The Hoely Hour - E167 I Can't Believe I Shaved My Bush for This!

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

On this week's episode of Two Dumb Sluts, Amelia joins Reddit (hello candy crush community), Liz announces her candidacy for President with the platform of "It's not that serious," and Amelia regales us with a tale of her creepy math professor asking to meet her parents. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I am dry as the Sahara. I need to go hydrate the old vag. You know what I mean, brother? No, you wouldn't. Bye. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between.

I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour. I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sampson. And I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Liz Ball So Hard. you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com we're back at my with another episode of um two bitches talking about

dicks yeah two bitches talking about dicks two sluts talking about sucking cock if we named our podcast that two dumb sluts two dumb sluts and then parentheses rebrand talking about sucking cock that could also be like a subheader subhead because sucking cock precisely we're amazing marketers we're so good at marketing i mean honestly i i think like if we just called ourselves two dumb sluts that would take away a lot of um the ammo that idiots in the comments end up saying for the most part we haven't had to deal with very many idiots no oh my god i was reading the comments that you were like you were having the back and forth with the guy oh i blocked him because i was like i that's one of

my favorite things to do is i say something really mean and then i block them so they can't reply yeah but then i feel like they must think like oh i won because she blocked me and so like no i blocked you because i don't want you to be able to speak to me yeah right i don't think that you should have i'm already doing community service by talking to you in any sort of public right i've filled my hours yeah my court ordered hours my community service is um allowing dumbass people to talk to me and honestly that's that is a service to so many people well the dumbasses and the people that they would be bothering otherwise not that anyone's curious but if you were the person that i was arguing with had no profile picture of course and was

just trying to criticize how i looked yeah right like um okay he's like you need to put on makeup to look average i was like is that that doesn't really feel as mean as i think you want it to be could also kind of be like a compliment thank you yeah right like so you think i'm pretty without makeup and putting makeup on makes me average is that what you mean oh my god thanks did you just you need makeup to look average like show us what you look like but but just like the the obvious obvious irony of just like you're sitting here criticizing how strangers look and you won't even show your face and it's either because you don't like how you look or what i need to know what you're laughing at i was just thinking

because you said the obvious irony and then i was like that's a really good band name obvious irony and then i was thinking about we were on the way to the grocery store me and frank and he said shitty starter bagpipe and i said that's a great it is thank you thank you he said that's where the joke dies that is not a good name no it is but that was laughing because sorry it could also be a good porn name like a shitty porn movie shitty starter bagpipes uh-huh oh hell yeah oh and it's all like they all talking like scottish accent that's not scottish i don't know what that was whatever it was was offensive Scottish accents it doesn't matter if they're supposed to be white Amelia you need to knock it off were they oppressed I feel like I can make

fun of their accents if they weren't this dog is licking my hand well anyways the obvious irony of this guy who won't show his face but is criticizing what people look like and it's because they don't like how they look and are insecure about it um or because they know what they're doing is embarrassing oh yeah or both whenever you call them out on having a burner profile too they're like this is my main profile i just don't give a fuck about social media that's their new line okay it's like well then what are you doing in my comments then get off yeah then get off social media yeah prove it i'm done i'm dating someone who doesn't give a fuck about social media yeah and you know what he doesn't have a fucking burner instagram account with i with an anime picture

like a like a what's what's the art that everyone was buying oh um fucking the the scam thing with like the monkeys the people listening know what we're talking about they're probably screaming it with the art if you scream it loud enough we'll hear you the art that you can buy yeah it's a um nft thank you yeah there we go there we got it nft they all have like fucking i was like i kept wanting to say chat gpt the ai has gone too far i don't know uh there's too much technology sister is licking my feet right now sorry uh frank's dog is here that's important yeah the dog there's a dog licking her feet she she's going to town oh speaking of go to town doja cat is going to be at coach ellie's i just saw that and sabrina

carpenter which everyone knows is my girl are you going yeah i i couldn't i felt like i knew that but i couldn't remember i said last year was my first and last year and then like on day two i was like i have to do this again next year and then i did molly on the last day and had a maybe it was the drugs i had a mental breakdown leaving that festival menti b i think i might have texted you was i texting you during that yes we were texting i was so fucking sad and i was like i know this is the drugs but i'm so fucking sad i remember i was like texting you back pretty efficiently yeah and then i you would like not text me back for a little while and i was like i just need to be on standby i love you that's so it's gonna be a bitch on call that's so sweet

frank was asleep that was before we were like officially oh yeah yeah that's right so he had fallen asleep but he would like wake up and see that i was like having a breakdown he's like are you okay i'm like go back to sleep this is no i'm in love with you and we left frank ocean early and i'm sad that was literally why i was crying i was it was the worst show of all time yeah but it was just it was all i needed to cry and you know what i feel better for it good sometimes a good cry is all you need to good cathartic cry yeah cathartic molly cry good band name it's been a while since we've done any sort of breaking boobs it's true it's true it's the um the breaking boobs the breaking headline song yeah i'm glad that you recognized it because it's been a minute i'll

never forget it well that's great i set it as my alarm to wake up to it's just me honestly that's i can't imagine a better thing to wake up to uh-huh yeah so it gets me motivated good um so the two breaking boobs that i saw i'm gonna have to look up one of them to get it totally right but they are trialing a new um male birth control is it when they sous vide their balls what's up there's like a male birth control i don't know if it was ever like effective or if they were just testing it but they put their balls in like some hot water it's a little ball hot tub sous vide their nuts it's not the one that i heard no but it is another non-hormonal option oh yeah which is good i love to hear it like men have a hard time with um

