The Hoely Hour - E43 IT'S OUR BIRTHDAY!

Episode Date: June 11, 2021

We're rolling into our very first birthday like 2 Chainz, bring out the big booty hoez and champagne. Have you guys heard of docking? All the Mormon kids are doing it! Meet the Mariguana, the coolest gd reptile this state has ever seen. A listener asks for advice on how to tell her Catholic parents that her boyfriend isn't just her roommate. Another listener asks if his inexperience matters. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I could, like, whisper things to you. That's how I imagine... Just being a singer? Yeah. Like, Ariana Grande. Did you like that right in your ears? No. It sounds like some sort of, like, horror movie sound.

I'm done. oh my god gaspy just dug his nails in my leg like fucking stop comedy his face he's like he's like how am i the only adult here it's fine we're in our late 20s all right let's do our intro all right Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sanson. And I'm Liz Ball. And we're celebrating one year today!

Would we say it's our one year birthday or our one year anniversary? I feel like it's our one year birthday. Birth-a-versary? I feel like our anniversary was our first day of recording. And our birth-a-versary is today, the day that this is coming out. birthiversary somehow sounds gross yeah birthiversary birthiversary but yeah i mean we did come out on that day our podcast is a gemini oh we love a gemini lady let me look up our full uh astrological chart oh my god yes do we know what time we were we should like do the whole

I did so it's it's hanging out in my astro yes oh my god I'm so excited we are a Gemini sun an Aquarius moon and a Scorpio rising interesting she has the same moon and sun sign as me yeah well I mean your birthday is two days before our birthday but doesn't the time the time does influence it it's very interesting and we were born in different places too yeah so here it is that's what we are love that um scorpio rising i'm interested to hear that's spicy i mean i think that the gemini sun aquarius moon makes a lot of sense i love this fire energy for us yes um scorpio rising what a spicy placement explains that we also like to have a lot of depth presenting you know um and some other sign some other placements if anyone cares uh we got mercury

and cancer nice so a lot of fields with communication which is on brand yep um venus is also in gemini uh and mars is in pisces venus and gemini i want to hear about that because that's yeah it sounds interesting planet yeah the planet of relationships oh that sounds on brand to learn about you and i i would say that we're two sides of the same coin kind of like a gemini yeah like we're we are very yin and yang but we're in agreement yes so that makes a lot of sense and you're actually a gemini and i'm a libra and that is also a dual sign i love astrology i love this for us yeah so it's our one year birthday happy birthday liz happy actual birthday and podcast birthday thank you so much yeah we do have very close birthdays

me in the pod minus tomorrow well i mean it was on tuesday when this is coming out because this is coming out thursday which is the podcast birthday and i am so excited i can't believe it's been a year it's unreal like it it it flew by but it also feels like we've always been doing this I know that's so true isn't that such a weird experience like I can't imagine not doing this and it feels like it's been like six months max like we did that photo shoot over a year ago in your first one yeah that's wild to me I know there's so much has happened in the past year comparing that to what we have now too yeah is amazing i people have been new people that are hearing about the pod are telling me that they listen to episode one and i'm like oh my god

please like listen to later episodes because it's like fun but also cringy it is and like we're like hitting the table every other word because like and we're like no the technology out oh my god episode three episode three was fun though it was so fun honestly re-listening to episode three has made me crack up a few times yeah I need to re-listen I've been like avoiding it because I was so drunk I got so drunk so fast yeah that was I don't know it just it's weird to think about because I feel like when people start podcasts or like anything like this it's like you're unsure of how long it's going to go for like let's try this but I always knew that it was going to be like a long-term thing yeah I always felt that way too which is a weird thing and I think what

made it easier too is we both had kind of like this intuition yeah we're like huh and kind of learning like oh we don't have to put ourself in a box yeah like that's the beauty of making content is you can kind of like continue the conversation however you want totally yeah our perspectives have grown a lot um and our technology has improved oh my god our look has improved yes we have a totally different brand than we did when we first started yeah yeah it's it's been cool I'm glad that we allowed ourselves to play when we first started out and it was good you were always reminding me like well the good thing about starting out is we have no rules oh my god no fuck you're right like we're not married to anything and I'm so glad that we had that mentality

