The Hoely Hour - E206 Your Enemies, Our Podcast

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

It's a dark time in Herstory, but hopefully this episode brings a little light to your day. You wrote in with YOUR enemies of the pod, and we're thrilled to hate them with and for you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

my hear me out is you know mayhem the all-state commercials the guy that's like i'm yeah i'm a family of raccoons living in your trunk i think he's so fucking hot he is hot nobody talks about how hot he is he's a hot guy i think that's why he is still employed yeah that's true that's why he's an actor i feel like that's not a good hear me out you're like my hear me out is this hot guy who's paid to be hot but he's like he's like chaos and he's chaos i feel like i feel like maybe it's that is like the appeal of men that is the chaos that's true welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok

at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com welcome back thank you liz was in paris i'm happy to be back last time um y'all heard a voice of ours i was talking about my colonoscopy happy to report everything came back normal great happy to report and a little frustrated to report because then it's like okay back to square one well they were like yeah like everything on like i got blood work done and everything and they like biopsied and stuff they were like everything on a microscopic level even looks like fine so it's

ibs it's like cool sick awesome so i just have to like not eat onions in my dinner and shit i'm just like okay but i am shitting more oh that's good yeah because he put me on this stuff that just like makes me shit like crazy so that's good your girl be pooping um damn girl you shit with that ass um also i didn't realize i thought i was gonna have a like more than a week i thought i was gonna have like a week and a half or something in between me getting home and then me having to travel for all these weddings um so I rush ordered a dress that I had been looking at for like a month oh well because I didn't want to order it while I was out of the country yeah and then I was like oh yeah I want to be able to like be here blah blah blah I it was fucking

stupid of me I should have just ordered it and also kept up with my calendar but like that's a lot that's you have like a lot of shit going on yeah it's fair maybe maybe your like subconscious was like we were pretty good at timing things out too because we used my favorite strategy of working back on time oh um which i think is would be very helpful for um any adhd listeners um who have time blindness which is probably all of them i know time blindness is really like difficult for me i've always had time blindness so yeah you start with and i i kind of like subconsciously do this but you start with the thing that like the time you need to be at the thing and then you work backwards of like this is how long it takes to get there this is um how long it takes me to get

ready like this is how much time i need to eat like blah blah blah how much and then how much extra time do I want to have when I get to the location just things like that so damn I was like I was like I think that I work forward but I kind of do the math the same way like how much time so if I like if I get out of bed at this time and then I need like 15 minutes on my phone and then I need another 10 minutes getting ready and then I need five minutes to find my keys like I have to like do the math i have to chunk it out like that but working backward is brilliant i i i realized that working backwards was more efficient because i was working like more of like that this is how much time i need to do xyz and not really working backwards on the time but um i found working

backwards on time significantly more effective are there people that are just naturally good at like being on time yes that's crazy to me and mr liz is one of them he wants to be early to parties though and i'm like no one wants you there right away no that's so true like and also and then i was like think about how many people we've had over for parties none of them come on time what's his reason for that does he just want to like be in a conversation when the party blows up i think he just gets stressed like thinking about like having to be on time so he just wants to get there so he doesn't have to worry about it and i'm like no one wants someone there on time or early yeah no I see I don't like the awkward first like 30 minutes of a party so I like to be

a little late yeah exactly like standing around and like watching the host still kind of like be stressed it's like y'all y'all can do that's none of my business exactly exactly I'm gonna I'm gonna be stressed on my own you know that's interesting I don't want to you being stressed out is just gonna stress me out but I'm coming to this party as an attendee to have a good time I'm not coming here to like be stressed no no that's not what i signed up for in rsvp yes exactly if i knew that stress was involved it would have been a maybe i would like to show up at least like 20 to 30 minutes after said party is supposed to start yes i don't want to be one of the first people there no and too much of the time you're still the first person if you show up 30 minutes late which is

i think an american thing now that i'm thinking about it because i so my new um like rabbit hole on youtube this is like a really long-winded way to say like it's just american thing to be late i've i went down this rabbit hole of like the most expensive luxury sleeper trains in the world and the one that i watched today is was in japan and like if your train leaves at 11 o'clock it like the second the clock strikes 11 the train starts moving that's amazing which is like i mean yeah that's such a mind-blowing thing to me but it's like oh that's because everything here runs so behind you know yeah like i was like that's that would stress me the fuck out to have to be somewhere right at the exact right time or i'm missing the train well that's exactly how it was

