The Hoely Hour - E59 Pictionary Catfish

Episode Date: October 22, 2021

FINALLY an episode ferda boys (because no one makes anything for men)! Amelia and Liz share the hidden secret to solving the problem of different sex drives between partners. Do you know the difference between lice and crabs? Unlock a new fear and learn about body lice! And, the girls talk about the lies they told as teenagers and read two listener emails from men about an uncommon ejaculation situation and a bloody hookup. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

i mean the more the more monsters you have the more bisexual you are and those are the rules so i mean you don't make the rules no i don't this is now a plant podcast the the plant cast the trying to think of the holy flower Welcome to the Holy Hour. I'm Amelia Sampson. And I'm Liz Ball. And I'm looking Liz straight in the eyes right now. We're finally reunite. My hands are really clammy. That's okay. No, that's really nice of you to say oh because i love all of you this is we're having a really tender moment very early on we really are usually it's because we haven't seen each other in so long yeah everyone on on um patreon can watch us having a having a moment i almost just said

everyone on podcast that's why it took me so long to say patreon it's been a long day we're the everyone on podcast we are the everyone on podcast um it's been a long day yeah it's been a long life true i think we have said that before because it's so true it's extra true uh and i could tell just hearing myself in the mic right now like i still sound sick yeah how are you feeling i feel great i i don't know why i sound this way because i'm not congested um i think your body is probably just yeah just the remnants of being sick um i had strep throat so it's a good thing Amelia didn't come over yeah that would have been a big bummer and we were able to record remotely I don't think I'm I don't think I can get strep throat anymore because I got my tonsils out

oh I've always wanted my tonsils out it was I don't want them out as an adult I've heard it hurts awful I had strep I've probably said this on the podcast before because it's my grossest story um I had strep living in my tonsils what for like a year yeah I my tonsils were enormous like huge and i kept looking at them and i was like i feel like they shouldn't be that big so i went to the doctor in your tonsils for a year i don't they gave me prednisone like steroids to get them down and they wouldn't go down so i got them taken out and they had to biopsy them because they're like is this a tumor because they were so big and they were like well we found strep just like living in there just like made a home in my in my tonsils but they were like you probably won't get strep

anymore how wait how old were you 21 jeez yeah that was like not that long ago no i used to get strep all the time and i haven't had it since i got my tonsils out or bronchitis i got bronchitis every year until i got my tonsils out wow yeah she was a sick bitch i have i do have large tonsils but generally i can like if i do get sick i get strep but if i can not get sick that's that's the goal yeah usually I don't I just don't get sick but since we're all inside all the time my immune system is lower uh-huh yeah that's it's gonna suck when everybody starts getting out out and about again yeah and I'm sure my stress levels made my immune system even lower you were doing the most yeah I had to go to a funeral and then I was around I was just I haven't seen you

since the few I haven't seen you in so long now that I think about it oh my god it's like I feel like the boys didn't recognize me yeah i think they're just uh it's been too long without their yeah and then i also think they had a very like emotional few 24 hours because i was gone this weekend and you know what you can hate me if you want but i leave my cats alone if i'm gone for a weekend i think that that's perfectly normal you leave out so much food and water for them and they can they can monitor themselves i'm sure they sleep a lot we have each other yeah yeah they they they like even though they'll like you know uh fuck around when i'm here when i'm gone i know for a fact they're very like cuddly and they take care of each other that's really sweet you see i'm

concerned whenever i leave me i was alone i'm like i wonder what she's doing right now i bought a cat camera she's thinking of me i bought one too and then okay when you have a cat camera men are gonna be like are you filming me and you're like no that never crossed my mind you fucking creep yeah like yeah why is that the first thing that you think of except everybody that walks in my apartment is like what's that because it's just like camera sitting and like the red light is flashing because it won't connect to the wi-fi so i haven't been able to make it work but the red light is flashing so it looks like it's recording and everyone that walks into my apartment is like why what are you what is that just like it's not i'm recording i know it looks like it's recording i swear you

it's not i'm live streaming my home yeah i don't know good content this is how many viewers we have right now say hi yeah all right we have um some hot button talks today we do we've gotten some emails from male listeners yeah so we're doing uh an episode for the boys for the for the boys thursdays for patreon fridays for everyone else or for the boys this is a perfect time to plug our patreon take it away we're on patreon um it's on our link tree on everything you could also just google holy hour patreon you know how we spell our name and while i'm plugging shit while liz is pulling up the emails at the holy hour on tiktok twitter and instagram holy hour podcast at gmail.com to tell us your stories boys girls everyone my

specific request is uh we would like spooky stories specifically for next week yeah whatever that means to you a listener sent us a ghost story and that was fun to read um let's have an experience yeah i did have a kind of a creepy experience while i was reading it she'll tell that next week yeah but i'll tell you next but if you had a spooky date you know tell us that oh god all my dates almost have been spooky but like a goo like a ghoulie like a ghostly story we love those like not even do you think it has to be date related too or like it could be whatever i think it could be whatever you want just tell us what was spooky yeah we like spicy shit you know us but like if you have a spooky

story you just feel inclined to tell us please do yeah our podcast at gmail.com probably an easier way to reach us than instagram we will if if you email us it is more likely that we'll see it yeah I thought maybe recommending my DMs instead of your DMs would be helpful, but it is not. I realized who I really am at my core, and it's someone who's not good at texting or responding to DMs. This weekend, I had like 30 DMs from friends, and I was like, no. Yeah. Nope. No, don't reply to me.

