The Hoely Hour - E19 The Orgasm Gap is Crazy

Episode Date: December 4, 2020

Guess who's back? It's not slim shady, but they do be throwing shade. How far have your internet creeping abilities taken you? Also, Liz challenges a Fake Dom to a duel and Amelia shares her breakup advice to mending a broken heart. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball thanks for joining us thanks for joining us we're recording now for the first time in two weeks three weeks two weeks yeah long time I know and I haven't even like really I haven't we haven't released an episode in like two weeks but yeah I feel like that's okay that is okay but we we need to talk about yeah we need to talk about how our schedule's been going yeah um do you want to start you're just been crazier than mine i needed to take like i took a week and a half off of work because i just i don't know i think like a lot of people like my mental health has just kind of been deteriorating and i feel like a lot of just dealing with covid um yeah has been like we're all just like barely hanging on

and we're like okay i just gotta hang on until this this after the election or until this point yeah and then when you keep telling yourself that you're just like exhausted you're like how long can i keep just just holding on totally and because we've been dealing with this now since march and then now the days are shorter than they've ever been and it's cold and it's rainy and like this things are so so bad so it's like we're really just kind of like running on fumes the last part of this year now yeah so i'm glad you took that time off it's so important i really I needed it I needed it a lot are you feeling ready to get back to work no but I mean not in a bad way like I needed time to like make my my apartment feel more like a home because I just

like had moved and had a million things going on immediately after that so I boxes piled up for like four weeks yeah and um i mean like i just assembled my bed frame last week and it looks so good in here we have a podcast table now yeah i have a kitchen table on our instagram you'll see that we usually record on the ground people will message me and be like are you recording from the floor yes um now we have a table yeah so take that we're like professional podcasters now yeah i have a i have enough room for a kitchen table now like a real grown-up um it's really great yeah i have like space for everything for each of my stations so it's been nice to just finally like unpack and put get in a space where it feels like a home yeah um and my next step is

to like hang things on the wall uh-huh and i'll be almost done yeah oh my god it's gonna be so nice not to have to worry about like getting anything else put together and just be able to live here you've done so much since the last time I was here and just yeah well so okay this weekend I was talking to um my boyfriend about like how I've been feeling in general lately like I've just um COVID's been hard like trying to and I know I'm not the only person who feels this way just like all of your normal processes are gone and this is the first time any of us have had to experience something like this yeah and I am I explained to him that like I'm used to having at least one thing in my life that I'm very good at um and everything in my life takes turns you know

like sometimes I'm very focused on work and like doing like thriving at work and doing whatever there and making something like making one of the projects like my passion at work and then sometimes it's my home sometimes it's my dating life or family whatever everything takes turns yeah and right now I don't feel like there's anything that I'm good at and um I'm sure you can relate to this like like being good at something the first time yeah and just being like kind of growing up like gifted or whatever yeah that bullshit is but still like you're rewarded for being good at something when you first try it yep and so this is like the first time I feel like I haven't had something I can be good at and celebrate yeah I'm like glad that I

took some time off and I got to like focus on myself finally so that I can put myself in a position where I'm able to like be really passionate about something and not feel like I'm empty totally it's so important for employers because i feel like the like they do it for optics saying like we have mental health days that you can take and then they make it impossible to take the mental health days they make it so hard to get the time off it's the same thing and it's like embarrassing and shameful and it's like okay well i don't want to explain to you what i'm going through right now i mean that's like it really is they just they make it it's like capitalist America just makes it so hard to take time off. And like, it's just, it's completely unacceptable

with like the unlimited time off that a lot of companies are doing. I was talking to somebody that has that as an option and they were like, yeah, but nobody takes it because we're too busy to take it. So it's like, yeah, it's a nice perk, but like companies don't make it easy to take time off. And it's so important to just to have like a second to refresh. So I'm glad they were able to do that. And now that we're all working from home, I think we're realizing like the 40 hour work week is bullshit it's not serving anyone yeah except for um capitalism yeah and it's just outdated yeah exactly it's outdated but then also it's like we don't have any of our normal processes like i love my alone time and i really value my time by myself and focusing on those kinds of things

but um i like the time i got like being around other people was at work like that's my fun social time yeah is that work yeah and then anymore no and then like if i was busy at work i could take a break and walk around and maybe talk to a couple of my friends or go get a snack and then now i can't do that it's just me like moping around my house dealing with this fuck meowing in the middle of all of my calls but yeah no I'm glad that you got like a little bit of time away and just got to like step away from life first it was a good way to end my time off yeah good it was like a bow on it yes yeah okay you guys so I stopped dating for a sec as I was talking about um like literally it was a sec I was I think I was thinking that it was gonna be

