The Hoely Hour - E25 Frenchfry D*ck & Ketchup T*tties

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

Beam us up, Daddy! The girls talk about their biggest tinfoil-hat-theories and Liz reveals she dated a conspiracy theorist. Can you log semen on My Fitness Pal? Meet Frenchfry Dick and Ketchup Titties, the superheroes absolutely no one asked for. A listener emailed us a dick pic, and we answer a listener question about IUDs! 1:45 - 25:03 - Pretending we’re Neil deGrasse Tyson 25:04 - 33:45 We got emailed a dick pic! Plus, Dig Bicks vs Dall Smicks 33:45 - 43:40 - Giving listener advice about IUDs 43:41 - 49:50 - Sex fact of the week: How many calories are in semen? Also swallowing… :/ 49:50 - 55:38 - The legend of Frenchfry Dick and Ketchup Titties comes to life and inspires our episode title. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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May slow when network is busy. See terms. the most disappointing superhero ever he just ejaculates french fries waiting for batman and french fry dick comes flying when you say french fry dick you would assume just like small limp no greasy dick no he shoots full fries out of his dick welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball and i just had a full meltdown trying to do this intro it's getting worse and worse you would think it'd be getting easier for me it's not

we gotta we gotta change it up we gotta switch it up yeah we have to keep it fresh funky fresh for the the listeners fresh and so clean i was talking today on um tiktok live because i was like i have to go i'm about to go record the podcast and then i just ranted about how organized you are with like making notes before the episodes now i'm like because i'm so used to coming over here and being like what do you want to talk about today you know or like texting before it on the way over or just like think it but you're like I come over you like open up your notebook you're like we have some topics like she's so organized now I freaking love it which is good because Amelia got me my notebook that I use to take little notes and it says Liz on it I really like

the font that she used on that cover I like it too I was wondering if you wrote it no god I could never did you get it from Etsy okay yeah I get yeah try to get everything from Etsy now I wanted to know what is like the most tinfoil hat thing you believe oh i love this question um i've talked about it before like i know that i have more answers than this but the flat earth the first time yeah we actually haven't been to the moon no i'm just kidding we have we went to the moon in 1969 is that even stevens yes revealing my age that was a great show um i am 100 convinced that we live in a simulation and I'm just like waiting to get deleted you know because like I feel like I know too much um outside of that I feel like I like I'm pretty mild in my beliefs about things

because I like love science and scientists and we should listen to doctors and not Donald Trump who yeah haven't heard that name in years um but I don't I don't know what's your answer because I'll probably think of something when I hear yours um I like I'm not really a conspiracy theorist it's more of like just say I don't know weird like unexplainable things um I love the idea of aliens I used to be terrified of the idea of aliens but now I'm like please come get me yeah I know beam me up daddy we go I'm done right I called I called you from my uber app like six years ago i'm still waiting yeah i'm ready to get offers sending out signals from my brain please come get me i'm ready to go seriously you know what i think about all the time

this could really be a whole discourse we should have like a like an offshoot episode about aliens but um we could they could just be chilling here but like we don't have the capacity to understand like senses that aren't ours so like we just assume we would be able to see aliens or hear them but like they probably have senses that like we don't even know exists and that keeps me awake at night and there's probably colors that we don't even know exist on other planets but our feeble little brains can't comprehend that as a reality I seriously live okay so I guess this is something this is one of my tinfoil things tinfoil hat things I think about this constantly but I don't know I've always thought about like I think if if there were aliens in the United States new I mean

there are aliens but if the if the united states knew about it donald trump would have spilled the beans the past four years he would have i feel like they would just not tell him do you think so yeah kept it from him actually you know you're probably right they probably had to like they just gave him that tiny desk and they were like here's a stack of papers for you to sign and then they're just like made up papers give him a crayon yeah exactly that's essentially what i felt like he probably did um it's probably the case and then what I was gonna say is uh oh okay I told you about the weird uber driver I had once right and I think I had the same uber driver we talked about this on a past episode yes and he like I was like on a date and we were like on our way to

wherever we were going and um we were like a little drunk and I was like I said something about aliens and then or like ghosts and then my uber driver was like ghosts like do exist um they're like we just can't see them like they have lives and like everything around us like in the same like buildings and stuff like maybe they're walking around and like they can see and hear us but we can't see or hear them I've also heard that um ghosts are like not actually ghosts like yeah they're just like in a different dimension yeah and then interstellar shit yeah or um they're stuck in a time loop so it's like poor thing all uh so time is like a weird idea that i feel like more and more people have been exploring because covid has made us realize like

uh the months fly by but the days are like a lot like how time happens and how we experience it are so different yeah um yeah so there's that like how you experience time um i think time is just also a concept like we don't know everything about no i mean we can't comprehend it like we're the only animals really that keep time yeah period yeah and like it's like there's all these theories that it's on a plane and it doesn't actually exist and there's like a million infinite universes where different things have happened at the same time it's just it's listening to Neil deGrasse Tyson explained this made me feel like I had a PhD in it I was high ask me about time yeah I know everything I don't have any for you it's important listening to Neil deGrasse

