The Hoely Hour - E5 The Whisper 'Sode

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

Do you know what your "focus face" looks like? Is your man the Jackson Pollock of ejaculation? Do you love this shit? Are you high right now? Are you in a place to relieve information that might possibly turn you on? Liz will break all of your small cups, and Amelia sounds like she's talking from the other side of the room because we're low budget over here. (Pro tip: listen with headphones!) *Trigger warning, sexual assault: 43:00-60 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, this is Liz. I'm currently editing this week's episode and I wanted to include a trigger warning for this episode from about minute 43 to minute 60. Amelia and I start sharing a couple of personal stories relating to sexual assault, so if that is something that you're sensitive to, then I would recommend skipping that portion. But other than that, i hope you enjoy this episode okay let's do an asmr intro one two three welcome to the holy hour i hated that i'm amelia samson and i'm liz paul we're gonna crunch on some apples for a few hours here i'm gonna sip my drink i have a straw i got the jump to the sound so much hey how you doing little mama let me whisper in your ear

tell you something that you might like to hear got a sexy ass body and your ass looks out all right if i touch it see if it's off where do you see this dick hey bitch where do you see my dick i'ma beat that pussy up like we're appealing to a whole different audience okay let's do it for real okay one two three welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball and thank you for joining us for another mass again if you're still here we love you we thank you we appreciate you um this is a sacred space we've recorded every single episode in the same day because that's

what mass is it's just it just keeps going it's just a continuation yeah your parents are lying when they say it's an hour it's 58 minutes sometimes sometimes it's an hour and two minutes you know we like to keep you on your toes do you have any like what things have like turned you all the way off oh like you know how we mentioned like the hat thing because i have a few things but i want to hear what you have to say i know that i'm gonna start thinking of more when i hear yours but like off the top of the dome i really hate men that are rude to waiters which i know is like a common thing that people talk about I fucking hate it I hate it um like gross toenails oh my god yeah toenails in general just

gross me out like when they're like yellow and like jagged and like they have like that like nail grain you know what I'm talking about yeah yeah like I fucking hate it it's just so gross to me um like sex wise I was thinking about this on the way over and I don't know why but like the people that are listening aren't gonna like know what face i'm making but like sometimes when guys are having sex i'll describe the face you make they're so focused and their jaw amelia's doing like this side lip thing i totally know what what you're talking about so like yeah like like your mouth is like to the side but like their jaw is like also to this like I don't know it's just like why do they all make the same face I don't know

I don't know I don't know but then I'll notice that some guys do that not during sex when they're focusing on something else it's like it's like a it's like a universal man's focus face I don't I don't get it so that's like that'll dry me up like the Sahara right away like can we do doggy i don't want to look at your face oh god yeah those are like those are the three that focus face the focus face but i know when i hear yours i'm gonna think of other ones what are yours sorry i'm still thinking about the focus face um oh my god the focus you're so right there's like focus face no um so would you say the focus face is the same as the as the o face oh yeah for sure i mean for some guys um one of

like one of my most recent i can't even give any sort of identifying information about it i'm gonna call him san francisco his focus face and his coming face was were exactly the same so maybe he was super focused on coming i don't know so i was thinking of specifics like specific experiences that i had okay so one of them is this guy i like had gone we just went on one date and it was like a very casual date and we started watching um like a comedian and he started saying the jokes at the same time as the comedian like he had memorized it yes i fucking hate that um i saw pulp fiction like really late in life it was like the last person have you seen pulp fiction i was like the last person to watch it which is ridiculous but um a guy that i was watching

it with was saying the lines i he memorized oh my god basically the entire movie it was so fucking annoying i'm like shut the fuck up also the kind of guy who memorizes pulp fiction is the worst wow yeah so he was saying all of the lines that the comedian was saying and i was like i know we've both seen this but like stop and then the other one is i don't know okay so this is such a weird thing um he was always chewing gum and like it's not like he was he wasn't like smacking a whole bunch but it made his mouth like dry and i also hate when i can't taste someone's pheromones you know so it's like if you've been drinking too much then your like mouth tastes weird yeah it almost tastes like milk you know what i'm talking about oh my god yeah yeah that milk taste i think

about this all the time why do all guys smell like milk he needs some milk that no it's like what is that like I feel like is it when they're drinking that you feel like I haven't noticed maybe like I think when um I've noticed lately like if I've been drinking and the guy I'm with has been drinking if we're like making out like I can't taste or smell their pheromones and that's like a huge turn on for me like I love when I can taste and smell pheromones but I haven't had that experience lately and maybe it's just where I'm at in life that is making me like not be able to do that but yeah like we'll be drinking and then they taste like milk and I'm like a weird thing and then I check in and I'm like does my breath smell because I'll brush my teeth or like whatever

like and then they're like no not at all and I'm like it's like can you please also suggest doing the same yeah I don't have an extra toothbrush but I suppose I'll let you borrow mine now so can you like go rub some toothpaste in your mouth on your gums just like put it on your finger and like brush around um I met someone that didn't think it was weird to share toothbrushes ew I know ew I know I know they're like well if you're you're making out them but it's like that's going in between your teeth that's the nastiest thing and your gums yeah yeah between your teeth and your gums don't like it I hate that so much the comedian um watching the comedian reminded me of another turnoff that I have which is men that are bad at telling stories