hormonal treatments but don't we all yeah but i mean like we don't like pussy out of fucking trials because of it you know what i mean anyway being in pain is part of our existence um tell me tell me more about the sorry yes nlbc uh it is it is non-hormonal and it uh makes it so that your like their sperm can't um like create or rejuvenate vitamin a which is what makes sperm like viable so it just stops the production of vitamin a and so there's like it's a really small study i think there's something like 26 men in it but they're starting it in the uk and it was like productive enough to begin with for it to make the news because i'm sure that they found a bunch of different kinds of birth control so honestly hormonal birth control sucks

for everybody involved blows it's like you take it because you don't want to get pregnant and then you're like well i feel like shit and i don't even want to have sex yeah right that's that's that's the birth control well just kills your sex drive you know how the copper iud works yeah no it's so scary it kills sperm copper kills sperm um so that's how it works hell yeah yeah well i'm gonna shove some pennies at my vag next time i want to have sex well i was it just made me think like i wonder if there's some kind of like version of a copper iud for but how how willing would men be to have something implanted well what's that um in their body kink that some people with penises have um where they stick the rod up nope i don't like that singing song

sick what is that called i have never even thought of what the name was singing rod it's something like that can you look it up because this is gonna bug me sounding you don't have to it's called a sounding rod um somebody was screaming it again my search history fuck you're gonna get ads for sounding rods um yeah so maybe if you don't want to have babies just like stick a rod up your dick it's like donald trump telling everyone to inject with bleach so they don't get covid oh my god i'm like please do i was we were talking about that the other night and i'm like i wonder if anybody did that and died because i feel like he could go to jail for that you know what there are so many things that he could have and should have gone to jail for and should still

be in jail for absolutely mr mr liz thinks trump's gonna win yeah i mean he won the iowa caucus is that usually the indicator well he's gonna like that he's probably gonna be the the candidate yeah that's so first of all that's so embarrassing and then second of all i think that so many people are just like tired yeah i like tired of like politics just like really being screamed in your face yeah at every waking moment and to be honest i'm i'm like sick of hearing from celebrities i i i don't give a fuck about their opinion you know yeah like i just i don't want to hear their opinion they're not a regular person interesting does that make sense yeah like i don't wake up and i wonder like

hmm i wonder what bill hater's opinion on this matter is that's so why hasn't he commented on it but people like get on celebrities for not making not commenting on shit they're not your friend no but i think that people feel important when they yell at people that they don't know about things that they don't understand it's and that see that also exhausts me i'm like when as a collective are we going to be tired of doing that you know when we're dead I just will rest when we're dead I just don't I don't I don't really give like sure if a celebrity says something dumb I'm just gonna be like that's dumb yeah but I'm not gonna like obsess over it no but people do and that's weird do you remember when everyone was like on Billie Eilish because

she was gay baiting but it turns out she's gay like she got canceled for saying i love women in one of her instagram bios everyone's like you're gay baiting like fuck you that's so fucked up you're so out of touch to be gay women right first of all i don't know but now and then she like was on the red carpet like a few weeks ago and was like yeah i'm i thought everybody knew that i'm bi like i i thought i did i thought i didn't need to come out yeah i i mean i just had always assumed that right honestly i just assumed like most of gen z is like a little gay in some kind of way you know they're just a little gay yeah and that's great what did our friends say if you're not a little gay you're homophobic yeah she is ready to take she needs

everybody to know that she's tired do you guys could you guys stop talking i'm trying to take now yeah that's exactly what she's doing the passive-aggressive sigh and this bright light can you turn that off it is nighttime this is how i'm getting all of the yarn but this is paying for the yarn for your sweaters mama's gotta go to work but you know what i mean like being exhausted about like politics yeah like and hearing about it constantly yeah not that you shouldn't be informed it's just like i i it's it's a constant argument about everything yeah and i think that people our age are tired of that absolutely and i mean then i think republicans treat politics like a sporting event yes so it's not really like serious to them at all that's so true they're

like they just treat everything as like okay well if that's your opinion then i'm gonna take the opposite i was just about to say that too yeah this is a sporting event yeah it's like oh you you want to tell people your pronouns they get big mad about that oh yeah still just like you're still dying on this hill oh yeah like they're your stupid by your pronouns and your bio it's like okay do you that's i'm just gonna start calling these men she and then see what happens when they get mad yeah that's literally because it's like they okay they're so they're so intimidated by people just like accepting people for their differences oh I was telling Mr. Liz earlier I was like I just want to I'm going to explain the whole conversation first oh Mr. Liz was talking about

his job and how he is like feeling like he finally is just like fully understands and is good at what he does he's taken on so much work and then um he was like I wonder what it would be like if I started a job somewhere else just talking about it in general not necessarily that he's like gonna leave or anything but um I was like I saw this woman explaining essentially someone had asked her how did you decide to have kids and she explained that like whatever choice you make you are going to like find joy and happiness in that choice and be happy that you made it yeah regardless of what it is and I was like that's actually so true like because there's not ever going to be one right path and when I was talking to him about it I was