Tyson it's really interesting but it's scary it's scary yeah I like to just um pretend it's not happening that nothing's happening yeah that this is just it this is just how it is I would say so maybe two of the most like tinfoil type hat things I would believe in is um your gut instinct um if it's since like time is maybe something that we don't fully grasp or understand I was like maybe your gut instinct is either your past or future self like warning you of something I've actually heard that yeah before and then um I also was like I like technically I saw this tiktok where like your life now is accumulation of your decision making so technically like you are in control of your fate a little bit and I was like that's actually kind of a good point I feel like

i've made a lot of decisions that have gotten me to where i am right now 100 so and then there's also the argument like well a plane could fall out of the sky and kill you and like that wasn't your that wasn't your decision making but you also made the decision to be where the plane ended up so like you're kind of still in control of it in some sense but i mean i understand both arguments i saw a post on reddit um where like i think a scientist like was studying time travel and basically like concluded that even if you interfered with so time travel existed if you interfered with like your parents meeting or something um they would still eventually meet which also implies the existence of fate and I was just like what yeah your parents would still

meet I don't know I think there's a lot of shit that we don't know and also one time I was very high on shrooms and i was like what if what we're experiencing right now that we are like calling life is just like the cocoon phase of like your soul's existence yeah like we're just letting our little souls develop in these meat suits and then when you die is the butterfly this is some matrix literally had like a cocoon that you would pop out of i yeah i just think death is not all that we've like summed it up well you can't destroy energy and so like when people say like oh I still feel like his energy in this house when somebody dies that's because you can and like that's that's nuts to me and that feels like there's something more going on that like I don't think that we're

ever going to completely understand death is such a weird thing because there are so many people that like I mean this could be bs but like people that aren't religious air quotes saying that they die and they see people like and then they get brought back to life like they get like resuscitated and they come back and they're just like yeah like there was a TikTok trend of um can somebody like it was people were stitching with this video where this guy was like can somebody make death less scary for me and this girl was telling a story she that she was like she saw how it felt to die and it was really really peaceful and so you shouldn't be afraid of it and like she told this whole story and it's just I don't know it really makes you think and I'm not religious

liz isn't religious so like this isn't coming from like a religious perspective of like there's more but there have there has to be i definitely believe there's something bigger than our like what we can see and comprehend yeah as humans but like humans are flawed yeah so i just think that there's more that we like don't know yet um and i also think that uh have you seen surviving death so it's a series on netflix and it's new and they just like explore so many different spectrums of death and like near-death experiences they talk to like psychics and stuff and that's like you could take it or you could leave it but it does not change the overall message of each episode of like tons of people telling their near-death experiences um where like maybe they like died

like prematurely and then they were resuscitated and they all essentially say the same thing of like it's like they feel like they're home and when like whoever they meet when they die um is like okay like you have to go back they're like they don't want to what no yeah they're like very sad and that they have to go back and be a person what the fuck yeah they're like it's not your time but like we'll be here when you come back so i just got chills all over my body yeah oh what the fuck um and then they also explore like the scientific side of that like um because people could be like oh well you just have like all these synapses like firing off when you're dying which is like not scientifically true so um they just like debunk a bunch of things scientifically

but they also explore things like mediums and stuff like that there's this um oh my god what is the drug dmt like because your brain released did they talk about dmt at all before i talk about this so like i haven't gone through the whole series apparently your brain releases dmt when you die and like that's the like life flashing before your eyes you like meet all of these people thing that people experience this is like a theory so when you take the drug DMT you have that experience of like getting pulled through a hole that's what they say um and it gives you the experience of like what death would feel like like in a sense because it rushes your brain with this drug and it's like a really short high I guess I've watched videos of people taking it

what'd you say maybe I should try it seems intense when people take it like they just like close their eyes and they just have like a little smile on their face and then they come back like 10 minutes later and they're like what the fuck like and there's just so much shit happening for that you have to there's this youtube show i'm sure i've talked about it on the podcast called drugs lab oh my god they did dmt on it and it sounded phenomenal and i'm not big into experimenting with drugs i just never have been not against it just never but watching them do this stuff the only drug that they hated was salvia that she had a full meltdown but everything else has been like very educational so I don't know I want to learn more about DMT just from

