The Hoely Hour - E216 A Girl & Her Notes App

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

Happy Valentine's Day, angels! Liz hosts a solo-sode and what better way to celebrate The Big VD (we know what we said) than by sharing some of details of the most intimate relationship a girl could ever have: the one with her notes app. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

listen i can't remember everything i've said um not on this podcast not in a day welcome to the holy hour a podcast about sex relationships mental health and everything in between i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball follow us on instagram and tiktok at the holy hour i'm on instagram and tiktok at amelia samson and i'm on instagram and tiktok at liz ball so hard you can also watch us on youtube or listen ad free on patreon at patreon.com slash the holy hour check out our merch at theholyhour.com and email us your spicy stories at holy hour podcast at gmail.com hello welcome to the holy hour trying to get comfortable i'm trying to get comfortable but I'm also trying to look cute and I find that those two things don't always go

together and I feel like I feel like it should just be a default like if I want to be comfortable I should also be allowed to be cute you know what I mean but I'm hosting by myself today please don't hang up and and hang out with me for the evening it is 8 p.m i don't know if you guys can hear grandpa he says hi so i guess i'm not recording by myself he is an honorary co-host by force not necessarily because i wanted him to be another co-host but he's just really weaned his way in and he's always been riding my coattails you know but that's the plight of being a cat mom i guess but i'm recording solo today and when this comes out it will be valentine's day i'm going to describe how i look for the audience

because i did put in the effort to record this but i understand this is predominantly an audio medium most people won't be seeing how i look um i also haven't really decided if i'm gonna do anything with this video but i'm wearing sunglasses because the ring light is so fucking bright but it also makes the video look nice and it's since it's late it's like dark out i don't know but and then i'm wearing um my usual at home uniform which is an oversized gray sweatshirt and gray sweatpants but you can't see those but if you're imagining may you need to imagine may with pants on those are the rules so for this this valentine's day episode and it's me i'm solo so i was like how can we tie these two things together liz alone valentine's day

and i decided what is more vulnerable than a girl sharing what's in her notes apps tell me tell me so i don't know about the other girls out there but besides the random lists like the shopping list packing list whatever um is also journal entry type things uh drafts of very long texts that i've had to overthink with my friends um and some shitty poetry. I'll be honest. So we're gonna we're gonna go back through these notes from I think the oldest one is maybe 10 years ago. No, at least nine years ago. At least nine years ago. We're gonna go back together in this little time machine. And I'm gonna read some of my some of my shitty poetry and describe where I was at in that time. Well, first, I do want to

start with some valentine's stories um and i know i know i've shared these on the podcast before i might even share them every year i don't know listen i can't remember everything i've said um not on this podcast not in a day i and i don't know who i've told i just tell everyone everything and it's kind of just like throwing spaghetti at a wall you see you see what sticks sometimes i think there's a ghost in my house that nothing has overtly happened it's just like a vibe you know and i i know i give off the energy to ghosts that's like do not fuck with me because i will be scared i will be scared sometimes i'll catch my reflection in a window and i scare myself because i'm like there's a ghost behind me there there never is it's just me catching my own

reflection that scares me um i know that i've shared these stories before might share them every year i've been doing this podcast for almost five years that's crazy if we had a child it would be five years old that's they're they're doing things by that age they're walking they're talking they're playing with ipads i don't know i honestly don't really know what kids do these days but anyways i'm gonna tell you some of my my past valentine's traumas because i i don't really like valentine's day i just don't i i feel like i tried to love it but it was beat out of me the joy the joy was beat out of me so i was just like it's kind of like how i feel about New Year's Eve is just like why even fucking bother you know let's just make it a normal day

