The Hoely Hour - E202 Second Wife Energy

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

Liz and Amelia open up the mailbag and discuss a potentially shady boyfriend, and an absolutely shady ex boyfriend. We love hearing from y’all please never stop you are our lifeblood and we love you amen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Wear this at work. Wow them. Blow them out of the water. Blow them. You know, it depends on what I'm wearing. Yeah, it depends on what your job is, really. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour. I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sampson.

And I'm on Instagram and TikTok at LizBallSoHard. You can also watch us on YouTube or listen ad-free on Patreon at patreon.com slash theholyhour. Check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holyhourpodcast at gmail.com. We're back after a long time off. Oh, so your hair looks amazing. I haven't seen you. Thank you so much. Your hair looks so good.

Thanks. Our girl really, really knocked it out of the park. Yeah. Yeah. this this look on you is phenomenal I'm gonna describe it since this is an audio medium I love this um Amelia has it's it's like a 70s chic it's like a more modern 70s kind of like long hair with some flowy layers and the curtain bangs I feel like curtain bangs were made specifically for you thank you so much when God came up with curtain bangs he was like Amelia girl my god

Amelia Sampson will love these curtain bangs. You are speaking my language. Oh, my God. No, I'm really happy with how it turned out. Yeah, it looks so good. And then she went, she's a little bit darker. Yeah, it's a dark mahogany. Yeah, that looks so good on you.

Thank you so much. I might need to bring you in again with me. No, I'm like, are our hair colors similar? They are very similar. I think mine has more red undertones to it. Yeah, I think, because I pull red, so I was like, I would like if it's ashier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. And I feel like I, I don't know.

but now you're making me want to change my mind that's how i every time i see anyone do their hair i'm like maybe i should shave my head yeah you know someone shows up with a buzz cut i'm like that's what i'm gonna go to the hair salon right now i need that i would love to feel the wind on my scalp um but thank you i'm really happy with how it turned out i was so done with the journey that i was on my hair had picked up i like was using color deposit shampoo and the dark shampoo that I had had like blue undertones in it and it pulled my like blonde pieces green so I had like green streaks in my hair and it also might have been the chlorine in my water it might have been like a a mixture of things a perfect storm okay perfect shit storm and uh I was just I was like

nobody will notice but then I went to a wedding and people were like did you dye your hair green like i'm going to yeet myself like no it's olive off of the roof yeah it's ever heard of it ever heard of a little thing called olive it's ash toned yeah it was time so i'm really happy with how it turned out it looks it looks phenomenal thank you i love it i'm really into the dark thank you so much me too perfect look for you thank you um when i was talking to our hair girl her name's summer um we love her at vein uh but i was telling her like oh yeah i think Amelia might hit you up again um she was saying she wanted to use a hair color remover she's been doing a lot of stuff to her hair and she was like yeah tell her not to do that yeah I was like two

seconds away from doing it I'm so glad you said something yeah I was I'm glad that you did I have so many layers of color on my hair I I was just like I don't think that will make things better I actually think you should just let her assess it I was I had been in a crisis with my hair since like march you know so i'm happy to be out of it and here we are let us pray hi gatsby oh nope too much attention sorry well no i kept moving his oh his sitting situation that's fine you know he'll come back they always come back because i keep looking at my shrimp shaped body in the camera what do you mean shrimp shaped have you seen a little shrimp before i'm just hunched over i saw someone call it corporate prawn posture that's amazing totally is corporate i'm gonna

try and sit up straight have you seen like the the video on tiktok about the the girl that got like a like your office look is about to change email from revolve and it's like ball gowns and shit and like no that's your dresses it's like what where are where do these people work i think it was just a broken link but it was funny um well i wonder if it was also like uh sending you things that you've looked at oh yeah it's like your office would love these it's like lingerie they absolutely would yeah wear this at work wow them blow them out of the water blow them you know depends on what i'm wearing yeah depends on what your job is really um anyway what the fuck uh we're recording really late we're yeah we're releasing on