like a death perspective of like what what's happening what will it feel like when I die yeah I don't know what do I have maybe that would make it less scary it might but it might make it more scary just like whenever I think about doing hallucinogens I'm like I know me and my anxiety levels and I would fly off the handlebars I already know but maybe if I go into that with that mindset it would be worse i don't know i don't know time is a concept we don't fully understand yeah um it's something we made up too maybe yeah uh and for why just to make sense of everything going on i mean like farming i don't know yeah yeah we used to use sundials in um preschool we like learned how to read sundials and why sundials worked i was fucking fascinated

that like they've just like built as a kid i was like we have built everything that we know i'm not in kids in kid brain thoughts we've built everything that we know around time about where the sun is and like that that's just to understand just to make it just to make like like yeah just construct yeah the world to like understand it for how many days we've measured in a year like technically that's not right yeah because there's like leap years like what did you see in our stellar oh yeah so like how we use the sun to measure our time but then planets in our solar system experience time differently by the same measure of the sun but then like is it because of the sun like is it because like there's just so much shit that just like I can't break through

the barrier in my brain to make it make sense like like why does time move slower in some places like why like i just what is time it gets me like this is why i can't think about it because i go fucking crazy like i will read shit posts on the internet until like six in the morning when i start going down these rabbit holes because i'm just never gonna understand it i just can't i just can't my brain can't get there but it wants to yeah it's really bad that's what i'm hoping happens when we die is that like everything makes sense and you're just like that yeah oh i get it There it is. I feel like one of the Westworld robots.

Just want all my questions answered. I'm like really, I feel like I'm starting to like wake up a little bit. I think a lot of people feel that way in 2020. After 2020 happened. That's so true. That's so true. And two, I don't know if anyone's into numerology, but four is the number of foundation building. So I would assume that is just recreating all of our foundation building.

numerology oh two two it goes four uh-huh uh and then on top of that combining um saturn entering aquarius oh girl oh damn shit's about to change i love when you send me that what's her name the um oh mary altman she is stupid hot yeah she's insanely hot and then also just has this baseless knowledge major energy of like do not fuck with yes yeah god she's don't waste my time don't fuck with me but i love when you send me her videos and you're like good luck coming yeah prepare for this my little leo rising oh my god i'm so excited um oh back to conspiracy theories yeah did i ever tell you i dated a conspiracy theorist no to what capacity he's a 9-11 conspiracy theorist

what did he think it was an inside job I yeah he was like um I remember when he told me too we were sitting we had already been dating for like six months and we were sitting in a bar and like waiting for our drinks to come and I don't even remember how he brought it up but essentially confessed to me at maybe confession it wasn't a confession he like told me about we were like joking about conspiracy theories or something and then he said like that he's like a 9-11 conspiracy theorist and I remember specifically I was like Liz do not react yeah my face is very expressive uh it's really hard for me to keep a secret or hide how I'm feeling yep because my eyebrows just kind of like do their own thing move off of my head yeah

they do they have a mind of their own anyways I was just like keep it still like don't move and I was just looking at him and I was like oh and then uh he was like do you like know anything about the my god theories and i was like no i have not looked into that and then he was like i was like well what do you specifically think about it and he was like i just don't think that uh what is it gas can melt steel beams i was just about to say that like give me a a whole entire number one went through a building you know pete carroll is a 9-11 truther i don't know who that is oh the seahawks coach oh you didn't i don't know i'm so sorry no sports anyway um it's fucking ridiculous because

very very intelligent people believe this stuff well and then so my brother is friends with this girl who's a flat earther and like loki i'm like maybe she's like a flat earther for attention uh but also when he was telling me about it he was like yeah she's a flat earther and i was like how how and then he was like these people who believe these kinds of conspiracy theories spend so much time like watching youtube videos so if you just challenge them that they've invested a bunch of time in researching this so they can like repeat all this fucking things that they've watched on like youtube or read about and then you're sitting there like okay i don't have like some intense argument to make like you but also i just believe science like right i mean they'll

watch all this stuff to just further confirm what they believe and then do you see the social dilemma have we talked about this i haven't seen it so in there they talked about how like they talked about flat earthers specifically how they will like subscribe to groups specific to their belief and then like the facebook algorithm will see that and then they'll serve them more news articles and ads that further confirm that so you get pulled into this echo chamber and you just will believe whatever you see because you have this like you have that going on where you're only seeing those things and then you have a confirmation bias of like your radar is already high so you're gonna pay attention to these things popping up on your feed which is so fucking scary

and facebook knows that that's a problem because we're living in a post-truth era now because of ad dollars that's it facebook has no incentive to change that because they're making money from it that's how they keep people on the app and that's how they serve people ads that make them click and buy things and then people keep spending advertisers keep spending money on facebook it's this perpetual cycle and zuckerberg i mean he's been in court so much about this because like the the way that they're using our data i have no issue with them taking my data i'm like fucking have it i'm not people are like the government's watching me and i'm like nobody cares the government is fucking bored with anything i'm doing yeah i really i have nothing to hide i am not a person of interest but

then i can understand how scary it is to have it be used in ways to keep us on apps like facebook that then gives people false information because the truth just does not matter anymore and if you think about older generations they grew up where everything they read was true so they're not gonna be like you know younger generations who grew up around social media reading like fucking spam emails like if you don't repost this yeah if you don't send this email to 10 people it's gonna be a clown over your bed tonight a witch will sneak out of your mirror and eat your feet or something I feel so bad for my parents. They didn't explain to me that that was all BS when I was a kid.