because that's like a mistake a lot of people make yeah is they like they're like trying to figure out the structure and when they can't follow it or it doesn't work they're like oh fuck i'll just give up yeah yeah and you kind of just have to follow that natural instinct or flow that these things take and i think that we've been good at doing that like this has changed so much from i was looking at the original trello board that we put together of like the structure that we were thinking about doing and like the names for things we were going to call the audience the pews like we had like a or the choir the choir yes the choir and um we were we had like a whole structure for each episode that was like confessional and it was like a

cute idea but once we just allowed ourselves not to follow that yeah it was a little too uh structured yeah and sacrilegious themed too themed and i'm glad that we don't have to stick to some kind of church theme yeah it's more fun we got our name yeah yeah we have our name and you're on we pay our own homage to it but yeah amen um on that no i wanted to i think it's kind of interesting i've been thinking about this and i it was a topic that we had in our first episode talking about sex ed and how like we didn't really get a very good sexual education and the thing that I have been thinking about the most is how like no one tells you sex is supposed to be pleasurable yeah it's always implied that like

men love sex and even then like now now you're putting like two people in two different boxes not even just one yeah like now guys are gonna have to be like um is there something wrong with me that I don't want to have sex all the time that's so true we never think about it from that side yeah that because then I before really before I started doing this podcast and I know we're like I want to talk about all the shit that we've learned through doing this and one of the big things is I have always been under the impression that men are just always thinking about sex yeah because that's like what is talked about in the media and what's fed to us through sex ed very early on that like oh it's just boys being boys like that's not the truth and I don't remember

who it was but somebody I think you were having a conversation with yeah pointed out that that's not the case like that's it's unfair and unrealistic to put that expectation on men to always be in the mood that was a lot of unnecessary pressure and it just continues the conversation like it continues the idea of objectification you know so I think like the more I thought about it I was like okay no one tells you that sex is supposed to be enjoyable like from the beginning it's it's from that point it's always going to be the idea that it's transactional like it's only its only purpose is for reproduction yeah and there's nothing else yeah it's to create a baby so in that sense you're like okay it's only transactional and I am only a vessel for a baby

yeah and that's how you start to see your own body and see sex at a young age and then you have to like cope with and challenge all of these ideas as you get older and it's hard because you're not the only one going through that like i and then you know if men are receiving the same kind of education they're also treating it as a transaction right and you're up against your body's natural biology of like why am I wanting to have sex if it's just purely to make a baby like that kind of rhetoric is so dangerous I like I my sex education program in elementary school was very focused and really like solely focused on periods and that was it and shaving like that was really it and they separated the boys and the girls i talked about this on the first episode like i feel like

a big issue is separating the groups and i understand like the maturity level and like you know kids are going to be like you know i understand that but i feel like if boys and girls were being taught the same thing at the same time in the same room there would be a lot less of like a disagreement in understanding of like what sex is as we're growing up i still don't know what the boys were taught I don't I actually don't know I've never talked to any boys about it yeah actually me either now that I think about it it's like they wasn't periods no I mean there is a lot of benefit to learning about both especially now I think that young people are getting more comfortable with transitioning their gender yes um and their gender identity so in in that terms it's just like

okay well why not include everyone for everything yeah you know right i mean that's that's a really good point i mean that's a huge that's a huge miss and i'm wondering now that it's it's becoming more of a part of the conversation if schools are adapting to that yeah i actually don't know i also think if you include the conversation like sure okay sex can also be for pleasure but so can other things I wonder if that would contribute to decreasing like unwanted pregnancy because you would have more knowledge yeah and you would have more access to contraceptives because you wouldn't have to be like sneaking around yeah you could just do hand stuff and it's one of those things like you like we I think like that 70s show does this where it's like you know everyone's like

hooking up and doing stuff but like the parents turn a blind eye yeah it's just like okay it's assumed so why are we talking about this right and like the trying to like hold people back from their natural instincts or just exploring things makes them always want to do it more like there was never a part of me growing up that felt like I couldn't drink because like my parents were like if you want to try it you can try it and my parents were never like that and like every day I would like I wish they had been like if as a teenager like you know your teenager is gonna start they're grown up they're gonna like start trying stuff and being rebellious or whatever or like wanting to learn more so if you make yourself an available resource like

you're going to lower the likelihood that they're gonna lie to you and like if they need help they know they can come to you like you know you'll know that like your kid's not getting in the car with some drunk driver yes or whatever it took away a lot of the excitement just being like oh like I can do this oh I don't really want to fucking do it because I think a lot of my friends growing up were experimenting with drugs and alcohol because there was this like whole like no you can't and it made them want to try it and rebel against that my parents were always like yeah like I mean if you want to like try my beer or like you want to like do you want a glass of wine at dinner it just kind of took me like this tastes bad yeah and I was like I don't really