Nope. I don't know what to say. Yeah, and it says nothing about how much you love them. It's just, you know, the older you get, the less time you have. The days feel shorter. well also working remote and you're online all day well anyways uh do you would you like to read this sure i haven't read it yet so apologies in advance for this person uh this person picked a name for himself oh hell yeah i like that i like that for us if you want to be called a specific

name let us know that too oh that's fun and then y'all get nicknames yeah that's really cute yeah everyone gets a nickname wait hold on before we read this i was gonna get a good opportunity you got something in the mail okay so we have a listener who is like basically one of our friends i feel like i know her yeah it feels like we know her in real life um and she's just like so sweet love talking to her but she sent me a birthday present uh to amelia's po box and i was having I was really going through it last week like I was just hanging on by a thread and she like let me know that she sent me a birthday present to Amelia's p.o box and I my whole okay my whole drink didn't fit in here um because I put an ice cube in here it's for champagne but it has my name

on it it's so cute yeah and I like I was gonna drink out of it but it was mostly vodka which is fine but i wasn't ready for that today it's still monday she was tossing around the idea in the kitchen she's like it's really small this is mostly vodka should i just do it yeah i i was like i can do it um it was like the kermit in the hood i'm like but i still have it right here and i'll probably put uh when my drink gets a little smaller put it in there because i just want to drink from it so cute yeah and she's um let's call her our pisces bestie pisces bestie yeah that's her um and everything she sent me a little box and it had like little like uh what's it called a monogram like a little monogram mirror it was the box had your name like yeah oh my god

the box had my name on it yeah it was it was just like the most special thoughtful thing it was really sweet it's really it's and everything in there is cute you know how like sometimes you get like gift boxes and there's like stuff there's like a candle yeah lip balm i was about to say you can use everything in there recording it was very sweet but i want to thank her on on the podcast we fucking love you yeah you're just the sweetest yeah um but anyway the reason i thought of that was because of nicknames we were tossing around nicknames yeah we were trying to think of a nickname for her flick so she's our pisces bestie that's good you just that was on the spot that was good yeah yeah it felt right all right anyways going into this email hi amelia and liz

i messaged you on patreon but you recommended that people email you so i'm sending this as well male listener here i've got a few stories slash things i'd like to share with you and if you want to use any of them please refer to me as sad boy love that i don't know why but that is the name i have decided to go by sometimes i go by sad boy yeah i mean everyone has sad boy hours so true yeah that's relatable i've been listening to every single episode and i adore you both my wife and i we're talking and she suggested I bring something up to you guys to discuss. There are lots of things I'd love to hear you guys discuss, but we'll go on at a time. So I am roughly 2% of men who cannot achieve orgasm during sex. My wife has never given me an orgasm in our eight year long

relationship. I am able to orgasm while masturbating, but no person has ever made me orgasm. I wish that I could and am working through therapy to try to figure it out. For the most part, it doesn't bother me too much. I love pleasing my wife and making her orgasm and focusing on her is fine with me she on the other hand is unhappy with the situation she feels that an orgasm is an achievement that should be completed and because she can't give me that it hurts her if you were in her shoes how would you feel and handle this situation once again love the podcast proud to be a listener and can't wait to hear more of you thanks very good question i have multiple things to say i also love that this listener shared this with us yeah um just because

like we love like learning more yeah and like making sure there's like representation across the board totally uh but i like like thinking about this i would feel the same way as his wife and i think there's a lot of reasons for that like i think so often in heterosexual relationships or like uh when you're dating a man you just kind of feel like um so often sex with men is treated as achievement based so like if the goal is to have an orgasm yeah and i think that's just kind of like a byproduct of everything like that's how we're like raised to feel and think about sex and like um we're we're just kind of socialized to focus on like male pleasure yep so there is kind of this like inherent like feeling of like oh i'm not good enough like i'm not enough to make you

want this or make you orgasm and even though like obviously you're married and you're in an eight year long relationship like you've she knows and you know that that's not the case but it still is this like kind of lingering feeling you know yeah that's how I would feel totally and like also with us always like being fed the idea that like it is goal-oriented sex like for the man to have an orgasm like even on like shows that are making fun of that idea it's still like widely known that like when the man has the orgasm that's it like yeah and then they roll over yeah and she's like like on sitcoms and shit that's like always some you know what i mean but like i was thinking about something similar i don't want to derail this too much but i was thinking

about something similar about whiskey dick because like whenever i am hooking up with a guy and they like can't stay hard they're always like i'm so sorry this has nothing to do with you and i'm like no it's like it's okay i understand i know that that happens when you drink but then there's also a part of me that's like knowing that they're drunk and still being like you know like is it something about me even though consciously i'm like no it's he has been drinking all day you know yeah but there's something about like knowing all of the facts and having all of the facts and still feeling like you could be doing something differently um and like not feeling adequate it that you can't make that happen and then as a result of that like the added pressure of like

