The Hoely Hour - E179 Praying 4 Ur Drywall

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

Liz thinks she's an influencer and goes into detail about her incredibly extra shower routine. Amelia shares a "not surprised but still disappointed" Breaking Boobs update. We read an email from a stellar listener and learn about FLR's. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

he will take care of you yeah starting at such a young age he won't be a good boyfriend but he will get you off he will make you come welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com and i followed my heart your butt and your heart yeah your butt heart there yeah where would your butt heart be located if it were a real

thing is it your booty hole or is it a heart i keep getting cat hair in my mouth where are you going oh enjoy dressed up for a walk seeing his other family that's what we always say whenever my dad goes anywhere he's seeing his other family what are you doing you see your other family it'd be so fucked up if we were right i honestly i'd be impressed yeah a little bit i never understand how people have the time to have two separate lives going that's a lot of work i don't have time for my one life yeah i mean to be fair you do a lot in your one life it's kind of like being over employed but with a family yeah or being a child two full-time jobs without the sadness secret family dad yeah i want to hear about a secret family mom that'd be harder to keep though

because because if you give birth you know yeah you could be a secret family stepmom that sounds like the name of a porno secret family stepmom secret family stepmom what are you doing in my room wait explain uh explain what a secret family stepmom would be um she is like a dad having two families but she married in okay yeah i get what you're saying so she has her one family with her biological children yeah and then she has her second family with her adopted children yes cool yeah or i guess technically that is adopted you adopt them yeah as your own children yeah and she does it just for the two christmases well i mean does she get two presents no one's no one's less appreciated than a mom you know what i mean the empty stockings it's so sad when people

realize nobody was putting anything in the mom's stockings because she's the one that stuffed the stockings it was like a trend last christmas on tiktok it was so sad i'm this next christmas then i'm gonna bring my mom a stocking yeah i realized i a stocking full of trinkets we always do like stocking stuffer type gifts in my family so ours is full with candy oh candy and then sometimes like a little makeup trinket oh i love that um i'm gonna complain real quick i love this already uh all my neighbor does is fucking watch tv and i hate hearing it through the wall that is so annoying like i can't even just sit on the couch and like enjoy the peace i'm sitting on my fucking couch because i have to hear i was about to say that's it's like you

can't even hear the tv you just like through the it's such an annoying sound he lives alone he's lived here since the building was built and all he does is watch fucking tv and like more power to him happy for him but also that's kind of sad when was this building built a 90 oh he's been here for like a minute yeah he's been here for a little while but like yeah he just watch it all he does is watch tv he doesn't like do anything else sometimes he works oh but i'm pretty sure he still works because it's nice and quiet during the day the weekdays some of the weekdays see i watch too much true crime i'm thinking like they open up the apartment it's just like a corpse and like a tv that's on that would be way more obvious but it'd be stinky too tv goes off around

this man thinks he's the only fucking person who lives in the building because then i like we've had to email him twice to turn his music off before 8 a.m like can you just respect normal quiet hours i bet like when he's getting ready he blasts it i bet being the one that's been in here the longest kind of gives you like a sense of entitlement yeah or like makes you kind of into like a curmudgeon whatever you'll fucking get out of here yeah like all these kids moving into this building i have a theory that he's in love with mr liz because he is so nice to mr liz but he didn't even reply to my email i don't think we've that also might be just a misogyny thing i feel like that's the case too often possibly this is a middle-aged a late middle-aged

man who lives alone is he white yes so he's either a silly serial killer or a late in life homosexual who is in love with my my boyfriend honestly i just those aren't the only two options you know he could just be wouldn't that be crazy if it was though it's one or the only two those are the only things yeah no if he were a serial killer he would not be fucking watching tv all the time no so there was i had friends and if he killed me it'd be too obvious an upstairs neighbor who would like in the middle of the night they would just hear like banging like like with like a baseball bat kind of like volume banging and then they would like go up there sometimes like what the hell could you stop because it would be like two in the morning and

he would come to the door like so frazzled like oh i'm so sorry it's i was just like he was doing some sort of shady shit up there and they were convinced that he was like some sort of serial killer yeah i think that they brought it up to their landlords they were like our upstairs neighbor is like loud all hours of the night weird shit he like would blast like disney movies like really loud up there which was also really creepy yeah what are you supposed to say about some awareness like hi could you turn like leave a note like could you turn down your tv a little bit like what what do you do in that situation uh i just put on noise canceling headphones or go into our bedroom or we watch tv i would call the cops just noise complaint well mr liz owns this place so i'm

not trying to make enemies it's a very small they won't know where it came from you know what i mean it could be it could be his downstairs neighbor everyone's really nice so but i am going to um publicly complain on this podcast about the neighbor not having any fucking life been watching tv at full blast he's just like randomly a holy hour fan it's like part of his tv watching you know who you are schedule yeah put your tv on the other wall he's like fuck i think that's me that was when my building was built shit fuck um i'm in love with my neighbor is this me um i didn't know they were recording next door this whole time i would have turned not my tv um uh i've been thinking about can i tell you about my um it's a it's a ritual i've