and not have any expectations I don't want to have any expectations because I don't want to be disappointed but let's talk about how I got here to this point so as a kid I loved pink you know I was such a little like girly girl I loved pink especially pink and red together I still fucking love pink and red together they're just they belong together they really do one of my favorite color combos hands down but i remember always getting like really nervous like giving out valentines to all of my classmates my favorite part was when we got to decorate our own mailbox mailbox is an empty tissue box and you get to decorate your own and then everyone in the class drops their little cards in and if their card had candy fuck yeah hell yeah i i love little i love

those little chalky hearts the conversation hearts they're not they're not good for sure have chipped a tooth on them before but i don't know i loved them i still think i do i like the ones that are just like a little chewy you know i don't like the tart ones though no they have to be that weird chalky minty terrible flavor and i love it but the first time i actually really remember being like oh i'm gonna die from cringe um i was in fourth grade mr clayton's class and there was a boy in my class named jordan and um he told me he had a crush on me and I had I'll be honest I hadn't decided if I had a crush on Jordan I thought he was cute but when it came to boys that I was playing with he wasn't one of them he was too nice

and that's always been a lifelong problem for me is having a crush on boys that are mean to me but luckily I did grow out of that uh around age 30 so there is hope you just need to be closer to middle age than youth and suddenly that frontal lobe clicks into place and everything changes but anyways in fourth grade jordan had a crush on me hadn't decided if i had a crush on jordan and then i eventually i i did decide i had enough of a crush on jordan you know what I mean ladies you have enough of a crush on someone so on when I was signing the cards you know going through everyone in my class on the girls cards because girls girls are friends you know I think I don't even need to explain that girls are friends so I would write on the

girls cards love Elizabeth and I decided on on Jordan's card I was gonna write love Elizabeth and i was just like oh i'm gonna do this thing i don't i wasn't in love with jordan you know it's just a a little flirty thing love elizabeth so give out give out the cards and then we're all eating our candy opening our cards or whatever mr clayton he tells me that i think he either comes up to my desk or he tells me to like come here but either way it's just me and mr clayton in this conversation and he says i heard you wrote love elizabeth on jordan's card and my heart dropped into my butt i was so mortified now as an adult as an adult woman in her 30s thinking about he was probably my age maybe a little bit older or younger i don't even know i know that he was

a younger teacher i think he was probably in his late 20s to early 30s at this point now looking back at it i think it's so fucking hilarious that my fourth grade teacher was in the t in the class t like oh i heard elizabeth signed her name with love on jordan's card now i also i have questions I want to know who told him was this getting around I just wanted to shut it down so I was just like oh um I there was a girl Jordan in the class too boy Jordan and girl Jordan and I was like oh I thought it was I must have been confused I thought it was girl Jordan's card and then he just he knew he clocked me he was just like okay like sure Jan oh god I don't think Mr. Clayton would ever be listening to this but if you are Mr. Clayton

shout out shout out to you if you have any other fourth grader tea please let me know anyways the next story I guess there's only really two stories that are the reasons that I don't like Valentine's day but the second one is i got dumped on valentine's day or no it was the day after and i had wanted to get my high school boyfriend a valentine's day present i don't think i had ever been dating someone on valentine's day up until that point so i i didn't really know what i was doing you know i was 16 and i was like mom i need to get a present you need to take me to cbs I fucking loved CVS when I was in high school by the way and my mom was like you have homework you can't and I couldn't drive I didn't get my driver's license until that like April or May

it's a few few months too too late for me and then I didn't get him anything I just wrote him a little note because we were 16 I don't have any fucking money and my mom won't take me to the store I'm doing my best so I wrote him a note and I think we were only dating for like two weeks at this point and then he got me a teddy bear a card a balloon and green m&ms because green's my favorite color and I feel now I'm like wow what I was such a little bitch I was just like here's this note and he got me all this stuff but he broke up with me because I didn't get him anything and then my brother and his friend ate all my fucking m&ms I didn't even get to like enjoy it enjoy my little breakup trinket and then um he asked for the stuff back so i just gave him back

