The Hoely Hour - E26 Your 20's Are a Scam

Episode Date: February 11, 2021

Drugs are bad, mmkay? Lifehack: call how you want to be treated a "kink." Sisqo is in the house, lemme see that thong! Do you remember your first thong? The girls answer a listener question about being just friends with someone you met on a dating app. Don't lie, your 20's low key kinda suck, and our Sexpert Amelia Samson shares why vaginas are superior in the orgasm department in this week's sex fact. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. see terms it was like a weird kind of familiarity i knew i loved you before i met you what are the words after i used to see you in my dreams wow i can't believe i know the words to that wow that was a good ass song that's our new theme that's that's our song we're gonna dance to that at our wedding oh you and me yeah you and me oh yes welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball welcome back our little angels hi our angels we named you this week isn't that fun tell us if you like it yeah sign in our dms be like bitch i'm a little angel

okay i just took cocaine in the bathroom before listening to this episode angel who oh i wanted to put a sign in my bathroom that says um if you do coke in the bathroom you have to share those are the rules i love that but to caveat that i also want to say that i do not enjoy cocaine me neither me neither people love cocaine how many times have you uh tried nose candy twice the first time hold on pause for pop it's not pop nobody calls soda pop here I thought it just meant pop it's it's seltzer um I the first time I did it I just gummed it because I was like I heard all these horror stories sometimes people will try cocaine once and it kills them yeah a lot of the times it's like laced with shit yeah fucked up so I was like

I'm just gonna gum it so I like feel cool and have that taste awful yeah my gums and my tongue were numb for like two hours which is not worth it uh and then the second time I did it I did it how people do it and I was freaking the fuck out because my I'm already operating at 100 so like bumping it up to anything higher than 100 was like a little scary thing yeah so um twice and I will not be doing it again what about you how many times have you done it I've done it I think like five times holy shit I never like it you did it in Chile I never liked it oh shit you're right yeah that was before I like really knew you super well and our friend came out of the bathroom and she was like listen I just did coke in the bathroom I was like this does it was the most

disgusting bathroom I've ever been in it was a senior frog's bathroom the ground was wet so it was at winter fest and I was already so fucked up that I was like this will help and it did well that's good uh but um my the next day when we were driving back my body started like shutting down I was like in the in the car with our friend who was driving me and another friend home and I was sitting in the back seat and I was like I need you to pull over and then I thought I was gonna throw up but I just like I got outside I needed air and I was just like my I was like shaking and I was like can I please sit in the front and then they were like yeah of course I was like I promise I won't puke in your car I was like I just I don't know what's happening

my body was just like shutting down oh my god most of the time I throw up after because like the drip oh god like right after no like the next day the nasal drip always makes me vomit and then also considering like how i eat i can hardly eat like how i can hardly eat fast food for a weekend like if i'm traveling and then i'm like so my for my first bit i actually texted you this this is a life hack for the ladies um start calling the way you want to be treated a kink because it makes it like attractive yes so like specifically straight men so if you're just like yeah i don't know i just i have like a um like a praise kink that's a thing yeah praise kinks are real usually for sure yeah yeah i mean who doesn't like praise especially when it's sexual but in

general you could say i have a praise kink um i have an i have a kink for like equality and equity and equality and equity really fucking gets me sliding off the chair let me think what my kink is um the kink for men who stand up to other dipshit men to defend that actually is women's rights that's a kink of mine i have i used to say that my kink was making men regret talking to me we also have a consent kink oh oh that's my number i love a consent kink hmm a guy asked for my consent our first merch will be uh consent is my kink yeah I would I would buy every item of that oh actually this is a good time to ask if anybody like has anything oh yeah if you want merch we're starting to make merch

but anyway so yes life hack yeah I love that life hack I thought when you said life hack you were going to talk about the thing that you found of how to figure out whose burner is looking at your instagram stories oh i don't want instagram to find out we know that okay um uh but i want to talk about first song do you remember your first song yes i do tell me all about it um i had a friend growing up who um kind of she was she was kind of mean to me so i was like a little afraid of her and my so she was a bully yeah but she was like I like loved her so much I had multiple therapists tell me like you gotta not be friends with this girl she's bad for you um but I was still friends with her anyway she would always kind of be the reason that I would make like big

