The Hoely Hour - E55 Screw the Man, Man!

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

What does it mean if a creepy guy takes a picture of you without your permission and sends it to his friends? Asking for ourselves... Liz and Amelia break down Miley Cyrus's career and how creepy it is that grown adults make teen stars take a public stance on their sexuality. Have you never had an orgasm? That's okay! Let's talk about it. This sex fact of the week is going to make you want to indulge one of your senses... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

y'all you should really be used to this they did not like that at all that was really funny i wasn't expecting that big of a reaction yeah you barely blew it that's what she said Welcome to the holy hour. I'm Amelia Sampson and I'm Liz Ball and I'm drinking champagne straight out of the bottle today. It's just uh we're recording on a Sunday and it's been a fucking day. Yeah it's been a long uh a long life. Yeah a long lifetime. Maybe a few lifetimes. whoa who's to say you and i have traveled a few lifetimes together it feels like this lifetime has been at least 30 lifetimes god gramps i feel like gramps is trying to tell us

something it's being so naughty today um yesterday amelia and i had a date night we did we went and saw nikki glazer and the weirdest thing happened while we were there please tell the story we were like just sitting watching nikki uh tell her jokes and then there was like this guy in front of us it was like a man and a woman sitting next to each other kind of like on the end of the row in front of us and like the woman had like gotten up or something maybe she was getting a drink i don't know and the guy turns around and he like takes he starts taking a picture of us and the flash was like the because it was dark obviously and then the flash was i thought like maybe someone was like shining a flashlight so someone could get to their seat or something because it was on the

flash was on for a while so it's not like he was like oops oh sorry he was like super shameless about it yeah yeah and then everyone like looked at him like what the fuck is going on and then he was like and then it was obvious it was like a picture and then we're like looking around like who the fuck is he taking a picture of and then he's staring directly at me and Amelia and we're like looking around and then the this woman behind us she leans forward and she's like do you guys know that guy and we're like no and she's like okay so no one knows him like we're all like what the fuck and then Amelia and I obviously being so nosy are like watching over him the whole time we missed at least like 10 minutes of Nikki's set it was so distracting

he was like sending the photo to like yeah he like zoomed in and cropped it and then he started sending it to people and was like texting the rest of the show and then like left early it was real weird it was so bizarre it was very strange i told my friends that today when they came over for brunch this morning and they were like i mean was he like sex trafficking and i was like i mean he was with a woman and they were like that's what they do but he seemed like such like a dweeb that like i don't but who know like who know would he be that egregious about it why else who i can't think of another reason like i couldn't think of a reason before they said that if he tried to speak to me after the show i would punch him in the dick and be like why the fuck did

you take a picture of us it's really good that we went to a restaurant for like a few hours after because like he could have been waiting outside and followed us back to work like we don't know but we don't this shit happens all the time good thing we were like going back and forth because we couldn't figure out what place to go to okay this this restaurant stops eating at nine and we got there at 8 55 i'm right and she's like might as well have just given us the middle finger yeah she's like no so we went to a better place we made friends with our waitress yeah her name's abby shout out to abby we love you abby abby gave us uh since we were waiting for a while she gave us some free champagne so maybe that's what got me in the mood can't complain about that um but

they had great drinks they really did that was fun yeah i'm glad that we did that but despite the like weird guy taking a picture of us yeah that was that is that's very alarming yeah because now you're reminding me of like stories i've heard of like sex traffickers like taking a picture of a woman and then like and then you're like what the fuck are you doing and he was like showing the woman next to him like the photo after when she got back to her seat yeah i don't know it's very strange i think i'm gonna write the theater though because there was a guy next to us too that was audio recording the entire show maybe he was also a part of the sex trafficking maybe he was there alone bootlegging nikki's yeah show it's pretty fucked um my friend that went with the

guy from fuckboy island i saw that i'm like are you fucking kidding they went to the show after us but i was like and i asked him about it i was like i'm so jealous i wish i got to meet her and he was like she's super sweet i'm like i feel like he was just trying to flex it worked it's fine we had a good time anyway i'm manifesting that one day we will just meet nikki glazer and tell her how we almost got sex trafficked at her show i tagged her in my story um we were gifted the tickets by somebody that listens so i'm sure you're listening now so thank you so much we had such a good time besides that little instance we had such a good time yeah i was thinking specifically about one of the things that she said about like the um how people

interpret a sense of humor please share this um and i like i knew exactly where she was going with this because i've actually read an article about this so um both men and women say what they value and another partner one of the I think it's like the top two things is a sense of humor and what a sense of humor means to women is like someone who makes them laugh like is clever and funny and then for men a sense of humor is someone who laughs at their jokes that is so different yeah and I but also it makes so much sense where like on dating apps guys are like I'm looking for a girl with a sense of humor and I'm like no you're not you're looking for someone who laughs at your jokes yeah because uh i don't know like that's just that's like what they mean when they say it

like yeah you just don't have a sense of humor or like i have a dark sense of humor and it's the same guys no you're just a dick there are so many guys who have um sign of a great relationship like roasting each other and it's like no you just because you for sure can't take any sort of criticism so like you just want somebody that is okay with you being mean and won't like take it the wrong way that gets funny when you're abusive yeah so fucking funny you're so you're so hilarious wow you're a crack up but i knew exactly where she was going with that and i so the article i had read was just about how like men find funny women or women who are funnier than them less attractive because a sense of humor um means that you're smart like you're clever you're you're

paying attention you're witty and um it's it makes them feel inferior they want to be the smart one in the relationship and if you are funnier than them then they feel like you're smarter than them too do you feel like have you dated any guys that are that you feel like isn't are intimidated by your personality like because you're so outgoing and you can like command a room has there any have there been any people yeah I definitely think so um I think that the firefighter specifically was very intimidated by like just how I don't know how like outgoing I am and like I do like to entertain people but also like I'm very like well-worded I guess especially in a relationship if I'm trying to like problem solve yeah that's not to say I've been like that in every relationship

