The Hoely Hour - E208 Butt Dickkiss

Episode Date: November 29, 2024

Nothing says "Thanksgiving Weekend" like a game of Football or Drained Balls. Liz and Amelia talk about The Substance and read a visceral listener Enemy of the Pod email! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

football or drained balls sack yeah drained balls no football or drain balls i hate it i don't like that name but i will play the game it's the name of the game welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com did y'all hear frank laughing in the movie theater last night no okay because he

would be he would laugh okay for context liz and mr liz saw wicked last night in the same theater that me and frank saw wicked last night but we weren't seeing it together um but he would like laugh very loudly just like an isolated laugh and i'm like i'm sure liz and mr liz can hear you i did hear someone laughing but it wasn't it wasn't like crazy or anything i was like yeah this guy's this guy's laughing yeah this guy's having fun this he has not seen this before and he hadn't this was his first musical exposure he had seen like musical theater in high school has seen wicked i know i was picking up on that when we were debriefing after the movie last night um but it was very good highly recommend it also got good ratings on Rotten Tomatoes

interesting yeah which I wasn't expecting I didn't think it was bad it was just hard for me to like be like taken into the their world you know yeah like some of the things on set look cheap that's interesting I wonder if that was an if that was like a design choice to like make it look like gaudy I think well yeah I definitely think the gaudiness like it eventually I eventually was able to get more into it but oh I had started to tell you yesterday but I got distracted like in the earlier scene when younger Elphaba gives her younger sister flowers you can see that the flowers aren't real you can tell that they're fake flowers and I was like uh you're taking the magic away for me a little bit you know surely we could have done something a little

bit less noticeable yeah i don't know that's a good point so um frank could not get over i did like it how cute he thought that the the goat professor was that's funny the whole time he was like it reminds me of polly every time you pop up on screen yeah polly coded but the monkeys were meows coded very mr liz was like when i was a kid these scared the shit out of the flying monkeys are scary i don't like them i don't like them one bit i can't remember how wicked ends so well that'll be exciting for everybody involved i know i'm what i'll probably do after we're done recording is go look at the premise on wikipedia wickedpedia yeah hey and then watch um maybe you watch compilations on on youtube actually the compilation i'll probably watch after i do my

wicked research is um a compilation of leah michelle and glee being super annoying yeah because that was i was just listening to a podcast about how everyone leah michelle's ever worked with hates her yeah have you like heard of some of the shit that she said to people like she's throwing the shit in someone's wig yep that's like the most well-known one she's like i will shit in your wig and you know why she said that no this was uh it was the sixth season of filming glee last season and um there was a new cast member who was 23 and she wasn't dancing while she was off screen and that pissed off leah michelle sent her into a rage she was like even if you're not on camera you should still be dancing oh my god which is so like theater kid of her

really is theater diva uh and then the the new cast member was like i'm not gonna do that and then just like walked away and she's like i'm gonna call ryan murphy the uh director shut up yeah that's just the word that's the kind of person that gives a bit sure the rest of the time just gives theater kids a bad name um she the whole like rumor that she doesn't know how to read was like my favorite internet thing yeah ever kind of funny it's so fucking funny it's not funny to not know how to read that's like tragic that's like really tragic for a lot of people but like because she's so unlikable and like seeing all of the clips of her that like quote-unquote prove that she doesn't know how to read it's so fucking funny it's kind of like um

the gun girl uh yeah what was her name caitlin something uh yeah the one that shit her pants but yeah she didn't actually shit her pants but the fact that that people made that such a prevalent rumor that she shit her pants what's her name caitlin she's so irrelevant you said it last week or last time i know caitlin something anyway it doesn't matter i wish this cat was less in my way i understand that but you know though just because i feel like i'm all up in your business i like it did you get her hair redone yeah i got it done last uh thursday it looks really good thank you you're welcome yeah she made it look because it was looking a little like colorless you know what i mean yeah i understand i need to get mine i need to get mine she was

like well we put ash on it and that like makes it look kind of matte and then i was like i just wanted to be like more i don't know yeah it looks like some dimension it looks bouncy she was like i'm gonna do this how does that sound i was like you're the expert yeah make me perfect make me pretty wait you were you've been like all over the globe uh-huh how was your work how was your work trip um it was like fun i i guess oh you know yeah you know it was cool like it was cool seeing all my co-workers face to face because a lot of them don't work near me every time i see people in person that i work with it like re-motivates me to do my job well yeah i was like wow everyone here is really smart i was telling mr liz that i felt like the dumbest person

