The Hoely Hour - E57 Solosode By Amelia

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

Amelia is hosting alone for the first time ever. She also edited the episode for the first time ever. She is also writing this summary for the first time ever. We discuss masturbation durations, cringey things people have said to you in bed, if sex truly feels better without a condom, if there is an age that is too young to talk to little boys about periods, and hear an important message from Liz about grief. Please lie and tell Amelia this was a good episode. See you next week, our angels! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Usually Liz calls this a baby-sode. I'm going to call it a solo-sode. I'll just rebrand it for myself. So welcome to the first ever Amelia solo-sode. It is going to be a mini-episode. I cannot pretend that I'm going to be interesting for a solid hour. So this is the holy half hour. Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sampson, and I am hosting by myself for the first time ever. I am very nervous. I already recorded an entire episode two nights ago, but I I was freaking out about it so I'm doing another recording um I'll just chalk that up to a dress rehearsal I am not very good at just talking to myself and with myself if you follow me on any video platform you see that I chop things up to make them you know flow well because

i i tend to um blab and i put a lot of uh pauses between thoughts i'm not gonna pretend that this is going to be very um interesting or smooth without my trusty companion liz but she is out this week i will let her let you know where she is so here's liz hello angels so it's me liz obviously. Um, I'm not sure where Amelia is going to put this little stamp in. Um, but obviously she is hosting by herself today. And to detail that a little bit, um, my Nana passed away this past weekend. So I am about to leave to go to the Midwest for her funeral. Um, it was like unexpected and expected at the same time, if that makes sense. Um, and Amelia offered to host by herself today and I just love producing this show so much that that hadn't even crossed

my mind as an option I it just wasn't even something I thought of so I'm so glad that she offered because the second I realized like that was an option I was like oh my gosh thank god and um I think that's like something that we both have talked about uh in the past like we just support each other's mental health and mental well-being and emotional well-being and I'm really glad that she was able to pick up on that might be something that I needed in in like some kind of support that I would need because you know I had to plan this at the last second and obviously I do have a full-time job aside from doing this um but I think uh since we talk about mental health so much and we're so honest about it I think that this is a good time to talk about

grief because I've been thinking about it a lot lately and um grief shows up in everyone's life If you're human, you have experienced grief, and I think we tend to think of grief as something that gets smaller or goes away, and that's not true. Our grief stays the same, and we just make more room for it in our lives, and I think it's just an important part of being empathetic and being a person, and grief is not a linear healing process. and in some ways we never stop grieving the loss of the people that we love um so I'm very thankful that uh I get to celebrate my Nana's life with my family and I haven't seen them in a long time

and although I wish it were under better circumstances like I'm so so happy I get to see them and spend time with them especially um my mom right now I've also seen a quote that I'm sure a lot of folks have seen that says I sat with anger long enough until she told me her name was grief and if you're anything like me that is 100% how I used to process my grief was through anger and that's also how a lot of my anxiety used to show up was just through anger um I recently told Mr. Liz this I used to get so mad that like I couldn't see like my eyes would shake and um finally you know after going to therapy and I think also just maturing in general that's not something I experience anymore because I'm able to process my feelings better but um yeah if you're

like me, grief shows up in an angry way. I think we try so often to not feel anything bad because it's called a bad feeling for a reason. You know, it's not because you like feeling it. So often we try to avoid those feelings. But the way that I have processed grief that I felt has been the most beneficial is to just allow myself to feel my feelings. And, um, as someone who is so sensitive and so open about my feelings, I can talk about my feelings, but actually experiencing them is something totally different. Uh, and I, I'm sure I've mentioned this so many times, but it's really hard for me to process bad feelings. If I'm around another person um I like to be alone when I'm processing a bad feeling and I'm sure there's a lot more to

unpack in therapy about that than I already have um but there is like a level of shame attached to feeling bad because you don't want other people to feel bad and even just talking about this like I'm already feeling bad and awkward and uncomfortable thinking about other people like you know telling me they're sorry for my loss and just because they're uncomfortable which makes me uncomfortable and then it's just this cycle of feeling awkward between two people even though we all have lost someone and we all know how that feels and have processed those feelings in the past um so it's just kind of funny that we all feel uncomfortable even though we know exactly how the other person feels but that's probably just part of being a person