like a few months but it was like a month and then i needed to kind of hit the ground running again um and i met this guy we're gonna call him fake dom because he's a fake dom yeah and we'll get to that too later on in the story but um long long story short without giving like too much exposition that like doesn't fucking matter i ended up going on a third date with him this past weekend on friday and we both got covid tests he was like really sweet he like didn't fight me on the COVID test he was just like totally and then like sent me his results and like he was I was really excited to see him and I was like counting down the days he like made a countdown for it and like I don't know I was just like really clicking with him and we had a lot of

fun together and it seemed like we understood each other on a bunch of different levels I didn't take him too seriously he didn't take life too seriously which like I like that in a person and so I went over to his house on Friday and um he like made these really fancy drinks he had this whole night planned we watched a movie we went in his hot tub he's a hot tub he lives in like a nice house but he has two roommates so um which is not an issue but he does make a lot of money and he's like older than me so I'm just kind of like when are you gonna stop having roommates but that's fine I'm not gonna judge him but it was still kind of like that was one of the things that I was like he kind of felt like a little bit of a man child to me like he wasn't ready to like

grow up which is again okay I'm not ready to grow up but it was still kind of like making my ears perked a little bit um so we were in the hot tub and he was like you know what I was thinking like this is our third date and I haven't kissed you yet and I was like yeah I've noticed that we just started like making out and it was getting like really hot and heavy in the hot tub and then we went inside and he was like you want to watch a movie and I was like he has a huge tv in his room so I was like we're 100% gonna watch a movie in his bed and he was like do you mind if we watch on the couch and I was like oh okay and like he's not like rushing into things and like I liked that and we were watching a movie and we were like cuddling on the couch and he was scratching my

back and it was just like everything going on was very romantic um and he was like kissing my cheeks and stuff and my face cheeks and I don't know it was just like we were just really vibing and it felt very romantic and comfortable and then he paused the movie and he was like do you want to going to my bed and i was like yes what movie was it borat 2 no i've been wanting to see it it was not a romantic movie whatsoever but we had been talking about in the you your experience watching borat 2 and my experience watching borat 2 did i tell you what i was doing when i watched it no um me and my boyfriend did shrooms and we like we start he made them into a tea and then we were watching uh borat too and then we

like drank the tea and then towards the end we both started getting really high and then um and then his like his roommate was with us too and we're trying to like be normal watching borat and then his roommate like went into his room to play games or something and then he was like how are you doing and i was like i'm so high and he's like me too he's like you're like half my size so i can't even imagine how high you are i was on another plane it was so fun and then we were like rudy giuliani looks scary i didn't even get to that part we ended up turning it off before that part i was so disappointed he's a lizard person wearing a skin suit so excited to watch it especially when you're on shrooms yeah we

stopped at part way through yeah that's totally a different experience than i had we were just like eating popcorn still very funny in my opinion oh my god y'all yeah watching on his couch with his getting all hot and bothered watching nothing sexier than like watching borat like crash a girl who plays rally she's amazing i was like this girl holding it together uh-huh she was incredible i was like i'm amazed that they found somebody like matches energy um but anyway so we ended up going into his room and it got like really hot really fast he like took off my clothes so fast and he like went down on me and he was like really like intense um we ended up having sex and then he came really fast and I had to tell him that I didn't come

which was like fine because like maybe he didn't know but then he was like oh I'm sorry he like said i'm sorry at first and i was like like start doing something yeah yeah so like what are you gonna do about it that totally sucks the orgasm gap is crazy i forgot about that um but he ended up uh he was like how do you want me to how do you want me to help you and he pulled out like one of those um like big wands what are they called like a hachi yeah itachi itachi itachi wand i think is what it's called um remarkable i've never had an orgasm like that how do you feel about a guy just having his own vibrator he uses it on himself apparently he was like it's great for his pleasure too he's like it gets me hard so fast i was like i don't think like what