in the room he's like that's a good place to be and i was like no because i feel like should i even fucking be here like I mean everybody experiences imposter syndrome you know it is kind of nice working around like so many really smart people totally so anyways so I came up with the game today and I'm really excited about it excited too um so I was watching just for some context of how this came about I was watching football as I do with Frank on Sundays and I kept hearing names that i was like that is a porn star name and so i gathered a series of names that are um that sound like they could be football players or porn stars oh my god but they're and they're actually they're real life football players or real life porn stars and you have to

tell me which is which i named it i don't know any athlete well i was playing this with frank and he knows every athlete's name and he was getting a lot of them wrong so that's a testament i i named this okay football football or drained balls because that is so aggressive thank you that's what i was going for football or drained balls sack yeah drained balls no football or drain balls i hate it i i don't like that name but i i will play the game it's the name of the game okay ready it sounds like a threat football or drain balls

okay ready rocco reed that sounds like a porn star's name yeah oh it is yeah okay good frank guessed football player for that one tommy tremble tommy tremble oh my god i'm gonna guess football player yeah that's actually the one that inspired this game i was like there's no way that that's his name and it is but it should it would be a porn star's name amazing ryan driller ryan driller porn star yep wow you're actually doing very good you're you're you have all you're three for three derrick pierce derrick pierce football no porn jordan love

that does sound like porn star but it's also sounds kind of basic i'm gonna go with football well done he is the my instinct was porn star i will say okay it's i i agree um he's the quarterback of the green bay packers aren't you so proud of me for knowing that um danny mountain porn star yep this is my favorite one danny mountain i do i think danny mountain is a great porn star name absolutely yeah actually like all like ryan driller is a fantastic porn star name um dick butt kiss dick butt kiss i know that's football it's the best fucking name but someone does should make their porn star name also dick butt kiss absolutely or butt dick kiss yeah it's the episode name cameron cox oh there's more there's a there are four more

cameron cox football yep he's supposed to cox but it's still that would be another good porn star name yeah i agree mick blue mick blue porn yep all right you got two more blue would be like a sick like a sick name for like a winter sports person yeah absolutely like a really good snowboarder yeah you're right mcblue mcblue oh my god you're so right um d virgin d e e virgin porn star no oh that one is i'm glad you saved that one d virgin it's such a crazy name all right colt mccoy colt mccoy football yeah so you only got you only got two wrong that's pretty good i'm impressed out of how many three i six to be honest so many of those names could be could go either way that's what i'm saying it is an unserious sport and i stand by that who is dick

butt kiss he was i think he's not alive anymore but he was like a big time nfl guy yeah okay that well because i i've heard that name yeah and i knew it was football there was one on the list um that i was looking at but i thought it would be too obvious and he was also a it wasn't nfl it was he was a college football player named buster hyman which is why so unfortunate why would his parents do that to him one of my professors in college his last name was buster and he said or his last name was hyman and he said his friends used to call him buster hyman all the time that was a real person it turns out um no one's real name is buster yeah that has to be a nickname right what is buster a nickname for

well because the only buster i always think of is like buster bluth from arthur no from arrested development oh but that's a buster arthur's best friend i never watched arthur we had cable so we were rich so no my dad just really liked football i remember i think we didn't have cable for a little while and then i think that it just started to drive all of us insane that makes sense we were like we need something so we had cable but i still fucking lived for arthur and franklin you very much seem like a pbs kid and i don't mean that in an insulting way i was on zoom um mr liz was a pbs kid oh maybe he saw my zoom episode they didn't he might have he probably did he was like i could never figure out the language that they were

speaking and i was like i could never figure it out either oh two one three could you figure it out no what if we had a whole podcast in that language we would lose maybe 90 of our listeners they'd be like no y'all have gone too far i have been trying relentlessly to convince mr liz to learn high valerian with me because you can learn it on uh duolingo what is that high valerian is the language that they speak in um game of thrones um the i mean there's several made up languages that was offensive i don't know what language that was but it offended me deeply that's how daenerys talks when she's giving her speeches well i listened to no that's not how she says