patreon tomorrow so i'm gonna i'm gonna we're recording on wednesday edit the the speedy daylights out of this so and that's on me that's on me i i was a crazy week yeah i was at a four day bachelorette party in mexico which fucking rocked it was so fun so much fun dude um and then i came back to the busiest week i've had at work in an incredibly long time why does that always happen i don't know it's like well and it wasn't like it's because there wasn't someone there to fill in for me it was just that it's a crazy busy week and so now i'm trying to catch up on like like even last week was was very busy yeah um so i was trying to catch up on the two days that i missed i was like surely nothing that serious will happen um but it was just a lot of requests

for that only i could fulfill um so i was trying to catch up on that on monday barely she's important actually i am kind of important yeah and it's because there's no one else there with my job title so i'm the only one who can do what i'm doing that's important i mean it is she's important i'm like you know what i think i'm building a strong case to um get another one of me yeah yeah just get some kind of help yeah in the future that'll change your life yeah it will we're both wearing green pants i just noticed oh i love that me too wearing green pants sleepy girl core yeah i'm all about it um i feel at home i i'm done with that that uh sentiment of work okay you know great period yeah period i started writing a children's

book last week it's so good you guys it's so good i'm so excited about i made my own font did i tell you that no i really wanted i wanted to be so it's about like a wonky christmas tree so i really wanted it to be like wonky handwriting but I didn't want to handwrite the whole thing because it's like it just took so much work and I didn't like how it looked so I made a font out of my handwriting I'm so excited about it and I started illustrating it can I show you absolutely we have four pages so I would love nothing more I'm so excited about you will you give me a signed version yeah absolutely stop oh my god look what app is that illustrator adobe oh my god isn't it cute look at the font i'm really excited about the font this is so cute did you tell uh

the friends that have the um i did and they didn't realize that i was like actually serious about it I like sent them so I wrote this story about this Christmas tree that my friends get every year that they call tippy and I like I wrote a long poem about it like as a children's book and sent it to them and they were like oh my god this is so good like ah you're amazing but then like didn't think that I was gonna do anything with it so I sent them like the storyboards so far and tippy's a work in progress it's like my second rendering of him it's so cute but I i just love how long he just looks like a little dummy he's just a little cutie uh and they were like oh my god you're like actually serious about doing this that's fucking crazy so now they're

like like amped about it which is cool and my mom's editing it to fix the meter because she's also a writer i'm really excited about it i don't know all right children's books quit my job i'm not gonna quit my job now i'm like really scared now i have this new client i'm like no i love my I love my job. I'm not quitting. I'm not quitting. I'm not quitting. I'm not quitting.

But yeah. So that's been what I've been doing when you were at your fun bachelorette party. Oh my God. You like started a whole business. Yeah. You know, you get enough Adderall in me and I'll fucking. You know what? If you get too much Adderall in me, I'm just going to kind of fall apart.

I think my eyeballs would explode. Should we do? We got a lot of emails. Yeah. Let's do the emails. okay sick i'll pull up a letter you're singing it this time oh i am oh my god liz hates i think you just no i don't you yes you always edit it out you're allowed to hate it no you sing the mail you sing the mail song oh they are two different songs yeah yeah because we just got

a letter is shorter we just got a letter that's true i wonder where it's from here's the mail never fails it makes me wanna wag my tail when it comes i wanna wail it feels good it just feels good is that from us is that yeah oh my god steve was it steve was the first host yeah yeah yeah he's on tiktok now and he made a video i did see that oh my god he's like how have you been yeah you just sat there and listened and i was i i bawled you're like not great steve yeah i'm not doing great it's been really fucking bad since you left blue's clues thanks for fucking asking i mean maybe that's where it all started it might have been the darkest timeline happened when steve left blue's clues we're gonna make sure clip that yeah

oh man okay all right so we got this email the subject line is am i overthinking the answer is probably yes but i um who doesn't all the hot girls do it okay it's true hi i was wanting your opinion on something so my boyfriend 24 and i 20 have been together for over a year now to preface we've had a really great relationship the communication aspect of it has been really good and i trust him more than anything he's recently been going to the gym pretty regularly and his membership comes with the ability to bring a free guest anytime he goes I went with him the first time but it's not really something I enjoy doing together much I have heart issues and can't keep up so I prefer to do my own thing he works at a climbing gym and he's pretty into climbing