there is nothing worse to me than a man that can't tell a story I was dating a guy who um would try he would like tee up stories like it was going to be the most interesting thing ever and he would do the whole and then I said and then he said and then I said and then he said and the dialogue was not important to the story like you are providing me way too much color my guy like this is not like you have got to get better at telling stories and it would never reach a conclusion and then he would be done with telling the story and then he would just wait for me to react and it was a nothing story like and everyone clapped it was just so unattractive I used to be really bad storyteller and my like uh best friend in high school she is so fucking funny she's

hilarious and she is a great storyteller so when I was telling stories they were like that like a nothing story and then uh if it was especially bad she'd be like did you find $20 and I'd be like yeah and then I found $20 and she's like wow that's a great story I love that oh I'm gonna if it's like a bad story just end it with like and then i found a hundred dollars you're like wow that's a great story so pro tip for anyone who's a shitty storyteller just tell end it with if no one's laughing be like and then everyone clapped or or and then i found 20 that's some free advice yeah we should start charging for this podcast yeah which reminds us subscribe to our patreon we'll probably hopefully

we have it set up yeah hopefully what is this gonna be episode five that's in two weeks yeah we'll get it figured out yeah we'll nail it down we'll nail it down one two three four five oh and you have vodka in that too only a little i felt that i like felt that in my body oh i got the chills it's electrified greece has like the worst message ever which is just like change yourself for a man period yeah period which you know rizzo ended up getting so thank god i love that they had to like throw that into like the final number in the movie

that like oh by the way i'm not pregnant and then she just like disappeared we never circled back on that storyline and we um and then the car that starts flying yeah where do they go what's their plan after they take off fuck we're stuck up here they're like floating with that car that elon musk like launched into space what if that was elon musk watched that as a child and he was like one day i'm going to make that like elon what's your number one inspiration he's like have you seen the movie greece that car that launches off into the into space with sandy and danny inside really a formative moment for me as a child wait is that car still floating around space the one that he has like

fake astronaut in it it must be it must be because you can't really get that down i actually don't know when i first saw that i didn't i didn't read the news like ahead of the launch i saw it after it was launched and i straight up thought that was an actual astronaut in there and i was like what's the plan i need to google this it's a tesla right i'm pretty sure it is i love that elon musk just does like a bunch of fuck you stuff he's like it's for science but hate him so much is the tesla still in space it's like one of the top searches elon musk's tesla still orbits the sun two years after spacex launch orbits the sun i guess i guess we're orbiting the sun is it close it's gonna be weird to see if that like has some sort of

like negative impact on right it like throws off like everything yeah like elon musk had to launch a tesla into space now we're gonna get sucked into the sun that's so funny he would and he probably would know that that's what he was doing too he's an alien absolutely i have no doubt in my mind i'm pretty sure my therapist is grimes because today when i was talking to her she put her phone on mute because there was a baby crying and i was like when did you have a baby that's how that name is pronounced it's ash arcing angel yeah did they break up grins and elon was yeah i don't think did they and followed each other they did yeah snazzy i didn't know that can you imagine being like almost 50 and behaving like a

petulant child he has like so many baby mamas too i know which like honestly like the child support payments would be so nice BRB six million dollars I'm gonna go get knocked up by Elon Musk just so I could make bank walk away with a baby and and the bags another thing that my friend and I were talking about that I thought was super interesting is I was once we were talking about like you know the people he has slept with um in general if you are like having sex with a lot of people like what's this connection like for you and then he was like honestly most of the time I'm just fucking and then um I asked him like what would what constitutes like really great sex for you then and he's like the the like connection like the involvement like if she's

like not just letting me take control and she has something to say and like wants to like be involved and like I think it's so interesting hearing both ends because both men and women are feeling like this and we're not talking about it so bridging this gap like hearing both ends of like women being like yeah I have been taught to believe that um I'm just here to like please a man and like you just kind of like let them be in control when the reality is I'm sure most men also want that like involvement they so I don't know we need to it was just so interesting because we're openly talking about this and we're getting feedback from both men and women and like um just hearing like yeah I like I don't want to just fuck someone I like want it to be good I want

like involvement I want to enjoy it I want them to enjoy it so I think we need to get a little more comfortable with the conversations we're having with our sexual partners absolutely I totally agree and that's on conversation but no I was thinking about this um where like I mean I I've hooked up with men that are extremely selfish but the majority of the time when I'm sleeping with someone I feel respected and but without even having to have a conversation with them about it like sometimes before I start hooking up with someone I'll like make it clear that like my pleasure is extremely important to me and like I'm not just going to like do this just for you yeah but sometimes I won't have that conversation and and the guy will still like take my like my

involvement seriously and I don't I think that that's I'm surprised by it I think also because I'm like relatively new to the dating scene I wasn't expecting that but I think men are becoming a lot more woke than we give them credit for not you and I but like women in general I think it's so easy to be like guys don't care like it's we're just a body for them but a lot of good guys and they don't even need to be like good guys all the time but if they have like two brain cells to rub together they'll recognize that like the sex is going to be better for them if like their partner is also enjoying it too yeah um so it really leaves me feeling so so empty when like they come and then that's it it's like oh okay now I know what kind of person you are and like