like I'm aware of my faults but um I would say him for sure and then I sometimes think that shoe man was jealous of that aspect of me um but I also liked his friends more than I liked him um but sometimes he would like act like ashamed of me and try to make me feel bad like when I as just being myself but I don't feel that way with Mr. Liz at all good I feel like I like I would want um like I know if I if one of my partners was like entertaining a room and like the life of the party I would be like starry-eyed I'd be like oh my gosh this is so attractive and like I love him he's making this room of people laugh Amelia's dying because Gatsby just climbed in her lap i'm the chosen one but i would want my partner to feel the same like if i'm making

everyone in a room laugh and like being cute and funny i want him to be like that's my fucking girl hell yeah you know yeah i think i've probably said that amelia enough with the hands italian i've probably said this a million times before but like my number one litmus test for it for a guy is somebody that can work a room like I think that it is so attractive when you can just like let someone loose at a party and not have to worry about it and I hadn't thought about how that must be for a the guy on the other end of that like if I just like go off and because I've never dated anybody that I feel like is intimidated by like me working a room but I've also when I was with my ex I wasn't that way like when we were together I was when we were with his friends I

was really clammed up because they made me really nervous I was really uncomfortable around them so like he never really had to like deal with that with me and then since then I haven't really dated anybody that like I've like brought around people except for squints and he's such oh my god he's such an animated character he can absolutely hold his own right right so it's like and he is happy that i can do the same so i haven't had the experience of dating somebody that i that like would be intimidating you know what i mean but it makes so much sense all right should we should we dive into a topic yeah um liz's list so i'm holding up my book i'm like i'm gonna read poetry to amelia yeah i'm so ready um so i had uh are you okay

do you bonk yourself yeah i did oh well i can just rant and you can drink that sounds like a good combination i fucking love that idea but i um blurted this rant out to amelia yesterday and i like kept forgetting to talk about it so i'm glad that i wrote it down after we talked about it yesterday um so twitter has like these um it's not like the stories but if like someone's like live it's like a live podcast that you can join in on basically you know what i mean announce that feature i just started getting notifications for it i can't even remember what it's called it's like is talking now like that's how they give you the notification i was talking now yeah yeah so um you just join in and you can see like usually like they'll just already have you on mute

you can see everyone who's in it and then like who's hosting it oh i didn't know that it's like a webex yeah yeah basically episode is sponsored by webex no fuck webex if you hit a subscribe for business teams teams i'm team teams slack do love slack so much slack i also i really like google actually i think i prefer google hangouts yeah or well just like they changed it used to be called like g suite now it's called like google something these cats man anyways um i a few weeks ago i was just like what the fuck is this and I like joined one to go make fun of it and then it actually ended up being the coolest thing ever um and it was like hosted by BuzzFeed and the two journalists who were um like kind of running it are uh Andrea Moore and Jamie Spain both are from BuzzFeed I'm

following them on Twitter now because I joined this thing and they were like hosting it anyways they broke down like some of the most interesting aspects of Miley Cyrus's career and like some of the stuff they were saying was like blowing my mind but I was like how come I've also never thought of this but I like I've also just been thinking about it so much today um so they started with her early career as Hannah Montana and she was cast as Hannah Montana when she was 11 and um Miley like all of us kind of grew up watching Britney Spears and watching her be America's sweetheart and be just like you know everyone's like idol and um she I don't know she lived her life like on stage essentially her for most of her life because she was also in she was a

Mouseketeer and then became like the world's biggest pop star so we all also watched Britney Spears like not like downfall but like her mental break shreds too just the media turning against her constantly Justin Timberlake that's a story for another time so um they just kind of are like commentating on how like miley was uh miley and the jonas brothers were like forced to take a stance on their sexuality at a young age by being like we're gonna declare that we have these purity rings so we're taking a stance on sex as children and people are like obsessing over it like grown adults are obsessing over the sexuality of teenagers who are going through puberty and that's so fucking creepy and weird it's very very creepy yeah and i remember like not even even when

i was the same age you know when they were doing this and i wasn't like i wasn't like i'm on a purity ring too i was just like no okay like i was not paying attention i did not care and i also didn't realize how creepy it was because we were that age yeah now that i'm older i'm like can you imagine people talking about like i don't know who's like a child star these days do they even have fucking have child um well like millie bobby brown people are fucking weird about millie bobby brown like can you imagine them talking openly about her legitimate child her virginity like when she was 11 like when she like yeah playing 11 hey what's your uh stance on like when you're gonna have sex child yeah underage person i don't want any children talking to me about what they

think about sex ever it is i'll be like okay let's how about you make a decision and you don't have to share it with anyone if you don't want to when uh it feels right for you i just feel like adults loved it for i'm sure like creepy reasons i'm certain of it but then also because it's like oh good like now my kids will see that they also shouldn't have sex don't let celebrities parent your children yeah first of all don't let celebrities parent your children i understand like they're going to be like sponges when they're watching like shows but like the jonas brothers also did not need to talk about their virginity like I wouldn't have been like I wonder if they're virgins at that age well and that's also very different for like young boys versus girls do

you think young boys I don't think like they get near I remember what as a young kid watching like some interview it was like um I don't know it was about Britney Spears and they were like yeah and then this guy asked britney spears if she was a virgin and she was 17 and she just sat there like a deer in headlights she was like what the fuck basically and she's like um i think she ended up being like i'm not answering that question i saw that interview yeah so i don't know i i also didn't know what a virgin was i was like what does this mean that's the thing it's like it puts it more into the light than it needs to be and i know those conversations start happening younger for like different ages different genders different parts of the country you know but like I also