himself he told me that he was bringing a friend who was a regular at work with him to work out one day I didn't think too much of it we hang out the next day and he was telling me about it and was saying she and I go oh I didn't realize it was a girl he replies oh yeah but it's okay you have nothing to worry about she's 18 I was confused at first then he explained that he would never be interested in someone younger than myself and it's a and it's in a public place and whatnot we've talked about our age ranges we're comfortable with when it comes to dating before and basically agreed that we're kind of at each other's typical limit lol I've never been the jealous type whatever that means but I feel different about this to explain he was grabbing

lunch with a friend from high school before to catch up and he asked me if I would be comfortable with that pretty early on in the relationship I told him that I trust him it's a public place it's not that deep in my opinion everyone is different that's just me so I guess he just assumed it would be the same situation anyway I just feel that the gym can be viewed as a bit of an intimate place to go with somebody else regardless of age if an employee of the opposite sex somewhere I frequented asked me to work out together I would turn it down as somebody in a relationship one out of respect for my partner and two I would probably think it was an invitation for a date of sorts also if i went somewhere with a similar atmosphere with a guy especially one

he's never met without talking to my boyfriend about it first and tried to justify it by saying oh it's okay he's 26 which is basically the same ratio he used i feel like that wouldn't be excused so why should the roles be reversed i also don't know if it was a one-time thing or if they're planning on going together again i guess my question is am i overthinking this and would i be an asshole to tell him that i'm uncomfortable with it and view it differently from grabbing lunch with an old friend anyway if you've made it this far thank you i love you guys so much i look forward to each episode y'all are both so amazing keep it up wait he said this friend is from high school no that was the first person that he hung out with oh how the fuck does he

know this 18 year old from the gym there's a regular at the gym oh what yeah a regular at the climbing gym that he works at yeah i i mean i think it's kind of fucking weird that he said my friend like this yeah right like when you say like a regular at my gym yeah or like just specify it like I would hope that like if Frank was hanging out with someone he would be like yeah like she it's a girl just want to check how you feel about that well and the fact that he was like don't worry she's 18 yeah weird that's why would that be the thing that you're like to me it's like okay that's what he's focusing on yeah it why wouldn't your default answer be like oh no it's not like that like i can have friends of the opposite sex and like not be attracted to

them because i think that's a green flag totally like and i mean when you are traumatized and you've dated someone who doesn't see women as people and only as like either sexually desirable or not like there's no in between um then you don't really trust when they have other friends friendships with other women yeah but then I started dating Mr. Liz who has so many friendships with women yeah and I love them so then that's when I was like okay it is such a green flag that he has friendships with women because he sees women as people yeah totally but I feel like if he were to like so then he if he was like not interested yeah he would focus on a different reason as to why he's not interested romantically interested in this

person besides just her age and also like to hide that it was a girl to begin with like it does feel like lying by omission in a way like and i don't want to like make you feel more stressed about it than you already do because like i i think we're just saying this just to justify that like you're not overthinking like no you're not overthinking it and he's being fucking weird i'm just gonna say it i think he's being fucking weird and i also think he's just being dumb because he's 24 yeah you know what i mean his brain isn't done developing no any i mean he's also dating someone who's 20 yeah yeah I don't know yeah I don't like that I don't like that age gap before someone is over the age of like 27 you know what I mean yeah and and I know that sounds weird but I think

when you're in your 30s and you're looking back at the situation I think that you will agree because yeah every single year of your 20s you change so dramatically that like I don't know like a perfect example is our last two episodes we're reflecting on so true we're reflecting on our own thoughts and opinions of not that long ago so and so and I can't even compare to how I was when I was like 24 or even 20 you know yeah the difference is very dramatic every single year of your 20s and I think it starts to kind of like level out yeah once you hit like 31 and 31 to 33 yeah you kind of start to get all the pieces together yeah which is wild because that's and you know what maybe I'll be revisiting that thought in my 40s yeah I mean we're always