like so whatever you ended up doing you would be happy with at some point like and I also was like there's going to be stuff at every job that you don't like yeah it's a job yeah yeah and uh like you can't choose your co-workers too but like you can choose your friends and that's why work sucks sometimes yeah um but anyways uh I was like I think regardless you would have found like you would have liked things about each one and then um I was kind of reflecting on it and he's like what are you thinking about and I was like just how things like how decision making isn't it doesn't need to be that serious and I was like nothing needs to be that serious and then I was like that's a really privileged thing for me to believe yeah that nothing needs to be that serious

yeah and then I was like I should run for president on the platform of it's not that serious damn like like yeah people wanting to transition it's not that it's just not that serious it's not that serious to you it's so serious to them to be able to do this taking money away from the most expensive military in the world and giving it to education it's not that serious it's not that serious it's not that serious it's not what else is not that serious like help helping unhoused people which i do feel a little weird about being like we have to call them unhoused instead of homeless because that doesn't that's just like bureaucratic bullshit it doesn't matter what the name is if you say homeless or unhoused they're still without a home to live in and we have more

houses than people yeah well people think like in america well their their home is the street it's like yeah but they don't i don't think that they want it that way yeah just you know no maybe some people do but not most people probably don't no i think most people would like to be in shelter yep probably yeah it's like it's taking care of people doesn't need to be that serious no it does not need to be like people getting married to who they want to marry it's just it's not that serious it's not that serious to you you know like it doesn't affect your life in any way it's not that serious proportionally taxing billionaires it's not that serious guys but they're they're not going to do anything with that money no right what

they're just going to jerk off thinking about it that's it the fact that there are people with multiple billions of dollars is act is actually insane to me i think if it's like presented did you ever see the rice grain of rice comparison yeah it's scary once i had that visual i was like why aren't we taxing these guys right totally but it's because there's one group of people that think that we should so the other group of people need to think that we shouldn't because it's a sporting event because it's a sporting event and none of it is that serious make me your vp america the super bowl i will run on the same ticket as you america is a super bowl super toilet bowl super bowel fuck super bowels of the world thanks for coming on that journey with me i'm so happy to

have been on that journey with you um do you have another breaking boob my other breaking boob and this is the thing that i have it's honestly it's not even it comes in pairs the breaking boobs right it's not a uniboob breaking uniboob um i i feel like i don't need more context for this the headline was all that i needed apparently there are some snakes some male snakes in the like sea snakes that have evolved with bigger eyes to ogle at female snakes oh that is the reason that they have that scientists have purported they have grown such big eyes good for them i love that fun for those lady snakes yeah they must be hot yeah those are some sexy fucking snakes they can't keep their eyes off of the lady snakes so badly that they needed to get

bigger eyes yeah and if he wanted to he would ladies if he wanted if he wanted to enlarge his own eyes he would yeah so go get you better go fight with your boyfriend about that um that was my other breaking boob that's thrilling i uh i feel educated i also saw this has nothing to do with sex or dating or anything but i just thought it was fun um i saw this tiktok oh i was thinking we should have a like every week just like a section where it's just called i saw this tiktok and we talk about a tiktok that we saw i i love that and i'll make a jingle it'll be different every week just like every other jingle that i've made for this so okay so this week's um i saw this on tiktok i saw this tiktok thing is that good uh-huh that was beautiful thank you so much thank

you it woke polly up what the fuck is that it's because it was so it was music to her ears yeah i mean this this girl's got class and culture um but it was this brother and sister talking about these like fun things that they do together like their little vocab words and there were two that I thought were so fucking funny and fun and one of them was um adding Iana Grande at the end of like everything that they can so like oh my god that shirt is so pretty Iana Grande and I have been doing it all the time it is so fun like this is Polly Iana Grande anything that ends with an e sound I'm gonna have to try and integrate this yeah into my vernacular just to see just to try it on right like I went to the store and I got some grocery

rihanna grandes it's so fun i saw these girliana grandes at the grocery store earlier today they were like probably 13 and they were in front of me for self-checkout and each of them had a starbucks drink and then they also each had another frappuccino frappuccino grande frappuccini grande um in their in their to go in their backpack little side pockets and i was just like oh to be 13 when you're just drinking your sugar drink and then they probably have that frappuccino special right where you get one drink and one girl she she was already drinking a frappuccino and then she had another one and just in the bag and that's being resourceful yeah that gives me help for the youth of today i was just like you're gonna wonder why your stomach hurts later and

you're not gonna know i can't even have a frappuccino right polly she wants a microphone the other thing that these siblings do is um when they call each other and they say is this so and so the other one has to say this is she so like no matter what they say like is this like barry manilow they have to say this is she back and they just like go crazy with the with the names that they give each other i do like that i think it's so funny they were telling these stories just like so like straight faced like i my brother would never you know yeah so i'm introducing it to you now so that we can do things like that yeah i'll be your brother and you can be mine wow my hands are really clammy this is the broly hour now

who needs men when we can be each other's bros so fucking true dude um those are my topics i love that yeah um i was amidst reading a reddit today i fucked up and i think this could be a fun little discussion i love that um side note about reddit i'm now on reddit thank you i like joined some pages i learned how to do that that's big i'm on the candy crush forum important yeah and um uh sister she's like is someone gonna give me a snack could you just not do that directly in my ear that's all i need um well you wouldn't have to if you gave her a mic that's so true liz damn is she your lawyer uh the candy crush forum and something else but clearly i haven't um oh it's a dating app forum i see a lot of people