fucking care like I don't care but also if you try it under those circumstances like my first time drinking I took like six shots holy shit yeah I was like 110 pounds I was a oh my god teeny tiny teenager you know yeah and I was puking my brains out I was so sick and like if my parents had talked to me about it or I don't know like no one talks to you about drinking my mom was like no one was doing shots she's from the midwest and was in college in the 80s like she's like yeah we would just go to a kegger like there's there people weren't doing shots or like drinking mixed drinks there yeah they were just drinking beer and that's very midwestern yep i would say 100 yeah so um like they weren't really like expecting that's what we were gonna go be doing

but then at the same time it's like okay you raised us in las vegas like yeah what do you think we're gonna be exposed to that's such a good point yeah it's so readily available yeah i'm like what when we drive past the big sign that says gentlemen's club like how are you gonna plan explaining that to me right just like basic things that my sweet catholic midwestern parents hadn't considered ever and that makes sense to not have the exposure to it themselves like they wouldn't know that that's what they needed to talk to you about yeah but sex is one of those things that everybody has exposure to all the time so it's interesting to see how i've realized when people have access to openly talk about it um ask questions they're not really

be this whole like hush hush like don't even think about boys they're more likely to be responsible about trying it at least from the experience that i've had of like friends that grew up like in the mormon church went fucking nuts when they left the church because they had been they just they were just having all this sex all the time and they weren't being particularly safe about it oh i recently tweeted this like it was like what was your high school known as like and then it was more it was listing drugs uh but i was like i went to a morbin high school so it was more like an anal high school because i didn't consider anal sex to be real sex and then i'm just trying to imagine like i still have never had anal sex it is painful

so i'm trying to imagine like trying to do that at such a young age oh god that would hurt so much that is there that's such a problematic line of thinking that and then you have no one to talk to to be like why do i have hemorrhoids yeah but like what how is anal sex not sex was it just the vagina was the thing yeah apparently that's so that's so weird there's that's very it's very weird and it's really boring to think that's the only kind of sex you can have i just want to understand i just want to understand like why can you give like oral sex was it just if it's in your body doesn't count here's what uh the mormons would do they would rub fronts um wow and they would also do something called docking so you just stick it in and you just sit there

until it gets soft maybe i don't know dock you just don't like no thrusting no thrusting and that's okay of course not but that's what they had to tell themselves to think it was okay but like this also leads back to the the same idea of shame relating to sex like you're always gonna associate sex with shame yeah until you're married and you think that's just gonna magically wave it away no and this isn't even like exclusive to mormons no just any household that like oh it's shameful to talk about anything yes that slightly strays from buttoned up and boring yeah it's just it's sad and i understand the fear of like you know you don't want your kids to like end up pregnant but it's interesting to look at like they won't if you that's the thing if you

have an open dialogue that you see i like i mean just like teen mom is a perfect example or 16 and pregnant like they a lot of those girls are from like very religious southern households and it's because they don't have access to understand how to stop these things from happening yeah they have to hide they have to have sex places where you know like in like behind their parents backs and like they don't they can't go and buy condoms they don't make their own money low-key like now that I think about it I'm sure my mom was like super relieved when she found my birth control prescription yeah I bet when I was like 18 she like found it in my car I think she was like looking for something and then um I was just like well you didn't make yourself available to talk to

you about it and then she was just like that's fine um you know I'm glad you like took the initiative because also I'm sure she didn't want me to have some unwanted unplanned pregnancy before going to college and like doing life how I want to do it and I mean this is not a knock to people who have had an unplanned pregnancy of course not no I know plenty of people who are like i don't think anyone has regretted it like yeah i love my kid right of course but like a lot of them it's not to say it doesn't come without a shit ton of challenges yes exactly and a lot of the reason that it happens at a very very young age is because of the lack of access to conversation and a safe space to discuss what can happen when you have sex because it's the the when schools are

