The Hoely Hour - E174 Too Busy Fisting the Dough

Episode Date: March 12, 2024

In this episode, we learn that Amelia is like…very into TikToks of hot men having sex with cooking ingredients(?), we discuss the shift in how men are expected to step up as partners in a world where their female partners are becoming more and more powerful, and Liz wants a George Foreman grill. And that is all from just one topic of conversation. We also give advice to a listener who is getting back into the dating scene after a marriage to their high school sweetheart. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

uh i'm gonna bring us back to our roots fuck yeah that's the crack of rain dog rain dog welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com what a beautiful state it really you know give it up for washington everyone clap right

now fucking clap for washington we hear you you're not clapping we're in your living room right now or your car get you and your kids who shouldn't be listening to this and start fucking clapping yeah um i'm drinking screwball a whiskey with a little uh wiener dog ice cube in it is screwball the peanut butter one i thought it was like a classy drink it turns out it's kind of like how fireball is yeah i was gonna say that sounds like college girl whiskey yeah but i hadn't heard about it until with that there's nothing wrong with that it just has such a fancy looking bottle i feel like i absolutely would have drank that in college yeah i would have i wouldn't hate it by now if i drank it in college i mean i drank fireball like it was water my dad went on a golf

trip and he came back from it this this was like five years ago he came back from it like have you ever heard of fireball you're like yeah dad that's what degenerates drink well that's what i was like yeah dad that's like a that's like a college drink he's like oh i really like it and he just kept a bottle of fireball on hand at all times i love that when you do an impression of your dad you don't do his accent because i do my british accent sucks i love that your british accent so everyone expects it to be good give me something to say um uh just say i love fireball i love fireball give it put some heart into it no the issue is is that i don't hear my dad's accent it's also so watered down i suppose you know he's been your dad your whole life

yeah i mean he says some funny like things like um aluminum he'll say that that's fancy as fuck aluminum and garage i love garage me too um the first time i heard garage i was like what the fuck is a garage and then i was like a garage uh-huh it's a garage for your carriage i wonder what sounds what do you think sounds like fancier because um garage that i guess i guess it depends on how you say it garage if you say garage garage that's fancy but if you say garage garage yeah like sandra and sandra oh i hate sandra i hate sandra sandra no offense if your name is sandra or you love someone named sandra or like ariana and ariana yeah you know garage and garage one in the same tomato tomato i love to say tomato tomato because people aren't expecting

that's funny um i just got back from therapy y'all so my congratulations thank you oh my god thank you so much liz we can hold hands this week okay instead of feet yeah sick sorry my hands are like a little clammy hand content only hands we're all i like that i'm a fan of a dumb pun oh thank god it would be so sad if you weren't because that's like all i ever i exclusively talk in dumb puns and that's why we're friends uh so i was in therapy and i was talking to my therapist about um that conversation that we had on the podcast i think two weeks ago when the one that pissed off all of the incels on tiktok did it yeah didn't you see it no which the one that uh where i said that um men have like performative

oh disgust yeah no not that one they're like no it's not that deep i'm like it's not conscious thought okay it's being born into patriarchy yeah no offense you're not really the deep police yeah brian i don't know if my brian's my like the dick name that i go to like every Brian I know is lovely I know I'm like I'm trying to think of Brian's I know and they're all great they're all fantastic I've never met a Brian I didn't like and don't you come here and change my fucking mind yeah all you dickhead Brian's stay the fuck away from Liz you'll have to go through me I want to keep my my Brian sentiment pure yeah because if you don't have that you have nothing yeah exactly I I have my Brian sentiment and then nothing else

nothing else going for me anyways anyway so i was talking to her about the conversation that we were having where you brought up that men these days have their moms as like the image of like like they were the first generation mom who does it all yeah the mom especially if you have a single mom yeah totally and she was like we were just like talking about that and then she also brought up an interesting point which when I was thinking about this in the car I was like I don't want to talk about this and sound like a men's rights activist however she was saying that she's been having to see good men adjust around that kind of like societal shift too in the sense of like good men are wanting

women to feel empowered to do whatever they want to do but then they're not hardwired to have to also put up their end of the bargain to be thinking about like all of the little side household yes responsibilities like noticing what you're out of and then picking that up while you're exactly while you're at the grocery store yes I I do have to say I love that Mr. Liz like if he's like what do you want for dinner and he knows especially if he knows I had a long day he's like happy to make dinner love that we take turns um and i'm like i don't know i i don't want to decide what to make and so he's like okay i'll just i'll make something okay and then he gets everything and then comes back with it i love that um he did try to put my spices out of alphabetical order

once but jail it just took one one polite reminder i love that i spent a lot of time putting all of spices in little labeled jars i mean it was extra it was but not having to not having to search for a spice it's an alphabetical order priceless anyways continue so yeah it's like the men having to adjust their like how they are with like buying things that like they're we're out of or like noticing that the kitchen is dirty like because because they've not had to like societally they don't have to think about it they're not expected to expectation that they're raised to know that this is a shared responsibility totally and i just thought that was so interesting i hadn't thought about it from that perspective of like men having to shift for how because it was

such a like a shift it didn't like phase out of what it was i wonder how much of that also has to do with the internet and like the explosion of social media and the ability to see how people all over the world are living yeah i mean a huge thing that i mean even our parents generation didn't have is visibility into other lifestyles yeah not even just cultures like just visibility into like someone who's not religious like i'm thinking about my parents you know being raised like traditionally catholic in the midwest yeah it's a very it just is what it is you know and you don't get to see like i'm sure if my parents met your parents they'd be like wow yeah right that's so true it's like it really does everybody just kind of had access to what was

