The Hoely Hour - E23 Gas Station D*ck Pills

Episode Date: January 15, 2021

Have you ever had an acid-enduced threesome after taking a gas station d*ck pill? Spoiler: your bowels will protest. Amelia updates us on some very interesting dates she's been on, take notes folks! The girls talk pegging and Liz reveals she's "an early adopter of eating ass." Jeff Bezos needs sexting lessons from the girls, and Amelia shares a herpes horror story. PS: We will sell feet pics. 1:30 - Sweaty foot fetishes 3:50 - Being a daughter vs being a son 12:10 - New boos & fun first dates 24:00 - Pegging & rimjobs 36:40 - Threesomes, acid & gas station d*ck pills 43:05 - Jeff Bezos' saltine-dry-ass-sexts 52:36 - Herpes & getting tested 1:04:10 - Pep talk about why you are a rare expensive GEM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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May slow when network is busy. See terms. I've been thinking a lot about those. Listen to them. Okay. Shh. You're a masochist. should i count this time oh oh then change it up okay i'm nervous okay okay three two one welcome

to the holy hour i'm amelia sanson and i'm liz ball and we're recording for the first time of 2021 and i did the countdown today new year new us i it threw me off i kind of threw me off too i'm feeling a little like backwards oh no oh this has been in my car this is gonna explode all over the place oh yeah cracking a drink oh my god today i'm drinking busy busy i i really want to get a seltzer sponsorship that would be amazing i really want i would drink the fuck out of those right now i'm drinking gin and kombucha um because i like to detox while i intox yeah love that love that for you it just can't be alcohol cancels itself out new probiotics new year new holy on our new probiotics oh my god um is Gatsby on my shoes right now yeah he is hell yeah but if

anyone's met my cat which I think most listeners have not met my cat but he like he loves shoes so anytime someone comes over and takes their shoes off he has to smell them and like roll on them for like 10 minutes he's got a foot fetish yeah good for him yeah he knows about himself people just love my feet um people and cats it's your niche everybody has everybody has one that's so funny I wonder if it's the smell that he likes I think so I feel like because you have like a lot of sweat glands on your feet right and then it just probably emphasizes like the smell of your feet yeah and then like the moisture oh this is a disgusting conversation classic holy hour banter but sweaty foot fetish oh i'm sure that that exists and you know i will

sell pictures of my feet so i will too hit us up because we we don't have any sponsors yet no maybe that'll be one of our patreon offerings yeah feet pics yeah yeah we'll start a patreon and we'll have merch and exclusive stuff and feet pics i i think that this is a great idea maybe we could start an only fans holy holy hour only fans yeah of nothing in particular you know what i found out call them holy fans holy fans i don't hate it we'll discuss what were you gonna say um oh you can have an only fans profile and then only have specific posts be like you have to pay for i didn't know that did not know that francesca did you ever watch um too hot to handle on netflix okay she's one of the girls that was on too hot to handle and she has an only fans and

she's so fucking hot she's so beautiful and she has a public only fans you can just like but it's like clothed well like minimal clothing but there's no nudity and then there's like specific posts that are like blacked out and you have to pay five dollars per post that's kind of a nice approach i feel like i could like ease into only fans that way yeah i don't know i'm interesting. I'm becoming more and more of a fan of OnlyFans. Yeah. I'm an OnlyFans of OnlyFans. OnlyFanFan. I hated it. Anyway, how was home? It was good and I feel like I was going to tell you something about being home, but I can't remember what it was. Maybe it'll come back to you later. Yeah, maybe. My brother brought his girlfriend. And we like her. Yeah, we love her. He always,

I was thinking about how we're like opposites and that he always dates girls that my family loves and then when they break up we're sad but meanwhile I date guys that my friends and family all fucking hate until now yeah but that's true I'm not gonna say but like he is really fantastic um and the I guess the only caveat is like because of the pandemic like not very many people can meet him yeah yeah so but they would still like him yeah he is such an easy presence to be around yeah he's so sweet and like easy to get along with he really is yeah I think uh yeah when you change as a person uh you start dating better people yeah that's so true so yeah yeah but we love my brother's girlfriend he brought his puppy too oh right I forgot that such a cute puppy yeah

this puppy is amazing um her name's millie and it's very close to my name millie and mealy yeah yeah twins and she just has like a spicy personality and i love her she's a husky pomeranian oh my god a palmski yeah she's just a baby you can see my cat like in the background just fucking around having a good time with the string hold on me damn it now he's talking um but I also was kind of thinking about and uh my family does not listen to this podcast when I mentioned the podcast to my brother he was I was like do you know I have a podcast right and then he was like yeah one of my friends told me about it and I was like why the fuck would she do this to me oh no and then I explicitly told my mom not to listen

to it and I think my dad just doesn't even know um which is the opposite of uh your family and their friends yeah oh my god I know my parents listen their friends listen it's so nice it's like and it's genuine interest too like whenever my parents friends bring it up to me it's not like so how's your sex podcast going they're like oh we listened to last week's episode and like these are my thoughts on it I'm like oh my god and I was like I was talking to one of them and I was like it's crazy to me that like adults listen and he was like Amelia you and Liz are adults I was like I know but like not really though I'm just like a fake adult right we're pretending to be adults I'm just like an old teenager I have no I don't know when I'm ever gonna feel like an

adult I well I was thinking about the biggest difference too um between probably like your family and mine is I've always struggled with kind of like being infantilized um even though I'm the oldest but I also think probably like oldest girls have problems with that a lot like um I always feel like the red-headed stepchild of my family like like even my extended family and um I don't know I think when you're like a sassy girl like they're just like uh I think boomers kind of assume that you're just like going through a phase and everything's a phase and it's like no this is just me I'm an adult woman and I just have a lot of opinions yeah um and I've been that way my whole life so and why do phases need to be treated like they're

