The Hoely Hour - E40 Undercover F*cker

Episode Date: May 20, 2021

Welcome to The Hungover Hour. Bestie of the Pod, Anna, calls in with a v important question: who even has sex under the covers? Also if you get a period, you need this super weird life hack. Suck it, 5 minute crafts! Liz shares a home-wrecking horror story, plus the girls answer listener questions like: when can you unmatch someone, and how to tell a potential partner your appendage is offensively large. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy see terms i'm gonna just everyone listening i am mad hungover today i am really doing my best and it's not doing a great job now this is my hair of the dog Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sanson. And I'm Liz Ball. For whatever reason, it feels like it's been a very long time since we've done an intro, but it's because we didn't record last week. Yeah, so technically it's been two weeks. It's nice to be back. Yeah, but we took a break from recording because we were ahead of the game with recording.

And I needed a mental health moment. it was just really nice too to like hang out and not have to record we had a whole debacle debacle debacle I'd say debacle this is the issue with having growing up with a dad with an accent I'm like always second guessing how I'm saying words garage aluminum the first time I heard garage I was like it means garage it blew my mind I was like what's a garage and then they went to a garage and I was like oh that's what they meant by garage why did we say garage yeah Americans are only you know anyway um we had a debacle with our Thai food the week that we weren't recording um it took us like two and a half hours to get our Thai food and we were convinced that the guy

spit in it and it just it was very confusing and he was being a dick about it yeah he was like a kid too he was like a teenager and I was like listen man I don't I don't really care just don't lie to me and don't spit in my food yeah and then well and then we also called uh like actual door dash to be like hey here's the situation but you know I just I I don't want to wait this long for some cold food yeah and then and then the guy he was like totally understand we're gonna reimburse you and then and then we were working i was like shit this guy's gonna get in trouble because he like went off to the doordash guy yeah about how like the restaurant is unreliable and he's gonna decline orders from them and i was like i i straight up asked the doordash guy i was like

who do you think's lying the restaurant is so funny because i literally don't care but i just i was curious yeah and now this is tea yeah it's like now i'm just interested what you think i was like just just curious who do you think's lying the dasher or the restaurant and i don't want to screw over either you know liz was being so measured about the whole thing she's like i feel so bad i was like fuck it and these are people's livelihoods totally but like it was obviously the driver's fault and he was just obviously like a prick so i was like no whatever fuck him over i was like the devil on her shoulder and sometimes you need someone to give you uh some chutzpah yeah well i'm here for it so don't fuck with my food this is the italian and then we

then we saved it and gave it to my boyfriend and his roommate i was like it's unlikely that he spit in our food but you know just in case because we gave him a hassle yeah just concerned he was like that is a risk i'm willing to take he's like okay i'll eat it it's the best he eats things off the ground so i truly believe i know so many men that are just like human garbage disposals they'll just like eat whatever you give them you know and i'm i'm proud of him i think that's why he didn't get covid his immune system is strong my immune system is strong for kissing a lot of strangers in college oh my god that's so after college to be honest are you raised with did you have dogs growing up no apparently growing up with dogs makes your immune system stronger because they

bringing so many germs in the house interesting so thanks we're a health podcast now yeah welcome to the healthy hour suck it fauci we are the sorts of truth although we do still think you should get vaccinated also we love you fauci yeah we love you so i have a fun little voice note for you from one of my friends oh um and i think it would be fun for us to discuss i'm gonna just drop it in yeah because she sent it as like an audio file cute i love that it's from anna and i was like can i put this on the podcast okay so quick little voice memo while I'm driving on the way home um just you know I'm thinking and you know how in movies and tv shows people are always having sex under the covers like the guy just rolls over on top of like who

the girl and just kind of starts going at it you know kissing passionately but like my thought processes like are there people who religiously have only under the cover sex is it like or like do it frequently like I can't remember the last time I had sex under the covers and I just feel like it'd be so confining and sweaty and just like claustrophobic even and you really it was like only for missionary right and I guess you could like go down on somebody but again really hot and confining could not imagine anything worse um and yeah so I'm just that's just something I randomly thought about like are there people who like are only under the cover sex people that is so fucking funny I when she sent it to me I was like wait a minute I haven't thought

