The Hoely Hour - E29 All Men Are Florida Man

Episode Date: March 4, 2021

Welcome to Florida, where the population is exclusively men and crocodiles! The FBI works hard but Liz works harder. Liz catches her Scorpio ex being a creepy Scorpio and shares her expert sleuth tactics. You're welcome and sleuth safely. The girls become two Italian mothers and yell at Lil Uzi Vert for putting a diamond in his forehead like a GD Avenger. What would you do if there were no men for a day? Also, did you know being sad after sex is like... a common thing? How do you avoid the post-sexy-time scaries? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy c terms i don't know and then it's always risky to do scooter with oh yeah and i was on the back of like a motorcycle with no helmet in the pouring rain with strangers with strangers i had a good time welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball and i am now an ambassador for my amelia wear i am currently wearing the black crop top that says stop policing women's bodies and guys this is a comfy shirt it's honestly very soft i'm not

getting paid good you should you're really selling it uh it's very soft and um i didn't read the description i just am that kind of person who's like i'm all in i love that about and uh it's embroidered and I didn't know it was gonna be embroidered and I'm stoked about that because uh when you wash it it's not gonna like fade yeah and it won't you know like peel off yeah yeah like uh when you used to buy the pink underwear oh my god yeah the pink would peel off yeah and then there would just be like a an eye or something uh-huh not into it okay ink yeah it's just it's just it it really looks really good on you though that's such a good cut on you thank you yes and i love the sentiment i also bought the crew neck that says a picky bitch

with a shitty attitude i sent i told my mom about your merch and i was like yeah this is what i just bought and then she was like but you're not you don't have a shitty attitude and i was like sometimes i do if they deserve it when it's warranted i have a shitty mom don't lie you raised me you know i have a shitty attitude it's something to be proud of i agree being a picky bitch is something to be proud of too yeah all right let's crack these so yeah oh yeah you have something to crack today too should we yeah should i count down the crackdown yeah should we count down from a crackdown oh three two one crack off I couldn't get my nail under it I panicked I was like oh no we're

counting and I'm fucking it up um I have learned to use the side of my finger because I'm a nail bitch uh-huh so I don't want to fuck up my nail I really had to step up my nail game to stay on your level I really I never painted my nails until like two months ago and now I can't have them naked I I don't know I just became a nail bitch like a few years ago and it's one of those things that my nails are like your lashes like if I have my nails I'm like okay I don't feel like a total piece of shit yes that's exactly what my lashes do for me yep it's just one of those things you're like I guess I'll spend money on this yeah for me but I think I might start doing my own dip powder because you know why not why not I love doing it a good home DIY yeah why not

situation I'm curious to hear how home dip powder works because when I did dip in a salon it was a nightmare yeah you have a nightmare story I've never had like a something bad happen with my dip powder experiences I guess the worst would just be like if I'm like oh I don't like the color or like if it's I picked a weird shape yep and I would never blame a nail tech like my nail techs I would die for them yeah when you find a good nail tech it's just like find a good lash girl it's so true like I continue to go through great nail techs at the place I go to um because a few of them like one of them went on maternity leave and then she just never came back and that was my girl and I didn't even know she was pregnant like because COVID happened and

like everything shut down and I wasn't getting my nails done and then the first time I come back in I was like is Anna here and they're like no and I was like is she coming back and they're like no that's like so disappointing like she had a baby and I was like oh that's exciting I don't even know what's going on in her life anymore I don't know she's a stranger to me that's really once you find somebody because you can go through it's like finding somebody to cut your hair too it's like you can't just like start going to someone else like right i feel like a lot of well not a lot my dad's a good example of this he'll just go to like sports clips there's like can we talk about that chain for a second there's sports clips sports cuts great clips great clips

super cuts what's the difference between a sport cut and a great cut yeah well sports clips they show you they show you sports highlight reels while you get your hair cut yeah what are they showing in great clips um it's like a uh america's funniest home videos or something this is great yeah just compilations of like things that dads are like this is great like really really nice like uh clips of barbecue i was just about to say it's actually just grilling people cut your hair while you stand around a barbecue and watch another man barbecue that's all that great clips is those are great clips or it's like uh boat fails have you actually I ever seen boat like a boat fail compilation yeah I remember when I first started dating my

boyfriend um him and his roommate were watching boat clips and then he's like okay I gotta leave I'm gonna go hang out with Liz and then his roommate was like are you gonna watch boat clips with Liz that's an adorable question to ask and I was like can we or boat fails boat fails that's what it was lad bible just posted a really good boat fail compilation a good boat fail people really fuck up on boats i mean there's a lot yeah i i would fuck up on a boat do you remember when we went on a boat and uh i drove it a little bit yeah i so it would move so much slower than you would crank it and i was like oh this is not like a car yeah and then um our two friends were like should you be doing this and i was like probably not in the steering wheel was so sensitive good

