The Hoely Hour - E165 Booch For The Cooch

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

It's Season 2 and Liz and Amelia are back from a long winter's nap! Liz won't shut up about a Harry Potter fanfic (derogatory) and Amelia comes in hot with the best advice, per usual. We asked you what your sex-olutions are for 2024, and we read a listener update. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms i also like lasagna me too fuck garfield was on to something it's noodle cake it is noodle cake welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and

email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com happy happy new year happy new year i don't know why i said it's so sad i mean it can be sad maybe well yeah but you know what but not yet it is not sad yet and for that i'm hashtag grateful it's uh the year of the girl we've made it to the year of the girl i'm proud of us i'm proud of i'm proud of all of us we've paid our dues in the years that weren't the year of the girl how was uh your holidays it was good they were good they felt never ending which is wild yeah but they were really good like usually the holidays don't feel long enough yeah and these holidays I was like mine felt very long yeah well you were doing a

lot of shit yeah my life uh I I made all of these plans because I was like I'm gonna have time to myself no I did not I had no time to myself um and it was a very stressful time you had just multiple responsibilities to take care of all the time yeah like you know but you got through it you can't plan everything no no you cannot there are some things you can't plan for and the thing I couldn't plan for was uh one of my grandparents passing away so um that kind of like controlled the whole vibe of of the of my time off I was like looking forward to coming home I was like I think I would rather be working than like experiencing what I was going through before yeah no i bet it was a lot i had new year's day to myself love that um and i spent it meal prepping

fuck yeah yeah and i know i enjoyed doing that i spent my new year's day and moping organizing the kitchen in the living room do you like my um open cabinets i do what do i call those shelves yeah shelves that's exactly what an open cabinet is it's just a shelf what a lovely built-in I you know it's it's posed a bit of a challenge I've looked at so many Pinterest posts of how to organize those and that's done an excellent job thank you so much you it was it was an undertaking I think I worked on that for like four hours which is fucking crazy you can always change it if you don't like yeah that's that's what Frank kept saying too he was like it's a it could just be a work in progress for forever like that's true thank you for saying that we're

all work in progress is forever fuck yeah my open shelves my open cabinets my shelves are just metaphors for humans exactly and it's beautiful to have that reminder in my living room uh there is currently a dog yeah my lap there's a third podcaster here um it's it's frank's dog this is but now i guess it's your guys's dog i know i call her my dog now it's weird i know mr list sent an email to everyone in our building because frank checked on the cats and he was like he was like our friend frank is coming by to check on our cats and i was like that's so sweet but that's so fun i think uh it's little things like that that like you don't realize they're gonna be like fun i think in real life he refers to them as my cats because they are right no i think i refer to

polly as as frank's dog like when i'm talking about her but like i whenever i tweet about her i always say my dog my dog and it's cool i'm like oh i have a dog now he loves mr liz loves having the cats um just like when he plays games and he has the camera on they he puts it on the cat because uh we have something called we've been calling the biscuit basket it's like a little nest is that the thing that you roll around yeah it's a rolling cart and i use it in my office area and ideally i would be putting office supplies on top of this cart but i put one of the cat beds in there because i was like oh my god these cats are driving me nuts just climbing all over everything they can't sit in my lap all day um but they'll try their damnedest yeah um

they're so funny this is why i have back problems i think um that'll do anyways i i put their little bed in that so they could sit next to me and then gramps loves it he loves it that honestly i could see him loving something like that because it's his yeah he just wants to well now the cats like it so they have to take turns they alternate between who's in the biscuit basket and who's in my lap and they're happy in both places and that's a beautiful thing there's no losers in that situation i've never seen polly so happy dude oh she's such a cute she's a little smile on her face she's in heaven uh mr liz would be so jealous right now she's a really good dog she is i hate it she's a wiener dog for those of you listening and i have had a lifelong hatred of

wiener dogs i got bit by one when i was a kid so i've always said traumatizing yeah this dog's name was noodle and that's a good name it's a great name for for a wiener dog but noodle bit my neck and ever since then i have just been like fuck wiener dogs like at first i was afraid of them and now i just have like a deep hatred and uh of course i ended up with a wiener dog and when i first started dating frank and he said that he had a dog i was like oh my god that's so great what kind of he's like a wiener dog a dachshund fuck the last thing i wanted to hear yeah but um you know she's she's a perfect little princess she's a sweetie she's changed my mind she's a sweetie pie um so what were you about to say i was gonna say what are we what are we jumping into well i

was gonna say i asked on our instagram what everyone's new year's sex solutions were um and i want to read some and then we could talk about ours yeah a sex resolution new year's sex solution near sex 2024 what and we i'm these are these are all honestly great i'm excited to hear them i'll rattle through a few of them um our friend who just had a baby said lose my v card so that's that's a an lol um someone said have a one night stand oh it's a good sex illusion yeah um to not consume too much smut i think it depends on the smut um is it is it you know like audio smut is it a book yeah i think book smut is fun have you ever heard of literatica.com um no but it you can guess what it is yeah exactly it is

