The Hoely Hour - E42 CEO of Being That B*tch

Episode Date: June 4, 2021

Welcome back to another episode of "spiraling out but make it fashion." The girls read a really great listener email about a unique dating circumstance. It's hot girl summer, folks. That means we are ONLY dating hotties. No more insecure jerks with Big Ugly personalities! Learn which household item is the most likely to become a sex toy... eyebrows eyebrows Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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know that you know and we know that you you know that you know that you know and we know that you know and you know that we know that you know that we know damn i don't even know what i just met as fuck welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball thanks for joining us for mass Your parents tell you it's an hour, but sometimes it's 45 minutes when you leave right after communion. Sometimes it's... Sneak out the back. An hour and a half.

Yeah. Sometimes the deacon or the priest goes on a rant about BDS time. It's actually the same mass every single time you go. It just never stops. No. You just keep going to the same mass. That's the holy hour. It's the same mess over and over.

Liz and I actually do never stop talking. So that's actually kind of the truth. My internal monologue never shuts the fuck up. God, wouldn't it be nice if we could make them shut up? Have you ever looked over at a guy you're dating and you're like, what are you thinking about? And they're like, nothing. And you're like, God, that sounds so peaceful.

How are you not thinking anything? The answer that I always get from guys is, oh, I don't know. You weren't thinking that hard about it that you can't remember what you were thinking about two seconds ago that sounds really really peaceful I've been caught yesterday my boyfriend caught me off guard I was just like dazed staring out my window like watching the clouds pass and uh I was like he was like what are you thinking about because I just looked so deep in thought like my eyes were glazed over and I was like what am I thinking about and then I was like oh I'm thinking about like what sexuality means to other people and how feeling sexual feels to

them and he was like what it's just like you asked me what i was thinking about it's just so deep i was just like i was like hmm when i feel like sexual like is it reactive or is it like random like does something turn me on or am i just horny and then i was like i guess they're different and then I was like I guess also when I'm turned on I don't necessarily want to be sexual that's a really good I've never actually thought about it like because there's times where I'm like yeah I'm just like horny and then I'll take care of it myself because it's the middle of the day you're right no it is kind of random sometimes me too who doesn't gotta rub it out in the middle of the day yeah just get really turned on by it's my it's my work break it's my time we should work

at that company do whatever i want with the woman that we've talked about last week that has the masturbation breaks i don't want to work in the porn industry yeah we neither unless it's like female director i mean she is ethical technically in charge but yeah it's the producer yeah i just it's not ethical enough that i want to work in it you know that's fair we got we got all kinds of stuff we have so much to talk about today I did want to bring this up and maybe like the beginning of the episode is a good time to bring this up um we've kind of you and I have texted about it a little bit and I know I've like briefly mentioned it in a tweet but like obviously we can see the analytics of who our listeners are and like 70% of them are women and then the other 30%

are men and like 95% of our messages come from men which I think is kind of funny it's really interesting um and I mean they're all like most of them are nice and then I do want to like I think it's important that we address that like some of the messages that we get it can become a conflict for us to respond like because they're coming from people who like are opening up to us about like very sensitive and emotional things that we're not equipped to like provide an answer to like it could become dangerous if we're like giving people advice on what to do in the most vulnerable areas of their life yeah it makes us kind of liable yeah and I think that's why like you know we love that you guys know us so well and like we are huge mental health advocates and

we're sharing like the most intimate parts of our lives with just literally anyone who's gonna listen so I know that's why it's like you you trust us and we love that but at some point it's also like really hard for us to like know how to respond to something because we are just you know two girls we have no formal training we have no formal training like and that so don't take it personally if like there's we can't respond or we don't feel equipped to respond because that's why is just because like sometimes we don't have an answer and like it can become a bigger issue if we like take on that responsibility yeah we do try and answer like the things that are just like you know basic like sex and dating questions or stories things like that but when it there

there is a threshold yeah absolutely and it's tough for us because we like Liz is saying know that we probably feel we feel like we're your friends yeah because we I mean we open up so much to y'all we know you guys so much about you know so much about us it's out of our purview of how because really the only thing that we can speak from is our own experience and outside of that like a lot of things need a professional and it's it puts us in a position of again not wanting to ever make anybody feel ignored but also caring about y'all enough to recognize that some stuff is just like out of what we can help you with yeah and no one's ever gotten mad at us no not responding most of the time when we don't respond it's because we're busy yeah we're working

full-time and y'all will know the difference I mean like we love we love hearing from y'all and you asking us for advice there's a difference between advice and like just like dumping a giant problem that you can't navigate on us because you know we can't help you navigate it either yeah and it does help to just say it totally I can understand that we care about you guys so much and we talk about mental health so much because we hope that you're able to get access to professional help with things um we both work in tech yeah and sometimes I don't even really understand that nope most of the time I don't really don't tell anyone my boss knows um I wrote I've been like putting together my portfolio

and I was reminiscing on how I wrote a blog on behalf of like a tech CEO and I was like I have no idea what the fuck I'm writing about I didn't know that you did that yeah which one was that I've done a few ghost writing things for CEOs. That's kind of badass. Yeah, it's weird. You could be a CEO. You talk like one. Thanks.

You are the CEO. I'm the CEO of being that bitch. Yes. Yes. But we have significantly more fun things to talk about. We do. And okay. So we wanted to read.

I inhaled. Sorry. sorry go ahead i breathed i'm choking on air it's the world uh no dying inside my apartment it's like disneyland where if someone's dying they move them off of the property they do yeah so they can say no one's died here isn't that just kick them out anyways no emilia didn't die in my apartment she died outside of it you just like push me out the window i can't have my apartment be haunted although you haunting my apartment would be

the best case scenario it's so fun in this made-up circumstance we would have a good time i still try to make the cats snuggle me they'd be so confused because they could see me yeah they'll be able to see cats can see ghosts yeah cats definitely see ghosts um okay so we have a listener email that i thought was really interesting um and i'm just gonna read it to you hey ladies first i wanted to let you know that you both have become my best friends whether you know it or not i started listening to the podcast maybe a month ago and i've listened to every episode and also got my twin sister hooked you two are effortlessly funny and i find myself wanting to respond to the things you say on the pod as if we're in the same room having a

conversation well actually i have responded out loud on more than one occasion especially when liz mentioned james dean and owen gray i've never heard anyone mention my favorite male porn stars having binged all the episodes so quickly i wanted to write in numerous times to share a related story but something happened the other day that i decided i wanted to share instead let's dive in also i just have to say this listener is a very good writer and that's coming from liz yeah she's a good storyteller back in february i was swiping through bumble when i came across a guy whose profile said something along the lines of exploring an open relationship with my wife and i was intrigued so i swiped right i've seen lots of people on bumble in open relationships

