The Hoely Hour - E24 A Dry Hump Pregnancy

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

What’s spookier than a pregnancy scare? Nothing. Except for when Amelia used to think she could get pregnant from dry humping. The girls talk all about periods, and that’s on periodt. Seventeen and Cosmogirl traumatized us all with the horror stories of toxic shock syndrome. Don't lie, all newborns look the same. “Chill” girls are the final boss of pick-me’s. And, if the vaccine makes you gay, pls sign us up. 4:50 - weird pregnancy announcements, pregnancy nightmares, and other thoughts about giving birth 14:38 - periods! our first period experiences, using pads, tampons, and cups. 36:00 - Pregnancy scares 42:29 - “Chill” girls, relationship honesty, and comparing yourself 1:08:15 - The vaccine makes you gay? Fingers crossed! 1:12:18 - Fake Dom & condom horror 1:16:20 - Sex fact of the week! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms have you ever tried flavored condoms no that's sounds like it would give me a yeast infection it did give me oh no i think that they're supposed to be for blowjobs yeah like to like safe blowjobs but that i've never heard something more boring in my life welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball thanks for joining us yes hi for another week of debauchery yeah yeah i feel like we need to have like an intro script oh yeah good crack and drinks that's our intro crack and skulls and crack and drinks

it's been the most boring we're rebranding we're a metal band now it's been the most like low-key monday i've had in a minute i feel like the unholy hour sounds like a good metal band name oh somebody somebody take that new band name calling it yeah call it shotgun oh man um yeah so the oh sliding my god people were so excited I posted um a picture or a video last night of me and Liz had like a girls night where we weren't doing holy hour stuff which it's been way too long since we've done that yeah I also didn't realize it until last week when you left and I was like uh-huh yeah yeah where are you

going I know it's so funny I was thinking the same thing and that was the first time I thought normally we would like dick around for like an hour before and after and then that I feel like that was like our hangout time yeah that's true and now everything's just busy yeah so anyway so we hung out and I posted a video of me and Liz and grandpa the cat that you guys hear all the time and people were like oh my god is that the cat that we hear all the time that's him he's a little celeb gramps he's a chump he looks pissed as hell right now he's just like glaring off into the distance he's chilling but we're gonna try and end it with uh a little sex tip or fact of the week that was a suggestion yeah that was also a suggestion from a different listener when we

say that we want to hear from you guys it really helps us and we want to like talk about stuff that you want to hear about and we want to structure this in a way that's interesting for y'all so just slide on into them dms we're not just saying it to say it we actually love hearing from you guys and we're actually very nice i know some of the stuff that we say on here is a little spicy we're also a little unorganized so yeah we're still kind of it might take us a minute to respond but we will that's so true we'll get back to you yeah when i came over to liz's last night she's like our dms are like kind of stacking up wait what people are trying to get us i mean honestly though like um I feel like you get so many dms on your regular instagram already from uh your

tiktok followers so yeah I can't imagine trying to manage multiple dms I'm so behind on yeah personal dm I've just been sending people voice notes back I'm just like hey I can't do this voice to answer the future folks and it sucks because I want to talk to people like it means a lot that people are reaching out and I'm just like my thumb I'm gonna get arthritis in my thumb so voice notes are the way to go i'm always like hi i hope this isn't catching you off guard do you ever do the text to talk i do but i'm such like a i'm sure you've noticed i like add a bunch of like extra letters and exclamation marks and shit that like text to talk doesn't get across what i want it to so i always look like really whenever i voice to text anybody they're like

are you okay because i sound mad because i'm driving yeah i'm like i don't know what the fucking just voice to text so now i'll either send voice notes or i'll like take the time to type stuff out but I'm becoming more and more of a voice note person as I get older I understand those like dads that stand in the grocery store and like scream into their voice to text I mean I don't understand them but I understand them the dads that stand in the grocery store and do that have no idea what the fuck they're supposed to be getting no they know if they come home with the wrong thing their wife is gonna be like can you do anything just kidding we love you dad you do so much uh in general yeah shout out shout out to all the dads

shout out to dad shout out to dads for providing half the dna have you seen those like uh those like baby announcement those pregnancy announcements that's like um baby like recipe for baby uh one part mommy three pumps daddy oh my god no that's phenomenal it's just like i saw it on twitter and people were like are street people okay that's so fucking funny it's just like the straight people will just say like my husband came inside me doing the one thing he thinks about all day now i get to carry this thing around for nine months i'm just kidding i'm so excited to be pregnant i mean i'm not excited to be pregnant i'm not excited i feel like i would but i am excited i don't know i think i'd be a miserable pregnant

person yeah i think i would just have a really sensitive stomach me too i already know i'm gonna get all the bad pregnancy symptoms i'm going to be a raging bitch for nine months not easily i feel like uh i wonder if like there's any correlation between what you're like uh period or pms symptoms are like if they would be similar to how you would feel when you're pregnant i wonder if they're like equally applicable like oh you get a kind of an idea of how you specifically will feel based on how you feel during your period i wonder because i mean the same processes that are happening in pms are happening early pregnancy yeah so because your body like I don't know the mechanics of this but like I've heard that your body is reacting as

if you have a baby because you're ovulating like you would if you were like about to get pregnant so like apparently like that's why PMS symptoms are so similar to pregnancy symptoms like you don't really know if you're PMSing or if you're pregnant which is what I was saying I think last episode like I don't get a period anymore because I have an IUD so I just kind of always think that I'm pregnant because my boobs hurt still I'm in a bad mood I'm nauseous I have to pee all the time I'm like always convinced that I think you have to pee all the time because of your Adderall even as a kid I would always have to pee so it's just like I I'm just not gonna I'm gonna be one of those people that don't know that I'm pregnant until I'm like six months old oh my god have you

seen those shows I didn't know I was pregnant yes and then suddenly they're like giving birth in the bathroom yes terrifying i i don't know i don't know how you don't know no me neither i'm too much of a hypochondriac like i think the second that there is something inside of my body that wasn't there before i'm going to know well you're already like psychic so i feel like you would get before you even had before you even conceived the the baby you'll probably get like a little like yeah spidey sense tonight tonight's the night yeah probably that's true I have a lot of dreams that I'm pregnant I've had those I usually okay so I've discovered that when I have pregnancy dreams it's because um half the time it's because my cat is laying on my stomach

oh which just sounds sweet but sometimes I'm like so this is this happened when um I don't know like maybe like three months ago uh I had a dream that like I was pregnant and it was my boyfriend's was my baby daddy in this dream and then I was like very apprehensive I was like I don't know if I'm ready for this and then he was stoked in my dream he's like this is amazing and then when I woke up and told him that he was like that's not what would happen definitely a dream I have a way that's good that you had a dream that you were praying with his baby every single dream that I have even when I was in a relationship I didn't know who the dad was oh half the time that's like I would say most of the time I am just randomly pregnant do you

ever have a dream where you have a baby oh yeah like not the giving birth part it's just suddenly you just have a baby yeah yeah I have like all different phases of the childbirth process dreams like finding out that I'm pregnant will be one dream and they're always out of order but then like I'll have like a labor dream terrifying and then I'll have a like now I have a baby dream and my mom said she always used to tell me when I was like when I first started having these dreams she's like it means something new is coming so now whenever I have oh interesting yeah now whenever I have pregnancy dreams I'm like oh what's gonna it's coming I like that I don't know I like thinking about it that way um I've only had I remember I had one specific dream where I had

a baby and it was the cutest baby ever I was in love with this baby and then I woke up and I was sad I was like where's my baby that was like the soul of your future child maybe poking it you would have the cutest baby though you're gonna have such a cute child my baby might be like me if it's because I was bald until I was two oh my god just had no hair huh um so I would probably have a bald baby unless your baby daddy is like came out with like lots of hair yeah my brother had like black hair when he came out oh my god he did not look like but this is this is gonna be so mean um my mom was like so when my mom had me I told you about this they she they just forced out she had really bad postpartum depression and after that when she had my brother she was like