the they have stories that some of the stories are like fucked like some of the like i don't want to kink shame but like some of them are like pretty like pretty fucked that's where it's yeah it gets dicey it does but they make these guys need to go to therapy yeah i don't know if this is like the best way to process yeah i don't love this journey for you but they have some stories that like go on for like chapters and chapters on there it's really interesting anyway um try to have some sex which is that's a good that's a good overall goal yeah um to learn to squirt apparently anyone can i see i don't believe that no no i i there's just something in me where i'm like i don't i don't believe that controversial yep very brave i i've been told before that i've

squirted but like i haven't corroborated that you know what i mean like yeah i'm like do you just did you just tell me that so you could tell yourself that do you learn to squirt or does someone learn to make you squirt i think it's the latter because actually i feel like there's a lot of specifics involved yeah so i don't really know yeah i know that i've so i've seen people like talk about like training that yeah with their partner is it like a kegel thing i have no idea i see i've just never really been that interested in squirting i'm just if you do great and if you don't great yeah it's just it's a fascinating as long as you are having um good sex that is consensual and uh you're closing the orgasm gap with your partner that's what matters fuck yeah

close that gap baby close that gap burst right through that glass ceiling close your gap you're the girl no more the glass ceiling is just fucking covered in cum man okay what lady lady cum lady come i we'll see if i keep that in it came from a good place yeah we haven't done this in a month we're doing our best i'm unhinged um where was i oh going to try sex scheduling with my wife thought it was anti-hot but now think opposite i think that's a good idea yeah i think so too we've talked about that a lot in the past because uh so many people are still under the impression that like sex is always going to be um spontaneous yeah spontaneous uh arousal yeah and that is like not the the case for most people right like majority of people they need they like you need

to be conscientious of what is happening that surrounds when you do feel like having spontaneous sex and then that's how you can plan for it so if someone likes the everything before leading up to it like they have a romantic date night and that's what makes that's what puts them in the mood so it's like getting you yourself in the mood to be in the mood yes if that makes sense absolutely and i know i've said that before but i don't know if i've ever explained it yeah yeah yeah it and it is a big that's like the whole premise of come as you are yes i follow i me and this um sex therapist to follow each other on instagram i don't know how to say her last name kate balestri i think is her name and she posts like fun facts all the time i would love to have her on she's

fucking dope but anyway she posted something about this being a healthy thing to do yeah yeah like scheduling yeah scheduling sex is like it just makes so much sense especially like as an adult like you have two entirely different schedules going on well and i think you need to put in like what like what i was saying you need to put in the work to you can't just be like it's scheduled that's that you need to put in the work to know what gets you in the mood to be in the mood and communicate that to your partner and it might feel like daunting or not very sexy in the moment but i think that um once you're aware then you can get interesting with it yeah totally yeah it's now it's on them it's a process that let them get creative the journey is as beautiful

as the destination yeah yeah amen uh this person said get my partner interested more than once every six weeks lol good goal and that ties into what we were just talking about yes it does uh someone said to get laid with a little angel face that's a good one it is a good classic timeless yes um if i do get into a relationship i would love to actually explore some kink i am tired of being boring very interesting i mean uh there's nothing wrong with being vanilla as long as you're enjoying it but not a vanilla queen if you want to explore a little bit more yeah because uh it can be vanilla and still be interesting totally just depends on i guess it just overall depends it also depends on yeah what you think i think that kink and bdsm are a

little different oh yeah they're separated because bdsm can be a kink yes but then something like a foot fetish that's also a kink but it's not necessarily being dressed up as a baby that's a kink that's one that maybe you should um think about yeah look into a little bit yeah deconstruct as long as you're aware yeah as long as you're self-aware yeah i'm just gonna leave it at that um oh i like this buy a new sex item once a month whether it's something small or big i love that wink wink small or big like a little like bullet or like a huge dildo i i listen i was thinking earlier like i love the bullet it's just classic it's timeless i have been thinking a lot about the bullet specifically while i'm having sex because because you use it

no because i don't have one and like i should yeah you know because like they don't get in the way um my favorite bullet is from amazon i bought a fancy bullet and it has shit battery life we should have a storefront an amazon storefront yeah with our favorite toys because we talk about this a lot i need to look into more toys but yeah that little that little guy was 11 and it is sturdy fuck yeah i like it i just like it because of um it's small yeah it's small it looks like lipstick yeah so it blends in with stuff um inconspicuous and then it's easy to hold so if you want to like be doing stuff with it anyone can figure it out do you use the other settings on vibrators no i i like to stick with just like that i don't want there to be pauses

yeah like what the fuck i mean like i guess like yeah that's there are some settings that are like it's like fucking morse code i don't i don't mind the i think when i first started using them like years ago i i liked that like the wave interesting you know i had a i had a vibrator that could be controlled remote like via app yeah and it like had some like saved settings and some of them were like that and there's something kind of sexy about like somebody else having designed the pattern that you're masturbating with like it's like i don't know but then when it's like one of the automatic ones it's like this doesn't feel this feels very impersonal yeah this feels very like drunk one night stand yeah which is fine but like that's not what i want right now