when we were in france yeah i bet i was like oh the bus is leaving like right now isn't that sad that it's like when it's when something's on time it's shocking the show that we were at on saturday started right at nine o'clock like it said it would like the lights dimmed right when the clock hit nine and i was like oh oh oh my god um you just reminded me of something i had been meaning to tell i wanted to tell you while we were recording on the pod when we were taking the bus to i mean i know i'm gonna say it wrong rom it's it's spelled reams but it's wrong like probably yeah there's a there's a in there somewhere i'm sure um well and i like i never heard anyone say the nobody knows how to say it everyone there is like we don't know sounds same

so well yeah like no they love to correct you on how to say something which is actually hilarious yeah we thought it was really fucking funny um because we also went to etretat and uh it's spelled like etretat oh yeah yeah so we went to etretat and we were telling uh this very cheeky bartender we like walked in and then um we weren't sure if it was like they have to seat you or what and then mr liz was like can we sit anywhere and he's like yes but not behind the bar i love european and then we sit down and then he was like where are you from and we're like we're from the states we live in seattle and then um he was like what what else are you doing in paris or like in france and we're like well we're going to we're here for a few days and then we're going

etretat and then he just stared at us and we're like um it's in normandy and then we just keep trying to like say etretat correctly and then and then he's just like etretat like he said it i can't pronounce it like that and then we both just started laughing it's just such he started laughing too but that's like the number one thing that i've heard about parisians specifically parisians is they hate when americans try to speak french because we're so bad at it that yeah i'm not trying to i'm like no it's the name of the town but he like he had like a little sparkle in his eye when he was like corrected us so we just started laughing because like it was just so fucking funny sounds like a fun dude anyways oh on the bus yeah to rom

um this couple gets on like right as the bus leaving they're like waving on and they get on the bus and the girl sits across from me um because they have like buses where there's like tables in the middle and you're like facing other people whatever i like to you have extra yeah like a train um you have extra leg room so we get they hop on and then they're all getting settled in and the girl pulls out a vial and takes a sniff and i was like did this girl just do poppers on the bus in front of us everybody pretty we're pretty fucking confident she did poppers just right there and because we're like are poppers like legal and poppers are they're legal in france that makes sense aren't they just like nitrous ox am i thinking that's nitrous people doing nitrous

what about there is some kind of i think nitrous is in the word of like what poppers are okay yeah yeah dude and i was like oh my god because i was like there's no way they're smell they're smelling salts because if it was smelling salts it would smell like ass and we'd all like yeah you would all know yeah we'd all know interesting yeah so this girl just straight up did poppers like right in front of us why though on a bus because it doesn't the side effect no the side effects are like just like relaxation yeah so maybe oh that makes sense and she's like stressing out yeah she was like yeah let me hit the poppies damn okay girl yeah um and so we were looking like we were looking up like poppers and um mr liz came across an article that i like because he's

like aren't poppers like just for like gay guys and i was like no i know they're like they can be prescribed for something i'm pretty sure um i don't know i have no idea listen i never claimed to know things no we've not once claimed to know anything um in our defense but he came across an article that was saying that poppers are like for also avant-garde heterosexuals so um that's my new favorite category i know well next week uh i want to create a game where i'm going to list things and you have to guess if they're avant-garde or not guess categorized yeah categorized if something is gay straight or avant-garde heterosexual i love that yeah i'm so excited yeah i'm glad they're putting this into the record now so that

we have to play accountability we have to play it that sounds so fun cool i'm so ready i'm gonna start stretching and that was actually mr liz's idea i know i was like that is so fucking brilliant i think amelia is gonna love it i do i absolutely do he also had another game for you to play with frank oh yeah yeah that game was um him showing me frank showing me famous athletes and i have to guess who they are because i i just simply do not know who who anyone is that would be so i could recognize a few right like lebron yeah the the obvious ones kobe kobe yeah shack shack right shack yeah who i mean i would i would pay money he was like do you know what gronk looks like and i was like no i i literally don't big kid i was like i could um i know what john

cena looks like yeah the rock he was like john cena and i was like he counts he's an athlete yeah what he does is athletic the rock counts too yeah yeah i'm standing by that well so anyways we wanted to have um a more light-hearted episode and we got some enemies of the pod emails and if there's one thing i love it's being a fucking hater um so i'm so glad that you guys wrote in your enemies of the pod for me to just fucking haterade on because i don't know gearing up for this election and me having to come back to fucking reality yeah it's not a good combo it's been hard i want to be angry so and when i tell y'all you guys fucking showed up with these enemy of the pod stories it was like the second that you heard that we wanted these we're taking me

of the pods we started they started rolling in it was remarkable um and we if you guys like us being haters keep on air because we also love being haters on air yeah uh keep up keep them rolling in y'all i'm an ipad kid now speaking of which i'm like tapping tapping around my ipad right now trying to get these emails up my posture's gotten worse are you gonna ask me to tip after yeah do you read one there's gonna be a question on there for you to answer i will say I loved not having a fucking tip in France yeah that's a beautiful byproduct and then it made me realize like it's actually someone was like uh but someone in Paris um when I had purchased something she was like oh do you think it's more expensive here in Seattle and then I was asking