been getting into either every sunday or monday it's been monday the last several weeks but i have a very luxurious bath routine i love that and it's a little it's a bonding moment with myself it's just like uninterrupted time so i eat a gummy so i'm high during this shower yes the mvp i wait until it starts to hit the other night i brought in a drink i made a mezcal negroni and i put it in my little cooler wine cup had you heard of mezcal negronis before us three got drinks you mean mr liz i don't believe so that was the first time i had heard of them i really like i feel like i had heard the idea and then i was like i was like i wanna i'm gonna i'm gonna make it well i wanted to make a mezcal drink and then like

my brainchild like wasn't good yeah so um oh you know what no it was a mezcal old fashion that i got anyway we're all track continue with your bath routine uh so i like i usually will wash all my makeup off in this shower but um here's all the steps okay so before i get into my shower pop my gummy and then i put in um a hair mask into the blonde part love it um so it stays healthy and then after a little bit of time i will hop into the shower and i rinse out the hair mask at this point i'm feeling tingly yes uh rinse out the hair mask shampoo double shampoo oh yeah because you get it like you first you get all of like the dirt and whatever out and then that second wash is what gives you all the benefits of your shampoo and it the second wash is when you

feel more of that lather yeah yeah you're gonna get more benefits of the shampoo but especially your conditioner hell yeah so yeah do that and then i after that second cleanse i put my conditioner are in. Um, and I especially put some on the blonde spot and then I just kind of like wrap it back. And then this is where the real fun begins. Everybody. I'm so hyped. Uh, I have a long like brush, like scrubby brush. So I use, um, bar soap first. Um, cause that's like the antibacterial type of soap. Your, your shower gel that doesn't really do a whole lot. Okay. Uh, it's only for fragrance so do my antibacterial i scrub my whole body with it i double cleanse my body yeah first is with the soap then is with the shower gel okay and um by that point my hair has been soaking in

the conditioner and um i have a brush like a condition like a wet brush for my conditioner yeah i start at the ends and then go to the top so it spreads all over and then i rinse it out and then um when i get out i put on a body oil i have a lemon vanilla body oil oh what a combo it smells like a little lemon scone yeah delicious oh my god so i put on a uh a lemon oh it's a dry body oil also what does that mean um you know how you put dry oil in your hair yeah it's kind of like the same concept yeah what's the difference though i've actually never thought about it like what's a wet oil um it's like the viscosity of it um i'm trying to think of how to explain it i'm derailing us so many times during this conversation that's fine okay

because i'm enjoying just explaining my routine yeah well so then i do i do the dry body oil and then while that's kind of soaking in then i'll do my face skincare routine um which is can be somewhat involved i like to change it up but yeah the like the one that never fails spritz my face with um the mario bodesco oh yeah yeah toner yeah like the rose water yeah and then aloe rose water and then not sponsored um hyaluronic acid but it's just from trader joe's oh put it on your face while it's still wet because that's how you get the moisturizing benefits top it off with the do d-i-e-u-x moisturizer instant angel she got me on that too i am out so i need to get more and then um sometimes i'll do a jojoba oil on top just

depends on the vibe depends on how i'm feeling what the hell so then after that i put on body lotion just to lock in all this extra moisture oh my god she's dewy uh-huh oh my god and then yesterday my little special treat on top of that i have like this cbd body uh balm i guess from like when i was having a lot of uh back problems oh nice so i put that in just a few places that were a little tender from because yesterday i did hot yoga uh fun i hate hot yoga vinyasa yoga oh i hate vinyasa dude oh those are the two things i love oh my god i love that it's hot and i love that it's vinyasa it's such it's such an intense workout oh yeah it kicked my ass yeah uh well and i went so hard too so good i was like all sweaty and like you know when you like

feel gross and you're ready to take a shower and how just how satisfying that shower feels yes that's that's where i was at i love this for you it was just a very rewarding time with myself you know hot yoga already has like this whole other impact and i love the class i go to because um they're all very into like astrology so this one is usually it's really upbeat fast-paced and uh she makes playlists based on like what um uh sign we're in oh my god and like like with artists who are Aries and um wait where is this are you going through class pass yeah and it was eclipse day oh it was just like a very uh it was a good day with myself fuck yeah so I love that you know I love bragging about my bath routine it's great it's a habitual it's not a

ritual it is a bad habitual thank you I love calling I'm gonna start calling it that it's just like and then in my head i'm just like thinking about how happy i am yes dude i love this i feel like we should have more i felt annoyed like that god i love that some way it's there is something very like sacred about like a getting ready for bed routine like i fucking love my getting ready for bed routine so much more than getting ready for the day like oh yeah because it's so much lower stakes and you can just like you're getting ready to go to sleep yeah and i i don't know about you but i'm a bed princess oh i love i love sleep memory foam mattress yes memory foam pad on top of the mattress yes yeah well because mr liz had a really nice mattress pad

