The Hoely Hour - E56 Daddy? Sorry. Daddy?

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

Amelia would like Dr. Phil to cash her outside, how bout that. What's the most egregious red flag you've ignored in a relationship? Women are far more kinky than men, and we've got the Sharpie butt plugs and furry fetishes to prove it. A listener writes in for advice on handling her girlfriend's jealous in their non-monogamous relationship. Plus, you will (and won't) be surprised by which demographics have the most orgasms! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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$15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. New customer offer for initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. me slow when network is busy c terms my my grandma my german grandma what do i say it's because she's got the big brain but i just you know babies are just top heavy you know they were afraid i had hydrocephalus like water on the brain instead of love on the brain it's water on the brain. Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sampson. and i'm liz ball um and every time i'm like wait what the fuck do we say i was just thinking that right before i said my name i was like amelia samson who am i well and then i caught a whiff

of your your bevy oh i'm drinking um another topo chico it's strawberry guava it smells a little bit and don't take this offensively it smells a little bit like a four loco it does so i just had oh it does smell like yeah i think it's just the strawberry you know it doesn't taste like it though um but i also read up on topo chico you know how like they were in trouble for having like cancerous substances yeah i told you about that yes they fixed it good yeah thank god okay folks we can drink topo chico so we're back not that i was ever gonna stop drinking seltzers this episode is not sponsored by topo chico you know what you should really start doing it's like really obviously blocking out logos to make these companies pay us we're just always drinking

a hard salty i'm currently drinking a vodka soda nice yeah good choice it feels like a good monday thank you yeah yeah i almost did i have these prebiotic sodas almost did that prebiotic instead of probiotic what is prebiotic i looked it up can't remember all the specific differences but a prebiotic is supposed to prime your body for the probiotic so they kind of work together hell yeah brother but i don't have the probiotic i only have the prebiotic have we just gotten weaker as we've evolved like the cavemen didn't have pre and probiotics maybe they did naturally i'm sure a lot of them also died more often that's true like in um from like dysentery died at like the ripe age of 30 yeah yeah exactly or uh like fuck what's that

the organ trail game did you ever play that no um was that the one everyone played in school yeah i never played that i loved that game you play mavis beacon did you use mavis beacon the typing you didn't use mavis beacon i don't think so oh my god that was like peak do you ever look at those things from your childhood or like like really like repressed oh yeah do you remember zoom beanies did you ever play zoom beanies no zoom beanies yeah what is that you make these little these little guys and then you do math with them but you go on adventures no your school sounds much cooler than my school but we only got to play that in computers class yeah same with mavis beacon it was like uh so i got on aol when i was like seven because i like

just loved talking to people my mom was like if you could fucking chat rooms and i was in chat rooms before they were like i should have given you a mic they've always been scary oh my god uh yeah but before they were like publicly known to be horrible um i was in chat rooms but yeah so i was on aol really young uh with strict rules which makes sense and so i were typing at age seven yep so i thought there's a picture of me at four like at a computer just like i was always primed to be working in tech but it's because my dad and my mom were both in tech oh my mom was in advertising my dad was in tech sales i think he's told me a million times and it just for whatever reason will not stick um but uh i got through the the typing course like a month

before everyone else and i felt like such a fucking baller made a speak in my bitch these fingers are fast as fuck boy uh anyways we have some topics to cover today i haven't gotten any of that uh what were your topics again oh i watched this um so you know i said that i've been watching tv in the shower because I have no time to watch tv otherwise so I've been watching specifically I've been watching youtube clips like my favorite creators and um for whatever reason I think because I've been researching the Gabby Petito case so much Dr. Phil is now popping up on my like discover page on youtube and um there was this story that I thought was fascinating and I think it's really easy to make light of it so I'm gonna try really hard

not to because it's actually pretty sad i'll prime it with this girl had a lot of trauma a lot of trauma um but she fell in love with this woman on the internet and was convinced that she was like communicating with her telepathically and was like there were clips of her being like she would like her water was on a table and she was like oh you see the water moving a little bit that's jasmine jasmine's moving my water she's like hey babe i'm like all this stuff she like drove to meet jasmine like by herself with her dog and like was like yeah jasmine's gonna move her stuff into my apartment um blah blah blah and like all this time jasmine had no idea who this girl was they'd never talked like they sent a few messages back and forth where jasmine's like why

am i your header photo on twitter like i don't even know you and then this girl is she like is the girl jasmine like just a regular person she is like a famous college athlete okay um and she kept saying to i want to say this girl's name is brianna she kept saying to brianna like i do not know who you are leave me alone and then brianna would like send jasmine nudes like thousands of nudes and yeah it was just like it was bananas and so jasmine got brianna's mom involved and she um she was like if you don't make your daughter stop like i'm getting the authorities involved and brianna was just like yeah well like she would tell me to leave her alone and then she would like you know start doing stuff like delete pictures one by one and i would message her and she would