So listen, it's not real. Yeah, that's not going to happen. But Bloody Mary is going to climb out of my mirror. Why was Bloody Mary so influential to our generation? I don't know, but it's a delicious drink. Oh, it is. I'll drink a Bloody Mary any time of day. I'll order it at bars at like 9 p.m. and they're like, no.

It's like a meal, but it's like a vodka salad. Yeah. Oh, God, I love a vodka salad. I love when a Bloody Mary comes with a bunch of treats, too. Oh, my God, yes. A bunch of snacks. There are some places that I'll serve. Neither of us eat red meat, but they'll have little tiny hamburger sliders, like, on skewers in the Bloody Mary.

Phenomenal invention. That's the most American thing I've ever heard, and I love it. Where I went to college, so on Fridays they had something called yard jars, and it is that massive like the really big mason jars full of whatever drink you want so um I remember when my parents came to visit me uh like my parents love Bloody Marys um my dad is a Bloody Mary connoisseur but we like my mom ordered a Bloody Mary there and it came out in this big ass jar and it had like a strip of bacon a slice of pepper jack cheese and all all of these like things popping out of it so i took a picture of it and to this day it is my

mom's contact photo is this bloody mary i've seen that you've sent me something she said i'm like why the drink like what is that it's so funny it's a a bloody mary in a in a mason jar oh god i love a bloody mary but the the yard jars i remember i don't know people get fucked up on those like um i remember one of my friends got a white russian in one of those and i was just like you are out drinking a gallon of milk yep that is disgusting about that they taste so good though but fuck like that is not good on a stomach i just don't like milk it's half and half but still they have half and half with soy milk now instead of that's what i have what yeah i just found out about this like two weeks ago because we were doing we're drinking white russians it's very

exciting for me um i am like what would a white russian be like with coconut milk oh i'd fuck that up oh my god that would be like a nice little a little treat smoothie yeah a little kalua vodka smoothie vodka smoothie love that we're just like combining vodka with like healthier things like right now i've been drinking gin and kombucha that you're a lot it's my drink now yeah i mean you're doing yourself a favor if anything yeah really i'm keeping my uh gut biome in check yeah i mean like it would be a crime to not drink gin and kombucha really um have you ever had a bloody mary on an airplane no my dad used to drink them all the time and so now i order them on airplanes they hit different on airplanes

they're not good bloody marys but if you if you separate yourself from it being a bloody mary it's very enjoyable like it's it hits different up 5 000 feet i've definitely accidentally gotten a little drunk on an airplane that's so easy to do because of the altitude yeah we need to talk about okay so someone emailed us I haven't actually read the whole email it was long so a listener emailed us um shout out to this listener you're hilarious we were dying but she had told us a story about her co-worker who sent her an unsolicited dick pic like her and another co-worker and was just like cracking a few jokes about it but then she included the dick pic that this guy sent her and it wasn't like it was an attachment it was just like copy pasted at the

bottom chilling in the body of the email list there was no way to avoid seeing it no Liz texted me and she was like we got a dick pic in our inbox and I thought I was gonna have to open an attachment and I was on my work computer I was like I'm about to get flagged I know you just scrolled down a little bit and it's like dick next oh so tell the story um like the story of the email um I can't remember it off the top of my head but essentially I don't want to read the whole thing it's a long email yeah it's a long email but essentially uh her co-worker sent her this dick pic of like her his dick next to a uh tape measure to show how big it was um but it was small right i feel like it wasn't small it was like average i thought that the whole point of

the ci obviously didn't read this closely enough so like he kept like bragging to um his co-workers that is about how big his dick was and then sent her this picture and then sent it to like another co-worker oh that was the thing he was acting like it was above average and it was just like a normal size dick and then uh he was like i'm sorry please don't share it and then she had shared it with everyone including us yeah including us um so i so i mentioned this story to my boyfriend and then um I was like yeah you like I guess he put his like erect penis next to a ruler and then uh he was like he loves he was like oh well so how big is that in Liz measurement because um so when I got my two tattoos like there's one on each forearm and um initially when I