about this I haven't I haven't either but that's such a good question I mean it is always under the covers in movies but I think that's probably for like a rating reason but like what I'm trying to think I mean the person that I've been sleeping with okay actually I I'm almost exclusively an over the covers fucker yeah I'm always I can't remember the last time I had sex under the covers and I feel like I would have only done that or started out in that is if I was really cold and yeah if I was just like freezing that makes sense you know but I I don't think it I think maybe it starts out with like some hand stuff under the covers before it's any anything else because everything after that then you're all warmed up I'm just thinking normally when I'm

like for the past like year I've been hooking up with people and it starts on the couch and then it ends up on top of the covers do you pull back the covers no see the comedian would but like or is it on top of a made bed it's on top of a made bed and I think the reason that I'm pausing is because like I'm thinking of why that might be and maybe they don't want to fuck up their sheets i would not want to fuck up my duvet cover it's harder to wash the duvet oh yeah um but i yeah i would rather fuck up my sheets because you can cover them up and you can they're cheaper to replace that's true and um sometimes i like will bleed oh yeah you don't want to and that's so much easier on sheets me and the and music man exclusively have sex on his couch and

in his kitchen the first time we had sex was on his bed the first time but that was over the covers but there's always he always has a ton of laundry on his bed and he always apologizes for it i'm like i think you just don't want to have sex on your bed and that's fine you don't have to we don't there are other places i would have sex with you anywhere sir i don't it doesn't need to be the bed it's like the green eggs and ham of sex for you is him i will do it here or there i will do it anywhere music man i would do it in a tree i would do it i don't know with a b that's the first thing i could think of that right oh my god oh wow this is the dr seuss that fox news is warning us about

i actually don't know what the controversy was tucker carlson being like a podcast called the holy hour this is the liberal agenda women the liberal agenda to maybe like um excuse me i'm a leftist not a liberal you'd be like I'm a socialist with his dumb Tucker Carlson face I think I'll know that we made it when we get Ben Shapiro really angry about something okay getting back to the question um I would say I'm almost I'm basically exclusively in over the over the covers yeah unless I'm very cold like you're saying I think the last time I had sex under the covers was camping like honestly I literally cannot think of it I have to go back through my head this is such a good question remember like when is the last time I've had

sex under the covers I like even when I'm thinking about like more recent experiences where it's been really fucking cold eventually I'll warm up I'm like hey I'm really cold right now and then and then you know like snuggle me for a couple minutes until I warm up yeah yeah yeah yeah and we can go do stuff but yeah we warm each other up it gets warm it gets warm it does it does physical and you get tangled in the sheets too it's never as smooth as it seems who and who wants to just do missionary not me like are you is it a secret that would make sense that's I think that would be the only circumstance I would want to have sex under the covers as if it has to be a secret is there a word for sex when you're like when it's when you're trying to be secret about it

Is there, like, a word? Because I feel like that's a kink. Sex grit. Sex grit. But it feels like a kink. Like, I love the idea of having sex in people. Like, it's kind of like having sex in public. Uh-huh.

But not even just that. Like, being very, like, with people in the room. What is that? There has to be a word for it. Someone messaged us. It's not, because I said something about voyeurism. Oh, exhibitionism. Yeah.

so maybe exhibitionism maybe but people that would be if people were watching and that would be it's more of the idea of getting caught yeah you could get caught we're gonna call it sex grip for right now yeah if that feels good secret sex grip um oh so i know i've told you about this but i thought it would be interesting for our listeners so there was a tiktok i had seen like a long time ago months ago um and it was like what is a weird fact you know only because of your super specific job and someone duetted it and she said your spit can get out your own blood from like yes clothes and stuff and i mean i can't remember what her job was but um it's like because it's like the same dna yeah that's why it can get your own blood out fucking fascinating so