yeah i if you use any other setting that isn't just the the straight buzz yeah tell us i'm curious i want to know because sometimes i do still like the wave and i think it's because it's like it changes things up i guess it it makes the ramp up like more uh thrilling i guess yeah it's kind of like i think it's because when you are like having sex with someone or just like hooking up in general the pace of it is going to change that's true so i think maybe that's why sometimes i'm down with the wave yeah but i just feel like there's a time and place for everything I like to keep it straight forward right like I want it I want it to be predictable like I don't want to I don't want to guess like what you're doing next but if it's just me yeah

if I'm I'm playing solo yeah I want it I'm I need it to be fast absolutely I'm not there I guess you know I'm not there to like mess around I'm like all right let's let's get it done absolutely yeah it's not a full basketball game it's a quickie it's one-on-one you know you're just trying to like pass a little time we're not like trying to win a trophy trying to avoid work no yeah right not to say i haven't during the work day but i usually don't no yeah no me either i get too stressed i always have to shower after i masturbate though oh that's right i get swamp vagina okay somebody said have some okay so get laid yeah 2023 was dry um someone said to finally have someone make me come slash use a toy with a partner slash explore positions slash role play

these are all great yeah those sound fun yeah you could do those all in one night too yeah actually yes it would be a good fucking night see listen closing the orgasm gap for the year of the girl that's that's a big goal yeah that we have as a collective yes and we all have to commit to it more yeah yeah if a guy isn't making you come it's time it's time to say goodbye kick him to the cum curb yeah i hate everything i'm saying today i was trying to think of a better way to make that into a pun um to kiss someone since i never have and this person included female 27 which i think is important to talk about because i think that there's probably quite a few people that are in this position but feel alone in it yeah sorry my voice she's like gonna cry it's

so beautiful I think well because I was thinking about it and I think it's also interesting that this person's listening to the podcast yeah I love that I hadn't even thought about that yeah that's I like that a lot so maybe they're gonna like go in informed but I think that's really exciting yeah but I also have to say like when I've been in positions because before you kind of like breach this wall of experience it is so I would get so like anxious and overwhelmed like when I first started kissing people um I would start laughing because I was just so anxious I was really nervous and I was like afraid to do anything that's fun that's cute to think about yeah and then you have your first like real relationship with someone and I remember one

of our friends talking to me about this like it when you are also like hooking up with someone else who like isn't experienced it's so fun because you're figuring it out together yes absolutely I really enjoy that I honestly I enjoy that like in any relationship because you're with a new person who has different things that they like yeah and I also think that's like one of the hottest parts of like having a new partner or like just a just like a consistent partner in general that you're like having sex with yeah the fun part is to figure out what they like yes absolutely how you guys like to do things together yeah i think that's exciting i mean now that we're taught like i i was thinking about the other day my first boyfriend um who now has two kids

three kids actually um which is crazy to think about because it feels like yesterday but um he would like there was one night you know on facebook how it like tells you like the memories which is like the most terrifying part of Facebook like more scary than like the misinformation no I'm just kidding stay off of Facebook it's the worst place ever but it really is the like memories that pop up there was one night where him and I laid on my driveway until like four in the morning just like looking at the stars and at the time it was like I was so hyped about like yeah the potential of like that being like a thing that I do you know like oh that's why like what if we kissed is a meme yeah yeah we kissed under like the stars yeah what if we kissed like

in the dairy aisle it is really precious it is and it's like that kind of as you get older that like excitement about those little moments kind of fade away it really does they just become like a thing that happens it's so true and that makes me sad yeah you know i can't remember the last time i've like really been like like had those butterflies yeah about something i guess i still do get butterflies before like mr liz and i have sex i don't know i get like a little nervous i think that's so cute i'm like i yeah i don't know are you kidding that's a i get butterflies i love that liz thanks what the fuck that's really sweet yeah me and frank have just been like he'll be like downstairs working and i just text him and i'm like hey do you have time to fuck

and he was like yeah and then he comes upstairs and then we just fuck and then we go back to work that's kind of how we've been it's been super fun but it's like the i wouldn't change it for a thing if you're listening babe i love it but like the idea the idea of being like like we're gonna have we're butters well because we usually plan it yeah exactly which goes back to the other thing we're talking about yeah so then he will kind of like drive the evening and that always makes me like a little like i think that's nervous yes like oh oh mr liz um i'm such a mr liz and liz stan thank you i'm a stan i saw a lot of my friends over the holidays um like my college girlfriends and a handful of people were like i really like him liz oh good like everyone i love

um i feel like i was gonna say something else i i want i wonder if men feel like that like have that little like both the twinge of excitement but the um the kind of like butterfly feeling of like leading up to like the first time you kiss or something oh absolutely honestly i think kissing can be more fun than a total sex oh yeah i mean it feels more intimate a lot of time yeah like just like making out with someone yeah i love i love a good makeout before frank kissed me for the first time he got the hiccups and so and then like for the first little bit that we were dating he made a playlist um of like the songs that like he was listening to at the time when we first started dating that like make him feel like that again and he named the playlist

