The Hoely Hour - E199 Math for Dudes Who Rock

Episode Date: September 13, 2024

What is the mathematical value of a high value man? Because the math ain't mathing. If Diet Pepsi is girlhood then womanhood is moving to Colorado during a quarterlife crisis. Is it worse to be a self-aware f-boy or an unaware f-boy? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

and you can't uh overlook a short king so to speak um welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com be nice to yourself i just started recording so you didn't hear the part where i wasn't being nice to myself so it doesn't count yeah it doesn't count yeah um that's science

that's women in stem be nice to yourself or uh don't record record the part where you're being mean to yourself it's like did a tree if a tree fell in the woods and no one was around to hear it didn't make a noise it's like that but with podcasting and that's why white men say everything that ever comes to their head on a podcast i feel like kind of cute you look really cute i feel like this haircut the haircut is very you are like yeah it's doing it's i feel like i found my my look yeah absolutely now when you sent the picture I was with our friend you know who she texted me later I'm saying like it's like a secret I just don't want to like you know air her out if she doesn't want to but I was like oh my god look at Liz's hair and like everyone that I was with was

like oh my god that's such a good color on her everyone was I love women dude women are the best in in your knitting circle yeah we had a knitting circle do you want to see what I'm making I do I would love to I'm going to talk about it on the podcast so the listeners know what we're working with here so i'm making a dress i'm going to my one of my best friend's weddings this weekend so i thought for the occasion i would make a dress you're making a dress to wear to a wedding yes oh so i need to make it a little bit longer but here looking cute here it is okay um all right do you wear something under it so no so um i'm gonna crochet little daisies to go on top of it like strategically and then i also bought like a sarong like the cut like this color

like a short sarong and i'm going to tie it around the waist and kind of make it like a multimedia moment but if it doesn't look good then i'm not going to do that but i'm going to give it a go yeah but i also bought um bring it back up just in case yeah you never know if this is gonna unravel everything i've ever everything i've ever made to wear has unraveled on me well and you i don't know if you're like me where it's like you know i mean it looks super cute um thank you but i don't know if you're like me where you just kind of have an outfit crisis oh yeah no i need when it comes down to it yeah so i always if i'm going to a wedding i always bring two options you gotta it's also gonna be pretty cold there so oh yeah it's gonna be like 60 degrees on the coast so it's

but it was a good uh exercise for me to make this yeah because i have not finished a project in so long i get so bored what's finishing a project i don't know it's just i've heard about it i've heard about the only one i've committed to yeah fuck and this will this ever be finished hopefully i i uh used the sewing machine i've been borrowing for the last two months but i finally used it and i learned to um stitch hell yeah and then i put it away and i haven't touched it how did you watch a youtube video i did nice i watched a few different tutorials to just get started and then i'll probably try making something pretty simple were they helpful the tutorials they were will you send me them because i can't find a helpful one yeah i saved them i love it i'm never on

youtube and i saved those um the crafty hour well while it's on my brain should we talk about addison ray please um so i like don't really even know anything about addison ray i know that she was like a tiktok dancer right yeah she kind of like took off how old is she she's young she's like 22 okay that's like yeah i figured she was like early 20s yeah um and i know she took off in like 2020 right yep yeah we're all locked down and she's doing little tiktok she had she started doing tiktok before um before the pandemic because somebody in her high school was like you should try this thing called tiktok like you're a really good dancer and she was like okay and she like made a video and then it blew up and that was the end of that but she was like big into the whole

like um she was dating this guy named bryce hall you've probably heard about him because he tries to box everybody but he um sucks and is not hot enough for Addison Rae and they were like a very tumultuous TikTok drama couple oh oh I love that you're giving me the lore oh yeah I'm like I have no I have no understanding who this person is she's awesome her mom and her dad were also like big into her like they were on her TikTok a lot and then they got a divorce and then her dad like went a little crazy and then her mom started dating um oh i i feel like i remember someone like like a different creator talking about this situation and how they felt bad for addison ray yeah it's embarrassing like your parents are fucking acting like teenagers who's that um

the tall skinny like rapper with the like the long blonde hair um machine gun killing no that's a good guess though thank you i described exactly him yeah yeah i'm like well i know that he does like more like pop punk music now but young gravy oh so young gravy has a thing for milfs and addison ray's mom started dating him and then addison ray's dad that was a bit was like dating all of these or like dating was making all of these tiktoks like trying to fight young gravy and addison ray's like trying to make like a this was during the time when she was trying to like get off of tiktok and like make a career she like started acting she like was really trying to move off of the app and her parents were like acting like children oh god i think that she's