what do you do after that though like do you i i have i have questions does he just like put it on his balls he just puts it on like the head of his dick i guess yeah and it was just like under his pillow so like he just has it in his bed his bed is phenomenal it's enormous it feels bigger than a king his room is amazing the lighting is incredible I was like I could sleep in here did it have like vibey lighting that changed colors he had um purple no pink and blue lighting so it's kind of like purple in there yeah that's some tech boy shit does he work in tech uh-huh yeah yeah I really like his room so we had sex he came pretty fast then he made me come after I had to tell him um and then we were cuddling after and like I turned on my side we were

spooning like 20 minutes later and then we just like you know it got hot and heavy again we ended up having sex again we used the vibrator the second time during sex and I think it felt good for him too because it's so intense he could definitely feel it um and then that was fine we came at the same time it was great we were cuddling after and he was being so romantic he was like kissing my cheek a bunch he was like saying all this nice stuff to me like just like it felt very relationshipy he was like talking about bonding with my dad he was like because my dad skis and he snowboards he's like would that be a good thing for us to do for bonding yeah he was saying shit like this and I was like okay I think this guy like likes me um and he was

like begging me to sleep over and um I ended up leaving because I don't do sleepovers um and when I was leaving he like kissed both my cheeks before he kissed my lips and like everything was very really romantic and yeah I don't know so I left and um I texted him the next day a bunch of links because he was talking about doing like sketch comedy on TikTok he was like wanting to try like doing that on TikTok um because he has a bunch of ideas so I said I told him when I was leaving that I was going to send him some TikTok sketch artists that I thought he would think it's funny for um inspiration yeah like yeah kind of like spark his his thinking so um I sent them to him and he read it and he didn't respond and I was like okay and then later on in the day at like

two o'clock I texted him and I was like by the way like I had a lot of fun last night thank you so much for having me I really like being around you he read it and didn't answer and then um a few hours later he was like hey I had a lot of fun too um so I was thinking and like I think that there's some subtle differences between us and like I just think that it's best that we don't waste each other's time um I feel like a dick for saying this because we had sex last night and I was like oh yeah rough timing but like what are the subtle differences you guys the subtle differences are that um he has had a bad experience in the past with dating a woman who is into social media and politics and those are two things that I'm clearly passionate about and he didn't want

to be too verbose because that wouldn't help anything and I was like okay interesting um you know who he reminds me of a little bit she's who french press oh my god just being like yep this is who i am and i'm not gonna deal i don't want to deal with the consequences of my own actions yes and like i'm just going to accept that this is the way that i am absolutely yes that is so true he's very like definitive and like he he will not bend to anybody else's expectations um he is it sounds to me like he does not want to change yeah I mean like when you're in a relationship parts of what you do and your schedule and maybe even parts of who you are they change yeah yeah and I don't think that he's uh you're so right I really don't think that he's willing to do that

um I texted him back and I was like okay well like I'm not trying to like change your mind but like they aren't politics are should kind of be a big part of everyone's life like if you care I mean and you should you tweeted something i feel like was a really good point which is to be a white man and privileged enough to not have to care about politics yeah that is privilege yeah like yeah it really yeah and i know no i know i'm just like and and i wasn't we talked about politics because i asked him if he voted and that was it and then we talked about social media because he wanted to like start in on tiktok so he was reaching which is you don't have to be into me like that's fine but just say that you don't think that there's like a spark or like you know I thought I was

into you but thinking about it I think this probably isn't right don't give me two bullshit reasons yeah it's just ridiculous and then um I called him out Liz how to craft a text because I was so heightened um but basically like it doesn't really matter like what the reason is you you made moves and we had sex twice with you knowing that you were going to have this conversation with me today yeah there's no way that you just realized this this morning exactly fucked up and I'm okay with it with a sexually transactional relationship I have no issue with that I like having sex but like don't make me think that it's something that it's not like if we would have just like if if you said that you're just like looking for something casual and maybe I

scared you into thinking I wanted more which I didn't he was the one that was saying all the relationship stuff then like say that you know like tell me that I made you uncomfortable and like I was like pushing you to I don't know the whole thing is annoying but um when I called him out on it he left me on red again and that's the end of that i'm pissed because for a few reasons but like i don't like people and there are very obvious red flags with him that i was ignoring like he like i don't need to get into it but they're like the man child stuff is like a big one and like i don't think he's done with his playboy lifestyle and that's fine he doesn't need to be he can go at his own speed but to like be self-aware yeah totally to be like oh there are