and i have like this really nice mattress that's like night it's firm but it's still kind of squishy uh-huh so then with the mattress pad on top of that it's double squishy we need a new mattress so bad and then mr liz is like a sheet nerd so he has really nice sheets like high thread count yeah fuck yeah super soft and then i have satin pillowcases for both of us for our skin and hair yep very necessary and then from where just amazon okay um and then we have a weighted blanket yes absolutely then just our duvet on top and then the cats join us our bed is so interesting i i have been being i've i get when i was dating still i got so much shit from the dudes that i was dating about how many pillows i have because i have too many i have too many pillows how many

do you sleep with i sleep with one but you know in my defense it's good to have options when you have a guest you know what i mean like everybody loves a different kind of pillow so i have i have a pillow on your under behind your head and that's it well it's because i have a pillow cube because i sleep on my side and it's like you don't have a leg pillow no sometimes i'll have a leg pillow i can't sleep without a leg pillow it's very necessary my parents have always called that a butt pillow oh that is it's true you know it's both um but yeah no now frank gives me so much shit about all the pillows that we have it's i have i would i'm going to go as far as to say i have probably 10 pillows on my bed and they aren't decorative that's a lot it's too many

it's too many but it's like i've just like we have five accumulated them over the years you know yeah you see it's three that's a good number of pillows and i've learned from my parents who are also pillow freaks yeah because you have to have your your pillow at the very back and then your pillow that you actually want to sleep on but you like don't want your hand to be hitting like the wall or the headboard yeah and then you have your butt pillow yeah that's um that's a that is a healthy amount of pillows and i i love it no i love it for you good i love to sleep i love to bathe um i started using a red light wand and it is it has become such a holy moment for me at the end of the day it's it vibrates and it's warm and so it's like you get like all of that

combined and it's just like does look fantastic thank you i'm breaking out a little bit right now because i had cream cheese it was worth it but now i'm you know dealing with the consequences i'm always looking for more things to add to my routine invest in a red light wand i really want to get those masks yeah yeah i want to look like a welder hell yeah yeah i want to scare some people i just want to put it on and just stare out the window yeah and see who notices you can come over and stare at my sex neighbors okay i haven't seen them in a while but also the okay the trees are blossoming i can't look in there as often uh but there's new neighbors right above them who have a cat oh so you don't have to yeah there's two cats see i love that so much see the cat yeah

no that's so exciting it is fun well now that we're uh 20 minutes in yeah 20 minutes into the broadcast um we'll see how much i cut out but i might i might love listening to myself explain my bath routine no i think the people should know i think you guys should do that well it i think that it's just nice to have like a um time with yourself where you're connected with your body and you're not like looking at your phone and i don't know all your all your focus is just like on yourself and like feeling good and when you take a gummy yeah that really amazing the cherry on top the gummy on top the gummy on top um our breaking boobs today is not too shocking but it is worth noting okay um the headline of this

sex news article is women more likely to expect orgasms with other women huh yeah i mean it's all about the orgasm gap so it's interesting because it's like you would expect women to experience orgasms with other women because they understand the anatomy more but this article is saying the expectation is higher like so when women are having sex with men they're like i'm probably not gonna come you know like at a higher rate as when they're having sex with a woman they're like i'm gonna come isn't that interesting there's like science behind this now that is really interesting and i also wonder if it helps you more so like get out of your own head yeah do you know what i mean probably yeah um in a 2017 study of over 50 000 people 95 of heterosexual

men said that they usually or always orgasm when having sex compared to only 65 of heterosexual women that's interesting i wonder how different that number is as time goes on just in terms of like feeling like empowered to say that you don't have an orgasm like versus just being like yeah no i come like when i have sex you know it's like yeah to like not embarrass your partner um no they should be embarrassed yeah i agree well it also depends on your relationship with them but yeah i also i don't know after a certain age i was i just got to a point kind of like okay if we're having sex i'm going to get off yeah and you're going to participate in that yeah if you don't care about me getting off then this is not going to work god and usually i can suss

that out before having sex see i would never i wish that i i led with more of that in my dating years because it was always just kind of like i'm going to do this because it's fun to do it but like i might come i might not come well and maybe i come from a place of privilege where the first boyfriend i had was very eager to make me come sometimes i think about him because i think about this tiktok that i saw this is before tiktok got all like like clutch my pearls you can't talk about sex yeah um this this girl said there are men who like sex and then there are men who like pussy oh damn yeah and he was someone who who liked pussy hell yeah and i just i'm i'm really happy for all the other women he's dated see me too he will take care of you yeah starting at

such a young age a good boyfriend but he will get you off he will make you come yeah a lot um he looks forward to it me and frank are watching too hot to handle right now season four and what's that it's oh my god you haven't watched too hot to handle i feel like i've heard of it but it's the show where they have it's a reality show on netflix where they have like like a bunch of horny singles that are like oh duh i have fucking heard of this okay yeah yeah and then they're like but you can't have sex yeah yeah and they like lose so for those of you that don't know there's a prize fund of like two hundred thousand dollars in the seasons that i'm watching i think it started out as a hundred thousand but now it's two hundred thousand and and you can just get a job in tech