like what their neighborhood was doing yeah yeah i've also um thought a lot about well i've been seeing a lot of people talking about how like current kids like younger gen z and then like gen alpha or whatever they don't have any tech literacy because it's not being taught to them yeah we literally had a computer lab we had computer classes where they i hated doing the typing courses but do i appreciate it now yes did you use mavis beacon yes i loved i fucking slayed mavis beacon i was done like two months before everyone else you're so fast at typing 120 words how quickly you can text thank you bananas thank you it you know things that i got bullied for like how much i have spent how much time i spent on the computer look at me

having a big ass and typing quickly yeah big ass types fast that's good i wish i i should put that on a shirt we should put that we should get merch back and running up and running putting things on shirts just phrases we've said we just have like three of them each you know just three for sale my ass is fast but my typing is faster yeah my typing's fast but my ass is faster my typing is fast my ass is fat i like that a lot hell yeah sick let us know if you would buy that fast and my ass is fat i would i would wear it i would wear the fuck out of that um that so that was the conversation i had in therapy that i wanted to talk to you about it was just like a minor little not minor a short thought that i just thought was interesting as

a follow-up yeah okay so no one really talks about how men's fertility declines at the same rate as women's fertility so like the quality of their sperm declines and like the effectiveness of it and how much sperm there is um and it's like if you look at a chart side by side they're very similar with the declining so I mean even though a man can like still impregnate someone it's not going to be quality yeah or the best quality and um another thing too like when I was thinking about that I was like yeah I guess like I suppose they can reproduce for longer but then the more I thought about it I was like okay but women are born with all the eggs they're ever they'll ever have first of all and second of all if men had to make an entire fucking being in

their body at an old age they wouldn't be able to yeah so yeah it just I mean that logically makes sense to me why like women aren't able to have kids when they're you know fucking 70 right so yeah I did hear a podcast it's um Daniel Tosh's podcast which I actually highly recommend because it's really fucking funny and it just made me like him even more as a person but uh the first episode is with his wife's gynecologist yes you've talked about dr finke which what a great name that's amazing um and he's a gay gynecologist and he's like yeah it's a big topic at gay parties anyways gynecologist he said that he um had a patient who was like in her 60s who gave birth I think either 50s or 60s oh my god yeah it's like Janet Jackson I mean Janet Jackson had a

baby in her 50s I like I just wonder like what the not what the health risk to the baby is necessarily because we are aware of that but what are the health risks to that woman you know women die in childbirth every day yeah I mean obviously I would I would expect there to be more health risks but also like so much harder to keep up with the kid like on the opposite end of that because I don't want anyone to feel discouraged in case they do want to have kids in their 40s or they have had kids in their 40s I saw a reddit thread of people um talking about how much they loved having a mom in their 40s or how much they loved being a mom in their 40s oh interesting um Just because, like, how you are as a person when you're 40 versus in your 20s, like, you have a completely different self-assurance as an adult in your 40s than you do in your 20s, you know?

So, there is, like, some people were saying, like, their mom was just, like, a much better parent. Oh, yeah. My mom was an amazing mom. Yeah. Yeah. And is an amazing mom. But, yeah. That does make sense, you know?

you don't have the energy levels but also it's like having like living my friends that had kids when they were like in their mid-20s were like yeah i'm gonna be like taking vacations because my kids will be out of the house and like you guys are going to be going to like pta conferences like it was kind of like one of those oh rub it in your face yeah and it was like okay i can see that heard and like you live your life i will have made money yeah and also like lived that like you know it doesn't really matter because you're like getting life out of both ends of it that's so true yeah like the comparison doesn't really need no it just isn't equal yeah potato potato yeah exactly potato potato yeah um take that tater and shove it up your potato yeah

that's going on a shirt take take that potato and shove it up your potato and only y'all will know what that means and i don't think i do we'll only sell it in idaho yeah but anyways back to what i had originally said i just thought it was interesting that like that is never a topic of conversation the quality is firm yeah just that like the declination is at the same rate and no one nation i don't even know if that's how you pronounce it that's a great word right and it feels right uh i love it but i also don't even know if that's a word i but i said it with confidence it will be used in all of my so i hope everyone takes the word declination and well now i'm gonna look it's gonna be it's the sat word of the day but i just like no one ever talks about

that and i think too it's because it's used as a thing to fear monger younger women um into having kids and i also think it's another thing that people will try and shove in women's faces to make them feel bad oh absolutely and it's like okay well you also don't even know if that person wants to have kids yeah that's a whole other thing first of all yeah but you know like a woman's worth is and but also like you can't reproduce without an egg you know yeah like a man will need a woman to have a kid in some capacity like whether or not you're adopting kids or you have a surrogate or just a partner yeah but um i mean a woman doesn't really necessarily need a man in their life at all no you could just go have a sperm donor that's like lala kent on vanderpump rules

she just is about to have her second baby via sperm donor that's exciting yeah and that's like the first time at least in recent like pop culture that that that's been a conversation that people have had like she's single and she's like i still want another kid so i'm gonna have another kid which we've talked about a lot in the past yeah so i just think that's interesting this is kind of in the same vein have you heard of the 4b movement in korea no um so the 4b movement is a radical feminist movement that originated in south korea in 2019 the movement's acronym stands for um i'm sorry i don't know how to say any of these words they're korean and um i'm not gonna attempt it because that would i feel like it would just be offensive but it means refusing

to engage in heterosexual marriage childbirth romance and sexual relationships hell yeah um And the women in Korea are doing this because of how men treat women in Korea. Like it's it's kind of terrifying. Sorry, let me find an example. I had seen. I saw something else about it or I was reading about it a while back. I can't believe I didn't bring this up before the first time. I think you did.