was thinking how my parents also obsessed over like my sexuality as a young person for your safety or what just trying to shelter me from knowing anything about it which is so much more harmful right like counterproductive in a lot of ways um I have a like I've been continuing to read um come as you are finally picked it back up but i wanted to read something from it that i was like holy shit the author emily nagowski like makes like there are three different messages that young girls receive um about sex and like their sexuality and there is like the moral the moral message the medical message and the media message and i'm going to read the moral message and the media message because the medical message is kind of boring but um the moral message

is, you are damaged goods. If you want or like sex, you're a slut. Your virginity is your most valuable asset. If you've had too many partners, too many equals, more than your male partner has had, you should be ashamed. There is only one right way to behave and one right way to feel about sex. Not to feel anything about it at all, but to accommodate the man to whom your body belongs. Sex is not part of what makes a woman lovable. It can only be part of what makes a woman unlovable it may make her it may make her desirable and many women try to be desirable but only as a lesser alternative to being lovable if you are sexually desirable you are by definition unlovable and a slut like that's the moral message we receive from a young age and she does make the

point she's like not a lot of people like buy into this but that doesn't mean that we're not like having these messages shoved in our face i mean yeah that sounds very familiar and i and that was all what i that was all from the media that i was getting it from um and then this is the media message you are inadequate spanking food play menage a trois you've done all those things right well you've at least had clitoral orgasms vaginal orgasms uterine orgasms energy orgasms extended orgasms and multiple orgasms and you've mastered at least 35 different positions for intercourse if you haven't tried all of these things you're frigid if you've had too few partners don't watch porn and don't have a collection of vibrators in your bedside table you're a prude also you're too

fat and too thin your breasts are too big and too small your body is wrong if you're not trying to change it you're lazy if you're satisfied with yourself as you are you're settling and if you dare act if you dare to actively like yourself you're a conceited bitch in short you are doing it wrong do it differently no that's wrong too try something else forever holy shit i just fully like astral projected while you were reading that it was like having flashbacks left my body for a second you're like living as your childhood self like the butterfly effect there's no yeah my nose starts bleeding there's just no way to do to be right no you're it's a catch-22 growing up in this society as a woman i know that men face a whole bunch of stuff we haven't

experienced that we're not saying that y'all haven't experienced anything but growing up as a as a girl like that was constant I went through being you know like heavier to having an eating disorder pretty quickly to then gaining weight again and every stage of that was like oh like shouldn't you be worrying about how you look from like friends of mine to then like losing a bunch of weight and people being like you look ill I'm like am I ever going to be what people want me to be ever like probably not and then like this next round when I was going through like all this anxiety and lost all this weight and like I dropped like 20 pounds and I was like you could see my bones and that was from anxiety not from an eating disorder I started getting all of these compliments

about how good I looked and I'm like I feel like thanks it's because I feel like shit yeah like I am sick right now and then when I gained all the weight back and I stopped getting the compliments I was like I wish I was still sick like that was my thought I know because it's like because the eating disorder brain is like you get the compliments when you are tiny tiny regardless of what that means and that's sad so I'm either getting no compliments no matter how I look or I'm getting compliments when I'm feeling my absolute worst and that kind of like narrative being fed to you all the time of like you better gain weight you better be skinnier oh you you feel like shit well at least you look good like it's just there's never a positive message attached

to really anything that we get and then people tell you like don't compliment a woman on looking good because you don't know what she's going through like there's just so much shit that we have to navigate and a lot of it comes down to how sex is messaged too like I when I got to the age where people around me were having sex and talking about it and I hadn't lost my virginity yet I was so I was like mind blown by these girls around me that had lost their virginity I was like so jealous and I was still seeing so many people being like oh my god she's such a slut so then there's two ends of the spectrum where you have no experience and you feel like you feel ashamed of that because people are like oh she's a prude like no one wants to fuck her or something and

then on the opposite spectrum is a girl who's had sex once for the first time in her life with maybe like her long-term partner and she's a slut and yeah she's a slut for having sex yeah and it's just i don't know and we like this isn't like news to anyone but it still does not make it make like that experience invalid you know we like I think things are more progressive now but that doesn't mean they're like great I also that still stands well when we were watching Nikki Glaser yesterday when she was like talking about like how girls try to make like other hot girls like look less attractive so like that she has a better shot and she's like we all do it and I was like I actually can't think of a time where I've done that but I had started reading a book

about like um it's called odd girl out and it's about the aggression in women and like nikki only like brushed the surface of of it of like um aggression in young girls like men just think that we're catty and accept that they're like oh girls are just mean to each other that's not true no it's like not true at all it's because like we live in a patriarchal system yeah we're victims to it and like every like I think um aggression makes sense in kind of like a long-term aspect if you think about how women were allowed to work and they had to run the household like they had to marry a man to survive so it's a survival instinct at some point but then you know I think like we're all we're all we're so much smarter than past generations that we have

the ability to be aware of these like thoughts and feelings and be like no yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna take this apart and like actually like think about like the logistics of this yeah but um I also think that's just like an old ass idea like when girls are like catty with each other it just doesn't make sense to me I I don't know when people are when anyone's passive-aggressive I'm just like oh we're doing this yeah yeah that's so exhausting I know I don't have time no I don't have time to be mad about this I don't have time to give a fuck about you or like why you're gonna be bitchy about this like you go work on your own thing and I'm gonna ignore you forever but that's even like I feel like women being like how Nikki Glaser was talking about trying to make like her