I'm not doing any of that shit again so um she did not go she went to a midwife to have my brother and she didn't go in until she was already nine centimeters dilated and you start giving birth at 10 holy shit and then the midwife was like measured her and was like you brat and my mom's like let's do this yeah sign it up perfectly baby so then uh she didn't have any like epidural or anything wow for my brother and then she was like my brother was 10 fucking pounds holy he was a chonk and oh my god i was eight pounds holy shit how small i am now yeah seriously um my brother was 10 pounds fucking hell and he's pretty skinny now so he's but he was just like a straight up chonk and i'm just like jesus christ and then um yeah she recovered super quickly and then she said

like uh i think the next day she was like out planting roses in the front yard and then the neighbor was like didn't you just have a baby and she's like yep sure dad she's like i'm never doing that shit again men could never no but she had a much easier experience with my brother oh but what i was gonna say is obviously she was a little delusional from pushing a baby out of her vagina with no medication or assistance uh yeah and my dad was like filming her after like holding my brother my parents weren't the parents that were like let's film the birth he was like recording her after and then she's looking at him and then she looks at my dad and he was she's like he's kind of ugly oh my god that's on camera no my dad he was like we're just gonna record over that and

he like rewound it. I wish that he kept it. That would have been phenomenal to see. I know. That's hilarious. What a funny story. He was a little ugly, but like a lot of newborns are ugly. Yeah. So he was the cutest kid. Oh my God. By the time he was like, you know, six months, he was just this fat baby. Fat babies are the cutest. Yeah, they really are. I want a chunky baby. Yeah. Babies always come out. Like whenever anybody has a cute baby, that's when people are, people always act surprised like oh my god the baby came out looking cute because they always so many babies I mean no I think I tweeted this a while ago I was like uh my hot take is I think that all newborn babies look the same yeah honestly they do I'm so sorry if you have a baby it looks

the same as every baby I've ever seen yeah okay so I think I've seen maybe two cute newborn babies yep I was just about to say I've only seen a couple it's a couple not to say that they don't get cute later it's just they have just you know like a standard baby look right it was either my mom or my dad said every baby comes out looking like Winston Churchill that's all I can see but all of my friends just an angry reason babies all of my friends that have had babies they've come out looking like angels I'm like how how did you do it so I'm like I don't know but I've heard if they get stuck in the if they're in the birth canal for a long time they come out that's when they come out like kind of wrinkly and their head is like because obviously that cone head it is so

good we don't remember childbirth jaundice just a yellow baby i'm like we better hold it upside down for a few minutes huh keep the blood flowing clearly we don't know anything about giving birth welcome to the holy hour we never said we were experts oh my god we have some hot button topics for you guys today we do we have a lot to talk about yeah um the user or the user the listener who recommended uh the ending with like a sex factor tip um also asked us to talk about periods so we're gonna talk about periods i'm a little bit that we haven't talked about i know i know we've like briefly kind of talked about some stuff about periods um it reminds me of this tweet i read like last week that was like um I've decided my period is done it's not actually done and I

will be ruining my underwear but I am sick of dealing with it just like yeah I've heard I feel that now that I don't get a period I kind of miss it though because when I do bleed now I think something's wrong so I like have been to the gynecologist every time I get a period now I'm like did my IUD come out he's like are you currently stressed yeah that's why I fucking stop coming in it's going to be okay but I miss having a regular period it's just like a good little reminder good old anti-flow to remind you that you're not pregnant yeah it's a nice little gift your body gives you every month to remind you you're not pregnant but if you if you are trying to get pregnant and you don't want your period then we're sending those vibes out to you

yes definitely we hope you don't get it yeah because we want you to have a baby that you want to have we want you to be happy I um read I was thinking on the way over here how many male listeners we have and how they're probably going to want to skip this episode but then I also read somewhere that it's a it's a very American thing that men don't like hearing about periods apparently like in other countries it's very like a very open conversation that yeah people that don't have periods are okay with having yeah my so my mom was we were having this conversation about periods the um like last week like we were talking about have you seen the show alone it's like they put these people out by themselves like in the middle of like Alaska or Canada or

some shit and whoever lasts the longest they give you like a million dollars or something so my parents watch alone together and my mom was like my mom's like anytime they're like women on the show they don't ever talk about how they deal with their period which is like she's like it doesn't make any sense to me like I want to know what how they're dealing with their period because like anyone with a vagina for all of existence has had a period like it's not an unusual thing it's just a natural thing yeah it just happens um yeah anyways I was just like that's such a good point because I would want to know too are they just taking leaves and like yeah making pads or tampons that's shit that people without uteruses don't have to worry about they just

don't even have to think about it do you remember that um the nasa astronaut she got she was going into space for a week and they came up with a hundred tampons and then they were like is this enough yeah is this the right number she was like no it's not the right i told my mom about that too during the same conversation what the fuck is that what did they feel like constantly bleeding like like gushing blood will this be enough i mean i think that's like at least better than being like let's not talk about it that's true at least they were like but 100 for a week 100 holy shit i no i we should talk about our first periods i didn't use tampons until i was 17 i didn't know how to use them so i just was walking around with like diapers because i had such a

heavy period growing up how old were you when you got your period i was 12 i was 11 oh that's around like the the age that they say is pretty average I have some friends that got their period when they were nine I don't know what I would have done yeah I would have been confused me too apparently there is some studies around and obviously this isn't true for everyone so don't come for my neck but there's some studies around girls that get their period when they're that young tend to hang out with older crowds and have sex earlier and get into like some get into trouble like they interesting yeah because they just like get boobs faster than they start getting attention from older boys and you know stuff like that and so they've done a lot of studies on girls

who start uh puberty sooner are likely to get sexually harassed at a younger age yeah that's basically boiled down that's what that means yeah it's fucked but yeah i was 12 um my best friend had already gotten hers and i was terrified of getting mine i was like oh you mean i'm gonna bleed once a month like what the fuck does that mean we had like a lot of health classes about it and everything and I was in health class and I for people that haven't had periods before um what cramps feel like is like really bad cramps kind of feel like you're like gonna have diarrhea like it's kind of like an like an achy like pain at least I guess that's like probably the best description for someone who wouldn't doesn't have a uterus right it's it's just a very crampy

