The Hoely Hour - E188 Wife Bad

Episode Date: June 21, 2024

Fellas, is it gay to love your wife? We discuss the phenomenon of men pretending(?) to hate their wives (with a special drop-in contribution from Mr. Liz), and how nothing is as it seems in internet relationships. Also, it turns out we’re both big fans of productive arguments. Who would have thunk?**Everyone Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome back to our show. To an episode of Liz's Unprepared Again. But you know, if anyone can feign preparedness, it's you. That's why I am where I am, you know? Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sanson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour.

I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sanson. and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com i had to wake up so early this morning for a meeting and i felt like such a bad bitch all day for waking up early i'm like i'm better than you people like wake up like way earlier than this most days i had a meeting at 8 a.m i was surprised to get a text from you at 8 30 i was like wow i was awake she's she's texting me early before amelia hours yeah yeah amelia hours are like 11 to 2 a.m yeah 11 a.m to 2 a.m yeah

that's when i get the most texts from you anything else already in bed though i think i i have like a brain cell and a half any other hour of the day um same just all hours yeah well I was telling Amelia this earlier I was uh not feeling too well this weekend I like on Sunday I'm pretty sure I had food poisoning so just a lot of vomiting that's awful not that anyone wants to hear about that did you so today i'm just feeling like my brain has not even a full brain cell i couldn't even finish that sentence i understand between us we have two whole brain cells yeah and today it's like one and a half yeah oh so we have three because i have one and a half today oh and that's math quick maths well should we just dive on in yeah yeah let's do it okay we're gonna improvise

are you um up to date on the tiana and cody breakup on tiktok who is that so i didn't know either and i saw a video of this guy being like damn cody what did you do with just like the um please please please the sabrina carpenter song over it and you know that song no oh my god liz it's so fucking good i'm sure i've heard it it's like it's brand new so it's like trending on tiktok right now but it's like the the gist of the song is like everybody knows that you're bad for me please don't is this the football player guy yeah okay yeah and he was seen he so he was engaged to a tiktoker a tiktoker and she was super cute and then he was seen kissing another woman at a ufc fight right yeah how did you go from knowing nothing about this to knowing

well so i yeah i saw a tiktok of someone who was like cody what did you do something along those lines and then um i just clicked the search and then a few of the comments said what had happened yeah and i was like well i'm not gonna do any more research beyond this that's basically i well all you need to know search fucking sucks does it i can never find what i'm looking for oh when i use their search shit because i wanted to see what this woman looked like and you couldn't find it wait no what woman the one that he cheated on yeah yeah i want i tried to find a video of that because apparently there's a video her name's julia as far as i know it was olivia i learned oh shit well i learned that we have conflicting information uh-oh yeah i i saw

mine on the search bar too honestly there may be more than one so okay let's move back we know it ends with an e yeah there's something there's something there he has a type is what i'm saying yeah yeah so girls whose names end with a um no but so i went in to look into this because i saw then she had posted a video with that same song the please please please song um the line was um don't embarrass me motherfucker and like at that line like a bunch of her friends come out like from the sides and they're like like being all menacing like crossing their arms and she's like you know like holding up a fist to the screen so I was like oh this looks so so I went down a deep dive and the reason I wanted to talk about it is because there's I was going through all of their

videos and they had gotten engaged two months ago which was recent very recent and before that like it felt like their whole relationship brand was her being like bubbly and fun and cute and him like hating her like you know the uh mr liz calls this um wife bad what wife bad is this like a phenomenon oh yeah that's absolutely ask him on his way out to comment on wife bad humor yeah i would love to hear what he has to say mr liz can we get a clip from you um come to the microphone will you explain what wife bad humor is um it's like uh happy wife happy life am i right like yeah yeah you uh it just assumes that like the wife is like holding you back and well that specific statement is like you need your wife to be happy in order to not be miserable yeah

she'll make you miserable if she is um but it's just like boomer humor where they like are just chained to their wife and they feel like that's their shit life now and they just trash on her because they can't just be a degenerate without her being upset but yeah yeah it's um the old like ball and chain yeah yeah mentality mm-hmm bye bye thank you for the thank you for the expert input um Cody's whole thing is like it's not like I I'm making jokes about like hating my woman it's like she's doing something fun and cute and like dancing and he's just like glaring at her like he genuinely looks like he hates her there was um a video that she he so he's in the NFL he's not doing a bit it so that's part of good question that's part of what I want to talk about

