The Hoely Hour - E211 A Can of BUSH'S Baked

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

The girls discuss the Lily Phillips situation of sleeping with 100 men in one day, and the correlation (and maybe causation?) between violence against women going up and people treating sex workers so heinously. There’s also an update on a listener email we read last week, which leads to an important discussion about HPV. All around, super lighthearted episode! /s Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ooh. Okay. Oh my god. Who is she? I transformed into a new bitch. I love it. Thanks. Me too. Welcome to The Holy Hour, a podcast about sex, relationships, mental health, and everything in between. I'm Amelia Sanson. And I'm Liz Ball. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok at The Holy Hour. I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Amelia Sanson. And I'm on Instagram and TikTok at Liz Ball So Hard. You can also watch us on YouTube or listen ad-free on Patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at the holy hour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com you look very cozy like um like business commuter chic oh my god thank you yeah this is my airplane outfit i love it usually i love that my airplane

outfit is like whatever i slept in like most of the time i did buy this to be to look like socially acceptable pajamas that's great because i was wearing more or less pajamas before this and then i was like i want to be comfortable but i need to look not like a slob yeah yeah because it feels like whenever i'm at the airport i always i am always like i meant tonight oh you never look like a slob even when you're in a sweatshirt you don't look like a slob thank you i whenever i'm in an airport i am always the sloppiest bitch in the airport and i'm like why why are there multiple women wearing jeans so many people who look too good at the airport yeah like in business clothes i get because it's like if you're jumping off the

plane and heading right into like a business meeting i get that otherwise i don't want to hear your excuses walking through any airport in California I'm like oh my god I know do you guys sleep why do you look so nice yeah not me not this bitch couldn't be me could not be me so that's why I got this because I was like okay I don't wear I just don't wear makeup on the plane yeah because fuck that my skin gets all dry and gross yeah and I just oh yeah you feel like nasty after getting off the plane so i just have i i extra moisturize before i get on i have a whole routine i have a whole you got to take care of yourself before that is harsh harsh conditions i shower before oh um you know maybe like the night before um so i'm nice and clean when i shower the night

before i don't want to feel gross on an airplane i still feel gross after the airplane but that's why you take a little body shower yeah i see i don't there are people that i know that don't shower after a flight and it's crazy i know i thought that this was just like a universally known rule you shower after you have to it's the nastiest environment people are like no planes are actually super clean i'm like in what universe like are you flying private i don't even want to wear the same clothes no i have to wash you have to wash them right i know there's too many people there's too many people too many farts in general everybody becomes so gassy on airplanes and then that air is recycled doing before you get on a plane that you're ripping

ass a can of bushes baked i know sometimes i i know i've brought this up before but mr liz his farts are noxious and i'm like we ate the same fucking thing yeah what is going on in your gut biome right now yeah i feel like men are like fermentation buckets they're just like little bottles of kombucha yeah you put one thing in and it comes out fermented my little pickle jar i do think maybe his gut biome's fucked up he should start eating seaweed though it has gotten a lot better since we started dating what's there was like a trend on tiktok where like people were eating like jars of algae to like get their gut biome right there are too many things happening tiktok is always like your gut biome's fucked and like your cortisol is high and it's like maybe

maybe you're we're just aging my cortisol is high because of tiktok i so listen i'm on week two of my little app yeah give an update i'm i'm feeling great my attention span has significantly improved improved um i don't feel as like i don't know stressed yeah good still stressed right now of course still reasonably um stressed about right existing last night i was thinking about all the shit i need to do this week at work um it's the worst and I was high so you know that never helps not a good combo and before we go to bed I was like we need to leave the lights on because I need to like write out what I'm going to do tomorrow because I have um I have a like time block planner and it's really handy when I'm

like feeling extra stressed good it does help to they say when you can't sleep at night to write out everything that you need to do the next day to help you fall asleep thank you I just got them done they're not the shape i really wanted but whatever she didn't do the right shape i i feel like in general at that salon they're not very good at shapes no they make them too wide even even my almonds i'm like this is a wide ass almond see yours really depends on who it is but both of the ones i got i feel like my almonds were too wide and i was and i have skeleton lady hands yeah you have really that's maybe that's why they always look too wide because your hands or so what's your ring size um like a five okay there's a girl that was here this weekend that

