The Hoely Hour - E48 Weddings, Marriage, and Bears! Oh My!

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

Finally, an episode no one asked for: two unmarried women talking about weddings and marriage! The girls had a wild night out, and Amelia almost died in Liz's bed. Ah, to be haunted by the ghost of Amelia -- the American dream. If you need Liz to fight someone being rude at your wedding, she will do it for free. Amelia and Liz read listener advice on things they wish they knew before getting married. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

should we just redo our entire intro yes okay there's been a lot happening okay all right one two three welcome to the holy hour we got a starter what did i say the holy hour welcome to the holy hour the okay we are so it has been a long day today feels fucking weird it is weird it's weird okay okay welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball this is our third time trying to do our intro it's just been a little chaotic over here we've had a long weekend trying to remember that we have to do real people's shit tomorrow fuck but i've enjoyed the long weekend me too i've really needed it me too this is actually felt like a long weekend after taking

friday off and having monday off i was god i feel rejuvenated i feel excited about life yes um less depressed that also might be the micro dosing that's amazing i love that so yes i'll continue yeah micro dosing shmush room shmush room shmush room we talk about like people coming in our mouths and we're like mushrooms we're selective about what we censor on this show i've definitely already said that that i'm gonna break those mushrooms but now i'm officially doing it i'm so excited for you and i smoked a shitload of weed this weekend i love that journey for you yeah mr liz was out of town and i was like all right it's gonna be liz time i've been talking to my therapist about how I like feel so I've been feeling so drained for so long that I I was

just like I I would rather like do shit like this and like hang out with my boyfriend than do other things that are like self-care related so then they feel like a chore when I do them and then she was like how can you start making time for yourself every week and I was like yeah i don't know and she's like we're gonna we're gonna figure this out we need to get to the bottom of that but having these four days to myself have been really nice but we did go out on friday me and liz hit the town because the city opened back up i was i was a little nervous i was like not going to be able to handle the anxiety of being around a lot of people because i already thought already like being around too many people stresses me out yeah that's fair it it just flips

on my flight or fight or flight yeah of like I'm like okay if shit goes down where am I gonna leave yeah what's the nearest exit where will I hide big anxiety thing there was a lot of people there on Friday and I I actually felt great like me too the vibe was everyone was excited to be out it was so fun um while we were waiting in line for this place um there I was like oh maybe I'm not i like i when we left i was like we had a few drinks and i was like maybe i'm a little too drunk for this right now like i don't know i was worried i was sloppy and then we got out and people were fucked up they had been drinking like they were going to war yeah yeah like they're about to get a limb sawed off when we were there i i realized how many people must have been there that turned

21 during the pandemic so I'm sure everybody was like a lot of people were going like super balls to the wall for that reason yeah we went out in Capitol Hill and for those of you who are familiar with Capitol Hill in Seattle it is where the youth goes out um it constantly smells like vomit and oh my god cranberry yes we I always feel like someone's mom when I'm on Capitol Hill I'm like i feel like a cop here but um liz finally got to meet music man i did if you've been listening to the podcast for a while you know all about music man and liz hadn't met him until friday yeah and so she did and how did it feel how was it i was like meeting a celebrity because i was like incessantly i thought that he was gonna turn my water into wine and he didn't

and that's why i'm disappointed that's maybe on hangout number two he'll show you he can walk on water yeah and um build some cabinets i don't jesus was a carpenter he's very cool but he was busy because he was like working yeah so um but i do want to talk about we met two guys in line they were like hey can we like stand in line with you and we're like sure whatever um and then well they were like if we buy you a drink inside can we cut the line with oh i didn't hear that part uh oh that's right i like walked over to them because they were like kind of like calling us over they were like yeah so because the line was like around the block this place was nuts they were like if we buy you a drink inside can we cut the line with you and i was

like fuck yeah not really expecting them to actually buy a drink i don't really care if they cut us in line yeah that makes i did not hear them at all because once we got in i was like let's go to this bar and get a double yeah the line looks yeah the line looks short yeah and it was yeah and then we went inside and then eventually we found them again and they did buy us a drink but also they were like oh how old are you guys and then i said 29 emilia said 28 and they were like you look great for your age and then emilia's like rolling with the punches she's like well it's my tax and then i was like well also like that's like not very old and then they were like actually you're right that is not very old i need to get better at having a reaction

like you have because i was like yeah i better look good for my age because i pay so much money for botox like that's not we look good for our age because we're young yeah right you're supposed to be like falling apart at 28 and 29 i don't i don't know and then um we met some other guys while we were like in front of the gas station we got some water we got a couple bottles of water when we were leaving um and one guy was talking to me while you were inside and i was waiting outside with my hot dog for you and then um he was just like so like you know do you have a boyfriend and I was like yeah I do and then he was like what about your friend and then I was like no she doesn't and then you and his friend had come out kind of around the same time and um

the first guy was like well now that I know that you have a boyfriend um I'll start like talking to you like a like a real human that is the most disgusting thing and I was like oh so you don't like see women as humans until they have a boyfriend he was like fuck that came out wrong and I was like yes it did yeah yeah police that and then his friend was really drunk and uh he was like being an asshole I can't even remember specifically what he said and I was like um I was like does this work for you like do you get a lot of girls when you act like this and he was like no actually not at all and i was like you could try being like a little bit more respectful and then after that he dropped his like good negging act and i was telling i was telling mr

liz i was like these guys tried to like neg us and then well and they also said we looked great for our age and i was like it's not old that's not old are they i don't remember i remember like they were like they were 25 and 24 and i was like what do you think that 30 year olds look like because they look like you yeah and then um they were like it is old and i'm like it's not old at all and when you get here you will realize that i can't tell the difference between a 22 year old guy and a 30 year old guy honestly no no i there there is like um a range of i think that everyone who is like age 20 to 38 could be any age at all and if i'm being realistic uh some of these filters make people look even older yeah that's so true i'm like i don't even know