delete another picture and then i would message her and she'd delete another picture and that was her way of communicating with me she would like sub tweet me all the time even though she was telling me to leave her alone and then they had them both on stage they brought jasmine and dr phil and brianna was like i just want to like shake you and tell you to stop acting because i know that you know that we're supposed to be together and like it was just like i was thinking about how like to some degree i feel like we all kind of do that sometimes like oh like he's sub tweeting me you know like a little like in micro like oh my god he put a song on his story yeah it's about me yeah i wonder if you saw i was also listening to it like oh my god i haven't

talked to him in days and he just watched my story he's for sure in love with me like i feel like we all do that but like seeing it in such like an intense like to like the nth degree of her thinking that they were like married in their minds but like they just couldn't say it out loud was bonkers yeah it was fascinating i don't know it was really sad but then dr phil the reason i got so enthralled in this is dr phil ended up like kicking this brianna girl off of his stage for being like disrespectful dr phil's a fucking joke yeah he sucks like for so many reasons um he's not a real doctor fun fact yeah i think i knew that it sucks he got he like lost his license like a very long time ago but he's just like a television doctor um but yeah like after exposing

like all of her trauma on television in front of this whole audience he then like humiliates her by like kicking her off the stage that just fucking blows also this reminds me of something you and I were talking about the other week um I was talking to uh one of my friends and she was like she's so easy to talk to and get along with and she was like it happens to me all the time where people are like uh they're like we have such a great connection and she's like I don't really know you like you just feel comfortable being yourself around me so you don't like me you like yourself so that's like good news but like just because you feel like you can be yourself and doesn't mean that we have a connection like a romantic connection or something like that so

yep that could have I feel like that's also very well one of those things of like this girl probably saw this this other girl on the internet and was like wow I really relate to a lot of this stuff that she's saying yeah right and then yeah and then like making it into something in her head yeah because she yeah you want permission to like yourself totally it was interesting because Brianna I guess I also don't still don't know if I'm calling her the right name but I'm committed now Brianna um she was straight like she identified as straight she only dated men and then all of a sudden she saw jasmine's picture she's like i'm a lesbian and dr philip as much as i have negative things to say about him had a really good point of him saying like all of this

came after like a month after this like last very traumatic event in her life like she had been raped she had been assaulted she had been attacked like all of like back to back to back to back and then after the last instance she like fell in love with jasmine and he was like when it's in your mind it can't hurt you and like when it's also like something that you're not like actually like invested in like she's not typically attracted to women it's like she was able to be removed enough and dissociated enough from it that she like created this thing in her mind that like couldn't hurt her and I just thought I don't know it makes a lot of sense like of course you would and that now I'm wondering like what smaller scale type things we do or have done to protect

ourselves yeah i mean it's so that's so interesting i love that i want to look into it i should i should really send you this i had to like piece the whole thing together they don't have full episodes online and they have like four minute clips so i was like trying to do it together by myself what was really hard to me what was like the the more recent one like in the last few years that became like a meme um like one of the girls cash me outside yeah yeah yeah she bad baby is her rap name that's who she is fucking badass she has turned that whole thing into a full-blown career she's making so much money off of this and she's a really good rapper like she i remember she has like one song that i was like that's bad baby this is kind of a bop

she has a lot of really good songs that's funny she has a song called gucci flip-flops that is on all of my party playlists it's so good good for her she exposed dr phil she dr phil sends these kids to um something like neverland ranch or something stupid like that that is like that place is cursed yeah it's supposed to like straighten out kids and like make them like behave well but they like torture these children they like make them sit up straight for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and like don't let them sleep and like they like really torment them and they abused children yep yeah to like set them straight pretty fucked oh my god anyway going back to what your friend was saying about like people feeling like they know somebody like

i've been running into that a little bit i think i always have like before i had like any sort of like internet presence like people would always be like but you've been flirting with me like no like i really haven't you're like am i flirting or am i just hot and talking and being nice yeah i think that's what's so sad like a lot of these people that would get like really attached to me were people that people aren't nice to you know so it's like whenever anyone's nice it's like she's in love with me I totally know what you mean I feel like I struggled with that a lot when I was younger and everyone had like a best friend and I didn't and I was like oh I'll just be friends with like new people I don't know yeah try and make my own friends and then they'd end up being