not being able to stay hard or not being able to have an orgasm makes it harder for it to happen because you're there's so much pressure on it you know so like that doesn't help him but what is she going to do just like pretend like she doesn't care like that's not fair either so it's this like self-perpetuating cycle of like her being upset the pressure being applied on him her being upset about the pressure being applied on him because now he especially can't have an orgasm you know what i mean do you get what i'm saying like it's it just kind of feeds itself it's this is like such a perfect intro into what i like wanted to talk about that i teased about last week um with come as you are like the ultimate like big secret that i've been like

waiting to fucking get to in this book and um i think it really applies here as well and uh i also don't know like all of the circumstances in this specific situation like you know like is this like medical or is it emotional or so many things there's like so many different routes that this could go um but uh if we're just like generally talking about if one person is lower desire and another person's higher desire because i wouldn't based on this i wouldn't say like this person is necessarily lower desire like with his wife because he enjoys getting her off right it's just like the act of finishing in general though i would i would before i get into like the big reveal of the book um i would say there's probably like a middle ground you know

if he's getting himself off if she's involved in some way um because i've done that a few times and i think that's really hot i think it's super hot yeah what is that um mutual masturbation yeah i love that or even just like like uh sometimes like well now i'm gonna talk about myself a little bit uh sometimes mr liz and i will do that or like it but it's mostly for me yeah yeah where i'm like um he's tired and i'm like i uh get feel a little i feel away at night yeah yeah so you'll do that instead of yeah he'll like kiss on me and like be in control a little bit oh yeah and uh like still like whisper in my ear and be sexy and hot yeah see there are ways to like it still feels like enjoyable because there's like another person

participating and in yeah exactly it's involved yeah yeah yeah i think like being able to well it would be interesting to know if this if sad boy has been able to do like been able to masturbate and come in front of his wife or if it's the same kind of thing of like it's like a performance thing and so yeah it won't work I was wondering the same thing so we don't we obviously don't have all of the context that we need but I think like you said there could be so many reasons that this could be happening like medical stress um i mean i don't know if this roughly two percent of men who can't achieve orgasm i don't know if that's an actual number if that was like ingest i'm sure it is i'm i'm sure after like experiencing this uh that sad

boy probably did a lot of research i'm sure that's a good point yeah so it's like i mean it's something that has been looked at you know what i mean so it's not like a you're not alone in it obviously I know two percent sounds low but that's like a lot of people yeah it really is yeah um so yeah I don't know like I think his his main question here was how we would feel yeah because we obviously aren't doctors so I could guess all day but yeah I think like I would absolutely like feel personal about it I would definitely internalize that totally and that doesn't mean that you should feel bad about it but like it no it makes sense why she feels that way but not it makes sense that she feels that way but it's not your fault yeah like at the end

of the day too most people have like both of like she she can still understand and believe and accept the truth and still feel like you know um inferior maybe is the right word yeah um like it could still kind of like pain you a little bit yeah um because there is that part of your ego like I was thinking yesterday how if we didn't have like our like small part of our ego like keeping us grounded we would just be like every if if every single person did not have some form of an ego like keeping them in their human body we would be insane we would all be narcissistic like I feel like that's narcissistic personality disorder when you don't have something grounding you no when you don't have an ego if you don't have an ego oh no ego like not feeling good about

oh I see what you're saying well no ego like I think of your ego as something that like is that's what makes you human yeah yeah yeah it's why you are reactive to your feelings right and it's like why you have feelings but if we had no ego we'd just be like very confusing species yeah totally yeah yeah no I know what you're saying I kind of want to know what it would be like but I know it'd be interesting i thought you meant like having like an ego that keeps you grounded of like you mean like egotistical right yeah but like the piece of it that's like but i'm still like a human and i'm not shit you know like but i see what you're saying no totally it would be it would be a weird world it really would i mean there's for sure an evolutionary reason that we

have it oh yeah it's survival yeah totally yeah we i took a motivation psychology of motivation class in college and like the first day of class I'm sure I've talked about this on the podcast but the first day of class she was like try to name a human tendency that we that wasn't evolved for us to survive and nobody could think of anything no like every single thing that we do and every single way that we act and like I think this is a good example of it too like us being upset that like you can't help somebody reach an orgasm like that's all biologically based and I think that we forget to give ourselves grace when we get upset about things if you even want to pull that apart even more like um when you think about just like because you and i have talked about like

pick me type of behavior that's also very like survival related oh yeah you have had to like cater to the patriarchy for your survival for so long and now that we're trying to deconstruct that yeah it's just constantly being faced with like why do i care so much about how i look yeah yeah and then there's just a high-pitched ringing in your ear where you're just like it's like after an explosion in a movie yeah that's how i feel when i think like too deep about something i'm like ah yeah yeah oh no or it's like that tiktok sound where it's like oh do you know what i'm talking about it echoes so maybe that's why it's like a kid's voice it's like ah oh now you've said it's gonna be all over my for you page I'm gonna send it to you

um anyways big reveal of come as you are so the chapter I had been waiting to get to I feel like my mouth is getting dry because I'm so excited to talk about this what I was the most interested in and basically what this book aims to solve is when one person is higher desire in the relationship and another person is lower desire. And that is just such a common issue. I don't even want to call it an issue. It's just like a common situation that couples are in. It's like this situation and like disagreements about money are like the top two like points of contention in relationships. And this book focuses on heterosexual relationships in general but I think across the board these ideas can be applied so the chapter I had wanted

