The Hoely Hour - E153 I Don't Want My Forehead To Move

Episode Date: September 15, 2023

Well, this was supposed to be a mailbag episode until Amelia brought up the fact that Reddit has been having a field day with an innocuous video she made about Botox, which kicks off an important discussion about holding space for nuance and letting people make their own decisions. This episode is also 90% Amelia saying “whoa” about a point Liz makes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

like how did you know she sent me a video it was a trumpkin yeah it's a pumpkin that it just has a face and it kind of looks like trump um it wasn't and it's not like you know home goods or marshals or something and um it's like a voiceover and it's like excuse me i need you to kill me i was turned into a pumpkin by uh crooked hillary the wicked witch of nantucket i'm only 14.99 welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com

slash the holy hour check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com wow we have everyone here today the gang's all here we got Amelia and then in between Amelia and I we have grandpa who is sitting so nicely for the camera and then Gatsby just climbed into my lap this is the best day of my life we're all here honestly i can't imagine a better day than grandpa's going he's like i have to say for such a large cat he is pretty agile yeah i mean he has to be he would knock everything over in here you would think when he's jumping into your lap like it's gonna be dense but he's very like light on his feet i mean like and he almost levitates when

he jumps up he floats like a butterfly stings like a bee he's got those norwegian forest cat kitty anyways we're we're gonna do muhammad kitty anyway what were you about to say sorry i was trying to think of if there was like an even more intense way we could combine those words muhammad ali meow hamid kitty that's it we landed on it yeah oh we're doing a mailbag episode yeah but i had a conversation that i wanted to have before we jump into i also have like a couple ideas too but those can wait for after the mailbags now i'm excited a couple ideas that can wait oh my god it's like christmas they're just thoughts that i've had you know sometimes you

write down your pod thoughts oh yeah i have a whole note going um last night i was absolutely zooted just like mentally preparing for the week you know how that is i do where you're just like catatonic and like have like the sense of dread for no real reason yeah i'm like oh well i i'm not like afraid of my job you know like it's not stressful yeah and i know what i'm doing so but it's still like you know what's I know what's coming as well you're on someone else's time yeah and that feels stressful yeah um anyways and I was high as fuck and then I just realized that my intense sensitivity is a gift damn and I was thinking that well I'm also about to start my period so I'm especially like emotional which I hate that like a stereotype but it's literally

like the day before i'm just like it's also not a stereotype i mean there's like so many things going on in your body you know we've also talked about this like uh women with adhd are more likely to have um pmdd uh which is like a type of dysphoria at some point like yeah anyways i was like crying about just being sensitive and then i was also crying about that's so mad um i was also crying about uh like how happy i was and then i was crying about just just thinking about the book big cat little cat um oh and then and mr liz also was teasing me he didn't see my eyes water up though he was like uh teasing me about how i cry every time i read big cat little cat even though it's a children's book and it's like 10 pages um and he said one of the lines

from the book and then i was like i need to remove myself did you know that you were crying no that's really really funny uh and then i also cried about this sounds cathartic it was i needed a big cry yeah um i also cried about uh the bench that says we were girls together like to my god to my best friend janice from judy we were girls together and i was like if you if you've seen that quote and that bench oh my god we were girls together that is so what the fuck man big that's the only way i know how to describe it it's such a big feeling what the fuck damn you you had you went through a lot yesterday so many good for you so many high thoughts sensitivity you going back to that you crying about how sensitive you are sensitivity is such a strength yeah it's so

dope like meeting someone who's just like i was reading about it and it was like people were saying like i because i was like how can i be less sensitive i want to like i want to feel a little bit less and then someone i was reading just like reddit forums and someone was like well people who are highly sensitive also experience awe more and that made me cry as well i was like that's so beautiful that I get to have like this big like moving experiences often in my life yeah you know yeah it's amazing and then what else did I realize um well when you're like a very sensitive person like you're going to be the type of person who wants like the best outcome so you're always like thinking of how someone else might feel does that make sense absolutely and I'm not gonna be that

person who's like i never put myself first and that's why i'm drained i think that's bullshit no yeah i agree like you can you can take care of yourself while also like being good to other people yeah but um i think i was like trying to figure out how to be less sensitive because like um i like the news and stuff like those types of things just can really overwhelm me really quickly there's this new docu-series on netflix that um goes to blue zones this reporter is going to blue zones have you heard about these no what are blues they're like cities that have a really high number of people over 100 years old and he's like asking people like why they think that that area like has people that live for so long and one of the answers

no well it's interesting because every culture has a different answer and there was um a place in i think it was like a little town in okinawa in japan that was saying that they are able to stay they they think they attribute their like long life to only stressing about things that they can control so they like don't watch the news and i thought it was interesting because when you think about like American culture when people are like oh it's such a privilege like a privilege to be able to step away from the news you know like and that's true but also then there are cultures in the world that are like why would I burden myself with things that I can't change so they just like worry about the day-to-day in their own life and they attribute their long lives to that and I

thought it was interesting I mean yeah you're like significantly less stressed yeah and if they don't uh if they're not like doing the american grind where now i'm gonna get philosophical um i saw something that is like uh people we we we don't we're stuck doing jobs that we like that aren't helping people you know because it's capitalism and so we don't respect the money that we earned and then we go and like spend it on shit that we think is going to make us feel better about the work that we've done and the cycle continues you know and that's like when you get things like people doing these sheehan hauls and god um just like being susceptible to marketing and being like if i do this thing or if i have this thing or if i have this skincare routine