Mr. Liz I was like I don't know what do you think I feel like it's like similar and then as the week went on and i didn't i didn't have to tip for things i was like fuck yeah it's way not way cheaper in paris but it was definitely like more affordable because i don't have to tip like paying their service people better there right that's probably probably so yeah stop putting the onus on us corporations yeah why don't you just fucking take care of your employees we know you have the money oh bitch and if you don't then you shouldn't have a business yeah imagine that fuck your business fuck your business but also like fuck like mega businesses corporations and mega businesses are the number one enemies yeah we need laws anyways okay i haven't read any of these so

we're hearing them for the first time together thrilling i just i would we got them in and then i would just file them away okay enemy of the pot is the subject line girl and then an s in parentheses girls girls do i have an enemy of the pod for you back in high school like many of us i had somewhat low self-esteem and dated vastly below my league truly the man had a 0.8 gpa what was i thinking i didn't know that was possible at that point you just have a pulse yeah that point you just know your name you know what i mean you don't even have to write it in the correct spot no on the paper right you can write with a crayon and you get a 0.8 gpa nevertheless we stayed together when i went to college and he started a dj business the red flags

they were all there i mean because he couldn't get into college right what else are you gonna do with a 0.8 gpa dj obviously right i just but i also think like okay there's one thing if you have a 0.8 gpa because you're dumb yeah and there's another thing if you have a 0.8 gpa because you don't try yeah yeah so i mean i mean this is such dj behavior of like i'm gonna be a dj yeah the guy that's like i want to be a club promoter when i grow up like what you're just gonna stand on the corner and give out no one wants to be a club promoter when they grow up a lot of people i went to high school with oh my god be club promoters isn't that crazy but you know that seems like the worst job ever that's what you get um yeah dude i know like what

do you even do in that scenario the top two worst jobs are being president and being a club promoter yeah they're tied damn yeah and they attract the same idiots to both the careers okay continuing on he proposed to me between my sophomore and junior year and we were planning a wedding for the january after i graduated january in new england is perfect for a wedding if you love gray slush and hate things like having the will to live this is brilliantly written after graduation i got a job wildly underpaid but good enough for a mortgage before that bubble burst in 2008 and we bought a house together we were working on fixing it up before i moved in mainly because my parents were bribing me to not move in before we were married by paying for the

wedding irish catholic families need to maintain appearances you know we do know painfully so here's where it gets good one weekend i was visiting a friend in nyc spending the night friday and saturday and then driving to new hampshire to visit my college roommate um i can kind of hear it whatever it kind of fits with the vibes okay this man right here officer this was before okay hold on this was before we were all attached to our cell phone so i had forgotten a charger and my phone died that sounds peaceful as fuck no biggie right wrong when i got back to my car and plugged it into the charger there I had about a million missed calls and texts and more than 20 voicemails of him getting more and more furious that I was out of touch

in the last one he accused me of cheating on him and called off the wedding yes in a voicemail I found out later that he had also been blowing up my parents house phones and every friend of mine he had contact info for he didn't for the one I was visiting all night I was hysterical and couldn't get a hold of anyone so I continued on to New Hampshire figuring my best friend and I could figure it out well unbeknownst to me i was walking into a surprise wedding shower for a friend sorry for a wedding that had just been called off oh my god he had also spent the night telling all his family to not go so i had to break it to my family and friends that there would be no wedding that's literally insane behavior to like be angry yeah i would be worried for him to for

his mind right me too his his default emotion is to be angry and not absolutely concerned oh my god i'm like listen i am so glad that nothing happened to this listener yeah um right but like but also wouldn't that be like such schadenfreude like yeah of like well fuck you i got into a car accident and i'm in the hospital now oh my god yeah i think i would just lie just to fuck with them me too that would feel so good like wanted proof it's like no you don't you don't have we called off the wedding we're not together anymore how would she give proof because this is when cell phones weren't a thing oh that's true well i mean cell phones were a thing but they weren't that big of a deal back then yeah yeah it was okay so continuing on it was not a good day no no maybe i don't know