like two adult decisions for me like I was way too young to be doing certain things that I was doing and my first song was an example of that because her mom took us to um victoria's secret pink when we were 10 10 and they had like pink was like you know like the sweatpants and like all the cool kids in school had them so we like lip gloss they had like beauty products yeah like lotions uh but they had like a spell they had like seven pairs of underwear for 30 or something and um so she was gonna like buy us underwear like just like full back just normal underwear and my friend convinced me to sneak two thongs into my seven and I did and I had so much shame around it like thongs to me was like buying porn like when I was that age I was like oh my god this is so wrong I'm

too young to wear a thong I felt like it was like a whole Lizzie McGuire moment I was like how am I gonna tell my mom and so I just like hid this thong under my bed two thongs under my bed for like years. Did you ever wear them? No eventually I bought thongs for like you know like when I would wear like yoga pants to school and stuff and then I would wear them but like I was way too young to have thongs and I was seriously I feel like I had committed a crime by buying these thongs so those were my first thongs I remember exactly what they looked like they were pink and white and they were like um just like a normal kind of cloth yeah she got like exclusively thongs i don't know how we got them past her mom i think she was able to distract her while we were paying

so she couldn't see the checkout the woman at checkout checking it was giving me ptsd of like my like middle school friends with like shitty parents and i'm like oh no wonder my parents were like no we need to meet their parents before you spend the night at the time it was annoying but as an adult i'm like thank fucking god like adults know that other adults fucking suck yep yeah i wish my parents had been more candid with me but i also don't keep my mouth shut like i probably would have been like my mom needs to meet your parents because she doesn't trust she needs to make sure that they're not pedophiles yeah god that's so real I actually thought about that recently how like yeah you know what if if my kids were going to someone's house I would want

their parents names their parents social security numbers two emergency contacts turn your location on do they have guns in the house yeah that was such a thing too that was a big thing for my parents too what was your first thong experience um my first thong I was in seventh grade so I was like 13 maybe 14 maybe i was in eighth grade seventh or eighth grade and my two closest friends um we would like go to the mall on the weekends let's go to the mall and just like walk around the mall with like 20 yeah we would do that too 20 bucks yeah i'm gonna go couch it she said here's 20 bucks get the fuck out of my face seriously though fuck teenagers i'm sure she was like i will give you 20 to not be a shitty ass teenager in my house i will pay you yeah exactly that's

literally what it was and then it's like i don't know can alexa's mom drive you to the mall and leave you there for seven hours because i'm over it i need a break anyways uh i was at the mall with my two closest girlfriends and uh we went into victoria's secret and we all bought a thong and i i was like like i was just like that like pre-teen or not that puberty chubby you know what i mean where your body is like you're gaining weight because soon enough it's gonna even out in like your hips and your in your chest but for a little while you just look like a stuffed sausage nothing fits and your training bras don't fit anymore but you're still wearing them and you're like do I go to limited too I don't know yeah anyways uh so I was still kind of in

this like pubescent phase and um my one of my friends I was like I guess I maybe like so one of my friends was a twig and my other friend was a little more curvy she's like had settled into puberty more uh she had hips she had boobs and I was in that middle stage of the both of them and I was like I guess I'm built a little more like this curvier girl so I'll buy the same size she buys so she was wearing a medium thong and even now as an adult I wear an extra small because I have zero ass never had one never will it doesn't matter how much I work out it's just it's cute but it's tiny anyways um so I bought this medium thong so it like went up to like the middle of my bag it's just like way too big they're so uncomfortable when they're a little

baggy yeah and it was like uh it was like a g-string too and um it was like a valentine's day themed one so like the trim was light pink and then the body of it was like uh it was red and then in pink writing it said like love pink and like whatever whatever it looked like graffiti i can i can see it i can like visualize it yeah and i try to keep it a secret but i still would wear it because i needed something to wear with my silver jeans from from uh what was that from the buckle oh my god buckle my silver brand jeans from buckle with um the wide legs the flared bottom i fucking forgot how is buckle still open how can they still afford and they make commission have you ever heard of the buckle challenge no you have to try and walk in and touch

the back wall and leave with no one talking to you we used to do that abercrombie if you worked at abercrombie yeah i worked at abercrombie and it's i can tell you it's because they would get in trouble for not greeting you yep at american eagle too they would be in our ear say hi to this customer i'm like this customer clearly doesn't want to be talked to we don't have ear pieces we had a regular walkie talkie though um so someone on instagram had messaged us um a man messaged us on instagram and wanted to know what we thought about um being just friends after a few uh like hinge dates i think you specified dating app like what what about being just friends after a few dates yeah yeah and we have two pretty different takes do you want to go first