is going to like solve all my problems so if they're not working in a capacity where it's just so um individualist yeah then it probably goes back to you saying community too yeah i mean i do know for a fact that like having a community that takes care of each other just be for the sake of taking care of each other you know yeah um those are the people who are the happiest and yeah the longest it makes sense everyone's looking out for each and now we're like we live in a we live in a society um no we live just in like the the present time that we live in is so individualist because we're also like just being worked to the fucking bone you are so exhausted at the end of your day working these like ridiculous hours where you're underpaid um and underappreciated

to the point where you don't have the energy to go be part of a community yeah and you don't have the the energy to do anything other than want to be like i'm gonna spend my money on this bag yeah totally yeah it's it's a conundrum because then you're like well i don't want to be living this life but then you only have so much control you can't like go back in time and like undo capitalism right but we are watching capitalism fail in front of our faces right now because if all of these billionaires have all the money then like none of us have any money to spend so then what there i saw a conspiracy that like billionaires are trying to hoard as much wealth right now before capitalism collapses and like the us regular people like revolt against them

damn there's more of us than there are of them there's also more of us than there are of our like militarized police force yeah i think they have all of the weapons i i know i think that the militarized police force wasn't a mistake because this was inevitably going to happen fuck liz you're spitting fat liz smoked a little bit of weed earlier i'm not high anymore well it's still honestly when i'm high sometimes i'm just like basically useless really yeah the shit that you say to me when you're high i'm like she's on some big brain shit right now i'll get texts from liz and i'm like how high are you right now she's like yes that's how high that's how high i am or i'll send her a tiktok and she's like how high are you right now oh my god you and mr liz

say that to me all the time they're like how i'm like i'm dying laughing at this and they're like how high are you so my my uh my top my topic for conversation before we dive into the old mailbag yeah now that we're 16 minutes in the old mailbag arena i don't care talk your shit girl thanks um is how how do you feel about i'm gonna ask the question and then i'm going to tell you the context how do you feel about setting your friends up with other others of your setting your friends up together like it's a dangerous game okay so here's here's my thing I'm editing this week so I'll just remember to cut I would only set them up if I really really thought sincerely that they would like each other uh-huh okay and if they're mature enough to accept if

something doesn't work out right so that's so this is my whole thing it's like these two people that i have in mind right now are both very good people and very mature that if something happened i would i wouldn't feel like i needed to like choose sides you know or like couldn't talk about either of them because neither of them had come up in conversation to the other one until we had this conversation yesterday you know um but it's still risky because it's like if you set like you only it's like not really knowing someone until you live with them it's the same kind of thing with like you don't really know someone until you date them like what if you like set two people up that you think that you know really well and then one of them hurts the other one real bad like

you're tied to that you know it's like referring someone to a job that oh my god yeah you know what i mean that is personal to me oh god oh no yeah i mean it's oh see that's why it's a gamble yeah it's risky it like totally depends on like the type of friends that you keep and it depends on like their own emotional maturity because if they don't like each other and don't hit it off that's like not a big deal but if they do like each other and start to hit it off now you've up into can of worms and then something like happens yeah so here's here's the context um i was hanging out with one of my guy friends yesterday and i'll tell you the names after i tell the story okay so that i can just like cut it out easily but i was hanging with one of my

guy friends yesterday and we were just like talking about dating and i had suggested to him like one of my friends i was like oh i really want you to meet so and so like i think you guys would get along really well and he was like i saw you posted a girl he was either on your story or on your feed you were like sitting at a restaurant and i was like i have no idea who the fuck you're talking about like i'm sitting at restaurants with so many of my friends i don't sit anywhere else she really does she's sitting at restaurants with her friends hard pretty often i sit at i that's she i prefer my butt to be in a restaurant chair she's a butterfly you know you can't hold her back she's gotta you gotta let me fly she's gotta be with her girls she's gotta be with her

back i have to i have to dress up kind of cute and have like a cute drink so you're like i'm not sure which one of my hot friends you're talking i was like all my friends are beautiful um you're gonna need to give me a little bit more to work with and so he finds the picture and i was like oh my god this couple would make so much fucking sense for so many reasons and i got so fucking hyped about it and i love both of them so much but then i was thinking there are so many ways that it could go wrong just like things that are just out of anyone's control you know because you have to have like two people that like you know like any relationship it's amazing to me that any relationship ever works out really because you have two adults but like how much better

would it be if they met through you versus like an app on an app I mean even though we both met our boyfriends on an app but nobody likes to like it but whenever I ask people how'd you meet they're always like bumble you know like nobody likes to admit it yeah I think it's a common thing I mean I the the good thing about apps is there's like you can meet such great people that there is like literally no way you guys would have crossed paths because I was talking to Mr. Liz about this when we were hanging out with a couple friends this weekend and I was like I don't think we would have crossed paths and he's like well we could have at um this bar that we would go to each of us would go to sometimes it's not like we were frequently there and i was like okay well let's

say we were there at the same time would you have come up and talk to me he was like no yeah frank and i was like see frank and i were in we're at the same seahawks game in the same zone he was like two rows away from me he was like two rows behind me at the same game and so it's like you could cross paths with someone he was two rows behind you at the same game what year last year that's insane yeah when i went with my god do you have a selfie and he's like in the background no but well i have a selfie and i have like i have pictures from the game and so when we like really started hanging out he was like when i was looking at your instagram i note like that was the panthers game and i was like yeah and he was like i was a few rows behind you plot twist