but like they're he so he plays in the NFL he's kind of all of these comments are like girl I watch so much football and I have no idea who the fuck this guy is you know he's like one of those um he plays for the Bengals and they lost a game and she was like trying to like bring up the energy I guess and she was like whoa and he was walking off and he was she was like he was like why are you happy and she was like I'm trying to bring up the vibes and he was like glaring at her and then somebody behind her was like Cody and he like started smiling and like was waving and she was like why don't I get a nice hello like that and then that was the video and all the comments on this video were like oh he just like needs a hug like oh that like little smile that

he was giving you with his eyes like showed that he just like wants to wants a snuggle like oh he just needs his woman and it's like this man hates her like say it's not a bit because it really doesn't feel like it he doesn't feel like an actor to me yeah like why i can understand like a like an odd couple yeah type of thing like you have the goofy one and then you have the straight man and the straight man makes the funny one even funnier like yes that's the bit totally okay but it almost feels like say it is a bit i was thinking about this and maybe this is just me not being like a trusting person from like my past trauma but if he's able to make it look like he hates her on camera bit or not and it is very blurred lines if he then hooks up with somebody

else and they're like don't you have a girlfriend he can be like I mean don't you want your tiktoks I fucking hate her yeah exactly it feels very calculated well then why get engaged that's right I mean who knows it there could have been pressure from her there could have been like external pressure that is just also like that's I think that's embarrassing to be like there's multiple things that I think are embarrassing I think it's embarrassing that people are in the comments trying to like justify this behavior and be like well he's just a guy because I don't like that just like is a insulting to other men yeah you know yeah like that's insulting to normal men who know how to behave like adults to be like well he's just a guy like men aren't stupid no

no that's just not how you treat somebody that you love yeah publicly or not so it's just strange it's not like the comments aren't like ha ha ha ha oh my god you guys are so funny with this like whole bit that you do it's like oh he just needs a hug it's like you need a little hug that's not he's just a little man that is just not what it is he can't process his feelings and apparently so there are people posting about this that live in cincinnati where they live and this bartender was like oh my god cody is in all the time and he like always asks for my number when he comes in and that was before any of this shit came out about him cheating so i mean and who knows it's not confirmed it's alleged cheating but her video that she posted about the breakup she was like i

believe it it's she's like what happened cannot be recovered like ever and so I'm moving on with my life basically and like all of her shit was packed in her car behind her in the video yeah so I mean what could that be like it has to be cheating I can't think of anything else where it's like unrecoverable you know yeah I feel like that's the typical thing that you like will catch i mean it's so like that cheating is so predictable yeah you know like not that you can predict it but just like if you're like why did they break up and it seems pretty one-sided i would say it's usually like cheating but um or a big breakup like that a blowout breakup and not just one of those things where it's slowly chipping away um but i mean people lie about insane stuff all the time

yeah yeah it's which is bananas absolutely i was thinking the other day about um we have when it was a long time ago where we had someone write in about like a guy that she had been seeing and he lied about having to move for work and i instead of just breaking up with her yeah and i was like that is crazy it was like an episode of friends chandler bing ended up moving to tibet why would you like why would you do that instead of just like have a hard conversation because you got caught and you had to have an even harder conversation anyways yeah and can you I was like I wonder if he's embarrassed like that's embarrassing yeah it's deeply embarrassing like I get embarrassed about remembering things that no one probably remembers let alone something like

that yeah i mean i just i feel like people that lie like that are so used to being caught in their lies that they are like practiced in it now you know what i mean it's like but it wasn't a lot i mean i mean they obviously did that to avoid the feeling of shame so shame is a huge motivator yeah and like being caught in that kind of lie is so much more shameful yeah you would think that you would learn something from it i don't know yeah you would think like why are you repeating this pattern it has to be it just has to be like deep-rooted in how somebody's raised to be so like to get so deep into a lie like that like i can't lie first of all i'm a bad liar so i wonder how much they lie to themselves too probably often because it really is normal this is a normal thing

to do it just feels like it's one of those things that like you it it doesn't like when i lie about anything i'm like i feel like a piece of shit about it like immediately unless it's something like inconsequential with like somebody that like i don't really care about you know what i mean like making some excuse for some dumb shit i just feel like to not feel bad about such a grand lie there has to be something like psychological going on yeah which is why like what's the word um like pathological liars or it's like it's like a clinical thing you know i don't know anyway i'm so i don't know enough about that but regardless i wanted to talk about this specifically because i think that there is a lot of instances of couples specifically on tiktok because it's

like we get a view into people's relationships that we've never gotten really before tiktok because people are like documenting their everyday lives with these people through videos rather than just through pictures like on instagram so people feel like they know these couples so when they break up it's like love is dead like it's this isn't like um ian and chris do you did you ever follow them no there's this creator i don't listen i don't give a shit about couple content okay that's fair but these two they were like two of the biggest tiktokers like in 2020 they're gay ian and chris and chris olsen is still like he's one of those people that's just like randomly friends with like every celebrity you know he's phenomenal i'm obsessed with him but him and his