uncomfortable feeling and I was sitting in class and I was like oh fuck and I just like got up and went to the bathroom and I looked and I had gotten my period and I was so excited because like it happened you know like this thing that I was afraid of for so long I was like oh my god it's here and I told one girl period fairy came she came I told my friend Maddie and she told the entire class just like one by one so fuck you Maddie yeah Maddie I'm fucking coming I'm coming for you who's on the list now maddie reese reese um charlie charlie for ruining my magic trick yeah i wonder what he's up to i should send him the episode i bet he's on like mythbusters or something oh my god i know he's like a magician's assistant somewhere oh i would be i'm finding you charlie

but you can't hide uh but yeah anyways fuck you maddie i yeah fuck you maddie i was so excited to tell my mom everybody ruined this news for me I was so excited to tell my mom and my best friend that had already gotten her period I called my mom to tell her and I was with my friend and she yelled in the background she got her period before I could say it to my mom my mom like didn't hear air quotes because she probably knew that I wanted to be the one to tell her she's like what what'd she say to hear her I was like I got my period I was like so so like the Easter Bunny had left me a period book that year oh was it the growing book for girls or something it was like an american girl we all have that that book goes hard it does that was a good book tells you

about pubic hair and shaving yes and different kinds of bras i loved that book it was a great book they did a great job with that book and people are still buying it i believe it i think they reanimated it like they redrew it it was yeah kind of outdated like sketches yeah but no it was good it was great so that was my first period the care and keeping of you that's what it's called oh good memory I would have never have remembered that my mom is a librarian or was so I got those books um my first period story is way different than yours I was not stoked at all I was absolutely horrified I was in fifth grade and there's like no uh like before we had our little like period introduction video um I already had my period and I was just sitting there like

fuck I already have mine and I remember like one other girl had her period um and everyone knew and like was always talking about it and I was like I don't want people to talk about my period yeah I'm 11 and uh they don't have any of those like little like uh sanitary boxes in children's bathrooms in elementary school so I'm just like walking around with my one pad and your period's so inconsistent the first like year or two but um I remember like yeah I got my period and uh it was just like randomly like one day I was like oh my god I'm bleeding like what the fuck did I hurt myself like yeah and because I knew maybe I would it was my period and I did not want it I did not want my period not at least until middle school but it's just there's

no way to make sense of what's going on really no especially before you have like the intro to your period video yeah the fuck is this and like in my mom's defense she tried to like you know have a little conversation with me and I was like no we're not talking about this I don't want to talk about this standard for kids like we're not doing that she's like so you need to start wearing a bra oh god I'm like no I will not I was so excited why are my armpits growing hair anyways um yeah so then I would just like steal pads from my mom's room and just use those and like I tried to put like my like bloody underwear in places she could find it because I didn't want to tell her you just wanted her to know yeah I was like someone help me

oh my god so um so then she I remember my mom isn't even the first one who told me like that people get periods my friend my childhood friend was she was like yeah and then you're gonna start bleeding out of your vagina and I was like you're lying no that is not true she's like she's like I have it in this book and she showed me pictures and I was like no yeah it's a terrifying concept why I mean I didn't understand it obviously but I was just like why is this happening so then yeah my mom then suddenly she was like one day she like came to me when I was in my room and she's like um do you think that maybe you've gotten your period and I was like yeah and I started crying and I was like don't tell dad and she's

like i won't tell dad and she just started putting like pads under my sink and um tampons too but like i'm 11 i don't know what the how to use a fucking tampon how old were you when you learned uh i think i was in sixth grade sixth or seventh grade because i was just sick of wearing pads like when you like because you bleed so much and you're trying to sleep at night and then this blood is just like going up your back oh my god it's the oh god pads are the fucking worst it sucked and so I was just like I'm fucking sick of this I'm sick of wearing this fucking pad diaper and um I was also in like dance and like gymnastics and stuff so just like having a pad was not working out for me so totally um I tried it once and then I like didn't read the directions

and i just had it it was the cardboard ones too that don't have like the rounded tip and so i was just like half of it was in there with like the cardboard still in and i was like this isn't right and i feel like i'm gonna throw up and i i like took it out immediately and i was like that's enough that i'm not gonna try this no more and then and then i was just like i think probably like a few months later i was like okay fuck this and then i like read the directions and i was like oh now i get it okay all right yeah it's really a game changer when you learn how to use tampons have you seen those tiktoks of girls showing their boyfriends how tampons work yes i think it's kind of cool though i think so too i mean

that they're like that guys are just like whoa yeah well yeah because they have no idea there was a trend where you would ask your boyfriend what happens to the pad when you have to pee that was like and men were like and now they think the pad works take it you take it off why would you take it off they just know nobody of course they don't know that it sticks to the underwear right they have no way to know and it's just so i just never thought of that before that's so fucking funny like last month i was out or no this was a few two weeks ago i think i was out with my boyfriend and i was like oh fuck i think i just got my period and he's so adorable He's like, do you have a pad with you?

And I was like, sweetie, I don't use pads. It was cute, though. You want a summer pad? I was like, oh. But actually, this brings me to a different point. So I use a cup. Oh. Yeah.

I've never used a cup before. I love it. It saves me so much money and a lot of time because you only have to change it. Like, you only have to, like, empty it out every 12 hours. but I mean I do I like have a pretty aggressive flow and have my entire life I don't know why that's awful I don't know why I was also cursed with this um but yeah so like just not having to worry about it yeah and like not having to buy tampons every month I still try and keep some in my house though in case like someone else needs them and then sometimes I'm just like fuck it I

don't want to deal with my cup right now because i don't know i also only use like organic stuff um i had did i ever tell you i think i can't remember we talked about this on the podcast i had a really shitty allergic reaction to monistat the one day um never get the one day you did talk never get the monistat we did talk about this did we talk about on the podcast with your gynecologist like oh yeah slut shaming me first of all yeah yeah because he just like gets a cut of like selling an aids test so fucked up uh I definitely don't have aids but like but I was like okay we got from point a to point b that's definitely an allergic reaction but anyways after that um I have just been super sensitive like my vagina's like ph is really

sensitive um so I like I mean I never used anything scented anyways because I was just like this shit smells bad I have a sensitive nose I'm just kidding well I do have a sensitive anyways yeah do not vagina no don't be using scented uh pads and tampons I don't even know why they why they sent them there's no it just makes everything worse yeah and it's only the plastic that's scented not even the tampon itself so like it doesn't make any sense why you would need a scented um what's the word implicate implicator uh applicator applicator it's like why does this not feel right in my mouth into your vagina yeah so I only use organic um pads and tampons because I like when I tried to go back to using like regular tampons I just would get like so