the card and the bear and he's like where are the m&ms where are my m&ms i did i give him back a balloon that would be really funny if i did i don't think i did but he's like where are the m&ms i'm like my brother ate them i'm sorry oh god but after that i was just like i hate valentine's day because those two very traumatic but i mean they they were traumatizing to me because i remember them clear as day or mostly day how embarrassing truly how embarrassing i i definitely feel like i was someone who i would have loved valentine's day if i if i had not been let down or like absolutely mortified on valentine's day that would be my shit for sure my cat is meowing and i want him to stop usually you know what he's been pretty quiet lately he hasn't really like

and mr liz is out of town he's not here i don't think i said that um last episode but he by the time this comes out he'll be back uh but he has been gone for two weeks we're at we're only at like a week and a half right now and yesterday was the first day I actually started to really miss him not to say you know I didn't it's not to say I didn't miss him but listen I think it's okay to admit that I didn't really miss him for that first full week and then yesterday I was like damn I really wish he was here but I was glad that he was gone because I my mom came to visit so I guess I haven't been entirely alone my mom came to visit right after he left and then we did all this like fun organizing and redecorating I had the best time ever with my mom I fucking love

my mom moms it makes me sad if your mom sucks I'm really sorry and you can borrow my mom I love my mom um in high school she was just like the mom that had all of the snacks and like the drinks and she was like my mom is such a great host and i love that i can fully appreciate that as an adult and she was always a great host to like the kid the kids that we were friends with and i know i'm going off on a little bit of a different tangent because i was going to go through my notes on my phone but i just need to talk about my mom because she's the fucking best i made a special little folder for these notes so i can read them to you the first one is not a poem um it is something that i copied from a card someone wrote me it was my first like real big girl job boss who wrote

this and it says liz i know this plant is a little odd but i received the same plant eight years ago when i was first promoted to store manager my plant my plant is still alive four moves three new pots every time I look at it I'm reminded of my career and how much I love my job and she gave me this plant it was a pothos she gave it to me as a gift and when she promoted me and to this day that's one of my favorite gifts that I've ever been given like at work now it's one of my favorites I've been given some really great gifts by my co-workers and I want if any of my co-old co-workers are listening I kept them all I still have them and anytime I'm like if I'm at a job where I like I'm so fucking miserable I'll like take these things out and put them where I can

see them and like remember how that felt and try and manifest a better job and honestly it works it's because it puts you in the headspace to be like yeah I want to I want to work somewhere with people who made me feel that way but maybe this time I have just like better opportunities or it pays better or something like I don't know it's just also a good reminder that not every job sucks and some jobs are really great and you make lifelong friends that's where I met Amelia anyways that will come back it'll be a callback towards the end all right here's some other cringe stuff I wrote in 2016 so in 2016 my life was falling apart I had the worst fucking job to this day it is the worst job I've ever had but I learned a lot but it was so traumatizing everyone

was so mean, especially my boss. And it gave me so much anxiety. My hair was falling out. I was miserable. And then I was dating someone who was just not... I was telling my mom this until Mr. Liz. I'm like, I don't think I've ever actually liked any of the people I've dated, which is crazy to say. But realistically, I don't even think I liked them as friends. I didn't like them as friends I was just trying to not be alone and make them fit into this box which is not fair to them but to be fair they were also not very nice at all like it was not fair for me to want them to fit into this like boyfriend box and see them as potential and not like accept them the way that they are or love them for who they were already I loved parts of them and that's just

not fair and it's not the same as like fully like loving someone as a partner and a person and a friend you know what i mean anyways that's just giving you some insight into where i was in 2016 my life was just falling apart this one says it's okay to say i'm not okay sadness takes tastes like copper and salt that's a line that i i've always loved sadness tastes like copper and salt baptized masquerade words can be as empty as the people who said them i think i was just writing baptized and masquerade because i liked those words and i was like i could use those again later when i'm writing something else moody and then the next one we have god this is some rupee is it rupee cower is that how you say her name this is some shit like that and you know