16 year olds are out here looking 30 because of these filters it hurts it hurts 16 year olds are looking older than well and then there's like older women are like catfishing people to make themselves look younger and appeal to like pedophiles anyways these guys that sorry i'm now backtracking the guys that got that we let mine in front of us that we ended up losing before they could buy us drinks they found us later and was like we owe you guys drinks and we were like oh okay yeah you do we went up to get a drink with them they bought it and then they just left us alone it was beautiful i've never had to i've every single time anyone's bought me a drink i've had to be the one that's like peace it was such a nice transactional experience it wasn't like

these kings they weren't being like creepy they weren't creepy in line either no they were really really nice they were really cool um yeah just making conversation oh the one guy who's like we're like where'd you guys go to school and he's like i went to duke and we're like oh little little college called duke i don't know if you've heard of it and then he was like all right all they both went to Duke they had they were good sports they were I'm sure that they were teasing them they were very nice if anybody is now listening to the podcast that um I forced on you on Friday I told everyone that we were a very famous podcast yeah I was like yeah we have a very lucrative podcast it's called manifesting thank you it was so it was uppity I was like yeah we

have we have a podcast we do it full time i lied out of my ass so much on friday because i haven't had the opportunity to lie to so many people before yeah like it's been so long people you'll never see again right they're never gonna check and it wasn't even like harmful lies but like i've been meeting people online for so long they can check what i do in this bar i told i told somebody that i ski every weekend i haven't skied since i was like seven oh my god i ski every weekend so i'm gonna be so hungover tomorrow on the mountain yeah it's gonna suck on the mountain it was the guy with the long hair that kept flipping us off oh I loved him actually I forgot about I forgot about him until you just reminded me he was a fun guy but he was he was a ski bum

and he was like do you ski or snowboard and I was like god yes I ski all the time almost every weekend that the mountains open I ski and he was like fuck yeah are you going are you going soon I was like every weekend dude I never miss a weekend I was like please don't ask me any technical questions i do not know anything i refuse to ski you could have just hit me up and then i've been like oh crystal was shit last weekend oh my god sandy these little nuggets of info about something i'm planning on lying about eavesdrop on mr liz and his roommate like deciding when they're gonna go skiing and i'm subjected to all the secondhand information so next time you want to lie about skiing i'll hit you like a summer skiing in mount hood is oh my god i met a guy this weekend on

saturday that was visiting from philadelphia that was just skiing in mount hood i did not know that mount hood was in oregon wait really yeah i'm not even from the pacific northwest and i knew that i had no fucking idea i don't know why i don't know if i wouldn't know that if i wasn't dating someone who skis yeah i always thought mount hood was in washington and so i was like oh is that why you're in washington and he was like well mount hood is in oregon like okay but you are here so why are you here yeah right i was able to recover but i was like god you fucking dumbass thank god i didn't tell him that i ski i need to if i'm gonna lie about something i need to pick something i have like at least peripheral knowledge i think it's hilarious that you don't i know nothing why

choose to lie about that a girl in my sorority uh she i just remember like she was like i just like love lying when i go out to the bars and then i was like what do you mean and she's like i don't know like i told someone last night that i played the guitar she's like never touched a guitar she just make up shit and it is really fun to lie at the bar it is like why not i'm sure we're gonna get some messages like it's not cool to be insincere it depends on what the lie is right it's not like you're saying something that's gonna hurt anyone i met a random guy at the bar this is when i was like i don't know 21 22 um and we told everyone we were engaged oh my god yes we made up a whole story about how we met cute um it was

sometimes my toilet just makes no what if you guys ended up getting married that would be a really cute i know that you won't obviously but wouldn't that be cute if that was like the beginning of a love story that would have been fun yeah me and your me and your dad met at a bar we hung out one more time and he was kind of strange yeah the majority of them are yeah of men the majority of men men are strange uh our patreon is bustling now which we're like pretty excited 17 is a lot it feels like a lot i think it's a lot it feels good yeah um so yep tier one tier two tier three tier three is the one that has um will get you access to a q a with us it's not it doesn't need to be a q a though you could just like go in and chat um we wanted to do

that because we love talking to y'all and it takes us a while to return your dms a lot of the time i feel like a lot of y'all don't know that we're reading them until we like read your message on the podcast we're just so busy so um any but with that if you want to support us doing this full time honestly i will say subscribe to our patreon like i'm more likely to see a dm if they dm me on my regular instagram okay that's good to know that's not the case for me no yeah don't dm amelia because she has more than 600 unread dms i'm so tired um someone yelled at me the other week for that oh yeah that was rude it was stupid it's also so so stan like that eminem song like relax also that's like some really embarrassing behavior of like i can't

believe that you like are too busy yeah wow like your fame is gonna fizzle out i'm like first of all you're micro yeah you're micro influencer do you know who i am yeah like i am the micro influencer of Seattle fucking relax like do not I am fame fizzling out is a very strong statement too I blocked her from looking at all my stories as like a time out because I know she'll notice because her friend follows me too so now she gets none of my stories good if you're listening you Florida ass bitch I'll drive down there and fight you you've burned bridges with this micro influencer in seattle anyways fucking no i'm just kidding i am i feel like i do feel like when people aren't get angry about shit like that there's like more going on

