The Hoely Hour - E22 Men Could NEVER

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

Liz had a run-in with Gordon Ramsay in Vegas and would pay him to be called an idiot sandwich. The Hoely Hour gets biblical! Who is Lilith, why was she rejected from The Bible, and why is she now our queen? Amelia traumatizes Liz by telling her why chainsaws were first invented, and the girls share the historical horrors of birth-giving contraptions. 6:30 - Gordon Ramsay & Carrot Top story time 14:10 - Eyelash extensions and birth control trauma 21:33 - Lilith & Bad Girls Throughout History 25:48 - Chainsaws and other birth-giving horror stories 38:15 - Amelia is in love (again) 52:40 - End of the year thank you <3 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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May slow when network is busy. See terms. i was told there would be free drugs and there have been none i've not seen one free drug Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. I blacked out for a second. I was like, shit, what did we say? I know you said one, two, three, and you usually say three, two, one, and I panicked. Both of us are confused. We locked eyes like, oh, I'm so scared. Wait, we're doing this. We're doing it live. Fuck, what are we doing? What are we doing? Where are we? We never said we were professionals.

no i posted that video on instagram this week of me like not knowing what the fuck to say after i say my name i don't know why i feel pressure to say something right away but i do i'm like yeah i'm like take it away amelia um i have nothing of substance to contribute anyway um it's snowing here yeah it's fucking snowing outside which is insane snowflakes like the size of my head they're massive and people in seattle lose their goddamn minds when it snows because we don't have the infrastructure to deal and a lot of hills so pray for me getting home everybody like two years ago where it just was snowing like it was covered in snow we were snowed in for like a week and a half yeah that was pre-quarantine too think about that

we're like oh my god we were stuck inside for a week and a half that was my my first winter in Seattle damn yeah people were like oh yeah doesn't it snow in Seattle and I was like no it's not supposed to people in Seattle are so fucking smug about the weather they're like it never gets too hot it never gets too cold and then every year it's like 105 for like a week it just gets warmer and colder uh-huh um that's global warming baby uh and that winter I was living in the first apartment i lived in um was a micro studio you lived in a micro studio i didn't know that yeah and it had like i've been holding this drink like mirrors this is a commercial um so i lived in a micro studio and it had like a murphy bed it was tiny there's no other feet uh like i think maybe

like 230 shut the fuck up uh-huh a little over 200 square feet were you ms yes and i it had one window and it faced a building uh-huh luckily i was only there for six months what i signed a short lease because at the time like my ex was supposed to move to seattle and we're gonna move into like a one bedroom or two bedroom or something so i was like okay i'll sign a short lease and the rent was like $1,250 or something. That's fucking absurd. I know. I was thinking you were going to say under $1,000. No. $230 square feet. Well now I know better. Now I'm paying $100 more than that and I have a one bedroom and it's like $600 something square feet on a top floor in Capitol Hill. That feels criminal to charge that much for $230

square feet. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Luckily I got my entire deposit back so. I feel like we should have like an offshoot like a sister podcast just bitching about rent in Seattle this is like the fourth episode in a row where we're like the rent is too damn high this um leads me to another thought that I had recently is like how come it is a like across the board thing that we all just like look up the prices of houses on Zillow why do we all do that so true that's so true I did that today I don't know anyone who doesn't do that you you drive by a house and you're like I'm gonna look up how much that house is yeah that is an interesting human thing like why do we I don't know we all do it we all be doing it I'm always just curious I'm like how

much and then I always try to guess what they do for work and if there's any sort of like buyer information I'll look them up because I'm like are you a lawyer did you win some sort of big case you're a Kardashian Grace Kelly how old is this house yeah how old is this house did anyone die in this house because that makes the price of houses go down don't they have to not aren't they not they don't have to report that they do I think you do have to report it I think legally you have to report it I might be making that up maybe somebody told me that once and I was like that's fact I'm not off to a great start ever since you called that jimming the camera we're recording film right now and Liz looks at the camera sometimes and I always keep it in because

it always like cuts in with what this the thing that I choose to post and she called it jimming the camera and I thought about that yesterday and started laughing it's just such a funny term I totally do jim the camera I'm like y'all seeing this I kind of love it though I can't help it I want you guys to feel involved you're breaking the fourth wall it's like they're at the the table with us um but i think that's also something that i love about doing a podcast is like i know people are listening and i like want to include them on the conversation yeah and because have you ever listened to a podcast where they act like there's no one listening and then it's just really fucking boring yeah absolutely it's just like two people

like jerking off for each other and you're like god this is i hate this i know it's not fun to listen to it's not relatable content i've heard from a few people that when they listen to the holy hour they feel like they're just sitting in a room with us chatting and that's like the best compliment okay so maybe my gymming is making it's on brand people feel involved maybe i should start gymming yeah but the actor in me is like the camera's not there it's not there see that's where your um camera acting comes into play but my stage acting is like cheat out I don't know if you guys can tell but we both have done some acting I did want to talk about so I a few people reached out to Amelia to ask what magician