ethical non-monogamy situations polyamory etc but i've never engaged because i've always thought myself i've always thought of myself as someone who prefers a monogamous relationship due in part to my history of only monogamous relationships crippling insecurities and anxious preoccupied attachment style i'm also a pisces sun cancer moon and virgo rising so just emotions everywhere would love to know your thoughts on my big three i have some yes i'm sure you have some i will i'll just say blanket statement like i love all women of astrology yes yeah but i don't trust men especially water sign men anyways generally surprised when we mash or genuine generally this was very out of character for me i also hadn't talked to anyone in over a year so i

figured hey it could be fun slash hot to chat with married guy so i swiped right and was surprised when we matched i messaged him my typical hey there opening line i was surprised once again that he responded so quickly and almost immediately jumped into engaging conversation this was the first good conversation i'd had with a man in a while and we connected instantly within an hour or so we exchanged numbers and continued texting all day and basically non-stop for the last three months so we've been dating for the last three months and it's been really lovely even though i share his attention with his wife he has given me more than guys i've been in monogamous relationships with being with him has taught me to be more secure in my attachment

being with him has given me the opportunity to explore and discover new things sexually and otherwise. Being with him has made me the happiest I've been in a long time. Somehow the last three months have both felt like three seconds and three years simultaneously. We both agree that the way we feel about each other was not at all expected when entering this situationship. The other day he was offered a job halfway across the country and he's taking it. To say I'm heartbroken is an understatement. I feel silly for being so sad about someone I didn't know existed three months ago and someone that I knew I wouldn't end up with I've always known that this would end eventually but not this soon he said he'd like to keep what we have but obviously just see each other a lot less

frequently I'm trying to just go with the flow to see how things go etc but god the pain sucks it's already a really tough pill to swallow knowing I'll never fully have him since he's married but now that the part of him that I do have will be one 750 miles away it's that much harder so I don't know what I'm going what I'm doing none of us do girl and of course I just got fucking lash extensions yesterday and now I'm sobbing Amelia how the hell do you maintain these things I don't the mature growing side of me is trying to focus on how this has been a learning experience how else would i have learned that i liked to be slapped across the face during sex lmao yes but the other side is just feeling really fucking sad and spiraling into thoughts

of going through this pain isn't worth dating i'm never going to find someone that i vibe with like him what's wrong with me that i can't find someone as great as him that is single and just missing him already i know these thoughts are ridiculous but they're hard to silence sometimes he moves in a little less than a month am I going to try long distance with a married man for a little bit at least I don't want to just abruptly end it I don't want to put an end date on things I'm probably being stupid but I thought that when going into this situation and have had a great time so far and have had a great time so far oh did I mention that I've also gotten him to listen to the pod fuck yeah you have I know he isn't my forever and it's just a piece of my puzzle but damn do I

really like him so that's my situation right now and i wanted my bffs to hear about it and then she just says that um her twin sister got her a cameo from you which is so sweet and then she wants to take shots of tito's together someday amen but reading this was really great and thank you for sharing your story with us yeah um i honestly like obviously we don't have advice I have a lot of thoughts though yeah I definitely do have a few thoughts like that you know there is no right or wrong way to go about this you know yeah and whatever feels right in your gut and what you go with is what's supposed to happen 100% and I know that sounds cliche but like when I think about the guys that I'm like god I that guy fucking sucked and then you're like well

I did learn from it and you know what I always say I had a good time for a little while it's either a lesson or a blessing or a lesson or a fucking blessing and sometimes it's both sometimes it's both yeah i think that a lot of us get caught up in the like what the fuck was i thinking but i think that we need to get better at giving ourselves our past selves grace in that we made a decision that fell right in the moment based on all the information that we had at the time and really like it hurts now but you've had such an incredible experience from this that it's like so easy for us to say from the outside I know that I've been in a lot of really great experiences that when they've ended I've been like I wish that I didn't actually ever do this because it's

just it hurts so fucking bad to end it yeah but every everything I mean I'm just I sound like a broken record but really you learn something from every situation and now you know and and who of us hasn't been there when you're just like it hurts so badly that you're like is this even worth yeah trying is this even is like how much pain i'm in now even worth dating anymore and it is i've definitely felt like that fucking sucks i told my boyfriend that he's the last man i'll ever date and then he just stared at me and i was like if we break up i'm only dating women after this and then and then he was like it was a joke he was like i will kill you it was so funny we both were just like fucking with each other it was really funny in context

you you get to cry the whole time i love them um but i did talk to one of my friends who had dated um like a polyamorous girl um i don't know if he like considered himself polyamorous or like i also don't know the difference between like polyamory polyamory and non-monogamy we should look that up i i might be wrong i'm gonna guess is monogamy just i don't know non-monogamy i think is when you're just sleeping with a one person more than one person non-monogamy is more than one person polyamory i think is when you have multiple partners so like you have like i know in polyamory a lot of the time people will have like kind of like a main person like a main relationship are you googling

the difference between the two i'm googling the difference between non-monogamous and polyamorous generally non-monogamy means you are having sex with others with your partners knowing you are poly means that you are having loving and romantic relationships with others with your partners knowing that makes sense okay so so non-monogamy is just sex and then polyamory is it's a legitimate relationship yeah um so I was explaining this to my like just very high level this story to my friend um that our listener wrote into us and he had tried dating a polyamorous girl and um uh he had never been in like a non-monogamous relationship um and so he was I was like I was saying like this is how like polyamory should be like because some people will say like

oh I'm ethically polyamorous but like they don't they're they're not interpreting it that way they're not behaving that way they're using polyamory as a front of like yeah I just want to have sex with other people and not have any emotions involved so I guess maybe technically that that would be non-monogamy but um like people will say that they are polyamorous and that's what they do yeah and then like clearly polyamory is like no you are you have so much love that you are having engaging romantic relationships with multiple people yeah you're not just fucking a bunch of people because like you have attachment issues yeah it's like people use the guys as polyamory yeah it's just like dating or sleeping around like and those are those are fine but don't

put a mask on it right totally and that's why people have started to call it ethic non-monogamy like ethical non-monogamy because you're being honest about it yeah and it's like insulting to like actually polyamorous people who are like going about it in a more appropriate way yeah in like a more consensual way um anyways so I was explaining that to him and then um he was like i agree but also like in his experience like he i think he's like glad that he tried it but it was not for him and then um he was like i think that sometimes polyamorous people are just addicted to dating new people and like in his circumstance um when he was dating this girl like i think he really liked her but also i'm sure there's like part of it that is like