uncomfortable from the chemicals in them there's still a fuckload of chemicals and tampons why for what so there's a bunch of companies that are so the the um pad and tampon industry is apparently a two billion dollar a year industry that's how much money they make periods cost get a cup fuck the industry fuck the patriarchy people are finding ways to like spend their money more wisely with because it's really they've figured out ways to make you need to keep like and they're created by people that don't get periods too like so this company um oh my god what are they I really wish I remembered the name so I could like plug them here but there's a company that is owned by women two women and they have completely re-engineered the tampon

to be all natural ingredients they last longer they ship them to your house so you don't have to like oh I think I've got I've totally gotten ads for them and it's really apparent people love them so i don't know like i think that things are starting to change but the fact that there have been imagine women being in charge of period products yeah yeah what what a fucking concept they i was terrified growing up of toxic shock syndrome oh my god yes i wrote i wrote a note on toxic shock you did well because there were so many articles like warning you against like getting toxic shock syndrome but okay i've known a handful of girls who have had a little experience where they have forgotten a tampon in yeah and it doesn't come out for like a week or two yeah

and they don't have toxic shock syndrome it's so rare but the stories are terrifying i remember reading in cosmo girl about yeah yeah toxic shock syndrome cosmo girl in 17 her skin looked like it had like wet toilet paper all over it because her skin was just shedding her body was just like in shock which toxic shock but like it was she was so sick she was like on oxygen she was like on a ventilator she was like really in bad shape because she slept with her tampon in one night it was like a cautionary tale you know but then like you said there are people that like forget their tampons for and then like have sex yeah and then it's really just kind of like to an old tampon just it's so unlucky but they have to put these warnings on every box so every every time I

use a tampon growing up I was like and then every time I had any sort of symptom if I like even went 10 minutes past the four hour limit I was like I'm gonna die but yeah is it four hours I thought it was eight some of them are four some of them are eight some of them are like 20 now like the really big ones but I don't know I haven't used a tampon so I don't know the last time I bought tampons I can't say enough great things about cups but also uh so I when we were going into the office I would keep my cup in my backpack obviously in case I got my period yeah and there was one time where uh I was looking for it and it was not there so my cup was lost somewhere in the office in seattle no it's probably like i probably lost it like on the light rail or some

shit like digging through my backpack oh no it's probably like the least gross thing that they found oh dude when i was in college i lost my pack of birth control three three months in a row oh no my god liz i wasn't having sex so it wasn't a big deal but it's still just like it's like fuck did I lose my birth control again god I'm so happy I don't have to worry about taking a pill anymore I was talking to Liz about this yesterday but I have been having issues with hormonal acne recently just in the past like six months it's been especially bad um and I use Curology and you talk to a provider on Curology and she suggested that I switch from an IUD to the pill I'm like I would rather die the pill was so awful for me just from like a

depression standpoint and a i would always lose it i would always forget to take it and i was having unprotected sex and if you're not taking it like perfectly like you might get pregnant right that's the thing you miss you miss like i think i know like three people who have gotten pregnant while they were on the pill because they like didn't take it perfectly yes same i just don't want to have to worry about that i can't remember to like do things that like i have to do every day like feed myself sometimes it'll be like 6 p.m and i'm like have i eaten today how the fuck am i supposed to be trusted to remember to take a pill there's no way there's no way um did you I can't remember if I sent this to you but it's a tiktok where this girl is like

um I can't tell if I am lucky or infertile and I was like I wonder that all the time yeah well I mean like I use condoms so yeah but I have not been on hormonal birth control in five years. It's been a long time. You've had bad experience with like every kind of birth control. And different kinds of bad experiences. To me it's just like the side effects just aren't worth it. It's like let's just use a condom. Yeah. And also like I track my cycle. So I also recently got an ad for like 100 percent natural birth control and it's a fancy thermometer that has an app and i mean like that's honestly like how tons of people yeah like don't get pregnant is they basal temperature yeah they they uh monitor their basal temperature and

track their ovulation and they don't get pregnant yeah yeah yeah see i don't trust myself with that either i'm so i well i was looking at the statistics and that like doing the thermometer thing is um 94 effective condoms are only like 89 effective so if you're doing both you probably won't get pregnant right yeah I know I keep thinking because the IUD is so effective but yeah IUD is 99 knowing me and the copper one's 99 effective yeah the um kylena the one that I have I think is 98.98 it's something crazy like that but I know just like I've said this before but I'm like walking Murphy's law and I know for a fact that like I'm going to be somebody that gets pregnant with an IUD so I'm I still use condoms I just know it I'm still have like a I

mean fertile as fuck a little six cents yeah well I just feel like I've ever had a scare oh my god so many so many because I've there was one year that I was convinced it was on 4th of July 2016 I was crying all day because I was like I know that I'm pregnant like every time I would walk my boobs would hurt I was so nauseous my period was late we weren't using condoms because I was in a relationship but I had an IUD but I was still like I'm going I'm pregnant but the reason I was crying was because I was PMSing I was crying all day I took a pregnancy test I went and bought a pregnancy test at Rite Aid and I was sobbing when I was paying for it and the woman at the counter was like oh my god that's a great story and then I peed on the stick and then I just

stared at it my my boyfriend at the time was like laying on the bed he knew I wasn't pregnant he's like you have gotta fucking relax so he was just like laying on the bed just like staring at the ceiling like oh my god and I came out I'm like I'm not pregnant he's like I know I know you're not like you've got to relax my period that night it was just like so inconsistent for several months that like um I there was like a string of months where I like if it was late I was taking like pregnancy tests because I was like okay it's creeping up on 40 days now like what the fuck's going on it's such a scary feeling well it's just annoying when it's not consistent yeah like what the fuck is going on there's no way to try is there something wrong with me and so many things

can throw off yeah and I've done I've done a ton of like I did a bunch of blood tests trying to figure it out too and they're like it all came back normal I'm like cool okay great good to hear you're saying I'm healthy I I don't know what's going on I don't feel healthy I used to do stupid shit like old wives tales stuff to get my period to start like chewing on parsley have you heard that no there's this theory and it's not I don't even want to call it a theory it's an old wives tale that if you eat parsley it thins the lining of your uterus which there's no there are no scientific I'm sure that there's not I haven't looked into it but I'm certain that there's not but for whatever reason I think it must be like the mind just like the power of thinking every

time I would chew on parsley I would get my period that night without fail so now still the taste of parsley is like comforting for me because I would always like yeah but no I seriously can't I used to think that I was pregnant this is so embarrassing to say out loud I used to think that I was pregnant when i would like dry hump my boyfriends when i was like in high school with jeans on i was one of those and like that's a mormon shit it was immaculate conception i mean it was just like you know one of those anxiety symptoms that i had of just like always thinking that if anybody could do it it was me like if anybody was gonna get pregnant through jeans it was gonna be me and i would make my period like was there like high school boyfriend like blasting in his jeans