I was talking about yeah I got so many I'm too afraid to say it because I think he's kind of crazy, but I did want to tell Amelia about this other story that I think is a little safer to tell about Gordon Ramsay. Liz texted me yesterday and she was like, I want to tell you the Gordon Ramsay story. I'm like, there's no way that you forgot to tell me a Gordon Ramsay story and that magician story. Like, I'm going to keep learning things about you. And then who else was it? Oh, we'll get into that. Carrot Top. Okay, everyone in Vegas has a Carrot Top story. I know you said that i'm like it doesn't make it any less cool to like little me my carrot top story isn't very interesting but my uh gordon ramsay story is definitely more interesting and i forgot i like

forget about this story until i saw a tiktok of someone like gordon ramsay like was berating some uh restaurant owner because he takes the tips instead of giving them to the waiters and waitress says and then he's like what a fucking asshole so and then I'm like Gordon Ramsay is kind of a good dude you know and I have a big crush on Gordon Ramsay so I hope you're not about to break my heart I might a little bit no it's not a bad story okay it makes me look bad oh but it's funny okay in my opinion um so you know how he has like a restaurant in Vegas yeah uh he was in Vegas this one weekend where I like um went to a club with some of my friends for another friend's birthday and um I was driving that night so I only had a couple drinks because you're there

for a few hours you know and um we were like waiting our table wasn't ready yet and like the girl knew like a promoter and she got us a table like behind the DJ booth and they're like we don't have your bottles ready yet like the table's not ready there's still people there so we're gonna wait for it to clear out and then you guys can go to your table so uh we're like i'm like let's wander around like let's uh find some guys who will like bring us to their table that's just that's what you do like and my best friend anna taught me this we call it doing a lap so you do a lap and you show off in your stupid fucking dress and your heels you flip your hair and then some like Australian is like come over to our table yeah when I'm traveling with my co-workers

and you're like who me okay and then you drink their drinks and you're like goodbye I love that I love that approach so so we're like walking around some guys like hey do you want to come up to my table blah blah blah and we're like okay we're like waiting for ours to be ready so um we'll hang out at your table for a bit and then uh he brings us over to the table and it's Gordon fucking Ramsey's table in the club and I didn't know who he was he is so scary looking in person I believe it he has a very intense face I would have shit myself and my friend is like that's Gordon Ramsey I'm like I don't know who the fuck that is and she's like he's on the food network and I was like doesn't mean anything to me and so we were

just like dancing on his on his table and like having a good time he did not talk to anybody um and then he was very stingy with his alcohol but you know that's fair because I was there to hustle and then we were like we have to go to the bathroom and then we left and we just went to our table because we're like oh our table is ready and then we're like we have to go to the bathroom bye and then we just like didn't come back and then we're at our table behind the dj booth and the dj introduces gordon ramsay as the guest dj and he walks by and gives us the biggest stink eye he's like oh my god you ghosted gordon ramsay yeah and i was like i'm shook my jaw is on the floor also he djs i don't know

he does it all i was like whatever turned around and flirted with the guys at the table next to us but oh my god i know i'm speechless 26 year old liz was that bitch that was not that long you didn't know who gordon ramsey was three years ago no i have been obsessed with him for like 15 years you are blowing my fucking my first magicians now my gordon ramsey story you're just like hitting all of like my weird quirks like celebrities that i love magic do you have a carrot top thing no but he used to do the dial down the center for 1-800-ATT he used to say i was like i was fascinated with carrot talk he's the weirdest fucking looking dude and i was always like whoa like people like that exist he uh carrot top is super nice is he a comedian yes

but his whole thing was he had props oh um but i think that was also like a little bit before our time to really like know anything about Carrot Top right um but he lives in Vegas so people would always just like see him walking around and um he has eyeliner tattooed on okay so his eyes look super bright yeah and he's just really nice that's good and then he could just not be nice he's very tan for a while huh like went to tanning beds probably probably there's no way that's natural with his red hair he was super like buff for a little while too weird so when I worked at Abercrombie he came in yeah I was like wait the fuck that's Carrot Top yeah and he has like a very distinct look you're not like is that Carrot Top no it's Carrot Top yeah like there's been

times where I've been like leaving a restaurant and he's I've seen him just like walking around yeah wow yeah so this time when I was at Abercrombie um like when I was a manager I was like oh that's Carrot Top and then he was just like shopping around and he like um bought this pair of sweatpants first he had like one of my employees who is significantly younger than me uh maybe like 10 years younger than me was wearing like these cool sweatpants and then uh he was like hey will you show me where those are and then so my employee like helps him pick out a pair of sweatpants and then um he comes back like after he buys a pair and he was like he just makes them look so good that I need another pair and I think he bought a few more pairs that's really sweet yeah

and then my employee was like who is that and I was like I guess he's younger than you he's like a celebrity on the strip he was probably pretty famous at one point I think he was in the 90s he was pretty big um a few people like met Britney Spears the ones that worked at the bigger malls what did they say about her just that she was nice she's nice yeah that's my queen it was before like the whole like uh everything yeah I feel so bad for Britney yeah it's really kind of a fishbowl situation I think everyone's fascinated with what's going on with her but it's sad because you watch all of these interviews with her back in the day and she's just so clearly like a prisoner of her fame and like just seeing this decline has been so sad I like idolized Britney Spears