i mean it sounds like he might have it that just seems par for the course yeah okay no i don't think it doesn't say that he did but i just feel like he might have okay luckily my dad is a champ my mom called him while we were away and he got every last bit of wedding stuff out of the house before i got home so i never had to look at it again oh naturally i later found out that his phone rants were projections since he had just found out that his side piece had gotten pregnant their first child was born six months after he broke up with me shut the fuck up they're married now and have three kids i am happily married childless cat and dog lady oh my god and he's q anon mag guy oh and still a wedding dj bullet dodged wedding dj well you know what an absolute

fucking at least he could commit to something and that was being a wedding dj that's worse than not being able to commit to anything oh no wow we don't have a name for this guy but we got to give him one because he's he's now an enemy of the pod oh my god dj because it could also be a man's name yeah dj you are now an enemy of the pod wow i god i'm so glad that she dodged that bullet crazy fucking story he was looking for a reason to call off the wedding yeah yeah the second that he noticed that your phone was off he was probably like started rubbing his little like hands together you know that's imagine how would how would things have ended if that didn't happen well because they would have had to end eventually because his side piece got pregnant i bet that he

like took the charger out of her bag wow he masterminded this whole thing he was like no he can't he has a 0.8 gpa he could never that's true but like manipulative people can be dumb you know manipulative people can be dumb you know like you can be really like not have you're committed to really good street smarts that's so true because how many fucking idiots like just entertain bitches all day yeah like do you have like you this is why men need to have a job yeah or like a little hobby yeah they need to be busy with something like knitting marybeth barone has a joke that there's two types of white dads and it's either um a dad who cares about how the dishwasher is loaded or a dad a white dad who cheats on your mom and i feel like okay like

you know like just thinking about like mr liz being so just like really he he made figuring out travel like his hobby for his trip yeah and i was just like that's how you know a man's not cheating on you yeah is he's really invested in something that like you wouldn't even think about yeah fuck like how the dishwasher is loaded i mean that's not true i think about how the dishwasher is loaded but he cares a lot mr liz cares a lot about how the dishwasher is loaded frank hand washes everything so that's psychotic i know and you guys have a dishwasher i had a dishwasher at his last place too he just likes washing the dishes no that's insane i know he's like it's it's therapeutic for him he like enjoys doing it which is nice for me because i fucking

hate doing dishes so i like putting dishes away i hate doing dishes i hate everything to do with dishes uh did you really eating part did you really like hate the scene uh in beauty and the beast where all the dishes start it's the only time i've been our guest see if my dishes did that amazing if my dishes did that i would leave i would burn the house down that would be so scary okay um every meal would be a little performance i mean at some point that would be exhausting you know okay you know this whole thing with um hear me out cakes have you seen that yeah somebody this just reminded me because of is it the candle yeah the candelabra i get it i like how i knew before what was his name lumiere yeah lumiere a hottie if um if i were going to be in beauty

and the beast i would want to be the feather duster the french feather duster oh yeah she was she was hot i loved her was she who lumiere had like a thing with that bitch it's my man hands off um my hear me out this is going off off the rails now but my hear me out is you know mayhem the all-state commercials the guy that's like i'm yeah i'm a family of raccoons living in your trunk i think he's so fucking hot he is hot nobody talks about how hot he is he's a hot guy i think that's why he is still employed yeah that's true that's why he's an actor i feel like that's not a good hear me out you're like my hear me out is this hot guy who is paid to be hot but he's like he's like chaos and he's chaos i feel like i feel like maybe it's

that is like the appeal of men is the chaos that's true but i just feel like there's something psychologically wrong with me that i've always seen this man and been like i need him to get me pregnant i think he's only played characters like that too because he's also in 30 rock he is he plays a character named dennis and he's um he's tina fey's like ex-boyfriend and he is just a fucking hot mess of a guy this is i have no more hear me out well the dad in um inside out that's my other hear me out no he's also hot but he's a cartoon character hear me out needs to be not something that's a conventionally attractive i'm sorry like who uh let me think of a good hear me out um i'm trying to think i don't know if i

actually have any those are my only two like a good hear me out would be um the bad guy from um aladdin jafar jafar i feel like that would be a hear me out okay that counts yeah i feel that um or let him change or or like uh uh the tomcat from aristocats okay you know how about like danny phantom no is he hot is he like understandably hot yeah dan people are in wide agreement that Danny Phantom is hot the same way that people think Chico is hot you know Chico is hot yeah okay I'm gonna come back to the table with better hear me out