asking for advice on their dating apps i joined that one by accident but anyway this place has everything it does it does and it has some things where you're like this is upsetting yeah once you start seeing some of the nsfw you'll be searching just your random thing and then it'll say that word plus nsfw or something and then you're like oh yeah i need to find out now yeah you have to like unhide it oh i i recently came across one called hot past and it's for mostly men who have a kink of hearing about their partner's like sexual past oh and then they get on this subreddit and write out the stories like my girlfriend just told me about how she used to like fuck these two friends and it's like she didn't know that they knew that they were both

fucking her and then everyone's like that's so hot wow so like these people get off on other people's hot past yes exactly wow that's so like that that's a beautiful community it's very interesting i don't know how i feel about sharing it yeah yeah i don't like that i feel like like if if their partner knows that they're into it sure yeah they're they're in on the kink they get it but if they're like not i don't know yeah i guess if it was like if they were asking for advice that'd be one thing but like for the sole purpose of like getting someone else getting other dudes hard yeah yeah that's kind of toeing the line a bit so yeah hot past everyone interesting i am accidentally uh ended not accidentally i just

didn't realize it would be so fucked up was the crime scene forum oh because i have only ever been exposed to like what i see in like youtube videos you know what i mean of like a shoe that they like you know i think that shit's interesting i want to like solve crime a shoe that was left behind yeah it's a chalk outline of a body on it nope it is nothing like that and these people love it like they love like the gore it's fucking awful i haven't been able to get it out of my head anyway reddit's like a reddit's a place it is it's you just kind of see the all parts of the internet including the underbelly yeah the underbelly is a lot bigger than you think it is yeah it really do be anyways okay um this is a today i fucked up okay um the title is today i

fucked up by reading facebook messages from my ex of plus 10 years ago oh god today out of boredom i logged into my facebook for the first time in years i ended up going to my facebook messages and seeing a bunch of old messages out of curiosity i scrolled down to see how far back i can go it was super interesting to me it's like a time capsule well i stumbled upon messages between me and my ex as a background she was the one that got away we were high school sweethearts and continued dating through college we dated for five years we were head over heels in love with each other her family loved me and my family loved her this sounds cliche but i knew from the day that i met her that i wanted to marry this girl she was sweet kind beautiful smart thoughtful honest

funny and we got along so well together it was really like we were made for each other well college did as college does to us we went to different colleges we were both each other's first and she clearly got a lot of attention from other guys and started to think is his username is lobster coordinates is lobster coordinates really going to be my first and last she wanted to see what else is out there for her and in hindsight i don't blame her and i'm not mad at her for it we met at a young age and she had every right to do this anyways it took many many years to get to a point where i wasn't sad over the breakup it took me four years to get to a point where i could think about our relationship and it not make me sad to this day i still think about our

relationship very frequently I don't think I will ever completely get over that relationship but I can't let that put a pause on my life I needed to accept that it was over accept that I may never fully heal from it and move on with my life so I did and I'm at a point now where I'm happy and no longer feel sad thinking about the relationship until I read those messages she is married with a child I am married with a child I have a successful career a house a great relationship with my wife i love her and my son i really do but reading those messages reminded me of how different my love for my high school sweetheart was i will never experience that sort of love ever again just her existence in my life made me feel so fulfilled like nothing else mattered reading

those messages reminded me of how much we loved each other and what what and what that felt like it may it made me miss those days that i'll never be able to get back ah fuck me don't read old facebook messages if you're not ready to relive the past i this i this top comment is you don't miss your ex you miss what it feels like to be in your teens and early 20s yes that's so fucking real the eye was just it shocked me when he when he revealed that he has a wife and a kid because i was like oh maybe he's just like not been in love since and like you know nope no no he has like nope well and 10 years ago we can presume that they broke up yeah probably around age 20 yeah it that top comment is such a good point because it's like

I will listen to songs that were popular in college and get so sad and be like oh my god like everything was so good back then and it's like no it wasn't like I was like pretty sad back in college but like I missed the feeling of being young you know and like just like having really no responsibilities that's what I miss I don't absolutely so that's so that's such a good point and like yeah your first love does it can feel really intense yeah and like when it ends it is really sad because you haven't experienced that kind of heartbreak before right but I totally agree I definitely like think this guy is romanticizing the past yeah and even if things like we're great yeah you're still you still don't know anything and it kind of brings me back to

what I had talked about earlier of just like if you're sitting here dwelling on your past and like say thinking to yourself if I had just done this differently or if I had just made a different decision then I would have the thing that I want when that's like not true no you're why are you holding yourself back from like experiencing happiness and joy totally yeah and like the intensity that you feel in a relationship during your teenage years you feel that way because you're incredibly hormonal and your brain isn't done developing and i say that all the time and i will continue to say it yeah is is like that's why it just feels so intense yeah totally it's that's why it probably doesn't really feel like that as an adult right now yeah in your 30s

because we were talking about this uh what our first episode back um like getting butterflies for someone and how you just like don't really feel that way as an adult i had asked mr liz i was like did you get butterflies but i was like did you ever get butterflies in general and he was like like a long time ago and i was like like how long like how old were you and he's like late teens and i was like yeah that tracks you know yeah and then um i was like did you get like butterflies for me even though i knew he was gonna say no um and he's like no but like it's like that like i was still like excited yeah um we were watching we were watching the scott pilgrim cartoon um there's a scene where scott pilgrim's like walking down the street and everything is