beneath the surface if you're listening i genuinely hope you're okay i sincerely think that she's probably florida trash and that's my hot take and i'll stand by that this is this is why we're good together on the pod because we balance each other out yeah i love this yeah i need more of you you can be positive and i'll tell her she's being a fucking bitch that video of me pretending to be you and you pretend to be me when i was pretending to be you i felt powerful i told mr liz that's the slowest i've ever heard you talk is when you're pretending to be me that's so true um anyway so our the link to our patreon oh sorry yeah oh yeah okay i was gonna go back to circle back to the patreon cute we're so like we're on the same page our cycles are synced up our brain

cycles amelia doesn't get a period i don't get a period so it's our brain cycles um our patreon link is in our link tree which is in our bios of all of our social medias at the holy hour on tiktok instagram and twitter you can also email us just to do a little chit chat um holy hour podcast at gmail.com uh also rate and subscribe yeah so we can get some uh sponsors and buy some better equipment yeah our equipment is doing it for now it sounds good now that that person helped you the person told me how to use the equipment but it would be nice to like have so i'm moving soon i'm hoping to have a dedicated studio space that i whatever we have set up doesn't move to um if we wanted to record there ever switch up the scene a little bit because nice like you

have to do so much legwork to set this up every time there would be no no one meowing unless i get a kidder oh I would be a fan of that I've been kidder shopping um and it would be nice if we just had like better equipment I like our equipment but it would be nice if we just had if I could afford some better technology yeah well for editing yeah yes that's another thing because ideally I'll start editing the audio and the video all at once that would be because I would like to do that and editing it all over with i'm really happy you're doing it's fun i like doing it but like the issues that we've been having if you subscribe to us on patreon tier two or tier three you'll see last the video two weeks ago now um that this episode's coming out it was two weeks

ago we switched between liz's camera my computer and my camera in that episode because we were having so many tech problems and we really want to be able to put out the best stuff for y'all but we um have expenses living is expensive um so we're hoping that the patreon helps us with that being alive is exhausting and expensive exactly oh also liz and i showed up wearing the same shirt today we're both wearing our merch because we're um i'm gonna i think i'm gonna start wearing our merch to the gym oh yeah i don't know i've been doing all my cameo videos in this i think i'm gonna lie and be like i it's a podcast i listen to i love it yeah the person on the back like kind of looks like except if it's the instructor i i typically see he knows

about the podcast i want to meet him i want you guys to meet too but like not at the gym because it's not gonna happen and i and i really appreciate he said you could come for free i appreciate that so much if you're listening love that journey for me it's probably not gonna happen i cannot exercise next to liz she has been exercising no listen i know you're saying no i get winded i it takes me like 15 minutes to recover walking up your steps here i need i need to no don't yeah me you're in so much better shape than me no it's not true i would say i will say i have more like strength now but i hate cardio and that's why i make myself walk to and from the gym is because i know that is the only way i'll get there that's how i used to do um i would go to

my trainer i would walk because i was the same way i was doing strength training and he would always make me run on the treadmill before doing strength and i was like no i'm just gonna walk to the gym thanks um i did a boudoir shoot today oh yeah okay this photographer that follows me on tiktok reached out her name is lindsey clausen she's the fucking best she reached out and she was like hey i live in seattle too like just let me know if you ever want to like do a shoot and i was like uh hell yeah fucking shoot are you kidding i always do my own underwear shoots um we're adding a fifth tier on top of our uh foot pick tier and this is Amelia's boudoir tier it is five thousand dollars five thousand dollars you get a nip slip it was really cool she had me in

this like um she provided the wardrobe she got it from um Shein so it was like oh nice yeah well also cool that she provided the wardrobe I know I was like what do you want me to wear she's like oh no I got it just let me know your dress up hell yeah yeah so it was um two uh lingerie sets and the first one was just like it's kind of like t-shirt material and it was white and she had me like spray down the front so you could see it was like a wet t-shirt contest kind of moment it was and it was like a spa bathtub theme because her parents just got a new place and their bathroom is goals it was like one of those bathtubs that's like not a part of the ground i want to be there for the conversation where she's like hey can i use your bathroom for

boudoir shoots well so she's she's taken like people in her family's boudoir photos so she's like they're all in super i met her parents they were so nice i met her boyfriend like she was just the sweetest she's doing my friend's wedding in a few months which i didn't realize until i was like looking up her photos i was like is she who she says she is because like she could easily be like a 65 year old man yeah um and she was who she said she was like she's phenomenal murder me but i'm really excited she's gonna send me previews tomorrow i'm really i want to see send them to me it was really cool it's very empowering I was just like fuck it breathe a nipple what is her handle that people can follow her it is let me get this right her handle is

l clausen photo l c l a w s o n photo all one word she's great if you want to go through who I'm following I'm obviously following her she also does weddings and she's fantastic oh my god so fun and she's not paying me to say that she's actually like it was such an empowering day like it was just so fun it was really quick it was 45 minutes oh wow yeah i've always wanted to do that i maybe i'll do it next yeah hit her up folks let's dive in talk about it's actually a good because she does weddings yeah and we're talking about marriage is what we know today um i think we should also make the distinction that like marriage and weddings are two totally different things yeah and we can talk a little bit about both because in general um you know two unmarried

women uh sharing their opinions on two things they have no experience on which is what the world wants you know everybody loves hearing two people speaking about something they don't know about yeah but we have a lot of married friends and I when I knew that we were going to be talking about this I talked to my parents about it Liz and I both have parents that are still together which feels like a rarity these days um and at dinner tonight i asked my parents about their marriage liz put out a um bat signal to people for what they wish that they knew before getting married or what surprised them just about being married just um any like what's something you wish you knew before getting married or like your best advice um and any wedding drama because i

