The Hoely Hour - E60 Vaginal Air Quotes

Episode Date: October 29, 2021

Welcome to The Hoely Hour but sPoOoOkYy! Liz and Amelia read a creepy ghost story from a listener and talk about the same weird nightmare they both have...? Another listener shares yet ANOTHER bloody sex story! Amelia talks about her haunting sleep paralysis experiences, and Liz stumbles across a decade old journal she forgot she had and gets real about depression. Instead of a sex fact, Amelia reads a few weird body facts. Suck it, Ripley's Believe It Or Not! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Start your free trial today. we're gonna start a band a girl band the unholy hour was the name of our um screamo band hell yeah i'm not good at making a love voice welcome to the holy hour i'm amelia samson and i'm liz ball and i just dropped it what was going to be a very great fishtail braid because i knew that part of the recording was going to be on the patreon i was like get it together oh my hair i'm gonna be creating my hair i'm starting over um hi we're recording late in the week because i had a bit of a meltdown earlier this week again baby i feel like pre-meltdown yeah it was pre-meltdown so this is an important update i

think so it was pre-meltdown amelia could tell that she was getting there and um she mentioned this before but she has a hard time recognizing right before she's about to like tip so i was like i want you to feel empowered to like set boundaries so i can totally record tomorrow even though it'll be like less than like ideal but i'm taking i'm having a slow week because i had a very busy weekend yeah i mean and you went to a what a barbecue on monday too yeah so you've like not really had much time to like recover from like what this weekend was for you barbecue is a it was just like a nice little fall dinner it's very casual but still like just socializing like yeah still yeah you're right a lot I was sitting at the dinner table and I was like oh god please

don't fall asleep Liz keep it together they're like do you want another glass of wine I was like I they were at my birthday party and I was like I cannot do that right now did you how did you feel Sunday um Sunday I had the Sunday scaries but it wasn't because I was I don't think it was like so much being hung over as much it was as it was just like coming down from a high of like yeah celebrating my birthday for the last month yeah like like Mr. Liz took me on like a very special like birthday weekend trip before this past weekend so I had like two birthdays basically and then this like my actual birthday like my college friends came out like my best friends in seattle came out i just had everyone i like wanted in one place for the whole weekend like

both friday and saturday were so much fun should we change our brand to just review drinks because i feel like all of our episodes start out we could just start out reviewing a drink whatever drink we're drinking should we do that right now yeah all right do you want to go first yes i'm drinking topo chico hard seltzer tangy lemon lime um oh there's lime in it that's why it tastes like key lime how would how would you compare it to a white claw i prefer topo chico but let me tell you this realization that i had earlier today when i was pulling this out of my fridge all of a sudden i really love topo chico and i'm like why and it's because music man i am so down bad this man is obsessed with topo chico he has a topo chico poster in his apartment that is framed he has

like a topo chico record that doesn't have any music on it but it's like branded as topo chico he always every time i come over he's like you want a topo chico and i'm like i what what the fuck is that and then i bought it to bring over to his apartment and it tastes basically the same to every other seltzer but i feel really hip and cool because he's so hip and cool so i buy topo chico seltzer now i'm gonna interject his influence uh and talk to the audience for a second to talk to the angels i'm in trouble um amelia gives this man way more than he deserves like i know accolades than he deserves the way she's describing him you would think yeah you would think she was talking about a celebrity and he's he's a nice guy and he is likable but when i met

him it felt like it felt a little bit like um uh arrested development when when uh Michael's talking about Anne and he's like who and then he's like Anne you you let her in he's like oh oh yeah her okay and anytime they say Anne he's like her I don't know what it is about him like I support you but her you know what i think it is about him because i've i've been thinking a lot about this i never put this much of my energy into somebody that gives me so little but maybe that's why it's why because he gives you so that's part of it is is that at least you're aware oh yeah the chase is a huge part of it but also like i feel my i feel like my soul knows his soul and like i felt like that since i met him and i can't let go of it like i i looked away when she said

that but it's true i feel it's a very strange cosmic thing i feel like i've knew him in a past life not in a romantic way but i feel so comfortable and attached to him here's actually what i think i think that you're your soul your soulmate is going to remind you of him so i think it's just someone who is similar you might be right or just has some people can have like similar energy but not have like the same personality if you know what i mean yeah totally so i think whoever you're supposed to meet will make you feel the same way that's what i've been telling people like he's set the bar for how i'm supposed to feel for about people you wanted to review your drink oh yeah i didn't even review my drink oh i'm gonna give this a um please marry me

music man out of 10 um i so we're doing out of 10 uh-huh i'd give this like a 5.5 out of oh you actually gave it a number i would give it like a cool can bad taste out of 10 yeah it's it's spent all their budget on the on the packaging budget on packaging it's not bad so it tastes like if a sour beer and a seltzer had a baby so this is like a rose seltzer and it just isn't doing it for me you know um it's not bad i like that it's tart i do really like tart drinks um but this is just like not how i'm feeling right now i would definitely mix this with like vodka and like squeeze a little lemon in it or something that'd be really fun like a little liz cocktail little liz rose cocktail yeah i'd for sure fuck fuck myself up and drink this mixed