changing my dad was saying he's like I still don't feel like an adult like I still don't really understand what it means to like be a full person and he's like in his 70s so I'm like that's we're all figuring it out as we go very it's it's comforting and also horrifying but anyway I yeah I don't think that you're overthinking I think that it's worth it to bring it up to him because this is also the more that you like the more that you think about this and let it marinate the worse it's going to get for you too so you might as well just talk to him about it I think and I mean obviously you don't need to say all the things that we said I think ultimately well because i'm just trying to process this yeah you know yeah i know how i would feel

and i'm i i would feel probably exactly how you're feeling which is like what the fuck well listen to your gut if it's if it irks you then there's something there um so i think that not to say that he's worthy of like you being suspicious of him or if this is a circumstance but i think blanket we can accept that that's kind of weird totally and um i think that she should talk to him like you were saying so let's let's think of how she can strategically approach this okay yeah i wrote into a podcast i just want you to hear what they have to say yeah i'm gonna play you this episode they're in their 30s like fuck you bitch you'd be like these two unmarried 30s are giving me advice i don't want to fucking hear it no i feel like you could

it's tough it's so hard to bring things up like when it already happened but yeah it's just kind of like i feel like just getting yourself to be like can i like talk to you about something and then just like kind of letting it roll from there is like really the only because i feel like you whenever i like rehearse conversations too much i've stopped doing this because it just makes it so much worse it just feels rehearsed I start crying I get sweaty like I don't want to so it's just like yeah just like I think having a loose idea of how she wants to approach it yeah will be helpful absolutely and and remaining open and neutral I think is a great way of like you know I'm not I'm not upset or trying to attack you or anything yeah I just wanted to like let you know

like I've been thinking about this and I want to talk about it more but it made me a little uncomfortable the more i thought about it all i feel statements yeah rather than like you made me yeah yeah it's like i i feel yeah it made me feel a little uncomfortable um and i i mean i'm really focused on the age thing i'm like that's that's weird as hell see i'm really focused on the the being at the gym part of it because like it really is being at the gym is not romantic in my opinion and no one's ever invited me to the gym so i'm like is there a nuance that i don't understand i just feels like kind of an intimate thing to do like i don't know like maybe they weren't working they were maybe working out across the room from each other yeah because i was gonna

say when i've gone to the gym with other people i'm not working out with them i'm doing my own thing right just they're also at the same gym at the same time as me yeah so that's another question i have like were you like literally physically working out like with them like were you helping her bench press or something yeah so i think that's a little strange and it does feel a little bit like it could be um inappropriate or yeah it's inappropriate at best it does feel like it's like i think that we're conditioned to feel like we're being overreactive when like shit like this like oh yeah because it's so easy to minimize it to be like yeah she got mad at me because i took one of my friends to the gym with right but it's like it's

not even that it's everything that kind of like like cushioned that like the not telling you like just saying my friend not saying really who it was the age comment the you know like him not bringing it up to you initially just like and you're kind of like explaining that away too and she's already a regular at his job yeah it does spending a lot of time with an 18 year old and yeah i don't know i'm really hung up on the age thing i just don't the age comment i and i don't want the age difference i don't want you to like get too much into a spiral about it so i'm like i feel like i'm trying to be like really like careful about it but like it is you are valid in feeling how you feel and you should bring it up to him i think is my bottom line do you agree

yeah i'm i feel like i haven't really given like succinct succinct like input on what she should say well she her question was if she's over like she's overthinking it yeah okay yeah and you're not even though i said all hot girls overthink some hot girls don't overthink in certain situations both things can be true life is just full of thinking to so many thoughts and options yeah great thanks for writing in i hope when you talk to him he's yeah keep us keep us updated i hope that it's an open conversation yeah and it's good to get the shit ironed out now too like just like i'm i i just have such little faith that like a 24 year old man is gonna be like emotionally aware that's a good point you know yeah like do they have the nuance to handle

