The Hoely Hour - E17 Smell Your Balls

Episode Date: October 23, 2020

It's our HALLOWEEN EPISODE! What's scarier than a pair of sweaty balls? The bacteria living in beards. Yes, you read that right. Prepare to be traumatized. Liz shares her spooky stories about getting lost in the mall and possible telepathy, while Amelia shares that she is pretty much the kid from Sixth Sense. Share your spookiest sex stories with us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms oh i started last night i got a little high and i started to note in my phone called ideas oh my god yes and the first and only one i wrote was macaroni and cheese but it's noodles filled with velveta cheese like a ravioli kind of oh my god like a tube ravioli no just like um i was thinking just like little noodles with a little cheese inside instead of like on top and around it they have like shelves you know that like aren't like ravioli but they're like filled with cheese yeah it's kind of like a ravioli but it's like that

macaroni cheese you know i don't know i was really hungry welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia sampson and i'm liz ball and i'm drinking a new kind of seltzer today yeah amelia is drinking uh what's it called a nude nude which feels very appropriate yeah send nudes i found them at costco yeah send nudes yeah they're really good they're i've i had one this past weekend and um i had the peach and that was pretty good that's what i'm drinking right now and then i had one other one oh mango yeah and they're like so i would say that they're in between like a lacroix and a white claw yeah like less flavorful than a white claw but still more flavorful than a lacroix yeah exactly it's

like a benefit of alcohol yeah we love it yeah i um needed a drink today liz is drinking coffee yeah if i start drinking when i have something else to do afterwards i become useless so that's fair you know I'm on my second cup of coffee first caffeine yeah nice I was like if I'm not productive today I will end it all well I mean I totally understand that yeah no I'm like maybe this is like a character flaw but I can like just drink a seltzer and have it be like a chill thing whenever I say that to people they're like that sounds a little like you're drinking in the middle of the day and making excuses for it I'm like well I don't know it's kind of refreshing and i need to take the edge off today so fuck off i saw this tweet that was

like two beers is the perfect amount and i feel like that's where you're at yeah i'm drinking two seltzers and everything's fine i really feel like my psychiatrist is starting to make sense to me he's like you have an issue no no i don't i'm just enjoying the seltzer yeah i there are so many people out there who you know they have the party monster in their head who's like oh you're drinking yeah well we're getting fucked up yeah that means we're gonna get drunk i just i need the edge off today i came over to liz's and started venting about something that i will open up about when i'm a little bit less emotional about it but i need to take the edge off today so here i am sometimes you need two seltzers sometimes you need two seltzers they called me two beer samson in

college because i would show up with two beers to every party perfect amount because i would never drank in college so like my tolerance was really and i also was not eating so like my tolerance was very low so everyone's like oh two beer samsons here yeah well that's my legacy and now i'm two seltzer samson which has a better ring to it yeah it does have a nice little ring i like that two seltzer samson um okay i found this um question the sex act of shitting on someone's chest and then pressing it with a tennis racket is called a alabama ace b detroit dirt slap c cleveland hot waffle and d philadelphia fecal flop i'm gonna guess a cleveland hot waffle okay why um just like the waffle thing and then the cleveland browns

oh yeah i didn't think about that so maybe so that otherwise i would have guessed a and the alabama one because that seems like some alabama shit if anyone's gonna do that it's someone in the south okay so you're right the answer is cleveland hot waffle it's part of this game called i wish i didn't know that's like the whole game is just shit that like you could have gotten your whole life without yeah i've been okay with this but um thanks for sharing i guess but they posted it because there's like cle there's another sex move called the cleveland steamer or something oh yeah okay i've heard of that and i can't think of what it is me neither but like they're like

what is it about are they just doing a bunch of freaky shit in cleveland like there's all of these ohio is a weird ass state yeah like why cleveland like are they really just shitting on each other's chests and pressing them down with tennis rackets in cleveland it doesn't make any sense to me i don't know why is that like we never want to kink shame but like what like why is that hot to you and is it actually a thing slide into our dms let us know have you ever cleveland hot waffle let us know the holy hour podcast at gmail.com i mean so many kinks are related to shame what what happened in like your tennis camp i'm so concerned oh my gosh uh well the question i was gonna ask you is less crazy than that i was gonna ask you uh what's the best and worst gift

you've ever received oh the best gift i ever received shit this year um katie my best friend made me that video um because it was my it was my quarantine birthday and she made a video of everybody like from all walks of my life saying happy birthday which was so special because like that would have never have happened if the pandemic wasn't going on um and it was a bunch of people that I haven't talked to in so long so that was probably the best gift I've received um the worst gift that I've ever received somebody this is actually a prompt on hinge and like I was thinking about it I've thought about it often I don't really like get bad gifts um someone got me a dictionary one year

and like that kind of felt like a jab or something yeah they're like learn better words or educate yourself on english because you're bad at it like i don't i don't know why they got me a dictionary it was a family member so it wasn't like like if a friend would have gotten me a dictionary i'd be like oh i have my phone you know like i just google definitions if i need it but also like you talk so much and you know so many words yeah it's just like why do you think i need this so i know if that was like the worst gift but it was for sure the most confusing i mean are you out here using that dictionary no no i would say that's probably that has to be the worst gift then you're not using it yeah it doesn't make sense dictionaries are just kind of archaic like

at this point because which sounds like really kind of fucked up in like 21st century to say because it's like that's our language but you could just look it up online like yeah dictionary is available well and then if you don't know how to spell something you can't find it in the dictionary right the only time i use a dictionary is when i'm playing like scrabble you know and even then you use your phone yeah or like the little dictionary that comes with scrabble so i'm like i don't it's just all very i just don't really understand dictionary it was probably in like fifth grade yeah i was like oh shit we have a computer yeah right with the internet why am i flipping through there's dictionary.com yes and then because you have that option it's like did