with i thought you were gonna say you would you would fuck the drink i'm like i would love that drink no i don't i had one night stand that drink but like yeah maybe i'd drunkenly make out with this drink at a bar okay um and i would marry white claw can't go wrong with a mango white you know that's my safe space okay love that familiar i always feel good when i drink it okay um i would probably like be fuck buddies with like gin and tonic or like gin and soda i'm getting kind of like over my vodka stage of life yeah i think i'm a gin girl we'll miss you on this side but also i have that purple gin and it just feels different when your drink's purple like I went on a date with um I need to have a nickname for him now because he's new it wasn't

a date originally and it turned into a date and this also all came from reviewing our drinks yeah so we went out on uh last Monday and it was or last Tuesday and it was just supposed to be like us catching up because it had been a while since we saw each other and we ended up just talking solid for four hours I left like I really hope you thought that that was a date because I felt like that was a date like I was really excited about it and I just like woke up really giddy like I hadn't felt this is gonna be another music man episode I I hadn't felt that good about a date since music man so like the fact that it felt so natural and easy was really really exciting um and then we just like talked solid basically the whole week and drunk texted a bunch which is

always how I get myself in trouble but it ended up being fine and um it was good and then I went down and saw him he lives an hour and a half south but he works in seattle which is why i'm even toying with this and so i drove to see him and uh we had a little like movie date and it was fun and i he's really great and he listens to the podcast so we got to figure out hey um we're gonna call him i've actually been thinking a lot about what i want to call him give me a sec i'm like running through a few like i don't know enough about him to be to help you i'm gonna call him um moscow moscow okay because he loves moscow meals and we drink a lot of moscow meals great drink on monday and ginger beer can't go wrong can't go wrong you really can't especially if

there's a little mint in there really really liked Moscow really nice really easy to be around him and I just click really well he's really good at listening like everything he's one of those people that like I say this about like every guy that I date I feel like I would be able to bring him around my friends and it wouldn't be a problem like that's such a huge litmus test for me and I don't know he's just really great he's younger than me he's a year younger I'm you know I'm I'm pro younger and he's a libra how do we feel about libra men we don't like libra men they're not great really um i as a libra i do not like libra men oh no but it might just be because i'm a libra woman but i'm realizing i like don't like like any man so this is our halloween so episode

um a last halloween episode is a tough act to follow i don't remember it oh i'm being honest it's fine we told ghost stories we're probably gonna do the same here yeah yeah we just have the one more and i'll tell my ghost story okay and then also we need to talk about the experience that you had reading the listener story because you and i made an interesting connection about similar dreams that we have um while you're pulling it up i'm gonna plug our social okay because it's everyone's favorite part of the episode is when i plug shit that you're already listening to follow us on instagram tiktok twitter at the holy hour you know how to spell it and um let's send us send us stories like the one we're about to read to holy hour podcast at

gmail.com um and also i want to chime in and say everyone no one sent us any spooky stories um um so if you're like if you're like oh i'm not gonna send in my story because other people will just send it ship it send it to us we love reading them regardless of if we read them on air yes so and we read almost all of them yeah it's not like we won't read them in the future either you know yeah so hi liz and amelia big fan of the show long time listener the highlight of my week is cuddling up with my puppy with a good drink and listening to the newest episode each weekend laughing my head off alone in my apartment that's very relatable to me except instead of a drink sometimes it is marijuana yeah marijuana

anyways i'm hoping this isn't too late to share my story for your paranormal spooky episode but i have a doozy of the story a little context i'm from a very small town in montana and during the summers during my high school years and beginning of college i worked at the local museum which is inside an old abandoned prison the structure is now half old prison museum and half antique car museum i never believed in ghosts until i worked there but now i'm a devout believer i have lots of crazy stories from my time there but this one is the spookiest to me my second year working at the museum one of my co-workers a girl who went to high school with me we'll call her stacy told our manager she wasn't comfortable closing the till anymore because doing so involved walking

into the back of the autumn museum bay and locking up the till and receipts for the night she said every night right every night when she went to lock up the till she would hear a little girl giggling and see a small girl hiding behind the wall in the back corner the first time she called out to the girl thinking she was a museum patron who'd gotten separated from her family but when she moved closer the girl disappeared and she sat in the same spot every night naturally like the punk high school students we were none of us believed her at all my good friend worked at the museum with me at the time and one day we were closing out the till together the museum doors were locked and so aside from our boss an older lady who worked upstairs and locked up behind us

we were the only ones left in the building we were sitting in the office that was near the front desk with the door closed while we counted our tills we were joking about the ridiculous story stacy had been telling we were joking about the little girl she had seen and sarcastically trying to guess her name maybe it was olivia or elizabeth that's a spooky victorian name that's true i am a spooky victorian girl um followed by her obnoxious laughter then i fucking kid you not we heard the creepiest most bone chilling sound there was a very loud scratching on the door other side of the closed office door it wasn't just a light scratch as if something brushed up on the door it was loud like someone was raking their nails at the door we both immediately went