and again I didn't go to a school that really had sex ed that centered around sex like do any of them I like I have a hard time believing any school actually has a good sex ed probably probably not probably not especially I mean all of our sex ed was in elementary school we had like none in middle school uh the only one that I had outside of elementary school where they tell you that you're gonna have a period was in high school and they show you a video of a baby being born oh my god that's right the miracle of life and that was it what the fuck yeah the rest of my health classes in high school were just focused on drug abuse like what could happen if you become addicted to something i did my project on meth nice and just the sight of what happens to it's

called meth mouth just that like how fucked up your teeth and gums and whatever become from doing math god it's so scary i i'm gonna just plug myself here won the dare contest in middle school wow i wrote an essay what was your essay about it was about how we are a lake our bodies are a lake and when you do drugs it's like polluting the lake wow i know it was deep and i read it in front of the whole school uh the guy who won ours um because i remember i actually am having flashbacks to like writing this dare essay and my parents were like okay well we don't know anyone who does drugs but uh and even if they did they would never tell me about it are you kidding me right they were like um we're not gonna tell you that our family members have done drugs that's

embarrassing and shameful so i can't remember what they wrote about i think they made me write about like drinking beer or something anyways the person who won uh he talked about his cousin smoking marijuana but he kept saying marihuana marihuana shut up marihuana that sounds like like a really dope reptile yeah a marihuana damn this marihuana is dope as hell it's like a post malone iguana it's an iguana with just like a fat doink hanging out of his in some shades damn that's a cool ass reptile just smoked a mouse i forgot about that straight vibing somebody tweeted us about that quote today oh really i have to look that's hilarious somebody was like for some reason that quote

makes perfect sense to me i should post it i have a picture of the mouse i should post it you should post it check check the gram folks that cool that cool ass fucking cat yeah mouse is gonna be up it has a mustache and a top hat do you have a monocle too maybe oh i feel like all of those things go together so it's very likely he could have had a monocle yeah for some reason i feel i feel as though he did the mouse looked way too thrilled to be being smoked you know interesting choice by the artist 100 i have some questions i would like to pull that apart like an english essay the curtains were blue to represent oh that would be really fun to do a little uh uh art criticism yes i wonder if the person who lives in that house uh painted it

or if they commissioned it can you imagine if that existed on the side of your house and you and you moved in that would be so fucking cool i mean some people might hate it uh everything in this person's yard i specifically hate like oh it makes me uncomfortable in some way oh no they have a really weird sculpture oh yikes i don't know they're like weird like art people yeah i feel like the inside of their house would be a mess to go on a different rant i hate walking by someone's apartment i'm i'm nosy i'm looking at everyone's house i want to see how you're decorating i want to see how you're living and close your blinds i appreciate some good decor some good lighting i also want to see which gamer guys fall into my seattle stereotypes

with their rgb lighting yes anyways um i hate walking by and like a nice place and saying someone has treated it like absolute trash yeah it's a shame I'm just like oh my god you are blessed with being able to have an entire fucking house in Seattle and you did this to it it's really disappointing breaks my heart yeah yeah there are a lot of there's a some townhouses down there have you seen those like um I think they're showrooms right oh yeah they're so fucking beautiful but I always see really nice pristine townhouses like that in Seattle just decorated the ugliest like they try to be like all like art deco about it and like cool shapes and like and it's just like awful there's very basic decorating rules yeah and if you're gonna pay

that much for a townhouse i'm also sure someone could come in here and hate everything i've done well no but like this is cozy i feel like people try to make their houses look super artistic and it's just like sterile and weird it's like the kardashian last house have you seen their house oh yeah it's like a mausoleum yeah so we got a an email from a listener and we thought it would be a really interesting conversation to have um something that we've kind of talked about in the past but it was interesting to get it in this form so i will read it i just found your podcast and have been binging it i'm the only girl at my work and the rest are guys they are so weirded out by how much giggling i'm doing but it makes work the best anyways here's my story after three

years of being together my boyfriend and i decided to move in together my parents who are catholic like too catholic are not happy about this i have not opened to them about my sex life and they don't know that i've even had sex when characters on tv have sex my mom loses it and usually tries to change what we are watching i have been living with him for half a year now they have never come to visit even though it's only an hour away and they really think that we're just roommates i haven't corrected them so when my mom asks if I sleep in a separate room I say sure. They refer to us as roommates and often ask me how my roommate is referring to my boyfriend. I don't feel like rocking the boat with them but how do they not know? On the other hand my boyfriend's