fucking love hearing about wedding drama love a good wedding drama I love just like judging and listening and knowing what what the tea is what what good is wedding drama for if not being able to laugh about it later I also will like wedding drama like I I hate it but I love hearing about it because like I feel like all of my friends who have gotten married have had some sort of like wedding drama with like family because family um often sucks i love my family um i don't think they would ever cause any problems yeah neither a wedding we're lucky for yeah but like just like reading things on reddit or hearing like my friends stories i'm just like how can other people make your special day about themselves what the fuck is that yeah i don't know so i love

being pious and like fuck that person they're they're so stupid you know what sucks about those people is everybody knows like whenever i hear anyone's caused a problem at a wedding it's always the person that's like yeah we figured she would cause problems it's like you kind of there's that personality type that always causes trouble at shit that they shouldn't like then there's always like boomers are always complaining about like the food or something and i'm like okay patricia then bring your own fucking meal weddings are so goddamn expensive yes if anybody complains at a wedding that's why so many people just go to the courthouse because they don't want to deal with like their family and their friends's opinions on the shit that they're spending so

much money for for them yes because weddings are for the guests really and then like their family like wants to invite people you've never met you're like who the fuck is that and you're like they're like it's my childhood best friend's aunt obviously she saw your baby pictures one time yeah and it was really important for her to be there yeah she's gonna be upset if she's not invited like who the hell is my mom brought me as her like plus one to like her friend's daughter's wedding and I just was like I I don't know I was 23 I was like not paying attention to anything about weddings and then now as like a 29 year old I'm like that costs money for them I've never met them no I know I've never met this person and I'm at their wedding that's every time people are like

oh yeah well I got a plus one but I think I'm gonna bring my best friend it's like just because you have a plus one doesn't mean you should use it no it's like a nice thing that they gave you a plus one it's not like they just like have an extra suit that's like one for a mouth to feed oh my um i was recently a maid of honor in uh one of my best friend's wedding and um at that point i was dating like mr liz but i had zero expectation they were gonna give me a plus one also because there was a pandemic reason number one but also like that's expensive for them and i had only been dating him for a short while just because i'm the maid of honor doesn't mean i feel like i should be entitled to a plus one yeah or some shit i don't know and then i was like

my number one thing i was like if you need me to fight someone i will fight them but that was also like the busiest month of my life that was a crazy what was that yeah that was a crazy month for you i remember like at the beginning of november we were talking about it I was like you were gonna feel so fucking good when you get to the end of this month because it was something like you had like 10 things every weekend yeah and then work was crazy it escalated to the point where I my anxiety got so out of hand that I took two weeks off for my mental health and that's when I got prescribed SSRIs um had a nice little uh breakup for 16 hours

so good it was the longest 16 hours of your life that whole month was just that was a shitty disaster that was a october november was was rough it was really that was right before i got on i mean when did i start i started ssris in october yeah we're so synced up with like our mental health and then once you were doing you seemed just like so much lighter and happier and I was like a lot yeah I feel like I um if Prozac was a pyramid scheme nobody would be surprised because I've been like peddling Prozac it didn't work as well for me guys so don't listen yeah it's don't everybody was peddling Lexapro to me and Lexapro was the worst for me and so mental health drugs are so different person to person but i am such a huge believer like me and just do illegal

shit if i think if you feel like i don't know if it'll ever really i mean for a lot of people i'm sure it does feel like right to get on ssris for me i was like this is i'm so i'm so fucking scared about and it's it's changed but i'm so happy that i did i think ssris might become a seasonal thing for me we'll see um anyways back to marriage everyone's different marriage and weddings marriage and weddings um i'll tell you what i talked to my parents about today oh yeah okay yes you start little thing so my parents they call themselves recycled they're both remarried um they've been married before and now they're married to each other and i asked them they met when they were so they've been through it all they have they have i asked my parents what they

wish that they knew before getting married at the dinner table and my dad said um i wish somebody told me that the second would be better than the first and then he started crying oh my god he started puddling up is so precious the greatest my mom was like oh he was just like oh no it's just because the food is spicy his eyes your parents are so sweet they're so funny um my dad said he was surprised how often he didn't he didn't know um how often you had to change your sheets until he married my mom um it was stuff like that and then my mom said that she wished that she knew about my dad's family before they got married because um his family they're so they're so funny they're so different from my mom's side of the family um my grandma granny

inga bless her soul she um was she didn't want the kids so my dad's british she didn't want the kids to have an american accent so she was pretty bummed out about that and my dad didn't really tell my mom anything until they were already married and they were on their way to they were driving in england to his mom's house to meet the family and he was like oh by the way when you meet my brother don't touch him because he doesn't like being touched you can put out your hand he might take it he might not and my mom is italian so she's like trying to like hug everybody yeah um so that was like a little bit i was thinking i was like i'm pretty sure your mom hugged me the second i walked in your door yep she absolutely did she absolutely did

every time i bring you up my dad's like tell liz that we say hi tell her that she needs to come over i thought it was so funny when you're you had told me your dad was like uh liz never comes by anymore and at that point i'd only been at your house one time no my god tell liz we miss her they feel like they know you because they listen they feel like they know you better I feel like I know them through you because I talk about I talk about you incessantly to them and I talk about them incessantly to you I'm consistent I'm gonna get I'm a consistent I have a lot of parasocial relationships with your friends I feel the same way about your friends meeting Anna was like this is not the first time I'm meeting Anna no it was yeah beautiful also

did Bo Burnham make parasocial a thing no recently but everybody is talking about parasocial like I've been hearing that word so much more. Mr. Liz is the first person I heard talk about it. Like as soon as we were talking about the podcast, like as soon as he learned about the podcast, he taught me about parasocial relationships. I've been hearing that word like three times a day,

every day since the Bo Burnham special came out. What? When does he say that? I haven't, I haven't watched it. So I don't know. I guess I need to rewatch it. Who knows?