Oh, I did. Yeah. OK, well, so, OK, this is from the cut. In Korea's patriarchal society, in which women are generally expected to defer to their fathers and to adhere to rigid beauty standards, she felt like a perpetual victim, obsessed by the wrongs done to her by her father and pressured into maintaining her appearance in order to please men. In South Korea, there were cases of femicide, revenge porn, dating violence is widespread,

and then a huge surge in spy cam sex crimes. um just like really egregious uh like non-consensual assault and harassment and exploitation of women just more more than you can even imagine right now um and so women like so many women are uh participating in this movement of like refusing to adhere to these beauty standards that are unrealistic and to cohabitate i don't know to even just have a life with men in any capacity so and um they have like one of the lowest birth rates in the world damn and i mean it's i know it's extreme but i just also think that the more rights that are taken away from women the closer we get to an extremist experience like that yeah um because the more you

take rights away from women the the easier it is for people to objectify women oh yeah absolutely yeah because when you're less of a person legally then it's easier to treat you as such and societally even just like you know i'm sure you saw the tiktok of that girl who's like i'm not a feminist oh yeah I can wear dresses and feel pretty I feel I don't feel pretty when I wear a dress I feel fucking hot yeah so yeah but anyways I I just think like sure maybe she wants to be subversive maybe women who think that way want to be subversive but I don't think that they in practice realistically understand how horrible their lives would truly be yeah um and I mean even if you just this is also kind of extreme even if you think about war the things that men will do

to women and children during war those war crimes are horrific you're you would be lucky to be a man because you'd just be killed um but for women and children yeah the atrocity the atrocities are yeah horrifying yeah it's interesting to think about like those women that have like the trad wife kind of like mentality they've i would imagine for the most part all that they've been modeled is that so it's like the thought of doing anything outside of that is like like egregious emily mariko has this huge platform so she's a tiktok creator have you seen any of emily mariko's videos i've seen the clips it's a lot of like homemaking related stuff but she like has an impressive background she like really think about why

her platform and presence is being boosted and circulated so much when she is basically acting out homemaking responsibilities and i just think that is so interesting yeah um but is she like a like the trad life mentality trad wife mentality or is she just like a homemaker i think that's the difference i mean she also i mean she had like a successful career and background hold on let me find it she has a bachelor's degree in neuroscience jesus and just let me see okay um she attended columbia university in new york graduated in 2014 with a bachelor of arts in neuroscience and then she started working at l'oreal in the product development and global marketing and then she changed career paths

moving to san francisco and working for facebook which those of you who don't work in tech it is very hard to get a job at facebook or meta or google amazon i think microsoft's probably the easiest but like i mean they might as well be ivy leagues of jobs yeah um and the fact that she had this arguably successful and impressive history like with her education and she um I think she also probably come I think I don't know this for sure I I'm I think I heard this um but comes from money but still the fact that she has all of this opportunity and she has found the most success creating homemaking content is I think that just says a lot like about our culture in America yeah how things are kind of changing in terms of like like this is what her most

successful career has been has oh yeah in terms like you can be a well-educated woman and have like impressive jobs and not be recognized for them and then you can start you could just be pretty and start making healthy meals and people will celebrate you yeah that's also I think too a function of like just influencer culture in general like the trad wife thing is a little scary to me it's terrifying but then it's also like then there are some homemakers that just genuinely enjoy being a homemaker and they are just like so successful in other realms but they just like are so happy just like making a home i feel like that's gonna be me hopefully one day like i would love to like be a stay-at-home mom i would love to it's obviously everybody says this

and it sounds like a cliche but it's like one of the hardest jobs ever oh yeah but i think that like the idea of that is being so clouded by trad wives because it's like their their whole thing is like focused on being a trad being a trad wife and doing it for men yes i was gonna i think the focus of trad wives to like they're making it about being a trad wife and how they're superior yeah to other women who don't want to do that yeah and i mean like i said last episode like if you want to be a traditional in a traditional relationship like fucking go for it yeah but i think another thing that's really interesting that i also don't see a lot of people talking about is like okay so you have all of these trad wife girls and you have all of these single men

who are like i want a traditional woman blah blah blah why aren't these people getting together you know yeah and i i just think that that's not actually what it's about i think that um And those men who say that they want, like, a traditional housewife woman don't actually want that. I think that they want to have a relationship with someone who's maybe more feminist and liberal, like us, and kind of break them. Yeah. And get them to, like, force them to submit to them. Yeah. but I think that's more so what it's about it's about forcing submission and less about finding

you know like a fucking a girl like Pearl like why isn't why aren't any of these like podcast bros complaining about women all the time why aren't they the ones also dating like the women who are like pick me's echoing that message yeah because yeah the issues that they hate women you like you both allegedly have the same values yeah why aren't you together right yeah why are you making it everyone else's problem yeah i mean all of them are just so unfuckable that's why they don't even want to fuck each other that's fair yeah that's fair i mean i still think pearl is gay but i trust me in like 10 years she's gonna be like i'm sorry about what i said also i'm gay also every time i think i know you look like a fucking basketball