yeah I think maybe we need to next week when we're playing games we'll revisit the hear me out discussion I like that I'll send you the most unhinged hear me out that's great because either next week we're gonna be celebrating or we're going to be needing to play games yeah exactly exactly do you want to read the next one

yeah I'll read the next one oh yes this is easier this way i'm just going in order too you can pick a different one to read if you want okay this one says please tell me it's better hello liss and amelia spell my name with an s i think i think this person's from brazil oh i love it um i'm not gonna say her name but she's writing again thank you guys for always making my drive home from work much more enjoyable every friday i previously wrote a few years ago about my cheating ex who

never wanted to sleep with me and yelled at me on our way to a giants game sorry for the long email this is like three sentences the last time i wrote in i was in a happy healthy relationship after escaping my awful ex about a year ago i came home from work on a random thursday had dinner like we do every day sat down to watch our shows and my ex ended things completely out of nowhere our three-year anniversary and my birthday were in two weeks i packed up what i could and went to my parents house i didn't sleep for two days until my cousin gave me ambien i was smoking weed every second of every day besides sleeping or being at work i was numb i still never got a real reason all all he said was we don't want the same things anymore we used to

talk about how we would raise our kids i guess i'll never know what really happened because he refused to have another conversation but wanted to ask for some advice. I did go to therapy for a while but sadly my insurance stopped covering it and I can't afford it afford therapy for a while or there but I can't afford it anymore. She did help me understand it wasn't my fault so it was a big help. I've been dating again for a few months now and there hasn't been one guy I wanted to see again. It had to have been close to maybe 15 first dates. I've been on a few dates with a guy recently. We have so much in common, but I'm still not excited to see him like I used to be to see my ex. I still get sad a lot because I thought he was the person I was going to spend

my life with. I don't know if I'm not ready or if it's just never going to be that same feeling again. Also, I think I'm terrified to like someone so much again because I don't think I can handle another breakup like that. He was the first guy I ever lived with and I was so happy. Do you have any advice on if it gets better or if you had a similar feeling after a long-term relationship ended thank you i love you guys and the pod so much sent for my iphone girl okay so this is technically not an enemy of the pot email but he is now an enemy of yeah he's now an enemy of the pod so yes i have daniel i have yeah he does feel like a daniel yeah this is daniel behavior sorry if your name is is daniel yeah every other daniel that's listening is fine

just not this one i 100 have felt like that where it's like you're getting out of a relationship and you're dating kind of at least subconsciously with the intention of like getting over it you know like moving past it but like if you're not if your heart isn't past it nothing is not nothing i'm not saying it's never gonna feel better this is actually getting to my point which is it does get better like it will 100 feel better eventually but it's hard to like be excited about dating people when like your heart and your mind are still like with somebody else well also like the i think it's the shock of like she didn't get any legitimate closure and this this kind of thing pisses me off so much where like

one party is just completely blindsided yeah where it's like oh we just don't want the same things anymore what do you fucking mean what do you mean what do you mean right give me that's insane behavior especially if they're like talking about their future so recently and this is this that's the shit that pisses me off they will this the other person will spend the relationship like they'll they'll grieve the end of the relationship and use your love to comfort themselves as they grieve the end of this relationship until they get to a point where they're like okay i'm done and then they just like check out and end the relationship and you're sitting there shell shocked i would have never thought of that but that makes so much sense yeah that's so real well

and that's why it's so jarring and and hurtful and like it's even worse when they like don't have any fucking remorse for it either yeah and i think you and i we both have been in situations where we've been blindsided by the end of a relationship after planning a future and like granted when i reflect on the end of that relationship for me i'm like it was gonna end at some point like we were not gonna get married we were not compatible we weren't like i i was kind of delusional i was literally thinking about this today i was like okay i was realistically i was only in that relationship because it seemed like he was well not even seemed he's financially stable and that is important to me of like it just seemed like a

safety net of like okay if I'm with someone who um is like financially stable and like well off yeah then I'll have a comfortable life yeah I can have a comfortable life but then also like I can provide like a good life that I would want to have for my kids and I also hadn't even fully reflected on like if i wanted to have kids so it was just like a lot of like that relationship was just never going to be good yeah yeah or work out for me yeah but even so it was still very blindsiding and that was i think the thing that was most upsetting and then trying to find closure or like have a legitimate conversation of finding closure and not being given that yeah you know what that's like it's fucking upsetting well that was like it was also something my therapist said

