The Hoely Hour - E16 The Catch & Release Program

Episode Date: October 9, 2020

Would you want to share your birthday with your partner? Probably not if you're a Gemini and a Libra. (DEFINITELY not a Leo...) This episode, Amelia and Liz talk about the pressures of getting married and having kids, and if it's okay to still not know what you want. Also can we talk about how MEAN girls can be? Aggression in young girls is something we all experience but is widely misunderstood. Plus, a quick game of F*ck, Marry, Kill with some old dudes! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms i feel like our arms get a little flabbier yet little bat wings i know i'm gonna have bat wings one day and i don't want them tattooed i'll just have to be a buff grandma wait that's so true i don't want that i'm gonna get them sucked out i'm gonna get this chin sucked out too when it gets there oh i'm like literally it's on its way it's heading in no one look at my side profile welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball

and thanks for coming to mass we haven't said that in a while have we no i was also thinking like what it would be like if you said your name first i've never even thought about it would be unbalanced i think because we've been saying it this way for now 16 episodes yeah should we should we switch it do you want to try it see if people are confused like wait hold on that would be fun the universe is unbalanced maybe we'll do it next time cool we'll see we'll see you go into a parallel tailspin um so what i was gonna ask you is would you date or marry someone with the same birthday as you fuck i was just about okay so i want to say yes because i really don't like being the center of attention on my birthday

but i know if i had to share my birthday i would fucking hate it so i don't know that's the Gemini in me I feel like if I had the same birthday as the person I was dating or married to I would be like this is even more of a reason for us to go balls to the wall about that's true just throw like a big party every year yeah because I really like going obviously you know this going all out for my birthday I'm so excited for your birthday this year it seems like everybody's on yeah it should be fun if you want to say what you want yeah so my birthday last year was a whole event i rented a party bus and um since my birthday is like the week before halloween i wanted to dress up and i made it like 90s early 2000s themed and i dressed up as oops i did it again

britney she did the whole routine at the front of the bus at one point and it was fantastic it was before you and I were super close and I was like I want her to be my best friend and here we are I would have thought a year later uh but there's a I just posted um the video on our Instagram like a little like 10 second clip from that party bus so that was so much fun and follow us at the holy hour on Instagram yeah it was so much fun though I um I'm not a big Halloween person you know this i've just even as a child i was like fuck this but like a 90s themed halloween birthday party on a party bus we stopped at taco bell uh-huh we did talk about this because that was my first taco bell experience that was the first time i had been to taco bell so you would

be okay with having the same birthday as the person that you're married to i think so i think as long as like they were um cool about it like me like uh if they were like yeah let's make this all about our birthdays let's celebrate it for a full week like one day we'll we'll do something that i want to do like it'll be all about me and then then another day will be all about him and then we can have a party with like both of us that's cute and like all of our friends yeah yeah i actually like that idea no that's cute that's cute i think that would be fun but then yeah i don't know it would be one less thing to try and remember i don't know if i'd want to date a libra i don't want to date a gemini man again oh yeah i would not want to date a

gemini man i feel differently about each like um sign per gender like pisces women amazing amazing people pisces men trash you can quote me cancer men so fucking annoying cancer women hilarious so it's really just like a second mom the male signs for each sign are bad no i would say male tauruses i like them why they're pretty chill are they because i was like i feel like i don't know i have like a very elementary like level of knowledge about the horoscope so like tauruses are just like in my mind stubborn taurus women drive me fucking nuts really they just like if they don't get enough attention they cause some problem they like to start drama and then when you call them out they like are like i didn't do that i would

never do that and i'm like you literally i watched you i can trace back to where you originated this lie it's on tape trump oh god taurus yeah taurus women drives me nuts or drive me nuts oh what else i was a tourist when they introduced that new sign i got like pushed to taurus i was like i'm not i'm not i don't identify i've identified as a gemini my whole life i don't know what the fucking means but like when I was a kid it was my password for everything oh yeah no and I so I saw that I was a Taurus and so I learned all about Tauruses um and I was just like I mean I'm stubborn but I'm not like that's not like a pillar of my personality you know what I mean you're stubborn because you have a Leo moon wait what's your rising Leo I'm an Aquarius moon oh Aquarius

moon that's right I mean that's also a pretty stubborn sign is it oh absolutely I really identify with my rising sign like reading about leo's are you just trying to be noisy yes he is well your rising sign is um like kind of the the way you live your life you know like on a day-to-day level this is the face that you present to the rest of the world this you probably it's like normal for you to identify as your rising sign more than your um sun oh yeah and the moon is kind of like the representative or the moon's representative of uh how you handle your emotions okay and how do aquariuses handle emotions i don't know enough about aquarius moons i can't i've read it so many times because i'm like what is it about aquariuses again and then i read and