an entry-level job in tech and be making a hundred thousand dollars right and not everybody makes the money either there's winners so it's like but the prize fund goes down when you break a rule like touch each other you can't even masturbate yeah yeah they like have cameras everywhere you can't do anything yeah but anyway so this season that I'm watching they have like these um like workshops that they do and you know they're masturbating there's no way they're not right I mean like but there was one season that I've watched that somebody like went into the bathroom to like take a shit and they jerked off and they knew so i don't know how uh i don't know but you know whatever so it would be so mortifying oh yeah no they're all

really funny about it like okay under the blankets there's cameras that watch them all night but if you have a vagina yeah you can be pretty you don't have you can be stealthy about it yeah the women never break the rules so i mean yeah i mean air quotes they never break the i'm sure that they are sneaky with it yeah the palm grind yeah just doing a little dj set yeah uh anyway so they were doing this workshop the men on this season were doing a workshop where they were like learning to appreciate a vagina and like understanding that the vagina is a part of a woman that they're dating and not just a hole for them to yeah to get off and these men were like having these like brain blasts about it they were like whoa like oh my god like you are your vagina and like there's a

whole person attached to this and it's like not just there for fun it's like how i am so scary to launch myself into the sun they came back from this workshop and they were like i'm gonna drown in the ocean i learned that like your vagina is like yours like a part of you yeah and it's like not for me like what like i would dude it's fucking crazy we all came out of a vagina yeah right that's actually how they started the workshop interesting you should say that i'm i fucking i want to punch all of them in the face yeah i'm sorry yeah if who was leading the workshop um a woman who was like a relationship expert she was just sitting there like so disappointed the whole time she was like are you what you've

never once fucking considered that yeah you've never once considered that you're not entitled to have sex with someone um this is absolutely going to be a gear shift from what we were talking about because this is a very lovely email from a man yes um and very much appreciated really thoughtful um and i think it'll yeah be a good conversation starter so thank you in advance to this this uh man who wrote in um so the subject line is patriarchy and loneliness hey liz and amelia just got done listening to your episode on alpha male camps and i'm blown away by your ability to express empathy and compassion to the men who try and overcome their loneliness through these experiences while i can't support them because my fear is that any

community that comes out of those experiences would likely be toxic or perpetuate the patriarchy I still really appreciate your kindness in recognizing them as a symptom of a broken system. The alpha male mindset is like a cancer eating away at our society from the inside. That might seem a little dramatic, but it's something I've rejected so emphatically in my private life and I'm very sensitive to it. My wife and I are in a FLR, female-led relationship, now. But it was a long and shameful journey to get to this incredible place. I've always been more submissive and struggle daily to live up to my family's expectations. A wealthy immigrant family, I'm the only son and the expectation has always been that I would take over the family

business and oversee my siblings and their family's financial well-being. Needless to say, I do not enjoy the spotlight or being so heavily relied upon. Now in my mid-30s, I run my own company and am a partner and investor in several others. I'm successful, accomplished, and have no close friends and for years I felt so much shame at not being more successful or more of a leader still and just a side note like thinking about like projecting those expectations onto a child without giving them an option yeah that uh yeah that'd be so crushing to experience um the funny story is that one day I was sitting next to my incredible wife while she watched a Brene Brown special on shame wow I can't say I know too much about her but something clicked and suddenly I

felt the courage to talk to my wife about the nature of our sexual and familial relationship in a language I had never felt was mine to use as a cisgendered male I told her about how I felt and had to pretend to be someone I wasn't to support all of the employees and families that relied on me and she offered me a safe haven in our personal life I could talk forever about FLRs the kink side of it and the relationship side of it but the bottom line is that she embraced my submissiveness and gave me a safe space to be my true self it's somewhat painful knowing I have to code switch every time I walk out the door for society but maybe one day that won't be the case and it will be because people like you guys are working hard to create safe spaces for

everyone thank you for the great podcast listening to you guys each week is like getting to hang out with two awesome friends um and then the ps i think is interesting so if listeners want to dive into some of these pieces of it um ps would love to talk more about orgasm denial sometime you guys covered it from an incel angle a long time ago but there's also a large emphasis on this in the gentle femdom space that is heavily focused on building desire hormonal entanglement tease and denial kink etc all can be very intimate and bonding to a couple and plus there's the added benefit of increasing the possibility of prostate orgasms wink face and then it ends with scent for my iphone which i thought was hilarious because this is just like such a well yeah written email

yeah really impressive what you can do with your thumbs sir um yeah no this is a very very i mean i'll let you have to say your thoughts on it because there i want to dive into the aspect of it um about female-led relationships orgasm denial i was thinking more from like the edging perspective because i know we've only talked about how there's incels who are like like no fap incels who think that if they don't uh masturbate that they're just like gonna get superpowers essentially yeah they're gonna get masculine superpowers like i can see into the future yeah that's yeah i mean that's the only like outside of like edging it's really the only exposure that i've had to the like the orgasm denial so i don't really have much there but i