it's like the what the yeah the targaryen speak but um and it's like the the language of the the dragons um right but i was gonna say oh daniel tosh on his podcast interviews the guy who comes up with like a bunch he comes up he's like the guy in hollywood who comes up with different languages he's like once you figure out how to do it it's not very hard so which is crazy yeah i guess it makes sense there are two people who do that in hollywood and it's him and his wife oh shit yeah and they used to not like each other because they were like in competition with like how to make a language i guess that makes sense though because it's like if you can like decode like a like a code thing i don't know

if you could decode a code if you could decode a code then you could probably figure out how to create your own language i was watching yeah it's like a documentary math of sounds and letters yeah i was watching the documentary about um the zodiac killer that was just released on netflix it's very good by the way highly recommend and a lot of that was like about him sending these codes to like newspapers for people to decode about what he was trying to say and how he was a teacher and he would always teach his kids how to create code he was laying down all of this like evidence his whole fucking life and nobody caught him that's a story for another time speaking of movies i just saw the substance have you seen it no but mr liz told me the entire premise when he saw it

and i'm like and i read about it on wikipedia well because i was he was like i'm gonna go see this movie blah blah blah do you want to see it and i was like no um you didn't want to see it i'm actually surprised i don't like scary movies it was a lot of gory yeah he said it was a lot of like body horror yeah which i'm not really into that i can't do that it's really gory yeah yeah so he he told me the whole premise of it it's very very good but i i i know all of it enough to like understand the uh like tiktoks about yeah i'm like okay so we learn nothing yeah also i saw this like side by side it's like a slide compilation of like like lindsey lohan how she looked a few years ago and then how she looks now and like christina aguilera and then

demi more all of them and then i'm just like why are we celebrating a or and what they looked like when they were like 18 so i'm like why are we celebrating someone like lindsey lohan an almost 40 year old woman looking 18 that is fucking creepy yeah like sure she can look great but the pressure on these women who are grown adults to look like they're teenagers yeah and then everyone applauding it yeah that's crazy i know that is it's it's icky it really is for context if y'all don't know what the substance is about because i really didn't know anything going in which was shocking but it's about um a substance it's about an aging actress who's played by demi more who um is getting replaced on her show for a younger actress um on her 50th birthday she

gets fired and she gets approached with this opportunity to take the substance which every seven days a younger version of her is like out and about in the world and there's a lot of emphasis on like remember that you are the same person like this is still you even though you're two different bodies and it is just may transfer your consciousness yeah back and forth more essentially yeah i mean it gets a little it gets a little muddy in that sense but it's so fucking good and it's such a good commentary on like what women in hollywood and just everywhere have to deal with with like expecting like you're saying to like look 18 when they're like 40 you know or like men are allowed to age and like be in positions of power like dennis quaid who by the

way really disappointed to find out is like a shitty dude that's not surprising in real life and he played a shitty dude in the movie yeah um but he's aging and he's in a position of power and all of the executives are like white haired men and they're in positions of power making these decisions and it's like it's just such a perfect illustration of like what women are up against and it is also the grossest fucking movie i've ever seen in my life it's so gross it's so gross so if you don't like body horror don't see it but it's so good did mr liz like it yeah yeah he said he did and he said by the end the the gore was like almost like a joke yeah yeah they really laid it was like way it was like an obscene amount of gore yeah and then by the end everyone's like

okay yeah yeah we get it it's it was and i think that that was on purpose to like really like lay it on thick but oh my god it was so fucking good and i love margaret qualey plays the younger version i was i knew that she was in it i just didn't know what her role was she is so hot like i don't understand there's a lot of shots of just like her ass in it and i've never seen she had to have I mean good for her if she wasn't that she had to have been airbrushed the whole movie I was like how did she do that but she's trained in ballet I didn't know that so like a lot of like I thought she had stunt doubles for a lot of the shit that she was doing but she just like does that shit I don't know she's really cool I really like her good for Jackie Antonoff

um so what's next highly recommend um I don't know that's more enemies we have a lot of enemy of the pod emails i love that um thank you for sending these keep sending them because i think this should be a recurring thing on here absolutely more enemies of the pod it's a subject line oh yeah we should maybe transition so we're gonna read more enemies of the pod emails because those have been really fun for everybody involved fun for you guys to write fun for us to read and commentate on um and fun to listen to yeah so let's fucking go i love having new people to hate me too me too it feels there's something that feels like cathartic about just not liking somebody that you don't even know you know yeah you know what i mean yeah um more enemies of the pod is