how old were you um it was when oops I did it again came out um no no it was um baby one more time was like I remember the first time my brother showed me that music video I was like obsessed with I watched it so many times I'm watching your eyelashes it's really driving me insane are they like you fix uh did I fix it oh god I can see it is it distracting you well because I now you're paying attention to it you got it okay good I feel like it's not I need something I need I need do you need a little spoolie I have a spoolie actually coming down again I can feel it it's because they're getting so heavy they're like falling over on themselves i'm gonna be filled tomorrow it's hard being it's hard being a vein an eyelash girl oh my god i used

to get um my eyelashes filled and back in my vegas days this was my gordon ramsay days i had some fake eyelashes um but um i had like the yeah the eyelash extensions and i was looking at like a picture of them somewhat recently they looked so bad on me oh no I thought that they looked great and then when I look at pictures they just look ridiculous and like yours are at least like tapered you know yeah well my girl is like a fucking she's a genius but I feel like because my eyes are hooded like the lashes help open my eyes but your eyes you already have big eyes your eyes are like bright and open so then like they were like the long ones kind of all around so they just looked kind of weird oh yeah when they're all one length but I went through a phase

like that yeah where I know some people like who get them and they look like caterpillars like yours are the first ones that I saw that I was like those look really good thanks they look really pretty thank you and then I hate the ones that are just like long and ridiculous and thick yeah like just like you see those everywhere in Vegas furry and here too it took me so long to find a lash artist and my gal i her name's malia i'm gonna ask her i'll see her tomorrow can i say your name on the pot i'm obsessed because so many people ask me where i get my lashes for now say say it and then if she doesn't like um give you permission and we'll just cut it out yeah her name is malia at glam by mal g-l-a-m-b-y-m-a-l on instagram she's a goddess she's so good at what

she does i went to so many lash artists before that once they came out all of my natural lashes would come out too because i just like did not know what they were doing so i i was bald for a while no lashes for like months awful but it takes an eyelash 100 days to grow back what yo a girl at mac told me that when i was like 14 and she was like do you take your makeup off at night and i was like no because i was fucking 14 yeah right and my mom like was not nearly as like into makeup as i was growing up so she's like i don't know yeah sleep alone she's like do whatever the fuck you want whatever feels right uh and then she's like you have to take your makeup off at night and i was like okay yeah oh my god yeah i mean like i was breaking out and i wouldn't

fall out you have to wait 100 days oh i did not break out at all i didn't get acne until i was an adult that's so annoying yeah uh when i got an iud oh fuck that makes sense i hear that happening a lot and then I got it removed and I still had acne I started to fuck you up I never got acne until actually yeah I started really breaking out when I left college and went to Detroit and the water there was just different and so it made every time I washed my face it would make my face worse and I didn't put two and two together I had cysts all over my face yeah it was bad those are painful so painful you can't like emote it's like you know it's there I don't know it's on every nerve in your face it's awful um and then i got my iud and it fixed it oh yeah like

i had like a reverse effect you i know a few people that it has like a reverse effect so hormones have been a good thing they had like a little they had troubled skin before and then like they got an iud and it cleared up yeah i was like it's your god's chosen one so yeah it's there's no way to know what how it's going to affect you it's kind of like well we'll see how it goes yeah it's like um mental health drugs gotta go gotta go in blind just hope for the best expect the worst that's how I live my life you want SSRIs because I'm on birth control is most people yeah I'm not on birth control are you thinking more about maybe starting um if I get birth control I want a copra ud

uh and that's gonna fucking suck yeah have you seen a copper iud yes they're terrifying if you guys have seen an iud they're tiny but the second you have that thing shoved into your uterus it feels enormous fucking you will i almost passed out from the pain yeah so and i got like a little tiny itty bitty skyla one i didn't even have it the whole time you got it out part way oh that's right yeah because you're having really bad yeah um i remember you saying that and then the copper one is bigger and it's more painful so yeah i went from a skyla to a marina and i can feel the marina when i have cramps now i can like feel the arms of it yeah it's freaky men have no like if if you've never had a uterus i don't want to fucking hear it

like everyone's like oh getting kicked in the balls it's like and i'm sure that that fucking you have no fucking idea the shit that we go through so that you can come inside us yeah without a condom imagine getting kicked in the balls for several hours uh-huh for seven days straight every month for like the next 30 to 40 years of you and then get called a bitch for being in a bad mood and also have acne yeah and back pain I get leg pain too when I have cramps yeah like the tops of my legs hurt like my thighs mine I'm trying to think um my cramps were definitely worse when I'm on hormonal birth control uh-huh my cramps were really really bad when I had an IED that makes sense yeah I mean there's just something there's like a foreign

object in there your body's like get it out gotta get it out and now I only get cramps like the day before my period and maybe the first day nice that's good yeah that's good I don't get a period anymore so yeah I always kind of think I'm pregnant because I was just stopped with the IUD probably not right however I would be in the 0.02 percent that would get pregnant on with a with an IUD I was I'm just always because the PMS symptoms are pregnancy symptoms so i'm just kind of always guessing yeah it's it's a cruel trick from god yeah fucking eve shouldn't be in that apple did you know that's an analogy for sex it is you've had sex dirty bastards haven't we all fucked a snake though we i fucked a few snakes i fucked a few snakes