to read was like what like what do you do when one of you is lower desire and higher desire how do you fix that because you know no one's gonna be like well what can I like you want a solution and the book doesn't get to that chapter without making you read all of these other very important things you need to understand about yourself and how your brain works and how your body works and I think it's very important for everyone to know like there are two categories of spontaneous desire and responsive desire in a very low amount like a very low percentage of people are have spontaneous desire where you're just sitting at your desk and you're like huh I'm horny like that is not super common and then like most people majority of people are responsive desire and

um like where your threshold is is independent to you it's individual to you so you you're like a responsive desire means you have to be this is the way i think of it is not are you in the mood but are you in the mood to be in the mood so um when you think of it like that it's profound yeah like are you in the mood to be in the mood not are you in the mood because like you can there are things you can do to be in the mood but you have to do a lot of work yeah especially when like you're at this point where you're like my partner doesn't want to have sex and i do what the fuck do we do yeah how do we fix this because it's like you don't want to have less sex and they don't want to have more sex and then there's just like this vicious cycle of like the person who

wants more sex feeling like rejected and bad about themselves and like they're constantly like chasing after this person and they're putting themselves out there and they're they're just constantly getting rejected and then the other person feels like they the person with lower desire feels like they can't just like have any form of physical intimacy with their partner without feeling like they're being pawed at for sex yeah um I remember reading like I think it was like a comment or something it wasn't in this book I read it somewhere where someone was like I used to feel like I couldn't even get undressed around my husband without him trying to like touch me so i would like change in the bathroom and i've been in that situation i've been on both

ends where you're like you're you're like all you want for me is sex and i like am so uncomfortable and i just like i can't even just like change into my pajamas without like being groped or something and then i've been on the other end where you're like wait i've been told my whole life that boys want to have sex and you don't want to have sex right now yeah like you best not like me or something's wrong wrong with me or i'm not attractive or i don't know there's just it turns into like a spiral so all that being said like you learn a lot about responsive desire and what that means to each person and like um the author explains it as accelerator and gas pedals and so you could have like really sensitive brakes or but accelerating gas pedals are the

same so you could like an accelerator and brakes I didn't even notice yeah yeah that makes so much sense like yes bitch go um no you have an accelerator and you brakes and um you could have like a normal accelerator and really sensitive brakes so like stress can just be your breaks like your stress of like oh well I have to work and then I have to make dinner and then I have this kid at home and like when am I supposed to even feel sexy about myself and I like there's just so much going on that the stress makes it even more like you you just don't feel any sort of desire and then that lingering pressure on top of all of these other stressors of like oh and now my partner expects me to have sex with them and perform and then you're like

god I don't even want that and it just get it's just snowballs yeah yeah so um thinking about those factors and like your partner being aware of those factors so if you like a good place to start is thinking of like a time where you did really enjoy sex and um what were the things that led up to it not even just like what about the sex did you enjoy but like what was that whole day like how did that go like what set you up to enjoy it and um thinking of those things and like making a list of that and communicating that with your partner is like a great place to start like I'm totally like doing exactly what the author did which is like I'm not gonna give you the answer yet but it I feel like these things are so important to know before I can share the

answer and so I finally got to the chapter and it's like what do I do and the answer is to not have sex for as long as it takes so you remove any sort of like expectation or stigma for as long as it like it could be a few weeks it could be a few months like don't have sex and don't have any like physical intimacy with your partner that like becomes sexual so that way your partner knows like if the lower stress partner knows or not lower stress the lower desire partner knows like physical intimacy is not an expectation that we are going to have sex and then the higher desire person doesn't feel rejected all the time and the author writes to both people and I actually want to read those yeah oh my god this is so exciting so i mean seeing let's say like to not have sex

that's not an answer i wanted to read that's not anything anyone wants to see like yeah the answer is to not have sex um let me find it uh but it like she refers to it as a chasing dynamic and you have to fix the chasing dynamic uh it's not the differential itself that causes the issue It's how the couple manages it. Problematic dynamics emerge when partners have different levels of desire and they believe that one person's level of desire is better than the other person's. For example, let's say partner A has a more spontaneous desire and partner B is more responsive. In this scenario, partner A may feel rejected and undesirable because they almost always do the initiating and then partner B may start to feel pushed and judged and so will

resist more partner a asks and asks and asks and feels rejected and hurt and resentful because partner b keeps saying no no no and partner b feels defensive but also guilty and hurt because just being asked makes partner b feel like there must be something wrong with them meanwhile partner a may even start to wonder am i broken do i want sex too much am i sexually obsessed or compulsive it's a mess i call it the chasing dynamic and how do you fix the chasing dynamic we know the answer by now the problem isn't desire itself it's the context you need more sex-related stimuli activating the accelerator and fewer things hitting the brakes the chasing dynamic hits the brakes so things that activate it are just like understanding each other and being in each