well i have not like i've never been friends with someone after like hinge dates yeah you know yeah um and I also haven't really had the desire to well that's the thing and I'm not friends with any of my exes you're you're good at making boundaries for like what you need from like people too when you're not romantically involved with them anymore like I I kind of stray into the like oh we can probably make this work as friends just out of like I don't know I feel like I have to and you're really good at being like nope that's we're not well there's been a few circumstances in my life where like I I could see myself being just friends with them but like once you put that out there and they don't feel the same way and they're like romantically interested in you they're

not going to settle for being just friends and maybe it's like too complicated or painful for them to like be just your friend yeah um so I mean like there's yeah I've I've gone on some hinge dates where I'm like yeah I could see us being friends but that's not what they want and I have um like at least one ex who I like hoped that we could be friends but uh he did not want to be friends and that's fair because I like you know I broke up with him so yeah it's always easier for the person doing the breaking up to be like you could be a great friend yeah no that's not what yeah i met one of my best friends um on the league which is like raya but for professionals and it fucking sucks so it's like linkedin yeah linkedin of dating apps yeah and you have to like get

approved there's like racists on there yep i mean it's i mean there's racists everywhere right it's really not that great of an app but i did um meet him off of it and he is one of my favorite people in the world and we went on we became friends like virtually at the beginning of the pandemic I was in Florida when we matched on the league he was in Seattle and we just started talking and we did like a we covered a song from across the country before we met we just like I don't know I felt like I knew him really well before I met him and then we met and there were just like no romantic sparks um but I adored him he's just like dope and so we kept hanging out and now we have this like little foursome of people that just

hang out and we've like dabbled in the romance a little bit but did you like try going on a date we went on one date oh okay um we ate sushi in madison park and there was like a bunch of ambulances everywhere because somebody had like maybe drowned but they like weren't sure it was such a weird day oh my god yeah but yeah he and I like FaceTime every night like he's one of my favorite people we've it's been it's gotten a little complicated here and there which as it does because like I don't know two people that are not bad looking hanging out all the time and something's bound to happen but we've been able to stay friends and like I he's one of those people like if my car broke down at like four in the morning I could call him and he would like get

out of bed and pick me up he's one of those and for a dating app to be able to introduce me to somebody that way is unique but that's been my experience I mean every other guy that I've met on dating apps that like it hasn't worked out with romantically it's been it's kind of been a no-brainer that we aren't gonna talk anymore even as friends I'm trying to think if there's any other instance I don't think that there is well and most of the time in those circumstances you're like it it's romantic initially does that make sense yeah and I think that that's harder like on a dating app like there's so many misses you know like you could go on one date with someone or you can match with them and like they're just not interesting I don't know yeah uh so I I think

like it's not completely strange that you like were able to build a friendship with someone from a dating app it's just rare because there's so many like other misses like how many other people do you not have chemistry with so yes totally like scientifically or mathematically it's like of course maybe one out of however many people you've gone on dates with you become friends with yeah and I do have like friends that have become like very good friends to me that I've hooked up with in the past I forget that I've hooked up with them yeah because like now I could never see them that way uh-huh so you know there's a big difference between who you are at 22 and who you are at 29 yeah believe it or not god I feel like there's a difference between 26 and 27 for

me so much life happens in a year yeah I'm I'm exhausted yeah me too I feel 29 it's finally starting to level out uh my boyfriend just turned 27 and it's because he's trying to take advantage of me for um my money we joke that it's elder abuse he's gonna say it's like an Anna Nicole Smith kind of situation but the joke's on him because I don't have any money so but one day and he sees the potential uh but yeah he was like do you have any advice for me and I was like well uh you know 26 fucking sucked for me like most of my 20s sucked and they've gotten better 28 was better than 27 but 27 was okay I really feel like this isn't encouraging yeah this is great babe thank you thank you so much he's way more like self-aware and mature than I was so

also like we keep getting it pumped into our ears that that your 20s are like the best and they just fucking aren't because you're trying to figure shit out in your 20s i feel like 30s are gonna be the best i know there's so much shit you need to like try and go through in your 20s like you graduate college if you went to college and then like you have to get a job but it's so hard to get one and you're just kind of set like social media definitely sets us up to think that like people's dreams just come true and that's not the case at all no no I just started liking my 20s and I'm 27 yeah like same three months ago that's well because you're it's I think it's because your frontal lobe doesn't finish developing until you're 25 so it's just kind of like