he's been planning us since then oh my god it's like joe from you uh-huh god i would be heartbroken that would be so scary well at what point are you like what if he was like joe from you but like not not a killer yeah sorry if you haven't seen you yet that's kind of like the whole plot of it though you know i think i mean anybody that goes through any sort of like effort to get my attention i'm into that even if it's like maybe a little bit of like a concerning amount of effort anyways i don't think that's it but no it's definitely not but that would be that would be a plot twist we just needed to pontificate yeah oh good i don't know is that a real word yes and that was the correct

use of it pontificate well i'm it was kind of the correct use of the word pontificating is kind of like i'm pretty sure it's like um you're bragging you're thinking about a thing oh pontificate oh did i use it incorrectly no i think you might have used it right but i always thought maybe yeah look it up i could have used it incorrectly i only know it from a say anything song because to me it sounds like ponder yeah you're thinking about something right yeah yeah yeah no i think it's pontificating pontific what's the root of that pont to express one's opinions in a way considered annoyingly pompous and dogmatic so i did use it incorrectly or maybe we were being annoyingly pompous who's to say yeah i mean everyone i'm sure we are being annoyingly pompous

to some people to a subset of people whatever you know what and that subset of people are real upset that you have gotten botox and talk about it publicly i was just about to say that y'all oh my god i need to address i need to address these people on your behalf because of course i love you and like we're best friends so of course i'm gonna be like fuck off yeah but regard i was thinking about this regardless I would be equally as annoyed because Amelia made what I would say is a very obvious joke to make about Botox where like when you mention you get it and people are like you don't need Botox and you're like oh it must be working yeah like you think that because it's working and so she posted this on TikTok and then reposted it to Instagram because that's what

she does because she's a content creator um and her content creator job is also a complete full-time side job in addition to her other full-time job anyways all of that aside instagram comments like you think tiktok comments are bad and you think twitter is bad but then you get on instagram and you see a funny video and you look at the comments and it is the dumbest shit you will ever see in your entire life you're like how how did you even come up with such a bad take yeah and why are you so mad about this like very dumb thing and your tiktok or your um video reminded me of this other video i saw of a girl like she's crying and she's like i just ordered this drink from starbucks and it's mostly ice and like she's clearly she's she's like i've had a

really bad day and this isn't like that big of a deal but it is my final straw and it's like funny and relatable because if you've had a really bad day and there's just like you're holding on for dear life so you're like it could still get better and then just something so small and insignificant happens that you're like I just I'm gonna cry about this because everything else in this day has sucked ass yeah and like I thought yeah I thought it was cute and funny and then I go to the comments and they're like there are literally there are dying kids in africa and like people are losing their shit they're like this is like so white privilege it's like did you like watch the video yes it's not that deep so then when this is happening on amelia's video there

is a variety of just the dumbest fucking people like there are different layers there's like the bottom layer which is just like the stupid incel shit that you would expect to see of people just being like call me when you get other plastic surgery hurtner and then there's another level where people are like yeah um well no one needs botox we should normalize aging and then um another level of people who are just like so they're just trying to they're so high and mighty they're like well botox is like bad for you and i don't know they're just gonna make your wrinkles worse after a while yeah like um or like just these levels of people who are upset about something that doesn't affect them in any way and the thing that bothers me is like the

holier-than-thou people who are like well we should normalize aging and it's like yeah we should but it's not this one woman's job to fix everybody's insecurities and fix like just centuries of patriarchal capitalism and misogyny that's I'm sorry Amelia can't fix that for you I would love to she I know we all would love to and how she wants to her face to look when she looks in the mirror every fucking day she gets to decide what she does and i can guarantee you there are so many women just walking around with botox and you have no idea that they have it people are always like it's always you can tell it's like maybe if they're like 50 and they've never gotten it before because when you're 50 your head should be moving you know uh-huh so and then even if it's preventative

like sure it can only go so far because like it does weaken the muscle and if you're getting it constantly it's going to weaken the muscle faster so that's why it's good to really spread it out over when you first start you spread it out over time you switch back and forth between Botox and Dysport and it weakens the muscle so if you're getting it all the time then the times that your muscles are working your wrinkles become even deeper so then you are like I feel like the three-month thing is like a ploy just to get more money yeah so it's kind of like the shampoo industry being like you need to wash your hair every day rinse and repeat yeah because that's how it looks silky and then we all learned like that's not good for your scalp and it's also not

like not good for every hair type there's like floor polish and certain shampoos so anyway regardless like Amelia made a good point too which is like okay it's this is one small thing that people do that can be expensive to look younger that is the same thing that people do dyeing their hair yeah somebody that commented on the video and was like we should normalize people looking exactly how like they were intended to look you go to their profile they have like rainbow hair yeah and it's like were you born like that you born with your rainbow obviously it's different layers but like you could not you can't be that fucking dumb the hypocrisy that exists for women just like wanting to make a decision for themselves and then like the whole argument