you mean this word and you're like i did mean that yeah i think i know more words because of the internet absolutely i mean thesaurus.com yeah god as a copywriter thesaurus.com is my best friend yeah i believe it you can right click on word and look up um synonyms of words like that is that i don't know there's no need to have an like a paper thesaurus and there's no need to have a paper dictionary no so it's probably my worst what about you what was your best worst my best gift was a gift from my old boss um when i worked at abercrombie so when she promoted me she got me a plant and then i can remember the card like almost perfectly off the top of my head and she said um liz i know this plant is a little weird but uh it's the gift that my boss gave me when

they promoted me to the same position and um i still have like the plant is still alive today and she's like every time i water it i think about how much i love my job and how happy i am to work here and um like that's why she picked that for me i love that and it was like so meaningful she is to this day like i'm so thankful that like my first like big girl job i had such an amazing boss yeah that's a unique experience yeah she's such a great person so are you still in touch with her not really no like um she doesn't work there anymore either so but she was just like such a great person and she had been working at abercrombie for so long and then now i think she's at like michael kors or something something cool that's just like for her to put that much

thought into something like that that's huge the other like store manager i was with like when she got promoted she's like i just got like a bag of candy yeah your relationship and i was like that's because me and her have a special bond yeah that i can't explain to you yeah that's really so that was that was definitely the best gift i've ever gotten sadly that plant is with my ex i know but i wonder if it's still alive probably not actually it probably is alive really those things do not die oh but i also can't see like why i mean the only reason he would get rid of is if it reminded him of me but also he likes plants so oh so he's like a plant person i was like yeah doesn't strike me as somebody that can take care of anything he can take care of this

plant that needs little to no water that's the very least the least you can do yeah um so that was the best plant i ever got and the or the best plant the best gift um the worst gift i've ever gotten is from my ex's mom she got so my ex's younger brother had like this really basic ass like fiance and um even though she was basic like all of the gifts she got were cute because she was kind of boring and then all the gifts i got were like weird because i'm like the quirky girl and i was just like god damn it i don't want that like i want something cute but i'm i feel a little bad saying this because i do really love his mom but uh she got me this set of pajamas and the shirt said um let's eat grandma and then the next sentence was like let's eat comma grandma and

then it said grammar is or punctuation is important no no i know did you just give them away yeah i didn't wear it a single time i donated it the second we broke up yeah it's like i'm not i do not need she got me all kinds of ugly stuff and i'm just like what why did you get this yeah me right it's like she was like oh she has a good sense of humor so she's like quirky i'm totally gonna get her these like rose pattern velvet leggings oh my god that is so fucking funny that is so funny one time she got me like this really ugly pair of shoes and then or and then she like tried to get me a dress or something and i was like i don't like this and then she was talking to my mom about it and my mom was like yeah that

has been my life since she was born i like what i like yeah that is that's hilarious i don't think she's ever gotten me something that i was like this is really cute it comes from a good place yeah she's also one of the people who like gets me cat things oh oh she got me this set of ear muffs with cat ears on them oh no oh my god so it's like the muffs and then like the cat ears are like up here i've seen those oh my god why do you think i would ever fucking wear these yeah have you ever seen me wear earmuffs first of all right i don't even know the last time i wore earmuffs somebody got me earmuffs that are headphones those are kind of cool oh that is kind of cool very usable i do wish that i'm like okay if you saw something that would be super on

brand for me it would be like a beanie that says like go away yeah i would wear that or just know yeah right that's so funny yeah she got me all kinds of tacky stuff it's so hard like saying what like the worst gift is because it's like even stuff like that is like it comes from a place of love but like also it's so tacky it's like i think that's totally how my ex's mom like she looked at me she was like when i think of liz i think of cats because she has them so i'm gonna get her cat things yep yeah i'm like why is this my brand that other people are giving to me there's other there's other things the only cat things i have not gotten rid of are the things that my mom has gotten me yeah and that's just because i love my mom yeah love that but all the

other cat stuff i'm like no if it's not for my mom i don't want it right or but if someone were to like draw a picture of my cats then i would keep that yeah that's different yeah see that's like that's like from the heart and like actually like love was put into that rather than just like that's cat thing let's ask cats we'll get her that like it's just kind of like a lazy way to like gift something yeah i want to read to you i know that we have like um stuff that we've talked about talking about also i have a new blue check mark in my dms that i want to tell you about but uh so my just a little bit of context of who she is it's not like a whole thing but um i grew up in um redmond and across the street was a family and there was a girl there that was my

brother's age who kind of like adopted me as a little sister her name's Ari she's just the greatest she lives in Tel Aviv now she's far far away but she's been listening to the podcast and she texted me and she was like I just have to read you this rant because it's the best thing um she said if you've already talked about it on an episode I haven't gotten to please direct me but holy our idea men's fucking hygiene in all caps they all think I shower almost every day i brush my teeth and then they're good but but it's not mainstream to talk about how they're disgusting rarely properly cleansed beards are full of bacteria not only making our faces break out but adding to causes of razor burn and even utis it's fine i'm clean okay but can you go wash

your fucking face first thanks this rant is brought to you by the fact that i've done two types of peels in three weeks and got to directly see just how a makeup a makeout fucked up my skin which i've never really thought about me either i'm just going to ride this ran out because i know you get me ha ha ha and then she continued but as a female when i know i'm likely to hook up things are shaven and tidied up i'm moisturized i'm baby wiped fresh i'm wearing cuter undies than i would be otherwise and if i had noticed i spent multiple days doing my skincare routine with the mind with the mind of what was coming am i insecure vain a perfectionist who knows all of them probably but I put in so much effort and you and you better bet right before things escalate

all the way I'm having to pee and really it's to check the situation down there to see if it's clean clear out any excess discharge and whatever normal normal female body things men are scared of aren't around to terrify them but they can't be expected to take 30 seconds to wash their beards before rubbing it all up in our most sensitive areas it's absolute bullshit I can't believe I haven't talked about this before i had an ex i was long distance with that my skin both areas um would be riled up when we saw each other and i'd be like is this from being out of routine the one night i fell asleep without makeup on but i don't have makeup in my bikini area and then offhandedly said how he's never used face wash and just washed his face with water and maybe hand soap this is