to me a lot when that happened to me was like because i like the writer of this email like i just wanted a reason so fucking bad and it's like my therapist was like you having a reason wouldn't help and when i realized that like yeah if he would have told me like the real 100 reason of like why it was ending there would still be like follow-up questions that i had or like bargaining that i would be doing or like well we could change that and it's like at the end of the day knowing doesn't help and being able to give yourself the closure is such a gift and hearing from somebody you need to give the closure to yourself is the most annoying thing ever it's like yeah i can't fucking do that what do you mean well and healing from the healing from

the trauma of a blindsiding a blindsided like relationship ending yeah like i feel like that is what really prepares you for a genuine relationship and i think it's perfectly okay to not have those like big feelings for someone quite yet because i think like i think that this listener needs has some healing they need to do like and i know that obviously therapy is really helpful but um like it's not the only way to heal from something yeah i think the the way that i found healing the most was really focusing on myself and like finding um hobbies that i enjoyed and focusing on making friendships because i had just moved when that relationship ended so i had no friends yeah and instead of that deterring me and shutting me down it really motivated me

um i mean one of my gifts i think is like anger being a propellant for me yeah like instead of shutting down i was really angry that someone i loved and trusted would betray me so egregiously and then also withhold a productive conversation from me but you know he's not he wasn't able to have a productive conversation right he did not have the self-awareness or the growth needed to have a productive conversation with me and that's also really irritating yeah because you're like what the fuck is wrong with you yeah absolutely but i got really into like um i like i had always wanted to try uh reformer pilates which as we know i participated in for very long time and still do but my life has been crazy so i haven't had time to go as often as i

want anyways it was still something that got introduced yeah yeah i and i had a lot of free time you have so much more time to give yourself the love that you wanted this other person to give you yeah and um i think that's what ultimately like helped me move on from the devastation of that relationship ending yeah yeah totally i think too going along with that also is like i think societally we're like told to just like keep on pushing on and like live your life and like just like move on from it and it's like just trying to push down your emotions and like move along is not nobody can do that no no like nobody can do that and grief is not linear no yeah it's like you're gonna have great days where you feel on top of the world and then you're gonna

have shit days where you're angry and sad and that's not backsliding too i think that what i was getting caught up in early on was like oh my god i was doing so well like last week and now i'm so fucking sad and my therapist will always remind me like there's no you can't undo progress you just like can't it's like you can stall out but like you're not going back on what you've been working on and the importance of like you can't undo progress no but like picking up the the pain and like honoring it and like taking care of it before putting it down is the only way to heal yourself and like i'm that's not to say like stop dating you know because like that's something i did i dated hard when i was trying to get over my ex you know yeah but like i was also opposite

things yeah i so you like were like i'm gonna date everybody and i'm not gonna have my feelings invested in any of these relationships i'm just like having fun and then the i did what one of our other friends had suggested because she and i were like serial monogamous but serial monogamous with the wrong person yeah and she was like I'm I'm like taking an intentional like six month break from dating and then she was like you should try it and then at that point I was like fuck it I will try it and I I did and I I think I went even past that like seven or eight months just because like I didn't feel like I wanted to and COVID then when COVID happened I was like well i'm bored so yeah i'ma hop on those apps yeah right oh my god and you had um you've talked

about this on the podcast so it's not a secret but you had like twitter bae during that oh god yeah that was embarrassing believe that was like that was an era for you it really was but he helped get you into a headspace of you meeting mr liz that's so true so that's a really good point everything's a lesson or a blessing yeah and he was both um but like i mean if i think the bottom line here is like if this back and forth with me and Liz is saying anything it's like everybody heals differently and everybody goes through like the mending process differently just listen to yourself and like don't make yourself feel bad for like having those stalling out moments yeah and it absolutely gets better yeah and you're not alone in it too I think going through this

shit feels so isolating like nobody could ever understand how bad it hurts but it's like you are experiencing this alone and there have been like millions of people that have gone through this that's why there's so many like heartbreak songs that exist yeah like some of the best art has been made yeah because of heartbreak right so you're not alone it's and it will it will get better that's my bottom line yeah and i'm god i don't know if like it's helpful advice to be like yeah you should really buckle down in like your friendships and like try out hobbies and um a journal because those are all the things that helped me yeah because i i don't know like i remember a guy dated said um the best revenge is living well and if that ain't a fucking