boyfriend ian they like moved to la together and like they were so like all of their content was about like you know you know what the only sorry to interrupt because you just triggered something the only couple that I think that I've really given a shit about is the Birkin boyfriends and I've talked about them on the podcast before very briefly and um it's just these two these two men who like do these little luxury things together oh yeah they're like and we went for a stroll or whatever um but they're that's the only couple i've are they still together yes okay good last i saw off which was like maybe a week ago good they've changed their name i think maybe they got harassed a little too much i'm like just let them enjoy their little diva lifestyle

see that's the other part of feeling like it is ridiculous like you feel like you could tell them what to do like you don't know them yeah they're letting you into their lives i feel like they're doing maybe they're doing a bit and i don't think it's self-aware i i think that they like are very they're a particular way for these tiktoks but like i understand that i don't know them and i love they're just like they're cunty little lives like when i get to see what they're doing they're doing some fancy thing yeah and i'm like do they do they is is one of them just like super rich i don't know yeah it's like i'll never know but pookie did you see that couple they were like a meme for a second oh i think that sounds familiar it's like you don't really know if they're doing

a bit you know it's a little like but with chris and ian like they seemed so in love and they were like always like they just seemed so obsessed with each other and then one day they're just like posted a video of them crying and being like we decided to break up yeah and it's like it makes me when i got into this relationship with frank that i'm in like i kind of have like a like a juvenile mind with relationships because like i was in one for so long and then i just like hit a second puberty and started just like dating a bunch that like i feel like i was relearning so i was watching these couples that seem so happy just like fall apart and i was like is that what's gonna happen to me like can things just like fall apart out of nowhere because we get these like

as much insight as they're allowing us while also probably trying to maintain like a semblance of privacy for themselves but well and you're not going to publicly talk about like the arguments you're having because also it's like I want to figure out my like interpersonal issues or whatever disagreements in my relationship without the public's opinion totally I don't need your opinion on how I should resolve something in my relationship with someone you don't actually really know that well yeah you don't know me that well and you don't know my partner that well yeah totally yeah absolutely and the court of public opinion is like really fucking gross like it's just oh people are everyone acts like they know they know best very uh a lot of uh brain rot

happening online a lot of brain rot happening online yeah just a lot of and throwing or throwing around a lot of like therapy speak and just being very black and white about situations and I've talked about this like endlessly so I don't need to go into detail but just yeah the the inability to hold space for nuance for like other people's issues or whatever when they're asking you for advice or explaining a situation just the inability to hold space for nuance in anything except for yourself in your own life is kind of ridiculous it's getting out of hand it really is it is and i do feel like there's like a new wave of like people that are very aware of that that i'm like hoping starts to take over it feels like people are like slowly but

surely becoming less offended by unoffensive things yeah yeah i saw something today that was like this girl explaining why the term child free is um offensive to people with children and i wanted to call my mom and be like do you find the phrase child free offensive why does that affect you at all like i can't think i feel like majority of the people i know with kids would not give a fuck yeah they're like um i don't care call it whatever the fuck you want if you don't want kids then don't have them i don't know it just feels like this is why nothing actually gets done because everything's a fucking issue like nothing that matters is actually being taken care of because everything is a problem and everything is offensive so nobody's taking the actually

offensive things seriously i also think yes i i also think that um people like that like when when people first started to have like hot takes or like kind of have these discussions about um important topics and what what is offensive and why i think that now it's also gotten to a point where people are like well i want to seem like i'm smart and interesting and like i have something important to say yeah i mean that's like yelp you know i have something important to say when it doesn't really move a conversation forward at all yep like i think that's that's a big piece of it it's like okay is that really a problem if you dig deep down is that really something that offends you yeah and and do you find that offensive because it is offensive or do you find

it offensive because you're insecure about something yes right there's there's a way to talk about these things without it being such a big fucking deal like child free is so offensive like if you want if you need to talk about it like make it a joke you know what I mean like they were as she was comparing it to saying like I'm cancer free I was like maybe it is like that for some people yeah like what do you like what the fuck that's just not the same thing at all i know i know but she wanted to double down on that and she's like i feel like i speak for most people with children and the woman who stitched it that's the one that i originally saw she was like i don't think like after being on the internet for a long time i don't think you