friend look uglier so she has a better chance um like that is the result of how society treats women like we're always there's there's so little room at the top because we like we just now have a woman in the white house as vice president and like the fact that that was so like oh my god we have a female vice president which is amazing that is actually amazing and it's sad that it's amazing because like we should you know but there's so little room at the top and we are conditioned to like compete with each other because of that and also on top of that I'm sure we've talked about this on a past episode the history of the word gossip and like why it was yeah we did talk about this it's an issue that was created by the patriarchy yeah they like there were like

contraptions so women wouldn't talk because men didn't like that women knew more about their surroundings on them and it was also part of like the witch trials whenever women were groups of women were getting together to talk they were considered like scary because like they were maybe talking about something like witchy and they're like that's how it started yeah a woman might be smart and have friends she's a witch i want to continue my miley rant go on yeah we really went off on a tangent but it it was still it's still valuable and important to everything that we're saying yeah the tangent was and I also think it was when I first started hearing about all this stuff it was like very comforting to me I'm like oh like it's not just me that's feeling

this way go on um where are we in the Miley in Miley's career yeah so as Hannah Montana she's like quoted at an interview where they're like talking about her outfit and how conservative it and like they're like commentating on that and then she's like i always say modest is hottest so she's like doubling down on this image because she has seen what the media has done to britney spears and miley is already becoming like you know the next disney sweetheart as hannah montana and um then like fast forward to like when she came out with can't be tamed oh you know what i miss a part um when she did the photo shoot with annie lebowitz oh my god and she is like i think she was like 14 or 15 and she had like a sheet and she's like curled up and um it's a beautiful

photo yeah there's nothing sexual about it and um they interviewed her about it and um they asked were you nervous and that's a weird question to ask like were you nervous for this photo shoot like why should she be nervous yeah like so the from the beginning they were going to make this article a negative take on her photo shoot with annie lebowitz and like then so that's exactly what they did they spun it as like a negative thing of like miley's like slutty photo shoot and um like it's somehow her taking a stance on like being a sexual person and um people lost their shit on this this young girl and um they made her apologize but like they're making this child take ownership over a bunch of other

adults decisions like she was she's a child and there were a bunch of adults in that room making the decision about her photo shoot and then they come out with this negative article and make her apologize for it yeah she has to answer responsibility yeah um and then when she came out with the can't be tamed music video she's in a bird costume and there's like a cage and it's just kind of like black and moody and like nothing none of the lyrics are sexual the music video wasn't sexual she's just saying she can't be tamed and like that could be about anything like um not like oh I can't be tamed in the bedroom like like I can't be tamed by like the media I you can't you can't tame me I'm I'm a teenage girl and I'm making this like punk rock song

you know we've all had a rebellious phase so it's just more of like a song of rebellion in my eyes but yeah it's great people are like i don't want my like young girl to see this like she's not wearing anything appropriate inappropriate she's not like doing anything appropriate or singing inappropriately so people think that they can control what their kids are seeing they are so misinformed the second they go to school and just like you know go to a friend's house they're exposed to everything that those kids are also exposed to yeah you should be more worried about what your kid's friends parents are doing and what they're like right maybe talk to them yeah try to control that you have a better chance of controlling them than controlling miley cyrus

also they're like this is a huge point that um emily nagowski makes and come as you are is like we we set up girls to be sexually dysfunctional um we give them so many messaging so much messaging around shame with sex and then when they turn 18 they're supposed to like know everything and like know how to have an orgasm and like be these like sexual mavens like that's not like that's not possible and I just think it's really fucking weird that we try to shield people from like having a healthy understanding and percept perception of sex yeah anyways so um just like Miley Cyrus is just being like constantly scrutinized for her sexuality as a young person going through puberty. Like having grown adults commentate on the sexuality of children

is disgusting. Yeah, it's very strange. So then she enters her bangers phase and every choice she made in her bangers phase, she like did it on purpose. It was she like knew no matter what she did people were going to be unhappy with her so in her bangers phase like we all remember the vma performance and then she they were like that like you know they're like she's like grinding up on robin thick but he's like doing a bunch of inappropriate shit too like no one is like they're all commentating on her but no one's commentating on robin thick who is an action who's a predator yeah and um then she's like also quoted in another interview where they're like trying to like get at her about it and then she's like you don't think i don't know what i'm doing yeah like of course i

know what i'm doing i'm shocking you and like the purpose of that is like if she's if she's making these decisions she knows what she's in control of the narrative she knows what's gonna come out about her the next day yeah because she chose to be shocking so she's like she's like this it doesn't matter if this is who I really am yeah like what matters is like I can she can now have some control over like what is said about her and like what she's keeping private because she's doing these shocking things on stage yeah but um I don't know Miley Cyrus is really fucking cool yeah and I did listen to her on the episode of Call Her Daddy that's probably like the only episode I've listened to um especially all the way through but like her just opening up and

talking about her experiences with sex like is very like interesting and like it's just insane to see how people have treated her over the years because of just like her going through puberty like the rest of us yeah and it made me think a lot more about how obsessed with teen sexuality people are I can you I didn't think about this until right now can you imagine how that whole thing must have felt for her parents like being the people that are parenting her and having an entire country trying to parent her and tell her what to do and what decisions to make and how to be and like I'm sure that they were you know nobody's a perfect parent I'm sure that they were at fault for like a lot of stuff but like at the same time I can't imagine having my child be

in the public eye and having all of these adults like really caring about how she's managing herself when it's my responsibility to be her parent like that would have I can't imagine well your child is supposed to be my child's role model like not to be that yeah and if you don't like it go find a new one there are so many for you to choose from like I'm mad about that like pick a new thing to be mad about there are so many other worse things happening yeah I mean I watched we talked about this last night too I watched the Demi Lovato documentary and a lot of that was about how Demi got into this industry because they wanted to entertain and they loved singing and they loved acting and just a byproduct of that was being a role model and they never