i can you know not have sex with you again yeah if you if you come and you're done fuck you yeah you're the fucking worst yeah yeah you should just get a flashlight and stop wasting women's time yeah it's really disgusting there are so many guys like that i am like i said i haven't run into a lot of them but i've talked to a lot of my friends where they're just like i just don't enjoy sex i don't ever have a good time and i'm like that is saying something about the dudes that you're choosing because there are some there are a lot of men out there that really care about how we're feeling in bed and like those are kings and I really do think that as I've never had a single guy who's been like you know if I start oh actually no only one guy has been kind of insecure

also he never made me come now that I think about it which one firefighter he doesn't sound like a very good dude was he a good guy no I maybe he's changed a little bit but he was not a good guy like he's the kind of person that I couldn't like I couldn't use a vibrator while we had sex because he'd be threatened by my vibrator and it's just like okay that I need some stimulation there my dick is enough for you and I'm going to be the decider of that and I think that's why he was like so insecure and like threatened by like a clitoral stimulator I fucking hate that I love use a vibrator when you're having sex it's so fun yeah it feels great and if that's what I need to do to to come then like like support me in that yeah I've sometimes I'll be having sex with a guy

and they'll be like trying to like rub my clit like to get me there and I'll like take over and when they're like like yeah rub yourself like they'll like encourage that I'm like fuck yeah like recognizing that like I sometimes I just need to do what I need to do to come and if you're not like intimidated by that yeah that's your native land you know it i know it i'm familiar with it like i'm gonna i'm gonna be the captain here okay look at me yeah i am the captain but like men if you're listening like me like us needing to take over to make sure that we have an orgasm says nothing about how you're doing it's just kind of it's harder for us to come it is it is and also if you come first when we're about to come oh my god can you like pump the

brakes a little like just like slow down but I think we need to destigmatize having these conversations before you hook up with someone too yeah I always try to have me too at first me too and sometimes it throws guys off that I like want to talk about it but what like what's wrong with talking about the times I've talked to guys about like the things I like in bed before we sleep together um I feel like it turns them on yeah I mean it turns me on too and guys want to know good guys want to know what feels good for you so just like i don't know i would i recommend having conversations before you start sleeping with someone sometimes it's like a one-night stand and you don't get that and that's whatever like that's a one-night stand

but if it's somebody that you think that you're going to want to hook up with continuously i think having that conversation before even the first time is so much less threatening because if you have the conversation after you already have hooked up it's like oh shit is she telling me this because i didn't do a good job the first time yeah and then they get in their heads about it this is what i've experienced i don't know if this is the case for everyone but if you if you try to have this conversation after you've hooked up once or twice they're like oh fuck like well did i do something wrong it's like nope i'm just like one wanting to chat about it i'm not coming at you about anything so well and everyone has different preferences so yeah not everybody's

the same one man's trash is another man's treasure one one woman's trash is another woman's trash and that's on recycling baby that's on compost that's on compost leave that man to rot oh i'm sorry man i don't mean to drag you but i mean everybody knows a man who fucking sucks so even men i can think of a few right now i can also think of women who suck you know oh absolutely yeah yeah anyways anyway okay yeah let's let's go back let's talk about the real

topic of adult sleepovers so i'm gonna lead with my strong hard opinion you know when you're like staying the night at a guy's house and he's like i don't know you you've been like drinking or like you like just like had sex or something and you're like can i get a glass of water and they get you the tiniest cup in their entire fucking apartment and they're like plastic cups that are all different colors you know that they like their mom was like here take these i don't need these anymore from when you were eight years old here's this tiniest cup this is a shot and you're like sir i just rode your dick can you please give me like a big glass of water they don't have it they have their analogy and then they have these itty bitty cups yeah those are your options tiny ass

cups that's so that's my biggest complaint it's just like guys always have like a fucking small ass cup and you're like oh my god is this what you're drinking out of I my biggest pet peeve is like I and you can keep this in I was dating a guy for a very very long time and every time like years and every time I went over he would make a point to clean his apartment every single time like you don't need to impress me at this point and you're still cleaning so when we broke up and I started like trying to date around and I would go to a guy's house and they wouldn't pick up after themselves I was so offended by that because it's like you can't even throw shit into your closet yeah like I went to this guy's house um and it was the first time and like he had been

trying to like get after it for a while so I thought maybe he would like put in some effort into making his place look nice and it was a fucking pigsty oh no shit all over his chair like his like he would like throw like shirts and pants and shit like on his chair and like his closet was so close and he had like drapes over his closet so he could have just thrown that in the closet and closed the drapes and he didn't care enough to do that and i was offended i was like i mean yeah why don't you care enough to make your place look nice i still had sex with him but you were just disgusted yeah and i mean like i we were talking about this with french press too how he just like put shit on a chair like yeah and maybe that was strategic so you had to sit