never driven a boat before and i've been drinking thank you those electric boats are like supposedly really easy to drive i know i would they're sensitive i know i would fuck it up but anyway we have some juicy juicy topics today some hot tea some hot like piping tea that just happened today yeah liz do you want me to start please do this is your this is your jam so um i have talked about this ex on the podcast before I think I just called him Scorpio or some shit I have no idea um because he is a Scorpio and what I'm about to say is the most Scorpio story I have to date he just loves behaving like a predictable ass Scorpio um so I have this kind of like stalker ex and uh in one of our like very early episodes I tell the story of like why he is just kind of

like a stalker and like some of the weird stuff i caught him doing while we were dating so and not like in like a light-hearted like oh is he stopped like an actual like actual kind of like he was an actual kind of catfish yeah uh for other people and then he legitimately like he doesn't stalk me in a way where i feel scared um he definitely will like go out of his way to see what i'm doing and i have no doubts that he's probably listened to the podcast and he probably has not liked what I've said about him but also I'm just like saying what happened yeah or and like how it made me feel and then I know some of it is also like maybe I um like conjecture some of the things I'm pretty sure he is responsible for doing but you know if you feel bad about something someone has to say

about what you like what you made them feel like I don't know that's more of a reflection on you like i'm just saying my experience yeah and if you feel bad about that then like i'm sorry i don't know you can't be responsible for somebody else's emotions if you're not like outright trying to hurt them yeah and we've said this so many times like the only people who know this are people in my life who would already know who he is and uh you like and him and like that's it yeah the rest of our listeners don't know who he is there would be no way for them to find him because i have gone to great lengths to block him on and okay now i'll get into it so every like year to year and a half he will make some attempt to contact me and um the last one

he said so i changed my email address so he would stop emailing me and leave me the fuck alone and um he found my new email address like years later this was also when I first like moved to Seattle um I had been in Seattle for like maybe six months and he emailed me and he was like it makes me happy to see you like doing well and I just didn't respond because I was just like in the past I've been like when he'd email me or like follow me on a new social media account I would just be like leave me the fuck alone and I was like okay well that doesn't work and he probably wants to get a rise out of me or something so I'm just not gonna say anything and also I just don't care anymore right um and this time this time around uh oh no the last time I saw he was like creeping on me

I went on I was on a cruise with my parents in Alaska my parents and my grandparents and this was like the summer before covid so like shit a year and a half ago right on time uh and he had made another account like instagram account and watched my stories and i was like and so i just blocked it um and this time uh a twitter account has been like harassing me um but i don't have notifications for like accounts that haven't been around for very long or um like haven't like confirmed their email address so i just don't see those notifications and it's this has been happening since like october uh yeah since he made the account in august um so his twitter account emilia has this theory that uh the actual name of the handle is making fun of my instagram

handle which is brilliant like I was like oh shit I didn't even put that together um and uh I like he like replied to one of my tweets like the other day and I was just kind of like scrolling through like my tweets because um I'm uh self-obsessed and I go through and look at my tweets to see if like if someone clicks on my profile I'm like hmm are these funny yeah yeah I do that shit all the time what are they thinking I mostly do it because um my boyfriend will occasionally look at my twitter to see what I've said about him he's got to do a self-check and so I'm like I I'm like if I were him like what would I think of like my tweets and obviously I would never say anything bad about him um so yeah so I was just scrolling through and I was like oh

there's a reply to one of my tweets I wonder if it's like I wonder who it is I haven't seen it and i clicked on it and it was this account that has like um replied to some of my tweets in the past so then i like went to their profile and i saw that they had replied like rude shit to a bunch of my tweets and it's only me and then there was like one other interaction where they referenced like uh unlv which is the university of las vegas so i was like oh maybe this is someone from high school and then i was like that's fair i was a fucking bitch in high school like it's valid if you don't like me and you know me from high school like i also don't like high school she was a dick um they were like vaguely rude but like also like just not necessary they weren't

really saying anything in the responses no there's there wasn't a lot to go off you tweeted about soul and crying about soul and they were like what the fuck how that was just the answer it's like what like okay uh they're just trying to get your attention yeah yeah um so then i like amelia and i do this thing if someone is like doing some dumb shit we send it to each other and we're like tap me in girl so i sent it to her and i was like that weird account is like uh tweeting at me and i didn't see it until now this is how i found out it was my ex because i'm sure some people are like how the fuck did you find this out and uh we're pretty open about like the creepy shit we do and i i don't even want to say it's creepy like i'm not going out of my way to like