the shit that drives me insane about men they can wash their face with hand soap and look like a baby's butt and i was like jesus christ no wonder my skin is freaking out oh well sorry i never considered it would affect you since i have clear skin oh what you a man was never taught to consider what disgusting bacteria you're spreading to a woman that's shocking it just blows my mind we're basically expected to shave wax our most intimate hard to reach areas but them washing them faces their faces is too much work somehow this is something that i think about frequently because like men use like two in one or it's like three in one shampoo conditioner and body wash and they like just use that and they're literally never thought about beards i'm having can you imagine

how traumatic that was for me as like a beard aficionado yes like you know how much i love a beard and i'm like oh my god they're filled with so much bacteria apparently the number one thing that was found in beards was fecal matter because they don't wash their hands a lot and then they or they'll like touch a surface and then touch their beard you know and it's like I'm upset and I love beards Liz like I how how what is what is this thing where like we are always feeling inclined to like make ourselves just like as presentable as possible wash everything look really good narrow our vaginas we've talked about this so many times of just like that's a result of so many things yeah right yeah and like not really knowing like what the other person is expecting of

yeah but then they can't wash their beards it's an idea that is sold to both men and women right of like women are supposed to be hairless and perfect and smell good and be ready to fuck you whenever you want and i don't know okay and milk is supposed to spray out of their day across the room full force i just like dishwasher is coming to mind because like he he'll shower before i come over i haven't seen him in a while but he would shower before i came over and then like his hand would just like we would be like laying in his bed like watching something and his hand would be down his pants and like he'd just be like scratching like he just wasn't like aware of how his demeanor and like how he was like composing himself was coming off

to me just not even a passing thought and I'm there like laying a certain way and like I like you know what I mean like I'm like aware of how my body is looking and how I'm laying down and that's not me like I don't give a fuck but like I'm watching the difference between how we're composing ourselves and I'm like you smell you clearly haven't brushed your teeth like yeah I like Listerine stripped before I came over here like it it just doesn't I always brush my teeth before i see my boyfriend it's a common courtesy yeah it is a common courtesy so i don't understand like and i and this i'm saying all this like not every man doesn't give a fuck but it is i've realized this that like there's always so much more care that goes they haven't they haven't

been taught the same way like to be considerate of that right or to be thinking about that and why would they if they weren't taught it it's just like oh my god she sent me this rant and i was like holy fuck yes like it makes so much sense like they they just don't they they are sold things like a three-in-one soap yeah we are and that's in itself what if we just start just being ourselves i mean i've and not worry about you know i okay i was watching this tiktok where this girl is like um when a creepy guy is like staring at her she'll raise her arms because she doesn't shave her armpits yes and she was a smoke show she's so fucking hot and then she has these hairy armpits and then people were like freaking out in the comments and and then the

other comments were like you're just like proving the point but of of just like oh you're gonna like sexually objectify this girl but like freak out when she has hair in her armpits can you stop go away he has some stuff to say he's like wait hold on i shower every time i see a girl no he's terrible at grooming himself oh yeah that's why you have an opinion on a grandpa he would be gross if gatsby didn't help him oh he has a lot of fur though i've had to cut a few knots out oh damn yeah he loves it though he's like yes mom he likes being groomed but he doesn't want to do it himself but anyways there lies the problem grandpa so but i was just thinking about i'm like why is it so gross for women to have hair on their bodies it fucking grows there on everyone yeah i mean

there's like hundreds of years of undoing there stop it feels very american though like oh absolutely i think it's a whole stereotype that french women don't shave like so why why do we have a why do we have to do it and we don't women are hairy and it's like yeah so yeah so are you hair grows there yeah right don't know what to tell you no don't yeah man like it hair grows there yeah it's not gross no it's it's lit it serves a purpose yeah and that there's no like indication that like if uh you don't shave in a particular place that you're not clean like what is that idea it doesn't make any sense it really doesn't but I was thinking the other day and this is kind of gross but I told you earlier like I've been going to the super intense

workout class so when I came home the other day as I was like taking off my sports bra to get in the shower I like caught a whiff of my sports bra and I was like this smells like balls like literally like it smells like a man's balls and then I was like so so often like dude's balls are just smell like my sweaty sports bra just like I saw a tweet that was like men take your hand and wipe your ball sack and smell it and then ask yourself if you deserve a good woman seriously no that's the thing we talked about that on episode one or two we recorded that yeah just like how many sweaty ball sacks have you had smacking you in the face yes and like that and we're there's this whole thing about women's like like about vaginas smell like

smelling bad and like being gross and it's like well but we don't ever really talk about how bad balls smell because like it's really gross but they aren't really either they know and they don't care or they don't know it's one of the two it's one of the two because fucking fix it like put dab a little baby powder on it do something because like the the extent that we're going to to not smell a type of way or you know what if men are going to be like that then we should just be allowed to do whatever we want exactly you can't it can't be this like double standard exactly it's not allowed to be yeah i can't of course everyone like we need to treat each other like humans you know like yes like i i understand if your balls get sweaty sometimes you know and

you don't need to like it's a lot to ask someone to like constantly be like perfect yes and i think that we just need to treat each other that way i'm just like yeah you know what sometimes i'm gonna smell oh oh my god wait he actually burned his tail oh my god oh my gosh oh oh yeah dumbass good lord are you okay did that hurt he's fine my cat i have a candle lit on my coffee table and my cat's big fluffy tail waved into it come here buddy he's like i'll give you something that smelled dead what is wrong with he's being kind of weird fuck what were we saying yeah just treat people like people sometimes i my hair is gonna smell like sweat yeah yeah i don't wash it every day no no i don't know yeah but that's did i ever tell you that's how um shoe man