i i do also remember seeing other commentary on how she's like she really has tried to not just monetize her her like internet fame but like like take that momentum and be strategic with it instead of continuing to like post on this platform and blah blah blah she's like okay i have some notoriety i'm gonna take this and explore other things like acting and singing or whatever totally um and she's had a good team behind her to help her do that yeah yeah and she it like i know that there's some criticism the criticism around like the demelios of like trying to have like a different product yeah constantly like the kardashians like they're like we're like the new kardashians but yeah they've kind of failed at that um and the comparison was just

that Addison Rae hasn't done that and she's like okay I'm gonna try and like make a career out of this because she recognized that like internet fame can be so unpredictable yeah and fast-paced so I was like oh that's interesting but um Amelia had told me to watch the Diet Pepsi music video so first I heard the song on TikTok and I was like oh okay what's this was it the dude dancing that you sent me was that the first time yeah that was my first exposure to it I was like I love this song and I will say I was a little high um so I was especially invested I was like oh my god I love how this guy is dancing I love that everyone in the comments of every type of sexuality is like hold on yeah that man are you single unifier yeah I was like no he's kind of

hitting all the marks you know he he is like muscular and has like maybe a little bit more traditionally like not masculine but you know how there's like that golden retriever boy look right now where they have like the mullet yeah the cut off sleeves uh-huh and a mustache and a trucker hat it's truly that i said i responded liz sent me this video and i was like this is the type type of dude that would have ruined my life three years ago and i would have loved it but the comment i liked the most was like i like that he's throwing it very demure very respectful like and he really that's like the perfect way to describe it and like his dancing was like it was pretty good and i was just like okay i can fuck with this what's his handle because i feel like people should know

yeah yeah let me have a lot of followers um he only has like 18 000 followers i was like this man should have he probably will 1.8 million i've been doom scrolling so it might take me a minute to find this just go to our messages oh that's way smarter i am a career doom scroller at hill underscore underscore clark c-l-a-r-k-e and then two underscores after that that's too difficult of a name his name is hill last name well maybe his name's clark it says his name's zach oh so anyways did i mishear you as a hill clark was his handle that's his handle oh weird um anyway continue on with your thought um so i heard the song and i was immediately locked in and then i looked it up on spotify and then i kept playing it on repeat and i was like i need

to watch this music video and i i will say i don't like i don't love the kind of like lolita of it all like oh losing my innocence in the backseat yeah yeah yeah i'm like um but i i when i was thinking about it more i'm like okay but she is an adult woman yeah so from that perspective it's like i was you know maybe i was adding too much meaning to it but i was like okay we've all been there when you're in your adulthood and you like meet someone that you're like really excited about like you're not in love with them but you're like excited to like see them and like hook up with hook up with them and just that feeling of like butterflies and like yeah it's like sexy and uncool at the same time yeah you know what I mean totally so I watched

the music video and I feel like she nailed it that kind of feeling perfectly like there's like I was like oh my god this woman is so hot so hot and um then when she was doing kind of like these silly cringe things I'm like it also can feel like that when you're hooking up with someone you have these moments where you're like like the feet in his face yeah yeah just and like just being just being silly and having fun with it and it's like yeah you can feel very uncool sometimes when you're like hooking up with someone especially when you don't know what you're doing yeah or you kind of haven't figured each other out yet yeah or like yeah it's like something you're trying to impress too and so like you kind of like forget how your body works been there yeah hooked up with

people that I was like too excited to be hooking up with um really need to take a breath the thing that made me especially want to talk about this though is I was when I was like looking up Addison Rae I was like okay I want to learn a little bit more here um there was an article about this song and then um the article was like yeah it's not very like poetic or sophisticated and like she's not necessarily talented and like it wasn't it was kind of like criticizing the song in a way where it's like yeah I wouldn't say this is like a good song but it's like definitely catchy yeah and then that pissed me off because I was like no no this song is girlhood you don't get it no like I think that I was putting a bunch of different pieces together I think that um there was like

rumors of Addison Rae being cast as Britney Spears in the biopic oh and so she has these photos on her Instagram of her and like the Minnie Mouse ears or Mickey ears or whatever like at Disneyland and um also I think she's shadow banned on Instagram because I couldn't find her I had to type you have to type in her handle exactly for her to come up that's shocking so well so she has this very sexual song um and then she's also like posting all of this stuff at Disneyland and with her like Disney like Mickey Mouse ears on and I was thinking like Disney is incredibly litigious yeah so I could see them absolutely going to Instagram and being like we don't want to promote this girl but we but she adds like something sexy to something that is kind of like