or at least known a snake yeah yeah i've known a few and fucked a few they've never given me an apple they've not given me anything except good stories and heartbreak sometimes they give you an std yeah yeah i would take an apple honestly oh my god before there was eve there was lilith oh tell me about lilith so wow we're actually getting the biblical part of this if you've seen Sabrina the new one okay there's a Lilith character but um Lilith uh was the first woman before Eve and she wanted to be um Satan's equal he was like no you have to lay beneath me and she's like no I want to lay next to you oh i like lily equal and he was like bad bitch no and then god took lilith away and like

lilith was like satan's like lover like he was in love with lilith and god took her away and then um he made eve and lilith like likeness whoa so satan was in love with eve I didn't know that so I know nothing that's generally what I know I have a book called like uh bad girls throughout history or something and Lilith is the first woman in it I want to name my daughter Lilith now Lily oh oh this is a cool cover jimming the camera um so it's called Bad Girls Throughout History by Ann Shen and I first saw it because I thought

the art was really beautiful so that's why I bought it and then it just has like a short little biography of a bunch of amazing women throughout history and I love that the first woman is Lilith fucking incredible

I flipped to just random pages I'm already in love with these women. Anita Garibaldi wrote into Battle on Horseback and pregnant men could never i think i want to get men could never tattooed on me somewhere because i say it so often men could never like whenever there's like a woman like on the news like there was a there was a doctor who was in the hospital giving birth and a woman came in giving birth and her doctor what couldn't be there on like they were on call so they couldn't get there in time and like this woman was having her baby and so this doctor who was in labor delivered this woman's

baby this woman's labor yes men could never well this man couldn't even get to the hospital on time this woman's like so many doctors are like they want to schedule like a day for you to be induced yeah because it works for their schedule and that's why if i have children i will be having them in a bathtub with a midwife at home or in like a birthing center uh I don't know yet depends on what my home looks like yeah what's it do I have a nice bathtub or like a like a relaxing area yeah a creepy basement we'll revisit lights and candles in my creepy basement have a seance yeah I love that name it Lilith um okay I found the Lilith page I'll read it okay it's it's biblical story time on the holy hour it all began with Lilith the lesser known first

wife of Adam who was kicked out of the garden of Eden Adam insisted she lie beneath him but she wanted to lie next to him and be equal bad bitches because she refused to be subservient to Adam Lilith left the garden of Eden became associated with the archangel Sam Samuel Samuel we know of Lilith because she is represented as a demon in many religious mysticism texts she is never mentioned in the bible it doesn't get much more badass than getting rejected from the bible does it no it does not lilith the real i love bad bitches that's my fucking problem i really want this book this is phenomenal i mean i i said uh she wanted to lay next to satan instead of adam but who's to say adam isn't satan you know i think all men are

kind of sane i'm just kidding i love a lot of you your dad is a gem my dad is fantastic i know a lot of really great men but i also know a lot of really not great men my dad's a gem too but he's done some shit where when i was born uh i was stuck in the birthing canal so they had to use forceps to get me out which is illegal now what yeah they're not safe because they hurt the baby uh and the mom they like rip your vagina open what the fuck yeah and my mom lost a ton of blood giving birth to me and she had really bad postpartum depression and um she was just like bleeding and like she had blood through like a bunch of pads and she asked my dad to get pads for her before he left for work and he said no and I was like I would have filed for divorce

that day yeah yep so I'm like wow dad I would have really that guy yeah wow my future husband would never no I would throw a big ass I was like I know I'm a baby but I do not forgive you yeah I'm gonna remember this dad that was your first sentence yeah I'm gonna remember that when my mom told me I was like rage that's nuts speaking of forceps I was foaming at the back I would be too i would be too um there's this tiktok trend where people would record what they looked like before and after they googled um why chainsaws were invented have you seen this no okay i did it i deleted it because i it was just what it didn't fit my brand okay so we're gonna get my reaction to this right now chainsaws were invented for childbirth yeah what the fuck because they needed

a more efficient way to do c-sections so chainsaws were first like hand cranks and they like uh-huh that's why chainsaws were invented they weren't like the that we like know now but yeah well do you know how um like c-sections started to like become a thing it's um because there was a tribe of black women who were like the first people to sanitize and sterilize their equipment to perform c-sections and all these fucking european male doctors kept killing women from c-sections because they weren't sterilizing their equipment so they learned from this tribe of black women so if you have had a c-section or are here because of a c-section you can thank black women wow i didn't know that wow yeah so that's interesting these are all shit this is

we don't get taught this did you learn why people or why uh yeah people are on their back when they give birth no um it's from one king who had a fetish of seeing like his children born that way because before that gravity does half the work right so there were birthing chairs before that what the fuck i've learned so much from tiktok that's disgusting yeah so now we're all suffering on our fucking back when we give birth well and when you could just be sitting in a chair and letting gravity do its goddamn thing women die in childbirth at like a higher rate than ever like especially black women and i there i watched a documentary in one of my health classes in high school of how people give birth in other countries and in third world countries they just they're