other's like comfort zone of like there is no expectation to have sex we trust each other and that allows like it removes a lot of stressors and that allows you to be like yes I want sex so um to disrupt it take away take away the chase take sex entirely off the table no sex whatever sex means in your relationship but generally no genital contact and no orgasms with the other person present and I was reading this and I was like oh I wanted the answer to be like not that yeah um and then it's like for how long and she says a month or two weeks or three months long enough to feel like there's a substantial barrier so when you take sex off the table in order to break down the chasing dynamic both partners must agree fully and equally that they

are creating the dynamic together neither partner is the problem the dynamic they're stuck in is the problem damn so looking at it uh like looking at it from like a team standpoint of like no neither of us are the problem our like our levels of desire may be different but like the situation we're in is not working yeah and i don't know about you but i feel like i want sex more if i'm like not able to get it does that make sense yeah totally you're like i have to prove something to myself now yeah i have to make sure that like you care about me yeah i have to make sure i'm good enough right and i think that there's a survival aspect of that too yeah there's a message under that yeah totally i think it makes a lot of sense and i think that it's really easy to for i'm sure

you have more i mean we should really just like read the whole book on this podcast yeah honestly like an audio book um but like they i think that it's easy to forget that we are animals that like react to a lot of different shit like the whole thing of like you have to are you in the mood to be in the mood is huge because like there are so many external stimuli that set us up for like some days I'm like yesterday was a really good example like I was so fucking tired and just like not in the mood you know and it was just kind of like like what like but I didn't know that it was because I was tired and I hadn't eaten well that day and like I had been drinking all weekend so I was just like tired you know like my body was tired feel gross yeah and I was just like but I

just like and I wasn't in the mood to be in the mood and it's like I don't I don't think that we're conditioned to think that way it's just like am I in the mood or am I not in the mood like we're very black and white in that way it's like what's like the shortest route that we can take to get to sex am I in the mood no that I'm not going to it's like we don't think about it like can we like work as a team like what is going on here to like make it so that and that's just like a one-off issue like sometimes you're just like not in the mood so that doesn't matter but like if I say that to say there is so much shit that can contribute to how you're feeling in the moment and I don't think that we ever really put enough time and effort into figuring out what that

is there's also a misconception that like if you're not wet then you're not in the mood that's not true yeah so that would also be considered um like responsive desire like you could still be in the mood and not like physically show that yeah yeah in whatever that whatever way that means but yeah take take that as you want but like this is coming from a an expert a phd yeah she's done a lot of studies on this and revised this book so many times but i like i fully believe that is a really valid solution instead of like being like okay well partner a needs to want sex less and partner b needs to want sex more like yeah oh great now we both feel bad yeah so how is that gonna fix anything we just always i think humans i don't think i know humans just think very black

and white about things so it's like it's like well if you don't want sex and I want sex then I must need to not want sex as much and you must need to do what you can to want sex more like that it just makes sense to think about it that way and it's not that's not practical at all once I like got to this part I just kind of like was at peace with just like if one person wants sex more and one person wants sex less yeah I feel like I've been both of those people and sometimes I am still both of those people yeah and so is my partner so it's like and there's like any partner you have it's gonna be like you're not always gonna be on the same page all the time I think it's really rare this is the issue with like how people talk about sex have you ever had this oh my god yes

okay yeah like I've I I fall into the issue in a lot of my long-term relationships where like and this has to be a whole other conversation um but like I get too close to them like I kind of see them as like a best friend and then I like I'm like really comfortable with them and I'm like being kind of gross around them and then like I don't really want to have sex with them and like that happened with my ex like he was kind of always he was he was the person that was like she doesn't want it like what can i must i think that's the dynamic that we're used to yeah totally and then i was like i don't know like and then we were long distance so like when we were together it was like we had to have sex because it was like our only time to do it and then that's

pressure that doesn't make it fun you know um so yeah i've been in this situation a lot i think it's an issue with how people talk about sex is like you really unless you're talking to your like very good friends you only hear when people are having like a great sex life yeah like nobody's ever like yeah I don't know I more recently have experienced like when I want to have sex more my partner does not and that is such a confusing place to be like for the amount of time I've been having sex in my life i've never been in this situation and then um i confided in one of my like best friends that like that's what i've been experiencing and she was like oh my god like i've been going through the same thing and then she's like you're not alone and that was like

the most important thing to me was to know it wasn't just me oh my god you know because you see couples where you're like oh my god they're like such a they they're so great together and like they're they're so happy or whatever and then you're like you realize like oh they also like aren't on like completely in sync when it comes to their sex life yeah and like that does have an emotional impact um not to say it does not have an emotional impact on men as well but like i think it's like very confusing for women to not like personalize it because we're like taught we're going to be chased after for sex and we're socialized to think men always want to have sex and then that adds pressure on the men to feel like they have to always want sex and that sucks

so then it's just this vicious cycle of now we all feel terrible yeah and i think it's really good advice to just be in each other's presence without any expectation from each other yes totally so damn that's the big convo of the night topically relevant chapter to get to with this yeah it's perfect sled right in this is a really good opportunity to talk about um some of our listeners started a discord um i know not all of you follow us on instagram so just in case you didn't see that we posted about it there is a discord on our link tree for y'all to talk um and ask for advice and just like connect after all of the episodes um really basically as anonymously as you want to because discord allows you to be anonymous if you want to so it's not as personal