emailed my tattoo artist about like what I had in mind because they're my first tattoos and uh I was like I kind of want to stay around the size of like two inches and then um when I was getting them I said something about two inches and then she like didn't say anything so I just assumed that they were two inches and there I like said some I was so then I told my boyfriend like yeah they're they're they're just like two inches and he was like what show me your tattoos and then I showed them to him and he was like no that is not two inches Liz no that's like five or six it's four okay because we measured them oh my god that's so funny double what you thought it was I just assumed it like she was like she didn't say otherwise so I just assumed that

they were still two inches because that's what we talked about and then he was like have you ever heard why girls are bad at guessing how big something is it's because guys are always lying about their size and i was like that's pretty fucking funny damn so anytime we're talking about the measurement of something he's like oh damn that's like really big for liz and she's that's so funny that's really really funny yeah you get twice the size with me because it's a selling point i that i just like can't so it was like it was one of her co-workers that sent the picture yeah that's uber fucked up yeah so then um they like her i she also included like a story about how her and her co-workers were then like taking a tape measure around the office

and like uh measuring things and they're like oh i thought it was bigger than that in front of him yes hysterical and then um apparently her boss was like what are you joking about and then they told her and then the boss was like haha that's funny serves him right but also her boss should fire him yeah i was just about to say that because that sexual harassment yeah an unsolicited dick pic is an hr violation i mean and technically the this listener also sent us an unsolicited dick pic that's true it was unsolicited to her and unsolicited to us part of me had a thought i was like what if this is actually just a man with like a shame kink and wants us to talk about how small his dick is and guys it's not small it's just it's just average sized yeah and there's

nothing wrong with a small dick like no it's not about the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean I am a small person and I appreciated the small dick I had one time amen to that yeah I was like oh I didn't nice I didn't realize that I because I won't discriminate I'm okay with a small dick but I didn't realize how much I loved a big dick until recently it really since I started hooking up with someone with like a large penis I've realized how how I now crave that a dig bick yeah a dig bick I just didn't know before that it mattered I mean it still doesn't really but it's nice what would you say is like the biggest difference for you um between a dig bick and and an average and a small one salt dick wait no what am I looking for how do you do

doll sick doll sick um I actually don't really know you know what now that I think about it it might not be the dick it might be the person attached to the dick true because I was thinking too it's the the dig bick that I'm talking about is just the best sex I've ever had period so it might not be the dick but it is now what I am kind of that's where my bar is set now um the the biggest bick that i've had uh i got a bladder infection so holy shit how big was it uh it was very dark so i didn't see it i just felt it like show me your hands jesus christ show me through your hands uh like how big you think it was um like at least the size of this are you fucking serious yeah it hurt that would like break through your cervix right that's

horrible yeah i didn't have fun there's this like thing with like porn culture where like huge dicks are like no no it was too big well and then i remember he was like are you okay and i was like this is just like the the biggest i've had have you seen broad city at all um some episodes yeah but not a lot of it i don't remember what season this is but like um alana brings this guy home uh it's the basketball player uh blake blake griffin oh i have seen that episode yeah yeah yeah and then yeah he's naked and then she just busts out hysterically laughing and then he's like oh is something wrong and she's like no i cannot physically hate you and she's like it's beautiful but i will die i'm just like i relate to that so much i love alana i feel like a lot of the

conversations that they have are very us i think you sent me a tiktok of them when with the strap on i was like that is exactly how a conversation would go if i called you like i don't know what to do you would have that reaction and vice versa I would be freaking out I would be twerking on the wall okay okay let me mentally prepare you to fuck this guy with a strap on you'd be like no no no I don't know if I want to do it I think you're gonna you're doing it you're gonna fuck this guy with a strap on right now we could be that person for each other no I saw that I was like it's just so perfect it's just so perfect that's how our interactions are yeah we're them they are us same same but different same same but different um there was another topic that you wanted to

you probably wrote it down i'm gonna let you drive we're going to talk about um a listener sent us an email and asked us a question and they said um uh should i just read the whole thing yeah so they said hey guys i just wanted to start this off by saying i absolutely love your podcast listening to it feels like I'm just chatting with my girlfriends and having a great time I love that thank you it's mutual uh but I have a question Amelia I know you have an IUD and I've been thinking about getting one so I won't have to worry about taking the pill uh what's your opinion on it pros and cons was the procedure to get it placed painful thank you much love that's a great question from my iPhone

um that's a really great question so I'll caveat it with it's so different for everybody like some people have a great reaction like me like I have really haven't had any issues with my IUD but then I know a lot of people that one of my best friends she had a period for like three months and she was like ill and chalk white because it was just draining her of literally um and I don't want to say that to scare you but there's so many risks involved that just talk to your doctor about it um and they'll be honest about it those risks are rare I think that the people that go out of their way to post on like review websites that would be one thing stay away from review websites because it's either people that have had amazing reactions or awful awful