should speak for most people uh-huh yeah um also saying it's like saying cancer-free is she's the one that's saying kids are like cancer like yeah if you're drawing that connection well and she was like it's just like an option like it's just like what about a device being hands free maybe some people need or want that option yeah to not have to use their hands for something this reminds me do you remember after our first episode you got we got an email from somebody that like had something to say about like you learning how to masturbate like later in life or earlier in life and how they were like so offended by that because like some people just figure it out later and it's like what that's like why we're talking about yeah I'm talking about myself yeah

they were like this is just so tone deaf you should teach people how to masturbate I'm like why should I do that yeah that's not we never said that this was educational nor did we want it to be right like look look at porn yeah what do you mean yeah but also don't look at porn for education unless it's educational porn but don't listen to podcasts for like how to's on masturbating yeah especially if i mean there are there are other people who have podcasts like that and you can go listen to those ones but that is not what this is we're not all encompassing i thought it was a very obnoxious email i was so annoyed by that it was also the like the first email we ever got yeah well it was this it was when we had the survey open do you remember so they could be

anonymous and I definitely think it was like someone who had some personal beef yeah it's like okay but back to the initial topic of just not really knowing what someone's relationship is like like I'm sure that you and Frank have had like your own interpersonal disagreements just like mr liz and i have had plenty of like i mean we've we've had i would say one major challenge yeah and now our relationship is like better because of that and it was also just definitely like it needed to happen i think yeah um and it was just like a good growth experience for both of us yeah and um it made our relationship stronger because I guess my mindset like going through it I was just kind of in survival mode and then um I also afterwards reflecting

on it I just kind of had this realization that like I don't want to be in a relationship that can't survive like something tough totally you know and it was never like I'm sure people are curious about what I'm talking about and I I would have to think more about how I would want to explain it and talk about it before like going into detail yeah but um we were never like against each other it was always like us on the same side trying to kind of like overcome this challenge together yeah and I like that was probably the first time I've experienced something like that in a relationship where it's us versus a problem and um yeah I like we we definitely are much better at like overcoming any kind of challenge I mean nothing has been nearly as challenging as

that so I would definitely say like any sort of small hiccup and we both have like a lot of um self-awareness like if one of us catches an attitude for kind of no reason and that just happens you know we're all humans you sent me a meme earlier that was like turns out I just needed to eat yeah it's like that is so common like yeah I mean that's for a lot of people but I mean yeah we'll circle back like shortly afterwards and be like I'm sorry I don't even know why I was catching an attitude with you and then it's like it it's like that sometimes but yeah you know thanks for acknowledging that totally yeah because sometimes you're just like all right I'm not gonna I'm gonna pick my battles and I'm not gonna bring up how I'm annoyed with you being in a mood right

now yes I think that that's a good thing to call out like what I feel like when you think of like issues in relationships like you think of people being against each other so like like when I was entering this relationship with Frank I was like oh if we have a disagreement like is that gonna be it like but then you realize like you're saying like a lot of disagreements that you have as a couple you're on the same side like you want the relationship to be okay at the end of it well an emotionally mature person also is going to like listen to what you have to say yes because they care about you and this is kind of like going back to what mr liz was saying about wife bad like there are so many couples that you encounter or know who that that's like their thing is like

they don't like each other yeah you know yeah there's lots of couples that i've known who i'm like why is why is your guys thing about like how much you hate each other like yeah what why are you even together like what right what like what's the draw here yeah unless it's like for show to like because you think it's funny or like yeah also just cody and tiana thing not not acknowledging like if if that's how your parents modeled their relationship like witnessing that i think that if that's like your main example of a relationship growing up is like you piss each other off then yeah it's like that's what you expect totally yeah i don't know i'm like how many people are together because they trigger each other versus how many people are together because

like they want to be yeah they want to be because of the choice and not like an emotional entrapment draw it really it makes you wonder but then it also like brings me back to my original point of bringing this up is like this the public perception of relationships being so different from the actual thing it makes it's you have no idea what's going on with people and so like i think that we all get caught up in this trap of like maybe when we're single we see a couple and we're like oh we want like i want that one day you know and it's like you probably absolutely do not because like there's probably not at all what it looks like but it's like this comparison game I think online a lot with people that are seeing couples that look so happy and

they live these like big lavish lives like this girl was engaged to an NFL player who then it just fell apart like at the drop of a hat they got engaged two months ago so it's just yeah and then you know you have to think about like what was happening behind the scenes that we weren't aware of yeah right it's just it's bananas it's i just reading those comments seeing what people were saying on their videos of it being like oh look at him he has a smile behind his eyes it's like what what do you mean he should just be smiling fucking being coached by tyra banks yeah right we're not smizing here no it's just he's got a twinkle in his eye and two two delusional besties calling each other exactly oh yeah that's exactly right that's exactly right