uncool which is being a disney adult you know what i mean totally but then also on the flip side of that like have you been seeing what jojo siwa has been doing all like all over instagram like she's she spent her 21st birthday at disneyland and like did like drink around the world did that whole thing and got like fucked up and was like posting a bunch about how like fucked up she was and like and she keeps going to disneyland and getting fucked up so it just feels like it's like if disney's gonna be if that is the case i wonder if disney's gonna be can be found like that yeah maybe yeah look her up yeah because i'm not following her well so there was that piece of it and then um uh this article criticizing

or like just not really getting it i was oh all of this to say like the britney spears thing i think she's kind of trying to align herself with that like idea and vision of her as Britney Spears yeah and um I think the song was part of that as well because if you think about it when was like the last time we've really had kind of like a straightforward sexual song like Spears was the pepsi girl and like early 2000s too like of i was thinking about toxic and genie in a bottle those are very like straightforward songs that are about they're i mean they're sexy they're about sex in some capacity i'm a genie in a bottle you got to rub me the right way dude yeah so christina um i was thinking that's all probably part of the strategy of having this kind of like

yeah early like early 2000s late 90s yeah just like a sexy like song for the girls to like get ready to and like feel yourself too yeah um and I think Sabrina Carpenter is also like kind of like I think Sabrina Carpenter I would say is more a more sophisticated and more talented version of that yeah but yeah um like with Addison Rae like definitely trying to break out of this like I'm a TikTok star totally persona or like image yeah I think that was all part of the strategy and that being said the song slaps it really does it's so good I texted Liz this but like I kind of hate watched it because like the first song of Addison Rae's that she's put out it was called like I'd be obsessed with me too or something or just like me too and it like it was like good it was fine

but like when i saw diet pepsi was the name of this song i was like this is gonna be so lame i thought it was gonna be like a lana del rey kind of moment you know and so i watched it kind of fully expecting to just like hate the song hate the video and i was like fucking hooked locked and like she she jumps she like changes keys at the end yeah i was a little confused at first when i was listening to it because i wasn't fully paying attention and then i was like did the song just switch what am i listening to so fucking good the more you listen to it you're like okay she's switching it up she's great you know the song that's like i want a bad bitch addison ray by kid leroy kid leroy is now dating tate mcrae but kid leroy's drummer was this guy

omer and i guess like him and addison started hanging out and when her and bryce hall broke up she started kind of dating jack harlow was the rumor and then once they stopped seeing each other she started dating omer and they've been together for like years and people are awful about it like about how like how is she dating somebody that looks like that she's like has said in her mom said in interviews like nobody's ever treated her this well like she's just he like worships her you know and people are like what the fuck are you doing with this guy the hair is an interesting choice the hair is an interesting choice you know but like look at how she looks at him like oh yeah you know what I mean so it's just kind of like this whole like I don't know I can't imagine how

he must feel having such like a 10 as a girlfriend be somebody that kind of like he's probably incredibly secure he must he must be but like what if he's not bothersome of like oh people are saying that I don't deserve to be in a relationship with you because I'm not attractive enough yeah that's fucked up super fucked let's take a beat and if you're the type of person who's saying something like that yeah you can only say that if they're also a shitty person yeah okay those are the rules you can't criticize what someone looks like unless they are a bad person yeah objectively bad person that feels like a good like donald trump looks like he's melting all the time he does he looks like he is a half melted chocolate bar and i think anybody could

agree with that and it's okay trump supporters and regular people alike we're allowed to say it because he is an objectively bad dude it really really bugs me when people make fun of short kings yeah you're just making fun of them because they're short there are so many short kings that are so fantastic and if you're gonna love someone it can't be for how tall they are either we need to could be a nice figure it out if you like a tall dude great awesome good for you you but you can't let the tallness um excuse anything no and a lot of tall dudes let their tallness excuse a lot of things and you can't uh overlook a short king so to speak um just because he's short what the hell yeah you could be missing out on something great yeah so i was thinking

about this last night when i was falling asleep and i was like i want to talk to liz about this and i don't actually know if it's a good thought starter but i want to hear your opinion on it okay do you think i love giving my opinion i and i love hearing your opinion do you think that it's worse so I'm going to use the example of like a player like a dude that plays girls do you think it's worse if a if he knows that he's a player and does it anyway or if he doesn't know that he's a player like if he doesn't recognize that what he's doing is bad do you think it's worse to know that what you're doing is bad or is it worse to not know what you're doing is bad that is such a complex question and let me let me walk you through my thinking