player we've been saying we know uh every time i think of her my teeth hurt like she it's like i get like a visceral somatic response to pearl is she's it's just like what are you doing well i i think that also another thing that is very interesting that is kind of like an indicator of how things are is how many creators are leaning into this like alt-right content creation even if they don't believe it because it's easy to sell out oh absolutely like you even if that's not something that they believe it's just like okay well i'm getting paid for it yeah i mean if you like people that are like grifters they you just pick the one thing that is so polarizing and you lean all the way into it I truly believe that the majority of the people like you're saying

that are leaning in that kind of direction don't like really believe what they're saying like I think Andrew Tate is the biggest piece of shit on the planet but I feel like even he leans even heavier in because he because it works yeah he's a grifter yeah um I also think that this online polarization doesn't exist so much in real life no um but it's easy if if you're online all the time and you're a young person online all the time and the news is also so polarizing you're going to feel that way when you're walking around in the world totally but i think that we're overlooking like how kind people actually are um I don't know anytime I interact with people outside of my home like everyone is so nice yeah and ready to be helpful and wants to be helpful

yeah and it it's getting overlooked because we're all just like staring at our phones and obsessing over the things that we have such little control over yeah and screaming at each other right i mean everyone's so mighty behind a keyboard yeah so it's like you know these people that are so nice to you in the grocery store might be going home and like getting on twitter and like yelling at people for stupid shit because it's like everybody it changes people the shit that i say online i would never say to someone's face you know like i mean i mean maybe i would but like when i'm like you know telling it as it is regardless of whether or not i i like really and i really only say things that i like strongly stand in that conviction and believe in and i would

never say it to someone's face so it's just like it just changes people when you're behind a keyboard or behind a behind a phone but also ads have like completely fucked everybody's lives up because these social media platforms have built their entire structure around keeping people on the app to make desperate to make ad money desperate so it's pulling people deeper into echo chambers because it's trying to keep people on the apps so then they're getting ads that fit them and that way these platforms make money off of advertisers yeah it's it's this like horrible cycle that has like put us in this post-truth era it feels like everything online is um idiocracy yeah it's it's just that but online because in our day-to-day life you know as i go about my

life in the world off of my phone it's very different yeah and it's hard to remember that yeah it really I mean yeah I don't know just anytime I'm on Twitter I I would absolutely be fully off Twitter if I didn't have to be on it for work um and anytime I'm on it first of all I'm mad that I have to be on it and then second of all it just is like it's it's a dumpster fire like that's exactly imagine a dumpster fire have you seen that gif of the fire the dumpster that's on fire and it's floating down a flood yeah that is exactly what twitter is like now yeah it really is and threads is becoming that too i was on threads last night and like you know on twitter love sharing like inflammatory stuff on threads and also like you know on feed twitter you see

a video and you go to the comments the replies to like oh and all of the replies are other memes yeah that's how threads is now i'm gonna it's so disappointing and blue sky waited too long to jump on yeah i've lost interest yep i don't even know how it works to be honest i know i texted you to i didn't know how to find you i i don't know how to find anybody either yeah well anyways anyway um speaking of being online and having perceptions that brings me to what i wanted to show you um do you know who donut daddy is no oh my i'm sure you've seen his videos i want to get your i don't know you and i on are on two very different sides of tiktok well this is about to make you look at me differently if this is what my for you page is showing me but

i i'm scared i'm just gonna chug my rainier okay this is donut daddy i want to get your live live reaction to i'm going to show you this video and then when it's over just scroll the next one because that's the next one i want you to see it's just two that i want to show you because you'll get the idea um and then we'll talk about it okay oh god okay i'm going to describe what i'm seeing it's a man in a very deeply unbuttoned shirt he's got a gold chain look at what i posted on yeah he had a donut and he was just like covering it in icing oh he just squeezed a donut with filling in it oh my god he's like fisting the dough he's doing some unnecessary flexing he looks like his name is geo his name's anthony ew he's fingering the donut yeah

and he's licking the icing like i see okay i've seen content like this before and i fucking hate these men i know with a passion where it's just like i i like food porn that's like just of the food right i don't like seeing you fuck the food yeah okay stop playing with your food like that i hate this shit and it has almost a million likes it has eight million views on a million comments a hundred and a hundred thousand saves oh god what are y'all doing with those saves the comments are the way my smile faded how is he violating ingredients why did he put his face in it it just kept getting more absurd what did he shades of dough did he use the um the mixer the kitchen aid mixer in that one no he didn't okay i think that's the next one he was too busy fisting

the dough right to use the mixer this one says i have so many questions thumbs up that's a great comment sir can i please just have my donut the mixer slap was unnecessary okay so he does have the mixer there's i i just was so distracted by all the other he like pushes the mixer down like it's giving him head ew i know it's a whole movement that he does it's everything is so overtly sexual chat is this real why did he sniff it oh my god ew this one this comment said sir did you really just do that to the dough and then he replied the dough begged me to get the fuck off this app oh my god i wonder how many people like this because uh it's ridiculous yeah okay let's watch the next one