the title of this one hi gorgeouses hi gorgeous okay it sounds like an st i know i was gonna say gorgi does not sound nice i have gorgi we'll stick with gorgeouses i am loving this enemies of the pod segment i'm a sucker for commentary on listener email style pod so it's and your commentary is gold oh it's gold jerry does it say that yeah it's gold jerry anyhow i have already written about one enemy of the pod with the legend of chowder email oh my god iconic we talk about that email all the time it's become an intrusive thought anyways i guess i know how to pick up i could trauma dump about my dating history all day but instead i'll reminisce on the bullshit behaviors that

sad little teen me put up with in my first relationship before i knew better woof trigger warning abortion abuse and dick cheese no after chowder after chowder that's wild we gotta go back to dick cheese fuck um i'll present in list format in no particular order the first week we started dating he told me that when he told his friends he was dating me they said that's nice of you man because she's kind of fat then laughed i was maybe a size six but hello early 2000s what a great start in the rare case he was looking at me instead of his call of duty he would hold in my face in his hands or he would hold my face in his hands which i would think was nice until he reminded me how much he wished i could shave my jaw down

so i looked less manly who the fuck is this man he was just jealous of my strong jaw which i am now quite proud of fuck yeah uh he got kicked out of his dad's house for being an asshole so he moved into my bedroom we were still in high school and my parents hated him oh my god i needed to game constantly if i used my own wi-fi and it caused his game to stall he would either pin me down and punch my leg till i charlie horsed i told everyone i had bruised legs from an iron deficiency or he would pull his pants down pin me down and fart directly on my face once giving me pink eye this is like brother behavior yeah what the fuck this is really stupid uh and abuse yeah it's also abuse yes it's brother behavior which maybe it shouldn't be yeah but it is um apparently his

parents never taught him that he needed to pull his foreskin back in the shower he was my first peen p-e-e-n oh no ew so i thought it was normal to have half a taste tablespoon of rancid cottage cheese beneath the head i'm touching amelia's leg because i need some emotional support while i read so i learned to give head by taking a sip of water first and quickly cleaning it with my mouth and quickly swallowing it no oh my god you need to go to a doctor oh my god oh my god it has a crying emoji you're probably immune to so many things now though you need to be studied vaccine yeah succine this man never even tried to give my clit a lick in the two years i endured him two years i can't i can't

finish reading this if if i didn't orally clean him before we had sex i got a uti yeah of course of course i got so many the time in the time we were together that i have scarring on my bladder oh shit i didn't know that that was possible i need a breath do you want me to take over no that was you want to talk about body now i'm like okay i could totally fucking watch the substance now just after reading this email holy shit oh my god now i have to edit it dick cheese smells too like it smells like fish okay i'm gonna cry when we had car sex at a party one time he didn't want to open the door and come outside and obviously this boy never put a condom on after the first time when we lost our virginity

to each other so he insisted he come inside me i said no because i'm ovulating and he said there's no way i could know that and i said well i do so i'll have to take plan b he's not even sorry go on he said no that makes you spot and it's gross okay it's either that or a fucking baby you idiot he's also like not the foremost authority on like decisions to make on bodies yeah he doesn't even know how to wash his own nasty dick are you kidding me you had to do with a mouthful of stop stop i do not ever want to remember this i'm gonna get so high after this that i forget we even recorded the podcast because i need to forget about this until i edit oh this is so good i fucking can't oh my god okay uh no that makes you gross if you do that i get to hook

up with insert girl that's way too hot for him's name here are you fucking kidding me no let him try and fuck this hot girl yeah that would actually be hilarious let him try and then and then if he if he by some miracle is able to do that she's gonna get to the point and be like why is your dick so nasty wash your dick oh so i let him i didn't take plan b and i got pregnant oh my god oh no when i told him i was pregnant he said great you're going to use this as an excuse to get fat and be a bitch can we kill this man yeah i'm like back to the gun statement i've been making the last few episodes wait what the fuck like i know that this guy was in high school but like this is the kind of