motivator yeah because when you start when you start like living well and like doing things for yourself out of like spite the the anger part just starts to dissipate yeah and then suddenly you're like i'm doing i am doing well i'm doing really fucking great and but i think it's okay to let like anger and spite motivate you to improve how you feel and how you're doing you know what i mean absolutely i was trying i was looking up who said that quote originally because i thought it was frank sinatra but it's not is it from madman no it's a quote attributed to george herbert i may also refer to living well as the best revenge a book by calvin tompkins about the lives of gerald and sarah murphy i don't know any of those people neither um okay we have

we have a lot of emails hell yeah so we should we'll read one more yeah that sounds good um and then we'll save the rest for next week yeah enemies of the pod so keep sending us them yeah we love these are all really good emails too i mean like they're long so this last one that we're going to read today the subject line is your worst enemy of the pod guaranteed which is why i chose it because that is enticing you should work in marketing if you don't already hi amelia and liz i just wanted to say i love listening to you every week while i work i've been a fan of your show since the beginning and have thought about drafted and deleted many write-in emails over the years but this one i just knew i had to send so buckle up you're in for a ride trigger warning for any

abuse sexual assault and self-harm trigger so trigger warning so if yeah if you feel triggered by any of that maybe just stop the episode here because this is our last email yeah goodbye bye we love you thank you for listening thank you for taking care of yourself okay the worst enemy of the pod will have to be my ex-husband let's call him john not his real name but he will be inducted into the enemy of the pod hall of fame as john boo john fuck you john john and i met when i was 18 we dated for a few weeks before we had sex and when that day came i handed him a condom he tried to put it on but he was so dot dot dot small it wouldn't stay on i'm talking legit micro penis that actually has happened to me it's crazy if that exists micro penises like no shame if you

have that but like that's a wild like thing to like own um frustrated he asked if he could just not use one and he would pull out i know i know stupid but i blame it on my underdeveloped frontal load in my past sexual trauma and my need to be wanted we've all been there i mean yeah we're not judging you i mean i hate to i hate to say it there's been so many times where or not so many but we've all had an experience where like can i just not use one you're like oh fine yeah and just like stop whining shut up i'll do anything yeah stop talking um so i said yes he flopped on top of me for less than two minutes and exclaimed he was done no foreplay no orgasm for me cool i guess i knew this wouldn't last much longer because what the fuck well guess who got pregnant

no i found out a couple weeks later as one does when your period is late i immediately told him he eventually confessed that he did not pull out because he was ashamed he came so quickly what the fuck i realize now as an adult this was assault but did not recognize it at the time yeah i'm sorry we need to pause yeah i want to go in i need to hop into a time machine and punch this man in the face yeah i'll fill i'll film it how are you what do you imagine he looks like i honestly i'm picturing so he's 18 in here right yeah so she was 18 i don't know how old he is but she was 18 i'm thinking like scrawny um like wears white t-shirts that are like really stretched out on the neck you know those ones oh my god and comes from a good family oh my god what do you

think i was imagining just someone kind of like grotesque because she said flopped on top of me for two minutes yeah who amongst us has not been flopped upon who amongst us okay uh in the shame of a man flopping on top of you for two minutes been there okay i planned to get an abortion but he talked me out of it convinced me we would be great parents and get married and build a life together so that's what we did oh no over the years we got married had another kid and bought a house and adopted some dogs over the years i endured emotional financial and spiritual abuse i dropped out of college to be a stay-at-home mom for him i raised our kids in poverty because all of his money went to his gaming addiction i was sucked into his gaming addiction that's not even

a cool addiction no what the fuck no no what game this guy tetris candy crush hey that was pointed i'm sorry that was a gaming addiction candy crushes oh my god yeah i can only imagine that is micro penis behavior you have a gaming addiction get the fuck out of here john it's not even something cool like horse racing yeah no addicted to horse racing betting on horse racing much cooler than gaming addiction much cooler like if you're gonna have a gaming addiction at least like be good at it yeah you know at least win money right just are you getting money in this i don't know okay it's like a more embarrassing it's more embarrassing than a gambling addiction yeah he's spending money on it like what could he possibly it has to be candy crush

skins and halo or whatever yeah fortnight yeah fortnight skins fortnight okay moving along um i was sucked into his family's religious cult i feel like we need another email just for that story i was never allowed to buy anything for myself and i didn't have the financial stability to leave i stayed with him for a total of 10 years girl you are a saint do you think he's mormon his family's religious i feel like they're maybe or they have their own cult maybe maybe they're part of a smaller cult um what were you about to say i don't know i'm gonna make like a micro penis cult joke oh anyways we'll we'll circle back we won't circle back but okay the thing that pushed me over the edge was me suffering from ppd after the birth of our second child i