i had just bought a brand new pair of jeans from madewell and if you guys have bought madewell jeans they are not cheap i always buy them on sale but like even on sale they're fucking expensive they're the only jeans that make me look like i have a butt so it's worth the investment to me i think jeans are one of those things that are worth an investment oh for sure anyways it was my first time wearing these jeans and my period has sucked from Prozac and just been really heavy and I had blood through my underwear into like these brand new fucking light wash jeans and I was like no and I remembered this fact and I spit on the stain and like rubbed it out with a towel and it came out most of it came out what yeah phenomenal yeah that is that is a fact everybody

needs to know honestly truly you tested it it's true yeah I didn't put my mouth on this just to be clear I don't want period blood in my mouth no I don't have a big problem with it it's just the fact that like it's your period you know I I've been thinking about this a lot do you want your own period blood in your mouth like so bad no I'm just kidding I I have a friend who recently ate a girl out when she was on her period and my initial reaction was uh and I don't think periods are gross yeah me either I'm just like I don't want it in my mouth yeah I don't want any blood in my mouth I don't want anyone else's blood in my mouth no and like I I don't know I don't know like period blood is not I it's clumpy it's like clotty yeah that's just I don't want that I don't

it's it's very like viscous and mucusy I know those aren't like fun descriptors but it's true and I don't want it in my mouth good for your friend yeah I was I mean he was he yeah I think nothing was gonna stop him that night you know what I mean it wasn't like he was being like sex positive about it he was just like I need this vagina in my mouth good for him more power to him honestly but like that I love that for him no like I don't think you could I don't think he could pay me enough like I yeah no and and again like I don't think periods are gross at all but I'm not trying to have it in my mouth yeah I don't know well and I mean like but also you could eat someone out and avoid not get any blood on you if they're like using a cup or a tampon she

had a tampon in but it was still like obvious enough you see I didn't I kind of stopped him giving me details because I was like this is kind of grossing me out right now I have a million and want questions call him in hey tell us about this experience hey i know i didn't warn you i know you're at your mom's for mother's day right now sometimes it's like um uh like an award like oh i got my red wings i told him that phrase and he had never heard it i don't think this is a thing that people know red wings i think it's annoying when people get mad like because like our periods are not predictable we can like you know gauge what day they might come or probably come if and that's only if they're consistent yeah if it's consistently 28 days or consistently 30

which is very rare yeah those lucky bitches but for most of us you wake up and there's blood everywhere it's the fucking worst no matter it's just always a surprise it is i have a weird thing where i'll have a dream about my period and then you'll get it yeah the next day i'll wake up and then i'll like go pee and have my period it it's that's kind of nuts it's cool that is really cool yeah you have like a period intuition yeah whoa being a woman is fucking dope we are dreams about your period our yeah our bodies are pretty amazing did you see that also like what kind of person has a dream about their period so weird is that like that's a weird thing to dream about you're a little psychic I honestly think I kind of am a little yeah I mean you probably are some some I'm not

as psychic as you I think you have a little bit of witchy in you like I really definitely would embrace that I remember one time my mom joked about I like made a joke about being a witch and she was like do not fuck with that and I was like witches are dope okay yeah I hate to tell you this but i'm not catholic you raised me that way and that's why i'm not god i was reading a lot about the salem witch trials recently because um i was watching oh my god what is that movie that it has charlie's there on in it she's like can't be killed she like is immortal anyway it was like a netflix film that was like big for a sec and they were killing witches in it and they threw her friend that they thought was a witch but just couldn't die there was like one she was

one of them in this metal casket and dropped it into the ocean but she couldn't die so she just spent all of eternity in this box in the in the ocean and I was like is that how they would actually kill witches so I was learning I read about the Salem witch trials and the shit that they would do to these people if you would admit that you were a witch they would just torture you and if you would say you weren't then they would kill you there was just you were fucked if you were accused of it you were fucked and in like witches were the baddest bitches too like they were they were women that like just were like smart yeah well it's um i recently learned about the term gossip it originally didn't mean anything negative because women in um communities knew so