would love to talk more about it you know if anybody's like experienced it there is i guess like some there's some benefit outside of like the like prostate orgasms too but there's some like actual like benefits of it I guess

like of edging no of like not coming all the time who told me this this might have been just hold on I have to figure out where I heard this because like I think that there's um i mean yeah but it's not as like like groundbreaking as i had remembered it being but it's like the orgasm denial like building up like the sexual tension and the um like powerful

how powerful the orgasm is which is the whole point of edging yeah i think that makes sense yeah and like so you know in that sense sure if you consider that a superpower like a really big orgasm a superpower it will give you superpowers i would consider that a superpower go off king having one having a having an orgasm having a having a huge orgasm having a huge orgasm yeah right it's right up there with flying yeah have you had a huge orgasm yeah because they're awesome they're yep yeah listen i have to say i've given myself the most huge orgasm me too hell yeah you just know yourself better than like anybody else is gonna know yeah so yeah what's the fastest you've been able to get off oh my god like by myself

really fast there have been seconds yeah i think that's part of being an adult you're like i'm on of time crunch yeah right i don't have any time to waste yeah we're not lighting any candles today i was going right into it um this email that we got was the first time i had heard about female led relationships and so i dug this is the first time i've heard about it to an article about it and what's interesting we've talked about this um sex therapist that we follow each other on instagram that i've wanted to have on for forever i haven't asked her i just need to ask her her name is kate balestrieri um and she's quoted a lot in this article so i think it would also be interesting that would be a better insight yeah yeah um and have a conversation with her about it

but female-led relationships um i wanted to read just the first part of this to explain what this is in a little bit more detail okay traditional societal norms tell us that in a romantic relationship between someone who identifies as a man and someone who identifies as a woman the man should quote-unquote wear the pants but it doesn't have to be that way some modern heterosexual couples are purposely rejecting this long-standing narrative and switching things up enter female-led relationships put most simply a woman is more powerful than a man in an flr there are varying degrees of this dynamic some flrs are subtle while others are very intense furthermore sometimes flrs are tied into a kinky bdsm dynamic alpha alpha men quote unquote uh-huh are they're quaking right now

yo they're losing their mind i just paid eighteen thousand dollars for a workshop and there are female-led relationships seeing how many doors they can punch a hole in and walls thinking good thoughts about your drywall praying for your drywall praying for your drywall um uh okay i saw a clip of kyle prue on i think it's drew fellow's podcast and he said uh his new response to like alpha males is to say is that a furry thing it's so fucking good i think that's hilarious so good because it is so like intertwined and like you know those people who are into like wolf role yes yeah i'm an alpha it's like oh is that a furry thing that's so fucking funny anyways keep going um i don't want to read this word for word but basically this just

goes into further into like how these are structured and how it's not so much it's not only a kink thing you can have an flr and not have it be kink related but that is like a heavy aspect of it typically well and I think um something important I don't know just just thinking about this I think a lot of relationships can be female-led relationships without that label on it yeah but but it's because there isn't any awareness like when you're in a relationship where you're consciously both aware that the woman in this heterosexual relationship is one calling the shots then that i think it feels more equal yeah because you both are it's not that you don't have any say in your relationship obviously it's just that you're

like comfortable not being like the delegate of decision making yes and that doesn't happen in like these stereotypical heterosexual relationships where the woman is making all these fucking decisions by herself while the man gets to believe that he is the one who's in charge of the household because that's what patriarchy has taught them so there's just kind of this level of entitlement yeah that you know men will have in a traditional relationship without acknowledging how much labor their partner is doing yes yeah it's like the woman is like cooking all the meals like paying all of the bills like making sure that bills are paid on time um like taking care of the kids deciding what the kids do after school like what their after-school activities are stuff

like that our lunches and then they're still considered to be like the one with less control in a relationship is a wild like that is the math isn't math oh i see shit on reddit all the time that's like help i fucked up my marriage because i think the one i most recently read i had read it to mr liz and um this guy had explained like i think i fucked up my marriage because like my wife told me i wasn't doing enough around the house um and then i told her that like i do plenty and she wouldn't be able to like do anything without me more or less and then she was like um okay then i want a divorce and they separated and he was hoping that while they were separated she would realize like that things are harder without him but things were just harder for him

yeah he was like when I don't have my son I'm spending all my time trying to catch up on everything from the week before when I did have my son so that I don't have any time to myself and like my wife is saying the opposite because now she only has to take care of one person and not two yeah and she's like he's like she's happier than ever and like she doesn't want to get back together and I just think I really fucked this up like what should I do I'm like you did yourself you did her a favor already by thank god he's like you know airing this out on reddit because like well and I've seen multiple where a guy's like and I told my wife like blah blah blah blah good they should they should spread the good word about this and then they're like oh