a situation where like their 20 year old girlfriend was made to feel uncomfortable by a circumstance that is their fault yeah it's his fault yeah like you made her uncomfortable because you didn't provide all the facts up front and then the comment that you focus on to tell your girlfriend not to worry is this girl's age and she's 18 yeah that's weird you know I do think too like maybe he'll like surprise you and how he responds and like you guys can learn from this moving forward that he'll be able to be more like upfront because he's clearly like checked with you in the past like how you feel about certain situations with girls and that's great so like maybe he'll just like need to adjust his behavior and that'll be that yeah I mean and it could also be he didn't

really think much of it because he's just like 24 yeah well no if he was just like no it's like not not a big deal yeah like i would never like think of this person that way yeah or yeah yeah it could have just been so unimportant that it didn't matter to him yeah i don't know hopefully hopefully but yeah keep us updated if you if you feel so inclined i would love to hear how that conversation goes but no you're not overthinking that's our bottom line the subject is episode 181 hey girly it's always the best way to start out hey okay she said first i want to say i love you both so much and i've clearly fallen behind on my listening since this episode was from april and i'm listening right now in september that is a-okay we do a lot of

yapping we do we do be yapping we be yapping a lot anyways i wanted to come in here and say thank you both for always sharing your stories amelia i had a very very similar dating situation to your story from this episode except instead of my ex getting engaged he was having a child sweet jesus we dated for three of my most important years in high school he was abusive in all forms of the word physically emotionally psychologically it was a roller coaster he told me my eyebrow piercing looked stupid so i took it out he told me i wasn't talented so i pulled out of doing musical theater and other extracurricular activities he told me my friends were shit and i distanced myself not to mention

the behind closed door abuse jesus christ i'm so sorry tell tell us give us his address yeah we just want to talk let's handle him um when he then cheated on me openly and unapologetically and somehow convinced me to stay and then a month later when he got with her officially he was cheating on her with me like amelia said and he silenced me made me feel crazy if i told anyone i wasn't quiet though i tried to blow it up for her dropped easter eggs that made it obvious i was with him until he eventually cut me off completely um this was back in 2016 fast forward to 2020 when i am pregnant with my daughter have a new loving person in my life and i find out through a post on social media that him his her ex and said girl are also pregnant the fucking

spiral I went on because this kid would be the same age and same year as my daughter in school sent me into a whirlwind of chaotic emotions and nobody talks about that nobody prepared me for how I would feel I'm more concerned about her meeting his flesh and blood one day as I know his child is a boy and absolutely obliterating my daughter's life like he did mine so thank you thank you for telling your stories because I'm going to make sure that she knows all about my past and how not to let people treat her all because you guys make me feel comfort in knowing I'm not alone love you both oh my god well you're not alone yeah you're not that is a fucking wild tale and also i'm really glad that you told it because i feel like we don't talk enough about what it feels like

to see first of all there's a lot of layers to this but like we don't talk enough as a society about like what it's like to get out of a relationship and still have it sting when you see or hear information about them years down the line like that makes whenever i hear shit about my ex and it's kind of like well especially when it ends badly yeah i was actually talking to some of my girlfriends this weekend about this exact type of feeling of it's it's grief it's grief but it's even i don't want to say worse um but there's there's a piece of it that is so much more frustrating that they're still alive but you can't resolve it yeah you know yeah like if someone dies you yeah you're gonna go through all the stages of grief you're gonna

be fucking angry at them that they've passed away like but there is a piece of you that knows yeah that that knows that you can't you're never gonna get these answers or be able to talk about this and that's frustrating but like hoping that someone matures enough or like that you would be able to have a productive conversation where there is a resolution yeah or something is so infuriating yeah i and to be clear i do think that the grief of like death is way more horrible and sad and complicated than like the grief of a breakup but i think the anger piece yeah because of that because it's like okay you're still alive it's like the alanis morissette lyric yeah it's i feel like for me it was like my my ex died no it wasn't like it was like he was still around

and i couldn't talk to him as though he was dead and it was only me that wanted to resolve anything yeah you know what i mean and it's just kind of like you're like running into a fucking like brick and i don't understand when the other person is resistant to having this productive conversation yeah or resistant to just having like an honest conversation yeah it doesn't necessarily need to be productive but we should be truthful totally like who wants to carry that around for forever i think it does change when it's abusive like this too i mean like i've never been in that kind of situation so i can't fully sympathize with it still really traumatized you so i think you have that similarity even though he like wasn't like abusive he still betrayed your trust