just squatting yeah yeah and like the baby just comes out and they're like dope they pull the baby out yep and then they have a baby and now here we are in america spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to give birth in a hospital and like maybe you'll make it out alive laying on our back maybe well because of one fucking white king who had a gross weird fetish when you said king i thought it was going to be some like positive thing like oh he was such a king no it was like a literal king what a piece of garbage god damn men should not be able to rule it i need to stop hating on men i'm in such a mood today i really do love men i really really do in a mood i'm in a fucking mood i don't even know why i mean after all the shit we've talked about it's

hard to not be in one yeah true this has become a really fun like discourse i know we don't we have had like not a topic yeah liz text me like what should we talk about i'm like i don't know i meant to have a plan but you know how things go you're like life happens also my foot is so asleep if you wonder why i'm like shifting so much i cannot get comfortable no you're fine My foot has been asleep this entire time. My cat has been digging his claws into my leg. So I've mostly been thinking about that. We're a good group right now.

The four of us. If you guys don't know, which you might not, I always have to get a chair for one of my cats because he wants to feel involved. Yeah, he's the one that you always hear. Yeah, he's the one you hear meowing in the background. So I've learned when we get him a little chair and he sits in it, he calms down.

it's really cute that's a cute little fun fact about him uh he just gets excited when people come over especially like people he knows so when he meows it's because he wants to be held like a baby and feel involved baby it is very sweet but it gets very annoying yeah um and i don't know how my cats are gonna manage like if and when like things kind of like go back to normal uh-huh and I start going to the office again they're gonna be like oh my god yeah I was talking about this with someone the other day how hard it's gonna be for the pets to readjust oh yeah and people's kids too people's kids are used to having them home I can't even fucking imagine I wonder if kids are like this year sucks or like this is the best freaking year of my life I think at first it

was probably fun for them like elementary school kids like fuck it to just like to do school in my pajamas and now everyone's missing their friends yeah I would not be able to learn online if I was a child there's no way I can't even do it as an adult me neither I know I have to do all of these courses for work do you have to do all these fucking courses probably I haven't done all I know I could I didn't know that we had to do this thing and my boss was like Amelia you've gotten 10,000 emails about this I don't I have not been reading mine I probably haven't done it either but I can't learn things online there's two I have to be in a learning setting to learn well yeah I can't I can't learn online I would I would be I feel so bad for these kids I barely

passed my one online class my senior year I didn't even try to do an online class there's no way I would have been able to do it the only other online class I did was like a movie class and it was really engaging that's why it was so easy yeah the other one was like archaeology and I was like oh fuck that I was like I only have to take this because I did not take this prereq when I was a freshman and I still cared so I'm not like I'm taking this because I have to I already did my capstone do I look like Indiana Jones no I'm I don't mean to take this class it means nothing to me archaeology what a class I probably would have failed but the professor was like it's your last semester here is a barely passing grade I got the same thing I needed a credit and

I got like I just did like some sort of like capstone something and the professor's like whatever get the fuck out of here yeah fine here here just take a fucking grade we need to get rid of you um i these pants make me look kind of fat stop in the camera in the camera um i forgot oh uh i had like signed up for an online class my junior year and then i was like oh yeah you can just like log on and like submit shit whenever no that's not how it was uh i realized a little too late um i dropped the class like i think i had to like talk to a professor or talk to like a dean to get drop the class and then if i would have been a i wouldn't have been a full-time student so i had to sign up for a random class so i signed up for taekwondo oh so i took taekwondo

fun that's awesome um I don't remember anything uh but I do remember there it was early in the morning and there was this like there were these two people who would flirt in class every single time like this girl she was like kind of mousy and she had like straight across bangs um and she was like there's like one guy who's hot in that class and she was like that guy and i was like good for you girl like go get it yes get after this taekwondo nick jonas looking man and they were like teamed up the entire semester and you know you're like sparring with these people and um my little spar group was we were a group of three it's just like me and these other two women who were like fuck why did we do this uh anyways um they were always sparring and uh

he tested for his yellow belt at the end of the semester and like after class like we all would kind of like walk to our next class or whatever and I had time in between and they would always go to Starbucks and so would I so I'd be in line behind them like are y'all gonna like hook up or what so at the end of the semester it felt like the season finale I was like will they won't they like what's gonna happen and they did not sadly oh but girl I think of you maybe once a year I hope she got a husband she deserves I hope she did a man who can fight for her and with her maybe for fun fuck yeah get you a man you can spar with in bed in bed amen maybe they did the next year though maybe they got together eventually