one one of them was like it was very similar and they had multiple kids and um he was like he was like i do a lot you wouldn't be able to do any of this without me and then the wife was like okay and then she does everything and does not communicate to him so instead of like saying like go to dad to talk about this go to dad to do this or like involving him in what she's doing because that's what she was doing before yeah she'd be like okay go get the kids ready for bed yeah she'd have to tell him what to do so instead of telling him what to do she just did it all herself and then he's like well and like now i don't know what to do because like i'm not involved in the kids lives and then when i confronted her about this she was like well you're their parent you should

know what you're supposed to be doing yeah like yeah and he's like now my wife has proved that she doesn't need me so um and like uh she won't talk to me and all this other stuff and i'm just like you guys are fucking dumb like seriously they want a mom oh yeah like tell me what to do i don't know like i don't know when like the dishes need to be cleaned like will you tell me when it really is so frustrating you're like just tell me what i need to do yeah uh actually i don't want to do that yeah i want you to see what needs to be done and just do it look around yeah yeah use your eyes use your ears i think something that's frustrating um that i've noticed happening not necessarily in my relationship but like it has happened a couple of times where like

I'm guilty of doing this too where we'll focus on what the other person isn't doing and not what we need to do yeah it's like oh I wish that Liz would like clean up this thing or like um I think the same thing like why hasn't Mr. Liz done this yeah and then it's like okay well I can't focus on his shit when I still have things I need to yes so yeah that was it I mean I'm glad I realized that quickly totally I'm like well I'm not gonna be like telling him to do shit when I have just as much things I need to like organize and clean and whatever I do think though it like it turns into kind of like a retaliate like a retaliation procrastination where it's like well like he has all this shit that he needs to do so like I'm not gonna do all my shit and then

nothing gets done you know not for me not for me I just I look at all the things I have to do and then I'm like oh my god and then I lay down because I just feel overwhelmed that's so real yeah oh my god like the being frozen in stress yeah that's so real but a good problem solver for me has been uh Mr. Liz and I will be like okay let's do like a Sunday reset where we'll like clean up from the weekend um and then you go into the week with like a nice clean house I love that Or he'll he'll know if I'm really overwhelmed and he'll be like, OK, let's clean for the next like hour. We'll do as much as we can. And then he'll like give it give me a starting place. It's like, OK, do everything in the kitchen. And that just kind of helps because then I start to automatically like.

Yeah, because I just get overwhelmed and then I get lost and distracted. Yeah. You know, you're putting something away and then you're like, oh, that's right. I need to do this thing over here. i love the idea of having just like a we're gonna set a timer and we're gonna clean for an hour we got so much shit done when we did absolutely we like just went from front to back to our psychiatrist me and liz's psychiatrist taught me this thing of like because i've told her like i have so much shit to do that i just don't do anything and then i just feel like a piece of shit at the end of the day and she's like just make a list of three things you want to do and just do them because then you know that you did and like three is such an approachable number

oh yeah it's just like so true it's like okay i need to do the dishes i need to take the trash out and i need to vacuum it's like those are such easy things to do but when it's like i'm thinking about it not like laying them out like that it's like there's so much to do you know what um has been helpful for me in the past but i've since fallen behind on it um i have listed out all of the like recurring tasks and chores that need to get done and then i split it up throughout the week well first i label if label if it's a weekly thing a monthly thing or a quarterly thing yeah and sometimes an annual thing you know yeah and then i just split it up of like um throughout the week like i'm gonna do this every monday whatever and that really helped and then um i've been

making a list of shit like responsibilities that i need to get done like putting all of my retirement savings into one place fuck yeah so just like a big list of things that are kind of like adult responsibilities that like they just kind of like fall by the wayside because you have all this other shit you need to do yeah and then you're trying to like also fit in time for your personal life so making making a big list of that and then dividing it up that's so smart and then holding yourself to it my issue is like super easy if you're like okay i have to do this i see i'll I'll make a list and I'll be like I'm gonna do this today and then I get there and I'm just like I don't feel like doing it and then I just don't do it it's like you have to actually hold yourself

to do those things but it's it's gotten easier now that I'm living with someone like when I lived alone it was like I don't give a I'm the only one that has to look at this and then I would have people over and it would be like ah like panicked like just trying to make the place look somewhat presentable now that I'm living with someone it's like this is not just my space yeah you have yeah it's a shared space so you both are trying to make it look nice yeah exactly um I've Amelia and I have talked about this um this is something my therapist had mentioned that I think is such a great idea if you're living with your partner and you guys haven't really figured out that roommate business part of it um what she and her husband do or did do they went to

um marriage counseling before they got married i know a lot of couples do that you know am i surprised my therapist did this no yeah no i have i have sorry side note about that i know a couple that just got engaged and they went to therapy before he proposed i mean it's a really good idea if you're talking about getting married i think it's a great idea to do that i one of my friends did that as well i think it's i think it's genius yeah so you can get on the same page about everything important but what they did is they went through all of the home chores and responsibilities and they made a list of the things that each of them like doing a list of the things that they hate doing and then a list of things that they don't care like you feel