he still was not nice like yeah yeah he made me feel fucking out of like out of my mind insane but it is like just selfish the whole like the generation the idea of generational trauma too with like your kid going to school with his kid like that's something that i could never fathom like that is i would my mind wouldn't have even gone there because i'm not a parent i think i'd move yeah honestly i'm the kind of person though i'm like if i don't like what's going on in my my world i'm gonna change i'm gonna leave yeah i'm gonna change my world yeah having to fucking like see your ex and the person he had an affair with to have to see them yeah and then your kids know each other yeah oh yeah that's a whole circumstance that like i haven't even

thought of something like that no that's what i'm saying like that's like something my mind's never had to go there so it's like i know you're not asking for advice here which is good because i don't think we have any no but that's just i think it is important to talk about these things because a lot of people feel that this way you know what this does remind me of like okay um it's like people i know uh not not not well i know of them i guess and um they they were married and almost the entire time of their marriage specifically they'd only been married for like a year and the entire time of most of their marriage um he was having an affair with someone else who was also in a relationship with someone else and um the the woman in i'm trying to think

about a the wife the the unknowing wife yeah um she didn't want to have kids but he did and she like stopped her birth control for him and lo and behold he was having an affair the entire fucking time and now um they're divorced and he's with the affair woman and the affair woman is pregnant she already has kids with other baby daddies oh she fertile myrtle i think maybe just one other baby daddy but who can be sure she is she has other kids i think three other kids oh it's either two or three and now she's pregnant with this guy's four is too many and it's too many people i was thinking about that and i was like thinking about how horrible it would be to be the child in that relationship like to not know what a horrible person your dad was to a woman like

you'll never know yeah like yeah that's crazy all you can hope is that he would like grow from it and like be a better man moving forward but he probably isn't doesn't sound like a stand-up guy no thank god she didn't get pregnant yeah we were yeah holy shit i agree that's fucking crazy i saw this um i saw it i'll show it to you after this it's a tiktok of taylor tomlinson doing stand-up and she was like doing crowd work and um she's like how long or have you said i love you yet and then this girl's like I did once and she's like you did once and you haven't said it since then and she's like now and she's like explain that and the girl's like I said it kind of early on and then she's like well how soon and she's like like a month and a half and then

she's like that's like a normal amount of time yeah and then she's like six weeks and i showed it to mr liz and he's like a month and a half sounds longer than six weeks and i was like that is true that's true yeah six weeks feels like a blip and a month and a half is like oh that's like that makes so much sense yeah that's really funny um and then and then she's like six weeks is normal right right and then um and then she's like and who else is here with you like how many friends you have here and she has seven other friends there with her and she's like you have seven friends and she's like is it your birthday and then she's like no and she's like you have seven friends who came out with you voluntarily and it's not your birthday and this

guy it doesn't you said i love you and he said that's so true that's so real and i and then it made me reflect on it i was like it is so infuriating when you know a woman who fucking rocks like they're an amazing friend to you all of your friends love them and then they're dating some guy yep some man yeah and who doesn't appreciate anything about her what is that it's like impossible it's impossible to see it when you're on the inside i feel like and i feel like those types of guys it's like i'm like you're working on some trauma in this relationship or something you must be because why would you pick this person who is not interested in anything about you like if you peel back that like layer i don't know i'm just like i'm like i know so many

women who kick ass and like are such good people and like people who and these women also have amazing partners so it's like i know it's possible yeah but what is it there's we've all been that girl and we've all like been friends with that girl and just like when is it gonna click i do think i feel like a lot of it is like from a lot of my friends that i know that are dating complete duds it feels like a scarcity complex thing like they're like well i'm not gonna find anyone true so this is like oh my god it totally is that scarcity mindset that holds you back yeah it's like oh i gotta cling on to this loser because i'm 31 yeah it's like i'm not gonna find it it's like i'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel it's like no what do you maybe rewind that a