what i would not be surprised if she did write this and i just wrote it in my notes but my memory sucks probably from all the weed i smoke but uh you know it could be all the weed i smoke it could be the adderall it could be the adhd it could be the constant input of information 24 7 it could be um all of us surviving the pandemic and like going through this traumatic experience and them being bombarded every day with new traumatizing headlines. Anyways, I'm preaching to the choir, literally. But this poem is, when it rains, it pours, and I'm in my Sunday's best white dress without an umbrella. Why would I be wearing a white dress to church? I don't know if I was doing a marriage thing or trying to like make a little marriage thing happen in that. I

don't know. Anyways, I hate it. And then this one, maybe we break these ways on purpose so we will fit together to fill the parts of each other that are missing. Like a little puzzle. I think that's sweet. I don't really think that one is as cringe. Maybe we break these ways on purpose so we will fit together to fill in the parts of each other that are missing and i think that's a really sweet sentiment maybe maybe the things that have hurt us will we go through them because down the line we'll meet someone who will need our wisdom or we'll be able to complete them in those ways the way that they'll be able to balance us i don't know we're all in this together this crazy little thing called life and then we're gonna go forward to 2019 this is after a pretty nar nar breakup

uh this was a breakup with someone that i thought i was gonna marry so that was that was really hard for me. It was not a pretty breakup whatsoever. I'm sure we're both traumatized from it, but in March 2019, I wrote, I can't wait to meet you. I loved you before I knew you existed. Just another desperate cry of manifestation. I'm just like, please, I just know I'm going to love you uh november 2019 um i i it's titled fall in love with me and then underneath is it just says ferris wheel so i don't really know what that was about i don't know if i was like oh i'm gonna make someone fall in love with me here's like the perfect date they're gonna fall in love with me on a ferris wheel 2019 feels a little late to be having those thoughts you know um because i was

an adult or less of an adult than I am now but um I was still too old if that was my thought process maybe there was something else going on there I'm not sure now we're getting into 2020 so to give you some insight into my life in 2020 I would like all things considered that happened like by early 2020 I was fucking thriving so like my ex who broke my heart and like we had a really ugly breakup like not even a year after breaking up he was engaged to someone else and I still think that's crazy and I don't know we don't need to revisit but less than a year later he's engaged I was already trying to get past this like pretty traumatic breakup and you know when you break up with someone and it's like not a good breakup and you have a lot of history with them and then they

like keep disrupting your healing and your peace and they're like hey even though I'm dating someone else can I interfere in your life and then you're dumb and you're like sure anyways after that I was like after finding out he was engaged like less than a year after we broke up I I don't know I had a transformation I not just even a physical transformation I like I don't know I changed everything I changed everything I'd never grown out my hair so I grew out my hair super long and then I only recently cut it and started like working out a ton and I did it because I like I had so I was so anxious and like I was in a new place I was trying to make friends and I couldn't sleep I like just it was this crazy combination of like

total sadness and heartbreak and absolute joy and excitement for being somewhere new and like I was also I had landed a job where like I thrived at that job I was constantly getting complimented at work with like the work I was delivering and I had never I'd never been like appreciated like that at work before it was really special so I just like even though I was in the in the absolute trenches emotionally like threw myself into myself i was like i am i am focusing on myself so hard like i am going to i was determined to be better like not i wanted to be better than him and spite is such a great motivator for me sometimes especially you know when your brain is developing and you're just like going to therapy for the

first time I don't know there was a lot happening so when I wrote this I was like thriving I was having the time of my life and I didn't I was like not really dating I'd intentionally stopped dating and then I kind of started talking to someone and I didn't really like him but this is a journal entry from that time I want to say this humbly but there just really isn't a way to say nice things about myself without sounding like a snob but like I'm killing it in life I'm not making as much money as i'd like but i'm also only 28 in the best i'm in the best shape i've ever been my skin is clear i feel so emotionally peaceful that i'm like who is she i rarely cry anymore i like don't even cry in therapy which is shocking i don't feel the need to be in a