as you were explaining it so someone who is a player and does it on purpose they know that then i i'm gonna assume that there's some self-awareness there yeah there is some awareness that you are going to self-sabotage every relationship that you're in yeah um and i think someone who has that awareness has the potential to change whereas someone who is a player and they don't know that they're going to continue to project their own problems and how they feel about themselves onto whoever they are dating yep and they're gonna traumatize that person yep as a result so i mean either way i guess they're kind of traumatizing someone but i think that the way that they would approach being a player would be totally different

like i would think a self-aware player probably is like yep i fucked that up yeah and i'm just gonna stew about this internally also self-aware player is a great band name continue um so i think yeah they they would silently like grieve that to themselves and know that they're self-sabotaging but they would rather continue self-sabotaging because it's predictable um opposed to a player who is self-sabotaging because they're trying to prove something to themselves yeah and um and they're not aware that that's what they're doing exactly see it's like when i was thinking about this i was like both are bad like yeah a duck's a duck so that that

is like an obvious stipulation to keep in mind and also like if somebody knows that they're a player because i was thinking about this because it's like oh when there's like a kind of like a dickbag player and he like knows it there's something endearing about it because they can kind of like lean into it and be like yeah i'm kind of a piece of shit and it's like okay well at least you know yeah you know what i mean yeah but then i'm like no that's almost worse because it's like you're aware of it so fucking fix it you know versus somebody that doesn't it isn't aware that he's a player is a whole other kind of bad yeah because i almost think that's more dangerous to not know yeah totally yeah to be like in that much denial yeah like that's why i think

maybe the first one is better a little like mildly because of the potential to change because of the level of self-awareness and i think if they hurt someone enough they would be like oh fuck okay i need to kind of work on this and rein it in or yeah i think that if they met someone who really like was someone that they wanted to change for not not because that person wants them to change for them you know what i'm saying yeah they meet someone and then they're like oh fuck i want to be different yeah i saw i think i sent you a tiktok of a of a guy making jokes like that he's like have you ever met a girl who like uh you want to like get health insurance for like like you want to get your life together for someone he's like have you ever met a shorty so bad that you want

to like start putting money into your 401k like you want to start planning for a future because you don't want to die anymore was more or less I love that I thought it was pretty funny the like bottom line of all of that is like dating somebody that makes you want to be better you know just in a funnier way but that is like I think you know the hope and dream that's I think why everybody thinks that they can change a guy because it's like no I could be the one that like makes him want to be better change him you can only change if you're ready to change um okay so i have something kind of similar to explain it to explain to you um so there's this subreddit that i found it's called nice girls and it's the equivalent of nice guys oh no you know

just like high value woman bullshit um i mean i support women's rights and wrongs but yeah um i i'm gonna read you this like dating app exchange between a man and a woman okay so first i'm gonna start as the girl i'm gonna change some voices okay i'm sorry then i would be happy to go out with you most guys don't necessarily mean a date they mean netflix and chill or maybe a cup of coffee and then he says i mean a cup of coffee can be a date first dates are just getting to know each other right doesn't have to be over the top or anything and she says well a cup of coffee just doesn't make it seem like you care much about making a first impression in my opinion oh my god and then he says i mean i like to judge people based on how they act opposed to where they take

me what qualifies as caring to you and she said lol okay if you're gonna play that and can't even go bowling or to or go to dinner and you're going to make me feel materialistic and guilty about it I guess I'm not interested oh my god girl I think he's already not interested you know he said that's fine dating me is not about impressing you it's about getting to know you I hope you find what you're looking for and she says yeah but if you valued the person you're going out with maybe you'd want to try and make a decent impression or do something they want to do but clearly you're broke or just cheap and want to make me feel guilty about it and then he says your responses have shown me exactly how much i should value you because you clearly only value me for my money

or for money yeah i don't think he i don't know if he has a lot of money um we don't have any other context and she says that's not true again thanks for trying to make me feel bad because you can't afford a normal date i guess you think dinner or bowling is too far out of budget i'd hardly think dinner at longhorn or a night at the bowling alley is just wanting you for money sorry i'm not pretty enough or worth a regular date and then he said honestly you actually are pretty or are really pretty i'm just not comfortable with locking myself into two plus hours with someone i've never met yeah yeah and then she said guess you looked at me and thought well i'll meet her but nothing that'll cost me more than five dollars she's not skinny enough