close to him i mean his place wasn't like messy yeah it just there was stuff on that chair and i was like oh i don't know there's not another place for me to sit and i don't know you yet if you're having someone over like i don't know were you not trying to make it a little clean yeah or if they don't clean their sheets before you're over it when i um had hooked up with that the um this won't take long guy that was a one night stand so i understood why he hadn't cleaned his apartment i wasn't like well wow because like he didn't expect to be taking someone home yeah um but it was a i've never been more disgusted in someone's apartment ever it was so gross ew the whole place smelled like pizza and there was no pizza anywhere

it was under his bed probably just chilling in his garbage disposal but his sheets had like dandruff all over them i know and i was amelia i'm drinking you're gonna make me vomit ew it was so disgusting crusty sheet the fact that he sleeps on that and does doesn't see anything wrong with it is unattractive oh my god i bet he's a future hoarder he must be and he had a very nice apartment i mean this is coming out after we recorded the episode that i talked more in depth about this so this is not news but he lived in this incredible place and did not take care of it yeah i'm like how are you gonna take care of me you can't take care of inanimate objects yeah it's just unattractive how are

you gonna take care of this pussy and then he didn't he didn't and he had small cups small cup ladies if he has a small cup fucking run run get the get the fuck out of there i'm trying to think of like another thing that's so universal with like spending the night at a guy's um flags flag oh my god okay so this is just gonna turn into like me critiquing uh men's homes and decor like i'm like i'm bobby from queer eye so oh god okay so i would say like sleepovers change over time oh you know throughout your age so in college I feel like anytime I went to a guy's place it was just like the floor was like dirty sometimes it was sticky if it had tile because they always had like people over people

over and then they always have like they have fucking like they have six couches I think have you ever noticed that like guys who have roommates they all bring a big ass couch they have so many goddamn couches and i'm like and none of them match and they're all like lining the walls yes why do they have so many couches i don't know and they and it looks awful and tacky like in college i kind of get it because you're just like yo we need places for the boys to crash like so they just have a fuckload of couches and that's that's fine i accept that but after a certain age it's just like you bro you only need like maybe two couches you need one big couch and then one loveseat couch yeah yeah and then if your place is big enough like a couple of accent chairs yeah

we don't need full huge ass couches i can see like 10 people at a time yeah we don't need that another thing that's common with college boys in their houses are black plates have you noticed that every guy's house that i went to in college had black plates oh my god and they all had like crusty eggs on them because they're all they're all like working out so they're only eating eating fucking eggs they're just egg whites i just hate the look of black plates but every house that i went to had black plates and mismatched plates that's another thing even men now like they don't have like dinner sets yeah and that's a maturity thing and it's like as they get older they'll have dinner sets but like like if you can't you'll have one like two

plates that match each other yeah like they have a bunch of like their silverware sets are all different kinds of silverware how did i feel like that's more work than to just buy things that match how did you find all of these items acquired them over yeah that none of them match yeah i i don't know that's so confusing to me have you ever like been to a guy's house and he has a couch in the backyard yeah our backyard couch don't you have one everybody has a backyard couch and then it's like always raining in seattle so it's just like a soggy ass moldy ass couch so in the backyard why the fuck is there a couch in the backyard what are you doing with that just throw it away we can't part with the backyard couch it's a family member i went to a guy's house the other

day who um his apartment was it was a really nice apartment but it was kind of a pigsty like he hadn't he hadn't cleaned up in a long time he still like moving boxes everywhere but then like while we were talking he would be like organizing shit on his table he was probably becoming self-conscious while you were there probably but it was such an interesting thing to watch because i'm like sitting in kind of a mess and then he's like trying to like adjust piles so there's like some perfect piles but then the house was a mess like you need to apply that same energy you know i can see everything in the apartment not just the table coffee table oh okay flags flags flags flags are not curtains no they're not decor they're not flags they're not curtains they're

not decorations it's there's do you need this flag if you're gonna have a flag put it in a frame and hang it up nicely it's just a weird thing it's it's a weird string like every man has a flag in their name why why well i don't know i think i think that they just don't know how to decorate so they're like i'm croatian stop my ex did that he had a straight up croatian flag croatian men love having croatian flags hung up also if i walk into a guy's apartment he has an american flag hung up i will you're like on a heel oh my god i gotta go yeah i mean like i love being i love living in america but i i'm not that patriotic and i feel like that's a red flag you're like oh god you have an american flag so to speak yeah american flag is a red flag

because you're about to get hate crimed you need to get the fuck out of there i know tiny cups gone american flag gone what else um i mean any other flag you're just kind of like if you are in your like mid to late 20s you don't need your fraternity flag hanging up oh my god you don't need it no um people love um sounders fans love hanging their their sounders scarves up like scarves yeah like sounders fans like the super fans oh my god wait have you ever seen oh my god like when you go to a guy's place and they just have like clothing items on hanging on nails yeah have you seen that yeah like why jersey signed by Bobby Wagner like then treat it better like why are you

it's just tacking your jersey into the wall it was just decoration now looks nice oh my god please please just I I don't know what that is about guys like not understanding how like decorations in a room work like yeah like you've been in a place that is aesthetically pleasing yeah like it's so it's so difficult for them i i did a guy who his entire ceiling was maps like he like put which like in theory is like well like nobody ever decorates a ceiling but it was such a thing yeah like for what for what i mean like i don't know he was he was trying to study for a geography test