i don't internalize it so i need to read my whole chart um but i wasn't like really into i mean like i was always i thought it was cool like i always thought the zodiac was cool you know like i like liked to read about it passively and then you and i became friends and now i like have like co-star and pattern yeah these are the two i have well i'll plug i'll plug one of our friends um christy valdez she is so knowledgeable about astrology and tarot and i like the way that she treats it too um she doesn't treat it as like this like future prediction tool it's just insight yeah so it gives you better insight on um like different areas of your personality and how you might handle uh particular circumstances because each planet represents a different part of your

life and it's not just planets like it's like what house the planet is in so it gets even deeper there's just a lot of levels to it if you don't know anything about astrology and um the same goes with tarot like she's not gonna use tarot to try and predict your future yeah and like be a psychic or something it's just like if you have a circumstance in your life that's you're having trouble navigating it's um just to open new ways to try and approach it but uh her website sorry i'm pulling it up she also is a doula which if you don't know about that that's pretty cool too she's just all around yeah she just does all the coolest stuff ever but um her website for both like doula and birth work and astrology and tarot is creativecusp.com so check check her out

and get your chart read yeah and you know since we talked about uh your sun and moon and rising i'll i'll also say mine do it just in case people are like super curious um my son is a libra and my moon is an aries which that means they're polar opposites interesting which makes a lot of sense but and then my rising is a sagittarius which is why i am so obnoxious when i drink oh i don't think you're obnoxious when you drink i this weekend like on sunday morning i was like asking my boyfriend i asked him like three different times i was like was i mean to you last night because we were like drinking on saturday and he was like no no you guys were so sweet on saturday yeah you were like very lovey on saturday i was like i'm so happy to be witnessing

this i think it's because um i constantly like i haven't really gotten very like intoxicated around him i think maybe like i'll get tipsy or something but also we're in quarantine like i don't need to get fucked up no and when i do get fucked up it's on accident yeah right it's because i'm like oh my god i'm with my friends i gotta have a drink in my hand i'm so excited but uh yeah and then well because when i would go out with shoeman in the past he would be so fucking mean to me like so and then obviously i would like internalize that my feelings would come out especially like if i was drinking so i think i was just like i also get a little competitive too like for me it's fun i'm not trying to like start a fight yeah exactly

so i was just making sure i wasn't like being competitive in like a douchebag kind of way i was just i don't know everything is a new learning situation for me of like i notice how i'm feeling in the moment for about something if i'm like oh my god was i mean or something and um just kind of recognizing like how in the past uh that relationship has really like dictated so much of how i feel in relationships now oh yeah it's just really built a lot of fear how it's so hard to disseminate between like what is just like a normal behavior and what is like not in relationships because when you have a long-term relationship to base all of your knowledge off of like how the hell else are you supposed to form those pillars of how you are in relationships and it's

not even just shoe man it's like all of the people I've dated in the past obviously are reflective of the same kind of like you know triggers and attachment issues from my childhood so like when you finally are breaking that pattern you don't know what to expect like I don't know it's shocking to me I'm like oh not all relationships are like that yeah it's a learning curve yeah so it's such an important one uh yeah it's just been interesting to navigate I'm always so surprised when I like want to talk about how I'm feeling about something and he's just like so receptive and is like oh yeah I totally get that how it should be what what do you mean you get it you are validating my feelings but then also you know i i have to cut like my past partner some slack too because

i was not the same person i am now like i have so many tools now to help me navigate my feelings and express them in a way that's like healthy and easy to understand well this is why like high school sweethearts amaze me so much because like you don't you learn so much as you get older about like what you want in a relationship and how to interact in relationships and you learn this through like life experience and like i know a few people that have been high school sweethearts and they're like fucking killing it and i'm like how i am not the same person at all even who i was a year ago when in general if i generally think about if i married my high school sweetheart and not even considering like who my high school sweetheart was but if i would hate that i would

hate to even marry someone i dated in college like i i don't know we changed like if i stayed in that relationship that's why and i think yeah i've it's so interesting that we're talking about this because i was on pinterest oh i'm moving not that anyone listening cares i'm moving and i'm so excited very exciting and i have been needing a change and this is the big one and also i'm getting tattoos but anyway there's a lot of change going on there's so much going on yeah i'm like i might as well just dye my fucking hair yeah what was that oh kick something off the couch yeah um but i i made like a pinterest board for like inspiration for my new place and how i want to decorate it um and i was kind of like scrolling through and looking at my old like pinterest

boards i was thinking about how how much i valued like i wanted to have a big engagement ring and like have a really big wedding and like those were the kinds of things that were important to me is was marrying someone who had a good job and settling for that to be like oh they have a really good job like if anything happens they can take care of me and like money will solve problems or yeah if I have this big ring I'll be happy and just things like that and um like seeing so many people get married and have kids like it blows my fucking mind now like I am constantly like battling these and challenging like my past um ideas of what a relationship meant and sometimes I'm like how how do people even like find someone that they want to spend the