you're operating from this place of ego until that age at least that's how it was for me like I wasn't intentionally selfish but I just wasn't like super aware of what other people might be going through yeah and then I went through some hard shit and I was like and when people started showing up for me during those hard times I was like holy shit first of all I'm very lucky second of all I can't believe like other people fit like know how to support someone through this yeah so it yeah you you gotta go through some shit yeah you really do i've yeah your 20s is to beat the the arrogance out of you seriously and if you still suck by age 30 you're stuck that way you're probably yeah when the clock strikes midnight on your 30th birthday you're frozen

like that yeah i'm just kidding i am so grateful that my 20s were so awful though me too and like I really was I would be such a little fuck if like I didn't get shaken around by seriously life events so hard to see that when you're living it I was like when I was going through all of it I was like what the fuck is this for like why am I going through this and then the second that you're like I'm just gonna let it happen to me and like take it in stride day by day yeah it's made me really grateful for things that I saw as curses before like I was talking about this a few nights ago I had this like light bulb moment um where I realized that like I get really excited when doors close for me like I'm like hyped about it just imagining you like

throwing a middle finger at the door like bitch you think this would throw me off no I think that it's because like every time anything has happened where a door is closed or an opportunity has ended or I've seen something as something negative like my favorite shit in my life has come out of stuff ending for me and so now whenever anything ends I'm just like fuck yeah universe what do you got because it's like always something beautiful and it's always something that I'm so proud of and I don't think that I would have been able to have that wherewithal about all of these negative situations if I hadn't had gone through all the shit that I went through in 2020 and 2020 was awful for everybody but like personal life wise even if like the world was like doing real great

in 2020 it still would have been the worst year ever for me because I just had an awful personal year and looking back on it I'm like I needed that fucking reset like I needed to go through it and honestly most of it is a fucking blur like I was in such a depression in 2020 like I don't remember most of it so but now knowing what has come out of that like our friendship got so much stronger last year and the holy hour started last year and like I look back on all of these things that I'm like I love the most and I'm just like fuck like like oh if that didn't happen I wouldn't have this right and it's like me just saying yes to things that because I was just kind of like okay you know and now I'm like intentionally saying yes to things because I know that it can

lead to other exciting stuff isn't it crazy how like once you're out of a specific like even if it's situational depression or just like a circumstance that's been really hard to navigate it feels like the fog has cleared like you're like oh my god i can finally see and you didn't even realize because it happened so gradually that suddenly you're just like oh yeah i feel okay yeah isn't that weird it did kind of feel like an all of a sudden thing and i know that it wasn't and i was talking to my therapist about that it was setting you up yes like these building blocks of exactly building the foundation for you to have this very sometimes you gotta knock shit down before you can have what is supposed to be there for a long time totally everything

falls apart at the perfect time that it's supposed to fall back together but my therapist and I were talking about this because when I started feeling good I was like what's up why why do I feel bad yeah it feels illegal that's exactly right I was like what am I like what's going on and she was like what do you've been working hard in therapy for three years what the fuck do you mean what's going on because it really felt like a one day I was bad and one day I was good I'm like waiting for the other shoe to drop she's like bitch you have been working for this what do you mean I relate to that really hard yeah it's just like when you have something good you're like the other shoe is gonna drop something's gonna happen it's part of an anxiety disorder yep

and it's hard like you know once this is what my therapist and I talked about um last week because she was like how are you doing and I was like honestly this is like the happiest I've been in a long time and um the more we talked about why and stuff uh she I was like I would still get stuck in these like thought patterns and then I also didn't realize how bad my anxiety got until it got better yeah and um she was like I mean you put a lot of habits in place that like you you were training yourself to get to that place so even if you didn't feel that way in the moment you were like progressively doing things differently and you knew eventually your brain would catch up and I was like that's so true like it's it is kind of like cheesy and

oversaid but like when you when you have those practices in place like your brain eventually does catch up yeah you're creating new pathways yeah and that shit's hard so if you're doing that good for you because yeah it is really fucking hard to create a new pathway in your brain it really is and it feels thankless until one day it doesn't yeah and it feels like you're just like stuck for because you're like I already know that this path doesn't lead anywhere if I go down the path I've always gone down it's just gonna like lead me to the same thing that I don't want yeah and then you're like you have to make a new path yes yeah it's like you're in a maze totally and I would like if somebody's listening and they're going through like anxiety or depression I can