relationship the way i used to but i'm happy with my career because it's only up from here and maybe things i think that have made me better don't seem like a big deal but they're a big deal to me. They feel so big. Liking how I look in the mirror. Holy shit. Having a strong sense of stability. Life changing. Being happy all alone in my own company. Oh my god. I think the most helpful thing has been thinking of my inner monologue as my highest self. The version of me who is living the ultimate best life. That version of me will help me actually get there to become that person. I keep thinking about the guy I was texting. Like he's fun and tall and muscular and he's obsessed with me am I fucking crazy for not being into it am I afraid or am I just not into

it should I have sex with him I don't know and I didn't and I'm glad that I didn't I'm glad that I stopped talking to him what else so this note um I so this is all before I met Mr. Liz too and it was a very strange time in my life where I felt like I was going to meet someone important but there was no way to know for sure like it could have just been like anxiety or like all this crazy stuff was happening like a pandemic I don't know like it was all a very bizarre and surreal time I think we can agree um but I said my life was completely uprooted 18 months ago but I've enjoyed the big changes it feels like I had spent years working on a project that just wasn't turning out how I imagined and the universe was like I know you spent a lot of

time on this but it's just not going to work and I think that you need to start over this isn't really what you want your project to look like you need to change your vision with what you know now and I feel like that's such a good such a good analogy of like okay I've been working on this like huge like artistic piece and it's just like not like i keep trying to change it i keep trying to like work with what i have to make it better and it's not working and then like the universe is just like it doesn't matter how hard you resist we are ripping this apart and you are starting the fuck over and honestly that's such a i don't know it's it's kind of nice when like something is entirely uprooted because it's just like, I don't know, feels like the universe

bonking you over the head. That's like, you fucking idiot. You're miserable because you keep resisting change. So I like that I had written that down. Okay, I wrote this one. It says August 2020, August 26, 2020. And I thought that it was so cute. I didn't finish writing it so maybe the this is my sign to finish writing it i can't believe i wrote this but i do remember writing it a desperado bunny from a desert in the west decided to move north to make a new nest she said one last goodbye to the heat and sagebrush got off the plane and inhaled the green lush i know my life's quest is to learn to be me but i don't know how or who to be up until now i've been what others want me to be so i'm scared to meet the girl that is me becoming

yourself means being alone. Being alone wasn't something she'd known. Always in love, she felt misunderstood, like everything she did wasn't enough or good. Being alone in love hurts so much more than any alone you've ever felt before. She cried, maybe I'm meant to be alone forever and talk about it so others feel alone together. But being alone isn't always lonely, because when you love yourself just being you feels holy the world became sick so she stayed inside alone was the only way she was allowed to survive winter passed and spring did too and the girl she was became the girl she once knew being alone is a beautiful thing when you love yourself your heart will sing spring became summer and she blossomed with the trees that's where it ends but i think

that's so cute being alone is a beautiful thing when you love yourself your heart will sing so I started writing that because Mr. Liz and I have this kind of like ongoing motif of like me as a bunny and him as a bear and I wrote this as like the main character is the bunny you know and then I had written this last line or a line but I didn't like obviously finish the poem and it says there must be a reason they're called bear hugs because only a bear could give so much love that's so cute I need to finish this and give it to Mr. Liz um I wrote I wrote your 20s is like landslide playing on repeat it really is when a landslide brought me down so all of that to say even though I love Mr. Liz so much that doesn't mean that like our entire relationship

has been perfect I don't talk about a lot of it because like I'm not gonna hop on this podcast and be like Mr. Liz and I had an argument what do you guys think like people don't need to know our business we're trying to figure it out ourselves but even though like I keep our our business mostly out of the podcast like we've we've definitely had our own challenges to overcome and some of those things have been really hard and difficult to figure out so I did write a few other sad girl hour poems during some of our struggles and some of them are are also sweet I love you type things so I'll read a couple of those and then I'll let you go I wrote this one like after we'd been together for a year-ish and i wrote this about the things that i don't know