hiccups oh that's so cute see i love little shit like so fucking cute but it's like i think that they do it's like they get like a little like i think everyone needs to explore like finding ways to be excited about dating because it is it seems like everyone's very tired and disappointed that's yeah and there's all of these like it just feels like you're checking boxes rather than like taking a chance yeah and that's what makes it exciting look i saw um a tiktok where this guy was talking about like how he only does like um what did he call it like cold approach with women so instead of like you know sliding into dms or going on dating apps um he will only like approach them in public to see if they'll like you know hit it off and try to get their

number a conventionally attractive man well um i i feel like he's like average okay yeah maybe like above slightly above average he's just a guy yeah um but he was saying that like at first it was hard but it's just like so much more rewarding because the more like rejection you endure the more it's just not that big of a deal yeah and i think it also depends on the type of person that is but if you really think about it it's like okay you get acclimated to something it's not like you're never going to hit it off with someone yeah and there was a guy in the comments I was like this is I was like this is a really interesting concept too because eventually like the win is just it's not going to shake your confidence or how you feel about yourself

because you'll have just like tried and put yourself out there so as long as you are content and happy with who you are and you're not hinging your self-worth on if you're going to get someone's number you're it you have the the like piece of knowing it's like not you yeah absolutely does that make sense totally well and like why would you want to date someone who doesn't want to date you yeah that's the other that's the other thing so I mean I don't know me neither people are always like if they were your soulmate they would want you back it's like fuck like that's like not wrong yeah I mean it's true it's like your soulmate should like want yeah you should want to be with someone who wants to be with you absolutely and that doesn't mean maybe

you'll never be together like yeah but they're just not your soulmate right now and there are soulmates so many soulmates everywhere yeah let go and maybe you guys will come back together yeah but but yeah no it's I think being able to separate yourself from your love life is like such a like having like you be two individuals and then taking care of a relationship helps not like put yourself all of your self-worth and whether like whether or not the relationship works out and it's like you're saying the same thing with like dating you know it's like you are dating like you're not the date like you're not the like you're you're your own person like you don't need this other person to tell you whether or not you're like worthy of dating

that's so true and everybody like I mean I've been guilty of this like when I was dating hard and like would really like someone and then they wouldn't like me back yeah oh and it's it is it can't you're we're all human so it's like yeah of course it's gonna hurt a little bit yeah especially if you like if you like someone and you think it's going well and they're not feeling it yeah but I mean I've always stuck to and it took therapy for me to stick to this of just like if I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me yeah that's just how it is yeah and like it's because I value myself totally because you're with yourself forever so yeah you should prioritize being happy are you going to be happy in a relationship with someone who

doesn't value you the way you want to be valued because you're hoping that they're going to learn to or something yeah they'll come around no no that's not worth it i was but there was a guy who was replying to my comment where i was like this is an interesting concept because like the reward is not letting it shake how you feel about yourself and he's like that's easy coming from a woman i'm like the fuck i actually made the move on my boyfriend yeah so like shut up it was rewarding and then he's like fucking who yeah and and i was just like yeah no one wants to date you because you're whiny did you say that back yeah and he was like no one's ever told me that before and i was like no one's gonna people who know you aren't gonna fucking tell you that i bet i really

want to think that he was he's like boohoo poor me no one likes me i was i kind of hope that he he meant that in the way of like wow like introspective like nobody's ever told me that i think he was really because i was just like yep your friends aren't gonna tell you that you're like whiny but like we've all met a guy who's like boohoo no one wants to date me yeah like i just am not like a guy that like girls want to date and they feel sorry for themselves it's like you can't just like sit here and mope that's what is unattractive yeah the attractive part is like learning to not let it define who you are yeah and clearly you're not getting the message of the whole fucking video so that was what I wanted to say too it's like you can't

just sit here and wallow and feel sorry for yourself that like a girl didn't want to give you her number and then it deters you yeah and a lot of I mean like a lot of these angry dudes that like I see on dating apps are like reacting they can't handle rejection they're reacting very clearly to like their whole profile is based around them being rejected by someone and it's like that's so true never you're never going to find anyone with that mentality i never thought about that it's like yeah are you're just kind of creating like a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point you're expecting to be rejected and now you're lashing out instead of being like no i'm worthy of being loved for who i am and the right person is gonna see that yes they're gonna see

what's lovable about me yeah and that's beautiful instead of being like all of you dumb bitches you're the reason it's like you can't fire me i quit and then you don't get any uh severance or yeah um pussy yeah you don't get any severance or any pussy yeah the last two are to be less focused on wanting to get pregnant and more on my hubby and i to be in the moment oh i love that and honestly like heard a lot that once you stop trying and you just start like just having sex have sex you get pregnant like I've heard that from a lot of people yeah so that's a good goal to have it's a good goal and also I hope that you're able to start your family yeah whatever that means to you I

hope you name them Liz Amelia when you do have a baby Amelia Liz no don't Lizelia I like that sounds like lasagna um i also like lasagna me too fuck garfield was on to something it's noodle cake it is noodle cake i like how your eyes lit up when i said that it's exactly noodle cake that's so true okay this last one is more playful sexual interactions with my fiancee learning to not be so fucking serious love that yeah i love that too that is a great fucking goal yeah great fucking oh zing nice got dads that's a good one um what's your sex solution my sex solution for the year of the girl my sex solution for the year of the girl is to not be so hard on myself about how my vagina might smell that's a good one thank you yeah i mean frank never ever ever makes me feel i'm it