was staying with us her ring size was like a 3.5 oh my god i'm like that's like a midi like i put it on and it like barely fit on my pinky i'm like girl you have the smallest little baby fingers i've ever seen i'm a six and a half frank um um noted should we jump into our topics yeah let's do it okay the ours you you mean yours i came unprepared what's mine what's mine is yours thank you that we did agree on that when we decided to um get married yeah this is a communist podcast yeah okay have you been following you haven't been on social media but i'm sure that you know about this um the only fans model lily phillips that was sleeping with 100 men in 24 hours yes now she's doing a thousand men in 24 hours a thousand yeah so i watched this

there's a youtube documentary that this guy yeah i only saw clips of it continue she um he like followed her around for like i think it was like the week leading up to her sleeping with 100 men in 24 hours and then was like there for the day of and I was like shocked at like so many aspects of this documentary like first of all she seems like the sweetest most like she just seems like a good girl which I mean I'm not saying they're like mutually exclusive but like she does have this like social media presence of her being like come rail me you know what I mean like pay it pay money to like fuck me for five minutes but then like behind the scenes she's so like soft-spoken and like she's like her main concern is making sure that like she like these guys have

a good time and like they don't feel like their time is wasted and like she was having all of these like she was feeling so bad about like what if i can't make them come then they feel like it was like a waste of time and like she was walking him through like what she would do when the guys come in like hello welcome in it's so nice to meet you like here you can hang your jacket here like she was so kind and gentle and it was very clear how many like bad influences are around her like her managers like her manager is just this like sleazy dude that like is like encouraging all of this to happen her parents know about it yeah like everyone around her is like she took it like a champ like she was so good and like at the end of all of it like she skipped lunch because

they were behind schedule so she was getting oh my god railed by a hundred dudes without a break without eating any food and she was like putting on this good show afterward like she came out and like talked to everybody you know like the camera crew and like her team and he she said to the guy that was making the documentary like you probably saw this clip where she was like I wouldn't recommend it like it was a lot more overwhelming than I expected it to be and then she started crying I didn't actually see this clip I only like read about it that she started crying oh my it's the most heartbreaking thing and like and then at the end of the documentary he like talks about how she just announced she's gonna do a thousand men in 24 hours that seems impossible right a hundred

was already a stretch so i don't know if she already felt so bad afterwards yeah um and well i i know that there's like other like there are other creators um i think one of them is like an english girl she's a english or australian i i believe she's english and she'll be like um she'll go to college campuses like for their freshman orientation and stuff and um i think they call it freshies i i don't know something like that's british and um she'll like the way she markets it is like watch me fuck a bunch of barely legal teens and people are like girl what the fuck is wrong with you because even in regular porn that's like problematic repulsive and then anytime someone has something to say to her about it she's like well that's the law so like if they

i would say the same thing no matter what age they were like if it was barely legal or something like that and then she's like people who say these things to me are just jealous of how i look and they're like women who can't have sex or something like that it's it's very like just surface level petty bullshit um but a take on i did see on the girl you're talking about um someone was like i think we need to call it what it is and it's like a form of self-harm yes i was i was just about to say that that's what it is like she is putting herself and her body through so much shit and like when she's talking about it and saying she like genuinely loves it you can like she's not selling it well you know and it's like a candid conversation like behind the scenes

you know and she's still like no like i really really love it like i love having sex and the and the interviewer is like i don't know if i believe that like that's shocking to me and she's like oh really ha ha ha and it's like there's not there's there's the cell phone quite literally be an info yeah totally but i also think there it there's the issue of like internet fame becoming addictive and like feeling the need to keep one-upping yourself or like doing whatever you can to stay relevant because like once you sleep with 100 guys in 24 hours like where do you go from there you know and like the only place to go you can't stall out there really like if you're if you get to this point it's like okay let's do a thousand like that's a crazy