oh that reminds me I was listening to it is fun to be a delusional girl it is and I was there's this um creator Will Hitchens we follow each other on Instagram now he posted me he like shared a little clip of me in one of his videos and I got like 700 new followers from it oh wow isn't that bananas i'm like that is like a dedicated fan base that he has but um so anyway so now we're like kind of like that's why creators are so important and i think that's why it's important for businesses to partner with creators because they've done the hard work of gaining an audience that is genuinely very fucking hard to do it's also like a really cheap advertising option working with creators for the amount of like impressions that you get that's true anyway

that's a good point it's neither here nor there um work with us this is subliminal advertising sponsors i'm thinking more from my like a marketer perspective i'm like how can i bring this back to my job i'll i'll do we want to spend money on like paid ads on like social that people are just going to scroll past because we've kind of developed these blinders to advertisements or do we want to invest in a partnership with a creator that has a trusting audience too yeah and i know a lot of they've really like spent the time to gain that audience and earn their trust yes and if they're not the type of person who is just like because there's those influencers they're they're influencers they're not creators right you know what i mean they're just kind of

like they'll say yes to anything yeah they're they're internet famous because they're hot yeah you know totally which that's fine you know no no shade but um if you have like a creator who is really into a specific thing and you have a product that is about that specific thing those ad dollars could go far if you are spending it with a with a creator versus unpaid ads i also me and a lot of creators that i know like i won't work with a brand if i don't like what they're doing like if i don't believe in their mission yeah yeah that's why you should have a good fucking product and be like a respectable company totally i've i've been getting so many emails from like fast fashion companies being like we want to partner with

you and it's like I don't think we want to pay you but we will give you commission on every sale it's like three dollar shirts you also have to buy all the clothes yeah oh my god my first ever like brand deal was before I was even like a content creator it was um Zaffle oh yeah that we talked about last week I didn't make the connection until I was listening I was like wait I worked with Zaffle but it was one of those situations where they're like here pick out like 10 things to buy and you get 70 off and then post about it and i was like oh my god that's a great deal and it's looking back i'm like why did i do that going back how did i even get here oh um will so he like will stitch with videos and there was this podcast delusional besties is why

I thought of it of the question was would you rather marry someone who is super dirt poor but loves you like so much or marry like a multi-millionaire that like can't stand you and both of the girls were like oh my god so easy multi-millionaire and they're like yeah I don't even know why I asked that and they were like dead serious they weren't like it wasn't like a tongue in cheek thing and it's just like people actually think like that well now I'm debating because I'm like okay you have someone who loves you so much and are they dirt poor because they're like lazy and won't get a job i guess that's true that's more nuanced that's nuanced and there's a lot of people who are technically dirt poor because they're in so much student debt but we don't

count them as dirt poor you know what i mean yeah and then i'm like okay how willing would i be to be the breadwinner of a household what what kind of circumstances would we have in that situation but if you're with a millionaire who hates you you could probably have an affair with someone who is dirt poor that loves you that's true yeah and then hopefully you have like a pretty good prenup in place that's that's a good point and then and then also with a millionaire that hates you like financial stability can add a lot to your just like your life like your mental health and not having to worry about your finances yeah that's very important and then you can just have an affair he can work you can go fuck whoever you want and then work on your little crafts on the

side yeah take little bubble baths so there's there's pros and cons to each yeah you know i get it i hadn't thought about it that way like when i listened to this i was like are you fucking kidding me like like does he hate you or is like what kind of hate because if he's abusive then no right you know but if you just like silently disdains but if it's just like a wife bad situation yeah then i'll sustain a marriage and uh make sure that there's no the prenup is an important stipulation yeah but i feel like most because what if they have a cheating clause in the prenup get a good lawyer i don't think that's a bad idea though no to have a cheating clause I agree absolutely I'm pretty sure you know what I'll need to look it up too I am I am