for that oh and so as i'm reading this thread because i was like this is kind of long but i'll I'll read it like she just she just outed herself so so egregiously of like how she actually feels about herself and this is like a prime example of someone projecting their own insecurities onto someone else and creating she's creating a situation that is predictable so she can be like see I'm right which is exactly what incels do exactly yeah they they like come in hot they come into this situation thinking you're gonna like you already hate them and it's like why are you why are you acting like but i don't even know you you know this guy doesn't even know her it's so counterproductive i hate that and she comes in hot so she already says to me i'm seeing her say

like i don't think i'm worth this because i i don't think i don't think i'm worth anything um because i'm not pretty enough i'm not skinny enough that's how she's measuring her worth and she's she's monetizing it she's making this transactional like you'll pay for a date if i'm pretty and thin enough for you and like projecting her insecurity on this poor unsuspecting guy and he sounds he has so much patience like yeah i'm like he seems like super normal and reasonable yeah um and she says oh so you just don't want to spend time with me i'm not worth the time wow okay that hurts even worse thanks yeah he said it literally had nothing to do with your looks coffee or drinks at a bar are my go-to first dates because either person can leave anytime

they're ready we've said that here before i never go to dinner for a person wow so you're just gonna dip in and dip out sounds like i'm really valuable like okay she's ugly so i don't want to be seen with her for too long 15 minutes and i'm out you really know how to hurt a girl's feelings just like your brother because i think like there's no other context other than um i think that maybe this guy and his brother matched with this girl uh i don't know you might have better luck with women if you try to show them that there's some kind of importance and worth an hour of your time but unfortunately you have decided i'm too fat and ugly oh my god completely worthless luckily i'm also suicidal so it all works out what makes things much better bye and then he says honestly

i totally get why my brother dipped out now he said that to her dude yeah i mean like what the fuck was any of that i love that she pulled out the suicide card at the end that i mean that is the most brain dead shit crazy that makes me like physically hurt uh-huh like well so so now like isn't it crazy to watch this i mean we see men do it way more often in their dating profiles but it is crazy to see like what an echo chamber can create combined with low self-esteem yep like and not even just low self-esteem i think it's deeper than that and by low self-esteem i mean like really internalized self-hatred to the point where you are like projecting it onto other people yeah and then you're creating situations where people are going to react predictably

where you say things that are mean and hurtful and out of pocket because you want them to be like no i'm so sorry yeah and so you have that little that's momentary high of being like okay like they they care yeah totally totally but then also it's like it's so childish the echo chamber that you're talking about too is like you know i'm sure that she's getting information being like no like you're worthy of men's time and like they need to fucking know it which is like yeah like if he's not paying for the first date he ain't worth shit yeah it's just like there's just toxic femininity is a real thing i know it's it's and i do each other i they totally do they totally do i think that um yeah they both perpetuate each other and in that in that circumstance i'm like then y'all are kind

of perfect together yeah you'll hate each other forever yeah honestly yeah i just i i don't know it's like um some of the comments one of them was like what makes her think that she's so special that she's like deserving of all of this and then i did reply and i was like i don't think she thinks she's special at all yeah i think that she hates herself yeah i mean that's someone who thinks they're special is not going to be bothered if someone like doesn't want to spend money on them yes yeah also a complete stranger yeah you don't need to convince your your worth to you don't need to convince someone else of your worth if you actually feel like you're worth something which is sad you know like i don't know the most like me at my most confident was me giving the less

the least fucks possible you know like in how i interacted with people well and you don't really like you don't internalize other people's decision making as like based on your value your perceived value who gave them that power yeah they they haven't they didn't earn it you know it's just it's it's sad that's really sad but I thought it was worth sharing just like because because I feel like a conversation like that like it's out of pocket enough but it's also common enough like you don't even need to be a woman to be yeah seeing shit like this you know yeah totally yeah and it makes sense to see stuff like that too like to put in context of a lot of the shit that i see dudes saying just like on their profiles which is what i mean they're

perpetuating each other into this like they're it's just we're digging ourselves a deeper and deeper hole i wanted to talk about your video did you post it today it was i commented on it yeah that was today um uh what did the guy say on his profile he was talking about like i'm looking for an unused woman that one yeah yeah and like somebody that like doesn't cope with alcohol for like because like used women all cope with alcohol like everybody's had 500 plus bodies by the time they're 18 and they have like 100 more a year it was i just want to talk about the logic of this of like okay so you think that you're like a super special guy but any woman who's been with any who's dated any other man before you has less value how are you more valuable than these other