stalk anyone so yeah it's just they're coming at you so i think you have a right to know who's talking to you yeah they're coming at me so i'm like okay who the fuck is this like i'm gonna find it out right and um there is we both have seen this on tiktok where like if you if you have like a random like ghost account like looking at your instagram stories um you want to know who it is you're like okay who the fuck is this they don't have any posts they're not following anyone they're private they're looking at my stories um so you go to like log into an existing account and then you put the username in and then you press forgot password and then it'll pop up like the email like it'll show maybe the first and last letter of the email address at like wide.com

or something like that so it's it's it shows just enough that if you knew who it was you would be able to figure it out and sometimes it'll show like the phone number not the full phone number it'll show the last two numbers um so I we were like I wonder if you can do that on Twitter so I did this like a Twitter account that has been harassing me and then I took a screenshot of the email that is associated with it and it just had like the first two letters at y.com so it's like obviously it's yahoo.com and then I remembered my ex had this Instagram account where he would post about books and um I blocked it so long ago like at least five years ago so I um tried to I did the little forgot password thing for the Instagram account and they matched and the email

address what associated with it is like the Instagram account handle at yahoo.com and I counted the characters because it stars out the characters and both of them were the same amount of characters and i was like this is fucking him like it has to be and um i don't know i think it's kind of funny i'm just like damn i can't believe like i know you yeah are putting in the effort to do this right i was like raging when liz and he's like 33 now we dated when i was 23 and then i turned 24 and he turned 28 so he's four years older than me plenty of time has gone by and like our relationship was stupid like when i think about it i'm like yeah that was dumb yeah and um i i don't know he's clearly still wrapped up in it and like that he's married he just had a kid

that's fucking ridiculous if i if i found out my husband was like harassing his college ex-girlfriend after we just had a baby like I would fully drop kick him out the window I'm just like I'm thinking about so um I replied to him and I was like I know this is you and like I don't hate you and that was so long ago like I'm sorry I I honestly feel bad like whatever is going on that he feels like he needs to go to these lengths to it's pretty pathetic to like you know be mean to me but I also don't think it's a reflection of me I also like I totally understand like if you he's listened to the podcast and been like pissed about what I've said well then be an adult about it like if you I'm allowed to tell my story yeah and you're not you're not calling him by name and

if he feels that strongly about it that we should see what that episode just because we should see if that twitter account popped up when we posted that episode maybe it probably did but like i you are allowed just like you're allowed to say how you feel and how these situations made you feel he also has a right to come to you and say like i heard what you said and like i'm real you know if you feel a type of way yeah like come to your face as yourself like be yourself just yeah come into yourself who makes a burner account at age 33 to harass an ex there is one thing to sleuth i have i have i love the burger sometimes you just want to know what's going on but to like to cyber bully to go out of your way to be like i'm gonna be an asshole to like my ex

drives me insane part of me i was wondering like i was like maybe he's jealous like he's not even my shitty ex anymore like he's just like a weird distant memory to me god can you imagine being hung up on something like that from so long ago fucking hell and like so when i think of him i'm like i'm not i'm never afraid like he would hurt me i don't think he would ever hurt anyone good like yeah um but my friends and my family are like what the fuck this guy is a psychopath i'm like he's harmless he's just having a rough time it's a really creepy thing to do but i mean i just don't i just don't like i don't know it is it is kind of like weird that it's been going on for this long yeah that's the thing and um i don't know it made me think about a lot of different things like

um like I said like he is married and he's married to the girl who introduced us and like when I think about them like I don't even really think about him like I sincerely miss my friendship with her that sucks like when I mourn anything that I lost with that whole situation I lost a friendship and that's I miss her significantly more than I would ever miss him and um I also like always knew that like our relationship wasn't right um so I just I also kind of realized like that I knew in my gut very early on that that relationship was not going to last and um I still dated him and it's like I've worked on this so much in therapy where like I kind of would just date anyone who wanted to date me um and it would be it would become like a more serious relationship

too quickly and um that was like my own issue and I would stay in a relationship even if I knew in my gut it wasn't right because if I'm not with someone else then I have to prove to myself I'm valuable and that takes time and it takes reflection and you know you're not up against just your own self-talk you're also up against like societal ideals that we have been sold since we were kids and our parents were sold we were raised to believe these things and their parents were sold it's just like this ongoing cycle of generations of beliefs and now we're getting to a point where like there's so much information out there that you're like do i want this um and if you don't give yourself the time to decide what is right for you and what you want you're going

to continue to try and fill it with all of these things that you have been told are going to make you happy yeah and um like i've taken the time to figure that shit out and um it's obvious that like maybe he hasn't yeah and might be wondering like why am i not happy and you know he's going you just had like a huge life change of having a kid yeah i can't imagine what that's like that i mean that would that would if you're not ready for that i could understand that crisis yeah or even if you are ready and you think you're ready like it's still a big life thing um i think about my parents walking in the door with me at age 28 i'm 29 like my mom and dad walking in the door with me at my age like i feel absolutely unprepared yeah for anything like that so i can only imagine what