feels weird because i feel like i pander because he listens but like like genuinely he's never made me feel like that's the case but just personally i feel like it's hard for me to enjoy like oral or just sex in general when i'm like oh i haven't showered i remember one of our earliest episodes well also sometimes you know it's gonna be a little sweaty down there that's what happens yeah um throughout the yeah throughout the day in general but i remember in one of our earlier episodes you mentioning that there's like this narrative that like vaginas are gross yeah and they're not they clean themselves name any other body part that does that i think that's pretty rad it's pretty incredible um we're aliens yeah yeah we like we're special we push whole humans

out of those things that honestly that's crazy it's bonkers um but they clean themselves not to say you shouldn't you know clean it yeah yeah you should still because the the toilet paper yeah will stick in there sometimes but you just gotta yeah get in there with some warm water i like to use um mild unscented soap that's made from goat milk wow i just happen to have it like that type of um soap i was like oh this seems like it's really nice on my skin i'm not irritated by it i think this would be a nice little way to clean myself and it does and it doesn't agitate me at all i'm really sensitive like my skin is really sensitive yeah me too so that's good that you found something yeah i'm once i can think of the name i'll share

it i love that yeah i'd have to look i've been i've started using boric acid more religiously oh yeah we've talked about that yeah because i felt myself getting a yeasty um it was it was sneaking up on me so i popped some boric acid in there for a few days i also bet that gut health has a lot to do with with it oh yeah because it's like yeah baby have that booch i've been drinking a lot of booch keep that booch on me fuck yeah i love booch booch for the cooch i think we found our episode title booch for the cooch oh man uh what's your sex solution well i just wanted to say one last comment i think it's a good resolution to like be more present in your body and in the experience than worry about

something like that it's like okay yeah do you know how many balls i've smelled that smell a little sweaty right and that it doesn't make a difference no i'll still get slapped in the face with them yeah i don't i don't really care if it smells a little sweaty down there because like we're having a good time we're here to have fun if it was nasty then we're having a conversation absolutely um so yeah I think that's there's a happy medium yeah and you can trust that like if there was ever an actual issue yes there would be a conversation yeah you could trust your partner to delicately totally broach the subject absolutely yeah no I think that that's a good like overall goal just to be more present in my in my body and my experience yeah well one thing

that helps me be more present like i've said is like being blindfolded oh yeah yeah because i just like i i don't know as a woman who is a woman you know when you're a woman you just have so much happening in your mind yeah um because you have just kind of this natural um expectation but also just like a natural part of you that is trying to plan for like a household and then like plan ahead for like your job and things like that so having that aspect of my life on top of um like managing people and like yeah project managing so that's a whole other those are two other things that I have to manage it's hard to get out of my head that makes so much sense um and I think like having a blindfold involved really helps and then

um if i'm really like distracted then also uh putting on noise canceling headphones just go full sensory deprivation well i have um a few playlists that i like to play that help me like get really like present in the moment oh yeah yeah playlist well because i know we have our sex playlist and i don't really use that one um i have one called violent delights oh my god that's cute um but it's from a shakespeare yeah quote from romeo and julia which is actually my favorite shakespeare play because i'm a fucking dork you're a purist uh yeah these violent delights have violent ends fuck yeah that's so but damn he was yeah violent delights he was spitting fucking bars fuck man um what's your sex solution my

sex solution i know i i alluded to this when i first got here um i just kind of want it to be like manacled because i'm listening to manacled on audiobook um and it's just like sure it does have really fantastic sex scenes that are very well written and like you get a little hot and when you're listening to it you're like oh my god oh wow you're like like should i be listening to this am i like interrupting something it's well and it's not like it's like um overly descriptive or too sexual it's like very sensual and intense and i like that fuck yeah um anyways to just to explain what manacled is it is a harry potter fan fiction which is going to sound wild because most people think of fan fiction as being like what kinky or whatever yeah and um this is not

like that some some things are kink coated um i'll explain the premise high level without giving anything away so it is an alternate timeline where harry potter loses the war and voldemort wins and um that's where we start and they've started this hermione has been imprisoned in like a sensory deprivation cell for over a year and when they discover she's in there because they've all they've like just kind of forgotten about her and when they discover she's in there they're like holy shit this is like the last person living in the resistance she probably has some information and she doesn't remember a bunch of shit she doesn't remember like anything from the war she she remembers bits and pieces like she she knows they lost and stuff

but there's a huge chunk of her memory that is missing and she can't even like access those memories and voldemort is trying to access those memories um and since he's one he is implementing a new like reproduction program so it it literally mirrors the handmaid's tale of like people aren't having magical children and that's like a whole thing for him you know pure bloods and whatever um so all children are magical yeah they are damn it voldemort um yeah so they're trying to like resolve that um and they're like okay we'll let the people who are half bloods and mudbloods reproduce because they were just gonna kill them all and then kill all of the humans um so they're like okay well she's hermione's fertile like she's able to she's