much about their communities because they'd share information with each other that it was threatening to men to know things that they didn't know so they like made gossip like a bad thing like oh you're just gossiping and then they made like torture devices where if you moved your tongue it would like slice your tongue what the fuck uh-huh this is like medieval shit so that's so men created the idea that women hate each other and gossip is like a negative thing but like process sharing and processing information i think is just like part of being a community yeah it's instinctual that would have been honestly when I think about it like I the only girls I like didn't really like were ones that were like outwardly rude to me same

same it's like yeah now I don't like you I've also realized as I've gotten older you know and like you'd be in public and you would see like women like obviously talking about you and you would just assume like they're talking shit as I've gotten older and whatever I'm talking about a woman I see in public I'm always like she's so hot or like oh my god I love her shirt yeah I'm like I think it's not just us that do that I think a lot of women compliment each other from afar and but like we're we're socialized to think that everyone's talking shit I don't know what and I've I've actually never thought that you've never thought that somebody's talking I've also got bullied a lot yeah I've never like I'd like there were definitely like super mean girls I think

get everyone that everyone's had to deal with that like they just kind of go out of their way to be catty and like I do remember one time in elementary school I decorated like shirts with like puff paint with one of my friends and um some girl was like making fun of our shirts like at Target and I was like mom she said something about my shirt and she was like who cares what she thinks and then and then i never wore it again oh i know i thought it was so cool and um kids are so mean it's when that cheryl crow song came out uh i feel like i can hear the tune in my head but i can't think of what how it actually goes um i'm gonna soak up the sun oh yeah i'd put some of the lyrics on this shirt cute yeah

that she was probably so fucking jealous of your shirt yeah she wasn't even cute about it yeah fuck you whoever you are random girl in target who probably had her own shit going on at home i hope you're doing well now yeah fucking hope you've worked through that trauma we all had a phase where we were a little mean unnecessarily i never had that phase oh that's i wish i did you were bullied and i was probably a bully i honestly think that that's it gave me so much empathy for people once I stopped being bullied I don't know what gave me so much empathy I now I have so much that it pains me sometimes wow I feel that so hard I'm like yeah you just watch one thing and you're like oh my god I uh my boyfriend sent me this video of like a goose harassing this horse

and the horse kicks it and then someone's doing a voiceover where it's like makes it funny yeah but i was like wait that goose probably died like why did you send this to me me as fuck that is like i know you thought that this would be funny and cute but i'm really sad i am upset i witnessed a death i did not volunteer to witness oh i saw that video yeah the goose like kind of like and it's like i'm like that goose is dead it got just taken out by this horse it was so sad that goose is dead pour some pour some out for the goose oh my god here's to our dead homies oh god i hope i hope that goose is doing okay no it's definitely that goose did not make it i think you i don't think the goose belonged to

anyone either like no one would take the time to like take this goose to a vet you know and also how often does a goose like a veterinarian deal with a goose i don't know i don't know how you'd be able to save this goose i think its neck was broken oh poor goose i hated that i just said what happened to it but i saw a bunny after i had gotten hit by a car and i can't i fucking can't with that and after the bunny had gotten hit by a car yeah and it was still alive and i was like i need to bring i need to take that i need to take that bunny to the vet i have to take that and I was thinking about how ridiculous it would be to pull up with this wild rabbit to a vet but I mean like they're animals too and I'm sure that vets are trained in helping all kinds of

animals because people have the weirdest goddamn pets but it made me so sad I like to think he's okay though interesting story I talked to one of my friends who works at as a vet tech and I was like so have you guys gotten more or less business now that people are home all the time and she's a she's like we've gotten so many more like like triple the amount of uh people visiting the vet wow because people are around their pets more so they're more like hyper focused on like oh he's looping for some reason whereas like maybe they wouldn't have noticed that before if they hadn't been home i know oh we're so lucky to have pets i saw this tiktok today of this girl whose cat got stung by a bee and she was freaking the fuck out and like it was really funny she was not having