99% sure there is like a website that helps you easily create a prenup with your partner oh yeah it's called um oh see you know yeah they're easyprenup.com yeah no it's like uh oh my god what is it called it's it's one it's woman owned they were on shark tank um and somebody that I was working with met one of the women at um like this event at UW here um and they're just like doing amazingly now because everybody wants to be able to do easy because prenups are big pains in the asses to make I also think that people have kind of a like I I think maybe previous generations had a different idea of a prenup like it was insulting to have one um and yeah or something like that or like you know you it means you don't actually love each other

which is not the truth at all because if you do end up getting a divorce technically you do have a prenup and the government decided it for you so it's either you choose your prenup with the person that you love while you still love them and you make all of those decisions together while you still love each other or you have this ugly divorce maybe you hate each other and the government has decided what like how things are divided yeah and then that would suck before you know it you're sitting on a courtroom floor dividing your beanie babies in half and that's a mess you don't want to do that i don't want my beanie babies on the floor no yeah first of all ew yeah put some respect on my beanie babies yeah the ew i was trying to figure out what the name

this company was oh hello prenup is what it's called okay like hello chef or hello fresh hello prenup well because mr liz and i um we we've talked about marriage not about it's so it's so like nebulous the way that we've talked about it too um but we've just it's like we've we're having all of these important conversations before we talk about actually getting married yes like how do you feel about a prenup it's like well it's good to do obviously you should fucking have one and it's like i don't want a wedding do you want a wedding no i don't want a wedding yeah a lot of people are moving away from weddings i've realized i love going to a wedding but the idea of planning one is really stressful to me yeah absolutely and it's so it's so much money it's a ridiculous

amount of money and you don't ever you can't really tell where it goes the wedding that i went to this last weekend i was in colorado at a wedding for like all that money fucking blink it was honeymoon such a well-executed wedding it was like it was so well paced and like the food was so good and like the dj was really good and it's like it was the whole time i was there i was like they probably sunk so much money into this for the guests because it's weddings are for the guests yeah at the end of the day and a lot of people that go to weddings act like it's such in position to be there that oh yeah I do not understand like sometimes the guest attitude at a wedding yeah like there's there's like you know normal people who are like I'm so happy that this

couple got married and like I'm I'm happy that I'm here and I love dressing up that's usually that's how I am at a wedding right I'm like hell yeah I get to wear a nice dress this is really beautiful yeah and like that's fun right to me yeah and then um there's other people who maybe they're in a bit of an older age range or like well i didn't like the food it's like well then bring your own fucking food janet so dry like okay you the chicken was dry you don't need to be feeding you yeah you dumb bitch like well that plate of food cost them a lot of money yes so yeah yeah absolutely there's just like a there's like an entitled guest mindset yeah it's like don't you don't need to go every couple that i know that has gotten married has been like relieved

when somebody rcps no it's like they invite so many people like as kind of a formality yeah right it's but they invite a lot of people because it's like oh like i need to invite my like mom's hairdresser because like i knew her when i was a kid well it's and it's crazy how many family members like get such a sense of entitlement once you're engaged yes they're like well i need to invite this person you've never met because they're my friend yeah and they're like when when was the last time you saw them it's like 12 years ago yes why the fuck do they need to come to my wedding totally yeah that's the thing and I think about my mom my mom brought me to a wedding and like I don't think she met maybe she knew this woman when she was

a child but it was like her best friend her best friend's daughter and my mom brought me and I was like in my early 20s so I didn't know what was going on I'm like 21 I'm like sure I'll go to a wedding with my mom that sounds fun yeah and now i'm like oh fuck like this woman was probably like who the fuck is this right girl yeah it's like at the wedding the plus one was supposed to be the husband yeah exactly yeah totally my mom's like well dad can't come because he's out of town it's that's the thing it's like it feels like so many people they spend so much time planning a wedding and then they don't get to enjoy it the actual day of because they're tired and stressed they have to say hi to everybody they need everything to be perfect people are pulling

them in a million directions you're taking pictures when people are partying to be unhappy though that's you know what i mean that's true but like you know like i was saying this wedding that i went to last weekend was like so beautiful it really did feel like the couple like got to enjoy themselves and it's like okay it's possible yeah it's possible it's it's really it's it's in there some but most of the weddings that i've fully depends on who is in your in your life yeah you know it really does like do you have a normal family does your partner have a normal family right you guys have good friends you're gonna have a great time it was an 80 person wedding it was so small it was so which doesn't feel small but yeah you're like 80 people it feels

like a lot but like you're looking at it it's like this is like a really well good sized wedding and it was just perfect everybody had a good time it was really great um back to disagreements and this also is about marriage frank and i have talked about the idea of doing couples therapy before we get engaged which I one of his friends had done that and he was like I think that's such a good idea just like get all of the shit like we talk we have our like state of the unions every week you know and like we we always like talk about things as they come up so it's not like there's any concern on either of our ends of like maybe we should work some things out before we get engaged but it's just like when you're in a therapeutic setting things come out that I don't

think you expect to or like you don't think you need to well because you have this trained person who knows how to kind of get to the root of something and they're good at being a mediator between things yeah um yeah yeah i definitely think that's a great idea i one of my friends did that pre-engagement yeah yeah i hear so much pre-marital um uh couples therapy session and it's not necessarily to like because you guys have problems right i think that's the the assumption people have is like oh you go to therapy couple therapy when like everything's wrong or something big is wrong when in reality you should probably go when nothing is really wrong totally you maybe maybe like you know you need to work on your communication so then you go to couples therapy