why is he unbuttoning his shirt for the ew he did the he did the head thing okay he's slapping the dough like he's smacking an ass and then he spread the dough like he's spreading cheeks so arms are veiny but not in a hot way yeah he's like dehydrated squeezing the lime why does he do that with the egg yolks honestly like you try like you food fucking all these donuts it's not appealing it's upsetting what are the comments saying you think he edits these and goes oh yeah they'll love that and he liked it see i don't know if he's in on the joke allegedly there are moms in the comments thirsting over this guy i would imagine i would imagine that these moms are like i haven't been

cream-pied like that yeah maybe it's just the idea of a man cooking for her that could also be true yeah i need to see an actual thirsty comment because i'm not seeing one i'm just seeing there's one from a man um a verified chef and he said and now i'm pregnant sir it's 7 a.m uh what's it what a smirk smirk face thank you and then it's the eye lip biting eye victoria what are you up to girl victoria what it's 7 a.m chill a little thirsty victoria oh this one says um yes please oh my god jewels so this is my thing i wonder like okay a i think he's in on it because oh obviously like in on like it being ridiculous i mean i know that he's obviously in on it being like a thirst trap but he has to he has to know

that it's fucking ridiculous but then also i wonder imagine imagine you went to school with this guy oh my god i would be fucking dying i would be sending this shit to all of my friends and i'd be like remember that guy from high school well he just got weirder like you know this guy was fucking weird in high school you know it it's just so i feel like there are some tiktok chefs that do what he does but they're not so obvious about it i think he just was also like okay i love making donuts i'm really good at it i also love going to the gym and then he saw someone else fucking their food on tiktok that i there's there's nothing no other way i can describe it and he was like this is a lot this is providing a lot of shock value but it's also getting a lot

of attention and then i can get more attention to my business yeah and it's working yeah i mean we're talking about him raunch is always gonna have appeal yeah for the shock value and just because some people are fucking horny yeah but like i there's a piece of it that makes me think and you know above all else this man is an intellectual i'm like is he dumb as fuck or is he brilliant i feel like let's get this man on the podcast this i would love nothing more than that honestly first of all why yeah why you know what we should shoot our shot we should try to get him on i'm gonna do it guys everyone reply to this if you want donut daddy to be on the pod can you guys slide into donut daddy's dms and tell him to be

on the holy hour because now he's gonna listen and hear me just talking shit about him but i think that he's in on it i think this dude knows what he's doing he has to be but so i think the first guy who did it was intentionally doing it yeah i think that he wasn't in on it i think he was legit like oh i mean there are some very hot tiktok creators that cook and that's it and i'm like that is this is this is porn have you seen the guy who's always chopping vegetables yes and he has a toothpick in his mouth he's so fucking annoying it's because one time someone was like you look like uh the guy from the bear and he was like i'm gonna put on an apron and do the damn thing i think we're talking about no i think we're talking about two different guys okay i was

about to go to bat for this well i don't know this guy just says the most basic ass shit he's like women deserve respect chop chop chop and then the comments are like oh my god yes yeah but think about what that says about our society and that's what makes me i women will watch men cooking because men don't typically cook like they it's a lot of moms that are like is that even true because when you not here to a restaurant chefs are all men right but no but men aren't cooking for their wives i mean it's like a whole like they'll cook for their job but they won't cook for their family they it's the woman it's an expectation of the woman cooks and that's why i think there's so many moms thirsting over this guy because they're like oh my god like he yeah

they grew up in the era of where they're doing everything yeah exactly so it's like this dude could be doing that shit cleaning and it would have it would hit the same but also i think it But do you think I want to see a man grilling doing this? I bet. I bet. But I want it to be gay. I'm putting the call out there. OK, I want I want a man who grills, but I want it to be sexy, but I want it to be gay.

I want it to be for gay guys. I would consume that like. Yeah. Hot dogs. Easy, easy, easy, easy. You heard it here first. OK, what else could it be? What else besides hot dogs?

i don't know get creative yep grill some zooks and and even like skewers oh so many things you put on the grill are already phallic and i think that is by design you know yeah because right why do you think men are always standing over a grill talking to each other dick-shaped food well no men stand around the grill talking to each other so they can mansplain how to grill to other men yeah they're like oh that one's getting done yeah let me do it yeah hold on have you thought of this before do it what i like to do is i like to marinate my my meat and then their wives are inside getting drunk yeah everyone's getting drunk talking about the pool boy that they're fucking to be honest that barbecues are fun yeah and that's a hot take yeah from hot take backyard

yeah do you have a grill no we should we should grill okay we'll get you a grill i had a grill at my last place i used it a total of a time what if um yeah i'll get a grill and put it on our tiny ass balcony i actually think i'm not allowed to do that what if i get a mini grill and put it on the balcony like a little george foreman yeah i love that lean mean fat grilling machine yeah did you know i did not know george foreman was a boxer yeah i had no idea right you would think that this man would have been a chef if anybody wants to slap my name on a thing yeah that has the potential to just blow up yeah if you want to make a new kind of tiny grill and you need someone to attach to it i mean samson i'm your grill

okay wait did i interrupt something or no what was was there another thing you wanted to show me no it's just those two donut daddy videos i wanted to talk about donut daddy guys this look him up he i'm so he only has like 445 000 followers i was expecting that man to have like 4 million followers million easily because i've like seen so many people talking about him you're the first person i've seen and the production value on those videos they it is good production around dude was a had a had a film major and a dream i bet his he has like a brother who's like in film school or something yeah weird can you imagine his brother being the one to film those maybe his boyfriend does it spread spread the dough apart like butt