like beautiful and like bright because he's just like so happy about uh ramona flowers and he's like that's what i felt like walking home after our first date my god what the fuck so it's excitement in a different way not just that it doesn't feel like yeah butterflies are almost like fear yeah it's kind of a nauseating feeling butterflies but i loved it yeah true same i get the same feeling when i'm on um uh thrill rides oh particularly everyone everyone hates the boat that goes back and forth yeah i fucking love the boat really yes i like the feeling of dropping oh my god that's my least that's why i hate rides period i love it oh my god it makes me so excited i don't know it just gives me that little that little thrill that buzz oh i hate it so much

just thinking about that feeling i hate it like jumping off of when i was in when i was studying abroad i'd be more of a risk taker are you not well i don't like i don't really like jumping off of stuff see that's the that feeling like jump i when i was studying abroad i jumped off of a very very high diving board because i was like i'm a man and this is the only time i'm gonna and it was like i promised myself that was going to be the actual last time that i ever did anything like that because the feeling of dropping like oh my god and then there's all these videos of people like in those boats and like the mechanism breaks and they just go back and forth for like until it slows down naturally have you seen those because nobody's regulating these fucking like

festival rides i'm not gonna go to a festival ride i'm talking about a real ride built into the ground oh god like at a theme park right i don't want some like 14 year old named zach going to a fair uh-uh no fuck fairs absolutely not i went on one fair ride and i was like i'm thankful to be alive yeah right i'm never doing this again no those those i was a teenager my brain wasn't even done developing and i was like damn that's how you know i'm not gonna risk this again fuck it was uh the the catfish days fair in dubuque iowa wow that sounds scary it was exactly what you were imagining yeah it was pretty gross i was listening to the my mom was like we need to leave i need to get a salad yeah that's the oh my god like

you could just right when you walk into the fairgrounds you can like smell like deep fried butter oh yeah and if it's a funnel cake fuck me up i will see i love a funnel cake in theory but then like they always give you too much you know yeah you gotta share you have to split a funnel cake but like for whatever reason every time i've ever gotten a funnel cake i've been like i could i could do this i love elephant ears what's that they're like the it's like basically the same thing as funnel cake it's like the same dough but it's just like flat and they like put powdered sugar baby maybe i don't know but deep fried yeah sure fucking love that shit a dutch baby is like a big pancake made in a dutch oven oh okay dutch ovening people like

the sex is it a sex move dutch ovening people or is that just like a prank a dutch it's i don't think it's a sex thing it's i think just as a kid i thought anything that happened in bed was a sex thing you know so i could be grew up grew up thinking dutch ovening was like i don't know some like a kink i remember um a teacher in middle school making fun of one of the popular girls or something and he was like yeah do you go home and just like dutch oven your farts and then she was like and honestly seeing this like very um like feminine popular girl like someone imply that she she farts and him like i don't know her reaction just was so funny it made it so funny that was probably so formative for her she probably still thinks about that i wonder if she remembers it

i'm trying to remember which girl it was i don't even remember i just remember like the circumstance i guarantee she still remember i remember any time any teacher said anything to me i think she's like i think she had a good sense of humor that's good and she like did well in class so i remember every like there there was one day when my science teacher i was smelling my hair because i do that when i'm focused i like have to smell and if your hair smells good something yeah but it's just like a focus thing for me i don't know and he walked up to me in the middle of everyone taking a test and he goes does that smell good and everybody looked and laughed and it was so fucking mortifying and it was formative for me and that's why i hate

science I don't understand that's why I won't get the vaccine just kidding yeah I mean some teachers yeah they're just out here to traumatize us right including my parents probably do you think I am I have no doubt in my mind that my dad has definitely traumatized some people over the holidays my mom was like well dad helped you with math homework and he was good at that and I was like no he wasn't uh he would make me cry and she's like i don't remember that and i was like yeah he wasn't teaching you yeah right was he a math teacher oh yeah crying doing your math homework see that is a that that's like a an interesting kind of angle because i feel like every parent that's ever had to help their kids with math homework is like what the fuck math are they

teaching these days oh i yeah i was talking to mr eliz about how i don't even remember how to do um basic stuff i can't do shit he said that uh one of his friends had asked like a kid like oh what are you learning in school and he was like we're learning how to like multiply um double digits and i was like i don't even remember how to fucking do that actually something about like crossing over and carrying i don't know but that's so true it's like i don't remember you're ringing some bells yeah yeah see i used to know how to do that now i don't We've never needed it. I used to be very good at long division.

Don't remember how to do that at all. No. That's another thing that I'll never need. After my freshman year when I took my last math gen ed, I threw all that shit away. I was like, I'm never going to need any of this. Hell yeah. Good. Fuck math.