they felt like so and I mean he clearly has and I don't know him and I just want to make that clear I don't know anything about this guy besides what Liz has told me but like he he doesn't that's all you need to know yeah I mean but like he doesn't seem like he has the level of maturity that is necessary to be a dad you know what I mean and I'm not saying that he's a bad I'm not saying he's a bad parent you know what I don't know and everyone figures it out I'm not saying no one's ever gonna to be a perfect exactly and like but to the the emotional maturity doesn't seem like it's there so i could understand why something like that big of a life change might like jolt him into being so immature with an ex from college that he hasn't talked to in five years plus well and it wasn't

even in college it was like after right but it will yeah because he was four years older than me he's like the he's older than you are he was older than you are now I don't think I was a good girlfriend to him and I know that like I was fucking 24 and like confused and lost and unhappy with my career and I didn't know what I wanted to be doing like I just wasn't happy with myself and that reflects in a relationship totally and um like the difference is is like I'm not afraid to admit that I'm ashamed of like the person I was when I dated him um and like he knows that he hurt my feelings when we did break up and he immediately started dating the friend that introduced us and neither of them went about it in a way that was respectful

towards me like if they had just talked to me respectfully about it I probably wouldn't have been as mad and if um I was mad then like that's her that's my problem you know um but yeah I don't know like it's your choice to um do something like that and it's also your choice if you're going to like face those hard feelings yeah um you always think when someone goes and gets married and has kids and you're like not at that point in your life you're like oh they must be so happy and um especially if it's an ex who's hurt you yeah you're like fuck like romanticize what yeah and you're like damn they must be so happy i bet they're not even thinking about me and i just had this moment of realization where i was like that's not even remotely fucking true yeah because um

like my other ex shoe man he i can't remember if i've mentioned this or not but he cheated on his now wife with me very early on in their relationship and when i decided to tell her um they got engaged like a few weeks later and then in my head i was just like oh my god i can't believe like like this has been so painful for me I just like it I just was jealous that he was able to move on so quickly like I never wanted him back but I definitely was jealous because I wanted to be the one moving on quickly happy in a new relationship blah blah blah yeah and um then he was giving another girl everything that I had ever wanted in front of my face and you're just it's it's really painful to see that happen in front of you totally but then I had a moment

where I was like a guy cheating on a girl like and then rushing into marriage and having a kid he's not fucking ready for that are you kidding me no yeah it just clicked and I was like it all came like flooding me and I was like oh my god he's definitely not the person that like he I wanted him to be or like that he needs to be to be good like a good dad or a good husband yeah right yeah but it's so funny that like that's so universal that we tend to romanticize what our exes must be experiencing and I don't know why that is because I think that it's easier emotionally to just assume that they're doing badly but we like torture ourselves with the idea that they're doing really really well and when you actually think about the reality of how people interact

I want you to do well because you hurt me and I want you to hurt as much as I hurt that's the thing is like they do but they're expressing it differently and they're going to hurt other people yeah right there's a Kehlani song called faking it and there are some there are some lines in there that I feel like ring true but it's it's like some people are just better at faking it yeah they're just like and it's there are people don't want to look like they're doing badly when in my support group a lot of people ask about like how do you stop yourself from stalking on social media and like my the whole sentiment of what I try to say is basically like people are only showing the best parts and they're probably not showing even all of the best parts so you're

gonna fill in and how anxiety works is like we try to like fill in the gaps and we don't understand something because the anxious brain doesn't like having things unanswered so yeah the easiest connection to make is like oh they're with this person and they're not talking to me anymore they must be so happy and like that's kind of a far jump yeah and it might be true but it's also still kind of a jump it takes a lot of work to change so like there are there are so many layers to something like this like a painful breakup especially in the support group that you have like we're all kind of going through like have gone through that experience of um you are just like they must be so happy but change takes a lot of work and it is very likely they are treating

someone else the way that they treated you and the difference is is like that person doesn't know them you know them you know how they react and they have a new person that they can do that too yeah um and also like people have different needs so that person's needs might be different than yours and that might be a trade-off they're willing to make and i don't know like it's change takes a lot of work and it's really hard and um it's obvious when someone has been working on themselves yeah um and I don't know you're right with social media you want answers and you want to fill in the blanks yeah since all of this stuff has been going on with the support group and before that really like a lot of people were bringing up the word narcissist

and I always thought of narcissism as like the like super into themselves like cocky but like the personality disorder narcissist is entirely different and I think that it's really dangerous to like diagnose people but like totally if if you think that your ex might be a narcissist something that narcissists will do is publicly display all of the shit that you wanted them to do with their new person that's like a like textbook sign of something that narcissists do and that's like probably not the truth so I say this to say like there are things that people will do just to get back at their ex and it doesn't help you at all to know those things and that's the point that I had to get to I don't want to know I do not want to know what my ex is doing