was about me i mean he he was always like super type a and like would need to like smell perfect and like he wouldn't ever fart around me and was like so weird about having to poop it's just like every single thing does this like yeah we're gonna poop we're gonna have to fart yeah what is it about guys thinking that girls don't poop where do you think the food goes like or just pretending that girls don't poop like we we do but like if i just wasn't like totally perfect he would freak out that's like so toxic and disgusting like and i'm just like if you are expecting us to get married and for us to have kids together how are you going to handle actual birth yeah yeah yeah it's not like living in a la la land yeah and that's gross yeah i i'm happy to say

i'm in a fart positive relationship i love that um i haven't really farted around him just because and it's not on purpose it just it hasn't happened but he is not afraid to rip ass right in front of me and it takes away the the pressure to like have to be like this idea of a perfect girl yeah you know yeah and i don't have to feel uncomfortable either i can just be candid yeah i love that yeah it took years for me to fart around my ex like four years four or five years it's just like it's it's gonna happen yeah why do we have to it's a normal body function but like I was so insecure and I like wanted to be something that I wasn't and like I was doing the whole like having a shot like I left my sweater in his dorm when we first started dating and it had

um deodorant stains on the armpits and I was like chaotic about getting it back before he saw them deodorant and like I don't know I eventually we got to the point where like I would seriously like like pee while he was in the bathroom like it turned into that kind of relationship and I loved that like I loved being able to be so comfortable around him but it took so long to get there and now it's just like well that's what you should strive for everywhere like you just somebody that treats you as like a normal human being that doesn't need to be anything with a body yeah our bodies do things right like when so when I had my IUD I was just like bloated constantly and um when i had really bad anxiety i was really gassy and um it's so interesting to see how

anxiety affects your body but it's just like yeah i my my ex was so fucking weird to me when i would fart and i was just like why can't you just be understanding that i have like hormones going crazy for birth control i'm taking for you you fucking asshole yeah and like can you be sensitive to the fact that i am like anxious and experiencing situational depression instead of like being a fucking dick to me and making it worse i don't know all things happen for a reason yes they do and every day i'm just like thank god i'm not in that relationship anymore seriously i'm so ready to be in that mindset that must be such a freeing feeling yeah to feel like you're like god damn i'm that I'm not in that circumstance anymore yeah yeah I mean it took a while to get there but then

also it's just like yeah it is really like liberating yeah it's a huge relief and even now like telling my mom like I've slowly like started opening up about that relationship to my mom more which is kind of ironic because I have this podcast where I talk about every corner of my life but yeah um i've just been like slowly telling her more and more about like what was happening in that relationship and just that it was emotionally abusive and she got she gets really upset yeah i bet oh my god and like her being so protective of you and like not knowing that that was going on must really suck for her well i didn't want to admit to myself it was going on right at the time there's still like an element of being a mom and just being like i should have

known i should be able to see it and it's like well no just because i couldn't even see it so like yeah yeah it's not it's that must be tough but I'm glad that you feel like you're able to be open about it with her now because like that's also a huge step in like being over something is like being able to just like talk about it exactly yeah should we tell our spooky story let's do it this is our Halloween episode hey yeah yeah god fucking I keep forgetting what month it is because like time doesn't exist for me I know it doesn't it's Halloween that close it is my birthday is on thursday uh-huh like what is that that it feels like your birthday party was two months ago i know it's so weird i fucking hate how quick time goes um thanks pandemic

yeah well awesome um yeah do you want to go first um my spooky stories aren't really that spooky they're just kind of like weird yeah and like unexplainable um so the first one i have both of them are pretty short so the first one i have is when i was like six or seven i went to the mall i was probably seven i went to the mall with both of my parents and um we went into some like accessory store it was like shoes and jewelry and stuff and i was like looking at the jewelry and then I guess my parents left they my mom thought I was with my dad and my dad thought I was with my mom. Taylor's all this time. Yeah and um they were I was still like fucking around looking at the jewelry and then I looked up and then there was like um a woman whose hair looked

like my mom so I was like oh my mom's still here and then I continued looking and then I like looked up again and then she looked up and smiled at me and I was like that's not my mom and then um i was like what the fuck and my mom had read me these books growing up did you ever read the little critter little critter books no oh they're cute um so she had read me a book where like the main character gets lost and um it explains where to go if you get lost and you go to the desk and so i love when children's books do their job yeah yeah so i was like okay i know what to do i was clearly panicked and i like went up to the desk um like the cash register and no one was there and i was like oh no looking around about to start like crying because i could not find my

parents and then um someone said that little girl is lost it was an old woman in a wheelchair and she was like by the shoes and then she's like that little girl is lost and then my mom person she's like that's my daughter and then like i like am reunited with my mom because she i've talked to her about this too she remembers like that happening and we both turned to look at the woman the old woman in the wheelchair and she was gone what like this was happening within seconds like because my mom wanted to thank her and like there was a the store clerk too was like what the like because the store clerk came up to us also yeah and like and the woman just like disappeared yes yo well and then like a woman in a wheelchair she's not just gonna

get away yeah right she didn't make like a quick quick break yeah and it was it was wild wow that was like you know to this day we're both like that was a guardian angel seriously yes i mean someone someone running the simulation was like let's move this along yeah this storyline needs to wrap this up yeah let's get her reunited with her mom yeah and then um and then the other one that was kind of like spooky and not spooky but another weird like coincidence like that um it was with my like first real high school boyfriend like the first person like I said I love you too um I was like at his house and I had my head in his lap and like my eyes were closed and he was just kind of playing with my hair and um he said I love you and I said I love you too and then I

opened my eyes and he was staring at me like completely bewildered and then um i was like what and he's like i didn't say anything i heard it clear as day and then i was like like i was like you're fucking with me and he's like i swear to god i did not say that i was thinking it but i didn't say what the fuck yeah yo and then and i like the more i think about it i was like we were just like so young and in love and it was like so pure because it's your first love that like i was like maybe it was just so like we were so connected with this like first love wow i could just hear what he was thinking wait that's why i can't even imagine how scary that must have been for him to be like a few weird things have happened to him so maybe he's haunted