no but like i didn't have the sex education that i needed to understand that i wasn't going to get pregnant through my jeans amelia and now looking back on it i used to seriously scare the fuck i was dating a mormon at the time and he wasn't supposed to be even thinking about me let alone dry humping me they're not even supposed to be masturbating i don't know so they're not supposed to think about sex so i um that's how you breed serial serial killers is by being like sex is bad and you can't think about it or like sex addicts like i know a lot of people that have left the church that have just gone nuts which is great good for them embrace your sexuality but like that's just kind of counterproductive yeah but um he used to cheat on me all the time so that was

you know counterproductive too but he um i would always text him like i am pregnant and then and he would be like and he didn't know either he wasn't getting the education because he's mormon so he's like oh my god what do we do I don't know what do we do and looking back on it I'm like fuck I should write him like I should send him a fruit basket or something sorry for putting you through that he has two kids now I wonder if he ever thinks about that so when we dry humped that we conceived these two kids I don't know I guess we'll never know but yeah that was so to answer your question I've been having pregnancy scares like back to like four years before I started having sex your pregnancy scares were more of that you were afraid you were pregnant yeah i mean

the one on the fourth of july i was convinced there was like you couldn't tell me otherwise i was convinced a lot of the times um like i've i've read that um you do like you can get pregnant but then you like lose the egg immediately and that happens pretty often and like you don't really know because right you just think you got your period right huh well shit if your period's super late that makes sense well fuck yeah I know if you get pregnant when you have an IUD too the odds you might have like an ectopic pregnancy or you could miscarry when they try to take the IUD out so it's just like anyway have you had pregnancy scares like active pregnancy scares only when my period was really inconsistent yeah but no like specific time when you were like

certain um there was one time I was especially worried and it was after my ex and I broke up like I think we've all had an experience where you like break up with someone and then you like still hook up with them like a month later because you're like I'm still in love with you so we had that little thing happen where um I yeah I went home for Christmas it was like right after I moved to Seattle and we broke up uh because he's a little bitch he's a little bitch boy who couldn't handle that I moved and I have a life um anyways it's neither here nor there I would have been miserable if I stayed with him yeah absolutely uh yeah so we hooked up when I went home for Christmas but I had right before I went home I had also hooked up with this other

guy that I started seeing in Seattle and so like my period was late and I was really panicked because I was like if it's anyone it would be my ex because I used protection with this other guy and not with my ex god I'm so I'm a monster when I'm on my period and not like emotionally a monster I just want to eat everything I'm a bottomless pit I get so hungry on my period i'm like where why yeah uh have you seen the girl on tiktok who does like the point of view like she's the chill girl yeah did i send it to you yes yeah oh my god how did that make you feel uh triggered yeah yeah i sent it to anna and i was like is this is triggering to you as it is to me and she was like i think i would literally say out loud i am leaving

yeah every girl that has actually not even but in my instance and i'm sure in your instance too dating a guy that has a best girlfriend they are all the same the best girlfriend is always the same in like middle school and high school in college i think they get a little bit cooler at least in my experience um so if you guys don't know what we're talking about like the chill girl it's not just like a guys girl it's it's like more of a pick me type of girl who

wants to be like she's always talking about how she's one of the guys and she just like can't be friends with girls and like does all of these things to like appeal specifically to the like the guys she's friends

with but they're just friends but like if you are dating a guy who has one of those friends who's like yeah I'm just like one of the guys like I don't know alarm bells go off for me when like when girls can't keep friends who are girls yep and I know that might sound kind of bad but like I've met a handful of girls who just like they cycle through friends and it's because they're like insincere people yep and I think it really comes from a place of like narcissism of needing attention in a specific way yeah i mean okay i found her her name's kelsey june um if you want to find her on tiktok she has this character that

is just like it's the it's the perfect summary yeah because it's not even and i hear what you're saying where it's like this sounds bad but but i think that it's like there's a specific type of girl and everybody that's listening knows exactly what we're talking there's you know exactly what were talking about like the like you know like splashing each other in the pool and like you know like just like the whole like flirting with the guys thing and like not being able to keep girlfriends because you are a type of way like and then like being backhandedly nice to you so like to a to just like some straight guy they're not gonna see it but to other girls you're like I'm gonna fucking fight this girl yeah yeah and really it's always a red flag to me when girls

can't keep girlfriends period and I'm sure that there are like one-off instances where like you know like maybe they were like raised with all brothers and like they don't feel understood by girls there's different instances but like there are always these pick me girls that are just they just don't get along with girls because they're mean and they like don't like the drama but they're always like, but they start the drama. Yeah. Oh, I can't deal. I truly can't. That is such a universal experience. Yeah. I was reading the comments on Kelsey June's video and everyone's like, did we all have the same experience growing up? Like, do we all experience the same high school experience? Yeah. Everybody has that girl. And I know I have like names in my head of people

that were that way when I was growing up. I didn't really like, I would say, so I sent it to my boyfriend and I was like do you get this and he was like not really and I was like they're oblivious to it yeah I was like oh god I'm gonna have to deal with a pick me at some point in his life Amelia just made a face because I kind of did yeah but I'm 29 so I don't actually give a fuck yeah I mean like you're 29 and she should be too old to be doing this you know what I mean I would I was gonna say I stopped seeing that kind of behavior around age 24 like it kind of peters out yeah and um I think it's also because we're like the older you get you just you know your frontal lobes done developing you are able to be more empathetic and like you just have a different

view of life in the world and you're like oh I'm not the center of the universe right okay yeah no one's gives a shit what I'm doing yeah I mean drama doesn't really affect me in the same way as it used to like that kind of thing used to really get to me like anybody that was like trying to like take the attention of my boyfriend at the time was always my number one threat like I and it consumed all of my thoughts I'm like he's gonna choose hair over me and that's what they want like they want you to think that they're superior in the group um so yeah like as we've gotten older just like it just doesn't really hold as much weight also I haven't like been in a relationship for a minute but I still think like I probably wouldn't really this actually brings me to like

my favorite point that I just remembered um my therapist had told me because like the circumstance that I was explaining to her I was like I just kind of don't get it like I I don't compete with anyone because nothing's a competition like there is not a limited amount of like you know people you can date like I don't know it just doesn't make sense to me to like compete in that kind of way like it's not a sport yeah or because we've all met a girl who like you're like I am getting this weird vibe like you're competing with me it's an insecurity thing yeah um but she the way my therapist explained it to me she was like if this person is treating it as a competition it means that they still have a chance so if they're telling them that if they're telling

themselves that it um is protecting their ego from having to admit that this person doesn't want to be with them and like that made a lot of sense to me so and I always like I try to um approach things from like with like a standpoint of empathy of like we've all been that girl where you're like insecure and maybe the guy you like is interested in another girl and you're like fuck yeah I gotta overcompensate now totally and I understand lashing out in that sense when you're growing up and you don't really have coping mechanisms outside of like being competitive but as you get older it's like look within like why are you feeling like you need to be competing like yeah don't make it someone else's problem yeah well and like yeah sure you can try and compete

with like whoever someone is dating in your head make it this little competition but at the end of the day like you shouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with you like everyone deserves to be with someone who wants to be with them totally totally and to have like that mutual respect and love for each other in a relationship like don't yeah don't like put this person on a pedestal totally I think that there's kind of like a Hollywood aspect of it of like being you know like your best guy friend has a girlfriend and like then he decides he wants to be with you and it's like but like if you look at that in reality like not a really cute scenario no like I would be so insecure this is like so perfect for something else I had written down um that my

therapist and I also talked about somewhat recently of like there aren't any shows or movies that are about a healthy relationship and healthy and honest communication because it's boring like a healthy relationship is boring yeah and not in a bad way like good boring yeah exactly it's boring in a great way but like there's a reason there's no there's nothing like there's no media around it because no one wants to watch a show about a relationship where they, like, have perfect communication or, like, you know, they're not fighting and there's no drama and there's no, like, highs and lows because that's not a good movie.