a hundred to a thousand is insane is this fucking jump do like 101 it just feels like it's never gonna be there she's running the risk of it never being enough for her you know like i think she's going to keep doing well already seems like it's too much absolutely um she's saying she like learned from her mistakes and she's gonna like do it better next time it's like maybe do 100 again then you know like 100 other they already had a hard time like filling the slots like guys were like dropping out day of so they were having i mean yeah yeah well a huge controversy with i wish i could uh oh oh it's something blue is her name bonnie blue is the the english one um people in australia were petitioning to like

not allow her to go to any of the college campuses because um the whole deal is like she'll fuck them for free as long as they agree to let her use it for content and i don't even think she like blurs out their faces i'm not sure though um but still like these are people who these are our young boys they're boys yeah they're 18 years old yeah like deciding to participate in pornography for free before they like their brains are done developing yeah like i don't know yeah the long-term consequences of it totally especially like what if that's your first time yeah that and like i'm sure that there are a handful of boys that like it's agreed to do it predatory yes and then they only agree to do it because

their friends like they thought it would like be like funny and like they're like it would make their friends laugh the amount of stupid shit that my guy friends in college would do just to make their friends laugh like that that could ruin their entire lives i also i don't know like if i were a girl that age and i found out that someone i like was seeing or interested in had done that yeah it would change what i think and feel about them permanently yes like i don't think i would ever be able to engage in a relationship with someone who agreed to that no um yeah because especially what's the girl you're talking about lily phillips lily phillips um especially i don't know like they're participating in this girl's self-harm

yeah and not able to recognize it that way yeah the one of the dudes i was interviewed in the in the film like the documentary about it um they blurred his face but like he was shaking so much after like he could he was like trying to drink juice and like his hand was shaking like so much and he was like that wasn't at all what i expected it to be like that and i think like a big piece of it is like she was saying in the documentary she like shut she shuts down she like dissociates people are like that is a trauma response and like a handful of those dudes that showed up to have sex with her must recognize that and look at her and be like well it's the same type of thing with like um the french woman whose husband was like drugging her and she was being assaulted like

the men and the men on the other end of that situation you know you know what you're doing is wrong yeah and even in this situation where she is consenting like when you think of the perspective of like someone who is disassociating yeah as a result of a trauma response like yeah yeah i know like consent is something that is so obvious but being a good person should also be really fucking obvious like if you're witnessing someone kind of disassociating while you're fucking like why not take a moment and be like are you okay right you don't have to do this yeah i don't know yeah i just there's it makes me really sad yeah and not one out of the 100 i i haven't i i know i've like kind of talked about it before just like the the feeling the

feelings that i've had that have changed around how i feel about sex work um with women specifically because it it's so like it's not a black and white like you either support it or you don't No, like I do think that it should be like sex work should be legal because then there will be repercussions for people who are abused, abusive to sex workers. There will be things in place to protect these people. And there's also like the conflicting feeling of like, OK, if sex work is the only way that this person is not in poverty, that shouldn't fucking exist. That shouldn't be happening. yeah if if the other alternative is poverty there's something wrong yes so and and is it a choice at that point yeah so that's i mean i guess i think having like laws and regulations

in place to protect sex workers could help alleviate that absolutely i mean it would help they're not they're like women wouldn't need pimps if there are laws in place because basically that's what that's what pimps are for is like keep quote-unquote keep them safe and like manage their money and like find them work you know it's like that's yeah there wouldn't be a need for that and so many women are being misused by the men that are pimping them out like it's all of that would go away if there were just more laws in place i feel like south god south park has covered literally every topic and they've all it's always remained relevant but they do have an episode where butters accidentally becomes a pimp and people want to be like uh sex workers for butters because

he treats them so well oh he makes sure they have they have health insurance and like he doesn't like abuse them yeah and i i mean that's it's like that should be the standard yeah yeah and i mean you shouldn't have to have like a man to be a pimp but like having a manager who or just being able to give yourself like health care and yeah having a uh yeah a freelance a freelance sex worker yeah i'm like we how can we corporatize this legally we need a project manager in here um yeah no but but sincerely like i there's not enough like regulations in place but did you i i only saw someone talking about it on tiktok i didn't have time to like look into it more before coming over um a a woman was raped and had filmed her being raped on her phone as evidence so she