you're you know you're not the only one so there's this sense of competition and that can feel that can also feel like you want to like quiet and satisfy this insecure part of you like when you know that feeling when you're like oh I have to like compete with other girls for this guy's attention to when you're just maybe like you haven't even seen him yet so like you have this like huge amount of confidence and like you feel sexy and like you want to do all these things to be the best does that make sense yeah like I think it's just natural to feel that way too I think we're competitive in like our biology yeah just everyone in general yeah um like the thrill the thrill and confidence of like being single is like so much fun and just being like

yeah i'm fucking hot and i'm the one in charge yeah anyways all that to say um i think that that part was probably a little thrilling but um when he explained like when she brought another guy into the mix she he was like when people met me they were like oh you're the new guy and then a few months later she fell really hard for some other guy like and he has to watch it happen and be okay with it so i think that's why it wasn't for him but i really don't think that i could do it i'm all for i really really want to have somebody on the pod that participates in polyamory there's this guy where mutuals on tiktok who is very outspoken about participating in polyamory and he talks a lot about the jealousy involved um because i can imagine god i mean like

and you know you want to try it and be like not just to be cool but to be like yeah like i want to try something new like maybe I can be open to this right you don't know until you try exactly I don't think I could ever do it because and you're you know when you were talking about like they're being like another person and competing like I've never been in a relationship really where there hasn't been another person I've had to worry about and it's such an insecurity for me now that I don't think that I could ever do it even entering into a situation knowing that that's the setup I feel like from the jump I would feel okay about it and be like all right let's like give it a go we both agree to this and then it would get to the point where I was jealous and

insecure and comparing myself to whoever it is I wouldn't want to know who it was and I don't think that that setup really works for polyamory I know for ethical non-monogamy it does because you don't really need to know the other people which I guess is kind of what I've been doing anyway I also think that so i was thinking about this earlier like um you and i have been in circumstances like our exes used i think they knew that that was something that would make us insecure and they used it against us like oh i'm gonna like they already know i've cheated before so i'm gonna push the boundaries so i can be in control by making them feel insecure about this person yeah it's a power play so fucked up so I like because now I'm like well how come I'm not jealous when my boyfriend

now hangs out with other women yeah and then and then the more I thought about it I was like because he's just not a shithead yeah and I also the more I thought about things too I I can't remember what I was listening to or watching but um they said like people show you who they are really early on and you need to believe them the first time but i thought about that and i was like yeah dude when i first started dating my ex he was like yeah i've cheated on every girl i've dated except you red flag and then i was like he told me who he was then and there he probably did cheat on me and even even if he didn't he definitely used that insecurity against me in many circumstances and the more i think about i'm like he's not even hot

these girls are hot they weren't talking to him yeah and then i also thought about it i was like he is the most unattractive guy i've dated i don't think he's unattractive but he is the least attractive of all the men and the worst behaves he shines from the inside out that one you know what this reminds me i have been wanting to tell you guys it is hot girl summer yes and i don't i'm not just saying that i'm saying like we are not dating anyone ugly no we are only dating hot people inside and out because i just think that hot people are gonna treat you better yeah like the more i don't know like don't settle for some like fucking shitty guy who you're like well i'm not as attracted to him as i could be to

someone else because because that guy's personality might be ass too and and amen being a hot person also obviously does not it's not exclusive to your looks have you seen like a a big chonky comedian always has a hot wife always a smoking hot wife that's so true it's because their personality is delicious uh-huh oh god i'm so sorry for personality nothing gets me wetter than a good personality it's hot girl summer we're only fucking hot people forever oh my god we're only dating hot people we're only marrying hot people we're only fucking hot people yeah and this isn't aesthetically this isn't only aesthetically it's really truly well and hotness is subjective yeah hotness is very subjective yeah so totally see this is my

issue with just don't fucking settle you know that dating app luxie we talked about it on episode three i think two or three barely they like let people in based on hotness and that shit fucking grinds my gears because what somebody considers attractive is so different from what the person next to them considers attractive that's so fucked up and also that doesn't technically work because like statistically like these are actual numbers people are more attracted to a type yeah like sure people can be universally attractive but people are the most attractive to someone who fits like a specific type that they're just into me beards it's beards for Amelia slap a beard on it and for me it is someone who seems a little dangerous somehow

they have like something moody about them well you have such that shit your type is so much more fun than mine I'm just like put a beard on a garbage can I'd fuck it god but that's my type I can't help it I love testosterone you you like a pretty guy with a beard I think and I like someone who may or may not treat me like shit we don't really know until we we'll all find out together around to find out yep but your boyfriend like has that kind of mysterious vibe and he's such a fucking good ass person to the core yeah such a fan me too does he listen does he know how big of a fan i am of his um it's like getting weird i definitely tell him that you are a big fan and um he likes to hear if we like mention him or something or if i'm like

yeah my friends think you're really hot i don't know because you like hearing those things about yourself and you're like oh okay and what else do they say but like one of my favorite things about him is just like how honest he is with me about stuff so like like he's just very like self-aware of his needs and how he's feeling so like in that circumstance he's like I like when you tell me things like that and then I'm like okay I'll tell you more things like that a man that communicates what what planet is he from I don't understand and that's something that like maybe you're if you're like worried what people think of you you're gonna be like oh that makes me seem like conceited but like everyone likes to hear something positive about themselves so

he knows that you like him good uh and that you're a fan but he doesn't really listen like yeah i guess he goes through waves of listening to different podcasts also like we talk all the time you know yeah and a lot of stuff i'm sure that he's like okay with like not hearing yeah totally i'm realizing see just me saying um a guy that communicates being so rare i realized the other day i'm talking to a guy right now who you know i'm a big fan of i need to figure out a nickname which one what are we gonna call him i haven't talked about him yet funny man no music man i think i think we said funny man for someone in the past the comedian but i don't think we called anyone funny man can we call him magic man instead

why um because magic man is a character in adventure time and i think he's funny we'll call him magic man okay i'm gonna start dating a magician one of these days no scramble i will liz you know i like magic i will not let you date a magician there's something really hot about magicians to me no i've never seen more disappointment in your eyes i can't tell if you're just fucking with me i like magicians liz the heart wants what it wants anyway we'll call a magic man for now and make your orgasm disappear i don't like it i don't trust it they're good with their hands no also someone we work with told me that they used to be a street magician and now i just and ever since then i just i don't trust him i don't trust

magicians even more and now i'm imagining you being attracted to that person nope well no there's a beard that's true you don't have a beard um oh but i was on facetime with this guy that i'm we're calling magic man um amelia doesn't like it well i'll get used to i'll warm up to it i hated grapes i will say okay of the guys amelia talks to i have remembered maybe three names three actual first names because i never call them by their first names but also there's a lot to keep track of also guys all have the same name you know yeah so it's hard for me to know who she's talking about she'll be like oh my god this guy tyler kyler yeah i'm talking to him on instagram i'm like which one is this is this one on or off tiktok