reactions yeah and some people might not even have it and they just want to like raise hell you know i would recommend um like maybe looking on reddit so i think it's also important mentioning that there's um two different kinds of iuds so there is the non-hormonal iud which is a copper iud and then there is the hormonal iud and it like um has progestin progesterone i think is how you say it I have no idea and it's like a fake hormone basically um but you can get one that is five years and that's like Mirena and things like Mirena and then there are right is it Mirena yeah yeah so I had Skyla first which is three years and then smaller yeah Skyla and then like a few other ones are like the three-year ones and they are they're tiny and they fucking hurt and now

they have um kylena is the one that i have now which is as small as a skyla and it's five years so they're starting to get more they say that if you haven't had a baby to do something like a skyla and a kylena because you're just your uterus is smaller yeah um but yeah there's just so many options just talk to your doctor we're not um experts of course and i know that you're not asking for an expert advice but just like my advice i will i suggest getting an iud just based on my own experience but liz had a completely different experience with hers and she doesn't have it anymore because she didn't have a great time with it no um i have not had any issues i've been really really lucky the only negative the only con which isn't really i guess two only cons

which i said last week was i don't get a period anymore which sucks there's so many people listening who would be like fuck yeah I know but it's like fuck I just I love that little reminder yeah yeah information like oh I don't have any reason to worry exactly so I just don't get a period um which is again a positive for a lot of people but for me I need it because I have anxiety and then uh sometimes when I'm cramping I can feel the arms of it which was like a little scary at first I was like and I've heard from some guys that they can hear they can feel the strings on some girls IUDs mine coiled up so I thought that my IUD fell out for a while because I was checking for my strings and I couldn't feel them so I had to go to the doctor this is the weirdest part

where you're like feeling for them and you're like there's that little fishing wire yeah there's that thing that is inside of my body like that that is a bizarre feeling mine coiled up instantly for my first one and I was like it's gone like I don't know where did my IUD go like my body swallow it did I poop it out like where is it it was there that just coiled up so I guess my advice would be just like come with a lot of questions and ask all of them and if you don't feel like your gynecologist is being patient with you through those questions go somewhere else because there's a ton of amazing gynecologists that will answer all your questions because I only wanted to commit to the three-year one um because I stupidly was like I'm gonna have kids by the time I'm 28

oh god bonk that was stupid of me now i'm like what what am i a child bride get out of here um yeah so uh that i had to remind her i was getting skyla which was fucking scary she couldn't even remember which one i wanted and then um when she put it in i almost passed out it hurts like hell yeah take Advil before and I wouldn't have even known that if I didn't have friends telling me like oh you should take some Advil before you go and I even had another friend who was like I have a really low pain tolerance so I made sure I got like a legit painkiller yeah prescribed to me before I went in yeah it is not a good feeling I'm not gonna lie to you it hurts getting it in but then it's done you should ask if like they could apply

like a local anesthetic to to your cervix yeah like novocaine for your vagina it's like if you've ever gotten a pap smear done it's like that for longer and higher up and worse and it's nothing like a pap smear but it's the same kind of like reaction right that's so quick it goes by fast pap smears just make me uncomfortable i hate the insertion of the iud it was so painful and i yeah I was just like I I remember I was like fuck and then she was like are you okay and I was like I just need to lay here for a second like I was light-headed I almost didn't have I had a friend drive me and I almost didn't do that and then I went to work after holy shit and I was just sitting there like this was when I worked in retail too I was like no one fucking talked to

fucking sucks you have to be on your feet I'm an idiot oh my god ouch oh but you didn't know that you had no way of knowing they didn't tell me anything it's awful the pain like shot up my back and then I was bleeding like crazy for hours after and did you not get yours when you were on your period no oh okay so here's another tip that the doctors might not tell you is you need to get it inserted while you're on your period yeah because you're yeah it's just it hurts less and it's easier to get up there yeah I will I so maybe my Skyla they put it in during my period but my I wasn't getting a period by the time I got my Kyleena put in so they were just like well it's gonna go in blind but I had a new guy I love my first gynecologist was phenomenal I don't know

where she went but they placed me with this man um to get my new one put in and I was like I don't want a man to do this like no fuck that he is one of the best doctors I've ever had period I love that I just recommended him to one of our friends and she had a great experience with him too yeah she texted me she was like thank you so much like that he's great and he is and he's just really good at making you feel comforted which I would have never have expected because like that's kind of like a sensitive area I'm like I would like somebody with a vagina looking at my vagina but he's fantastic and it was virtually painless from like a process standpoint I have had two good gynecologists they're and that's it it's so important gynecologists are one of those