personality structure that doesn't change like like for him to act like this and then also have a nasty dick i can't right i fucking can't yeah this man's just walking around living his life being a fucking piece of shit it makes you wonder how many other pieces of shit have nasty dicks like a lot of them yeah right yeah how many of them are just like yeah talking shit meanwhile they have dick cheese yeah no the next time you feel like sad that somebody turned you down no just remember they probably have there are men out here who do not how to know not only not wash their ass but they can't wash their dick yeah you can't choose one choose one affliction okay so i broke up with him and booked an abortion thank goodness for my reproductive rights back

then wow damn yeah a few days later he came crawling back crying as always and tried to convince me to keep it because we were meant to be and it'll be so cute luckily i was nowhere close to convinced he promised he'd come with me to the appointment which was at 7 a.m this way i didn't have to tell my parents i was ashamed too so i was grateful the night before the appointment he texted me at 11 p.m do i have to go to the hospital with you tomorrow i can't fall asleep and if i don't sleep that'll mess me up all week you just uh you'll just be put out anyways right i didn't reply and went and woke up my mom with my horrible news and asked her if she'd wake up and wake up to take me wake up early to take me she was emotional but supportive of

sucking that asshole's demon spawn out of me hopefully cutting ties from him oh my god all this occurred during my grad week no so i hate looking back on the grad photos seeing the makeup up on my bruises and knowing i was carrying his child he wasn't even at the grad at the grad because he got expelled the week before for pulling fire alarms and drinking beer during gym class of course he did sadly i went back to him for a while after the abortion i mean i like when you've been like that's a really traumatic experience so i kind of like don't blame someone for going back to what they felt was like their normal yeah absolutely which you know oftentimes is what we know is not right for us but it's familiar so the familiarity

feels safe there was lots of grad parties and stuff i was on medication from the procedure so i couldn't drink i dd'd him for every event staying until 2 a.m sometimes he'd want to have sex after but after a dnc you cannot put anything up there for weeks i thought it was 12 weeks at the time but realized later on i was wrong so i had to learn how learn quickly how to become a queen of anal a skill that did serve me well during my single years oh yeah absolutely but let's be real he did not fucking deserve that a few years after this i found the recording i had from a tea leaf psychic reading i'd had when i was like 14 she predicted that i would have a young pregnancy with a difficult man and a child would be a devil child difficult baby evil child and

dangerous man wow am i ever grateful to not have an evil 14 year old son right now oh my god it's crazy i had totally forgotten all about that reading anywho there are more tales and he is the reason i still flinch when someone raises their hand near me 14 years later but i got out of his life but i got out and his life stayed terrible of course good yeah that's karma i'm actually writing in from the beach of vietnam on my honeymoon next to my sexy husband who fell asleep while rereading his lord of the rings book for the umpteenth time oh i love that i just got chili yeah king behavior the kings kings love lord of the rings they do it's true they love rereading lord of the rings yes agreed um he listens to me is hilarious knows that i'm funnier brags about me

helps me achieve my goals is super smart a protective ally rocks his bi-wife energy loves cleaning the house and is generally obsessed with me oh my god in keeping with the theme it gets better oh i love you mamacitas so much thank you for four years of sharing caring and barely sparing these gremlins their lives keep up the good work love your canadian bestie oh my what a fucking email we're clapping for you phenomenal email that was a fun read what a roller coaster it truly was i love the ending of just like yes sometimes shit really sucks yeah yes but you know something you've come out on top i was telling you well i sent you a long voice note about um i was going through this woman's um tiktoks she's telling a story about

how she had a stalker who broke into her home and when did you send me this voice note the other day when i sent you two voice notes oh i haven't listened to that oh okay i'm so sorry okay so i'm hearing this for the first time um her stalker broken and she didn't know he was stalking her so uh broke into her home and um assaulted her like both but like violently attacked her um and like tried to rape her and um she fought back and uh when i was watching her talk about like this experience you know eventually she starts saying like she had a boyfriend at the time and people are like well what the fuck did your boyfriend do and she's like i've been avoiding talking about this but like he essentially he's just like a shitty guy he'd like textbook

narcissist which you know i i don't like generalizing with like the the label narcissist right and like legitimately yeah like he this man is a sociopath he um they were on and off for like five years and at this point they were off and he had come over earlier in the day and they were doing like boyfriend girlfriend stuff and she's like what are we doing like are we together or not and he's like no i need like a year to be single and figure out what i want and then she was like okay then i don't want to fucking do this and then he leaves so they have this kind of like spat and um then she gets violently attacked and is in the hospital like she was stabbed and she lost um like two of her fingers are now disabled um holy shit i mean luckily they like you know