lay in bed yeah all right he's just saying all the states and capitals in his head like i don't know what other reason you would have for for meeting that on your ceiling oh my god wait that reminds me have you ever had sex um with somebody and had a mirror on the ceiling no that is wild it's like you're watching yourself in a porno do you like it yes oh yeah it's nice um oh my god but if i went home with a guy and he had a mirror on his ceiling i would be like oh that's true also that's such bad feng shui it's true but it's nice in in practice in theory awful i've definitely had sex i've definitely had sex in front of a mirror and that's like fucking hot because you like you can see the whole thing happening god i remember the

first time i had sex in front of a mirror he was like get up and i was like tell me what to do Yeah, and then we, like, got in front of this mirror, and he was like, I want you to watch yourself while I fuck you. And I was like, I love that shit. Yeah. I love that shit. Oh, God. It makes me feel so hot watching myself have sex. I'm like, fuck, I look like that?

Well, and you can see them, like, what they look like in a different angle. You can see the whole thing happening. Yes. i understand why people make sex tapes because like being able to watch yourself doing that shit is so hot so yeah having a mirror there is like i don't know the times i've seen myself in a sex tape sorry give me a sex tape um actually this is really fucked up uh uh i've let shoeman record me wow and one time he like didn't ask for my permission right away and he was already recording uh-huh it's super fucked up yeah he had um he still might he has

an album of like pictures and videos of me on his computer i think he's deleted them because he I mean he says he did but he's a notorious liar so yeah I don't know and I hope he doesn't still have them because he's engaged now yes yeah he's engaged finding that shit yeah I think he I would like to believe he's deleted it he said that like he deleted it because he um it feels he feels like he's objectifying me that was the last time we like really talked we haven't talked in like a year almost but yeah i don't know man that's that's he like like um i don't know he didn't ask me right away he told me in the middle that he was recording it's really fucked up because it's like my my body is not for anyone's consumption that i'm not approving it to be

you know i know he wouldn't ever distribute it but still it's still like it's you just ask me yeah that's the thing it's like you can see it and keep it in your memory bank and if you want to keep it anything further than that then like I have to sign off on it there's been a few occasions where I've been like do you want to take a picture and they're like can I am like yeah go for it I've never done that look at you go it's I might cut this out but like if they come on me yeah and they're like yeah oh I like that so if they pull out and they come on wherever on my body and they're like wow look at this art I Jackson Pollocked all over your your tits I'm like you want to take a picture and then wow I've never thought of doing that I have so little trust for

men though yeah you have to really trust them like all of the guys I've let do that I definitely trust them to like not distribute that at all yeah good um and it's one of those things like I trust them not to distribute it um I do I do trust Shuman to not distribute yeah good things but I do think that like now that he's engaged he definitely should not have no anything of me no so he probably doesn't like just out of fear of her finding it I mean that's a whole other story We'll talk about it another time, I'm sure. Quickie or marathon session? Oh, my God.

I think a quickie. Just because a marathon, it's like, I don't know. If it goes on for a long time, you're like, this is rude. Yes, it's so rude. I'm like, we don't want to have sex for two hours at a time. I think men think that we want to have sex for, like, hours and hours. No. That shit can get painful.

yes and then it's like okay if you're gonna have sex for a long time then you need to like break it up yeah you know yeah like go back and forth between like fucking and like oral and like hand stuff like switch it up if you want to do a marathon i think i would be down for a marathon if it was like split up yeah you know yeah but the idea of a quickie is really hot i think so too so it's like if you're like about to go do something it's like let's fuck real quick yeah oh i love that yeah yeah i like that i think that's way hotter i agree i'm a big fan of a quickie having sex for like a couple of hours like even if we're turned on the whole time like our like we get dry after like so much friction yeah and then it starts hurting and then like

sometimes i'll be having sex with a guy and it'll last for a couple of hours and i start drying up and they like their ego you've had sex for a couple of hours oh my god yeah it's you're a saint it's rude um but I really think that it's just been because like and I'll be like are you close and they're like oh I can be and I'm like have you been not trying to because like I think that they think that they're it's coming from a good place but it's just like I it's too it is that is too long I don't I'm not that in shape and then they want to go a second round and I'm like we just fucked for two hours like what do you mean like doesn't your dick hurt i don't want to do it for that long yeah i wonder what it's yeah like wouldn't it hurt from like edging yeah you think

you think i don't like foreplay like i am that blows my mind i just love like foreplay is my fucking favorite people either love i mean the majority of people that i've talked to love foreplay i'm i just want to i just want to have sex like if i could just skip all the foreplay and just because by the time I'm ready to have sex I'm like ready yeah and well so then how do you get to that point is it just like so is it is it like almost like an emotional foreplay for you like do you like the banter and then yeah I think that that's what it is because it's like by the time I'm like getting my clothes off and like ready to go I really love like the spontaneity of having sex like just kind of like breaking out in a song just like we're like can't control