able to have kids she's in perfect condition she's not barren so like uh we can use her pregnancy to try and unlock these memories and it's just a theory they're like well we can try to see so they knock her up um so they give her to draco uh-huh for the sex yeah so she becomes draco's handmaid and as the story like it's the first like 15 chapter chapters are a slow start but i thought the premise was super interesting at first i was like whatever at best i'll be entertained and it is a it is a love story and you're like how am i going to reconcile these two people these two characters falling in love um because she's a handmaid yeah so then you're like oh this is questionable at best but once you get to the point where um her memories are unlocked

bro and you found out about this on tiktok yeah i saw a couple people i saw someone like uh have it printed and then they hand bound the book for their best friend and um the comments are like what is manacled and like someone's like it's the best book ever and they have it on audiobook on spotify so that's what i've been listening to and um the narrators change every few chapters so that's a little difficult to like adjust to because some of them have shit mics and then um but i do you do get really like enveloped in it they do they they do a good job of uh voice acting but they all do like a little bit different um but i i like it fuck yeah i'll probably also read it at the end depending on how it ends because i it it just gets so good

and like the sex scenes are well written without being like gratuitous yeah without being like raunchy or anything they're they're like realistic and like you can kind of like imagine it yourself like you imagine it happening to yourself i also learned um fan fiction if you look up like fan fiction art there's something called like yn and i was like what does that mean and it means your name so you can have there's fan fiction where you imagine it's you with this character whoa yeah but that's kind of cool yeah damn okay so you want your i'm a i'm a big fan so you're you're sex illusion is to be have make your like sex life more like manicled yeah i guess maybe like a little bit more romantic i don't know okay not to say that it's not but just step it up just

being very like um present yeah totally if that makes sense and the amp up and it's kind of just like i i can't even like get into it without like giving away the exciting plot points but i mean this is a fan fiction because people have always written fan fictions about draco and hermione yeah i mean because the enemies to lovers plot is always going to like get you going you know he i'm that man that he grew up good actor tom tom i almost said tom douglas i'm pretty sure that's a restaurant owner tom haverford no tom tom and jerry riddle to what that's i think a harry potter character yeah um tom i think that i think that's voldemort tom riddle oh right yeah spoiler alert liz sorry i'm just kidding that's from like the second movie

book i still haven't watched the last harry potter i still have no idea what's going on honestly the movies are pretty well done um but also you know fuck jk rowling i've never been invested in harry potter at all like i didn't read any of the books um i watched the movies but i'm not like this is amazing right um so i just thought like the premise sounded interesting and i was like at best i'll be entertained and then i saw someone else they were like this is actually the best book i've read all year and i and then she was like i've read a lot of books and then i was like wow huh that's high praise now i'm really curious yeah so then so then i was like i'm gonna listen to it on audiobook that's the power of tiktok baby

and it has a grip on me well and it's long it has 77 chapters holy shit what chapter are you on i am all the way on chapter like 61 wow i know i've been like listening non-stop i've been going through it i've been listening since for the last like four days wow because you can't listen all the time yeah that's true but i mean it's also have a bit of a revenge bedtime last night because i wanted to keep listening one i wake up at seven yo for work yeah i immediately start working i wake up and i clock in and i lay in bed and work from bed for like a good 30 minutes mr liz isn't here yeah so i was like oh no i don't have someone to bring me coffee he always brings me coffee that's the best even if he's gonna bike to work i love that me too

this is like my first time being alone in our place without him how does it feel uh makes me sad yeah well now you know yesterday i was like fine because i've just been kind of over socialized and stressed out for the last two weeks with a bunch of unpredictable stuff happening um so i was like okay it's nice to just relax totally um but yeah i wish it was here yeah yeah i mean i'm gonna have to frank has like a million things going on this year like at the beginning of the year so i'm gonna be in that position in not too long from now and it's gonna be weird you get used to having someone around yeah um forgot what it was like we we have some good um listener emails that we wanted to read let's do it okay so this is a follow-up from

um was it the last episode it was either the last episode or two episodes ago um the original is my partner can't finish with me any advice and that's the person that we gave advice to that i was like i think that he's addicted to porn um so they followed up and they wrote back and it says Liz and Amelia thank you so much for reading my email on your podcast and giving me some much needed confidence boosting and tough love honestly can't thank you enough also for your brain on porn.com what an incredible resource that we both love and reference frequently by the time you read this it'll be 2024 and I hope that the end of 2023 was restful and restorative for you both thank you um in a surprise to absolutely no one who listened to that episode my partner has a

porn addiction he finally admitted it to me after i was brutally honest with him about how his porn makes me feel and he also admitted to trying to stop multiple times and not being able to he thought it was something he could handle on his own and became deluded with the idea that he could fix it alone the first time i brought this up almost two years ago i think i addressed it in a very confrontational way that brought out a lot of shame and likely contributed to the problem a bit lesson learned calm down and write out your thoughts beforehand if you plan to confront your partner about something sensitive. We did that this time, both of us, and it was ultimately much more productive and less hurtful. We've had multiple conversations since our initial