speak from a depression standpoint just because it's so recent for me like try to pay attention to things that you wouldn't think were depression things that you are like slowly getting back as you're getting better like i my depression showed up in weird fucking ways like i didn't i was sad but i wasn't like the like how it's portrayed on commercials with the rain cloud following you around and you're like it's just like feeling blue that is not how depression shows up no my and also they make it like depression is like you're broken yeah and you're not no I was super functional and I know not everybody is lucky enough to be but I didn't know that I was depressed like people would be like I think you're depressed I'd be like the fuck I'm not but I was doing shit

like and these weren't my only symptoms obviously but how it was showing up was like I didn't open mail for like three months I just had a enormous I got sent to collections three times because I just like didn't want to open my mail um I stopped singing in the shower which is something that was one of the first things that came back when the Prozac started working I started singing in the shower again and I didn't even realize that I had stopped and I was like it felt weird to sing in the shower because it had been six months and like those are little things that are like such small little depression symptoms that like when you're able to recognize that that's starting to come back it's kind of like addictive it's like okay what else what else am I gonna get back I like

got through my bills like I opened my mail when it comes now which is like if you're listening and you haven't had to struggle through depression it's like cool you you opened your mouth but that's like a big fucking thing I go on walks now around the block when it's not raining it's just like shit that you wouldn't expect just goes away when you're depressed and so anyway all that to say it's like a wall is has been taken down yes exactly like something was holding you back from like doing these super basic things that you know you should do like put away your laundry oh my god dishes or just shit like that it piles up yeah and i mean the same goes for anxiety of like there are these things that are so fucking easy to do and then you think about you have to do it

and then you start thinking about all the other things you have to do and then you're like yeah yeah and you get frozen in it we've talked about that on a past episode like yeah you get frozen in your anxiety yeah and anxiety and depression are besties you know they really are comorbid baby my antidepressants are also anti-anxiety medication we love you Prozac I have a little bit of beef with Prozac right now I wanted to talk about this my sex drive on Prozac has been like fucking weird like at first like the first couple of weeks I felt like my like clit was numb and then yeah and then like I just couldn't even feel it I didn't really care either I was like, man, whatever. I just started. Yeah. So I'll see if it goes away. And then it's just

kind of been a roller coaster. And then like lately it's just like taken forever for me to orgasm. It takes so long and it's so much work and then it's not as satisfying as it used to be when I do I don't know and then it's just like I don't feel like as um like horny not that I was like a horn dog before but like I like things that would probably like you know get me like hot and bothered like if I'm just like fantasizing or something like don't really click the same way like I can't think about something and be like oh that's really hot like I have to be doing it and even then I don't know have you talked to our psychiatrist about it no because it didn't start happening until yeah yeah I mean like I've noticed like my it takes me longer to orgasm but

I didn't like it doesn't feel any different once I do so it's just interesting how it affects everybody differently yeah and it's interesting that that's a new side effect too so I wonder I know that it takes like eight weeks for it to well after the first month like I was kind of also paying attention to my like natural cycle and like the week of my um ovulation I would be like I would still have like a day where I was just like so insatiably horny and then I didn't have that this time around like I mean and sometimes like when I'm having sex it's like partially an experiment for me because I'm like okay what can I do to like be more like um in the moment yeah and like and then you get so in your own head like it's never really like been this

hard for me to orgasm so like I'm in my head like fuck it's taking a long time like yeah and then you feel like guilty and then and that guilt makes it harder for it to happen it's like a cycle yes And it also made me realize, like, some other thoughts of, like, I have always treated, like, when I'm having sex, I've always, like, even though, like, you know, my pleasure is important to me, I still have also kind of treated it as, like, an afterthought or, like, an inconvenience, whether, like, conscious or not. Because I, you know, I can say it's important to me because it is. it is important to me but like those things can coexist like my orgasm is important to me but also I feel this like looming sense of like inconvenience or guilt does that make sense yeah and I know I'm not the only person who feels that way of just like but also like a lot of the times um you get so much like self-satisfaction from making your partner come yeah and so I like try