she still has her fingers but like yeah she fought back and she was like i never thought i would be someone who fought back like but i did i was and i don't know her talking about it is really interesting um my god but this man comes to the hospital and makes it about himself of course like he has his hood up he's moping and she's like immediately trying to comfort him even though she is in the hospital like with with such severe wounds and trauma yeah the trauma of someone breaking into your home like learning that they've been watching you like yeah the violation on so for seven years he was stalking seven seven years yeah oh my god like from another state she's like that was the first time i had ever seen him or remembered seeing him

anyways um so while she's dealing with the trauma of like her home being broken into and violently attacked she's also dealing with this narcissistic abusive relationship and then she's like yeah afterwards you know he was at everything he tried to like make it all about himself he was telling everybody what happened and everybody feels bad for him and like I don't know it's a bunch of fucking bullshit it was pissing me off I was like I can't tell if he is actually worse than the person who attacked you like they broke up they're not together yeah yeah but he broke up with her by he broke up with her well like try he he like ended things by trying to literally gaslight her and tell her that they were never in a relationship

and she was like and that made me feel insane so then she had to go back and look at pictures and she's like no we were very much together and then just seeing her hindsight on the situation like not even just about her ex-relationship but like being able to look at that situation and then being able to look at the person who attacked her the whole how like she handled it all of that she just has like this perspective on life that is so i don't know like moving and and wise it's incredible to come out of that with that mentality yeah and she's not even the first so after i watched all of her tiktoks i got another person who had survived like a violent carjacking my god um and they both have similar kind of perspectives of like like the feeling of

no one being no one's going to help you i don't know it's just i think it's amazing what we can do when we're faced with moments like that and that's like not to say i mean there are so many people that fight and don't make it out but still like like the first person you were talking about how she was like i never thought i would be somebody that fights back and i did like being faced with those moments you never know how you're gonna be i mean she was in this five-year relationship with someone who was slowly chipping away at her own self-confidence and her like questioning of who she was to to get to the point where she was surprised that she was someone who would fight for her life yeah um and that made me really sad but i think the most important

thing was like hearing that these two women talking about their perspective of this experience not just it happening because that's what everybody focuses on yeah is that's what's happening um like they survived this event they talk about the fallout and ptsd afterwards and like the impact it's had on their interpersonal relationships and their mental health and those are things that people like if they don't have to deal with it you know they're just like not even gonna think about it and i i think like hearing directly from these two women who are so good at articulating like what's going on around them and how it is affecting their day-to-day lives like is really powerful and it also just kind of shows like like we know that violence

against women is common but it's also like it's acceptable yeah we live in a world where violence against women is acceptable yeah and and being against the law is not the same as being unacceptable you know like just because it's against the law doesn't mean that it's oh yeah these people might not ever even like serve yeah right exactly the first woman luckily you know her attacker is spending life in prison good thank god but this second girl who was attacked in a brutal carjacking you know she lives in a bad part of town and they like yeah she lives in a bad part of town and um the people who stole her car and like tried to kill her are drug addicts so it's dismissed and they're not thinking about the victim and like

so many things are not victim focused and I get you know I've never experienced something like that so how would I know that you know but how our like system deals with crime is not considerate of victims whatsoever yeah and anyways i i think that if you are to ever come across either of those women on tiktok you should watch their stories and watch how they talk about this experience yes they're both white women too and i just know that if they weren't white women who are also like conventionally attractive they would not even have as much of the the resolve that they've gotten so far totally absolutely it's super fucked up yeah that's important to call out anyways this is how our podcast goes you know we read an email about dick cheese um and

then uh go on a completely separate tangent before we move on to the next enemy of the potty mail what what are we calling this guy dick cheese is that going to be as god i guess okay dick cheese you've been inducted into the hall of dick butt kiss shame dick butt kiss no we like dick butt kiss but we don't like dick cheese i'm kiana and i leveled up my business with shopify once i figured out that shopify was a thing i never turned back i can create a site with my eyes closed shopify thinks ahead of us you know and it thinks about the customer more than anything every day i'm thinking about some other new business but shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use it's like i can't stop i'm addicted start your free trial at shopify.com