a good time but it's so funny she was like his paws the size of a light bulb and she like pans over the cat and the cat's just like chilling looking out the window and she's like sobbing Like that's me. Whenever Ruffin like slips or like falls down like two steps, my whole day is over. What's up, Scream team? Kristen Marlowe here to tell you about a Chatter Network show called the Silver Screams podcast. It's a show where my friends Max, Derek and I watch scary movies and then we talk about them. Be sure to stick around for the kill count where we tally up the bodies and break down our favorites, whether it's death by dog attack or getting sucked into the dream realm through your mattress. don't miss a scary second of it every friday wherever you get your podcast fix stay spooky scream team

tell your story about your backpack so tell your little story tell your little story tell your backpack story okay so i often forget this story but it is just really bizarre and like a fun story to tell um so when i first moved here um i didn't know anyone i didn't know anyone at my job and within my first week like the place that we worked was just like really fun and chill and we have a lot of amazing like co-workers they're all my friends and um it was a Thursday yeah it was Thursday and we would all our whole team worked from home on Friday so we went out Thursday night and I had my backpack with my laptop in it and um everyone's trickling out and leaving and I was like having a conversation with um my co-worker's friend and he was like the

last to leave my co-worker was the last to leave and he is the person who trained me directly so he's kind of like a big brother um just took me under his wing really really great guy and um he we met up with some of his friends and then I was talking to like a couple of his friends and then I was like I was wrapping up a conversation and then I was gonna leave like maybe five minutes after our co-worker left and his friends do not work with us by the way and so um I get up and I was like where's my backpack because I had hung it next to the booth we were sitting in and the area we work in is not like the best area yeah and um I look around my backpack's not there we go and talk to the bartender and the back like he's they're like yeah sometimes shit gets stolen

from here and i was like what the fuck and then i would like fucking my keys were in there and there was no way for me to get into my building and i didn't have in my building i also didn't have phone service i only had like my wi-fi connection in my apartment and so i was just like luckily i had my wallet and my phone like the two arguably the two most important things But my phone was starting to die. It was, like, on its last few percentages. And my boyfriend at the time still lived in Las Vegas. And I called him, like, crying.

And I was, like, my backpack was stolen. And he treats me like I'm a stupid child. Like, I gave my backpack away to a stranger. What the fuck? He was just, like, he's such an asshole. He's really condescending. And he's, like, I can't believe this. And I was, like, my phone's going to die.

But can you please help me, like, call hotels in this area or something? and like everywhere was booked up and then like I didn't know anyone at work so I couldn't be like hey my shit got stolen um I don't know what like can I stay with you for the night yeah and then our co-worker he was like I feel so bad like I was just drunk playing video games I didn't understand that like Liz didn't have anywhere to stay he's like otherwise like she could have just stayed with us like him and his fiance and uh I and his fiance is like so cool she's the one um who does like the astrology and tarot readings creative cusp one so one of his friends the one who was like doing the most to try and help me like find my my shit and he was like you know

what worst case you can just sleep on my couch and I was like and he and he's married so I was like so in my head i'm like okay well this person is like there was another there was another guy there who like he didn't have a girlfriend or anything and we lived in the same neighborhood but he gave me major creep vibes and you have to pay attention to that yeah my gut instinct was like absolutely not and um was it one of his friends it's like a friend of a friend got it and i was just like i something isn't does not feel right about this and i just like trusted the other guy more and the fact that he was married i was like okay he has a wife it's so much safer with another woman there that was my immediate thought was like thinking i defaulted to thinking about my safety

and then i was like okay i can sort the other shit out tomorrow and then my like the emergency number for um the locksmith he wasn't answering and i was like great no one is fucking answering like there's no way for me to just get inside my apartment and yeah this is like five days into me living in seattle that's the fucking worst case scenario yeah so um we're in the uber back and i'm like still crying and i was like thank you so much i'm so sorry i like don't i don't know what to do I'm I like yeah I was just like crying hysterically and then I was like wait is your wife gonna be like mad and then he was like I'll deal with that later so he like knew she was gonna be upset and I like get there and I sit on the couch and she they get into an argument