I would love that love story me too they're listening they're like wait I hope so I did my yellow belt I hope this gets to you somehow the year was 2013 that was a bad year for me 2012 2013 I hope they're doing well I graduated in 2014 I don't know you did yeah I graduated 2015 oh no well you're old for your grade yes and I'm young for my grade oh makes sense it does yeah because you're a summer baby I am a summer baby and I'm a fall baby fall is my favorite season I want to get married I'm just like older than everybody I'm older than the people i date i'm older than the people i'm my my boyfriend is my brother's age and that is weird for me oh wow i didn't think about that because they're so like um different yeah right like my

boyfriend is very i would say mature i would say mature for his age but i don't even know what that means anymore i don't either because yeah what like what is mature for any age now yeah I feel like everything's kind of muddy now yeah after after 23 nothing matters yeah that's so true I was thinking about that because I'm one of the guys that I'm talking to is my brother's age and your brother's older yeah he's 34 wait is that right seven yeah 34 I know and like I always thought when I was a kid like I could never date anyone my brother's age like he's so old and now it's like really anything past 25 you want to know who this is oh it's someone who disappeared for a little while and always disappears for a little while but then comes back and is really

sweet about disappearing and i fucking hate when people disappear but he has like good reasons so i'm trying to be like cool about it but i still miss him when i don't talk to him and then he'll just like facetime me at two in the morning and i'm like i guess i'm not sleeping tonight is that why you went to bed so late last night no I didn't talk to him this weekend it's okay what are you doing 34 year old and then I'll be sick of him and I'll be looking back on this like do you remember when you used to not talk to me for a while let's go back to that I'm just kidding I'm in love with him um okay disclaimer like anytime Amelia texts me like I met my husband I'm like here we go folks it's probably once a week but I'm also absolutely the

person who's like yes bitch that's so true I hope you did yes that's so true you always like really get you I'm always stoked you put some gas in my tank with these men I mean who hasn't been there I I'm a Libra I'm all like I've been there so many times you meet a guy and you're like oh my god his hinge profile is immaculate yeah yeah and then you meet him and you're like for some reason I have absolutely zero sexual attraction yeah chemistry with this person such a bummer that's always such a bummer and because you never like they could be perfect like in their profile you guys can like be really flirty and then you meet and you're just like something's missing I well have there ever been an instance where I've texted you I've met my husband and then it's gone well

for me I don't think so and that is a sad fact you know what maybe you need to you know how like you don't know if something's gonna look cute on you until you try it on yeah like maybe it's kind of ugly on the hanger and then you put it on you're like who is she yeah maybe you need to do that with a guy like pick a guy who's like not usually your type and then maybe he'll like be really fucking funny I think going like going against type is probably a good move for me right now because my type really is shitty like and I I don't even think I have a type I think hot is my type so like same I don't really but I am talking to this guy on hinge right now oh you guys I got banned from hinge yeah let's talk about that next oh my god

so okay we'll circle back to that but um one of the guys that I'm talking to on Hinge um since I've re-downloaded Hinge is the perfect man and I'm meeting him next week but he is so beautiful he's so nice we have mutual friends who have confirmed to me that he is actually as nice as he's being so it's not going to be like a fake dom situation where I'm like super nice guy really shitty person kind of thing this guy is apparently actually very cool and he might be my husband and then I get to look back on this and be like I was right that one time bitch you think everybody's your husband but turns out you were right once if you throw a you know a spaghetti at a wall something will stick yeah and this might be the noodle that sticks is beautiful this episode will

be called the noodle that sticks um but yeah I got banned from hinge uh do we know why no I can only guess why so I have two theories the more boring theory is that I deleted my profile and redownloaded it and they don't like when you do that that's what a couple of people have said but the reason that I deleted it in the first place was because I was very clearly shadow banned from hinge like I went from getting like five likes a day to getting zero likes for two weeks and I was like handing out hearts like willy-nilly just being like will somebody like me please feeling very lonely and I wasn't getting anything back and then I came across my friend on the app and sent him a like and he never got it and it wasn't one of those guys it's like nope I never

got it just like because he didn't want to like me back like he did he did not get it and so I deleted my profile just thinking that there was just like some sort of bug and when I typed in my number to make a new profile it came up with this message that was like you've been banned and I think what happened so you can't find out why because that like they won't tell you why because that like it breaks privacy issues like if you put someone else in a compromising exactly like if you assaulted one person then you could trace that back to them so I completely understand that but like for something like that so I think because my Instagram was linked to my hinge and I had my dating app videos on my Instagram I think some Chad got like offended

that I like made fun of guys holding fish in their their hinge pictures yeah I definitely could see someone being like I feel bullied triggered yeah and it's like if you're triggered by something like that like look yourself in the mirror and ask why oh yeah if you're so triggered by like my insignificant opinion well not even that it's clearly like on TikTok it's funny those videos have blown up yeah it's just clearly like if you are gonna get so triggered by that yeah you should not date anybody yeah it must be it must be exhausting getting so offended by things like that oh yeah because like these kinds of men that you're like obviously joking about or um the kinds of men that you're like okay they're wearing a MAGA hat in their yeah in their picture

we just swipe left you're not going to report them right right i know that's the thing and like i'm not making fun of how people look if i was like you also don't specifically say hinge no in your videos no you say dating apps right right but i think there's there's a fine line between like making fun of somebody's looks which is not okay and i would never ever do and just like making fun of like stupid answers that people give you know so it's like i or just like stereotypical things that all of us have seen on right on people's profiles and some of the shit that I come across on hinge is so misogynistic that it's like I call it out and then I ended up getting banned from hinge for it so I made a new profile I signed up with my mom's phone number I

was like mom can you send me can you let me know what the code is that they just sent you she was like am I an accessory to a crime right now low-key I wonder if like french press came across your profile again and was like I'm still mad oh my god he probably he would I might come across him Again, now that I have a brand new profile, too. Yeah, I don't even know what he's up to. Well, he blocked both of us and the holy hours. Okay. Y'all, he got so mad.