little bit because it really there's so many incredible dudes out there that like just weren't ready six months ago yeah or maybe they got married too young and realized it wasn't the right relationship catch them on their first divorce girl i've always said that about myself you're gonna be like a like a second wife i think so i love that energy i don't know i love second energy we'll see what happens yeah i'll get a little spicy be second life energy and that's also like the spice of life is just like we'll see what happens you know yeah i just feel like c'est la vie i'm i don't know i was actually talking to um i told this to one of the girls over the weekend and i was like i think the thing when we were listening she asked me how the

podcast was and i was like we just had our 200th episode and we listened to our first episode and commented on it and it was so cringy and i was like it's very much like i mean and i'm not gonna speak on your behalf but i will speak on my behalf i felt like it was too centered around men oh yeah you know and i think my mindset was still really centered around men totally and when you care so much about relationships i think that's normal though like when you want uh when when you care just generally about like romantic connection and love and like boys yeah you love love it's it can be a little fun to be obsessive over boys um but yeah it was definitely like centered around male attention yeah um that's so true and we were trying to be productive

about it and i definitely think i we've grown a lot because of the podcast and like having to learn more anyways long story short I told her that I think what made me decenter men it's gonna sound so counterproductive but it was getting into a relationship with someone who like fulfilled my needs and like loved me the way I was and yeah like grows with me and accepts me and when you're in that place of like safety yeah you no longer feel like you're grasping to get approval from them or having to prove you're lovable because they are accepting you the way that you are and then yeah i know if this relationship were to end i would be able to go into the world and not feel like i need to find a relationship to to validate to myself that i am worthy of love

totally when you're with somebody that accepts you for who you are it's just kind of like oh like what was I doing before you know like why was I it feels like the the veil has been pulled away and you're like what the but that's what we were doing that's what we were doing I mean that's your 20s the goal has always been the same you know like the goal was to find somebody that could be a soft place to land and then you found it and so of course you don't have those same like chaotic pulls that you had before and i think also just like the the maturity that comes along with aging yeah to and life experience in general helps a lot but like as someone who was and probably still is like so like obsessed with like love and relationships like i just i

just care a lot about relationships in general not even just romantic relationships but like friendships family relationships like they fascinate me yeah totally but there is obviously that big piece of like wanting um it sounds stupid wanting your other half like wanting someone who like you can just be you you can be with them yeah absolutely yeah you just exist together and like that feels fulfilling it's always it's wild to think about like the guys that i was giving attention to that like if i were in a relationship with them i would not be able to just be with them like i feel like i would always be putting on an act you know and it's like when we talked to sam doll when we had sam doll on an episode forever ago she was talking about she's

like she was talking about her husband and she's like yeah i don't know we just like kind of just started hanging out and just never stopped hanging out and then we just like got married and it's like that's like that's the perfect way to explain it so ideal yeah it's also just like how it is that's how it feels it's like oh yeah i'm just kind of like always hanging out with frank you know we just like haven't really stopped hanging out now we like live together and we're still just kind of hanging out and it's like how did i why was i investing so much of my energy into dudes that just like made me feel like you weren't good enough to just hang out with yeah i would be like so like stiff whenever i was with them because like i didn't want to like

too weird or laugh weird or i would have to run the water when i was peeing because i didn't want them to hear me pee now i'm just like farting and burping and shit you know what i mean it's just like i don't i don't know so it's like that whole the energy that both of us had of like being so like men focused like i said i think had the same goal in mind of like we just want to find our person it was just kind of we were coming at it from a direction that we didn't wait I'm having a moment I'm having a realization I think we also did a lot of that for each other yeah oh absolutely like through doing this podcast yeah oh yeah but I've always known that I mean yeah I guess yeah I mean I'm not saying that to make you feel bad for just

no no no but i do think about that all the time you know what i mean yeah yeah i do i know but it's like i really do feel like i can't give all this credit to mr liz no oh i see what you're saying yeah yeah oh i see what you're saying a big piece of it also goes to us like to our friendship and to figuring it out at this like together we've been in the fucking trenches with each other uh-huh and now look at us yeah now look at us it's us bitches i like that i looked at the camera i know it's the phones off i don't know what happened anyway ran out of room but yeah no i do feel like there's been like we said this when we were recording the podcast two weeks ago or last week that like we've had to like grow up and watch our opinions of things change like