as the facebook page was for that reason um but yeah the link is on our link tree just click it and it's just an automatic invitation to join it and it's been so great so far liz and i geeked the fuck out when y'all started this yeah i was i will even say mr liz was stoked hell yeah um he has said he wants to join the discord we'll see if that actually happened i'm like it would be really funny if he did he was very excited he was like oh my god i'm gonna be on the discord so we'll see if he actually does but that would be really funny to have him join yeah i love that and and i was saying when when liz told me that before we recorded squints would be so fucking game to join the discord of course he would he's just such a little he's a little ham

he would love it so i think if mr liz joins i bet squints would i'm not even gonna squints would join and i bet magic man would too maybe i was thinking oh actually he would he totally would he would he'd be a good one to join he would i don't know he's hilarious any other of my music man would be like sorry who's this little new phone new phone who does he'd be like i've never used discord okay you want to read this one sure i need to move my laptop i also feel like that whole chapter that you read was like probably our sex fact of the week yeah we don't need to do we can't we can't cover that was that yeah we can't get a sex

fact that's better than that this male listener also wrote us a very nice intro um that i'm gonna skip because we don't need to congratulate ourselves even more than we already do on this podcast um i'm also not gonna say his name but his pronouns he clarified for us are he him and i love that thank you for doing that um but he says i am a 30 year old middle school teacher coincident coincidentally based in seattle who tries to balance professional social and dating life but i'm constantly finding it difficult word i can barely like be a person and like yeah work like yeah um like everyone else on the planet i suffer from anxiety and depression but i've been seeing a therapist every other week for a while now so that's

so that helps just like that was like those two sentences are the ultimate millennial summary yeah like like everyone else uh i love how y'all normalize talking about mental health and seeking help it has me uh it has helped me i feel like i can't read today it has helped make me more confident in opening up about my mental health and destigmatize therapy keep up that meaningful work i love how you were like we're not going to congratulate ourselves and read the beginning but you're just so nice throughout this email just dropping in compliments it's not even me i swear you guys now for a sex story i've been dying to email y'all this story since i started listening but haven't gotten around to it this goes back to high school while

i was dating a long time dating a long time partner it was my first sexual partner and we were honestly just two ultra horny teenagers trying to do and experience as much as we could saying like who we who among us hasn't been there i think i'm in that now uh one night while her mom was out we were hooking up in her mom's room fucked up i know but she weirdly seemed to get off on hooking get off to hooking up in her mom's room probably something to do with her mom issues that was such a thing in high sorry i know i keep cutting in i try not to do this when we're reading listeners stories that was such a thing in high school like yeah we had sex on on his parents bed like what is that i've never done that i

hadn't either i didn't have sex in high school but i've also just never done that no uh on top of that she was on her period she would get crazy horny i'm not sure if this is common or not because uh wait sorry i lost my spot i'm not sure if this is common or not because my partner has since then either haven't exhibited these urges or haven't had their periods due to whatever birth control they were on um i will specify or clarify i guess like i feel like there's a point i don't want to speak for all people with vaginas of like when you're on your period like there's a point where the wind blows just right and you're like oh god remember sex you know yeah or like someone touch me yeah yeah i mean ovulating is like there's oh oh god there's a purpose for that

dangerous territory for me um there was one i think i mentioned this before there was one day i was ovulating where it was relentless in the it was like a day in the summer i think it was the hottest day in of the year in seattle and i was just like oh my god i need somebody to put a baby in me right yeah exactly i was like the wind is just hitting my neck and i'm like someone touch me i don't know it was it was really bad anyways um where were we uh we were doing the deed and after she came she wanted to finish me with her mouth of course i didn't think anything of it because it felt incredible after i finished she came up for a kiss all room all i remember was me all i remember me doing was covering my mouth as i said oh my god her face was any

her wait her face was covered in blood it looked like she was a lioness who had just come up from gorging a zebra carcass in later years it reminded me of the first season of game of thrones when daenerys was eating that horse heart when she realized what i was shocked at she ran to the bathroom to clean herself off and we were able to laugh about it after so fucking funny so that's the end of the story oh my god honestly that's hilarious that reminded me because i thought the story was gonna go somewhere else um just a little anecdote i before i started having sex so i was heavily bullied in middle school and then i moved from that middle school i got bullied in the next middle school i went to it's fine i'm okay it's my villain origin story i'm so

i'm okay i got all my tears on about it but when i moved to seattle from pennsylvania and i still was not desired by boys i would tell all the boys that were mean to me in pennsylvania that i was and i came up with this story this is so stupid i love this i would tell these boys um there's a new uh enemy of the pod parker was his name fuck you Parker fuck you Parker but I would talk to Parker on AIM and I had this story that I manufactured where I would say that I um it was it was eloquent and like in the flow of conversation but the story was that I was eloquent as I a seventh grader on AIM AIM four score and seven years ago I wrote it with my feather pen but I would tell this story about going like giving a

i had him coming in my mouth and then me not swallowing and kissing him and they're still being come in my mouth just to like fuck with the guy like it was some sort of like yeah i'm like a hot bad girl like i you know it was the stupidest fucking thing and they all thought it was so lit they were like oh my god ew like but that's a badass like you let guys come in your mouth because i was like in like eighth grade but this was i didn't even know what blowjobs were leaned into this story and looking back on it it's just like i wonder if they ever think about that because that was so obviously a fake story but i like told it a lot like i was like if i tell it enough it'll like seem like it's the truth because no boy would look my way