quiet and my friend got up to open the door and see who was screwing with us but there was no one there we looked at the door and scratched into the wood there were letters j-a-n-e whoa we both literally screamed and ran out there and texted our boss uh from the safety of our car that there was something in the lobby the next morning i figured either someone had been screwing with us or we simply let our imaginations get away from from us but when we came in we saw the door still had the name jane scratched into the wood our boss had checked all the doors to be sure they were shut and there were no signs anyone had been in the lobby during that time aside from the two of us our museum our museum curator became really interested in this story after she heard it she

began doing some research into who this little girl might be all of the full-time staff have been longtime believers in ghosts as there are just too many unexplainable undeniable paranormal experiences that happen in the museum every day she was curious why there would be a little girl ghost the museum was a men's prison back in the day there were never any records of young children being allowed on site especially not little girls however after some digging our curator found that one of the cars in the back corner of the auto museum bay had an interesting history the car was restored by its previous owner before it was donated to the museum a few years back it had been restored because it had been in a pretty um pretty badly it had been pretty badly wrecked a long time

ago when it was when its original owners a family with a mom dad little boy and little girl had been in a bad accident the accident on record it turns out had actually killed two members of the family the mom and the little girl their daughter jane who's four years old at the time of the crash today the door has been removed from the main office and is in the storage room by the auto museum i also attached a photo that stacy took of the little girl the entire museum is literally the creepiest place i've ever been it's not uncommon for visitors to get unexplained scratches on their arms feel a sudden cold spot or chill or for animals to go absolutely berserk barking at blank walls after my years working there i'm very much a believer in some sort of paranormal

world beyond our own sorry for the long message but this is the coolest spookiest story i have and i love to share it swear to god every detail is true keep up the good work you're my favorite podcast and could listen to endless hours of the two of you making me laugh if you're ever out in slc area drinks are on me oh let's go to salt lake city um thank you for writing that in holy fuck oh yeah i looked at the pictures oh holy fully like a girl like sitting in the window like sitting and facing a window so while i was reading this story um the i was like fully like enveloped reading it and uh it just started to get dark outside and i was like laying in bed so then i asked like i have my light set up with google to turn on the lights so i was like asking

it to turn the lights on and there was like a long pause and it was like sorry something went wrong and it's just like i hate when it does that it's so jarring to me when it is when it because it's louder than normal when it does that but uh when i told amelia that um like with the lights thing we both realized we have this similar like nightmare it's like recurring nightmare yeah of um being unable to turn the lights on yeah it's like such a weird thing to have multiple times and then for us to both experience it yeah and it's like um yeah you're like there's something creepy in your house yeah and you're trying to turn the lights on and they won't turn on and they're like really close behind you they're like watching you like not be able to turn the lights

on you can't see where they are because the lights won't turn on what do you do when uh in your dream when that happens all all i can remember of those dreams is just frantically trying to turn the lights on like i don't ever remember anything after that i always start screaming at the ghosts well because i don't actually ever see anything but i'm like you're not allowed in my house and you need to leave like oh my god you're like i just get aggressive hell yeah i get mad that they're in my home and they're fucking with me i'm like no it's time for you to go nobody's fucking with with wake liz and dream liz no i am so shut off to seeing any ghosts i just i don't want to see one i don't want anything weird happening to me i'm not interested you know

yeah unless it's cool but yeah like like um in a good way you know right like a little girl ghost i'm like oh yeah that is really creepy but she probably doesn't mean any harm why are there always like why first of all why are they always from like the victorian era that's so true why are there so many victorian ghosts yeah and then like why are they always children you know and i think that people say like ghosts are like people that lost their life before it was their time that are like stuck in like in between like the two realms because their souls weren't ready to die and so that's why a lot of them are kids but um i don't know it's so strange i don't know you just always hear about like ghosts being children or like children's laughter and it's like it's so

scary I I think I told these stories on our last spooky zone but I have always felt like I have other people's spooky stories I can share do it yes I just I have always felt like since I was a kid that I have like a special connection to the afterlife like even before I knew what that was i was always just like very aware of there being like dead people around me it was like very strange but i've heard from a lot of people that are like they identify as mediums that like as kids they had a lot of anxiety and a lot of it was tied to like seeing dead people um or being able to communicate with them but there have been a few instances like um in my house up where i went to school my when we moved into the house it was an old house and my mom set up

like a box of my shit and in there was a ouija board and that was from my ninth birthday i had a psychic themed birthday party with a psychic named jewel who told me i was going to be a surgeon which is fucking hilarious look at me now fuck you jewel fuck you jewel no actually i wonder though because jewel kind of seemed a little spooky so we'll see i mean i still have a lot of life to live maybe i'll be a surgeon worst surgeon i have some shaky hands um but anyway so i had like i had a psychic there i had like um like crystal balls everywhere and my mom got me a ouija board so like it was living in storage for forever until i went to college and moved into this house and right when she sent it up to the house like and we used it the first night

the weirdest shit started happening around the house like there was one night where um it was three in the morning which is the witching hour i was leaving the bathroom and my room was at the end of the hallway that the bathroom was at and i felt somebody looking at me but i didn't pay i was like they're just tired so i went into my room and shut the door and locked it and like two seconds after i locked it it sounded like somebody body slammed against the door like it wasn't like a house settling it was like a full body into the door and i was like what what the but i was so tired that i was like am i just i don't know whatever am i sleepwalking yeah so i just went to sleep woke up in the morning and my roommate who lived upstairs came downstairs and she was