could turn it in as proof and um instead they're suing her for recording this man without his consent and it's like okay so you under can you understand consent this way but do you understand consent when it comes to rape right and sexual assault yeah it should be this it should be just as straightforward i mean the issue is that they do they do understand consent they just choose to not i and it it makes me fucking repulsed by this country to be honest yeah i mean it is so here's a counter suit is like in that's insane person i didn't agree to being filmed well i didn't agree to be raped yeah so right seems like we're at maybe a little bit of an impasse and unfortunately they're probably going to settle it outside of court too now that she has like

another suit as well i i can't i can't really fathom ever being violent like yeah but the in the internal rage i experience when i see something like that i'm like I would love to beat the shit out of whoever did that yes you know yeah and yeah it's crazy that that's like the feeling that I have but realistically I've like never hurt a single person on purpose well there's a first time for everything there's a first time for getting a gun so here's how many times since the election I've said get a gun um oh man well back to only fans did you hear about um that only fans creator that makes four million dollars a month no what yeah she has been like all over everything um like

people started like people magazines started posting about her and shit but she was on a podcast and um the podcast interviewer was like how much do you make a month and she was like she showed her and it was four million dollars like multiple months of four million dollars and people are like that's not fucking true that's not fucking real i don't think that people realize like just how many horny men there are out there four million dollars a month that's insane money but you know what's fucking creepy about it though sorry this is actually the point of me bringing it up four million dollars is an insane amount of money i can't even fathom having that in my lifetime let alone in a month yeah however she looks like a child oh she i mean how much

how much is pornography essentially like pedophile bait you know too often this is her yeah she looks like she's fucking 17 yeah i mean even younger i guess 15 she's 20 40 oh yep she made 43 million last year and she's christian i mean honestly okay here's the thing only god can judge her here's the thing about god i think god is a down ass bitch i think god's not real i think that she if there is a god if there is a god because yes i think that she is like so much fucking cooler than we think that she is you know and people are always like what would god say and it's like for i think god is like other shit to worry about other than like who this like only fans model is fucking you know

yeah i mean jesus was an open border socialist so yeah he hung out with prostitutes like what are we doing he turned water into wine that's crazy what the fuck are we doing america be more like jesus what would jesus do and jesus would probably make 43 million dollars a month if he could just saying he was a person but the whole economy around sex is so fascinating yeah it's complex and it's it's weird being on like our end of this too like having a podcast focus on sex and dating and then like as I've learned more through hosting this podcast the more kind of like repulsed i've become with the industry of sex and i i guess i i don't necessarily mean like repulsed with like with it's not repulsed with porn and with like

that everything in in the sex industry like sex toys and whatever it's more repulsed by how other people consume it oh yeah treat it and how like minimized porn addiction is yeah because there are so many things that have come to fruition like social media apps and just everything is on our phone and i just obviously screen addiction is real and i think porn this the screen addiction portion of it and the um the kind of shock because I have talked about porn addiction on the podcast before but the the kind of like shock and what it does to your brain combined with screen addiction I think it's just like getting out of hand oh absolutely and yeah the way you can see it in the way that like dating has become it seems like it's become

significantly worse yeah well i was just about to say it's like i think circumstances i think that our view of like the porn industry and sex work has shifted as like it has changed that's true it does feel like we started this podcast around the time that only fans was being was beginning to be treated as like a sex platform because before that it was like artists yeah it was just content that you would pay for right and so it wasn't exclusively sex it has become so much more um vile like over time and how people talk about it has become more vile i think twitter being bought and turned into a free speech platform has really contributed to how people free speech which just means if you agree with elon musk or not right right but like not free speech that like

there not being any sort of like censorship around like violent talk you know yes specifically violence against women yeah right it's like if you I used to watch porn on Twitter like before it was bought by Elon Musk and it was like always it was like it was porn but it was like there were limits you know now if I like go to like seek out porn on Twitter it's like the worst shit I've ever seen in my life like the videos are the same but like the captions on them are always so like violent and rapey like it's so like like there's like hashtag rape kink is like in all of them yeah it's really fucked up and i feel like i say all this to say i do think that the environment like the landscape of the sex work industry has changed significantly in four years