asked to be anybody's role model they were always dealing with their own shit Demi was doing cocaine at like 15 something nuts like that because like I mean addiction is a disease and it ran in Debbie's family and they were handed this role of being a role model nobody they didn't ask for that yeah like no one no one asks for your consent in that circumstance right like right it's to just have a job and do what somebody wants to do with their life they have to then they're expected to do everything perfectly as a result that's not how it's supposed to work parent your child and weren't neither of us are parents I feel like it's so much easier said than done but like if you think that Miley Cyrus is going to have a bigger effect on your child than like the rest of their

picture of their life that's sad you don't trust your child enough you don't trust your parenting enough like there shouldn't be that fear of like this person grinding on robin thick at the vma is like having such a profound effect on your child's life no we're constantly pumped with all of this shit from the media be it commercials magazines that don't even have they're not even for children i remember looking at 17 magazine when i was like 12 and being like i need to look like this person and nobody told me to feel that way like you trying to shelter your child from like the public and like this person grinding on robin thick at the vmas is like a moot effort like it doesn't matter because they're gonna get that from someone else and you're just like ruining this person's

life trying to police how they're being because your kid might see it as fucking bananas to me it drives me insane well and then wouldn't you want your child to have like a healthy and happy sex life yes once they're adults yes but i don't know instilling this like idea of shame and fear is just going to be traumatic later on yeah right and i like you send your kid out into the world to date whoever and you just want that like we're all raised with like the same like fucked up ideas about sex and sexuality and we're all trying to figure it out while our brain's still developing yeah i'm getting sad anyways i know it's fucking ridiculous that was my miley rant especially inspired by what i've been reading um right before amelia got over or it came over i

was reading come as you are so that's why i especially was like top of mind here are some other things i've been uh taking notes of it's completely infuriating but it's a good conversation to have but yeah so i'm sure a lot of you are listening and like reflecting on your own childhood experiences of grown adults obsessing over your sexuality so weird instead of just you know having like healthy conversations and understanding so fucking weird so a while ago we had asked for like what you listeners might want to hear and someone said like something about size queens and um i've never heard that phrase um if you don't know what a size queen is um there are women who care about dick size um like they want a big dick

and nikki glazer had a bit about this last night and i think uh both of us stand by what she said yeah and it's if you're if you care about dick size get over it yeah um there are so many other things that can go inside of you yeah so if a guy that you really like doesn't just have like a big enough dick for you like get a fun toy that he can use on you she said um a dick isn't even the best kind of dick that's yep I mean I love I love I love penises I really truly do I feel like I'm one of those people that like really people are like dicks aren't fun to look at I think they're really fun to look at however their vibrators and dildos just hit different and nikki glazer touched on this last night too how like trying to like bang a hammer with your hand rather than

like with your hips it's the hand the hand is always going to be more efficient yeah it's just physics yeah so if you're a size queen just get a toy that you like and um don't i wouldn't say tell your man you're a size queen but just be like this feels really fucking good for me can we play with this yes yeah right i don't know he just wants you to feel good yeah i just like i like size is not something you can control so if someone had like meets everything else and makes you feel good about yourself and like you get along and you care about each other then i don't think that dick size is a reason to eliminate something right it's a little body shamey yeah yeah it's kind of it's a little gray area yeah like what if someone was making fun of like having

a roast beef a little arby's roast beef vagina who cares because you can't control it that was the vagina you were given yeah embrace that so another person wanted to know about like if you've never had an orgasm like as a as someone with a vagina what to do and we can do like i would like us to do a little bit more research on it but like some of the first things i think about um are to like identify your stressors so like more than just like surface level stressors like if you have like a history um of like sexual abuse that might be a factor in that um but also just like a lot of the other things that we think of of like stuff we've talked about even today of just like your childhood how did you how were you taught about sex how were you made to feel about

it think of like Emily Nagowski does a great job explaining this of like thinking of your sex life as a garden so before you're old enough to care for the garden you have like your parents and like society like planting these seeds in your garden and some of them are things that are toxic and need to be weeded out because you're too young to take care of the garden yourself so think of the seeds that were planted by other people in your garden and what you do or do not want to keep in your garden and what new seeds you want to plant but um like thinking about the stressors in your life and the things that make you feel threatened like maybe your work is really stressful or something um those can also play a factor in your ability to feel aroused and there are like two

differences there's a big difference between like like thinking about sexual interest versus sexual pleasure so those are two like wildly different things wow um and i'm sure like reading come as you are or listening to it would be also helpful in figuring this out but like i would say i don't think my advice is going to be especially like breathtaking but um after considering those factors. Yeah. Um, to think about like, uh, just like spending, like have a relaxing day and spend some time with yourself and like explore. And, um, everyone thinks different things are like sexy or get them aroused. So, um, I also would wonder like if that would fall somewhere on like the asexual spectrum interesting you know i don't know but asexuality is more of like a lack of

interest in sex and relationships i feel like for a lot of people that i know that haven't been able to have an orgasm um the idea of it being like pressure like how i can't i gotta i gotta figure this and then like the pressure added on to like trying to make it happen whenever i am having sex and I feel like I have to, I have to come right now. I can't. And when someone says come for me, like, I think if there's like a number, it's like you're 30%, it's like 30% harder or something or like, cause you're, you're just like, uh, right now, right now. Yeah. So like, oh God, the pressure of trying to figure it out and being frustrated. But yeah, it takes a lot to like, you know, combat all of these things about like how you were raised to feel about sex and like um hating your