maybe maybe maybe he's like clairvoyant what what is it when you can um hear like when you can see like ghosts you're clairvoyant but medium uh i think it's like something like clear audio or something i don't know oh i can like hear whoa i mean it sounds like you're kind of clear audio then because like he didn't say it maybe he like put the thought in my head maybe well that's never happened to me again whoa i'm pretty closed off to anything like um happening like i think like i definitely think there is like some some like stagnant energy in this apartment but yeah uh i definitely also kind of feel like it's there's maybe some ghosts here but i think that they we both might generally mind our own business yeah yeah because i have i have really fucking

weird dreams sometimes that there's like ghosts in my apartment and um like why else would that happen you know yeah yeah and there it's always like um especially if it's not top of mind for you if there's ghosts in my apartment I always have like um they're kind of like nightmares that I'm unable to turn on my lights like not a single light fucking hate that name I have that nightmare all the time yeah what is like why I tell myself it like so in my dreams I believe it's ghosts and then like i i have very vivid dreams of like i'm in this apartment everything's the same and i'm trying to turn on the lights and then i'm just like get the fuck out of my apartment and i confront them whoa i can't see them i'm just like you're not gonna fuck with me

get the fuck out of my apartment there is no place for you you need to leave damn damn but i want to know the significance of like not being able to turn on lights like actually especially if that's the feeling that you have because i have that dream all the consistently yeah like i've just like needed to turn on lights and no lights are turning on and like i'm even having like an anxiety response to thinking about it because it's so distressing when you're like in the dream yeah it's like like why aren't the lights turning on like who's behind me like why isn't this working it it's yeah and it's usually in my old house in philadelphia is that the one that was haunted no that was my house in bellingham was haunted but that was because of me so because

of the Ouija board don't fuck with don't fuck with Ouija boards well that's a good that's a good place to transition to yours yeah so like I when I turned 10 um my mom threw me a psychic themed birthday party where I had a psychic his name was Jewel he came to the house and he did a psychic reading for me and 10 of my friends and um sitting with the theme my mom gave me a Ouija board which is like if you don't believe in stuff like this it's just a toy you know what I mean like she was she was just giving me a toy and so we all did it in the basement that night and like I know a lot of people don't believe in this shit so this is gonna sound fucking ridiculous but that was the year that shit started happening so I know I opened up a portal like I know that I did

because the next year um I was at school and my mom showed up at school which is always scary like what is my mommy here uh yeah she was like I'm flying to San Francisco my dad was in San Francisco for a business trip and she was like I'm flying to San Francisco because your dad's appendix ruptured yeah and like not even like appendicitis like it it burst and so she flew there came back long story short, he was fine. Um, he, they said that if he waited like 10 minutes to go to the hospital, he would have died. That's insane. And he's not the kind of person to admit that he's in pain. So like something brought him to the hospital. And, um, so we came home and the night that he was home, I like the first night that he was home, I was in my room and I heard something

in the hallway and I wanted to make sure he was okay. Like he wasn't like trying to get water or something so I got out of bed and opened the door and there was this tall shadowy white figure outside of his bedroom and I just stood there and stared at it because I was thinking like maybe it was from going from the light to the dark like my eyes were still focusing and I just stared at it and it was like in the shape of a person like and very tall like to the ceiling and I just stood there and watched it for like 30 seconds just like is this ever gonna go away and then I just like watched it just like turn into smoke and leave and I was like you feel scared yeah I mean like I well not so much I think like when I was looking at it I wasn't like oh my god but like I

was like what just kind of amazed by it like what am I looking at yeah like why what and then when I started thinking about it I was like what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck is that what was and um slammed the door locked it got back to watching tv and the tv went snowy like right away for like five seconds and then came back and i was like oh well like that is 100 something so from that point on all of this shit started happening to me not all the time but like i would be able to like pick up on changes in energy in the air like there would be like cold pockets in my house um and i didn't know what that was but then like as i started watching like scary movies and like i watched the movie white noise that year which is oh i fucking hated that movie

scared the shit out of me too but they would talk about cold pockets and like esp and like all of this shit and i was like oh my god like i feel cold pockets all the time so then that brings us to um my house in bellingham i like put the ouija board in storage like i was just like i don't know if this is responsible but I'm just gonna like fuck that so then um after freshman year my parents downsized into a smaller house since both of the kids were out of the house and so my mom sent a box of stuff up to my house in Bellingham um just because she like had no place for it and in the box was the Ouija board and I told my roommates and one of them was like oh we should like play with it and like it I was so far removed from it that I wasn't like no we can't you know

i was just like fuck yeah because we were in this old house and like you know so we played with it one night and it without a doubt in my mind opened up a portal in the house like there was so much shit that happened in the house after we played with it one time like there was one night that i was coming out of the bathroom at 3 a.m which is like the time switching hour i was leaving the bathroom and i felt somebody looking at me at the end of the hallway you know that feeling like you just feel like you're being watched it was 3 a.m none of my roommates were up so I turned around and like it looked like there was like a curtain that was just like went around the door and at first I didn't think about it because we had a lot of curtains around the windows in there

but none that long so I like looked at it and kept walking I was like there's no there's no curtain there so I went to my room and I locked the door and I was laying in bed and it sounded like somebody body slammed against the door in my room like hard it wasn't like the house settling it was like a boom like against my door and I was freaking the fuck out eventually got to sleep like five hours five hours later when it was light out and the next morning my roommate came downstairs and she was like the weirdest shit was happening last night like my fan in my bathroom turned on by itself she had this touch base lamp or the like the um makeup light that you would touch the base and it would get lighter uh-huh it was going by itself and she was like I think

like a circuit was like malfunctioning in my room that's so cute to be like there has to be a logical reason yeah I know I'm like well turns out no it's a ghost bitch the the ouija board opened up some shit and after that my roommates kept saying like I feel this like really negative dark energy in the house and then whenever I would go home for a holiday and they were still there they would say it would not feel like that so it was tied to me so my sweet mother sent sage up to me and we staged the house and it calmed down after that but I've always felt like psychic in a lot of ways like I can feel when I've said this on a past episode but I'm really hard to surprise because like I can pick up on things and like just different energies like I always know