rest of their life with that's such a huge commitment it's terrifying it's just how do you how do you know you want to make that commitment and I feel the same way about having kids you can't unhave kids like how do you know you want to do that yeah and then I felt really selfish saying this to I've said this to a few I think I said this to you and then I also have said this to my therapist like I was like I don't know if I want kids and I don't know like that scares me like shouldn't I know that and you made me feel a lot better by saying like your mom was like I do not want kids yeah and then she had your brother and she had you yeah and she's just like such an incredible mom she's like I don't want to say born to be a mom because that like

minimizes all the cool shit that she did but you know what I mean yeah like there's no way to know until you know you know exactly and I'm trying not to be so hard on myself about not knowing how i like what i want um because oh what i was going to say like i feel selfish saying this or kind of like stupid but like that means that the dedication i get from my partner is no longer going to be just me and i do think that comes from like a depravity of getting that attention in my past relationships like it does make sense to me why i do have this level of like probably immaturity of oh I want I want that dedication and attention and commitment from my partner and I don't want to share it it's interesting like to hear you say when you were

looking at the Pinterest board with like all of like the material stuff that you were holding importance on because really if you look back I mean a lot of women that I know have like healthy relationships and they're still like my hand better be dragging on the ground and it's kind of like to be funny but like when you don't mean it in a funny way it's like those things are to fill the holes that you're getting like that you're that are being left behind from like the emotional fulfillment like I got to a point with my ex where I was always saying like I picked out my ring from Tiffany and like he was always like saving up for a Tiffany ring you know what I mean and like and then when we got further in our relationship I kept saying it and I'm like I want

you to just like design something and it does not need to be expensive like once you start to get that emotional fulfillment from the person that you're with like a lot of the stuff that you once put importance on just doesn't matter because like as long as we have each other we're happy which is like so cliche but it's so fucking true like yeah you could be living in like a not that i want to do this but like you could be living in a shack on the side of the road and like as long as you're with the person that you love then like that's home you know like there's just so much stuff that like young me because i also was looking at my pinterest board of like my wedding pinterest board and like all of that stuff has changed and like how big of a wedding i want i want like 300

people there like i kind of i would be had with like a 20 person wedding because like that stuff just kind of stops losing meaning after a while you know I don't know it's really just like circling back to this whole thing like just like knowing how different like I what like if I would have gotten married like five years ago I don't know how I would feel looking back on how my wedding was and I know that I would love it because it was my wedding and like it was like my one wedding you know like yeah it it's amazing and important regardless but like it would just be interesting to look back and see what I considered as important back then yeah I absolutely wonder what uh I don't know like if I did marry um my ex like what that would have looked like

and it scares me constantly like I know in the long run like we would have gotten divorced which would have been so much worse it's like us going through with this wedding and like having kids and then like getting divorced and then not being able to experience all of the things I've experience yeah just oh i guess also another thought i had had is like i so the way that i see like love and relationships now like even though it is a little jaded like i feel like i know more about just like the world and myself and navigating like emotions and yeah different complex things that you have to like confront in in adulthood that you know you're not really prepared to learn about right during your teenage years in your early 20s well so i also like i end

up i was wondering before you came over i was thinking about the people i know who are already married and like got married at like 25 26 and i'm like it sometimes it feels like something everyone else has and i don't if that makes sense and like even though i am in the best relationship I've ever been in like it's still fucking scary yeah and I just wonder like if I didn't like learn more if it would be easier to be happy you know well I but do you want do you want that though like if no like it and that's the hard part is like I the emotional intensity that I want and have and need in a relationship I like I could never go back to but then I'm like okay what if I didn't experience that like what would life be like would it be easier no and I think

everyone permanently has this feeling of like happiness is something everyone else has except for me the grass is always greener kind of mentality and it just feels like some kind of elusive like life experience yeah does that make sense yeah I mean like there's like kind of an ignorance is bliss at play there because yeah that's what I wonder like the sweet life then like why you know but you weren't I mean from what it sounds like you weren't happy so it's like is happiness worth the pain that that you have to go through to figure out what it means to be happy and like just being from the outside looking in like watching you in this relationship like how much you've learned about yourself and like the expectations that you have for yourself because

you've always known what you deserve somewhere deep down and that's why you've ended up with the person that you're with but like the the amount of knowledge that you've gained just as an outsider just on like what you expect from everybody around you not just in your relationship as a result of what you've learned from how he treats you has been fascinating because like I feel like I've had I've never thought about what it might look like to the outside because yeah you also I met you right when I was going through this breakup so I mean even though you didn't see my relationship in the past like you've also obviously heard me repeat how much my friends who knew my ex did not like him yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean how excited everyone has been to meet the