some things that i just like don't feel like would uh like get i wouldn't be able to like enjoy or something or like would uh cause problems down the line yeah he knew both of those things about you yeah that's not new things that's not yeah before he chose to pursue a physical relationship before we went out the first time he knew that yeah i was being very vocal he followed me on instagram for a while and like i was very vocal about politics he knows how much i post on social media these aren't this wasn't like a news flash for him the whole thing was annoying the fake dom stuff came in because he the second time we um we had a virtual date because it was like right when everything shut down and he was talking about that he's into kinky sex so I asked him about it

when I saw him on Friday and he was like um yeah like I'm into like some some BDSM stuff and I was like oh like what and he was like um I'm a dom but like not like you know super intense like it felt like he was pulling back on it because it might scare me so I like leaned into it and I was like oh like that's i said like noted like i was like making it obvious that i was into that um or like into at least knowing more about it and he buried it then we had sex and like he choked me but like it wasn't like anything that like i haven't done before yeah you know okay so my interpretation of you telling me this stuff he's not a dom no he's just a top yeah it's like you're not a dom no choking during vanilla sex does not make you a dom especially if you're gonna be like i'm gonna

be the nsm like it's a whole world and i knew more than he did and i told and i told liz just for me and i don't even know that much no it's very like uh i'm very much on the outside of it and i'm on the outside of that because i'm just hearing from you and i knew more than him he didn't know about aftercare like he didn't know any anything and i know very very basic stuff and so i was like i don't think this guy is a dom if you guys are listening and you haven't like you don't know what aftercare is um we do have an episode where we talk about aftercare um and titled aftercare yeah or like the good word yeah that's the episode it's uh we talk about aftercare and like i can just give you some high level information like aftercare i think

anyone having sex or doing something um that is sexual or like involving your feelings in an intense way you need aftercare like you don't have to be sexual to get to get it but like if there's something that is like heightened in your senses and your feelings um a lot of the times you can have kind of a drop and aftercare is something that um eases that or prevents that and it's just um i would interpret it as like receiving care that like meets your love language needs so just just things like that where you both care for each other and usually like it's a bottom or a sub getting aftercare but like doms and tops need aftercare too yeah so either way like that's essentially what it is yeah and just this guy to be like i'm a dom i'm just like i will

fucking fight you and it was like it was a lot like i don't know there was a lot going on where i really felt like he was trying to be somebody that he was not and so like stepping away from the situation being like i think that this guy kind of like likes to think that he's kinky and like he's not i mean the sex was like fine you know but like it seemed like he thought he was kind of more of like a maven than he was which is again okay everything that i'm saying is okay and it's like no I think like a huge thing I'm gonna disagree with you and be like it's not okay I just his I because I think what I get caught up on is like when somebody ends things with someone and they're like salty about it I'm like okay but like it's not that big of a deal because it's

really not like if he didn't want to be with me if he didn't want to do go for that's totally fine completely okay that's not even the issue it was like the like kind of wool he pulled over my eyes to then get to that point like there was no I am so good at sniffing out bullshit and I could not with this guy and that pisses me off because like i'm he was so good at lying about well all of it and to make it about you is a red flag to me oh yeah um they're like and the things that he said are like not things that i feel like define who someone is at the end of the day and it's offensive for him to think that that's it and i said that to him i was like we're just getting to know each other like that's that's not even a fraction of who i am dummy like it's fine if you're not in

just say you're you're not feeling it oh just pissed me off yeah so the fake i feel like he watched like the social dilemma and was like yeah social media bad well yeah because he just deleted all the social media apps too off of his phone so i'm sure that it's because he's sus and up to no good i hope you're listening fake dom because this real sub is coming for your throat god yeah it was pretty pretty disappointing so that's my most recent dating update i'm crawling back into my no dating hole now in general i think that taking a break from dating is like really empowering i do think it's especially hard right now yeah because you're just like no matter what you're spending time by yourself yeah like at least when i took my break from dating i had

things to do that I could like oh I'm gonna spend more time with my friends and or decorating my house and going to the gym none of that and I feel like I'm kind of in like crisis control too because my my parents are leaving soon so I'm like who am I gonna spend my time with me yeah Liz and maybe a man but like I just don't I talked about this on TikTok last night like I do this thing where like I think that I deserve a lot and like I'm not scared to say that but then I get to the point where like I'm willing to look past red flags because it's like maybe my expectations are too high and I know that they're not my expectations are not that high but like I do expect a certain amount out of people and like I start to look past very obvious red flags because I'm afraid that I'm