I mean, violence against women has increased dramatically. Yeah. I think especially since COVID, which is horrifying. Yeah. Violence against women has increased. And in general, more developed countries are becoming more and more conservative, which is also terrifying. Yeah. It really is.

anyway this like this got really dark really fast um we've only been talking for a half hour yeah whenever we're talking about heavy shit it feels like we've been talking for like an hour and a half i know so let's should we shift gears yeah we got an update let's do it from um the friendly breakup oh would you like to read it or would you like me to read it um i would like you to read it okay hi gorgeouses first of all thank you for reading my email you read almost all of them on the pod i feel so special you are you are you're a great storyteller i was just about to say that um to make it easier for you i'm a she her and you can refer to me as pepper if you want to facilitate for other listeners to remember my stories as well love that the breakup happened

almost a month after i sent you the email and it was as friendly as it could be i ended up doing everything you suggested and we didn't fight it was sad and he didn't see that coming which only showed me that he was never going to realize what the real problem was between us we simply were not a good match. Thank you for your advice. It made me realize I not only made the right decision but also did it in a peaceful and healthy way. Well now let's go for the crying bit. A few days after we broke up I got the results of an exam from my gynecologist. Don't know if you remember but so I'm going to sum it up. I got chlamydia from this boyfriend at the beginning of our relationship and because the exam is very specific I also found out that I had a low risk kind of HPV. Back then

my doctor said we would have to repeat the exam after the chlamydia was gone just to be sure about the hpv because one thing could mess up the diagnosis of the other i was not worried but then i got the new results i actually have hpv 51 which is a high risk type of hpv of hpv that can lead to cervical cancer i've never heard of 51 there are so many strains there are wasn't 16 and 18 were the ones that you talked about right see i listen when you talk thanks i cried in front of my doctor but she was very thoughtful with me she told me it's very common a friend of hers who's also a doctor got it as well it may never become cancer and stuff like that i'm sure more people than we know have it and may not even know that they do but i just felt shame and hate for myself i don't

know whom from whom i got it or for how long i've had it since i never had any symptoms i only had sex with four x's without protection protection and i got the hpv vaccine but it only covers a few types of it the 51 is not one of them she told me i was unlucky anyway i feel like shit i had to tell my ex about it because i know how reckless he is and he could give it to someone else wow good for you and i don't want to be responsible for making another woman go through this i know it's his responsibility now but i did what i could to prevent passing this on men right they never get fucked with stuff like this like we do even when the risk exists for men they might have it and never know since the exam to detect it it it on them is basically never done

at least in my country brazil i don't believe there is a test to test men for high-risk hpv um i i mean ali wong has a joke about this where she says hpv is a ghost that hides in men and says boo in women damn and it's true that's so true it doesn't affect men at all they're just carriers of it so that's why i mean that's why men should get the hpv vaccine this is this is the only type of cancer we can literally eradicate and we have not yeah because people are fucking stupid yeah i'm not here today to ask for advice because there's not much i can do except for checkups every six months and taking care of wounds if they ever show up before it develops to cancer i'm here to tell everyone who has it that you're not alone as i'm sure i'm not

either we are just too embarrassed to find each other in your life to talk about it it's a secret we can only bear together thank you for being a voice for women to talk openly about sex Amelia and Liz I really love you my guardian angels happy holidays love you um I am gonna give unsolicited advice from this because I I don't I know I've talked about having high-risk HPV because I had to have a leap procedure which is most people who get high-risk HPV it is incredibly common one in three women has it and that's just the ones who know they have it right most people will end up not even knowing they have it because your body will just fight it off um and it goes away um it doesn't it almost never has any side effects um but i i also want to encourage people