Maybe he said in an interview, who knows? Um, I'm trying to think what else my parents said about being married. Yeah. They just texted my mom. because I don't oh good want to be left out yeah good um we'll see if she replies my my mom said that she doesn't there wasn't anything that she wished that she knew ahead of time my dad said

the same but my mom said that she was surprised at how good of a dad my dad is because um he met my brother when my brother was two and um he was really really great with him but she didn't know just how good of a dad he was going to be until like he really started parenting um so that was something that she was like you know surprised by I don't know a lot of what they were saying like they were really having to scratch their heads about it because how long between them like dating until they got married like what was the time span between that I've asked them that a few times I don't remember I think they were dating for a year and a bit um and then my dad said to my mom so he he was moving to Florida and my mom said we're not moving with you unless

we're married and that wasn't like a let's get married it was just like I'm not moving with you unless we're married yeah and my dad goes well we should we should just get married that was how he proposed um so for their anniversary their 28th and 28th or 29th anniversary um my dad asked my mom what she wanted and she said a proper proposal and so he did he reproposed yeah he got down on one knee and had a whole speech uh so she got her proposal but yeah it was they were dating for a bit I'm pretty sure they were already living together um and then they got married and now they've been married 33 how old's my brother 35 so 33 years wow yeah I'm excited for your mom to respond yeah i think she might have um so my mom just responded and i said what do you wish you

knew you knew before you got married or advice and she said to be more loving and understanding towards my husband and children to think before i spoke so as not to hurt their feelings remain more calm and not to sweat the small stuff oh that's so sweet that's all really good advice and also i'm surprised by some of these things like to think before i speak and not hurt their feelings i just uh like when i think about things that my mom has said i have never been like i would i don't know every parent's gonna say something that you're like that offends me a little bit you know i don't i can't tell if that happens with your parents because they seem so like um i don't know aware and loving yeah and and open i've also like made it like whenever

they say anything that hurts my feelings unintentionally or offends me i'll like i say something about it and so they like know to kind of like tread lightly on certain subjects there aren't a lot of things that really offend me so it's like easy for them to avoid it's that the way that whole scenario goes among your family is so different than how it would with mine how would it go with yours um if either of my parents said something that hurt my feelings and i like clapped back about it they would just double down really yeah it would just turn into a fight and now now it's a little less like that because i'm in therapy yeah yeah or much less like that good um and i have been slowly planting the seeds of feminism yeah among conversations with my

parents i've heard a couple of your conversations that you've had with your mom on the phone and i'm always very impressed with how you conduct yourself or like you handle those conversations yeah because like you put your foot down in a way that like isn't like like argumentative you know you just like draw a line in the sand of like what you're willing to talk about in the moment and i'm like i need to get better about that with like everybody in my life just a little just a little insert when i slept over at liz's on friday i woke up and grandpa meowed at gatsby which was adorable in itself and then gatsby like got the signal from from grandpa what that meant and they started grooming each other and i just watched them groom each other for like 15 minutes

i was just like laying in bed hungover just like watching them groom each other and then i got to watch fight night oh my god look at these two oh they started fighting afterward which was yeah they always they always get into a little wrestle little wrestling after they groom there's literally nothing cuter than what's happening right now i'll be posting this picture on our story okay also uh at some point in the middle of the night amelia didn't move like i thought Amelia was maybe dead so so um I just stared at her for like a good three minutes to make sure she was breathing it's very sweet it would be so poetic if I died in your bed I would hate that I would I mean I would move but you would have to you would have to move my ghost would follow

you around that's oh the holy ghost oh the holy ghost um but then another point in the middle of the night I woke up and I rolled over and Gatsby was fully stretched out in between us it was a dream he scared the daylights out of me when he jumped up every time your cats catch me off guard I forget for like a millisecond that you have you have cats so I'm like what the fuck is that he jumped up in the middle of the night it's a cat and he when I was getting ready on your floor on Friday too Gatsby surprised me and I did not know it was a cat for like a split second there I thought there was like some sort of wild animal in your apartment uh anytime I walk into another person's home i open the door very cautiously like even even my boyfriend when i am entering

his home i open the door like there is a cat that's about to run out that's i mean you get into the habit because i have to god gatsby's gotten so he's so smart he knows when people ring the door that there's an opportunity for him to run into the hallway in about 20 seconds he can tell that he can tell who it is based on the length at which it's insane to me yep you're very smart um okay so back into some of these responses i can't imagine marrying someone without living with them first no i that scared the thought of that scares me i personally don't really want to move in with anyone unless we are like openly discussing some sort of future together agreed like it doesn't need to be marriage i would prefer if it was like you know

we're like that's an open discussion we're having like oh okay I can see the rest of my life with you let's like kind of make sure we're on the same page I'm not I'm not saying like let's let's get married babe like sincere discussions like okay are we on the same page about money are we on the same page about yes if we want kids like those important things are we on the same page about decorating yeah can we do that together totally and you get people's weird disgusting quirks when you are with them all the time you just well i actually recently saw this tiktok that this woman is explaining that like 70 of the time like couples don't have the same opinions on like basic things like you know finances or like doing the dishes or whatever and they're just like