when there's something bad going on in a room in some sense like I'm just very like perceptive of what's going on and that felt like it started then like when I was 10 like when we had like the psychic and the Ouija board and so when they were like yeah no it's like it goes away when you're gone I'm like well that makes sense like it really does feel like it's tied to me and I still um I talked about this again on a past episode like hearing the bird stuck in the corner of my kitchen like the flapping and like shit like that will happen and I'm not I never feel scared by it because I don't think that these whatever it is if it's happened your entire life yeah I feel protected by it it's like a weird thing like I don't think that they're they're out for like

nefarious reasons at all I just think that like this is such a fucking corny way to look at it I think that they're always around us but just not everybody is able to recognize that they are yeah so like well I mean like I was saying like I'm very closed off yeah exactly I cannot yeah i i do i my gut feelings are almost always fact and they just keep that keeps getting proven over and over and over and like i keep trying to tell myself that they aren't gut feelings and i'm just feeling anxious but then i sometimes it's fear yeah you know right um like uh i don't know i'm trying to explain like the difference between a gut feeling and fear because i always had a gut feeling that my boyfriend wouldn't be able to come to that

wedding with me and he couldn't but i couldn't explain why yeah i was like he says he's coming so why am i feeling this yeah be but for some reason it's not clicking in my head and then he couldn't come yeah so yeah yeah like that was a gut feeling and that but then like being afraid is different but that could have also been you could have looked at that and been like oh no i'm just afraid so it's like it's hard to distinguish between the two of them but they do feel different like a gut feeling doesn't feel um i mean sometimes there's a gut feeling like warning you to like you're like there's something weird about this person yes and i have to go yeah um it's functional yeah it's not always fear yeah i know i know it's hard to distinguish but i just

like i get these ideas in my head that are like i'm like i feel like this and and it's right like I'm not like I'm feeling like this and like maybe I should pay attention to this I'm just like I get these ideas in my head and I'm just like well that's that's fact and 99% of the time that's actually the case so I don't know it's like it's something that like people that don't like skeptics are so like all right Amelia like shut the fuck up but I really truly like my dad is a skeptic he's like okay yeah you know and I understand that it sounds fucking ridiculous but like it's I don't know I was just always it's just always been a part of me I'm so weird when you guys were fucking with the ouija board in bellingham um what happened we so it was the first night that

we did it um we had our guy friends over there's a house of five guys that we had five guys that we would hang out with um and they were moving it and they were like fucking around with us and shit and like did it ever get to a point where it felt like it was moving on its own yeah so the second night so the first night that we did it with them we were like oh okay you know and they left and we did it the next night and like we were barely touching it and everybody that like studies like you know how the mind works and why Ouija boards are like what they are is because like you want it to move and so it does but like it felt none of us were like putting any sort of pressure on it if you have if you haven't done it you it's hard to explain yeah I know what you

mean it's just a magnetic thing it's weird uh-huh it's so weird and we found out I don't remember what her name was but like she spelled her name for us who lived on the lot she didn't live in the house but she lived on the lot and she her name started with an r I think um and a couple of weeks later we were in the garage and we were like moving stuff around and there was um cement like wet cement in the garage not wet but it was wet at one point that somebody had sketched their initials into and it was an r we were like well that might be a coincidence because you don't live in the house but then it's like who knows like it was just like a weird coincidence like shit just kind of started clicking in like as the days went on that was just kind of like this

doesn't really feel like so much of a coincidence i don't know one time god i'll tell my ouija board story i don't think i've ever told well so we made a ouija board what out of a pizza box oh and then we used just like um a shower curtain ring because we couldn't find like a glass and we use that because you can kind of use anything yeah and um I was freaked out from the beginning I was like saying all my catholic prayers I was like I was like I do not like to fuck with this but I am curious and um also I had a little bit of FOMO so we were doing that and um the once it was like you know it's kind of moving on its own yeah um we asked like uh how old are you and then it started going towards zero and then moved and was going to go back

towards zero and then um the girl i was with she was like nope she said goodbye to it and she was like uh she's like we don't fuck with that like because it was probably a demon yeah or some shit oh my oh my god yeah and then the more we did it um it was like my great grandma maybe yeah and um it was moving a lot slower and it's because it's harder to connect to higher energy so when it's something nefarious then it's quick oh shit yeah so when it's like something good and they try and win you over by answering like questions like um like oh what's my name or whatever and then they'll try and answer it correctly what the fuck shit i mean the one the one i was a kid was pretty fast and like for an energy to like like glom onto kids too like oh yeah we can get through like

through these kids yeah because kids are so much more open to new ideas oh my god i also didn't realize that you can make your own and have it work the same way but it makes sense because just cardboard in the end like there's nothing about how it's made i mean to close a portal technically you're supposed to burn it i actually don't know where that ouija board is now just like don't just donate it to goodwill or something and damn it that's why i don't fuck with Ouija boards I felt that shit bothered me for a long time because I was just like oh my god this like scary thing maybe it's following me but probably not if it followed any of us I don't think it would be me yeah and I think you would probably be able to pick up on it too

yeah and like I said like you know I'm generally closed off to that kind of energy because it scares the fuck out of me I mean it's it is yeah I cannot handle something super natural you just never know like who you're reaching with it like exactly it's so scary and that's why i'm like i don't need to know yeah oh my god i don't want to know i don't need to know there's this girl i meant to send you her videos but we were in the middle of a conversation i never did but i have it saved but there's this girl who um buys haunted dolls on tiktok as i was watching her videos i'm like fuck like this is actually kind of like that she could back it up like she did this video where she was like she was panning on this bookshelf of this bookcase of dolls and she was like which one