like not who the person actually is like say it was a phase for you like this that's the phase of your life that you're in and you should be taken seriously in it I've never understood that and like when my parents and their friends were like let's see your tattoos and I showed them they were just like they looked like the like uh Chloe the Chloe meme oh yeah she was like staring like I'm like you asked to see them yeah what did you think I was gonna show you right yeah what did they expect I'd be like psych yeah I showed my dad like uh the one with like I have okay so obviously you guys can't see my tattoos I have one on one forearm and it's a hand holding a dagger and the other is a hand holding a rose and I showed my dad the one well I showed him

both but he was like what is that and I was like it's a dagger and my mom's like it's a knife and I was like okay and my dad was like it looks like a pen you should say it's a pen and I was like dad it's already a tattoo and it's already a dagger you should say it's a pen like no he said the pen is mightier than the sword oh my god okay this is going on that too it's going better than I thought it was and like you right luckily the first time my mom saw them I was with uh my boyfriend and she like was very cool about it she was like oh wow interesting and I was like I know you're playing it cool because my cool boyfriend's here yeah yeah so do that kind of some of that go away when you were home yeah okay yeah especially with my parents friends looking at it they're like

thanks I hate it I'm like okay well cool it's not your body you don't have to tattoo yourself right yeah you have the option to not live with this so congratulations but yeah I do often feel like the red-headed stepchild because I don't know if you've noticed this and maybe it's because there is a larger age gap between you and your brother but I feel like when um like my family and my extended family talk about my brother they're like oh he wants to buy a house and blah blah blah and like um everything is kind of like centered around he's becoming an adult and i'm like yeah he is but then like i am also an adult is it maybe i'm permanently a 17 year old and everyone's had and i don't get it do you think maybe they thought like that i i don't know but

i'm just thinking like if that was my reaction to somebody growing up my reaction would be that way because i didn't ever expect them to you know what i mean like if if i was talking to like a family member of like oh so like my cousin like oh he's like buying a house it's like when did that happen you know rather than like oh he's such like a big and mighty man you know what I mean not even just that it's like uh like if my brother gets a new job or a promotion then um uh there's kind of this like I I don't know how to put it into words like just a societal thing of like boys becoming men and getting jobs and moving up in the career field and bringing home their dog and their girlfriend our son is a man like yeah and our 30 year old daughter is 17 still you're just like

frozen in their heads for forever yeah it's gotten a lot better that's good since I've moved away but I think um them having such a reach over my life for so long like definitely uh enabled that even though I'm like I'm very defiant and I have been my entire life like um just living in Las Vegas like when I wanted to move I lived with my parents for a few months and I was like I'm moving the fuck out I cannot stand you guys love you if you're listening I know you're not but uh we should not live together ever again yeah you can love somebody to death and still not want to be near them all the time um so well and then moving back from college like being used to being away from them all the time it's tough readjusting whatever I want yeah so I was just living with them like

while I was looking for a job and then after a few months I was like okay I have a job I'm gonna move out because I hate this and then um they're like well we want to buy another property and you can just rent it so then they had that additional like reach over my life and then like would constantly hang it over my head and I'm like I wanted to move into an apartment yeah but I couldn't give up this awesome deal on rent which was nice because I was making money below the poverty line thanks Las Vegas my I qualified for food stamps how can they get away with that that feels criminal with the work that you were doing that's ridiculous yeah that's just ridiculous anyways anyhow that's a rant for another time well I'm glad you had a good time at home yeah

yeah it was really nice to see my family I'm glad you were able to get home yeah me too yeah good good i yeah i hadn't seen them in so long it'd been like a year so that's crazy you know um anyways yes let's talk about fun things okay um so amelia has gone on a couple dates since i've seen her last with this one guy who seems like a gem and i need to hear all about him he's phenomenal so for our first date we just like went to a winery and you know that and that was just kind of like a we're just checking each other out kind of date the second date that we went on he was like what do you want to do and I was like I don't know I'm just used to guys being like you want to meet at this brewery and then like go back to my place and fuck like that's what I'm

used to so I was like I don't know a brewery and he was like okay I have a suggestion and it's probably gonna wind me up in one of your videos but hear me out and I was like oh god what is this guy is he gonna make me fucking skydive like what are we about to do and he was like we're gonna go to Goodwill we're gonna have a set amount of money we're allowed to spend and we're gonna try to buy each other outfits that are ridiculous but they're normal enough that people won't think that we're being ridiculous that's such a fun day no when did you do that that was last thursday okay it was so much fun um and so we like went into goodwill and well so we pulled into the parking lot and he's like i'm not doing this sober and he like pulled out a bottle

of vodka and two shot glasses and we just did two shots in the parking lot and that this is incriminating me we're drinking in a car but it's fine it wasn't my car um find him so just kidding his license plate number but it was good it really loosened me up and like so then we um parted ways in goodwill and like the goodwill men's section is not ridiculous enough so i just got him like these like salmon pants that looked really good on him because he's so hot i'm like he could look at anything i know it's frustrating and then like a brown jacket white loafers this like huge gold horse pin and a cowboy hat because I was like that looks ridiculous enough that's like why is this guy wearing this enormous horse pin and then he got me all beige and then

like goldish beige pants these hideous knee-high boots um with that had heels that were half a size too small so that was a whole thing in itself my heel ended up breaking halfway through the day so i was just a mess um this like leopard print beret and like a fur vest and then this fur scarf he spent like 80 on this i know i spent 60 on his we had a 20 limit and you're both like there's no way we're like we're balling out for each other yeah which was nice i can't use any of the shit that he got me though i feel like i got him good pieces i can't i don't know what to do with all the shit i want that horse pin i know me too i'm like just save that for myself um and then we just went to a couple of bars and like sat outside and we had the servers vote on who had the best

outfit and then whoever had the best outfit like put together the best outfit the other person had to pay for drinks it was a competition we ended up getting split votes like right down the middle so we just split the bill um but it was really fun and like quirky and I don't know it was like it was a really good icebreaker I haven't had anybody plan a date like that really ever yeah so that was fun yeah and he's just like I don't know he's so he's so hot like he's just like I don't know and then he kissed me nobody ever kisses me I always have to make the move I remember you saying that he broke the the first kiss curse yeah he did he didn't kiss me on the first date which you know we're still waiting for someone to break that one but he just like walked in my car and then just