okay this subject line is enemy of the pod listen amelia before i get into my own enemy of the pod tm i just wanted to say how cathartic it was to hear you say fuck you john in the last episode because my story is about a john and woo boy did i need to hear someone other than me say that fuck you john you got an actual applause for me while i was driving i love that we'll say it again at the end of this too i'm sure hands on the wheel but yeah i'm just kidding right if you're applauding me you can do whatever you want yeah right yeah break the law we don't care um okay anyway this john isn't as bad as the one from the last episode but still an absolute cretin nonetheless trigger warning for mentions of self-harm and suicidal ideation and i suppose

emotional neglect and possible emotional manipulation from him also john is his real name but it's such a common name that i don't think it really matters that i'm using it agreed here we go a non-exhaustive list of things i put up with from this man not necessarily in chronological order one when we went for walks he would often reach into his pants to dot dot dot rearrange himself when he got uncomfortable this was in public in front of other people why do dudes do that touch their their beepers just like shove their hands down their pants and readjust themselves i don't know go to a corner yeah yeah like it's i'm certainly it's uncomfortable but like just do you need to like go full like diving on in there in public we need to bring

back public shaming i agree okay two i once cleaned up urine from the floor of his bathroom because i couldn't stand the smell when i was getting changed one morning i'm unsure how long it was there ew like do people have nostrils like he went nose blind to it for sure ew yeah nose blind to the smell of your own caked up piss yeah caked up piss it's like it sounds like pumped up kicks three i'm recovering the other kids and the cake three i'm recovering from codependency and i believe he used that against me in several ways including future faking and potentially orchestrating our entire relationship by by first romancing my dungeons and dragons character i consented to the in-game romance

but it's something i've wondered that's interesting and also like really manipulative if that is what happened yeah huh i have questions wow okay sorry four staying with the codependency for a second he would tell me that i needed to be quote more emotionally self-sufficient unquote when he really meant that he didn't want to have to hear about or otherwise deal with anything negative from me i couldn't even i fucking hate when you had a bad day yeah i don't want to hear about my fucking problem um i couldn't even vent about a frustrating day at work without him responding like he couldn't have cared less this came up a lot and he'd always be non-committal about supporting me until i let him off the hook the worst part about this was that the sentiment that

i needed to be more emotionally self-sufficient was true in the work i was doing in therapy so i bought into it and tried to be quote better for him I was also struggling with low self-esteem and self-harm so ultimately this dynamic and his apathy contributed to active suicidal ideation for me and even though he said he was there for me when I first told him I thought I needed help it turned into him saying that he didn't think he should be involved as I continue to deteriorate and ask for further help another thing he told me that has stuck with me is that he quote only needs people's presence only needs people's presence or their absence I'm still not sure what he meant by that yeah I was like did I just read that yeah I like had to go back and read that

again I only need people's presence or their absence but never both so true okay wow you like when people are with me I need them to be here but when they're not here I need them to be gone you know what I'm saying I mean I feel like that's even like makes more sense than what he's saying what you just said i'm still not sure what he meant by that but it feels like he was saying that if he doesn't need someone to be present he needs them to be absent considering he told me this after he took space for himself for three weeks with no contact while keeping plans with other people including his best friend who he'd previously dated and had a friends with benefits relationship before me of course eye roll i think he may have been telling me that he just wanted me

to go away while also telling me he loved me dude my ex did that to me in college that shit fucked me up those are the big things but for now for a few rapid fire things he was the first one to say i love you and then when he was breaking up with me over text he basically said we'd never been that serious this was bullshit for additional reasons including me him telling me that he wished his father who had passed away could have met me this shit pisses me off yeah like weaponizing that shit well and also the one to be like i'm gonna pursue you super fucking hard even though i'm in love with my ex and then i am going to convince you of like how i feel for you and then gaslight you and try to tell you that i never like actually really liked you yeah i

swear like get a fucking hobby i don't care you don't need women to be your hobby no like if you feel bad about yourself don't start dating someone so you can feel better about yourself and also maybe some people should feel bad about themselves yeah we don't say that we don't we don't lean into that you need to own not liking yourself and then take that and and then be like i don't like myself what can i do to become a person that i like being yeah and i'm gonna tell you right now the answer is not uh get into a relationship with someone right preach girl she's spitting um he would tell me he needed me to support him but what he really meant was quote i need you to agree with me and all my decisions or i'll just be distant with you until i feel like i've gotten