to talk to each other about it especially like women should be talking to each other about it um I was at like a girls night gathering a few months ago and one of them had started talking about getting a leap and I was like wait you've had a leap and then slowly like at least five other women there have also had a leap wow so then we all started talking about it and I was like I've never met anybody else I think I know one other person who has had the same thing and um it was it like was really nice to hear and to talk to other people about it totally but I mean the best thing that you can do for yourself is to like boost your immune system so any sort of medication you like or vitamins that you would take to help boost your immune system do the same

thing do the same thing um continuously you'll want to do it for an extended amount of time that's interesting yeah yeah so that makes sense yeah um and it is incredibly like slow moving so for it to get to the point where I even needed to have a leap that had happened over a span of like probably i mean what i know of at least six years if not more um because who knows when i even had it that is incredibly slow moving and i mean even if she even if this author did like have it like she could have gotten it before and it might not have even made an appearance if that makes sense it might not it could have been in her body but not been active right so um it's just one of those things that is like it's it's not a big deal until it is right so

uh and i'll just leave you with a quote from um girls which is um hannah gets hpv and she tells one of her friends and then her friend is like all adventurous women have hpv so all adventurous women do keep that in mind oh shit thank you so much for writing in because like like liz just said reminder a lot of people have experienced this but don't feel comfortable talking about it so it's like destigmatizing it like this you shouldn't feel ashamed of it because it is super common i think the people who should feel ashamed are unvaccinated men absolutely you're fucking carrying this around yeah and not doing anything about it yeah well that's horrible so why should they care no it can't affect men yeah i know but you know if you don't ever hear about

it affecting men they'll get um throat cancer oh from the cunnilingus yeah but i'm sure that there are more ways that they can get it yeah but that's usually number one is you'll get throat cancer from eating pussy which you should be doing yeah a pussy a day keeps the doctor away Well, unless you're not vaccinated, but yep. Anyway, thanks for writing in. Yeah. That was all I had. Oh, uh, one thing that I think is interesting.

Um, hold on. Let me pull it. Let me pull something up. So there's this wired article that recently came out, um, like within the last week and it's titled designer babies are teenagers now and some of them need therapy because of it so do you know what designer babies are quote unquote i remember hearing about the idea of designer babies when i was in high school no so a designer baby is um like you were you were able to choose the sex of your baby that's what i thought um and then um like if you're using

sperm donors and egg donors and choosing the sex of your baby and all this other shit to make like your dream baby like it's sims and there's a very small percentage of people who can do that like who can afford to do something like that expensive it it's an incredibly small percentage of people who can do that um but there are still some other like other things people have done like maybe they needed to use a donor for other reasons but they still treated it as a way to have a baby that looks a certain way or has um you know they're picking people with um like they're choosing an egg donor and a sperm donor who have um specific talents or are really smart and they're trying to have a baby who's like has a really high iq so shit like that and

now there are these these designer babies are getting older and um they have parents who are resentful of them not being what they like what they set out yeah a doll yeah they're not a doll that you could just play with because they're like living breathing damn real people so fucking crazy and this shit's expensive so they're essentially like you're not what we paid for um so people are kind of like playing god in this in this capacity and it's it's one of it's a similar feeling that i have to like the porn industry and the sex work industry in terms of it's so complex like IVF is something that families who want to have children should have access absolutely you know it it's incredibly expensive rarely does insurance contribute to it

but then you have something like this happening where it's abused and there aren't any like regulations involved so then it's like okay how involved like should the government be well yeah that's the thing it's like there's so much gray area with it it's like you people should be able to choose what like where they want their donors to come from like what like qualities they want because most most people yeah you need a donor they're going to look for someone who resembles is their partner you're gonna look for someone who looks like their partner who maybe has qualities like their partner or like you know comes from somebody that like doesn't smoke or doesn't have like a history of like mental health problems you know like that because a lot of like these sperm