do you think is haunted and she went one by one like really slowly and then I saw one of them and I was like that's the one like I just instantly knew and that was the one and I went to the comments and everyone's like oh my god I knew it was like there's something about that doll's energy that like makes and there was nothing like it wasn't like her face was scarier or she was dressed differently but like she had an energy and so i got sucked in and she like adopts adopts air quotes these dolls that like a spirit clings on to to like because they need a body like they need to some spirits feel like they have to be in something to present themselves and so they cling on to these dolls and she uses ouija boards and pendulums to talk to them and get their story

and all of them have very elaborate like he was in the navy and he got discharged for being an alcoholic and so like he led this like really distressed life and he's like presenting himself in this like little baby doll body and she only keeps the good ones and then she like learns about them and like harbors these relationships with them and then sells them to people that need them like if there's like a doll whose whole thing is like healing from like a breakup like this doll went through like a really traumatic marriage and now they know how to make you feel better about it she like sells those dolls to people that need it interesting i'm getting chills and and people will come back and be like it's i was a skeptic somebody bought this to me thinking that it would help and

it's completely changed my life she sells like itty bitty ones like really small kind of like poly pocket size dolls for really cheap that have spirits attached to them that serve purposes like confidence and it will change people's lives and i'm saying this and it sounds ridiculous because like when i was watching the videos at first i was like what the fuck is this like okay crazy doll lady yeah but she's also super normal like she's pretty like alt like she has like rainbow bangs but like she's she just like stumbled upon this and she has cameras set up in her house and she screen recorded because her phone notified her that there was movement in the house when nobody was home and there's just like shadows just like moving around in her house and like

knocking shit off walls and stuff and she's like yeah this new guy just came into the house and like we need to get rid of it so she like got rid of the doll like it's just Liz it's amazing like I have I got it like you have to send me this I went down a rabbit hole with this woman it's pretty incredible so will it scare me no I didn't feel scared at all like it's very like she explains it and she's like yep this is my new friend Genevieve she's you know she led a pretty shitty life but she's like all about helping people now it's so interesting it's crazy yeah yeah well and then it's crazy to think that they're like might be like ghosts and spirits or whatever like just hanging out not in the body of a doll yeah like maybe looking out for you yes

yeah they just like needed something to like cling on to like feeling a globe like you don't know like they just kind of like well this is me now i'm this globe i have a body now yeah it's like i don't know it's it's interesting to me that is wild yeah i know i know but then like i don't know there's people like my brother who's like a devout atheist like does not think there's anything after this yeah you know and like i can imagine people listening that are like atheists like this bitch is fucking crazy and i'm telling you i am a skeptic and i question everything and like this woman and and her dolls and her dolls are they've completely changed my worldview it's wild it is wild to me i'm gonna pop i'm gonna tweet like once this episode comes out i'm gonna post a link on

our twitter to this tiktok because it's pretty amazing check our tiktok yeah or not our tiktok check our twitter for her tiktok because it's that shit below your mind i'm so excited i'm gonna send it to you well now i'm looking at all the objects in my apartment i'm like that could Are you a spirit? Maybe that's why your lamp falls all the time. Just someone chilling in your lamp. Well, it's only in that one spot. Like, right above.

I'm telling you. Could be. You don't know. Do you have any other stories should we do Fuck, Marry, Kill? Because it's 418 and I know you want to get to Nordstrom. I don't have any other spooky stories. Okay. But I have three.

Okay. Okay. We're going to do a little crossover episode because these are all from different walks of life um darth vader the old man from up and hagrid bitch darth vader the old man from up and hagrid and hagrid oh my god you go first what yeah okay um i can't even begin to process this um i would probably i feel like i would kill darth vader that just feels like an easy one you know like that feels like the correct answer of the three i feel like i would kill darth vader

i don't know i would my kinky side's like well that's true actually i want to marry hagrid just because i would i would have to fuck the old man from up then okay no you're right i'd probably kill the old man from up because he's lived a good life um he's ready to join his wife i was about to say he wants he probably wants to be reunited with his wife um i would fuck darth vader and i would marry hagrid because i want to be carried around like a baby that is a perfect assessment i would say i'm thinking that that's probably yeah yeah because you know darth vader is into some freaky shit oh for sure he's gonna like use the force and like choke you out yeah it's the wall i kind of like that what about okay so what if it was kylo ren

han solo and who's chewbacca no who's um can we put in that uh who's oh oh um we might be thinking of the same guy uh fucking the pilot guy oh that actor that oh my god what's that actor why am i forgetting the character's name um yeah poe yeah poe dameron oscar isaac is actually like a perfect human to me poe dameron to my hair poe dameron i don't know i just think oscar isaac is so like are you kidding like there's something about him that's so like distinguished there's something very distinguished about him but not in a cocky way like I feel like he grew up not being hot and he's just like become a fine wine I fucking love Oscar Isaac I would probably marry Poe um

I would I would fuck Kylo Ren and I would kill Han Solo just because I don't think I like Harrison Ford as a person but I wouldn't kill Harrison I wouldn't kill Harrison Ford but but that you know of the three that's the rationale that I have to assign I think that that's my answer I think I would probably kill Han Solo um but I think I would marry Kylo Ren wow I do like kylo ren i like that emotional intensity yeah you know yeah um and then i would fuck poe but wait i need to read this yeah that's a good segue i had sent this tweet to amelia the other day is phenomenal i'm blowing it up right now it's an am i the asshole and it just cracked me the fuck up the way it's written is hilarious too okay so is it am i the asshole

for being sick of my girlfriend's obsession with adam driver recently my girlfriend has developed a strong obsession with the actor adam driver i think it's worth noting that my girlfriend has always had some strange views when it comes to movies i watch she didn't like me watching movies with nude scenes in them she doesn't like me watching films with actresses she she thinks i find attractive etc this never really bothered me as i'm not a massive movie watcher and i'd rather her be happy than watch films she doesn't like this started about a month ago when she told me she'd watched all the star wars movies she'd always jokingly mock jokingly mocked me for being a geek for liking star wars so i was a little surprised after some discussion of the films it