guy I'm dating now right yeah because everybody knows that this is like the kind of relationship that you deserve to be in well they saw my change yeah over the last few years well I was just about to say like you just look healthier like like you look like more well rested now like you just like look completely different and not even from like a oh she's like you like started going to the gym like not even like that I mean even though that's true but like just like uh from like a the only way that I can describe it is like a hydration kind of look like I don't know I was looking at pictures from like when we all first started hanging out and you just like look lighter now does that make sense I know exactly what you're talking about it's hard to explain I feel like

my skin was gray yeah does that make sense being treated poorly will do that to you and then having to go through this huge emotional transition yeah oh my god I mean that was really taxing but when you're when you and I can't even say I'm through it now like there's always going to be something that comes up and challenges you oh yeah I mean like it's you're never done learning like I feel like my parents are still learning about each other which is wild to me because they've been married for 34 years it's just like crazy yeah um but that's the that's the truth like because we're all always changing and so the people that we're with have to also understand us as we're changing yeah and it goes both ways so I think it's so important to try and find a

partner that you can grow and change with because it's inevitable that you are both going to change That's why high school sweethearts blow my mind. Because, like, to love each other so much and understand each other so much and have the patience to, like, get through those, like, really crazy life changes and, like, make it through all of that is against all odds. Like, I don't even recognize my high school self. Like, I'm kind of the same with my friends. Like, I've stayed the same in that sense. Like, I'm still, I think I have basically the same personality. But from what I expect from people, like, just that is entirely different. like I have so much more respect for myself so if I would have married my high school sweetheart like I don't I don't think I would have been happy would not have been happy like I mean I dated one guy my first boyfriend um cheated on me multiple multiple times um but the boyfriend that I had after that we were together for like two weeks and so like I never really had because I was still learning about I didn't know what I wanted like my dad called it the catch and release program because I would have huge crushes on guys and then they would start to give me interest back

and I'd be like and I didn't know what that was but I mean I it really now looking back on it I'm like oh no I was just like thought that I knew what I wanted and then when I had it I was like I don't think that this is what I want so when I started dating my I started dating my ex-boyfriend freshman year of college and that was a tough adjustment because I was like I is is this what I want and then like I kind of formed my expectation for what I wanted around that person um and it was hard for a lot of the time but it was like great for a lot of the time too so I don't know it's been like it's been cool watching you discover that about yourself with this guy because you've been in relationships before and like he I obviously don't know any of your exes I knew

your most recent ex not super well but I met him a few times night and day like a totally different experience like just watching you interact too with your boyfriend now it was totally different it was so fun to see you guys on set from what I can remember I blacked out on Saturday you guys I don't yeah I don't black out I don't black out and but I didn't eat enough and I was running on one hour of sleep so I blacked out but what I remember when you guys first walked in was before I was drunk and just like seeing you guys interact with each other he like kicked a balloon at you and you like threw it back at him and I was like they're so they're so cute to watch they're like flirting it's i don't know it's been it's been cool to witness it um i was thinking about that

i mean because obviously i've talked to my therapist about this a lot of just like kind of having imposter syndrome about a relationship you know like you don't really think of it in that way of experiencing that like in your mind you know what you want and deserve and then um you know your entire life you've never gotten it yeah so when you do finally get it you don't feel like you deserve it so navigating like feeling undeserving has been pretty tough like it's like a habit you have to form though because it's like imposter syndrome with anything else it's like why did i get this job like i didn't oh god that's why i felt about our job for a long time me too i'm like i don't know what the fuck i'm doing i felt like i was like kind of flying blind

but it's like then you you know get used to telling yourself that like you earned it like this wasn't this isn't an accident does your anxiety ever make you freeze oh my god constantly that's how i've been feeling especially lately it's just like i will start listing everything i have to do and then i just feel so crushed by how many things i have to do that i can't do anything at all yeah yep it's like well i guess i'm gonna nap i'm like oh my god look at all my anxiety laundry piling up i guess i'll move my anxiety laundry from my couch to my bed laundry is such a thing yeah it's such a thing it doesn't matter if it's clean or dirty no it's usually clean for me and then like the piles contribute to my anxiety so it's just like self-perpetuating

fucking chore i hate it i hate it so much but no my anxiety makes me freeze all the time and then my depression makes me not want to do anything so then i'm that's that's an interesting dichotomy going on just stuck yeah because it's the second that i feel motivated to do anything i'm like i gotta act on this now yeah uh-huh it's um yeah mental illness baby it's a beautiful thing we talk about it we be about it we we be talking about it we be being about it in the time that i've been here my doctor's office has called twice about my mental health drugs so it's really it's been a it's been a fucking day and i haven't slept more than two hours a night for the past four nights because of my anxiety it's really woo it's not it's not cute it's not cute but