period and for a very long time I wanted to know literally every step he was taking and who he was within those steps and the second that I stopped wanting to know I started feeling more peaceful yeah and that's a muscle you just have to like just understand that you aren't getting the whole story even if you think you are no because I was still blindsided and I thought that I had every single answer and it's so easy for us to forget what we know about that person yeah because like you get confused by what they're displaying and um you're like maybe it was me yeah like and you know maybe part of it was you yeah totally don't be ashamed to admit that it takes to the tango yeah um it's likely both of you were just triggering each other uh but we forget what

we know so quickly um we forget that we know like how like their manipulation tactics and things like that no more breath wasted on that one oh you know what I do kind of remember one thing I wanted to say um that I saw a tweet earlier today of like this girl had tweeted um screenshots of like she just told some guy that she had gone on a few dates with like I'm sorry before this gets more serious I just need to let you know like I can't do this I thought that I could like I'm assuming she probably just wasn't ready to date she's like i thought that i i was ready and i'm not um yeah and um like i wish you the best yeah just a general like you know how adults like let each other down yeah if you're just like you know i'm not into it and then the other person is like

that sucks but thanks for telling me yeah before you get too invested and um the guy that responded was like you're not even attractive like um i was just using you for sex and all of this like just terrible predictable shit and then the next day he said good morning like he didn't say any of that crazy shit and then the comments i was reading underneath were like men uh or like the biggest scam men have gotten away with is convincing everyone that women are the emotional ones yes that's so true and another one was just like men need healthier coping mechanisms and i was like this is so fucking true like it but it does make me sad yeah like that like instead of just admitting to yourself like that hurts like of course it's going to hurt it's gonna hurt your

feelings you don't have to fucking lash out yeah and then to lash out on this person like would you rather they date you and never care about you like yeah it's just the rejection they cannot handle some people just cannot handle rejection it's sad that was like um and it is hard like to be rejected you're like oh fuck that's embarrassing but there's a huge difference between being like oh my god i am so embarrassed yeah and lashing out yes god it's but um i'm just like oh my god i can't believe i did that i'm so i'm right just like take a deep breath before fucking responding that was like the when i got in the fight with the um the guy with herpes that i talked or maybe not with herpes that i talked about on a past episode

we had a big blowout about that it was mostly him yelling at me but he we had an argument and then the next day he texted me at like 11 a.m and he was like just thinking about you and I was like oh yeah what in particular he was like I just I just really like being around you I'm like you were yelling at me 12 hours ago like it's so if you're going to be mad like that and then not mad 10 minutes later then like take a breath before reacting also ask yourself why you need that kind of excitement yeah like yeah why do you need the excitement of fighting yeah it's just i don't know he he was the kind of person who would argue with me just for the sake of arguing like about politics and stuff like he would take the opposite stance yeah even if he agreed with me he would take the

opposite stance my ex did that uh shoe man did that so fucking annoying i'm like oh good you're i'm just playing devil's advocate the devil doesn't need any more advocates especially no more white male devil's advocates we don't need them shoe man was the devil he's not the devil's advocating for himself yeah wow cocky much you don't need any more advocates um yeah yeah shoe man doesn't need any more advocates i'm gonna start saying um shoe man just to play shoe man's advocate amelia samson ladies and gentlemen thank you thank you do you like movies of course you do do you love movies well so do we how's it i'm alex mccauley host of excuse the intermission a discussion show surrounding movies join me and my co-host max fosberg and grant columbini

each week as we conversate about films from the past the present and the future through fun and engaging podcast formats like movie drafts hall of fame lists tournament brackets and film reviews so whether it's the newest blockbuster or a resurgent black and white cult favorite you can count on us to keep you in the know on all things movie related excuse the intermission is a part of the chatter network what would you do if um there were no men for a day would women fill in the gaps that men have left behind such as random violence um ideally no it's just like if for one day like what if for one day a year just every man

just disappeared for the day it would be like the best version no no one knew where they went uh they didn't know where they went they just are gone for a day it was just a lost day for them yeah um i would go on night walks can it be the summer in this scenario whatever you want okay it's this it's august okay i would go on night walks and i would lay in the middle of a field in the middle of the night and look at the stars by myself i've always wanted to do that i feel like i can't even do that in my backyard um which is baseless because i live in a pretty safe area but it's still something that we have to think about as women like we don't know who's gonna wandering in my backyard so i'd do that i would drive for uber i'd make some girlfriends driving

for uber always wanted to do that i like part of me wondered i'm like what kind of events would happen on the day men are just gone um well in the it's so interesting the reason i even like asked this question is because um my boyfriend was with this was this was so long ago he was with like a few other people and like the women were like talking about what they would do if men just were gone for a day they just disappeared for a day and then he was like i thought that was really interesting and he was like what would you do and i was like first of all love that you're asking me this question and you're not like taking it personally phenomenal yeah because he's so woke i'm such a fan of his but i'm sure you know that by now me too