And he was trying to act like he wasn't, but he was. He handled it like a baby. Yeah, he did. Well, because he, like, continued to blow off Amelia. Mm-hmm. And then I went on one date with him and then kind of, like, fell off. Yeah. For a while.

i don't remember why and then um i was like do you want to like hang out again and then he was like yeah sure and we made plans they were gonna hang out again and then the day of like a few like the time we were supposed to hang out he it was like the end of the day and he's like oh actually i'm seeing someone i'm like you just wasted my entire fucking saturday i could have done something else he's such a disappointment and then we talked about him on one of the episodes episode two if you want to go back and listen and then he listened to it and he got upset what and i didn't we cut this out because it felt a little too mean at the time but y'all his bathroom smelled like urine liz was texting me like we should probably cut out the

part about his bathroom and it's good that we did yeah because he listened yeah he was mad about the stuff that wasn't listening now but what if he is what if he listens every week that'd be hilarious okay if you're listening now and you're still mad please bring some bleach around your toilet yeah do yourself a favor but i did like the lighting so his apartment is dope it is pretty cool i mean i never saw it because i never actually met the guy that's wild to me i feel like i know him so well and i've never met him i also said he was a bad kisser well you said he was a bad kisser but then you retracted he said you sometimes mouths don't work well together well yeah that is fact sometimes it's just like not there right and then um I also think I was

like yeah I was like yeah maybe I'll like just hook up with this guy yeah which is kind of a shitty thing to say so I'll give him that yeah but it did feel a little like uh like I was just kind of like gonna use this guy but we never got to a point where we could have a conversation of Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah. We never got to a point where we could have a conversation of, like, um. This is just transactional. Yeah, all I want is to just, like, hook up with someone who.

Got it. I'm, like, attracted to, and I don't want a relationship. Yeah. But it set me up to also, uh, having that mindset and then meeting my now boyfriend. Yeah. Which I'm going to stop talking about. It's so annoying. It's all a step.

pissed off looking for someone and then we edited me okay okay we got it me to me uh we need to figure out a nickname for him we do um tall man tall man i do like calling him that oh my god i sent him a tiktok earlier today of this girl who's like um i matched with this guy on tinder and we're gonna meet up and um his profile says he's six five but i'm six two and like men are already kind of scary so i want to know what that like will look like and then she's like so this is six five and this is where i think maybe his eye height will be and she like puts her phone up there and then she's just like staring down she's like no no and then i sent it to my boyfriend and i was like because he's a like a foot taller than me and i was like

is this what i look like to you and then he was like lmao when you're standing right next to me that's pretty accurate oh no like a child like i already look pretty young and then i was like kind of stoked because i was like okay well from that angle like i don't have a double chin like that's a bonus it's like those um that tiktok trend where people were like seeing what they looked like when they're giving head which is the most unattractive guys there if you need to like put your camera up to see what you look like when you are giving that is atrocious it's terrifying it's so you'll be like i never want to do this again i mean i but i mean like the people you're giving head to are like i don't really care stoked about it yeah i don't give

a fuck what you look like no they will do that to a doll i mean my stance was like oh yeah they just like you and like it feels good this is the mood that i'm in i'm like it could be anyone they fuck a pillow no but no but it's so true it's such an ugly angle but they don't care i've never heard that i've never heard that from anyone the first time i saw that video i was like haha and then i tried it and i was like no yeah yeah it's and now i just have to live with that knowledge that was around the time that you and i started talking because we sent each other the videos of what it looks like and i was like i guess we're these kind of friends and here we are with the sex podcast shortly after we're like yo should we talk about sex because you and I both

started dating around the same time and that's probably a big part of it yeah yeah I remember the reason that you and I really first started like deep talking was I think I must have tweeted something about my ex and you were like you can talk to me if you need to at any time yeah and I was like okay well you want how about now yo what are you doing yeah hey girl I'm having a panic attack you want to talk that's basically exactly that set the tone for our friendship we just started opening up about everything from because you and I were friends before but like yeah it was really during quarantine during the worst part of my breakup that we got super close and then you and I started dating at the same time and then you started sending me guys that you were seeing

like have you dated them and sometimes I had so I could give you the tea I know I mentioned this before but like if you have a friend who is also on dating apps send each other the people you're matching with because like if Amelia was like oh I matched with him before like there was a couple times where that happened you're like oh yeah I've matched like I met up with this guy or something and then she'd give me a warning or and that was really nice there's an additional filter I was like I'm not gonna waste my time yeah there was one guy the the handjob guy sad dry handjob yeah the sad dry handjob guy yep that was one I could warn you about I saw him yesterday on hinge again we probably both passed you like he's just out there asking for dry handjobs he was just such