men don't you fucking love dudes yeah like if dudes rock right then logically the math ain't mathing yeah you know the more dudes the better in your head yeah the more dudes the better should be the math yeah but if so then it's like okay if you and someone break up she now has less value because she dated you yeah so is your assigned value like a negative like a net negative like yeah i i need a cost it's a cost on the spend sheet i i just i need a chart to understand yeah um could you fuck women like could women fuck other women to gain that value back that's what i would like that's a good question um that's a good question in cells right in let us know if there's like yeah you know are there are is there a point system involved because yeah make

us aware of it it would be better for everyone if we knew what point system you were working off of i just that's what i want to know yeah it's like okay all other men um ain't shit but you are worth a million yeah man points right i don't know i think their whole thing is like virgins that's weird we need to stop it's really weird it's we need to stop hyper focusing on virginity yep because you can't just like meet a girl and then she's a virgin and you expect her to know everything yeah we've been talking about the madonna horror complex for literally like centuries yeah you know yeah it's part of like greek mythology it is it like if you think about how fucking weird it is to focus so much on who's had sex and who hasn't it's it's a weird thing

to put that much importance on it it's icky it's it's creepy just i feel like weird you're you're you're starting to play with like pedophilia at that point you're you're you're being a little bit of a pedophile yeah because i was like i'm imagining them meeting like a 30 year old woman who's a virgin yeah you'd be like ew yeah totally yeah it's like oh nobody's had sex nobody's fucked you yet you haven't been worthy of it's like well i'm saving myself for the perfect man yeah which is what you want us to fucking do but it's not you it's never gonna be enough there speaking of it's never gonna be enough and then because i feel like if i don't if i don't stop myself talking about this it will be another hour that we talk about this but there was another video that i

posted yesterday i posted on instagram because it got taken off of tiktok because i hashtagged big poopy butt baby in it big poopy butt baby in my video that's hilarious but this dude was saying like like women should not be nice to other men when they're dating a guy that's some insecure bullshit don't be don't be polite to men your man doesn't want you to be polite to other men and i was like we're a bitch if we're not nice and we're a whore if we're nice like which one is it also why is he that is not true yeah if you were if you tried to bring your girlfriend out in public and she was an absolute bitch to everybody you encountered every man you encountered that would be embarrassing yeah you don't want that no no i just i don't know i it's it's insane

to see how some people think yeah you know and think is like a that's like a very that's a generous term and do they actually believe those things I don't know which is what got me thinking originally about this like is it worse to know that you're a bad person or is it worse to know or to not know is it worse to know if you're a bad that you're a bad person and still do it when you're sharing this shit or is it worse to share this shit and not know that it's bad you know what I mean that's where this thought process started for me like I was watching that video of that guy saying like don't be nice to other men and i'm like what if deep down somewhere in himself he believes this and doesn't know that it's a bad take does it make it better that he's

saying it no i don't think he's actually logically thought about what that would look like in a day to day situation it's a lot of work for one brain cell like what would your life realistically look like if you were with someone who is incredibly combative with men yeah not great like anywhere you go people would be like oh he's bringing his fucking girlfriend this girl never fucking talks it's really weird yeah she just sits there and stares i just i don't know yeah like are you just is this rage bait or are you actually this fucking stupid you know i think it's the latter unfortunately i think that there's a mix just so many stupid people out there um we got a listener your email okay that i want to read to you and discuss with you okay should i be scared no okay

the subject is worried about running into my ex oh hi ladies i wanted to ask you if you think seattle is a big enough city to not run into your ex i dated a guy in college who was from seattle i visited him in seattle one summer and i loved the city our relationship was tumultuous at best we were off and on for three years and even after college we would go through spurts of texting each other continuing to be in contact was hard for me because i love him but he either doesn't love me or doesn't understand how to love me the way i want to be loved i finally told him i needed us to not be in contact anymore because it was too taxing on me to not be talking to him sorry it was too taxing on me to be talking to him lately i've been wanting to move out of florida for what

i feel like are obvious reasons preach you won't have any rights yeah um i want to move north where there are seasons i also love hiking i also preferred living close to a big city as i've been looking at places to live i keep thinking i should move to seattle because i loved it when i visited but then i get stressed out over the idea of being close to my ex and running into him he moved back to seattle after college am i being dumb by avoiding moving to a place i liked because i don't want to run into my ex or am i being smart and healthy by avoiding moving to where my ex lives thanks for your input ladies sincerely stressed well we're gonna have a real honest internal check-in moment real quick do you maybe want to run into him a little bit maybe do you