like a weird pathological liar oh my god yeah we talked about that in one of our episodes yeah i know i mentioned to you um that you follow dove clark yes on twitter yes and she has been spilling some tea about her breakup and her ex yes and some of these red flags are like they're just they might as well be sirens and but also i'm like not blaming her you know right are right I think that this happens a lot to everyone where you're just like you keep the bad things a secret because you're like I'm gonna try and make this work and if I tell people about this thing that I know is not good um it's gonna make them dislike that person and they won't be supportive of our relationship you know yeah so um one of the things that she said was like

he asked her to like move in with her and then also shortly after was like we spend too much time together and i like i'm annoyed by that and i'm annoyed with you so while he was gone uh she got all of her friends to move all her shit out and then he was like that was mean oh yeah oh my god i did see that god this guy sounds like a fucking nightmare which is like i honestly think this happening to dove clark is like so important because she's so beautiful and so educated and funny and successful and it still happened to her she started out as like trying to be so like smart and put like she started out being so put together and like kind about this breakup and then I think it just started piling up and she was like no fuck this guy yeah and

because you open your eyes when you're out of it yeah they they say love is blind for a reason and then there's also that quote from bojack horseman red flags just look like fat flags when you're wearing rose colored glasses i fucking love that quote it's so true it's so true i think it's so easy it is so easy to look back and be like how the fuck did i miss this but you're so right people don't say things to their friends in the moment i mean that was the shit that i was going through when i was going through my breakup with my ex like thank god i told you that i had been talking to him when I did because that was right before everything came tumbling down but I felt really alone in that like you knew Katie knew and that's it that we were talking again

that's it and like I was so used to being able to lean on everybody but it gets to the point when like you are embarrassed they are putting up with shit like it's embarrassing to like be like yep I'm doing this again or like yeah I moved in with a guy that like doesn't want me to ever be around like who's gonna admit to that i think um most of us get to an age where we're like okay even though i don't like how this person is treating my friend they're choosing to be with them and i don't want them to feel like they can't be safe talking to me because they know i don't like them yes so i've had conversations with friends in the past where i'm like i know that you've told me about this in the past and like I have told you to end it and I've asked like if when you're going

to end it but I don't want you to feel like I don't like want to be around them or I don't like them or like you can't talk to me about it because I just like if you're happy that's the most important thing yeah so sometimes we all have a different path yes you know you you got to trust your gut sometimes and sometimes your gut says to stay with this shitty person yeah i told you this earlier this week like um or last week i had this realization that hit me like i was on a walk and i've been trying to like purposefully go on walks and stay and like get in my own body and be connected instead of just having a ton of thoughts running around because that's what i have been doing just mindfulness one of my favorite things during like peak quarantine when i couldn't see

anyone except for you yeah was um going on walks by myself and just like listening to music and like being like feeling like so connected to myself and like my higher self and like everything around me I haven't heard you say that in so long yeah I'm trying to like get back in touch with her I love that so I I've I've been trying to more consciously do that because I really liked like feeling so like connected with myself and my surroundings anyways I had this realization that everything shitty that happened with Shuman had to happen the way it did because I've always been like yes it's like a lesson for me and like I've learned so much blah blah blah but I never thought about the context of like how things happened and like why it had

to happen that way yeah like I realized that if he didn't do all this shady shitty things and like elope really quickly shortly after uh cheating on her with me that he would have probably just stuck around and been this ghost in my life like dragging me down and i would have allowed it yeah and i think it happening the way it did both showed me like who he really is and showed me like i deserve way more than that yeah anyways all this to say um have you ignored any like major red flags or like kept them a secret like what's the worst one you can think of because i have some pretty gnarly ones that i'm like what the fuck i yeah i mean like my ex had a bunch of red flags through the whole relationship and that he also knew and that he was like telling like hello

I have these red flags like he was literally like what are you to get away from me you should be scared and I was like no it's fine so that was a whole different thing but um the guy that I was dating before my ex I don't even think he has a nickname on here fucking waiter we're gonna call him waiter actually I think you have talked about him because I remember that did I call him waiter i think so oh my god okay well here's he's for all of our like the most lifers yeah he's popping up and he's done that you were like he's the fucking worst but he um would he didn't go to my school but he would come up to see me and he like really wanted to be exclusive with me you did tell me this okay but then he wouldn't none of his friends knew so and i was too young to be

like why aren't you telling your friends about me you know like i didn't i didn't put two and two together. But then I found out that he was bragging all of his friends about fucking all of these chicks on the side. So after he was the one that wanted to be exclusive. So I honestly think me being a secret from his friends was off the top of the dome. I'm sure there are a hundred other red flags I've ignored in the past, but that's probably like the biggest one was being a secret after he wanted to be exclusive. It wasn't even like, I was like, can you be my yeah i want it yeah uh i tweeted this um oh my god shoe man before i moved to seattle uh he asked me to move in with him and was like annoyed that i had belongings that i brought with

me to his place and if you want to know what those belongings are they were pictures of us and my family and my clothes i'm not even fucking joking those are the only things i brought because i was like okay well he already has all this stuff and it's way nicer than mine and it already all matches so like i don't need to like bring others more shit he already has all this shit and then he i was like what do you think and he's like i guess i'll have to get used to it and I was like what did you think there was gonna happen no redeeming features of this man no he's not even attractive no I was thinking about it and I was like he is the least attractive person I've dated he was the least attractive and he treated me the worst what a combo I know