like the weirdest shit was happening last night she like has one of those um touch base lamp oh yeah yeah yeah and it just kept going on it would like get brighter and then it would turn off and then get brighter and turn off and the fan her bathroom turned on by itself so it was like all of this shit was happening in the same night yeah so like that was the beginning that was the catalyst of all this creepy shit that was happening in the house and then every time i would go home everything would stop so like i would come home my roommates would be like nothing happened while you were gone like this shit whatever it is is like attached to you to you because it only happens when you're in the house yeah so that shit just happened until we moved

out so I don't I don't know like it I was never I never felt scared of it and that's the thing about like all of these like paranormal experiences I've had they never feel like scary yeah they never feel like mean ghosts yeah I wonder if I would be afraid I think that the the vibe of the ghost makes a difference yeah I don't know that's true what are the ghost stories that you've heard um so I heard a couple this weekend um have you ever had sleep paralysis I've never had sleep paralysis it's horrible yeah a few people uh i was talking to this weekend we're telling stories of their sleep paralysis so one of my friends um she and her fiance went to a wedding um and like we're staying in like a cabin or something like i don't know a hotel room

slash cabin it was it had a cabin vibe wherever it was they were and um they were laying in bed and she woke up and she had like sleep paralysis and like like her eyes were open and she like could only move her pinky and she was trying to like get her fiance's attention and saw like a figure like shadow figure walk through the door across their bed and into like the bathroom or something and then like a couple minutes later it walked back and then i was like he forgot something yeah yeah he forgot something yeah yeah his hands yeah exactly don't mind me sorry silly me don't let me bother you um i know you're sleeping i know you have sleep paralysis so she was like and then in the she was finally able to move she was she was like i was laying there and i was like

sobbing that i like was unable to move and i was like oh my god that's giving like haunting of hill house yeah um so then like she told her fiance and like he was like well you just had like that happens when you have sleep paralysis like you see shit yeah you're like still asleep yeah yeah and then um like a month later they were talking about it and he's like um so i actually saw it too and then she's like what the fuck why didn't you tell me and he was like we still had to stay there another night like if i told you you're gonna freak out even more and then she's like you're right wow what a protector so he didn't have sleep paralysis and he saw the same fucking thing so what the fuck and that's huge to be like no it's fine babe don't freak out and him be like what the

fuck what the fuck yeah exactly and he's definitely the kind of person who's very like even keeled so i i'm just like you know you can say like oh yeah when you have sleep paralysis like you just your brain is not fully awake so it's just like projecting and if you know you have sleep paralysis and you know you might see something scary then like you're gonna see something scary yeah because you're like essentially lucid dreaming that's so true so um but now like that he cooperated it as well it's like well fuck yeah like what the fuck was that it made me wonder like if sleep paralysis is like intentional like um if a ghost is around you are intentionally paralyzed by them or something maybe i've had a lot of sleep paralysis do you

see scary shit yes holy shit the first time i had it i woke up from a nightmare it was this nightmare where i was driving and somebody was tailgating me and they punched through the back windshield and grabbed my head and i woke up and i was paralyzed and i like turned i looked with my eyes just next to me and the guy that grabbed my head was in my bed and he was just like laying there just staring forward and his head was just going up and down and i was just like watching him and he was just like slowly moving like it was so fucking scary and then like he started like kind of like strobing and then he disappeared and then i could move and i turned on my light but it was probably like five seconds it felt like an hour i was like yeah that's what everyone was

saying like it feels like an eternity this and then that was the first time it happened the most recent time it happened was with my ex um the last trip we went on we were in a cabin and I woke up and this like big like long armed like tentacly man was like coming through the window and it was like very it was like a solid form like the guy that was in the bed next to me was kind of this like cloud kind of person this was like coming through the window and i started screaming like once i started coming out of the paralysis i started screaming which freaked him out because he's like what like yeah what's going on and i got i jumped out of bed and i was screaming and i remembered like all of all of that because i was awake um and i was so convinced in

the moment that something was coming through the window because it was so real that i couldn't couldn't I couldn't convince like I was so frustrated I couldn't convince him that something was coming through the window um and it hasn't really happened since then but I've been sleep talking a lot recently some really awful I see you posting the sleep talk like the sleep talking uh videos or whatever the recordings are pretty funny the one last night was I said something about um if anybody takes pictures of my remains I'm going to kill their whole family what the fuck hello i want to know if i sleep talk you should get the sleep cycle app it's actually pretty cool i will this sounds like it's sponsored it's you have to pay a monthly subscription um

mr liz's roommate talks in his sleep that's not a shock a lot yeah he just never stopped chatting yeah um and so like if we're still awake or like if i'm like falling asleep like sometimes i'll hear him just like talking it's uh like since i know it's happening it's kind of funny but um does he say stuff that makes sense i can't hear like what you could just hear him talking talking yeah and then um there was one time mr liz heard him singing in his sleep which is pretty funny that's amazing yeah um but i do wonder if i sleep talk but probably not i feel like if i did that at night it would just record like mr liz farting and probably me too you know you know yeah but i do have a weighted blanket i don't know if you could hear farts