not going to get that and so i look past a lot with fake dom as as humans it's normal to want to look past red flags because like i think everyone deserves an opportunity to redeem themselves yes absolutely like we look for that in other people because we want them to look for that in us too of um it's why people love michael scott like he's a shit manager and there's a lot of problems about him but he's lovable and redeemable and that's why we love him and i think that's just like in general how we want to feel about ourselves and each other is just like of course you're you you like this person more than like you were worried yeah does that make sense yes totally so i like i don't think you're completely in the wrong for like wanting him to

like be a good person yeah it's always hard that when you realize like someone needs to make a journey without you has nothing to do with you totally yeah I think I've gotten better at like when somebody doesn't want me I don't think it's a knock on me at all you know for a while when people wouldn't want me I'd be like what is it about me that's like unlovable and I'm past that you know like I don't you know you can be the sweetest pie in the world there's always gonna be someone that doesn't like pie I've definitely felt like that like it's just well and then I mean like I think everyone who is stop everyone who is like single or even just like unmarried or I don't know it's hard for me to like say something so definitive but like when every

relationship you've had has technically failed it's hard to not get really down on yourself and be like am i delusional yeah like what is wrong with me that like no one is able to love me back the same way so i i can understand myself absolutely yeah it's weird because like i was in a relationship for so long that i haven't really had any experiences with things just like not working casually like i don't have any of those experiences um i think that it's good that I've had such a like traumatic breakup recently because when fake I'm just pissed about how that went down but I don't feel a type of way about it and like yeah I'm not like I'm not hurt by it I'm just like what the fuck you know and then when someone like shows you that they lack such self

awareness it's hard to not be like yeah yeah are you this delusional about yourself yeah I'm just pissed that i'm gonna guess he has some pisces placements he has to yeah y'all can quote me pisces men are toxic what was the other one gemini men are also toxic at least all the gemini men i know i had a crush on a gemini man once now we're just friends let's talk about the creepiest stuff we've done stalking okay I have a couple you go um okay so I think I had tweeted this I'll I want to start this by saying like Amelia and I both I had never met someone who was so good at getting really deep into things the way I am until I met Amelia like it made me feel less crazy yes but then i also don't really think it's crazy like no um we can

just access all kinds of things it's a skill for sure i mean like you can really find anything you need to on the internet exactly so like why not you know yeah you should definitely like google someone's name yeah uh before you meet them and you should google common usernames that they use i have found literal criminal records from googling people and that saved me a lot of time i actually talked about that on episode two i found out that that guy like scammed all of these a lot of money in nigeria like i don't want to go out with that guy exactly anyway um so i mean i think the creepiest thing that i've done is um there's this guy i was like seeing and he wasn't exclusively exclusively my boyfriend or anything but like um you know when you're like you could

tell like you're the person they're dating you're the you're the number one girl um and we hadn't been talking or seeing each other for like long enough that i i really cared but i like just didn't trust him in general he was kind of sus so follow that thread yeah exactly follow that at instinct but I had we had like gone out and he was like blackout drunk like belligerent and then I was pretty drunk too but I was way more responsible than he was so I was like he he was like having me like go through his phone to like text some of his friends and like set his alarm because he had to do something important in the next morning which you know anytime you have something important to do the next morning you should definitely get blacked out absolutely

um so uh I had the password to his phone which is so weird because like I didn't remember his password to his phone like the next day or like a week later it was just like I only remembered it that night and like I also didn't care enough to try and memorize it or save it I unlocked his phone and i like went through some of his messages and there was like one person who his texts with them were like the name was like a joke name like it was something like it was just obviously a joke like fart master or some shit i don't know um but like the texts that they had were like kind of flirty and i was like uh what the fuck so i saved the number to my phone well first i took a picture of it of the like contact and then um i saved the number to

my phone as like who the fuck is this and then i looked on snapchat because snapchat will auto populate like based on like recently added contacts like what their username is genius uh-huh and then it like her username was her first and last name oh fuck oh my i would have never thought to do that i don't think he was hooking up there i think they were just like flirtatious he's just kind of a fuck boy who's this the firefighter oh oh i totally cut out the story about the firefighter from like a few weeks ago and he's married now and he told me like um that he like was still really attracted to me and he didn't know what to do and i was like shit when i talked to my therapist about it i was like i i was kind of annoyed and she was like why do you