no but also like if you are a man and you're listening like this if if this question upsets you you're the man we're talking about yeah the men that i know that listen are listening to this and saying yeah yeah yeah honestly i feel like our male listeners are amazing yeah but i mean if you're just like popping in for this episode and you're offended by this question look look at that for yeah it's not to say like yes I like I so many people have explained it so well we know not all men but we don't know that with men we don't know like if I'm just walking down the street like I assume most men are gonna just leave me alone but I don't know which one won't yeah and that's why i have a taser and pepper spray yeah and an alarm like

there's always going to be at least one that is you know gonna follow just some girl into the grocery store it happens too often 100 of the women in this room right now that has happened too yep so that's fucked up i know it's between you and me it's happened to both of us god i hate that stuff and like just like i don't know but see my answer for what i would do if there were no men is the same answer for what i would do if i was a man for a day it's i just want to do shit and not have to worry about my safety yeah and like i started a whole discourse about this on tiktok where like men were asking what they can do to make women feel more comfortable in dating apps and i love that people were asking that but then there were people like well maybe you should

be more careful and it's like no we need to not teach women how to be more careful we need to teach men how to stop making women feel like they need to keep themselves safe and it's like um period period sis um a common recommendation is just like well women shouldn't be out after dark what if men had a curfew what if after dark when it's dark men are not allowed outside uh-huh and then i brought that up to my boyfriend he's like i'd be down for that and then he's like there would be a lot of heckling going on i was like no it's not allowed no no windows closed no heckling allowed during nighttime nope women get to go on their walk in peace jail heckle jail yeah stay inside out after 10 p.m jail yeah if it's dark no men allowed we

don't make the rules that's that's law um yeah it's it's really it's it's fucked up like it's The conversation has shifted from who is causing the problem. And again, not all men, we fucking know. If I get one fucking email about this, I'm going to explode. One goddamn email. Yeah, because we understand that there are good men, but there are too many bad men. It's shifted from how do we solve the issue?

It's like birth control. Why don't we just unload the gun instead of wear a bulletproof vest? period but of course like men can't handle the side effects that's why they like hate wearing a mask they they don't know how to be uncomfortable i'm getting heated what was your answer for what you would do if there were no men um i was like i uh i feel like i would like walk around at night i'd take an uber and not have to fucking listen to some guy say some dumb shit and ask me for my number like i don't know i and then i would dress like so slutty oh yeah just dress in my sluttiest outfit and like rave clothes all day yeah pasties flirt with girls yeah fuck yeah

is a dream we should see if we could like like make this happen one day man we're gonna send you all to malibu or something sorry maybe not malibu i mean they belong in florida though they need to be florida man okay i'm feeling that all men are florida man all men are florida men the lawless swamp of florida i think it's just crocodiles and men yep that's it that's all florida needs and sewage i've never been to florida it's rough there's men there i don't plan on visiting yep men not going but this is kind of in the same vein so um a listener had sent us uh like a bunch of videos of i don't know if you watch them on instagram she sent us a bunch of videos but it's a screen recording of this conversation she had with this guy where she was

like basically like i don't feel comfortable going to your house because i don't know you like i just met you on this app i like don't want to be murdered and she was like making a joke about it she's like um she's like haha i watch a lot of true crime and this guy took it so personally he's like i'm not gonna murder you i'm not one of those guys and he was like a dick about it that sounds like something a murderer and then she was like i'm just like not really interested anymore and then he just like kind of treated her like she was crazy for being for like looking out for her own safety well yeah she she and i was like this plan she handled it beautifully yeah she handled it so well and then and i just like when when someone behaves that way you know you

dodged a bullet oh my god yeah that tells you everything you need to know yeah if someone blows up on you and you're like just doing like the bare minimum to keep protect yourself well and it's just it's it's a fucked up like cycle of like well women should just like know better and like do more to protect themselves and then when we do there's men who are like i can't believe you would think i would do that yeah it's like oh my god what the fuck do you want from me yeah i know it's like we can't damned if we do and we're damned if we don't and then they make a twitter account to bother you from or try six years down the line yeah six years later i the date that i'm going on tomorrow he offered so we have a mutual friend so and it's checked out and she only had

the best things to say about him and he offered us to just like drink wine at his apartment and I was like okay this is a mutual friend this would be a good scenario for me to be like okay I'll go to your apartment like I feel like I can trust you because I trust our mutual friend but then it's just like rule of thumb for myself let's just meet at a bar and I texted him that today I'm like I actually think I would feel more comfortable meeting at a bar and he was like okay great here are some options and like that was it like that's how you handle somebody looking out for their safety I was so impressed I was like how did I get naked maybe I will go to your place but like that's just like just the the understanding that we feel uncomfortable and