But then it also sets up an unrealistic expectation of how you're supposed to, like, you think you're supposed to feel when you're in love. Yeah. And I realize this especially when, like, my ex-boyfriend would like breadcrumb me a lot where like he was a fucking asshole to me most of the time and then there would be these few moments where it's just like everything was perfect and you're constantly trying to like regain that kind of feeling yeah um and things were never as good as they were when

we first started dating so um it was just yeah it was just like he love bombed me and then it was just like you're always wanting it exactly and then you're like okay what is what is going on yeah anyways um I was just like talking to my therapist about how when I started dating my boyfriend now I like you I mean you saw it I had so much anxiety yeah and before I probably would interpret it I would have interpreted that as like excitement but like now that I understand myself better I was like I am so goddamn anxious because I haven't like felt like this about someone in a long time yeah and then um once that anxiety like leveled out I just had this huge drop in like dopamine and I was just like what is going on but um now that things are like normal and

healthy and we have good communication I was like just kind of I don't know I was just reflecting on like the comparison between my past and now and I was like I think it felt like such a roller coaster for me at the beginning because I've never had a um stable relationship like that yeah absolutely I was always guessing what was gonna happen so in this circumstance I was like why was I so anxious like well yeah I mean like you're always going to go off of like what you have experienced in the past and like I mean so I have two thoughts about what you just said the first is like I think that that's outside of the experience that you had going into it that caused you to have that reaction people always have this weird low period in their relationship

once the honeymoon phase wears off and I think it's probably that same reason it's like the dopamine just crashes and it's like okay now we're just like leveled out and like we're not fucking nuts about each other anymore we're just existing and you have to like readjust to that yeah so for that to be the reality and then you also to have all of this like external stuff playing in like of course you felt that way like that makes so much sense and then also like the Hollywood aspect of it as well of like what am I supposed to feel like the highs and the love right yeah and then you're like what even is love actually yeah totally but then so my therapist the other thing was my therapist today I talked to her about this um about this uh analogy that

she apparently a lot of people know it I had never heard it but like about like a pottery class the teacher separates the class in halves and one half has the entire semester to make one perfect pot and the other half is getting graded on how many pots they can make um in the semester and like the group that's making as many as they can they obviously it starts out as like ugly pots that have like you know they like have chips in them and like they're just like not cute chips like not food chips like yeah yeah and then by the end they've practiced so much that like the the final pot is better than the pot of the group that was just making one pot the whole semester because like as you are learning and as you're figuring out how things are done every single time you do

it and not even just in every relationship but like as you're learning and as you're fighting in your current relationship and like you know going through trials and tribulations you figure out how to like make this like perfect pot and like unless you're going through all of those like issues of like you know fights and like disagreements and like your beliefs not aligning and blah blah blah you end up figuring out how to make things work perfectly for you so like when you're coming into relationships with all this external stuff like you still have to like work through all of that but it helps you be better the next time you know so anyway I say all that to say like there are so many instances that you go into a relationship and you have baggage as

people call it but there's ways to like shape it through like therapy and like reflection to make it serve you well and I think it's so natural for the beginning of a relationship when all of that external stuff is at play to be a fucking mess because how the fuck are you supposed to deal with it like I was trying so hard to make a perfect pot like the first part of our relationship everybody wants it nobody wants to I don't want to make any mistakes because like I had been completely abandoned before so I was just I thought any mistake I made was going to be a reason for him to want to break up with me absolutely you were because that was reinforced in like you're saying in past relationships and I'm the kind of person I don't want to try anything unless I know

I'm gonna be good at it exactly and you can't get that too you can't get good at it unless you try it and so like and I'm also in a standpoint where um like I've been going through therapy obviously we talk about it so much that like I'm changing all of my uh protective behaviors that I know aren't working for me anymore so however I would have responded in like feelings of anxiety would be to like be a reason to make him like want to argue with me about something because um my past has taught me if I start a fight with someone and they still choose to stay with me I have this temporary relief where I'm like okay they still want to be with me yeah and uh they're staying with me because they care about me even though we just had a fight yep yeah it's like the momentary

relief the momentary comfort it was so short-lived too yeah I know oh my god my last relationship like if I toward the end of it when we were like actively breaking up if I could make myself feel better for literally a half hour I would do it because it was like the momentary relief of just not worrying for 30 minutes was the best it was like okay I know everything's okay and then I would start worrying 30 minutes later but the 30 minutes of bliss it's so fucked up the shit that we put ourselves through to like get through relationships unnecessarily because if you need to be doing that stuff something's not right like either you got a breakup or if this is the person that you want to be with you have to put in a lot of elbow grease and not just those like band-aid

yeah where you're like well why am I actually like why do I actually want to start this fight yeah well it's because I'm insecure about something else and that has nothing to do with my partner yeah totally and that's so maybe I should talk to them about it yes absolutely yeah So, I mean, not to say that, like, this relationship isn't the first relationship I've had since my, like, really terrible ex. Like, I've had several dating experiences where I've been able to, like, you know, challenge my default, like, defense mechanisms. Totally. And work on that. Yeah, totally.

But, I mean. You've been working on those pots. I've been working on my pot. And that's great. that's kind of what I've been doing too I was talking to my therapist today I I've been concerned that I'm going to be non-monogamous my whole life because I I'm rushing into Liz and I talk about this all the time and I know people that are listening can relate to this like feeling like there's a time frame in which we're supposed to find the person we're supposed to be with yeah

and I'm struggling with that because like I right now I'm dating this like really he's he's giving me every indication that this should be something that I enjoy and I keep finding reasons that I shouldn't and I was like I just don't know if I'm ever going to be satisfied with anybody that I'm with and I've really been struggling with it and that's okay like polyamory is a real thing non-monogamous relationships are a real thing but it goes against what I have always thought that I would want because I'm very big on like companionship in one person like I've watched my parents together my whole life I've been I've been so lucky to have my parents stay together and I've always wanted that and I like want that one person and also the thought of just being with

one person scares the fuck out of me because of course it does I was with one person for eight years and like it just really ended ended ended three months ago so of course I'm not ready to jump into something but I've been panicking about it it's that it is a scary thing and so like being able to pull that apart in therapy and talk through it and try to figure out like what the fuck could be going on and like challenging the external stuff that we hear all the time like the waves of people that you graduated high school with like all getting you know moving with the person that they're with and then getting engaged and then getting married and then having a kid and like I'm here like living in my parents basement still and like which is I'm just