i kind of love that for you well i also like that's also a little like unheard of of like a girl making up lies about something like that like giving head i feel like got boys would always lie about that they'd be like yeah and then she sucked my dick and then the girl is like i don't know what that means like it's just like the prettiest girl in like seventh grade or something and she's like what i did not do that i don't even have my first cell phone i haven't even got my period yet you're telling people i i did what now why would i why would i put that in my mouth it's you pee there i didn't even know what come i didn't know what semen was until maybe like some point in high

school well i clearly i didn't either i feel like i like saw porn at some point and i was like i huh so something comes out it's just really funny to think of like the type of sexual deviant that i would like thought that i was gonna be because like i mean you kind of are i don't let people unless it's a holiday like a birthday nobody's coming in my mouth that's fair yeah so it's just like what am i gonna i'm gonna hold it in long enough to go to this guy's face and kiss him like he's going to kiss me after i go down on him in the first place like just spit it out like yep just make it rain on him house yeah oh my god you know what i might watch out with

what if a blowjob was just blowing on their penis i would get so dizzy little wind pass out she blew me so hard she passed out i don't think you're doing it right man that's so fucking hot man it reminds me of uh you you really need to see pen 15 i do there's this there's this like episode or scene where in one of the episodes where they're like uh all talking about it like the boys are like yeah i totally like masturbated last night maybe this isn't pen 15 and it's a different show that has a similar premise big mouth maybe i literally can't remember where i saw this where like the guy like the boys are like 12 or 13 and they're like yeah i masturbated last night and then they're like did you masturbate and the

the kid has never done it and he's like uh yeah totally like like seven times or something and then they're like so like we don't believe you it's just like it's just so funny to think about like how clueless we all were and like trying to like pretend like we knew yeah what we were talking about like we were having like all this sex yeah i know it's so i never to think about no i grew up catholic so i've always felt ashamed of sex um i was like oh i used to did you ever play um oh my god what was it called i wasn't nervous where they put their hand and like are you nervous no it was like an internet game it was like Pictionary but it was on it was oh yeah ink draw me or something no it was like draw me it was like one of the first

draw me's but it was on like um shockwave.com I feel like I do remember this oh my god this is gonna bug me anyway I was obsessed with it and that was my first time catfishing really but I didn't use someone's pictures I just like yeah described myself a certain way because I always wanted to be like how did you describe yourself so I was like 12 and I would say i growing up was obsessed with britney spears i've said this multiple times on this podcast and so then like britney blew up when she was 16 and so since i was like five when britney spears like became a thing i was dying to be 16 so i would tell all of these guys on this i'm 16 pictionary online game because there was like a chat on it that like i was like a 16 year

old like blonde surfer girl from california and it's just like i just thought it was i had this idea in my mind of like what like a sexy girl like like 16 is so fucking young and surfing was like very cool oh yeah the blue crush days oh yeah like hollister was just like becoming like a cool thing and like i didn't fit in anything hollister that made me look good so i was like really obsessed with the idea of being this like skinny hot blonde 16 year old surfer that shops at Hollister and lives in California and like I leaned in and it's just so funny to look back on all these lies that I told as a kid that like I thought would be like desirable to boys you know like giving someone head and then putting cum in their mouth their own cum in their mouth that is

those boys villain origin stories yeah those fake boys yeah these manufacturers come in my mouth and that's why i pay a dominatrix to kick my ass every week you're welcome yeah you unlock you unlocked something in parker i bet he i bet he uh was like hey you want to try something i would love to see how this waterfalled into other guys lives like the boys who you told this story to if they were like yeah and then i don't know like she said that she like will you like spit my cum in my mouth like this girl once told me that she did this thing anyway don't ask questions it just and then and then they i bet they told someone they're like bro are you gay how can i be gay it's my own cum i don't know i'm coming up with a whole scenario in my head right

now and i'm having a lot of fun is it gay to have your own cum in your mouth no talk about it on our discord um speaking of having your own cum in your mouth you have no idea what i'm about to say when i was in high school and i was like being intimate for one of the first few times um i was like giving a hand job because that's the only time i've given them was in high school and i was using lotion and i he was like laying down in my bed and i was sitting up and i was like jacking him off and then he shot come into his own face shut the fuck up that's beautiful guess who it was shoe man yeah shut the fuck up oh i've never been happier we dated when we were teenagers oh my god yeah he came in his own face i'm sure a lot of guys have i just love the image

of him specifically being like oh yeah fuck that guy not literally though that is so funny that is so funny it's really funny to think back on like our early like some guys are just shooters you know yes like i wonder how many times those guys have came in their own face i probably and then i realized like oh i need to have like a like a plan here i need to get like a tissue uh-huh yeah do like uh or like have in your own eye like the splash zone ponchos they give you at sea world throw one of those on before you masturbate you're in the splash zone i feel like i heard a story about someone having crabs in their eye what i wish i could remember the whole thing wow yeah what a teaser what a little tidbit to give