of like well you do this for men and it's like what what you said you're blaming a woman also for standards set by men that that's the same thing as like being a rape apologist i i think it's really annoying to like point fingers at a woman and make it her responsibility to fix like sexist standards yeah that she didn't even make in the first place and it's my fucking decision you know what i mean like i'm not telling y'all like get botox are you doing this in like celebrities comments first of all doing this at all commenting this in anyone's video is really weird it's corny as fuck and um like celebrities are getting plastic surgery to stay young that you know they've got us they've got us convinced it's botox and filler but it's not it's facelifts

it's um blepharoplasty it's chin liposuction i'm not immune to any of it too you know like i've like looked at that stuff and then like oh i think this would be a nice way to help me age gracefully and while i may never do those things i can tell myself that maybe one day i will yeah and who fucking cares besides you what you decide to do with your own face i i don't think that it is for men to be honest it's not to be like oh i hope men think i look like a fucking teenager forever no i think it's because like everyone has a hard time processing the idea of getting older because you've never been older you've never been like yeah you've never been closer to death every day that you age you know so it's it's it's something that we have spent

just into our entire existence of humanity trying to process and make sense of and that's why religion exists anyways now i'm just like opening a can of worms no but you're right a rabbit hole it's it's all part of the same root you don't want to age because aging is scary it's scary it is also don't get me wrong it's a gift but it is it is not everybody gets older but yeah that doesn't mean that it's yeah like easy to process yeah you're going to like lose your mobility you're going to lose your sense of agency and that is like just how it is that's what happens when your body gets older so is it really that insane to for someone to get botox no and it's also try and preserve that sense of identity it's just like not a big fucking deal and then this

reddit post oh my god there was a reddit post okay so the subreddit is like spokesperson on this i'm just like sitting back and no i've thought about this so much and how much it annoys me there is this subreddit that is like about i think it's called instagram versus reality or something or whatever something and this is like extremely edited posts like so obviously edited like they're editing their waist size and their like hip size to be just a proportion that nobody is nobody is naturally like that no and it's kind of like how barbie when they like measured her actual like sizes is like yeah you would have severe back problems no one has the ability to look like this um anyways it's like that that's how severe this photo editing is

and they posted these still shots of Amelia from this from this video okay so the video was posted on TikTok it probably has the auto beauty filter on which it just automatically turns on yeah and you're making content every day so are you sitting here fucking looking at every setting no when you just had my car just like the middle of the day i had a thought and i was like i'm gonna record it for tiktok because that's part of my job as a content creator anyways um and not to mention how many people feel entitled to receiving content and think you're just like a a content machine created for their personal entertainment so anyways that aside um she post this on tiktok and then to post it on instagram you have to put it through another

app to remove the watermark because if you have the tiktok watermark on your instagram video it automatically is like demonetized it's not shown anywhere because they're they're directly competing with tiktok so when you run it through this app it's automatically going to lose its integrity it's going to like drop a bunch of pixels and frame rates and then the sound gets knocked off differently on it so I have to then put it into iMovie and and oh I didn't know the sound now there's an even more additional so then when you run it through again it's going to have even worse quality so now you've run it through two different apps and then when you post it on Instagram it becomes even lower quality so that is like where we're at with how this video looks

and then this person is taking screenshots of this video as if to be like I got you and it's we've all seen screenshots of a video they're not like they're not crystal clear pictures it's not CSI where you're like zoom in and it doesn't lose any of its like yeah yeah any of its visual integrity so um they're like paused on these blurry shots of Amelia and they're and then they like have a third picture and it's a screenshot of a professionally filmed video um that she paid someone to do because she's like hey while I'm being a content creator full-time maybe I should invest some of this money into having professionally filmed videos so I can have some nice content so that's what she did and then she posted that directly to Instagram so when you're filming

in a camera that has the ability to capture video in 4k and then you're reposting that video directly onto instagram it is going to be a high quality video um and they're taking screenshots of that and comparing them side to side of of this shitty video that you have run through two different apps now and like is on a front-facing phone camera yeah they're they're gonna look different great job sherlock yeah so they're like i think their whole point was like oh well she's claiming that like her face looks like this from botox but it's actually a filter and then most of the comments were like this isn't for filters and like also like they made all of the points that i just made of like okay it has the auto setting it's gonna lose its quality if you're reposting

it from another app and now we know just how many apps it had to go through and then they're like she looks so much better in this last picture and it's like okay well these were taken like two days apart so great job sherlock yeah literally they were very close together within the same week at least and the screenshots that this person chose too were fucking like he was like it was it very much so looked like my face was frozen from botox like in the pictures that he chose i'm assuming when you're not being expressive you're just smiling so you have smile lines yeah but like in the first two no one's smiling like yeah totally with their eyebrows all the way up and like their eyes squinted we're not doing that with our faces when we're smiling it's just

or just like resting and this dude very clearly has personal beef oh yeah you mentioned that amelia's rude where i've literally i bet i here's what i think probably happened he said some rude shit and then you clapped back probably and then he was like i don't like that yeah i right he oh that's actually probably exactly what happened because apparently when like i somebody addressed me about like the filter use i was like rude back and i'm never rude unless somebody's being a dick to me and most of the time i'm just making your mom jokes because i don't know also the beauty filter the beauty filter mostly just like um i think i think it does more for your pores and not necessarily wrinkles it just kind of evens your skin yeah your skin tone and then um that's

about it that's about it you can chill you still have wrinkles you still look like a person it's just if you don't want to put on makeup that day so it was just really so all of that aside like all of the logistics aside and the points that i've made at the crux of this is how much fucking time this person has spent just staring at amelia's face and like investigating it like that is objectively the weirdest shit and this is when you need to check yourself and be like hmm i think i need to go the fuck outside go the fuck outside go just sit in some grass let the sun beat down on you put your phone away and just like sit there for five minutes and be like is this that big of a deal because no it's not I love you so much