I went through that just reminded me I went through my ex's phone um the first year that we were dating and I found a conversation he was having with his ex about wanting to break up with me have I never told you this story no she's the one that she recently messaged me on Instagram she's the one that sent me that very long text on Instagram that was like I've always felt connected to you do you remember that it was like probably a year ago now honestly she was like yeah yeah it was a long time ago I never answered um but she was like how are things going with Amelia and he was like uh I don't know and she was like what are you just getting bored and he was like yeah um I want to break up with her and we were at dinner we were celebrating our six month no

no it was later because we had our six months in the summer it was like right when we got back to school um so it must have been like 10 months and I was he handed me his phone to show me something else and I just like opened up his text like across from the table from him and was going through his text while he was sitting there watching me and I read this conversation in plain sight yep I love that for you I was like my heart was in my ass I was like god damn it so um once we got home I asked him about it and he was like of course like apologizing and da da da but like that's one of those things that like then we stayed together for six and a half seven and a half more years after that I mean he cleaned up his behavior a lot but I totally get that like

when you you already know like if they say the right thing that you're gonna forgive them yeah and it's really hard to get out of that headspace yeah when you when you love someone and I we should I feel like we should dedicate a whole episode honestly to the Gabby Petito case because there's so much going on but I feel like the stuff that's in the news right now with Gabby Petito and like everybody saying like their relationship was going down the tubes the female cop that was talking to her at the scene was like you should leave and she was like I don't want to I have a lot of anxiety about leaving and then like this happens you know yeah that's obviously an extreme example not everybody that's in a manipulative relationship is going to get

killed allegedly by their fiance but that's the kind of shit that happens like smart bright people like beautiful happy friendly like end up in these toxic cycles that yeah they can't even they can't get out of and it gets so deep you can't identify when something is getting so bad that like you're going to lose your life out over it and then like multiply that times like 50 for like people of color who are just entirely dismissed yes um the other thing oh this is a hot button topic i really want to talk to you about i feel like women are a lot kinkier than men i keep talking have just kind of always like i was thinking about it the other night where i was just like yeah i think that like men are are more likely to be pretty vanilla and i feel like a lot of women are like

waiting for like a guy to be like down as fuck to like do something a little weird you know like um very interesting i was specifically thinking about like years ago one of my friends said he was like hooking up with this girl and then like in the middle of them like fucking the girl was like put something in my ass and then he was like shit so he like put he was like whoa like what and she's like anything and then he like found a sharpie and put a sharpie in her butt which don't do that guys it needs to have a flat end wait also there's so many times otherwise it'll just anyways so we put a sharpie in her ass wait anecdote our first listener email ever was about a sharpie in an apple in the butthole and they and they were like

honestly it feels pretty nice so it just adds a little extra little something something so like that was that came to mind and like he was like scrambling like had never considered putting something in your butt and then um one of my other friends told me about a girl he had sex with who her kink was like pretending to be a cat and I was like like a furry and he was like no like not quite a furry so i don't know where the line with furries are haven't done that much research i'll be honest um but like pretended to be a cat while they've had sex like meowing and shit yes so i just kind of stared at him and then he's like would you like to know more and i was like yes i i need to absolutely it's not a light no more and then i was like so like how did this

happen and then he's like well she was wearing cat ears and then i was like so like what did she do and then um he was like she would like meow and like purr if I was like petting her I was like did she like lick her paws and clean her ears and he was like yes and then I was like all I'm gathering from this is she must be pretty fucking hot for you to like be cool with that and then he was like honestly yeah and then I was like I wonder what my hot threshold is you know like I wonder where my hotness peaks at like of like what I would be allowed to get away with oh oh I see what you're saying I thought you were thinking like how hot would a guy have to be for you to like be down with him to be like that yeah I well so I think

women are more likely to be flexible about something like that of like uh like the time I ate ass I was like you know I'm never gonna see this guy again but that's what he wants you know I was like and I was I was pretty intoxicated yes I was very intoxicated I want okay anyways I want to preface this I don't want to ever ever ever kick shame nobody on this podcast ever wants to kick shame no you're into what you're into but if you think about it objectively like how i don't want to say strange you gotta say like if somebody comes at me like any sort of animal and is really committed to the bit like that i have it's like i would just feel really uncomfortable because in some way it would feel like bestiality and then also i'd want to be