like grabbed me and his hands are so big I just felt so little he's just so he's just a man um and then I had this interview with this other podcast um called menage a pod and I was really excited about that and I told him that it went well and he was like what are you doing on Monday and I was like I don't know hanging out with you and he was like I'd like to make you dinner to celebrate oh that's so sweet like you don't have to do that but okay was it was it good it looked pretty tasty i was like so good he like he asked me for my dietary restrictions and then was like okay perfect i have the perfect idea um and when he was over he was like can you light candles like dim the lighting put on some italian dinner music he's like i want it to look like an italian

restaurant yeah exactly that's the kind of music that i was playing in like frank sinatra and so um he came in with flowers which was really sweet nobody ever buys me flowers oh my god who is this man I know and he cooked and he's just like really it's really hot to watch him like move around a kitchen he just like oh my god my taste it is so hot watching men cook it why is it maybe I have like a kink about it I don't I mean it's there is really something so I don't I think that it might be like a like a homemaker kind of feel like oh you can like take care of me and you don't expect me to do this like I begged him to help because like I don't I feel so weird like when people do stuff for me I just like yeah so like I like chopped garlic and stuff but like he

did basically everything else um we got through two bottles of wine he's like really um yeah adios we've drank a lot um and that's fun though like getting a little drunk with someone you have crash on yeah it was really really fun um and then when we were cleaning up he was like i'm gonna go to the bathroom he went to the bathroom he came back out and i was like my back was facing him and he like grabbed me and just started like kissing me and it was so like we're just like in the kitchen and he's just so like strong there's just something so yeah it was very and like um what there was some song that was playing it was like i can't remember it now i was like i like blacked out but it was like it felt like i was in a movie it was like he's just so hot um

and then I was cleaning and he was sitting on the couch and he was like can you clean later and I was like yeah and so I like went and sat down on the couch with him run over and jump yeah exactly um we started making out and we were making out on the couch and it was just like really difficult because he's huge and like just he's a big man and he's tall he's like six foot three um and I was like do you want to like go into my room and he was like yeah and he like picks me up and carries me upstairs which what the fuck fake Dom did that and I felt like I was going to break him in half because he's not a big guy like fake Dom is like kind of he's a skinny dude he's like in shape but Amelia you're also miniature but I feel like I am like Amelia is a

stick I was like are you I just really felt like he was gonna like drop me but with fucking I don't even know what to call this guy I'm gonna call him grapes he picked me up carried me upstairs I felt like a fucking feather threw me on the bed um it was like kind of an awkward situation because like he had been drinking so much that it was like a little bit of a challenge you know what I mean but um it was fine been there had sex for a little bit and um when I'm if I'm drunk I cannot feel anything I like it's like my vagina's numb yeah I was having a hard time um finishing which I typically don't and I also don't know if that's like the Prozac you know or the alcohol um but he was like it was like a little bit of work trying to like keep him up um which you know

happens it's fine it's like totally fine but it was still just kind of like the momentum kept getting lost so it's like a little awkward and he was like this is kind of a mess and then he was like but I wouldn't have it any other way I was like oh that's good perfect night like he stayed until like one in the morning and we just had a lot of fun I really really like him and like it's cool that he's planning dates that aren't just like the normal what I'm used to and now I have plan the next one that is super fun he choked me I didn't even have to ask yeah when he was leaving is that because he was listening he doesn't listen to the pod well so he he listened to a little bit recently so I'm like but um he hadn't before and or at least he said he hadn't

before and um he was really like porny about the sex like he was like really intense and was like like throwing me around and I said that he seems like dominant and he was like what does that mean and I was like you I'm gonna send you some literature because I would like to know but then when he was about to leave I was like like doing that to him and he wasn't picking up on the hint that I was like trying to get him to kiss me and I was like are you gonna kiss me and he was like what did you say to me yeah and I was like you heard me and he came over and he like grabbed my neck and like pushed me down and he was like like choking me pretty hard was like kissing me I was like you you have a whole world ahead of you that we are both going to explore

together because like I think that he doesn't realize that he's this kind of person but he is so more on that later I have a little hobby where I when I'm getting to know someone I categorize them into types of doms and subs oh I like that I love that second we can go back out to the bars oh my god my 30th birthday I'll do it oh my god I should I should have a kinky 30th birthday I would love that on a bus on a bus oh my god but your 30th birthday is gonna go up uh everybody better fucking be vaccinated yeah I mean I would yeah I will have a riot if I cannot have a birthday party yeah I will also riot where it's gonna be people will be my birthday party will be a riot in the street about how I can't have a birthday party it sounds

fun I'll do it I've been looking for a reason to have it well and I've never been to a kink party so i don't know you haven't no oh amelia mentioned she was on a podcast called menage a pod i listened to i listened to everything except i think like the last 20 minutes okay um because i was listening to it while i was working yeah um and it was so fun guys you should listen to it these people are so i was so nervous i like couldn't sleep the night before because i've never like done anything like I mean we have our podcast but like I get to like look at you while I'm doing it yeah and we know each other so well right I'm like what if we don't like vibe or like the conversation doesn't flow and they were asking me questions that required like long answers so I

felt comfortable just being like you know your guys flow was amazing thank you it was a lot of fun and those two people it was fun to listen to good good that's good to know um TJ and Jenna are the two hosts and they are just like so kind and insightful and they like bounce off of each other really well and then they're really good at interacting with the other person like they it felt like we had known each other for a long time yeah yeah so that was really cool um yeah it was a really cool experience and it was interesting talking to to people that do what we do yeah so they um their podcast is also like around dating um well I only listened to a few episodes it was before that it was before you recorded I think or maybe after you recorded but

before the episode came out I was like I'm gonna listen to a few um so I was listening to a couple and like uh just like random ones so it just seemed like it was kind of focused around um like the experience of dating and sex is a big part of their podcast too which is cool yeah totally so if you're dating Amelia um DM me your resume yeah if you would like to date Amelia I will interview you and decide if you're good enough I would actually completely trust you with that that's like how I used you as a filter did you already need this I have been thinking a lot about um I keep getting pegging videos on TikTok and I'm like why am I the pegging audience but what do they look like I didn't know you could get away like they make jokes about