mom doesn't like the term girlfriend because she thinks it's demeaning. Instead his mom refers to me as his female friend or lady companion which makes me sound like his mistress and not his significant other. Now that we have moved in together she asked if this redefines our relationship and i told her it makes us roommates so now we have both sets of parents referring to us as roommates would love to get your thoughts on my situation love you guys if you ever come to arkansas seltzers on me hell yeah holding you to that we are coming to arkansas only for you yeah just buying my plane ticket right now um but this is such such an interesting email um i definitely can relate to having like a religious family but i think maybe the difference

is my mom's kind of like a little more understanding yeah um your parents definitely know they fully know that you're not just roommates yeah they're just trying to not they're not trying to accept it but they know i think it's just like they want to live in their little bubble of like no no they're just roommates like like plugging their ears yeah hearing it but they know and i definitely know i have some friends with parents like that as well who are like want to play like dumb because they just don't want to you know they love you and they're always gonna love you but they also are subscribing to these very old out of date social rules because of their religion yeah yeah and that just doesn't work anymore and but I mean like I don't know when

you're raised super religious you have all these rules that you have to follow and maybe that's why it's easier for them to think about like well we love our daughter and we know she's a good person so um let's just tell ourselves a different narrative yep but I also can't even imagine what you're going through trying to navigate that of like are my parents dumb like would they be upset if I just told them the truth and it's I feel like I don't really have a place in giving advice on this because I was blessed with parents that I could talk to about things but from where I'm standing I'm I feel like like a band-aid they're always going to love you who who honestly and again it's so easy to say from the outside but like who cares if they know you sound old enough

to be making these decisions for yourself low-key it seems like they know and they do know they totally know but they want to tell themselves a different story yeah and or change your story to fit whatever they're going to tell their friends or whatever right and they can still do that but if you're just like listen nah we're together I've been lying to you because you've been writing this story yourself in your head and I haven't wanted to rock the boat then they'll probably be bummed for like a sec again I don't know your parents so like yeah it's hard to give advice on how to approach parents about something like this because you really never know how it's going to go right um like if you do just outwardly tell them there is a possibility like you won't speak to your

parents for a while I've heard of something like that happening for plenty of people the good news about that though is that it's on them to get over it because you're not going to change your behavior because it makes them uncomfortable it's and they are adults and they know that and like you're this is not the last time that this is gonna happen you know like if you and your boyfriend don't work out which i'm not saying that's not but just like as general advice to anybody that's listening that's going through this like if you break up with your significant other you're probably gonna have to go through this again with your parents like they're they have to accept that you're growing up and that you are making decisions for yourself so like they should just know and

it's unfair for them to be putting expectations on you based on their set of beliefs that you don't agree with in my opinion you also don't have to say anything to them like if you don't want to risk losing or damaging a relationship with your parents then don't yeah that's the other side of that I like if everyone is okay with just believing this this narrative that isn't the truth until you get married or whatever then then then do it I guess but I will say um some actual other like helpful thoughts might be um from the alternate like just from different perspectives of sure maybe like your parents would prefer to not accept the idea that you are living with your significant other until you're engaged or until you're married and even then I've had friends who

have told their partner like oh I don't want to live with you until we're engaged or until we're married and then talking to them now they've regretted making that decision because they wanted more real world experience together instead of kind of like jumping the gun and rushing into not not rushing into marriage but necessarily but just kind of rushing the process if that makes sense like none of them regret that they're with their partner but they wish that they had approached the circumstance differently so I totally relate to that like I completely understand I used to feel the same way I was like I don't want to live with someone until we're engaged because I just like simply did not I wanted them to prove to me they wanted to be with me but that doesn't

necessarily mean that's how it's going to work out for us yeah or on their end um and when it comes to your boyfriend's mom calling you these other things like there are other terms she could call you like and if that really bothers you i think like your boyfriend should also help you drive home like what you do want to be called needs to be a partnership like i understand the girlfriend thing i i don't think being called a girlfriend is demeaning but i do feel like the older I get the more I feel like there's something childish to it because you're like okay I was someone's girlfriend when I was 14 and that wasn't a thing that's so true it does get weird to say boyfriend when you get older yeah because he's like a little bit more than like it's more than