is this one from an app or from tiktok oh my god liz remembers these guys by anecdotes i have to give her anecdotes this is the one who yeah oh yeah yeah that's fair there are so many there's a new one every week this one has been a constant in my life for like 10 years i was a fan of his before we started talking he's gonna he's going to fully block me if he listens to this because this is a lot but i just he's just great i feel like you have like a big nerd crush on him i love him like he's such a genuinely he is what i hoped he would be just from like following him for so long and then it's even better than that because he's so fucking normal and like he gets like if he feels like he oversteps he's like embarrassed about it and

apologizes like he drunk texts me and he texts me the next day and he's like i'm so sorry like that's so embarrassing what's wrong with me i'm like no i like it i like that you want to talk to me when you're drunk i don't know he's just really great he answers his the facetime every time i call him like no matter what the time of day is and I love that I like when you FaceTime me but I'm always with my boyfriend no your boyfriend's like does Amelia just like call you all day every day like nope it's just like I have a radar when y'all are together yeah I gotta say hi Liz is with her boyfriend I miss him too I'm bored hi I'm always calling hi I just missed you he thinks it's fun when you call me oh good I'll just keep doing it then yeah Amelia will send me voice notes

and i always have to make sure if it's okay if he listens i always appreciate that a lot of the time it is i can't think of anything that i wouldn't want him to hear really um and he gets really invested too love that we both we both love when one of us is like do you want to hear some tea yeah i think that's so fun we're like um duh i love getting tea from we love gossiping because tea from girls like a lot of the shit when i'm like oh my god liz and i'll text is something like very benign but like when it's something from a guy it's always something very juicy because they don't ever get into no they don't tell you the little stuff yeah so then when they tell you some tea it's like you know it's gonna be piping hot yes and you're like what

tell me more it's the best it really is um oh my god i keep getting off track yeah so magic magic me i fucking hate it i'm gonna get used to it i'll get used to it we can change it i'm feeling good about it no we're leaning into it but i hate it okay but we're leaning in we've already we've already committed magic man i facetimed him the other day and he was just like letting me talk and like listening to what i had to say and like giving me thoughtful answers wow and i was so sad how like novel this was to me i was like you do end up talking to a lot of guys who like talk about themselves constantly yeah and do like a lot of virtue signaling yeah i think that that's why i'm such a huge fan of music man for a lot of reasons but i think a big reason is because

he's he's like how magic man is where he just like listens and gives good feedback well and they don't they don't sit there and preach about like what a good person they are they like show with their actions yes I think that's the biggest difference I'm just like I'm just always so wowed by men like that and it sucks because like I'm sure that's a lot of our male listeners are probably like well I'm a guy like that but like if you are you're rare because like there's really not a lot of y'all there's really not I've dated a lot of guys and I'd say about five percent of them have actually listened when I talk like it's such it's so nice to like be listened to I don't know because i like treated like an equal how often have you dated someone or gone on a date

with someone who is like acting like they're the main character in an indie movie and you're like the manic pixie dream girl to move along their plot like as you're explaining this i can think of like four yeah like just right off the top there's been so many times where like i've dated someone and then they see themselves as just like literally a main character and not like a real person so they don't treat other people like real people yeah i'm not sad it's obnoxious it must be an exhausting existence to feel that way though yeah and also what entitled you to feeling that way being a white man in america you're not wrong living in america oh my god but it's really it's so like i don't know i just it's it's weird with with magic man because i feel

it's never been so normal and effortless and like i like this person isn't expecting anything from me in so long that shit's so great i know um how would you feel about talking to less people pretty good it just happens this way how many are you talking to right now yeah three magic man sunset sunset's still in the mix yeah okay you know how i feel about that i mean like yeah and like very vaguely he like pops back in sometimes i've created a bit of a disc like you yeah but he's still in the mix and then this guy that i went out with last week oh four music man well i'm like barely talking to music man right now because he's like last week guy what do we what do we call him usain bolt he runs every day we'll just call him bolt

because i can't remember that all of it okay it's bolt yeah went out with bolt last week going out with bolt again on thursday yeah the less syllables and the names the easier it is for me yeah i mean we had yeah music man it's always i guess four is not that many usain bolt that's three but bolt feels good oh you mean i thought you were still talking about syllables it's four if you include talking about guys if you if you include music man it's four but music man and i are on ice right now that's a development yeah Liz empowered me to speak up last week y'all I've been seeing each other for a year now and Amelia finally had a feeling because her time wasn't being respected so she finally was like am I being out of line for being annoyed that

my time isn't respected i was like no it's been a year and you're allowed to feel how you want to feel i mean we're one step closer to her telling him how she actually feels about him the next time i see him i have to because this has been fucking torture like i we touched base like two months ago and i was like you gotta tell members and you're like i'm gonna do it next time and you didn't do it and now it's been two months since i've fucking seen him and honestly i i confronted him about not respecting my time and his response was so great yeah it was very eloquent he responded great I was he responded the best way that he could have he's like you're right yeah I've not been cognizant of how you're feeling and that's not fair and it was just like I was like okay I have nothing to

say to that yeah I just didn't I was like thank you see you soon um I didn't expect this to go well so I don't have a plan for everything feels very like in flux for me right now everything like i mean we record our episodes like two weeks out um just because we're busy people and we need to have some episodes on deck but uh there's gonna be a flower super blood moon i'm not even joking well that's what it's considered yeah there's a it's a really important full moon astrologically when tonight oh that's the one tonight yeah i'm looking at it right now as we're recording and and it's a lunar eclipse big things what does this mean things um it'll be good for you because it's happening in gemini it's just kind of like the general vibe is to have some

awakenings about things and letting letting go what's not working for you and then there's some other transit happening with jupiter which is like the ruler of pisces and Sagittarius and right now Jupiter is in Pisces and it's always like a good thing with when a planet's in its home sign so well a lot of big things a lot of big things I had a feeling you're gonna be saying goodbye to some maybe maybe some dudes who aren't really serving you oh no or maybe some other stuff that's not serving you I mean I texted I texted you today I had a very good therapy session today y'all about shit that I have been needing to work through for a very long time just in terms of like imposter syndrome stuff that I've always dealt with since