Yeah. And then I was telling Mr. Liz yesterday, I wish I was good at math because maybe I'd have a better job but then also excel does all that shit for them i know i'm like there's never going to be a situation where i'm going to need to do this in my head but i'm sure it would help to be able to do it in your head if i was good at math i probably would have graduated with a physics major that was the only thing that was holding me back from finishing physics i feel like i just never had the right teacher yeah for math that's all that it takes really is a good teacher but i say that you know probably have having had i had great math teachers

and i fuck math i i i'm sure i had a few but i don't know um and then my math teacher my math professor assaulted me well not assaulted me harassed me is that considered assault have i told this story on the podcast i don't know i'm i'm certain that i have my i had a my math professor in college he like wanted to meet my parents and stuff and I was my freshman year and so I was like this is normal you know because it was like we always had like parent teacher night in high school so I was like okay sure so we like got lunch with my parents and my and like when he left my mom was like tell me this story oh my god dude this is wild um my mom left or when he left my mom was like that was interesting like I don't think that I don't

that was interesting he wanted to meet us and i didn't think anything of it and then um at the end of i was like always in his office he was young he was like late 20s um but i was always in his office late because i was so fucking bad at math and so i would be there until like 8 p.m in his office like and he would be helping me through shit and he would like put his head down on my desk and like we kind of we had good rapport maybe you did okay some of this is starting to sound familiar I you did not tell me that you wanted to meet your parents yeah like got lunch with your parents okay and then and then what um he would like I would like be in his office late he would like put his head down on my desk and shit and like then I would leave it was whatever

but I was always like oh my god he's like cute like and it was like a thing that he was like a hot professor you know um it's like a fun thing to joke about with your friends right exactly so not something that you actually want to happen to you right i mean scary no it totally in theory i was like this is kind of sexy like but it isn't like in practice so um right before the final we all had like a study group and do you mind if she sits in my lap yeah no okay good i just don't you know i don't want to assume she's a stoinky um before the final we had like a big study group with him leading it and we were all there pretty late and when we left I had a few more questions and he said to email him if we had any more questions so I emailed him and at the

bottom of my email I was like hope you get to go home soon like you looked really tired just like closing my email and he messaged me back not answering any of the questions and was like our relationship is getting inappropriate um and like I need you to like I need to dial it back or something like that and I was like huh yeah I was like I'm so sorry like I did not mean to come off that way and he emailed me back and he was like I just can't wait until I'm not in a position of power with you anymore the day before the final I handed my final and like before I get back to my dorm I get an email from him with his phone number and so I texted him because I was still kind of of the mind of like this is kind of cool you know yeah and he like started saying all this

shit to me like whenever I would leave his office he would have to go home and take a cold shower to calm himself down he was like recalling outfits I wore like yoga pants and like fishnets and he was like when I would put my head down on your desk like late at night I would like I was signaling that I wanted you to come home with me because I was so tired I was like what the fuck he would like wait outside of my of the library while I was studying in there also like how much of this is like just a fantasy for him yeah totally oh absolutely yeah and then he switched schools like pretty soon after that so I don't know if he was like doing that with other people too probably yeah I I absolutely think he probably was and then years later I added him on snapchat and

because I was like and he declined oh I I was fully expecting you to be like and he sent me a dick pic no none of that i think he was probably i think he was probably in trouble quite a bit for doing what he was doing so that was the story of my last math teacher i hope that someone from your school like emails us and like tells us if he did the same thing yeah or something who knows i should show you him he looked he's not i recently looked him up um he's not aged super well he it's like he got older but his face stayed exactly the same which is always like really weird yeah um but i think he like works in oregon now but yeah that's that was uh that was him that's so anyway really really good at math now so i'm just thanks to him math yeah

i learned so much from him we'll do one more reddit uh now that i'm a new a new reddit user yeah of course to celebrate yeah am i the asshole for eating before my date arrived to the restaurant yes already yes so for context i'm not a foodie i eat to get full and not as an experience that's so sad that's like a really sad statement this is definitely someone who like counts calories and like only orders chicken yeah just or just gets like just eats like grilled chicken and like rice that's exactly what we had for dinner baked chicken baked chicken and rice yep and maybe some broccoli boiled chicken boiled chicken people do that and that's so gross that's repulsive i know people do it but i don't want to believe that they do anyways i'll often eat at home before

dinner outings just because i don't want to wait and rather and rather enjoy the experience of the outing which for me doesn't involve eating the eating portion i met this girl online and we obviously a man i met this girl online and we agreed on meeting at a restaurant for dinner to get to know each other more fast forward day of our date we agreed to meet at 9 p.m now my day was super busy with work and i didn't get to eat lunch it's almost 8 p.m and i'm starving so i get ready and head to the date still having no food i like getting to a day early so i can check out the environment pick a beat pick the the best seats and sorry he spelled a beat pick the best seats and just prepare in general so I arrived about 45 minutes early this time still starving

I decided I should eat to get that out of the way or I'll be hungry and cranky having to wait another hour or so before I can eat I finished my meal and ordered a cocktail by this point my day is almost arriving she gets to the restaurant and we instantly click she's smiling and we're having a great conversation she's touching my hand it's all it's overall going extremely well eventually she asked if i would like to order some food to which i respond no thank you i'm not hungry and she insists saying she doesn't want to eat alone but i tell her don't worry and eat and that i'm enjoying my cocktail so we call the waiter over and she starts asking him for recommendations to which he responds with no ill intentions that it seemed that i really enjoyed

the tacos so maybe she should try them at this point she's confused and asked what does that mean so i told her i ate some tacos before she arrived she immediately becomes furious saying i'm rude and who eats before a date has even arrived i explained to her that my goal was to get to know her and that the eating portion wasn't important regardless the whole mood changed she ordered some food ate and made an excuse to have to go leave i haven't heard from her since and that was last night so am i the asshole okay i changed my answer no but also who who is this new york like i feel like only people in new york eat dinner at 9 p.m i know that's so late that's a crazy time to eat dinner the top person says that he is the asshole you're the asshole you