unsolvable so at any given time at least one person in the relationship is making a compromise like 70% of the time yeah and then she's like once I realized that I like if I can tell like my husband is making a compromise for me or I'm not like getting my way on something like it's a lot easier for me to let it go because I know all like all these other times where he's making a sacrifice for me or compromising for me because he loves me and it's like not that big of a deal when I make a compromise for him and I was like that's so beautiful and also like a great way or a great reminder like the world doesn't revolve around you well people get so set in their ways of living when they live alone and that's the thing I'm like nervous for if and

when I do live with a partner well my parents were talking about um like maybe I could take over the townhouse from them when they but i can't afford it alone like it's not it's not in my budget and they were like well what if you get like one or two roommates and i'm like i would rather scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon than get roommates because i'm so set in my i like to know that when i leave something on the counter i wake up and it's on the counter if i like leave a plate in the sink i know that i'm going to clean it and you don't need to hear it only yours yep i don't need to i don't need to explain like text them like hey i left a plate in the sink i'll clean tomorrow so i don't hear it from them down you know what i mean i'm done with having roommates

and so if i'm gonna marry someone i want to know that we coexist well together i'm very easy to live with like i'm so low-key i spend so much of my time in my room like but i don't want to have to ask permission before having someone over like i don't we need to figure out like what kind of communication style we need to have to exist together before we have like the promise of marriage you know that's personal I don't know I could never I think by the time you're living with someone those things are easy to fix like yeah you know them well enough but like I just lived with two of my best friend not just it was like four years ago two of my best friends since we were 12 I lived with them right out of college and they were I mean there was so much going on

in that house that I don't need to get into it wasn't about it wasn't about them like I love them to death but like some people you just cannot live with and I think that that's and I know them so well like we all know each other so well but we didn't know what it was going to be like living together because I really think you get a different side of someone when you're living with them because you just have you have to just exist in this very small space together um one of my closest friends we didn't know each other very well before we lived together in college wow now like we're like lifelong friends anyways back to uh some of these fun little stories um this one was so sweet how much better than i ever imagined it would be oh my god it's from a man um this one

was funny uh you're going to spend a lot of time together in 2020 at one in a one-bedroom apartment they got married in 2019 oh my god i got married a few months before covid so i can only imagine um holy shit uh don't be too proud to be the first to apologize or do the dishes oh love that well these are all really great answers uh there's nothing wrong with eloping or just getting married at the courthouse with family i agree uh make sure you're on the same page about important stuff money kids time spent with family yeah like i feel like everyone's like and then we're gonna spend christmas with my family and then you're like what about my that's such a huge concern of mine and families take that shit so personally yeah yeah it's just

like yeah i've had that conversation with my family a lot it was really sad this year because my brother couldn't come to christmas because of covid and it was like when my prozac was evening out so i was like mad emotional i could not stop crying oh my god i was such a mess about it and like I couldn't even like really reason with why I was such a mess about it I was having a really hard year so I just wanted to see my brother I realized then that like my brother's fiance um her family's never like taken holidays seriously you know so like she just comes every Christmas for us it's never been an issue but like what's really important to me in finding someone is somebody that like has like a very close relationship with their family and I realized

I was like there aren't going to be very many more holidays that were all together and in my like Prozac brain I was like this is the beginning of the end and I was like so sad about it but that's one of those things it's like you have to you have to check so many boxes that you have to figure out what you need to compromise on when you end up with someone long term like everybody has different things that are important to them and I talked to my mom about that I was like what if like we don't have very many like holidays like all four of us left and she was like well then we'll like cross that bridge when we come to it and like hearing that she wasn't too concerned about it made me feel so much better but like i feel like your parents have had to navigate a lot of like

unconventional situations yeah especially like now um like like being our age and our generation we're like that's so fucking cool but at their like that time i'm sure like being surrounded by other people with their own stupid archaic opinions would have been exhausting oh yeah to deal with oh yeah yeah it's i don't know there's just like when when you enter people are always the saying when you marry someone you marry the family is so true it's true you my mom's always said it's so true my ex family is so fucking important to me and for whatever reason i just never clicked with anyone in his family besides his sister and his dad and he has a huge family I was just never able to click with anybody else and that killed me and like it made me not ever

want to be around them because I was just like I don't know I just don't it's like exhausting because I have to like try really hard you know and they were like nice enough to me but we never like really fit and I was like if I end up marrying this guy that's that I'm married that's my family red going to family events for the rest of your marriage I don't want that fuck that um this one says it's all fun and games with your mother-in-law until you get married. Then the claws come out. I would love to hear more about that.

I would too. Um, listening is critical. Not all situations need to be fixed. Just be present for your spouse. Wow. That's huge. Not all situations need to be fixed.

