece of the day that's so funny yeah so then Amelia did the ice in my veins and then he kept asking me to do it i was like oh that's right wow i'm an influencer above all else yeah you're influencing my boyfriend on a trend that is like very old at least two years old i'm gonna teach him dabbing next yeah ice in my veins what is it really oh really damn he knows the origins the more you know you're not um then the other tiktok before we wrap the other tiktok was similarly this guy had like just went on this date with this girl and then it just like whatever

didn't work it wasn't like a good date he like was kind of an asshole whatever yeah she said like the entire time they were hanging out he was just a jerk yeah and then she found out later his girlfriend found her and was like hey like we've like me and this guy that you went on a date with have been dating for a while like what's the what's the deal and so this girl like told her everything because she's a girl's girl she was like here's everything sorry i didn't know and then she got a message from the girlfriend that was like um like it's one thing to hate him but it's another to like make up a whole story like what's your fucking problem and the girl that was telling the story was like what like what the fuck are you talking about and her boyfriend had staged

a whole fake call the effort that went into gaslighting his girlfriend is insane yeah he so this is what he did he was like he texted this girl at some point and was like mind your own business why would you tell my girlfriend this and then she's like you're an asshole whatever and then he stages this whole thing where he saves someone someone else saves their name as the main girl's phone number which is evil evil genius i was like damn that is yeah you're another level of manipulative yeah that is that takes some serious like shitty inner being to like think of something like that um and then he films this phone call with this number it's so it's some girl who agreed to this and then he's like hey why would you like tell my girlfriend that blah blah

blah and she's like well i just wanted you to be in trouble or like i wanted to get you back for not wanting to date me yeah and like we were together as a group why did you tell her that it was just you and i and it's like because i figured that would make her more mad like he like answered all of the questions that she had about it through this phone call wrote this script and also who is this fucking girl agreeing to this yeah you're a shitty girl i want you to know that you'll never hear this or see this but maybe he like cast her as like a voice actor maybe it was like oh my god yeah he's just paying this bitch on fiverr to he could be cheat on his girlfriend so then he sends this video to his girlfriend and then the girlfriend sends the video to our

main girl and she's like you've talked to me on the phone you know that's not my voice this girl's a very distinct voice yeah and she's like that's not me and then they are able to figure out that he saved like someone's name as her number yeah exactly yeah and then the girlfriend is no longer with him yeah he ended up admitting to staging the call which is wild to like go through all that and then and then like take the l well and why for what like if you're cheating on your girlfriend you obviously one don't like her two don't respect her like yeah nobody why are you with her nobody's forcing you to be in a relationship like it's well and it's like they don't want to be with that person but then they don't want that person to be with anybody

else yeah right that is some narcissistic bullshit yeah there are too many dudes who are actually like that that's boy math that is boy math being like i'm gonna put all this time and effort into this thing that doesn't matter and hurts people when i could be putting this time and effort and thought into something that is cool and interesting and good or at least like neutral yeah um it just makes me think about all of the people who like commit these uh pyramid scheme fraud it happens all the time where people are just like uh hey i want you to invest in my new company and then they lie about whatever it is and then they have these people people investing in it and then they're just spending the money

and then the more investors they get they pay back the other investors ponzi scheme it's yeah it's going to fall apart so like instead of doing the thing you're you're saying you're gonna do you're just like doing all this extra work yeah if you were putting the same effort into doing the thing that you said you were doing then like you'd be fine right who's that kid that just doesn't make sense that just went to jail for all this shit the jew oh oh oh um sam sam sam bank been freed yeah sbf sbf i was telling you about him and his weird sex cult yeah on the island yes with that specific type of girl you know what yes what is up with all these rich men in like sex islands i don't know i think it's because they're so undesirable that they have to

yeah yeah they have to desert someone on an island in order to get laid so weird um a common thread shall we yeah this has been all over the place it has but it'll be an interesting edit hopefully it's a pretty easy edit i hope so this will i mean and i don't i guess there was some dating tied into this we retold the stories of these two weird ass dudes putting in a lot of effort yeah to ultimately flop what else have we talked about boy math again uh my trauma from working at Abercrombie and Hollister um that we're fart positive now oh yeah congratulations it's a big deal it's a big step in a relationship I told the story it's pretty serious it was pretty beautiful that moment um anyway do you want to play us out do I want to play us out I robbed

do you have it last time so it robs me of it that was such a treat we love you are children i was like do i go higher but then you came in with the high note let's definitely start an acapella group well i are we not already in one a two-person