ourselves like high school musical but in the bedroom yeah exactly you gotta get your head in the game I like I just love the sex where it's like we're like both like standing in the kitchen talking and then we're just like making out ripping each other's clothes off and like sex like I love that kind of sex that's just like we like can't hold ourselves back anymore like I love that kind of sex um foreplay can be so like it's true it's I can sense what you're like about to say it's just very like because do I like do you want me to like you know yeah sometimes it's awkward yeah I so for me I like the for me personally we're gonna make merch that says for me personally i'm so excited to wear it for me personally that's like it's a societal thing

for me personally like is that like the white woman's version of to play devil's advocate well i did hear a man say it the other day i don't know no for me personally anyways um like so the kind of foreplay I like is I love being a tease so like the control of being a tease and I know I'm good at it yeah so it's one of those things where I'm like oh this is my like you know I'm playing for the home team here yes I know exactly what I'm doing like um and I enjoy like being a tease because then you can kind of like I need this level of like back and forth i need it to be like a push and pull kind of like dynamic so if i can be like a tease during foreplay and then like um there it kind of like evokes the same response which is what i want

so yeah it's just like a very uh like a sultry dynamic and that's like what i want when i'm like gonna have sex is like i want it to be like a back and forth i want it to be like um both of us trying to like dominate each other i like that too yeah so that's like and you know if you're not if you're not like really like that's not what i want every time um that's what i like prefer but it's literally you know sometimes like a guy's like oh yeah i like want to like fuck and then you're like not in the mood so you're like you're not as into it you're not going to be the same like vixen yeah that you you might be on like a random wednesday or something so yeah and then that kind of can make things awkward where you're like meh yeah okay i guess i will you're like yeah

i want to have sex and then i think it's just hard to kind of like sometimes it can be difficult to get on the same page yes because sometimes you want it to be like romantic passionate sex and then sometimes you're like I want my head to go through the wall yes yes who's the best kisser that you've ever kissed the best kisser I've ever kissed and what made it so good Amelia I've kissed so many people you can't like I that was like I was memorable no I was the I was a makeout whore in college okay so look what about in the past like three years like the past three years um fuck like it's i feel like most people i've kissed are good kissers you know i do not have that experience uh like i would say more recently i've had more experiences with bad kissers

um and like that's been surprising for me i'm like oh people are bad at this and i mean i like yeah i'm a makeout whore for sure i love to make out and like in college i made out with tons of people all the time and and it came with like this weird stigma of like people being like um like this is so stupid it's my handle on instagram but i also used to have it as my name on facebook like liz ball so hard and they'd be like oh like liz ball so hard you're about to ball so fucking hard like i had this kind of like party girl reputation and with that comes people like assuming that you're like sleeping with a lot of people and you know now i'm like who cares if i was or if i wasn't but i mean at the time like i wasn't i was i would just be like

I would make out with tons of people and then I would get really drunk and go home and sometimes they would cut like guys would be like can I come home with you and I'd be like well we're not gonna have sex and they'd be like that's fine and then I'd be like also I have a twin size bed and they're like yeah that's okay too and I'd be like you want sex and then yeah that there was only one guy who would like who tried and I every time I said god I'm having like PTSD now there was one guy who like came home with me even and I would always preface it as like we're not gonna have sex and I have a twin size bed and he came back with me and like we're like spooning in my fucking twin size bed and he kept like trying to like go in my pants

and I was like no stop like don't touch me and then finally I think I went to go sleep on the couch because he wouldn't stop like trying to like get on my pants it's annoying it's just fucked up yeah like oh my body is not like for your like like you don't get to decide when you get to touch me yeah i get to decide when you and i i don't want to make it like too dark and this is probably a topic for another time because i think all of us have had an experience like that where like yeah like i wasn't raped or like inappropriately touched but like he did still tried to like do things that I wasn't comfortable with even after I had said no yeah and stop so yes I think that is so and I wasn't scared I was just pissed like I already like I'm trying to

fucking sleep and I already told you do not touch me multiple times yeah yeah and they think I think that there's a thought me if they keep trying then your answer is gonna change I don't care how drunk you are and it's I just don't know how somebody would be okay with hearing no so many times and then having her just give in like it's not like you've convinced us otherwise it's that we're uncomfortable and like I think that like I've I've recently had an experience where um I felt pressured into sex and I said no a bunch of times and I was just like no this isn't a good idea like it's not a good idea and I think like me saying that a bunch of times maybe made him think like I wanted to but it just wasn't a good idea when in reality he didn't know that for sure

and like he I kept saying no and he kept like pulling my pants down and like trying to like put his hands in my pants and eventually I was just like okay like all right and we ended up having sex and like in the moment like I was turned on by the time that we had sex but it was because he was like touching me a lot and like fingering me and like after the fact I've been thinking a lot about it and I'm just like that was kind of assault like I said no a bunch and in the end i did have sex with him but like it wasn't it didn't feel consensual it felt like i gave in because i was made to feel like he like made me horny you know because he kept like i don't know and so like well and i mean touching someone it will like it's just stimulation

and the sex was fine like it was like i didn't it didn't feel i don't know i was having a lot of like cognitive dissonance about it because when i left i knew that i had said no a bunch of times but i still made the call to do it and like that's a great line like was that was i violated yes but in the end i made the decision to do it so like and he kept saying like when i kept saying no he was like okay okay and then like when i would like when he would try it again he'd like it's your decision if you want to leave and like he would say it in a way that was like oh he was where it's divisive and manipulative yeah and I was like well like I hate that and I was pretty drunk and like he was pretty drunk and like there's just so much gray line so many gray lines