professions you want to have a good doctor it's not like yeah you know i mean you always want to have good doctors but for something so sensitive like gynecology like you want somebody you can trust like i don't know you just feel dismissed like that guy that when you took the monostat or you did the monostat yeah and then he tried to convince me i had something else he was being a salesman and that's fucked up I like you don't need to sell me fear yeah and like profit off of that well so hopefully that was enough information for you to help you make a decision definitely do your research on what kind of value do you want and I would absolutely search on reddit like even when you're doing your google search just put reddit at the end of it and then it'll show you

a bunch of different threads and don't let anything scare you because literally everyone is so different everyone's body is different everyone's like natural level of hormones are different so you're not really gonna know what works for you until you try it so a little tip that I've learned for myself recently is because I'm like a doom scroller with medication like I I held myself to not reading Prozac reviews before I started because I knew it was going to drive me away you should look up everybody should look up the reviews for a drug that you take often like something super basic like Advil and see how many negative reviews there are because there are always going to be people that are just on there to scare people so don't let the internet scare

you away from things that are made to help you like these things are around to help you and I mean granted like if men could get pregnant these things would be so much easier to deal with which is the sad reality but I've had a really great experience I know a lot of people that I have had really really great experiences I've had friends that I've had an awful experience with the next plant next plant on in the arm yeah and friends so some of my friends one of my friends got hers inserted and they put it too deep and the muscle grew around it and she had to get surgery to get it out I know a few girls that one too but then I have so many friends that it's been phenomenal so it's really different person to person which is not helpful advice but just I think my bottom

line would be just find a doctor you can trust and ask questions to oh yes sex fact of the week how we're now ending our episodes um and this one's a short little tidbit it is it's fun i really hate that i just said that right before i actually read this say it semen is low in calories there are 36 calories in a teaspoon to be exact how many uh does it say how many grams of protein um it doesn't well hold on 36 calories is linked oh it links to a 13 crucial facts about his penis should we do a bonus fact oh i have one other question yes um would i be able to log this into my fitness pal um you should see if i'm doing calories in calorie out that would actually be really funny if there was like a semen listing

my guy came after how much of it like 10 teaspoons i he's been edging for a week because i just really need some extra protein yeah i just gotta i'm calorie loading everyone says there's a lot of protein in semen so i'm wondering how much there actually is is there a lot or is there more in like an almond or something well let's check actually i'm going to you know what instead of penis facts we'll do that next week let's see semen facts how much protein i'm gonna get such weird ads how much protein is in well it turns out this isn't a common search y'all i had to type out the whole thing okay it this means nothing to me um healthline.com i don't know how legit that is but it says it found that the average protein

concentration of semen is 5040 milligrams per 100 milliliters since one ejaculation usually produces five milliliters of semen we can say that the average amount of ejaculation contains around 252 milligrams of protein i need that to be compared to something else like how many protein how many grams of protein is that in comparison to see how much is in chicken how much protein so 252 milligrams in in some a teaspoon in the average amount of ejaculation so who what even is average um how much fellas protein how much do you come in an egg let's see in an egg how much protein in an egg six grams six grams but how many milligrams are in a gram is that a stupid question how i don't know i'm gonna get so much hate mail how many

milligrams and a gram a thousand we're not gonna we're not out here trying to be mathematicians and also we're in america where we just make things up and we're like this is a fact is it right so we read it once we have inches and yards and feet you know and ache acres and miles yeah and we're the only country that does it america so we an egg six grams so 252 milligrams which is what's in ejaculation it's not that much at all it's 0.252 grams so if you've learned anything from this episode it's not to get your your protein your daily protein from cum no it's a nice little boost it won't hurt if you want to swallow go for it yeah but if you're like me and you have a thing about textures i hate i can't do i can't do semen and i can't do uh poke

wow okay somebody i don't even want i don't want to say his nickname because i don't want him to know that i had an issue with it he should know he should know somebody i don't want to say it though because i really don't want to start i don't want to start don't say drama tell me after i will um i was giving head and he didn't warn me that he was about to come and then i was forced to swallow i've never i was talking to somebody about this i was talking to my friend about this and he my male friend was like is it and he was like no actually now that i'm thinking about it i always do warn girls before i come yeah it's not it's an unspoken rule yeah just fucking warn us and he came and i he didn't even give indication in his body language that he was about to come so

it was a full surprise oh my god maybe it was a surprise for him so i can't that's why i don't want to say who it is because he might not have meant to but fuck it sucked i've never not been warned it was oh it's the worst you need the mental preparation oh my god I don't know if you guys know this but like cum doesn't really taste good no it sucks and it's like the the force of it coming out right away it just like oh my god it shoots to like your tonsils yes yes I don't want it I don't want it I hate it so much you just need to know that it's happening just yeah I want to mentally prepare give me like a three second warning even I have only swallowed twice they were probably 10 years between wow it's really awful yeah and the times