but anyways um I know that you all are going to be thoroughly entertained by Amelia because who the fuck isn't we're all so entertained by her and I mean a ton of our listeners are here because of Amelia and her online presence and just how like interesting and beautiful and amazing and clever and silly she is so um also she's getting a cat uh I don't know if she's already told you that but I cannot fucking wait we're just a couple of old cat ladies I've been waiting for this to happen and it's finally fucking happening so um I can't wait to be a godmother and or an aunt i don't know maybe both a god mother aunt god man i don't know we'll we'll come up with a good word for that anyways um she she's gonna give you an amazing show i just know it and i can't wait to

listen but i love you so much and i can't wait to talk to you again next week and give you uh hopefully some spicy content love you bye oh that's my fucking girl we're obviously all thinking about you Liz I miss you already I have um separation anxiety from you as you know um I also think I think the term is god aunt and yes I am getting a cat y'all I'm fostering a little baby for a year um her family is moving to London and she can't go with them so I'm just gonna be a home for her for a little bit it'll be a nice little trial period and I'm so excited we haven't really talked much about grief on the podcast but it really is so important obviously none of us like feeling grief we don't like bad feelings as Liz said but when we really like

handle an emotion when we're feeling it before we put it down it it helps us in the long run so I think being able to honor our grief is really important and I'm really glad that Liz is taking the time to focus on that right now and um I really hope that I do her proud she really talked me up on that little clip um please just lie to me and say that this was a good episode everyone who's listening. Thanks. So I have ended up on baby TikTok, like new mother TikTok. I don't know if the TikTok gods are trying to tell me that I need to take a pregnancy test. That was a bad joke. Maybe it's not a joke. But I came across this video of this mother questioning her very young son. I think he must be like three or four. He's really little. And asking him questions about

how to treat somebody when they're on their period and I it I'll play you the audio you don't really need to see it the the user's name is DNA official I wanted to talk about this I'm really curious about how y'all feel about somebody exposing their son to periods this young so I just wanted to um play it for y'all. All right Troy do you know what a period is? Yes. What's a period? That girls breathe out their goodies. When they breathe out their goodies and what are you supposed to do when girls are on their period? Get them pads. Get them pads and get them what else? Pads and kisses. So if a girl has blood on her pants are you supposed to laugh at her? What are you supposed to tell her? Everything's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay and

that it's normal yes I really loved this Liz and I have talked a lot I think it was actually our first episode that we first talked about this about how during sex ed conversations in elementary schools they shouldn't separate um the boys and the girls because I think that that leads to a lifetime of little boys being grossed out about periods being grossed out about how like the female body works because they get moved into another room when we're learning about our bodies and I have always thought that it would be beneficial for boys to be exposed to these very normal human body things at an early age so I came across this video of this very young child knowing how to treat somebody when they're on their period for a little boy to be saying that

and to not have him be like, ew, you know, like that's pretty amazing. And I read the comments, I was expecting the comments to be like, don't teach your child this. Like he's too young for this. This is disgusting. Why does he need to know this? Blah, blah, blah. I was expecting to see comments like that. And the comments were so nice and supportive. And it was just shocking because we all know how the internet can be. I'm sure that there are some naysayers in the comments somewhere again, because it is the internet, but I don't know. I just thought that this was a really cool video to come across this is also something I want to talk to Liz about um maybe we'll bring it up again next week so let us know what you think okay I also got a message from one of our

listeners asking about um masturbation duration times masturbation duration that's fun to say masturbation duration um and they wanted to know uh like what a normal time to masturbate would be because Nikki Glaser apparently was talking about on her podcast that her sessions can last a couple of hours. The person that wrote in said that theirs could also take a couple of hours, but that their partner thinks that that's too long. I agree. And it's just something that I haven't really thought of before. Obviously, everyone's body is different. Masturbating for a lot of people can feel like kind of like a spiritual event so like if you want to like take your time and like savor the moment and like really enjoy it then that's your prerogative I don't think that

there's like a normal amount of time to masturbate yeah this is one of those things everyone's body is different everyone has different preferences for how they um manage their sex life whether that be with other people or with themselves so yeah I think the short answer is is that there's no real like hard and fast, so to speak, truth to like a normal duration, a normal masturbation duration. I think that the duration probably also depends on how often you masturbate. Like if it's not often, then maybe it'll be quicker or maybe it'll take longer because you're like out of practice of what feels good. Different things can affect it. I know that since I've been on Prozac it's taken me longer to come um some people can't get horny any like their libido just