but a lot of people will start going as like a last resort yeah well because when mr liz and i were like trying to figure our shit out we went to a couple of sessions we went to a couple with my therapist too because she was like yeah i'm happy like if you guys want to come meet with me like a couple of times and then we met with another couple's therapist but she was definitely used to working with um like i would say older couples who maybe are already married and have kids and they're kind of like this is a last resort for them yeah whereas we're like well we just kind of want to improve our communication a little bit more yeah yeah I would say it did help like just the act of going itself helped yeah because it's like okay well we both care

enough that we're like trying absolutely yeah there's like symbolism in that yeah and then it just kind of opened the door for conversations afterwards like you know she'd ask us questions and we would answer during the session but then afterwards we would talk more about what we had talked about yeah in our session together yeah so yeah which I'm sure is what a lot of people do if they're like you know on good terms too yeah it's like yeah if they're fighting it's like once you leave therapy it's like we're not talking anymore but I feel like the the healthy thing to do is to debrief after that sort of thing you know I've always wanted to go to couples therapy like even when I was single I was like that sounds like fun I don't know well I think

i'm kind of with you because because we've been to therapy enough that we like enjoy going yeah because you know what you're gonna get out of it especially if you have a good relationship with your therapist um and so when you know what you're getting out of it and like maybe your partner hasn't been to therapy or like not as regularly as you you are aware that this therapist is going to help uncover things that you know your partner struggles with but you're their partner so you can't really like yeah send that message to them or you don't know how to kind of like help them navigate that but a therapist can yes so you get to kind of have the position of supporter versus like therapist yes I think that's the hardest part like I think that was probably

something Mr. Liz and I struggled with more so is like I have been to therapy consistently for like an extended amount of time like now it's just kind of part of my like self-care is checking in with my therapist every few weeks but um when you are with someone who maybe hasn't been to therapy sometimes you can end up taking on this role of therapist yeah so instead of that like if one of your if one of you is struggling with something it's way better if you're going together and having a therapist be the therapist and you be the supporter totally yeah so that definitely set us up to be more like that having to be there for yourself and the other person is not sustainable for a lot of people like even therapists need to go to therapy oh yeah

yeah it's just like my therapist has a therapist my therapist has a therapist too and her therapist has a therapist it's like a chain it's all it's an mlm yeah the therapists are therapizing each other yeah they better be good bring three friends my um have you seen have you seen the show uh couples therapy or have you seen clips of it on tiktok yes um i'm just thinking about that and like those couples in my opinion are on their last fucking string with each other like they go public with it final thread yeah oh yeah and there's always one of them who you're like that person is fucking toxic yeah like every time i see a clip from couples therapy like that show i'm just like how do these people end up together that's another example of like

why are you with each other if you hate each other yeah yeah you know what i mean i think that people must fall into the whole like the first few months is like so great and then the rest of the relationship is just because you don't want to see them with another person so you like hold on to them I know a lot of people that are like well I don't want to like see him with someone else and it's like that can't be the reason that you put yourself through this yeah it can't be and I understand that because like that was how I felt with my ex I mean I was in college so like my frontal lobe was not done for me but it's still like I was like I have to hold on to this relationship because I cannot bear the idea it's also like yeah I mean it's easy to catastrophize

that and also have it in your head of like I'm never gonna get over this because I'm not over it right now yes and it's like well realistically you will get over it yeah if you let yourself you know some people don't they don't want to move on and they I think misery can be an addictive feeling yeah it does become like an intrusive thought like being miserable about something like when you get so comfortable like you're saying like you get so comfortable with you get so used to feeling so sad that it's just kind of like a habit yeah like when I started feeling better out of my breakup I was like is this allowed yeah I was like especially specifically when the Prozac started working which I joke about a lot being like oh it made my brain better but like

it really once once it started working and I started feeling okay it was like I was like searching for things to be sad about and then I would be able to talk myself out of it because that it was it was helping me use what I was doing in therapy yeah but it's like I it was trained your brain and it was such a habit to be like wait hang on like I have so many things that I'm sad about you know it really is a habit it's really strange if I really think about it I have never been resentful of like a former partner being with somebody else or like I've never resented like the person they end up dating that's amazing because well that bottle up your brain I mean that's not to say that like I don't still like I'm not resentful of the new person that