we've been made to feel uncomfortable over time yeah is that I respect that so much from men just being like you must feel unsafe it's not personal no we're not like agreeing to go on a date with you and like we're like oh i hope this guy murders me it's just basic things that we're doing to look out for our own safety right and i'm saying this as someone who is very reckless in my early 20s i'm realizing how maternal i'm getting the older i get oh same but little uzi vert just got um a 24 million dollar diamond implanted in its forehead i heard about that and i haven't seen it it's look it up it's awful and my reaction i was with music man he's the one that told me about it and i had a full meltdown i was like why would he do that to his face

in like a maternal sense i don't fucking know this man and i'm like i felt personally victimized by this diamond in his face look on his instagram it's a video of it it has 17 million views this video of him dancing with his diamond in his forehead okay i just looked up lil uzi for diamond how do you get a diamond implanted in your head yeah music man was trying to explain that to me i was just like but he like he thinks that what it is is like there's a bar in it and it just kind of like slotted into his face oh you know what i bet it's probably like a dermal piercing but it's huge i thought that too but like dermals are so small what if it's like the dermal anchor could still be like small and then the actual diamond could be yeah that's true

i don't know that is a ridiculous amount of money apparently if you take it out the wrong way it can kill you and he's been talking about how he's yeah he's like not gonna make it to 28 he's in the 27 club it's just a whole he is joking about that no i don't think he's joking the whole thing is confusing to me but i had this reaction of like why would you do that to your face why would you do that to your face i just can't i are you seeing it i'm just reading about it and did you see the picture of it it's huge yeah it's upsetting it's upsetting because it's one of those things where you're just like i know that hurt and it makes my butthole clench

you know exactly what i'm talking about yeah we had a whole discourse about it about like how he's just doing it for shock factor he's doing it for the reaction that i'm having right now and like who cares his net worth is less than that diamond so it's all very confusing i i don't know like i'm not even like why would he do that to his face i'm more like do whatever you want but it upsets me it i wish i thought it was cool instead of just looking at it and being like that looks like it fucking hurt yeah see that's the thing i'm so do whatever the fuck you want to your body but my maternal instinct i had the almost reaction of like if my son was doing it i'm like why would you do that to yourself you got very like uh italian and jewish and you're

like yeah oh my god what are you doing it all it all jumped out at once why don't you become a doctor like your brother become a doctor like you got this beautiful face you got this beautiful put the diamond in your forehead i carried this face for nine months the least you could do is call your mother very least the very least you could do instead of spending all that money on your diamond you could have spent it on your mother put it into a phone she gave you so much life for one soup when you're sick you get a fucking diamond in your face you could be my italian mom i kind of know you're younger than me but the second someone's being mean to you online i i turn into yeah i know i i stop everything i'm doing i'm like i'm fucking in when i sent

amelia a screenshot of what was going down today she was like i'm big mad this is like i think it's kind of funny i'm like i don't think it's funny at all he's embarrassing his wife he's embarrassing his child what is this man doing what is he doing he's gonna ruin his child he's raising a boy that's atrocious that's atrocious the last thing we need is another man like this in the world you guys can't see me but i'm doing the italian hand yeah we both there's a lot of hands going on right now there's something that feels so good about just ranting like that yeah right i should have my brother send in a clip of him doing his his voice like

that he does an italian mother voice and it's it's phenomenal fuego fuego um this is gonna be a very heated episode it really is i'm gonna find a sex fact um do you have anything to say oh i forgot sex fact of the week sex fact of the week i feel like our song's been pretty consistent it's just so easy to sing it in that cadence ready for a sex fact of the week liz from our sexpert expert that's me i feel i need to start pulling my weight liz and doing the the sex fact research yeah looking for a sex fact if you do anything else for this podcast i i'll have nothing i like that both of us uh appreciate how much hell it is yeah that's so true um if you were bringing in the audience i wouldn't have an audience to edit for so i wouldn't have a podcast

to to show to the audience that is coming in if you weren't editing it and setting up all the tech I sometimes I think about how much of a train wreck this would be if I was doing it alone and I lol that's because you're the busiest woman alive I know it's because I'm completely useless with tech stuff completely useless people will come to me when like their tv breaks or their internet breaks because like I've been online for a long time I'm like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing I'm seriously useless with tech stuff so anyway Liz does everything for this podcast um that's on the record now okay she edits she does tech we are um an equal okay couple i love it we have 50 50 responsibilities and they show up in different ways and we appreciate each