I just I'm so fucking annoyed and I needed to say it no you I mean it's it's been an interesting last few days like truly it's like people are so like so big mad on this post it had to have gotten posted on some incel page because the accounts that are commenting on this video on instagram are so textbook like you know what you know what's so fucking dumb too i bet it's because you make these other videos where you just read people's dating profiles out loud right i'm not even it's not it's no original content like however you want to interpret that probably says more about you and then yeah like seeing people comment like if your profile looks like that you're gonna be offended especially when the comments are like what what a shitty person

essentially you know so it's automatically like going to like the dumbest fucking person you can imagine and like if you were like a skincare influencer no one would give a shit no honestly the talk talking about botox is like one of the top things on um the 30 plus skincare subreddit like botox is just a common thing people discuss yeah it's like hey how skincare people like how do you handle like this or how do you what products do you like that have like helped even your skin tone whatever just shit like that because your skin at 30 is different than in your 20s yeah and like no one would give a shit if you were like some other type of influencer no probably not i think it's i don't know like why people are so like obsessed with the idea of like

getting someone you know what i mean like they like all of these comments the reddit post like all of it is such like a gotcha you know like we see what you're doing it's a fucking filter it's like like you said go outside like why why are you spending your energy on this i don't remember the creator who's like kim kata she is you know she's like a beauty influencer and she had this like mascara incident where people are like yeah she like did a partnership with this mascara brand and then people are like i think she added some false eyelashes on and she did i i but she never addressed it no and you shouldn't like because that's fucking dumb if you're the they're like well she lied to people and it's like okay well you're being lied to every fucking day this girl's

just trying to get her bag yeah like don't be mad at people be mad at corporations be mad at the people who are in charge this person is not in charge amelia is not in charge no of like anything patriarchy exists or not yeah you know i'm just i can't do that i'm just a girl yeah she's just a girl just doing my best out here yeah most people are out here doing their best so this girl is doing her fucking best and the fact that you're lied to every fucking day and you're not as outraged about that as you are at this one individual person just like trying to make ends meet you know maybe it's because like it feels more like comfortable to or it feels less hopeless to yell at an individual than it is to like go out and try to make a difference in the

world i think it's also a lot of just like people wanting to be mad like the arguments i was seeing about the mascara thing too they're like well she lied and that's bad i'm just like uh yeah you're just trying to justify you being outraged about something that is like honestly pretty low stakes did we talk about this last week the stuff with julia mazur um i don't know who that is she was the one that um that one like trad wife guy would like posted about when she was like here's what i do on a saturday when i'm 29 and oh yeah we did i think maybe we did i don't remember maybe we talked about it on the pod but i think we talked about it before we recorded yeah what uh matt walsh posted her video and all she did was like say

she went to the beyonce concert and watched reality tv yeah and then like she's not saying anything negative about people who are married with kids like people document their life with a husband and kids every fucking day so like why are you this mad that other people are just documenting their life yeah right and she also didn't say i don't want those things she's like i don't have that in my life right now and here's what i did that's and she's also like i don't ever want these things she's like I don't have kids yet and I'm not married so like here's how I spent my weekend yeah it's it's the perfect example of like it's the same kind of thing when like you know somebody's like do you prefer cats or dogs and if you say cats they're like why do you fucking hate

dogs it's like no I never said that like I didn't say that I'm speaking and then Matt Walsh was like well I was pointing out how like this is not a good thing and it's like well to who you're married with kids like why are you so mad about it are you trying to marry this girl yeah and um then you know his incel following group are like gonna dog pile onto this girl and like the overall sentiment though is these are the type of men who are going to they're going to die alone like i hate to say it like there are so many studies and statistics that show that like the way that men have a better longer lifespan is by having a wife and the way that women have that level of happiness and like live a better life is by being single in their old age and and oftentimes childless

so like the studies are in our our support and then they're I think they're just really upset because they're realizing there's no one who is going to date them yeah because instead of like face these difficult things some people are just never going to get to that level where they are able to sit with the things that they don't like about themselves so they're never going to be able to get to that point and there just aren't any women who are willing to date them women are getting to a point where they're like um i think this whole thing has maybe been a scam and i like don't actually know if i want that yeah and also just not wanting to be treated like shit like we saw we sat here and watched our moms typically like also have full-time jobs and also have to

keep house like literally doing like five full-time jobs and getting zero respect and then being exhausted yeah just their entire lives the rest of their lives because they were sold a lie it's it's fascinating watching these men like realize they're losing grasp of control that they never had you know what I mean like it's it's but like they like they think that they have control or at least within their little groups of each other they think that they have control and then when they see somebody speaking out like oh yeah like I had a good day today and like I am not dating anyone it's like what do you mean like you can't have a good day without us it's like actually where is this all come like relax i've had so many good days without you