they're dating but i'm still resentful of my ex i see what you're saying so like i'm like like i'm sure you can relate to this but like if they move on quickly you're like you have not done an iota oh yeah you need to have done to be a good partner yeah like unless you are magically self-aware now like there's no fucking way so then like the the new partner to me i'm just like i feel bad for them godspeed usually yeah i'm more like well they didn't do anything wrong yeah they don't know this person the way i know them yeah but also you know with with uh age hopefully comes maturity so now i'm more like well sure that can be true but also like that person could be a better match for them than me yeah so totally i don't know what their relationship

is like in most cases i've been of that mind yeah too and then and then when you get to the final stage of your emotional development and like kind of letting go it's like no i actually do hope that they've changed yeah i hope that they have become a better person because who they were fucking sucked and i don't want them to put another person what they put me through yeah and that's that's being an adult yeah like being able to be like i don't want somebody else to go through what I went through like I think that there's been I feel like with with my whole like healing journey from my breakup a lot of it was like fuck both of them you know for like 90% of it it was a different kind of yeah it was a different kind of situation yeah but it was also like I

started to feel myself dipping into the like I feel kind of sad for him you know and that was like a good like mile marker for how I was feeling when I was like wait hold on I have not felt like any sort of empathy toward this man in like years and so it was interesting to look at that it's like when you start growing up so it's like a maturity thing but also like a healing from it thing you start to feel differently about the person that put you through so much and it's like i don't know it's it's an interesting phenomenon especially when you're so used to feeling such negative emotions like we were just saying like the habit of being like mad and sad well i think uh villainizing them is the easiest way to get over it initially yeah but i think yeah eventually

you have to let go of that like a villainizing someone all you're doing is making it hard for you you villainizing somebody is not doing is not affecting the person that you're villainizing really at all especially if you're not in contact with them it's just like bringing you down which is so much easier said than done it's like just don't feel that way then but like it is the truth it's just like the only person that's getting any sort of negative repercussion of you holding on of this is you you know yeah but after a healthy amount of time you shouldn't be villainizing them anymore yes i also think therapy helped a lot with that oh yeah i mean that's why i started going to therapy it was because i went through a bad breakup and even before that i was like i

want to go to couples therapy together and then uh he like never did anything about it of course but i think that's a obviously a blessing in disguise yeah no kidding we're all better for it we have each other now you and me oh my god we wouldn't have my hands are especially clammy right now i'm so sorry i don't know why i feel like mine are a little clammy too well you've been sick yeah so that makes sense i have no reason i also feel a little sweaty i had the cold sweats on all last night are you sure you weren't sick sick do you think it was food poisoning i kind of think so just because it feels like uh the other couple of times i've had it okay yeah i'm so sorry because i yeah when i mean i think in general like food poisoning sickness

like you're still fighting off a bug you know that's true yeah your body's still trying to regulate itself exactly yeah so i had like all this cold sweat and then yesterday even before bed i showered too so then all day today i felt gross because i had all that cold sweat happening oh once i started i was trying to do dry shampoo and wash my face and i was like i'll feel better that usually helps yeah uh-uh no still feel nasty hate it ever since i started taking prozac i get night sweats even when i'm cold not cute prozac gave me horrible night sweats awful i wake up drenched it it's the worst like all my legs get sweaty it's really weird i didn't know you have sweat glands in your legs i mean like of course you do but like i never sweat all my legs yeah

it's rerouting all of my glands you wake up you're stuck to the sheets yeah and i'm just like in pools of sweat i'm like what the fuck is happening anyway um liz is gone next week so it'll just be little old me and i'll have a i'll have a special guest amelia has a special guest next week yeah i'll be traveling i'll miss you i'll miss you too i would say don't leave me but i just left you i'm like who's watching the cats i haven't made a plan about that yet well let me know okay because i love them okay well i they would love if you visited i'll visit i'll pop in yeah just let me know okay and frank will too he loves them oh okay well thanks for listening make sure to tune in next week for amelia's special guest i know i'll be tuning in fuck yeah we should do

an episode where we talk like that the whole time you already know i mean how many listeners do you think we would lose um 70 i think easily 70 they would tune into the first three minutes and they're like i love them but i can't do this you know if you love them you gotta let them go yeah but please don't let us go we won't do we won't yeah we won't do it because we don't want to lose you but just know if it weren't for you we would be doing it i mean that's my regular speaking voice that's relationship compromise yeah me too fuck yeah we like we fix it for the podcast this is how we talk anyway we love you i can't no it's gross okay we love you our children okay the first we love you is beautiful i was like trying to stick with it but that was amazing

i lost it i feel inspired and i'm gonna leave and go right to church i love that i love it too i love jesus