I've done it I've just been like so like turned on and into what's happening yes yep then I'm like okay yeah I'll do it right it depends on the circumstance yeah I I remember my ex would take it personally and I was like when you didn't swallow yeah and I was like it's not because I like if it if it went down easy peasy sure yeah who cares but I have a thing about textures I I just can't it's like making me nauseous to think I'm like listen I have to wear my socks inside out because the seams bother my toes I cannot swallow your cum because the texture of it reminds me of and the temperature cottage cheese warm cottage cheese and it tastes like sour salt but it's fun when you do do it because it's like when you don't always do it it's like a fun little treat

it's like it's your birthday i'll swallow it's like a reward yeah like a nice little nice little you're like i like you so much that i'll swallow for you uh-huh that is the highest accolade you yes my god propose to me tomorrow if i'm swallowing your cum i like you a lot yeah i have was hooking up with someone consistently and his cum tasted like old stale french fries like exactly like like two-day-old mcdonald's french fries exactly it was the worst i'm like what are you eating because it really is reflected mcdonald's french fries yeah and it's just coming out just full french fries were just like shooting out of his dick it was like a superpower french fry dick but the caveat is they're two days old do you eat them

the most disappointing superhero ever he just ejaculates french fries waiting for batman and french fry dick comes flying down when you say french fry dick you would assume just like small limp greasy dick no he shoots full fries out of his dick I was just thinking like the perfect like match for french fry dick would be

like a woman who like squirts ketchup out of her tit fuck yeah it would be like one of those like we've got french fry dick and ketchup titties on the scene to defeat the green goblin yes oh so they partner up yeah okay i was thinking like maybe they're like oh they hate each other

yeah but then they like fuck at the end yeah there's like kind of like that this sounds like the beginning if there are any like i don't know people that write like porn scripts hit us up we have some good but you have you have to be um you do have to yeah you have to be responsible be artistic and also we would like at artistic we would like at least 3%

of the profits 10% are no deal they're going to make a lot of money off of this movie french fry dick and ketchup titties I can hear the theme song now ketchup it's called a ketchup dick and french fry titties I'm already confused

Dip your french fry dick in my ketchup titty sauce. This is going off the rails. All right. I think that's a sign that we need to wrap it up. I'm feeling a little delirious. Yeah. We're going to wrap it up, and you should wrap it up. Yeah, always wrap it up.

Fellas. Unless you get tested and you're monogamous. Yeah. unless that's a mutual decision you both have made and you're actively comfortable with it and you've come yep you've communicated a lot and you've made sure that she's not just saying yes because she feels like she has to otherwise wrap it up if it's not a directs condom directs please sponsor us we will forever be trying to wear directs down maybe i'll email them later tonight yeah listen we talk about you every week one day they will and they'll be sorry

we're gonna get a trojan sponsorship and they'll be sorry i'm not a stan i'm not a stan but i will stand durex yeah that is i will go hard for durex i will same go hard for durex i mean wait this is a new sad campaign go hard for durex oh my god durex you're missing out here yeah i've never had a durex condom break first of all actually high praise yeah never had a durex condom break and um i use directs because i don't want to get pregnant and i haven't so look at that yeah look at that yeah and it's never made my like made me too dry wow and trojans make me dry look at that if trojan hits us up in the future we have to go back and delete this episode yeah or at least maybe maybe they can give me some lube yeah lube up your condoms a little bit more

trojan durex we love you bae we love you thanks for the safe sex we love you okay anyway um rate us on apple podcast if you're listening on apple podcast it helps us a lot we want to do this subscribe um you don't have to follow us if you don't want to but we would like it if you did and then message us um your thoughts if you have questions or like you want to like tell us a story we would love to hear it we love hearing from you yeah we talk about y'all all the time and we'll try and respond to it's just that we both have full-time jobs we're doing our best but we really do love hearing we both have full-time job full-time jobs and Amelia also essentially has another full-time job making content on TikTok yeah um Amelia has merch that is inspired

by her tiktoks so uh what is it but it's linked everywhere on my link tree on my profile which is how people find the holy hour on instagram and tiktok um and yeah it's i just came out today so i'm hyped about it put your merch in the holy hour link too should i should i okay i'll do it for a little bit until we have our own merch we can do both okay porcino los dos yeah true yeah okay well on that note though jerking each other off we should you should tell us what you want to see if we do get merch what do you want to see just tell us slide in our dms let us know we want to make stuff that you want to wear you want crop tops all of the stickers tell us what you want we will give it to you we will make some slutty ass stickers for your hydro flask

slap that baby on your hydro flask let everyone know the slut that you are yep okay anyway love you so much thanks for listening one day we'll harmonize