and not be able to follow up on well i don't remember if it's something i read or like a person that i heard this story from crabs just lice yeah but in your pubic hair yes so how do you know when it's not head lice in your eyes is there yeah i want to know if there's a difference i don't know yeah because crabs are on your pubes yeah i haven't heard of anyone having crabs in a long time i mean either is there a what's the medical term for crabs we're gonna look up crabs versus lice real quick that'll be our sex fact of the week sex fact of the week and then we're gonna wrap it up crabs versus lice that was my that was like hot pocket hot pocket crabs versus lice

uh this is from mayoclinic.org so you know it's real real um i don't want to get any extra crinkling sounds okay pubic lice commonly called crabs are tiny insects found in your genital area they are a different type of louse from head lice oh and body lice body lice body lice jesus christ new feet are locked yeah brb i'm traumatized you could go bathe in mayo yeah and wait is that what gets rid of them yeah you're supposed to get use mayo to get lice out of your hair oh and peanut butter is gum yeah yeah common anyway common mix-up yeah condiments on on your condiment hair and body yeah just can you imagine having mayo in your hair and your body you could just shave your pubes probably right well i was just thinking that would that get rid of them

let's find out let's let's let's continue reading we're learning a lot about crabs today and not the delicious kind uh pubic lice receive their nickname because their bodies resemble tiny crabs yeah you know what actually i think my mom told me this story about her friend having crabs and then getting a crab in her eye jesus yeah because she was like i had told her a story like my my roommate freshman year had unprotected sex and needed plan b oh yeah and then i was like whatever i'll just buy it for you and i told my mom that story and she's like one time my friend had crabs and i had to like call the like student hotline and pretend i had crabs damn that's a homie she really was my mom is the homie um that's what they look like

they do they do look like little baby crabs pubic lice feed on your blood and their bites can cause severe itching treatment includes applying over-the-counter creams and lotions that kill parasites and their eggs symptoms if you have pubic lice crabs you may experience intense itching in your genital region pubic lice can spread to other areas with coarse body hair including the legs chest armpits beard or mustache eyelashes or eyebrows oh no like i needed a reason to not like wait more commonly in children but i guess kids are just like gross you know i feel like they would spread in like at like camp and like in locker rooms and stuff you know yeah like swim club swim team swim club um seek medical advice about pubic lice treatment

if over-the-counter products don't kill the lice you're pregnant or you have any infected skin abrasions from scratching causes pubic lice are most commonly spread during sexual activity you may also get pubic lice from infested sheets blankets towels or clothes people who have other sexually transmitted infections are more likely to also have pubic lice i wonder why that is just so interesting like because you're just having you they assume because you're having unprotected sex it's probably spreading quicker maybe i don't know this is the difference between head lice body lice and pubic lice oh okay so a head louse is long looks kind of like a cockroach or something a body louse also long but its bottom

is thorax i don't know is that the right word that sounds right uh is is more wide it looks more like a regular bug and it's more red and a crab legit looks like a crab yeah a crab louse looks like a crap of rounder bodies yeah little circle boys or maybe even like a termite okay do you ever think about i know we want to wrap up and i'm going on termites are like so incestuous yeah okay termites termites leeches and quicksand i thought were going to be big issues in adulthood i thought you were about to go off on the tangent did you know that termites uh when they give birth they only give birth to one boy this is every time one boy and they're like little litter and then all of its sisters have sex with it and then it dies and then maybe

they eat it i don't know and then well they get pregnant from the one boy lice and then they give birth to another litter with just one boy lice so do you mean termite or yeah termite so every every termite is related they're every they're the gangas con of the bug world and they just fuck each other yeah i don't know deep deep cut history for you anyways anyhow we gave you a uh lice crab termite gangas con sex fact of the week and i think that is pretty my gang is contact of the week it's all encompassing it really has everything oh pissing see see fuck it has puns it has history hell yeah anyways um before we wrap it is liz's birthday week oh yeah when this comes out it is my actual birthday coming out on your

birthday liz is turning 30 years old we're gonna be i have pigtails right now as every 30 year old does um you're redefining 30 here today baby i just think they look cute they do look cute you're i was just thinking about your balayage has grown out so nicely oh thank you i'm getting it done on wednesday oh well it looks new hair good as is thank you but that's very exciting happy birthday thank you oh my god i'm so fucking excited you're y'all are if you follow me on instagram you're about to get so annoyed i'm about my whole instagram is going to be dedicated to liz's birthday but follow i have no shame i love that for me instagram um for the holy hour and and our personal instagrams you never post on your story but my story will be an obnoxious amount of

i used to post on my story a lot i should i should try and do that again it's because i never look cute anymore that's a fucking lie and you know i mean i look cute right now but in my day-to-day i am wearing my pajamas in front of the computer and i'm like although today one of my co-workers did tell me that um i looked like i had a filter on my face and i was that is the nicest compliment yeah i was like which filter like the dog filter no i'm just kidding no that's like such a nice she said an instagram filter oh hell yeah those are all cute and i felt i was like this is a high compliment and i was like thanks girl it's sunscreen and botox hell yeah no that is such whatever that's just that is an elite compliment it was it was uh i'm i want that on my gravestone

i'll remember that thank you you're gonna die after me no there's it's inevitable i don't want to i would like to die first i'm reckless i'm older so you're significantly healthier brain froze like no anyways we love you we love you our children beautiful