completely goes down the drain when they're on SSRIs um I've been lucky enough that that hasn't been the case it just now takes longer so that will affect it so I don't know I think I could kind of spin my wheels on this for a while and talk talk it to death but um I think that just the the bottom line of it is that there are so many things that can affect it and there is no correct answer. I think a few hours sounds like a very long time. But I'm also impatient. And when I go to masturbate, it's because I like need the release. So my sessions will last like 15 minutes. I'm sure Liz has an entirely different answer. I'm sure everybody listening has a different answer. So yeah, there's no shame in the masturbation game. Whatever feels good and right,

i think is perfectly normal i hope that helps all right so y'all i've been so excited to read through these i posted on monday about um the cringiest thing that somebody has ever said to you in bed and i asked people what their answer would be these answers that i have gotten first of all i got probably like 200 answers which is y'all are hilarious these are so cringy obviously I can't read every single one of them so I'm just gonna read my favorites but holy shit y'all what the fuck like there are some things in here that are like when I think of cringy I don't think of like problematic necessarily some of them might be but like some things are just like like you know things that just make you go like like cringy and um reading through these really

made me do that so here are a few of my favorites again I'm gonna keep these entirely anonymous this person said he asked if I was only sleeping with him because he was at Harvard Law during sex I messaged this person back I was like are you fucking kidding me like I don't maybe that just like maybe thinking about his Harvard Law degree like makes him come but like during sex holy shit if somebody was like here are you only fucking me because I go to law school first of all I'd probably be like, yeah. No, I'm just kidding. But like, I would be like, can we like talk about this later? I don't know. It just feels like a really cringy thing to ask in bed. Okay, this next one says, TMI, and I'm not even joking. The person asked, do Asians have different colored cum?

Y'all, what the fuck? This is a perfect example of why good sex ed programs in schools is so important like I always like saying there are no stupid questions but there are some exceptions to the rule when I tell you that there were probably like 30 answers in here of one night stands saying I love you in bed I I understand accidentally slipping up on it especially if you're when I first got out of a relationship whenever I was hooking up with people after the fact I would feel like I wanted to say I love you even though I did not love these people even sort I didn't gonna know these people but I was so used to saying I love you during sex I like got into that habit that I had to actively stop myself from saying it so I mean like I can understand an accidental

slip up in that sense but if somebody like says it and doubles down on it cringe oh god I'm uncomfy oh my god okay y'all this this is actually um one of the cringiest things that anybody's said to me in bed. And the reason that I'm telling this now is because the person who said it answered my Instagram post about it, quoting himself. So I think that I'm safe to tell this story. One of my very, very good guy friends and I were testing the waters on dating and hooking up with each other for like a very hot sack. Spoiler, it didn't work out. Still love him to death. Still one of my best friends but we but we did we we tested uh took a little little ride on the vein train and the first time that we were hooking up we were making out and in the middle of making

out he pulls back and like in this very sensual voice was like you look so much like your mom right now. And I was like, first of all, like, thank you. My mom is a beautiful woman. And also, I can't imagine a worse time for you to be saying that. And we still laugh about it today. But holy shit, I could not think of a worse time to bring up someone's parent. Oh, my God. Okay, I'm moving on to this next one somebody's answer was I told him I didn't come and then he said I made you come the other night y'all what that's like saying like oh yeah you like you smell kind of bad like oh I showered last week just like okay you still gotta do it more recently than that just because you did it once doesn't mean you're off the hook I when I was hooking up with um fake dom who we've talked

about on this podcast before, Gem of the Human, and I'm saying that with full sarcasm. He came and then I told him that I didn't come and he was like, oh, sorry. And not even like a, oh, sorry, let's like take care of that. He was just like, sorry, that sucks. Oh my god. Somebody said she called me Shane, which is her brother's name. Oh no. Oh no. Oh my god. I can't imagine anything cringier than saying a family member's name in bed. Her own brother? Oh my god, this person was hooking up with someone and they said, my ex would have finished five times by now. Sure, Jan. No, she wouldn't have. She was probably faking. How insecure do you have to be to make somebody else feel insecure about not being able to cum? Really? Like, it takes two to tango, my dude.