like how did this become sexual is it like a taboo thing like is that's what's hot about it and like do you are you attracted to animals i don't know that's where my brain can't really like figure it out so if you're a furry we would love to have you on the podcast because i mean i i don't think it's like we're definitely not kink shaming it's just don't understand yeah it's not something we understand and i also think most people are not furries most people do not want to act like an animal but it's it's having sex like your puppy girl jenna where like they're from what she says or at least what i've seen her say is that there's no like trauma involved and there's not anything like about it being a dog it's just like she's

always found comfort in acting like a dog so it's like but like sexually yeah that's where that's what I want to know where it gets to that point of like yeah I want to be a cat while you fuck me I want to reiterate if you are a furry and you and you feel comfortable telling us about it please tell us we are never going to judge you for it we're kind of I'm so light about it we don't know anything about it and we would love to and we always want to understand all of this and we could look at us we could look it up but also if you if you have furry experience yes or are furry or even just have like this kind of like pet kink we won't hear about it i saw we want to know more a furry convention walking down the street uh two weeks ago i just remember just now it was like you

know when you remember i think maybe a furry like it's not just a kink it's like a lifestyle it seems like it um but anyways this was just to say that i think women are kinkier than men i and i think women are a little more open-minded to like being down to do something if it like gets them off but then also that's an interesting take we've also been like so socialized to be like yes sex ends when the man comes so we're not really taught to like value our own pleasure that's so true this is that's really interesting now that you're saying this i'm like i'm sitting here and i'm thinking about like how many guys i've had sex with since i've been like curious about BDSM and how none of them know anything about it and like that's a very small

sample size I haven't had sex with like 300 men BDSM is so broad and so many people are into it yes like you can at least have like a high level like and none of them have like every guy that I've I asked a dude the other night if he has any kinks and his react like kinks that bdsm is a kink and his reaction was like well i mean like no because like i don't like he was thinking of kinks as like a like a taboo thing like dressing up as a baby you know and i'm like no that's like a that's like a taboo kink like a taboo fetish you know but like yeah it can be like choking like it doesn't need to be like a big thing i think people confuse kink and fetish a lot i agree fetish is something that you need to get off but a kink is something that just like

escalates how uh turned on you are yeah i would say i don't know i'm just i just really and you're like listen i just want to be a little submissive rag doll and for you to make me call you sir or daddy put my head through the ceiling yeah daddy sorry daddy sorry daddy sorry y'all i can we can say this now i remember we were always so like concerned about like talking about like even celebrities on the pod um how do you say his last name rebier rebier yeah mark rebier i posted his he's such a fucking fox he is so hot there's something that is so i think it's just because he's so hypersexual that it makes him so hot because if I saw him walking down the street he's an attractive dude he's attractive he's smart and he's confident yep and just he

just doesn't give a fuck and I fucking love it and um I posted him on my story saying that daddy sorry daddy sorry daddy sorry and he sent me the kissy face back oh my god Liz I didn't tell you the end of this conversation I talked to him like for like a little a tiny bit more and it was like so honestly the most mortifying conversation i've had in my life i've been there so he was quite literally i was like manifesting you blessing us in seattle soon and he was like i was just there two days ago i was like yeah i knew that yeah but you weren't in my mouth yeah that's what i meant by in seattle mark get with it no but he he was like um he was really sweet about it he was like oh yeah i would love that i was just there two days ago like you know like i would love to come

back and i was like oh so i was like what what venue oh i see you're at the show box love that place hope i hope we treated you well and he read it and did not respond and so i am now a ghost of myself i died yesterday it was sad mark i've been there if i end up sending this clip to you on Twitter I would like another do you think it's okay for me to fumbled that badly in dms ever for me to share mine oh hundred percent I think enough time has gone by you brought it up on the first that was our first introduction to like the blue checkmark conversation yeah podcast please share um I have been left on read by like almost this time last year that's true yeah well together we have a full relationship with him

i yeah exactly together we've kissed market but i had tweeted at him like women want a man who will say grace before eating our ass or something that was a great that tweet performed well it did and then and that was honest it was in response to something that he like a bit he did yeah uh when he was doing like all of those like live streams peak pandemic when we're all like desperate for content so I like referenced that and then it blew up because a lot of people hadn't seen that and then I had my Instagram linked in my bio on twitter so he clicked it and he like watched my stories and then i watched his stories and then he said something about like silly last names and i was like does that apply