and remind myself like you know I'm not like we're not only having sex for my boyfriend or something yeah you know like and he's not that way at all either so where do you think that guilt comes from um I think probably just my first experiences with sex yeah that'll do it and then when you when those things are finally brought to the forefront of like oh I didn't realize I've been like treating it like this yeah like subconsciously then you're like oh at least now i know and i can start working on that yeah totally totally that's the first step of fixing it yeah but i i end up being so like so different now like to try and like be aroused while i'm prozac it's just it's a whole other world yeah it really is and then also like not really like having it in your head

that it's a chemical thing it's not like if I just like try something different it's like no it's just like actually harder for it there's almost like it adds a different kind of pressure I've realized like if I can't orgasm like I'll fake and like I hate that but it's like I don't want you to like have to work on me for like 30 minutes I never fake it good for you just straight up like I don't think I'm gonna come see I you know what I think is like a lot of my sexual encounters have been there's been shame around it like not being able to come just from like a oh are you sure like are you sure there's nothing I can do for you and then they feel bad about themselves not being able to make me come it's like no it's just not as easy for us and I think

like so I'll just fake and everyone can relate to each other in that aspect too like we're all trying to like that that that does make that should make everyone feel better you know we all care about the other person yes climaxing and it's not a chore unless they don't i know so many guys i don't give a single fuck if i come i know i know and they won't even pretend like they do i'm like just pretend pretend to care but you're right i mean like if you're having sex with somebody that you care about like everybody's goal is to make each other feel good yeah period I mean I'm I think like I'm I feel pretty confident saying that and so I don't know I feel bad faking I actually had this conversation with um a guy that I'm okay the only guy I'm hooking

up with right now that um I never have to fake with him and he was like oh well like you if you needed to it's it's fine like he was like kind of checking in with me like that I wasn't like making sure that I was saying that I never fake just like his ego like there's just so much stigma around women faking orgasms because men can't yeah unless they're like really strategic about how they like take off the condom to like make it look like maybe they did but otherwise like we don't really have much to show for it a lot of the time so like we can fake it but I think that there's like for for men that have sex with women like I would imagine and I hadn't thought about it until last week that there might be like a little bit of like I don't know what's the word

like insecurity around like did she actually come or is she faking you know yeah it'd be interesting to talk to somebody about that because yeah I want to know the stats on how many women fake orgasms well we have 50 50 percent here between the two of us I don't fake every orgasm obviously my orgasm is important to me but yeah like sometimes I'm just like I don't want to I don't want to work at this and like exactly well and then okay so I saw a tiktok earlier today where this girl is uh explaining how like she she she compares having an orgasm to fishing or like uh yeah so she's like I I like like catching a fish so she's like I don't need to catch a fish to enjoy fishing uh-huh and I know it's not gonna happen every time and that's okay

but it's so like that's exactly how I feel about like all kinds of like uh even just making out like yeah i just want to make out because i enjoy it not because i want it to lead to anything yes i just want to kiss your face yeah and just like there's so many levels to intimacy and um you know we've said this so many times like boys and girls are socialized differently so our ideas around sex are vastly different and we're all trying to figure it out and it can be awkward but still like at the end of the day like intimacy does not have to come down to like if you have sex and if you orgasm yeah but right it's just so like I think a lot of people have been taught that sex is like goal-oriented and really for me and a lot of people that I know too like

it's it really is just the process of enjoying it but like I think a lot of people have in their mind that their partner is goal-oriented so if they can't make them come then they're doing something wrong and that's just not I can't we can't speak for everybody but me you and a lot of my girlfriends that I've talked to say the same thing like no it's just the act of it is nice like we don't it's not an absolute must have it's just one of those things that I think uh can make you feel very like desired and if it's good even if you don't have an orgasm you still feel um like physically appreciated and desired and like your partner is still interested in you right but like always like strive you know to see this is my i'm like walking back when i because i the also like

don't feel bad checking in and being like listen i don't think i'm gonna get there yeah i've been practicing being better at that but i just hate the like you know what i mean like what what can i do no like i just don't i don't need to you know yeah but it's so nice you can be in a healthy relationship and it'll still be an awkward conversation yeah that's true it's just it doesn't need to be but it is and I think it's it's never like like both people are experiencing shame you know it's never because you're like you don't want to yeah you know like the girls it's nice when you catch a fish yeah you like catching a fish you just know it's not gonna happen every time yeah right and that's okay it's totally okay you know you could be in your own