I was younger I always look for reasons to not be happy about things that I've done and that was huge like that felt like such a weight it really does feel like things are starting to like kind of start like I'm like greasing up the gears you know which is a cool feeling I really I need I need something to move in some direction I feel like I'm in flux right now and also I feel like I'm stagnant at the same time it's a very weird that's I can relate to that feeling it's such a weird feeling you feel a little stuck but you like know something's about to happen yes you're like okay but things are in motion yeah I'm working my way to the surface yes yeah I don't know how close i am to it though and it's driving me nuts yes exactly i just keep swimming to the surface

but then also like am i moving am i just swimming in place who fucking knows am i just thrashing around in the water is there any way to know no i guess i'll just find the surface when i fucking find it but maybe the moon is uh what if in this comparison if you just are still you'll float to the top hmm whoa this blew my mind on that one yeah man i do drugs speaking of drugs that was actually really beautiful oh thanks um it's the equivalent of be still and no you know yeah were you gonna get that tattooed no we talked about it last week we talked about it being like a motto or something yes yep and maybe it was last week maybe it was two weeks ago i'm not sure time we talk a lot we do on the podcast and just every day all the time all the time um this is not an

important development but i do want to share that i'm gonna start microdosing mushrooms soon i'm so excited to hear about your experience with it i'm excited to see how it goes i hope it works well for me i hope it does too i've been um since i stopped taking ssris um i've been like getting more irritable oh lately well irritability is how my anxiety shows up a lot oh um like if there's too much sound happening i'm like i'm gonna fucking kill someone i can't focus so um i've just been like getting a little more like irritable and annoyed about just like benign shit and then it's but now it's easier for me to recognize i'm like oh well i did stop taking medication for my anxiety specifically so this isn't surprising um I'm still waiting to see how I feel in a few more

weeks before I decide if I want to take another SSRI yeah but it's worth trying microdosing too because I've heard only good things about microdosing I just don't feel like um like sure my irritability has come back but I also feel more like um like I was in like a fog does that make sense i know a lot of people have described it like that when they stopped taking yeah ssris they're like oh i feel really clear-headed and then when i stopped taking mine i was like oh yeah i can remember things now yeah yeah um it sucks that you had that experience i mean generally my experience was positive i know it started out as super positive yeah it got to a point where it's just like not i think it served me for when i needed it yeah

that's good I was definitely in a dark place I'm just feeling overwhelmed with anxiety and they're supposed to be temporary too yeah so I'm hoping SSRIs help me get more into that like positive and creative state I would say I feel more like open-minded and positive than I did when I was on Prozac so it's good yeah good I'm working my way out yes you are I found more motivation that makes me each week that passes by you know but I also cry very easily and I was like getting I got like sad about the dumbest thing I literally can't even remember what it was and I was like telling my boyfriend I was oh you know what I was being like a little brat I was just being petty and I didn't do anything petty I was just like passive aggressively putting away

my laundry and he was like do you want a massage and I was like fuck I'm such an asshole and then I was like that would be nice and he's like are you okay you seem a little grumpy and I was like yeah I'm grumpy and I told him why and I he's like you should have just told me instead of you know being grumpy and I was like fuck you're right and I'm like 29 I should have like behaved like an adult and I was like I'm really sorry and it's not like I did anything I wasn't like being like verbally an asshole or anything I was just huffing around yeah I was just huffing around I think that that behavior is reinforced when we get made to feel like we aren't allowed to feel negative emotions so we become passive-aggressive about them well

and then anytime I had a bad emotion like in my last relationships I was like met with being even more a challenge it's like no I'm I'm I want you to listen to me I don't want you to fucking yell at me for having a feeling you don't like because it's inconvenient right if they punish you then they don't have to deal with the negative emotion again yes exactly and so that's what I'm used to dealing with so that's why it's also hard for me to like tell him anytime I'm having like a bad feeling does he know that yes that's good yeah I've been pretty communicative communicative about that with him and then now I've gotten a lot better at just saying the thing that I'm feeling because you know most of the time I'm embarrassed about how I feel yeah and

I'm like and he knows now too like we've we know each other well enough that he knows when I'm telling him something like that it's because it just when you say it out loud it doesn't have any more power yeah you can't let it build up and make you huff around and put away your dishes yeah um so uh he is well aware that I'm telling him because it'll like I have to say it out loud yeah and then um sometimes it's like a stupid fear like I'm like I'm afraid that when I tell you like I'm bothered by something that um you aren't gonna like me anymore and see me as insecure and then he's like that's not gonna happen and like when I tell him that and I can hear how ridiculous it sounds out loud and also have him like reaffirm something I know in my gut

it just feels a lot better yeah I found that's actually interesting because there's been a lot of instances in the past couple of weeks where I've felt a type of way or had a feeling about something and instead of just talking to the person about it I'll write it in my notes in my phone and seeing it written out shows me how ridiculous it is I'm like okay this is what do call it the anxiety goose yeah the anxiety goose that's so cute it's the anxiety goose telling you that there's something that needs to be addressed when in reality when you write it out or you talk it out you you realize that that's not the case and that's what's so sad about anxiety is like we can know logically that something is ridiculous and we can't quiet it so knowing yes it's so

fucking annoying and my therapist loves to remind me that feelings aren't logical and i'm like god damn it you've done it again you brilliant gosh darn it you brilliant bitch i'm gonna kiss you on the mouth oh my god we love our therapist like too much she's so cool they've earned it um but it's really nice that you are with somebody that you feel like you can be safe to i say that i i i say this all but I want everyone to know that like if this is a practice you want to put in place in your relationship it is not easy like I wasn't it wasn't smooth or easy for me like I at the beginning of my relationship and probably up until a few months ago I would constantly mull over and

go back and forth over how I want to handle a conversation with my boyfriend who has been nothing but like loving and caring the entire time I've been with him and still like knowing who he is doesn't stop the voice in my head and I would go back and forth with my therapist and hum and ha about how I want to handle something sometimes I would wait until I could talk to her to figure out what I'm gonna do and then there was one time where she like um I think she was on vacation or something so she had to take a week off and I was like well I can't talk to her so how am I gonna handle this right now like I can't wait to talk to her in two weeks about this thing and after that I was like I just had to get out there and start doing it

instead of being like hey um remember this thing from like two weeks ago it's been marinating and um I just wanted you to know yeah so we are we have to remember I think this goes back to something I said in the beginning of giving ourselves grace we have to recognize that we're the product of our experiences like we a lot of the time don't feel valid in feeling how we feel or we don't feel empowered to say how we're feeling because of past experiences have made us feel like we're not justified in feeling that way and that's not true like every emotion is justified unless you're being like completely irrational and I think everybody is capable of knowing the difference like if if somebody has made you feel a type of way and and it's something

that you feel like you can't just bury and be okay with which you never should really if something bugs you I think that you should feel okay with saying something to someone about it but being able to get to that point especially in a relationship that's like going to last longer than like a week being able to say how you feel is so huge and not easy at all like that like you're saying it's a muscle you have to work at it because we're the product of our experiences we are so used to acting a certain way you have to undo years and years and years of shit to get to a point where you're comfortable with opening up about how you're feeling but once you do that saves everybody a bunch of time you're doing yourself a favor you're doing your partner a