through it the the sounds that this thing picks up it's scary like i i'll like get up and pee in the middle of the night and it'll um i pee with the door open but it's my bathroom is far away from where my phone sits and it's very loud and very clear and it picks it up as it registers it as talking because it'll tell you what's going on okay um because it amplifies the sound so much i could hear there's been construction at seven in the morning every fucking morning and it catches all of the conversations of the construction guys outside oh yeah it's strong you should really get it it's really cool i play rain sounds when i sleep though from your phone yeah that's no no not from my phone from my google it'll just it won't pick that up okay i was listening to um

sleep with me that podcast that helps you fall asleep there's a guy telling boring stories which just the best thing in the world um and that was fucking with my sleep cycle app i thought i was awake all night because i was just like somebody talking for a few hours about nothing um what was i gonna say oh i have one more creepy story from a friend oh yeah so um my friend's ex-boyfriend had like this like demon that would follow him around like i i don't know like his whole family just had weird shit that would happen to them so he had like this like little like demon small like child-sized but like didn't look like a child um and it was just like kind of this black like shadowy thing and i guess all through college because that's when they dated this little demon

thing would like choke him what the fuck yeah like he'd wake up with like scratches on his neck and stuff what the hell yeah so um and it had like big like black eyes or something i don't know so what oh my god i know when they broke up um i believe this is it's either when they broke broke up or she moved um to colorado uh she like was laying in bed and like woke up and saw this like little like shadow by her bed and she's like i couldn't see its eyes but i could tell it had like these big black eyes and then it like jumped at her and disappeared and she was like and then like two seconds later he called her and he was like are you okay and then she was like how did you like know like why are you calling me and then he was like i don't know i just got

like a weird feeling like something bad happened to you so i wanted to call and see if you were okay and she was like uh your fucking demon came to visit me holy shit i know what a fucking story i feel like the closest i've been to sleep paralysis is like i have a reoccurring spider nightmare where like a big spider is like crawling on me or on the wall next to me or like falling down and then i wake up and i scream um and i'm like there's a spider near me uh mr liz dealt with it for the first time recently oh god and i was like yeah it was in his we were in his bed and um i like i don't think i screamed but i definitely like shot up and i was like yeah yeah and then he was like what what and i was like there's a spider it's so big and then he was like are you

sure you weren't just dreaming and i was like huh i had to like think for a second and i was like i think i was dreaming but still like when you try and fall back asleep you're like what if something's crawling on me oh yeah i mean it's so funny how advanced we are like intellectually and our brains can't distinguish between what's a dream and what's reality regardless of how ridiculous a dream is i wake up like confused why was i flying do you ever have um like you'll have like deja vu but it's of a dream that you had once yeah and you're like oh my god i like i remember that dream like i had it so long ago or like i don't know yeah so we i i've been having that a lot of like remembering like some random dream it's we yes i mean it just

goes back to like we've talked about this before about how time doesn't exist and like how this is all kind of a loop and there's a bunch of different things happening on a bunch of different like yeah maybe that's just what a ghost is i have you seen a different loop interstellar we've yeah yeah yeah like half like the whatever sixth dimension fifth dimension like behind the bookshelf yeah yeah um sorry spoiler if you haven't seen it yet what are you doing yeah it's watch fucking interstellar it's so good and you won't understand it so i'm not really nobody does no that sounded like you you couldn't possibly understand you just sit there for a few minutes after and then you're like no it's actually the most confusing i've had i've watched like three times and i still

didn't really understand what was happening so i watched a video of neil degrasse tyson talking about it and now i feel like i get it you could tell me anything i'd be like true so true yeah yeah no he's right so true yeah wow and gt and gt oh andy neil degrasse tyson yeah degrasse i understand why you said gt and dt yeah we're on we're on um uh oh my god for the same basis nope no initial basis yeah what's happening to me so true this is important because i feel like i sound so tired and so out of it on this episode i have been working with this dating app called teleport for a bit and they wanted me to be their first like teleport bachelorette where i would go on the whole point of the app is going on video speed dates and i just went on 23 minute dates

for an hour and a half and your girl is tapped af i'm so fucking tired so i have some questions are all of these people they live in seattle some of them did but they were all my followers so they like applied and they got interviewed by the teleport team yeah which was so fun yeah it was it was a lot of fun everybody was so nice and i had a lot of fun but oh my god like yeah meeting 20 people i was talking to the team after and i was always exhausted i feel like if i did this 10 years ago i would have been able to like really hold my own because like i could have done this for like three more hours and been fine at this point in my life i get so gassed like after a party i have to sit in a dark room and just like stare yeah how did you feel after my birthday

party oh on the first night friday like going home was so necessary because i was just like after Thursday too I was just so gassed out and I was like if I'm going to be fun tomorrow I need to just like sit in a quiet room yeah and I'm glad that I did that because then Saturday I didn't feel gassed at all that's what I ended up doing yesterday was just sitting alone and good doing my dishes it's so important to do that yeah I feel like people are always like oh yeah if you need to recharge alone but you like being around people you're an ambivert which might be true but i think that it's just human nature to need to recharge by yourself yeah every so often especially after the weekend you had you were like you just need to enjoy your own company sometimes yeah it's