and they're fighting for like hours in the middle of the night hours about you being there yeah and they have a spare bedroom and I had to sleep on the couch because she don't want me in the spare bedroom and then his argument to her was like okay if I'm cheating on you do you really think I'd be stupid enough to bring this girl back with me she got even madder obviously but that's a good point yeah yeah and he's like a very smart guy so that was his argument and then um and then so I still slept on the couch and I was just like quietly weeping on their couch were they having this argument in their bedroom yes okay and I could hear it and then I was like god this sucks and I did not want to be there no one wanted me there I didn't want to be there it was just all

around a bad situation and then um I left the second I don't think I slept at all maybe I slept like 30 minutes and finally um the locksmith answered and I was like I'm so sorry my stuff was stolen along with my keys and I can't get into my apartment can you please let me in and I was like what's the earliest you can get there and he's like I could be there in 30 minutes I was like you got it I ubered away as soon as possible and then since I had their address I like tracked I had been sharing my location and stuff with other people and I like um made sure I got the address when I got there and then I was like I said I felt terrible so I sent so I sent the wife a gift and then she texted me and she was like I'm so sorry for the way I reacted and I was like

I totally understand and everyone I've told this story to was like no her reaction is unacceptable that's ridiculous yeah because all circumstances considered like it totally sucks and like if your relationship is that fragile you got some stuff to work on right um so i she was like i'm so sorry for the way i reacted blah blah blah and i was like my thought process was like if there's another woman in the plate in the home i will be more safe i was only thinking about my safety like I'm sorry for intruding and then she didn't reply which is fine I didn't expect her to but then she continues to get mad about it what yeah so like she told someone else's story she got re-angry so then our co-worker and his fiance are always like oh my god because if I had if like

my co-worker had understood like I didn't have anywhere to stay that night like it would have been no problem if I stayed there and I could have stayed in a spare bedroom just as a woman who has lived a life as somebody who probably has had to look over her shoulder like women do you would think that there would be like a tiny bit of empathy and to be like this guy is great like he seems really great yeah it's just like this man loves you come on I don't know I really hope he signed a prenup sorry that's a bad thing to say she sounds like a pill so then like there was another time where like I had I used to show up to my therapy appointments like super hung over so there was one day I'd gone to therapy I was like slightly hung over I didn't have any makeup

on and then our co-worker called me and he was like hey I'm hanging out at Linda's with a few friends like come meet up with us and I was like okay I'll come there after my appointment it and um like drink some bloody marys and so the guy was there his friend that i had to stay at his house and um he had brought his brother too and and then i was like oh hey nice to see you because i generally like try to avoid him because i i don't want to be the reason like the a couple fights i don't want i don't want the smoke you know i'm not asking for it i don't want any of it i just want to live my fucking life so but i was like oh hey how's it going and then like we all started joking about it and talking about it and then his brother made a really good point he was

like okay well the opposite of that would be to just leave you in pioneer square by yourself yeah and any woman would be pissed at her husband for leaving a woman alone in the middle of pioneer square of all places and i have nowhere to go i don't know anyone my phone's dying like you want me to wander around Pioneer Square by myself yeah I don't think so and that's such a good point yeah and I was like hey wait a minute yeah like and the more I thought about it too like the the older I get and the more I think about that experience the more I'm like I am like on my own side you know I'm not like oh I'm just like well my ex-boyfriend would treat me like I was such a dumb ass like i did have like i had some bad luck like i've just been unlucky in certain circumstances and like

i lose stuff whatever yeah you know right i mean i'm a human yeah i'm gonna make mistakes yeah oh but the best part of this fucking backpack story so i'm finally able to get back into my apartment it's probably like 6 a.m and i email my boss what happened and i was like my backpack was stolen with my laptop in it I get a phone call and I ignored it and then it calls again and I was like oh I wonder who this is and I answered it and then they were like hey um my friend accidentally took your backpack last night she was like super drunk at this bar and she has a backpack that looks like that and like in her drunk brain just thought it was hers and then um I was like oh my god where can i pick it up and like i they were like we work together so we're gonna be like doing