favor because they don't have to guess like it's just it's a practice it's a practice it's not just a one and done thing you have to keep doing it yeah keep working on it which is so why is shit like that you know like working out is the same way i'm like i look the way i want now i have to keep going oh god isn't that the worst yeah it's so much worse because then you stop and then you have to start again the only reason i work out is i'm like well i can't stop that's the reason i don't start you look great thank you wow thanks I want to be able to kick someone in the throat so that's why I work out I didn't okay when we did our like um do an impression of your bestie videos if you haven't seen those you should go to our Instagram because I think that's really

funny we had so much fun but I didn't realize until I pasted them the two of them together how yin and yang we are it's so funny i thought it was i thought it was really i thought our impressions of each other was really funny yeah like um i was telling my boyfriend because obviously i showed it to him yeah and um i was like i think this might be like the slowest i've heard amelia talk and i didn't mean that as like yeah i was like oh i guess maybe i do have like a slower pattern like vocal pattern yeah I know I really had to slow it down for the video it's like how does Liz talk I thought it was so I thought it was really funny and then also like the way that you're like like yeah he deserves to know how you made him feel or how he made you feel

and I was like shit I am like that yes you are I may be small but I could take down a six foot five guy not even flinch I didn't a lot of the time when I was recording that I wasn't thinking about what I was gonna say before I said it I was just like I'm just gonna embody Liz and that part I felt like I like entered like you entered your soul got into my body just sharpening a knife I'm here bitch I will stab you let's fucking tackle so I felt powerful as hell only if you deserve it well don't feel too powerful I cry constantly honestly same whatever um but this kind of brings me to a topic talking about imposter syndrome and stuff like that I have been thinking so much about turning 30 my 30th birthday is in six months and

you know our 70 percent of female listeners and probably a lot of male listeners feel this way the pressure to have and do and be it all before age 30 for women is exhausting it's honestly you are treated like you expire at age 30 and then you are 29 and you're like um okay i'm the best looking i've ever looked and like the most confident i've ever been in myself and my abilities like i'm no longer like applying for entry level and associate level jobs like I am a mid to senior level employee now like shit's shit is developing yeah but like there's just this weird like standard that you need to have an empire by age 30 or you're failing and I'm sure some men feel that way when it comes to their careers like oh I have to be doing all

this by age 30 but then you are confronted with all of these like all of these generational issues like like generational wealth like millennials and gen z are the poorest generation because boomers fucked it up boomers are like hoarding money that they don't need and just like fucking over the working class and honestly this thing I like I can't even begin to dig into it to get down to the absolute roots there's all kinds of issues yeah with capitalism and patriarchy that and that's not this podcast I don't have time for that and I spend all day thinking about it and it's why I have a constant headache anyways um all the yeah so I've just been thinking a lot about the pressures of like what we're supposed to be and have by the time we're 30 and how that's

also fucking bullshit yeah and it's really interesting whenever I ask whenever any of my guy friends turn 30 I'm like how'd it feel they're like yeah whatever and whenever I talk to any of my girlfriends about turning 30 it's like oh my god i had this whole like it was like a moment for me because it's a it's a turning point 30 is for whatever reason and it's changed over the years i think turning 30 now is like how turning 20 was like 50 years ago you know like 30 is young 30 is still very very young and still we experience it differently than men yeah 30 is just kind of like oh yeah i'd turn a new decade well there's not a time constraint on men they can reproduce until they're fucking like 80 but for women we don't have the luxury to fuck around until we're

55 like that's why a lot of the times it's like okay well what the fuck do you want because I'm not gonna sit here and wait for you to grow up yeah so um I know that can be a frustration but I like I'm saying that and I'm like 30 and I'm like god I can't even imagine having kids right now like I know um people who are my age and on their fourth kid and I'm like what the fuck like fourth yeah and I'm just I'm like okay well I'm not ready for that and like I don't know if or when I will want that I forgot to eat until 5 p.m today yeah I can't take care of kids I like I'm just sliding by yeah i can't take care of kids i mean more power to you but like it's sad because regardless of if you're if you want kids or not i feel like as a woman a lot of our value is placed

on whether we have kids or not by the time we're 30 and then like if you don't have kids they're like oh my god that's like so sad for you like but statistically like there are an insane there is an insane amount of statistics around like so in heterosexual relationships 75 percent of divorces are initiated by the woman and um the people who are the happiest the people who are surveyed who are considered the happiest are unmarried women who don't have children and like life expect life expectancy is longer for women when they are unmarried it's just like i don't know i mean the numbers said it we didn't yeah like the benefits for women without um being married are higher and then just also it's like like for i've had a

really hard time the last few years like thinking about what marriage means because everything is subjective you know and marriage to me used to mean what I think it means to a lot of people of like I'm gonna have this big beautiful wedding and it's gonna solve all my problems because I'm gonna have a sparkly ring on my finger and I'm gonna marry this guy who makes more money than me and get zero respect anyways like I legitimately thought I was going to marry my ex and um I just like when I think about it now I'm I was thinking that like oh getting engaged is gonna make me happy it's going to fix our relationship yeah and we put these markers out there that were like oh I need to meet this goal I need to be engaged I need to have a beautiful wedding and then like

the older i've gotten the more weddings i've gone to the more like i feel like an alien isn't this kind of weird like there's something it's it's almost like christmas like how you're like it's a little weird that we put a tree up and we decorate it and like yeah a stranger comes into our house and puts presents under it when we put lights outside and we do all of it for jesus like are there socks on the fireplace yeah it sounds really all of it's really weird and traditional so then I started seeing weddings through that lens where I'm like all these rituals are like kind of strange yeah and it's expensive and it's expensive because like the like it's become predatory they're like oh it's a wedding okay I'm gonna charge you ten

thousand dollars that's so real here's some food we put in the microwave I will say all the weddings I've been to all of the food's been great me too I've been to great weddings I you know what will be interesting is to see if I don't know we live in a very liberal bubble up here and I'm sure it's different in the south but it'll be interesting to see when this generation becomes parents what weddings are going to look like because a lot of the people that I know not every not everyone but a lot of them that have gotten married and have had big weddings has been because they want their parents to be happy yeah it'll be interesting to see like a lot of them are like i shouldn't have spent that much money on my fucking wedding like we should have just like gone to the courthouse

and gone to bora bora yeah and then their parents are like well you have to invite this aunt that you've never fucking met like yes it's just they want to invite like people you don't know to their wedding and then there's always some kind of drama because someone is making your wedding about them and you're like um go fuck off and have your own wedding then yeah i like i don't know i'm like there have been times where someone's told me something about a wedding and i'm like okay send them my way and tell them to square the fuck up because this isn't about them like people that fucking propose at a wedding deserve multiple layers of hell i like if if everyone's not on bored with that being okay it is unacceptable that is just so fucking selfish like um congratulations