could have munched on a small entree or dinner roll before your date arrived yeah that's true it's just uncomfortable for someone to eat alone while someone else is there especially when you've just met yeah i just feel like um per my platform it's not that serious yeah it isn't i don't i don't think that this guy's an asshole i think maybe weird yeah i think maybe he's a little socially clueless but as someone who is in a relationship with someone who gets hangry i don't want to fucking deal with that shit yeah so if you need to eat before i get there do what you need to do totally i and i don't think i would like if i were this the girl i don't think i would carer no like i think i'd be like that's a little strange exactly that's the thing when when he said

that she was furious it's like it's just not that serious like yeah relax it's it's weird well she said he was rude i wouldn't even think that he was rude i just think he was strange it's it is strange and if it's going well you know i met up um this guy that i had dated for almost a year actually on our first date um i thought we were going to be eating and i was very hungry because nowhere did he indicate like this would just be drinks you know yeah so i was just like oh my god i'm so hungry i didn't and i wasn't assuming like he was gonna pay for my food or anything and i was like um he was like oh i already ate dinner and i was like i'm starving so i'm gonna get something yeah and that's what people do you know like if you're hungry many more dates obviously

and here we are today and here we are today no but it really it's like thinking and from i broke up with him because he's boring specifically heard anyways not it wasn't because of it wasn't because he ate before the date see it's like he this this person that wrote this could have probably planned his day better you know like if you're gonna be eating dinner late then maybe eat a late lunch but he didn't even eat lunch so it's like there there is just poor planning and also it's just not that serious and then the fact that i mean it does make me sad that this guy like he's like i i don't eat for the experience yeah he does not eat anything for enjoyment no but it's also kind of awkward eating in front of someone on a first date

that's fair like i guess i i never do or did until i met this cutie over here mr frank i would never do dinner dates as first dates because it felt a little too serious and like i like had to spend a lot of time on the date with the person because we have to like order the food get the food eat the food wait for the check you know like there's just too many steps so i just never did dinner dates and also like i don't want to try to eat and talk like i don't want to try to get to know someone over dinner it's just awkward i don't know because then it's like you have food in your teeth maybe but like you don't know each other well enough if you're hungry then then eat something yeah get a little like yeah i do

think that in advanced this guy should have clarified like that he just wanted to get drinks yeah or something right yeah like we're not eating dinner we're just getting drinks yeah right don't agree to like which is what my my ex did he didn't clarify yeah so then you're you're both walking into two separate situations right and was your ex the asshole no no i i am just like i'm a little surprised by how many people are like you're the asshole like how fucking awkward for her you wanted to arrive 45 minutes early to check the vibe but didn't consider how awkward and uncomfortable she'd feel eating alone while you watched her that's so true that is little you could have had a snack at your house and got there 30 minutes early if it was

really that important makes me think it wasn't really to check the place out but instead so you could eat asap because you were hungry yeah you weren't there to check on the waiter definitely called you out on purpose because it was rude as fuck i guess that would be so weird yeah it would be so weird if you were the waiter in that situation yeah where you're like well this guy was waiting for somebody for an obvious date yeah mr liz and i had a date night on friday and um we went to the walrus and the carpenter i love that place did you get oysters uh i don't like oysters oh i know i'm sorry i wish i did because they're so fancy they are really fancy and i just i love being extra yeah but i don't like oysters pay like four four dollars for

snot rock fancy okay go on fancy as fuck uh we sat at the bar um and there was a couple next to us obviously on a first date and we both love eavesdropping hell yeah so um and these people did not know that we were eavesdropping because they were just like so enveloped in their own conversation oh no this guy was an asshole oh he just he brought up his ex on this very obvious first date oh no yeah and then uh mr liz was like oh my god i can't believe he just did that in what context did he bring up his ex um i i can't remember like the full like conversation like or like statement that he said um but it was definitely like he did not need to bring up his ex yikes it's like you didn't need to bring up your your past relationship like well my ex used to do

this thing like blah blah that's just such like an obvious like first rule of a first date yeah just don't bring up an ex i just i that's first several dates yeah you know yeah and like i think it's weirder to bring up one specific ex oh yeah rather than just be like oh i've been on like dates in the past that i didn't like because of this yeah yeah totally but like my data guy bitch ass ex yeah yeah my bitch of an ex I went on a first date and a guy called a girl crazy and I was like in the first like five minutes what'd you do to make her crazy right well like yeah exactly and he used it like derogatorily you know he wasn't like was he like oh my gosh she was so crazy no it was one of his friends our mutual friends ex-girlfriend he was like oh that

sucks yeah I was like oh all right well the rest of the date is not worth having because that was it was just like a mutual friends ex yeah it's like okay well we both know this guy and presumably have also met that girl yeah it's lame it's like yeah she's really crazy i'm like all right well i'm really dry so i'm gonna go there's like tumbleweeds in my vagina yeah i must i must go water it must leave expeditiously oh well i'm just imagining being like well i'm dry it's nice yeah well that's it for me i am dry as the need to go hydrate the old vag you know what i mean brother no you wouldn't bye i just like i think if i had to get back out into the dating pool

god forbid um i just wouldn't give a fuck i think that's probably how i would be like well this date was miserable yeah if i had to go back into the dating world i would give way too much god i can't believe i shaved my bush for this yeah exactly exactly you would say that to people maybe if they really sucked i mean i'd be like i hope that i hope i see this guy on tiktok telling a story about how this date was going fine and then she said i can't believe i had shaved my bush for this except all of the comments all i did was tell her i voted for trump oh my god what else would make you say that i can't believe i shaved my bush for this yeah