a beautiful human it's such a shame yeah he was very cute stunning I actually don't even remember what he looks like I just remember I was like oh this guy's cute and then I saw that Amelia had was uh following him on Instagram so I was like oh tell me about this guy yeah I was like how do you know this guy and you're like she's like curl and then he um he must have figured it out too because he unmatched me that's happened so many times where I've talked to a guy briefly he followed me on Instagram and then we both see who our mutual friends are and then he blocks me like a few times yeah one of um dishwasher's friends I matched with on bumble and he followed me on instagram and we both must have and we were talking a lot on bumble so oh you both put two and

two together well I knew I'm just petty I was like this could be fun and like I don't owe dishwasher any we like haven't had like a relationship so this isn't me like being shady about dishwasher it's kind of same um but yeah it took me a second to remember who he was he's very he did not really give a fuck about me and you know what I mean it's like and so it doesn't doesn't really it wouldn't hurt him in any way but we have hooked up and there's like and it was one of his very good friends so once he realized it was like he unmatched with me on bumble which was a good friend that's that is a good that's a good friend but um it was it was kind of fun for me while it lasted yeah this is I was thinking about this earlier this is our last episode we're recording

for the year and we started this year this is emotional yeah 2020 fucking sucked this was like one of the only bright spots of my 2020 and yeah I think we should end the last episode of the year just like reflecting on all the things that we're grateful for and I was thinking about this earlier today. Um, if all of the circumstances hadn't happened, um, Amelia and I, I'm sure eventually we would have become super close, but this, uh, just really like launched it. Yeah, it did. We got very close over, um, heartbreak and we made this podcast because of it. And Amelia, um, has bonded with so many listeners over TikTok about heartbreak and started a group about it and um what else there's just been I just think about it all the time like how many doors have opened

like as a result of us just like allowing them to open and like that's dope because like there has been nothing good about this pandemic no but there it's really easy to point out things that wouldn't have happened if it hadn't had happened so like and this is one of them so like yeah just so grateful that like just the peripheral stuff that's come along with it like being able to be so open like I've never done anything like I've always been like very open on social media but like nothing like this and it's you you know we're putting a level of vulnerability out through the world and that is really hard yeah um and we have each other through it but also like anytime I'm questioning if what we're doing is like the right thing to be doing if this is like part of you know

my life's purpose yeah anytime I'm just like am I just like are we just like jerking off for each other like yeah I'm like is this a self-important thing that I'm doing and maybe like a little bit but anytime I start to have these feelings of doubt without fail someone will reach out to us and say something absolutely moving and I cannot express how much that means to us when you guys like reach out to us we've had people like tell us like they started therapy after listening to the podcast and that like I that makes my heart feel so full because I think everyone deserves to like love themselves and when people are taking those steps and they say that like we helped them feel comfortable about that I'm like oh my god I know what I know or when people like when we

talked about gray area assault like people reaching out to me about that and they're like I didn't know how to verbalize this and like listening to Amelia's story meant a lot to me and like I'm glad I'm not the only one who's experienced this just like there's a spectrum of things that like you guys have said to us and reached out to us about that mean so much like even beyond just like oh this is really funny or like yeah whatever which also means a lot to us thank you but yeah it's the deep stuff like that that like we're actually making a difference for some people no matter how small any difference means the entire world to us and it means so much to hear it like it's huge like we're always we're so thankful for everyone who listens to

this podcast like I going into this I don't think either of us thought this was gonna be what it is yeah yeah and it's not to say like we have like a shit ton of listeners like but we have way more than we thought we expected what 50 yeah we were like this is just gonna be like a fun thing that we do yeah and then um the amount of regular listeners we have is way more than we ever anticipated which is incredible I just like I think my whole like parting words for the year um I feel like we're like wrapping up the podcast for forever we'll be back but this is just the end of 2020 but um like my parting words for the year would be like if you feel like you want to do something to do it because like I feel like no matter how big or small of a change we've made

in anyone's lives, the butterfly effect that it has when you follow your intuition to do something or like, you know, even just if we just got that one message from someone that we inspired them to go to therapy, I would feel like this whole thing was worth it. You know what I mean? That's exactly how I feel too. It's, and that feels cliche to say, like if it makes a difference in one person's life, but it's so real. And Liz and I have said this the whole time. Like if we can change one person's life in any way, then we'll feel like we've done our job. And like, it's gone beyond that and it wouldn't have happened if we hadn't had just like taken the jump you know and this feels kind of self like we're patting ourselves on the back but like we should because like

I think a lot of people have been able to recognize how weird this is that we're like putting ourselves out here in this way but I have not once heard from anyone like what the fuck are you doing everyone's like fuck yeah because I think everybody is looking for an opportunity to be open and be themselves and like why the fuck not you know the only person that's holding you back is yourself at the end of the day maybe our gift to you will be not singing on the way out oh my god grandpa will sing for us thank you so much we appreciate you and like Amelia said our gift to you will be not not it pain it pains us to not sing so we're doing this for you we love you we're like how do we do it without singing okay in 2020 we love you yeah

we'll have a better year next year yeah bye