one person you know yeah but she got a rolling stone article out of it so good for her she deserved it who's winning she deserves the clout julia is um what was i gonna say oh i saw someone explaining to that these types of men who are complaining and like outraged about this type of thing and saying you're gonna die alone or have fun dying alone that's because that's what they're afraid of yeah they're afraid they're going to die alone because that's why they value that they put value on that yeah and if you are a woman and you're afraid of dying alone and you just like don't have any faith in your dating life this is where you also need to refocus and readjust how you're thinking of this and think about the community you are building

like how are you honoring and fostering that community of friends that you have yeah and that's that and like also family you know what I did want to talk about this but I might as well bring it up right now someone recently we were talking about like they they were like Liz do you want to have kids or have you thought about having kids and I was like I've thought about it like who hasn't who who hasn't thought about having kids and I was like um I don't know I was like I don't really want kids right now but that doesn't mean I'm oh that doesn't mean i'm not open to changing my mind in the future and i also realized like i'm not precious so then they were like i was recently asked how do you want kids in your life which is such a good question

just because if you maybe don't want kids yourself doesn't mean you you hate kids or you don't want them in your life right right like i would love to be someone who is there to like support my friends and family while they have kids and that's how I want kids in my life or I'm also not precious with like if I decide I do want kids I don't really feel particular about if I want to have them myself or if I want to adopt kids um because to be honest I don't really want to put my body through those physical uh trials that makes sense it's a lot in some ways you know I'm curious about the experience but I'm like do I want to do that right now the answer is no um so I thought that was a good way to think of it and I also saw someone on reddit ask um

if like they asked for people who had parents or had a mom who was over 40 when they gave birth to them like what their childhood experiences were like because they were like I'm in my 30s and like are just you know you're running out of time a little bit if you want to have if you like want to like biologically give birth there is a time limit yeah right you can't ignore that but um so she was just asking for like affirmation and like wanted to hear either positive or neutral stories but everyone was so positive they were like my mom was over 40 when she had me and it was the best experience because she wasn't trying to like fix her own childhood that you know people who have kids really young tend to do that they're gonna be like i want to be the parent that

my parents never had totally and that's not to say like i don't think everybody in their 20s does that obviously no but a lot of nor is it like a bad thing if they do yeah a lot of people don't think that deeply about having kids it's just like oh i want to have kids because like that's just what i'm supposed to be doing yeah and then they're like oh i actually don't think i want this yeah or deciding to jump into a relationship and rush things because they want to have kids um so my mom was over 40 when she had me and that's the exact experience i mean she's like that you know who you are at that point yeah totally and how you want to show it for your kids yeah because at that point you have lived enough of your life where you're just like

you've just really grown into who you are you are very authentic like with each passing day i feel so much more authentic to who i truly am than i did in my 20s your 20s is a time for like exploration yeah and it's easy to start to feel lost yeah because you're like i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing uh-huh yeah so many things have been told to me and i don't know if i like any of them i will say this whole like botox gate i'm just gonna call it that because it makes me feel important this whole botox gate has like really like the dog piling in whatever like amount that it's been hasn't really affected me like it's like what the fuck ever like these people don't know me i don't give a fuck but it has like kind of made me like look introspectively

about getting older and like like how I feel about like aging and like I was in Joanne Fabrics yesterday because I was buying more yarn because I have a problem um I started crocheting y'all which is also a part of getting older I guess anyway I was in Joanne Fabrics being like oh I kind of do enjoy this yeah it's the best uh honestly I do think that is part of getting older because I used to make fun of my mom for how much she loved baskets and now I love baskets I just bought a basket for my yarn in an unironic way like I just I love a good basket same I love a good basket um but like I was in line at Joanne Fabrics and there was a girl in there with her dad and she was like stunning and like maybe like 22 you know and I was just like wow she's about

to learn so much about herself and it was the first time I'd like noticed myself being like I'm someone's elder in this room and like they have like having that like well like live it up kiddo you know that kind of experience and it made me kind of sad I was like I've always said I've been saying like it's a blessing to get older you know and like not everybody gets to do that but it's also like you hit a certain age that and we've said this since the beginning as women you start to feel like you lose value like societally after a certain age you and you're told this like from the beginning yeah this is how you're taught and like i really get so irritated around the conversation of being 30 being in your 30s being a woman in your 30s it's so fucking annoying and

like even like just seeing people in their 20s treat 30 your 30s like you're like getting old yeah and listen people in their 30s are not trying to be 20 again and it's also not old no I need you to get to this age and realize how not old you are yeah old is like 80s yeah true I think that I'm having it in like a viewpoint of the industry that I am in with content creating and being like old in that sense that I don't think that I expected to like really start hitting me until therapy where I was like why do I put value on being young like well because everybody does uh-huh but in terms of like why is 29 one thing and 30 is another thing and it's like oh I can't say I'm in my 20s anymore and that's just it it's just being able to say I'm not in my