pegging their boyfriend or like being pegged interesting I wonder why I know maybe it's like some of the like kinky stuff I've liked maybe but um like I just I remember there was one day where I got a ton of pegging videos and I was like am I the demographic for this how did this these videos find me um but I wanted to talk about pegging like yeah would you do it yeah I would so for a while like I would have conversations with my girlfriends about like would you ever stick something up a guy's butt and like when I was younger I was like no that's a one-way street but like I've watched porn where like there's been pegging and I have just such a thing about hearing men enjoying themselves like it really turns me on so and it feels so good for them because like the prostate

is there so I feel like I would like once in a while you know like I'll try anything once an occasional little peg yeah just a little night of pegging I can't remember have you had a finger in your butt I've been offered have you yeah oh we've had the whole you've had more than a finger in your butt yeah the whole discussion about that yeah I just don't like I still have not had um a penis in my butt do you think you're gonna eventually I'm sure eventually yeah we'll get there when we get there I don't have a huge like interest in it but um like having a butt plug is like has been fun and enjoyable it's one of those things where it's like it's a treat yeah and also you have to be like in the mindset and

like very turned on to like for it to be enjoyable otherwise it's just painful right because you're like clenched yeah yeah you have to be relaxed you have to be like ready to know that you're about to have something in your butt totally yeah yeah that makes sense um have you ever like put anything in a guy's butt have you no I haven't not not once and like I can't remember if I've told you that I have who a couple of really guys yeah what have you put what is the weirdest thing you've put up a butt I mean only my finger what does it feel like um I I know shit one time I don't remember one at one the the first time was so long ago okay and then the second time I was kind of drunk okay and then um and then I was like did you like it like I don't know I don't

remember how it went and then he was like they didn't ask me it was like a suggestion from me and I was like oh you want to try it like I've heard it I've heard guys really like it and then we try it and then they're like hmm no did you have fingernails at the time that's my biggest no I did not have that would hurt yeah I would uh I know that um people can't see my nails but they're like I do dip powder my nails are pretty long right now this is probably the longest they've ever been they look so fucking good I'm just I have nail envy I feel like I should I like them too I like they're super glittery and long they're so pretty they're not like Kylie Jenner long or anything no they're like the perfect length oh god I can't stop biting my nails it's really bad

get some dip powder anyways yeah I did not have dip when I was putting thumbs and in bums probably okay um and then I was and both guys that I tried it with they were like nah and I was like did it hurt like how did it feel and they're like it just felt like pressure like um which is fine but I you know yeah now both of our curiosities can be squashed yeah Now you know. Is pegging specifically, and this is how I understand pegging, but I might be wrong, specifically like wearing a strap on? Yeah. Okay. Would you ever? Yeah. I think if like that's something that like the person I was with like was really into and we were comfortable with each other, I like, I think at the end of the day, like if you're making sex about the other person's

pleasure, but I also understand everyone has boundaries. Yeah, totally. So if it's a conversation we had in advance and we were comfortable with each other then totally yeah it's it's an interesting thing I've it's really like new to me that like this is a thing that people do because it felt there's so much stuff that I thought was taboo for so long because I just wasn't exposed to it well and like the only time you see it is in porn so yeah how many people are actually doing this besides porn stars exactly and it's very people do it frequently so I don't know I have actually it's funny that you bring this up because like I mean I haven't been getting the for you page videos but like yeah I don't I was like okay sure I've been seeing so much of it just like I

follow some um twitter pages I don't they call themselves something specifically but they're like they they post like videos like porn um but they call themselves something I don't remember anyway um there's a lot of videos of pegging and I'm like is this just and it's all like home video type stuff I do wonder if it's become more common like because it's less taboo yeah it's less like I don't think it's emasculating at all no me neither but for a while I'm sure it was thought of to be emasculating because it's a man thing to like if you have an extra thing that makes you come really hard like fuck yeah why not yeah do it yeah that sounds fun I'll help you yeah um have you ever had your butt your asshole eaten no okay here's the thing though I have

IBS because I am I've actually talked about this on the podcast more than I should have by now but I um I'm always concerned about like what's happening down there that I feel like I would have to know far in advance so that I could like take laxatives the day before and then like take a shower before I go over because like bleach your butthole yeah I wouldn't be able to have a good time because I would just be like I've been shit for a week like what is it like down there you know what I mean like I don't know so I just feel like all of my friends have had their their ass eaten and I haven't and that's fine and I'm sure if I asked my boyfriend to eat my ass he would do it yeah he would but I it's one of those things where I'm like I just want it to happen

I don't want to have to ask yeah I don't know if I like it but I do get jealous I'm like how how come no one's eating my ass what about me that people don't want to eat my ass i've eaten someone's ass before whose i keep asking you who i literally don't remember his name you've eaten you didn't know his name although you did at the time probably at the time i knew his name uh it was when i was in college this is actually one of my favorite stories so this happened when i was in college my roommate and i were like the only people still in flagstaff during thanksgiving um we we didn't go home and we because we both worked black friday and uh we went out that night and there weren't very many people out and there were

like like two guys that were around our age that were out maybe they were like a few years older and um they were like hey do you want to come to our table and we're like this is a small bar in flagstaff we don't do that here but sure we'll walk over to your high top yeah and um they were like if you ever like make real money and go to a college town and buy drinks you feel like a millionaire you feel like a pimp so they were like buying all these test tube shots and um we were already really fucking hammered because that's what we did in college is pre-game too hard for no reason even though drinks are a dollar um and then uh my roommate was like it it's Anna she was like let's go home so we're like gonna go home and then these guys are like where are you going