our shift at this restaurant i think it's like red robin or something and i like uh take an uber there i think it was it was in tequila so i uber there and i get my stuff and i was like oh my god thank you so much and then um her friend was like super hungover and she was so ashamed like came she's like I'm so sorry I was like yeah I just started this new job and the girl who called me she was like I was like how are you able to get my information and she's like well you had like a planner in here and it had like your contact information and like I had my resumes in it um and like I in the dates it's like moving to Seattle interview at this place interview at this place women should work for the FBI exclusively and she was like she was like I feel like I know

your life story because I knew you just moved here oh my god and then she was it was so sweet and then um I was like yeah I was really worried because I like this is my first time having a work laptop and then her friend her friend who took my backpack was like oh my god there's a laptop in there oh my god wait I want to hang out with them I like gave them a hug it was hilarious oh I didn't know that that because I knew that you that you found it I knew that somebody accidentally took it but I didn't hear that story of you going and picking it up I love that it was very serendipitous I got all my shit back uh it was really nice to and then and then since the computer I got it replaced with was nicer than my the computer they originally gave me um I got to

keep the nicer computer and just get back the old one yeah nice so that's uh my crazy backpack story oh god i just like that that wife i never want to knock anybody for feeling insecure because we don't know people's pasts and also there's a point at which you have to recognize that it's good guy behavior having this woman who has nowhere else to go sleep on the couch yeah the fuck well and i could like i could have slept in the spare bedroom but his wife was like right explicitly like now like I didn't I did nothing wrong I did nothing wrong at all you would just hope that another woman would be like you know understanding yeah and that's just that's disappointing and I like when I think about it like if this had happened to like me and my boyfriend let's say we lived

together yeah and this was a circumstance he was in like maybe initially I'd be like okay wait what's actually going on and then I would scope out the situation like this is to say if I was insecure yeah like that's how I would probably handle it right like be like okay sure yeah and then talk to her and get a feel for it myself yeah instead of like not staying mad about it yeah she could have come out and seen like my makeup had just been running down my face for the last like two hours but then also to apologize for being that way and then to double down when they're telling when she's telling the story to someone else I just hate that shit well I'm happy that you had him. He sounds like a gem. I've really liked him. A couple of times I've talked

to him. He's a cool guy. I hope you enjoyed your Burt's Bees gift. Oh that's a nice gift. Yeah it's a little gift basket. It's a little yeah a little gift combination. I didn't spend too much money on it. Maybe it was like 30 bucks. She didn't deserve more than that. But still I shouldn't have had to send a gift. No you shouldn't have and it's good that you did. I wonder if she just like threw it away afterwards after she decided she was still mad about it what a fucking pill I can't deal she could just go to therapy she could just go to fucking therapy yeah so somebody messaged me and asked what the protocol of unmatching someone on a dating app is and when it's okay or when it's like a dick move etc and I normally when I get questions like this I'm like

oh yeah here's my opinion i actually don't know so i wanted to talk about it um i think that you can just do it regardless even if you've been talking for a sec yeah have you met this person no but if they've said shit that sucks like you can just unmatch them okay so that's like so if it's like a problematic person yeah totally i completely agree but what if you're just not vibing uh I don't like I don't really think you owe anyone anything on a dating app no I agree but I'm just trying to think like if I don't know if I've ever unmatched anyone I've unmatched a couple people if there are like big red flags I feel like it's okay and when they're being problematic or rude yeah you haven't met this person just unmatch them I really don't know if

I've ever unmatched anybody I mean there's been times where like someone will ask for a date and then I just am honest and I'm like no I'm not feeling it no thank you I mean and you know worst case if you agree to a date and then you change your mind that is okay but you need to be respectful and I almost always go on a date like if I agreed to a date I'm gonna show up yeah totally even if I don't want to go yes 100% I have to have a good reason to not want to go so I had started like talking to like my now boyfriend more and I was like I don't want to go on any other dates and um but in the past I have had this lie that I've only used maybe once or twice of um just making something up and being like hey sorry I started seeing someone and I