to you but we haven't thought about me in like five minutes yeah so get down on one knee propose to me at this wedding i can't imagine a worse place to get proposed to i'd rather get proposed to in a fucking porta potty someone proposed to me at another person's wedding i'd leave i i'd be like wow we're really not on the same page at all i would never be with somebody that thought like that was okay when i remember when i asked my ex i was like what was your plan to propose to me and he's like um i thought i would do it in rome and i'm like okay when yeah how would you accomplish all of this and he's like i don't know in rome i hadn't planned well and then he was like or on the airplane on the way there the airplane yeah I don't want

anybody looking at me on an airplane I think this man doesn't understand me and then the ring he designed was really basic I remember he gave me such a hard time about rings when I was when we were looking at rings that he was like I hate that and I'm like I'm the one wearing it like yeah i want you to also like it but like i want to like it and he's like but i'm paying for it but i'm like i'm fucking wearing it anyways it's a boring ass ring and like i feel like everyone has that ring now i'm also i wonder if he saved the design for his now wife that he cheated on by the way oh t i'm never gonna give it up is that rickroll i ruined that song i can't get over rome he wanted to fucking propose in rome

yeah rome is the most touristy disgusting he probably doesn't know that because he i didn't know that because he's so boring and white and he doesn't like go a lot of places i had this idea in my mind that like the coliseum was like in the middle of the desert no it's like the there are people dressed up as gladiators around they're trying to like sell pictures with them it's like the vegas of italy god that sounds miserable but okay this i feel like anybody that loves rome that's listening is gonna send us some angry emails this is my experience with rome they say you can't do rome in a day i mean people love vegas so that's true god there's better places i think after everyone saw the lizzie mcguire movie oh yeah they're like i'm looking for my

balo oh my god paulo sing for me paulo god bless it oh hillary duff i watched a cinderella story the other day for the first time in i have so many problems with that movie love the movie because it's a classic but how can this man how can chad michael murray be accepted into an ivy league college and not be able to recognize this woman with just an eye mask on me and my friend that were watching it were like it's so obviously her disrespectful as fuck like the day before he's in her restaurant and she takes his order yeah and the mean girl that was like dating him when she walked when she was at the toe when hillary duff was at the top of the stairs she was like love the dress hate her that girl could see who she was from that far away and chad michael murray

couldn't figure out who was dancing with her unrealistic he's just like i'm like a nomad yeah i'm gonna go to an amy i don't want to play football dad your dream dad not mine oh god i was such a sim for chad michael murray though chad michael murray was the heartthrob of the mid-2000s and then he cheated on sophia bush oh i didn't know that he did that was actually his downfall damn fun fact god damn it chad such chad what a chad it makes sense that he was chad michael murray because chad murray is such a douchey name he was like i gotta throw michael in there chad michael murray gotta have three names i wonder who consulted him in that that was a good call anyway um i have found something on the internet did you have any closing thoughts

no i came across something that i thought liz specifically would like because it's something that we've talked about a lot in the past this tweet says we were really told she slept her way to the top instead of men in power abuse their power by withholding promotions and threatening demotions if they did not receive sex from their workers that's the top tweet and then the reply is holy shit i did not realize this before the only way a woman could sleep her way to the top is if the people on the top reward sexual favors more than actual qualifications but you know it's her fault and that's so obvious but it is never discussed that way no like a perfect example that everyone knows is monica lewinsky oh my god she's a bad bitch yeah she always has been she was

a fucking intern at the fucking white house and got villainized do you know how smart you have to be like yeah and she is the one who got villainized meanwhile this like fucking grown-ass man is preying on a 22 year old girl that's horrendous yeah and she was called i was looking at the headlines around that time they were vicious to her this poor girl if the president of the united states your boss the top of the country was like hitting on you you would feel anybody would feel very uncomfortable and pressured into doing something that they maybe wouldn't do otherwise like she was not in the wrong in that in in any way she wasn't in the wrong in that and it's really really cool now to see her so embraced by people for it and she's probably i wonder how she feels

now she's really fucking been through it she's the queen of twitter yeah oh yeah i remember seeing an interview with her and i was like holy shit i can't believe that this woman was ostracized for being like preyed on by this grown-ass man who is supposed to be the most respected person in the world like i don't know it's appalling it really is it's it says a lot have you seen love actually uh yes um so the prime minister and like the worker that worked for him there was a part in i think it was harris no no what's his um my god uh oh my god billy joe no the guy that was with angelina jolie for a while he played the america bob thornton billy bob thornton he was the he was the president in that and that was like a nod to that whole situation with like there being like

an attractive woman working in in the white house or i mean in whatever the parliament what do they call it in england i should know this whatever wherever the prime minister works and being put in a situation where they're like there and like the head of state is made to feel uncomfortable by this attractive woman being in their presence so they have to move her out when in reality men should just be able to control themselves but that's how it is it's always her fault for being attractive and smart always it's never it is never it's my fault the guy you are you abusing your power to manipulate me it's or threaten your career like it is just hard to imagine the monica lewinsky situation like stormy daniels is a really good

example of this she was such a bad bitch during that whole trump thing she was just going on every news network she was like yeah ask me about it uh-huh let's chat and like i think if the monica lewinsky thing happened now she would have been way more embraced than she was back then and that makes me sad like she can you imagine the entire world knowing that you gave the president a blow job i mean now i'd be like fuck yeah i did what's up hit me up joe but like back then being everybody being pissed at you for something that you were the least guilty in and also like that's what they measure you up as instead of being smart and talented enough to be an intern at the white house it sucks because you never hear it going back to what started this whole conversation is like

you never you always hear she slept her way to the top that is such like a household phrase and also it's so dismissive yeah of like a woman being smart and talented and assertive she must have fucked someone to do this like it just this is also why like the gender binary is so fucking annoying i'm like who cares if they're smart and good at their job who fucking cares what they look like or like how they dress or what their sexual preference is who fucking cares it doesn't matter but we never ever talk about the fact that senior management also slept with them that's fucked up like everyone takes fucking training about stuff like this at every job it's so fucked up every and it still happens every job i've had yeah oh yeah yeah i mean nepotism is real especially if

it's like if you're rewarding sexual favors drives me bonkers it really really does but just just don't just don't do that and we all know that that's fucked up but we don't i've never seen it phrased that way yeah you know and phrasing it that way i think exposes just like what that actually means yeah she slept her way to the top no actually but actually somebody valued her sexual performance above her performance her work performance yeah so fucked up i'm pulling up a sex fact the left testicle usually hangs lower than the right for right-handed men and the opposite is true for lefties interesting wonder why that is yeah i want to know what the science is behind that I know it just says fact I'm gonna read a second one because I don't have