since we opened up about it on the podcast a lot of people have opened up to me about their good stuff yeah we should continue to normalize talking about it I agree and I mean I'm sure there are people who are like Amelia who can have these really open conversations with their family and then I'm sure there are people who are like me who want to talk to them more about it but feel like stigmatized or uncomfortable do you feel like my parents my mom just started my dad doesn't talk about it any feelings ever so that's fine but my mom just recently started um casually talking about my therapist like uh there was an occasion like a few months ago where actually it was almost a year ago now that i think about it but she was like what would your therapist say

and I was like and she just she didn't even really think about it wasn't like she was marinating on if she should ask me she was like well what did she say when you told her that and I was like oh here's what she said I just love that my mom is curious about like you know what me and my therapist talk about and like how my therapist is like helping me absolutely and I'm just so like candid and open about going to therapy I mean I tweet about therapy all the time yeah no it's like it started to be I was feeling super weird about talking about therapy until I started tweeting about it it's weird that that's like a marker for me but like the second I started specifically tweeting about it I'm like oh it's like out in the open and like the world didn't

implode I don't know I'm wondering if I know that your mom started like talking about therapy more but it really kind of seems like a conditioning thing with people like yep just keep talking about it and then they'll get used to it kind of thing do you think that that's what's happening I do well and then I also think my mom like obviously my parents love me and are proud of me and I think like uh as a parent who is also a boomer like you're kind of you kind of see therapy as like oh they're in therapy because there's something wrong with them it's like a weakness and I can absolutely see a parent being like oh my my child is in therapy I must have failed them as a parent absolutely and i can see a lot of parents like feeling that way because you

always want the best for your kids and you want to protect them i think that a lot of people fall into that with their significant other too if they're significant others like dealing with depression it's like well what am i doing that's not helping you know yeah why can't i make it perfect it always falls on the person who's like a caregiver in some sort in some sort of way so that makes sense that parents would be feeling that too yeah yeah so i think once she realized was like oh like uh she already thought i was like a great daughter and then to see the changes and improvements even though i think it's been like a bit of a growing pain for my mom to deal with because i'm going through all these changes so far away from her that when she talks to me

she's like who are you yeah yeah she's like wait what that must be you know about politics well they go from like watching you grow up every single day to just like getting like chapters of you it's it's weird like i can't imagine how that must feel she was like well i just can't believe you're getting tattoos this late in life and i was like i'm not even 30 yeah what do you mean late in life and then it's like i'm almost 30 oh god i'm so glad i didn't get tattoos at 18 what i wanted when i was 18 was so fucking dumb so she was like tattoos are something that you're supposed to get when you're young and then you regret them later and then like i told my boyfriend that and he was like so she would rather you like wait until you're older or like she would rather

you make a mistake when you're young instead of like wait until you're older and you have thought about it a lot and like make a conscious decision about it and you don't regret it like that doesn't make any sense no it was really funny but that's i mean thinking back on what i almost got i got the yeah let's talk about what we wanted oh my god but so what i wanted i still want but if i would have done it at 18 i would have fucking hated it because i i'm gonna tell the story because it sounds trashy and it's actually a really nice story i really want a monarch butterfly tattooed on me which there's like whenever anybody thinks of like a trashy tattoo that's always a butterfly tattoo and i fucking hate that because i've seen so many beautiful butterfly

tattoos but I get it but um my grandma was like one of the most important people in my life ever and she passed away before my cousin's wedding and I was holding sunflowers for her because it was her favorite flower and they released monarch butterflies in her honor at the wedding and all of the butterflies flew away except for one and it landed on the sunflower and I kept like shooing it away because they were all supposed to fly away and it just like chilled there for like five minutes just hanging out on the sunflower and everyone's like that's your grandma so I wanted to get a butterfly but I was going back and forth on like what it's supposed to look like and one of our family friends daughters was I was 18 she must have been 25 brought me to her

ex-boyfriend who was tattoo artist to get this tattoo sketched on me and she said you have to get a huge tattoo because you're always going to wish it was bigger and I didn't know better so I got this enormous butterfly tattooed like the like a sketch of the tattoo on my rib cage like this big so like you can't see obviously that would be like a thousand dollars and it was hideous and like I was looking I wish I kept the fucking picture it might be on my Facebook somewhere but um it was the worst it was not a pretty design it was awful but I would have done it because I didn't know better so um our family friend from um it was one of my parents best friends from when we lived in Japan she said she said she saw the sketch on Facebook and she said