think you were annoyed and i was like well like what what's he trying to get at by telling me that like why is he's now making it my responsibility to decide what his actions are going to be and like at that point it was very established i had a boyfriend it's very clear he's married i don't know i was just really fucking irritated manipulative as yeah exactly to make it my responsibility of if you're gonna cheat on your wife or not yeah go fuck yourself but i would say that's probably one of the most like sly things i've done but that's so fucking good see that's like one of those tips that like nobody thinks of to do i love that you save the number and then you find them on snapchat yeah i like that okay i'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to keep that one

in my mental i don't use snapchat anymore but still that's always good you still have the option yeah exactly wow okay you think you're slick men yeah no you're not we're always one step ahead of you my guy but also I mean I I was explaining this to my boyfriend that um I actively choose not to like be nosy um I don't know what like if he's texting like uh I don't I don't know I'm making myself sound really like shady but um like if he's texting someone I purposely don't look at what he's texting yeah and like he's doing it in front of my face he doesn't care no totally yeah but I'm like I'm making this decision because I don't like feeling like I can't trust someone and I don't want to do that in this relationship yeah because once you open

up that Pandora's box it kind of starts to like go downhill quick because it's like once you like again like kind of pull out that thread it all kind of starts unraveling whether it should or not yeah and that's he's giving me no red flags exactly and in the past it's like i've got there have been red flags and that's what's tipped me off to want to do something and then like i've been doing more reflecting of like okay how am i feeling what's making me feel like i need to go sleuth yep and then half the time now as a therapized adult i'm like oh well it's because in my past relationship uh my ex-boyfriend cheated on every girl he's ever dated and i feel like if you're trying to find something you always will yeah exactly even if it doesn't even if it's not

really confirming what you believe you'll still find a way to make it confirm what you believe and that's you know a slippery slope for sure yeah damn okay okay um we should go back and forth because i have like what yeah well i have one other creepy thing but i want you to say what yours was well I just this one just happened I wasn't even going to tell this story but um I think I actually already told you this um I am living at home right now if you don't know but I am and I love it I'm not I'm not ashamed now you know um and since the pandemic my neighbors at the end of the row of townhouses have a son that's my age and I saw him kind of kicking around but I didn't really pay any attention and then I finally met him and he's so cute like he's just

like so confident and sure of himself and he told me his first name but it's like a just a white boy first name so it's not like it was like easy for me to narrow it down like looking for that name like in the city I was in it just wasn't gonna happen so I typed in his address on google and found reverse yellow pages which by the way kind of creepy but you can see who lives in every house in the world basically what if you type in an address oh my god yeah so and he was registered at the house that he was at so i found his last name and found him on instagram and followed him on instagram which i was like messaging my like big group chatted girlfriends from high school and i was like is it weird i mean like the world's ending so i guess it doesn't really

fucking matter but like should i follow him and they're like yeah send it just fucking do it so I followed him um and I messaged him I responded to one of his stories and he didn't read it like I think it probably went to his message requests um but yeah ever since ever since I followed him he's been fully avoiding me and I'm like I'm cute like yeah and I'm so accessible so like I don't know if they're and like all of our conversations I've been like really like swaggy you know I haven't been like hey like I've been like running the convo and like it's always a good conversation so I'm like do you have a girlfriend or like maybe you don't like girls I don't know but like I can't can't figure him out but that was probably like a like a good like

base level of snooping that I will go through to find a guy like reverse yellow gate I type it as a dress like that is that is that's creepy okay I will also say though since you live in the same neighborhood it wouldn't like he lives at the end of your street yeah it wouldn't be like completely shocking if your parents had like met each other and like you knew his last name from that totally not that weird yeah in my opinion I don't think so either but like I told I told the girls that I had done this and they were like the reverse yellow pages that's a lot that's some serious I don't even know that it existed until I was like I wonder if I could figure out like who's registered at the house but it's my landlord's brother-in-law's son so like there's and they

have different last names yeah so like there was I couldn't like search my landlord's last name it was it was just a whole thing but yeah so I figured out who he was and now he's avoiding me so that's good that's cool love making everyone feel uncomfortable in the neighborhood that's great um but I haven't I really haven't seen him for like a month now so I don't know if he's still there. So yeah, your turn. Um, the other sneaky thing I had done, uh, this was like right after I accepted my job in Seattle and I was about to move. Um, I had started moving in with my ex boyfriend and like I'd started moving in before I got this job and like most of my shit was there and um he also had me on his canary like camera so he had a camera like right when you would