want to be in seattle so you can run into him maybe maybe that's like a little piece of that i i mean seattle fucking rocks yeah i would love to see it my take on this is okay first of all something i've learned in therapy is the anticipation of the thing is always always worse than the actual thing the idea of seeing your ex is big and scary and awful but you your healing process that you've done you've done that healing you can't undo that healing like it's going to be okay if you see him yeah and i have i went to high school here and i see someone from high school like every so often like very very rarely and there's like 450 people in my graduating class and i like basically never see any of them so like seattle's a big city i never saw the guy i

dated the one guy i like officially i've never i think i saw him walking out of a restaurant once years after we stopped seeing each other and our breakup was pretty amicable yeah but still you're like oh it sucked to see him totally it's a fucking i'm always scared i'm gonna see my ex he lives in a different city yeah it's scary but it's always it's going to be okay if you do and the first time you see him will probably be the worst and then every time after that it'll be easy you also might not even see you might not even see him i think it also depends on like what's he up to you know yeah you would have to be prepared to like you have to have some sort of mental preparation of like okay let's make a plan what am i gonna do when i see him how am i gonna

react am i gonna ignore him am i gonna politely say hi yep um what what would i what would i realistically do yeah if i ran into my ex yeah um and i think at least thinking about it and having a plan is really helpful totally um but i i mean i don't think you need to worry about like going out and potentially running into someone if you did it would be such like a crazy like universe like simulation fluke like truly i there are so many people that i just never see that i live like a street away from you know like it's how the world works is and also it's a big city to to be honest i think if you if you know what neighborhood he lives in you should move into not that neighborhood and you'll probably never see him that's so true you know but even then literally

it's such a pain in the ass to get around here yeah it really is like oh i'm i don't want to go out oh you want to go out on capitol hill that's kind of far yeah that's so then i have to figure out how to get home that's so real can we just go out near our house near our houses that's so true yeah i find a little mutual meeting point it is if you yeah that's a good if you know the neighborhood that he lives in there are probably much better neighborhoods yeah it's pretty unlikely that you'll run into him but i mean if you're also like i don't know like i don't know what the situation is like if this person already has a job lined up or like they can live anywhere yeah with their job their current job or something or if they're just looking for

somewhere else to move you could also consider portland yeah it's very similar portland i think it's a little weirder yeah in a bad way yeah it's i wouldn't say it's as clean but they definitely take care of their unhoused better than seattle does yeah that's what i'll say that's like i mean that's a good that's good advice colorado if you want to be in the pacific northwest yeah i don't know i feel like i feel like colorado um has a lot of people who are having like a quarter-life crisis so i don't know i mean if you're having your quarter-life crisis colorado's great listen put a few put put a couple of blue streaks in your hair move to colorado get a septum ring yeah get a well you could also just get a lot of people are getting the fake septum

yeah you haven't been wearing yours i can't find it did you snort it up into your nose is it in your brain no i think it uh might have fallen out somewhere but okay um anyway yeah get get a fake septum ring put a couple blue streaks in your hair go to colorado for your quarter life crisis yep um meet a fuck boy at a brewery and it's all it's all uphill from there fuck a fuck boy at a brewery fuck it and then when you're done with your quarter life crisis you can move to seattle with your um brewery boyfriend yeah or girlfriend yeah or just come to seattle yeah or just come to seattle because it is never going to be as bad as you think that it is yeah that's true that's my bottom line but i think it's good to mentally prepare yourself for all things

absolutely you're being smart thinking about it like the fact that you're like thinking through these things is smart like the last question you asked is are you being dumb by avoiding moving to a place because you don't want to run into them i don't think it's dumb i think that that's like a normal common thing that people are afraid of doing yeah i think you need to get really clear in yourself of like okay do i genuinely only want to move to seattle because i love it or is there a little piece of me that's like oh if i move there i'll run into him because it sounds like you know a tumultuous relationship that can be really like you have an emotional pull with this person now yeah there's some soul ties there yeah let's let's do a ritual should we give some prescriptive

advice yeah a final note yeah okay my prescriptive advice you're gonna do um a ritual oh my god to cut the soul ties oh yeah with this guy and then you're gonna move whether it's here or portland or colorado or none of the above um maybe vermont just get out of florida just i think vermont's cute get out of florida yeah get out of florida um go somewhere where you have more rights yeah and then uh what else what other advice go to go to therapy hell yeah just as a safety net yeah why not it's just nice to have a therapist to talk to i mean we're all pro therapy here yeah yeah i do think that there's also like moving despite being afraid of doing it is like such a fucking act of defiance i love moving hell yeah but specifically moving to a place that you're