to me and then he said something i don't know i should look at i i can't remember what the conversation that was a and i was like oh my god i was flipping out he's such a and then i tried to flirt with him again and he just left me on red but i'm sure people are i'm sure so many people are getting at him all the time for sure did you see the video of him in vegas yesterday oh my god there was a huge crowd there and he was crowd surfing and everyone was freaking the fuck out about him and i was like one of these days i also feel like he probably does not even have time to like message everybody not even just message just like date or hook up i feel like he does fine it can be quick maybe he doesn't care i don't know let's make it quick if you want to

be a two pump chump i got time for it i'll work you into my schedule um he him going to your instagram from your twitter is such a win i would hold on it was forever remember i don't know i just now i'm just thinking about when we were like blue check marks in the dms and then now that feels like such a stupid thing to like so ridiculous but when you're just a peasant as we are yeah you feel like hot shit it's just so embarrassing to think about now like because oh magic man is a blue check mark so is his friend that we were hanging out with and they're just like they're just fucking normal yeah which obviously i think that we always knew that they're just like people but it was still like when we're starting out we're like fuck yeah

fucking one of the la dodgers like people are talking to all the time noticed me of all of the peasants they could notice twas me it's a cinderella moment yeah hell yeah where you're like oh my god i've never felt special in my life that's not true i was once on the news as a child oh for what so uh they were interviewing children about voting oh in the election so they were like can you explain voting and i was like yeah so you get to vote for um so let's say there's like two people like george washington and abraham lincoln only presidents i knew at that's like really the only president i still know yeah in first grade those were the only presidents i knew and then i was like and then you pick which one you want to vote for

but there's there is more than two there i mean but but when you're a child but then also in america there might as well only be two word when dog shit george bush and al gore were running against each other my elementary school these fuckers they told us that al gore and george bush were coming to our school and they were like getting us so fucking hyped and it was just fifth graders dressed as george bush we were all so disappointed that's really funny why would they really really fucking funny and i voted for al gore i didn't even i just didn't like the before i knew anything about politics i just didn't like the fifth grader that was playing george bush so i was like i want al gore to win and look at us now yeah anyway here's an email that we got

from one of y'all's hey amelia and liz gotta be super awkward if i got the email address wrong and this isn't you lol that would be hilarious if one of these ended up in just someone random's inbox i discovered your podcast relatively recently and was really sad when i realized i'm up to date and can't catch up anymore because i've zoomed through them literally so quickly i love you guys love you i have been going through a bit of a weird time with my relationship lately and wanted to get your take on it some quick context i'm bi but super inexperienced especially with guys the country i live in is not the same as the one i study in and i suffer with some quite intense mental health stuff relatable i 19 female have been dating an amazing girl age 21 officially

for a bit over two months now but talking since march it was very quickly apparent that we were not going to be just friends but the country was in lockdown so we couldn't meet for ages with her i'm the happiest i've been in a long time and feel comfortable with myself comfortable and myself now the school year is starting for me i've flown back to uni making us long distance because of this distance we decided to open our relationship a little this was something i had intentionally mentioned oh sorry skirt this was something i initially mentioned a few weeks ago not expecting it to lead anywhere but she brought back up recently asking if we could actually arrange that we set out some guidelines so that we could both stay comfortable and essentially

we are romantically exclusive but we are going to sleep with other people i had sex with a guy for the first time the other day with an exclamation mark in parentheses and i agree with that placement sticking to all of our rules etc and i think it's fair to say that shit hit the fan clearly my girlfriend was not happy with the non-monogamy as we both thought but instead of it being an adult conversation of like actually no i don't like this it became a barrage of accusatory questions childish remarks and pointed comments on her social media that felt like they were aimed at me. She didn't even seem to care whether I was okay having had sex involving a penis for the first time. She has since apologized for how unfairly guilty she made me feel. I have no

issue stopping the non-monogamy thing but the way she dealt with it has raised a lot of red flags in my head. I would love to hear you guys's take on this. Am I overthinking things or am I being low-key a pushover by staying with her even though I've now got these doubts? Sorry this was a bit longer than planned no it's okay even though this is the short version of the story as i said i would love to hear your opinions on my situation but equally totally get that you probably received tons of emails like this ever a fan we've never received an email like this and also it is such a good conversation to have on the podcast um since i just talked i'll let you go first there's a lot to unpack here um i don't think you're being a pushover because you obviously

care about your girlfriend and you want to be with her presumably especially in a romantic context yeah and i don't think there's anything wrong with that but for her to act like she also didn't consciously make this decision with you to be non-monogamous um like i say i think that's my problem with it is like she it's not like just you doing this she also played a part and gave you permission to do this and I also think maybe she wasn't prepared to feel that way to feel jealous or didn't think it would happen this way um and that's that's not to say her feelings are invalid right she also just needs to have ownership over like she played a hand in how this ended up making her feel yes and um she's allowed to be hurt there was no way either of you could have