it's just a feeling i'll explain i'll read it i'll read it and you can tell me watching the furrow in your brow while deep in concentration the way your lips move and curl at the ends when you're thinking of something funny your toes tapping when you're excited it makes me wish i'd known you longer jealous of the years behind you and twice as many in front of you i like to imagine you growing up jumping on trampolines riding bikes lighting things on fire sneaking out of the house with your short hair and blue eyes arms crossed knowing everything because you were 18 i'm envious of time because it got to watch you grow have you ever felt like that have you ever loved someone so much you wish you had known them sooner just so you could have had just

that much more time with them that's how i feel about mr liz i i would get this like deep envy that I like hadn't known him forever like I just like I I don't know I I wanted to see the stories that he's told me about his childhood or like his college years but I'm also glad that we didn't meet until we did but it's just this sense of feeling like you missed out because you love someone so much you want to know everything about them maybe that's just the girls okay this is a dream that i wrote down um i had this dream march 31st 2021 first i had a dream that i switched bodies with this super hot girl she had great eyebrows and short blonde hair and a banging bod i was like i don't want to switch back and then there was this giant man like 20 feet tall who

was late for a performance like he played guitar and was late to his performance at a bar and was screaming at everyone to get out of his way and then while he was screaming he took his pants off and started shaking his dick around and we all started booing him there was a huge crowd of people watching and i took a video as proof he was sexually harassing a crowd of people and he started running towards us and you were freaking out worried he was going to hurt us so we hid in like this bunker room i wonder who the other person in my dream was i wonder it was either mr liz or amelia but i was yelling at this man like you didn't plan ahead it's only your fault you're late also bands have call times to set up the sound stuff you're an actual crazy person

also dick flashing a group of people is illegal that's a great dream i hope i have it again that sounds hilarious oh i wrote this one not that long ago um june 2023 i titled it dry erase I get a feeling in my chest sometimes I want my life to be a dry erase board when I make a mistake when I when my trust is broken when I hurt so much I wish I hadn't met someone start over forget dry erase I do feel like that I I this was like a crippling feeling for me like I anytime I made any sort of misstep or mistake I could not forgive myself like even if it was just some if it was something that no one was even thinking about like especially at work if I would make a mistake I was so irrationally hard on myself to the point where it made me miserable

and depressed and I was like I wish like I wish I could erase what I did I wish I could erase this feeling like, I don't know. I know it sounded like I was going to cry, but I'm not. All right, here's the last one. Here's a callback from the first one. So my boss had given me that plant as a gift and I found out my ex still has it. So I wrote this poem about my him still having my plant because I don't know it it almost pissed me off when I realized that um all right you kept my plant the only one you weren't able to drown it sat in your kitchen and it's in your bedroom now it meant something different to me because it was a gift of strength and belief but to you she just reminds you of me you drowned our relationship but you couldn't let

yourself let go of me so now she sits across from where you and your wife sleep i mean yeah that that also might not be true it could just be a plant that he decided to keep because he really did kill every fucking plant he would touch i was like how are you killing every plant that you you lay your hands on these are desert plants you don't even need to water them not often do you know how hard it is for me to kill plants i don't know maybe he's just the devil himself no he's not evil enough but he has the potential to be i think every man has the potential in him to become the devil and then once they realize that then they open a startup

or they get really into bitcoin i don't know anyways thanks for listening to the ramblings of a mad woman this will be fascinating to edit but i hope you enjoyed it listen between us and i know amelia is gonna listen to this but between us i i don't like singing that i don't like singing that outro song i'm sorry i'm sorry i know some of you like it but i just i don't want to do it you understand Alright, bye.