an art yeah i loved like socializing and seeing everyone i feel like i'd been preparing for it you know i was very ready and then now i am now it's scorpio season we are we are reflecting we are shedding we are growing we are changing yes is that what scorpio season is all about oh you motherfucker sorry hold on i was like oh no all right go back into scorpio season um so the phoenix is very related to like is like um fuck i'm trying to think of the right word like uh the phoenix is like a symbol of scorpio oh oh i know obviously also the scorpion but like scorpio is or uh the phoenix is one of those and if you think about it like a phoenix rises from its ashes so that's just kind of like the whole energy of scorpio is just like changing and growing and like shedding

so i need that right now i love scorpio season it scorpio gets a lot of hate um and i i think that it's just a misunderstood sign i like that yeah um unless you're a scorpio man then we don't like you no just use a condom um no i mean use a condom because they don't want to they're like how dare you do i know any scorpio men anna used to date a lot of scorpio men did anna stay until monday no she her flight was a little later on sunday oh okay because i saw your tweets about you guys just like dying on the couch she was fine i was exhausted anyways that's scorpio season and i think um i wanted to talk about this a little bit uh i texted amelia about it last night i found this old journal

i had from college that i literally do not remember having this journal i don't really remember writing in it like and this was almost 10 years ago now wow because I was 21 and 22 when I was writing in it so I guess eight nine and eight years ago so um when I was reading it it was very sad it was a very sad journal to be flipping through it was very interesting some of it was really funny um but like I got to a point that like I was incredibly depressed but I would not call it that like I wouldn't like in my in my journal I would not say like yes I'm really struggling with depression right now do you think you knew in the moment you just wouldn't write it out no I think I just didn't want to like to me to me at that point in my life depression

because like depression and anxiety is so much more accepted now but even eight and nine years ago like I feel like it wasn't still as accepted like it wasn't as openly talked about or discussed even if people were struggling with it so I like didn't want to admit that to myself I was like no I could not be depressed even though I was literally writing about um wanting to die so uh when I was reading it I was just like oh my god I was like not doing well at all and just for a lot of different reasons and um I like when I was reading it last night I just started crying because I was just like I wish I could like go back and like hug myself and uh I when I feel like this and like I've my therapist and I have talked about this before like she's like what do

you wish like you could tell yourself then so I tried to just kind of put that into practice and just like I think it's a good reminder of you know I think that a lot of us are like every single person in the world is struggling with anxiety and depression in some capacity but um I think also it's like good to acknowledge like how much your life can change yes that's huge I like the fact that I don't remember being that depressed is very interesting to me yeah I think maybe that also is probably my brain just protecting me depression I knew I wasn't what I knew I wasn't great you know I knew I wasn't happy depression also leads to memory loss too yeah yeah that would like track and um just like it can get so much better oh my god like there

have been the thing about depression is like for a lot of people it's like it feels like this it's not a momentary thing it's like this is just how it is and i'm going to feel like this for forever and that's you just have to live with this i have to figure out ways to live with this yeah when in reality it's like your brain it's lying to you even if there are things to be sad about like that deep deep deep depression it it's more of like it's not like depression isn't just feeling sad no it's just like the sense of like absolute hopelessness and i would say like when i like i don't really think that i necessarily have depression because i don't like i it doesn't feel like a sustained feeling but that doesn't mean i haven't felt that way and anxiety like

someone explained anxiety to me as like a concentrated depression and i was like that actually kind of makes sense to me so i they're just so closely aligned that i'm not like oh yeah i don't have depression i just like don't feel that way for a sustained amount of time so that's why but i wouldn't say that but also like that could not even be true i don't really know that like that much about depression versus anxiety because that's what i'm being treated for right and they're comorbid a lot of the time yeah exactly and that's why antidepressants are anti-anxiety medications but like i didn't think that i was depressed and i think that i had a lot of stick before i admitted to myself that i was depressed there's a lot of stigma about being

depressed yeah exactly like i was like well i can't like i can't possibly because like how depression is shown in like commercials specifically like for antidepressants it's like this little stick figure walking around with like a dark cloud following him around and it's like no it's not really yeah that's not how it feels my depression was this like dull naggy ache like it was always there but i wasn't like so so sad but i was like not happy i was like i i feel like with how much great shit is going on in my life I should be happy and I'm not and it didn't feel it felt so like amorphous that I was like this isn't depression I'm just kind of like feeling blah but it was chronic like I was like it was like for like a year that I was like really just

not doing well and it wasn't until I like honestly if I'm grateful for the breakup for anything it was like making me hit rock bottom like I was so fucking sad and like I could not pull out of it it's like I was already starting at like like a negative 30 and it just like brought me down to this like negative 90 and I was like I need help and that's when I called our psychiatrist for the first time and the voicemail that I left her was me sobbing before I even knew her I was like I just need help and you seem like you can help me can you help me like it was the saddest voice note i've ever sent anyone and she called me back and she was like i fucking love her you just like know what this voicemail sounded like she was like hi i'm gonna send you some meditation links