my way of course he had the audacity to think that we'd be friends after the breakup i hate that shit yeah he was i mean clearly he's done that since he's like was hanging out with his best friend that he like had a friend with benefits x yeah um it's like well can i continue to emotionally manipulate you yeah do you but as a friend right because i still want your attention and since i'm breaking up with you that's exactly what that is you're so that's spot on that's exactly what that is throw a shoe at his face he was the first man i trusted in a romantic relationship after an emotionally abusive situation ship in high school he was my first kiss i don't have words for how much i hate that i will say that i now understand the importance

of asking someone how they give and receive emotional support in relationship which is a good lesson to learn but something that i've been working through since this relationship is what to do when someone puts on a good show and then goes back on their word once you've you're invested in the relationship unfortunately i haven't found a good answer so i have some pretty gigantic trust issues to figure out before i try to date again i hate that i hate that people have the power to make us question everything like that or like question our own judgment like what makes them so important but they are you are allowed to change your mind but you need to like also consider like how many promises you've broken to this person yeah it's like why why would anyone believe you

yeah anyways um but yeah that's the story of john can't wait to hear how you roast him if you decide to read this on an episode p.s an honorable mention for two other enemies of the pod oh we got some bonuses my cousin passed away suddenly almost two years ago and when i told two of my remaining high school friends about it they initially seemed really supportive they invited me out to lunch to spend time together and i was looking forward to it because it had been a rough week since his death I had therapy in the morning before I was supposed to meet them and I was exhausted from everything but I showed up to where I was supposed to meet them and at first they were just running late but then it got later and later and they still hadn't arrived so I called them they told

me that they actually decided to go somewhere else and maybe I could meet them there because they also weren't going to be able to spend the whole afternoon like they said that they would only be able to stay for an hour or two now like I said I was exhausted my normal levels of anxiety were at their threshold since my cousin died because we had barely any information on what the hell happened to him and changing plans the last second wasn't helping I explained to them that I would rather keep the plans we decided on and when they refused to budge I told them fine we'll figure out a time that works better for everyone later but obviously it didn't feel fine and I was working hard on speaking up for myself so I recorded a voice note telling them that they

hurt my feelings but that I valued our friendship and wanted to talk about it so I would be back in touch with them when I had the spoons to hash everything out with them they told me that they were appalled that I would be so selfish that I would that I should have been grateful because they were trying to do something nice for me which come on in terms of friendship spending time together is just sort of what you do that's like the the bare minimum expectation of being a friend the next line is literally the bar is in hell yeah literally I ended my friendships with them and them then and there because I don't need people in my life who feel inconvenienced by having to spend time with me I hate to say this it's also like such high school friend behavior

absolutely 100 i know too many people whose high school friends are like yeah not not yeah not reliable yeah um and given that changing plans and cutting them short was a pattern of behavior up until that point it was definitely time for me to go i can't believe that they like made the plans with her and then changed them and then didn't tell her until she reached out to them yeah that's insane yeah it should have been like a constant communication right especially when you're like dealing with like like a depressive yeah they're planning to go to lunch because of her yeah and then they're like changing the plans and not telling her yeah like how dare you be so selfish that's fucking crazy and then she ends with i just i just realized how long this

email is so thanks for giving me the space to vent of course we love venting here we that's the venti hour it feels good yeah it absolutely does and now we don't like john or your two friends bow peep and mary bow peep and mary i was like she has a little lamb right i was like i'm gonna let her yeah mary has a little lamb let her cook yeah why do they both why are they both uh like lady shepherds you know because they're sheep they follow whatever one another does okay oh slay that was my plan all along so they've all been inducted into the enemies of the pod hall of shame love that thank you so much thank you yeah thank you i feel like this is a good place to end yeah i think so too we're recording on a sunday which is god's day i know it feels

kind of nice yeah i like it i didn't have to pay for parking i love that i love that too i love money it's me whipping watch me whip all right well would you like to lead us out yeah now that we've watched uh wicked um do some defying gravity i was gonna end with that beautiful amazing i'm trying to think of how we can we love you our children but we love you our children flawless honestly no notes it's beautiful We'll see you next time.