like i love this place but i'm a little scared there is no like better like strong act than just doing it you know like you're making a decision for yourself and you're not putting him at the center of your healing with this place like this place is not his and i know you're not saying that because you're just afraid of running into him but like fucking do it yeah i'm honestly if you run into him you should buy a lottery ticket because like the odds are low you know what i mean that's my advice he's gonna be at the airport yeah when they get when they land it's gonna be on your flight for some reason why was he in florida i don't know probably fighting against people's rights no he was looking for her i don't know if this is she her they them sure

he him it doesn't specify that they yeah anyway thanks for writing in yeah we love you i hope that was helpful i hope it i hope it was i mean i'd be lying if i said like a small part of me doesn't like wish that I would run into someone I used to date you know that's now there's actually only one person that I'm like I would just like to catch a glimpse but I don't want to ever have a conversation I there are some people I would love to run into and some people that I would rather scoot my eyeballs out with a spoon than ever see again you know what I mean but like I said I know it's not gonna be as bad as I think it's gonna be if it does happen I think I only have maybe like two exes if i ran into them i would just be like oh what's up yeah hope you're

doing well i guess i don't really consider them let's continue not talking dude update yeah you i feel like you more like casually dated yeah and i know i was like relationship or bust you know for sure yeah it does it changes things a little bit when it's just kind of like a yeah we like tried it for a second they're like no workout yeah for the people that you casually dated you haven't really run into any of them have you i don't think you've run into any of them no i don't think i have and so let that be another piece of evidence i think there's a lot of people you've lived here a long time i've never seen any of them you've seen everybody on the dating apps yeah i mean you've seen them their profiles not that you've met them in person

i think you'll be fine move to seattle yeah get seasonal depression i wonder if there's a place i don't know why i tied a bow on it like that is there is there a city where people are like yeah the dating is great here no i feel like that it's always everyone's always like that dating in seattle sucks i'm like i think dating anywhere seems like it sucks yeah i thought the dating in seattle was great they're like their own flavor of suck yeah and the only thing i had to compare it to was dating in vegas and that shit especially sucked yeah there's a very specific type of person there uh-huh and yeah you don't want to date them i would think dating in new York would be like the best place ever to date but like it's apparently one of the worst but

there's so many people and they all have very good jobs well it also sounds like everybody is uh maybe kind of flaky I think that is more of I don't know it feels like like a symptom of our generation yeah I mean that's also why I don't flake out on things yeah I'm like no we're gonna we're good we're doing we're gonna do the thing and um if you keep canceling then I never want to meet you now now we're just now we're just going on we're just vamping well i was gonna say someone wrote in about the the court of thrones and roses series that i was reading yeah and by reading i mean listening to and they said um you know i think it's fair that they said that they disagreed with some of my takes on sarah j mass's writing i as i got further in her writing definitely

was more appealing to me oh good practice makes perfect yeah and uh the author of the email had also said that she thought i would like the last book the most a court of silver flames and i did i loved it a lot of people told me that and i just wanted you to know i did love it and i had read your email right after i finished it and i actually did cry when i was done reading it because i was like well now what do i do oh yeah i've been invested in this series and now now now my little hobby's done that's why i don't read i get attached to you i don't like i was like i'm just kidding i just get bored can all of them be about the older sister i did i did feel like they tried to cram a lot into the last like 100 pages and there was like

a few loose ends where i was like wait why did they why why was this like something that they told us and then they never made anything is it definitely the last one she's just not right no there's gonna be more oh i mean it's like a series and there's like a whole universe there's other series that like overlap with this universe i don't know wow that's complex people have tried to convince me to get into some of the other series and i'm like i don't know i need i need some time yeah i understand before i jump into another series right it's like a relationship well and i get really i hyper focus on it and i get like consumed by it and then i'm not very productive so i can't i can't like get invested in a series unless i have some time yeah unless

i'm on vacation yeah i get that i get it all right should we wrap this up let's do it thank you so much for listening oh my god oh my god no but actually thank you for listening we love you so much we talk about you all the time behind your back we tell our friends about you yeah we do and it's all nice things like oh my god did you know that our listeners like are all hot so fucking cool and all really hot and they they're they're especially hot when they write into us yeah the most attractive people write emails that's just that's just a fact this is that's just science um all right would you like to start us off uh yeah tune in next week for our 200th episode oh my god i know we're epi 200 oh my goodness we gotta do something fun i i don't

want to sing because mr liz is behind i'll sing okay we love you our chip that's so perfect oh my god that's my mom's text tone that she picked for herself i like that our children thank you so much Oh, oh, oh, yeah