with a microphone in front of us which is fucking wild and also such a blessing because it's like that's crazy to be able to have like an earmark like that and be like oh my god we used to like think about shit so fucking differently than we do now it's wild yeah it's really but i wonder how many of our listeners are day ones i've a good handful of them are that's so i would love to hear how they've like grown and how their opinions have changed too yeah that's so fun that's so cute i love that for all of us if you guys were here we'd be holding your hands yeah because mine are a little clammy but they're always a little clammy but yeah that kind of in the best way dead person hands no are dead people hands clammy i think that that's like a

whole thing with like just newly freshly dead people freshly dead fresh out of the coffin if you're a coroner let us know fresh into the coffin fresh and fresh in the coffin fresh in the coffin well how fresh is fresh in the coffin how fresh freshly dead freshly dead i feel like it's like 10 minutes dead yeah i would say like max a few hours yeah i feel like rigor mortis starts to set in after like an hour i might i gotta fact check is that when you get really stiff yeah oh god yeah kind of start doing shit are you stuck that way uh for a little bit i don't know and then it settles again dead bodies there's a whole there's a yeah me neither i know nothing no i recently watched a video of like the stages of like what happens to bodies after you die

it's not it's not cute but that's how they can tell time of death when they like go to a crime scene fascinating i've always wondered it's been dead for like two weeks i'm i'm like is it like trees you know where they count the rings yeah just cut you open it's like i died three weeks ago that would be kind of cool fucking love trees man i do i do love trees um speaking of trees and like fungus we've talked about mushrooms on here before the try guys try shrooms and there's a video of it i just watched it's not their first time trying shrooms but they wanted to do it on camera that's fun yeah now i'm like i wonder what we would do it'd be it would be interesting we should do it we should do it have we been on shrooms well yeah we have but not with a microphone

in front of us yeah well because there's like a couple of different types of shroom experiences yeah there's like you know shrooms at like an event like you're at a party or a concert or whatever you're doing them because you're doing an activity and then there's shrooms that you're doing because you want to explore yeah you want to explore yourself and the world fuck and like i haven't had a shroom experience like that in a while like an outdoor exploring shrooms yeah i've only done it i had it one time i do i prefer acid i think because it's more i feel more in control of it you know oh that's interesting my anxiety doesn't key well off of true like if i take a little bit too many shrooms I'm like oh no oh god and then I like get in my head about it you know

what I mean I just need to be better about like eating before I've only done acid very light yeah an unnoticeable amount yeah okay that's fair is how much I've I've tried it's difficult to feel it when you're on SSRIs yeah I think and that's the only time I've tried them or tried acid anyway i forget i've done that yeah we did acid together at pride only a little bit though yeah a tiny bit teensy weensy bit that was my first time same and i liked it i liked it a lot i was like in any circumstance this is probably the safest and best conditions i would want to do this in i told my brother that that because he he's dabbled quite a bit and i told him that that was my first time doing it he was like that sounds like a fucking nightmare i can't believe

if that was your first time doing it like what a crazy environment to be tripping for the first time going to pride yeah but we weren't really tripping we just kind of got like the the amplified energy and colors version of it what are we talking about should we end i feel like we should i'm starting to gap out yeah okay let's do that it's been a long day and when you leave i have to do more work are you fucking kidding me it's not a lot but it's i would like to be doing no work yeah but you know it is what it is i'll get out of your get out of your hizzy i don't want you to hizzy well maybe i'll see you saturday i'll let you know when i get home okay i'm super excited okay well it's been a while since we've sung i know would you

like to start us off yeah okay i would like to cool we love you i wish the camera was on i was just bull physically blown away by that shocked i was like it would be funny if i sounded like i was doing opera it was beautiful no please don't let me stop you continue our children gas we hated that i for one loved it thank you for that thank you for your support amen amen god bless and uh get out there and vote yeah hell yeah kamala 2024 fucking uh tim wall's i love him okay i do too dude i want to hug him more than anything okay bye

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