body and feeling frustrated and like you have to be a sexual maven and like oh there's just so many things and like it should just be fun yeah and like i don't know just experiment and don't get mad at yourself say don't be too hard on yourself because like really there's your there are so many i can think of like four or five people off the top of my head women that don't think that they've had an orgasm it's so common doesn't make it okay like that sucks like you should be able to experience this but you're not alone in it and it's okay that you haven't like it's okay and just like it takes a lot of for some people it takes a lot of exploration the first orgasm i had was an accident i didn't even know what the fuck was going on with my body yeah did you not

know this did i tell you this story i don't think so i like when i first started going through puberty i found do you remember those websites that like they were like away messages that you could use on aim that were like so for some reason people started using this one website as um i can't believe i'm telling this story there's one website as uh like showing like people having cyber sex like people like talking back and forth do you ever read cyber sex logs no oh my god i had i was like very online apparently because still am and but it was like people walking through like what they would do to each other and i was so fascinated by these not even from like a sexual gratification standpoint I was just like whoa like people do this people talk like this yeah that was my first

like exposure to like sex and then I had I talked about this on a past episode but like the little like vibrating pillow um that I had you could take out the egg so you could wash the pillow the egg vibrating part um I started I accidentally figured out how good it felt when it was on my vagina like it was a complete accident maybe you have told me this okay continue but I I think it must have been on like episode two if I would have uh and but then like so I was reading these things one night and I was like kind of feeling myself like getting like turned on by it I was like isn't that so confusing you're like why do I feel like yeah I'm like why am I and I felt so much shame associated with it I remember my mom walked in one day when I was reading one I wasn't

like masturbating I was just reading one and I felt so much shame I was like oh my god the reason i'm reading it is because and she was like okay like relax it's okay but the shame associated with being turned on by anything at that age i just felt so bad um but so one night i was like playing with my vibrating pillow egg and i had an orgasm it was my first one i remember it so clearly I was like what the fuck it wasn't big like it wasn't like a huge but like I had more I was like what the fuck is that I needed again and so that's when I started masturbating because I was like this must be what made that happen but I had nothing to anchor it to there's this episode of pen 15 where one of the girls like figures out how to masturbate and she's like

doing it like all day in her room and then her mom like walks in and she's like it smells weird in here and then she's like i farted i need to watch that shit everybody tells me about it you would love 10 15 says i'm surprised you haven't seen it it's so good i need to start i need to put it on i started watching tv in the shower this is a new thing for me oh amelia you need do less things you need to spend more time with yourself I agree yeah say no more when you text me and you're like oh sorry I was reading I lost track of time I was like I would love that this is reading that's what people do that sounds so great to be fair I haven't read in like quite a while you're also very very busy but you're better at putting boundaries up than I am I just don't

have as much of a like tolerance for socializing as you do like you're always doing stuff with other people i'm usually with mr liz or you well what an honor and when i'm not doing those things i'm happily stoned in my house a lot of the times when i would like to do like when i do have free time i don't spend it reading i spend it watching tv or like mindlessly scrolling through stuff and thinking about tattoos i want that sounds so great my only time to do whatever the fuck i want is like 2 a.m we have way too much pressure around us to be productive and like this goes back to capitalism man capitalism man fuck the man man fuck the man man yeah i don't know capitalism sucks and i think that just um this whole pandemic has been very eye-opening for us

as a collective of like how bullshit capitalism is and like how much fascism sucks it's put so much into perspective yeah there's been so much that has happened that has put so much into perspective just in the past like 12 months i guess well i guess it's been over a year now but the black lives matter movement was a huge one for me because i my none of my clients at work wanted to pause the ads that i was running and i was like fuck you yeah i'm like for what one day one day you know like when these big life shifts happen like covid like everything that happened with the black lives matter movement continues to happen it puts so much shit into perspective and like it just i have what i care about has shifted so so

much yeah it really has same the cat like and so knowing that i'm kind of like becoming a victim of like this whole like you have to look busy all the time which isn't why I'm doing it but it's also kind of a badge of honor being busy all the time subconsciously I don't mean to do it like I don't enjoy the fact that I'm constantly busy and my mental health is slipping I don't like that but it is kind of a badge of honor being like I have all of this stuff going on and then people are like how do you do it all yeah right like I don't yeah I cry myself to sleep every single night barely keeping it together and so can you my job used to be so important to me so important to my sense of self and how i felt about myself and like i don't know now i just don't fucking

care like of course i want to do good i want to do well at my job and like i can i can be great at my job and still like not let it hold a lot of weight in my overall happiness um and not get involved in like office politics like a lot of that is very exhausting yeah but I don't know my job had always been like a large part of just my sense of self-worth like the things that are most important to me in my life are just like the relationships I have with other people yeah and like valuing those and totally that's at the end of the day that's all you really have yeah right is how you how other how you are to other people like the effect that you have on other people is so huge yeah and just even like how you feel about yourself like those things are

more important than being productive and being seen as like a valuable asset at work because that's just like a byproduct of capitalism and how we've been made to feel about work and then i don't know having to work from home i'm just like yeah i can just do my job and i i don't know that's i saw a tweet that was like what the pandemic has shown us anything it's how we don't need to work eight hours like we i am so productive in three hours of my day now i don't have to pretend to be busy for the other five the only thing i miss about going into an office is being around people yeah that I miss that a lot yeah I miss me like being friends and making making friends at work and socializing with people and like leaving to go get coffee

in the middle of the day or something I miss that stuff but um it has also just kind of made me reevaluate of what is important to me yeah I don't know this sounds like so stupid but like the things that are most important to me like my relationship with mr liz is so important and um like my friendships are so important that i just would rather focus my energy on that i learned something and i also get a lot of happiness in like my house and yeah keeping it clean and decorating it right that's a hobby for me and that's that is a thing about getting older i learned something in my lifespan psychology class in college about how when you get older you're so much better at filtering out friendships that don't serve you because you realize how