saving that coin I am I am I'm making it right but I know no and I love living with my parents like I really do they're really fantastic people and it's comfortable getting the bag means living with your parents get that fucking bag yeah secure the bag so here's the thing I completely agree and everybody that I talk to completely agrees but there's also this idea of like why aren't you living why haven't you moved out of your parents house yet they're gone half the year anyway I know I mean they're gone but also it's like what why is that a thing and it's because of society like you know like I so it's just I don't know I've been working really hard at like pushing against those the like clear-cut guidelines that we have for how relationships

are supposed to look at this age and it's different for everybody I probably won't get married until I'm like mid-30s and even saying that sounds ridiculous because that is an okay age to get married yeah like but I still say it and I'm like mid-30s like oh my god can you believe how old that is when like real that's young that's young but when everyone around you is getting married you know earlier it feels like you're doing something wrong and I know that I'm not It's exactly the conversation I had with my therapist last week of just telling her like this is how I'm sincerely feeling and like every fucking day I it doesn't matter what platform I'm on someone is engaged someone's having a baby someone is announcing a pregnancy and when you're not there you're like because we've grown up having grade like you're in each grade you know there's a there's a some guidelines. yes you're like okay I I'm a junior in high school and then I'm gonna be a senior with all of my other senior peers like everyone's the same age everyone's in the same place more or less and

then um after after that like after you graduate college if you go to college like there are no fucking rules and you you're not set up to like accept that you probably won't get like some job right out of college that's in your field yes it might take you a few years it's pretty rare that I meet someone who's like yeah and then I graduated and then I got a job in the thing I studied yeah I know yeah like I didn't took me a long time to get here luckily my degrees come in handy but they wouldn't have before like they didn't for my first couple of jobs so right yeah I don't know like the once there aren't any guidelines you're just like am I doing something wrong like I'm not meeting any of these like societal standards and expectations and markers

of success that I've been like my belief systems have been built around because you know most of us have boomer parents who are like and then you buy a house and then you get married and you have kids and blah blah blah and like you buy a car and you pay off your student loans and you're just like why that shit doesn't sound like it'll make me happy why am I supposed to be doing all that like yeah uh and that's a conversation I constantly am having with my parents anytime I talk to them they're like why don't you pay off your student loans I'm like they're not going anywhere yeah I would rather spend money on whatever the fuck I want while I am still hot yeah yeah which is stupid but no but why is it stupid it's i mean like it's like maybe it's of interest but uh well

i mean we have a student loan forgiveness yeah just kidding i'm just waiting for a socialist to be elected and waive my student right bernie sanders 2024 i'm kidding but yeah no i think it's it's outside of interest but like i think that it's stupid air quotes because it's not what we're supposed to do air quotes again and it's a good reminder that all of these kind of like um standards of success that we have are so deeply rooted in capitalism and um like patriarchy that like we're getting to a point with our generation where we're like challenging those yeah ideas yeah we're like we're all working from home now and we're like why the fuck are we working eight hours a day I was just about to say the 40 hour work week is so out yeah it really wasn't like

fucking like before electricity was around yeah why are we doing that because we've always have and that's the thing is like we have always done all of these things that we like keep feeling like we have to do and it's working really well for some people that I know and that's great but like it's not we need to stop living our lives like there are these like cookie cutter ways of doing things just because it's right for one for a couple doesn't mean it's right for you or me and like it's it's just it's frustrating to know that specifically for me I know that I've never been forced I've never felt forced by my parents to live in a certain way I've never felt anybody in my life has like but it's all been self-imposed like I keep seeing all of these people around me

and I know personally that I don't want to be in a relationship right now period but I catch myself being like, all right, I gotta like, and I am dating. I've said this on a past episode. I'm dating differently now. I'm dating more intentionally now to then eventually find my person, but I don't want to be in a relationship right now. And I'm still feeling like, okay, I gotta go. I gotta have to find my person because I I've been to parties before, before pre coronavirus again, don't come for me before coronavirus. I went to a party that was 35 people and 34 of those people were there in a couple that is a fucking ridiculous I was the only single person there and it sucked and I was miserable and I'm okay being single but still

when everybody around you is in a relationship it's difficult yeah it's hard to like it's natural to compare yourself to other people because we're humans like we we want like some guidelines yes here totally because otherwise you're just kind of floating around like what the fuck am I supposed to be doing exactly so I think I think collectively we have all been having an existential crisis where I mean so many people are challenging their belief systems and they're like okay do I actually want this so yeah and I think that's a great thing like as a collective like I don't I don't know have you seen soul yeah yeah i think that the world would not have been able to take on that movie if we weren't in the place we are right now if that makes sense to fully accept it and

take it in for everything it is and contemplate these ideas of life and death and the purpose of your life and I remember like I watched it on New Year's Eve and I was sobbing I like when it ended I was just sitting on the couch and I was just like thank god no one else was here because they would be concerned for me but it just felt so good to like cry and like be like what what yeah yeah that movie was phenomenal I watched it with my parents we watch every Pixar movie together I just fucking love Pixar but we watched it and then my mom always goes to bed at like nine she always like starts to go to bed at nine and her and I sat on the couch my dad went to bed before my dad's a night owl but he went to sleep and my mom and I just chatted

until 12 30 that movie was just like so cathartic just like talking about like the purpose of life and like what we hold important to us and like if you haven't seen soul they didn't do a very good job advertising it um because it was supposed to be in theaters and then this bitch rona strolled on in yeah we're still in a pandemic because um for some reason people are just like it's not real like and then you're like didn't your like husband die from coronavirus and you're like yeah like okay i can't i see people just living their best life in australia i'm like god damn could be us but couldn't be us because america we could america could never literally um anywho um should we switch topics yeah okay um i also wanted to talk to you

about oh god where where was it oh the vaccine making you gay okay so i saw your tweet like spongebob yeah i was like is he you know vaccinated and i was like that's funny but i didn't know i that was the first that i'd seen about it yes who said that some like televangelist pastor some shit was like the vaccine makes you gay oh my god and i'm like okay so nothing makes someone gay we all know that you're you're born gay right if you're gay fucking dense to not realize you're born that way yeah and my logic for that also i was thinking about it today i was like you can't control who you're attracted to like everyone has a different type that they're attracted to and you could apply that to like your extracurricular passions you don't control

that you love that it's just something that like your heart was like i like doing this it feels good yeah and that's the same thing as like attraction yeah so like scientifically doesn't make any fucking sense you can't contract being gay listen you just are that way if there was a vaccine that could make me not attracted to men anymore i would sign me up how many women would be like yeah hello I would like to be gay I would be I would pitch a tent outside of that doctor's office a week in advance like I was like waiting for like Billie Eilish tickets I I read that and I was like but wouldn't that be so great it'd be so relieving what a stupid fucking thing to say well and then I was like thinking about it like okay so let's say that was true the the vaccine