and I was like oh we're gonna go home and then they were like can we come with you and I was like uh and then Anna I was like Anna they want to come with us and she was like okay so we like brought these these two guys out they were cute and uh yeah I don't know we somehow we like switched guys like who we were talking to like who we were flirting with um oh my favorite part that I forgot was so they bought all these test tube shots and I think they were like maybe a dollar to a shot and the guy tried to buy this whole platter of them and it was probably like 30 and the bar the cocktail waitress was like legally I cannot sell you this many so they were bargaining how many he could buy oh my god so we each had five test tube shots and so I had three

in one hand and two in the other and I took the the first ones I took was the one with two so I took the test tube shot but I still had the other one in my hand and it spilled down my back oh no and then and then one of the guys he puts his hand on my back and he's like oh my god your back's wet and I was like some drunk bitch spilled her drink on me I wasn't lying the drunk bitch was me I am the drunk but still anyways I love that so then we like brought these two guys back to our house and like started like making out with them separately or not four-way makeout situation and like I don't remember a lot of hooking up with him like um I remember he was like let's have sex and I was like do you have a condom and he said no

and so I was like no um and then I just remember him asking me like I was already going down on him and I remember him asking me to lick his asshole and I said what pardon and then he said lick my asshole and then when I told my friends originally they were like did you do it and I was like no but I did I did do it oh my god and at the time I was ashamed but now like looking back on it i'm like fuck yeah i ate ass before it was cool yeah and this guy already knew he liked that and i'm proud of myself for being like yeah what gets you off is hot to me fuck yeah you are an early adopter of eating ass exactly and for that you'll go down in history forever i'll go down on history and on your ass but it's one of those things that like i wish i was like

not so blacked out yeah but millennials fucking love eating ass they love it it's such a thing so I don't know maybe one day one day I'll give it give it a little whirl the old college try just like me yeah just like Liz damn I had no idea I keep hearing stories from you I feel like I know everything that you've like but I keep learning my my buried secrets I know no kidding first it was the magician then it was gordon ramsey now it's you eating ass what else is there liz i don't know where can we go from here i'm sure there's more there there has there has to be i know there has to be there has to be i mean yeah the fact that gordon ramsey was buried for so long i'm still upset about that um i also oh i wanted to tell this story about so it's not

my story um it's one of my friends and I asked him several times I asked him so many times to send me a recording of him telling this story because it was just like so fucking funny and the way he tells it is like he's an amazing storyteller um but he has yet to do that for me so I'm gonna tell the story for him okay and he occasionally listens I don't know if he's still listening um but this is a story about him having a threesome uh I love this story so uh he had like matched with this girl on hinge and like met up with her and then um she's like hey my roommate also thinks you're hot and like you know we like to have threesomes occasionally right uh and one of the roommates is bi I don't know which one um so he is like he's a good looking chap yeah I'm

I'm happy for him yeah well because I was like have you had a threesome before and he was like no not until that I was and I was surprised yeah it just seemed like something I would have assumed he had already done and um yeah so this was like his first threesome which was very surprising to learn uh good for him yeah we're we're proud of you I don't even know him he's like never exchanged a single word I feel like you guys know each other like through me yeah no I feel like I've met him and I have not even said a single word to him so continue they like plan to meet up for like this threesome and he's on his way and he stops at a gas station to get some gas and he buys a monster energy drink and one of those like gas station dick pills

what yeah so he gets those he gets those in a monster and then he takes them both and i was like i'm surprised you did not die from a heart attack no kidding gas station dick pill that's an episode i want to try one for science now but like what's in those i have no idea it has to be like caffeine and maybe like i don't know something that makes your blood pressure high yo so um okay uh he like so he gets there and then they're like they start hooking up and like um he like get he gets them both off first and then a king we love to see it and then like um i think he is in the middle of like like having sex with one of the girls and then he has to stop because his stomach is like about to explode so he goes to the bathroom and like shits his

brains out i actually don't think i've heard this story i don't think you have heard this story what the piece of story am i thinking about that that is horrible yeah it's just his brains out for like an hour because he took this fuck it he drank a monster and took a fucking dick pill from a gas station of course they're gonna shit your brain oh my god this poor guy i know i can't remember what he told me he ate too but like just bad combo yeah it's just a bad combination oh my god and then finally like he recovers enough to be like okay I'm gonna get back out and be like hey I'm sorry this is what happened anyone want to eat my ass I just blew up your toilet and then they're like yeah that's fine because you know what else are you gonna do and

also like that happens yeah you know you can't predict that no you know sometimes me of all people sometimes you have an unpredictable poop and that is part of life that's part of being a human yeah um do me like that so I guess that yeah then they just like are kind of chilling and hanging out and um I think that they maybe did acid what the fuck evening is this yeah I think that i'm pretty sure they did acid that was oh they they for sure did acid because he was in the bathroom texting me and he was like liz i don't know what to do and i was like whoa what the fuck's going on is that why he blew up the toilet was that contributing to the it had to event because i hear it fucks with your stomach the monster the monster the dick pill and the

acid yeah that oh that is all gonna fuck you up that is a concoction to put your body through that's right i forgot the part where he was on acid my body would never forget i would still be feeling that years later i would be dead yeah no me too i wouldn't live through that so yeah they're on acid during this whole thing holy shit and then yeah so then he recovers and is okay and then um they're just like hanging out watching a movie and then they start kind of like getting into it again and hooking up again and um he's like uh having sex with one of the girls when he finishes like on her and then she's like well that's showbiz and like does finger guns i want to meet her our queen our hero our savior is she finger gun girl

if this episode ever comes across your path i'm going to adopt that as my closer that's showbiz i'm gonna do that tonight you should do it he texted me facial and that's how i'm gonna finish it wearing goggles yeah oh my god wow what a phenomenal story oh god i want to hear him tell it him telling it is my favorite thing ever he's so fucking funny telling it the first time i he told us this story like um I was visiting my best two of my best friends and we were like all at the beach together and so my friend and her boyfriend had never met each other and um we like that's when he started telling this story my friend started telling the story and her boyfriend