made an attempt to end my life wow he was at a family event with the kids i knew they would spend the night with his family and he would come home alone and wouldn't and wouldn't find me i odied on medication i stole from my mother good lord he found me in the bathroom covered in my own vomit i woke up to him towering over me and he said the words you should have tried harder maybe you would have finished it and him shutting the door in my face i hope this man dies i i i was thinking something similar i was like okay you need to reply with this fucking address yeah i just want to talk give me his first and last name i'll find his address i for legal reasons we're kidding uh-huh for legal reasons we are kidding wow honestly fuck this guy that i this

yeah i'm like this is the type of man that is another like i really want to try boxing yeah just reading this is getting me heated 100 when i when i listen listener who wrote this in when i go to my first boxing class all those hits are gonna be for john fuck john and i'm doing some voodoo tonight for john oh yeah next full moon that's a really good idea yeah yeah let's cast some spells on john i love that well he has a micro penis so yeah somebody already cast a spell on him it was god that'd be crazy if he just like wasn't like born that way somebody just like voodooed a small dick on him okay i knew that at that moment i couldn't leave this earth and leave my children alone with him oh god within those five following years i managed to get him to get

to let me go to school get a degree and start working i gave him almost all of my paychecks as i was told i had to but was able to put some small cash aside and buy gift cards at grocery stores so he wouldn't notice near the end of our marriage before i left in 2021 i was feeling really down about myself and joined a gym to work on my health and body image issues he told me that i wasn't allowed that i would quote just get hot and leave him unquote you don't need to get hot to leave him yeah brother so i did just that i got hot tur and left him hell yeah hell yeah since our divorce finalized many things have happened most recently him neglecting my dog to the point of almost death i wrote about it on reddit here and she linked to it he has gained a

new girlfriend who is just as shitty as he is and my daughter has chosen to live with me full time instead of him i'm doing great though me and both my kids are in therapy i have an amazing partner with whom i have the best relationship i've ever had we communicate we talk daily and the sex is the best that i've ever had with a little winky oh my god and no the only little winky here is john no but she had a little wink smiley face and my ex-husband is wallowing in his self-made misery all the best from my family to yours and then she also attached a photo of her pup a fun friend he looks like snoopy um holy shit listen i first of all love that she got out of that yep love how she like managed turned turned her shit around like was able to get the fuck out

of there yeah like that's no easy feat no that is incredible strength i think that this email back to back with the other email where the listener asked if things get better like this is this is just proof like it does get fucking better yeah it can get so much better yeah god that's such a good point that was not on purpose that those emails were back to back this is so inspiring i'm glad that she shared this with us and also fuck john fuck you john what what a piece of shit i mean when you said i hope this man dies yeah like we all die so wish wish your wish will come true yeah you know i wish um but i hope it's yeah it's not comfy yeah i hope it's like a death that he like is really upset by you know yeah i don't know i mean i i

want it to be drawn out and traumatizing and painful um and i'm i'll go low you know the listener has she turned her life around i'm and you can you can move on from your past and be the better person but that doesn't mean i have to be no fuck that guy john stupid fucking micro penis and you know no shade to micro penises unless you're a bad person right if you're this guy yeah yeah right who cares we've said a million times on this podcast dick size doesn't matter unless it fucking does yeah and in this case it does it does and that's on that i can't even imagine how difficult i mean like you've healed so much from that but like how difficult it must be to write that all out so we really appreciate you sharing that with us

and for listening for as long as you have and and for letting us share that story with our listeners wow all right well shit i think that's a that is a good bow a big encouraging bow place to end yeah that reminds me subscribe to us on patreon for early access and ad free episodes you'll be listening two days after the election i have to pitch wherever i can um cool do you want to sing yeah just cool we love you our children you won't believe it i i've just been like in la la land for the last like two weeks that i almost forgot what our song was oh my god i know i mean that kind of showed that was nothing like

how it normally is i know i was like um beautiful i'll i i was like i'm gonna figure it out i i'll remember once i'm i'm going you you did a beautiful job i wanted to add a fun twist on it it was great honestly did you speaking of a twist have you heard chapel's new song no she did it on snl you have to listen to it it's kind of twangy which is why i'm hell yeah rendition reminded me everyone's getting a little country country with no o okay bye Thank you.