just a boyfriend now or a girlfriend so sometimes I go with partner yeah um or significant other and uh you know if your boyfriend's family is homophobic they might feel like that's uncomfortable yep I feel like there's an interesting thing that happens when people get older and they grow up a lot they they revert back to old behaviors that they would have as children with their parents like trying to keep things from them oh my god I've totally been there and like honestly I don't think I would have gotten to a normal place without having my therapist because like as I'm growing and changing my parents are having a hard time accepting it they're having a hard time accepting like oh my daughter is almost 30 and when I was her age I was doing all this other

shit too that made me an adult so yeah they're just used to seeing you I'm sure the last time you lived with your parents you were much younger and that's how they're used to seeing you and it's that age it's not your responsibility to protect your parents from you growing up like that really doesn't do anybody any good at the end of the day it doesn't do them any good because one day you're going to be getting engaged and making babies and they're going to have to then I mean if that's what you want to do and this is just to anyone as you portray or portray as you go on with your life and your relationship they're going to have to assimilate to the decisions that you're making eventually so like they have to accept some time that you are growing up yeah doesn't really matter

when it is if you choose to confront your parents though I would definitely recommend making sure you have a good support system in place because like if they don't react in a way that is positive or helpful or beneficial to anyone especially you it's gonna be really fucking hard at the end of the day you're not going to stop growing up and like if they if you think about them going to like a therapist being like oh my daughter like living with her boyfriend like the therapist is going to be like this is what you raised her to do is to make the make decisions for herself and be out on her own like why does this bug you and if the reason is religion and it's not your religion that you practice then that's not a fair reason to push you out of their lives because you're making

decisions for yourself yeah back to your parents your boyfriend's parents or mom specifically um not calling you a girlfriend lady friend maybe instead of like if you don't feel comfortable being like hey I don't like when you like refer to me that way because it can be really like daunting and exhausting to have like a conversation like that yeah um if you and your boyfriend both agree to like call you or call each other like oh my partner or my significant other or my better half or whatever the fuck you want to call each other that isn't just like lady friend i i think lady friend is way worse than girl 100 that's so much more demeaning lady friend what were the other names um uh what was the other one oh it was female female friend and lady companion lady

companion yikes bestie oh my god it sounds like the boyfriend's mom is like more on the same page though oh for sure if not more progressive i don't think that she thinks it's demeaning i bet that she's just having a hard time accepting that her son has some a girlfriend that they're living yes because that means something lady companion feels so like senior citizen they met in a nursing home or like uh yeah yeah yeah like some sort of pet yeah this is my foreign not a pet my my fuzzy companion that's what i would call my hairy boyfriend what if he called her um master oh my god you're my master try that around your parents like hi this is my mistress well she doesn't want to be a mistress but that's true oh that's true that was we're thinking from

a bdsm perspective a mistress is like you're the boss yes um but there are definitely alternatives for like what she can refer to you as and i think the responsibility either falls on to him to be like hey don't refer to her this way anymore yep um we've agreed that we would appreciate it if you referred to it this way and whatever that decision is you guys make because that's your existence too that's how yeah that is your business and not theirs and how they refer to it should not be their decision yeah period so that's uh the advice we have I hope it's helpful it's not really that's a difficult issue yeah I feel lucky that I never had to go through that but I've had a lot of friends that have there's a lot to navigate here so whatever decision you make i'm sure will be the

right one we got a message from one of our male listeners that we want to read as well dear amelia and liz first off much thanks for everything i'm a giant fan of y'all and i love everything you do it's really lovely getting to hear women talk so openly about sexuality and your podcast has made me much more comfortable with my sense of identity and values i've never found that i fit in too well in a hetero male dominated society but listening to your podcast and watching amelia's videos on tiktok and youtube have made me much confident in expressing my identity i owe both of you a ton in that way that's really that's really sweet the first time i read that i cried even grandpa grandpa's really feeling that's the first time he's talked

i wanted to send an email with a question about sexuality to preface i'm a bisexual 24 year old male who is inexperienced with sex and relationships I have suffered from pretty severe social anxiety and OCD in the past which has made me have issues with talking to women that being said I think I as I've matured I've become much more confident talking to women and making friends I've become much more extroverted and happy but the pandemic has definitely put a hamper on dating my question is this how would y'all feel having an older partner mid-20s who hasn't had sex or been in a relationship before I want to start dating but I also don't really know where to start I feel like I've missed several years of personal development in terms of dating and I'm a little