I'm gonna send you pearl earrings from Japan and um if you get a tattoo before you're 25 you have to send them back and I was like okay wait I think that I could I think I could probably wait I still have the earrings because I still don't have a tattoo 27 now so I never got it but since then i've come up with all these other ideas and i'm so happy i didn't start with the enormous fucking butterfly on my rib cage i would have hated it my mom kept saying you're gonna have a baby one day and it's gonna get all stretched out and then it's gonna be like it's gonna look like a moth at the end i was like no yeah you're right i mean looking back on it it probably would not have been cute what would you have gotten at 18 i would have gotten i wanted the latin phrase

for fortune favors the brave in that like stupid bro font no yes no i wanted it old english kind of font no lind i wanted it along my spine with a cherry blossom branch shut the front door i was so tacky like oh my god amelia why cherry blossom are you like i just like them well they're pretty they smell nice they do smell nice they do smell nice can we fucking talk about this kids are so mean like i have been self-conscious about so many things that people made fun of me for in sixth grade why why yeah why they called me i got hips before anyone else and i fucking hated my hips growing up and i fucking love them i'm like bitches yeah now the now they're looking at you and they're like ass implants i'm just gonna pop a baby out it's

gonna be so easy for me but back then i got hit so they they worked really hard on this insult they called me big hip girl in sixth grade wow i know i was like what do you mean because like it was i don't know if this was big where you were but all of the girls in sixth grade had um those like bell-bottom yoga pants that were tie-dyed did you have those and like the flat flat down they were called solo pants i'm gonna show you these pants but like they looked awful if you had hips like they were not hold on tie dye solo yeah i was fucked once every brand started making clothes like their jeans for women with hips because i have such a flat ass i just like and then everything made my butt look tiny i took this video like when i worked

at abercrombie i had put on their new pants that were for like um people with curves like and i turned to the side and my ass disappeared i was like where did it go i took a video of it and like i just remember people responding like what is going on like the pocket placement just like did not look good oh no so i saved up for made well jeans which finally make my butt look like it exists shopping for jeans is the these were solo pants oh yes yeah i couldn't wear them i couldn't fucking wear them and they would always make fun of me because um oh these were like this was like when lululemon came on the scene oh yeah everybody had those but yeah so i really wanted to wear pants like that and i wanted

to wear jeans like low-rise jeans i mean it makes sense why like that style of pant like with the flared legs would look good on people who don't have any hips yeah because it makes up for the the width that's true i know it um it really accentuated me in all the ways that i did not want them accentuated but i wanted to fit in so i still wore them and it was a fucking disaster and then shopping for jeans i would cry every single time my mom's like no you're gonna appreciate this about yourself and you're older i'm like no i want to hate it and here i am i'm like bitches look at this ass when i worked at abercrombie i remember i put this girl like a teenager in a fitting room and her mom kept trying to make her try on shorts and she's like no mom i

don't want to try on shorts you know it puts me in a bad mood that's just like this bitch is so relatable i was like yeah you don't have to wear shorts no wear dresses if you like if you like dresses wear dresses and that goes for anyone yeah yeah I mean that's so true I still don't like wearing shorts I have two pairs of shorts that are the only pairs of shorts that have ever made me feel good and I have them right now I've never felt good in shorts and I really do think that it traces back to these bitches in sixth grade and I look back on them now and I'm like I'm better than you and I don't think about that with about anyone but they're so mean and they're still so mean and I know this for a fact because I know people that still know them and they're so

don't you hate people like that like why are you so miserable like what like what oh my god what happened you're reminding me of okay i've told this story to so many people it's time i tell it on the podcast so i um had this was a few years ago i went to a wedding with my ex and there were all of these people from high school that were there and um this one girl like introduced herself to me even though i knew she knew me and i was like oh yeah we went to school together and i like did not even bat an eye like i didn't care i was like oh yeah i know we went to school together and then um she was like oh i'm really sorry like trying to make me feel bad and i was like oh no it's fine ew and then um she went and told all of the other girls to pretend not to not know me

and so they all were taking turns pretending to not know me and then my like bitch ass ex-boyfriend overheard them like say that and like you know being mean girls they're just being bitches and um and not even like a cool bitch like just straight up like cool and he was ashamed to be with me because they were like behaving so childishly and I was like what the fuck is wrong with you like I'm not the one who's acting embarrassing and his parents were there too and they were also like on my side about it his mom was like good for you for like not letting her like get away with that and I was like it's not even a big deal and I was like I wasn't trying to be rude like I just know her yeah right and then um like I don't know I it didn't make any

sense like the entire night they were being really rude to me it must suck to peak in high school because like you get stuck in that mentality of like being like i was you know star quarterback and it's like yeah but like it just it didn't make any sense to me like it's no it's what what's the fucking point of being mean when you're an adult fucking grow up yeah grow up it's it's like the energy you're putting into being mean to me instead of like being present at this wedding is grotesque i know it's pathetic and really i was mostly mad at my ex like i didn't even care that they were being bitches to me i was like that's fucking embarrassing for them and then my for my ex to behave that way i was like what the hell is wrong with you well i really do think that there's