predicted that when i was 19 i like wanted to be in a relationship so i get that but like in hindsight i'm like i wish i had just not cared about being in a relationship at all yeah during that entire like college period but i mean tons of people stay together through college and after so yeah you'll know what's right for you yeah i'm only speaking from my own perspective obviously but um it's it's obviously up to you if you care about this person enough that you want to stay with them uh in a romantic context because like yeah you clearly like care about each other but right and I don't think that makes you you called yourself a pushover in the email I don't think that that makes you a pushover I think that makes you care about another person right I don't think

that that you're a part I understand why you would feel that way but you're not um yeah I I always say I haven't in a long time on the podcast that gut feelings are guardian angels and if your gut is telling you that this is a red flag that you should really pay attention to then you should maybe look into that I'm not saying like that means break up with her it might but that's not what I'm saying um I think I agree with everything that you said and also what it could be where the anger could be stemming from is maybe she thought that she was going to have a lot more success with opening the relationship up and hooking up and then you actually getting there and her not could have it could have just been like a jealousy thing it's like it's like in

breakups you don't want to be the second one to move on yeah it's that kind of situation where it's like you know she was the one that initially brought up non-monogamy so she really again her feelings are valid but like she's not really allowed to be mad like that was something that you talked about my understanding is the writer was the one who initially brought up non-monogamy and then her partner was the one who was like actually let's circle back like yeah brought it back up yeah yeah right yeah yeah it's not like you were like pushing her for it you know she was the one that was like actually that does sound kind of good so it's like she could have just never brought it up again if that was something that she was uncomfortable with and she wanted

to try it and so some people are way better at separating sex and feelings and we've talked about this so many times i'm not able to do that but i think like similarly you are the perfect example of someone who can maintain a relationship with someone while also dating other people um because not to say you're in a relationship right now but you do have someone that you see pretty often yeah and like have romantic feelings for and those are mutual feelings between you two and you've admitted like this it kind of context requires so so much intentional communication yeah and i just like thinking about myself at 19 and 21 i did not have the emotional maturity to deal with anything like that oh my god me neither are you kidding i no way i would have

fallen the fuck apart but yeah they're they're handling it way better than yeah either of us would have um and that's because the youth are smarter now than we were god the world's different now kids these days but yeah no you're right i mean like the intentional communication and like still so squints is the one i know you're talking about and like we have talked about like not being exclusive not being um like in a relationship we're not like boyfriend and girlfriend it isn't even an open relationship we're just like chilling and still i know that like if i were to find out that he was seeing another person i would be like oh you know it would hurt it would hurt but it wouldn't be like I couldn't be mad about it because like yeah okay like we've talked about

that that's something and I'm comfortable with that it's not like I'm saying that to like be cool like I've agreed to it I've circled back circled back on it like this person's girlfriend did like because I think that that's a good setup for how we are now and so that's what we mean like her feelings are valid blah blah blah but it doesn't mean that you're in the wrong like I think that she can be valid in how she's feeling and you can also be in the right you've had a conversation about it you did exactly what you needed to do of like setting guidelines out yeah i really don't think either person is wrong here i don't think so either i mean i don't think um her girlfriend handled it the best yep um but i think that like you know her feelings were hurt

and she wasn't anticipating that so i can't really predict it 100 should have been communicated like instead of like you know lashing out yeah passive aggressively online so i think the bottom line of all of this is is like i understand why your girlfriend's upset and you did nothing wrong yeah and those things could be true listen to your gut uh you're not a pushover yep and it's a really complicated position to be in that's going to require a lot of communication i like in whatever you decide like if you decide you do still want to be non-monogamous or if you decide to be exclusive yes it's because this also seems like something that has probably hurt enough to be used as like an accusation or a defense or a reason to not trust you or something

like that yeah so it's just going to require so much communication and trust and transparency yeah and you can decide to work through it and decide you know in a month that it's actually not working for you you know just kind of like take it day by day like i feel like that's easier said than done or just like see where you know the river takes you but really like just take it day by day because like nobody likes feeling how your girlfriend's probably feeling right now so that's something that she needs to work through because again it's not you didn't do anything wrong so it's like kind of on her to like work through it and maybe she can get through it and maybe you can like continue on with this non-monogamy setup and she can work through like