with like how like what is considered consent and what isn't and like even though he was very drunk as well like and I wasn't I was sober enough to consent I still said no a ton of times and like I it's it's tough because like if I were to call him out now he'd be like well I told you you could leave and I think that that was so manipulative to say that because what am I supposed to do like well and it's just like yeah well it is super manipulative because it's like you you're saying no and then he's like okay well then you can leave instead of like I respect that let's just like hang out yeah there's nothing welcoming or understanding or respectful about him being like okay well if you don't want to fuck then you can leave like that's so that's fucked up it is and i

it took me a long time to come to the conclusion that that was fucked up because like i would say no and you'd be like okay okay and then you would start in again like three minutes later and it's like my opinion did not change i'm giving you all the reasons that this is a bad idea and you're still trying it's not like it's not like this has become less of a bad idea in the past three minutes you know so I've been struggling a lot with that about like what like was this an inappropriate encounter that we had and I think that a lot of things that women run into um surrounding like guilt with sex is coming to the conclusion that like you that like you asked like you did want to just follow through with it I think that I felt kind of scared like I felt like

a little like well I'm already making out with him here and I'm already like in his hotel room so like what does it say about me to like leave and that's really really messed up like and that is I think something like societally that kind of like weighed on me a little bit like well here I am like shirt off in his room like I'm giving him the indication that I want to have sex and so it's like kind of on me that I'm in this position I think a lot of women don't want to come forward when they feel like they've been assaulted because they probably feel the same way like well I made him think that I wanted to have sex so like here I am like in this position where I have to tell this guy no but like you know what I mean like it's there's so there's so much gray

area with like what is considered assault and what isn't I think he didn't really have power over me but like we were in his like big fancy hotel room like in the middle of Seattle and like he had just like dropped all this money on like whining and dining me and like then I ended up in his hotel room and it's like what does it say about me to say no and and me talking about it now I'm like well of course I can say no like it's my body like it's my body and it's my choice but when you're in those moments I think a lot of people that hear these stories and then they're like well slut like you shouldn't have said yes it's like no when you're in that moment it's so different and you don't know how you're going to act in that moment until you're in it and like he kept trying to get

me to spend the night and then like when I when I left um he texted he had called my uber for me and when I was in the uber he's like I'm can't I'm gonna change your route and I'm gonna send you back to me and like that power of like him having control over where my car was going like felt really dirty to me because I was like it's terrifying you already kind of pressured me into sex not kind of you already pressured me into sex and now you won't let me go home like it I felt like I had no power in the situation um so once I started kind of putting two and two together I started to be like that that was actually really fucked up what happened yeah so i mean i haven't really talked about it until now so like i don't know the the talking about it aspect when assault

is on such a spectrum that like technically i wouldn't consider myself having been raped because at the end of the day like i was like all right let's fucking do it after he had broken me down um and but you shouldn't have to be worn down to like desire having sex yes and um yeah Amelia and I had this conversation earlier this week of like or I'd written about my experiences with um like sexual objectification and assault and like honestly assault we we minimize our experiences as women um if they like don't traumatize us enough and it comes from a place of guilt of like i don't want to invalidate other women's experiences because i like i'm not as in much emotional torment as they are and we need to stop minimizing our experiences because this is

rape culture this is valid and it's important and we need to continue having these conversations about it because just because your experience didn't traumatize you as much or it might not be as um bad as someone else's experience it doesn't mean it's not real and it's not important because like that's how we need to continue approaching these things of being like this behavior is inappropriate even though i'm okay this was still inappropriate behavior and the behavior was not okay yes like i can be resilient and rebound from it better than someone else might be able to but that does not make my experience any less valid yeah and like it's going to continue to underline the importance of like um respecting our bodies and like

i don't even know how to put all of this into words it's like hard to sum up yeah yeah and it could be anything from like you know you're waiting in line at the bar and someone grabs your ass and like you didn't ask for that yeah you're just waiting in in the line like i mean that happened to me happens to me all the time yeah someone just grabs your ass yeah and you know i'm not gonna like stay awake at night crying about it but it's just like yeah don't fucking do that and that's where it starts so it's just like make sure you talk about these experiences and validate them don't like minimize your experience just because you weren't traumatized enough from it yeah like there's a spectrum of assault there's a spectrum of rape culture and we need to address

all of it so yeah i think it's so hard to talk about too because so many women are like when people come forward they're like people are so quick to find holes in the story like well you could have left or like well you were probably giving him indication that you wanted to have sex the whole like what were you wearing thing it's like no there's no excuse like i mean men have been sexually assaulted as well yeah and then they're even like men who are sexually assaulted they are treated even worse and we need to stop that too it's just like i don't know yeah it doesn't matter what um the intent is what matters is how it made you feel yeah so absolutely like even though i'm sure this guy like wasn't intending to make you feel a certain way