like stopped in his tracks to like finish listening to this story he was like oh my god that was amazing yeah that there's a lot of twists and turns in that story and just to end with well that's showbiz I couldn't think of a better end to that story wow what I want to know who she is what's her name yeah what's her name what did she do for work I feel like she might have gone to my college but I don't know for sure does he know her name yes yeah I gotta figure out who she is i know i have to see this queen i need to creep on her so it is the one year anniversary of jeff bezos sex being leaked have you ever read those yes they're so fucking it's so uncomfy he is just like he kept calling his mistress a live girl it sounds like they trained an ai to

talk dirty what I'm saying is I want to be with you alive girl what the fuck is alive girl not dead she's not dead yeah she's alive this is one mistress that's still alive my undead girlfriend oh my god what the fuck is that this man is they were like the most boring sex ever and then uh I remember like so the reason I remembered this is because it showed up on my time hop i think yesterday um i had like retweeted like the jeff bezos sex and um just like read just reading them is like depressing and then one of the top comments under it was like this is making me reconsider my backup plan of marrying a tech guy yeah that's good it should yeah that serves us like we're in seattle so we can say you know tech boys

no offense if you're listening that's probably most of our listeners our tech straight cis tech bros god you know what I wouldn't be mad if they're listening to the podcast because maybe they could take this advice

into the bedroom and that's showbiz and that's showbiz don't call your partner a live girl or a live boy let's just leave that adjective out of the bedroom alive and you're sexed like alive what is the opposite of uh being like sexy

that but what's it called a necrophiliac yeah what's the opposite of that i don't think there is i think that's just like a normal person just a regular sex addict yeah yeah just somebody that likes having sex with people that are breathing well i remember listening to an episode of my favorite murder and it was like um the minisodes where they like read uh listener stories on air and one of them this girl was like I met up with this guy who was um a mortician and he offered to pay her like a shit ton of money so he could just listen to her heart with a stethoscope I don't maybe it's like that i don't like that at all i do not like that at all i would you wouldn't so if a guy was like hey i'll give you a hundred dollars if i can listen to your heart with a

stethoscope i wouldn't like it it that would feel would you do it though i it depends if it was mortician probably not because like i no i don't even want to say like i can kind of understand because like that's strange like that you're around dead people all day that like hearing a heartbeat like that's sad I it probably I don't know if it's something that would get him off or if it is something that would make him feel better I'm just like okay that's sad I don't know no that makes me sad because like that I feel like if it does make you feel better and it's comforting it's like you're probably so you're just around dead people all the time you can't like you have to hear someone's heart to like know that they aren't like that's like like therapy is necessary in that

case that's fascinating instead of just paying 20 something girls to listen to their heart right take that money and go to a therapist I can't even imagine how like I would be I would have a hard time being a mortician I don't know how that would have an effect on my psyche also that's like one of the only jobs that will never go away that's true people are always dying morticians and thing that's guaranteed people that do autopsies i don't know how they don't go crazy like i i like i don't know how i would feel i don't know if i've ever seen like a dead person i mean like i've seen people at funerals like in open caskets because catholics love that shit but like they really do i just don't get i'll never understand that but um outside of that like just

seeing just like a casually like a dead person that would that would fuck with me that's not like i don't think that our brains are constructed to like be okay with seeing someone dead because it's a survival instinct to avoid that kind of stuff well this is turning into the holy hour and like the like the dead edition but really like we have our death edition but i don't know fuck i've never really thought about that like what that would do to me well anyways jeff sex i want to read some of them okay i love you alive girl i will show you with my body and my lips and my eyes very soon. You know what I want? I want to get a little drunk with you tonight. Not falling down, just a little drunk. I want to talk to you and plan with you, listen and

laugh. I basically want to be with you. Then I want to fall asleep with you and wake up tomorrow and read the paper with you and have coffee with you. How is the second richest man in the world he's an entire robot how can he be so bad at writing if I was her I'd be like on second thought are you gonna murder me if I got texts like that from a guy I'd be like because at that point I mean like nobody's dating no I'm not gonna say that's really mean Jeff Bezos is not like personality wise and I think we also just have like a bad idea of who he is because he's like ruined Seattle and also isn't good to his people but like there's nothing appealing really about those texts like I don't know he must talk like that in real life too

he must like what why do you think that those are acceptable things to say are you that clueless you know that's also probably why he was like I don't give a fuck go ahead and share my sex like because they're not sexy at all it would be so like comforting as his wife if i was married to someone and sex leaked with somebody else with my husband and someone else and they were that embarrassing i'd be like good motherfucker everyone should know how awful you are in bed take half his money yeah and then donated it so much of it she got i think she walked away with seven billion from that marriage and donated like half of it because nobody needs that much money and she's just I fucking love that she has turned this into such a good thing for herself and the

world because she's just like fuck you we don't I don't I what am I gonna do with seven billion dollars what are you gonna do with one billion dollars that is an insane amount of money I can't I cannot fathom having a billion that that's insane to me the thousand million the craziest scam to me is like disgustingly rich people getting the poorest people to defend them like yeah this man could pay for give you a hundred thousand dollars for the rest of your life and he would not even notice the difference yes it's disgusting that's how much money he has somebody on tiktok you don't need to defend him no the devil doesn't need any more advocates no they don't no he does not no he doesn't playing devil's advocate what i was saying about jeff

somebody posted um on tiktok a video showing his wealth as grains of rice i saw that scary scary that's and it was like so if one grain of rice was a hundred thousand dollars and they showed like difference of millions and then they showed the billions that Jeff Bezos had and um they had to it was like several pounds of rice they had to go get a big ass bag just to be able to measure it it's crazy to think about like the difference between a million and a billion is a lot and you don't think of it because it just sounds like the next thing up like the next thing up from a million is a billion no it's a thousand million and getting to a million is a lot it's just i don't know it's just wild nobody needs that much money the wealth distribution in this country

is bananas to me there it makes no sense why we need universal income but we don't need to talk meanwhile mitch mcconnell is like what if people who don't need two thousand dollars get two thousand dollars fucking mitch mcconnell did you see that they were calling him cocaine mitch today on twitter no mckee does not deserve that cool of a nickname i don't know why they were calling him cocaine mitch but it was trending on twitter today i've been trying to give myself some space from the internet because it's really I have not been doing great you guys and we we try not to get into politics and I also like end up trimming down political conversation you have so many that you guys don't hear yeah but generally I think all of our listeners are on the same page yeah