donor companies and egg donor companies will like make sure that they're only accepting sperm from people with like clean histories that aren't like you know spreading like cancers that people can like that are hereditary you know what I mean um but then it's like that runs the risk of like somebody could be saying like oh I like this donor because like xyz when really they're choosing for a different reason like there are ways that people can like they can skirt around it well if someone is able to afford like the designer baby experience they're going to do it anyways yeah but there are children who feel the same way when their parents have used just regular IVF because IVF IVF is incredibly expensive so when their kid starts you know acting out or

isn't like doing what they had always wanted their kid to do they they have like buyer's remorse essentially and it's it's you know something that is used to honestly emotionally abuse these kids by saying like we're not getting what we paid for with ivf because you're being a little shit see this is the thing like having kids is expensive anyway yeah you know like it's people are expensive anyway so it's like for these people to be using that against them when it's something like they didn't have to be born exactly this was your fault like that's why it is nothing to do with me it's a little infuriating when people are like you're so ungrateful like to their kids and it's like well they're just a shithead teenager because that's what being a teenager is yeah and also like

you had them yeah mr liz and i have talked about this in depth before um because like if if a family wants to have children dude fuck yeah yeah i but also there are so many people who have children who haven't really thought in detail about what that means and what that could look like yeah like you're in love with the idea of having a baby and having a family you know raising kids with your with the love of your life but inevitably it's going to put a strain on your relationship with your partner it's going to put a strain on your relationship with yourself it's going to put a strain on your relationship with your friends and family and how the general public sees you now yeah especially as a woman because you're no longer just like who you were

before you're now predominantly going to be judged as a mother that is the title that has slapped on you yeah and it's so exclusively female too yeah no one looks at a guy and they're like well he's a dad yeah yeah he gets applauded for like picking them up they only want to like say he's a dad he's he's a father and a husband if he's done something shitty yeah to defend him that's so true that's so true like the the ceo who was the uhc ceo um i had left a comment on a video and i was like i just know he's looking up at us right now people were mostly very supportive but there were a couple of people who were bootlickers and someone said he's a husband and a father i'm like that doesn't make you a good person yeah anyways um yeah you actually you never i've at least i've never seen

anybody defending a bad woman by saying she well she's a mother she's a mother it's always used in a derogatory way like she would do that and she's a mother yeah exactly it's the tone is so different killed more people than a terrorist attack like single-handedly through through the laws he decide or the rules he decided with his insurance company well anyway all of this to say like what mr liz and i talk about often is like the decision to have kids it's not like it it's inherently going to be selfish yeah and i i don't mean that in a judgmental way like i don't think being selfish is even necessarily a bad thing um i think like it's it's inherently selfish because like you want kids that's the reason you're having them yeah there's not really

yeah what would the other reason be yeah I mean and there are people who don't even want kids who end up having them yeah and um when I and honestly I didn't really even like have that point of view until like you know you start over analyzing your own depression and existence and you have an existential crisis and you're like this shit sucks why does this shit suck so much and how do people choose to like like i didn't have a choice to be here yeah and then you're like if i did have a choice would i choose to be here as freddie mercury said it best i don't want to die sometimes i wish i'd never been born at all that's carry on that's rather how that's more of how i feel sometimes and like the you know the existential crisis yeah um of not so much like

but more like um i wish i wasn't here yeah so when you have that moment of being like i wish i wasn't here then you're like i didn't ask would i yeah would i choose to have kids if this is how i feel as just like a normal like functioning person well i feel like the issue though too often is that like the people that have kids for selfish reasons don't stop being selfish once they have kids that's true and being a parent is such a selfless thing yes and that's where people get messed up and and you have to be an incredibly self-aware person to know that you don't have the selflessness that it requires to be a good parent yeah yeah and i mean yeah there are so many people who do know like once you have kids your life is not yours anymore yeah

everything you do is gonna be for them yeah so and some people fucking love that it's like I live for my kids is and that's such a cool thing to see like I'm watching a lot of my friends like that have kids like really truly live that like oh my life is like my kids life now and they're so happy doing that and it's like it's sad that it's not it's that's not the standard you know like I know a lot of people I'm really lucky to have two parents that are like two of the most like selfless people ever I know a lot of people whose parents are the most selfish people ever yeah if you've ever like if you have a parent who didn't want kids you know exactly how that feels yeah of well and you're right there are some people who have kids because they're really fucking