blow-up about it in early November, where I just broke down and sobbed about how inadequate I was feeling and expressed the frustrations you read about in my last email, and he's apologized profusely for the way he's made me feel. The exact words were something along the lines of knowing the depth of pain he has caused me is the deepest shame he has felt in his life, which sounds extreme, but I appreciate the honesty. Shame is truly the underlying feeling surrounding all of this for him. He also specifically said that he hopes to earn my forgiveness over time, which I also appreciated, recognizing that this will take time to heal from and that I will likely not be okay overnight, and honestly, neither will he. Since then, he's been much more open to conversations

in general regardless of topic and an overall better mood of course some swings here and there but that's to be expected the good news is that we are currently on day 28 of no porn slash masturbation by the time you read this in the new year hopefully we'll be almost at two months while he and I don't believe that masturbation is a bad thing at all it clearly is something that is not good for him right now we've implemented a few action items uh I hate how corporate culture has pervaded our personal lives. So true. So true, Queen. And they seem to be helping a lot. A lot of them have to do with how we casually use technology and consume media and making intentional decisions to either remove temptation or generally be less dependent on tech.

And then she listed out the things that each of them are doing. And I think that they're both like really interesting and helpful so i'm going to read them um for her partner work with an individual therapist who can help him work through his porn addiction depending on how it goes explore couples therapy do not bring phone into bathroom or shower that is a trigger for him no artificial sexual simulation pixels audio literature no porn substitutes either if it's not real life just say no no masturbating in general for now keep track of major milestones i.e. 30 60 90 days and inform me of any slips and then for her um react to slips with compassion and understanding exercise patience surrounding sex and orgasm especially early on help slash

support partner in breaking technology habits in general and accountability with their partner and then they both um weekly pre-scheduled date nights with no phones or other tech this has fallen by the wayside since we've lived together for so long um no pressure to have sex but both initiate intimacy can explore sex once we feel comfortable doing so again and then she follows up with this like a story um we did try to have sex somewhat early on day 11 but he had difficulty staying hard thanks to the your brain on porn forums i was prepared for this possibility we ended up enjoying physical intimacy without the goal of having sex and i feel much better about it shout out to Emily Nagoski and come as you are also for the idea to remove the pressure

of expectation a plus book a plus advice in general we've also refrained from how we're thinking about the problem yes it is his problem to solve and it's ultimately up to him to do the damn thing but we're trying to approach it as us versus the problem instead of him versus the problem or me versus the problem or worst of all him versus me he told me that thinking of it in terms of something he's doing for us not just himself and not just for me is also incredibly helpful and motivational just knowing that he's not alone is so huge and i think knowing that i'm willing to stand by him through this is huge we've successfully had sex twice since he started this no pmo porn masturbation orgasms journey and things seem to be uh trending in the right direction

also most importantly i've been trying to do things that make me feel good about myself I've been hanging out with girlfriends and dressing to fit my dark autumnal Libra queen vibes and generally in trying to enjoy myself it's been good to have other things to think about and enjoy besides the issue that can't be solved overnight anyway thank you again for talking about real and difficult shit that we seemingly all experience your advice meant so much to me and I hope that my experience can help others going through similar situations of their own happy new year this was such a great email to receive um because i told amelia this when when uh we had first posted that i was a little nervous that um my advice was too harsh

and you always run the risk of like pissing people off or um just giving bad advice right yeah so it was it was refreshing and relieving to to get this update yeah but i i think it'll it'll be really helpful for other people totally no it's it's good it sounds like y'all were able to become like a super united front on it which i'm sure was like so refreshing and relieving for you after like the conversation going so poorly the first time like of course you were worried about bringing it up again because you've had like historically like not good experience with it and it sounds like it like it was really like he was very receptive of the conversation and the fact that you guys are working as a team like you said like us versus the problem yeah rather

than all of the other ways that it could go which like it doesn't it's historically for everybody that's when problems and relationships go so poorly when you're trying to solve them is when you like kind of treat it as like a you versus the problem or your partner versus the problem or you versus your partner like it's just kind of doomed to fail from there like the problem so being able to approach it from this way that's like that's such an amazing thing and it sounds like it's been working so well yeah being able to change how you approach problems together is also I feel like a difficult undertaking so I think this is also just kind of a reflection of their strength together to be able to change how they're approaching issues yes as a couple

absolutely and it's another another piece of evidence for like the power of communication so many people default to you versus me oh yeah and when it comes to a disagreement yeah because it's tough to separate yourself from the problem like when it's something that like an individual needs to work on the problem becomes that person and it's such a highly emotional issue between the two of them too yes for two totally different reasons they're both they're both experiencing shame for two different reasons yeah like in two different ways I guess it's the same reason I don't know yeah two they're related to the same thing right they're experiencing like two different types of shame and like honestly that was like the biggest lesson I learned in therapy it was just

how much shame is a driver of like unwanted behavior yeah yes because you're trying to like protect yourself totally shame is the root of so much evil well and then also after looking at your brain on porn.com i feel like i have to say.com yeah um like your brain does respond to like the shock of porn yeah um and that's how the addiction kind of starts your brain process it processes like a porn addiction like it would with any addiction and it's tied to your emotions right so like if you are feeling ashamed about this thing um your your body is addicted that to to that feeling of of like shock damn yeah your body can't like really like what's the compartmentalize like where that like chemical rush is coming from your brain can't separate um between like a real