makes you gay yeah um does that what does it mean if you're already gay yeah what do you have a reverse effect yeah will you become straight and then what if you're a nightmare what if you're bisexual yeah oh my god what would happen then fuck I feel like if you were bisexual you would remain bisexual I mean I would just I'm thinking of like osmosis I'm like what could just go pan and if you yeah if you're gay would it turn you straight um if you're bi you just go asexual oh maybe it's just fucking ridiculous and like but also covid can cause erectile dysfunction oh shit there's also some people that are having like vaccine psychotic breaks after having they're like starting to see some like connections between like psychiatric disorders popping up and

coronavirus oh interesting but i mean like it's one of those things that it's like if you like take a pill and then you like throw up when you're taking it they have to put that on the fucking commercial for the pill so it's like it's just like a law so i don't actually know the truth of it i mean i wouldn't be surprised if people started going crazy after a pandemic after you make everyone stay inside yeah and um people are dying and losing loved ones and every fucking day like frontline workers have to like essentially uh be put in a position where um they might die every fucking day yes so right our brains are so malleable like of course that would have like an effect yeah of course it's traumatizing yeah oh my god thanks i just can't i really can't i tried

to figure out what that whole thing with like the the vaccine turned you gay was so i was like on twitter and i was like my search history on twitter is like gay vaccine gay vaccine makes you gay i'm like what the fuck is this because everybody was talking about it and i couldn't find the story so i didn't realize it was i saw i follow a couple of different news uh outlets just so i'm not entirely out of the loop yeah and um also uh little nas x like retweeted and he was like it's true this is me before and after the vaccine and like that it's the same picture but the after one he has his hand up i love him he is so incredible like he just kills it on social media too he's like no one else can compete with him yeah he just gives no fucks he's phenomenal

so i um have been meaning to tell liz this story it's a short story fake dom in the condoms it's a very short story but i knew that i was forgetting to tell her something and i remembered it the other day so and it goes along with the whole pregnancy conversation we were having so when me and fake dom hooked up if you don't know who fake dom is listen back a couple episodes and i'm also jealous because i wish i didn't know who fake dom was but he i when we were about to have sex i asked him if he had a condom he did the whole like oh yeah thing which thank god i didn't let him hit it wrong i wouldn't have but like i that man i would have thoroughly regretted that uh because he you know dipped the next day but anyway so he pulls out these condoms and they're

just like loose in his drawer they're not like you know how condoms are like attached together they're just like a bunch of loose condoms like he had like picked them up at planned parenthood which is fine and but i didn't think anything of it but they were red like bright red and they weren't in english the the packaging on them but i was like i'm trying to fuck like i don't really care they're condoms condoms are condoms are condoms so i have no idea what you're about to tell me he he put them on we had sex red condoms look weird because they look like something's up you know what i mean so like the actual rubber was red that's confusing colored condoms and so we had sex twice using those condoms both of them are red and then when i was leaving

he was like you want to hear something funny about that condom brand i was like i don't know do i that's not like a good thing to say post sex and he was like they had recently he got those condoms his friend i guess picked them up for him in thailand like two years prior and the company has since gone bankrupt because there was a woman who was collecting used condoms reshaping them on a dildo repackaging them and selling them selling used condoms to look like they had never been used before what the fuck he goes he was like it's we're probably fine though yeah why yeah why would he tell you that why would he tell me that a and b use them why would he use them if he knew that story why why would you use them so i was like i haven't been able

to like duplicate this story so who knows if it's true but like the fact that he was holding on to that and doesn't have other condoms and didn't think to say i do have condoms but it's probably not a good idea because like that's fucked up that is incredibly fucked up super fucked up all he cared about was himself yeah which tracks for the rest of his personality can you fucking believe that that's atrocious okay i really i really suppressed that memory i kept thinking that's because i mean i feel like his bad jokes dominated most of your memory fake dominated most yeah yeah they domed your memory he he was a special one he was a special one he was recently traveling a bunch for fun i'm like that oh he was like posting a bunch of videos of him on vacation

just all over the place this guy fucking sucks i really dodged a bullet anyways i was blinded this is I'm gonna take this opportunity to tell everyone to just I don't care who you are have your own condoms on hand yep amen they're like tampons just have a few around around the house condoms now which is great I'm very excited to have my own condoms my gynecologist was like what the fuck are you doing like what do you mean you don't have your own condoms like I don't know they just always have them and I've been so happy since I've had them because there's been a lot of instances where a guy hasn't so we're gonna end this episode with a sex fact um and i had uncovered this like i can't remember what i was researching uh but there was like all of these oh i i was

looking something up about like vaginas as one does as as you do um and then just like the most common search like phrases were popping up or like commonly searched things and it was like it made me realize how uninformed so many people are um so it was like if my girlfriend isn't as tight as like the last time we had sex does that mean she's cheating on me give me a fucking break so this this was really interesting the the like not i don't want to say looser but like kind of yeah like the looser you are it's because you are more turned on so the tighter you are it's because you're not really into it damn yeah your vagina gets bigger when you're like really into it wow even if you're but like nerves too could make you yeah yeah and also i'm sure

where you where you're at in your cycle if you are a grown man and you still think how loose how loose a woman's vagina is has anything to do with how much sex she's had or different people she's had sex with just stop dating just just just call it a day put your dick in a guillotine do us all a favor seriously like it's so disgusting it's like it's women push entire babies out of their vagina and it snaps back into place like your itty bitty little pencil dick is not gonna i think i was looking i was just looking up to see um what would yeah if your vagina like goes back to normal after you give birth because i don't i don't know i've her had a baby yeah so that's what i was looking up and then they're like does this mean that

she's cheating on me it's like no also if you're like oh my girlfriend's loose go to hell yeah that's not a thing yeah it's fucking sad if she's into the sex you guys are having it's gonna open up a little bit more that's a good thing i just can't deal otherwise just go fuck a flashlight and stop bothering women just educate yourself yeah fuck thank you for listening to us though because this is good education yeah our little our little okay that's a little sex tidbit is um yeah the looser quote-unquote i hate and we need to use a different word but the looser you are yeah the the more aroused you likely are yeah yeah yeah who doesn't want to be more aroused when they're going to town yeah you know right i want to be more aroused

yeah i want to be having a good time too yeah i know might come as a fucking shock we also want to enjoy sex yeah if you are not in a position where you don't want your partner to be enjoying sex as much as you then you should not have sex heard go here get yourself a sex toy and leave normal people alone and that's on that amen okay i like that all right well thanks for listening yeah please rate us on apple podcasts yeah follow us on instagram and twitter at the holy hour if you're listening to this you know want to spell it and uh subscribe and download on spotify these are just numbers that will help us get sponsors yeah and we want to do this full time yeah because then we could give multiple

episodes a week yeah that's the dream fucking imagine i'm speaking it into existence we're manifesting it 2021 the year of the holy hour um but thank you for listening we love you love you Oh, yeah.