didn't really know where it was going and I don't like we just talked and agreed that we want this to be more exclusive that's like I'm so sorry I just wasn't really confident in if they felt the same way and then um whoever I say it to is like thank you for being honest that's a good it's a that's a good way to back out there was one time where I lied about it but there was one time it was legit I do kind of want to talk a little bit about no not today the guy who annoyed sink bay i just i've been thinking about how he lives in his box truck which is fine i admire people who live in buses and trucks and like yeah do them up that is so fucking cool yes i respect van life and it just became apparent he was like using me a little bit for he was a moocher yeah he was a

mooch yeah he would use my my place to take a shower and eat my food you knew that all along though yeah and it was annoying like the like first offense is fine and the rest of it is annoying like after the first time it's like okay you are a mooch oh my god sorry they're so fucking cute they just touch noses I remember when he slept until like noon you were texting me like and I was like this guy's a fucking mooch you knew that yeah yeah that was I think that was kind of the breaking point for me because up until that point I was like he's like cute and smart yeah he was yeah but like a mooch and he's also really reactive like when we ended things he like wanted to have a fight with me and I was just like I totally understand how you feel like you're

valid feeling that way and he was just mad that I agreed with him because he wanted a fight and didn't want to fight i was like so funny like when like like okay you're looking for a reaction that i'm not gonna give you right get well soon right yeah fucking i'm looking up sex facts in case you were curious oh okay our sexpert amelia samson it's from glamour oh i don't even know which one to read first i'll just read them in order because they're all cool so this is the first one okay the world's largest recorded penis belongs to 41 year old new yorker jonah falcon whose appendage measures 9.5 inches flaccid and 13.5 inches erect oh my god this poor man that's interesting that you bring that's too big that's a sex fact because someone wrote into us

yeah um right now as we were recording maybe this is a good time to segue into that yeah we'll just have a mini discussion this will be our yeah so a listener wrote into us like as we were recording and they asked oh he unsent it oh he unsent it well they probably saw we read it and didn't see anything we're recording well anyways if you're listening we saw your message and they asked bless it how do you tell um a partner that uh you have a big pp like too big yeah like over nine inches um and i didn't read the whole message i just read that beginning part but it was like because sometimes people like aren't prepared or something what did it what did it say i have no fucking idea something along those lines but like

i think that's a valid thing to talk about because like i don't want to just find that out but it does remind me of that broad city episode where like alana is about to hook up with blake griffith yeah and then she like she's like burst into laughter and he's like oh um is something wrong and she's like oh my god no everything is perfect and then she's like i just won't be able to receive you and then she's like but we could do other stuff so i think that's like maybe you could talk about it like right before you're about to hook up because oh yeah he said like uh it might come off as bragging or like inappropriate but um i think it's valid to talk about like if things are heating up to be like hey just so you know like i'm a big dick i have

an abnormally large appendage and it can be painful for people so if you are not comfortable i just want you to know and we don't have to do anything yeah i think even if even if you were okay with like the size of my dick yeah it's still okay if we don't do anything because i can't change the size of my dick and so it's no i think that that's a really good point because bringing no man can change the size of their dick and i think that's why i also am a small dick advocate fuck yeah it's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean and also do you have big dick energy fuck yeah it doesn't matter if your dick is big it matters if your energy radiates big dick energy that's what's important some of the best sex i've had has been with what

you what some would consider a smaller end of the spectrum dick yeah absolutely it has nothing to do with the size i'm not a big girl i'm right i'm not trying to take a 13.5 inch dick no man in new york oh man i can't deal but no i agree with you it's like if if you bring it up before it starts teeing up if a man was like hey nice to meet you and this is being dramatic but like just so you know my dick is big like there it's there's a time and place to bring it up and that time and place is when you're about to hook up yeah like when you oh no like when you know it's about to happen um that's a good good place to end yeah thank you so much for listening fact of the week sex fact of the week thanks for listening um email us holy hour podcast at gmail.com yeah we want to

make um responding to you guys asking us questions a more regular thing yes dms to instagram twitter anything hit us up we are getting better at responding yeah yeah not great but we're trying we're trying we are trying we are we are putting forward our best effort um thank you for listening we love you. We love you. Goodbye.