totally could you stop every time we start talking about politics I think grandpa was like an old politician back in the day in his past life that's why he talks so much yeah okay this guy yes so a few episodes ago a lot of episodes ago like 10 episodes ago I talked about this guy who like reprimanded me for like he tried to have a conversation with me I was really vague when I was talking about it because he was listening to the podcast at the time he's 100% not anymore he's I don't even know what he's up to anymore um so I can finally talk about what it was because it's really pretty fucked up like the whole disagreement that we had so um we were seeing each other for it was three dates and on the third date we were I met his parents and I really liked

them and they really liked me and I didn't have like the best relationship with my ex's mom and like parents are so important to me and like so meeting his parents because yours are so amazing right family is so important to me and to never really click with his mom was hard for me so when I met this guy's mom I don't even remember what we called him did he have a nickname even I feel like he did and I don't remember either um but like meeting his mom and having her be so like warm and like we clicked right away I was like so hyped about it and then like they went to sleep his parents and he was living at home at the time and we were making out on the couch and he was like um i don't want to have sex with you yet and i was like okay great like we don't have to that's

awesome thanks um and also why and he was like well i don't have a condom and i was like that is a great reason and so we like kept making out and then he was like would you guys have fucked with his parents in the house probably oh god i love the the like voyeurism of like need it not voyeurism that's a bad way I know what you mean like the potential of getting caught yeah having to be quiet that yeah I I do think that's hot but then if it's because their parents are home and that's your first time having sex yeah I would not be able to get into it okay yeah like if it's the neighbors I'm like yeah yeah listen to me having sex yeah it is his parents so yeah no for sure and their room was right across the hall from his and like a very small hall

that would be echoey yeah but I love the challenge of staying quiet because I'm not quiet in bed and I like I like I don't know there's something about it but um he like pulled back when we were making out and he was like uh actually need to talk to you about something and I thought he was kidding because he was just kind of like that was his sense of humor so I kind of like laughed and he was like no like I actually like I actually do I was like okay and he was like what what did you think he was gonna tell you I don't even remember I was like I don't know maybe i have no idea i don't know um i i don't know i think my brain was kind of like what the fuck could this be like are you married do you have a kid do you have kids um i don't know so he was

like um i the last girl that i dated had herpes and she told me this before we had sex and i made the choice to have sex with her without a condom our entire relationship and so I have herpes and I was like wow and I was so kind through this conversation like I have been very open on the podcast I've been open with everybody in my life that has opened up to me about that even before you met him before you even met him we had already had an STD episode where we listened to it about as we talk about herpes specifically too yeah being super stigmatized and treated differently in different countries like it's treated like a skin condition in some countries and i was explaining this to him and in the moment also just like how it can be hard and easy to get

at the same time totally makes sense yeah yeah so like you can pretty much you pretty much will only get it if the person that you are um having sex with unprotected sex with is like experiencing a breakout. Right. So he's telling me this and I'm being very open and I'm listening to him and I'm like offering my opinion where he's asking for it. And I felt, I felt very proud of how the conversation was going. And it was almost like he was looking for a fight. Like he, he wanted to get into an argument about it and it was very clear, but I wasn't like trying to argue about it. Like that's fine um and he goes how do you feel about that and i was like well i'm telling you like it's okay like i'm not comfortable having unprotected sex with you because i don't want herpes just

because it's stigmatized doesn't mean you want it it's like getting like yeah exactly okay i have a choice to not have this thing yeah then i'm gonna choose not to have it i avoid kissing people when they have a cold like i just don't want to catch things i don't know especially to tell you this during like the coronavirus time yes to be like oh my god so that like my problem with it is he made it like a deal breaker with amelia that yep um he like he was upset with her that she did not want to have unprotected sex but also if he was listening to the podcast like he fucking said he was then he would know that no matter what you wouldn't have had unprotected sex anyways period I know that's the thing and it's like that's what made me feel like he was just

trying to start a fight because like I was being very and to be mad at you about your decision about your own body right like you made this decision about your body I'm making this about mine yeah and that is so fucked up but the thing that is even more fucked up is you're like okay well how do you know and he's like I'm just assuming yeah he never even got tested for it And he has all of the grounds to be like, yeah, I'm going to get tested to see if I have herpes. Because the likelihood of like getting it if the person you're with has not had any sort of outbreak or like the virus is not active, it's kind of hard to get. Yeah, right. And he was just operating like he had herpes.

And yeah, get tested before you do this. And he might have even just been saying like that. And maybe he did have an outbreak. Yeah, maybe, maybe. There's no way to know. but like it was such an inappropriate conversation to have like I'm okay with being open about this like I don't want it like I don't want to have to have this conversation with everybody that I have sex with in the future like and I said this time I'm like this is you're not enjoying this

conversation right now I don't want to have to do this the rest of my life and like that's just the case and I'm not stigmatizing you by saying that just because I don't want it doesn't mean that I'm stigmatizing you and he thought by me not wanting it I was stigmatizing it I'm like I don't think that you know what stigmatizing means I just don't think that you know that what that word means but it was and that was a deal breaker that was it he was like to know that you're never gonna have unprotected sex with me like I can't we can't I'm done and I was like okay fine and also to try and like you can't make that decision so early on I've known you for like 10 hours total dude like what do you mean like yeah maybe if we're married and we're talking about have starting a family

then we can have this conversation and also the medication to treat herpes is so effective the fact that he wouldn't even go and get tested to confirm whether or not he has it and then not even see if there's like if he could start taking medicaid he did zero research and then just blew up at you yeah i've never been yelled at like that by a grown man he was fully yelling at me about this and I'm like I was like oh no wonder he's fucking single so that's the story of of herpes maybe we called I think I call him herpes to my friends which is not nice because it's not the issue of the herpes it's the issue of how he handled it oh yeah that's the thing that's my bottom line I don't give a fuck that he had herpes I truly do not I'm so sorry that he does if he