cheeks and shove your face in it i hope he's it would be cool if he was gay i just want everyone to be gay um should we they might be read end with reading an email because we got a few emails that we didn't get to love it last week take it away the subject line is dating advice after a long relationship hi ladies i'm a big fan of the pod and i'm excited to have a chance to email you although not excited for the reason so i'll jump right in i've been with my wife for 14 years since we were both 17 that is a long time a long time recently we have decided to separate as she has realized she's actually queer this means i have to start dating again and i have no idea what i'm doing any advice you can give what apps should i should i get on what should i put in my

profile how slash when do i bring up my situation what concerns are best it's or what condoms are sorry I'm reading this from far away um would be greatly appreciated some background on me 32 male never dated anyone besides my wife we have a six-year-old so my time is pretty limited I've got a touch of the tism and more than a touch of ADHD thanks thanks for all you both do okay this is a great question context it's also like you said at the beginning of this um you have no idea what you're doing with dating nobody does which I know is like one of those things that when I was dating and I was like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing whenever anybody would be like nobody does I'd be like shut the fuck up that doesn't help me but like it also does kind

of like it eased me a little bit because I dated a ton and I went on a ton of dates and I never stopped being nervous for a date so it's like yeah first dates are just nerve-wracking in general they are so it's like once you realize like everybody's nervous it kind of takes away like a little bit of like the pressure of it but outside of that I'm gonna start at the top by saying um if you set up a date with somebody don't bail it don't bail because you're nervous no don't don't flake because you're just like I don't feel like doing this because I feel that way about so many things but I know once I'm doing it I'm gonna have fun totally and even though you stay nervous before dates every date you go on gets a little bit easier yeah yeah like it's just

like it's it's a muscle your question about what apps you should be on it really depends on what you're trying to do there's like a gazillion apps now but i think that the main ones that like are the tried and true are tinder bumble and hinge yeah tinder is for fucking tinder is also like just like the underbelly of dating apps yeah at least I stopped using tinder when I like got back on dating apps because I was like this is trash yeah um and then bumble I felt like was fine yeah um but the best like the hot the most quality dates that I went on were from hinge yeah and I don't I think it also probably depends on where you are yeah in America totally or whatever country yeah bumble is the only app of like the main ones that aren't owned by match group and

match group is pretty problematic and like how they run their business they're being sued right now oh because like they probably deserve it they absolutely do i mean it's like their whole thing is like they have subscription models around like like hinge for example the app that's designed to be deleted should not have a six month option for their subscriptions you know like that's very it's very clearly not trying to get people off the app because they're all money making companies so i think my mega piece of advice would be like if you're gonna spend money on any of these apps don't put don't pump a whole lot of money into them i know like for hinge you have to like buy extra roses which like i think i don't think you should spend money on any of these fucking

dating apps i've had some friends that have and it's helped them so they men they're all men i was gonna say they're all men how do they identify yeah well I here's why I think you shouldn't spend money because I think you can put the time into having like a good enough profile that you can go on a date from it because totally I think that so many dudes on apps just have such like flop profiles that it's easy for you to stand out absolutely and I mean we can also lead with um amelia's advice which is um it's called the about me so talk about yourself yeah yes like that's the don't list out what you don't want it's yeah i would say don't even list out like what you do want yeah talk about unless it's like hinge you have the option to be like i want kids

yeah or i have kids so i think yeah being super upfront about like um yeah i have a kid and they're six um yeah right off the bat and because you're gonna weed out people who suck yeah or people aren't ready to be step yeah i'm like i guess i don't want to judge people who aren't ready to be um a parent that's fine um but you'll be able to easier identify the people who are okay with that totally and i also think um starting out like i would say maybe not while messaging saying you're like recently divorced I think that's a good first date conversation I agree of and also I think mention it like explaining like yeah I was I haven't dated anybody else like I was only with my wife and um she discovered she's queer and like that's why

we're separated and you know I'm I'm assuming you like it obviously it sucks when a relationship ends but also like you want your wife to be able to explore this side of herself that she hadn't gotten to explore before totally yeah yeah there's a there's like a power in that yeah so I think explaining that is like a good entry conversation but you don't need to over explain I would just also be like honest if they have any other questions any follow-up questions yeah totally I mean I guess you also don't need to lead with that in a first date I would say within the first three dates you need to talk about that yeah yeah one though you need to talk about the kid you need to be like a kid absolutely yeah and I think like too there's probably it would

surprise you how many women are in a similar position like that have either been in a relationship since high school even if they weren't married and they're just now getting back into dating or like they've been through a bad breakup or like they're they're a widow or yeah i think honestly by the time you're in your 30s i feel like we've all kind of been and we've all had our own wars yeah yeah love is a battlefield fuck we've all we've all fought our own battles and dating yeah um so everyone's got their past traumatic experiences yeah totally i'm thinking also from my perspective i would think it's like both endearing and a little intimidating that um the this person has only been with one one person since they were a teenager

yeah you know yeah um so also maybe like play the field a little bit because you haven't dated anyone besides your wife yeah right instead of like jumping back in and trying to get into a serious relationship totally yeah so maybe tinder is the place for you yeah yeah well i guess it depends on what you're looking for if you're just looking for hooking up then yeah tinder yeah um but i also think just like being like i just i'm i'm dating around because i haven't dated since i was literally 17 so i'm just trying to like navigate this new experience i think that's totally fine absolutely like i'm not trying to rush into anything i just i'm trying to figure out what I want I also think there's if I was dating a guy that had been married like I