he still manipulated you into feeling that way and he might not be aware of it but like right at the end of the day it's like yeah he might not be aware of his behavior but once it's brought to his attention he can become aware of it and he can change that behavior he can recognize why it was inappropriate or wrong or how it made you feel and like we're humans we're not perfect we're not going to be considering how other people are feeling all the time yeah so all we can do is like better you're just doing your best and sometimes people's best fucking sucks yeah and like they're not intentionally doing it yes absolutely and that i guess that's like the most simple or like the easiest i mean some people know that they're fucking predators

yeah but in this circumstance i think that this guy just thought that he was doing anything wrong i mean maybe he maybe he did because like we don't know but like how he was conducting himself was like it would at least put me in the position has anyone ever called him out i wonder probably not probably not it was tough because i think like i had put myself into the position to be in that position and that was where the guilt was stemming from and i think that he probably was reacting similarly like well here she is in my hotel like well why was she here if she didn't want to have sex how much have you been socialized to believe that it's your fault there are so many things it's like well what could you have done it's like well

i shouldn't have to walk around being like well what am i wearing is it going to provoke someone to touch me inappropriately it's like no just keep your fucking hands to yourself yeah oh god i'm getting mad now i feel like i could this could be like this does need to be its own episode of us addressing like the spectrum of sexual assault and and it's really touchy because everybody has such different experiences yeah yeah but you know we're here to tell you that your feelings are valid and your experiences are valid and to not feel ashamed to talk about them just because you don't feel like you receive you have enough trauma from it like you don't need to you you're allowed to be resilient and be okay yeah and still understand the importance and how

wrong these experiences were yes um like and that's the thing that's crazy is like every girl and i'm sure plenty of men have the same experience of like you're minding your own business and someone gropes you and people are laughing and like it's a joke and you're like haha and maybe even you think it's funny but like at the end of the day it's not appropriate yeah it's just and that's why i'm like okay i understand when a guy is like may i kiss you we love consent yeah we love consent but i love that like i my my guy friend i was talking to the other day he was telling me about like um a girl he's been seeing like they haven't hooked up yet um but they were like out of i think i don't know if the party was happening at his

place or something that's the impression i'm getting but he like went to bed and like tried to make a move and she was like no i don't want to like hook up and then he was like okay and then she like went back and like drank more and like continued like having fun and then she came back to him and she's like I want I want to hook up and he was like no you said no earlier like you've been drinking like I'm not I I don't want to and then she was like no I want to and he's like no you already said no earlier wow I'm not going to like give in and like I think that's an experience that I don't know if other men will be put in this position but it's just like I respect him so much and like I love that he was like no you you said no earlier and just because like drinking

lowers your inhibitions so like him to be like yeah you said no earlier and your drink you've been drinking so like obviously your inhibitions have been lowered and like maybe now you want to or you're saying you want to but like he's thinking like how is she gonna feel tomorrow like if i do if i do have sex with her how is she going to feel about it tomorrow and like i love that like and i i was when he was telling me this i was like this is how it should be and i don't want to like reward like you know what should be considered like basic humanitarian and like like it's like basic consideration and he was like I totally get it and I was just like oh my god I am so glad that you're my fucking friend like but I yeah I think it's worth sharing

that story of just like thinking about how the other person's gonna feel the next day and it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman it's just like you need to be looking out for each other and like thinking about the other person like when it comes to having sex and not just from like a pleasure perspective but from like a consensual standpoint of like okay is this person gonna be okay happy about this tomorrow um if you're both drunk or whatever whatever the circumstance but with this the story that i told like i kept giving him reasons why it was a bad idea and i think a good guy would have recognized like what your friend said of like she probably won't feel good about this tomorrow so it's not a good idea should we answer another question

so like yeah let's have some variety here and then maybe we can like do like something fun um do you like to be spanked we sort of talked about this it not really uh we talked about like kink in a different way i fucking love to be spanked yeah but not like too much you know it needs to be just right yeah yeah it has to be appropriately placed have you ever been spanked and it's like it doesn't hit right oh yeah i have a flat ass so it's like they have to hit it just right i don't think that men understand that like i sometimes they're just like sometimes they'll slap like my lower back i have a lot of surface area for you to hit and like the fact that emilia has a big butt it's really easy to hit your target and for

whatever reason like I keep getting slapped on my lower back and I'm like if you're not in a position to spank me that's cool don't try you don't need to be spanking me I don't know they just have to get the the surface just right and I totally understand it's just like you know if you aren't everyone like every woman is gonna have a different size ass yeah and a different kind of ass should we yeah let's wrap it up should we call it a call it a day yeah let's call it let's call it okay we need to wrap i don't know how to end this we've covered so much fucking ground today we don't know how much of it you're going to hear but just know that before liz edits this we covered a lot of ground um it's like a mini therapy sometimes it yeah it really is this has

been therapeutic for me i'm sure it's been therapeutic for you once we're done recording i'm gonna talk to you okay all right well um thanks for thanks for joining us yeah um whether this is your first episode you're listening to or um this is you've listened to every single one we really appreciate your time we love it we love you um see you next hump day and that's on humping thanks for coming to another mass uh and we're gonna end it how we always end it should we end it with asmr since we oh yeah we started it with asmr thanks for joining us thank you Thank you.