worried in this way what do y'all think thanks again for everything this was an amazing email yeah it's a good question it's a fantastic question um you have not missed out on any personal development because the way you develop is in your own time it's your life it's your experience there isn't a wrong way to grow and it sounds like you're obviously very open to growth and learning more about yourself um but also like with your experience the you know this isn't a job you don't need to have experience and I think honestly that you don't is even better you know I think it's interesting about being in this position and I agree is that you hear so much more from people that have had experience so it feels like everybody does when in reality there

are a ton of people that are in the same position that you're in and that is okay but people don't feel that's why when you're watching like the bachelor and there's like a virgin on the bachelor it's like their main storyline it's so weird it's so strange and also like not rare like no they act like it's this big thing it's not i have a lot of friends that don't have very much experience and that's fine they're okay with it and i think everybody kind of goes through this thing of like have i missed out on something but it's because how these things are framed in like pop culture and like the media well i'm especially especially as a man i'm sure there is oh my god so much more yes and a different kind of pressure yes like when you are a virgin or just inexperienced in

general yeah yeah because you might not be a virgin right and also who cares totally um but your your experience level doesn't define anything like as long as you are staying true to yourself and you are comfortable doing what you're doing like if you do choose to engage with someone like physically romantically however you want to do that as long as you're being true to yourself and you're comfortable and you trust your partner those are the most important things and honestly like the best way to be comfortable with someone is to be honest with them yep you will feel better and they'll feel better because if something is awkward because it's always awkward trying stuff at first uh-huh so as long as like if it does get a little awkward like you're on the same page and

it's a shared experience you know yeah and people are so much more understanding and caring than you would initially assume you know and it's fair to initially assume it because we're fed things that make us believe the otherwise is going to be the case yeah there's a lot of judgment that everyone has to combat especially when it comes to things like sex and sexuality and gender identity and all that totally you assume that you're going to be bombarded with judgment and um combated against and honestly if you are which I don't think that you will be but if you are then that's a filter in itself those aren't people that you want to fuck with anyway yeah period even if you had experience exactly that's I don't yeah I can't honestly I don't like I can't think of any

at a time where I have been not experienced enough or too experienced and have received judgment for it I think more often than not people are very understanding and accepting it's always such a pleasant surprise don't so I guess the best advice is like if you do choose to have this really like honest conversation with with others which we both would recommend um don't assume that they're gonna like challenge you because it's likely that they won't and you could also even give them the option of like if that makes you uncomfortable I totally understand yes yeah because uh I think when people know that there isn't going to be like any repercussions they're more likely to it takes a lot of pressure off of them too and that's just like kind of

speaking from my own experience where I've been like you know I've thought about this and like this doesn't bother me and it doesn't change how I feel about you that takes a lot of pressure off of them and then they can fully engage with me yes yeah whatever circumstance totally like setting the stage for like the vibe that you're giving off that has a lot of effect on how good communicators will react yeah and respond yeah completely so that that's such a good point it gives a lot of information on how a good communicator would respond and that's what you want is a good communicator and someone who can empathize with you and genuinely cares about you as a human totally so that's a great question yeah it really is I guarantee there are so many people listening

that have the same question that are afraid to ask or have always wondered and don't really know how to ask you know yeah um so yeah I don't know I just I hope that you that this helped a and b that if you feel comfortable with it reaching back out to us after you listen letting us know how conversations go and same with the the last question that we answered too if you feel comfortable with it we would love date yeah we would love an update yeah I don't know we're invested now happy pride and thank you for writing us openly as like a bisexual man I think that there's a lot of bi erasure that everyone experiences like especially like bisexual men they're like oh you're just actually gay and then bisexual women it's like oh you're doing this for

male attention and it's obnoxious that's not true super obnoxious but thank you for writing to us happy pride we love you happy pride we love you sex fact of the week sex fact of the week oh i feel good about this it's kind of jazzy sex fact of the week sex fact of the week sex fact of the week get down sex fuck yeah i love that okay there are two i don't even know which one i'm gonna read two because they're all short okay all right when two people kiss they exchange between 10 million and 1 billion bacteria yeah gross i thought it was gonna be like serotonin uh no i'm thinking about how much making out i did the past week but also how

how often like when you eat something are you like absorbing some sort of like bacteria not all bacteria is bad hashtag not all bacteria okay this is fun orgasms can lower a woman's risk of heart disease stroke breast cancer and depression we need you to start flicking the bean ladies do it for your health do it for your health i already know it helps my depression we'll see about heart disease stroke and breast cancer in the future but i'm trying to think of like uh times i've felt like other than an orgasm a physical release of like something else like anxiety or whatever