does he doesn't even fucking know if he does but I'm sorry that he does if he does that's not the issue the issue is chastising me for not wanting it he handled it so poorly well and I remember when all of that was going down um so the way Amelia and I communicate is through voice notes um and I was playing this voice note and I was with my boyfriend and he was like also equally freaking out he was like are you fucking kidding me this guy is such an idiot he's like such a fucking idiot like just the way he handled it was ridiculous yeah but i wanted to circle back on that because like like we all know someone who has herpes or had like a herpes scare it's so fucking common even if you're like even if you're like i don't know anyone who has herpes the

chances are you probably do right so a big percentage of people have herpes and a lot of them probably don't know it but yeah because they don't test for it when they do all of the other tests people are spreading it around and not knowing and so like it's a lot more common than we think yeah a lot of people it'll just be dormant for them like they could never have an outbreak and they'll just keep and that's that you know right but for him to like not even do the bare minimum of getting tested and just and like waiting for a moment to freak the fuck out i don't think this man has ever been told that he's wrong he is very hot um he's in sales so he kind of like his whole world is like schmoozing and convincing people guys get away with way more

shit they do and this man was so hot like he's he's not nearly as hot as other guys you're dating grapes is next level he that man is my perfect looks wise perfect man for me so that's now my measuring stick for looks um but yeah he was pretty hot it's just I think that he probably had pretty privilege and had never been told that he was wrong bless his heart I hope he's doing well he has I checked his bumble the other day because that's where we matched his bumble and he hasn't been on bumble in a while like his every time I check his location hasn't updated like it's there's no location which means that he's away so I think that he's like hopefully in therapy yeah I hope so he was talking about starting so hopefully getting tested yeah

seriously uh he took out it's it sounds to me like he took a lot of his uh internalized frustration with his ex out on you well his he told me the story of how his ex dumped him like that should have been my first sign because she needed to quarantine away from him for a while and then she chose that time to put in her two weeks like she broke up with him when they were quarantined and they never saw each other again i'm like that sounds unhealthy and like she was afraid of you oh they were living together and she broke up with him when she was quarantined somewhere else oh my god and i should have taken that as a sign that's like a katie holmes tom cruise situation yeah oh my god yes like escaping the man and then being like goodbye forever

that's exactly what happened honestly good for her and you know you know me and amelia we obviously found this girl yeah she looks happy as fuck yeah she does she's thriving good for you girl yeah we're happy for you get rid of a toxic man really brightens your skin up you got out of that situation and we're happy for you we see why yeah you wanted to escape and after so much time and now you're glowing so much I get it I get it um I my final thought is separate from this herpes conversation because I wrote down my thoughts obviously yeah um in my Amelia journal Amelia got me a journal for my birthday and I like to write my uh holy hour ideas it's the perfect coins in there um so i was watching a tiktok or i guess it came up on my for you page this girl

is talking about um these like really ugly shoes that are super expensive they look like converse but fugglier i i cannot remember what they're called because i had never heard of them but the prices are like outrageous and she's like why the fuck are these this much money like these are so ugly like who would wear these and people are buying them bragging about having them and stuff and I was thinking about it and I was like I think more of us need to treat ourselves like these fucking shoes like like they're worth a lot of money because they're like valuing them at that price so you need to think of yourself as a fucking rare expensive gem and if someone can't afford you too fucking bad if they don't have the means to afford you and afford i mean that so

broadly like not money wise yeah it doesn't have to be money like it could be um how you want to feel when you're with them how how they treat you like if they can't meet the bare minimum they can't pay with you they can't pay for you with credit either like they gotta have the cash up front and it needs to be real you know take out that money pen make sure it's real but I was just thinking like more of us need to like think of ourselves in that standard because I know for me personally I have um I have phases where I feel really down on myself I'm like watching all my friends get married and have kids and then I'm like is there something wrong with me that I don't have that or that someone doesn't want that with me like and then I compare myself

because you know these are the measuring sticks of happiness that society has given us and the more I thought about it I was like the biggest difference is like I'm not going to settle for anything less than exactly how I want to feel and there are a lot of compromises that you have to make in relationships and some of the compromises that other people make are compromises that I would never be willing to make and I'm not going to make myself feel bad for having higher standards or different compromises. Totally and in the long run you'll be happier because you didn't exactly so I'm I'm just an expensive shoe fuck yeah yes you are and not an ugly one nope just expensive I love that that's a good way to put it yeah cool so I just want like

it made me feel really good to think of myself in those terms of like there's nothing wrong with me my standards are just harder to meet yeah and I'm not gonna feel guilty or embarrassed or bad about that we haven't gotten to that point in our lives for a reason like exactly everybody your soulmates path has to like line up with your path and there's like a lot at play there and sometimes it happens sooner if I married someone from my past holy fuck we would definitely be divorced by now yeah me too me too and like and I part of me knew that and like being able to listen to your intuition and those things is huge and like in the long run it's just like is you're gonna be happier and it's going to work out how it's supposed to because you didn't rush into things

your intuition I I've noticed that like in your 20s your intuition gets the voice of your intuition is buried by fear and comparison like comparing your life to other people's lives I'm just like I'm really I'm so grateful that I went through that I feel more like myself than I ever have which is weird because it's like I don't even know who who am I but like recently I just feel like myself and I'm sure a lot of that is the Prozac a lot of that is like being able to turn this into something good and also just recognizing what I deserve like my standards for myself and who I allow into my life are so much higher now yeah and they should be because I'm an expensive fucking shoe yeah this girl is an expensive ass shoe there's two expensive shoes having a podcast

all right thanks for listening thank you for listening we love you gotta go rate us on um if you're listening to us on apple podcast please give us a rating it helps us a lot yeah rate um download our episodes because once we hit a certain number is when we can start getting some uh advertisement and we're trying to get seltzers and we're trying to get seltzers and condoms and lube but specifically because uh we would like this to be our job yeah like really bad so help us entertain you professionally by giving us a rating yes thank you love you love you Thank you.