I like, oh yeah, I'm in my thirties. Like I can't say I'm in my twenties, which is a lot more like from like a success standpoint, personally, like whenever I would tell people how, I think I've said this in the past in the podcast, but whenever I would be like, oh, I'm like 25, people would be like, oh my God, you've done so much by 25. And now it's like, you're I'm 30. It's like, oh, that makes sense. You're so established. You know, like it's like, cause you've, you've been doing it for longer, but you know what? That's fucking annoying because men would never get that never when a man is 30 and like doing well everyone wants to shake his fucking hand why is that um well because this is how like they keep women like under their control and that's why

people are up in arms about women in their 30s because um women in their 30s are smarter than they were in their 20s yeah knowledge is power they're smarter their brain is done developing they are so much more comfortable and confident in who they are and like what they want that they're not as easy to manipulate my therapist and I had a really like serious conversation last week about this kind of thing because I was like telling her like I see these girls in their teens and their 20s and we were talking about clothing specifically and like um I was like I yeah I realized like I don't want to dress like a 20 year old you know yeah um and that's just kind of how the conversation started like how 20 year olds are like oh low-rise jeans and I'm like no no I'm not

doing that and I also you can do that yeah I don't need to do that you I I don't need to try and look 20 first of all um and then she was telling me about some of the like students at her son's school apparently kids don't have dress codes anymore oh so girls will like show up on a sports bra and like a t-shirt or like a button down over it and sure that is a cute outfit i will i'm like all in support of cute outfits but then the older you are especially your 30s and up you have seen some shit by this time in your life you have probably been sexually assaulted because it just it happens to everybody yeah and like we've said before just like just because maybe you have like experience that doesn't mean it was necessarily traumatizing to

you um so not trying to make it too serious or too light but by this point in your life in your 30s you have experienced some shit yep and that's why it's so hard to like sometimes see younger people like I don't know like showing parts like yeah I want them to feel sexually empowered in a way that we never got to experience yeah but knowing that it is still not the level of safety that they need and deserve in just especially in this climate is like it makes me so emotional and sad and worried and angry yeah because i'm like yeah you should be able to wear whatever the fuck you want yep and i mean we still can't though you know it's like you still hear the whole like well what was what was she wearing trope yes like every sort of assault it's ridiculous

but it's like i watch so much like pred patrol stuff now on youtube of like people like posing as 14 year old girls and like you know like cornering these men and like the it's so the they thought they hit these guys so fast because they're just waiting for like like a 14 year old to like slightly sexualize themselves so they can jump on it well because the the whole thing like in the brooks shields documentary too is like if a girl if a child you know a young person like of course i want these people to feel sexually empowered but also do you need to be expressing your sexuality at a young age like shouldn't you have the time to figure that out yourself rather than have this like blasted in your face of like this is what a woman is and this is how women feel

and look and like um how much of it is a ploy by the patriarchy to get these younger people to be like dressing like adult women who fully understand their sexuality and fully understand consent and feel confident saying no and things like that like they're taking advantage of girls um but and dressing like even models and stuff like dressing up young people as adult women makes people think that they're they want to be sexualized yeah that they know what that means that they are um adults who are conscious of the decision that they're making that's why there's an age of consent because like you can you know think that you're like you know like oh yeah like i want to look sexy and i want attention but like they don't really understand what that means at those ages

like they just don't well and fashion is gonna be fashion you know yeah you want to be trendy and you can't control the trends like it's necessarily the amount of these men that get caught in these like sting operations of like finding these predators that are like well like she said that she wanted it and so like i would never force her to do anything like it was completely up to her and it's like you don't you like they put the like burden of choice i guess on somebody who's doesn't really understand like why they're doing what they're doing because they're in a society where like it's there's like there's like no sexual education no and it's also like sex like being sexual is a currency at like i remember thinking at a very young age like

being like a huge britney spears fan at age like six i was like oh i want to wear like a nothing yeah a little crop top and like a little skirt because like that's sexy you know like i'm aware of that because of how i've just like been taking an information from society and you yeah exactly the information from society is that male approval is currency um and then you get to an age in your later 20s and your 30s where you realize that that the approval of men is a fleeting currency it's abusive um and it keeps you in a position of submission so we do see you know these younger people who are like i'm a hot young republican girl and then it's like okay well you've witnessed that the approval of men ensures safety and this is how you're just gonna act it

out and i'm not gonna blame women for like this is how this is just what it is we're all doing our best you know yeah we're all doing our best to like navigate our way around patriarchy yeah so it's not great right but it is what it is what it is like yeah yeah we're all just operating i mean this also ties back to like the botox conversation you know it's like oh yeah it all goes together it all goes like and it's like i mean we're not we just made the point too that like i'm not getting votox to like for male approval but at the end of the day the youth is currency youth is currency the like the automatic thought of being like you do this for a man is like proof enough that men are at the center of everything oh yeah and if they aren't

they're gonna make sure they're there uh-huh yeah they want to make it about them yeah because even when you're like this is the percentage this is the rate that women are sexually assaulted at and they're like well men are sexually assaulted too and it's like well no one was saying that they weren't yeah right okay this is just more of an an epidemic than it is for you there's just so many different layers and then i'm also thinking about the level of fear that p-brained dudes have about being like um falsely accused of sexual assault it's like that should only be a concern of yours if you're seeing what consent is and realizing maybe you haven't been going about this in a respectable way yeah and perhaps even legal way but i don't know like you you shouldn't normal

dudes don't worry about that like i don't know any man who's like i'm so worried of being falsely accused of rape i know a few and they're all they're all dudes that not rapes but like they're all dudes that have definitely like sexually like harassed somebody in public that are like i just don't want to be falsely accused and it's like okay well then don't then don't change your behavior yeah right maybe you should sit here and think hmm i think i'm afraid of this because i don't see women as people right so then when they on the rare occasion that they are seen as people i'm worried that won't go well for me only 10 of women who are sexually assaulted come forward and an even smaller percent i think it's like what one to five percent of those cases about