like i will never forgive him for that no fuck no fuck that there's no excuse for that but i do think that there's a piece of all of us that's kind of frozen in high school because like just based on how i'm still self-conscious when i pass by like a group of 15 year old girls like in the mall i'm like i hope they think i'm cool be cool no am i walking normal right now i don't know what it is i'm like always going to be like kind of there's going to be a part of me that's always scared of 15 year old girls i don't know what it is i mean if i were bullied like that i would probably feel the same way do you not feel that that way then no like teenage girls not scare you no see i thought everybody experienced that i am terrified of 13 14 15 year

old girls and it really stops there I think 16 17 18 I get a little bit more comfortable and that's probably because I stopped being bullied when I hit 10th grade yeah but up until that point that yeah I mean that tracks but it's interesting to watch like your you know your ex-boyfriend still be like you know tied into that kind of mentality of like well like I gotta fit in with the with the masses here and then have those girls be like let's pretend that we don't know like what do you what are you gaining like they got ugly since high school and they're acting ugly on the inside like it's fucking pathetic uh i don't know yeah so i had talked to my therapist about that circumstance too i hadn't thought about it and then suddenly like it came to the front of

my mind because i was just going over shit with her that like my ex would do that was like manipulated over shitty and um i told her that story and i was like i like don't even care that they acted that way like i think that their behavior was like really embarrassing um but I'm pissed that my ex like treated me like I was a leper or something and um she was like well that girl like knew she knew you and she immediately like wanted to she's like why do you think she did that and I was like to make me feel small and she's like why do you think she like made you a target then I was like because she was mad that I didn't let her and she's like exactly like and then we started talking about um aggression in girls because this is something that

women always experience and honestly i think now boys experience it more too um just with the age of the internet and everything like interesting because uh we've widely accepted that boys will fight something out like physically but aggression in girls goes unnoticed and the way that um it happens is like behind closed doors and adults don't always like know how to address it so i did buy the book but i haven't like read it i've only read um a few chapters of it but it's called odd girl out and it's just like about the aggression and girls and how we experience it because i feel like it also follows you into adulthood sometimes like we all know a grown-ass woman who acts like a teenage girl and like I had an old boss who acts like a teenage girl like she acts

like she's the most popular girl in school and she likes that everyone comes to her and tells them all her prop their problems and she treats it as like oh I love that everyone depends on me and less like oh I need to handle this as a boss like she's just a drama queen it's really it's so sad that that follows people into adulthood because like I yeah passive aggressive behavior oh yeah but then it's like I mean whenever I was being bullied like all of the adults in my life would say like it's about them it's not about you and like I really that doesn't make sense as a teenager it doesn't but looking back now I'm like holy fuck like that was so true I wish that I listened because like your teenage brain doesn't know how to process that no it's like it must be

something with me yeah your teenage brain is thinking only about yourself right yeah empathy isn't really something that's fully developed no and I could have been exactly what they wanted me to be and it wasn't enough like I started dressing like them and I started like talking like them and like it just wasn't enough and so looking back on that it's like oh and then they call you a poser uh-huh and it's so fucking true because a lot of the girls not the ones that I mentioned were they're still assholes but a few of the girls that bullied me like have gone through enormous life things since then that make everything make so much fucking sense and like I just wish and I'm watching my little cousins they're 13 now and like one of the their twins um and watching them

grow up and like understanding the life that they're in now and like knowing how I felt when I was that age it's really fascinating to watch from the outside I don't live near them but I'm still very cognizant of what they must be going through and I feel really protective and I'm like don't be don't be that person don't be that fucking person because 13 for me was the worst like kids are so fucking mean they're so mean and like for for women or for not when they're girls at that point but like it's been interesting to watch how that has held true throughout adulthood like i am still very self-conscious about shit like in social interactions that i'm not actually self-conscious of and it becomes like a habit yeah you know what i mean like i i start

to notice myself like having behaviors that I had as a kid like that's almost like learned from those experiences because that is such a formative fucking age 13 is huge you learn so much about so much at 13 even though you still don't know a lot it's still so formative and it teaches you a lot about how people interact with each other like those things that scar you yeah there's like what your social standing is it's the worst but yeah it's it's interesting hearing you talk about i wasn't bullied until my freshman year of college and i was so yeah the first semester why i just was in a hallway with some like these two girls who were so fucking mean and lo and behold the meanest girl dropped out and she fucking sucks i remember like um i almost left