would like I would kind of love that yeah oh yeah I have so much respect totally like you're a wife guy even if you're not ready to hump like I almost just said hump back into that but hop I mean you are ready to hump back into that but if you're not ready to jump back into a relationship even still like there's a level of respect not this isn't for everyone I'm there are married men that are complete dick holes but like there's a level of respect that you have because you've like built a life with somebody that like men that have just been dating like they don't have that kind of experience yeah of building a life with somebody so i think like sure you're you might be like a little like lost and not know like what to do but you also are coming into this from like a

place of strength that not a lot of men have yeah so give yourself a little bit of grace there i think that is such a good point I hadn't even considered of like okay yeah maybe you have some blind spots because you haven't dated since you were 17 but also you have the experience of being in a marriage yeah and knowing what it takes to be in a marriage yeah which also gives you even more insight as to like how to do that which I think I just I don't know there are so many guys who will just absolutely panic at the thought of anything becoming just a little bit serious absolutely there's also like the other side of that though that's like i'm sure that you're going to run into i know i ran into it when i started dating after an eight-year relationship

was like expecting everybody to act the same as my ex like everybody to like oh like you have built a life with this person and so you might run into the idea that like you know oh well she did it this way or like this is how we would operate as a unit like those expectations are going to have to shift because everybody's different and everyone's coming into a relationship with different experiences so like not you know like getting like let down by people not conducting their lives in the way that you're used to them conducting them like you're gonna have to kind of like tear all of those that expectation apart because you haven't dated around like you had like you just haven't you've been used to one person for so long which is understandable like

i said i've dealt with that i was like oh people not everybody just like talks to me how my ex talked to me or not everybody like like planned dates how my ex planned them like that was a shock to the system because i hadn't dated anyone else so like having to do that kind of re-expectation setting is kind of like a a tough spot that is really interesting yeah i guess i hadn't considered that either um yeah I was I also want to say like go into it with an open mind and with the mindset of like I'm not trying to find my soulmate necessarily yeah and then um if you do meet someone that you get along with really well and you like each other like don't let that mindset hold you back from enjoying that relationship and investing in it you know what I

mean yeah like listen to your gut if your gut is like i really like this person and i want to see where it goes yeah then do that totally don't be like well liz and amelia said to keep an open mind and not to put all my eggs in my basket i feel like we could be great but around listen to this podcast called the holy hour no um the other thing i was gonna say actual like tangible dating app advice um photos no mirror selfies no don't put don't have a mirror selfie don't have just a selfie I feel like those are awkward yeah I really like photos where it's just them you know have a have some pictures that are just you that a friend obviously took yeah like you in your environment you doing something that you love doing yeah and if you

have friends in your photos with you or like yeah if there's other people in the photos with you make sure your first photo is just of you yeah so then they know and the other uh picture is like oh it's this guy yeah yeah yeah and he has friends this is great I've learned there's so many instances on dating apps where it's like it's a guy and his friend or friends in every photo and I'm having to play like where's Waldo like what is the common denominator in this which one which one is you which one is this guy like it's it's impossible and then I just say I wonder if they just they just don't even think about that probably not I can't tell yeah who's who I am right um i also think like quality pictures like yeah like not grainy yeah or blurry yeah

want some regular pictures totally um yeah i just i also feel like anytime i would see like a dude selfie like where you're just holding out the phone and taking a selfie they always like look a little awkward yeah but in different ways like there's some where it's just straight up kind of awkward and you're like yeah it is weird taking a picture of yourself um and then there's some where they're like trying to be sexy and then you're like i don't yeah i don't like that you posed for this for some reason yeah i mean if yeah and then posted it on your profile and like there's also i'm sure people are like oh what the fuck is i don't go out and do anything but set up a set up self timer yeah just don't hold out the phone because that really it does it's

just like i don't know like i i don't know how to hold up the phone and take a cell just set up a timer um go outside you're gonna you're gonna have time anyways now to hang out with your pals so yeah have your pals take some pictures of you um and just be like hey do you mind uh snapping some photos of me here i don't know i'm just trying to make a dating app yeah yeah some candid pictures i think i i don't know i wouldn't think that was weird no someone was like i need to update my dating profile and i don't have any like good pictures to post can you help me out tonight yeah i would be so into that shit totally yeah maybe if you have female friends too because i know like oh girls are the ones you want to ask to help you to be honest

100 how weird would it be if he asked his wife she might be into helping him she might be yeah um that's really funny i think that would sting a little bit yeah maybe um yeah that that's just the advice I have and I think also putting some thought into your answers in the prompts yeah and not like one word answers or lazy answers or something cliche I really love when I would see prompts where like there would be a question kind of associated with it to like start the conversation like um I'm looking for like the best cake recipe like any recommendations like that kind of thing to like something that opens the conversation yeah because like especially on hinge because you have to either like something

or reply to something that somebody wrote like that just oh it makes it easier for people to do that so i don't know that's i just always would respond to shit like that and if you're ever like what should i not say uh follow unhinged on instagram yeah because they post just the dumb shit people say or amelia samson yeah or amelia samson heard of her uh she posts content of what not to put on your profile yeah um and as for actually setting updates and like starting conversations i would say maybe have like some back and forth um just a little bit and then maybe some texting but i would not before you even meet them even even before the third date like don't be hitting them up all the time you don't need to have all these text conversations