That's from a man. So I think that whatever the plane has gone by, um, i think that that's important for men to realize a lot of the times it's like oh i want to fix whatever is wrong um i and i say this just because i've only dated men i don't but i think in general people often try to solve your problem because your pain makes them uncomfortable yeah so it's just a natural response to be like i have to fix your problem but it's just so much better when someone is just present with you in it yes men are fixers like yeah and i i've kind of a little

bit of a fixer too yeah but i've gotten a lot better at being like all right what do you need for me right now i was just about to say squints told me he's like whenever you need to vent about anything can you just like tell me when you need me to fix it or if you just need to vent and i'll do that because if you dudes just want to be like well have you tried and i'm just like yeah i fucking tried it it's so easy to naturally from like naturally in my conversations now with anyone I'm like hey can I vent to you for a second yep yeah because you're you're like I'm I'm not looking for a resolution here I just want to be angry right now at someone pick that up from you oh good yeah now like whatever your advice what do you think yeah exactly whenever I just need to

vent to Liz I'm just like do you have a second to or like can I like can you gas me up about something for a second I think just being direct with whoever you're talking to about that shit because nobody ever knows gas me up yeah girl yeah any day i can hear for it i'll do it for free i'll do it if you don't ask it's true um having uncomfortable having uncomfortable conversations is how you grow together i fully agree with that like the and like i wouldn't have really thought much of that until like I have been applying that in my current relationship of like I don't know I'm gonna bring this up it's time we talk about it or whatever growing pains are real it goes so well every time like when you have an uncomfortable conversation but you're both on the same page of

like we're a team and I love you yeah like it's so the conversations bring you closer together it's really hard i think you and i have both faced this of having experiences and relationships in the past where it's been so scary to have hard conversations like i think you just are automatically on the defense yeah like oh the first time i told you how i felt about something you fought me about it we exactly it's like the you get punished for for talking things out and that makes you not want to bring anything up yeah you just know it's always going to be a fight come here so being sure that you're with someone that you can work through shit with like that oh my god what was that such a shit come here being able to be with somebody make sure that you're spending your life

with somebody that you can like work through problems with is so huge because you're going to be working through the most intimate shit with them for forever yeah especially if you want kids yeah like fuck disagreeing with somebody on how to raise a child come on that sounds so exhausting and that's why i'm like do i want kids i don't even know you have so much time to figure it out gramps i'm going to i'm going to hug you so hard you pop discuss everything politics especially where does the other person stand especially issues that are important to you finances children's upbringing oh and it sounds silly but like circumcising and girls ear piercings are something too that's huge finances too it's strenuous when one person is a spender while the

other is a saver and then the last one I just got um marriage isn't just a relationship to be taken lightly be prepared to fight for your marriage and then she sent me a message and because I think this expired while she was sending it to me um and then she just she had said to add on to what I sent too many people now think it's normal to just go through the motions of getting married if a couple isn't ready to fight for it then they shouldn't get married also marriage is a true partnership it's okay for your partner to help with your flaws that you're not too big of a person to deal with issues on your own there's a reason people have a partner for life I think like this person makes a really good point of like a lot of people are ready for a wedding

they're not ready for a marriage and like I'm at an age now where I've seen so many people get married very young and like it's make it or break it now like couples are starting to get divorced that I've known yeah and um I like I want to say like that's sad but also like I don't think it's sad because they're doing what's right for them yeah I want them to be happy totally if yeah if you need to get a divorce to make sure that you have your like happiness for the rest of your life then like that's what you need to do but fucking hell divorce sucks yeah going through the process of divorce and that's why it like it makes me so sad seeing people get married so young and you knowing that it's just because that's what they feel like they have to do or they're

getting pressure from their family or they have problems and they think a marriage is gonna fix it it's like no I saw a TikTok that just fully encompassed how I see relationships so well this girl is explaining so she moved in with her boyfriend and people are like you bought a house with your boyfriend like that's insane what happens if you break up and then she was like okay so instead of being a dick about this like I'm gonna explain my mindset and she was like if you treat things like buying a house or getting married or having kids as goals that's a finite mindset like you're just working towards this goal and then afterwards there's not a reward and you don't have a plan for afterwards and like that's where you just you fail being happy

and then if you have an infinite mindset towards your relationship like a finite mindset is like I need to win the game and then an infinite mindset is like I let I love this game and I want to keep playing as long as possible that's amazing and like that's fully how I see relationships like because you don't have to do things in any certain order for your relationship to be successful or for you to be happy yeah and I think our generation is getting better at challenging those things but it is really hard when it puts a wedge between like you and your family or you and like societal expectations like in the mid-2000s there were like shows dedicated to like a marriage or wedding competitions oh my god yeah like bride wars yeah or just like um four

weddings like it's four different women's weddings and then whichever they vote on each other's wedding and whichever one is the best they get a free honeymoon oh my god and that just sucks to like subject someone's wedding to being judged yeah because at the end of the day it's not about like oh i didn't really like her dress or like the food was bad or i didn't like the dj like who gives a flying fuck because like they're getting married because they love each other and they plan to be together forever like right yeah that's just all people it's like i really think there's there's like a biology in that and like who can build like the best nest you know it's like who's who can like peacock the best that like they have the most and then people can people love judging

people on shit like that it's really fucked but it's like really that's like why that is exactly why i do not want to have a wedding same same i just like i don't like oh you don't like the food i don't give a fuck like i didn't have this wedding for you i have i'm having it for me i just want you to celebrate with me i have a lot of friends that wish that they didn't spend the money that they spent on a wedding more friends than not i've definitely heard that i you talking about like the finite goal thing made me think about that quote from soul the pixar movie when he was talking to the um she a trombonist or trumpeter i think it's the trombone trombone outside of the club and he was like i've been looking forward to this for forever now that

i'm here i'm like kind of disappointed by it because like you have this like goal in mind and you get there and you're like all right well like now what you know and it's like never what you've expected it to be and she said this oh my god these planes are so noisy this one's super loud i'm gonna find the quote while this is flying over because i really like it um she said i heard this story about a fish he swims up to this older fish and says i'm trying to find this thing they call the ocean the ocean says the older fish that's what you're in right now this said the younger fish this is water what I want is the ocean and then she just walks away and that quote I just like got chills again because it's like it's so true it's like you spend your whole life