little time you have and like when I heard that I was like 20 and I was like what no ew what the fuck I'm like never gonna cut friends out and now like I don't talk to a lot of people that I talked to in college because they don't serve me how they used to and I'm realizing like as we as we are talking about now and as we get older different things are different are important to us as we get older and they hold more importance having like a clean house like you dedicate time to cleaning i never dedicated time to cleaning in college because i didn't give a fuck i cared more about like getting drunk and hanging out with my friends yeah same yeah and like now i'm like so hyper like i am so clean in my apartment because if that isn't clean i can't focus on

anything else like yeah i only hang out with people that i want to give my time to now and like if i have like and like cooking good food for yourself yes taking care of your body like we sound like so like old but it's just i don't know not in a bad way it's like i have been loving getting older we are i mean we all receive the same message of like you know women expire at 30 but i i did see a tiktok where a woman was explaining like the guys who say that are like fat and balding by the time they're like 27 and then they're like yeah well girls like fucking expire at 30 or they're like the guys who like don't um like they were like not able to be successful with women they are the ones who are perpetuating that belief because like i don't

know a single woman who hasn't like gotten better looking as we've gotten older literally all of my friends yeah i'm like holy shit how are we just getting hotter and hotter but that's the thing it's like these men that are like women expire at 30 are the men that are intimidated by women that are independent and strong and smart and have life experience and know what they want that's why they say that because like they don't get to control i was so much more easily swayed by men in my early 20s than i am now and that's terrifying to insecure men we definitely should um in a future episode break down our pick me phase i would love that oh if you have any pick me phase stories please email us tell us about your pick me phase because i will say with shame

and regret that i like had some pick me tendencies who didn't i yeah i don't know if i would like call myself fully a pick me but I definitely had some like it's a spectrum yeah I was on the pick me spectrum and it is sad pick me spectrum that's what we're gonna call the episode yeah we will call that episode the pick me spectrum share your pick me stories with us even if you're a guy I don't know what the uh male equivalent of being a pick me is you know I guess maybe virtue signaling to women but then not like actually like yeah not actually valuing their virtue signaling to women instead of like standing up for them to men tell us about your pick me phase how you felt like it was influenced because i'm sure we could dive deep and did it work for you i want to know that

too yeah did your pick me work for you i actually um like have read that like men don't like pick me's i think that they probably don't like the obvious pick me's but i've seen it work so many so many but how long does it work you know i mean i feel like a lot of like conservative like you know christian women that are like doing the whole like yeah but are isn't are any of them happy no that's true wow deep I don't know like just like are you actually happy because it seems like we I don't know you get to a point where you're like okay I'm gonna try and meet all these boxes I'm supposed to check that are supposed to make me happy and then you do that and you're like how come I'm not happy I still feel like shit I thought after I did all of this it'd be like when

you beat the end of a video game for the last few years I felt pretty like neutral on the spectrum of if I want kids or not and I've been meaning to talk more about this because for some reason I was feeling a little ashamed of how I what my stance is and um I've shared this with my partner and like my stance on having kids is like I care more about having the right relationship with someone and having a lifelong partnership with with the right person like I would rather foster that relationship with my soulmate then like base my decision making on if we both want kids or not you know I've spent far too long of my life not being loved the way I feel like I deserved or like loving someone without feeling afraid you know um because like there's a huge part of fear

that comes with being in love of like what if I lose this person and that's scary and it sucks but I just care so much more about having the right relationship for myself and like with the right partner than having kids and then I totally like understand loving someone so much you want to have a family with them and I think that is so fucking beautiful yeah and I think that if I got to that point in the relationship with my partner we both felt that way like I love you so much and like I want to add another person to this family because a family of two is still a family so if we both decided like yes we want to do this we want to have a kid together then I'm open to that yeah you know right but either way I'm not like oh I need to have one or the other or I won't

be happy yes you know yeah so I think it's just a lot of letting go but I did have this moment today where I like have gone more towards like the maybe not spectrum because um I saw like something about like oh how come my kid doesn't want to do their homework and something like that and then I just was like fuck there are like so many parts to being a parent like yeah you have to like bring them to school and pick them up from school and then they have to go do an activity and like make sure they're doing their homework and like I don't remember shit about homework like I could never help with math and I was just like god damn you'd have to do that for so long and then like you never know what's gonna happen as they get older yeah but then at the same time

it's like you could get to this point in your life where like like you're saying now like yeah where I'm like yes I do let's fucking do it and like I am so excited to be at that point if I do get to that point of where i'm like hell yeah like i want to start a family with this that is such like you said such a beautiful fucking thing to happen i mean when people were like like when people in the past have asked me if i wanted kids like i wasn't thinking about everything that it requires right i was only thinking about myself i was like yeah i want to be a hot mom i wasn't like pta mom hey what goes into like being a good parent and like right what are all the things you have to do to be a good parent and then also be a good person to yourself so it's like not even

just being a good parent to another person it's like being a good person to like taking care of yourself I could barely do that it is honestly there's just some like there's a lot of parts to it there are people always say like being a stay-at-home parent is the hardest job in the world absolutely and that doesn't come from nowhere like there's like oh what the fuck I can't fucking imagine my friend came over today with her newborn not newborn I mean she's what six months old now she feels like a new every child before one is a newborn to me and like she's so good at being a parent and being attentive and like knowing like what her kid needs at any given point and still like I was like I forget I don't eat most day I haven't

eaten since breakfast today and I just realized right now oh god because I don't champagne counts right this is a meal yeah yeah but I don't like I can't imagine being so tuned in to like being a mom right now like that is a terrifying thought and I know when it happens it's ever instinctual I was just about to say like if it were to happen I'd click in and it still looks exhausting as fuck like yeah and then you have to have a job yeah my mom had two kids a full-time job and was getting her master's and I was like how the fuck did you do that I asked her that recently because she was 30 when she was doing this she's like a superhero yeah I was like how did you do this and she's like I honestly don't know mm-hmm god it's insane in some ways I feel like spoiled for being