selfish and they have this vision of what things will be like yeah and haven't been able to assess that like their child is an individual person yeah so i mean and this is i mean i'm not this i'm about to say something and i'm i'll add context to it my mom would say like you're an extension of me yeah um and I get that I understand that mindset but as you get older it's like well no I'm not well I'm actually a completely different person I'm an independent person from you but I understand that like there's this connection that you are going to have as a birthing parent of like I made this thing in my body and so that would be crazy some of your cells are going are forever in your mom oh yeah which is crazy i know that's like a great that's a crazy

connection you know what i think is crazy and this is a mind fuck but this is also why i like so deeply believe in generational trauma um your mom since like we're born with all the eggs we'll ever have you were in your grandma's womb yes i i've read that that's crazy like damn women are amazing like men are just creating sperm just like all the time and then they're just getting rid of it maybe that's why women are so wise because they've been around for generations yeah well and i get i mean never mind i was like women are so wise but i guess all eggs you know the the gender isn't determined until until yeah but whatever women are wise we don't we don't need to explain all eggs are girls and

all sperm is boys yeah everybody knows that everybody knows that well I mean that's why men have nipples because you're not you you're not you're you're um like sexual organs aren't developed until like way later on yeah which is also why I think that um being queer or trans in any capacity is it's not a choice of course not because your body's just doing stuff yeah it's just developing we didn't have to be born we didn't have to be this exactly and once you have the understanding like no one no one's in control of anything yeah no one's in control of how how they look yeah like well when they were born i mean you have some control when once you are born to brush your teeth and shit oh yeah yeah i'm just your hair general basics but

i mean like i don't know i'm not having any original thoughts here and i don't think anyone's gonna be surprised but maybe maybe maybe a straight man who's never done psychedelics will be like fucking shook by this but it's you know once you have understood that you didn't have a choice in like any of your circumstances of like the family you were born into your genetics um where you were born anything like that like you don't need to be a dick yeah period yeah you don't need to be you don't need to be a dick you don't need to be a dick that feels like a good like takeaway from just the last 210 episodes of this podcast um to wrap up we got another spotify wrapped oh you see what i did there

email I love it um it's short but I just want to read it because I really liked one part of it okay he said hey hey ho ow he spelled it h-o-e-h-o-u which I've never seen us referred to as that and I sort of love it it feels like I've never had a name where people can like shorten it with like my first and last name you know what I mean oh ho ow yeah ho ho ow ho how ho ho how okay anyway ho how came in my number two only because I switched to the patreon midway this year oh y'all have a great december absolute best we're before the giggly squad hannah berners podcast i know look at us go thank you so much we love hearing that thanks for thanks for subscribing to the patreon yeah that means a lot last week's wasn't posted until friday it's because

i was at my company's holiday party how was it was it fun it was fun good um and on wednesday so we record on monday or tuesday um i was like oh i'll edit on wednesday because tuesday i was doing something um but Wednesday I got really high and then I forgot I was supposed to edit that week that's a beautiful getting getting so high or drunk that you forget about responsibilities is sort of a it's sort of the best once once in a while yeah yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah and you know what it would have been okay but I was not um I was not thinking about my full week and all my responsibilities so that's fair yeah that's fair period that's why I was post it on friday you know sometimes we we be posting late but your support means the entire

world and that's on that there's still no ads on there still no ads so all right should we wrap yeah let's do it i'm so fucking hungry i feel like i'm in a on a different stratosphere you know that feeling i don't like it i don't like it we're like starting to astral project into the kitchen yes i'm gonna make a chicken burger i'm so excited okay um shall we would you like to lead us in prayer i think that was the the holiest we've ever been i'm feeling very holy it is a very holy hour the ho-how the ho-how the ho-down ho-how show what is it the ho-down showdown the ho-down throw down the ho-how throw how