like it was in his living room area because it could see most of his apartment so if someone broken this is going so if someone broke in like I would also get a notification but he put me on it so like um like he added me to the canary because like when I would just go over to his place like when he wasn't home or something um it would stop alerting him that like a stranger was in his house because it would just know from my phone that it was me um so it was on all the time and uh there was one time where his parents came over like this was like a few days before i was supposed to move to seattle and uh his parents had come over and then i replayed videos of them basically saying like that i wouldn't be successful in seattle oh my god what like

moving for my career is really selfish and stupid uh that i'd be coming home anyways you've never told me that that's i forgot about it honestly i forgot about it until anna reminded me oh my god and i was like oh shit i shattered if i heard that i wasn't surprised i remember just being annoyed i was just like fuck you guys bye i'm like moving and there's nothing you can do about it now with you yeah bitches i hope you're listening look at me now what the fuck i know they're not listening but i just want you like if you are listening i want you to know that i heard that conversation and and I'm killing it out here thanks yeah I'm doing I'm thriving um despite coronavirus I would say like in general like I'm I am happy I think coronavirus is something that

like none of us could have predicted or know how to navigate but you know but also I read this amazing poem the other day that was like um it was like why did your last relationship end and the poet says like i saw my relationship as a prison and she left for someone who saw her as a sanctuary why would you choose to be a prison damn whoa i said chillies yeah i mean he was my prison and then to her like i guess she doesn't seem that way and i also i don't know i'm so far removed from it now that i'm just like that's a lot of that's perspective yeah like i don't feel any type of way about it we were just weren't right for each other yeah i'm gonna let that one hang in the air first that's that's yeah wow wow yeah why would you

choose to be a prison when you could be someone else's sanctuary i think that that's i mean like a huge a huge part of that too like that's kind of with my ex like relationship is perspective yeah it really is well shit all right i'm i mean i'm i've changed a lot and he's allowed to change too so he needed to be with someone who uh would accept the way he needed to change and that was not me no it wasn't and you're better off because it wasn't you period he probably is too yeah probably both of us would have been miserable we don't care about him yeah if you're listening we don't care um i'm trying to think i think that the other creepy thing that i did was we've already talked about which was with texas but i mean like not everybody's listening every

episode so if you don't know the story of texas here it is again um i saw a guy at a mexican restaurant and i said out loud that's my soulmate turns out he wasn't but that's neither here nor there i was turned out he was not the one but for a moment in time he was absolutely my soulmate girl i would be so rich if like every guy i thought was a soul my soulmate and wasn't i mean like i think like i think chris evans is my soulmate but you know i'm wrong about that too i watched a video of chris evans playing piano is it was it chris evans he's captain america yeah he was playing piano and he just kept like looking at the camera and smiling while he was playing piano and i felt it in my soul i'm like i will marry this man but okay so texas chris evans is

the number one chris the ultimate no doubt in my mind yeah chris hemsworth is a close second though okay continue so texas i saw him at a mexican restaurant i said hello to my friends that's my soulmate and then he left and i was like if i'm meant to cross paths with him again i will i saw him on hinge um months later he never liked me back but on his hinge was a picture of him posted on um men who men that read hot men hot men reading yeah something like that reading yeah guys with books something like that yeah and so he never liked me back but i i internalized that little piece of information because i was like maybe he's not on hinge turns out he was and he just didn't like me back but that's also neither here nor there so I scrolled through the

hot dudes reading Instagram page back to 2017 this was in 2020 so that was a lot of scrolling found his name saw that we had a mutual friend his Instagram was private but I memorized his last name as well found him on LinkedIn saw how accomplished he was he went to Yale he like he like ran he worked at a clinic because he thought he was going to be a doctor he worked to the clinic in like Bolivia or crazy like that and um I was convinced that I was gonna marry this man so I followed him a few months later when I realized that he was not going to like me back on hinge and we just started talking and it was like so fun and we facetimed once and there was zero sparks but he wanted me to go and see him in Texas because he had moved to Texas and it was like it

was a whirlwind romance that never became romantic um but going to that length of like finding this like obscure Instagram page that he was tagged in and like knowing that his friends were going to tag him in the comments so I could find him that way was probably my my best work yet I was proud of I was proud of that my dad I told my dad this story and he was like what the what the fuck like you are you are actually out of your mind but like if this was my person you're like dad this just means the fbi should hire me they're really missing out on an opportunity honestly we could be an amazing duo fbi we know that you're listening hire us we know you're listening let us yeah let us find you yeah people because like we'll find them in a few