looking for something this like goal in this case a wedding and you get there and you notice like it's not really the wedding that you should be celebrating it's like the love that you should be celebrating and like your moment of getting there and like that you've like worked to get to this moment and like you're here and I think a lot of people fall into this like competition of like how can we show people like that we really really love each other and it's like people know like and if they don't then like who the fuck cares there's some sort of correlation between like how much money people spend on a wedding and how little love there is in the marriage like there's a lot of a lot of data that shows and I haven't read the studies but this is

something that I've talked about a lot because we have family friends that have spent an unreasonable amount of money on a wedding and like a lot of the time it's to cover up like a lack of something in the marriage when they feel like they need to spend a million dollars on a wedding you know and that's not always the case obviously some people just want to spend a lot of money on a wedding and that's totally your prerogative but there are some things that show like a lot of people try to fill a void when they're spending all this money on a wedding and that's sad because the wedding should be a sign of your love and not like this goal that you're trying to get to yeah you know yeah i don't know i had just like i fully agree and i think that we everyone

knows at least one couple that like shouldn't be married i wonder if people are listening or like is it me it's not you no people that are listening it's not at least on my camp yeah i'm talking about yeah same for liz um um liz probably just cut out everything that we just went through with sex facts we were trying to find marriage sex facts and they were all garbage yeah there was no sample size information and when we finally got to cosmo which we should have been able to count on for some raunchy fun sex facts about marriage and they were all problematic yeah they were deeply problematic so we're just gonna they're just like you can have sex whenever you want which is not true no that is objectively untrue hate it if you want to marry someone

because you think like you're allowed to have sex with them whenever you want oh i do have some something funny to tell you i saw a tiktok which is my catchphrase now um where it's like what's the craziest thing someone's ever mansplained to you and this woman explains that she like uh works in the medical field um and she was like trying to like work one of the 24 hour shifts and a man she worked with was very religious and he was like no you can't do that because like you're gonna be on your cycle and uh we don't have a bathtub and then yeah just like kind of these crazy things and then she was like can you explain that to me why you think that and then like his wife said that they could only have sex on holy days which

is when you're ovulating probably and all of the other days for the remaining three weeks women are on their period and they need to um take a bath for uh two hours every night for um just so they can like have they can bleed out and i love that she just like told him this so she could have some fucking alone time oh my god sex with him because that's not true at all that was like when ben shapiro's wife told him that um wet vaginas were a medical condition because she probably never gets wet with ben shapiro and that's on having ben shapiro as a husband you heard it here first so we i feel like we might i'm i had a conversation with a gay man yesterday a man who has been married who has been dating his partner for fuck i think it was eight

years and i asked if he wanted to get married to him i was like have you guys talked about marriage and he was like i don't know like marriage is kind of different for us because we like i can't visit him in the hospital unless we're married there's like a visitation thing i didn't dig in more into it and i want to do more research on it but that was interesting to me that he called that out as as something that they have to think about yeah um and then tax reasons too but there was like no real like desire outside of like symbolic for him to get married i thought was interesting i would really love to talk to a married a married couple like a gay married couple i would love i would just i feel like they there's a different perspective because it was so recently legal

i feel like as a hetero person i don't i haven't like this like idea of what the lgbtq community has experienced with like what a marriage is when gay marriage became legal like i don't know i actually how it feels but it's like i'm like oh triumphant it's legal and it's like no there's like so much more to it than that and so I really when we do talk to married couples I would love to talk to a gay couple um whether you need a libido adjustment and what to fix depends on whether yours is too low or too high and how much it bothers you and your partner if you're in a relationship figure out how your partner feels about your sex drive communication all day are the two of you completely out of sync or do things match up pretty well if you and your partner feel

a-okay about how much sex you want chances are your libido is just fine just keep calm and get it on that's fair i think sometimes people are like my libido is too low and it must be a problem and it's like no it might be okay for your partner yeah communicate yeah but there are interesting i mean there's so many things can play into libido you've said a hundred times like also why does it have to be sex like you can do other stuff like you know yeah just uh some kissing do a kissing and some some touching a little snug also a lot of people's insecurities about their libido a lot of the time comes from past relationships too so trying to work through that trauma of like feeling like you're not enough for someone just communicate all day communicate i feel like this

is a good place to end we should get matching communicate tattoos yeah on our foreheads communication no i'll do it on my ribs okay communicate you should do it on inside of our lips because it's loud i like that it's funny a little tongue tat yeah do people get tts i don't know i don't i don't know if something would stay on your tongue probably not your tongue is always rejuvenating itself what if we get matching tongue piercings and then our tongue rings say communicate and then we stick our tongue out we're just like uh communicate it'll be our new um cover for spotify communicate that would be a good one it'd be kind of dope it'd be like the um remember that film i think it was called 16

i wasn't allowed to watch that i wasn't either but the cover was their tongue piercings okay anyway we're gonna end i'm losing my goddamn mind today i'm so tired you've done great thank you so much great job i'm really struggling today y'all we've also had like a bit of there's been a little bit of chaos here today it feels like there has been there always is it's a weird day though anyway thank you for listening we already said this but again at the holy hour on tiktok twitter and instagram holy hour podcast at gmail.com subscribe to our patreon subscribe to our patreon um maybe we'll show a tit one of these days oh you never know i'm you know on on that boudoir tier hell yeah five thousand five thousand dollars fifteen hundred for feet pics um thank you

for listening we love you so much we love you our children not our best yeah we'll never get it right it's okay bye Oh, yeah.