other and the things that we both do i love that yeah that's a beautiful healthy marriage we have yeah i've also publicly said that me and lizard right now on her picture today so the world knows she said what did you say i'm so lucky to be married to you i almost said something he posted a picture of you and your boyfriend on twitter and can i say that he's so lucky i let you yeah i was about to say that i was like he's so lucky that i share you with him did i end up saying that did i actually end up sending that i don't think so okay because that's like exactly what i was gonna say and i was like i don't know maybe that's a little heavy-handed okay sex fact of the week post-sex sadness is a real thing i have felt that so many times i have too and sometimes when a when

a man feels like a soft boy to me i say the first thing i say is he probably cries after sex and i've said it derogatorily and apparently that's not a word but apparently it's a thing okay so this says this is on health.com are you getting feedback no okay have you ever cried after sex even really good sex if the answer is yes you might be relieved to hear that this is actually very common and there's even a name for it post-coital dysphoria i knew i was gonna fuck that up i'm gonna take that back poised i'm keeping this in i can't talk post-coital dysphoria or pcd is characterized by intense feelings of sadness anger and distress after sex most likely after orgasm ian kerner phd certified sex therapist previously told health pcd can even happen after

masturbating there isn't enough research on pcd to know exactly why it occurs but kerner believes it has to do with surges in certain hormones it can also grandpa knows what's up he's like same it can also come from post from past no balls oh this is actually kind of sad this it can come from past trauma stemming from a prior sexual assault that makes a lot of sense if you find yourself overwhelmed by the post-sex blues seeing a therapist might be able to help you get to the bottom of it that's so interesting because i've definitely been like very emotional after sex and it makes a lot of sense to me now yeah um because of like i in bdsm they call that a drop and um in those circumstances it's more of because your adrenaline is just like pumping

and um and uh and then you know you have this adrenaline drop after yeah um so that makes sense uh but I when I have like gotten very emotional afterwards in the past it's definitely been a result of like um I have always felt like objectified oh um if I'm like being honest with myself like sex never really felt about me when I had it yeah ever and um like the first time it did like he broke my heart like but yeah most of the time it felt like an obligation and then if I cared about someone so much and I had sex with them afterwards I would feel really unfulfilled emotionally because like that was the only way that they were connecting with me yeah yeah and I needed more than that totally and not being able to put your finger on why you were

feeling so sad at the time like it's good that you've recognized it now but I can't even imagine the feeling of not knowing why you're feeling so sad after sex that's awful so I think like I think a good takeaway is if you are feeling sad after sex if you feel like crying after sex there's an actual word for it and it's something that you should probably look into because you don't need to be feeling like that um and some tips on how you can like help with this is uh if you listen to our episode called the good word um we talk about something called aftercare and i will always stand by this I think anyone having sex should be practicing aftercare and it is the practice of like showing each other um you care about each other in like the love language that matters

most to you it could be a combination of like snuggling and you know telling like your partner telling you reasons why they care about you or something like that like there are all kinds of different things maybe you need a little bit of time to yourself to reflect like I think that everyone should take aftercare really seriously like it doesn't matter if you're having kinky sex or not yeah yeah because um there is a lot of emotional things that can go into having sex and you don't know what someone's life has been like before sleeping with them totally and honestly if and if you're not thinking about like you want the other person to have the best time possible when you're having sex then you should not be having sex totally amen it's a group effort

whenever a guy has asked me what I want and I didn't realize it was aftercare at the time whenever a guy has asked me what I need from them after sex I it's like oh my god like that level of care of like after sex you care what I feel like oh my god how did I get in this wedding dress because it's it's really such a sign of um respect that it's like how can I make you feel better after this experience so if you don't feel comfortable talking to your partner about what you need from them after sex um that's probably a conversation you need to have why like why don't you feel comfortable talking about it yeah because it's such an intimate thing and people can really have a drop like you said even if you're not having kinky sex you can still

have that drop so I don't know just take care of yourself like I didn't yeah I don't know once I had a word for like aftercare and what I needed it made a lot more sense to me yeah and I was like oh my god this should be an active part of sex always um have you been seeing those tiktoks that are like wait until girls find out we're not attracted to them after we come or something like that no god I've seen a few of them and then like girls will come back and be like you know say something else snarky like wait until they find out that i can't even think of an example right now um that's so fucking annoying today well and like if that's how you treat sex like don't have sex i don't know yeah like or like that's really terrible yeah no that's that's really really

that's it's and to say it publicly is fucked up you're just admitting to to everyone that like you see women as objects yeah and admitting it doesn't mean that it doesn't negate the responsibility to fix it yeah like you guys are like i'm toxic okay fix it like don't be proud of that i don't know i can't believe i haven't seen that and i hope i start seeing the most important thing to remember is objectification is a fucking choice yeah it is your choice to objectify other people yep so don't make that choice uh if you can't consider another person's feelings don't have sex okay all right anyway we love you we love you so much if you're listening on apple podcast please drop us a little review it helps us a lot follow us on spotify

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fucking pros Thank you.