head maybe your body is just like not really on the same page but you enjoy like making your partner happy and that is like also equally satisfying you can still enjoy the intimacy without catching a fish and I that applies to all kinds of intimacy yeah you know yeah I was thinking the other day it's just nice to like be caressed a little yeah and like not like you're saying have a warm hand on your boob so nice I love a man's hand on me I don't I've I'm realizing as I get older physical touches is kind of working its way up my love language list I used to like kind of I could be I could do without it but now whenever a guy just has his hand on me I'm like I think the thing that's appealing about it like I used to not be a very big physical touch person

and it's because anytime there was any form of intimacy with my ex he expected sex so it's like I didn't want to kiss I didn't want to like snuggle with him because he was going to expect me to have sex with him so it was just like those were all things that I had I had to create these boundaries around physical touch because I didn't always want to have sex especially because like none of my emotional needs were met yeah so uh it's done like I've had to do a lot of work around physical touch and like now I'm in a relationship with someone who is very like um snuggly and like caring and you know gives lots of hugs and stuff and like it's just been really nice to like re like take back that part of my yeah like life and how

I feel around physical touch that's awesome yeah that's so great I just be snuggled and like not have to like have sex yeah totally totally it's really I think that there's a lot to be said about like I think a lot of how people's love languages are is defined by like like your upbringing and like you as an individual but like I really do believe a lot of it has to do with the person that you're with romantically yeah like not that my parents are not like you know we hug each other and it's awkward really I mean not with my mom but my dad okay like he's just not a very like affectionate person and I think a lot of dads are like that you know they're not gonna like I think it'd be weird if my dad was always like holding my hand or something and you know if you

do that with your dad that's fine but me and my dad don't do that and it would just knowing him it would be weird um but like I'm like constantly holding my mom's hand and like I'm like can I have a hug especially when I saw them um over Christmas like because my boyfriend's so snuggly I was like I miss having someone's like hand to hold and stuff that you do get used to being able to just like put your hand out and have someone hold your hand I love holding hands I yes I fucking love hand-holding that was the first time I remember Amelia and I like first really bonded yes was that was that in Chelan no we had a girls night with like a bunch of girls that we work with and then um one of them is not a big hand holder and I was like I was like watch she won't let me

hold her hand and then I tried to hold her hand she's like no don't touch me and then I was like Amelia hold my hand because you said you were a hand holder too yes and I was like oh this feels so good when you're drinking and you're just like I just want to hold hands that's so true and like my best friend Anna and I always hold hands it's just like we one time Anna and I are so like close she doesn't live here which sucks but like when we lived together we both would babysit this little boy um like if Anna was out of town I would babysit him and we ran into them after we the family when we graduated and uh i guess like the mom put him in the car and then he was like mom are liz and anna married oh my god i was like we pretty much are like i don't know how to answer

that we who we talk about if we had a son but anna recently started following me on twitter and it was oh my god fucking moment in my life when you guys talk i'm just like oh my god they're interacting i seriously she'll favorite a tweet and i'm like oh my god that's this is a good tweet she's the best keeping it up i want to meet her i recently saw speaking of like tiktoks and like marrying your best friend um i saw this tiktok of this girl who is she's straight and she is married to her best friend who is a bisexual woman and they have a non-romantic non-sexual relationship but they're married and that so like both of them are free to like date and sleep with whoever they want and like wow but the the marriage aspect of their lives is fulfilled with each other

and I was like that is such an interesting approach to marriage and like goes against what we're taught and I am kind of like obsessed with that idea I've never heard of anybody doing that I mean everyone has like a marriage pact with one of their friends like if we're not married by morning but I've never actually heard someone doing it I would love to see that normalized of like marrying like because I don't know I don't know what's the benefit of getting married if there's no romance though to your best friend yeah I mean like if you plan you just have that like lifelong stability and friendship you don't have the romantic or sexual aspect interesting huh because like if you think about your best friend like katie yeah has been in your

life forever but how many dumb fucks have you had to deal with in between that a hundred see yeah it wouldn't be the worst idea it wouldn't marry someone like i wish there was like multiple kinds of marriages but that is illegal I think yeah like I want my main marriage to be with my best friend and then a romantic marriage with a partner I just like because then you still have that regular stability of partnership but I just feel like you can have the stability like without the paper yeah that's true so that's why I guess I'm confused about like what the what the benefit would be like if I were to marry Katie like what would change about our relationship and like really would be like taxes money and your living situation or something and then like a really