i think that it's so much better to just like wait until you're in person on the date that's like yeah by the time i was like by the time i even met mr liz i was like let's not fucking i don't want to text you all day i don't know you i don't want to feel obligated to have a conversation with you because i've never met you yep and i would rather just like meet you in person and also like i don't want to run out of shit to talk about before i meet you i just yeah i just i think i made that mistake kind of early on after getting out of your relationship because i was just used to texting my ex every day i was about to say that that might be something that this the writer of this email falls into i mean maybe well because when you live do you text your do you text frank

all day every day no unless i like miss him now that mr liz and i live together i like never text yeah if you looked through our text you'd be like do they even like each other because we like don't we don't text each other back because we're like well i'll see you in like an hour right yeah we only text each other when we like need something yeah during the work day some some days we'll text more during the work day but like yeah most of the time we're working i'm not right like what is he doing yeah movie first started doing though yeah what are you doing yeah hey you thinking about me now you are with each other yeah um yeah i i definitely would save the texting for like later yeah i i my advice is to just like talk a little bit to make sure they're normal and so they can

make sure you're normal um yeah and normal i just mean not a misogynist serial killer yeah and um normal for women i guess i don't know what kind of like i don't know what it's like dating women on dating apps you know what I mean yeah so I don't know what they do that could be alarming does that make sense yeah I don't know women's red flags on dating apps that's what I'm saying yeah I feel like what I see a lot of men complaining about is like how many bots are on dating apps uh like we we don't like I dating men I never ran into that but I guess it's a really big problem true but well I mean they probably want I mean I'm sure some of those bots are like scammers and I'm sure some of them are because people want them to stay on that the

the app wants them to be staying on the app yeah totally yeah so they like let them it goes all the way to the top yeah no I think like my my bottom line advice would be to be yourself if they ask to see your social media send it to them because there are a lot of dudes that I would be like can I see your Instagram before we go out and they'd be like uh sure but whenever they were like absolutely I'm like this guy's getting his dick sucked for sure like thank you for respecting my safety yeah I was also thinking about that like um there might be some things to keep in mind because women are definitely considering their safety so like first three dates should be in a public place yeah yes and um yeah if they ask to see your social media make sure you can

share that with them so they can verify that you're a real person yeah um and what else don't get discouraged because like women are always so inundated on these dating apps that like you it's it happened too often to me that i'd be talking to someone and then i would get like a bunch of matches and then that conversation would sink and I would just never talk to that person again yeah so just like don't be discouraged if like it doesn't work out right away yeah you could also bubble that's why I think you should like chat a little bit and then as soon as you can be like hey um I don't really like messaging on the apps um I know that you're probably bombarded messages and uh how about we just like get drinks on this day yeah and i would say

wednesday thursday is a good date night like let's grab drinks because it's a lot to be like hey can i have your friday or saturday night and we don't know each other ask me for their oh my i'm like that's prime real estate yeah wednesday thursday perfect days for after work date yeah and just getting drinks at happy hour and then your friday is open to listen to the holy hour exactly or you can listen to the holy hour on your way home if you subscribe to us on patreon on your thursday date always be closing baby abc um i think that's all i can think of right now i think that that's all good advice i i have a friend who like he recently got divorced and like he was kind of trying to get back into the dating scene and he started spiraling a little bit about

like a girl he had just started talking to and then I was like you're overthinking it bud yeah like I know that you're just a little stressed because you don't know what you're doing um but just don't overthink it and like you don't need to be talking all the time yeah just see her in person yeah and things will kind of happen naturally and don't especially in your 30s like yeah i think i think women in their 30s are a little even like mid to late 20s yeah are just like yeah i don't want to be texting you all day totally it's also like a good piece of advice would be to like don't build castles in the sky like don't like put all of your weight on this one person that you're having a really good conversation with because that's a really good

way to get let down yeah if you if you find yourself getting uh too attached really quickly a good way to balance that out is to start talking to another person and i know that sounds kind of crazy but like you need to you need to balance yourself out because it's so easy to get so in your head when you're like in the early stages of dating people yes especially if you really like someone yes exhausting exhausting fill that roster yeah fill your roster fill the stable with those horses like this in a minute i know this was like episode two jordan um but anyway hope that helps that was a that was a long conversation we just talked about that for 30 minutes i don't know if i'll keep all of it but i'm sure you're probably not you can narrow it

down to the highlights it all felt like good good advice yeah we're really smart we're like we don't give bad advice everything never have i've oh i've only given banger advice and that's why we have a podcast not everybody has a podcast before i like uh after dinner um when i was like getting ready to leave mr liz was like how many what percentage of podcasts do you think are just like people who just like to hear the sound of their own voice and i was like oh most yeah most podcast at least 95 even like celebrities and i was like especially celebrities what do you mean i'm like i will and like i think he means like podcasts that also don't do well oh and 95 i would say yeah yeah yeah that feels like conservative anyway should we like say bye

yeah i think we should okay well we love you that was all i need y'all to know that that was liz i've never i feel like a proud parent you were conducting me that was beautiful i am thinking though i think we need to start speeding it up like speeding up instead of drawing out and not because i think it's too long it's because i think i think it's too long i think it'll give us more opportunities to play with it to be creative maybe we can start assigning genres i think this might be our first experiment with you don't wouldn't that be fun i like a genre yeah oh genre i'm gonna learn how to beat box We should have a hat with different genres for that close.

I like this. I like this. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Send us a genre. We only know so many.

Love you. I miss you already. Bye.