seconds just look through some instagram comments we'll figure it out um what was i gonna say oh remember when uh you looked up twitter bay and recorded his linkedin profile for me yeah and his website yeah go through his website yeah that was so fun oh my god i was like and then you also had like ariana grande playing in the background i was like this is on brand okay i forgot i had her yeah it's one of my favorite songs oh my god we are a we're a good tag team uh-huh two air sign a libra and a gemini up to no good oh yeah i mean we will find all your secrets if you've met if you met a guy at a bar and you know his first name and his hair color hit us up on twitter we'll find him we'll find him for you we'll we'll search his have you ever

like searched someone's username and then like a phrase on twitter you're like i need to find out if you're a piece of shit that's did you say the n-word at some point i need to know find it yeah if you did i'm not interested yeah i'm not looking for you to get canceled when we're two years into a relationship i'm gonna cancel you right away yes i'll do the word i want to cancel you off the bat cancel off the bat hashtag cancel off the bat okay so Amelia and I are constantly trying to figure out how we should end our episodes because it's just a trial and error situation you know we both we want it to be fun yeah we want to a b test our endings a b c we're at c now so this I feel like goes along with a theme that we've had for the past few weeks the question is

my fool my foolproof recipe for mending a broken heart oh yeah whoa fuck okay i've actually been talking a lot about this on tiktok because like i think a lot of people run into um ruminating on the sadness and i do that like i allow myself too much time to wallow and like what is too much time so I was talking to my therapist about this and she said allow yourself to feel sad but allow yourself to feel other things too is what she says and I when she said that I was like well duh but then I'm like no I don't fucking do that like I don't do that I when I'm sad I like lean into the sadness so with that said when I am feeling extra sad I try to not there's so many levels of this and like it's it would take like five episodes to

talk about so at the most basic level like allowing yourself to feel sad allowing yourself to like experience the sadness because when you push down being sad if you're like nope I'm just not gonna think about it I'm just I'm just gonna like go on with my day there's something called the ironic process theory which is a psychology thing but it's says that when you try to ignore your thoughts or you try to actively stop yourself from thinking about things you're more likely to think about it so like why not just like let yourself think about it but let yourself feel other things too so like going on a walk and like being mindful of like the smells you can smell and like what the what the wind feels like and how like the ground feels on your feet and blah blah

blah there's like a grounding aspect of it that helps me and that's not like the recipe per se but like starting to practice those things of honoring how you're feeling in the moment and not like trying to mask it by doing xyz because that's what I was doing for a while I was like I'm fine everything's fine like if I can masquerade around like I'm getting drunk every weekend with my friends and like I'm like flirting with all these guys at this bar then like maybe if I can look happy I'll be happy and that's not how it works that's just like shoving shit into the closet and hoping that it doesn't overflow and like it started to overflow for me and like I was pissed to myself for not doing the work so like i would say at the most basic level answer for this like

picking up the sadness and dealing with it but not wasting your life dealing with it there's stuff that you can do you can like you know do self-care and that's so important but like none of it matters if you're not working through the shit that you need to work through i also feel like we totally overgeneralize self-care as being like and then you put on a clay mask and then you take a bath and drink a glass of wine and that's self-care ladies it's like no that's a band-aid for how anxious i am truly feeling and why totally like self-care is also absolutely going to a therapist and going to a psychiatrist and um being honest with yourself about how you're feeling self-care has become so buzzy and like i really didn't start dealing with my heartbreak

until I started honoring it and like I was for four for a year I was like if I just don't think about it it's gonna be fine and like let's just like make everybody think that I'm okay and I didn't even realize that I was doing that so how like I just once I really started dealing with it I was angry at myself for not doing it sooner which is not a productive emotion but like I was still like why didn't I just allow myself to feel it before this is a good thing and also if you have any other ways for us like that would be interesting for us to wrap episodes oh yes let us know we'll be fun we want to tell us your stories ask us questions yeah we could go back to our roots if you have any like fun stories to tell us i think we have more of a listener

base now that's so true maybe we should open up the survey monkey again yeah and like haters gonna hate that's true fuck it i do love a good hater me too makes me feel people are listening important yeah deb please don't send us yeah we were actually very sensitive yeah but also i fucking hate away you're probably shitty yeah it's a reflection on you not us okay um yeah all right thanks for listening we missed you we missed you Thank you.