it's gonna be okay she's like when you break your leg you go to the hospital and you get a cast when you have depression you take medication for it she's like you came to the right place i'm like on the phone like i didn't realize what it felt like to feel like myself until i started treating my depression and going back to what you said about like wanting to just like hug this past version of yourself that you were like reading in this journal like I just want I look back on how I was feeling then and I'm just like how I wish that I was kinder to myself then because before I was like I'll get the fuck over it like I was so mean to myself too it's so easy to be because that's the depression yeah you just like you don't think that you're like capable of feeling better

you don't think that it's worth trying to feel better it is the most hopeless feeling and it lies to you so frequently and consistently and it's a really scary place to end up and yeah I think that it's a really important message obviously we're not mental health professionals but like as two people that have experienced depression knowing that there is a way out of it it's work but it's worth it on the other side if you so i was very like hesitant to take any ssris because i was like well to in my head depression and anxiety weren't like they didn't go together as much in like just to me i was like well i only want to treat like i don't i don't need to be treated for depression because i don't have that so i only want to be treated for anxiety and then

her psychiatrist is like listen it treats both okay and then I just like I just didn't want to be taking an SSRI and then um there I like if you're like because I'm I'm the kind of person who's like yeah every like if you need medication like take it everyone should do what they need to do yeah it's so different taking the advice for yourself but not me yeah because i'm special and my brain can fix itself god but that's such a natural thing it's so fucking stupid taking a medication is scary yes and because you also like ssris are different for every single person so i was like i and like i didn't want to gain weight i didn't want a lower libido i didn't I don't want any of the negative side effects.

And then she was like, she was basically like, like, those things are worth feeling better. You aren't going to care as much about those things because you were going to feel better. Yeah. And then the most important thing she said to me was like, I was like, well, I don't want to be on this forever. And then she was like, OK, but also who cares? like if you are who fucking cares and i was like that's so true like no one cares besides me yeah and i just want to not feel crushed by anxiety yes yeah totally that's that's all i want it's so scary putting these things messing with your brain chemistry before you do it feels very scary

but therapy messes with your brain chemistry and not messes is a bad way to say it it it changes your brain chemistry well and the goal is also not to be on them forever but also if you are that's okay yeah a lot of people in my life have been on it their whole lives like almost their whole lives my one year is november 1st it's coming up oh my god yeah i feel like i want to be prozac aversary thank you i want to i want to throw like a prozac party because it's truly changed my life like i don't i look back on pictures of myself like on my memories i've been popping up from before i got on prozac like i look so sad like my eyes look so sad and i think i there was no way of me being able to tell that back then like i wouldn't look at a picture myself

and be like so sad but like knowing how sad i was and like you reading this journal that you found it's sad to know that you were in that position feeling that shitty when you've gotten out of it and you are like giving yourself like the love and attention and affection that like you deserve out of that it's really hard to think about yourself in those positions i don't know yeah so all this to say like it gets better and also if you need help like please go get help yeah especially just like reading i don't know yeah just reading that journal like i've been through so much change i think all of us have in the in the last two years but just like in your 20s in general yeah like i know we have listeners who are 22 and i'm just like buckle the fuck up

because it doesn't stop yeah it does not calm down it really does not no but like it i'm so glad i'm 30 i'm so glad to no longer be in my 20s yeah someone was like do you feel wise and then i was like um I think I will like start to feel wise and then she was she's like 32 and she was like she was like oh my god you're baby 30 and I was like I am a baby 30 that's cute so precious I love that she's like it gets amazing you're gonna love it everyone who's I feel like I'm welcomed into a club now yeah to be honest everyone who's in their 30s is like oh my god your 30s are amazing they're so nice i've never everybody and when people talk about their 20s they're like oh my god like you're gonna learn so much about yourself and then 30s is like

oh my god like you're gonna have the best time that's how everybody learned about yourself and now you can just love yourself yes jesus so i mean like i feel like we could talk about this depression conversation for forever um my closing statement on the depression is similar to liz's like you are not alone again we're not mental health professionals and we are not in a position to be like you know but as two people that have gone through it and know how hard it is to like finally admit that you need help with anxiety too like that's not an easy thing admitting you need help with something is never easy no always worth it and especially if you're stubborn yeah like us oh my god jesus but like you're not it it feels like you're the only person in the world that

could possibly feel like this and like you're you're not alone in it people don't talk about this shit and that's why liz and i we put so much importance on like talking about it because it feels so isolating because it's so stigmatized yeah but there are so many people around you that are dealing with the same thing that you're dealing with to a different degree and they might also be going through a journey of trying to get help you don't know and like i also recommend journaling because then you can reflect back on it and be like i have not been well in the past and like compared to now i'm things have gotten a lot better so it's just nice to have it in writing so you can like reflect on change and that must have been huge for you to find that yeah i like

well so obviously i was like bawling while i was reading it yeah well because i was like um i i've been trying to like not stop myself from crying good for you so i just like let myself cry and then i just imagined myself like the older version of me now like taking care of my past version oh you know chills yeah just like sitting there with like like 20 20 year old liz yeah yeah and just like holding my own hand and being like it's not gonna feel like this forever oh my god she'd be so proud of you yeah 21 22 she would be like um you're way hotter now what the fuck and i would be like yes you don't deserve it yet sweetie you're too self-centered oh my god like your hair is so long holy shit well thank you for talking about that because