partner and one that you're watching fuck which i think is really interesting um well and that's why your brain like that's why a lot of people you know will develop a porn addiction and then as a result have like erectile dysfunction because they're not your brain isn't like prepared to have only one partner if you have a porn addiction damn that's a really good point yeah because it's like the the novelty and like the it's a new person every time exactly what it is be interesting to see what it would be like if somebody has like a specific porn star that they watch every time because people get like that's so true did you hear about that guy that gave like seven hundred thousand dollars to like one gal on only fans oh yeah i wonder if there's

like some sort of connection between like monogamy and like like hyper hyper monogamy well this is also you know that would be a porn addiction but oh yeah that porn addiction is correlated to his brain not being able to separate that this is like not a person that he knows in real life he got a tattooed on him people are gonna do that's wild all kinds of stuff damn anyway thank you so much for following yeah yeah i honestly i think um i recommend checking out your brain on porn in general um just because it's so interesting it's really comprehensive um and it it has a lot of different studies that support this and like there there just isn't a lot of conversation around it because like we've been talking about porn has shame

attached to it so people don't want to talk about it yeah so i think there's just like something taboo about it um which is wild because of how like much it's consumed just at like a population level oh yeah and not everybody obviously has a porn addiction but i do think that like understanding how it affects your brain is like a really interesting thing that not a lot of people are aware of yeah so you know no shame to to people who do um watch porn and consume porn yeah i just have found like my own imagination to be more interesting and satisfying truly incredible yeah that's a blessing and you know manacled yeah well because manacled is one of those things where you're like imagining like your own sex right it's like kind of a yn yeah exactly

it's a yn i'm not a man to be fair i'm not imagining myself having sex with this person per se just as much as i'm imagining like when i've felt like that kind of like oh my god yeah that little shiver down your spine yeah and then yeah when you've had like a really intense like sexual encounter yeah like that um that's more so what i meant i think that's probably how most people are experiencing it probably i don't know maybe some people maybe most people are like i'm fucking draco malfoy yeah i mean who knows honestly i mean uh 50 shades of gray was twilight fanfic yeah yeah and like that's been you know sorry i just can't stop talking about manacled it's your brain on manacled.com by the time we record next week i'll be done with it

fuck yeah i'm scared no one no one ruin it for me you'll probably finish it by tomorrow probably before the episode comes out i'm just like i'm afraid to finish it because i'm afraid that it's gonna disappoint you and no i'm afraid it's not gonna end how i want it to end um damn i'm afraid it's gonna be devastating that's life though isn't it well and i'm not in it just for like the the romantic component it's just like now you're so invested in the plot totally to the characters because the character development is ridiculous like the details you become so like attached to these characters that's so cool that's such good writing yeah i love i love getting lost in like a book or like a tv series or something where you're just like i don't i don't want to

finish this because that means i'll be done with it yeah i mean a lot of people haven't watched last episode of friends for that reason oh yeah because they don't want it to be done yeah and this is kind of like that no i'm just kidding it i mean maybe i don't think they're yeah it's a bastardization it's friends for dorks yeah me i love that honestly a lot of people apparently a lot of people i work with have read mana cold wow yeah i mentioned it to my co-worker and then she was like did our other co-worker tell you to read this and i was like no wow yeah and if she's been talking about it i i haven't been paying attention because i just like i'm not really a book person oh i didn't know that like i love reading i'm not like a fiction book reader right for the most part

yeah yeah yeah um i it has to be really good for me to get hooked on on a fictional book that makes sense um and this is even though it's on audiobook i'll definitely if i can get a printed version of this i will devour it fuck yeah i will read it again i love that i've never reread a book wow okay well i mean not sponsored should be not yeah um i don't know if that person's even making any money from this that's disappointing i know i hope they are i really hope they are but it is it's using the the potter world yeah maybe they could just slightly change it also fuck jk rowling who cares if she's mad we don't want her to get any money no turf deserves no money yeah can i can i is there a patreon yeah i could donate to is there a patreon that we could like take

money out of jk rowling's account yeah yeah directly reverse patreon it just be like this writing is so much better than yours yeah it's so much more interesting fuck jk row all my homies hate jk rowling yeah same anyway should we as far as i'm aware you have a date to get to i do i have a an online date with my my boyfriend because he's not here right now i think that's so sweet you guys are doing that i'm excited we're gonna watch sex in the city oh oh my god yes but first i'm going to tell them all about manacled oh absolutely absolutely all right well we missed you we we did we missed you a lot and we're happy to be hello um now i'm getting tired i'm happy to be back we're happy for year of the girl you're the girls all right well we love you our children

i want to listen to the first one to see that was beautiful tell us your favorite um ending song yeah tell your favorite episode of ours our ending song and if you don't say all of them i will be offended i genuinely i want to do some analysis on this so yeah liz is going to build a spreadsheet so yeah exactly Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.