neutral about it so um like whatever you love doing like you guys get to decide like okay i'm gonna do this every single time there's not gonna be any question about it like i'll be the one who unloads the dishwasher every single time and then um they just like split up all of those tasks and it's never been a conversation again because it's just like okay well that's your job yeah and i think that is such a great idea absolutely i would like to do that with mr liz but we haven't really had to do that yeah that's nice we're also still trying to get um everything like set up still i feel that way it's i feel like are you ever really done moving in like you should be no i've just never really felt all the way moved in anywhere so true it's so neither maybe it's

just like being a renter it might be like a function of being a renter i want yeah but like i don't know i've just always kind of felt like things there's still things in flux even like a year in a living somewhere and it sucks yeah um that rhymed um what's your like what's what do you love doing any chore in particular um i really do enjoy unloading the dishwasher that's my least favorite one i like it because the dishes are all clean and i like having my dishes in their very specific spots okay where i can find them and you know they're all put away a certain way yeah um so i'm particular about that and that works out because mr liz is very particular about how the dishwasher is loaded oh so that's a good that's a good duo you have going on not to say neither of

us like don't unload or load the dishes like we're gonna put our dishes away if we need to yeah totally she says does dishes sit in the sink it's because i haven't unloaded the dishwasher yet okay get off my back you know um my favorite thing to do is wash surfaces i love cleaning a countertop i think it's just like it is nice it's it's so satisfying you just like do like one and then you see it it's like oh my oh it needed that oh yeah i used windex on this before you came over nice and clean i've been using this glass covered in weed resin before you got here oh it's beautiful now wow i'm trying to not fall back into my uh weed habit how's that going um well i didn't have weed today that's good no that's good i'm not even joking i had it as a treat yeah because i really

wanted a gummy before my shower i think that's good mr liz was like well how about every time you work out it's okay if you do decide you want some weed and i was like that's a good idea yeah it's a good why deny yourself of it it's like it's not a problem like if you're just doing it as a treat well because it did get to a point where it was like all i looked forward to doing was getting high or just the act of smoking and then i was like i can't be doing this yeah and then i took like a month and a half break yeah so i might need to just take a longer term break maybe i don't know i don't know well the world's your oyster yeah exactly um i don't know why this just popped into my head but i know i might have brought this up actually but um i know a bikini

barista oh whomst has agreed to come on the podcast oh okay and they're that is such a an untapped area yeah like of asking questions like they're sex workers at the end of the day and really yeah i mean like they yeah i mean i guess like men will pay them like a hundred dollars to just like bend over yeah like shit like that or like they some dudes will like pull up to the window masturbating and like they'll just have to like keep cleaning or something you know like to like let them just kind of do their thing yeah you guys can see my face right now i'm horrified yeah it's a it's uncomfy but like it is an interesting that's too much it absolutely is too much you're gonna show up jerking off okay have some decorum yeah just a little bit no i

completely agree like i completely agree how fucking desperate are you yeah you're gonna pull up jerking off well and that's probably part of it they like the shame of it yeah or feel like they're entitled to it i think that's what it is the same way that uh the fucking too hot to handle guys yeah feel entitled to a whole vaginas you're just a whole um yeah no it's there are so many not so many there are a few stands in seattle that the girls will be completely naked oh interesting yeah which i didn't know was allowed i don't think it is but it's like the windows are all blocked out but it's like the patrons know that they're going to a bikini barista stand that's actually a naked barista stand huh yeah fun fact anyway i'm excited i i want to figure

out of time to talk to her because i think it would be a really interesting conversation i told her i was like if you change your mind because we can keep her anonymous yeah if you change your mind let me know she's like no i think it'd be fun i like i know all about it why not yeah yeah if you have any questions for a bikini barista yeah let us know because one day we'll have her on it'll be nice to get some cues from y'all um before we wrap up i have a question for you that mr liz and i were discussing yesterday because i was just like off in a daze thinking about feminism as one does but i was thinking okay in your opinion do you think that that there would still be wars if every everything was a matriarchy

rather than a patriarchy because mr liz was like yeah there would still be wars over like resources and i was about to say beliefs and stuff and then he's like do you and i was like i don't know because we're all thinking about everything from like the history of a patriarchy yeah because i was thinking about how like men will be like first of all there are there are those men who are just always like crying about miss andrea i'm like no you don't know what miss andrea is yeah just shut up do you want to find out no yeah um no show you well because then their whole thing is like well who's gonna fight your war for you and it's like well who do you think started the fucking war who do

you think created the draft so that women can't sign up for the draft was y'all yeah you know yeah they're like well women you can't sign up for the draft well what about the good old days anyways anyway well because i was like thinking about just that in general of like okay well if you guys are the ones like starting the war yeah like would there still be wars and in general i think like in present day there would be dramatically less if not like no or yeah i mean maybe that's i don't know it's just such a this goes back to the conversation about bonobos that we were having about how like they're matriarchal animals and they like kind of just like have discussions yeah they're just like okay are you guys cool yeah if you're