it's like not an easy thing i just wanted to celebrate scorpio season we love scorpio season this household season of the phoenix season of change it's a good time to like meditate on like you know um the new year's coming up yeah i always like to make like a i think i've probably mentioned this i always like to make a pinterest board yeah for the following year of just like the vibe i want to have for the year usually i do it like around or before my birthday but i have not had time to do that so it's time for the 2022 pinterest board to start i want to make mine too should we share them oh yeah okay i'm gonna make one too and then we'll make and then maybe we'll just put a patreon yeah maybe i'm just because i'm oh also i want to put together the patrons

i'm gonna put together the vibrator and sex toy list yes and um hopefully like i want to have it up before like uh the holiday deals and stuff so people can keep an eye out for some toys for themselves or the people they love okay so we have one more spooky story that's very short and it wasn't labeled as a spooky story but it was a little bloody so okay I'm excited I felt like it would be a good spooky story um hi I first just wanted to say that I absolutely love you both you guys are you guys truly have helped me a lot as I am navigating a very dark time in my life girl we love you yeah we all are so real yeah so uh especially based on what we just talked about you know we understand yes we do um so glad we could that means so much that we can like give

y'all company yeah when you're going through stuff well the hardest thing is feeling alone and you're not this is you you don't have to feel alone and you also don't have to share something you're not comfortable sharing so anyways um back to spooky story number two i was reading the synopsis of episode 59 and saw the last line and a bloody hookup and made me remember a story I felt like I just had to share the first time I was ever fingered I was 16 or 17 I remember we were on my bed he had started fingering me and I remember thinking it was very painful but everyone said the first time doing anything could be painful and I had nothing to compare it to after faking an orgasm he took out his fingers he had went into the restroom and and called out

are you on your period horrified and knowing i what i for sure i was for sure not i answered with a quick and surprised no come to find out he had used his nails and caused me to bleed i bled for days and had to wash had to wash all my bedding it even left a stain ladies make sure your guy never uses his nails um thank you for sharing that with us i uh how long were this guy's nails also why was he thinking like scraping yeah so he's probably doing this yeah he was he was watching he's watched how to do g-spot stuff for sure it's more of a it's like a come here not like a car who does that like an air quote he's doing air quotes in your vagina and i mean anyone who is 16 or 17 does not know what the fuck they're doing the title of this episode has to be air

quotes in your vagina it's this it's like you're in trouble versus air quotes wow come on oh man even gramps has things to say about this i know it's obscene wow what a fucking tale so that was the spook that our last spooky story because i think that's pretty scary that is pretty scary oh my god i want to know it's just kind of a sad fact that's fine i'm reading facts about so we're not doing a sex fact a sex fact of the wait make it spooky wow thank you come on come up here don't be dumb come on okay he's the sweetest face you're being annoying he's like wow

all right this is a scary fact of the week what what are some of the like the monster man it's a sex fact it's a sex fact it's a sex fact it's a sex fact it's a sex fact wow you always blow me away with these adaptations of our song beautiful so this is a sad fact it's a sad fact sorry continue okay national geographic kids reported that people make about one teaspoon of tears each hour of the day sometimes two and i just made that i just added that sometimes two in there when you add it all up that's probably more than you thought what what when you add it all up that's

probably more than you thought every day what the fuck that doesn't make any sense one teaspoon of tears every hour mm-hmm all right that's 24 teaspoons a day we cry of just your eyes producing tears oh but like i cry cry a lot so like yeah i'm i would like i would argue i produce more if i cry a lot what what would that mean what would that add up to one day i'm gonna measure it yeah we should just like wait there with like a little test tube use them for a spell later yes my god do some voodoo on our exes okay i'm gonna read another one because i was short your stomach lining blushes when you do interesting dr melissa a canadian family physician told cbc that when you blush the lining of your stomach also turns

a little bit red it's more than just an outward expression oh well hot diggity darn i blush a lot i guess like when you have butterflies then that's kind of like a real thing like physically you're so right that's a cute way to think about it so those are they're not sex facts but they are body facts yeah weird body facts and that feels appropriate it does for our spooky sewed sorry if you weren't spooked enough but how about that was that scary oh oh i have one more spooky story of something spooky that happened to me today um i was riding a little the little scooter back from the gym to my apartment and um i was driving past a house and there was a little kid outside and he started screaming at me

he was like three he was like don't like that and i was like hell yeah fuck yeah brother he looked really cute it was really funny he was like he was like blonde hair and like a tan sweater what a little snooker mom i'm gonna go scare people outside hell yeah she's like whatever i was like wearing like my black hoodie and like scooting it probably looked like the wicked witch of the west i took my hood down i smiled at him because it was so cute little cutie anyways wow bless him for making our spooky sound yeah um my advice for all of you is to uh make out with someone this halloween um real consensually um real and maybe that's your monogamous partner and maybe

it's not yeah just grab someone you know don't the world's ending don't cheat don't cheat and it has to be consensual that's those are our only guidelines have at it yeah and you can't blame us if that's why we said don't cheat yeah because if you're cheating that's your choice and you have to you have to make sure they want it this is going off the rails anyways we love you