weird divorce if either of us wanted to get married to someone else yeah I mean I can't say I've thought of it holistically but I do think that it's like it's a cute idea I and not even just like cute like I also think that it's so I think it's just like this idea that's shoved down our throat that you're going to like meet your best friend and fall in love and be forever be together forever and like no one thinks about like the things that make you change and grow as a person like you have to be you can't be weak to like survive that you have to be on the same page of like we're both probably gonna grow and change like we're gonna have to go through it together and it's not always gonna be easy and we have to talk about like how we want to raise our children

and there's just so many things i think people don't talk about they're just like we're in love yeah that's so true it's so true and if you are in love great yeah good for you no but seriously like it is a rare thing it really is um like the statistics around marriage are just insane and i think it's because we're not like we have such this such an old idea of like marriage and traditional relationships and stuff that it hasn't accounted for all of like the things that are rapidly changing in our worlds and our lives yeah marriage is such a weird like i don't know like ancient thing now that we just kind of accept it as fact it's old and it's a big deal and i don't know i don't understand we got our sex fact of the week from our expert

emilia samson i'm an expert googler expert expert expert baby all right so this website is health.com which sounds legit it does it's a good domain to own okay here it is the female orgasm lasts three times longer than the male orgasm and then it says what can we say women have some pretty serious orgasmic advantages in the bedroom first of all the typical female orgasm lasts about 20 seconds um this doctor's name is michael ritano he's an md physician in residence at men's health company he previously told health this that um sorry i'm trying to read this from far away because there's feedback on our microphone and i have old woman eyes um that's more than three times longer than the male experience which clocks in at just six seconds women also have the

upper hand when it comes to being able to have multiple orgasms and g-spot orgasms ah it's great to be a woman you know a man wrote this article great to be a woman my ass jealous yeah jealous much yeah we get long orgasms because we have to deal with so much other shit well and then I think it also depends on like what kind of orgasm is it clitoral is it g-spot is it both yeah I like a little bit of both yeah a little bit of like a little bit of nipples in there too have you ever had a nipple orgasm right now no liz my nipples okay i some of y'all as i'm touching my own nipples um i don't know how many people know this uh i have big boobs like i call it the secret big boob club because some people you just don't know until like suddenly they're in a tank top and

you're like oh I didn't know that was under your shirt um so I have big boobs I have for a long time and I just don't have very like sensitive nipples okay because I feel like they're just stretched out got it I don't know be good to get your nipples pierced then because you wouldn't feel it I really wanted to get my nipples pierced for a while I wanted to also but uh like at the time I was like oh I think I want to get my nipples pierced I was like well if i have kids it'll make breastfeeding harder yeah and i keloid and i don't want like keloided nipples what's that it's like the the scar tissue that i get on my ears oh yeah my dermatologist said everything above the rib cage keloids if you keloid and he's like

so don't get your nipples okay roger that but i really wanted to but then also even if i didn't keloid i have the most sensitive nipples ever you've had a nipple orgasm what that's insane phenomenal my ex read about it in men's health and he was like should we try i was like sure what do you do does he just lick them just lick them and flick them and flick them there's a little lick and flick and a little like twirl oh it takes it takes a long time but it is a bizarre feeling because you're not there's no vaginal anything and it just triggers there's some science about it with the brain i don't fucking remember that's insane yeah we should talk about that on another episode i want to actually do some research on that and talk about it because i've a lot of

people don't know about this well my ex had a nipple thing with his own nipples uh i never i never gave him a nipple orgasm but it would feel good for him yeah if i wanted if i wanted sex to wrap up i would play with his nipples get the show on the road yeah which was all the time i was like god are we done yet so i'd start playing with his nipples that was shoe man honestly you didn't even have to tell me that i already knew yeah he seems like a he does seem like a nipple play kind of guy and if you are listening and you know shoe man now you know he likes his nipples he's got a nipple fetish i just want like picturing it with him yeah he he lives in such a dark part of my brain as he should it's real but it's true

mom spaghetti i don't know it felt right there i'm not mad about it it did okay um thank you for listening my ass has to go fucking work now it's it's 9 40 yep so that's gonna be a fun night for me and i don't ever want to stop recording but um thank you for listening please rate us on apple podcasts if you are listening on apple podcast follow us on spotify we love you bitches you're right there with you you're our angels we love you angels Oh, yeah.