not cool we don't have to fight but we're not gonna fuck with you see i do think like the a lot of i don't i'm not a history buff but i would imagine like that there's a lot of pride that goes into like the beginning of a war you know and like they're like well i'm not backing down are you gonna fucking back down no i'm not gonna fucking back down you know it's like that's there's a lot of that yeah and like i've never known women to like be those that like combative in that sense yeah to for it to be like a dick measuring contest yeah because that's essentially how i feel like a lot of wars do go down yeah and it's just because i'm just like well we've only experienced the world this way so like modern women know that war exists so i'm sure i was like well patriarchy

rewards violence especially if men are violent so that is how like a lot of women have learned to survive yes by like violence being normalized in some capacity i wonder if there's because there are some matriarchies that exist like on like tribal levels i don't think that there are whole countries i might be wrong but i don't know of any but it'd be interesting to see what the rates of like those groups of people being at war are like or if they've ever been in a war or like what their conflicts look like do you think patriarchy exists only because men are stronger physically no i think patriarchy exists because it always has this is why every woman should have a gun yeah amen stronger for how long yeah that was a ton of just like i thought there was a gun in

here i'm scared for it's like no i think that it's i think patriarchy exists because it always has like i think that it's just like society is set up to benefit men and so that's why but i maybe it does have to do with just like biology physical strength like maybe it does i don't know see i don't really think about those things when i asked mr liz that i was like well do you think it's just a patriarchy because like men are physically stronger and more violent and then he was like yeah interesting but also men are taught to be violent yeah what would you do if you didn't if you weren't teaching them that if you weren't teaching them then that's a normal and acceptable way for a man to behave you know yeah what would it really be that bad if we just let people be

the way they wanted to be as long as they're not hurting others i've i'll never understand why it how it affects people what other people do like how other people choose to conduct their lives i'll never understand why people are so pressed about it you don't have to understand it exactly it just doesn't affect you not everything's about you chad i'm trying to switch it up from brian because there are too many nice brians we've talked about this yeah it's not fucking about you chad there's just a lot of dumb people who are like everything's about me did you hear about all this planet fitness stuff with like the woman in the locker room who there was a trans woman in the locker room shaving and she like record she like took a picture of her was like there's this

man in the locker room and like brought it up to the front desk and was like there's a man in the locker room and the front desk was like that is a woman and uh you are no longer allowed here like you're taking pictures of people in the locker room that's really fucked up like you can't come back and then planet fitness lost all because like then she obviously went online and was like this is the planet fitness like they're letting men in the women's locker room and like planet fitness lost a bunch of money because people were like i'm not going to fucking planet fitness it's just like then don't then don't and like what how the fuck does it affect you at all this trans woman's just shaving her legs she's minding her own business yeah like well and i think that

that's the thing that annoys me the most is the outrage at trans women specifically is is like oh well they're a man pretending to be a woman and they're pretending to be a woman so they can like be in our bathrooms in our locker rooms and then you see a trans woman in the bathroom and she's minding her own fucking business like right it annoys the fuck out of me i'm like no like men are there are awful horrible men who do insane shit yeah to violate women's privacy but the last thing they will do is dress up as a woman and pretend to be a trans woman yeah because that is so fucking shameful yes to a straight cis man yeah to be a woman no yeah men are desperate but they're not desperate enough to respect women enough to pretend to be one yeah damn to be

honest facts they'll they'll uh put on a scuba suit and jump into um a toilet yeah jump into a toilet what are they called porta potties oh my god that's a real thing that's a real thing that a guy did so they would rather do that than like commit to being a trans woman that is the grossest shit i've ever heard in my fucking life ew yeah they would literally rather do that men can't work at morgues it's just because they'll fuck the dead bodies so it's just kind of like why are these people in charge right the mental gymnastics that people will go through to be like trans is bad because it's like what you they're gonna be in the bathroom with my my little girl like how did you get there like how did your brain go there there's actually

bigger fish to fry here there are actual there are actual problems going on it's the what about ism is just like i'm so fucking over it something that is like especially egregious that happens that has happened so many times is like um just mask lesbians going to the bathroom and some some fucking karen bathroom police is like you're a you're a man in the bathroom and it's like no i'm i'm just a lesbian yeah but also like fuck off and then i saw like a video of someone causing a problem with just like oh it was a this the woman it happened to explaining what happened she's obviously really upset and she's like no one even apologized to me but just like the trans panic i'm like oh my god can you guys focus on a real problem yeah

rather than how someone wants to feel in their own body you're right it's not hard to find a real problem like just look around uh-huh well this ended on a high note yeah another another political note by amelia and liz sad and important we've completely rebranded we've we've finalized our transition into sad and important you want to play us out i do we love you we changed genres a couple times that was i know that in just in five seconds we went to like four genres we need to go country like everybody else okay you know yeah next time okay i'll work on it well we need to make our hat i know we're never gonna make our hat

well you don't need to say it we both knew it but okay bye