like basically 30 and not having to deal with any of the things that my parents were dealing with but they chose that is the difference that's the thing is like yeah they wanted to do that and they did they they chose their life path and like I'm choosing mine and it's very different it is very different and I'm sure it's easier yeah in a lot of ways I'm certain it is and like but at the same time like it was kind of I'm talking about like the 90s like it was like fucking like the 40s but like time has changed like it's changed a lot like how people think about starting a family even weddings the idea of weddings has changed so much over the years i said recently i was having conversation with someone i think i've probably said this on the podcast too like it'll be

interesting to see how weddings are handled with our generations kids oh yeah because i think at least in the pacific northwest like a lot of people have the same idea of like do we really need a wedding like i think i'm just having this wedding because my parents want me to have a wedding that is what i hear from a lot of people can i just have like a ceremony and like live stream it like right can i just like like right go to the courthouse and like throw some confetti on our way out like i'm down to do that but a lot of people that i know have these huge extravagant weddings because their parents pay for it and they want to see their kids they want to see their daughter in this big white dress walking down an aisle but it'll be interesting to see if that

gets faded out in argent when we have kids and our kids get married you know i don't know it's an interesting thing like they'll even believe in marriage that's a construct that's a patriarchy but and taxes i want to find a sex fact we've really gone off on so many tangents today sex fact of the week sex fact of the week sex fact of the week my friend told me that we should brand this as fun fox instead of fun facts and i like that a lot that was the cutest boop i've ever watched happen ever grandpa just booped liz and i me oh my god he's like you sound like a lawnmower he purrs like a mac truck but i love him so much okay health.com is the source for this a strong sense of smell makes you more orgasmic

a small study well i said small study published in the archives of sexual behavior i'm gonna go through all of those archives that sounds interesting as fuck a small study published in the archives of sexual behavior found that people with more perceptive noses also had better sexual experiences women who had strong sensitivity to odors also reported enjoying more orgasms than women who whose noses weren't as sharp the researchers found that sense of smell wasn't necessarily linked to sexual desire performance in the bedroom but there was a positive correlation between a heightened sense of smell and having more pleasurable sex as well as more frequent orgasms this suggests that body odors like vaginal fluids and sweat can enhance sexual experience

that's fascinating we are animals at the end of the day and i have i'm very sensitive to smell i am too do you feel like you potentially have more like enjoyable orgasms or more orgasms than the average the average bear the average nose the average uh sniffer i have pretty great orgasms so like i mean if i were using just me as like the like i don't know the evidence of that i would say yeah i have a really sensitive nose like i like smells make me nauseous really easily so yeah i mean that holds up for me yeah um this might be a weird question i'm just thinking about like because there's like different kinds of orgasms for different people and obviously you only experience your own but so like what is it like like is it like long there's like a long

orgasm or is it like a like a mountain it's a mountain my orgasms take a really long time to build it's like a roller coaster i'm like and like sometimes it takes like but then and then you're like i my orgasms like i like fold in half like i like levitate off the bed like they're so intense they're not very long they're like 15 seconds maybe but they are intense what about you i relate to that a lot yeah it feels more like a volcano like yes like explosion yes um but i would say there's like a like a few second maybe i don't know maybe a few minutes before where it's just like very intense like pre-orgasm and that's like just as much fun oh my god yes yeah i love the and then the climax hits and you're like yeah yeah yeah going down the roller coaster yes um

but yeah i think that's because i like that's the only kind i've experienced so i wonder what other people's orgasms feel like because we were reading what last week that some can last like two minutes that's fucking wild to think about it's a long time super long time and i don't know Nikki Glaser said last night something I don't remember the exact number and this is a huge range it's either three times or 30 times but the regardless women have more dopamine than men do after an orgasm scientifically I need to find the number but she mentioned that and I'm like I get I get that because I after I come like the dude is always like you know and I'm like that's fucking I feel like I could run a fucking marathon right now like I'm always in such a good

mood after and they're always like yeah i'm ready to usually go go to sleep i could do both but i prefer to just like not do anything oh my god i want to do everything that's kind of new though like after the like recently i'd say like in the past year like after an orgasm i'm like but i see it's hard because i don't i'm also a night person like who knows if i had sex in the morning i don't want to just go back to sleep but after i have sex at night i'm like all right i'm ready to fucking be productive and take on the day i'm just like feeling so good so but that's new who knows maybe that's a symptom of the prozac this episode is sponsored by pros oh they're like that's enough no more sponsorships all right well that's probably

a good moment for us to wrap anyway yeah good ending point sorry patreon watchers you get our logo for the next 30 seconds yeah the last 30 seconds but we love you follow us on instagram twitter tiktok at the holy hour holy hour podcast at gmail.com for all your stories tell us about your pick me story i would say you can like try and dm us as much as you want but instagram also deletes dms after a while i figured out a way to make that stop oh okay i need to turn into a business account anyway that doesn't concern y'all email us yeah for sure email email is preferred yes um because it's more organized for us we have a box that we put all your emails into yeah we have a special filing system for listener emails but i because we feel so terrible when we're like

yeah dm us and then we like don't respond yeah and then we're like scrolling because sometimes it's just like a reaction to something versus like an actual story and you're like ah there's so much yeah there's also we got a lot of vibrator recommendations we'll go through that thank you keep rolling them in we we did get a ton of vibrator recommendations but we want more um and they don't even have to be vibrators send us any sex toy that you like and what you like about it please sell us your sex toy so yeah sell us your sex oh my god look at this man all right well we love you we love you our children Thank you.