try something different you know if this if this method isn't doing it for you then might I suggest any other method don't just like shame the person for not being able to come this next answer this person said well I'm glad I finished can you just go now you can just take care of that alone right like the person didn't want to put in the work to help the other person finish this is just like if you've listened to the podcast for a while or if you've recently caught up you probably remember sad dry hand job is the nickname of um a gentleman that I hooked up with and I say hooked up with very loosely because he um I gave him a sad dry hand job after he um slut shamed me for having lube because it was a sad dry hand job so I went and

grabbed lube and then he didn't know what lube was and then I had to educate him on what lube was uh and then he came and then he was like oh this is awkward because like you're really awake now but I'm really tired so like saying that like he was gonna go home and then like I could just take care of myself sir no that's not how this works oh my god he didn't touch me once it was very it was very disappointing um and I felt disgusting so um yeah that was sad dry hand job little throwback story for y'all somebody said I said it I said come for me princess bitch not a shining moment but a moment nonetheless this made me laugh because now I just want everybody to call me princess bitch. I just thought it was funny. It is pretty cringy, but it's hilarious. It's like

your BDSM wires got crossed, you know? Like, you got the praise of princess and you got the degradation of bitch. What a combo. Strong combo. You covered all your bases, that's for sure. A guy told me that he would fuck my dead body. Okay, I say this all of the time on this podcast, you'll never catch either of us kink shaming but necrophilia is one of the ones that i just cannot tolerate because um it's actually it's like the army hammer cannibalism thing like there is an element of really fucked up shit involved with that that like kind of infers not infers literally there is a need for me to be dead involved in that in fulfilling that fantasy like that is an actually scary thing to say oh my god this guy requested that this girl wore no makeup and then

he licked her entire face see that's one of those things it's like that's not problematic it's just like a little cringy like having the foresight of like listen not a big fan of how like mac foundation tastes so if you could just like show up with no makeup don't ask questions if a dude licked my entire face during sex I'd be like okay what the fuck are you doing I feel like that's something that I could eventually get used to if that's something that my partner like really wanted to do and like really needed to do then I could get used to it but like holy fuck if it's just like a hookup situation you haven't discussed it holy cringe somebody said um the classic is it feels like you're shoving a baby arm in my ass

is that a classic thing that people say? Because that's fucking weird and gross. Why are you comparing dicks to baby arms? Baby arms! Is this- is that a thing? Is that a reference to something? I fucking hope it is. Okay, oh god, it's so hard to pick a last one to go through, but somebody said that somebody told them that vaginas look like gunshot wounds. Like, if somebody looked at my vagina and was like, oh, this looks like a gunshot wound, and then proceeded to fuck it, I think that would just automatically get me out of the mood I think that would be game over for me you know what I mean anyway thank you guys so much for sending those in I feel like I could go over them for forever they are so funny and cringy there were so many of them and I really really appreciate

you sharing those with me okay so because this is very much so a discussion based episode since I'm so nervous talking alone um the sex fact of the week this week is it's it's a fact from women's health mag that um i actually want to open up the floor for discussion as well um i'll read you i'll read you the fact uh and then i'll make comments about it condoms don't actually affect pleasure all that much next time a guy complains about using a condom serve him up this study that found men and women enjoy sex just as much with condoms as they do without in fact condoms might even make sex better thanks to new pleasure enhancing innovations the study is a women's health mag study i'm not i'm not gonna bore you with the journal of sexual medicine um study that

was conducted but i was actually thinking about this the other day because i've heard this a lot from a lot of my guy friends that condoms don't make that much of a difference i like having sex without condoms on just because it like, it makes me feel closer to the person. And that is 100% placebo, 100%. I can't really feel a difference. And I know that for a fact as somebody with a vagina, I've heard from a lot of guys like, oh yeah, guys that like don't want to wear condoms, like it feels like a tiny, tiny, tiny bit different, but like it's not that big of a deal, which is good to know because I won't have sex without a condom unless I am only sleeping with that person and I know that we are both clean however like in the past when I've had sex with

someone without a condom just like as a one-off we it's it feels like sexier and more like I don't I think another part of it too is that um it's more like in the moment like you don't have to open a condom and slip it on and remove the momentum. It's just like you get horny and you just shove it in. I don't know. I think that a lot of why I think it feels better is really just a mind over matter kind of thing. But I'm curious to hear what y'all think about that too. There's a lot to discuss. I'm clearly not used to having these conversations alone, but I just read that and I thought it was interesting. Please don't come for me, so to speak. I'm just reading this from Women's Health. All right, I'm going to cut it off here. Thank you so much for listening and

sticking with me through this whole episode. I do not like doing this alone. I feel really lucky that I can, and I'm really glad that Liz is able to take some time off. But I miss Liz, and I just am looking forward to recording with her next week. So if you are not following us on instagram tiktok or twitter please do at the holy hour any emails that you want to send any stories that you have for us at um no fuck hold on see i'm so nervous i'm i'm at the home stretch this is the part of the episode that i do every week and i'm nervous okay holy hour podcast at gmail.com at the holy hour on all social media please please write us hearing from y'all is the best thing in the fucking world. Okay, we love you, our children. Okay, bye.