there's like a momentary for me just like brain dead just like no thoughts head empty no thoughts head empty love that it's true yeah yeah that moment where you're just like huh you're gonna relax on your bed like for like 15 seconds before you remember like you're still a human in this world if there's another person involved that moment where they like are just holding you and you're just existing yeah but also like the post not clarity that I experienced post orgasm when I'm masturbating brings me right back to the anxious state I'm like what am I watching yeah it really only happens if there's porn around yeah and it's like not it's just like really greasy and dirty it's the equivalent of like a mcdonald's happy meal you order it you're

excited you get the toy and then when you're done eating your stomach hurts and you feel it for a few days a zit pops up oh god or six i mean and that sometimes you gotta you gotta do it sometimes you just sometimes you need the mcdonald's sometimes it's been too long since you've had mcdonald's and your body is like give me that mcdonald's yeah they're like i just need a little extra grease right now masturbating is the fast food of sex only if it's like gross though sometimes masturbating is like uh drinking a green juice for me you know that's true a little extra like dopamine for me it has been it has exclusively been fast food because it has that makes me sad I haven't had like a like a healthy masturbation session like two months

three months oh no no it's always like when I'm desperate I'm like I have got to get off yeah I need to get better because for a while I was to light some candles I was masturbating for like a very healthy amount like for a release and like doing it in a way that I was proud of for a very long time I need you to describe what you mean though like like watching porn that I was like I could like get behind or like remembering like a memory yeah and like it would be like in the middle of the day like just like taking the opportunity as it rises now it's like the end of the day I hadn't had sex until recently for months and so I was just like I gotta do fucking something with all this energy and I wasn't being very mindful about it and I don't like that and

so the post nut clarity would be like like every time but also you're beating yourself up for like being very human I know that's the thing there it's not fair and I think it's because I got so used to having sex regularly that when it stopped and I wasn't I was just like oh my god I was like my head was on fire I was like what do I do with all this so I started to be kind of disgusting and irresponsible about how not irresponsible I'm acting like I like robbed a bank but like because I masturbating is kind of like a holy experience for me and I stopped treating it like that so i'm trying to get better about finding finding good ethical porn that appeals to you is really it can be really hard yeah and when you're horny you don't have a lot of time to do

research exactly that's the thing it's like when you have to pee like you've been waiting all day and you you can't hold it in anymore you don't have time to like research what what bathroom is the cleanest no you're squatting in the alley you gotta you gotta go to the closest nearby possible place you can go and sometimes yes sometimes it's squatting in the alley you just gotta squat in an alley yeah okay Gatsby is a fan of mine today and it's really changing my life he is very happy to be in your lap he loves him so much what a great way to end like wow what a great way to end our birthiversary we got grandpa who is laying in the middle of us very happy to be here earlier he was showing us his belly which is always a sign of being very happy

gatsby just hopped into amelia's lab they're both just like very happy to be here they're celebrating with us they have accepted amelia as their mom and i'm happy for you it's a birthday a gift it is a i frequently cry about how much i love these cats oh me too well it makes sense that you do it's like weird that i do oh my god he's licking me oh my god this is the best day ever grooming you he's like oh god you guys are being loud no yeah he just like stopped just like looked off into the distance he only does a couple as a kiss he's so happy well we love you guys thank you so much for allowing us to do this for an entire fucking year we do it for you guys yeah truly yeah i mean we get a lot from it but but also like being able to have a community of people

that are as amazing as our listeners has just been like this is exactly what we had always dreamed of yeah of just being able to have a community of people we can like continue to have these conversations with and like laugh with and love and support yes we frequently simp over how much we love y'all our 90 of the texts that liz and i send are like our listeners are so smart our listeners are so fun yeah literally last weekend i was getting so emotional i was like i love you and i love our listeners they're so special we know a handful of you guys by name and we talk about you all the time like oh my god did you see what she sent us yeah we act like we like hang out with y'all all the time we do I mean it feels like yeah because we know we're not talking to just

each other no and so we know I don't know it feels like there's a third person in the room whenever we record yeah that was the biggest surprise with our first episode was I was like it felt like there was a third person in the room it was so interesting so anyway we love you you are as much of a part of this podcast as we are and that's dope yeah and the cats yeah all right we love you our children kind of like that yeah it was good okay bye