anything to back it up I'm gonna pay attention to that it's just interesting that it's like if you're right-handed your right ball hangs lower like for what yeah why like what makes what makes that true is like your arm tendon connected to your balls maybe to chakra if you flex your arm your ball like moves it's all connected to our men puppets yes they are okay after fingers and vibrators candles are the phallic objects used most often by female masturbators unlit ones hopefully candles i guess they're the most readily available a lot of the time where are they getting this data i want to know who are they asking what are what have you masturbated with that was not a vibrator

or your hands what would you say what is um have you ever used something that's not a vibrator or have you used something that was not meant to be a dildo as a dildo yeah are you gonna share i will well okay so the reason i paused is because there's two i was thinking of two so the the first one was when i first learned how to vibrate how to vibrate how to masturbate i had this vibrating pillow well and the vibrator it was like a little egg in the pillow it was like a massage pillow but but the vibe the vibrating part and it was like an egg and it could come out of the pillow so you could wash the pillow and I was too young to know what a vibrator was but I was like this feels great that was the first time that was the first thing that I used that

wasn't i had a vibrating razor and you could take the head off of the razor you'd you'd wow that's that is ingenuity that it just i don't know you just there's there's a sense yeah as a woman you just know yeah this will feel good feel good yeah that's it that's so true because i was i had no reason to believe that something that vibrates would feel good but it did and then the most recent it was like a few months ago there was this so i had a vibrator once upon a time don't know where it went a little concerning they're very cheap on amazon i'm going to buy i've been doing too much research like i just need to just buy one but i don't know where my vibrator went i was in a moment of desperation to my favorite bullet one please do i was ten dollars i was

going to buy one of those hitachi magic wands after um fake dom had one because i was great but they're expensive they're expensive and like what the fuck am i gonna do because i'm gonna be moving out of my parents house soon and like when i moved into my parents house my mom helped me and she found my original vibrator and that was a moment um she was really great about it she's like she's just cool just like she doesn't care yeah but it was still very embarrassing yeah i don't want to have a conversation with any adult my mom said what it was she was like she like opened up a drawer she's like oh your vibrator's in here you're like yes I know please do not look in there again and it was very like a kind of wasn't a long silence but it hung for a little too long

you know like don't all right anyway let's never talk about this again my ex and I had a whole bag of sex things like really stupid looking back on it now it's just like a sex candle that we like never lit like was the wax intended to like be poured on you the melting point was a lot lower than normal candles um and then just like a bunch of different kinds of lubes that we kept trying but it kept like hurting i don't know anyway so in there was this like um i don't even know it was like kind of a triangle massager that like had like these like um bumps on it and it's a sex massager but there's like nothing that can be used for sex on it but I thought maybe I could figure it out um I didn't I tried but I couldn't I was like really like using a lot of angles trying to

make this thing work for um masturbating and it didn't so I've never I think my short answer for this is I've never successfully found anything yeah other than whatever intended to be used yeah what about you what's like the weirdest thing yeah the egg oh man oh you know what I had one of those face things oh yeah face cleanser things and I just took the top off and I used that as a vibrator remarkable and um an electric toothbrush on a couple occasions it was not it was I never used it on my teeth okay it was only for my vagina wow okay okay and then one time I will i this makes me want to die what i had the little face thing like under my pillow and um like i cannot remember who it was but it fell when they sat on my bed it fell like behind my

bed and they're like what was that and i'm like i don't know what i didn't hear anything can you get the fuck out of my room mind your own business my cats are grooming each other and Amelia is about to die this is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life they're gonna start fighting in about two minutes I'm excited for that too fight night um yeah it's really I hadn't really thought about Dane Cook had a had a joke Dane Cook was like dating a 17 year old not that long ago did you like read all about that I mean I feel like not that long ago maybe it was like 10 years ago now but that was kind of his downfall anyway um he had a joke about fucking a woman with a remote control and the batteries falling out in her did you ever listen to Dane Cook yeah I vaguely

remember this joke it was like one of those jokes that was like it's not really a joke but I feel like we can all kind of like commiserate with it you know like what I think we've all kind of had to get creative from time to time but a remote like they're square like that would hurt yeah yeah that would hurt it would not feel good it wouldn't feel good so anyway all that to say like I don't have I don't think I've really ever had like much exploration no I can't really think of I don't think I've used anything to put inside me yeah other than my fingers yeah actually same but just because there's not really i meant to say this back in january they're fighting now yeah see i told you well the clockwork i fingered myself for the first

time recently for the first time what yeah this is big news it was weird i didn't realize that I had it until I was doing it you would never you would never fingered yourself no I know that's crazy what'd you think I liked it I knew that I would because I've been fingered but like I honestly I didn't realize that I hadn't done it until I was doing it and I was like why haven't I thought of this yeah like is this really the first time I've done this remarkable I just like hadn't really I guess felt the need to because I'm like I can really only have orgasms from like clit stimulation so I've just never like needed to but I always do a little both action you know I'd see and I didn't know that both action was so fantastic until I was doing it and the reason

I think I didn't bring it up things up was because it was um what did we call him um Charles Manson that one it was you've called him so many things he has so many names charles manson he it was one of his he sent me like a guided asmr that was like just for me which i'm sure he ended up sending it to 15 women but at the time i thought it was just for me and that was and he like in the guiding he said like to to finger yourself and i had never I didn't realize that I hadn't done it but life-changing life-changing moment if you've never fingered yourself it feels kind of it it feels weird like it on your hands it feels weird I mean I use a cup so my fingers are up and in there constantly makes sense yeah

I just I know my way around my vagina it's good everybody should just got up you need to know where exactly where your cervix is well and I'm sure you have you ever felt for your iud strings no really because yeah so mine coiled up immediately and i mean that's what you want right and my ex never said that he felt them so i immediately went to the gynecologist and i was like it fell out he was like no i didn't it got absorbed into my uterine and now i'm gonna die part of me now so once he confirmed it and he was like it's fine relax i just never felt the need to check it after that so I just hadn't I used to constantly freak out and check mine this is so interesting see well and then now I'm feeling like I'm like yeah I guess you just

like can be any age yeah when you start figuring stuff out you're never gonna stop learning I lost my finger virginity I have had a lot of sex yeah and I and I had no I had never it was just such a weird realization you know well and i guess it does make sense too because you were with the same boyfriend for so long and then you went from that relationship ending to just now like dating a lot of people yeah like yeah and having a lot of sex and you haven't had to explore that no until you know the world shut down and you're like oh wait a second i could probably explore this a little bit more yeah i oh and i get that's also like not really something like you see in porn either like no you don't really see a girl fingering herself no unless you watch just like masturbation

porn which i don't so i just have never like been i like the the thing that's hot to me is two people are part of it yeah so yeah makes a lot of sense okay anyway we could just keep talking but we should we should end it um email us holy hour podcast at gmail.com at the holy hour on twitter tiktok and instagram all right anyway we love you goodbye Oh, yeah.