I almost transferred schools because of them and I had never experienced something like that before like what would they say uh it's a whole story like it's a really long story I'm not gonna tell it it's and it's so stupid too but um I remember like two years later I was in charge of my sororities recruitment and she like showed up to like say hi to people even though she didn't go to school there anymore she didn't go to any school she just dropped out and um I like she was like hi liz and i just stared at her it's like i'm not gonna fucking talk to you bye like you were so mean to me that you almost made me drop out and like go to another school that and like now i'm here like leading my sorority's recruitment like clearly i belonged here

and you made me feel like i didn't god misery loves company like these people are so she's so gross too like brush your hair sorry i'm just getting mean now the scars are there it's it's like it's really it's interesting to think about how boys experience this i never all of the bullies that i can think of that weren't like the mean girls were all men like they would like boys are fucking man they there's one guy i can think of that used to literally push people into lockers like a fucking television bully like what and he went on to like break a bunch of laws and she was in jail for a while and like but like the the aggression that that boys have to deal with and then like to have to like live up to that expectation of like just

like punching it out yeah i wouldn't it's fucked up in both ways it's so fucked up like that uh it's not i mean maybe it's different now for teenagers um but like you know us growing up like it still was not normalized for boys to talk about their feelings i really mean that changes and i like you going to school in washington i wonder like do you feel like it was a more accepting place to be gay um i'm trying to think if i mean like i mean it was probably more accepting in a lot of places I think regardless like kids because using like the that's gay like kind of like yeah that was a big that was big in my middle school um I'm trying to think if anybody came out like in middle school high school and I can't think of any a lot of a lot of people that I

know came out like freshman year of college and I I'm sure that that had to do with the whole like you know like always saying like the f word in school and like it was kind of like used as an insult so I think that was probably a big reason but I'm sure Washington was a lot I mean living in a liberal state like a liberal I guess it is a blue state but like Seattle specifically the greater Seattle area being so liberal was probably a lot better than a lot of places but I'm sure that there were still pressures I mean there since I was in theater like obviously there were a lot of gay kids yeah I was in theater too but I don't think anybody came like but anyway I'm trying to think but i don't think my high school as a whole was generally very homophobic huh yeah is vegas

red i know that they do it by states uh i feel like it would go back and forth okay yeah normally it's blue from the outside people think of vegas as like a big like open vegas is republican california it fucking sucks there you can quote me vegas fucking sucks everyone i like know who still lives there is like i hate it i'm like yeah it's because it's a miserable place it should not exist yeah well i mean like everybody that thinks of vegas it's just like if unless you are from there it's just like casinos there's nobody ever thinks of anything else like people are like people live in vegas yeah like well there's a lot of like not just casino places in Vegas it's a shitty place okay so for this merry fuck kill

we are going to do celebrities but the ones that have been dead for a long time yes we don't get sued if one of them dies to avoid some yeah and not touch on any recent deaths yeah um so we're gonna do Elvis Presley James Dean and Marlon Brando okay I gotta walk through this a little bit okay marlon brando has like big daddy energy and into that i'm gonna look up a marlon brando photo um marlon brando because i have um like godfather marlon brando in my head like old have you seen that gif of him like rolling his eyes yeah yes i didn't realize that that was marlon brando until until literally right now he is so sexy he looks like he would just like choke me out you know I'm into it he would ruin my life and I would let him I would I would marry

Marlon Brando because like I want to fuck him constantly I would fuck James Dean um and I would probably kill Elvis I just feel like I wouldn't like Elvis as a person like if I was in a room with Elvis I would not be like I would not be gravitated toward him so I think that that's my answer i would marry marlon brando i would fuck james dean and i would kill elvis elvis presley what about you i i'm gonna agree with you i would marry marlon brando for sure that jawline his smolder is unlike anything else it's unmatched god he's stupid hot i had no idea i had such a marlon brando fetish until right now i knew you had a james dean thing oh god i love james dean i think i would fuck elvis though yeah you would kill james dean over elvis yeah wow i just like

how like angular elvis is he's that is such a good way to describe elvis yeah that jawline everything's angular about him even his hair that's so true yeah uh yeah those lips too he has very kissable lips i love a good pout you know yeah yeah i love a good pair of lips yeah he does have a solid pout i don't think that i have ever dated someone who doesn't have like good lips or at least a good bottom lip that's good that's important yeah anyway thanks for listening yeah i always sound so unsure whenever i'm listening back to these episodes i'm like why do i sound so i sound so unsure whenever i say thanks for listening that's because ending it is so awkward i know you know we'll figure it out but maybe by episode 20

we'll have figured out how to close we just need to be confident about ending the episode thank you for listening that was aggressive no not confident you seemed confident yeah thank you so much thanks for listening thanks we appreciate it yeah okay yeah we'll talk to you guys uh whenever actually you want to talk to us just email us something tweet us something i get so much great feedback from people about listening and like there's ways to interact with us oh god yeah we love interacting with you guys if you haven't figured this out about us we love talking yeah i don't know if you guys know but we really like to talk we also have very big opinions but we're also both very nice people so don't be afraid to approach us i'm not always nice oh that's fine

with me yeah you know what that's good that's a strength i wish i wasn't always nice i will say i do think that i'm always good i don't think i'm always nice i think that your your not niceness is always warranted yeah true true i will clap back she will she will and then sometimes i won't and i'll just ask amelia can you jump into the stand up for me okay okay anyway thanks for listening