became pretty clear that her favorite character was kylo ren and from that she proceeded to watch pretty much every movie adam driver has starred in i didn't really mind and i was pretty happy to see her liking something we had in common about a week later adam driver or kylo ren started to make his way into every conversation and i mean every conversation if we talked about cars she would bring up that she wanted a kylo ren air freshener if we talked about clothes she'd bring up how i wear all black a lot just like kylo ren any film discussions would be about star wars or another film he was in i figured she just has a celebrity crush but it was um it was starting to become a little annoying to have to constantly talk about this one dude this carried on escalating

with us talking about adam driver on a daily basis and it got to the point where we would talk about nothing else like i couldn't bring up something in my own life without it somehow turning to him last week she suggested we change the couple's halloween costume we had planned for a kylo a kylo and ray gender bend when i said i didn't want to dress up as ray she said uh she said she knew it was a boring costume but i should do it so she could be kylo i know this seems like a deal a small deal at this point but the situation has climaxed in her getting a cardboard cutout of adam driver he sits in her room wearing a hat it's a life-size cutout not something you could miss i haven't really stayed at her house for a while because of covid but there is absolutely no chance

i am sleeping with my girlfriend while the man she talks about 24 7 stands and watches like some freaky guardian angel i'm beyond sick of him now i can't watch his movies anymore and i really just don't want to talk about him anymore i see him everywhere he is all i hear about and whilst he seems like a nice enough man i wish he had never been born if it meant i didn't have to have another conversation about him i know maybe i seem jealous but that isn't my problem i'm just so tired of how much he is involved in my life to the point where he will now watch me and my girlfriend sleep please tell me i'm not going crazy am i the asshole it is so fucking funny how it's written but also that sounds so irritating like i can't imagine what he must be feeling like but how it's

written like some sort of freaky guardian angel well and i think it's interesting that she wants to dress up as kylo yeah it's an interesting so i think it's beyond a celebrity crush yeah there's something deeper there yeah well and i was thinking about how i just have never there hasn't been a single thing in my life that i have felt like that about nope me neither me neither and i wonder what it feels like to be a stan yeah you know like that's like taking it to the next level i mean i definitely have like an unexplainable attraction to kylo ren as many women do where you're like adam driver isn't necessarily attractive but there's something really fucking hot about this character people and i don't understand people have like a reaction to that

what is it about kylo oh my god i remember sitting in the theater with my ex like because i didn't see the first movie with kylo ren i saw the second one with him in it and then and then i re-watched i was like what am i feeling right now this is what is going like this sexual tension between the two between kylo ren and ray is palpable like and i was like oh my god i haven't felt like this like excited since like high school oh and then i watched the first one where he like takes off his helmet and you're they do i don't know what it is but they do an amazing job and you're just like and then he's like don't be afraid i feel it too and then you're like what are you flirting and then even ray you could tell she's kind of like fuck i'm a little hot i don't know what is

so hot about him because if i saw him walking on the street i wouldn't be like whoa you know he has so much scorpio energy it is overwhelming sexy did you know adam driver has a phobia of watching his films he can't watch his films i wouldn't want to watch my films either but like as an actor like there has to be some element that you're like you know a student of your own work because you have to like know what to improve on weird he is but he had an npr interview and they played like a clip from his movie and he got up and left he was like he's like it's an actual phobia i'm like sir you are very talented you should probably watch your films that was interesting yeah i'm like you need to figure out what people are freaking out so much about sir

you gotta watch your own shit anyway that's also kind of hot yeah but he's just like no he just shows up he does the job and then he leaves uh-huh yeah i just work here i just work your energy and i just work your energy uh yeah what was i gonna say i don't know i remember watching an interview with him and people from his acting classes when he i can't remember what college he went to um but he would like make people cry from like screaming at them when he was like in a role like they would start crying yeah i mean he gets so intense that um film that he did with scarlett johansson the netflix film i haven't either but i've watched the scene i follow i follow this twitter account that shows um a scene from a movie and then it shows the

script below it and it's kind of like a karaoke kind of thing like it's like going with the um and so i've watched that scene before and read it as it was happening and i had watched the scene without the script the first time and it felt improv'd because he was so in it that it felt off the cuff but he said everything word for word like and how it was written but he sells it so well that like it makes you feel like he's actually feeling it i cannot imagine being in a scene with him and not being completely terrified of him because like scarlett johansson is also a good actor whenever i mean like whatever i'm mad at her because she's engaged to my my husband but she was standing there like looking at him just like she looked genuinely scared and like so I

totally get it like he like punched a wall at one point like you get so into it have you heard of Meisner the acting technique Meisner so like I feel like he's probably like the scariest person to do Meisner with because he probably cuts you so fucking deep because he gets so into character he's just and he's just amazing to me like I'm just fascinated by him like if I was sitting in a room with him i would not be able to say a single word i'd be so afraid of him like yeah i would be i would just be scared like i don't know he's very powerful while we're on the topic of adam driver i saw this tiktok that like like kept zooming in on his hands to show how big they were it was like him holding things that's amazing but i've totally done that and sent pictures to

you of like guys it was a specific guy or he's like holding something i sent you a screenshot of oh yeah i sent you a picture of i know that that's coincidental but him holding like a can and i was like his hands look so big the can looks so many but i mean even my boyfriend's hands are so big i just like i have something about hands like big hands i don't know there's something very protector vibe-ish about big hands they're just i need them yeah same i need his big hands to hold me i just love feeling little like i just love how small i feel with big hands music man has huge hands and he'll like put his hand on my face and i just feel like so like tiny i'm just like i love i love a big hand oh my god anyway anyway we really derailed

on that note thanks for listening love you we should uh you you should tweet us or tell us your big hand stories yeah we want to hear about tell us tell us about your favorite big hands or do you have big hands tell us about it yeah yeah tell us about your big hands educate us on what what do you do with your big hands yeah what do you palm does everything feels tiny to you yeah what's that like we have questions so hit us up um at the holy hour on twitter and instagram or our email, holyhourpodcast at gmail.com. Goodbye. Bye. Love you.

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