those feelings and whatever but like if you want to give it a go and make it work you're always going to be wondering if you end it you're going to be wondering like what if I just kept trying if you aren't 100% ready to cut your ties you know so just keep following what your gut is telling you follow your heart follow your brain and it'll be okay that's a really shitty situation because really you did everything what it sounds like from what this email said you did everything that you need to do for an open relationship setup also like how are you going to predict how it's going to go down there's no way to know yeah there's there's no way to know until you try it and y'all tried it and it wasn't great right but that doesn't mean I don't know like I know

non-monogamy can get really complicated and messy I remember we were talking about it and you always had the impression that there isn't jealousy involved but there is there's so much jealousy involved in polyamory non-monogamy yeah and I hadn't realized that until I was really reading about polyamory because it's like it doesn't you don't just like turn off that part of your caveman brain of jealousy you know that's that's such a normal human emotion it's just like how you manage that jealousy is the difference I get jealous of people my boyfriend has hooked up with in the past yeah yeah and that wasn't something I experienced when we first started seeing each other because like you're not as emotionally invested in the beginning you're just like

having fun and it's kind of one of those things where you're like this is great right now and like I'm having a good time and like I don't know what's gonna happen so I'm just gonna like ride this beautiful wave yeah and then you get more and more invested and you fall in love and then you're like I am crying throwing up thinking about you being in a relationship four years ago yeah before you even knew i existed how dare you but yeah i mean that's so natural as nice to her as you are to me i hope so but also i hope you weren't i hope that you're a little bit nicer to me it's like that olivia rodrigo song happier yeah it's so real you're like you're not allowed to be happy with anybody i know that you dated other people but like

you hated that right yeah i feel like i turn into loa from a big mouth i'm just like who the fuck is this that's so relatable i dated her six years ago okay and why is she why aren't you toxic and awful to her no i'm just kidding there's just like something stupid in your brain that's like gonna do that that's that's i it's it feels evolutionary like it feels like a biological thing yeah well and when you make a conscious choice to be together instead of feeling like oh i might as well settle i gotta settle down right that's it's way better to be like i made this decision and i'm like fucking stoked about it yeah when you make it consciously versus instead of like feeling pressured it's just more satisfying love is so beautiful since

i've like stopped being so jaded about love i'm so excited to fall in love oh i texted amelia today and i was like have you ever thought about how like you're someone's the one and i hadn't and i was like oh my god i hadn't thought of that either until recently i was like i am the one to someone that's so beautiful where the fuck is he stupid fucking idiot where are you come fucking find me um do we need a sex fact of the week oh my god we do wow good memory all right warm up those pipes while i find a sex fact what you're gonna do with all that sex oh my god i love that are we going through a rebrand what you're gonna do with all that sex

all that sex fact of the week i'm gonna make make make you read make you read the sex fact of the week we can't go back to our old song i like that it's something different every time it's true there's always different ad libs okay let me find one i did a real weird dance with that one that was beautiful if you're subscribed to us on patreon you fucking yeah you saw my weird chicken hand dance that was i i'm honestly inspired sex factor of the week sorry i'm gonna snap at the same time sex factor of the week sex factor of the week sex factor of the week oh yeah thank you i've been practicing my beatboxing this is beatboxing is much better than mine i feel just doing boots and cats

boots and pants and boots and cats that was pretty honestly i'm inspired and jealous okay this is what womenshealthmag.com says i don't know if there's any credence to this i'm just reading lesbians have the most orgasms that makes sense yeah um sorry straight ladies well well what about what about the the bi ladies the pan ladies sorry people having sex with penises yep that's what it should say yeah sorry straight ladies when it comes to crossing the finish line lesbians are coming in first a study that looked at the relationship between sexual orientation and orgasm occurrence found that heterosexual women climaxed 61.6 percent of the time while homosexual women climaxed 74.7 percent of the

time and bisexual women climaxed 58 percent of the time interesting that's the lowest um but then the fact under it is hilarious other random characteristics can up your orgasm odds too who else joins lesbians on the list of those having the most orgasms redheads republicans no android users and older women to name a few hell yeah android users to think that i'm gonna be having more orgasms older i get hell yeah mr liz is an android user can i get an ayo it's interesting that republicans have more orgasms what just like thinking about the fucking flag which yeah but what are like uh fucking guns what republicans dudes it doesn't say just as republicans and android users and redheads it's very those are interesting stats

there's a there are studies linked if you want to read more about that women's health mag.com do orgasms in a relationship are so low that's a follow-up question i have that's an interesting follow-up cue yeah there feels like it feels like there needs to be like some more like control variables in these kinds of studies but that those are some those are some hot topics yeah interesting interesting well well we love you we love you we love you i'm making this really hard for you to harness i'm i'm just letting you do your thing knowing that you're watching me i'm saying this is impossible i'll close my eyes okay okay we love you

i got the mariah ear going too i'm going in the high note the soprano anyways bye Oh, yeah.