um lots of things plenty of things plenty oh somebody talking about themselves exclusively and not asking you any questions about you yeah i would be like i can't believe i shaved and then trying to kiss you after yeah or getting a text right after like it was so fun getting to know you enough about me what about you what do you think of me is that from something i feel like i've heard that a lot lately no i i just i used to say it a lot that is so funny maybe you started it no i definitely read it somewhere um um probably read it read it on reddit people are funny they are and you know what it's okay to take their funny jokes and reuse them yes it is as long as you apply them in your everyday life it's okay

to hire funny writers to write your golden globes opening monologue yeah joe coy joe coy um bitch our entire podcast is enough about me what what about you that's so true that's so that's all that's all a podcast is any podcast every podcast not even ours no yeah my favorite is just like the circle jerk of um sports podcast yeah it's fascinating it really is send me the thing where like dudes will watch their you sent it to me and it's exactly for yeah okay men will watch their sports game um their sports ball yep and then they'll watch um a highlight reel recapping it they'll watch the interview after about the the game and then they'll listen to a podcast listen to fucking several podcasts several podcasts about the one

game i love that true i think that's so cute it's that's exactly what frank does it's it's constant in this house every time he's cooking he's listening to a different podcast about a game or players or something happening i'm like so up to date on like a lot of gossip that's going on right now that's how uh that's how three-year-old boys feel about trains yeah is how adult men feel about and he was a train kid games so yeah it's the train kid to sports bro pipeline just like the obsessive fight line yeah true I wonder if how obsessed you are with sports indicates how autistic you are probably not maybe if you know a whole lot you know like everything that you could ever possibly know I mean guys who are really into sports you know a lot I think they're

hiding from something running from something that's what I think autism you might be right i don't know you might be special interest am i wrong controversial yeah brain we'll see if is it am i allowed to talk about autism everybody else is you know what i mean talking about it everyone's it's kind of a hot thing about autism everybody wants to be autistic these days it's like everyone's explaining the way hd yes exactly everyone's explaining the way they're like social awkwardness is autism which is not i don't say that to devalue people that like actually have autism like autistic people are autistic you know there are way too many people that are like oh like i like get kind of nervous in front of crowds like autism it's like nope that's not what that

is that's just being nervous in front of crowds i think that's so interesting it's kind of like um like when you were a kid did you ever want to like break your arm so you could have a cast oh yeah i used to wear band-aids for no reason yeah yeah where you're like i want attention yes for being different right it's just it's it's such a bastardization of something that people like deal with a lot you know and like really takes over their lives i have a friend that um works in uh like youth mental health care and she was saying that like people will come in very clearly having like read up on what autism is and try to get an autism diagnosis interesting yeah and she's just like it's it's becoming like an epidemic huh it's like everybody wants to be

autistic it's like i don't think that you do i wonder what the next thing's gonna be maybe we should guess maybe because it was like i have anxiety i have anxiety and depression i have anxiety depression adhd or just adhd yeah so it's just kind of like a jumping from one thing to the next yeah and like we have already said that's not to discredit no any anything anyone of course not and i think that there is a lot of benefit in being able to diagnose yourself pre-seeing a doctor just to like you know yeah to have access to this information that we didn't have before and be able to like see and talk to other people who like are experiencing something similar is like i think a really lovely part of the internet yeah but along with that is

gonna come people who are not yeah they mean i'm sure they mean well but yeah they they don't want to admit to themselves that they're they're doing a thing they're doing a bit yeah totally i mean this whole like adhd obsession with being like having adhd has made it really fucking hard for me to get my Adderall so I need y'all to sit down I'm so sick of calling every fucking pharmacy in the area every single month I and I also wonder how much of it is a result of like just the world that we live in and the way that we're forced to live like um that's so true another thing something I was thinking about recently because I have not really been on social media as much lately and i realized it's because like the way social media exists now

is that so many people are posting to validate their existence yeah everyone else damn does that make sense yeah like you're you're living through your phone like you and that makes me sound like such an old you know yeah i'm not trying to be an old i just like i don't want to feel the obligation to do that yeah of like well i have to post about this because i like i need other people to validate my existence yeah and that's what social media does right yeah that's so true and like i i guess you probably we would probably see that more with like younger and younger generations everything they do is like on their phones well it's going to be interesting to see what happens with the generations that are coming up always having had

social media because like i feel like our generation we were around when it became big and like part of what is so addictive about it is like the constant like yeah instant gratification that you get from like posting something and seeing likes come up but like when your brain is formed around having that constantly it's like you have it eventually people are going to need something else what's the next thing that's scary meth meth possibly i mean maybe there are some other drugs in between that and that's why the dare program exists yeah we're making a full this is all part of yeah full circle this is big dare at work just say no just yeah yeah i don't now all right well should we should we should we rap a roo i think we should i think we should

rap a roo because my brain is going to sleep thank you um well we love you i'm gonna play you out i was so ready to hop on that fucking note give me i'll do it again i'll do it go ahead we love you i love this 1920s do it come on the face you were giving me i have to close my eyes we love you our children that was an actual harmony

we got there that was beautiful I like that you waved me in like a conductor like a conductor I love my baby