10 yeah are even like held accountable for that so considering how much sexual assault is happening happening every single day the likelihood of you being falsely accused of anything is probably close to zero yeah oh have you been following this danny masterson case yeah i was just thinking about that yeah i think that the consequences of assault need to be more severe because that's the only way people learn yeah or well that's the only way stupid people learn is if they learn that there's consequences that that reminds me there is um i can't remember what it is but it's a chart that shows the level of like understanding like becoming a good person essentially and as a child you learn when behavior is harmful or bad because you experience

consequences you know you get put in time out for hitting somebody and that's how you learn that like physical violence is not an acceptable way to go about resolving your problems or expressing your feelings um but so many adults don't make it past that point of understanding that harmful actions have cons have consequences unless they're receiving consequences so that's why i think that people who um sexually assault people should um be sterilized oh yeah i'm i'm half joking um guillotined yeah like dick dick guillotine dick yes um if it's only hands chop off their hands um there needs to be much more severe consequences for sexual assault and like less severe consequences if somebody just like had a couple of jays in their backpack

dude yeah like victimless crimes yeah fucking ridiculous crimes we need to we need to take another look at yeah we do like robbery yeah of a store yeah please don't rob people don't unless it's a very like rich and or and or a terrible individual you know and don't rob like mom and pops no yeah they're doing the best rob a walmart yeah you can steal from target they even said that when target got looted target was like i mean us getting looted isn't the isn't the issue here yeah that was great pr for them uh-huh i was like i'm doing all my shopping at target target's headquarters are based in like minneapolis which is like a very yeah liberal place yeah and minnesota is where like the black lives matter marches were really like popping off

at the time too anyways now that we didn't get to any mailbag no I was just looking I was like holy shit we just what you have been spitting facts today I was thinking while we were talking I was like I love when I can have these conversations with you because you're just immediately in the conversations with me uh-huh it's not me having these thoughts and then like fumbling over my words trying to explain them to somebody like I had this thought the other day and then trying to explain it yeah yeah yeah we're like i don't know yeah having a having another friend who just can like follow the pace of a conversation is so lovely and i hope all of you experience that someday oh i just love you i've just been like looking at you while you're talking

like she's so smart maybe it's because i'm wearing glasses today i mean maybe you've been like really spitting big facts i'm like sitting back every time i say anything i'm like you know what no i love having these yeah i just love having these conversations with you and i love that like you're i don't know they're a discussion yeah instead of me just trying to explain this thought i had this is a socratic seminar the holy hour um i regularly every time i go to the gym my gym owner i can tell he just like wants to have he's probably listening right now um he's lovely go to tribe fitness in capitol hill in seattle yeah free ad he wants to always have like some kind of philosophical discussion about patriarchy um hell yeah and he's like i really like that

your podcast like it kind of has a different approach on things sometimes and i'm like well yeah on a podcast you have like the space to have a discussion whereas on like a lot of the times we don't see nuance in conversation the nuance in conversations on online is completely completely lost and on purpose like everybody like jumping into your botox video and getting so upset about it zero nuance no nuance no sense of humor no ability to like think of things in different types of ways they're just like aging is normal it's like yeah okay yeah it always has been you're not coming up with a a new idea here right but um i just don't want my forehead to move bitch yeah we're all able to have move on nuanced conversations and I just I want to make more

space for that I love that I love that our listeners are also able to understand how much nuance is in everyday life yes and not be able to like you know they're not getting upset about that even if they disagree with us they're always so respectful yeah and like even we have been like oh i hadn't considered that totally and that's the way to have a conversation too like i just wish everybody could do that with each other i know just like it would be so much more peaceful we we all have the ability to have a nuanced conversation you just can't like charge into something being like i'm right mm-hmm misery loves company yeah you can make space for many things many facts and truths to exist at the same time and also

maybe ask yourself if you disagree with something because maybe you feel a little guilty or shamed about that thing that's the moral of today's episode yeah look inward yeah look inward the reflection hour and then maybe next week will be the mailbag episode so if you want to write us emails now's the time to do it we have we have some mail that we are like sitting on and wanting to talk about want to talk about it every week we're like and then we'll read an email and then we just run out of time because uh you you just listen to it yeah you just listen to why we didn't get to the mail for the last few weeks yeah or can only squeeze in like a small one that's what she said hey all right should we wrap yeah this will be an interesting edit i'm excited to see

what you say no i know i can't wait to get high and listen to it fuck yeah i yes honestly it is so fun to be i wonder how many of our listeners listen to our podcast when they're high because it is so fun to be high and forget what we talked about because these are like again the conversations that we have every day these are the kinds of thoughts i have in my head constantly yeah so i can't remember what i've said out loud so then when i'm listening back either just because i'm you know amelia's edited so i'm giving it a listen or if i'm editing yeah i'm like wow damn they're so bright yeah like fuck these bitches are funny yeah i forget it's us oh it's us yeah that's the same experience i have i'll listen in the car like it's like all brand new it's such a good

feeling to be like i like myself and i would be friends with me totally i you know what everybody should start a podcast start a podcast everyone already has started a podcast they really have all right well we love you we love you wow you hit so many different octaves of that harmony thank you that was beautiful is i was gonna say you hit so many octaver octaves it's like yeah you hit those you hit you do be singing you those were notes are making sounds yep those were those were noises good work